The Sunday Times (January 8, 2023)

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Год: 2023

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Sunday newspaper of the year
January 8, 2023 · Issue no 10,347 · thesundaytimes.co.uk

£3.50 · only £2.70 to subscribers (based on 7 day Print Pack)

THE BEST WRITERS

WILLIAM CAMILLA
BOYD LONG
MEETS
DAVID
HOCKNEY

CHARLES HELPED
CAUSE THIS
ROYAL OVERSHARE

NHS to buy up
care beds to
clear wards

HADLEY
FREEMAN

William ‘burning inside’ over Harry’s revelations
SAMIR HUSSEIN/WIREIMAGE

Roya Nikkhah Royal Editor

Thousands stuck in hospitals will be moved
Shaun Lintern, Caroline
Wheeler and Harry Yorke
Thousands of NHS patients stuck
in hospitals will be moved urgently
into care homes under government plans to ease pressure on
A&E wards.
Steve Barclay, the health secretary, will unveil an emergency winter pressure package this week that
will include a hospital discharge
fund. This will be used to blockbuy thousands of care home beds
in Care Quality Commission
approved facilities.
While the final package was still
being negotiated in Downing
Street last night, senior government sources said it would involve
spending hundreds of millions of
pounds on top of £500 million in
social care funding announced
in the autumn statement.
Ministers hope that fund, which
went to the NHS and local councils
to increase the number of social
care beds, will begin to have an
effect within the next four weeks
and could free up between 1,000
and 2,000 hospital beds. Currently
13,000 patients are stuck on wards
who do not need to be in hospital.
It came as:
6 Rishi Sunak held an emergency
summit on the NHS crisis in

BOUNCING
BACK TO LIFE?

PAGES 8-9
Downing Street yesterday.
6 The doctors’ union warned that
consultants could join junior doctors in strike action.
6 The chairman of the public
inquiry into the scandal at the Mid
Staffordshire NHS Trust warned
the same failings are being replicated nationally.
6 Sunday Times analysis showed
the UK’s excess death rate is far
higher than many other European
countries.

Monday’s announcement will
see more money given to local NHS
areas to buy up the beds for those
patients who need temporary stepdown care before returning to
their own home. Officials believe
there are enough spare beds and
the money could be spent over the
next four weeks to try to ease pressure on hospitals struggling to
cope with emergency demand.
Local GPs and community services will be provided to the patients
in the care homes to help them
return home as soon as possible.
There will also be extra money to
improve and expand existing discharge lounges in hospitals — areas
where patients are sent when they
no longer need a bed but are waiting for transport or prescriptions.
Speaking at the Downing Street
summit, the prime minister said:
“During the pandemic we had to
bring boldness and radicalism to
how we did things in order to get
through. We need that same bold
and radical approach now because
a business-as-usual mindset won’t
fix the challenges we face.
“What fills me with enormous
confidence is hearing about so
many examples across the country
in different bits of the health service where things are going well,
Continued on page 2 →

Forget fuel, olive oil’s £11 a litre
Sam Chambers
Senior Business Reporter
The cost of a litre bottle of Britain’s
bestselling olive oil has nearly doubled to more than £11 after a
drought in southern Europe
wrecked last year’s olive season.
In Andalucia, the Spanish province that produces more olive oil
than the whole of Italy, temperatures soared past 40C early in the
growing season last spring.
Walter
Zanre,
managing
director of Filippo Berio UK, the
country’s biggest olive oil brand,

said it was “a disaster”. He is worried Britain could run out of olive
oil in the autumn. Zanre, 61,
added: “We have had to increase
prices [charged to supermarkets]
by 30 per cent and prices are likely
to rise further.”
The online supermarket Ocado
charges £11.05 for a litre of Filippo
Berio’s standard Classico olive oil,
compared with £6 in 2019. A
500ml bottle typically retails at
£6.50, almost double its prepandemic price. Other brands are
seeing similar price rises. Filippo
Berio estimates that production in

Spain, which normally accounts
for at least 60 per cent of the UK’s
olive oil, will more than halve to
700,000 tonnes this year.
Gary Lewis of KTC, the UK’s
second-largest olive oil supplier,
said producers would mitigate the
impact by tinkering with the blending process, adding: “Olive oil will
become more of a niche product.
Rising prices mean consumers
have started to move away from it
and into sunflower oil already.”
Editorial, page 22
Business, page 4

THE DANGER
OF BEING A
COOL PARENT

William, pictured with the Princess of Wales in September, is anxious and sad, a friend has claimed

NEWMAN’S
VIEW

The Prince of Wales is “burning”
over revelations in the Duke of
Sussex’s book but refuses to retaliate for the sake of his country and
family, according to friends.
Prince William is said to be “anxious and sad” about criticism levelled by his brother in Spare, his
memoir which became available in
Spain last week ahead of its
intended publication on Tuesday.
“He won’t retaliate, he never
would, because he’s dignified and
loyal,” a friend of William’s said.
“William is a sitting duck because
Harry knows he isn’t going to retaliate. It’s cruel, cowardly and so sad
for William to keep taking the
punches. He’s keeping quiet for
the good of his family and the
country.
“He’s anxious and he’s sad. He’s
concentrating on his wife and his
children. He has to focus on them,
and look out for the rest of the
royal family. He’s handling it so
well on the outside, inside he’s
burning.”
Buckingham Palace and Kensington Palace have refused to
comment on details in the book,
including Prince Harry’s account
of a fight in 2019 over the Duchess
of Sussex, during which he said
William threw him to the ground.
Harry’s revelation that he killed
25 Taliban fighters as an Apache
helicopter pilot in Afghanistan,
describing them as “chess pieces
taken off the board”, has sparked
fury from military officials and Taliban leaders alike, with fears that
the disclosure will significantly
raise the level of threat against the
prince, his family and other royals.
Afghanistan’s former president,
Hamid Karzai, who complained to
Nato about civilian deaths, said:
“What he wrote is shocking and
unfortunate.”
Lifelong friends of both brothers
have accused Harry of being
Continued on page 2 →

Starmer wants to charm Davos
Caroline Wheeler Political Editor
The Labour leader and his shadow
chancellor are preparing to rub
shoulders with the global elite in
the Swiss ski resort of Davos as they
seek to win over the biggest companies in the world.
Sir Keir Starmer and Rachel
Reeves will be jetting off next week
to the World Economic Forum,
where they will meet business
chiefs, foreign leaders and other
international figures.
Their attendance at the exclusive event in the Swiss Alps will be

used to send a message to the
super-rich that Labour is the party
of business. It is also part of their
campaign to focus “relentlessly”
on the economy and growth in the
run-up to the next election.
Rishi Sunak is not expected to
go. The government will be represented by Grant Shapps, the business secretary, and Kemi Badenoch, the trade secretary.
It suits Labour, which has been
criticised as anti-business in the
past, that its leader will be banging
the drum for Britain, and not the
prime minister. A senior party fig-

ure said: “Keir and Rachel are
going to show that, under Labour,
Britain will be back open for business. They believe that growth is
the most important thing so they’ll
be speaking to the people who will
invest in this country’s future.”
Starmer and Reeves will be
Continued on page 2 →

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2GN

The Sunday Times January 8, 2023

NEWS
FOOL’S ERRAND
CHARLOTTE GRAHAM/SHUTTERSTOCK

Two more
Iranian
protesters
executed
Melina Spanoudi

The “ceremonial fool” James Chatwin is “smoked” by a bonfire lit behind him as the 700-year-old rugby-style Haxey Hood game returns to North Lincolnshire after two years off due to Covid

Drug use puts Harry’s US visa ‘at risk’
The prince’s admission
he has taken cannabis,
magic mushrooms and
cocaine would bar most
people from America
Dipesh Gadher
Home Affairs Correspondent
Prince Harry’s frank drug-taking admissions could land him in hot water with the
immigration authorities in America.
While US officials said entry is granted
on a “case-by-case” basis, the rules state
that an individual’s “current and/or past
actions, such as drug or criminal activities . . . may make the applicant ineligible
for a visa”.

In his memoir, Spare, the Duke of
Sussex reveals that he first took cocaine
on a shooting weekend when he was 17
and did “a few more lines” on other occasions. He also confesses to hallucinating
on magic mushrooms at a celebrity party
in California, and smoking cannabis after
his first date with Meghan Markle in London in 2016.
The couple permanently moved to the
west coast of America in 2020 after stepping down as working members of the
royal family.
Although the Duchess of Sussex is a US
citizen, it is unclear on what grounds
Harry is able to reside and work in America. Logic would dictate that he holds a
spousal visa, but another theory is that he
has been granted a special dispensation
for people with “extraordinary ability”.
This so-called O-1 visa — often given to

film stars and top athletes — lasts for three
years. That could mean that Harry might
need to seek an extension or a new visa
soon. Applicants for US visas or waivers
are routinely asked to declare if they have
a criminal record or have breached any
drugs laws.
Asked if Harry’s admissions about his
drug use might cause him difficulties, the
US State Department said last night: “All
visa applications are adjudicated on a
case-by-case basis. Visa records are confidential under US law; therefore, we cannot discuss the details of individual visa
cases. We cannot speculate on whether
someone may or may not be eligible for a
visa. Whenever an individual applies for
a US visa, a consular officer reviews the
facts of the case and determines whether
the applicant is eligible for that visa based
on US law.”

Harry, 38, would not be the first
famous Briton to potentially fall foul of
strict American border controls.
The supermodel Kate Moss, now 48,
struggled to obtain a US work visa for several years after she was photographed in
2005 in a tabloid newspaper, chopping
and snorting a white powder.
In 2014, Nigella Lawson, the broadcaster and chef, was prevented from
boarding a Los Angeles-bound flight from
Heathrow after admitting at a fraud trial
that she had twice taken cocaine.
The US embassy in London later
invited Lawson, now 63, to apply for a
visa, saying: “We understand she has professional requirements for US travel.”
By contrast, Michael Gove, 55, was
able to travel to Washington DC as a minister — having confessed to indulging in
the class A drug as a journalist — because

NHS set to
buy up care
beds to
clear wards
→ Continued from page 1
where people are overcoming
the challenges that they face
and making a difference.
“They are getting people
back into their homes and
into their communities at a
quick and appropriate pace,
they are managing to get
waiting lists down, they are
managing to keep people out
of hospital in the first place by
thinking differently.”
However, in what would be
a significant blow to any

William is
‘burning
inside’ over
revelations
→ Continued from page 1
outrageously disloyal”, with
several friends warning they
were considering going on
the record with highly
damaging and embarrassing
details about Harry. “Loyalty
works both ways,” said one.
Some of Harry’s
supporters have attempted to
explain why he has published
so many personal revelations:
“Maybe he already thinks he’s
won by getting all his cards on
the table. This is someone
who was living a life for 30
years he really did not want.
Of course he damages other
people in the process, but he

of exemptions granted on diplomatic
visas.
In an interview to be broadcast on ITV
tonight, the presenter Tom Bradby says
of Harry’s new book: “There’s a fair
amount of drugs — marijuana, magic
mushrooms, cocaine . . . that’s going to
surprise people.” The prince shoots back:
“But important to acknowledge.”
Harry writes that he took cocaine as a
teenager because he wanted to “feel different”. He admits smoking cannabis in a
top-floor bathroom with classmates at
Eton and continuing to take the drug at
Nottingham Cottage, the home he moved
into with Meghan at Kensington Palace.
Harry’s encounter with magic mushrooms came in early 2016 at the Californian home of the Friends actress Courteney Cox..
@DipeshGadher

Iran executed two more
protesters yesterday,
drawing condemnation
from Western nations.
Mohammad Mehdi Karami
and Seyyed Mohammad
Hosseini were convicted of
killing a member of the
security forces during the
widespread protests that
swept the country over the
death of Mahsa Amini, who
died after she was arrested by
the Iranian “morality police”
for allegedly failing to comply
with headscarf rules.
Three others have been
sentenced to death and 11
received prison sentences.
The latest hangings bring the
official total so far to four,
although activists estimate
that over 20 protesters have
been executed and close to
500 others have been killed
during the unrest. Rights
organisations estimate that
more than 19,000 protesters
have been arrested.
James Cleverly, the foreign
secretary, said the executions
were “abhorrent” and urged
Iran to “end the violence
against its own people”.
The European Union’s top
diplomat, Josep Borrell, said
the executions were “yet
another sign of the Iranian
authorities’ violent
repression of civilian
demonstrations”.
Robert Malley, the US
special envoy to Iran, spoke
out against “the regime’s
execution of two more young
Iranians”, which he said had
followed “sham trials”.
Seyyed Mohammad
Hosseini was beaten with a
rod and blindfolded while in
prison, according to his
lawyers. Following the
execution of another
protester, Mohsen Shekari,
23, last month, Amnesty
International said that
Iranian authorities were
using executions to
intimidate those who have
been taking to the streets.
Iran denies using torture to
obtain confessions.

progress, Professor Phil
Banfield, chairman of the
British Medical Association
(BMA), said consultants’
leaders would meet within
weeks to discuss a possible
ballot for industrial action
after years of real-terms pay
cuts and raids on pensions.
Consultants’ starting
salaries are £88,364 a year
and after five years these can
rise to more than £100,000
with the best-paid earning at
least £120,000. They can
drastically increase their pay
through private work, which
a third take on.
The BMA had already
warned that junior doctors,
who this week begin voting
on whether to strike, will, if
the vote is carried, walk out
for 72 hours in March. This
will also include not
providing emergency care.
Banfield, 61, a consultant

obstetrician, said:
“Consultants are discussing
industrial action. They are
angry. They’re angry about
their drop in pay, they’re
unbelievably frustrated about
the pension situation that is
forcing them either to retire
or not to take on more work.”
Sir Robert Francis KC, who
chaired the public inquiry
into the Mid Staffordshire
NHS Trust scandal, called on
the government to declare a
national incident and to take
action “to prevent the NHS
ever again experiencing this
sort of crisis”.
Hundreds of patients were
abused and neglected at
Stafford Hospital between
2005 and 2009, with many
elderly patients left lying in
their own faeces, unable to
eat or drink and suffering falls
or going without essential
medication. Writing to

Barclay this weekend, Francis
and the Patients Association’s
chief executive, Rachel
Power, said the current
situation in the NHS was a
“disaster” and a serious
threat to safety.
They added: “It is clear
lives are being lost as a result.
What we are witnessing
across the NHS is the Mid
Staffs scandal playing out on
a national level, if not worse.”
Barclay is due to meet
union leaders tomorrow
amid attempts to resolve pay
disputes. It comes as
ambulance workers prepare
to stage a second walkout on
January 11. Nurses are due to
strike on January 18 and 19.

felt wronged and damaged
for years.”
Several versions of events
in the book have been
questioned, including Harry’s
claim that the Prince and
Princess of Wales encouraged
him to wear a Nazi uniform to
a party in 2005. Sources have
also challenged his allegation
that his role as best man at
William and Kate’s 2011
wedding was a “bare-faced
lie” that he was forced to go
along with so two of the
groom’s friends, Thomas van
Straubenzee and James
Meade, could avoid scrutiny.
The Sunday Times reveals
today that there will be no
official role for Harry if he
attends the King’s coronation
on May 6. Charles has
scrapped the act of royal
dukes kneeling and kissing
the monarch’s cheek. William
will be the only royal to carry
out the tradition.
@RoyaNikkhah

Starmer’s
plan to
charm
Davos

vehemently, McDonnell went
to Davos to tell bankers,
investors and chief executives
that the capitalist system was
living on borrowed time.
It is indicative of how much
Labour has changed since the
departure of Jeremy Corbyn
as leader that Starmer and
Reeves are going with a plan
to charm, rather than
denigrate, big business.
“The party is no longer
driven by ideology but is
there to deliver what the
country needs,” the party
figure said. “And what the
country needs is growth and
a strong economy. It’s
basically the economy,
stupid.”
In an interview with The
Times, Reeves said: “If you
want a more equal society,
what’s the best way to do it? Is
it to lift up those at the
bottom or to bring down
those at the top? I’d much
rather lift up those at the
bottom. I’m very
aspirational.”

Royal rift, pages 4-6

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→ Continued from page 1
showcasing Labour’s green
prosperity plan, a long-term
strategy for growth that
promises to generate green
investment through a publicprivate partnership.
It is the first time a senior
Labour figure has attended
the conference since John
McDonnell, who was then the
shadow chancellor, made a
surprise visit in 2018.
As a man who had
expressed a desire to tear up
the rules of capitalism, he
was an unlikely delegate. Far
from trying to woo those with
whom he disagreed so

10.05am The Conservative
MP and chairman of the
health select committee,
Steve Brine
10.35am The shadow health
secretary, Wes Streeting
11.05am The chairman of the
British Medical Association
council, Phil Banfield

Our creaking NHS can’t
beat its admin chaos
without a tech revolution,
News Review, page 21
Editorial, page 22

6.10pm The Hollywood star
Whoopi Goldberg
discusses her new role in the
civil rights film Till
6.40pm The award-winning
writer of the television drama
series I Hate Suzie Too and
Succession, Lucy Prebble

The Sunday Times January 8, 2023

NEWS

Cate Blanchett ﬁlm hits all the wrong notes for trailblazing conductor
FLORIAN HOFFMEISTER/FOCUS FEATURES

Liam Kelly
Arts Correspondent
Tár has been hailed by critics
as one of the films of the year
for its depiction of a
complicated genius
composer, and Cate Blanchett
is tipped for another Oscar
for her performance in the
title role.
The world’s foremost
female conductor — who is
thought to have partly
inspired Blanchett’s abusive
Lydia Tár — disagrees with the
plaudits, however. Marin
Alsop said that the character
“offended” her and that “all
women and all feminists
should be bothered by that
kind of depiction”.

There are striking parallels
between Alsop, 66, and the
character played by
Blanchett, 53. Like Alsop, the
fictional Tár was mentored by
the acclaimed composer
Leonard Bernstein, is a
lesbian married to an
orchestral musician with
whom she has a child,
teaches at a prestigious
American music college and
runs a fellowship to support
female conductors.
But Alsop believes the
differences between the two
are also stark. Tár is a
narcissist who is seen in the
film publicly humiliating a
male student for questioning
musical orthodoxy, rigging
auditions to promote a

beautiful cellist and
controlling her vulnerable
assistant. Alsop said in an
interview with today’s
Culture that the film plays
into “maestro mythology”
that sees classical conductors
as untouchable.
She said she was
“shocked” when she first
heard about the film in
August last year, because “so
many superficial aspects of
Tár seemed to align with my
own personal life”.
She added: “Once I saw it I
was no longer concerned, I
was offended: I was offended
as a woman, I was offended as
a conductor, I was offended
as a lesbian.” Alsop claimed
that the film’s use of “pseudo-

Cate Blanchett is tipped for an Oscar for her role in Tár

reality” is “slightly dangerous
because people may get
confused about what’s real
and what’s not”.
Her biggest gripe was not
about her own personal
reputation, but the damage
the film, which is released on
Friday, may do to the
perception of women as
leaders.
“To have an opportunity to
portray a woman in that role
and to make her an abuser —
for me that was
heartbreaking. I think all
feminists should be bothered
by that kind of depiction,
because it’s not really about
conductors, is it? It’s about
women as leaders in our
society,” she said.

“People ask, ‘Can we trust
them? Can they function in
that role?’ It’s the same
questions whether it’s about a
chief executive or a National
Basketball Association coach
or the head of a police
department.”
Alsop is a trailblazer who,
when she was appointed as
musical director of the
Baltimore Symphony
Orchestra in 2007, was the
only woman leading a big
classical troupe in America.
Today there is still just one,
Atlanta’s Nathalie Stutzmann.
“There are so many men —
actual, documented men —
this film could be based on
but, instead, it puts a woman
in the role but gives her all the

My Netherlands day trip to
dig deep for Nazi treasure
and satellite imagery from Google Earth.
As I set off at 5am on Thursday morning, I
was confident I knew almost exactly
where to dig. But would others beat me to
the prize?
What we encountered was like something out of Detectorists.
The first group we met was a trio of
young men, one of whom, called Sill,
was hacking away at the roots of a hedge
at the corner of a garden owned by a
bemused woman who proudly owned
many chickens. Sill had a metal detector,
but something about the way he was
using it told me he was no expert. I feared
for the lady’s hedge, and besides I had
a strong feeling he was digging in the
wrong place.
As we made our way to our chosen
spot, complete with our tools, we
encountered Jan van Nieuwamerongen, a
retired software entrepreneur. We
sniffed around each other suspiciously,
until it emerged that we thought the treasure was in the same place. We informally
decided to join forces and
split
any proceeds 50-50.
En route we encountered two detectorists who
looked eerily like Toby
Jones
and
Mackenzie
Crook, the stars of the TV
comedy. Clearly strangers
to personal hygiene and
communication skills, they
tetchily denied that they too
were looking for the Nazi loot.
Yeah, right, I thought, not least
because I recalled I had seen their
knackered VW on the way into town —
with
metal
detectors
in
the back.
Jan and I paced out where we thought
the spot was, and the boys and I set to
work. Victims of a culture of instant gratification, we were disappointed not to
strike gold within minutes.
On my way to fetch water and sandwiches — digging for Nazi gold is hard
work — I came across yet another detectorist, this time waist-deep in a muddy
hole and with a grin on his face. His name
was Thomas Loeven, and not only did he
have a brace of serious-looking detectors,
but he also revealed that he had the
counsel of a psychic friend who had told
him where to dig.
What the psychic had clearly failed to
foretell was the presence of the local constabulary, who by now were taking a dim
view of so much public land being excavated willy-nilly. A local bobby — if that’s
what the Dutch call them — appeared
near Thomas’s trench and told him to fill
it back in and hop it. Did he not know that
digging was forbidden here, as there was
a danger that he could excavate some

‘I’m offended as a woman,
as a conductor, as a
lesbian’, Culture, pages 6-7

Boy, 6, is
held over
teacher
shooting
Liam Kelly
A boy of six has been arrested
on suspicion of deliberately
shooting his teacher.
Police were called to
Richneck Elementary School
in Newport News, Virginia,
on Friday after a classroom
incident that left the teacher,
Abby Zwerner, with “lifethreatening” injuries.
The boy is said to have shot
Zwerner, 25, with a handgun.
She is reported to have urged
her pupils to run for safety.
Steve Drew, chief of police
in the city, said the boy had a
gun in the classroom and the
shooting was not an accident.
Pupils were evacuated to the
school’s gymnasium. “We did
not have a situation where
someone was going around
the school shooting,” Drew
added. “We have a situation
in one particular location
where a gunshot was fired.”
George Parker, the
superintendent of the city’s
public schools, made a plea
for Americans to “keep guns

When a map was published appearing to
show where German soldiers had hidden
loot from a blown-up bank, Guy Walters
threw his spade and pickaxe in the boot
As any historian of the Third Reich will
tell you, requests to contribute to television programmes about Nazi gold come
about twice a year. My favourite was from
the producer who asked whether I knew
where I might find some Nazi gold. I
gently explained that if I knew, I would be
talking to her from my private island in
the Indian Ocean.
My normal response includes the disappointing revelation that it is highly
unlikely that there is any Nazi gold submerged in Alpine lakes or hidden on
trains buried in Polish mountainsides,
and if they really want to have a serious
look for it, they should break into just
about any bank vault under the streets of
Zurich.
However, last week I did something I
would have previously scorned.
Accompanied by my son Will and his
friend Magnus, I drove with a pickaxe,
fork and shovel all the way from Wiltshire
to the centre of the Netherlands, where
we started frenziedly digging for Nazi
treasure beside a path in a public park.
Last week the National Archives of the
Netherlands released 1,300 pages of documents as part of its annual public access
day. Among them are papers telling the
tale of how a group of German paratroopers who were fighting the British in
Arnhem in September 1944 took unscrupulous advantage of an explosion at a
bank in the centre of town and stuffed
four ammunition boxes with gemstones,
jewellery, watches, coins and other valuables — which hopefully included some
actual gold. According to one of the soldiers, Helmut Sonder, the boxes were
buried just south of a village called
Ommeren, 25 miles west of Arnhem.
After the war, the Dutch, who understandably wanted to restore the valuables
to their owners, interrogated Sonder. The
German was taken to the spot where he
claimed the treasure was buried, but he
could not find it. He suspected that perhaps his senior NCO, Eduard Kastel, had
already taken it, but the Dutch were not
convinced and concluded that either
Sonder was lying or the treasure had
already been found. A few more attempts
were made over the next couple of years
by the police, locals and some American
troops, but to no avail.
Since then the story of the loot had
been all but forgotten. Until last week.
Among the Dutch documents was an item
that was manna to any hunter of Nazi
gold: a treasure map with a red X marking
the spot. Better still, the map included
sketches of precisely where the loot was
buried.
I had to go. I spent hours comparing
the map — which was presumably
sketched by Sonder — with current maps

attributes of those men,” said
Alsop. “That feels antiwoman. To assume that
women will either behave
identically to men or become
hysterical, crazy, insane is to
perpetuate something we’ve
already seen on film so many
times before.”
Blanchett, who is best
known for her roles in Blue
Jasmine and The Lord of the
Rings, has previously said that
she was drawn to playing Tár
because it allowed her to ask
the question: “How much is
permissible when you’re
striving for excellence?”

Archivists
started a
stampede for the
treasure with the
release of a map
although Eduard
Kastel, pictured
centre with
other German
paratroopers,
may have got
there first

The local
police
took a dim
view of
our work

Shot teacher Abby Zwerner
urged her pupils to flee

Guy Walters
travelled to
Ommeren
WILL WALTERS

out of the hands of our young
people”. He said: “I cannot
control access to weapons,
my teachers cannot control
access to weapons.
“Today our students got a
lesson in gun violence and
what guns can do to disrupt
not only an educational
environment, but also a
family, a community.”
The shooting, the latest in
a long list at US schools, is
sure to re-ignite the debate
about access to guns.
Although Congress passed
a bill in the summer that
tightened restrictions on
access to firearms for those
considered a risk of being
violent, there were 51 school
shootings last year that
resulted in injuries or deaths,
according to the Education
Week news organisation.
Since 1970 there have been
16 school shootings by
children under the age of ten,
according to David Riedman,
founder of the K-12 School
Shooting Database.

wartime ordnance and vaporise himself
and anybody nearby?
Thomas did as he was told, but what I
negligently failed to do was to relay the
message to Will and Magnus. When I
returned with lunch, I was relieved to see
they hadn’t blown themselves up, but
they had been given a rocket by a policeman, who had ordered them to stop digging and had taken down their details
from their driving licences.
This was frustrating, to say the least,
because another friendly detectorist had
revealed that our spot did indeed seem to
have something metal buried there.
So that was that. We had come so far
and had got so close, only to be stymied
by the powers that be. If I were a conspiracy theorist, I would have my suspicions.
I may not have found any Nazi gold —
not this time — but I have learnt a valuable
lesson. Even the most rational and cynical historian like me needs to acknowledge that you just never know. The truth
may indeed be out there, buried, of all
places, next to a Dutch footpath. Mark my
words: I’ll be back.

Holy Island prays for a miracle to sink ﬁshing ban that threatens way of life
PHIL WILKINSON FOR THE SUNDAY TIMES

Hannah Al-Othman
On a sunny winter morning
on Holy Island, fishermen are
unloading their catch of
lobster and crab from creels.
Locals have fished in these
waters for thousands of
years, from the Romans to
the monks who arrived in
about 635, but the way of life
is under threat.
The Department for
Environment, Food & Rural
Affairs (Defra) has proposed
to designate the sea around
Lindisfarne as a highly
protected marine area, with
fishing banned outright.
Fifteen or so fishermen
earn a living in these seas. It
is a multimillion-pound
industry, with the shellfish
caught finding its way across
the UK, on to the Continent

and as far away as China.
With about 150 permanent
residents, the community has
fishing as its heart.
The primary school, rated
outstanding by Ofsted, has
three pupils — two are from
fishing families. Fishermen’s
partners staff the hotels and
restaurants that cater to the
800,000 tourists who visit
the island each year. It is
linked to Northumberland’s
mainland by a causeway, cut
off twice a day by the tide.
Canon Sarah Hills, the
island’s vicar, is leading the
campaign against the plans.
“It’s a justice issue,” she said.
With fishing banned the
island’s vibrant community
would be no more. “It would
be the end of everything
except for a tourism island.”
The fishermen plan to take

legal action if the decision
does not go their way. “It’s a
multimillion-pound
business,” said Paul Douglas,
54, a fisherman who started
work at the age of 12. “They
thought it was a Mickey
Mouse operation. It isn’t.”
With his fishing partner,
Jonny Grey, 34, he volunteers
for the coastguard and as a
first responder for North East
Ambulance Service. If
someone is taken ill on the
island and the tide is in, they
will be relied upon to deal
with the emergency. In more
serious cases, they summon
help from the mainland.
The Coastguard team deals
with dozens of 999 calls a
year, rescuing cars of tourists
who try to cross the causeway
when the tide is too high. If
Douglas and Grey can no

longer fish here, they will
leave for the mainland to find
work. “We’ve done that for
five years working for free for
NEAS,” Douglas said, “and
I’ve done 22 years in the
Coastguard voluntarily . ..
That’s gone, there’d be
nobody able to do that.”
Grey’s daughter, Lily-Ella,
7, attends Holy Island Church
of England First School,
which has been on its site
since 1796. The teacher,
Heather Stiansen, 58, said it
would struggle to survive.
Shaun Brigham, 55, comes
from a line of fishermen and
was devastated to hear of the
plans. He takes a crew of six
young men out to sea. “It’s
taken me 40 years to build up
the business,” he said. While
Defra’s stated aim is to
“improve the state of our

seas, address biodiversity loss
and ensure a more climateresilient marine ecosystem”,
the men say they already
work in a sustainable way.
They throw back about 80
per cent of their catch —
juvenile lobsters or females
with eggs — and say marine
wildlife is thriving. None is
opposed to protected marine
areas in principle, but they
believe that Lindisfarne is not
the right place.
The fishermen have been
offered no compensation if
they are forced to shut their
businesses, Brigham said, but
he added: “I don’t want
compensation. They could
offer me £5 million, but I’d
rather have my job. What
[else] am I going to do? I’ve
done this all my life.”
Andrew Johnson, 52,

another fisherman, said: “It’ll
be a finish to a way of life. It’s
not just a job.” His father,
uncle and grandfather were
fishermen, and he works with
his brother Stuart, 49. Both
have children, and would
have to leave the island.
Defra said: “Lindisfarne is
being considered as a
potential highly protected
marine area because of its
incredible biodiversity . .. we
have listened to the views of
the local community,
fishermen, environmental
groups and others . . . These
will be taken on board before
any decisions are made.”
Brigham hopes Defra will
trust this sea to fishermen.
“We’ve looked after it for 600
years. There’s no one who
can look after it better than
we can.”

Shaun Brigham,
who has a crew
of six young
fishermen, was

devastated to
hear of Defra’s
plan for
Lindisfarne

NEWS
FROM BROTHERS IN ARMS TO SIBLING RIVALRY

1986

1990

1993

1995

2002

2005

2009

2017

William knows he’s a punchbag
— he’s silent but burning inside
Friends accept the Prince
of Wales is a ‘sitting duck’
in the face of Harry’s
anger. But they fully
expect to see the duke at
the Coronation on May 6

ROYA
NIKKHAH
Royal Editor

or what feels like for ever, the
Duke of Sussex has been trying
his hardest to get a reaction
from his big brother. First the
Oprah Winfrey interview, then
the Netflix documentary and
now sibling Armageddon in the
form of his book, Spare.
The sex, drugs and killing
Taliban like “chess pieces” in

Prince Harry’s memoir are jaw-dropping,
but they pale in comparison to his
character assassination of the Prince of
Wales. “Harold” and “Willy” were once
brothers in arms. Now Harry has very
different nicknames for Prince William:
his “arch-nemesis” who saw “red mist” as
he “attacked” his little brother over a dog
bowl.
The heir has responded to the spare
with deafening silence. Why? Because, as
a close friend of both brothers explains,
revenge is not how William rolls. “He
won’t retaliate, he never would, because
he’s dignified and unbelievably loyal.
William is a sitting duck because Harry
knows he isn’t going to retaliate. How
many shots can you take at a sitting duck?
“It’s cruel, cowardly and so sad for

William to keep taking the punches. He’s
keeping quiet for the good of his family
and the country.”
As he quietly considers his brother’s
hand grenades exploding over 416 leaked
pages, though, discussing it only with his
closest family and a small handful of
friends, William is hurting. “He’s anxious
and he’s sad,” says the friend. “He’s concentrating on his wife and his children,
that’s what he has. He has to focus on
them, and look out for the rest of the
royal family. He’s handling it so well on
the outside — inside he’s burning.”
Another friend says: “William will be
going through a range of emotions —
anger, concern and worry — not just for
his family but how all this is going to
affect the institution. He will be thinking
strategically and grappling with the personal versus the institutional reaction.
We know how closely he followed his
grandmother’s example, and the institutional response may win the day over the
personal. But he is staunchly protective
of his own family, and he’s not just going
to roll over.”
The Princess of Wales has not escaped,
with Harry revealing spats between
Meghan and Kate when the former said
the latter had “baby brain” after giving
birth to Prince Louis, and describing how
Kate appeared “disgusted” after reluctantly lending Meghan her lip gloss.
Harry has a whole lot more to say, and
will do so in four broadcast interviews
over the coming days before his book’s
official publication on Tuesday. William
has made a different calculation, to let
actions speak louder than words and let
the job of being heir do the talking.
The Waleses will sail forth this week,
resuming official duties after their Christmas break with a joint engagement.
“His focus is on getting on with the job
and his commitment to duty and service
is unwavering,” says an aide. “We’d
rather concentrate on the work we’re
doing than on books or anything else that
is happening.”
A friend of the royal family says: “William is tough, the family can play the long
game in the way Harry and Meghan can’t.
They can channel their inner Queen Elizabeth: show, don’t tell, demonstrate this
is the role you’ve taken on with courage
and decency. That’s a very powerful
counterpoint to all this.”
The King, portrayed in leaked extracts
of Spare as a miserly, emotionally stunted
father who didn’t hug his sons when he
told them of Diana’s death, married

GOING
SPARE
THE BIGGEST
REVELATIONS AND
CLAIMS FROM
THE DUKE OF
SUSSEX’S MEMOIR

Prince Harry
claims that his
brother, the
Prince of Wales,
knocked him to
the floor during
an argument in
2019 in the “Nott
Cott” kitchen at
Kensington
Palace. Harry
landed on a dog
bowl, which
cracked and cut
his back.

2
The duke reveals
that he and
William “begged”
Charles not to
marry Camilla,
saying they would
welcome her into
the family on that
condition.

The royal
family can
channel
their inner
Queen
Elizabeth:
show,
don’t tell

Camilla despite their pleas not to fill the
role of “wicked stepmother” and jealous
of his sons’ and their wives’ popularity
eclipsing his own, still fares better than
William.
That has come as no relief, though, say
the monarch’s friends: “The King is no
less hurt because he personally hasn’t
been the focus of the majority of the
anger and frustration of the book. He
feels it as keenly, it is no less painful for
him because the focus is on his son rather
than him. There is a lot of family pain.”
Harry reveals that after the Duke of
Edinburgh’s funeral in 2021 Charles
begged of his sons: “Please, boys, don’t
make my final years a misery” — a plea
that has fallen on deaf ears across the
Atlantic. Another friend of the King, says:
“Charles will be perplexed and heartbroken, but he is resilient.”
Harry’s disloyalty in spilling the beans
has staggered lifelong friends of the
brothers, who thought they would
always have each other’s backs, no matter how distant they grew. While fisticuffs
in the Nottingham Cottage kitchen in
2019 have long been known about in their
tight-knit group, nobody thought Harry
would go there. Why? Because of how
much “shit” on Harry friends and family
have kept under wraps for years, much of
which has so far not emerged in the
book’s leaked extracts.
“I don’t know how you can do that to
your brother, even if you don’t like or get
on with him any more,” says a friend of
the royal family. “William was always
there to pick up the pieces for Harry, he
was his mum [after Diana]. There’s so
much stuff over the years that Harry has
rung friends up about and said, ‘throw
away that photo, promise you won’t
speak about this’. You could have a
f***ing field day with shit on Harry. So
could William, who (in comparison) is as
clean as a whistle. I can’t believe he’d
stoop so low. It’s outrageously disloyal.”
Another close friend of the brothers
says: “It’s strategically not clever. Harry is
good at getting his narrative out there but
we know so much, we’ve cleaned up so
many messes over the years, there is so
much we could say.” Several friends of
Harry, once loyal to him, say they are considering whether to go on the record to
debunk some of his claims as “bollocks”
and drop counter-bombshells of their own.
“Loyalty works both ways,” warns one.
In the aftermath of the Sussexes’ Oprah
interview, the Queen said “some recollections may vary”, and following their Net-

3
Harry was suffering from
frostbite on his penis —
referred to as his “todger” —
during William and Catherine’s
wedding in 2011, after a
charity walk to the North Pole.

Harry has
been
circumcised,
despite
speculation that
Princess Diana
had not allowed
Harry and William
to undergo the
procedure. “I was
snipped as a
baby,” the book
reveals.

The prince
lost his
virginity in a field
near a busy pub
to an older
woman who
treated him “like
a young stallion”,
and “spanked”
him after they
had sex.

Harry claims
William and
Catherine had

The Sunday Times January 8, 2023

PPN

Megxit’s the new Brexit: a
vitriolic battleground that pits
generations against each other
TOM
CALVER
1996

1997

2021

2022

flix documentary former royal aides
described some of their claims as “lies”.
Harry promised the whole truth in his
book, but some of his accounts have left
those in the know scratching their heads.
His claim that it was William and Kate
who encouraged him to wear a Nazi uniform to a fancy dress party in 2005 when
Harry was 20 and “howled” with laughter
when he phoned them to ask what to
wear is news to a former royal aide who
helped to handle the fallout and spoke to
Harry at length at the time.
“I was there in the middle of all of that,
at no point did Harry ever say that to me,”
they said. “There was no mention to any
advisers at the time that it was William and
Kate’s idea or they thought it was hilariously funny. That recollection did not
exist at the time, contemporaneously.”
Another well-placed friend who
attended the same party, says of Harry
pointing the finger at the Waleses: “Bullshit. It was nothing to do with them.”
Harry has also written that his role as
best man at William and Kate’s 2011 wedding was a “bare-faced lie” that he was
forced to go along with to spare two of
William’s friends — Thomas van Straubenzee and James Meade, who gave a joint
speech at the evening reception — the
scrutiny. “Willy didn’t want me giving a
best man’s speech,” writes Harry, who
says he was demoted to being a mere
compere and introducing them. It is
another version of events that has exasperated the brothers’ closest friends.
“Harry didn’t want to be best man, he
kept saying for months it should be
Thomas and James because they were
William’s best mates,” says one.
ll week, royal watchers have
wondered what Harry’s end goal is,
musing that he can never win true
happiness with a battle plan of
endless attacks on his family and
the institution, ultimately harming only
himself.
But a friend of Harry says that view
misses the point: “Maybe he already
thinks he’s won by getting all his cards on
the table. This is someone who was absolutely living a life for 30 years he really
did not want to live. Of course he damages other people in the process, but he
felt wronged and damaged for years.
“You can’t underestimate how angry
he’s felt about being controlled within
the confines of the institution for so long.
What he definitely doesn’t want to do any
more is live thinking, ‘What does it look
like from a public relations angle?’ He’s
not thinking, ‘How will I come across?’
He’s thinking, ‘F*** this, I’ve lived a life
for so long where I’ve been controlled for
so long’.
“People need to take a step back and
ask why he has done it. Many will be asking if he’s genuinely OK. We know he
isn’t. He’s damaged and one way to deal
with it is to write a book.”
The Sunday Times revealed last month
that Harry and Meghan want a reconciliation “summit” with the royal family prior
to the coronation in May, but also want an
“apology” and “accountability” for their

encouraged him
to wear a Nazi
uniform with a
swastika to a party
in 2005.
A psychic
“delivered”
Harry a message
from Princess
Diana from
beyond the
grave, telling
him he was
“living the life
she wanted
for you”.

Harry says
he killed 25
Taliban fighters
during his time
serving in
Afghanistan,
which he
thought of as
“chess pieces”
rather than
“people”.

Data Editor

9
The prince
confesses to
using cocaine as
a teenager,
smoking
marijuana and
later trying magic
mushrooms at a
party at the home
of the Friends
actress
Courteney Cox.

grievances. Harry has reiterated all of
that in his interview with the ITV presenter Tom Bradby, which will be broadcast tonight, adding: “I would like to get
my father back, I would like to have my
brother back” but “they’ve shown absolutely no willingness to reconcile”. Harry
says “the ball is in their court” and “I
really hope they’re willing to sit down
and talk about it”.
How will William and the King play it?
“William would [want to reconcile] but
how can he right now?” says a close
friend. “Maybe once Harry has written a
book about all the great work the royal
family does.”
The family also struggles with how any
future meeting could remain private,
given the Sussexes have put so much into
the public domain. It is a fear acknowledged even by friends of Harry and
Meghan: “They realise they’ve got to a
place where private conversations and
calls could be questioned if they’re going
to be private.”
A friend of the King says: “It’s a curious
way to go about a reconciliation.” One of
Harry’s biggest supporters in royal circles
is also bemused by his strategy: “I don’t
know how you can say you want your
father and brother back after writing all
that. But the King has a massive role to
play here. If you’ve got Harry saying all
this, there is a case of swallowing it and
taking the higher ground. If he does, it
will be easier for William to follow. They
need to find the higher ground that is
right for the family and the institution,
otherwise it will continue to be a headache up to the coronation and beyond.
Not talking about it will never work. The
strength of this institution comes from
the strength of the family.”
A source who knows the King well
says: “The royal family has to avoid being
vindictive but that doesn’t mean the King
is going to fly out to Montecito to calm

As things
stand,
there is no
role for
Harry in
the King’s
service

Harry asked
a driver to
replicate his
mother’s final
journey in Paris,
travelling through
the tunnel where
the fatal crash
occurred at
precisely 65mph,
“the exact speed
Mummy’s car
had supposedly
been driving,
according
to the police,
at the time of
the crash”.

TIM GRAHAM;TOM WARGACKI; JULIAN PARKER; ADAM
BUTLER; STEFAN ROUSSEAU; PASCAL LE SEGRETAIN;
CHRIS JACKSON; KAREN ANVIL/GOFFPHOTOS.COM;
DOMINIC LIPINSKI;MARTIN MEISSNER

Harry down. They’ve got no alternative
but to let the hurricane blow through.”
Of the royal households’ silence so far,
a palace aide says: “What would be the
point of stepping out into moving traffic?
There is not a sense that the Palace walls
are crumbling around us, we’re just
focusing on getting on with the job.” Like
his eldest son, the King will also be back
out on manoeuvres this week. A royal
adviser says: “What does Harry want
from the family? He wants 100 per cent
validation of their story, he wants the Palace to say we’re sorry in a way that says
everything we’ve been saying since
Oprah is true. That won’t happen,
because it’s not all true. The Palace will
rise above it and let time do its job.”
arry has cast his attendance at the
coronation in doubt, but sources
close to him believe he will return
to the UK for the service at Westminster Abbey on May 6: “It is an
important moment for Harry’s father and
he would want to show his respect.” If
Harry does make it, he might be relieved
to learn that he will not be required to
kneel and pledge allegiance to his father.
In a major break with tradition, Charles
has scrapped the act of the royal dukes
kneeling to “pay homage” before touching the crown and kissing the monarch’s
right cheek. William will be the only royal
to perform the tradition. A well-placed
source says: “As things stand, there is no
role for Harry in the service.” Courtiers
will breathe a sigh of relief. Royal photographers and body language experts will
be devastated.
After his fight with William, Harry
reveals in the book, he called his therapist. A friend of the royal family suggests
a session with the Princess Royal, the ultimate uncomplaining “spare”, would be
time better spent.
“He really ought to talk to Princess
Anne,” says the friend. “She often talked
about how, as children, she was treated
so differently to Charles. She was second
to him and kicked further down the line
of succession as a woman, but she forged
her own path. In her twenties she was
bolshy and upset about a lot of things, but
she came through that. He should talk to
her about her experiences. She is
shrewd, she could tell him a lot about
what she went through.”
Only stony silence emanates from
Buckingham Palace and Kensington Palace as the royal family braces for Spare’s
global publication on Tuesday, but at
Lambeth Palace, prayers for the royal
family have been upped from once to
three times a day.
“They need some reconciliation, this
undermines the whole institution.”
@RoyaNikkhah

Editorial, page 22
Camilla Long, Comment, page 25

11
During a bad
mushroom
trip, he
hallucinated
that a pedal
bin was
talking to him.

Harry, who
once
believed his
mother faked
her death to
escape the
media, claims
that he and
William “were
talked out” of
calling for the
inquiry into
Diana’s death
to be
reopened.

Charles does
physio
exercises every
morning wearing
only his
underwear,
leaving Harry
nervous he would
bump into his
father doing
handstands
half-naked.

At the start of
the couple’s
relationship,
Harry looked up
Meghan’s sex
scenes on Suits —
a decision he later
regretted.

15
The Duke of
Sussex says
Catherine was
upset when
Meghan told
her she had
“baby brain”
after the birth
of Prince Louis.

Christmas at the Kiayani
household in Chorleywood
was a fiery affair. “We put the
King’s speech on, and it all
came to blows,” says 24-yearold Sarina.
Fighting the royal corner
was her 53-year-old uncle,
whom she describes as a
“religious traditionalist”, not
one for celebrity gossip. “He
said: ‘It must be hard for
Charles. It’s such a shame
Diana’s sons are so divided
because of this one person.’
There was so much shouting,
I couldn’t hear the King.”
She and her
“cosmopolitan” mother, 52,
are in the Sussex camp. “I was
always a bit ambivalent, but
became a lot more Team
Meghan after watching the
Netflix documentary and
really hearing her perspective
and how she struggled,” says
Sarina, who works as a
women’s officer for the
Labour Party.
The fractious scenes in the
Hertfordshire village, named
in an Oxford University study
as the UK’s happiest place to
live, were repeated at
Christmas dinners the
country over. Yesterday
Justine Roberts, the founder
of Mumsnet, likened the
fervour around Harry and
Meghan to the Madeleine
McCann story.
“People have
extraordinarily strong and
vitriolic views, way more
powerful than I would
expect,” she told the
Telegraph. “They are so
strongly anti-Meghan we’ve
had to do [on the site] what
we did with Madeleine
McCann and cobble it into
one topic because it seems
slightly deranged. Ninety per
cent of our content is
incredibly supportive, but
attention is drawn to the
controversial topics, which
are very active because
people have very strong
feelings.”
Megxit has become
the new Brexit,
splitting families by
pitting Gen Z against
boomer, woke
against
traditionalist
(Sarina and her
mother voted
Remain; her proPalace uncle
backed Leave). And,
as with the
referendum, what you

They
embody
what a
youth
audience
wants to
talk about

Polling suggests
that attitudes
to Harry and
Meghan are a
classic “culture
war” issue

think of the Sussexes partly
comes down to the kind of
person you are. Or does it?
After last week, do they have
any fans left?
Fresh polling conducted by
YouGov on Thursday and
Friday, after the premature
release of Spare, Prince
Harry’s memoir, suggests
public support for the
Sussexes has largely
collapsed over the past six
years. Just 23 per cent of the
British public have a positive
view of Meghan, down from
49 per cent in 2017. Support
for Harry is at 26 per cent,
down from 81 per cent in
2017.
Yet the Sussexes do retain
overall support among
certain groups. Of the
country’s 18 to 24-year-olds,
41 per cent have a positive
view of Harry and 42 per cent
remain pro-Meghan, more
than have a negative view of
them. How have Harry and
Meghan kept some of their
Gen Z star power even as it
wanes elsewhere?
It wasn’t always the case.
In 2017 Prince Harry’s most
supportive group was
pensioners, polling suggests,
with 90 per cent having a
“positive” view, compared
with 70 per cent of those aged
18-24. Older people are, after
all, the most unwaveringly
pro-monarchy, data
repeatedly suggests. Harry
probably benefited from a
general “royal uplift” in older
people’s eyes.
Now he is outside the tent
and seen to be attacking the
institution, the types of
people who also want to see
the monarchy attacked are,
unsurprisingly, most
supportive of the pair. But
does anti-monarchy feeling
explain all their support?
“Meghan and Harry
encapsulate what a youth
audience, a millennial
audience, wants to talk
about,” says Mark Borkowski,
a PR expert. “Black Lives
Matter, ecology, the state of
the planet, trans rights; plus

she’s a Hollywood princess,
which captures the
imagination. The boomers
are fixed against it. They
don’t understand it and think
it’s irresponsible. The rest is
box office.”
Harry and Megan operate
in areas often described as
“culture war” issues in an
intensifying battle between
young and old.
“There is always tension
between generations, and
this is a good thing,” writes
Professor Bobby Duffy of
King’s College London in his
book Generations. He argues
that these culture wars are
exaggerated: older people in
Britain are actually more
liberal than ever before, yet
“people of all generations are
identifying more with their
own group and
differentiating themselves
more from the ‘other group’.”
In other words, it is not
that older people necessarily
dislike the things the Sussexes
talk about; it is more that they
oppose who they are and how
they voice their opinions.
Age is not the only factor
splitting #teampalace and
#teammeghan. “If we were to
look at whether Harry and
Meghan divide along ‘woke’
or ‘non-woke’ lines, I’d use
the breakdown by EU
referendum vote,” says
Professor Sir John Curtice of
Strathclyde University, one of
the country’s leading political
analysts. “There’s a pretty
good link between how
people voted in 2016 and
where they continue to stand
on culture war issues.”
The data is illuminating. In
YouGov’s first poll featuring
Harry and Meghan, shortly
after their engagement in
2017, there is virtually no
difference in support
between Leave and Remain
voters. But as early as 2019 a
split begins to emerge. The
latest poll shows that 31 per
cent of Remain voters have a
positive view of Harry, twice
the rate of Leave voters (16
per cent). For Meghan the
lead is even greater, at 29 per
cent for remainers versus 12
per cent for leavers.
The inconvenient truth for
Harry and Meghan is that
while they are more popular
among those who voted
Remain than those who did
not, that does not mean
they are popular
among remainers:
59 per cent have a
negative view of both.
@TomHCalver
Pick a prince but
remember we don’t
know them at all,
Matthew Syed,
page 23

Yes, Eton pupils like Harry and
William are privileged — but
boarding can be traumatic
Joy Schaverien
Early boarding in school can
have a profound effect on
psychological development,
which lasts well beyond
childhood and can have an
impact on relationships in
adult life. In my book,
Boarding School Syndrome, I
outlined a series of traumas
experienced by children sent
away at a young age. These
are the ABCD of boarding
school syndrome:
abandonment, bereavement,
captivity and the resulting
disassociation.
The negative effect on
intimate relationships starts
with what is often
unconsciously perceived as
betrayal by the parents. No
matter how good the school,
or well-intentioned the
parents, children feel
abandoned. The initial
abandonment is shocking for
small children. They lose all
that is familiar in one day:
home, parents, siblings and
nanny are gone. This sudden
total rupture in attachments
is devastating. It is
compounded, later, by its
repetition: every time the
parents visit, or children
return from their “holidays”,
they are again abandoned.
At a young age, children
are unable to speak about
what has happened to them,

Children
lose all
that is
familiar in
one day

with no adults to attune to
their individual experience
and explain their emotional
reality, they are literally “lost
for words”. Exiled and alone,
they have to fend for
themselves. The subsequent
“homesickness” is a form of
bereavement. If there is
divorce or a parent dies while
the child is at school they are
very often left to manage
without psychological help.
In school it may be
considered a good idea to
distract children, rather than
to permit time and space to
grieve. Children are captive,
unable to make autonomous
decisions; for example, to
leave. Displays of emotion are
frowned upon and may be
brushed aside. Ashamed,
children hide their crying
under the bedclothes at
night. There is still, even
today, a sense of survival of
the fittest.
The children that show
vulnerability might be picked
on and even bullied for
exposing their perceived
weakness. The result of all
this is disassociation which is
a known response to trauma.
But this trauma is deemed to
be a privilege, which confuses
the child.
When children return
home after experiencing
these multiple traumas, they
are no longer known to their

families. They cannot speak
of their experiences;
overwhelmed, they do not
have words for it all. Some
describe it as “not feeling
real”. They may present a
false self so they seem
apparently unchanged. A
polite but distant relationship
may develop within the
family. The behaviour is such
that parents rarely notice that
anything is wrong.
When siblings are sent to
the same school, they may be
able to help each other. Very
close bonds can be formed by
children sharing this
experience. However, some
siblings recount being barely
more than passing strangers
during term time.
They miss out on love and
the family rough-and-tumble
of the teenage years. As a
result, very often a polite but
distant relationship may
continue into adulthood.
Occasionally some of the pain
may break through into adult
behaviour. In previous
generations the schools were
often single sex so this added
another unreal aspect to the
situation. All of this may later
affect marriage, sibling and
other intimate relationships.
Joy Schaverien is the author of
Boarding School Syndrome:
The Psychological Trauma of
the ‘Privileged’ Child

The Sunday Times January 8, 2023

NEWS

Christina Lamb
I was in Helmand with British troops.
They didn’t talk about kill numbers

Interviewer with a
royal connection is
no stranger to grief
Rosie Kinchen

JOHN STILLWELL/REUTERS

’ve never forgotten the words. “We
turned them into pink mist,” said
the young captain from 3 Para, after
turning his 50-calibre gun on a
group of ten to 15 Taliban in a field in
Helmand. It was more graphic than I
might have wished but at the time I
was mightily glad — we had spent the
last two-and-a-half hours running round
that muddy field, scrambling in and out
of ditches, and those Taliban were trying
to kill us. If the young captain hadn’t
turned his gun on them, I doubt I would
be here writing this.
War is after all at its most basic about
killing the enemy — whether to take
territory or stop them killing you.
We’ve all watched war movies where
fighter pilots notch up kills. And snipers
often keep a tally, becoming local heroes
that reporters like me want to interview.
So why has Prince Harry’s boast of
killing 25 Taliban after being deployed as
an Apache pilot in Afghanistan in 2012
prompted so much outrage from across
the ranks of the military?
Partly it is the language. Crowing
about the numbers somehow smacks
of enjoyment. You, like me, may have
been discomfited by a recent headline
from Ukraine in The Times — ‘Any day
without a few dead Russians just isn’t
complete’ — on a story of a commander
boasting of killing 400 in four days.
Harry’s comments sounded
bloodthirsty and do not fit the British
army’s favoured image of its soldiers as
noble warriors reluctantly doing bad
things for the sake of the rest of us. They
also carried unfortunate echoes of
Vietnam, where body counts got inflated
as they went up the chain of command.
Harry has been accused of breaking an
unwritten code. “Lots of people talked
about how many contacts [firefights] we
had but not the casualties inflicted,” says
Colonel Paul Blair, who served in
Helmand as company commander in 3
Para in 2006 and is now retired. “And
that’s a conversation in a bar over a beer
with a couple of fellow veterans, not a
public platform.”
It’s also how Harry referred to those
he killed — not as individuals but as
“chess pieces removed from the board”.

Prince Harry in
Helmand in
2008. He later
returned as an
Apache pilot

Hamid
Karzai
says
Harry’s
words are
shocking

How did he know his victims were all
Taliban? As Afghanistan’s president from
2002 2014, Hamid Karzai endlessly
complained to Nato about innocent
civilians being killed. “What he wrote is
shocking and unfortunate,” he says of
Harry.
Media-savvy Taliban ministers, not
exactly known for standing up for human
rights, are now demanding that Harry
face trial for war crimes.
Of course, in order to kill, in a way
soldiers need to regard the enemy as
“others”, not think of them as fathers,
brothers and sons. But it seems to me
there is a deeper question here which
goes to the heart of modern warfare.
Prince Harry was a pilot in the video
age, staring at a screen and putting the
crosshairs on an individual before
launching a missile. In his book, he said
he made it his “purpose” to ensure he
killed “Taliban and only Taliban, without
civilians in the vicinity”. He admits
discomfort over the amount of munitions

being thrown around. Yet what he and
other pilots did was all logged, recorded
on his mission video. As he wrote, his
helicopter was like a “flying laptop”.
“Some of Harry’s words are gauche at
best, and certainly unwise,” says retired
Air Marshal Edward Stringer, who
commanded RAF operations in
Afghanistan in 2008. “But they also
reveal a young confused officer trying to
make sense of something very difficult
and profound. And doing so from a hightech vantage point — the gunner’s seat in
a very sophisticated surveillance and
killing machine — where the usual army
mores of conduct on a confused battled
amid the fog of war don’t apply in the
same way.”
In my experience reporting repeatedly
from Afghanistan with British forces, I
don’t remember soldiers talking up
numbers. Trained to follow the law of
armed conflict, their job was not only to
minimise loss of life but ensure those
they killed were combatants — not always

easy when the enemy hides among
civilians.
What I do remember is discomfort
over the activities of special forces, both
British and American — those men with
beards, shemagh scarves and quad bikes
— where rotating majors coming in every
six months would compete in “slotting”
targets in what some described as
“whack-a-mole”. After years of pressure,
last month the government announced
an inquiry into the killing of scores of
unarmed civilians by the SAS in night
raids between 2010 and 2013.
Harry’s claims raise another
uncomfortable question that perhaps
adds to the sensitivity of the issue for his
peers and superiors. Today the Taliban
are back in charge, dispensing sharia
justice and turning their country into the
most inhospitable place on earth for
women. At the end of the day, what was
all that killing over 20 years of war really
for anyway?
@christinalamb

When Anderson Cooper’s
mother died in 2019 he found
a calendar by her bed, set to
July 22 — the date in 1988 that
her 23-year-old son Carter
died in front of her, by
jumping off the balcony of
her 14th-floor apartment on
New York’s Upper East Side.
Millions of people will
watch Prince Harry talk to
Cooper on the CBS network
this weekend, and the
decision to grant him an
interview is a telling one.
Cooper, who is said to earn
$12 million a year as a CNN
news anchor, is a descendant
of the Vanderbilt family,
whose forefather Cornelius
Vanderbilt amassed vast
wealth in shipping and
railways. He left a
$100 million estate when he
died in 1877. The family has
long rubbed shoulders with
royalty — Cooper’s great-aunt,
Thelma Furness, had an affair
with the future Edward VIII in
the 1920s and 1930s — but
Harry’s decision is likely to be
more about grief.
Cooper dealt with tragedy
at a young age and, like
Harry, is trying to come to
terms with it publicly. His
brother’s death is just one of
the anecdotes Cooper, 55,
recounts in his All There Is
podcast. The news anchor,
who won an Emmy for his
coverage of Diana’s funeral,
recorded the first episode last
year while clearing out the
flat of his mother, Gloria
Vanderbilt, a socialite and
designer. The result is an
exploration of grief, through
candid reflections about his
life and interviews with
others, which has been
lauded for opening up
conversations about death.
Cooper, who admits
avoiding such conversations
previously, spends much of
the series in tears as he
discusses the death of his
father, Wyatt, from heart

disease when Cooper was
ten, his brother’s suicide, the
loss of his Scottish nanny and
the death of his mother, all of
which has left him feeling
“like a lighthouse keeper on
an empty island”.
Cooper, who is raising two
young children with his
former partner, Benjamin
Maisani, says: “I need to learn
something from all this, this
can’t be all there is.” The
parallels with Harry’s
experiences of privilege, pain
and public interest are clear.
Cooper recalls feeling so
alienated by loss that “I felt
like I couldn’t speak the same
language as other people”.
It is the episode on his
brother’s suicide that is most
harrowing. Carter had
recently moved back home
after a break-up when he
jumped. His mother was so
traumatised that she would
recount the experience over
and over again for years.
The most difficult thing is
the sense of betrayal, Cooper
says. “People often ask, ‘Were
you close?’ I don’t know how
to answer that .. . We lived in
rooms next to one another for
18 years. But maybe all we
really shared was the wall
between us.”

Anderson Cooper with his
mother, Gloria Vanderbilt

The Sunday Times January 8, 2023

NEWS

Universities told: Don’t expel students caught taking drugs — educate them
Sian Griffiths
Education Editor
Universities are being told to
take a “positive rather than
punitive approach” to drugs
amid growing concern that
expelling and reporting
students who use illegal
substances can ruin lives.
At the University of Bristol,
students can get cocaine,
cannabis and MDMA tested,
while in Birmingham there is
separate accommodation for
addicts who want to live with
abstinent housemates. At
Surrey, £100 fines given to
those found with drugs are
suspended if the person
agrees to attend an education
session with a nurse.

A plan to address growing
drug use on campus will be
discussed at a conference on
Tuesday by members of a
taskforce created by
Universities UK, the
organisation that represents
vice-chancellors, with a
report published in March.
Professor Dame Carol
Black, the former head of a
Cambridge college and a
special adviser to the
taskforce, said students
across the country were too
scared to tell tutors if they
had a problem with drugs for
fear they would be expelled
or reported to police.
At Cambridge the problem
was “very hidden”, said
Black, who is also the

government’s independent
adviser on drugs. “Because
most universities had a zerotolerance approach, it is not
easy for students to say they
needed help,” she added.
Previously, the typical
approach taken by
universities was to expel
students taking drugs, she
said. “I do not believe a young
person should have their
whole life ruined by
something that happened at
university, when you can
intervene with support rather
than chucking them out and
scarring their life.
“It’s how do you take a
really positive approach
rather than a punitive
approach in as many cases as

Students at the
University of
Bristol can have
certain drugs

tested for free as
part of a harm
reduction
initiative

you can because then the
outcome is much more likely
to be a better one.”
One of the most recent
students to have died was Jeni
Larmour, 18, a first year at
Newcastle University.
Larmour, from
Newtownhamilton, Northern
Ireland, had taken ketamine
on her first student night out
in October. At her inquest,
the coroner concluded that
the combined effects of
alcohol and the class B drug
had led to her death.
Black says she expects the
taskforce to issue guidance
backing a “harm prevention”
model instead of a zerotolerance approach — a
strategy already in place at

some American institutions.
Many universities still have
a zero-tolerance approach,
with some even using sniffer
dogs to carry out random
drugs checks in student halls.
Recent research by
academics at the University of
Central Lancashire showed
that there were up to 109
university students at seven
universities believed to be
involved in county lines drugdealing, as either a victim or
perpetrator, before the
pandemic.
The same study, based on
Freedom of Information
responses from more than
100 universities, found there
were 13,658-14,023 incidents
of drug use, possession and

supply on campuses between
the academic year of 2016-17
and March 2022.
Black said: “I think
students will have been
targeted by county lines
[criminal drugs groups] who
then can, within a university
campus, sell on drugs.”
A spokesman said: “The
University of Surrey will not
tolerate the supply of any
illegal drugs or any other acts
contravening the Misuse of
Drugs Act. Where students
are found to have
contravened our student
drugs policy, there are a
range of responses including
sanctions and interventions
designed to support [their]
health and wellbeing.”

ANTHONY ANEX/EPA

SKI FUN DAY
AS THE SNOW
FALLS AT LAST
There’s relief in the Alps
with snow finally in the
forecast, starting today. So
far this ski season many
pistes in low-lying areas
have been forced to close.
How much will settle is
hard to predict but in the
French Alps Allan
Crouvizier, a meteorologist
for meteo-chamonix.org
reckons 50-60cm by
Tuesday night at altitudes
above 1,800m. In
Switzerland, Lionel Peyraud
of Meteo Suisse said: “We
expect 80-180cm of new
snow above 2,000m and
50-115cm above 1,500m.”
So target a resort with lots
of skiing above 2,000m for
a last-minute January trip.

I taught Happy Valley’s
star how to be a fair cop
Lisa Farrand’s experience in the police force helped make no-nonsense Sergeant Cawood as realistic as possible
Liam Kelly Arts Correspondent
The return of Happy Valley last weekend
on BBC1 forced Lisa Farrand to look in the
mirror. In the first episode of series three,
Sergeant Catherine Cawood is confronted by two smug male detectives who
dismiss her ability to identify a dead
body. As she walks away, she says: “I’ll
leave it with you. Twats.”
“Everybody said, ‘That’s you’, and I
said ‘I know’,” said Farrand, who is a
former police officer and the inspiration
for Sarah Lancashire’s no-nonsense
Cawood. “Then I sat down and wondered
if I am that rude to people.”
After three decades as a West Yorkshire police constable, Farrand, 60, was
the ideal candidate to help make the
Bafta-winning BBC1 series as realistic as
possible. She works as an adviser on the
show, covering everything from teaching
Lancashire how to slap on handcuffs or
knock on a door with authority, to telling
the art department what police computer screensavers should look like. The
second episode of the third series airs at
9pm tonight.
It also helps that she is friends with the
show’s creator, Sally Wainwright. The
pair met as pupils at Triangle Church of
England Primary School in Sowerby
Bridge but lost touch when Farrand’s
family moved to Huddersfield during the
summer holidays, when she was nine.
When Wainwright was plotting Happy
Valley a decade ago, she asked a mutual
friend if he knew any female police officers that could help advise on the show.
“Sally came up to see me a couple of days

later and it was like we’ve never been
apart,” Farrand said.
Farrand and Wainwright are meticulous about making police procedures
plausible. “Sally has this ability to defrag
your brain and take all the bits out that
she thinks are going to be important,”
said Farrand. “She always has a notebook, even if you go out for dinner.”
Wainwright shares early draft scripts
with Farrand, and asks for advice on what
Cawood should say and how the police
operate.
Whenever Lancashire, 58, is on set,
Farrand is there to help. The first thing
she told the actress was that she needed
to “toughen up”, because when Farrand
joined the force “women were treated
very differently . . . there was a lot of overt
sexism”.
In last Sunday’s episode, Cawood
knocks on the door of a local teacher,
responding to a 999 call. Farrand’s advice
was blunt: “Sarah, you’re not selling
Avon. You need to go and knock on the
door so he knows that you’re there. And
don’t engage him in dialogue on the doorstep: as soon as he opens the door, you
make your way in and take control.”
She said: “It’s those little bits of
behaviour and mannerisms that you
build up over time throughout your
career.”
While Wainwright always “had
the most amazing imagination” as
a child and made up stories from a
young
age,
Farrand did not plan to join the
police. She was working as a
teacher for young people with

learning disabilities when she saw a piece
in the local paper criticising West Yorkshire police, which, it was said, “never
appointed married women with children”. The married mother saw it as a
challenge: “I thought, ‘I’m gonna have
some of that.’ It was a red rag to a bull,”
she said.
The Bradford riots in July 2001 were a
career highlight, as Farrand helped
“secure a lot of convictions” while ethnic
unrest flared. Shortly afterwards, she
was run over by four men in the city. She
was awarded the Queen’s Police Medal
for Distinguished Service in the following
year’s birthday honours list.
Later, when she worked the beat in
Halifax, she helped to get a woman who
had been taken to Pakistan against her
will back home. Working in a predominantly Pakistani Muslim community,
Farrand learnt to speak Urdu so that she
could
communicate
with
women in the area, particularly victims of domestic
abuse, who would otherwise have to speak via an
The actress
Sarah
Lancashire, left,
had to “toughen
up”, said her
policewoman
role model Lisa
Farrand, above

interpreter, often a member of the family.
Farrand lives in Kirklees with her husband Richard, who was also a police constable. She has two sons, four grandchildren and one great-granddaughter.
In 2013 she injured her right hand
while arresting a suspect. “The uniform
doesn’t protect you one iota, particularly
today when people have been taking
drugs, or [violence is] alcohol-induced,”
she said.
“Most people in society would not
attack a police officer. But when they are
filled with drugs and alcohol, you are just
a blur standing in front of them trying to
stop them from getting away.”
The left-handed Farrand disagreed
with leaving her post, took her employer
to a tribunal and won. However, she soon
retired from the force.
When the first series of Happy Valley
aired in 2014, Farrand did not tell any of
her friends that she was involved. “I
started getting text messages after the
first episodes asking if I had watched it,”
she said. “A lot of people said: ‘That felt
like it could be you.’”
She is now more open about her
involvement — and has worked as a consultant on other shows, including last
year’s ITVX series Without Sin. Her real
experience with sheep-rustling inspired
a Happy Valley storyline in series two that
culminated with dead livestock in a back
garden.
Farrand would have liked Lancashire
to be her beat partner. “She doesn’t even
have to speak when she’s in uniform, she
just commands. I’d have worked with her
any day of the week.”

Author’s
debut is
a record
at age 97
Hugo Daniel
and Alastair Johnstone
Some of the most famous
authors did not start writing
until they were near, or over,
retirement age, but Margaret
Bradshaw is about to beat
them all.
Bradshaw, who turned 97
last week, is set to publish her
first book on a subject that
has consumed her life — the
unique wildflowers of Upper
Teesdale in Co Durham,
many of which date back to
the Ice Age.
When it comes out next
month, she will become the
oldest living author Princeton
University Press has ever
published, beating its present
record holder, the art
historian Sir John Boardman,
who was 92 when his book
Alexander the Great came out
in 2019, the publisher said.
While Bradshaw insists she
is “far from a natural writer”,
she was convinced to write
the 288-page book, Teesdale’s
Special Flora: Places, Plants
and People, in the hope that
her forensic knowledge
would help preserve the
plants. She said: “I hope my
book gets the message out
there that there are many
very special plants in
Teesdale that should be
treasured and their habitats
conserved. The world needs
people who work with and
understand plants.”
Asked about her secret to
such a long life, Bradshaw
said genetics played a part.
Her twin brother, Dick, lived
to 93 and her mother and
grandmother both to 95, but
she said the key was to “get
yourself a hobby — something
you enjoy doing and become
an expert”. She added: “I
grew up in the country on a
farm. I have always been
active, I eat healthily, grow
my own vegetables, drink a
little wine and breathe clean,
Teesdale air.”
She also enjoys riding after
taking up the hobby three
years ago and often uses her
friend’s horse, Sigma, to get
around to look at her beloved
flowers. Last year she rode 55
miles over ten weeks to raise
money for the conservation
charity she set up.
Born into a farming family
in the Yorkshire Wolds in
1926, Bradshaw imagines she
would have been a farmer if
she had been a boy, but
instead studied botany and
zoology at Leeds University.
She moved to Teesdale after
hearing about its “special
plants” and quickly fell in
love with the landscape.
Bradshaw, who has no
children, said the plants are
“like family” to her.

‘Hogwarts’ playground will break the spell of smartphones, says duchess
PHIL WILKINSON FOR THE SUNDAY TIMES

Sian Griffiths
Education Editor
Her home is a real-life
Hogwarts, with turrets and
towers in acres of English
countryside. But the Duchess
of Northumberland has
created something even more
magical in its grounds: a
playground featuring twometre tall mushrooms, slides
as high as eight-storey
buildings, pixies, elves and
20 miles of fairy lights.
Jane Percy, whose husband
Ralph, the 12th Duke of
Northumberland, inherited
one of the oldest and richest
seats in the country, has
spent a decade — and

£17 million — designing
Lilidorei, the world’s largest
play village, which will open
at Alnwick Castle at Easter.
She is determined to entice
children off smartphones and
sofas and into the fresh air.
The duchess, 64, turned to
Danish designers because she
believes English playgrounds
are unimaginative. Lilidorei —
where day tickets will cost £15
for children and £12 for adults
— was created by Monstrum,
which designed part of the
Tivoli Gardens amusement
park in Copenhagen. It
features giant slides,
mushrooms with beating
hearts, bouncing reindeers,
and zipwires. There will be

Jane Percy
enlisted Danish
designers to
create Lilidorei
play village at
Alnwick Castle

“nine clans” of elves, goblins,
dwarves and fairies which the
children will hear but not see.
The playground’s
crowning glory is a huge
mirrored bauble, the home of
the village’s dragonfly king.
“The aim was always to get
kids to put their phones back
in their pockets and that is a
big ask,” Percy said.“You walk
through a wood and a child
thinks, ‘Boring, let’s get the
phone out and do Insta’, then
suddenly they will hear a
fairy crying . . . That is what
makes them put the phone
back in their pocket.”
She has four children and
three grandchildren, with
two more on the way. She

said her biggest fear for the
youngest generation was “the
downside” of social media
platforms. “It is my main
worry for my grandchildren,
particularly bullying online, I
think that is really scary. Also
being isolated, [the feeling]
that you do not match up to
other people, that other
people’s lives seem to be
better than your life.
“Children do not
understand that what they
are seeing is not real, it is
fantasy, and that really
worries me. When I was
growing up there was not the
suicide rate among kids there
is now . . . I think it is
absolutely directly linked.”

NEWS
POLITICS

Bouncing back to life?
O
Tim Shipman
Chief Political Commentator

In the six months since his
exit Boris Johnson has been
keeping busy. Leadership
chatter won’t go away, but the
former PM is happy to let his
old friends do the talking

n Tuesday evening Boris Johnson will be guest of honour at a
dinner at the Carlton Club. The
last time the Conservative clan
gathered in strength at the St
James’s temple of Toryism, it
was the beginning of the end of
Johnson’s premiership.
Chris Pincher, the deputy chief whip,
had admitted having drunk “too much”
and embarrassing “myself and others”,
but allegations that he had sexually
assaulted two men became a byword for
Tory sleaze and Johnson’s cavalier
approach to wrongdoing and the facts.
Some in the party wonder if this week
might be the beginning of the Johnson
comeback. He has been invited, as all
former Conservative prime ministers are,
to unveil a new portrait of himself at the
Carlton. But those who will gather
include many of his closest political supporters. One described it as “an opportunity to show that Boris hasn’t gone away”.
Another called it an event “where we will
be keeping the flame alive”.
Details of the dinner emerged after a

week in which Lord Greenhalgh, a close
ally since Johnson’s time at City Hall in
London, predicted he “will return” as
prime minister before the year is out.
Nadine Dorries, one of his closest parliamentary colleagues, launched an outspoken attack on Rishi Sunak, accusing
the prime minister of junking key aspects
of his political legacy.
Most significantly, key Johnson cheerleaders Lord Cruddas and Priti Patel have
launched a new group, the Conservative
Democratic Organisation (CDO), to give
grassroots Tories more say over the leadership, party personnel and the selection
of MPs.
Cruddas said: “A sitting prime minister
was constructively dismissed by a small
cabal of MPs without any input from
members. Then members were presented with a choice of two candidates
through secret ballots by the same MPs
that forced Boris out. Members voted for
[Liz] Truss and the same cabal of MPs
forced her out and imposed the person
that members rejected.”
Those involved insist the CDO is not a

front for a Johnson leadership bid. Cruddas has not spoken to him since the summer, when he was invited to a farewell
barbecue at Chequers.
“This is far bigger than just about one
person or one policy,” said David Campbell Bannerman, chairman of the CDO.
“It is about a democratic revolution to put
the members back in charge.”
But he added: “The imposition of
Sunak without a members’ vote was the
last straw.”
Cruddas, Campbell Bannerman and
Claire Bullivant, the chief executive, were
all involved in a campaign over the summer to force Johnson onto the ballot
paper in the party leadership contest.
The plan is for the CDO to secure the
10,000 members’ signatures needed to
force a national convention in the next
two months, where they could push
through rule changes.
It can also be revealed that some in the
organisation are plotting to force a confidence vote in Sunak, however absurd this
may sound.
“We have a lot of levers we could pull,”

Boris is
playing
his
cards
very
close to
his chest

He’s
spoken
to Sunak
twice
on the
phone

a source said. “We could have a confirmatory vote in Rishi as leader.”
Last night a source close to Johnson
said he would not support a confidence
vote. But, for as long as the Labour poll
lead holds firm, that will not stop chatter
that he is still eyeing a return to No 10.
When Johnson ran for London mayor
for the second time, Sir Lynton Crosby,
his principal adviser, set up the committee to re-elect the mayor — or CRM (pronounced “cream”) — joking that it was
modelled on CRP (“creep”), the committee to re-elect President Richard Nixon,
which became a focus of the Watergate
inquiry.
So does CRIB exist, the committee to
re-install Boris? So far it seems to be a
series of ad hoc groups, uncoordinated
by Johnson’s office. “Boris is playing his
cards very close to his chest,” one former
donor said. But some of the 102 or more
MPs who were said to want him back in
October have begun sharing messages
with the hashtag #BBB attached: Bring
Back Boris.
Allies say Johnson is likely to use his
speech at the Carlton Club to make clear
that he is closely watching the three legacy issues he cares most about: Brexit,
levelling up and supporting Ukraine in its
fight against Russia.
Johnson is likely to condemn concessions when the government tries to
thrash out a deal with Brussels on the
Northern Ireland protocol over the next
month.
He is also a firm supporter of the bill
designed to scrap EU laws or port them
into UK law, on which senior civil servants are dragging their feet.
Jacob Rees-Mogg, another friend, yesterday used the Daily Telegraph to
denounce this as “obstructionism
dressed up as idleness” and warned that
the opportunity to “change fundamentally the way Britain is governed” is “at
risk” of “being lost”.
On Ukraine, there is no rift with Sunak.
Johnson will soon travel to Washington,
following President Zelensky’s recent
visit, to continue drumming up support
for Kyiv. There is also talk of a Johnson
Foundation being set up to campaign for
Ukraine. He has held preliminary chats
with one of his former ministers, a peer,
to help run it — but aides stress any new
organisation would only be set up with
the knowledge and support of the prime
minister.
Intriguingly, allies also suggest that
Sunak has been consulting Johnson on
several issues in recent weeks. “He’s
being asked his views,” a Johnson ally
said. A senior government source said:
“They have spoken a couple of times on
the phone, all very friendly.”
While there have not been formal discussions about appointing Johnson as a
special envoy to Ukraine, there are senior
figures in Whitehall and Washington who
see him as a natural intermediary with
Zelensky and someone who could urge
him to retake the lands seized by Russia
last year but without going on to Crimea.
“If someone was needed to have a difficult conversation with Zelensky, it would
have to be someone he trusted like Boris,”
said one senior source.
The main area where there could be
tension between Johnson and Sunak is
levelling up. A close ally of Johnson said:
“That is the key point of domestic divergence.” Dorries put it more pungently on
Twitter: “Three years of a progressive
Tory government being washed down the
drain. Levelling up, dumped.” No 10
insists Sunak is committed to levelling up
and that there will be further announcements on grants in a few months.
Johnson still has a Commons office and
has set up a separate outpost down the
road in Millbank Tower, with three full-

Billions lost as
strikes take
their toll on
Britain’s ghost
town cities

The Sunday Times January 8, 2023

2GN

MP, has told colleagues: “To his credit,
Boris has been out and about working the
patch.”
Johnson has told Conservative campaign headquarters that he will fight the
seat at the next election and aides deny
he would do a “chicken run” to a safer
seat. But one Tory veteran observed: “If
he thinks he’s not going to win I think
he’ll retire rather than lose.”
Those who have seen Johnson recently
say he is “in great form”, enjoying making
money, writing and pondering his
prospects.
If the local election results in
May are bad. allies of Sunak
can see the danger. “Post-local
elections and pre-conference
is the danger zone,” one said.
Sunak’s positive response
to all this was outlined in his
first big speech of the year on
Wednesday, in which he set
out “five promises”.
He said the government
would halve inflation this year,
grow the economy and get
national debt falling; he also
vowed to get NHS waiting lists
down and pass legislation to
tackle the number of illegal immigrants on small boats.
Insiders said the framing was a
result of work by Isaac Levido, the mastermind of the 2019 election campaign
and a protégé of Sir Lynton Crosby. “It
was a classic Levido-Crosby device,” one
leading Conservative strategist said.
“Work out what voters actually care
about most, which is that various things
in Britain are broken, then say you will fix
them.
“They’ll now have to have the discipline to stick to that message for the rest
of the year. If that happens, the Tory
machine being more experienced could
begin to tell.”

F
ILLUSTRATION BY RUSSEL HERNEMAN, AFTER DISNEY

time staff. His entry in the MPs’ register of
members’ interests shows the £85,000
bill for the year to September is being
paid by Investors in Private Capital,
whose directors include the financier
Jamie Reuben, the co-owner of Newcastle
United who has donated some £800,000
to the Conservative Party and was chairman of Johnson’s 2012 mayoral re-election campaign.
Johnson, his wife Carrie and their two
children, Wilfred and Romy, are living in
homes courtesy of the Tory donor Lord
Bamford, chairman of JCB. Since September Johnson has declared one residence
with a value of £10,000 a month and a
second property worth £3,500 a month.
Carrie Johnson is back working at the

Aspinall Foundation, an animal conservation charity.
Johnson’s primary income is speaking.
He has registered four appearances, in
Washington, New York, New Delhi and
Lisbon totalling more than £1 million, but
more will be added soon. A deal for his
memoirs and other media work is
expected to follow this year.
Despite his globetrotting, allies say he
has been in the Commons nearly every
week since he left No 10.
He has been actively campaigning in
his Uxbridge & South Ruislip constituency, where he is defending a highly vulnerable majority of just 7,000. On Thursday he met voters and small businesses.
Even John Randall, his predecessor as

Boris Johnson is
said to be “on
great form”. His
allies Jacob
Rees-Mogg and
Nadine Dorries
are still voicing
support for his
policies on Brexit
and levelling up

OLIVER
SHAH
Associate Editor
One Lombard Street is the City of
London’s canteen: an old-fashioned
brasserie where deals are sealed over
early-morning plates of smoked salmon
and scrambled eggs. It usually has up to
150 covers at breakfast time. But last
Tuesday, Soren Ulrik Jessen, the owner,
surveyed an unfamiliar scene: “For the
first time in 25 years, we had zero
customers.”
The restaurant lost £150,000 in sales
— about 25 per cent of the month’s total
— in December as strikes by the RMT
union brought the railways to a standstill
and emptied city centres. Jessen
estimates it will lose a further £35,000
this month.
For hospitality businesses still
recovering from Covid, the effects of
industrial action are “devastating”. “I
was here a lot during lockdown and it
was like a ghost town — and it’s the same
again,” Jessen, 59, said. “It’s so
depressing. We were just coming out of
it, and everyone was excited about the
fact that people were coming back, and
now we’re being hit by this storm.”
The cumulative economic impact of

strikes by rail workers, posties and even
nurses is laid bare in analysis carried out
for The Sunday Times by Panmure
Gordon. The stockbroker calculates that
disruption since last June has cost
Britain about £3.2 billion, or 0.25 per
cent of GDP over that period. The
damage was concentrated in the
Christmas and new year peak, with a hit
of £1.6 billion for December and January.
Simon French, Panmure’s chief
economist, said the vast majority of that
£1.6 billion — £1.2 billion — came from
travel woes and the resulting pain felt by
bar and restaurant owners such as
Jessen. Panmure attributed about £200
million to NHS backlogs exacerbated by
the nurses’ action, and £150 million to
slowdowns caused by striking
government services staff such as border
officials and highway workers.
The full £3.2 billion represents “a
significant economic headwind”, French
said. “We’re not in general strike
territory, but the question is how long
this goes on and how much it broadens
further, because we’re in a situation
where industrial action is becoming
more intense and covering more of the
economy. The longer this goes on, the
harder it is to build cultures and
intangible relationships — the types of
things we know sit behind highly
productive businesses.”
Business leaders are frustrated at
having emerged from Covid lockdowns
only to be plunged, in effect, into a new
one imposed by unions warring with the

riends of the prime minister say this
was not just a political strategy but a
reflection of Sunak’s personality.
“The speech was Rishi all over. He’s
not a visionary, he’s a professional
problem solver. Voters don’t want the
vision thing. They want solid, competent
government on issues they care about.
The next election will be fought between
two quite similar leaders, rather than the
two clowns [ Johnson and Jeremy Corbyn] in 2019 who could paint in broad
brushstrokes.”
Or will it? MPs who back Johnson are
withering in private about this approach
from Sunak.
At base, the #BBB crowd do not believe
Sunak can win an election and think only
Johnson can. A former cabinet minister
said: “The only question for MPs when
we approach an election will be: are we
all going to lose our seats or do we back a
proven winner?
“The alternative is to do what Labour
MPs did under Gordon Brown and walk
meekly to defeat. There is nothing so ex
as an ex-MP. Not even the people in the
queue at the Job Centre want to hear what
you think.”
For now Johnson is keeping his head
down. “Boris will do what he always
does,” said someone who used to work
closely with him. “He will send out stooges to make a lot of noise while he hangs
back and waits and hopes for an opportunity. Personally, I just can’t see it. But you
can’t argue with the old boy’s never-saydie attitude.”
There is also evidence that, if Johnson
hits the comeback trail in earnest, he
might face resistance at home. A close
confidant of Carrie recently told a friend:
“She was pretty relieved to get out of
No 10, she’s enjoying herself and I’m not
sure she is hugely enthused by Boris
doing this.”
A spokesman for Johnson said: “Boris
Johnson is fully supporting the government. He urges the Conservative Party to
unite, deliver on the promises of the 2019
election, and beat Keir Starmer.
“He continues to campaign on issues
such as Ukraine, Brexit and levelling up,
both in his constituency and in parliament.”
Robert Colvile, Comment, page 24

government over pay and working
conditions. Lord Rose of Monewden, the
chairman of Asda, said: “It’s debilitating.
It is wearing in terms of morale, it will
definitely have an effect on our
productivity and it will continue to slow
down the whole economy . . . I’m an
optimist, but in the short term you get
into a rut. ‘The trains aren’t working,
therefore I’ll stay at home.’ People aren’t
getting off their arses.”
Rail strikes have dealt a fresh blow to
city centres already reeling from the
pandemic. Mobile phone data analysed
by the research firm PlaceMake.io last
week suggested that Tuesday to
Thursday had become the typical
working week in offices, with most
people working from home on Mondays
and Fridays. London office occupancy,
which reached 52 per cent on Tuesdays
in November, crashed to 22 per cent and
21 per cent last Tuesday and Wednesday
respectively, according to the workplace
data firm Freespace.
Julia Hobsbawm, author of The
Nowhere Office, said that office workers
were snapping back into full-time WFH
patterns established during Covid. “The
reality is that the muscle memory of the
white-collar worker has changed
completely,” she said. The mental health
implications of more working from
home are widely debated. A report from
Microsoft last year found that although it
could improve job satisfaction, it could
also leave employees feeling “socially
isolated and trying to overcompensate”.

Education secretary: When
I left school at 16 I saw how
militants blighted families
CAROLINE
WHEELER

Political Editor
Like all her friends growing up
in her Liverpool suburb,
Gillian Keegan left school at 16
to start work.
But she was the only one of
her peers for whom the experience of working in a car factory in Kirkby ignited an interest in politics that would
eventually lead to a top seat in
government.
The education secretary,
now 54, began work in the
mid-1980s as factories were
experiencing the impact of
globalisation and remembers
unions flexing their muscles.
In her first interview since
joining Rishi Sunak’s cabinet,
she recalls: “The unions at the
time were against any modernisation and they were trying to keep old restrictive
working practices. Their
answer was going on strike.”
Keegan warned that if they
stopped making car parts it
would not take long for

the manufacturers to find
another supplier. “And that’s
exactly what happened in
many of the industries,” she
says. “And I saw it and I
thought, this is so shortsighted . . . it really blighted
Kirkby for a long time.”
Keegan, who will meet the
teaching unions tomorrow to
discuss their threat of strikes,
is now concerned about the
impact of industrial action on
a generation of children
whose schooling has already
been disrupted by Covid.
Three of the education
unions will close ballots this
week in a dispute over pay. If
they reach the threshold for
industrial action, teachers
will be the next big public sector group to walk out.
“It’s not often that teachers
have to strike, but it has happened in the past,” Keegan,
the MP for Chichester in West
Sussex, says. “But what we’ve
never had in the past is what’s
happened to our children
over the pandemic. We have
never had that massive impact
that it’s had on their education and in some cases their
social skills, their confidence
and their mental health. The
stakes couldn’t be higher.”
Teachers have rejected a 5
per cent pay rise, far below
the 12 per cent demanded
by unions. Keegan is urging patience, signalling
that the government may
be prepared to be more
generous once inflation
starts to fall.
Last week the prime
minister vowed to cut
inflation by half this year.
The rate of consumer
price inflation was
10.7 per cent in the year
to November.
Keegan is keen to
keep negotiating and
does not want the government’s proposed
anti-strike legislation
to enforce “minimum service levels”
in key public sectors

I was so
desperate to
fit in at school
the first thing
I did was to get
my hair cut
and get rid of
my accent

While the ubiquity of Zoom calls has
lessened the impact of strikes on
companies whose staff can function
without coming into the office, leisure
businesses have been hammered.
Crussh, a chain of juice bars with most of
its branches in central London, filed
notice of its intention to appoint
administrators on Friday. Rik Campbell,
whose Indian restaurant chain Kricket
has sites in London’s Soho, White City
and Brixton, suggested that the RMT was
staging certain midweek strikes to inflict
maximum damage on the ancillary
white-collar economy. “It’s already a
three-day working week now, so when
they strike on a Tuesday and Wednesday
we’re pretty much down to the
weekend,” he said. “It does make me
angry, and you wonder how long it’s
going to go on.”
Meanwhile, many blue-collar workers

For the first time
in 25 years, we
had zero
customers

to be seen as a “hostile act”.
The law, which could be published as early as this week,
will allow bosses to sue unions
and sack employees if minimum services are not met.
“We are definitely not trying to be antagonistic,” Keegan says. “I actually hope it’s
not applied to schools.”
She secured a £2 billion
top-up in education funding
in the autumn statement
within weeks of taking up her
role and says she is on the side
of teachers.
Keegan was studying for an
apprenticeship while working
at Delco Electronics in Kirkby,
a General Motors factory. She
went on day release to Kirkby
College then Liverpool John
Moores University, where she
gained a bachelor’s degree in
business studies. She was only
the second member of her
family to attend university.
Born in Leigh, Lancashire,
Keegan moved with her family
along the M62 motorway, connecting Liverpool to Hull via
Manchester and Leeds, which
her father was helping to
build while her mother had
secretarial work.
She went to primary school
in Yorkshire before returning
to Merseyside. Keegan, a gregarious character with a soft
Scouse accent, claims to have
grown in confidence as a
result of the move.
She recalls: “I turned up
with a Yorkshire accent and
two plaits and the only person
who had a Girl Guide uniform
that was the proper one. I was
desperate to fit in so the first
thing I did was to get my hair
cut and get rid of some aspects
of my accent.”
Even now she continues to
suffer from impostor syndrome, she says: “My mother
used to say that I needed a
written invitation to join a
skipping game. I was always
the one who sort of held
myself back. I’ve built my confidence slowly over nearly 30
years in business.”
After her apprenticeship,
she moved to London to
become a senior buyer for
NatWest. She said: “If someone had said to me that in my
fifties I would be a cabinet
minister, I would have
thought: no way.”
Keegan is speaking in her
constituency home in the
heart of the South Downs
National Park, surrounded by
photos of loved ones, including her sister Geraldine, 11
months younger. The pair
shared a room, where there
were two padlocked wardrobes because they could
never agree which outfit
belonged to whom. Not that
their mother would buy
them fashionable or
expensive clothes.
“She had this very
simple value structure which was if
you want to buy
something
save up for it
and buy it

have been forced to take circuitous and
sometimes more expensive routes to
work. “Kitchen porters and waiters who
are not half as well paid as rail workers
are having to spend three hours
changing buses four times getting to
work in the cold and getting home at
night after a late shift,” Jessen said.
Hobsbawm added: “If you have no
choice but to go to work, you’re
screwed. If you have some choice, you
use it.”
Data from the research firm
Springboard showed that strikes and the
cold snap also put a dent in the number
of shoppers in the run-up to Christmas.
Footfall was 0.9 per cent lower week-onweek and 20 per cent down on preCovid levels in the key week to
December 17.
The British Retail Consortium (BRC)
said that footfall for the month as a
whole was down 7.3 per cent compared
with 2019. While this was the least bad
December since the pandemic, Helen
Dickinson, the BRC’s chief executive,
said it would have been better without
the backdrop of industrial strife. She
pointed out that some retailers suffered
a double whammy due to strikes staged
by about 100,000 Royal Mail posties
before Christmas. “If you’ve got lower
footfall and your online business is then
being impacted by postal strikes, that’s
not good news,” Dickinson said.
Susan Bonner, founder of The British
Craft House, an online marketplace for
independent retailers, said the Royal

yourself,” Keegan says. It is a
lesson both sisters took to
heart and began Saturday jobs
from the age of 13.
Keegan became a Conservative councillor for the Rogate
ward on Chichester council in
2014 and a director of Women2Win — an organisation
founded by Theresa May and
Baroness Jenkin in 2015 to
help elect more female MPs.
In 2017 she became one of the
beneficiaries as Chichester’s
first female MP.
While she believes huge
progress has been made in
countering sexism, she is concerned there is a risk that
influencers like Andrew Tate,
who described himself as the
“king of toxic masculinity”,
could reverse some of this.
She backs schools countering some of those messages by
teaching boys about equality.
She says: “Healthy relationships don’t just happen. They
are based on role models that
you see around you.”
She is also preparing to
publish fresh guidance on
supporting
transgender
pupils in schools. Last summer Suella Braverman, in her
role as attorney-general,
claimed it would be legal for
schools to refuse to use trans
children’s preferred pronouns and ban them from the
toilets of their stated gender.
The education secretary
appears to support a more
nuanced approach. “It’s our
job to accommodate children,” she says. Keegan supports the idea of “safe spaces”
for biological women but says
the guidance does not need to
legally “define what a girl is”.
Rather it should set out how
individuals can be supported.
“I’m very clear what a
woman is . . . but it doesn’t
include anybody that has a
penis,” she says. “But I think
the most important thing that
we need to do is to make sure
that we sensitively support
children and families.”
Keegan has just spent
Christmas with her husband
Michael and her two stepsons
Max, 26, and Charlie, 28, who
she met when they were two
and four. Having been
involved in their young lives,
Keegan understands that the
government needs to do more
to help with childcare.
Sunak has ditched plans set
out by Liz Truss for a major
overhaul of the childcare system aimed at saving parents
money and helping them back
into work. However, Keegan
says the government is still
committed to reform. “I 100
per cent acknowledge that we
need to go further,” she says.
However, top of Keegan’s
in-tray will be averting potential strikes by teachers.
Faced with the prospect of
schools forced to close from
next month, Keegan, who is
Catholic and last week represented the government at the
funeral of Pope Benedict XVI,
will no doubt be praying for
divine intervention.

Mail action had been a “huge issue” for
her sellers. “It was a really frustrating
end to a frustrating year for a lot of
them,” she said. “One has 70 parcels that
were last spotted in the Heathrow mail
distribution centre. They’re having to
refund customers and then claim from
Royal Mail.”
If the city-centre gloom is reminiscent
of the Covid era, so are booms in other
areas. Supermarkets appear to be among
the biggest winners in the strikes.
Grocery sales rose by 9.4 per cent
compared with last year to a record £12.8
billion in December, according to the
research firm Kantar — although growth
was fuelled by price inflation rather than
families buying more. Clive Black, an
analyst at the stockbroker Shore Capital,
said the postal strikes had probably
given supermarkets a boost in sales of
general merchandise items. “A lot of
people just thought, ‘I can’t buy it online
so I’m going to go to the supermarket
and pick it up,’” he said.
And while urban centres are bearing
the brunt of lower footfall, affluent
towns and suburbs are the beneficiaries
as home workers shop and eat out
locally. Luke Johnson, a minority
shareholder in the upmarket bakery
chain Gail’s, said: “Central London
facilities get bashed, whereas there’s no
doubt Gail’s benefits. In Blackheath and
Henley-on-Thames and Maida Vale and
all the rest of it, the stores are busier,
because people aren’t commuting to
Canary Wharf.”

The Sunday Times January 8, 2023

NEWS

My BMW
took over
and tried
to speed
me up to
Hi-tech cruise control
misread road signs and
attempted to go at 80mph
over the speed limit
down a village high street
Glen Keogh
Stuart Greengrass had just driven past a
“Kill your speed” sign on a roundabout
and was approaching the village Co-op
when he felt his BMW X5 start to accelerate. The 71-year-old retired company
director was thrust back in his seat for a
moment when the car “took over” without him pressing the pedals. It slowed
only when he slammed on the brake.
Greengrass was shaken and bewildered. Days later it happened again when
he drove along the same stretch of
30mph road in Great Wakering, Essex.
This time, when the car attempted to
accelerate automatically, Greengrass
glanced down at the speedometer and
saw that the car’s navigation system had
incorrectly registered the speed limit on
the road as 110mph.
As a result the computerised cruise
control on his X5, which can go from 0 to
60mph in five seconds, was attempting to
send the vehicle careering down the village high street at 110mph.
“The car took off like a scalded cat,”
said Greengrass, who has owned various
models of BMWs for years. “These are

WHEN CRUISE CONTROL GOES WRONG

110

big, powerful cars, and it accelerated
very quickly. I felt the car had taken over.
It was speeding away and I had to intervene very quickly to prevent the car from
going to a dangerous speed.”
By now Greengrass was seriously concerned. Then it happened again — this
time on Southend seafront as he drove
with his wife, Sue. The car incorrectly
reported that the 30mph limit was
100mph. Again he had to brake to slow
the car. Greengrass, who is a trustee of
the Safer Roads Foundation charity, complained to his local BMW dealer that the
cruise control technology fitted to his car,
called Speed Limit Assist, had a dangerous fault.
It has since emerged that drivers of at
least three BMW models have reported
the flaw, which can lead to vehicles automatically accelerating to speeds well in
excess of the national speed limit.
Cruise control is a common feature in
modern cars. In basic versions it allows
drivers to set and maintain their vehicle’s
speed at a certain level.
More advanced “assisted” cruise control will also automatically slow the car
down in heavy traffic by monitoring the
position of other vehicles on the road.
In the most modern versions, such as
BMW’s Speed Limit Assist, when cruise
control is activated, the car will change its
speed to the detected limit and never
exceed it. The car uses cameras in the
rear-view mirror to read road signs, and
computer software logs the position of
the car using GPS data and a digital map.
Last year so-called intelligent speed

assistance systems became mandatory in
all new cars. They are designed to limit
the engine’s power to slow a vehicle if it
senses that the car is going over the speed
limit. Research for the European parliament in 2018 found that the systems were
accurate 95 per cent of the time.
However, there is a crucial difference
between intelligent speed assistance systems, which reduce the speed of a car,
and the BMW Speed Limit Assist function, which gives the engine power to
accelerate the vehicle to try to maintain a
constant road speed.
Mercedes cars have a similar function
called Active Speed Limit Assist.
After Greengrass complained to his
local BMW dealership, a representative
tested an X7 that was fitted with the same
technology. They found that the car
attempted to accelerate to 110mph on the
same village street in Essex.
Stuart
Greengrass
with his BMW

The car uses GPS
signals and cameras
in the rear-view mirror
to work out the
road's speed limit

Satellite
30

Speed
limit

2
3

But incorrect
speed limits can
be registered if
the technology
makes a mistake

80
60

100

With Speed Limit Assist,
it will then drive at the speed
it thinks is the limit unless the
driver deploys the brake or
there is heavy traffic

Greengrass said he “couldn’t believe
it” when the BMW representative then
declared that there was “no fault with the
car” and that rather it was a problem
caused by the car’s sensors “picking up
writing or numbers on the side of the
road”.
Internet forums for BMW drivers contain testimony of the issue affecting the
iX3 model; one motorist said their vehicle set its speed to 110mph in a 30mph
residential area.
We joined Greengrass for a test drive of
a 2021 BMW X5 hybrid — a different vehicle from the one in which he first encountered the problem — along the seafront in
Southend.
The car at first correctly registered the
speed limit as 20mph, but after a short
distance the display showed that the car
had set the speed limit at 100mph, when
the real limit had changed to 30mph. The
car immediately began to accelerate
above 20mph, and Greengrass was
forced to brake to avert danger and
ensure no laws were broken. We later

carried out a second test with Greengrass
in a BMW X7 in Great Wakering. On this
occasion the car registered the speed
limit as 110mph in a 30mph zone.
Concerned that BMW in the UK was
not taking his complaint seriously,
Greengrass raised the issue with Michael
Woodford, executive chairman of the
Safer Roads Foundation, who contacted
the company’s head office in Germany.
Woodford received a response from
Jörg Dohmen, head of board customer
care at BMW, who said that “BMW does
not deem Speed Limit Assist to offer any
enhanced risks for safety”.
Dohmen said that BMW made clear
there is a need for “driver intervention” if
a problem arises. He said that the BMW
X5 handbook warned: “Due to system
limitations, it cannot respond independently and appropriately in all traffic conditions.” The handbook adds, of Speed
Limit Assist: “There is a risk of accident.”
Woodford, 62, said: “It was profoundly
troubling, in that a driver could, for
example, be passing a school in a 30mph
zone, yet the vehicle could suddenly
accelerate to 100mph.”
Antonio Avenoso, executive director
of the not-for-profit European Transport
Safety Council, said: “It is worrying that
BMW still sells this technology, which,
even though it isn’t mandatory, does not
work in the way it is supposed to work.”
It is not known whether there have
been any reports of drivers using the
Speed Limit Assist function being
involved in accidents. BMW declined to
say whether it knew of any.

120

140

110
0

Speed assist
mph

Drivers caught breaking the speed
limit because technology in their car has
malfunctioned are unlikely to find leniency in the police or the courts.
Greengrass was later refunded £2,295
by BMW — the cost of the package that
includes the Speed Limit Assist system.
However, the function was never fixed,
and the car was never inspected by BMW.
Greengrass was instead advised to deactivate it.
His main concern is that other BMW
drivers may not be aware of what he considers to be a dangerous safety flaw,
which he has seen in the X5, X7 and iX3
models.
A company spokesman said: “BMW
takes great care during the development
of its electronic aid systems, and, as with
any of our products and features, we continue to improve their functionality over
time and with every new generation.
“If the driver chooses to enable the
‘adjust automatically’ functionality, it
remains their responsibility to validate
the decisions of the system. BMW Speed
Limit Assist functionality is a driver aid
and is not designed or marketed as an
autonomous driving function, and the
driver remains responsible for ensuring
they do not exceed the permitted speed
limit. This is reiterated in the vehicle
handbook.
“The cruise control speed limit is
deliberately communicated to the driver
at all times so that it can be reacted to
quickly should the need arise. BMW takes
every customer concern, especially
those that relate to safety, very seriously.”

The Sunday Times January 8, 2023

2GN

NEWS

Monster wave is deadly but irresistible
Surfer Marcio ‘Mad Dog’ Freire died at Nazaré in Portugal. But a British adrenaline junkie tells of the thrill of its 80ft breakers
OLIVIER MORIN/AFP

Megan Agnew
One of the world’s biggest waves breaks
at Nazaré, in Portugal, where a threemile-deep canyon under the Atlantic
Ocean meets a cliff-like continental shelf.
The waves can be so tall — 80ft — that a
fall from the top can break a surfer’s
bones. Falling at the bottom, beneath
such a huge weight of water, can knock
people unconscious. Until 2011, no one
had dared to tackle its biggest swells.
Last week Marcio Freire, 47, became
the first surfer to die there. Rescuers
brought him ashore and tried to resuscitate him on the beach. “After several
attempts it was not possible to reverse the
situation,” the Portuguese authority said.
Nazaré is a provincial coastal town, 75
miles north of Lisbon, populated by fishing families and young surfers who are
still reeling from the tragedy. This is the
shattering reality of pursuing one of the
world’s most dangerous sports at one of
its most dangerous locations.
There have been a number of big wave
fatalities over the past three decades.
Mark Foo died at Mavericks in California
in 1994, when he fell at the bottom of a
wave and drowned. Donnie Solomon
died exactly a year later at Waimea Bay,
in Hawaii, when he got caught in the
“impact zone”, the area of a wave that
rumbles once it has broken and where it
is at its most powerful. There have been a
least five other known deaths of big wave
professionals, including Freire’s.
Tom Butler, 33, a professional surfer
from Newquay in Cornwall, is among
those to have made the pilgrimage to Nazaré. Its big wave season runs from October to March, with a few swells each
month. Surfers have taken on the break
only since 2011, and about 15 professionals live there through the winter season.
Others, like Butler, fly in when a big break
is forecast. The cliffs are often packed
with tourists and spectators.
When the giant waves crash, the sound
they make can be heard for miles. “It’s
like no other place in the world,” Butler
said. “It is incredibly dangerous.”
He continued: “In Nazaré, the waves
come from all directions and the escape
route is limited. You’re making decisions
and plotting what to do when you’re in
the moment. If the person on your team
doesn’t immediately get to you, it can be
really hard to find them.”
Each time a wave breaks, the surfer is

I fell and hit
the water and
it was as hard
as concrete

pushed underwater so deep it can rupture an eardrum, sometimes only resurfacing for air for a few seconds before the
next one comes. “The wave looks huge
when your head is at sea level,” Butler
said. “That’s why you have to train — cardio, breath-hold training, starving your
body of oxygen and getting your CO2 levels up, cardio. So when you do get
smashed, because it’s inevitable, that
you’re ready for it and your body is too.”
In 2016, Butler fell at Nazaré, hitting
water “as hard as concrete”. He nearly
lost consciousness and had a collapsed
lung. Still, he went back. He “can’t find
the words” to explain why.
Freire was a legend of the sport, one of
three Brazilian surfers who became

known as the “Mad Dogs”, travelling
around the world to surf its biggest waves
and working as a gardener, a diving
instructor and a pot washer in a restaurant to supplement his income.
On the day he died, the forecast was
for waves of 8ft to 18ft high. “Big waves”
are at least 20ft high. Surfers used to
“paddle in”, using their arms to bring
them up to the speed of the water. The
sport, however, was supercharged in the
mid-1990s, when they started to “tow in”
— surfers were pulled behind a jet-ski, letting go of the rope once they accelerated
to speeds of up to 60mph. This meant
they could catch faster and bigger waves.
In the years since, the sport has grown
and been professionalised. The World

The Brazilian Marcio
Freire, 37, became the
first surfer to die on the
waves at Nazaré
Surf League holds international competitions — ride of
the year, wipeout of the year
and, of course, the biggest
wave, the prize money in the
tens of thousands of dollars, an
income supplemented by sponsorship deals. The current world
record of 86ft was set at Nazaré by a
German surfer, Sebastian Steudtner, now 37, in 2020.
The Brazilian surfer Maya
Gabeira, 35, holds the world record

for women (73.5ft). She is a winter resident of Nazaré, where, in 2013, she nearly
died. That day, the radio broke, which
meant her spotter, standing on the cliff to
monitor Gabeira’s position, could no
longer communicate with the jet-ski
driver, whose job it was to put her on the
wave and pick her up afterwards.
They carried on regardless. Gabeira
caught the first wave in the set, which
meant the water was bumpy, and fell,
cartwheeling into the seabed. “I only
really knew how bad it was going to be
when I resurfaced and saw the next wave
coming towards me,” she said in 2019, the
year before she broke the record. “I had
never seen a wave so big in my life. That’s
when I realised that the worst that would
ever happen to me in the ocean was
about to happen.”
Her life jacket was torn off, her leg broken and her spine injured so badly she
would need three operations and years of
rehabilitation. Before the jet-skier could
find her among the chaos of the white
water, she was hit by two more waves.
“I was slowly blacking out, losing consciousness,” she said. “I thought about
my family, never seeing them again, and
why I had guided my life towards something that was going to kill me.” Over five
minutes later she was finally picked up
by the jet-ski and dragged on to the
sand, where she was revived by CPR.
Today Gabeira wears body armour to
keep her bones in their sockets if she falls,
and an inflatable vest which can be
deployed if she is being held underwater.
But why? “I make storms in my life when
there are no storms in the ocean,” she
said. “Surfing is what keeps me going. It’s
freedom. My brain is not calm when I’m
surfing, but it’s free.”
@MeganAgnew

NEWS

Re-educating
Andrew Tate’s
disciples
As the influencer awaits his fate in
Romania, his mark on legions of
teenage boys remains. Schools are now
confronting his anti-woman manifesto
with bespoke lessons. Laith Al-Khalaf,
Sian Griffiths and Megan Agnew report

ndrew Tate grew his brand
online, racking up millions
of young followers with his
flashy lifestyle and version of
“masculinity” while going
unnoticed by most parents
and teachers.
Today the British influencer, who appeared on the
celebrity television show Big
Brother, is in a Romanian prison as part
of an investigation into organised crime,
rape and human trafficking.
As Tate, who denies the allegations,
waits to find out what will happen next,
the misogynistic philosophy he has built
is still thriving among social media followers — and in the real world the effect
has been significant.
The 36-year-old’s toxic views have
become so endemic among teenagers
that schools are putting on workshops
and lessons to specifically address them
and re-educate those corrupted online.
Questions asked of pupils include topics such as “Do we think he [Tate] is still

harmless?” and “What happens when we
take in his messages”.
The presentation on Tate was given
last term in a school in south London to a
group of 14-year-olds after teachers
noticed that pupils were parroting his
sexist sentiments.
It was quickly derailed by an argument
about rape.
About a third of the 30 students in the
class passionately argued that women
were responsible for their own sexual
assaults, one of Tate’s top lines.
The male teacher asked pupils how
they would feel if the victim were a
female family member. “At that point a lot
of the boys changed their tones when I
put their mother or sister in that spot, but
it was worrying that a few core kids didn’t
and still said they would be to blame,”
said the teacher, who asked to remain
anonymous.
Misogynistic tropes continued to fly
around the room. Some teenagers said
that women were the property of men
and that they should stay in the house or

submit to their husband’s will. Tate, who
was born in the United States before moving to Luton, Bedfordshire, amassed millions of followers through videos and
podcasts shared prolifically across platforms such as TikTok, YouTube or Instagram.
In the clips he says that women belong
in “the kitchen”, that they should be controlled with physical violence and are
responsible for being victims of sexual
assault.
Painting himself as a truth-teller and
freedom fighter, he tells followers how to
defend both themselves and him from
pushback.
Teenagers have become so wrapped
up in Tate’s ideologies that teachers are
trying to fight back by providing alternative information and making them question the influencer’s beliefs.
“It is a version of radicalisation as far as
I’m concerned,” says Sophie Whitehead,
who works at the School of Sexuality Education, which provides workshops on
consent.

“His rhetoric is so violent and it has
affected so many young people.”
The south London teacher helped to
explain the impact of Tate’s words by
creating a pyramid, showing how some
actions such as using violent words could
escalate to criminal behaviour.
In the slide, pupils are shown that
jokes about sexual harassment and violence or commenting on appearance
can, at the extreme end of the scale, lead
to flashing, coercive control or rape.
The teacher said that most of his students did not believe in Tate’s ideologies
but he had been “blown away” by others’
views.
“They are genuinely nice kids,” he
said, adding that a “cult-like” mentality
had happened in pockets of teenagers,
with some feeding their views to others.
A female teacher at another school
said that some pupils were giving up on
studying for exams, feeling that they no
longer needed education to thrive.
“They [pupils] always end up saying, ‘I
can get rich on the internet, that’s what

Andrew Tate did’, she said. The son of a
chess champion and catering assistant,
Tate started working at his uncle’s fishmonger before later setting up a “camming” business, with his brother Tristan,
in around 2015, which saw women perform acts on webcams.
He was arrested on suspicion of rape
and physical abuse in the UK in 2015 and
released under investigation. No charges
were brought.
Tate appeared on Big Brother in 2016,
still under investigation. He denied the
claims and after four years the Crown
Prosecution Service declined to bring
charges.
It was last month that Tate was
arrested, in relation to the new allegations, at his home in Romania, with Tristan as well as two women.
The Tates are alleged to have lured
women to Romania before coercing them
into performing pornographic content
shared online.
In a preliminary ruling, the judge said
that there was an “attitude of disregard

towards women in general, which he
only perceives as a means of obtaining
large profits in an easy way”. They continue to deny the allegations.
In his online channels Tate gives
instructions on how to get rich quick on
the internet, putting on courses at his
“Hustlers University” (£39 a month) on
trading cryptocurrency and drop shipping (trading goods before you own
them). Alongside his “entrepreneurial”
advice are extreme misogynistic views.

is initial attraction to young people, said one teacher, was often his
advice around being confident and
financially successful, and from
there he capitalises on a post-MeToo anxiety with comments such as:
“Females don’t have independent
thought. They don’t come up with anything. They’re just empty vessels, waiting
for someone to install the programming.”
Jay Jordan, a teacher in Dundee of five
years, said the recent interest in Tate had
made boys more hostile. “You used to

Brought to book by the
FBI, ‘misﬁt’ worker at
British publisher who
became a master thief
ROSAMUND
URWIN
Media Editor
Everyone in publishing had a
theory about “the spine
collector”. When a shadowy
genius started impersonating
senior industry figures in
London and New York to
obtain manuscripts before
publication, there was
speculation that their
motivation could be
sabotage, blackmail,
espionage or revenge.
One rumour was that it was
a Hollywood scout deploying
“black ops” to try to acquire
novels by writers such as
Margaret Atwood, Paula
Hawkins and Ian McEwan
before their rivals in the hope
of turning them into films.
Another that it was a
struggling literary scout
wanting to unsettle the
competition.
In the end, the mastermind
behind this five-year digital
robbery spree turned out to
be a balding, bespectacled
man who worked in a junior
role at a London publishing
house. On Friday, Filippo
Bernardini, 30, pleaded
guilty to wire fraud, telling a
court in New York: “I knew
my actions were wrong.”
He has agreed to pay
$88,000 (£72,750) in
restitution and will be
sentenced in April, but is

These were
highbrow
phishing
emails: his
skill lay in
knowing the
language of
publishing

Filippo Bernardini admitted
stealing manuscripts

facing between 15 and 21
months in prison.
Bernardini had been
arrested exactly a year earlier
by FBI agents who said he had
“impersonated, defrauded,
and attempted to defraud
hundreds of individuals”.
This included agents, editors,
scouts, film producers and
translators.
His modus operandi was
simple but laborious: he
registered internet domains
and then used fake email
addresses that closely
resembled those of the
people he impersonated.
These were highbrow
phishing emails: his skill lay
in understanding the
language and processes of
publishing, and knowing how
to pass himself off as part of
the literary establishment.
Those who have met
Bernardini described him as
“a bit odd but nice enough”,
“intense” and “a misfit”. A
company boss who
interviewed him for a job in
2017 said: “As soon as he
walked into the room, we
knew he was odd, and that
we wouldn’t hire him. His CV
was impressive and he was
very bright, but it was an
immediate feeling that he
wouldn’t fit in.”
Bernardini, who was born
in Italy, seems always to have
been an outsider. While still
at secondary school, in 2008
he published a novel titled
Bulli (“Bullies”) about a
lonely teenager who briefly
debates committing a
robbery. Seven years later, he
moved to London to study for

a masters in publishing at
University College London.
Internships followed at
Granta, MTLS Literary Scouts
and the Andrew Nurnberg
Associates agency, which is
where Bernardini started
trying to steal manuscripts in
August 2016. He left
reportedly without a good
reference.
Afterwards he struggled to
find a full-time job in
publishing, although he
successfully pitched himself
to Italian publishers as a
freelance translator.
Eventually, helped by his
claim of fluency in ten
languages, he was hired by
Simon & Schuster’s foreign
rights department in London.
The publisher said it was
“shocked and horrified”
when he was arrested.
Initially, Bernardini’s crime
aligned with his career, with
books he translated targeted
in the impersonation scheme.
His two lives sometimes
blurred: the literary agency
Curtis Brown had to fend off
his attempts to steal Atwood’s
2019 novel The Testaments;
soon after, he was
interviewed for a role there.
His appetite grew: on top
of working a normal 9-to-5
job, he spent hours perfecting
his scam. He registered more
than 160 fraudulent internet
domains and is alleged to
have used stolen credit card
details for some.
While he would chase
major works such as the latest
instalment in the Millennium
series started by Stieg
Larsson or novels by Ethan

The Sunday Times January 8, 2023

PPN

A LESSON IN MISOGYNY
A school used this pyramid to show pupils how
some behaviours can lead to abuse and worse

BOYS SHOULD
NOT SHOW
EMOTION

GIRLS
SHOULD BE
SUBMISSIVE

PRESSURING
PEOPLE FOR
NUDES

RANKING
PEOPLE ON
APPEARANCE

“WOMEN ARE
RESPONSIBLE
FOR ASSAULT”

FLASHING

JOKES
ABOUT
HARASSMENT

CATCALLING

GROPING

RAPE

Every school should be
addressing the Tate issue. Pupils
need to hear from reliable sources
have to deal with sexist stuff but now it is
explicitly connected to Andrew Tate —
the boys do not stop talking about him,”
she said.
In one class she reprimanded a
14-year-old. “You’re just a woman,” he
responded. Jordan, 37, said: “We’ve definitely gone backwards and it is worrying.”
Teachers and education leaders in the
UK are dealing with the consequences of
Tate’s videos which have billions of
views.
Rachael Warwick, chief executive of
the Ridgway Education Trust, which runs
three state schools in Oxfordshire, said
that she was “very alarmed by Tate and
the influence that his story may have”.
Her trust is holding targeted lessons on
the phenomenon.
Dr Gohar Khan, director of ethos at the
trust, who has put together the classes,
said: “Every school should be addressing
the Tate issue. Up till last year I was wary
about giving him air time but pupils and
staff have come to me and said, ‘Why are

Hawke and Sally Rooney, he
would also try to obtain
obscure books that would
never trouble the bestseller
list. During the pandemic, his
behaviour escalated and he
sometimes sent passages
from stolen manuscripts back
to the authors, seemingly to
taunt them.
In 2020, he tried to hack
into an American literary
scout’s database, where
details of books were held, by
setting up fake login pages to
entice victims to enter their
passwords. He didn’t succeed
— a company source likened
its security to Fort Knox.
Among those Bernardini
impersonated were Sam
Edenborough, who worked at
the translation rights agency
ILA, and Jane Southern, a
literary scout. “He fooled a
couple of people as me,”
Edenborough said. “He
bought a similar domain
name, but swapped the ‘g’ in
the word agency in my email
for a ‘q’ — which you can’t
spot easily as addresses are
normally underlined. What
was creepy was that he got
hold of some of my emails —
his had the same email
signature, and used the same
fonts.”
Southern’s experience was
similar. In the fake email
address used to impersonate
her, her surname was spelled
“Southerm” and he used her
email signature too. At the
Frankfurt book fair in 2018,
Southern recalled that a
fellow scout who she didn’t
know came up to hug her as
though they were friends, but
this woman’s interactions
had all been with Bernardini.
“Fake me had asked her to
share a manuscript,” said
Southern. “I felt my identity
was being stolen and that it
was a violation. I kept waiting
for some consequence — I
thought he might ask for
money.” He never did. Nor
did he ever put the
manuscripts on the black
market or dark web.
It was not a victimless
crime, though. Many in
publishing thought that the
perpetrator was a US-based
scout who was in fact one of

Andrew Tate is
being held in
Romania with his
brother after a
raid on his luxury
home. Teachers
are shocked at
how embedded
his misogynistic
views have
become among
their pupils

we not talking about this?’” Khan will
“talk about why Tate has been in the
news recently, for his arrest in Romania
on charges of human trafficking and
accusations of rape”.
“Our pupils are hearing all of this and I
feel they need to hear it from what I think
are reliable sources,” he added.
At assembly in the Oxfordshire
schools, pupils are told about why
expressions such as “man up” or “be a
man” should not be used.
At St Dunstan’s, a co-educational feepaying school in London, teachers try to
have discussions about Tate and establish what pupils know before feeding
teenagers more information. News articles about Tate are deconstructed with
older pupils.
Warwick, from Ridgway, is a former
president of the school leaders’ union,
the Association of School and College
Leaders. She plans to raise the influencer
at the next national meeting, urging head
teachers to run assemblies or lessons for
boys.

Margaret Atwood and Sally Rooney
were among the authors targeted

Tate is also on the agenda within police
forces, with some holding discussions.
“The police are quite concerned about
how it starts off with a few young kids
watching these videos, then cat-calling a
woman, or girls in schools, then they are
slapping girls’ behinds and then before
you know it they are sexually assaulting
people,” said an insider who attended
such a session.
Yet despite Tate’s views, indicative of a
wider misogynistic culture on the internet and sweeping through schools, there
is still hope.
After the class about rape and harassment, the teacher in south London left
feeling angry. Two students, however,
gave him cause for optimism.
While initially arguing in favour of
statements on the board, they changed
their minds: “They actually had the courage to realise that they were wrong,” the
teacher said. “You never change the
mind of everyone all at once but you just
pick them off one-by-one .. . or maybe
two-by-two.”

Bernardini’s victims — this
damaged his reputation.
Catherine Eccles, who runs
the literary scout agency
Eccles Fisher, said that her
company became a target at
the start of the Frankfurt
book fair in October 2018. As
no one seemed to be talking
about it publicly, she told the
trade magazine The
Bookseller. “I thought we will
only be able to contain it
through making sure
everyone knows what was
going on,” she said. “People
were scared. We put
warnings at the bottom of our
email signatures and spoke to
clients about it regularly.”
The case turned some in
publishing into amateur
detectives. One agency sent
out a book with a small detail
tweaked for each country’s
translation in the hope of
finding out where the thief
was. Southern found that the
IP address was linked to
GoDaddy and approached
the web hosting company for
information, but was
declined on privacy grounds.
Eventually, publishing
bosses brought the case to the
attention of the cyber
division of the FBI. Agents
arrested Bernardini at New
York’s JFK airport when he
landed in the US; there are
rumours he was invited to a
fake job interview to get him
onto American soil, although
other sources say Bernardini
was just going on holiday.
A mystery remains about
his motive. Those
impersonated by him thought
his actions were sparked by
thwarted ambition. “I think it
was a combination of
frustration and revenge on an
industry that wasn’t
recognising his brilliance,”
one said. “He thought he was
too good for the job he was
doing.” Another said: “It was
a compulsion — about power.
He was showing up the
publishing industry.”
One American scout said
that there is already talk of a
copycat, aping Bernardini’s
methods, adding: “This is one
thriller that doesn’t need
another instalment.”
@RosamundUrwin

Parents switch over to
Nanny Netﬂix as they
juggle working from
home and childcare
Louise Eccles
and Rachel Lavin
Parents with young children
who cannot find or can’t
afford childcare have found
only one option in a postlockdown world: work from
home without help from a
nanny, childminder or
nursery.
Almost a fifth of working
parents (18 per cent) with a
child under 12 say they, or
their partner, sometimes
“look after their children
while working” at home.
Six per cent said this was
their only childcare, in a
YouGov poll of 300 parents
with preschool and primary
school children for The
Sunday Times. The figure was
9 per cent among parents
with children aged over five.
Many parents have dubbed
this new form of childcare
“Nanny Netflix” because their
children are put in front of a
screen for hours at a time.
Official data from the
Department for Education
shows that, among English
parents who were not using
formal childcare last year, a
quarter (24 per cent) said it
was not needed because they

could “work from home and
look after their child”.
Jody, 43, a full-time
freelance copywriter with
children aged five and eight,
has no after-school care
because she never knows
when she will be working.
“If my husband is in the
office I end up relying on
screens, especially if I have a
meeting, because it’s the only
way to guarantee they won’t
walk in,” she said. “I tell
them, ‘Please, stay in this
room for half an hour unless
something terrible happens.’”
Childcare costs in the UK
are the joint most expensive
in the OECD, a group of 38
wealthy nations, with Cyprus
and the Czech Republic.
Figures show an average
couple with a two and
three-year-old spend 29 per
cent of their net income on
full-time childcare.
Campaigners say that cost
is not the only problem. In
some areas there is also a lack
of nursery places and poor
term-time childcare between
3pm and 6pm.
Emma, 44, a market
researcher from Surrey, and
her husband, who works in
IT, have no after-school care

for their two children aged
five and seven. They were
told to join a long waiting list
for the school’s club.
“Because we have been able
to work from home since the
pandemic, we opted to look
after them instead,” she said.
“It can be stressful. There’s
also a fair bit of bribery at
times. One of us will look
after the girls if the other has
an important meeting and we
muddle through.”
According to a poll by Ipsos
for the Department for
Education, there was a
decline in the use of childcare
between 2018 and 2021.
About 44 per cent of children
were in formal childcare in
2021, a fall from 52 per cent
three years earlier.
Joeli Brearley, founder of
the campaign group Pregnant
Then Screwed, said:
“Childcare in the UK is both
unaffordable and
inaccessible, leaving many
parents with little option.”
A study by Bubble, the
childcare app, found that 67
per cent of parents said the
challenge of juggling work
and childcare had made them
contemplate leaving their job.
@Louise_Eccles

Toys R Not arriving, say
parents shopping online
Ali Hussain
Chief Money Reporter
It describes itself as “The
World’s Greatest Toy Store”,
but shoppers at the newly
launched Toys R Us online
claim it almost ruined their
Christmas.
The company, which was
hugely popular between the
1980s and early 2000s, shut
its UK shops in 2018 but
announced an online-only
service in October.
Judging by the experience
of its first wave of customers,

however, it has a long way to
go before it can replicate its
glory days.
The official Toys R Us UK
Facebook page has been
inundated by complaints.
Of the 49 Trustpilot
reviews posted since October,
41 give it one out of five stars.
With happy memories of
taking her children to the
shop in its heyday, Sue Cain,
58, a civil servant from
Shaftesbury, Dorset, ordered
gifts for her grandchildren on
December 1. The Toys R Us
website says its standard

delivery is within two to four
working days.
On December 20 she
received an email saying she
could track her order online,
but the link provided did not
appear to work. Panicking,
she placed the same order on
Amazon and had a delivery
the next day. Her Toys R Us
order arrived on Christmas
Eve.
Toys R Us said: “We have
had a few issues . . . but are
working through them and
hope to resolve all
outstanding issues shortly.”

2GN

The Sunday Times January 8, 2023

COMMENT

Rod Liddle
My wife being sick was bad enough.
But the NHS logjam was truly awful

y wife is convalescing. This
is the lengthy and difficult
stage of an illness when the
patient turns into a
complete witch. Not only do
those attendant upon her
suffer continual demands
and exhortations for
libations, but as soon as our backs are
turned she starts doing deranged things
because “the house is in such a state” —
and we open a door to find her licking
the skirting boards clean or hoovering
the ceiling. Meanwhile, if I haven’t
chopped up a bunch of strawberries,
apples and pears and made some hot
chocolate for her, I am accused of
criminal spousal neglect.
My daughter and I privately decided
we liked it better when she was really ill,
confined to bed and unable to speak
because of the wheezing, the breaths
coming like Puffing Billy gasping its way
to the colliery, and she didn’t give a
monkey’s that I’d not put the bins out
and my noble laundering attempts had
turned her clothes into stuff that would
look a bit confining on an OompaLoompa. All our tops are now a rather
fetching greyish pink, by the way.
Well, no. Truth be told, we didn’t
really prefer her when she was really ill.
It was scary, at times terrifying — that’s
pneumonia and pleurisy for you: do try
to avoid the attentions of those wanton
twins this winter. Further, it necessitated
involvement with that horribly
beleaguered national treasure the NHS,
the pride of our country.
The term “Kafkaesque” is
undoubtedly overused, but for the NHS
it is le mot juste. Not just the imbecilic 111
service with its blind algorithms, which
everybody with a medical background
told us to avoid, but the rest of it too — a
vast institution whose sole purpose
seemed to be to stop my wife getting the
treatment she needed.
Three emergency calls and six days
before she was able to see a proper (and
very good) doctor. A blizzard of
confusion between various departments

when I tried to get her the antibiotics she
required, or indeed when I called about
anything. (Oh, we have no record of that,
sir. I can’t speak to you, sir; I have to
speak to the patient. She can’t bloody
speak, you dimbo.) The subsequent
paramedics blissfully unaware of the
previous visits. And the local hospital
(with no A&E) gently, eerily silent,
almost entirely empty.
You think it is a lack of funding that is
responsible for this institutional chaos?
You must be joking. They spend much
more on the NHS in Scotland, and that is
in an even worse state. It is the
organisation itself, its culture, its

It took three
999 calls and
six days to see
a doctor —
who needed
20 minutes to
sort her out

vision of itself, its perpetual revelling
in crisis, its leaden bureaucracy; all
that, plus the fact that we have come to
expect so much from it, given its sensible
remit as a “great and novel undertaking”
when it was set up by good old Nye
Bevan in 1948.
One 20-minute appointment with a
doctor sorted out my wife. To get to that
stage I must have talked to 40 or 50
NHS staff over the course of almost a
week. That, I would argue, is a terrible
waste of resources.
I don’t really blame my wife for
being a little tetchy now, given that
there is a perfectly good chance she
was caught up in the surge of infections
driven by the “immunity debt” built up
during the lockdowns — just like many,
many others this winter. Lockdowns
that she opposed for precisely this
reason and that I supported, placing my
trust in the superior knowledge of the
medical establishment. She was right; I
was wrong.
This winter, the first without
lockdown in three years, the days lost
through flu and chest infections exceed
the number of days lost through Covid.
The New Scientist reported recently:
“The long-term impacts of lockdown are
certainly affecting individuals, such as
those who now have flu who might not
have caught it otherwise. They also
affect individuals who have difficulties
accessing medical care because services
are overwhelmed, as is happening in
some parts of the UK.” The writer still
cleaved to the notion that the lockdowns
were necessary, although it seems to me
a difficult position to maintain given the
scale of the problem we have now.
Now we are hearing pleas from within
the medical establishment — and beyond
— to reintroduce some kind of lockdown
to ease the pressure on the NHS.
I fervently hope, for the general
health of the population and also for my
wife’s blood pressure, that these
demands are ignored. I fear we are just
beginning to see the real effect of what
lockdowns meant for us all.

Excuse me while I
go and axe myself

Rail strikes continue

I’ve got a
season picket

Lake Superior State University has just
published its annual list of words and
phrases it would like to see banished
from our planet.
Top of the list is GOAT (greatest of all
time, boomer). It has also taken against
“absolutely” and the idiotic
“gaslighting” (which means helpfully
suggesting to mad people that they get
some meds, sharpish).
Better still, room is found for the
genuinely fatuous “it is what it is”.
Anyone who says this to you is an
irritating halfwit begging for a slap
round the chops.
Let me add two common prolespeak
usages: “myself”, when what is meant
is “me”; and “axe” in place of “ask”—
as in, “I axed him for a double-shot latte
for myself.”

Watch out for his
wandering flippers

PHOTOBUBBLE: NICK NEWMAN

Along with the hazel dormouse,
dignity and political competence, the
rather pleasing Christian name
Graham is becoming extinct in the UK,
according to research. So too,
appallingly, is my own name, Roderick.
I must say I’ve never liked it much —
there is something prissy and Scotch

about it — but I have always counted
my blessings because, according to
my late father, I missed out on
Sebastian by a hair’s breadth.
Among the other names dying out
is the mystifying “Paignton”. I assume
it has been replaced by “Marbella” or
“Sharm el-Sheikh”.

Thor the Wandering Walrus was
apparently subjected to “poor
behaviour” by some of the thousands of
people who came to watch him
unexpectedly sitting on a slipway in
Scarborough. I don’t know what the
people did. Maybe they questioned his
orienteering capabilities or made
unkind jokes about his tusks.
But then Thor hardly, er, covered
himself in glory during his stay. He
spent a significant proportion of the
time pleasuring himself, leading one
website to observe that he had
eclipsed Piers Morgan as the “biggest
wanker in Britain”.
Stay away from Saltburn, Thor, unless
you’re prepared to keep your hands in
your pockets at all times. We like our
aquatic mammals couth up here.

The Sunday Times January 8, 2023

NEWS

Grooming lies that

ILLUSTRATION: PETE BAKER

split a town in two
Bitter reprisals followed a young woman’s
false claims about being groomed by an
Asian gang. The damaging effects on her
community are far from being resolved
DAVID
COLLINS
Northern Editor
The picture of Eleanor Williams’s battered face, with one eye so swollen that it
is shut, is hard to forget once seen.
The 22-year-old alleged she had been
groomed, trafficked and beaten by an
Asian gang based in the Cumbrian town
of Barrow-in-Furness.
The harrowing photo, shared on Facebook, was the product of brutal physical
abuse, she said. Locals were horrified.
But it was all a lie.
Sitting in the witness box at Preston
crown court, Williams was asked if she
could have inflicted the injuries on herself. “I’m not a psychopath,” she replied.
The court heard she had bought a 10lb
claw hammer in Tesco in May 2020 and
used it to beat herself to a pulp. She was
found in a field covered in blood.
Alongside the picture on social media
was a 1,362-word account, which would
rip her community in two. “I didn’t want
to share this because I’m scared of the
judgment that will come with it, it’s why I
keep quite [sic] about what has happened
to me, but people have asked me to tell
my story,” she wrote.
She said she had been forced into a car,
taken to a house and made to have sex
with three Asian men, and then been
beaten for failing to attend sex parties.

Last Tuesday, almost three years after
her claims were made public, her
account of a grooming gang operating in
Barrow was exposed as a fabrication. A
court decided that she had invented the
whole story, possibly after watching
Three Girls, a BBC drama about the Rochdale grooming scandal broadcast in 2017.
She made her first false rape claim in
October that year.
Her home town is still counting the
cost. Williams’s Facebook post was
shared more than 100,000 times, sparking far-right demonstrations in Barrow
and death threats to local Asian men. An
Indian restaurant was smashed up, and
two Asian families were forced to move
away by racist abuse.
Mohammed Ramzan, 43, a local entrepreneur, had 500 death threats after
being named as the kingpin of the grooming ring, who started a sexual relationship with her when she was 12 and
pimped her out to strangers. It was
entirely false.
Local white men were also falsely
accused of rape. Jordan Trengove spent
ten weeks in jail on a sex offenders’ wing,

She was a normal
girl at school, then
her life spiralled

sharing a cell with a paedophile, it was
reported.
Williams will be sentenced in March on
eight counts of perverting the course of
justice. She had already pleaded guilty to
a further charge at an earlier hearing.
Her family is standing by her. Her
mother, Allison Johnston, 51, a Labour
councillor in the town, still believes her
daughter’s trafficking story.
Friends said that Williams had called
her mother from Styal prison, in Cheshire, to say: “Mum, I’m angry. I told the
truth and I’m going to be appealing to
overturn the verdict.”
Williams’s family insists it still has
strong support from many in the town
who refuse to believe the verdict.
Instead, they believe her story that an
Asian gang operating in Barrow, Hull and
Leeds is preying on young girls like her.
“They’re receiving a lot of messages of
support, but a lot of hate mail as well,”
said a close family friend. About £20,000
has been raised by a Justice for Ellie
crowdfunding appeal, which is in the
process of being handed over to a charity.
“They’re looking at getting their solicitor to appeal against the verdict,” said the
family friend. “Her mother supports Ellie
all the way.”
But why does Williams’s family still
believe her? And what drove her to concoct such a web of lies?
Death threats
At about midday on Friday a police van
was parked outside the family home. A
uniformed officer walked inside to speak
to Williams’s mother.
“The family is being trolled on social
media,” said a family friend. “They notified the police, and officers attended the
house. Allison is tired, confused and
really upset. She’s not coping with it well
at the moment. But she stands by her
daughter and she loves her.”
Williams has informed her family, with
no apparent evidence, that the Asian sex

TV host goes from packed lunch
to breakfast club to help pupils
IAN FORSYTH FOR THE SUNDAY TIMES

David Collins
Northern Editor
When Steph McGovern was at
school, some of her
classmates’ parents had
unusual day jobs. “One of
them was a burglar,” she
recalled. “My primary school
had a whole range of kids
from different backgrounds.
But also kids whose parents
couldn’t afford much in the
way of food.”
The television presenter
was born in North Shields,
Tyne and Wear, and grew up
in Middlesbrough.
She didn’t experience the
hardship that some of her
peers endured: “I always had
enough to eat — I was very
lucky in that way.”
Life has turned out well for
McGovern, 40. She spent
much of her career with the
BBC, as a producer for Today
on Radio 4, before presenting
on Watchdog and BBC
Breakfast, which was filmed
at MediaCity in Salford. She
has a three-year-old daughter
with her long-term girlfriend,
a TV executive, and they still
live in the northeast.
Education is a subject close
to her heart. She wants
children in the northeast to
have the same chance to
succeed as children from
other regions.
McGovern’s Channel 4 chat
show, Steph’s Packed Lunch,
is broadcast from Leeds. “The
crew is made up of lots of
people who come from the
city and the area. We have an
assistant producer who has
never worked in London.
Why should she have to move
down there to have a career
in television?”
By contrast, McGovern
said of her time working on
Today: “I was the only person

Steph McGovern meets
pupils in North Shields

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in the whole newsroom who
sounded anything like me.
Everybody was from London
or the southeast.”
McGovern was speaking at
Collingwood Primary School
in North Shields, where she
was lending a hand at the
breakfast club, which is
helping families through the
cost of living crisis. The
school has been working with
Magic Breakfast, a charity
chosen for The Times and
Sunday Times Christmas
Appeal, for the past two years
to provide a buffet of bagels,
porridge and yoghurts.
Research for the End Child
Poverty Coalition by
Loughborough University
found child poverty was at its
lowest level in seven years
across the UK, but in the
northeast it rose by 12 points
to 38 per cent.
About 55 per cent of pupils
at the school qualify for pupil
premium — extra public
funding in England to close

the attainment gap for the
disadvantaged. The national
average is 25 per cent.
Ninety children regularly
attend Collingwood’s
breakfast club. Nursery
children are also catered for.
“It takes pressure off the
parents,” said Emma McLeod,
the schools engagement
partner for Magic Breakfast in
the northeast, who works to
provide breakfast supplies for
58 schools. “And to parents
on a minimum wage, it makes
a huge difference not having
to pay for childcare.”
“I like school because
there’s always food,” says a
ten-year-old boy, after being
served a bagel by McGovern.
Collingwood is not dissimilar
to her school. She feels
strongly about opportunities
for pupils here: “Children
need to believe that they can
follow their dreams. Children
in schools like I went to don’t
always have that belief but it’s
the most important lesson.”

gang had threatened to rape her sister,
kidnap her younger brother on his way
home from school and kill her mother.
“They think that’s why she first moved
out of the family home and into her own
flat on Barrow Island,” said the friend. “In
order to protect them from the gang.”
Williams told police that Ramzan and
others trafficked her around the UK and
abroad, including to Ibiza and Amsterdam, where she was sexually exploited.
Her mother accepts that her daughter
has lied about “some of” the evidence.
“She thinks there’s been some lies in
there,” said the friend. “But she still
believes there was a historic grooming
gang operating in Barrow.”
The family claims police have evidence
about more victims connected to Williams’s case.
We have seen no proof of this.
When the trouble started
“She was just a normal girl at school,”
said the family friend. “She loved art and
was really good at it. It all started going
wrong when she left school. That’s when
her life spiralled out of control.”
Williams has always lived in Barrow.
Her politically active “socialist” family
had a big Victorian house on the town’s
promenade but moved to a new property
seven years ago.
After leaving school, she went to sixthform college. “She didn’t finish her
A-levels,” said the family friend. “She
started dropping out, but her mother
didn’t know about it.”
Between the ages of 16 and 18, she
moved out of the family home to live on

her own in a tenement flat on Steamer
Street, Barrow Island, round the corner
from the Egerton Court estate, a hotbed
for county lines drug gangs and addicts at
the time. She worked in a nightclub as a
glass collector, and then as a barmaid at
the Furness Railway pub.
“When she was at school she was very
bubbly, happy, lights the room up when
she walks in,” said the family friend. “But
she began to change when she moved to
Barrow Island.”
Facebook town
Simon Fell had been Conservative MP for
Barrow for five months when he received
an email from a constituent days after
Williams’s Facebook post in May 2020.
“When her Facebook post went live, it
was during the first lockdown,” Fell said.
“People were at home, on Facebook,
with no other way to access the world but
the news and the internet. Ellie’s story
was all that people talked about.
“I was sitting at home like everybody
else during lockdown, and an email
pinged in with a link to her Facebook post
saying: ‘Have you seen this? What are you
going to do about it?’ My first thought
was, ‘What do we do about it?’”
He contacted the police, who provided
him with a briefing on their investigation.
Meanwhile, nationally, the post was
spreading rapidly online.
“Names of Asian men were going
around the town on social media and
WhatsApp,” Fell said. “Rumours about
different Asian men, things happening
around curry houses. Barrow is a Facebook town and always has been. A lot of

Eleanor Williams’s picture of
her injuries led to anger and
fear in Barrow-in-Furness
community activity happens on there.
And that post went viral.”
In June the former English Defence
League leader Tommy Robinson held a
rally at Hollywood retail park in Barrow.
By then Cumbria police had said that a
year-long investigation had failed to find
evidence of a grooming gang in the town.
“Suddenly people who would never
have thought of supporting the far right
were giving their support,” Fell said. “The
far right were supporting this narrative
that the police weren’t doing their jobs,
young girls were at risk, Asian grooming
gangs were operating with impunity and
Barrow was another Rochdale.”
Barrow now had a permanent far-right
presence in the town called Patriotic
Alternative, Fell said. The group hands
out leaflets and carries banners. Houses
in Barrow once bore “Justice for Ellie”
posters. The same message appeared on
a huge banner over the A590, leading into
the town.
The impact lingers for a town in which
non-white minorities make up 2 per cent,
according to the 2011 census.
“I feel afraid to even go up to a girl in a
bar or a pub in case I get accused of something,” said Robert, 21, from Barrow.
“People still argue about the Ellie case. I
heard two women the other night having
a row about it in the pub. One said Ellie
was a liar; the other said there was more
to it than that. It still divides people.”
@davidcollinsST

WORLD NEWS

WORLD NEWS
Trump the
ringmaster
loses grip
on his
own circus
The former president was forced to
crack the whip at his own loyalists so
Kevin McCarthy could be elected Speaker
— on the 15th attempt. The chaos exposes
the deep rifts in the Republican Party
ILLUSTRATION: JAMES COWEN

HUGH
TOMLINSON
Washington

n the Speaker’s Lobby of the US
House of Representatives, two congressmen wandered in from the
chamber making small talk between
votes. “How many novels are you
going to get through?” asked Jeff Van
Drew, a Republican from New Jersey. “I’m reading War and Peace
next. I think I have the time,” replied his
companion, the Democrat Richard Neal
of Massachusetts.
“I’m reading Dante’s Inferno,” Van
Drew responded. “That’s how this is
starting to feel.”
The lobby that sits behind the dais,
with log fires and leather chairs, is lined
with oil portraits of House Speakers past.
Some have faded into obscurity while
others are remembered as giants, including the first one, Frederick Muhlenberg
of Pennsylvania, and the most recent,
Nancy Pelosi, the first woman to wield
the gavel.
Kevin McCarthy, elected early yesterday morning, will be relieved just to get
his portrait in the lobby at all.
For years, the California Republican,
57, has craved the Speaker’s chair, a vital
office that places the holder second in
line to the presidency. But what might
have been his coronation as leader of the
new GOP House majority became a ritual
humiliation last week, as a small group of
rebels within his party blocked his path
for days, plunging the 118th Congress into
turmoil before it had been sworn in.
Before last week it had been a century
since the House had taken more than one
vote to appoint a new speaker. McCarthy
lost 14, before triumphing on the 15th,
making this the most protracted contest
since before the American Civil War.
McCarthy launched the 14th ballot
believing he had a deal in place to bring
the defectors into line, only to fall one
vote short as Florida’s Matt Gaetz, a ringleader of the “never Kevin” Republican
mutineers, abstained at the last moment.
As days of mounting fury spilled over, an
ashen-faced McCarthy went to remonstrate with Gaetz on the House floor, and
another GOP congressman had to be
restrained from confronting the turncoat. Even the House chaplain, Margaret
Kibben, had had enough. “Dear God, it
seems we may be at last standing at the

threshold of a new Congress,” she said,
opening Friday night’s session with a
prayer to break the deadlock.
Each day had brought fresh embarrassment. McCarthy moved his furniture
and boxes into the vacant Speaker’s
office on Tuesday, a bullish gesture of
defiance to the rebellion he knew was
coming. That evening Gaetz wrote to the
Architect of the US Capitol, who oversees
the maintenance and operation of the
buildings, demanding that McCarthy
vacate the office after his first three
defeats. “How long will he remain there
before he is considered a squatter?”
Gaetz trolled.
The situation grew so farcical that
Republican defectors nominated candidates for Speaker who had themselves
backed McCarthy. On Thursday night one
of them nominated Donald Trump, who
is not a member of the chamber.
Days of meetings behind closed doors
and mud-slinging on the House floor
failed to break the deadlock. As frustration mounted, Republican members
yelled, “What do you want?” at their
rebel colleagues.
The rebels did not appear motivated
by policy or ideological demands.
Instead, they seemed intent on flexing
their power to hold the House to ransom,
regardless of the damage to their party.
Most are hardline Trump loyalists and
backed the former president’s claim that
the 2020 election was stolen. Most were
also implicated in his last-ditch attempt
to overturn the election result on January 6, 2021, sparking the deadly riot at the
Capitol. One, Ralph Norman, called for

Trump to declare martial law to stop Joe
Biden becoming president in 2021.
The extremist wing of the Republican
Party, which has grown in power since
the 1990s, reached its apogee under
Trump, with many of its leading lights
becoming stars of his Make America
Great Again (Maga) movement.
Without Trump at centre stage in
Washington, though, the rivalries among
them have been laid bare. Some prominent
Maga
Republicans
backed
McCarthy, eyeing jobs on influential
House committees. Others led the rebellion against him, boosting their profiles
on right-wing media in the process.
“These members . . . contribute nothing to the conservative movement. They
don’t write bills. They don’t think about
policy . . . They just want to yell and
scream and then they want to make
demands,” Dan Crenshaw, a Republican
congressman from Texas told Fox News.
“It’s like playing with children.”
Even Trump struggled to bring them to
heel, no longer able to control the monster he created. He backed McCarthy,
who was instrumental in bringing him
back into the Republican fold after the
Capitol riot. On Wednesday Trump wrote
on his Truth Social platform, urging
Republicans to “VOTE FOR KEVIN,
CLOSE THE DEAL, TAKE THE VICTORY”.
The rebels pushed back. One of the
defectors, Lauren Boebert of Colorado,
said that Trump — whom she called “my
favourite president” — needed “to tell
Kevin McCarthy that, sir, you do not have
the votes, and it’s time to withdraw”.
Trump continued to work on the

defectors. On Friday night Marjorie Taylor Greene, an extremist right-wing
Republican who sided with McCarthy,
was photographed offering her phone,
with “DT” on the screen, to a rebel on the
House floor, who waved it away.
McCarthy had seen the rebellion coming. In the two years since Trump left
office, he sought to appease and buy off
the Maga Republicans to support his candidacy. Most of the 20 rebels were
re-elected at November’s midterms with
the help of funds he channelled to them.
After securing victory by cutting a deal
with Gaetz on the floor McCarthy was
embraced by colleagues, but his triumph
may prove brief and hollow.
He has caved in to almost every one of
the rebels’ demands, even agreeing to
lower the number of members required
to force a vote to oust the Speaker, from a
majority of House Republicans to five,
and then finally to just one. The move
effectively guarantees that he will be
fighting for survival from day one, the
weakest leader of the House in a century.
McCarthy also offered to place more
extremist Republicans on the committee
that debates legislation before it reaches
the floor, handing power over the legislative process to the hard-right of the party.
His concessions have infuriated moderate Republicans, who fear the House
will be ungovernable. “This is going to be
an incredibly difficult place to lead,” said
Dusty Johnson, the Republican congressman from South Dakota. “This is not a
good look for the Republican House.”
The chaos has left the business of government at a standstill. Proposing

Trump
struggled to
control the
monster he
created

Richard Hudson, below
left, manhandles
his fellow Republican
Mike Rogers at the
Capitol on Friday. Below
right, Marjorie Taylor
Greene holds up a
phone with a mystery
“DT” on the line

L TO R: KEN CEDENO/UPI/REX/SHUTTERSTOCK; CHIP SOMODEVILLA/GETTY IMAGES

I saw a masked
man in house,
says survivor
of college town
slaughter

Hugh Tomlinson
Washington
For eight weeks dread hung
over the Idaho college town
of Moscow after four students
were found butchered in
their beds.
Bryan Kohberger, a 28year-old criminology student,
made his first court
appearance on Thursday to
face four counts of firstdegree murder. It was
revealed by police that one of
the victims’ housemates saw
a masked man in black
leaving the house after being
woken at about 4am to hear a
male voice and the sound of
crying.
An 18-page affidavit was
unsealed after Kohberger was
arrested by an FBI Swat team
at his parents’ home in
Pennsylvania and extradited

to Idaho, more than 2,500
miles away. It revealed vivid
details of the night of the
killings, raising fresh
questions about the case.
According to the
documents, the evidence
against Kohberger includes
the discovery of his DNA on a
knife sheath recovered at the
house off campus where
Kaylee Goncalves, 21,
Madison Mogen, 21, Xana
Kernodle, 20, and Kernodle’s
boyfriend Ethan Chapin, 20,
were found stabbed to death
on November 13.
Investigators had
previously suggested that two
housemates who survived the
attack, Dylan Mortensen and
Bethany Funke, both 21, had
been asleep. The affidavit,
however, describes a
terrifying encounter for one
identified as “DM”.

She said she had been
woken by noises upstairs and
heard one of the victims,
either Goncalves or Kernodle,
say: “There’s someone here.”
She opened her bedroom
door but saw nothing.
She opened it a second
time when she heard what
she thought was crying.
Moments later she heard a
male voice say “something to
the effect of ‘It’s OK, I’m going
to help you’”. At about
4.17am, the affidavit states, a
nearby security camera
“picked up distorted audio of
what sounded like voices or a
whimper followed by a loud
thud. A dog can also be heard
barking numerous times
starting at 4.17am”.
Opening her door for a
third time the witness saw “a
figure clad in black clothing
and a mask that covered the

person’s mouth and nose
walking towards her”.
She described the person
as “5ft 10in or taller, male, not
very muscular, but
athletically built with bushy
eyebrows”.
“The male walked past DM
as she stood in a ‘frozen
shock phase’” and walked
towards a sliding glass door.
“DM locked herself in her
room after seeing the male,”
the documents said.
Investigators believe the
murders occurred “between
4am and 4.25am” but it is
unclear what happened in the
hours that followed. The
survivors did not report the
murders until almost noon,
eight hours after the sighting.
A tan leather knife sheath,
discovered on a bed where
the bodies of Mogen and
Goncalves, best friends since

McCarthy for the seventh time on Thursday, John James, Michigan representative-elect, noted that more than 600
Americans had died of drug overdoses
since the first vote on Tuesday.
“The American people have told us, by
putting a Republican majority here, that
they want Republicans to lead, and they
want a government that works and
doesn’t embarrass them,” James told the
House, “and we are failing on both missions.”
Congressional staff cannot be paid
until the House is sworn in, and members
were forced to cancel a meeting with
General Mark Milley, the chairman of the
joint chiefs of staff, to discuss the threat
from China on Wednesday because they
do not yet have security clearance.
McCarthy will struggle to pass contentious legislation, including approving
funding for Ukraine’s military and raising
America’s debt ceiling, placing the US at
risk of a historic default, with disastrous
consequences for the global economy.
Democrats have watched the meltdown with bewildered delight and horror. On Friday, the second anniversary of
the Capitol riot, Pete Aguilar, a California
Democrat, noted that by caving in,
McCarthy had handed power in the
House to “the same individuals who
fanned the flames on January 6”.
Asked about the chaos during a visit to
Kentucky on Wednesday, Biden said the
Republicans’ predicament was “embarrassing” but “not my problem”. The
Maga Republicans will become exactly
that, however, as they prepare to launch
investigations into the president, his family and a string of officials on issues such
as immigration, the origins of Covid-19
and the US withdrawal from Afghanistan.
They also present an opportunity for
Biden. Bill Clinton, destroyed by Republicans in the 1994 midterms, was able to
use a dysfunctional, hardline GOP Congress to his advantage and win a second
term as president in 1996. Biden is
expected to deploy the same tactic, contrasting his effort to forge a bipartisan
consensus that delivers for the American
people with the narrow, vengeful focus of
Trump and the Maga Republicans.
In Kentucky he was accompanied by
the Republican Senate leader, Mitch
McConnell — a rare joint appearance.
“We disagree on a lot of things but here’s
what matters: he’s a man of his word,”
Biden said of McConnell. “It sends an
important message to the entire country:
we can work together.
“We can get things done. We can move
the nation forward if we just drop a little
bit of our egos and focus on what is
needed for the country.”

high school, were found, may
provide the most compelling
evidence. Police said they
were able to match a DNA
sample from the button on
the sheath with material
collected from Kohberger’s
parents’ home.
Mobile phone data placed

the suspect’s device near the
victims’ home on a dozen
occasions prior to the
murders. Although it was
switched off at around 4am
when the killings occurred,
the data revealed that it was
still in the area when it
reconnected to the network
Bryan Kohberger,
left, leaves court
in Pennsylvania
after a manhunt
From left, Dylan
Mortensen
survived; Kaylee
Goncalves and
Madison Mogen,
on her shoulders,
were killed with
Ethan Chapin and
Xana Kernodle.
Bethany Funke,
right, also lived

The Sunday Times January 8, 2023

Shanghai shambles:
I watched the Covid
crackdown crumble
For three years, draconian rules saw people locked down in lavatories and
even fish swabbed. A form of freedom is back, but millions are still traumatised
CHINATOPIX/AP

Cameron Wilson in Shanghai
I’ve lived in Shanghai for the past 17 years,
enjoying a ringside view of China’s rise —
and countless wonderful adventures. But
the last 12 months have left me feeling like
an unwitting participant in some kind of
hidden-camera television show. For a
long time, every aspect of life in China
was shaped by zero-Covid restrictions.
Then, just before Christmas, the policy
was suddenly and unexpectedly abandoned. For large numbers of people, the
consequences have been tragic. But for
many others, the whole experience has
resembled a practical joke so elaborate
that the late Jeremy Beadle would surely
have considered it to be his finest work.
Just a month ago, if you were deemed
even to have been a close contact of someone who tested positive, you could be
dragged off by dabai (health workers in
white protective suits) to a grotty isolation
centre and forced to stay there until you
tested negative. Today? The official message is: it’s fine to turn up at work with the
very same virus that we were told until
late last year was a mortal threat.
Sure enough, friends, family, colleagues and neighbours have fallen like
dominoes. Everyone has. Each day
brought a new empty seat in the office, a
new social media post of a positive Covid
test. After three years of barely anyone
catching the disease, the sudden
onslaught has created an overwhelming
sense of confusion. Many were expecting
mild, if any, symptoms, because the government published figures every day
emphasising that the vast majority of
cases were asymptomatic. But in fact
almost everyone I know was knocked out
for days at home with a heavy flu-like illness, having forgotten that the official
definition of asymptomatic just meant
not requiring hospital treatment.
It’s hard to overstate just how intrusive
zero-Covid was in Shanghai, particularly
in 2022. You had to do a PCR test every
other day and show a negative result to
enter restaurants, shops and your workplace, or use public transport. You name
it, you had to scan a code with an app on
your phone to do it. Forgetting to do a test
on time meant abandoning any plans you
had to leave your house that day. Your
health code app dominated every hour of
your existence. And now, suddenly, it
doesn’t. Right now the city is starting to
recover and you can freely enter all the
bars, restaurants and shops which didn’t
go bankrupt — as a great many did.
But a feeling of mass discombobulation remains. Most people were fine with
the first couple of years of zero-Covid —
millions of lives were saved. Unfortunately, the virus mutated into something
significantly less deadly but a lot more
transmissible. And rather than face up to
the inevitable and make an exit plan,
China escalated the policy and the madness started.
The Shanghai lockdown saw 26 million
people unable to leave their homes for
more than two months, subjected to
mandatory testing every day, and forcibly
taken to isolation centres if testing positive. Some residents were even physically
sealed inside buildings. The courier delivery system collapsed, leaving people to
rely on government food handouts to survive. Every day, social media brought
weird, sometimes disturbing spectacles.
Videos of people jumping from buildings.
Left-behind pets killed by healthcare
workers. Hysterical kids being separated
from parents taken to isolation. Suffering
people walking naked in the street. Thousands of neighbours wailing crazily in
unison. Meanwhile, official propaganda
rubbed it in everyone’s faces by blaming
“foreign forces” for a protest that saw millions of hungry residents bang pots and
pans at their kitchen windows each night.

soon after and travelled back
to Pullman, just nine miles
across state lines, where
Kohberger was studying for a
PhD in criminal justice at
Washington State University.
Soon after 9am,
Kohberger’s phone was
detected in Moscow again.

People look after
elderly relatives
on intravenous
drips and
ventilators at
Changhai
Hospital in
Shanghai
last week

Suffering
people
walked
naked in
streets

The device remained in the
area for less than ten minutes
before again returning to
Pullman. No 911 call reporting
the discovery of the bodies
had been made at the time.
Investigators also revealed
that a white car recovered
upon Kohberger’s arrest was
ZUMA PRESS WIRE/SHUTTERSTOCK

Today, everyone is asking if all of this
really happened — because in the end it
was all for absolutely nothing.
Seeing this happen in China’s biggest
and most modern city seemed unreal. It
was a trauma, which being honest, I have
not fully recovered from, and I don’t
think most others have either.
The months following the end of the
lockdown brought even more bizarre
phenomena, as the authorities cracked
down on the increasingly transmissible
Omicron variant. No act, no matter how
contradictory, absurd or ridiculous, was
considered overzealous in the “fight
against the virus”. Live fish had their gills
swabbed by people in white suits. Bars,
nightclubs and sports stadiums remained
closed, yet the metro carried millions of
passengers every day. Public health officials visited a restaurant which only sold
pizza and insisted on putting up “use separate serving chopsticks to prevent
spreading viruses” campaign posters.
Regular Covid outbreaks and brutally
uncompromising enforcement meant
people suddenly found themselves
locked down in unusual locations such as
public lavatories, offices or strangers’
homes. Schools were constantly closing
and opening. At one point a video of an
unfortunate goose being anally probed
by a government inspector at a wet market made the rounds.
Eventually, the pressure began to take
its toll in higher circles. The Communist
Party’s 20th national congress — widely
hoped to bring the end of zero-Covid —
didn’t deliver in that regard but brought
the spectacle of a confused-looking former
president, Hu Jintao, being led out of the

believed to be the same
Hyundai Elantra spotted in
surveillance footage of the
King Road cul-de-sac where
the students lived on the
night of the murders. The car
was first sighted at 3.29am
and passed through the
neighbourhood three times
before returning at 4.04am. It
was later seen speeding away.
Records show that
Kohberger changed the
licence plate on the Hyundai
soon after the murders.
Reports on Friday suggested
that he had thoroughly
cleaned the car inside and out
in the days before his arrest.
CNN reported that Kohberger
was seen wearing surgical
gloves several times and
putting rubbish bags in
neighbours’ bins.
Kohberger — whose
driver’s licence records his

arena. As usual, nobody really knew what
was going on, but something had changed.
In November, the sight of maskless fans
partying at the World Cup in Qatar did not
go unnoticed by the Chinese population —
nor the authorities, who censored crowd
scenes on state TV broadcasts. Before we
knew it, zero-Covid had delivered the ultimate in unthinkable developments, when
protesters in Shanghai called for the end of
the policy and for Xi Jinping to step down.
Weeks later, zero-Covid ended at the worst
time possible — the start of winter — leaving no time for any preparation such as
stockpiling medicines or finishing vaccination programmes.
Nobody knows how many people have
succumbed to the virus since then,
because the country has stopped publishing daily case data. However, there
have been reports of crematoriums and
hospitals becoming overwhelmed, and
on Wednesday the World Health Organisation said that China was under-representing the true impact and in particular
underplaying the number of deaths.
In my household, however, the most
utterly peculiar three years of our lives
ended in typically perplexing style last
week. My father-in-law — in his late 60s
and of the very demographic that zeroCovid was meant to protect, reacted to
testing positive by sauntering out to buy
several £5 bottles of huangjiu (yellow
wine). He polished them off that evening
and was first in our family to recover just a
day later. I half expected him to take off his
mask to reveal that Beadle was still alive.
Cameron Wilson is a freelance journalist,
based in Shanghai

height as 6ft — did not enter a
plea in court and was held
without bail.
Steve and Kristi Goncalves,
the parents of Kaylee, called
for the death penalty, saying
the killer “has to pay” if he is
convicted.
Police have yet to present a
motive for the killings, or a
connection between the
suspect and the victims.
Goncalves had told friends
and relatives that she feared
she had a stalker and
Kohberger’s phone data
places him close to the house
on several occasions in the
weeks before the killings,
including an incident in
August when he was stopped
by police for not wearing a
seatbelt less than five minutes
from the house.
Kohberger is due back in
court on Thursday.

Is that a Fraudeaux?
Spanish plonk ‘sold
as high-end claret’
PETER
CONRADI
Europe Editor
Everything changed when a
sharp-eyed French taxman
spotted a discrepancy in
paperwork that is said to have
transformed cheap Spanish
plonk into hundreds of
thousands of bottles of pricey
Saint-Émilion, Pomerol,
Saint-Julien and Margaux.
The investigation that
followed will culminate this
month when a judge in
Bordeaux is due to rule on
five members of the region’s
wine industry accused of a
crime that allegedly ranks
among the largest and most
damaging viticultural frauds
ever recorded.
The affair, involving more
than 750,000 gallons of
Spanish wine shipped to
France in 131 trucks over two
years, risks “undermining the
profession as well as the
image of Bordeaux wine”,
said Frédéric Georges, a
lawyer acting for the
Confédération Paysanne de la
Gironde (CPG), a union
representing small farmers
who claim their reputation
has been damaged. “It is one
of the biggest frauds involving
Bordeaux wine in history,
both in terms of quantity and
the money involved.”
The original Spanish wine
would probably have sold for
€1 or €2. Relabelled as
Bordeaux, it could retail for
upwards of €20 (£17.60) and
the scam allegedly netted the
defendants more than
€1 million (£880,000).
The story dates back to
2013 when the weather — and
crop — were poor and,
according to prosecutors,
Michel Gilin, sales
manager of Celliers
Vinicoles du Blayais,
30 miles north of
Bordeaux, was
concerned he
would not have
enough wine to satisfy
the orders on his books.
He is alleged to have
devised a solution with
Jean-Sebastien
Laflèche, a Bordeaux
négociant (wine
merchant). The two
men, it is claimed,
bought up large
quantities of cheap
Spanish table wine,
which was then carried
over the border by
TransBBP, a transport
company run by Sylvie
Bernard, the third of the
defendants. Bernard was also
the administrative manager
for Daniel Banchereau, a
Charente négociant, the
fourth person in the dock.
What allegedly happened
next was complicated and
involved faked documents
apparently intended to
disguise the wine’s origin. But
the upshot was that some of
the plonk was allegedly
transformed into more than
200,000 bottles of upmarket
Bordeaux that went on sale.
Some ended up in the
cellars in Médoc of Fabien
Figerou, the fifth defendant,
who is thought not to have
been in on the deception. It is
not known precisely what
happened to the rest, though

It would
have
been €2
a bottle

there is no indication it found
its way to Britain or other
overseas markets.
The trial comes at a
difficult time for the makers
of claret, whose sales have
fallen in recent years. The
image of Bordeaux’s wine
producers has been damaged
by protests over the
environmental impact of
pesticides, and the industry
has been hit by Covid and the
cost of living crisis. Drinking
habits are also changing.
“Bordeaux is going
through a historic crisis,” said
Dominique Techer, the head
of the farmers’ union, who
believes he and fellow
growers are producing far
more wine than they can sell.
“Gone are the days when the
father of the family would
break the bread and open a
bottle of wine at the dinner
table,” he added. “It’s a
generational thing. The baby
boomers are dying.”
The alleged scam is the
latest in a series of scandals to
have plagued winemakers
over the centuries. Almost
2,000 years ago, Pliny the
Elder, a keen oenophile,
noted the suspiciously large
amounts of what was claimed
to be upmarket Falernian
white circulating in Rome.
The authorities in most
countries have responded
with measures intended to
guarantee quality, such as
France’s appellation d’origine
contrôlée (AOC) system.
Fraudsters have found ways
of getting round the rules,
though, and enforcement has
sometimes been patchy.
Attention has typically
focused on frauds involving
hugely expensive vintage
wines. “We tend to think of
fake wine as being about
high-profile bottles of Pétrus
or Lafite being bought by
wealthy collectors,” said Jane
Anson, a British wine expert
who has lived in Bordeaux for
two decades and runs the
website Jane Anson Inside
Bordeaux. “But the vast
majority of fraud concerns
lower-priced wines that are
passed off as something else.”
Gilin, who was brought in
for questioning in 2016,
reportedly admitted having
sourced some wine from
Spain to make up for the
poor harvest three years
earlier. “No matter the
supply, the important
thing was the turnover
and the margin,” he
said, according to the
judge, Élisabeth
Boulnois.
At a hearing in
October, the defendants
declined to say anything at
all. Gilin’s lawyer, Lucas
Tabone, said last week this
was because “irregularities”
had been found in the legal
procedures that undermined
their rights. “But what is
certain is that my client never
sold Spanish wine as
Bordeaux,” he added.
Prosecutors have
demanded a five-year prison
term, two years suspended,
for Gilin and Laflèche, as
well as a €200,000 fine, and
wants them barred for five
years from working as
négociants. They have
called for lesser
punishments for the other
three defendants. French
customs are demanding
€3.6 million in penalties.
The judge’s verdict is due on
January 26.

Australia Day joy goes up in smoke
James Salmon Perth
When the sun rises over
Bondi Beach on Australia Day
this month it won’t just be
surfers and early morning
joggers enjoying the dawn.
Another group will be
breathing in fumes from
burning eucalyptus leaves as
part of an ancient Aboriginal
smoking ceremony believed
to have spiritual and physical
cleansing properties, as well
as being a way to connect
with ancestors.
The local council’s
decision to stage its first
Aboriginal morning reflection
ceremony on Bondi Beach on
January 26 this year reflects

the growing unease about a
public holiday which marks
the anniversary of Britain
invading a land that had been
occupied by aboriginal
people for at least 60,000
years. Indigenous elders will
discuss the persecution, said
Gene Ross, a Bondi local and
Aboriginal man who sits on
the council’s indigenous
advisory group. “We’ll go to
the beach and yarn [chat]
about the horrific atrocities
perpetrated on our people by
the settlers.”
Their reflective solitude
won’t last for long, though.
Shortly the beach will fill up
with Australian revellers and
tourists, many of them

flaunting the national flag or
sporting patriotic bikinis and
“budgie smuggler” trunks.
There will be boozy
barbecues, firework displays
and citizenship ceremonies.
More than any other day in
the national calendar,
Australia Day exposes glaring
differences in opinion about
issues of national identity.
Opposition to the holiday
that many indigenous people
refer to as “Invasion Day” or
“Survival Day” has been
growing over the past decade,
with tens of thousands of
people attending “Invasion
Day” protests in major cities.
The protests have been
accompanied by a high

profile #changethedate
campaign on social media,
which urges the government
to move Australia Day so it
can be celebrated by
everyone, including
aborigines.
But polls have shown that a
majority of Australians are
still opposed to such a move.
In a YouGov poll last year, 35
per cent of respondents
supported changing the date,
56 per cent wanted to keep it
and the rest were undecided.
Ross believes changing the
date would be a token gesture
which would achieve very
little. “We should keep the
date but change the
celebration,” he said.

The Sunday Times January 8, 2023

WORLD NEWS

At 61, the ‘youngster’ who wants to clean up Nigeria
PIUS UTOMI EKPEI/AFP/GETTY IMAGES

Richard Assheton Lagos
In Lagos there is no arguing
with traffic. So when crowds
backing a smiling, mildmannered outsider for
president brought gridlock to
Nigeria’s teeming megacity
late last year, it proved that
their man had arrived as a
force to be reckoned with.
Afrobeats music ringing in
their ears, thousands of
supporters of Peter Obi filled
the streets. Many converged
near the Lekki tollgate, where
in 2020 soldiers had
massacred people protesting
against the same corruption
and authoritarianism that Obi
has now promised to
eradicate.
“We are taking back our
country,” said Chijioke
Chuwunyere, a tech
consultant, during the march
on October 1, Nigeria’s
Independence Day. “This is a
chance to right all the
wrongs.”
A few months earlier Obi,
61, had been an unfancied
long shot to become the
nominee for the main
opposition party. Then he
ditched the Peoples
Democratic Party (PDP) and
took up with the obscure
Labour Party, whose
previous presidential
candidate won less than 0.1
per cent of the vote in 2019.
Today, weeks away from
the world’s first major
election of 2023, Obi is
arguably the frontrunner.
Victory on February 25 would
put him in charge of a
booming country of 200
million people which is on
track to become the planet’s
second-largest democracy by
2050.
The reasons for his rapid
rise include years of political
and economic stagnation, his
relative youth, and a suitcase.
Nigeria, everyone agrees,
is sick, its long list of ailments
enough to make the heart
skip. Unemployment stands
at 33 per cent. Annual
inflation has risen to 21 per
cent, with a chronic lack of
foreign exchange and
hundreds of millions of
barrels of oil, Nigeria’s main
export, lost this year to theft
and inefficiency. Some 92

Choc horror as
Hershey’s taste
test goes to court
Keiran Southern
Los Angeles

Peter Obi, with his wife
Margaret, has promised to
tackle corruption in
Nigeria’s political system
million Nigerians now live in
acute poverty, according to
the World Bank, while
hundreds are leaving every
day for greener pastures.
Life expectancy in Nigeria
is 55, and 60 per cent of the
population are under 25. Yet
one of Obi’s main rivals,
former vice-president Atiku
Abubakar, is 76. The other,
the former governor of Lagos
State and ruling party
chairman Bola Tinubu,
claims to be 70, but may be
far older. Obi, a successful
former state governor, has
cleared a very low bar to

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Excalibur artillery shells
Provided by the
West, it has
better range and
accuracy than
Russian systems

INFERIOR RUSSIAN KIT
MSTA-B 152mm
towed howitzer
Older than
M777. Many shells
are duds because
they have been in
storage for so long

become the candidate of
youth, in a country where
that advantage could prove
transformative.
He has also established
himself as the anticorruption
candidate, promising to
tackle head-on what he calls
the “structure of criminality”
in Nigerian politics.
Inverting the country’s
political culture of “big
manism”, he has been
photographed carrying his
own luggage and proudly
claims to possess only one
wristwatch.
Without the backing of a
major party, and despite a
lack of experience in national
politics, he leads in several
polls, most recently one by
the ANAP Foundation, a

Nigerian organisation, which
on December 21 found that 23
per cent of voters plan to vote
for him. In second place was
Tinubu, of the ruling All
Progressives Congress (APC),
on 13 per cent and Abubakar,
of the opposition PDP was
third on 10 per cent.
On January 1, Obi secured
the endorsement of Olusegun
Obasanjo, 85, a towering
figure in Nigerian politics
who was head of state in the
1970s during military rule
and then president from 1999
to 2007. Obasanjo, whose
preferred candidates have
won three of the last four
elections, noted that “the
vigour, energy, agility,
dynamism and outreach that
the job of leadership of

Nigeria requires at the very
top may not be provided as a
septuagenarian or older”.
Obi has two deep wells of
support: young people, many
of whom are cheering him on
on social media, declaring
themselves his #Obidients;
and his own Igbo ethnic
group, which largely has been
shut out of politics at the
highest level.
He also has broad appeal,
winning over market traders,
taxi drivers and high-flying
businesspeople beyond those
constituencies, even in the
majority-Muslim north. In
polite society in Lagos,
professionals jaded by years
of disappointment mutter
approvingly of his modest
habits and straight talking.

One political source claimed
to have been told by several
staff members at the APC that
they would vote for Obi.
His manifesto includes
plans to refocus the military
from fighting insurgencies to
external threats instead. He
also intends to introduce an
hourly national minimum
wage, support export
entrepreneurs and save costs
by merging government
agencies. But much of it reads
more like a wishlist than a
programme of action. “On
policy, Atiku’s is better than
Obi’s and better than
Tinubu’s,” said Ayisha Osori,
of the Open Society
Foundation, who nonetheless
hopes Obi will win.
@RichardAssheton

The next time you are on
holiday in the US and find
yourself perusing the
supermarket candy aisles, it
may be wise to double-check
the ingredients before
handing over your dollars.
European consumers have
long dismissed American
chocolate as inferior — and
recent lawsuits appear to
have confirmed their worst
suspicions.
Hershey’s, the
confectionery giant, and
Trader Joe’s, a popular
supermarket chain, have
been sued in New York over
claims they sell chocolate
bars with potentially toxic
levels of heavy metals.
Some of their dark
chocolate, it is alleged,
contains lead and cadmium,
which both companies are
said to have failed to warn
consumers about.
Overexposure to lead can
cause a multitude of health
problems, including lowered
IQ in children, while
cadmium, a suspected
carcinogen, can damage the
bones, kidneys and liver.
In response to the lawsuits,
a British newspaper
columnist asked: “Why is
American chocolate so
disgusting?” — a sentiment
echoed by other articles
suggesting European and
British consumers share a
derision for US products.
The explanations offered
include the different
regulatory requirements for
the respective regions. In the
US, milk chocolate must
contain a minimum of 10 per
cent cocoa mass. In the EU
the requirement is 25 per
cent. Others suggest that the
sour taste sometimes
attributed to American
chocolate is caused by
butyric acid, which is also
present in vomit.
David Lebovitz, an
American chef who lives in
Paris and who wrote The
Great Book of Chocolate, said
it was unfair to condemn the

output of an entire country.
“It’s hard to say if one
country makes better
chocolate than another,” he
said. “People used to say
Belgium had the best
chocolate but I knew a
Belgian chocolatier who used
to use Italian chocolate. And
he said, ‘I don’t like Belgian
chocolate, it’s not good.’”
Gregory Ziegler, a
professor of food science at
Pennsylvania State
University, says consumer
preferences may have little to
do with objective quality and
“goes back to what you’re
exposed to as a child”.
He said some elderly
Europeans associate the taste
of American chocolate with
the end of the Second World
War. “I was at a meeting once
in Germany and I was told
that there was a narrow
group of Germans or
Europeans that actually liked
Hershey’s chocolates,” he
said. “These were continental
Europeans that were early
teenagers at the end of World
War Two and Hershey’s bars
were included in a lot of the
relief food. And so to them,
there was this nostalgia with
Hershey’s chocolate and the
end of the war.”
Ziegler said that the
problem of heavy metals was
due to consumers demanding
greater quantities of cacao —
the raw, unprocessed version
of cocoa — in dark chocolate.
Europeans obtain this from
west Africa, where soil tends
to contain less cadmium than
that in South America.
Ziegler said the butyric
acid found in some bars —
including Hershey’s — was a
byproduct of controlled
lipolysis, a process said to
produce a “sour” taste.
“There are a lot of chemical
components of flavours that
at a certain level can be
pleasurable and that another
level can be offensive,” he
said. “And that occurs in any
kind of product . .. if you use
a broad brush and say all of
American chocolate is bad
because of butyric acid, that’s
probably unfair.”

Starlink satellite system
from Elon Musk's SpaceX
Provides unprecedented
degree of critical battlefield
communications. Fundamental
to Ukrainian manoeuvrability
and battlefield awareness so
far, and very cheap compared
to equivalents

Panzerhaubitze 2000
155mm tracked howitzer
German
technology
is world's
best for
firing rate,
accuracy
and mobility

M142 HIMARS and M270
MLRS (multiple launch
rocket systems)
Huge edge in
range and
accuracy. Ideal
for hitting
targets behind
Russian lines

Dates back to
the 1970s but
upgraded by
Ukraine with a
50kg warhead.
Used in four
successful strikes on
airbases deep inside Russia

GLONASS satellite system
Has only the same levels
of security/accuracy as
GPS. Russia is due to
introduce an upgraded
GLONASS-K2 system this
year, but so far nothing
has turned out to be as
good as Starlink

MSTA-S 152mm tracked howitzer
More modern
than MSTA-B
but little
improvement
in tube or shell
accuracy,
though rate of
fire is better

Grad rocket launchers
and Smerch MLRS
The Smerch
system is more
modern than the
dated Grad —
but still well
behind the
Ukrainians' HIMARS

The Shahed 136 ‘kamikaze’ drone
Obtained
in large
numbers
from Iran but
highly prone to
being disabled
or intercepted
by Ukraine

Tu-141 reconnaissance drone

Putin relies on raw recruits while
Ukraine embraces western tech
Russia blamed its own soldiers after Zelensky’s devastating new year strike. It exposes the widening weapons gap between the two sides
Michael Clarke
At about midnight on New Year’s Eve a
barrage of American-built Himars missiles smashed into a building packed with
Russian conscripts in Makiivka, just outside Donetsk in occupied east Ukraine.
The Professional Technical School was
not a well-chosen sanctuary: it stood out
even on commercial satellite imagery as
the most prominent building for miles
around. Despite that, Russian commanders had filled it with recruits and apparently stored ammunition in the basement. They never stood a chance.
The Kremlin has acknowledged that 89
servicemen were killed and blamed its
own soldiers’ use of mobile phones for
giving their location away. Other estimates, from the Ukrainian armed forces
and on Russian military social media,
have put the death toll in the hundreds.
To many ordinary Russians, the incident is simply unforgivable. To President
Putin it is the latest evidence that his
invading army is structurally inept and
organisationally weak.
It also points to the most critical issue
for the coming year. Wars measured in
years become contests in organisational
learning and adaptation; eventually it’s
the difference between victory and defeat.

Russia’s
big weak
spot is its
creaking
WEST’S WEAPONS TILT BALANCE logistics
The Ukrainian armed forces have been
learning the western — that is, the Nato — chain
style of warfare since their capitulation to

Russia’s first land grab in 2014. Since last
February they have been learning and
adapting very fast. They had already created a “combined arms” approach to
operations — integrating intelligence with
air power, missiles and ground forces
operating flexibly in relatively small
units. Elon Musk’s Starlink satellite system was made available to them and has
given Kyiv’s generals the philosopher’s
stone of command and control – a system
that offers so many cheap satellites over a
small area, the enemy can’t stymie it or
take it down. It provides instant connectivity for everyone from the central headquarters to the muddiest trenches. All
armies strive for this, but until now no
one has had it for real. Starlink has got
western defence chiefs looking hard at
their own existing plans.
Ukraine was able to hold off the early
Russian attack and buy time to reorientate its forces. Over the summer they
absorbed more western weapons systems that allowed them to put pressure
on Russia’s biggest weak spot: its creaking logistics chain. Few weapons on a battlefront are real game-changers, but the
long-range Himars system comes close
for its ability to hurt Russian forces far
behind the fighting. So too does Nato’s
flighted Excalibur artillery shell, which
turns a standard howitzer into a precision weapon.
Kyiv still has some way to go before it
has enough equipment and troops to
conduct the sort of offensive that will
throw Russian forces out of most, or all,

of its territory. It needs a lot more of what
it already has — and then more overtly
offensive weapon systems, including
heavier armoured forces, more attack
aircraft and more drones and missiles.
The 50 Bradley Fighting Vehicles the
US is sending to Ukraine — the best in the
business for supporting tanks in an offensive — plus the recently promised German
Marder and French AMX-10 armoured
vehicles will help, but are not enough.

A NEW, NEW MODEL ARMY
Having failed to win the war quickly with
its creaking standing army, Russia is trying to build a new force, probably on the
basis of near-continuous mobilisation,
which must be trained and equipped by
the spring in time for a big offensive
envisaged by its overall commander in
Ukraine, General Sergey Surovikin.
Can it be done? It’s been done before.
In 1645, facing repeated incompetence, Thomas Fairfax and Oliver Cromwell built parliament’s New Model Army
in months. There were no great technical
or tactical revolutions, just the creation
of a professional, regularly paid, wellequipped force. After an initial setback in
the West Country, the New Model Army
was never defeated.
In 1914. Britain’s “old contemptibles”
in the British Expeditionary Force were
struggling to hold the line in Belgium
Lord Kitchener began recruiting a citizen
army. Kitchener didn’t believe a conscript army would be effective. He

directed the generals to operate conservatively until his citizen army was ready
for a war-changing push. The recruitment target of 500,000 had grown to a
force of two million by mid-1916.
Stalin’s Red Army had to remake itself
even as it was fighting. His pre-war army
was destroyed when the Germans
attacked in June 1941. Inevitably they
lacked almost everything, but 1942 was a
year of desperate adaptation. In two
months, 25 new tank corps were formed.
Almost a million were recruited straight
from the gulags. They frequently
attacked without rifles — soldiers were
told to take one from whoever was dead.
Through the sheer brutality of the process, the Red Army developed its own version of the German blitzkrieg.

NEW TROOPS IN LINE OF FIRE
Ultimately armies are a reflection of their
societies. As Putin’s Russia tries to recreate an army that can fight Ukraine —
where everyone certainly knows what
they fight for, and obviously loves what
they know — it will have to overcome
some of the deepest societal roots of its
present ineptitude.
To be more effective for Surovikin’s
spring offensive, the re-mobilised Russian army will have to be less corrupt, a
characteristic that bedevils the quality
and supply of military equipment. It
should have a much stronger cadre of
non-commissioned officers — the practical backbone of any army. Its logistics

The Red
Army
remade
itself
while
fighting

need to be modernised quickly. Food and
ammunition supply is particularly acute.
More fundamentally, a new Russian
army needs to be able to operate in a less
centralised way. Big units of anything, sitting in one place for any length of time,
are asking to be targeted, as in Makiivka.
A modern army has got to be able to take
care of itself in small units but stay closely
connected to its central command. Not
least, it isn’t clear that the limited Russian
training establishment can deal with a
throughput of recruits that has doubled
since last summer.
These structural issues are impossible
to resolve fully in so short a time. When
Surovikin’s new forces reach the battlefront, however, some improvement in
Russian organisation and fighting power
seems plausible. He may assume they will
adapt quickly in combat. But on the
ground, at least, Surovikin will still be
commanding a largely 20th-century Soviet-style army up against an increasingly
21st-century Ukrainian combined force.
Perhaps he will have no option but to
keep throwing his troops into the line of
fire like the Red Army once did, testing
the longevity of the grim dictum ascribed
to Stalin: “In warfare, quantity has a quality all its own”.
Michael Clarke is visiting professor in
defence studies at King’s College London
and distinguished fellow at the Royal
United Services Institute
Dominic Lawson, Comment, page 22

The Sunday Times January 8, 2023

NEWS REVIEW

wo days before Christmas is
usually a busy time for Dan
Lentell, a stay-at-home father
in Cambridge. But a fortnight
ago, instead of wrapping
presents for his children, he
was addressing a crowd of
hundreds on a park in the city
centre and railing against
social injustice. “What’s happening is that this is a well-dressed group
of people who are shoving poorer people
out of the way, like on the Titanic where
the rich push past the poor to get to the
lifeboats,” Lentell said to cheers.
The cause of his ire was not strikes or
the spiralling wealth of the 1 per cent but
a proposal from a government body
called Greater Cambridge Partnership
(GCP) to introduce a £5 charge on all vehicles entering the city centre.
The penalty may not seem a lot to the
head of the GCP, Lentell, the independent councillor for the Over & Willingham
ward in south Cambridgeshire, tells me
later. “But it’s not the same for my constituents, many of whom are selfemployed, have been badly hit by coronavirus, are teaching or trying to get to
hospital or are retired.”
The row, which has engulfed Cambridge since the plans were put out to consultation in July, is a microcosm of what is
happening around the country as new
rules are introduced targeting drivers in
cities and towns. The direction of travel is
clear, but could 2023 be the year when the
balance shifts and the motorist is no
longer king of the road? For some this is an
eagerly awaited step towards a cleaner,
greener future; for others it’s a fantasy of
the middle classes that is destroying ordinary people’s way of life.
The most dramatic of these changes
have been in London, where the mayor,
Sadiq Khan, has resolved to push ahead
with the expansion of the Ultra Low Emission Zone (Ulez), which already covers
the area between the North and South
Circular roads. From the end of August
drivers of non-compliant vehicles in suburban areas all the way to the homecounties borders will be charged £12.50
every time they drive. Offending vehicles
include many petrol cars and vans made
before 2005 and diesel cars and vans
made before September 2015.
Clean air zones, which limit vehicular
access to parts of the city centre, have
been operating in Bath and Birmingham
since 2021 and are now being introduced
to cities across the UK. In Bristol the
restrictions, which cover cars, taxis,
buses and lorries in the town centre, came
into force in November. Tyneside and
Sheffield are expected to follow suit in the
early months of this year, with charges for
non-compliant taxis, buses, coaches,
HGVs and vans. Edinburgh’s Low Emission Zone was launched last year: after a
two-year grace period, any non-compliant car entering the city centre after June
2024 will be charged £30 — increasing to
£60 if not paid within 40 days.
Other cities are coming up with their
own solutions. Durham already puts a
charge on all vehicles entering the “peninsula” around the cathedral and city
centre. In Oxford, where a zero-emission
zone is being piloted, there are plans to
divide the city into zones. Residents can
drive as much as they want within their
own zone but will have a limited number
of permits to enter other zones, with a
fine of £70 if they exceed that limit. In a
letter to The Spectator last week, Bill
Cotton, corporate director of environment and place at Oxfordshire county
council, needed 143 words to explain the
full complexities of the system.
Many of those affected live outside city
centres, where public transport can be
poor. Willingham, the village in which
Lentell lives, has one bus an hour. “If it
turns up at all, it is usually 20 minutes
early or 20 minutes late,” he says. The
people behind the proposal to introduce
charges have no understanding of this,
he claims — they both live in the city centre; one is a member of Extinction Rebellion, and the other does not drive. The
whole thing has been “incredibly divisive
and incredibly revealing about the political class”, Lentell says.
Tempers are running high in London,
where Khan’s new rules are expected to
affect 200,000 vehicles a year. Nick
Arlett, 71, a retired builder who lives in

ARE MOTORISTS

largely heralded as a success story. The
pandemic provided an opportunity to try
the same idea across the country. In February 2020, Johnson, this time as prime minister, with Gilligan again along for the ride,
announced a five-year national funding
package that included plans for several
new LTNs.
Then the pandemic struck and what
had been a small part of the prime minister’s transport plans became a central
one. In May 2020, the government
instructed local authorities to reallocate
road space for significantly increased
numbers of cyclists and pedestrians and
backed the guidelines with cash.
Since then, bollards and moveable flowerbeds have sprung up in cities nationwide; more than 100 LTNs were introduced in London alone between 2020 and
2021. The impact has been, to put it mildly,
divisive. In Oxford, bollards that sprang up
in the east of the city have been pulled out
of the ground, run over and set on fire;
advocates for the scheme have formed
human chains to stop cars passing. There
have been reports of fights breaking out in
Walthamstow, east London, where traffic
is being directed down narrow residential
streets. In Birmingham residents were left
unimpressed last week after the council
installed more than 50 bollards near Meadows Primary School to deter motorists.
Tensions across the country are likely
to escalate. Rules differ from city to city,
and some are suspicious that the measures are less to do with pollution and
more to do with creating a convenient
new revenue stream for cash-strapped
councils. In London, the RAC estimates,
the Ulez expansion could bring in £260
million a year, more than parking fines.
Above all, there is a clear demographic
tension. “Resistance is greater among the
older generations,” Schwanen says. People
in their twenties and thirties are far less
likely to have a driving licence and they are
also disproportionately more likely to live
in central city locations.
The rules tend to have a greater impact
on families, delivery drivers, care workers and small-business owners. But it is
not as simple as rich against poor. “People on a lower income are less likely to
drive and drive fewer miles if they do
have a car. So the class argument doesn’t
really hold,” Schwanen says.

RUNNING OUT OF ROAD? N
Low-emission zones are taking over our cities, with no chance of a U-turn.
Drivers will have to get used to paying their way, writes Rosie Kinchen
SWNS

West Wickham, in southeast London,
says the policy will be a disaster for him.
“I can hardly walk. I’ve got a new knee,
and I need another one. I’ve got arthritis
in just about every bit of my body you can
think of,” he says. His Renault van does
not meet clean-air standards, and he and
his wife, who has Parkinson’s disease,
live two miles from a railway station.
“I’m not poor, but there is no way I can
afford a new car,” he says. More than
160,000 people have signed a petition
against the Ulez expansion. Action
Against Ulez, the group Arlett founded
three weeks ago, is now considering
whether there are grounds for legal
action against the mayor.
“People have been talking about sustainable transport and about increasing
choices for other modes of transport and
investment in public transport and
cycling for a very long time,” says Tim
Schwanen, director of the transport studies unit at Oxford University. “But the
problem is that you don’t create behaviour change just by giving people
options.” In other words, councils have
tried introducing carrots; now they are
starting to wield the stick.
In some cases they are doing so
because they have to. In 2017 and 2018 the
UK government lost a string of legal cases
brought by environmental campaigners
for failing to adequately tackle air pollution. More than 60 local authorities have
now been ordered by ministers to produce plans to comply with air-quality regulations. But attitudes have also shifted,
Schwanen says. “We know more than
ever about the deeply damaging effects

Pedestrians pick
their way around
scores of
bollards in
Birmingham,
while protesters
marched against
the motoring
charge in
Cambridge

that air pollution has for people’s health,
including children’s health. Lung development is a key issue that is affected by air
pollution. Air pollution has many causes,
but traffic is one of the top three.”
Khan was given a diagnosis of asthma at
the age of 43, which he says developed
while he was training for the London marathon in 2014. He is said to have been
“scandalised” by this and is publishing his
first book, Breathe, a seven-point action
plan for tackling the climate emergency,
in May. He argues that expanding Ulez will
save lives. “Around 4,000 Londoners die
prematurely each year due to the toxic air
in our city, with the greatest number of
deaths attributable to air pollution in London’s outer boroughs,” he said last week.
London’s congestion charge was introduced by Ken Livingstone in 2003. But it
was his successor as mayor, Boris Johnson,
who, with his cycling adviser, Andrew Gilligan, masterminded the UK’s first lowtraffic neighbourhood (LTN) in 2014. He
offered London boroughs the chance to
bid for funding to reduce traffic and
encourage people to walk, cycle or get the
bus. The policy, though not without its critics, led to three “mini Hollands” in Enfield,
Kingston and Waltham Forest, which are

Is it right to charge private cars to
enter city centres?
Have your say at sundaytimes.co.uk/poll

evertheless, against a backdrop of
Covid recovery and strikes, it isn’t
hard to see why some legislators are
losing their nerve. In Greater Manchester, Andy Burnham, the mayor,
is trying to water down plans for the city’s
clean-air zone so it does not affect private
cars or delivery vehicles. Bristol’s mayor,
Marvin Rees, has said the city’s scheme
could be scrapped if pollution falls. Green
transport evangelists, however, believe
that the opposition comes from a vocal
minority while the quiet majority support
the measures. Khan’s research suggests
that 60 per cent of Londoners support the
Ulez expansion.
Whatever position you take, a handbrake turn seems unlikely. Britain already
lags behind much of Europe, where 250
clean-air zones are already operational in
cities. Schwanen believes the real question now is whether the measures will
also come to smaller cities and towns.
There are lessons we can learn from
the LTN fight, he says. The consultation
process should be as “participatory” as
possible and if you are going to restrict
car use, you need alternatives. “Public
transport is in a pretty dire state,” he says.
According to the campaign group
Green Alliance, transparency over
money can help. In Birmingham, for
example, the council has been clear that
its clean-air zone is not there to generate
income. Research suggested that a higher
charge would not markedly influence
behaviour, so the Birmingham fee was
reduced from £12.50 to £8, with all revenue reinvested in public transport.
Done badly, these schemes will continue to cause discord. Lentell warns that
is wrong to label those opposed to them
as climate-change deniers. “Climate
change is real. It’s an existential threat.
But at the same time we’ve got to learn the
lessons from the pandemic. And that
means making sure that we’re taking care
of the economically vulnerable ahead of
the people who can afford to live in the
centre of town and cycle to work.”

THE CLOTHES SHOW

From The
Clothes Show
to Dame Viv’s
chosen one
Jeff Banks, 79, the high-street designer
and TV presenter, tells John Arlidge
how he was summoned to Westwood’s
deathbed to be handed a top job

o many it was the
equivalent of putting
Marks & Sparks in
charge of Versace. Jeff
Banks, a designer best
known for making suits for
Debenhams and hosting
BBC1’s The Clothes Show in
the 1980s and 1990s, was the
last person anyone thought
would take over the business
of the late Vivienne
Westwood, the punk designer

who worked with the Sex
Pistols. But last week it
emerged that Banks, 79, is a
new director of her UK
company. What few know is
that for Banks it is a step back
to the future.
“She asked me to help her
set up her business in the
1980s,” he says. He had just
founded the high-street chain
Warehouse and “respected
Vivienne as a huge talent. I

thought it would be a sin if
she got sucked into a
mainstream corporate
structure. So we hired a little
studio in Camden Town and
got going with her two sons.”
Four decades and a
damehood later, Westwood
asked to see Banks shortly
before she died last month
aged 81. “I felt a bit like
Cardinal Wolsey going to see
the monarch,” he says. “She
asked me to become a director
as we sat chatting when she
was in her hospital bed.”
His new job is to protect
what she created. “She wants
to ensure that Andreas
Kronthaler [Westwood’s third
husband, 56, and the label’s
creative director] continues
to enjoy the freedom of
expression to design that he’s
always had, which is the
lifeblood of the company.” On
her deathbed Westwood also
told Banks she wanted him to
help “make sure the company
remains at the forefront of
climate change activism and
sustainability”. “As Vivienne
always said, we need to buy
fewer clothes,” adds Banks,
who says he will also continue
“Vivienne’s propagation of

freedom of speech and
human rights for women and
others who are oppressed”.
Much will be done through a
new Vivienne Foundation.
Isn’t he an odd choice for
these political roles? After all,
he is a “high street” trader
who sells affordable fashion,
eyewear and homewares
across the world in his own
stores, online and in
Specsavers. Banks shakes his
head. “I agree with
everything Vivienne stands
for. I created one of the first
ever sustainable collections
called Good Goods over 30
years ago.”
Born in Ebbw Vale,
Monmouthshire, Banks
moved with his mother, a tea
lady, and father, a sheet-metal
worker, to south London,
aged two. He set up his first
business selling paraffin
when he was 11. He later sold
it and, after studying fashion
at Central Saint Martin’s, used
the proceeds to open his first
boutique, Clobber, in
Blackheath in 1964. He was
once married to the singer
Sandie Shaw and has four
children.
The early days of

Jeff Banks was
a host of The
Clothes Show
with Caryn
Franklin and
Brenda
Emmanus.
Vivienne
Westwood, left,
asked him to be a
director of her
business

Westwood’s business were so
chaotic — “entertaining”,
Banks prefers — that the label
almost folded. Up to 1,000
guests threatened to leave a
big London Fashion Week
show in Olympia in 1988 after
she kept them waiting for an
hour. Banks had to go
backstage to chivvy
Westwood to start, and found
her “calmly sewing the last
dress of the collection”. She
told him: “If they’ve waited
an hour, they’ll wait another
ten minutes.” They did.
Today Banks says the
business, which is 67 per cent
owned by Kronthaler, with
the remaining 33 per cent
held by Westwood’s business
partner Carlo D’Amario, is in
ruder health than many
might imagine. It will
generate profits of £25 million
on revenues of £150 million
this year. Its assets are valued
at £50 million, mainly
commercial properties.
There are boutiques in
London, New York, Los
Angeles, Milan and Paris.
Critics of Westwood
accused her of paying lip
service to equality and
human rights, after it

emerged that her company
advertised for unpaid interns.
Others estimate she saved up
to £500,000 a year in tax by
registering her assets in a
Luxembourg-based holding
company. “Somebody
advised her there was a tax
benefit. There was no tax
advantage, and Vivienne was
dead against it anyway. So,
I’m wrapping up
Luxembourg, making
Vivienne Westwood a wholly
UK company, paying UK tax,
which is what we always have
done,” says Banks.
There may be few
designers around today in
Westwood’s mould, but
Banks says exciting new
names are emerging on a high
street that has been ravaged
by lockdown. He praises
Erdem, Me+Em, Simone
Rocha and Molly Goddard.
Could Banks or another
presenter champion them on
a new version of The Clothes
Show, which attracted
audiences of up to ten million
before being axed in 2000?
“No. Fashion on TV is dead,
because everything is done
very cheaply. You need
fashion magazine quality.”

The Sunday Times January 8, 2023

NEWS REVIEW

World’s most
wanted man
is heading for a
knockout blow
On his trail from Dublin to Dubai, US agents
are finally closing in on Daniel Kinahan, boxing
promoter, friend of Tyson Fury and the head of
a £1 billion drugs empire. David Collins reports

aniel Kinahan, the world’s
most
wanted
criminal,
thinks the world is out to get
him. Born and raised in a
deprived area of Dublin, the
international drugs kingpin
and boxing magnate claims
he grew up in poverty. His
community was ravaged by
crime and underinvestment. “People like me, from there, aren’t
expected to do anything with their lives
other than serve the middle and upper
classes,” he said in a statement in 2021.
He had been accused by the BBC and
the Irish courts of being head of an international drugs empire worth £1 billion.
Kinahan, 45, known to friends as “Daniel
Joseph”, “Chess”, “D” or “Cuz”, called it
“slurs”. It was his “firm belief” that his
“success” as a boxing promoter, organising world title fights for the likes of Tyson
Fury, had made people jealous, and that
the world was simply against workingclass people like him doing well.
Last
year
the
smooth-talking
Dubliner’s rhetoric began to unravel, as
the US government issued a $5 million
bounty for information leading to his
arrest. The same bounty is offered for the
arrest of his father and brother. The US
Treasury accused him of leading the
Kinahan Transnational Criminal Organisation (KTCO) using bases in the West
Midlands, Spain and the United Arab
Emirates (UAE). The KTCO began distributing South American cocaine and heroin in Ireland, it said, and later in the UK
and throughout mainland Europe. “In
addition to narcotics trafficking, the
Kinahans have engaged in money laundering, firearms trafficking and murder,”
said the US authorities.
It looked liked the beginning of the end
for one of the largest criminal organisations the world has seen: so powerful that
at one stage the US Drugs Enforcement
Agency (DEA) feared it was trying to
merge the mafias of the world into a
supercartel — and stationed spies at Kinahan’s wedding to stop this happening. Dozens of Kinahan’s criminal
associates in the past two years have
been arrested or are behind bars, as
a decades-long game of chess
between law enforcement agencies
around the world and the cartel is
almost over. Checkmate will be the
arrest of Kinahan, his brother, Christopher Kinahan, and their father,
Christopher Kinahan Sr.
“The sanctioning of members of
the Kinahan crime group in the US
last year, which the NCA [National
Crime Agency] played a key role in
achieving, will have had a significant
impact on them, effectively cutting

He got
married
at the
7-star
Burj al
Arab
hotel.
The US
sent spies

them off from the global banking system,” Craig Turner, the NCA’s deputy
director of investigations, told The Sunday Times. “They thought they were
untouchable but the sanctions will have
come as a huge blow, making them toxic
to legitimate businesses and financial
institutions, and will cause other criminals to think twice about doing business
with them.”
As of last week, the Kinahans
remained at large, possibly not far from
Daniel Kinahan’s luxury residence in
Dubai’s exclusive Palm Jumeirah resort,
though they are reported to be moving
location on a daily basis. But who is Daniel Kinahan? How did his family build a
criminal organisation said to control one
third of all cocaine supplies into Europe?
And why haven’t they been captured?

A FAMILY AFFAIR

The American
government
issued a
$5 million bounty
for information
leading to Daniel
Kinahan’s arrest

The cartel started with Daniel’s father,
Christy, dubbed the “Dapper Don” on
account of his expensive taste in clothes.
A champion kickboxer involved in fraud
and stolen goods, Christy spotted a gap in
Dublin’s heroin market in the 1980s. He
was no ordinary street dealer, though.
Irish police claim he was well-spoken,
reflecting a respectable upbringing. Past
pupils at his school included the writer
James Joyce. Michael O’Sullivan, a former
assistant garda commissioner, who once
arrested Christy, told the BBC: “He
wasn’t your average guy who took over a
drugs operation. He was a bit smarter, a
bit more strategically focused.”
In the 1980s Christy was jailed for six
years and learned Spanish and Dutch
while serving a second sentence a few
years later. He moved his operations to the
Costa del Sol in the 2000s, and invited his
sons, Daniel and Christy Jr, to help out. The
business rapidly expanded from Europe to
South America and the Middle East. The
Kinahans set up direct links with Colombian cocaine exporters and profits soared.
Their success brought attention. In
2006 a number of police forces
across Europe linked up to investigate. Code-named Operation
Shovel, the investigation was led
by the Spanish authorities. A wiretap revealed extraordinary details
about the scale of the cartel. Gang
members discussed buying a container ship — and even their own
marina. Meanwhile, Daniel was
learning his father’s trade.
“Daniel was arrogant. Narcissistic,” Nicola Tallant, author of Clash
of the Clans: The Rise of the Kinahan
Mafia, said. “But he was quite popular. I’ve spoken to a couple of
Daniel’s childhood friends, and he

ILLUSTRATION: HAYLEY DALRYMPLE

The family
has been
accused
of dirty
money,
selling
firearms
and
murder

was well liked growing up. Sociable.
Didn’t do drugs. Bit of a lady’s man. Desperate to please his father, who was quite
aloof.” When Christy handed him the
reins of his empire, some in Ireland’s
underworld questioned whether Daniel
had earned his place. “He was given his
dad’s empire on a silver spoon,” Tallant
said. “Some thought it came too easy for
him, that he was happy to order people to
do things he wouldn’t do himself.”
In 2009 Daniel Kinahan was namechecked in an American diplomatic cable
sent from Sierra Leone to Washington
DC. He was described as “an Irish businessman involved in narco-trafficking
throughout Europe” who wanted to
expand into west Africa. A year later the
cartel, based largely in Marbella, was busted by the Spanish police. Daniel, his
father and brother were arrested and
properties were raided in Spain, the UK,
Ireland, Cyprus, Belgium and Dubai. The
gang had properties in northern Brazil
worth more than £300 million. But the
Spanish operation was botched and
failed to jail the Kinahans. In a few years
they would resurface, this time more
powerful than ever before.

world boxing grew quickly and they
signed up hundreds of British and Irish
boxers. The jewel in the crown was Tyson
Fury, who signed with Daniel Kinahan’s
Marbella boxing gym, originally Macklin’s Gym Marbella (MGM) and now MTK,
which stands for Mack the Knife.
After winning the world heavyweight
title in 2015, Fury fell into depression. He
gave up his titles and his weight ballooned. MTK is largely credited with his
comeback. The British public wanted to
see him fight his fellow British boxer
Anthony Joshua, but who would broker
it? In 2020 Fury posted a video about the
match on Twitter. “I’m just after getting
off the phone with Daniel Kinahan,” Fury
said. “He just informed me that the biggest fight in British boxing history has just
been agreed. A big shoutout to Dan, he
got this done, literally over the line.” To
many sports fans, Kinahan’s name meant
little, but to law enforcement agencies it
was evidence of how Europe’s biggest
drugs cartel had become a major player
in world boxing. There is no suggestion
that Fury is involved in cartel criminality.

BOXING AND GANG WARS

Daniel Kinahan moved to Dubai shortly
after an attempt on his life at a Dublin
hotel in 2016. The UAE has no extradition
treaty with Ireland or America, which
makes it harder for him to be arrested

In about 2012, Daniel Kinahan set up a
boxing management company and gym
in Marbella. The Kinahans’ influence in

Get orf our land: the vegans
outbidding farmers for ﬁelds
THE VEGAN LAND MOVEMENT/GEN V

Frustrated by the fruitlessness of
waving banners, protesters are getting
proactive — including bribing the PM
to go plant-based, writes Katie Gatens

t an agricultural
auction house in
Somerset a few farmers
are eyeing up the next
plot to go under the
hammer — 6.8 acres of
grazing fields near Taunton.
The farmers are about to
lose out, however, to a
£44,000 bid from a secret
and unexpected online
bidder: a group of vegans,
who have resorted to stealth
tactics to buy up the
country’s farmland.
Vegans are putting their
money where their meat-free
mouth is when it comes to
getting their message across.
The Vegan Land Movement
(VLM) is a community
interest company, the aim of
which is to outbid farmers,
stop industrial farming on
that land, and increase
biodiversity by planting trees
and rewilding it. Between
1970 and 2013 the UK lost 56
per cent of its wild species.
VLM raises money through its
crowdfunding website, and in
two years it has won four

plots of land, losing only one
auction.
“A lot of people think
action is about standing on a
street with a banner,” says
Gina Bates, 60, the founder of
VLM. “Obviously that plays a
part but not many people are
actually trying to create
alternative systems.”
There’s no denying that
veganism is growing in
popularity. According to
YouGov, 2 per cent of the
population was vegan in 2021,
rising to 3 per cent last year.
Veganuary is celebrating its
tenth year of campaigning
with the number of people
pledging a month of
veganism growing year on
year.
It’s not just grassroots
campaign groups that have a
beef with meat-eaters. The
vegan organisation GenV has
challenged Rishi Sunak to
adopt a plant-based diet for a
month for a donation of
£1 million to a charity of his
choice and has taken over
every inch of advertising

space in Westminster Tube
station to get its message to
him. Founded in 2019 by
Matthew Glover, who also
established the Veganuary
group, GenV has previously
issued the same challenge to
the Pope and to Donald
Trump.
Of the decision to target
Sunak, Naomi Hallum, the
chief executive of GenV, says:
“As well as him being the UK’s
youngest prime minister, he’s
Hindu and I believe he
doesn’t eat meat from cows.
So that’s very progressive. He
talks a lot about the
importance of being a
compassionate nation, so I
think it would be great for
him to take the next step and
be the first prime minister to
lead by example on
sustainable and
compassionate diets.”
GenV doesn’t take public
donations and is funded
entirely by a private trust,
which is supported by a
number of philanthropists.
A section on its website
headlined “Supporters past
and present” features
pictures of Joanna Lumley,
Paul McCartney, Bryan
Adams, Joaquin Phoenix and
Woody Harrelson. “In the
case of this particular million

Gina Bates, founder of the Vegan Land Movement, and
Kevin Greenhill, are part of the campaign that goes beyond
banner-waving. Below: the poster challenge to Rishi Sunak

GANGSTER’S PARADISE

pounds, this is being offered
by an anonymous donor,”
Hallum says.
Sick of the banner-waving,
attending rallies and
watching nothing get done,
Bates, who used to work as a
print designer for Liberty in
London, but who now lives in
the Highlands and has
planted a “veganic” nut
orchard, wanted to “think of
solutions” instead.
VLM comprises three core
members and about 20
volunteers, and no one takes
a salary. Two of the three sites
it owns are in Somerset, a
region it has honed in on for a
few reasons. “One is because
it’s one of the most depleted
areas in Europe for
biodiversity,” Bates says. “It’s
also the biggest region for
dairy farms in the country, so
there’s a lot more pollution
per acre there than there is
anywhere else in the UK.”
The group has had
donations from all over the
world including from a man
in Manila who gave £3,000 of
his savings, as well as the
Downton Abbey actor Peter
Egan.
VLM faces a tricky
balancing act. Once it
identifies land it wants to bid
for, it will start raising money
without giving too much
away. The group lost its first
piece of land, Bates thinks,
because it publicised it too
much through social media
and farmers caught on. “Now,
when we find a piece of land
we disguise it by doctoring
the image on Photoshop so
people can’t locate it.”
Late last year VLM planted

and taken into custody by foreign law
enforcement. There the family set up
food, clothing and sports consultancy
companies, used as fronts to launder
drug money. The gang spread its financial
interests into aviation, cryptocurrency,
renewable energy and property.
Keith Ditcham, acting director of the
Royal United Services Institute (RUSI)
and a Home Office adviser, said: “Dubai is
regarded by criminals as an easy place to
launder money, as well as living a lavish
lifestyle, with less risk than living in Spain
or the Netherlands.” Individuals arriving
into Dubai airport are allowed to declare
large amounts of cash on arrival and be
waved through the border, according to
an NCA source.
Kinahan began to enjoy his vast wealth
in the city of the super-rich. His wedding
was held at the seven-star Burj al Arab
hotel in 2017. Attendees included drugs
barons such as the Dutch-Chilean
Ricardo Riquelme Vega, Ridouan Taghi,
who was born in Morocco, the alleged
Italian mafia boss Raffaele Imperiale and
the Balkan crime boss Edin Gacanin. The
DEA is said to have had undercover wedding guests at the ceremony, fearing the
formation of a supercartel.
In 2017 life was good for the Kinahans.
Daniel had just got married, and the cartel was controlling a large chunk of the
British cocaine market. Running the UK
operation was Thomas “Bomber” Kavanagh, considered Kinahan’s second in
command. He ran the UK headquarters
from a luxury gated mansion in Tamworth, Staffordshire, with reinforced
doors and bulletproof glass. Cocaine was
smuggled in shipments through Dover.
Their luck began to change, however.
Kavanagh was caught and sentenced at
Ipswich crown court to 21 years in prison
last year. “Members of the network considered themselves to be untouchable,
but we were able to systematically dismantle the group,” Turner said.
Kinahan’s alleged banker, Johnny Morrissey, was arrested in Spain. He had been
using the Hawala underground banking
system — which leaves no paper trail — to
process £300,000 a day in dirty money.
Arguably the biggest blow to the Kinahans came in April last year when the US
Treasury imposed sanctions on the family and their associates, placing $5 million
bounties on Daniel, his brother and
father. “US law enforcement are highly
proactive and relentless in their pursuit
of wanted criminals around the world,”
Ditcham said. “They won’t just advertise
a bounty like that and sit back and wait.
They will actively pursue. And nobody is
more powerful than the US government.
They’re effectively finished.”

SECRET DIPLOMACY
Finished, but still not in custody. Behind
the scenes, Europol, which co-ordinates
the liaison between the EU’s law enforcement agencies, has been negotiating with
the UAE on extraditing criminals like the
Kinahans. Last year an agreement was
reached to allow UAE law enforcement
officers to be deployed to Europol’s headquarters in the Hague. Dutch, Italian and
Spanish nationals linked to drugs have
recently been extradited from the UAE,
as co-operation has been strengthened.
Organised crime gangs are leaving Dubai.
But where is Daniel Kinahan, the
world’s most wanted man? Could he contemplate a life in Afghanistan or Pakistan,
as has been reported? How much would a
drugs baron be willing to compromise on
lifestyle in exchange for freedom? His
father has previously looked at securing
residency status in Zimbabwe for him, his
partner and three children. “The family
has made several recent trips to Oman,”
Tallant said. “But Irish law enforcement
agencies believe he is still hiding out in
Dubai. I believe we’ll see an arrest sometime this year. It could be any day now.”
Turner said: “We will explore every
opportunity available to disrupt their
criminal activities, and, rest assured, we
will not stop here.”

The Vegan
Land
Movement
has lost only
one auction
so far

250 oak, birch, wild cherry,
willow and maple trees. Its
third success was a plot of
dairy grazing land for cattle
and sheep that had planning
permission for a chicken unit
for 20,000 birds — a double
win for Bates, because it was
right next to a river that was
polluted with phosphates.
VLM plans to plant an organic
community orchard there
and sell the produce.
Bates says it takes a lot to
butter up donors without
releasing details of the
farmland that would reveal its
location, as people want to
see what they’re paying for.
Bates won’t reveal how much
VLM has raised in total, but it
has hit every fundraising
target so far from 500 regular
smaller donors plus a few

hundred monthly
subscribers.
Tom Bradshaw, deputy
president of the National
Farmers Union, thinks vegans
are just moving the problem
elsewhere.
“We are unable to stop
private companies pursuing
farmland,” he says. “But the
simple fact is that if we start
rewilding vast tracts of British
farmland then we will reduce
UK food production. If we do
that and simply import from
countries with lower
standards, then we may end
up living in a green oasis
here, but we have offshored
our production and any
environmental impacts that
go with it.”
Hallum counters: “If
Britain shifted to a plantbased diet, we would require
only one sixth of the amount
of land that we use now for
farming, and we’d be able to
return over 14 million
hectares [35 million acres] of
land back to nature, and
restore our wildlife
population.”
Bates argues that a lot of
dairy farmers “hate” sending
their cows to slaughter.
“Many farmers are nature
lovers, but they are trapped
in a broken system that’s
paying them less and less
every year and they see no
way out of it,” she says.
As for Sunak, he has yet to
take the vegans up on their
offer. The Department for
Environment, Food and Rural
Affairs said: “The
government has no intention
to tell people to eat less
meat.”

The Sunday Times January 8, 2023

NEWS REVIEW
JAMES COLBURN/ZUMAPRESS/ALAMY; MICHAEL PUTLAND/GETTY IMAGES; ALAMY;SPLASH NEWS

here are celebrities, there are
stars — and then, at the god
tier of public figures, there’s
Madonna. This year marks
the 40th anniversary of her
debut album, Madonna. She’s
been the Material Girl, caused
outrage with her Sex book,
took a midlife detour into
mysticism, and then reinvented herself as the archetypal English
lady. At 64, she’s back with new music,
rumours of a new tour, and new ways to
shock.
Madonna has always had a talent for
provocation. She’s managed to be condemned by the Vatican not once, but
twice. The first time was in 1989 for her
sexily blasphemous Like a Prayer video,
in which she seduces a black Jesus and
dances in front of burning crosses; the
second for her 2006 Confessions tour, in
which she performed Live to Tell while
suspended on a mirrored crucifix.
But 2023 Madonna isn’t just upsetting
the Roman Catholic Church: it’s her own
fans who are worried. It was reported last
week that she has blocked out dates for
megashows at London’s O2 arena later
this year. But away from the concert
stage, she has found a new home. Showing the alacrity for picking up new trends
that’s been a constant of her career,
Madonna has embraced Instagram and
TikTok. And what she’s been posting, in
typical Madonna style, has been a long
way from the average sixtysomething’s
social media.
In 2021, there was the notorious Instagram post that pictured her lower half
emerging from under a bed, dressed only
in fishnet tights and a pair of Louboutins.
It looked like a pornographic re-enactment of Alan Bennett’s A Cream Cracker
Under the Settee television monologue.
And last year, there was a TikTok video in
which she declared that her favourite
snack was “big dicks” and her favourite
accessory was her “24-carat gold vibrator
necklace”.
In the comments, her followers clash
over whether she’s trying too hard or
whether those taking offence are simply
small-minded. After all, Madonna has
spent her life smashing through taboos.
“Giving thanks that I have managed to
maintain my sanity through four decades
of censorship . . . sexism . . . ageism and
misogyny,” she posted in 2021.
Then there’s the question of
Madonna’s face, which also doesn’t have
much in common with the average sixtysomething’s face. Her preternaturally
smooth and swollen appearance has
been interpreted by surgeons and aestheticians as evidence of a facelift and
extensive filler injections as well as
Botox. There’s also speculation that she’s
had breast implants and fat transferred to
her buttocks.
Again, Madonna isn’t here for the criticism. She’s neither confirmed nor denied
any of the rumoured work, but when the
rapper 50 Cent commented on her seemingly inflated rear in 2019, she appeared
to respond with an Instagram post which
read: “Desperately seeking no one’s
approval. And entitled to free agency
over my body like everyone else.”
For some, like the writer Justin Myers
who blogs as The Guyliner, the fascination with how Madonna is (or isn’t) ageing is inappropriate. “The thing we have
always loved about Madonna is that she
has done everything on her own terms,”
he wrote. “Madonna’s body has never
been for our pleasure — it is her tool, her
machine.”
In other words, Madonna’s looks are
not up for comment, because whatever
she may or may not have had done, it’s
her body, her choice. Myers is right that
Madonna has always made her body part
of her art, and that art is an index of the
public consciousness. Which means her
body is too. Inevitably those who’ve followed her career have strong feelings
about her image.
In 1998, Madonna turned 40 and
released the album Ray of Light. In the
process she redefined what ageing meant
for women. Two years earlier, she’d given
birth to her first child, Lourdes (fathered
by fitness trainer Carlos Leon). The idea
of a pop star having the temerity to out-

Records are lost and doctors can’t talk
to one another. Professor Mark Britnell
says we need a system that puts the
patients at its heart — not the bosses

J
Back into the
groove at 64
— but is she
still in vogue?
Forty years after revolutionising pop, Madonna
is set to play a string of giant shows. Will she
shock us all over again — or simply embarrass
herself, asks material girl Sarah Ditum

Top, Madonna
was the queen of
reinvention
throughout the

Learn a language
in three months
— if you’re ready
to make an idiot
of yourself
Benny Lewis said
he was rubbish at
languages. Now he
can speak seven of
them. He gives his
tips to Katie Gatens

or Benny Lewis,
language learning all
started with a faulty
electric toothbrush.
Then a 20-year-old
engineering student at
University College Dublin, he
had been living in Valencia
for six months as part of his
degree and had not learnt a
word of Spanish — thinking,
as so many of us do, that he
was “bad at learning
languages”. Then his new
toothbrush broke.
“I stormed into the
supermarket where I bought
it,” Lewis tells me over a

Our creaking
NHS can’t beat
its admin chaos
without a tech
revolution

Zoom call from Oaxaca,
Mexico. “Suddenly I realised
that I didn’t know how to say
‘toothbrush’, I didn’t know
how to say ‘refund’ and I
didn’t know how to say
‘broken’.” Lewis remained
undeterred. He pieced
together some rudimentary
vocabulary and, hey presto,
his money was returned.
It was a turning point in his
life. “It just blew my mind
that with this absolutely
terrible caveman Spanish I
was still able to achieve a
somewhat complex
interaction,” says Lewis.
Buoyed by his confidence, he
gave learning Spanish
another go and got hooked on
learning languages.
Lewis, who is originally
from Cavan in Ireland, is now
40 and a certified polyglot
(someone who speaks several
languages fluently). He’s
fluent (something he defines

1980s and 1990s.
Above, out on the
town in London
in 2022

as up to a conversational
level) in seven languages —
Spanish, Portuguese, French,
Italian, German as well as
English and the rather less
useful international language
of Esperanto — and has
dabbled in at least a dozen
more, including Arabic,
Czech and Tagalog.
He has a blog, Fluent in 3
Months, and a book of the
same name. Why three
months? It’s the maximum
amount of time on a tourist
visa for most countries; and
you can spend a maximum of
90 days in the Schengen area
every 180 days on a British
passport.
It’s the time of year when
many of us are making new
year’s resolutions to dust off
that GCSE-level Italian.
Although the number of
children choosing to study
modern foreign languages
has been declining for a
decade, adult leaners are on
the rise. The Duolingo app,
for example, has 15 million
daily users, 50 per cent more
than in 2021.
But according to Lewis,
relying on Duolingo
for fluency is “just
never going to
happen”. The best move
is, of course, to live
abroad. For most of the past
20 years Lewis has lived out
of a suitcase, making money
first by translating complex
engineering manuals and
then from his blog, book and

live her youth was, in its way, even more
outrageous than any of her previous
antics.
It was one thing for Madonna to tell
David Letterman she liked to pee in the
shower, or appear in bondage gear for the
Human Nature video. It was quite another
for her to get old. As late as the midnoughties, the attitude was very much
that female performers in their thirties
were on borrowed time.
When Janet Jackson suffered the
humiliation of Nipplegate during the
2004 Super Bowl half-time show, one of
the repeated criticisms of her was that, at
37, she was simply too old for the job. In a
routine from the time, the stand-up
comedian Chris Rock lambasted Jackson
for showing “a 40-year-old titty”.
Madonna navigated the passage into
maturity by turning away from the semipornographic style that had characterised her previous two albums (Erotica
and Bedtime Stories). She married the
British director Guy Ritchie, got into
Pilates, embraced kabbalah and wore a
lot of double denim.
Even better, she made some of her
most exciting music in years: working
with producer William Orbit, Ray of Light

Benny Lewis
started with
Spanish and is
now a polyglot.
He shares his
techniques in his
book and blog

took the best of contemporary dance
music and trip-hop and put Madonna in
the centre of it. It transformed her from
an artist with wobbly prospects to a
whole new lease of icon status.
In 2000, Ritchie and Madonna had a
son together (Rocco), and later adopted a
Malawian boy (David Banda). In 2008,
she filed for divorce and relocated to New
York, going on to adopt three more children from Malawi: Mercy, and twins
Estere and Stella. She now lives in Lisbon,
where Banda was pursuing a football
career in the Benfica academy.
Madonna could rest on her reputation
at this point. Instead, she’s gone on pushing frontiers. Throughout her career,
she’s had a knack for bringing the avantgarde into the mainstream: Vogue took
New York’s gay ballroom scene and
turned it into chart material. In her sixties, she’s still seeking new sounds and
new ideas. Over the past few years, she’s
collaborated with Nicki Minaj, Beyoncé
and the Dominican rapper Tokischa.
And she’s still intently attuned to how
people listen to music. In her early
career, she toured nightclubs, getting DJs
to play her demos. In the 1980s, she rode
the wave of MTV with videos that were
artworks in their own right. Now, she’s
making music for the social media generation: a recent version of her single Back
That Up to the Beat is sped-up, perfect for
using as a TikTok soundtrack.
Out of the few artists who could once
be counted as Madonna’s peers — Michael
Jackson, Janet Jackson and Prince —
Madonna is the only one still standing.
Prince is dead. Michael Jackson is dead,
and disgraced by the allegations of sexual
abuse against boys laid out in the documentary Leaving Neverland. And Janet
Jackson’s career was permanently damaged by the furore over Nipplegate.
So Madonna’s insistence on growing
old disgracefully could be something to
celebrate. But there have been signs of
frailty. In 2015, she took a backwards
tumble while performing at the Brits —
alarming for a fiftysomething, and definitely not a sight anyone would hope to
see if she takes to the stage again this year.
Her voice seems weaker too: new songs
rely heavily on vocal processing.
The lesson of Madonna’s career has
always been that she’s too busy for there
to be any point mourning the previous
versions of herself. Her fans have long
learnt to accept that state of affairs. Now
maybe it’s Madonna who needs to let go
of the woman she used to be. Perhaps,
after all, it’s time to hang up the goldplated vibrator.

teaching his technique. It is
possible, he says, to learn
wherever you are. He learnt
Japanese while living in
Spain.
His main secret is not being
afraid of making a fool of
yourself in front of native
speakers. “I embrace the fact
that I’m going to sound like
an idiot,” he says. “Learning
anything involves a lot of
failure and mistakes. That’s a
natural part of the process.
And it really emulates how
children learn languages:
they make a lot of mistakes.
“The sense of
embarrassment at potentially
humiliating yourself in front
of strangers is certainly
stronger in the UK. It’s
ingrained in British culture.
There is a hindrance to just
letting your hair down.”

FLUENT FLUA
CON FLUIDEZ
COURAMMENT
FLUENTE
CORRENTEMENTE
FLIEßEND LÍOFA
FOLYÉKONY

To start with he’ll speak as
much as possible with locals.
He will also incorporate it
into his daily life. Every
leisure activity you usually do
— watching a film, reading a
newspaper or book or
scrolling through Instagram —
you should do in the
language. Lewis has 14 TikTok
accounts — one in each
language he wants to learn or
improve in. He watched the
new Pinocchio film in
German. It’s about exposure,
but above all you need to be
passionate about the culture.
Once learnt, your language
skills need proper
maintenance. Ten years ago
Lewis was conducting news
interviews in basic
Hungarian, but now has
“essentially completely
forgotten it”.
Some linguists are
unconvinced by Lewis’s
methods, however. “Fluent in
three months? No way,” says
Steve Kaufmann, who
founded the languagelearning app Lingq and
speaks 11 languages. “It takes
a long time,” he says. “The
emphasis
should be not
on how quickly
you can learn, but
how you can make the
process enjoyable.”
After 20 years and dozens
of countries, I ask Lewis what
the hardest language is. He
pauses to think. “After all of
that? Probably Spanish.”

ust before Christmas, my
sister, who has learning
disabilities, suffered the
piercing agony of cauda
equina syndrome, where
the discs compress upon the
bundle of nerves at the end of
the spinal cord. Immediate
emergency surgery is
necessary if legs and bowels
are to function properly
again. Sadly, botched interhospital communication — in
addition to ambulance delays
and problems with transfer —
have led to her being unable
to walk properly.
There have been many
more instances of
compromised patient care
over the winter and, quite
rightly, much focus has been
given to the workforce crisis.
But there is also a growing
crisis of patient information
and how the NHS uses digital
technology.
My sister was placed at the
mercy of scrambled and
rushed telephone calls
between clinicians working
with imperfect information.
She is not alone. You will have
heard the litany of stories of
patients finding
appointments have been
cancelled, diagnostic results
misplaced and continuity of
care compromised. In my
sister’s case, social workers,
occupational therapists and
mental health nurses were
working from paper systems
and cannot share vital patient
information. Add to that
scans that cannot be shared
and appointments that keep
getting changed and you have
a near-perfect recipe for a
system that is both ineffective
and inefficient.
There are many reasons
for this, but one is worth
emphasising. We build
information systems
primarily designed to meet
the needs of the people in
charge of the NHS, not the
people using it. The result is a
high and growing
administrative burden while
patients are deprived of
technology to improve their
care and lives.
So, the national debate
about how to solve the NHS
crisis is ignoring a key issue —
providing the right digital
capabilities to deliver highquality care. It is estimated
that 36 per cent of all tasks in
healthcare could be
supported, augmented or
replaced by appropriate
digital capacity but we are
light years from realising this
potential.
Winter and the pandemic
bear some responsibility for
the current calamity. Across
Europe, health systems are
struggling with patient
backlogs, staff shortages and
pressure on budgets. It is
estimated that the world will
be short of 18 million health
workers by 2030.
But the crisis in the UK is
different. People are scared.
For the first time there is a
sense that if the worst
happens — if you have a heart
attack or a fall — you are not
safe. Queuing ambulances,
overwhelmed emergency
departments, burnt-out
clinicians and hundreds of
avoidable deaths are now the
realities of NHS care.
While industries from
banking to car production
have slashed costs and driven
up quality and productivity
using technology, the NHS
and many other health
systems have barely started.
For example, junior doctors
can spend as much as 45 per
cent of their time fulfilling
simple administrative tasks,
such as producing patient
summaries, which could be
largely automated.
Technology can give
patients and clinicians more

control. Chemotherapy can
now be administered at
home, a huge step in helping
people seeing themselves as
living with cancer rather than
simply being a cancer patient.
Routine readings such as
blood pressure and heart rate
can be monitored in real time
by simple smartphone
technology, yet people are
still having to visit their GP
surgery for unnecessary
checkups.
Much of the time, the
problem is simply getting the
information to where it is
needed. The NHS is awash
with records, but too often it
is not in the hands of the
community nurse trying to
manage the recently
discharged patient, or the
GP responsible for
continuing care.
Most importantly, it is not
in the hands of patients, who
should have access to their
medical information on their
smartphone. This makes
them safer and empowers
self-care and prevention.
In Australia, the
government introduced My
Health Record to provide
more than 90 per cent of
residents with 24/7 mobile
access to key clinical
information, including test
results and prescriptions.
The NHS has invested in a
programme called the
summary care record, which
provides clinicians with
access to key aspects of a
patient’s health history, but it
is currently not visible to
patients. It would be
straightforward to enable
everyone in England to have
access to their own health
information. The Covid NHS
app gave a glimpse of what

Queues of ambulances
outside hospitals have
overwhelmed A&E units

45% of junior
doctors’ time
can be admin
might be possible. In theory,
the UK is well-placed to solve
this because we have a single
national system. In reality,
the NHS is often more
sclerotic and riven with
internal politics than other
more fragmented health
systems. The history of IT in
the NHS is one of political
rows, public distrust,
abandoned programmes and
damaged careers. Even the
self-evident proposition that
data is central to the solution
remains contentious.
The solution is to build
systems that put the patient
at the centre, directly
benefiting and empowering
them. Health systems in
Denmark, Israel, Estonia,
Australia Canada, New
Zealand and France are
making great strides in this
direction. Isn’t it time we did
the same?
Mark Britnell is a professor at
UCL Global Business School
for Health. He has worked in 81
countries
It is estimated
that the world
will be short of
18 million health
workers by 2030,
making it even
more important
to speed up their
administrative
workload

The Sunday Times January 8, 2023

COMMENT

ESTABLISHED 1822

We’re out of sticking plasters.
Now we must rethink the NHS

ishi Sunak used his first big
speech of the year to make a
welcome comment about family values. “Family cares for us
when we are sick and old,” he
said. That is true, but so should
the NHS. If the prime minister
wants to show he is serious
about families and the elderly, he must
get a grip on the social care crisis that is at
the heart of the winter meltdown in the
health service.
The NHS is overwhelmed by demand.
There are 7.2 million people in England in
need of treatment. In the last week of
2022, more than a quarter of ambulance
patients in England waited over an hour to
be admitted to A&E. The immediate problem is a shortage of beds and staff. About
13,000 patients, occupying 12 per cent of
the total space, are medically fit to be discharged but have nowhere to go. That is
because of the crumbling state of social
care, with a patchwork of private-sector
and local-authority operators unable to
recruit enough staff, and austerity-hit
councils struggling to pay for places.
According to some in the sector, 20,000
care beds have disappeared in the past
year as a result of insolvencies.
As we report today, Sir Robert Francis
KC, who led the investigation into fatal
failings at Stafford Hospital between 2005
and 2009, wrote to the health secretary,
Steve Barclay, on Friday warning that a
similar scandal was now “playing out on a
national level” in the NHS and urging him
to declare a national incident. Having
started the new year appearing to be in
denial about the severity of the situation,
the government in effect acknowledged it
yesterday, calling an emergency summit
of clinicians, health experts and ministers
at Downing Street.
More money has been thrown at the
NHS since the pandemic. It has more doctors, ambulance staff and nurses than in
2019 yet is treating fewer patients. On top
of the blockages in social care, long-term
underinvestment in infrastructure has
left the health service with fewer beds per
head of population than any other country in Europe except Sweden.
Boosting the supply of beds will take
time. Apart from using privately staffed
hotel rooms as a desperate measure, the
quickest way to ease the pressure might
be to direct government funds towards
filling the 165,000 or so vacancies in social
care in England. Because minimum-wage

pay is standard in social care, many
workers prefer to take less physically and
emotionally taxing jobs at supermarkets.
Repairing social care and the NHS in
the long term will be ferociously complex
and expensive and will raise fundamental
questions about taxation and the role of
the state. Long-delayed reforms, drawing
on recommendations made in 2011 by the
economist Sir Andrew Dilnot, were
pushed back again by the chancellor last
year, this time to October 2025 — after the
next general election. The proposals
include capping the lifetime cost of social
care at £86,000 per person (Dilnot had
suggested £35,000) and raising the assets
threshold for eligibility for state funding
to £100,000. At some point something
resembling Dilnot’s proposals should be
implemented. But local authorities cannot afford them as things stand, so the
funding of councils will have to be
addressed too.
As for the NHS, our ageing population
will only increase the demand for its services. Half of over-65s have two or more
health conditions, and that age group
accounts for two thirds of hospital admissions. Since 1955 the NHS has received
average real-terms funding increases of
4 per cent a year. Since 2010, when David
Cameron was elected in the aftermath of
the financial crisis, it has had about half
that (Labour’s manifestos at the 2010 and
2015 elections would have delivered little
different). A report by the Health Foundation think tank in 2021 suggested that the
NHS would need a lot more to meet growing demand in the coming decade: an
extra £70 billion a year by 2030-31.
No responsible government could tip
money into the funnel without asking for
structural change. Many of the NHS’s
problems stem from inefficiency. A shocking amount of its business is still paperbased, and the inability of trusts’ IT
systems to share information would
astonish outsiders. Our columnist Rod
Liddle vividly describes today the baffling
interactions he had with various parts of
the health service over Christmas after his
wife became seriously ill with a chest
infection.
Successive governments have put
sticking plasters over the NHS’s wounds
because trying to tackle them properly
would stretch beyond political timescales. But what the NHS and the social
care systems really need is an overhaul on
a scale not seen since the postwar period.

Charles will need all his kingly
qualities to help heal this rift

Dominic Lawson
Why are we so scared
of humiliating Putin?
The deliveries of Nato armoured vehicles suggest a belated rethink

ell, it looks as though Vera may
be right. She is the Ukrainian
mother we have been hosting,
along with her son. They went
back to Kyiv over Christmas and
new year to see her husband —
his dad — for the first time in six
months. On January 1, after a
night of missile attacks on the Ukrainian
capital, I sent a concerned message to her that
ended: “Happy new year. I hope.” Vera
responded: “Happy new year. I believe.”
Days later America, France and Germany
announced a marked shift in policy: they are to
send Nato-issue armoured vehicles — Bradleys,
AMX-10s and Marders, respectively — to aid
Ukraine in its efforts to seize back more of its
territory from the Russian invader. Hitherto,
Nato countries had refused to send them,
despite repeated requests from President
Zelensky. Various excuses were given — even,
absurdly, in the case of the German
government, that “we would not be able to
fulfil [our] national defence obligations”.
The real reason was that it might be seen as
an escalation on the part of Nato by Vladimir
Putin. This fear has taken an unconscionably
long time to get past. I wrote here in June
(“Putin’s threats are emptier than we think”)
about how the Russian leader had, in practice,
never carried out his threats when western
countries had done what he had warned them
not to do (for example, sending devastating
Himars artillery to Ukraine; or Sweden and
Finland applying to join Nato).
As for Putin’s threat at the outset of his
invasion to go nuclear if the West intervened in
what he regards as a purely Russian affair: we
have, at scale. Yet on October 27 he declared,
when answering a question about Russian use
of nuclear weapons from a western delegate at
a conference in Moscow: “We see no need for
that. There is no point in that, neither political
nor military.” Putin is wicked, but he is not
mad. He is certainly sane enough to be terrified
of what the Americans would do if he did
employ his nuclear arsenal.
In any case, we should worry less about
what might upset Vladimir Putin and focus on
doing whatever we can, within reason, to help
Ukraine achieve what we say we want it to: full
control of its internationally recognised
sovereign territory, including Crimea.
Until very recently, however, our approach
was simply to enable Ukraine not to be
defeated (a quite different proposition). My
nephew, who was part of Operation Orbital, in

which, from 2015, British army officers were
sent out to train Ukrainians, emailed me last
week: “We were only allowed to teach
defensive skills to the Ukrainians for fear of
looking as if we were aiding offensive
operations and fuelling Putin’s narrative that
Ukraine is a threat to Russia.” He suspected the
delay in agreeing to send western armoured
vehicles to Ukraine was “a hangover from this”,
but went on to enthuse that a “combination of
Bradleys, AMX-10s and Marders is very much
set up for large-scale offensive operations”.
So the leaders of France and Germany,
Emmanuel Macron and Olaf Scholz, have
finally abandoned their previous position: that
“Putin should not be humiliated”. If Moscow’s
troops were to be driven back out of Ukraine
entirely, that would certainly count as a
humiliation for the occupant of the Kremlin —
and for Russia’s imperial ambitions.
I have never understood why that would be
a bad thing. The first point to grasp is that
Putin, and everyone in the apparatus that
surrounds him, is imbued with the timehonoured Russian belief that all the West ever
wants is to humiliate Moscow. Nothing we
could sensibly do would cure him of this
complex, and there is no point in pretending
otherwise.
Second: when a regime invades a neighbour,
and its troops commit murder, torture and
rape among the civilian population, it should
be humiliated, so that its own people absorb
the necessary lesson. A related point was well
made recently by the English-born and
educated former finance minister of Poland,
Jacek Rostowski.
In an article entitled “Russia must be
humbled” he observed that military defeat
had, in the past, offered its people
opportunities that would not otherwise have
come their way : “Its defeat and humiliation in
the Crimean War led to the abolition of
serfdom in 1861 .. . Forty years of rapid

I have never grasped
why Russia’s defeat
would be a bad thing

economic development followed. Then,
Russia’s defeat and humiliation in the
Russo-Japanese War led, in 1905, to a
revolution the same year and the
establishment (albeit temporary) of a
constitutional monarchy. In 1916, Russia’s
losses to Germany precipitated the fall of the
tsar and the establishment of the liberal
provisional government under Aleksandr
Kerensky in February 1917 .. . Finally, defeat
and humiliation in the Afghanistan War led to
the fall of the Soviet Union.”
It is in part a desire to reconstitute the Soviet
empire that has led Putin to try to seize back
Ukraine. And he has revived a form of the
Stalin cult to justify this colossally misjudged
military campaign.
Funnily enough, it is western experts
mesmerised by what Stalin’s Red Army did to
Germany on the eastern front who have been
most adamant that Ukraine had not the
slightest chance of resisting Putin’s forces and
should therefore be persuaded to make peace.
As one historian of the Second World War,
Phillips O’Brien, recently observed when
criticising another, Max Hastings, for taking
such a line: “It is those who argue that it was
the Soviet Union that played the dominant role
in defeating Nazi Germany . .. who keep
maintaining that Russian power will lead to
victory of some sort over Ukraine in the end.”
O’Brien points out: “Overall the war on the
eastern front was not the focus of German
[military] strength by a long measure, and
German strength was not defeated by the Red
Army but far more by the struggle it was forced
to wage against the western allies.”
Stalin’s axiom was that quantity is itself a
quality: he was able to fling millions of Soviet
citizens into the grinding-machine of war.
Faced with Putin’s attempt at mobilisation, an
estimated three quarters of a million Russian
men have fled the country — and those now
being conscripted are not, unlike the Red Army
in 1941-45, inspired by fighting for the survival
of their own nation.
By contrast, the Ukrainians are. Which is
one reason why, though it has blocked males of
fighting age from leaving, Ukraine has not
needed a special call-up. A vast shadow army
have volunteered to join in the liberation of
their own nation, so the Russians are in that
sense outnumbered as well as being picked off
by superior western arms.
Life is still grim in Kyiv — but no wonder Vera
believes this year will be better.
dominic.lawson@sunday-times.co.uk

Hadley Freeman
The prize for being a
good parent is hatred
Saying no to a miserable child — and their enablers — shows real love

Prince Harry has made a string of errors,
from the interview he and the Duchess of
Sussex gave Oprah Winfrey in 2021 to the
imminent publication of his tell-all
memoir, Spare. His lurid descriptions of
his family’s private life and his claim of
having killed 25 Taliban fighters while
serving in Afghanistan demean the monarchy and the army.
There is something equally unseemly
about the circus of condemnation that has
followed. For all his flaws, Harry has simply copied the example of his parents,
who both contributed to books in which
they voiced personal unhappiness about
royal life. Jonathan Dimbleby told Radio
4’s Today programme yesterday that
Harry was behaving like a “B-list celebrity”. Yet it was Dimbleby’s gripping TV
interview in 1994 with Prince Charles, as
he was then, that revealed his infidelity to

Princess Diana with Camilla Parker
Bowles, as she was then. Harry was nine at
the time of transmission.
Dimbleby followed his scoop with an
authorised biography — serialised in The
Sunday Times — detailing how Charles
was forced into a loveless marriage. Two
years previously, Harry’s mother, the late
Diana, had collaborated with Andrew
Morton to relay her account of Palace life.
Amid the outrage this time, some of it
confected, it should not be forgotten that
there are two sad, broken brothers in
need of reconciliation. Spare has no doubt
made that prospect even more distant in
the short term. Yet King Charles, as he is
now, should show leadership, for the sake
of the country and his family, and do his
utmost to foster a healing of relations.
Is it too much to hope this could happen before the coronation on May 6?

Olive, olive, oh
A ripple of fear is passing through the
middle classes. They have remained calm
about news of other shortages, such as
champagne and peppercorns, but now
the very fundamentals of their way of life
are threatened: Britain risks running out
of affordable olive oil.
We say this softly — they may not want
to hear it — but could this be a good thing?
As keen agriculturalists will know, olives
are not grown here. Until about 30 years
ago we did just fine without them.

There are sound economic and environmental reasons to eat a bit more of
what these islands produce, and a bit less
that is shipped in from around the world.
It may seem unthinkable, but perhaps it’s
time we cut back on the avocados, houmous and quinoa too.
And for those in need of cooking fat,
we suggest rapeseed. Britain has thousands of acres of the stuff and it’s just as
good as olive. You might say it’s oil we
need to get by.

ne recent evening I walked into a
busy pub in central London, looking
for a secret meeting. They spotted
me first, and I was ushered to a table
where no one could overhear us.
There, groups of women were quietly
talking among themselves. They all
had one thing in common: they had a
child — a daughter, almost invariably — who
insisted that, despite being female, they were
actually a boy. Their teachers and friends
agreed with them — affirmed their gender
identity, as the current lexicon has it. Their
mothers disagreed, and because of this many
of them had been reported by their child’s
school to social services for infractions such as
using female pronouns for their daughter.
This was a meeting for the Bayswater
Support Group, a grassroots organisation for
parents whose child wants to change gender.
“We support our daughters, but there is a
difference between support and enable. We
can see that they’re struggling, and we’re
trying to help them to love themselves, even if
it makes everyone hate us,” said one mother.
The women talked to me about their
daughters who had been bullied, or were gay,
or anorexic, or on the autistic spectrum. In
adolescence they had announced that they
were a boy and threatened to commit suicide if
their parents didn’t help them get sex change
hormones and surgery. “It’s the same story
over and over,” sighed one of the group’s
organisers, whose daughter has since
detransitioned and had a diagnosis of autism.
I’ve lost track of how many conversations
I’ve had with friends about the
disproportionate number of teenage girls
suddenly insisting they’re boys. My friends
always agree that it’s worrying, but worry that
their kids will get cross with them for saying so.
I can’t remember my parents ever not speaking
an obvious truth because I might disapprove.
Parenting has changed a lot since then. In an
interview last month Michelle Obama said that
she — unusually for a modern parent — never
wanted to be friends with her kids. “Once you

decide you want your child to be your friend,
now you’re worried about them liking you.
And there’s so much of being a parent that has
nothing to do with them liking you.”
That is not a fashionable stance now. My
contemporaries — Gen X and millennial
parents — have been loath to relinquish youth
culture to the actual youths; we believed we
could defy the generation gap if we stayed in
tune with younger people. In our desperation
not to be like our own parents, who laughed at
our ideals and thought Prince sounded like a
girl, we veer closer to Amy Poehler’s character
in Mean Girls, who insists: “I’m not like a
regular mom; I’m a cool mom. You girls keep
me young,” while her daughter rolls her eyes.
Being close to your kids is better than aloof
detachment. But prioritising likeability brings
its own set of problems, as Obama said. It also
overlooks an obvious truth about child
development, which is that at some point your
child has to hate you in order to separate from
you and grow up. That is what teenage
rebellion is all about, and if you go to the same
music festivals as your kids, maybe even did
the same drugs as they’re doing now, then
dabbling in gender ideology is an obvious
alternative. My generation seems to find this
more confusing than previous ones, maybe
because they thought they were the cool
parents. But they’re not. They’re just parents,
and their job is to love and protect their kids,
not to be liked and validated by them.
Another factor at play here is an increased

Teachers should be
asking why our girls
hate being girls

awareness of young people’s mental health. On
the plus side it has brought deeper
understanding of adolescent anxiety. On the
minus side it can tip into pathologising the
normal human condition: anything other than
constant happiness in one’s child is seen as a
terrifying problem that requires treatment.
“Your kids have to learn to live in their
unhappiness,” Obama said, correctly.
Bayswater was founded three years ago by
three parents, and the group has grown, purely
by word of mouth, from 60 members in the
first year to over 500 now. They meet in secret,
away from the disapproving eyes of those who
insist that the idea a child can be in the wrong
body is as unarguable as gravity. “Why aren’t
teachers asking why our girls hate being girls?
Instead they’re giving them rainbow flags and
telling them they’re special,” one parent said.
Bayswater parents think their child’s belief that
they need to alter their body to be happy calls
for something more than rainbows and
affirmation. They think it requires parenting.
One Bayswater mother, “Emma”, told me
that when she refused to buy her daughter a
chest binder, her daughter sent her a link to a
Stonewall study her school had given her,
which claimed 48 per cent of transgender
children attempt to kill themselves. “I thought
that was an insanely dangerous thing to tell
children,” Emma said.
Suicide is a subject I know more about than
I’d like: in the summer my 21-year-old cousin
killed himself, and I’ve lost three friends to
suicide. None of them talked about suicide
beforehand, ever. It was not a weapon they
wielded to get their way. Suicide threats should
always be taken seriously, but as a cry for help,
not a demand for compliance.
No one ever confused parenting with a
relaxing massage, and when you’re faced with
a hysterical teenager, the path of least
resistance can be extremely tempting. But, as
one Bayswater mother said to me, “Sometimes
the most loving thing you can do is say no and
let them hate you.”
@HadleyFreeman

The Sunday Times January 8, 2023

COMMENT

Christina
Patterson
Let’s have a
midlife Love
Island and
celebrate
our cellulite

‘G

o, right this minute, put
on a bikini and don’t take
it off until you’re 34.” That
was the advice of the late,
great Nora Ephron in her
book of essays I Feel Bad
about My Neck. The
bestselling author didn’t
say whether she would advise
fiftysomething divorcees to wear bikinis
on live TV. But perhaps she should have.
If Davina McCall has her way, a midlife
Love Island will be hitting our screens
soon. “I could fill a villa in Love Island
with middle-aged people with the best
back-stories you have ever heard in your
life,” McCall told Steven Bartlett on his
podcast Diary of a CEO. She was, she
said, “literally begging” ITV to let her
present it. McCall is 55 and divorced. She
also looks extremely good in a bikini.
I have not joined the millions who
have watched the eight British seasons of
Love Island, or its 22 overseas versions,
but then I’m not its target demographic.
By 2020 it was the TV show with the
highest viewing figures for 16 to 34-yearolds. I wonder what it was about these
nearly naked, beautiful people having
sex on TV that proved so popular.
I am, clearly, no expert on popular
culture, but I’m a bit of an expert in
dating, if you take the word “expert” to
mean someone who has made
exhausting efforts in the field. I was, for
example, just out of ITV’s target
demographic when I joined a dating
agency called Drawing Down the Moon. I
would go into its office to flick through
lever-arch files of single men and then
have my photo sent to the ones I picked.
I’d be lucky if one or two responded. My
age, I was told, was “an issue”. Men
didn’t want 36-year-olds who might be
panicking about their eggs.
At 38 I started online dating. It was an
embarrassing thing to admit then, and
also an education. There was the man
who told me off for the way I kissed.
There was the man who shouted in a
restaurant that I was “a c***” and
refused to pay his share of the bill. There
was the man who told me that he hadn’t
“had the coup de foudre” and then
wanted a lift to Finsbury Park.
If I were to draw a graph of those
dating years, it would look like a

Matthew Syed
As you pick a prince, remember
we don’t know these people at all
Like any powerful organisation, the Firm swathes its stars in an image that bears scant relation to reality

thought struck me as I waded
through the royal coverage,
the claim and counterclaim,
the oohs and aahs: namely, the
sheer strength of opinion
among the public. To Team
William, the future king is
dutiful and devoted while
Harry is disloyal and ungrateful. Team
Harry has reached a diametrically
opposite view. But here’s the question
nagging at me: how can we be certain of
the character of William or Harry, or of
anyone else we have never met and
probably never will?
One of the most interesting things
about doing occasional TV interviews is
spending time in the green room. Here,
before you go on air, you find celebrities,
actors, authors and the like passing in
and out alongside their staff,
surrounded by runners. Sometimes they
sit down for half an hour or so, and you
might get chatting. And here’s the thing:
these people are never (and I mean
never) anything like what you might
expect from their image.
Commercial agents and managers say
this is the single greatest artifice of show
business: the gulf between public image
and private reality. Actors with a
reputation for kindness are often
vindictive; those with a reputation for
vindictiveness are often the kindest.
Why would we expect anything
different? Can you truly understand
what someone is like from a few minutes
on Graham Norton and the occasional
leaked story?
I remember meeting Andre Agassi,
who was once the face of Nike. At the
time, the US conglomerate was keen to
appeal to the urban youth of middle
America and sold Agassi as a longhaired, sassy rebel under the
catchphrase “Just do it”. He turned out

NEWMAN’S
WEEK

to be a balding (the long hair was a wig),
sensitive chap with a social conscience.
Today, Nike is using Colin Kaepernick, a
black star of American football who
refuses to stand for the national anthem,
as the vehicle to connect with a more
politically aware youth. Let me ask you:
do you think Kaepernick the man bears
any relation to the myth?
The royal family reportedly has 25
public relations consultants working in
the Palace. That is perhaps why their
Instagram feed is a marvel of consumer
psychology: soft-focus shots of the
leading royals and their children with
carefully scripted messages. The
concept of “the Firm”, in this sense, is
not unreasonable, nor a euphemism.
Like Nike, Gillette and Google, the Firm
knows that the brand depends on public
consent, which is why the slogans and
leaks are crafted according to the
insights provided by focus groups and
careful polling.
I am not criticising this, by the way. It
is, in many ways, inevitable in the
modern age. But what strikes me is how
little we reflect upon our status as pawns
in a game waged by forces and interests
we seldom even consider.
Prince Harry, for his part, has been
described as “thick” for baring so much
in his book and the publicity campaign —
and his claim of killing 25 Taliban
fighters does seem to have backfired. But
when you look at how he is dominating
the news media (this column included)
while coining it from the giant
corporations that are now his
paymasters, you can’t help thinking that
his commercial advisers at least are on to
something.
To be clear, I am not arguing for moral
equivalence between the behaviour of
Harry and William, or any of the other
parties to this affair; nor do I wish to

We are not
the target
audience.
Harry’s
message is
selling like a
dream in
America

diminish the very real pain associated
with a family being torn apart. I merely
invite us to ponder whether we can see
the full story through the fog being
blown out by their respective PR teams.
The battle is clearly one for hearts and
minds, but it sometimes feels — and
forgive my cynicism — a little like the
brand battle between Nike and Adidas.
What becomes obvious when I talk to
friends abroad is that in the UK we are
living in an echo chamber with regard to
this story: almost all the mainstream
news coverage sounds one, rather
braying, note of negativity towards
Harry — and I accept that his behaviour
has seemed, at times, intolerable. But we
should never forget that we are not his
target audience.
On America’s west coast, the victimculture centre of the world, his message
is selling like a dream. In the long run the
duke may come to regret the damage to
his family relationships, but his PR
advisers will probably not be too
bothered. Indeed, a reconciliation might
make an excellent second series, as long
as both parties — Hollywood and the
Palace — can agree on the script.
The royal family has sometimes been
compared to the film The Truman Show,
in which the lead character, superbly
played by Jim Carrey, is surrounded by
hidden microphones and cameras
wherever he goes. The brilliance of the
plot is that the main character is
oblivious to the fact that he is the star of
the show and that his world is, in truth,
an elaborate film set. With the royal
family, I would suggest, the roles are
precisely reversed. We think they are
living in the real world, whereas the
family members know only too well that
they are living on a set with
predetermined roles, scripted lines and
choreographed turns.

On two occasions I got close enough
to William at private events to gain a
glimpse of this reality. He is not the
consummate actor. He looked
uncomfortable playing the role:
gurning for photos, feeding the
appetite of a hungry public,
pretending to enjoy the cameras. As I
watched him, my memory turned to
how this poor kid and his younger
brother were forced to publicly inspect
flowers in the aftermath of his mother’s
death, a kind of Shirley Temple cameo
that must have played havoc with their
broken hearts. I guess I am not alone in
reflecting upon the mawkish demands
we place on this family, which they
accept as part of the Faustian bargain
known as royal life.
I can already see the comments
under this column, ranging from: “How
can you say we don’t know the royal
family? It is perfectly obvious Harry is
awful and William is an angel,” to: “No,
no, no! It is William who is a rogue and
Harry who has been wronged!”
To be clear: I am not saying that it is
never legitimate to form opinions about
public figures; that would be a little too
postmodern. I am merely asking
whether, before we make strident
judgments, it is not at least worth
reflecting on the fact that we do not truly
know them, and that what we do know
has been filtered and distorted by
scriptwriters and advertising experts we
rarely see or acknowledge?
But then perhaps we do not wish to
wake up from this illusion. Samuel
Taylor Coleridge made the point that all
great fiction rests upon the willing
suspension of disbelief. When it
comes to the soap opera known as the
royal family, the spell seems to be as
strong as ever.
@MatthewSyed

Bring on men
and women
who have seen a
lot, lived a lot
and learnt a lot
mountain range, of hopes raised and
dashed, sudden peaks of excitement and
then the plunge into rejection and
despair. There were also plateaus of
boredom, of course. The people you
think you should give a chance to
because they look good “on paper”, but
your heart is saying no.
Love Island has made a feature of
“what’s your type on paper?”. Jack
wanted “nice lips”, “good dress sense”
and someone who was “not really
serious”. Kendall wanted a man who was
“low maintenance” and “really tall”.
Hayley wanted a “nice tan” and “nice
teeth”. Wes wanted “blonde hair”, “blue
eyes” and “a big bum”. Way to go, Jack,
Kendall, Hayley and Wes. You’re a lot
less picky than me.
What you learn in the Dantean
inferno of online dating is that what you
like “on paper” rarely corresponds with
what you like in life. Sure, he’s
handsome and has a great job, but did
you see how he spoke to the waiter?
Well, he’s shorter than you hoped for,
but, wow, he makes you laugh. And as
you get older, what you want changes.
Yes, of course you need a spark, but you
also need to know that you can sit in a
silence that feels benign. For example,
during a pandemic. Fireworks are nice,
but so is a safe harbour.
And so I say: bring it on. Bring on the
women and men who have seen a lot,
lived a lot, learnt a lot, laughed a lot,
who have tried a few things and are
willing to take the risk to try more. There
aren’t enough “midlife” women on our
TVs. Why shouldn’t we wander around
in bikinis if we want to? Who cares if
there’s a bit of cellulite? And who cares if
the men have moobs? This is how we
look! And you know what? We can still
find love.
Ephron, the screenwriter of When
Harry Met Sally, was married three
times. Her third marriage was, she said,
the best. I’d like to say, “I’ll have what
she’s having”, but at 59 I’m only two
years into my first.
Christina Patterson’s family memoir
Outside, the Sky Is Blue is published by
Tinder Press

The Sunday Times January 8, 2023

COMMENT

Robert Colvile
Sunak ‘the anti-Boris’ wants his party to eat its
vegetables, but MPs still yearn for red meat

t is a great truth of British politics
that elections are won on the centre
ground. But it is another great truth
that many people, on both left and
right, are always desperate to drag
their own party away from it. Last
week’s speeches by Rishi Sunak and
Keir Starmer were the perfect
example of this.
Not only were they delivered in the
same location, but they had essentially
the same message: I am a grown-up
politician who is completely aware of the
problems your family is facing and can
be completely trusted to fix them.
Responsible, electorally rational — and
as free of ideological red meat as Sir
Keir’s vegetarian home cooking.
Take the five pledges that were at the
heart of Sunak’s speech. It is no
accident that they covered the key issues
that come up again and again in the
focus groups: inflation, the cost of living,
the NHS, small boats. It’s the strategy
that did so well for the Tories in 2019.
Indeed, while Starmer’s speech cheekily
stole the Brexit slogan of “Take back
control”, Sunak’s seemed to be inspired
by its follow-up, “Get Brexit done”. That
wasn’t just about implementing the
instruction delivered by the voters in
2016. It was an implicit promise that
politics would stop intruding on people’s

lives — that Westminster would actually
be boring again.
In other words, the ur-pledge behind
all Sunak’s pledges is that he will work
night and day, fixing the problems that
matter, so that people can stop worrying
about whether their heating bills or
mortgage payments will double, or
whether there will be room in A&E. It’s
the right strategy: delivery, delivery,
delivery. But listening to Sunak and
Starmer back to back, I found myself
reminded of Norma Desmond’s remark
in Sunset Boulevard. Politics is still big.
It’s the pitches that got small.
In some ways, however, it’s more
instructive to compare Sunak with
another larger-than-life figure pining for
a return to the spotlight — his old boss
Boris Johnson.
When Sunak was appointed
chancellor, the administration made a
positive virtue of the differences
between them. Anyone who was
worried that the PM might not be
entirely on top of all the detail could be
reassured by the palpable diligence of
his lieutenant. Sunak would be the
Spock to Johnson’s Kirk, the Jeeves to
his Wooster.
But now the dynamic has flipped.
Sunak is, in effect, the anti-Boris. The
Tory party turned to both of them at a

moment of near-despair. But their
approaches are as different as their
characters.
Listening to a speech by Johnson was
like opening a Christmas stocking. Out
came a sequence of brightly wrapped
jokes, quotes, allusions, comparisons
and even the occasional policy
commitment. Some were exactly what
you wanted. Others left you wondering
quite what Santa was thinking. But it was
certainly a show.
Sitting in the audience for Sunak’s
speech on Wednesday, by contrast, felt
closer to watching the royal Christmas
message: a polished, professional
performance, which did exactly the job
that was intended. There were some
touches of genuine passion, when the
PM talked about family, education or
innovation. But there were no gags or
off-script deviations. It was very
definitely a formal statement rather than
an exercise in personal revelation.
The problem for Sunak is twofold.
The first is that pure competence may
not be enough, given the depths to
which his party had sunk before his
arrival, and the pressures the
government is under. In the most recent
YouGov poll, carried out last week, the
Tories were at 25 per cent — still 21 points
behind Labour. Likewise, all the hard

LETTERS
TO THE EDITOR

Sunak would be
the Spock to
Johnson’s Kirk,
the Jeeves to
his Wooster

work in the world won’t fix the NHS if
the doctors and nurses are all on the
picket lines.
The second is that there are many in
his party who still yearn for a bit of that
Johnson razzmatazz — and, indeed, the
old rogue’s shameless willingness to
bend with the political wind. The MPs
who were muttering before Christmas
about the need for Sunak to set out his

The Sunday Times,
1 London Bridge Street,
London SE1 9GF
Email: letters@
sunday-times.co.uk
LUKE MACGREGOR/BLOOMBERG/GETTY IMAGES

Don’t give up on
Tories: join them
I sympathise with my fellow
reader Marilyn Goodwin
(Letters, last week), who has
lost faith in the Conservatives
and feels politically homeless.
As a Conservative-inclined
floating voter, I have also
struggled to find a party to
support.
My solution has been to
break a long-held personal
rule and join the Conservative
Party.
Unless the irrational
extremes of opinion found in
the membership of our main
parties are balanced by large
numbers of more moderate
voters, the standards of
political leadership cannot be
raised. Those who abandon
parties in despair have my
sympathy, but they add to the
problem by removing the
shackles of common sense
from those that remain.
James Hall, Isle of Lewis
I know it’s a no
You report that the Tories are
pinning their election hopes
on the large number of “don’t
knows” (“Wavering voters
could scupper Starmer
victory”, News, last week). I
am one of them. Having voted
Tory till 2016, I now don’t
know whether it’s better for
me to vote Liberal Democrat
or Labour to get the
Conservatives out.
If they are pinning their
hopes on people like me, they
will be disappointed.
Adrian Cosker, Hitchin

Four days of hell
in a broken A&E
In your report on the crisis in
A&E (News, last week), a
clinician describes the service
as “broken”. It is indeed.
My 74-year-old fragile sister
spent four days in a holding
area of A&E. She was in pain
and entirely bed-bound, lying
flat. She had no washing
facilities, no hot food and
virtually no nursing care. The
drugs required for pain relief
were often late or didn’t
arrive at all.
There was a lack of
information and a feeling that

Serious improvement
On a visit to Europe recently I
attended a party at which I
was asked, “What’s
happening in the UK? You
were all over the news, but
since the new guy came in,
we aren’t hearing anything.”
This illustrates why, as an
independent voter, I am
pleased with Rishi Sunak. He
takes his job seriously and has
stopped the unhelpful
Westminster dramatics. He is
a calming presence and
deserves time to prove
himself.
Naheed Durrani
Stratford-upon-Avon
Starmer’s gender problem
Peter Mandelson is right that
Labour must avoid left-wing
fantasies and set out workable
policies on the economy if it
is to win the next election
(Comment, last week). But he
does not address Keir
Starmer’s Achilles heel: his
metropolitan embrace of
cultural extremism.
This is why the undecided
voters identified in your lead
story could yet give Sunak a
second term. In the privacy of
the polling booth, how many
red wall voters will support a
party that cannot define what
a woman is — and yet may
change the law so any man can
become one by signing a piece
of paper? The Brexit vote was
about social conservatism as
well as Europe.
Francis Bown, London E3
nobody in the department
knew what was happening.
Our whole experience of A&E
was harrowing.
Annie Lyon, Formby
Dangerous wait
My 88-year-old mother was
taken to Shrewsbury hospital
with breathing problems. She
was triaged after an hour and
put in the “fit to sit” area to
wait for a doctor.
She sat there for 37 hours,
day and night, accompanied
by my sister and brother
when they could. Meals and
drinks were minimal. When I
arrived at 1am on the second
night, I spoke to the nursing

Stop smoking
You report claims that woodburners cause respiratory
conditions. With no mains
gas, I’ve grown and burnt my
own wood for 30 years, and I
have no chest or breathing
problems yet. If Monbiot is
getting gassed when he opens
the door of his wood-burner,
he needs to have it serviced
and sweep the chimney.
Christopher Padget
Honiton, Devon

Log-burners provide vital heat for some in the countryside

Townies giving
stoves bad name
George Monbiot and his
supporters condemn woodburners, saying they are a
“public health disaster”
(News Review, last week). In
fact they are essential for
many of us who live in the
countryside — but there is
seldom good reason to use
them in towns.
It is the witless urban
trendies who are daft enough
to be robbed of £9 for a small

Royal Mail must
have a death wish
Royal Mail is doomed, and
the unions are just speeding
up its demise (“Last post”,
News Review, last week). The
service it offers is pitiful. An
example: I posted a parcel
from Australia on November
28. Tracking information
showed it had arrived in the
UK on December 1. At the
time of writing, January 1, it
staff, and they did manage to
find her a bed in a cubicle.
My mother’s treatment
then involved oxygen,
elevation of the legs and
antibiotics — all of which had
been unavailable while she
was sitting in a chair. I have
no doubt that her health was
worsened by her wait in these
conditions. She is now on a
ward, being treated for heart
failure.
Mike Hughes
Kingston upon Thames
They couldn’t care more
No system is perfect, but the
NHS is doing its best. My wife
contracted flu a few days

bag of kiln-dried wood in
Waitrose that are the
problem. There’s a simple
solution: ban the sale of all
kiln-dried wood. The very
concept of using fuel to dry
wood, which is then used for
fuel, is an ecological
abomination.
We use naturally dried
wood that has been harvested
locally, and many people
around here never pay for
anything more than petrol
and chainsaw oil to obtain it.
Mark Ashford
Geldeston, Norfolk

Particular suspicion
I am suspicious of claims
about the health effects of
particulate pollution. For
instance, studies have shown
that Putney has one of the
highest levels of pollution in
the UK — so why is life
expectancy in Putney higher
than the UK average?
Sean Neely
Kingston upon Thames
Minimal damage
Yes, providing cleaner air in
cities is crucial; but in a rural
setting, cold is much more
injurious than a woodburning stove.
Dr Charles Pither
Brill, Buckinghamshire

has still not been delivered to
my family. By contrast, I
made a photo book on a UK
website on December 26. By
December 31 it had been
printed, dispatched and
delivered by DHL. It shows
what can be done by effective
organisations.
Lynne Morley
Queensland, Australia

birthday card two weeks late.
I can top that. My sister-in-law
posted my card on December
7, first class, for my birthday
two days later. It arrived
today, January 3. That’s
almost four weeks to travel
from the Glasgow area to my
home near Newcastle. The
poor service is outrageous.
Lesley Donachy, Whitley Bay

Creeping card
Your article mentions an 85year-old who received a

Job destruction
Whatever the complaints
about the company, the

before Christmas, which led
to viral pneumonia. She was
seen by a GP within an hour
of us calling, referred to A&E
and seen there within an
hour. Yes, we then had to wait
about eight hours while a bed
was found in intensive care —
but, even as A&E filled up
with too many Friday-night
revellers, the staff carried out
regular checks and could not
have been more dedicated or
efficient.
She received excellent care
in the hospital and was home
after a week. I have nothing
but praise for A&E staff
working under the most
stressful conditions, dealing

with many who are there only
through their own
thoughtless behaviour.
John Jordan, Ipswich
Communication failure
Among his ten ways to
improve the NHS (News, last
week), Shaun Lintern
highlights the importance of
better communication. If my
experience is anything to go
by, he has a point.
Last July I had an MRI brain
scan. Subsequently I was
called for four consultant
appointments. On each
occasion, the results of the
scan had not been passed to
the consultant.

JOIN THE CONVERSATION ONLINE
A remarkable Iranian of just
16 delivered a message of
hope for the new year,
recounting her part in the
longed-for downfall of the
regime. “You wonderful
young woman. Women
everywhere wish we could do
more to help your struggles,”
applauded S Webb. “The
West cannot openly support

you,” mary tomlinson
wrote, “because your rulers
would say the protests have
been fomented by us. I pray
you are successful.” Chris
Brooks echoed that: “Change
in Iran can only come from
within.” But M Durrani blew
away any hesitancy: “You and
your friends are doing the
right thing. Take off this

symbol of control of women.
The regime is scared because
its control is built on fear,
intimidation and violence.”
A project to log every grave
in England was something
N Stainlay could dig: “I’m a
cemetery junkie and will
certainly be looking for my
late husband’s forebears.
Around Hull, I believe, before

they emigrated to Australia.”
J Mayhead recalled: “Some
years ago I was searching for
my grandmother’s family in a
small Sussex graveyard. I was
greeted by a large headstone
bearing my own name —
wasn’t expecting that!”
M Boomer wondered: “What
about people who have been
cremated? They are dead as

well.” “One would certainly
hope so,” agreed L Morris,
delighting Vanessa
Morrison: “As one who is
grieving, may I thank you for
making me laugh out loud!”
From the grave to the rave:
our 59-year-old transport
expert revealed a new-found
love of techno. “Raving is
good for the soul,” reckoned

vision didn’t want pledges to cut waiting
lists and tackle inflation, no matter how
electorally sensible. They wanted to
hear some tunes that got the blood
pumping. Some also worry that, given its
position in the polls, the governing party
needs to be more radical. Those who
yearn for growth are particularly
depressed by the recent surrender on
housing, the decision to axe Kwasi
Kwarteng’s planned review of the tax
system and the mooted abandonment of
Liz Truss’s plans for childcare reform.
No 10 argues that it is having to
ruthlessly prioritise, and that reform will
still come. And backbenchers do
understand the pressures. But those
who worry that Britain is drifting into
decline want a bit more than a
technocratic paean to innovation, or the
drafting of yet another plan for growth.
They want a Toryism that speaks to the
heart as well as the head.
Can Sunak give it to them? Well, there
was a fascinating moment on
Wednesday that certainly struck many of
those in the room.
As I said, the speech itself was
perfectly professional. But during the
subsequent Q&A session the mood
changed. Challenged on the state of the
NHS, the PM fired back fact after fact
about how much the government had

already spent and done. His voice was
lower; his gaze was sharper. He was
completely on top of his brief.
It is often forgotten how rapid Sunak’s
rise has been and how much he has had
to learn on the job. It is only five years
since he first became a junior minister —
in fact, the anniversary falls tomorrow.
He is so young that one of his own
ministers, John Glen, sat on the panel
that approved him as a parliamentary
candidate. He was, says Glen, the most
impressive he ever saw.
Glen is not the only one who
earmarked Sunak as a talent. When
the new MP for Richmond chose to
back the Leave campaign, David
Cameron lamented: “We’ve lost the
future of the party.”
Sunak is still the Tories’ best hope for
electoral recovery — not least because of
how ridiculous it would be to plunge the
country into yet another leadership
contest. But rescuing his party depends
not just on showing more of the fight he
did in that Q&A session, but also on
solving the great political conundrum
that Johnson never quite came up with
an answer to: how to steer a course that
appeals to the electorate without
alienating his own MPs — and, of course,
vice versa.
@RColvile

BIRTHDAYS

POINTS

Dame Shirley Bassey,
singer, 86
Kyle Edmund, tennis
player, 28
Cynthia Erivo, actress, 36
Carolina Herrera, fashion
designer, 84
Kim Jong-un, leader of
North Korea, 39
Marc Quinn, artist, 59
David Silva, footballer, 37

Error of commission
The former Captain Wales
seems not to remember some
of the basic tenets taught at
Sandhurst (“William and
Harry ‘won’t reconcile after
this’”, News, last week). Army
officers swear an oath of
allegiance. Trust in an
officer’s loyalty is clearly
stated in the sovereign’s
commission; duty and good
conduct likewise. Most
officers treat the words of
their commission as a code
for the rest of their life. Not so
Prince Harry. An officer, but a
gentleman?
Lester May (Royal Navy
lieutenant commander,
retired), London NW1

Shirley Bassey is 86 today

ANNIVERSARIES
AD57 Oldest dated
document in Britain is
written: a Roman tablet
found in London in 2016
1989 Boeing 737 crashes on
M1 at Kegworth, near East
Midlands airport, killing 46
2016 Cartel boss Joaquín
“El Chapo” Guzmán is
captured for the last time

Waste line
Robert Colvile asks us to
imagine what would have to
be cut to afford a 19 per cent
pay rise for nurses (Comment,
last week). Easy-peasy: HS2.
This Boris-inspired
grandstanding project will
cost £100 billion. Time to
spend it on something better.
Simon Fawson, Alfold, Surrey
Porky prizefight
I read that Jeremy Clarkson
and Lisa are having trouble
with their pigs (Magazine, last
week). Our experience at the
state fair in Alaska might help.

postmen and women have
my sympathy. I was a
postman in the 1980s, when it
was a job on which one could
raise a family. The
disappearance of such
working-class jobs, offering
dignity, modest security and
solvency, is a huge
misfortune for society.
How many families were
held together by such work;
how many children grew up
on the right side of poverty
because of it? The idea that

real economic efficiency
consists in beggaring one’s
neighbour is crazy.
Peter McLaren
Forest Row, East Sussex

For the fourth
appointment I had obtained
the results independently, so
the consultant was able to
deal with my case. However,
it was an embarrassing waste
of both my time and his that
the results had not been
provided through the NHS’s
own systems.
Graham Wilson, Wakefield

needs to visit him only once
every ten weeks.
So it seems he needn’t have
spent that extra time in
hospital at all. The discharge
systems could clearly be
improved.
Peter Gordon
Dereham, Norfolk

Behind the times
About the only things of any
consequence that still come
in the mail are hospital
appointment letters. And that
says more about archaic
practices in the NHS than the
necessity of a postal service.
Julian Hancock, Cambridge

If fights broke out in the
judging ring, the pigwranglers inserted a 3ft-by-2ft
wooden board between the
combatants. This stopped the
fights straight away. Maybe if
pigs can’t see their opponent,
they lose interest.
Sandy Wilson, Newport
Pagnell, Buckinghamshire
Footling watchdog
The government should think
carefully about creating a
football regulator (Sport, last
week). Stopping stadiums
being sold off might appeal to
voters, but unless regulation
extends to real ethical tests
for club-owners, this is just
window-dressing; and it would
then be hypocritical to allow
participation in international
tournaments dripping in
corruption, such as the World
Cup. Either regulate football
properly, or don’t bother.
Dr David Cottam
Lot-et-Garonne, France
The son also writes
I hope Alasdair Gill comes out
of the kitchen and starts
writing (“I was an alcoholic
like Dad. His words helped
me get sober”, News Review,
last week). His piece moved
me to tears, and his skill with
words echoed that of his
father, AA Gill — whose
articles I still miss on a
Sunday morning, six years
after his death.
Clare Gamlin
Cranleigh, Surrey
Letters should arrive by
midday on Thursday and
include the full address and a
phone number. We may edit
letters, which must be
exclusive to The Sunday Times

CORRECTIONS &
CLARIFICATIONS

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Complaints, The Sunday
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Standards Organisation (Ipso)
will examine formal
complaints about editorial
content in UK newspapers and
magazines. Please go to our
website for full details of how
to lodge a complaint.

Exit strategy
My relative was ready to
leave hospital four weeks
ago but was kept in because
of a delay in arranging a
care package. Now he has
finally been discharged, the
district nurse tells us she

Wage concern
We are told that the root
of many of the problems is a
shortage of care home places.
Our local care home is
advertising to recruit carers
at £10.53 an hour. With those
wages, no wonder they have
staff shortages.
Ian Fleming, Sidmouth, Devon

Your comments from
thesundaytimes.co.uk

READERS’ POLL

Oliver Buckley-Salmon.
When I was an awkward
young man, it transformed
my life.” Nick Smallman too
had “found techno later in life
(I’m 49). Your description of
how the music washes over
you and teaches you to dance
is spot-on.” Truly a transport
of delight.
Rob Nash

Last week we asked: Would it matter if the post was no
longer delivered on Saturday?

YES
NO
18%From a poll of 11,260 Times and Sunday Times readers82%
This week’s question:
Is it right to charge private cars to enter city centres?
Have your say at sundaytimes.co.uk/poll

The Sunday Times January 8, 2023

COMMENT

Camilla Long
Harold was damaged by many things in his
childhood — not just a problematic Willy

hat makes an
unforgettable sex scene?
The language, obviously.
The groaning whiff of
animal sweat. A
“coupling” (sorry) that’s
unexpected — I’m thinking
of the moment in Jilly
Cooper when the “upper-class shit”
Rupert Campbell-Black regally shafts the
uptight, novel-reading leftie Helen.
Or the mysterious older woman — a
lover, say, of “macho horses” — who let
Prince Harry ride her like a “young
stallion” when he was just 17.
“I mounted her quickly, after which
she spanked my ass and sent me away,”
he (someone) writes in his new book. He
had sex for the first time “in a field, just
behind a busy pub. No doubt someone
had seen us.”
What even is this? “She spanked my
ass”? They boned “in a field” in front of
actual ordinary people? Good grief, I
think Prince Philip’s come back to life.
First things first, though — knighthood
for the ghostwriter. Wowee. Absolutely
prize position at the coronation, please
— white gloves, touching the orb,
everything. The book is clearly a
masterpiece, the motherlode: this is the
account we’ve all been waiting for.
Actual content, after the beige pap of the
television shows — Netflix must be
screaming. The stallion sex scene, the
visit to the Diana psychic, the frostbitten
“todger”, which Harry still had, after a
trip to the North Pole, when William and
Kate got married. Exposing your
johnson to something extremely cold — I
mean, what better image for that
wedding could you hope for?
There’s also many stories about
catfights and singing seals and Willy —
Willy — cuffing “Harold” to the floor over
Meghan, where he claims he was cut by
a crushed dog bowl. It’s an astounding,
very American, grotesque overshare —
the definition of too much information.
It’s also impossible to read much of it
without feeling guilty and awful, as if we
were witnessing yet another breakdown
right before our eyes. Should we be
enabling this? You may laugh at the
rompy story about the older woman, but
really it’s piteous — why in public? Why
not a nice girl he met in a bar? Even the
greenest celebs don’t have the naivety to

tell anyone what really happened when
they lost their virginity. Look at all of
them: all slush written by PRs.
The overwhelming feeling I get from
the snippets leaked from the book is that
of a prince consistently in over his head.
He simply isn’t up to it — he is mentally
floppy. He can barely say anything
without making things worse, and still
no one is helping him. Ask any press
agent and they will tell you that “I killed
25 people in Afghanistan” alone is an
absolute PR code red. Why did no one
say this?
As for being bested by a dog bowl —
yikes. Didn’t he just say he’d killed 25
people? Is he a former soldier or, as the
Taliban put it, a “f***ing loser”? I don’t
know what’s worse: outraging common
decency by referring to targets as “chess
pieces” or getting owned by the
grimmest political regime in the world
and somehow allowing it to seem
morally better.
Harry is the posh Kaspar Hauser: you
may remember that poor German fella
who was apparently kept locked in a
dungeon for his whole childhood. When
he came out he was intellectually
stunted and couldn’t speak properly. He
didn’t know how to relate to the world.
Harry has spent years in an airless
tweed cage. If you look at the way he
talks — “todger”; “stallion”; “Willy” —
you just think: this is nursery-speak. He
is a man who has only ever spent time
telling cock jokes to Hooray Henrys.
There is no gravitas, no seriousness, no
understanding. Until a year ago he’d
hardly ever given any real interviews,
but now here he is, telling everyone
everything with zero filter.
It is awful to watch. The royal family
couldn’t have created more of a monster
if they had tried.
And they did create it. When you dig
down beyond the bitching, the stupid
chickens, the duchess prostrating
herself on Diana’s gravestone, saying she
was seeking “clarity and guidance” —
what a fake — we have to accept that
there are actual people who did this.
Stupid, rigid, self-absorbed, unwavering
old sadists who actively created the
nightmare we are going through. And it
wasn’t Harry.
They are mostly Charles and anyone
else at the Palace who failed to grasp that

MAX MUMBY/INDIGO

Cracks already seem to be showing in the group once known as the Fab Four during a flypast at Buckingham Palace in 2018

this sensitive, dim second son wasn’t
going to cope when the bottom fell out
of his world. What happened to him as a
child was dire, but no one gave a damn —
all attention fell on William: the heir.
Harry’s great failure is that he doesn’t
have the heft to describe this, resorting
to petty examples: the bigger bedroom
William got when they went to Balmoral;
the better wardrobe. I mean, really. It
obscures the main point: he grew up in a
completely unfair and inhumane system
that no one wanted to change, even in
the face of tragedy.
Who, for example, was looking out for
him when he was humping the Princess
Anne tribute act behind the Rattlebone
Inn? Not Charles, nor, obviously, his
mother, nor even William, who is now

Josh Glancy
Week ending
No one wants to see Sir Humphrey
in the self-checkout queue at Lidl
It’s a peculiarly British habit
to want our leaders and
ambassadors to exist in a
state of anxious penury.
Emily Thornberry, our
shadow attorney-general,
demonstrated this Scroogean
tendency last week when
she ripped into the Foreign
Office for spending £4,500 on
three boozy lunches with
foreign diplomats.
I know times are tough
and money is short and all
that, but this penny-pinching
is dreary and utterly
counterproductive. Good
diplomacy costs money, and
political leaders should live in
comfort. Downing Street is a

dump when it should be a
palace. Boris and Carrie
Johnson got into all sorts of
trouble for spending lavishly
on takeaway food and terrible
wallpaper while living there,
but why doesn’t the prime
minister have a personal chef
and a proper decorating
budget? Why should an
exhausted leader have to
worry about his Dishoom
driver getting stuck in traffic?
We like to pretend our
leaders are equal to us. But
they aren’t. Temporarily, at
least, they are elected or
appointed to rule over us and
should be given certain
privileges. This is for our own

Not what Einstein meant
about time being relative
My new year’s plea to the
world is that everyone
stop lying about how long
things take.
Recipes are the biggest
culprit. If he weren’t
already mechula after the
collapse of his rubbish
Italian restaurant chain, I
would be firmly in favour
of a class action lawsuit
against Jamie Oliver for
his 15-Minute Meals
cookbook. It takes 15
minutes to chop the stupid
tomatoes and at least an
hour to actually make any of
the meals, at which point
your guests are bored and
drunk and you already feel
like a failure.
Flights are another

culprit, with airlines
constantly overestimating
how long they will take.
One airline recently
claimed that a journey
from London to Miami was
going to take 11 hours.
Eleven hours? I could swim
there in that time. But it
gives them plenty of wriggle
room to claim that
everything is on schedule.
Then you have Uber taxis.
Three minutes, they tell
you. “It’s just coming,
darling.” Ten minutes later,
after you’ve been
thoroughly soaked, your
chariot finally arrives.
We’re trapped in a thick
web of incentivised deceit.
End this conspiracy now.

benefit. We will do better as a
country if they are relaxed
and well fed, not slaving over
a Sainsbury’s stir-fry.
Proper accounting and
oversight is important, but
we also want to impress
foreign dignitaries. The best
ambassador I’ve seen operate
close up was Karen Pierce,
our woman in DC. She has a
cunning ability to tell you lots
of slightly indiscreet things at
parties, but always served
with just enough champagne
to ensure you have forgotten
them all the next day.
Emily Thornberry might
be outraged, but that’s good
diplomacy.

NEWMAN’S
VIEW

Notre damn!
It’s enough to
make a gargoyle
get the giggles

Now that Austerity
Britain™ is making a
comeback, everyone’s
favourite belt-tightening
buddies, Nick and Dave,
have naturally decided to
get the band back together
for an event at London’s
Mandarin Oriental hotel.
What will Cameron and
Clegg discuss during their
cosy fireside chat? Perhaps
they’ll give the audience
some pointers on avoiding
reputational damage after
leaving politics. Pick your
billionaire bosses carefully,
for example. Avoid going to
work for new-world
fantasists who squander
vast fortunes on
unworkable pet projects.
Also, don’t go to work for
Lex Greensill. (Stop me if
these jokes are too Meta.)
They’ll want to avoid the
“three Bs”: Boris, Brexit and
blowjobs from dead pigs. In
fact it’s best at reunions to
just play the hits and give
the fans what they want.
Chaos with Ed Miliband was
a banger. Tuition Fee Blues
reliably tugs the
heartstrings. And I always
liked that underrated Tracy
Chapman and Chris Huhne
duet: Fast Car.
If the chat does run dry at
any point, they can resort to
discussing all of George
Osborne’s jobs, which will
easily fill 90 minutes.

Jumpin’ Jack
Vlad, it’s a gas
We’re a bit short of good
news at the moment, so I’d
like to report that my latest
gas bill was comically low.
Possibly cheaper than usual.
This is thanks in part to a
government subsidy that I
didn’t really need to heat my
poky two-bedroom flat. It’s
also due to an unseasonably
warm European winter but is
good news nonetheless.
Partly because I now have
more cash to spend on not
doing dry January. But also
because it means that
Russia’s gas war has failed.
Putin wanted to squeeze
us into backing out on
Ukraine but, as in everything
else to do with this war, he’s
massively cocked it up.

A year ago he’d
hardly given any
interviews. Now
he tells everyone
everything
with no filter

feeling Harry’s wrath for not being there
for him. The King comes across as both
cold and self-obsessed, failing even to
hug his son when he tells him his mother
is dead, before, later, begging both sons
to stop squabbling — we assume to make
him look good. What Spare will show is
that, in the absence of his mother, Harry
was simply not parented at all.
This isn’t to excuse Harry: he said the
words, he approved them and he will be
paid lots for them. He is an adult. Many
people lost parents but don’t have the
benefit of riches, fame and palaces. But
he’s damaged, adrift and still lonely — no
match for the best ghostwriter in the
world, nor even for Netflix, nor for any
of the bloodsucking American graspers
who have taken over his world.

You can imagine the scene in
Emily in Paris.
Emily, dressed in a neoprene
fishing suit, feathers and a bucket
hat: “OMG, we’ve got the Notre
Dame account!”
Sylvie, dressed in a 1990s
Thierry Mugler sex sheath even
though it’s only 11am: “Oh mon
Dieu, Émilie, oh là là, zut alors, bof,
we cannot ‘ave anozzer one of
your crazy Instagram campaigns!”
She physically huffs off.
Emily: “It’s totally fine, Sylvie.
I’ve already spoken to ...”
theatrical pause as the gays
double-take “Madame la
Présidente! After Brigitte
retweeted my Vaja-jeune
campaign to get the French word
for vagina changed from
masculine to feminine, she’s
totally behind our dope cathedral
makeover!”
Emily presses a button and up
comes a huge picture of Notre
Dame, Paris’s gorgeous gothic
cathedral, reimagined, via a
special Instagram filter, as a giant
penis with huge golden balls.
You may think this is a parody,
but according to a new book it’s
actually what happened.
As part of the plans to restore
the cathedral after most of it was
destroyed in a fire, the former
French culture minister Roselyne
Bachelot says the French first lady
approached her during a lunch
with a suggestion for the
redesign, “a project topped with a
sort of erect phallus with its base
surrounded by golden balls”.
I don’t know whether the design
was chosen, but when the
cathedral reopens next year, it will
be interesting to see whether
erect phalluses are indeed
Emmanuel Macron’s thing.

The Sunday Times January 8, 2023

PUZZLES

FEEDBACK

GENERAL KNOWLEDGE JUMBO CROSSWORD 352

Across

Comments about our puzzles can be sent to
puzzle.feedback@sunday-times.co.uk or Puzzles
Editor, The Sunday Times, 1 London Bridge Street,
London SE1 9GF

SUKO

Down

1 Grade I listed building seen in some Constable paintings (8,4)
7 Judith Keppel announced her retirement from this quiz
team last October (8)
12 In old sporting language, boxing was the “____” (5,7)
13 Symbol representing high quality or good behaviour (4,4)
15 Nigeria’s largest ethnic groups are the Hausa, ____ and Igbo (6)
16 Old-fashioned term describing a fainting person (6)
17 Hans van Meegeren was proved to be a forger of Vermeer
by his anachronistic use of ____ blue (6)
19 Car accessory which increases luggage space and wind
resistance (4,4)
20 Her autobiography is My Animals and Other Family (5,7)
22 Traditional trading vessel in East African or Arabian waters (4)
(pictured)
23 Male successful defender of the Olympic 1500m title (9,3)
28 ____ on Television introduced western viewers to the
Japanese show Endurance (5,5)
29 Bowler such as Muttiah Muralitharan or Graeme Swann (3,7)
31 ____ played Dorcas Lane in Lark Rise to Candleford (5,7)
32 Group of Outer Hebrides islands, at least nine of which are
populated (4)
36 HSBC and Santander are two of the UK’s ____s (8,4)
37 Cyclist in three victorious British Olympic team pursuit
teams, 2008-2016 (2,6)
39 Expressions with meanings independent of their parts (6)
40 TV show first broadcast in 1975, once called the “Z-Cars of
nursing” (6)
41 Frost came in this quantity in a long-running ITV series (1,5)
44 In the annual 14km race up and
down this mountain, the record
time is Kenny Stuart’s 1:25:34 in
1984 (3,5)
45 John Steinbeck novella about
migrant ranch workers (2,4,3,3)
46 A name for a breast-fed infant (8)
47 In German-speaking Switzerland,
these may be bells, shields,
roses or acorns (7,5)

1 Cook whose TV career was ended by savage criticism of an
amateur cook’s proposed menu for an important lunch (5,7)
2 A name for the area around London’s Exhibition Road (12)
3 1974 Lynyrd Skynyrd single, later a signature song (4,4)
4 In rugby union, this may be formed just after a tackle (4)
5 Geraldine ____ (pictured) played Jess’s mother in Oranges
Are Not the Only Fruit (6)
6 Shipyard electrician, the 1983 Nobel peace prize winner (4,6)
8 Name for a Second World War German POW camp officer (4)
9 ____ acid is used in making Prozac and Teflon (12)
10 ____ played Hari Kumar in The Jewel in the Crown (3,5)
11 Battles near this New York state town were decisive at the
end of the American Revolutionary War (8)
14 La ____ est la structure la plus haute de Paris (4,6)
18 ____ Zebra was a 1968 film of an Alistair MacLean thriller (3,7)
21 Structures like gazebos, seen in some parks and squares (10)
24 Informally, one’s sternum (10)
25 Influential dandy who was a favourite of George IV in his
days as Prince of Wales (4,8)
26 Good weather in autumn; productivity late in life (6,6)
27 Band founded in Sidcup in 1963, whose S F Sorrow album
was an early example of rock opera (6,6)
30 Gershwin song written for the 1927 musical Funny Face (1,9)
33 Russian composer Alexander ____ associated musical keys
with colours (8)
34 “The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the
lightness of being a ____ again” (Steve Jobs, on being fired by
Apple) (8)
35 ____ rocks are derived from
magma cooled below ground (8)
38 To become inflexible in habits
or attitudes (6)
42 The sailing class in which Ben
Ainslie won three of his
Olympic gold medals (4)
43 Historic kingdom in the north
of modern Spain and
Portugal (4)

Place the numbers 1 to 9 in the
spaces so that the number in
each circle is equal to the sum of
the four surrounding spaces,
and each colour total is correct.

CELL BLOCKS

Divide the grid into square or
rectangular blocks, each
containing one digit only.
Every block must contain the
number of cells indicated by
the digit inside it.

Apologies for the incorrect spelling of Megan Mullally in last week’s grid

SUDOKU

WARM-UP

POLYGON

KILLER SUDOKU EASY

VERY HARD — PRIZE 1517

Each row, column and 3x3 box
must contain the digits 1 to 9.
Winners will receive a Collins
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Each row, column
and 3x3 box must
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1 to 9. The digits
within each group
of cells joined by
dotted lines must
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figure in the topleft-hand corner
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Within each
dotted-line group,
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CONCISE CROSSWORD 1816

MEPHISTO 3254

NAME

Across
1
8
9
10
11
12
13
16
18
21
22
23

Down
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
14
15
17
19
20

Creative talent (8,5)
Dilapidated boat (3)
Desirous of the past (9)
Conjugal (7)
Visitor (5)
Alight (3,3)
Flight (6)
Square (4)
Meet by chance (4,4)
Pushchair (4,5)
Furrow (3)
Any old time (10)

Tim Moorey

...................................................................................

ADDRESS ...................................................................................

Casablanca song (2,4,4,2)
Satin and silk fabric (7)
Hallow (8)
Contumely (6)
Projecting rims (7)
Quarrel (5)
Create trouble (4,3,4)
Grand National venue (7)
Thallophyte (6)
Arm joint (5)
Recipient of money (5)
Proficient (4)

...................................................................................
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The Chambers Dictionary 13th edition is the primary
reference. Readers are invited to visit Tim Moorey’s
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Down

Across
1 OK for outing, I’m fond of
fruit (6)
5 Gazelles in uplands
heard (6)
9 Emerging general after
English degree (11)
11 Stokes dismissed in
carnage after fine
cutting (9)
12 Fish bones more than
once inspiring recipe
from the east (5)
13 Republican journo is
against the Crown for
tabloid (6)
14 Gypsy was anxious for an
audience (5)
18 Old PM has day alongside
Middle Easterner (8)
19 Distinguished conservative
Eden involved with
research briefly (8)
21 Nothing to stop serious
disease for a period of
about 18 years (5)
22 Island this country
accepted as a honey
source (6)
24 Spots attacking positions
in fencing right away (5)
26 CD missing in hot cars
used for racing? Renault
perhaps (9)
27 Composer’s woeful dirges
filmed with brass? (11)
28 The old bars supply teas (6)
29 Bases of clues not all can
see after one second! (6)

1 Note saving energy gets
small bills (4)
2 Lively dance item, new
out sparkled (8)
3 Urges chancellor to share
data run on head of state (8)
4 Arms taken up in American
party (4)
5 Thinks over liquor
regularly for lines of verse
(8)
6 Husband’s rarely gone for
strong drink (5)
7 Conductor upset some in
rickety vehicle (10)
8 Wasp-like flies worried
shipyards? Admiralty’s
leader leaving (8)
10 One trick absorbed by
commoner with craft of
an old Greek (10)
14 Charge lady for
herbaceous plant (8)
15 Indian mercenaries busy in
raids following pressure (8)
16 Note a university charging
without extras is
appropriate for artisans (8)
17 One involved in rationing,
Attlee left nothing out (8)
20 Car from Slovakia with
advanced exhaust set
up? (5)
23 Sustained popularity on
Sabbath (4)
25 People removing top
piece with spade making
these? (4)

TETONOR MODERATE

221

238

63 48 25
221 154
16 23830
25
31 63 150
31

210

150

210

4 6 476

1010

41
12
12

154
20 30 64
20

100

1414
14 14 17

29
17

Each number in the main grid can be formed by adding or
multiplying a pair of numbers in the strip below the grid. Each
pair of numbers should be used twice: once as part of an
addition and once as part of a multiplication. For example, a 10
and 24 in the main grid may be solved by the sums, 4 + 6 and 4
x 6, respectively. Enter each sum in the boxes below its answer.
Any blanks in the strip must be deduced, bearing in mind the
numbers are listed in ascending order.

CODEWORD

KENKEN
In the grid, each
number represents
a letter of the
alphabet — all 26
letters are used.
Use the initial clues
in the code table to
work out the rest of
the code.
STUCK? To get
four random extra
letter clues, call
0901 293 6266
(ROI 1514 415128) or
text STCLUE to
64343 (UK only).
Calls cost £1 (ROI
75c) plus your
telephone
company’s
network access
charge. Texts cost
£1 plus your
standard network
charge. SP: Spoke,
0333 202 3390
(ROI 0818 205 403)
(Mon-Fri 9am5.30pm).

All the digits 1 to 6 must appear in every
row and column. In each thick-line
“block”, the target number in the top
left-hand corner is calculated from the
digits in all the cells in the block, using
the operation indicated by the symbol.

From these letters, make
words of four or more letters,
always including the central
letter. Answers must be in the
Concise Oxford Dictionary,
excluding capitalised words,
plurals, conjugated verbs
(past tense etc), adverbs
ending in LY, comparatives
and superlatives.
How you rate
17 words, average; 23, good;
34, very good; 45, excellent.

CROSSWORD 5041
1

Robert Price

10
11

14
16

NAME

...................................................................................

ADDRESS ...................................................................................
...................................................................................

Across
1 Publicity video new duke
supplied (8)
5 Drink for everyone
abandoning a
conspirator (6)
9 Paddy infiltrating soldiers’
defences (8)
10 Put up with Love Island (6)
12 Fine cotton reel’s last
inch (5)
13 Racecourse punters not
exploited yet (9)
14 Go without a small, sweet
dish (5,7)
18 Red card leads to another
frank exchange (5-2-5)
21 Tug crew take care of (9)
23 Snapper’s part in shaming
a Tory (5)
24 Wound exposed on front
of shark (6)
25 Flatter bloomer, less
cooked on top (6,2)
26 Party animal twisting to
the hits (6)
27 Careful bosses keeping
note of liabilities (8)

Down
1 What may enlarge as it
gets dimmer students (6)
2 Old cat, losing it, turned
man-eater (6)
3 Device put into effect (9)
4 Retract weapons
after English make
amends (3,4,5)
6 Meeting place ready for
Israel’s smallest unit (5)
7 Language Society cryptic
ranks above sex (8)
8 Sharp decline in poverty (8)
11 Outfit wife dons to work
on case (3-5,4)
15 Front of tatty, dog-eared
novel made to look
inferior (9)
16 Clobber worn by sub
playing okay (6-2)
17 Head runs out of school
preserve (8)
19 Hi-fi using disc before case
of tapes turned up (6)
20 Final exam over, covered
in mistakes (6)
22 Beer crate regularly
dropped on your toes (5)

The first correct solution opened after next Saturday wins
a collection of reference books — The Times Universal
Atlas of the World, Collins English Dictionary & Thesaurus,
and Bradford’s Crossword Solver’s Dictionary, published
by HarperCollins. Three runners-up win the Collins English
Dictionary & Thesaurus. Post solutions to: The Sunday
Times Crossword 5041, PO Box 29, Colchester, Essex
CO2 8GZ, or email: puzzle.entries@sunday-times.co.uk.
Open to 18+ UK & ROI residents only.

CLUE WRITING CONTEST 1950: REPTILE
You are invited to write a clue for the word above, in our Winner 1947: Anthony Nannini, Raunds, Northamptonshire
Pigeonhole: Perhaps delay reading the end of Homer’s Odyssey?
cryptic crossword style. The best entry selected after
For a full report, visit thesundaytimes.co.uk/cluewriting
next Saturday wins a £25 Waterstones voucher. Email
your entry to puzzle.entries@sunday-times.co.uk.

The Sunday Times January 8, 2023

NEWS REVIEW

Martin
Hemming
Sure, maths
is handy,
but how do
Rawlplugs
work?

ishi Sunak, the banker who
became the chancellor who
became the prime minister,
wants us all to get as good at
maths as he is. “Just imagine
what greater numeracy will
unlock for people,” he said in
his speech last week,
announcing vague plans to make
students have some sort of maths
teaching until the age of 18. That’s rather
than, say — just an idea — hiring a load
more maths teachers and having really
excellent maths teaching for everyone.
He said these new bits of extra maths
would give young people “the skills to
feel confident with your finances, to find
the best mortgage deal or savings rate”,
which is a nice bit of political ambition,
assuming today’s young people will get
anywhere near a mortgage broker.
Maths also, he said, gives you “the
ability to do your job better and get paid
more” and, most boldly, “greater selfconfidence to navigate a changing
world”.
A poorly remunerated newspaper
column is no place for false modesty.
Was I amazing at maths at school?
Frankly, yes. The press regulator would
want words if I didn’t tell you that I have
maths and further maths A-levels (A, of
course), and took my GCSE a year early
(A*). But did being naturally gifted with
double differentiation and the Pearson
correlation coefficient give me greater
self-confidence to navigate a changing
world? Not so sure.
If Sunak really wants to revamp the
curriculum to equip the next generation
for the terrifying and often tedious world
of adulthood, these are the life lessons I
wish I’d been taught at school.

on a plug-in hob in home-ec. People
have watched MasterChef and Bake Off
now. If I were PM, I’d make sure every
child left school with three solid
Ottolenghi recipes in their arsenal, a
starter baggy of ras el hanout and a
working knowledge of sous vide
techniques.

John Owen
Curling League
In our curling league
(between 4 and 26 teams),
each team plays each other
once. Teams are ranked
according to the number of
wins (draws are impossible).

CHESS

David Howell

Magnus Carlsen’s victory at the
World Rapid Championship was
a reminder of the importance
of studying chess history. In a
crucial game Carlsen used a
plan famously implemented by
Bobby Fischer in 1970.
White: Magnus Carlsen
Black: Nodirbek Abdusattorov
World Rapid Championship,
Almaty 2022
Nimzowitsch-Larsen Opening
1 b3 e5 2 Bb2 Nc6 3 e3 Nf6 4
Nf3 Bd6 5 c4 0-0 6 d3 Re8 7
a3 a5 8 Be2 Bf8 9 0-0 d5 10
cxd5 Nxd5 11 Nbd2 f6 12 Qc2
Bf5 12…Be6 was seen in
Fischer-Andersson, Siegen
1970. Fischer, perhaps taking
inspiration from a game by Paul
Morphy in 1857, now
introduced his revolutionary
plan: 13 Kh1! Qd7 14 Rg1 Rad8 15
Ne4 Qf7 16 g4! g6 17 Rg3 Bg7 18
Rag1. White has built up an
overwhelming advantage. It is
worth noting that Garcia
Soruco-Fischer, Havana 1966,
featured a similar concept
albeit with reversed colours. 13
Rfe1 Bg6 White’s flexible setup — a “hedgehog” — can arise
from a variety of openings. 14
g4! Carlsen played this
committal move instantly. 18year-old Abdusattorov, clearly
unfamiliar with the
middlegame intricacies, was
already lagging behind on the
clock. 14…Qd7 15 Kh1 Rad8
15…Qxg4? walks into a doubleattack: 16 Nxe5. 16 Ne4 Kh8 17
Rad1 The hasty 17 Rg1 allows
17…Ndb4! 18 axb4 Nxb4 19 Qc1

If any teams are tied on wins,
ranking is only possible if
those teams have different
numbers of wins in their
mutual games. For example,
in a three-way tie if A beats B,
B beats C and A beats C, the
ranking is ABC, but if C beats
A (or A has not yet played C),
then ranking is impossible, as
A and B have one win each.

At one point (each team had
played G games), ranking the
teams as above was possible.
However, if each team had
played G-1 games, a ranking
would have been impossible,
irrespective of results. With
one more team in the league,
the minimum number of
games needed to allow a
ranking is G+2.

Nxd3 when chaos ensues. 17…
Bf7 18 Rg1 Nb6 19 Rg3 Carlsen
shows off his remarkable
knowledge of history. Fischer
would be proud. 19…a4 20
bxa4 Na5 21 Rdg1 Bd5 22 g5
f5 23 Nc3 23 Nf6! gxf6 24 gxf6
would have been a fitting finale.
Black has made no obvious
mistakes yet faces a devastating
assault on his king. 23…Bc6 24
e4 Nxa4 25 Nxa4 Bxa4 26
Qc3 Nc6 27 g6 Nd4 28 Ng5!
The knight is needed for
attacking purposes. 28…Nxe2
29 Nf7+ Strong, but 29 Qc4!
would have made this game a
modern masterpiece: 29…
Nxg3+ 30 Rxg3 Re7 (otherwise
31 Nf7+ with smothered mate
imminent) 31 gxh7! Black can
only prevent 32 Qg8 mate at
heavy cost. 29…Qxf7 30 gxf7
Nxc3 31 fxe8Q Bxe8 32 Bxc3
Bg6 33 exf5 Bxf5 34 Bxe5
Bxd3? 34…Rd7 35 Rf3 Rf7
would have kept the fight alive.
35 Rxg7! Black resigns If 35…
Bxg7 36 Bxg7+ (or 36 Rxg7,
since 36…Be4+ is met by 37 Rg2
mate) 36…Kg8 37 Bf6+ wins.
Spot the Move 1357:
Black to play.

BRIDGE

Shimanov-Carlsen, Almaty
2022. Which cunning move
uses a classic motif to turn this
endgame in Black’s favour?

Send your solution (first move only), to Sunday Times Spot the Move 1357,
The Sunday Times, PO Box 29, Colchester, Essex CO2 8GZ, or email to
puzzle.entries@sunday-times.co.uk. The first correct answer drawn after next
Saturday wins a £20 Waterstones voucher. Open to 18+ UK & ROI residents only.

LAST WEEK’S SOLUTIONS
SUDOKU WARM-UP

Both vulnerable, Dealer South
♠ AQ765
♥ Q9
♦ K82
♣ A87
♠ K832
♥ KJ52
♦ A7
♣ K96

N
W
S

♠ J4
♥ A 10 7 4 3
♦ 943
♣ Q42
West

North

East

South

1♣

1♠

Pass

Pass
?

Send your solution to: The Sunday
Times Teaser 3146, PO Box 29,
Colchester, Essex CO2 8GZ or email
puzzle.entries@sunday-times.co.uk.
The first two correct solutions opened
after next Saturday each win a £20
Waterstones voucher. Open to 18+ UK &
ROI residents only.

was duly rewarded by a
heart continuation from
West. Up to eight tricks now,
he was nearly home! He
cashed his hearts and played
a diamond. West ducked (it
would not have helped him
to go in with the ace and
play another), so Byrne won
the king, cashed his spades
and exited with a spade,
forcing West to give him his
ninth trick with a club at
trick twelve.

What would you bid on that
South hand after the above
auction?
In the other room, Bas
Drijver for Switzerland passed
and after a heart lead declarer
went one down.
Michael Byrne chose to
respond a rather subminimum one no-trump,
raised to three by his partner.
West led the two of hearts,
won in dummy with the
queen. Declarer led a spade to
his jack and West’s king. West
continued with hearts, the
king. Desperate for West to
continue the suit, declarer
played the ten from hand. He

♠ J 10 6 5 2
♥ J532
♦ K43
♣4
♠ 743
♥ K 10 8 7 4
♦ A5
♣ KQ3

N
W
S

♠ AK9
♥ Q96
E ♦ 98
♣ J 10 9 8 5

♠ Q8
♥A
♦ Q J 10 7 6 2
♣ A762
West

1♥
3♣
All Pass

North
Pass
3♦

East

2♣
3♥

South

2♦
4♦

Partner leads the ace of
diamonds and another
diamond. Declarer wins in
hand and plays the queen of
spades. Over to you.
You can see that if you win
this trick, declarer will make
his contract unless your
partner has the aces in both
hearts and clubs. He will
make six diamonds (including
a ruff in dummy), three
spades and an ace. Ducking
the spade is a much better
shot: now he can make only
one spade trick.

GENERAL KNOWLEDGE JUMBO CROSSWORD 351
Across: 1 Lhotse, 4 Psyche, 8 Proud of, 13 Dáil Eireann, 14 Impedance, 15 Hole in one,
16 Romans à clef, 18 Megan Mulally, 20 Terrapin, 22 Lady Chatterley’s Lover, 25 Owens,
26 Maracaibo, 28 Inspo, 29 SpongeBob SquarePants, 33 Ethereal, 34 Nigel Mansell, 37 Suckling pig,
38 Chartered, 40 Bricolage, 42 Not Going Out, 43 Eidolon, 44 Octads, 45 Nereid
Down: 1 Lady Hamilton, 2 Oriel, 3 Stevie Nicks, 5 Spare part, 6 Central processing unit, 7 Enigma,
8 Pup, 9 Old man roo, 10 Donald Pleasence, 11 Freefone, 12 Ormolu, 17 Niels Bohr,
19 God Help the Child, 21 Devi, 23 Aimee Mann, 24 Consolidated, 27 Root, 28 Impenitence,
30 Neroli oil, 31 Unexcited, 32 Sensible, 35 Meadow, 36 Speedo, 39 Rhone, 41 Awn

CODEWORD

MEPHISTO 3253
Across: 1 Stone saw, 7 Tyed (“Tied” will also be accepted in competition entries), 10 Perogi, 11 Carap,
13 Attonce, 14 Renig, 17 Sangha, 18 Banate, 19 Aliteracy, 21 Trephiner, 23 Emules, 25 Revery,
29 Taiko, 30 Dawties, 31 Leare, 32 Chiasm, 33 Deft, 34 Trecento Down: 2 TETRA, 3 Ortanique,
4 Noob, 5 Siccar, 6 Acerb, 7 Tref, 8 Epistle, 9 Dogberryism, 10 Passamented, 12 Areached,
15 Therefor, 16 Carnelian, 20 Lamb-ale, 22 Preace, 24 Seder, 26 Reest, 27 Skat, 28 Stie

SUDOKU 1516

SPOT THE MOVE 1356

CONCISE CROSSWORD 1815

1 Qh8+! wins: 1…Kxh8 2 hxg3+ Kg8 3 gxf4+
Bg4 4 Rxg4+ Kf8 5 Rh8 mate

Across: 1 One-trick pony, 7 Wedge, 8 Unravel, 9 Light,
11 Fatuous, 12 Samuel Johnson, 16 Foaming, 17 Goyim,
18 Cliquey, 19 Epoxy, 21 Simultaneity
Down: 2 Nod, 3 Theatre, 4 Cinzano, 5 Obviously,
6 Yolks, 7 Wales, 10 Gymnasium, 13 Lenient,
14 Hygiene, 15 Nimby, 16 Focus, 20 Opt

TEASER 3145
173056

KILLER SUDOKU

TETONOR
90
10 x

TODAY’S SOLUTIONS
44

216

9 34 + 10 8

x 27 18 + 16

SUKO

CELL BLOCKS

POLYGON

admin, aide, amid, amide, amine,
anime, anomie, daimon, danio, deni,
denim, diadem, diamond, dido, dime,
30 + 9 30 x 9 10 + 9 19 x 18
dine, diode, domain, domaine, domino,
340 35 312 40
eina, hide, hided, hind, homie, honied,
hoodia, hoodie, idea, idem, maid,
10 x 34 8 + 27 39 x 8 10 + 30
maiden, maidenhood, main, media,
37 300 47 288
median, medina, mehndi, midden, mien,
19 + 18 30 x 10 8 + 39 18 x 16
mind, minded, mine, monied, nide
Winners Crossword 5037 M 8Cleaver,
Emsworth, Hampshire, P Moulding, Goring-by-Sea, West Sussex, J Mulholland, London SW16
8 9 9Bolton-le-Sands,
10 10 10 16 18 18Lancashire,
19 27 30 30 P34Bacon,
39
Mephisto 3250 L Blois, Huddersfield, West Yorkshire, P Hambly, Oxford, A Tiplady, Markfield, Leicestershire, S Topham, Elston, Nottinghamshire, D Young, Shaw, Greater
Manchester Teaser 3142 CM Scampton, Southwell, Nottinghamshire, K Walne, Heighington, Lincolnshire Chess 1353 M McKimmie, Torrance, Dunbartonshire Sudoku 1513
E Bryant, Weston-super-Mare, Somerset

270

342

Circus skills
Have always wanted to be able to juggle.
But can’t. In many ways, despite all the
A-levels, I was let down by the education
system.
Jeremy Clarkson is away

TODAY’S WEATHER

AROUND THE WORLD
Amsterdam
9C s
London
10C sh
Athens
14 s
Los Angeles
18 f
Auckland
25 th
Madrid
8 r
Bangkok
30 f
Mexico City
19 s
Barcelona
16 f
Miami
24 f
Beijing
6 f
Moscow
-15 f
Belgrade
11 f
Nairobi
27 f
Berlin
7 sh
New Delhi
23 f
Bogota
17 th
New Orleans
22 th
Boston
2 f
New York
4 f
Brussels
10 sh
Oslo
5 sh
Budapest
9 f
Panama
29 th
Buenos Aires
34 s
Paris
11 sh
Cairo
20 f
Prague
5 f
Calgary
-1 f
Rio de Janeiro
23 r
Cape Town
24 s
Rome
16 sh
Caracas
22 th
San Francisco
14 r
Casablanca
20 s
Santiago
32 s
Chicago
2 sl
Seoul
3 f
Dubai
22 f
Seychelles
27 th
Dublin
8 sh
Singapore
28 th
Geneva
11 sh
Stockholm
5 r
Gibraltar
16 sh
Sydney
22 sh
Guatemala
25 sh
Tel Aviv
18 sh
Helsinki
-3 sn
Tenerife
18 s
Hong Kong
18 r
Tokyo
11 f
Istanbul
12 s
Toronto
0 f
Jersey
10 sh
Trinidad
28 th
Johannesburg
24 th
Tunis
18 s
La Paz
14 th
Venice
11 sh
Lagos
28 s
Vienna
5 sh
Lima
24 f
Warsaw
4 f
Lisbon
17 sh
Washington DC
6 sl
Key c=cloud, dr=drizzle, ds=dust storm, f=fair, fg=fog, g=gales, h=hail,
m=mist, r=rain, sh=showers, sl=sleet, sn=snow, s=sun, th=thunder, w=windy

EUROPE

-4

10
10
8
10
12

18
14
17

¬ Cloudy with outbreaks
of heavy rain across Spain
and Portugal. Sunshine and
showers in the Balearics
¬ Showery rain in northern
Italy, Corsica and Sardinia.
Dry with sunny periods in
southern Italy and Sicily
¬ Greece and Cyprus will be
dry and sunny. The Balkans
will be dry with lengthy spells
of sunshine.

5
27
rough

6
7

26
rough

9
rough

UK and Ireland forecast
Sunny periods and scattered heavy showers, perhaps wintry
across higher ground in Scotland and Wales. Driest conditions
will be found in northeastern England and eastern Scotland.
Moderate to fresh south or southwesterly winds inland, strong
to gale force around the coasts

REGIONAL FORECASTS

28
rough

¬ Mostly cloudy with spells
of rain in France, the Low
countries and Germany.
Heavy snow across the Alps
¬ Cold but dry with sunny
spells in Ukraine, the Baltics
and Poland
¬ Cloudy with spells of heavy
snow across Finland and
Sweden. Sunny intervals and
wintry showers in Norway
and Denmark

London, SE England
Sunny intervals and frequent heavy showers. Strong
southwesterly winds. Max 10C. Tonight, showers. Min 3C
Midlands, E England
Sunny periods and scattered heavy showers. Moderate
southerly winds. Max 9C. Tonight, showers. Min 2C
Channel Is, SW and Cent S England, S Wales
Sunny intervals and heavy showers. Moderate to strong
southwesterly winds. Max 10C. Tonight, showers. Min 2C
N Wales, NW England, Isle of Man
Sunny spells and showers, heavy in the morning. Moderate
southwesterly winds. Max 9C. Tonight, showers. Min 0C
Cent N and NE England
Sunny periods with the risk of a shower in the afternoon.
Moderate southerly winds. Max 8C. Tonight, showers. Min 2C
Scotland
Sunny periods and showers, wintry over high ground. Strong
southerly winds. Max 8C. Tonight, wintry showers. Min -2C
N Ireland, Republic of Ireland
Sunny spells and scattered showers. Fresh south or
southwesterly winds. Max 9C. Tonight, showers. Min 2C

THE WEEK AHEAD
28

SUN, STREET LIGHTS & MOON
8

Across: 1 Meal, 3 Blackbeard, 9 Satinet, 11 Anyroad, 12 Upright pianos, 14 Redheads, 16 Tripe,
18 Digit, 19 Foretell, 21 Schoolteacher, 24 Chicken, 25 Unearth, 26 Manuscript, 27 Keep
Down: 1 Masquerade, 2 Actor, 4 Latitude, 5 Clavis, 6 Beyond the pale, 7 A dog’s life, 8 Duds,
10 No great shakes, 13 Dealership, 15 Digestion, 17 Footpump, 20 Mooner, 22 Horse, 23 Scam

Driving on the motorway
Can I drive in the middle lane? And if
not, why not? Everybody else is. And
what if there are four lanes? Is that two
middle lanes, or none? So many
questions that, when I’m hurtling along
at 70mph — that is the speed limit, right?
— I wish someone had taken me
aside and explained it all.

WEATHER

CROSSWORD 5040

KENKEN

Which drill bit is
for walls and
which one is for
wood? And how
do I hide the
holes I drilled
accidentally?

Rawlplugs
I’m OK at DIY now, but only after
decades of swearing at plasterboard and
covering up drill holes I’ve accidentally

How many teams are in the
league and what was the
value of G?

preoccupation — when we weren’t
geeking out in our further maths lessons
— was talking to girls. That’s not quite
true; we were so clueless, we barely
dreamt of attempting it. The odd young
groovy teacher might have given a few of
the sixth-formers some pointers, but we
left school ill-equipped to go forth and
multiply. Unless the annual disco with a
nearby girls’ school was their way of
covering this part of the extracurriculum in a brutal sink-or-swim way.
Or the fact they got a girl in to play Lady
Macbeth in the school play. Though even
we knew enough not to get mixed up
with Lady Macbeth, however fit.

Estate agents
Thanks to the maths, you’ve saved
enough in your Isa for a house deposit.
Now you need to know how to defeat the
evil gatekeeper between you and home
ownership: the estate agent. A decent
module on seeing past their coded
language, confidence tricks and shiny
trousers would have saved me a lot of
anguish. See also: dealing with
decorators, mechanics, boiler-fixers and
double-glazing salespeople.

Dressing oneself
I work in a newspaper office.
You don’t have to look much
further to see how clothes that
are theoretically smart can be
worn in such a way as to
achieve the opposite. To get on
in life, it’s not what you do, it’s
how you look doing it, therefore
no Briton should be allowed to
leave the education system without
having first assembled a neat little
capsule collection of well-fitting officeto-partywear.

Last week’s problem

♠ 10 9
♥ 86
E ♦ Q J 10 6 5
♣ J 10 5 3

Talking to girls/boys
As I may have revealed in a previous
column, or it’s probably obvious, I went
to an all-boys’ school, therefore a main

Ironing
It took me till my early thirties to work
out why ironing boards have pointy
ends. But I’m still stumped by what on
earth you do with a pleated skirt.

Sally Brock

The English Open team did
well in the world
championships, qualifying
comfortably through the
round robin. Unfortunately
for them, they were chosen by
the strong Switzerland team
in the quarter-finals. The
match was very tight until
the very end. Today’s deal
shows Michael Byrne in
sparkling form.

Why
does my
curtain
look
wonky?

Cleaning
Sure, if you paid attention in maths class,
you’ll be earning enough to pay
someone else to clean your house. But
sometimes it’s Thursday and you’ve got
guests coming over. Turns out the robovac and a squirt of Cif gets you only so
far. What’s the best sort of cloth for the
loo rim? How do you get those streaks off
the shiny metallic fridge door? And if I’m
paying a cleaner £14 an hour, why is the
sealant round the shower that colour?

Cooking
It’s no longer enough to have whipped
up a soggy spag bol and some fairy cakes

TEASER 3146

made too big with pictures I didn’t really
want in that spot. We did learn how to
wire a plug in physics, but when was the
last time anyone had to do that in real
life? What sort of lightbulb is best if you
don’t want your hallway to look like
the corridor of an A&E department?
Which drill bits in the box are for wood,
which are for brick walls? And why is
this drill bit not letting me drill more
than a centimetre into this particular
bit of wall? If I used a spirit level for
putting up my curtain track, why does
it look so wonky? What throw
cushions go best on a blue velvet-effect
sofa? These are crucial questions our
kids need answering. I once put a
Rawlplug in a wooden door for
goodness sake.

Aberdeen
Belfast
Birmingham
Bristol
Cardiff
Cork
Dublin
Glasgow
London
Manchester
Newcastle
Norwich
Plymouth

Sun
rises

Sun sets/
lights on

Lights
off

Moon
rises

Moon
sets

08:43
08:43
08:15
08:13
08:16
08:39
08:37
08:44
08:04
08:22
08:28
08:03
08:15

15:46
16:17
16:12
16:20
16:22
16:41
16:25
16:03
16:10
16:08
15:57
15:58
16:31

08:42
08:42
08:15
08:13
08:15
08:38
08:37
08:43
08:03
08:21
08:27
08:03
08:14

16:53
17:29
17:25
17:34
17:36
17:56
17:38
17:13
17:23
17:20
17:08
17:10
17:46

10:36(Mon)
10:37(Mon)
10:10(Mon)
10:08(Mon)
10:10(Mon)
10:33(Mon)
10:31(Mon)
10:37(Mon)
09:58(Mon)
10:16(Mon)
10:21(Mon)
09:58(Mon)
10:09(Mon)

NIGHT SKY

Venus, brilliant but low as the night begins, sets
in the SW 90 minutes after the Sun. At 9pm,
Mars is high in the S, left of the Pleiades and
above Taurus’s brightest star, Aldebaran. Orion
stands below and to their left with Orion’s Belt
leading down to Sirius. The Moon, in the E in
Cancer, is above Regulus in Leo tomorrow and
left of the star on Tuesday. Alan Pickup

Tuesday
Spells of heavy
rain spreading
northeastwards.
Max 14C

Wednesday
Sunny intervals
and scattered
heavy showers.
Max 11C

Thursday
Cloudy with
outbreaks of heavy
rain.
Max 12C

Monday
Sunny periods and
scattered heavy
showers.
Max 10C

Friday
Sunshine and
showers, wintry
over high ground.
Max 9C

8
11
29

Saturday
Cloudy and wet in
the west, showers
elsewhere.
Max 10C

January 8, 2023

Bolt hole in one: the best European sports resorts 16

First-time builders
The couple who created a brand-new terraced house on a city street 8

2 January 8, 2023 The Sunday Times

COVER: VICKI COUCHMAN FOR THE SUNDAY TIMES. OPPOSITE PAGE: ANGUS BEHM; MATT LIVEY

Home
£1.8M

MAKING
MOVES
The best of this week’s property on sale

Compiled by
Victoria
Brzezinski
and Melissa
York

HOUSE OF THE WEEK
CORNWALL
Tucked away on the edge of
Gulval, a village near
Penzance, this 16th-century
six-bedroom longhouse has a
history as long as its roof,
which is thought to be the
longest thatched example
in Cornwall. Set on a hill in two
acres, it has timeless,
spectacular views over Mount
Bay, but the interiors were
recently modernised, with a
five-oven Aga to boot.
struttandparker.com

The Sunday Times January 8, 2023 3

£1.5M

£525,000

STOP BEING POLITE AND
HAGGLE WITH SELLERS

HEREFORDSHIRE

SOMERSET

Bid farewell to the rat race: this splendidly renovated
five-bedroom farmhouse near Ross-on-Wye comes with
five acres including paddocks, veg beds and gardens plus
an annexe and outbuildings. fineandcountry.com

This three-bedroom house in the valley of the Mendip
Hills, six miles from Wells, has bags of potential. There are
three outbuildings, a cellar and planning permission to
create a central courtyard. palmersnell.co.uk

O/O
£2.5M

£825,000

GLASGOW

GLOUCESTERSHIRE

For grandeur in Glasgow, look no further than Matheran, a
baronial mansion in the Avenues on Southside. There are
seven en suite bedrooms, vaulted ceilings and a minstrels’
gallery to admire. savills.com

Currently used as holiday let, this five-bedroom barn
conversion in the village of Huntley is in the north of the
Forest of Dean. Made from reclaimed materials, there’s a
standout timber and steel staircase. allenandharris.co.uk

£650,000

t times I am a
British cliché,
saying “sorry”
when someone
bumps into me,
feeling uncomfortable when
someone compliments me,
that kind of thing. And never
more so than when it comes to
money. I’m not shy and can be
brutally direct at times, so why
does talk of pounds and pence
put me into a tizz?
Souks or bazaars inflict a
particular terror. The phrase
“name your price” sends
me scurrying in search of a
shop with price tags. I simply
hate haggling.
Yet that is exactly what
anyone hoping to buy a house
now needs to do. Haggle. Sure,
there is a price tag, but in
reality the price is whatever
someone will pay and that is
not necessarily what the seller
(or their agent) has concocted.
Despite the Boxing Day
boom of homes for sale being
launched or relaunched (the
portal Rightmove reported a
46 per cent increase in
properties listed on December
26 this year compared with
last year), many report that
little is moving on their street.
That is because sellers and
buyers have different opinions
on value. One or other is being
overly optimistic. Probably
both of them. Sellers want to
sell high and buyers want to

£1.995M
Sellers want to
sell high, buyers
want to buy low

HEREFORDSHIRE

GLOUCESTERSHIRE

Once the village post office, this five-bedroom cottage in
Welsh Newton has lush gardens, period charm and a
bottle-green Aga. Hop over the border to Monmouth for
delis, Waitrose and a flat-white fix. fineandcountry.com

For buyers who want the Cotswolds lifestyle but love a
more modern style, there’s Gateacre House. This airy,
contemporary five-bedroom home in Stow-on-the-Wold
was finished last month. savills.com

FROM
£274,000

HOME
TRUTHS

£7.65M
CAROL
LEWIS
Property Editor

LONDON E10

BUCKINGHAMSHIRE

Get your foot on the ladder at Pocket Living’s Osier Way
scheme in Leyton in east London’s Zone 3. When
complete, the development will become England’s largest
first-time buyer-only housing scheme. pocketliving.com

Nab a natty new-build on the fringes of the Chilterns near
High Wycombe. Set in 1.76 acres, this six-bedroom home
has all the mod cons: pool, cinema, gym, car lift and even
a wine bar. knightfrank.co.uk

buy low — even when that is
the same person.
Most of us believe our home
is special. Some genuinely are
and will command a premium
whatever the market. But most
are not as special as we think.
Selling and buying is an
emotional activity.
Buyers who have yet to
forge an attachment to the
bricks and mortar can afford
to be more pragmatic. And in a
falling market it is buyers who
have the upper hand (prices
have fallen for four months in
a row, according to the
mortgage lender Halifax). In
theory, if their offer is a little
on the low side they can sit
and wait until the seller or
market meets them.
The bottom of the market is
traditionally quiet, though —
not least because confidence is
at its lowest ebb. It will be the
same this time. The cost of
living is biting, there are job
security worries and on a daily
basis headlines tell tales of
economic woe. Few will want
to splash the cash.
What is more, lenders are
under pressure to minimise
repossessions and look likely
to offer interest-only
mortgages, and maybe even a
return to the pandemic’s
payment holidays, to reduce
the number of forced sales
adding to the stagnation.
Fortune will favour the
confident: those who research
values specific to the location
and house type, pricing
sensibly to sell and making an
informed offer to buy.
Although that is easier said
than done. Price data on the
Land Registry lags behind the
market by months; meanwhile
mortgage rates are rising
and unlikely to return to the
ultra-lows of recent years.
Buyers shouldn’t be afraid
to haggle, walk away and wait,
but they need to remain
realistic (and be prepared to
lose the purchase), because
even though good deals can
be done even in a recession,
few people can afford to give
away their property.
For most movers —
and, let’s face it, few are
sitting on a pile of cash
from selling at the peak —
the falling market will
mean taking a hit on the
house they are selling
and balancing that with
the price offered on
their purchase.
Over the long term
for most buyers, though,
losses can be recouped
over time. Last week
Halifax revealed that
average house prices
are up 974 per cent
since 1983 — rising
from £26,188 (£81,665
adjusted for inflation)
to £281,272 — despite
several recessions.

4 January 8, 2023 The Sunday Times

Home
CHARLIE
LAMDIN

HOUSE
GUEST

@moving_charlie

FORGET 2023
— WAIT UNTIL
2024 TO BUY

his will be the year
of remorseful
home-sellers
chasing the market
price down as it
falls, wishing they had taken a
smaller price hit sooner. When
the cold, hard reality of the
2023 property market
metaphorically slaps them in
the face, they will be forced to
accept a much lower price,
much later than they would
have liked.
Mortgage lending is
in turmoil, although it is
stabilising. The conveyancing
industry is going through a

crisis of its own making with
leading firms going bust,
threatening transaction chains
around the country. The
crowning crisis is that many
estate agents, large and small,
are facing an existential threat
as their costs (staff, office and
advertising) continue to rise
while they navigate a 25 per
cent fall in sales volumes and
fee income.
All of this worsens the
gauntlet of mover uncertainty,
as if it weren’t bad enough
already. The — as yet unnamed
— global economic/financial
crisis of inflation, strikes, war

and cost of living has a long
way to go yet.
This is the backdrop facing
movers in 2023.
Even less helpful is the
six-month time lag in Office
for National Statistics
reporting of what is happening
at the coal face of property
transactions. How much
should buyers pay? What can
sellers expect to achieve?
You might be basing
your pricing decision on
information from a time
when the market was doing
something very different. In a
rising market, a slightly over-

Buyers face
jittery
lenders,
reduced
budgets and
a Mexican
stand-off on
price with
sellers

priced property will still sell as
they just need to move. But
the market price rises to meet
they are exposed to two other
it. But when a market has
parties’ conveyancers, even if
turned, as it has now, and
their own is good.
prices are falling, a slightly
Many downsizers are
overpriced property will soon
being unrealistic about their
become a very overpriced
selling price, waiting for the
property as unwitting sellers
right buyer to come along
wait in vain for their askingwhile the market drops away
price buyer to show up.
from them like a skydiver.
First-time buyers face jittery Then they panic and drop the
lenders, reduced budgets and
price, but not soon or far
a Mexican stand-off on price
enough, and are forced to
with sellers. However,
repeat the process.
this can be overcome
It’s going to be a
with some good
great year for savvy
Join in the
negotiating.
cash buyers to snap
conversation at
If you find a
up bargains from
thetimes.co.uk
home you love,
desperate sellers
calculate your
who need certainty
maximum
above all else.
comfortable price, then
The economy (and
send your offer by email to
jobs) has been inextricably
the agent, leave it on the table
linked to house prices ever
and walk away. If there are no
since the UK moved away from
other offers you’ll be in with
being a manufacturing-based
a good chance. If you want to
economy into a financial
hard-ball, set an expiry date
services one. This doesn’t
for your offer and reduction
bode well for 2023 either since
thereafter. This will speed up
falling house prices can drag
the outcome either way, which the economy down with them.
is in everyone’s interests.
Unless moving home is a
First-time sellers looking to
high-ranking life priority for
upsize, while insulated from
you, it’s a gauntlet that may be
falling prices, are facing
worth waiting for until 2024.
increased uncertainty from
industry turmoil as it adjusts
Charlie Lamdin is founder of
to the new market reality.
BestAgent and presenter of
These movers may not even
Moving Home with Charlie
care about the financial side;
YouTube channel

6 January 8, 2023 The Sunday Times

Instagram’s influence on the market is growing
— much to the dislike of agents. By Hugh Graham

ome people spend
their lives on
Instagram. Spot a
photograph of a
pretty room or
influencer, and before you
know it, hours have gone by
scrolling. Worldwide, the
average user spends 32
minutes a day on the app, but
in the UK for the majority of
“fashion and lifestyle
shoppers” it’s one to three
hours a day, according to a
2022 survey by Statista. Insta
is influencing what we buy
from fashion to food — and
now houses.
A growing number of small
developers are ditching
Rightmove and estate agents
and selling directly to
followers. Chris Hammond, a
developer operating in Kent
and Sussex, has 4,970
followers on his company
account, @beauproperty.
Insta brought him two of the
buyers for his most recent
scheme, Nevill Row, eight
mews houses in Tunbridge
Wells. And while Hammond
used an estate agent to
execute the transactions, for

his next project, seven homes
in Southborough, Kent, his
aim is to sell all seven
properties on Insta.
Danny Inman, a Cheshirebased developer who has built
1,000 properties in ten years,
has 33,000 followers on
@dannyinmanproperty and
sells about 35 per cent of his
properties through the app.
“Instagram is the future in
property,” says Inman, who
gets 8,000 notifications a day
on his account. “Agents and
Rightmove are at risk of
getting left behind. Ultimately,
where are most eyes going?
We check on social media to
decide if a restaurant looks
good, and I think that’s the
way housing is going to go.”
There are practical reasons
for cutting out the middleman.
Hammond says developers
save on the 1 per cent
commission they would
normally pay an estate agent;
Inman estimates he will save
£100,000 in agent fees by
selling his next project, the
Paddocks in Plumley,
Cheshire, on Insta. But social
media also allows developers

to gauge levels of interest —
estate agents keen to keep
instructions are not always
candid with them — and to
have direct engagement with
potential buyers.
“On Rightmove you don’t
have that same connection,”
Hammond says. “We do video
stories of what the property is
looking like up to the minute
and keep them up to date on
how the build is progressing.
People follow our progress
and message us privately,
saying, ‘As soon as something
comes up, can you let us
know?’ And they get that kind
of scrolling sensation with
Instagram, that addiction-type
set-up, and they’ll keep getting
reminders because of the
algorithm.”
Which is all very well for
developers, but what’s in it for
buyers? “There’s a direct line
of communication,” Inman
says. “Removing the third
party [the agent] from the
negotiations and getting direct
access to the potential buyer
has so much value. We can
offer them things that the
agent might not think of or

MIKEY READ/@BEAUPROPERTY

Home

MEET THE INSTA

DEVELOPERS

The Sunday Times January 8, 2023 7

Homes on
@beauproperty
and developer
Chris Hammond

Agents are
at risk of
getting left
behind

know of. We can listen to the
buyer’s objections and see if
there’s anything we can do.
We can negotiate on price very
directly. The buyer can say,
‘This is what I want, can it
happen?’ Whereas if a seller
went to an agent and said, ‘I
want to give you £1.8 million
now and another £200,000 in
a year,’ the agent would go,
‘No, no, we’re not doing
anything like that.’ Sometimes
agents, no matter how good
they are, muddy the waters.”
Inman’s Insta feed is not full
of the usual glossy property-

porn photos. Instead it’s
dotted with memes and
punchy, straight-talking
market analysis. He says this is
a strategy for building trust
and engagement with
followers who will then share
his posts with friends — he has
found a number of buyers
through tagging. “We’ve made
a decision to be authentic.
We’re contrarian. People buy
into that.”
To build his personal brand
Hammond peppers his feed
with more typical fare:
personal family shots, holiday

snaps and aspirational slogans.
Personal branding and a
more individualistic,
American-style brokerage
system will increasingly take
hold in the UK, spurred on by
Instagram, according to Daniel
Daggers. Formerly an estate
agent with Knight Frank, he
has founded DDRE Global, “a
digitally driven real estate
business”. The super-prime
specialist has 54,500 followers
on his personal Insta,
@daniel_daggers, and 17,600
on @teamddre, and also has
a presence on TikTok,

Snapchat and Facebook.
“If you want to buy a
property and rely solely on
walking into an office and
meeting a stranger or calling
up a random person, there is
no trust equity. Whereas
if you’ve been following Daniel
Daggers for years on digital
channels, you know so much
more about me. People know
what I do in my spare time.
They know that I’m an Arsenal
fan. They know what clothes I
wear. I bought a very nice pair
of sneakers and I got a client
from that. They know where I
go on holiday, they know
about my relationship with my
parents, they know I’m Jewish.
They know if we have mutual
friends. There’s more trust
when someone you know is
connected to that person.”
So how does the property
content on Insta differ from
Rightmove? Daggers says he
makes personal appearances
in videos and chats;
sometimes homeowners do
too. “You want to evoke
emotion. So for instance,
we’ve used classical music and
rap music on stories. When we
sold a property not long ago
for just shy of £20 million, we
produced a beautiful video of
the place set to R&B/hip-hop.
We knew we were probably
targeting a western family and

that they would be in their
forties. The video went viral.
We got it in front of the right
people, ultra-high-net-worth
kids in New York who loved it
and shared the video. And in
many instances it’s the kids
who influence the parents.”
His high-end clients also
prefer selling on Insta because
it doesn’t leave a digital
footprint the same way
Rightmove does — on the
portals buyers can see if a
property has been languishing
on the market or had to have
its price reduced. On Insta
posts can be deleted.
The whole business model
for selling property is
changing, Daggers says.
“People aren’t walking into
offices to buy real estate
anymore. It’s not about how
many offices you’ve got. It’s
about your reach. For the £20
million house we put beautiful
content all over digital
channels. We had well over a
quarter of a million
impressions. A third party
introduced us to a buyer.
Eighty per cent of transactions
in a super-prime market and
new-builds happen by a
third-party introducer.”
Which is where the shares
and tags come in. In the
future, your dream home may
only be a “like” away.

8 January 8, 2023 The Sunday Times

Home

‘WE JUST GOT
IMMENSELY LUCKY’
How two first-time buyers bought a plot at
auction to create a three-bedroom new-build
house in a London terrace. By Hugh Graham

imes are tough for
first-time buyers.
However, the story
of Alex Wright and
Chelsea Nelson
should provide hope. When
the time came to leave their
houseshare and buy their first
home, instead of settling for a
tiny flat they aimed higher: for
a three-bedroom house. And
they built it themselves.
Not only that, but they
made a profit doing so.
Wright, 34, an architect, and
Nelson, also 34, an interior
designer, have built a
contemporary tribute to a
classic terraced house in
Leytonstone, east London.
They spent £480,000 building
the house and sold one half of
it for almost double that,
starting out with a deposit of
£25,000. It took hard work,
complex financing and luck to
pull it off.
In 2017 the couple were
living in a houseshare in Forest
Gate, east London, and spent
months cycling around the
area looking for brownfield
sites to build on as well as
looking up names on the land
registry and writing letters.
The efforts didn’t bear fruit,
so they started attending
auctions. When they found the
ideal brownfield site for their
project — four garages in
Leytonstone on a 12m x 8m
plot — they bought it in April
2018 for £251,500.
Buying at auction for a
self-build project is tricky.
Wright and Nelson weren’t
cash buyers; they needed a
self-build mortgage to be able
to buy. To get a self-build
mortgage you need to buy a
plot that comes with planning
permission. Their plot had
permission but they couldn’t
arrange a self-build mortgage
in 20 days, the time an auction
house gives you to complete.
They needed to take out a
high-interest bridging loan
from a specialist finance
company, which they kept for
about five months before
moving on to a self-build
mortgage. When the project
was finally completed they
moved on to a standard
repayment mortgage.
They used their savings for
a 10 per cent deposit (£25,150)
and secured the bridging loan
against the value of Wright’s
mother’s house. “A lot of our
peers were getting gifts from

their parents for deposits for
property,” he says. “So I
pitched it as, rather than doing
that, she could refinance her
house. The mortgage would be
in both of our names and we
would pay it off for her in
monthly instalments.”
They originally had
planning permission for a
single house, but their project
got a lot bigger when, chatting
over the garden fence, their
new neighbour asked them if
they’d like to buy half his
garden — 12m x 4m — for
another £125,000.
“That was never part of the
plan; we just got immensely
lucky,” Wright says.
Before they closed the deal
with the neighbour, they made
an application to build two
houses: semi-detached and
built to fit in with the street’s
Victorian terraces.
To improve their chances,
they had a pre-application
meeting with planners,
who told them what was
acceptable. “It was easier to
get planning if you followed
the form of the street,”
says Wright, who is the
director of Nelson Wright
Architects, which won best
project for under £500,000
at the Architects’ Journal
awards in November for
their work on the house.
“There is something
quintessentially British about
the Victorian terrace. It’s
quite a pleasing form.”
They gave the period
terrace a 21st-century spin:

instead of the classic yellow
London stock brick, they used
a slender pink Belgian brick
from the manufacturer Vande
Moortel that was not as deep,
so they could fit more
insulation into the 125mmthick walls; instead of sash
windows they opted for
contemporary Danish ones
with a bronze finish by
Idealcombi; and solar panels
on the roof have also helped
the house to achieve an energy
performance certificate rating
of A (an A rating is the best
and G the worst).
“It’s quite funny because
my design aesthetic is more
traditional,” says Nelson, who
is the former lead designer for
Soho House. “And Alex’s is
very minimal. I wanted a
period property; Alex wanted
contemporary. So we met
somewhere in the middle.”
Inside the three-bedroom,
1,150 sq ft house they settled
on a traditional floorplan for a
Victorian terrace, although all
the rooms have sliding pocket
doors to create an instant
open-plan layout. And not
many Victorian terraces have
an entrance hall with tripleheight ceilings and an
enormous circular skylight, or
a study area on the secondfloor landing that overlooks
the void, or a wet room on the
top floor with a sauna.
And, unlike many a period
terrace, they’ve filled every
corner with storage — about
270 sq ft of it: built-in
cupboards in the bedrooms, a

All the rooms have
sliding pocket
doors to create
an instant
open-plan layout

central timber block of storage
on the ground floor; bike and
shoe storage under the stairs;
a kitchen pantry; and a
cupboard on their first floor
that contains a washing
machine and dryer. “The logic
of carrying your washing to
the ground floor to wash it and
then take it back up again
seems flawed,” Wright says.
Nelson adds: “And opposite
that we have carved out a
little niche storage cabinet
which is heated and extracted,
and we use it as a drying
cupboard so we don’t have to
hang our washing out.”

AVALON; JOHN MORRISON/ALAMY

VICKI COUCHMAN FOR THE SUNDAY TIMES

The Sunday Times January 8, 2023 9

TIME AND SPACE THE WAY WE LIVE NOW
Read A
Dog’s Life,
Graeme Hall’s
column, in today’s
The Sunday Times
Magazine

Clockwise from left: Graeme Hall;
his dogs Axel and Gordon; Selby,
North Yorkshire, where Hall was born
Alex Wright, an
architect, and
Chelsea Nelson,
a former
designer for
Soho House,
with their son,
Rufus, in the
home they
built on a
brownfield site
in Leytonstone,
east London

The ceilings seem higher
than in most terraced houses
because they left the joists on
the ceilings exposed — all the
insulation and services are
above the joist line, which
gives greater height to the
room below.
Wright and Nelson
completed the build in March
2021, just over a year after
starting, and sold the other
half for £890,000, making
back their build costs and the
purchase price with about
£30,000 to spare.
The couple have got the bug
for self-builds on brownfield
sites now. They love their semi
so much they’re staying put —
especially as they have a nineweek-old son — but they’ve
just bought a plot in Peckham,
southeast London, that they
are turning into two high-spec
flats. They’re using the
Leytonstone project as a
platform for their architecture
and design business, showing
off Nelson’s bespoke furniture
in the process.
“Building our own house
was a labour of love,” says
Wright, who adds that there is
deep satisfaction in identifying
an underutilised site and
bringing it to life. “There were
financial benefits as well.
Brownfield sites are abundant
in London.
“All it takes to unlock them
is a degree of patience,
critical thinking and an
element of luck.”

GRAEME HALL
The Dogfather on terrible student digs
and why he lets his pooches sit on the sofa

was 40 when I first had a dog
of my own. I moved to Overstone,
Northamptonshire, to a designer
semi built in 1952. I’d met
somebody who had a rottweiler
and we moved in together. That one
passed away and we got the two dogs I’m
known for, Axel and Gordon, in the early
to mid-2000s. They passed away a few
years ago. It was a great house for dogs:
lots of room downstairs and a great big
garden out back that backed on to fields,
and woods opposite.

How did the house lead to you
becoming a dog trainer?
It meant I had room for the dogs. Because
I don’t do anything by half measures, I
threw myself into dog training and
discovered I was good at it. I’d left my job
[working for Weetabix] and planned to be
a management consultant, and someone
said, “Why don’t you set up as a dog
trainer instead? Because you’re good with
people” — which wasn’t necessarily the
answer I expected. In November 2008 I
turned the front bedroom into my office
and it went from there.
How many dogs do you have now?
Three. Tish, 15, a Patterdale and quite a
frail old lady who has gone blind; Scooby,

12, a boxer who has gone deaf in his old
age; and Jonny, who can see and hear
OK, but he’s a bit daft. We’re not sure how
old he is because he is a rescue. He looks
like a collie cross, but he DNA-tested as
Staffordshire bull terrier and chihuahua.
I suspect a stepladder was involved.
Which was the home that had the most
impact on you?
I was born in 1964 in the room my mum
still sleeps in, in Selby, North Yorkshire.
My parents bought a plot of land and
built the bungalow, got married within a
couple of years and never had a mortgage.
My dad was a factory electrician and he
had been saving up for years. He was 35
in 1962 when he married my mum, who
was a pharmacy assistant at Boots.
Where was the worst place you lived?
I went to the University of Hull, and the
student house I lived in was great and
awful in equal measure. It was great
because there were 17 lads in this house,
and 14 girls in a house next door. The
place was a terrible state. The walls
had holes in. Once we had a water fight,
and we were mopping up for days. I hit on
the bright idea of using the iron to dry out
the carpet tiles and they shrank, so we
had tiles with gaps around them.

What was the first home you owned?
I was 23 when I bought my first
house, in about 1988, in Kettering,
Northamptonshire. It was a terraced house
with no central heating and no double
glazing. I couldn’t afford kitchen units
so I worked out how to make them from
plywood and made worktops from wall
tiles. The area is known for shoemaking
and I found shoemaking tools, hammers
and a last that had been there for decades.
Are the dogs allowed on the sofa
and bed?
I quite often have my dogs up for a cuddle
on the sofa when I’m watching the
television. It’s old-fashioned to say if you
let them up on the sofa or the bed they’ve
taken over your world. Although if you
are sitting on the sofa and the dog elbows
you out of the way, that’s a problem. If
you’ve got a dog sofa, you should make
a point of sitting on it now and again to let
them know you can. Our dogs sleep in the
bedroom, but on the floor.
What else is on your wish list?
A double garage. I used to be involved in
ballroom and Latin dancing. I used to do
moves in my kitchen, but if you’ve ever
seen two rotties trying to join you for a
tango, it’s not pretty. If the real Strictly
people came knocking on the door, the
answer would be yes if I had a house
with a double garage to practise in.
Where is home now?
I’m living in Bicester, Oxfordshire,
with my new partner.
Interview by Katrina Burroughs
The new series of Dogs Behaving
(Very) Badly airs on Tuesdays at 8pm
on Channel 5

10 January 8, 2023 The Sunday Times

HOME OF THE FUTURE
The world’s first climate change laboratory will test different energy systems in a zero-carbon concept house built by Barratt

HEATING

FABRIC
A timber frame using
I-shaped beams has more
room for non-combustible
insulation

The factory-made insulated
concrete floor was fitted in
only four hours

Two heating systems are being tested
Direct electric
Infrared heating via Cürv
mirror heaters and flat
white panels

Water-based
An air source heat pump
outside takes heat from the air
and amplifies it

This heats a cylinder inside, which
supplies hot water and heating

Heated skirting boards
serve as radiators

Thin Weberwall
brick-effect sheets
mean walls are
highly insulated
without eating into
floorspace

Windows are
double glazed, but
frames can fit
triple-glazed
panes

THE ALL WEA

Martina Lees goes inside the pioneering £16m laboratory that mimics f
Energy House
2.0; professor of
building physics
Richard Fitton
and Professor
Will Swan

MARK WAUGH

am standing in the
future — it is inside
a giant black cube
of a building near
Manchester. Here, at
the world’s first laboratory
of its kind, scientists will test
the homes of tomorrow in
every weather the climate
emergency may bring.
Energy House 2.0, a new
£16 million laboratory at the
University of Salford, “can
replicate the weather in 95 per
cent of the populated globe”,
says Richard Fitton, professor
of building physics. Outside it is
5C, an average British winter’s
day. But in the two chambers
where Fitton’s team will test
houses, you can “just about”
create four seasons in one day
— from -20C to 40C heat waves
with wind, rain, snow and solar
radiation, Fitton explains.
Each of the test chambers
is large enough to fit two
detached houses. In one,
a team from Barratt, Britain’s
biggest housebuilder, is
putting the finishing touches
to eHome2, a zero-carbon
family house built with
materials from the French
company Saint-Gobain. Next
to it stands another concept
house by Bellway.
The research conducted
within these walls will inform
not only what technology the
big developers will roll out to
build homes fit for the climate
crisis, but also what we can do
to retrofit our homes. Scientists
will test how different types
of insulation, heating and
renewable energy fare in the
extreme weather patterns
expected in decades to come.
Some technologies are new;
some are already available
to consumers. The findings
will show what works and
what is not worth spending
your money on.
Today the second chamber
is a balmy 19.7C and rising, to
test how a small cabin could
be upgraded to house a
homeless person in comfort.
“A local charity donated a lot
of these cabins, but they’re
terribly inefficient. We’re trying
to bring it up to a zero-carbon
shelter,” Fitton says. Next his
team might test a 3D-printed
disaster shelter or, possibly,
army tanks in sub-zero
temperatures.
Far above us three
mammoth ceiling ducts suck
the rising air into handling
machines, which push it back
down via heaters or chillers
to control the temperature.
Essentially, we are in the
middle of a giant airconditioning system.
On standby are mobile rain rigs
(water nozzles attached to
scaffolding on wheels) and
wind machines (four giant fans)
of the type used on film sets.
“When we first started
designing them we worked
with a guy that does a lot with
Netflix,” Fitton says. A snow
cannon, due to cover the test
houses in snow for Thursday’s
launch, “is exactly the same
as you would find on the ski
slopes”. All the kit can be
moved around to test

ILLUSTRATED BY ADEEL IQBAL, MATT CORNICK AND JULIAN OSBALDSTONE; PHOTOS: MARK WAUGH

Home

The Sunday Times January 8, 2023 11

SOLAR POWER
A 3.75kWp system of 30
solar panels generates
energy from the sun
A scalable 10kW
battery stores energy
for use at night
An electric car
can be charged
with the rooftop
solar panels

SMART BRAIN
A Loxone
smart system
monitors the
weather
outside and
adapts the
house to it

through trickle vents around
windows. The second
system has a mechanical
ventilation and heat recovery
VENTILATION
(MVHR) unit, which does the
same thing but uses the heat
Two ventilation systems are being tested
from the stale outgoing air to
warm the fresh incoming air.
On the roof is a 3.75kWp
A centralised ventilation
A mechanical ventilation and
system pumps moist air from system of 30 small solar
heat recovery (MVHR) unit
panels generating energy that
pumps stale air from wet
the kitchen and bathrooms
is stored in a scalable 10kW Fox
rooms, extracts the heat and
battery in the loft. It will
uses it to warm the fresh
supply enough power for all
incoming air
the heating, hot water and
lighting — excluding cooking
and appliances — making the
house operationally zero
carbon. At today’s prices your
monthly energy bill at eHome2
Fresh air comes in through
would cost about £85,
trickle vents around
compared with £250 to £350
windows
for a Victorian house,
according to Barratt.
The housebuilder fitted
12,000 solar panels in 2021
but says the industry does not
yet have a big enough supply
chain to fit heat pumps and
solar panels on more than
200,000 new homes a year —
let alone 27 million existing
homes. Hence the company
focuses on getting the building
fabric and ventilation right
first, Lafferty says.
Hidden in a cupboard above
the stairs is the brain of
eHome2: a Loxone smart
system monitors the simulated
weather outside and adapts the
house to it. It uses surplus solar
energy to heat the hot water
and charge the electric car
for free; switches off
lights and standby
devices in empty
rooms; and
automatically
I’ve built a lot of
controls blinds
smart homes but
to let in (or
this one is where block) solar heat
for optimum
we need to get to comfort.
You can
control the system
through smart switches
in every room, an app or
voice commands like Alexa, but
can also leave it to run itself.
“I’ve built a lot of smart
homes but this one really is
where we need to get to,” says
Novakovic, who previously
oversaw BRE Innovation Park,
which has some of the world’s
most sustainable homes. He
says eHome2 is “one of the
most significant projects that
Barratt has ever undertaken”.
Buildings account for a
Novakovic, technical and
AroTherm heat pump outside
quarter of Britain’s carbon
innovation director at Barratt.
takes heat from the air and
footprint. From 2025 the
Inside, the housebuilder
amplifies it to heat water in a
Future Homes Standard will
fitted dual heating systems to
large cylinder inside the house.
require all new-build homes
test whether direct electric
That supplies both the hot
(and extensions to existing
heat, usually expensive to
water and heating, via
homes) to be ready for net-zero
run, becomes viable when
Thermaskirt skirting boards
carbon emissions. The
demand is low.
that emit ambient heat similar
country is legally bound to cut
The electric system is Cürv
to underfloor heating but are
emissions to net zero by 2050.
infrared heating via flat white
simpler and cheaper to install.
“A lot of energy [research]
panels and mirror heaters,
“The homes of the future
is modelled, but there are
which feel like the sun warming
are more airtight and more
errors in models. We’re all
your skin. Hot water for
insulated, so you have to
about measurements,” says
showers comes from a tank
vent them,” Novakovic says.
Fitton, who worked as a
with a small integral air source
Without ventilation the house
surveyor before he became
heat pump. (This combination
would trap moisture and
a professor at Salford. “These
suits smaller homes and flats
become riddled with damp
companies are going out
that lack garden space for
and mould. They will test two
there to build thousands of
a bulky heat pump, which is
ventilation systems in eHome2.
homes a year, and we’d have
typically the size of an airA centralised unit in the loft
had a part in saying what is
conditioning unit.)
pumps moist air from the
good, bad or indifferent [for
Pitted against this is a waterkitchen and bathrooms outside
climate change]. It’s research
based system: a Vaillant
while fresh air comes in
with impact.”

ATHER HOMES

four seasons in a day to ensure our houses of the future are fit to last
buildings of any shape.
“Our job is to stress-test these
buildings. We can see what
works today — and what’s
going to work in 2030, 2050,
2080, with the climatic shifts
we will get.”
Over the past 12 years
Fitton’s team have
experimented on a Victorian
terrace that permanently
stands in a similar but smaller
University of Salford test
chamber. “We sat in the
shadows for years when no one
was interested,” he says. Now,
thanks to soaring energy
prices, “everyone wants to
know”. Most recently, their
research formed the basis of
the government information
campaign to lower your boiler’s
flow temperature to 60C.

In the giant chamber,
eHome2 — based on Barratt’s
popular three-bedroom
Moresby house type — will
test both the fabric of the house
and the technology in it. Over
the next few years people
will live in the house while
hundreds of sensors (but no
cameras) measure minute
changes in motion,
temperature, light, humidity
and energy use. “It will
basically be like Big Brother —
everything will be monitored,”
jokes Sam Lafferty of Barratt.
Innovative materials mean
the 36cm (14in) thick walls are
highly insulated without eating
into internal floorspace. A thin
layer of Weberwall brick-effect
sheets was plastered on. They
are less carbon-intensive to

make and faster to fit than brick
slips, which are cut from real
bricks. A timber frame using
I-shaped beams has more
room for factory-fitted, noncombustible mineral wool
insulation. This cuts the wall’s
U-value — which measures how
quickly heat passes through —
to 0.13 W/m2K, close to the
levels of highly energy-efficient
Passivhaus buildings.
The Nuspan insulated
concrete floor, fitted in only
four hours, was manufactured
offsite in Lincolnshire. Windows
are double-glazed but the
Eurocell frames can fit tripleglazed panes for future testing.
“If you put this really
warm coat on the house, you
don’t need as much energy
[for heating],” says Oliver

12 January 8, 2023 The Sunday Times

Home
Whether you’re ga-ga for golf or
have a passion for padel, here
are the top European resorts
to buy into. By Cathy Hawker

n the dark days of
winter, a sunny holiday
home with sporting
opportunities on
your doorstep has an
obvious appeal — just the place
to finesse your forehand or
perfect your putts. Several of
Europe’s big-name residential
sporting resorts celebrate
significant birthdays this year.
Why have they lasted the
course and who are the new
kids on the block keen to grab
a share of their success?

THE OLD FAVOURITES

THE ALGARVE
With more than 40 golf
courses along its 125-mile
coastline, the Algarve has
established itself as a sports
and leisure destination of
choice for sun-starved
northern Europeans, and the
man who led the charge was
André Jordan, a Brazilian
property developer.
In 1972 he saw the potential
of a beachfront site and set out
to create a world-class golf
resort. Fifty years later, Quinta
do Lago is globally celebrated
with three prestigious golf
courses, world-class training
centres, tennis and padel
courts and a watersport lake.
Healthy (and generally
wealthy) residents pound
perfectly manicured
pathways, cyclists freewheel
past birds in the Ria Formosa
Nature Park and there are
sporting academies for sports
fans of every age.
The secret of Quinta do
Lago’s success is twofold,
says its chief executive, Sean

Moriarty: adhering to Jordan’s
original masterplan and
continual investment from the
owner, the Irish entrepreneur
Denis O’Brien. In the past
four years the Campus, a
multisport high-performance
centre used by international
football and rugby teams,
has opened and €7 million has
been spent upgrading the
South course.
“In half a century our
resort has transformed
from a traditional golf estate
to a diverse and dynamic
destination,” Moriarty says.
“Guest numbers continue to
increase, and the average
age of guests and residents
today is around 45. There
may be newer and younger
developments out there but
our dedication to the resort is
visible across all our services.”
Those services include
13 restaurants, and concierge
and property services
covering every aspect of
homeownership. Properties
in the resort are owned by
buyers from around the world
and are becoming ever
larger, more contemporary
and more expensive. Moriarty
says the average price of
property sold through Quinta
do Lago Real Estate rose 14.8
per cent in the past year.

SPAIN
Happy 60th birthday to
Sotogrande in southern Spain,
established in 1962 by a USFilipino businessman aiming
for an American-style golf
resort. Its Valderrama course
hosted the Ryder Cup in 1997

BOLT HOLE

The Algarve has
and today it has a
more than 40 golf
683-berth marina,
courses along its
polo fields and
facilities for just about
125-mile coast
every sport imaginable.
Renewed investment
since 2014 and the Covid
pandemic have put
Sotogrande firmly back in the
top division, says James
Stewart of Savills Sotogrande.
“The building of La
Reserva, a resort within a
resort, with its superb beach
in the hills, a third golf course
and several high-end gated
communities timed with the
work-from-home trend, has
dramatically changed the face
of Sotogrande,” Stewart says.
“The location is excellent, an
easy journey to Malaga or
Gibraltar airports, with skiing
two and a half hours away.
There simply aren’t many
places like this left.”
It’s a golden 50th birthday
Property ranges from twofor La Manga in southeastern
bedroom marina apartments
Spain this year with its
for €300,000 (£266,000) up
three golf courses, eight
to unique supersized villas for
Fifa-standard football
€21 million. Stewart’s average
pitches and large tennis
sale last year, €1.5 million,
centre. Infrastructure
would buy a four-bedroom
investment over those 50
detached house with pool
years has been sporadic, but
and gardens. “Sotogrande
in 2021 Nick and Sally Munns,
remains successful 60
both 52 and from Kent, took
years on because it’s familyover La Manga’s once
oriented, discreet and
revered tennis centre and
beautifully natural, with lots
immediately set about
of space and excellent sports
rejuvenating it, investing
facilities,” he says. “All the
close to €2 million. They fully
things the original owner
renovated all 28 courts,
set out to achieve.”
rebuilt the clubhouse, added
a premium Life Fitness
THE NEW PLAYERS
gym and installed a padel
centre with seven courts, a
terrace and bar.
Les Bordes Golf Club in the
“Sally’s parents bought a
Loire Valley, 90 minutes from
house in La Manga in 1980
Paris, has a reputation as
and she lived here full-time
one of the finest and most
as a teenager, learning to
demanding courses in Europe.

PADEL POTENTIAL

FRANCE

play golf under Vicente
Ballesteros and became a
professional on the European
tour,” Nick says. “Throughout
the 1990s and early 2000s
La Manga and its tennis
centre were a byword for
excellence, but then the
competition stepped up,
especially Portuguese
resorts, and investment
here didn’t keep pace.”
Until recently. The result
is that this summer the tennis
centre’s academies ran
at near full capacity with
100 adults and juniors
training each week. “The
challenge is to keep that
going throughout the year,”
Nick says.
And if there’s one trend
that resorts, new and
old, are adopting, it’s padel.
The game is a hybrid of tennis
and squash, and participants
have doubled in the past five
years, reaching 25 million

worldwide, according
to the International Padel
Federation.
“What’s great about
padel is how accessible
it is,” says Nick. “Tennis takes
time to master but we get
three generations on our
padel courts, all able to
play straight away. Families
love it, it’s fun and great
exercise, and it doesn’t
matter whether you have
played tennis before or
not. Our padel centre has
become the heart of our
tennis club and we plan
to add four more courts to
the existing seven.
“Decades ago it was clear
how much people of all
standards like coming for a
week to play tennis and train
on top-quality courts in the
Spanish sunshine. We aim to
entice them back and padel
certainly has an important
role to play.”

IN ONE

STEVE CARR

The Sunday Times January 8, 2023 13

Clockwise from
bottom left:
La Manga tennis
club in Spain;
plots at Kilada
Country Club
Greece start
from €350,000
through Sphere
Estates; Les
Bordes Estate’s
Cour du Baron
residences start
from €1.5 million,
also through
Sphere Estates;
Camiral Golf
and Wellness

It’s a private club, off-limits to
non-members, so the new
opportunity to buy property
on the estate is sure to get
golfers’ attention.
Plans are well advanced for
Cour du Baron, 89 three to
seven-bedroom residences,
each in substantial grounds.
The first-phase 21 homes, due
for completion at the end of
2023, are mostly sold and
homes in the second phase are
priced from €1.5 million.
Additional facilities include
tennis, fishing, equestrian
sports and cycling.
“This is an exciting
development in a Unesco
world heritage site with
superb sporting, wellness and
culinary experiences,” says

Robert Green of the selling
agents Sphere Estates. “The
original golf course has been
ranked as one of the finest in
Europe and now a second
course has been added as well
as a ten-hole course. A Six
Senses Hotel and branded
residences are also planned.”

SPAIN
PGA Catalunya Golf &
Wellness, recently rebranded
as Camiral Golf & Wellness,
near Girona, one hour from
Barcelona, also established
by Denis O’Brien, has two
golf courses, with the Stadium
course, opened in 1999,
recognised as the best in
Spain in 2019.

To date 305 properties have
been sold, all in a handsome
contemporary style, with a
further 55 under construction.
Prices start from €725,000 for
new apartments and villas,
with resales from €495,000.

GREECE
Newest of all, Kilada Country
Club in Greece is one to watch.
The 235-hectare PGA National
golf resort, close to Porto
Heli, opens this year with a
five-star hotel, a Jack Nicklaus
Signature course, beach,
tennis courts and country
clubs, plus 90 residences. Plot
prices start from €350,000
and owners have a choice of
six villa designs.

16 January 8, 2023 The Sunday Times

Home

Room to

grow

‘A QUIET
KIND OF
POWER’
Getting your hands dirty is good for the soul
and the soil, says the eco grower Poppy Okotcha
from her biodiverse vegetable patch in Devon

n the vegetable patch at the end of
our little garden, I pour the last
barrow full of compost out on to
the no-dig beds, it’s dark and moist
and magic. Decayed into this
compost are flowers from my wedding
day, food scraps, cardboard packaging
scavenged from the high street on
recycling days, garden cuttings, chicken
poo, a few pairs of cotton underwear and
a duffel bag that had seen better days
(there’s plenty more in there but the list
would go on and on and on).
This “waste”, by the action of all
manner of small strange creatures like
woodlice, worms and earwigs, as well as
micro-organisms including bacteria,
moulds and yeasts, has been turned into
an incredibly valuable resource. Now that
it has been spread on the surface of this
bed, the compost will be drawn down into
the soil by other kinds of worms, locking
carbon into the soil and providing food
and home for the hugely diverse life that
exists under our feet.
Creating and using compost is just one
way I try to increase biodiversity in my
garden. All this life supported by compost
provides food for more life still.
In only one teaspoon of soil there are
more living organisms than there are
people on Earth and these organisms
busily feast on the organic matter
provided by the compost, many of them
forming complex relationships with
plants underground, by exchanging
nutrients (or even information), that they
can access in return for the sugars the
plants can produce. When this life in the
soil is thriving the plants thrive too.

Healthy plants grown in vital soils are
more resilient in the face of pests and
disease and they are also more nutritious
for us when we eat them.
I spread the compost over the soil with
my bare hands. I know that in doing so
I’ll be inoculating myself with a diverse
cocktail of microbes that I may not
ordinarily be exposed to in my indoor life.
I know that one of the keys to good health
is a healthy gut microbiome and exposure
to all this life through interacting with soil
can aid in cultivating just that. I also know
that one bacteria commonly found in the
soil has been shown to have a similar
effect on our brains as antidepressants,
stimulating the release and metabolism of
serotonin in parts of the brain responsible
for mood and cognitive function. I will my
garden’s soil to be simply teeming with
this feelgood bacteria.
Having already cleared the bed of
sulky-looking annuals in late autumn, the
compost is acting as a blanket on bare,
exposed ground.
When winter rains fall from the sky
they will be landing on a highly
permeable surface capable of absorbing
and holding this valuable water, thereby
reducing the chances of precious top soil
(the life-filled layer that we grow our
gardens in) being washed away.
I stand wiping my cold hands on my
mucky overalls, content with completing
a task that’s both good for the garden and
also for me.
Headed for tea in the warm indoors I
amble back through the long, thin plot,
past the annual vegetable beds, the
greenhouse and the more wild, forest

Poppy Okotcha
in her Devon
wild garden,
which features
a glitter ball in
the greenhouse

WHAT IS
ECOLOGICAL
GARDENING?
To some, putting the words “ecological”
and “gardening” together seems
peculiar . . . after all, surely all gardening
must be ecological, since we are
working outdoors with greenery?
If something is ecological it
considers both the relationships
between living organisms and the
organisms’ relationships with their
surroundings.
So ecological gardening is a way of
engaging with a growing space through
the lens of relationality — the
perspective that we are part of a
complex web of life and so our health

and wellbeing is intimately connected
to that of the Earth’s ecosystems.
An ecological garden is managed
by working with, rather than against,
the many aspects of nature to cultivate
spaces that are sustainable, useful
and beautiful.
In a world marred by climate change
and biodiversity collapse, in which we
struggle with eco anxiety, chronic
loneliness and reduced access to good
food, all too often we lack a sense of
belonging within nature, and find
ourselves defined simply as
“consumers”. Ecological gardening can
help to remedy all of this.
Our gardens could become carbon
stores, biodiversity hotspots, soothing
spaces that calm us and help us to
understand that we are part of nature,
all while producing good produce as
responsible citizens. They can offer a

DEBORAH GRACE/CREATE ACADEMY

The Sunday Times January 8, 2023 17

real tangible point of action in the face
of the climate crisis and give a context
from which to form strong local networks
and relationships.
Central to how I garden ecologically
are: growing organically, soil health, the
use of local renewable resources,
biodiversity, responsible water use, seed
sovereignty and community. Growing
organically, biodynamics, regenerative
growing or permaculture design all
inspire how I choose to grow. I’m a
believer in picking and choosing what
makes sense in our varied contexts.
With gardens in England covering an
estimated ten million acres, an area
greater than all of the country’s nature
reserves combined and just under half
of all utilised agricultural land, our
gardens may seem small in isolation,
but when viewed en masse they become
a patchwork quilt of opportunity.

garden-inspired perennial planting patch.
been bred for better flavour and nutrient
Here the skeleton army of dried-out stems
density over aesthetics and productivity.
stand tall and proud. The remains of
Heirloom and heritage seed is openperennial herbs like goldenrod (Solidago),
pollinated, so can be saved. I’ll be growing
wild marjoram (Origanum vulgare), lemon a beautiful heritage pea from my area
balm (Melissa officinalis), marsh mallow
named Glory of Devon.
plant (Althaea officinalis) and pineapple
Until recently anyone who grew also
sage (Salvia elegans) left to stand through
saved seed, but with the decline of this
winter will act as homes for overwintering practice, and the rise of large-scale seed
insects. It won’t be till spring, when
sellers that only offer a limited number of
temperatures consistently reach 10C, that
varieties (among other factors), in the
I will cut them down, chip them and
past 100 years 90 per cent of UK veg
return them to the soil in the form of a
varieties have been lost.
fungal feed mulch for the vegetable patch
Seed sovereignty and the growing of
paths. This will allow time for any sleepy
underutilised seed varieties are both
insects to wake and move on before their
included in IPCC’s Special Report on
winter homes are pulled down.
Climate Change and Land as ways to
Providing insect habitat through
increase food system resilience and
winter supplies me with a
biodiversity in the face of
ready and waiting army of
climate change. Meanwhile,
ladybirds in spring,
for produce to be certified
emerging hungry to feast
organic, the Soil
on any unwelcome
Association requires it
aphids. Seed heads like
to be grown from
In one teaspoon of
sunflowers, teasels and
organic seed (unless
soil there are more
globe thistles left to
the seed is unavailable
stand can provide
on the market). Armed
living organisms
snacks for birds.
with this knowledge I
than there are
I look forward to
source heritage seed
stepping out into this
from local, organic
people on Earth
garden of sepia skeletons
suppliers.
later in winter to find they have
Managing my garden
been dusted with crisp, white frost.
ecologically teaches me so much
Another example of ecological garden
about how truly sustainable systems
management being good for all sorts of
work, it has shown me circularity like
life forms, including me.
nothing else, regularly reminds me to
Fingers thawed out and armed with tea
slow down, promises me that life will
I settle down to one of my favourite winter spring up out of the quietness of a seed
garden jobs: ordering seed. In an
after the cold darkness of winter and that
ecological garden the origins of the
death and decay provide opportunity for
various resources that flow into the space
new life (I’m looking at you compost!) and
are considered and seed is no exception.
so living in an eternal summer is simply
By and large I choose to grow heirloom/
not possible.
heritage varieties. These are varieties that
I think ecological gardens contain a
can be traced to having been grown,
quiet kind of power.
saved and passed down for many
generations (usually 50 years) within a
Poppy Okotcha’s first online course with
family, community, region or project.
Create Academy — A Seasonal Guide to
This can offer brilliant adaptation to local
Wild Gardening — is now available at
growing conditions and they have often
createacademy.com, £97 for lifetime access

18 January 8, 2023 The Sunday Times

ILLUSTRATED BY JAMES COWEN

Home

HOME
HELP
Compiled by Hugh Graham

WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR
MY DEFECTIVE GLAZING?

A joiner has installed
doors at my property
and the glazing has
turned out to be
defective. The joiner, the
glazing firm that supplied
the glass and the
manufacturer of the glass
all agree that it needs to be
replaced. However, there is
a dispute about who is
responsible for the defects.
The joiner has agreed to
replace the glass, but he
wants someone to pay the
cost of the labour before he
does so. There is now an
impasse between the three
parties. What is the best
way to get this resolved?
David Sillifant

The best way to resolve
your situation is through a
negotiated agreement,
although the terms you can
achieve will depend upon
your leverage. From your
description you have a claim
against your joiner because
they have installed defective
doors. If the works were at
your home you would benefit
from various consumer rights
that would assist you in
pursuing any claim. Your
joiner may in turn have a claim
against their glazing firm, and
the glazing firm may in turn
have a claim against their
manufacturer. The issue of
which of these parties is
ultimately liable (and in what
proportions) would depend
upon the nature of the defects
and the terms of their
contracts (and in particular
any limitation or exclusion
clauses). However, that is not
a dispute in which you need to
be involved.
To try and push matters
forward you should put
pressure on your joiner, as
agreeing to replace the glass if
someone pays the cost of
labour does not appear to be a
big concession. Your main
decision will be one of timing.
You can continue waiting for
a resolution before the glazing
is fixed. However, at a certain
point you may need to
consider either making a
payment yourself, whether as
part of an overall settlement
or while reserving your right
to claim the money back, or
have another joiner fix the
glazing and then deal with any
claims afterwards.
In the short term you can
write to your joiner that you

will give them a reasonable
opportunity to return to the
property and remedy the
glazing, after which you will
hire another joiner to carry
out the works and seek to
recover all your associated
costs and losses. This will
increase the value of your
claim, and so should provide
your joiner, the supplier and
the manufacturer with an
incentive to agree a
compromise that allows the
works to be completed at a
more modest cost. You will
then need to keep a record of
the additional costs you incur,
plus supporting evidence.
Mark Fletcher, partner, and
Jack Rogers, associate, Russell
Cooke, russell-cooke.co.uk

I NEED A COST-EFFECTIVE
WAY TO DRY MY LAUNDRY

Q
A

What’s the best way to
dry my clothes without
buying a tumble dryer?
M Peters, Sussex

The ideal situation is to
have a separate laundry
room, but an extra room
dedicated to this use is not
always readily available. The
next best step is to create a
drying cupboard that has a
radiator at low level with a

high drying rack. To dry
clothes efficiently, a good
source of warm circulating dry
air is needed. It is important to
have ventilation slots at the
bottom and top of the
cupboard door to allow the
air to circulate.
If, like me, you are fine with
seeing drying clothes, then
hang a Sheila Maid (or any
pulley-type airer) at the top of
the house, ideally in the
stairwell where all the warm
air rises. You can leave the
laundry to dry naturally; if by
an open window, that’s even
better for a blast of fresh air.
I’m not keen on heated
laundry airers — they can be
expensive to run.
Dehumidifiers are actually
more cost-effective to use to
dry clothes than tumble
dryers, as they remove
moisture from the air and cost
less per hour to run. If floor
space is at a premium, the
pulley dryer system comes
into its own: I frequently
recommend them to clients.
Rachel Forster, interior
designer, forsterinc.co.uk
Send questions to
homehelp@sundaytimes.co.uk. Advice given
without responsibility

READERS’ CLINIC

DO YOU NEED
HELP FROM ONE
OF OUR EXPERTS?
Email your
questions to
homehelp@
sunday-times.
co.uk. Advice
is given
without
responsibility

IS IT BETTER TO HAVE CASH
IN THE BANK OR MONEY PAID
OFF MY MORTGAGE?

I own my home as well
as two buy-to-let
properties, and plan to
buy more — but not
until prices have
corrected, which I believe
will take place over the
next four years or so.
I have some cash saved
to put towards deposits.
In the meantime the
interest rate on my
residential mortgage is
higher than the rate that
my savings are receiving
in the bank. I’m therefore
considering paying off a
lump sum when I renew
my mortgage in a year’s
time, then pulling it out
again in the future to
expand my buy-to-let
portfolio. What do you
think of this approach?
Martin, Shropshire

This is an interesting
question: is it better
to have a low loan-tovalue ratio or to have
cash in the bank?
If you believe that we’re
approaching a time when
house prices will fall
significantly, that creates
both a risk (for your
existing portfolio) and an
opportunity (to expand it
at a better entry point). From
a risk point of view it’s clearly
better to reduce your
existing mortgage balance:
this makes it more likely that
you’ll be able to refinance on
better terms if property
values fall. You also have
the benefit that you’ll
come out ahead by reducing
your mortgage costs by
more than the interest
you’re receiving.
In terms of opportunity,
though, it’s probably better
to be holding cash. That’s
because we’ve seen in the
past that when the market
has fallen and lenders
become nervous, it’s much
more difficult to obtain a
new mortgage or extend an
existing one. In addition,

HOW DO I STOP BAGS FROM FALLING INSIDE THE BIN?
Michael Paulson, Fife
Buy Ikea bins. They have a
great “thingy” that fits at the
top of the bag to stop it
falling in. And no, I don’t
have shares in Ikea.
Maxine Millman
I put an elastic band around
the outside to hold the
edge down.
Jo B
Twist and tie the bag
underneath the lip of
your bin.
@londonsworsthouse
Put the bag in, tighten
around the top and give the
excess a top knot, then tuck
it under the lip of the bin.
Paul Graham

Fold the top of the bag over
the edge of the bin, then
pinch and twist until tight.
Jake, Brighton
Buy a Simplehuman bin with
their branded rubbish bags.
@scarbs2511
Buy the correct-sized bag!
Michelle

THE TWO
ROBS

FUTURE QUESTIONS
What’s the best way to
get a broken cork out of a
wine bottle?
How do I stop the inside
of my fitted wardrobes
becoming wet with
condensation?
Send tips and questions to
homehelp@sundaytimes.co.uk

Your
questions
on being a
landlord and
investing in
property
answered

there’s the consideration
that if prices do fall
significantly, the equity
you’ve injected will
be wiped out, effectively,
by a fall in value, so it
wouldn’t be available to
withdraw anyway.
Our way of looking at this
would be first to consider
the maximum loan-to-value
you’re comfortable with on
your own home and whether
you think this level could be
breached by whatever fall in
value you expect. If it could,
then it may be best to use
your savings to pay down
your mortgage —
irrespective of your ability to
access them again in future.
If not, then your next
decision is whether you
want to accept the reward of
lowering your interest
expenses in exchange for
the risk of being unable to
make further investments as
planned. You can look at the
difference in interest
expenses as the price you
pay to keep your options
open, and decide if you’re
happy with that. If you
believe that by doing so
you’ll be able to take
advantage of great buying
opportunities in the future,
you may well be.
The ideal solution would
be to take out an offset
mortgage on your home.
This is effectively a
mortgage linked to a savings
account, where the
mortgage balance on
which you make monthly
payments is calculated after
deducting whatever is in
your savings account at the
time. It’s worth asking a
mortgage broker to
investigate for you.
Submit your questions for
the two Robs:
propertyhub.net/
sundaytimes
Rob Dix and Rob Bence are
the presenters of The
Property Podcast. They also
co-founded the property
investors’ community
Property Hub and the
investment app Portfolio.
Rob Dix has written four
books on investing and
renting including Property
Investment for Beginners

January 8, 2023

thesundaytimes.co.uk/sport

SPORT

WHY
RADUCANU
IS STILL
IN THE
MONEY
PAGE 18
LAURENCE GRIFFITHS/GETTY IMAGES

2 1

SHEFFIELD
WEDNESDAY

Josh Windass is
mobbed by
team-mates
after scoring his
second for
Sheffield
Wednesday

NEWCASTLE
UNITED

Farrell faces
ban for first
match of
Six Nations
Stephen Jones
Rugby Correspondent

Newcastle dumped out
of FA Cup by League
One side, pages 2-3

Wednesday in

wonderland

United in
talks for
Weghorst
as Ten Hag
hits out

Ian Whittell, Paul Joyce
Manchester United are in exploratory
talks with Burnley striker Wout
Weghorst, currently on loan at
Besiktas, over a move to Old Trafford
this month.
The 30-year-old , who scored twice
for Holland against Argentina in the
World Cup quarter-finals, signed a
season-long loan with Besiktas back in
July but appeared to wave goodbye to
their fans yesterday after scoring the
winning goal in their Turkish Super
Lig match against Kasimpasa.
Besiktas manager Senol Gunes was
unimpressed, saying: “For Weghorst
to say goodbye, he not only has to

greet the audience, but also needs to
talk to the club. Nothing like that happened formally. I heard about the
development, but it’s not clear yet.”
Should a loan deal for Weghorst go
through, United will consider letting
Anthony Elanga leave with Everton
interested in taking the Sweden
international on loan.
Meanwhile, manager Erik ten Hag
has claimed that United were burdened by an “unimaginable number”
of poor signings before his arrival last
summer, and that there was “no team
dynamic” or “mental resilience”.
The 52-year-old identified the signing of Casemiro, a serial Champions
League winner with Real Madrid, as

integral to their upturn. “There was
no spirit,” he told Voetbal International in the Netherlands.
“I saw no team dynamic. The mental resilience was very low. I looked at
the culture. I asked, ‘How did Manchester United become great?’ The
club has bought an unimaginable
number of players in recent years who
have not been good enough...
“That’s why the acquisition of
Casemiro was so important. Along
with Raphaël Varane, we have players
with experience of winning titles.”
The FA is investigating alleged
homophobic chanting aimed at Frank
Lampard, the Everton manager,
at Old Trafford on Friday night.

Owen Farrell is expected to be cited for
a high tackle during Saracens’ victory
over Gloucester on Friday and could
miss England’s Six Nations opener
against Scotland on February 4.
The Saracens fly half, 31, was almost
certain to start for England in the first
match under the new head coach,
Steve Borthwick. Farrell, who kicked
the winning drop-goal on Friday,
escaped punishment for a high tackle
on Gloucester’s Jack Clement in the
76th minute at Kingsholm, but it is
understood that he did so only because
of miscommunication between the
television match official (TMO) and
the referee.
Mid-range dangerous tackles,
including contact to the head, come
with a six-week ban, which can be
halved with a good disciplinary
record. Farrell, however, was given a
five-week ban for a dangerous tackle
on Charlie Atkinson, then of Wasps, in
2020. Offenders can reduce their ban
by attending a lesson in tackle safety.
The disciplinary proceedings will
be issued by the RFU tomorrow after
the full round of domestic matches
has been completed. Given that there
was clear shoulder-to-head contact, a
citing appears likely.
During the match, Claire Hodnett,
the TMO, told the referee Karl Dickson
there should be a further viewing of
the tackle, but Dickson appeared to
reject this, suggesting play had passed
through too many phases to return to
the incident. However, there is not the
same time limit on foul play as on
handling errors or other penalties.
George Skivington, the Gloucester
director of rugby, criticised a perceived lack of consistency. “It’s tricky
to comment,” he said. “But we got a
yellow card last week for something a
lot lower-level than that [Farrell’s
tackle]. All you want is consistency.”
Mark McCall, the Saracens director
of rugby, said after the match: “I’ve
heard there was a potentially high
tackle that I will have to have a look at.
I haven’t seen it yet. I was pitchside for
the last three to four minutes.”

BARNES ON FARRELL, PAGE 17

2 January 8, 2023 The Sunday Times

2GS

Football FA Cup

Windass ends
Newcastle‘s
unbeaten run
SHEFFIELD WEDNESDAY
Windass 52, 65

NEWCASTLE UNITED
Guimarães 69

2
1

Martin Hardy

e don’t get many nights
like that!” said a female
Sheffield Wednesday
fan to her family as she
walked up the stairs of
the main stand at
Hillsborough.
They
were all smiling. The
ground was nearly silent then, but it
had been rocking earlier, when Josh
Windass had scored twice. It was a
night of glee for one famous old club
in the famous old competition and a
familiar tale of woe for another.
Newcastle are awful in the FA Cup.
For the second successive year Eddie
Howe’s team lost at the third round of
the competition to a League One side.
In the past ten years of third-round
ties, Newcastle have won once at the
first attempt, gone through three
times after replays and lost the other
six. Defeat six came after Howe made
eight changes to the side who have
marched into a Champions League
place. It was a gamble that failed.
Newcastle were unrecognisable
from the team that barely lets opponents have shots. There was no
questioning
Howe’s
desire
to
progress, and to avoid the same fate
that befell them in last year’s humbling loss to Cambridge United.
By the game’s close, he had thrown
on Bruno Guimarães, Miguel Almirón, Joe Willock and Kieran Trippier
in a desperate attempt to stay in the
competition.
The Brazilian Guimarães would

’Superstar’
Zaroury
lights up
Burnley
victory

5-2-3

C Dawson

L Palmer

D Iorfa M McGuiness R James
M Johnson
G Byers

M Smith

W Vaulks

J Windass F Dale-Bashiru
A Isak

J Murphy

M Ritchie

E Anderson S Longstaﬀ Joelinton

J Lewis

S Botman

J Lascelles

J Manquillo

4-3-3
M Dubravka
Star man Josh Windass (Sheffield Wednesday).
Substitutes: Sheffield Wednesday D Adeniran (for
Dele-Bashiru 45), J Hunt (for Palmer 88), C Paterson
(for Smith 88), T Bakinson (for Byers 90+6), M Wilks
(for Windass 90+6). Newcastle C Wood (for Isak
45), B Guimarães (for Longstaff 60), J Willock (for
Anderson 60), M Almirón (for Murphy 60), K
Trippier (for Lewis 69).
Referee M Salisbury.

pull one back in the 69th minute, a
goal which, like Windass’s opener,
looked offside. In the absence of VAR,
both goals stood, but a glaring miss
from the £25 million forward Chris
Wood in the final ten minutes of the
match would prove as close as Premier League Newcastle would come
to staying in the FA Cup. He ballooned
a shot high into the Hillsborough Kop
when teed up by Joelinton and immediately tried to cover his face with his
hands.
There was then eight minutes of
stoppage time, it was a frenzy from
Newcastle to score, but a side that had

BOURNEMOUTH
Christie 12, Solanke 48

BURNLEY
Benson 6, 57, Zaroury 39, 43

2
4

Tom Prentki
The double FA Cup winner Vincent
Kompany watched his side
embarrass the Premier League’s
Bournemouth with a brilliant victory
to secure safe passage to the fourth
round after Manuel Benson and
Anass Zaroury each scored twice.
Gary O’Neil’s side contributed
heavily to their own demise, with the
defending for three of the four goals
demonstrating just why this was their
fifth defeat in succession.
That Kompany, who took charge in
the summer, has presided over such a

not lost since August forgot their
composure. Wednesday were brave,
their crowd boisterous and their manager Darren Moore hailed a great
moment in his career.
“It’s one of the proudest moments
in my managerial career to date,” he
said. “I’m really pleased for
everybody at the club and I’m
delighted for the players. We were up
against a really good team and put in
an excellent performance.
“We didn’t allow them to settle into
their rhythm and that gave us some
hope in the game. I thought every one
of them did well. Josh Windass will get

revolution in Burnley’s style of play
in such a short time is remarkable.
They dominated in all departments
and have now won eight of their past
nine games, the one loss a League
Cup defeat at Old Trafford.
“As long as there is no replay — that
was the biggest thing,” Kompany said
with a smile. “It was a good test for
us to see how well the players react to
stronger opposition.”
It was an eye-catching display from
the young winger Zaroury, who was
part of the Morocco World Cup squad
who made history in Qatar as the first
African semi-finalists. “We started the
season with a kid that needs to prove
he can play in the Championship —
fast-forward six months and we’ve
got a superstar,” Kompany said.
They led after only six minutes and
Bournemouth were the architects of

IN THE SUNDAY TIMES
FROM NEXT WEEK
Martin Samuel has won numerous
journalism awards for his insightful and
waspish analysis and comment on
sport. You can read his new, exclusive
column in this newspaper every week
from next Sunday.

their own undoing, with the
Argentina defender Marcos Senesi
giving possession away to Johann
Berg Gudmundsson, who fed Benson
to finish beyond Mark Travers.
An even more calamitous error led
to the equaliser, however. Josh Cullen
miscued a pass across his penalty
area straight to Ryan Christie, who
stroked into an empty net.
Benson and Zaroury were
responsible for Burnley’s brightest
moments in the early stages. Zaroury
almost caught out Travers as he cut in
from the left and curled a delicate
shot just beyond the far post.
Burnley were hampered by an
injury to their defender Taylor
Harwood-Bellis, with the Manchester
City loanee forced off in the 27th
minute. It did not disrupt the rhythm
of the game, though, and Burnley

were soon back in front. Lewis Cook
dallied in possession on the edge of
the area and Zaroury robbed him and
found Ashley Barnes. From there,
Barnes slid the ball to Josh Brownhill,
who squared it for Zaroury.
If the season continues on the
present trajectory for these two clubs,
they will certainly be swapping
divisions in the summer. Burnley
burnished their credentials as
Premier League hopefuls further as
Zaroury added a brilliant second goal,
his team’s third, before half-time.
Again Brownhill was involved,
returning a pass to Zaroury, who then
proceeded to nutmeg Jack Stephens
and Philip Billing before finishing
coolly into the bottom corner.
Bournemouth made a triple
substitution at the interval, with
Kieffer Moore adding more presence

2GS

The Sunday Times January 8, 2023 3

RYAN BROWNE/SHUTTERSTOCK

Dobra, left, an
Albania youth
international, battles
for possession in their
end-to-end tie with
West Brom, of the
Championship

Alan Shearer, on BBC punditry
duty, fails to hide his frustration

Windass
finishes a fine
move to open
the scoring for
Wednesday

In ten
years of
third-round
FA Cup ties,
Newcastle
have won
once at the
first attempt

the headlines but Cameron Dawson
pulled off a couple of great saves.”
Howe, by contrast, could not hide
his disappointment. “Absolutely we
wanted to win the game,” he said. “We
were desperate to win it. I picked a
team at the start of the match I
thought was strong enough to win it.
“The chances were there for us, We
gave it our all right to the end, we just
weren’t clinical in front of goal. Their
goalkeeper played very well.
“We knew it would be difficult coming here. We need to get our noses in
front and we didn’t and that made it
very difficult. We have to accept the

in attack in the second half.
It had an immediate impact as
Moore combined with Christie to
put Dominic Solanke through, and
he scored at the second attempt
after Bailey Peacock-Farrell had
blocked his first. The Burnley
response again was swift. Zaroury
twisted inside and outside of Jack
Stacey before being denied by
Travers. Kompany’s side did soon
have their fourth goal. Incredibly it
came from yet more shambolic
defending, this time from Lloyd Kelly,
who lost the ball in a dangerous area.
Barnes had the composure to find
Benson, who smashed in his second
of the afternoon. This was an
enthralling contest and, to their
Burnley manager Kompany hailed
their 22-year-old Morocco winger

defeat. Sheffield Wednesday battled
for everything, as we did, but it wasn’t
to be. We have a very small squad and
have to protect that squad for games
ahead.”
Howe recalled Alexander Isak, the
Newcastle £60 million record signing,
for his first appearance since September, but he was overshadowed by the
28-year-old Windass. Isak was denied
twice by Dawson in a first half in
which Luke Palmer and Windass also
went close.
It would be the 52nd minute when
Wednesday would go ahead, a superb
piece of skill from George Byers, swivelling quickly inside the Newcastle
half, sold two players. He then found
Palmer to his right, the ball was
moved onto Dennis Adeniran and
from close range Windass touched the
ball, ahead of Jamaal Lascelles, and
beyond Martin Dubravka into the net.
Howe threw on Guimarães, Almirón and Willock, but by the 65th minute Windass had struck again, seizing
on errors between Joelinton and
Guimarães to charge between Lascelles and Sven Botman and place a
right-footed shot into the top corner.
Hillsborough roared its delight.
Within four minutes, Howe
brought on Trippier. From his first
touch, a left-wing corner, Newcastle
pulled one back. Guimarães too
looked offside when Wood’s header
was saved by Dawson but when the
Brazilian tapped in the rebound the
goal was given.
Windass hit the bar from 30 yards
and then, with eight minutes remaining, Joelinton produced a surging run,
squared to Wood, but the former
Burnley striker smashed over and
Wednesday would have their win.

credit, Bournemouth did not go
quietly. Christie saw his header from
a Cook corner cleared off the line
before Kelly headed the rebound
against the post.
“A really disappointing day,” was
O’Neil’s verdict. “The three huge
errors for the goals make it
impossible to win the football match.
That is the story of the game, really.”
Star man Ashley Barnes (Burnley).
Bournemouth (4-3-3): M Travers 5 – A Smith 5,
J Stephens 6, M Senesi 5 (L Kelly 45min, 5),
J Zemura 5 (J Stacey 45, 6) — P Billing 4, L Cook 5,
J Rothwell 5 (K Moore 45, 6) — R Christie 6 (S
Dembele 69, 6), D Solanke 7, Anthony 5.
Booked Smith.
Burnley (4-2-3-1): B Peacock-Farrell 7 —
C Roberts 7, T Harwood-Bellis 6 (McNally 27, 7),
J Beyer 7, C Taylor 8 —J Cullen 6, J Brownhill 8 —
J Gudmundsson 7 (J Cork 70, 7), M Benson 8
(N Tella 70, 7), A Zaroury 9 (D Churlinov 81) —
A Barnes 8. Booked Churlinov, Cullen.
Referee T Robinson.
Attendance 10,116.

Chesterfield forced
to settle for replay
CHESTERFIELD
Williams 7, Dobra 36, 41

WEST BROMWICH ALBION
Thomas-Asante 2, 90+3, Grant 17

3
3

Oli Gent
Chesterfield thought they had
secured themselves a famous
third-round victory as they led 3-2
going into second-half stoppage
time but Brandon Thomas-Asante
spared West Bromwich Albion’s
blushes, his last-gasp equaliser
ensuring that the Sky Bet
Championship side earned a
replay with their dogged nonLeague opponents.
Carlos Corberán’s West Brom
side flew out of the blocks at the
Technique Stadium and ThomasAsante slid the ball home from
Karlan Grant’s cut-back to open the
scoring in the second minute.
Paul Cook, the Chesterfield
manager, knew that his side would
need an element of fortune to have
any chance, and the luck landed
perfectly in the lap of Tyrone
Williams on seven minutes, when
the central defender bundled the
ball home from close range
following Jamie Grimes’s knockdown of a Jeff King corner.
The home side’s confidence
began to grow as West Brom
seemed to suffer from shock, and
the National League side pushed
for a second.
But West Brom soon snapped
out of their sleepwalk as Grant
turned goalscorer, finishing Tom
Rogic’s through-pass into the left
channel to silence the raucous
home support.
West Brom began to show their
class as Chesterfield’s confidence
proved only temporary, and the
visitors upped their intensity as
they sought a third that would have
surely sent Cook’s men packing.
But as is customary in the FA Cup,
league placings and the pyramid
system English football prides itself
on counted for little. Chesterfield
came again, determined to snatch
an equaliser.
And they found renewed
momentum with nine minutes of
the first half to play, when Armando

Dobra notched his fourth FA Cup
goal of the campaign, profiting
from some suspect defending to
prod into the bottom-left corner.
It left the Chesterfield fans, who
had already seen their team get the
better of the EFL’s AFC Wimbledon
and Salford City to earn this tie,
jubilant again.
Joe Quigley almost caught out
the West Brom goalkeeper, David
Button, minutes later with a left-foot
drive, but it was the Albania youth
international Dobra who got into
the spotlight once more, slamming
home the rebound from close range
as the home side began to dream of
a repeat of their 1997 run, when
the Derbyshire club reached the
semi-finals of the world’s oldest
football competition. Chants of
“Championship, you’re having a
laugh” rang out from their fans.
West Brom needed the full depth
of their squad to save themselves,
and Daryl Dike’s added presence up
top as he replaced Rogic. Semi Ajayi
saw an effort cleared desperately
off the line as they roared back into
life, and Dike went close with a
near-post header.
As the fourth official raised his
board to display a minimum of five
added minutes, Chesterfield fans
gulped. Taylor Gardner-Hickman
soon picked up the ball on the right,
and a deft touch off the head of
Thomas-Asante sparked joyous
scenes in the away end.
Star man Armando Dobra (Chesterfield).
Chesterfield (4-1-4-1): R Fitzsimmons — J King,
T Williams, J Grimes, B Clements (B Horton 72) —
M Jones — L Mandeville, T Akinola (A Asante 87),
D Oldaker (O Banks 71), A Dobra (J Uchegbulam
87) — J Quigley (K Tshimanga 77).
Booked Quigley.
West Bromwich Albion (4-4-2): D Button —
T Gardner-Hickman, M Kelly (D O’Shea 56), S Ajayi,
Z Ashworth (J Molumby 45), — G Diangana
(J Wallace 65), J Livermore (O Yokusulu 72),
T Rogic (D Dike 55), A Reach — B Thomas-Asante,
K Ahearne-Grant.
Referee R Welch.
Attendance 9,819.

FA Cup goals
scored by
Chesterfield’s
Armando Dobra
this season,
including
qualifying tie

4 January 8, 2023 The Sunday Times

2GS

Football FA Cup
ADAM VAUGHAN/EPA

2 2

LIVERPOOL

WOLVES

Núñez (45)
Salah (52)

Guedes (26)
Hwang (66)

FINE MARGINS
DENY LOPETEGUI
A FAMOUS WIN
Jonathan Northcroft

ike a madman playing charades, and going for the “TV
show” option, there was Julen
Lopetegui wagging his fingers
and drawing a screen shape
with an angry look in his eyes.
The Wolves manager will have
mixed memories of his first FA
Cup game. He’ll be proud of his team
but may for ever feel the sting of injustice after two dubious offside decisions denied him a famous win.
The first involved Liverpool’s second goal, scored by Mohamed Salah,
after a generous interpretation of the
rules had deemed Salah in an onside
position. The second denied Wolves a
late winning goal by Toti Gomes.

YOUR GUIDE
TO ALL THE
ACTION IN

FA CUP
THIRD
ROUND

From a second phase of a corner,
Matheus Nunes centred for Gomes to
back-heel past Alisson to seemingly
give Wolves a 3-2 lead — only for the
assistant referee to flag.
Nunes, who had taken the corner,
had come back from what was judged
to be an offside position to receive
possession — but his position wasn’t
clear on replays and after reviewing
the incident on an iPad in the dugout,
Lopetegui erupted, jumping to his
feet and furiously making the sign of a
VAR screen.
Victory would have been deserved
for Wolves, despite Lopetegui making
nine changes to his line-up and fielding young and inexperienced players.
Liverpool, despite a brilliant Darwin
Núñez goal and promisingly elegant

BOREHAM WOOD
ACCRINGTON STANLEY

1
1

Boreham Wood, the National
League’s FA Cup connoisseurs, could
be at it again (Kit Shepard writes).
Lee Ndlovu’s storming header with
12 minutes to play cancelled out Ryan
Astley’s sixth-minute close-range
shot and forced a replay with
Accrington Stanley. The fiercely
contested draw with League One
opposition was the least the fifth-tier
outfit’s second-half display deserved.
Boreham Wood may sit 13th in the
National League, but Luke Garrard’s
side thrive in knockout football.
Three seasons in succession they
have reached the third round, and
they even ventured to round five last
year, beating Bournemouth on the
way. Since the start of the 2020-21
season, they have won 11 FA Cup ties.
Although they will have to triumph
away to get a 12th win, the stalemate
at Meadow Park suggested they could
spring another surprise.

Salah celebrates
scoring Liverpool’s
second to put his
side into the lead

debut from Cody Gakpo, were lucky.
This performance will do nothing to
stem the concerns of fans about their
side after the mid-week league defeat
at Brentford.
In his programme notes, Klopp
said his players should keep perspective and ignore the “external noise”
but until Núñez scored, you felt they
could do with more of the latter. The
Kop watched, silent and sullen, as
Wolves, with their pressing and counterattacking kept turning the ball over
and finding Liverpool’s gaps.
Joe Hodge, a squat and earnest
20-year-old, was all over Thiago
Alcântara while Jordan Henderson
and Fabinho also did little to quell
notions about a decline in Liverpool’s
midfield. Klopp’s front three started

GILLINGHAM
LEICESTER CITY

brightly but soon found themselves
undersupplied. At the other end, Goncalo Guedes and Rayan Aït-Nouri vied
to be the best player on the pitch.
Henderson hacking a horrible
cross clean over every player in the

250
Trent Alexander-Arnold last night
made his 250th appearance for
Liverpool

0
1

All of the classic giantkilling
ingredients were in place at an
exposed Priestfield, but Kelechi
Iheanacho ensured that Leicester
City finally squeezed past Gillingham,
the side placed 92nd in England’s
professional league structure
(Ivan Speck writes). A bobbly pitch
coupled with a swirling wind, a home
crowd that was almost three times
the average over their past four
fixtures and opponents who spend
every week scrapping for their club’s
very existence could have signalled
danger for Leicester.
Given his side’s fitful season to
date, Brendan Rodgers would have
been forgiven for arriving in Kent
with a sense of foreboding. Yet, while
there were moments when they
looked uncomfortable, they were
never unsettled by a team who have
managed only seven goals in their
23 League Two fixtures this season.

box was a low point. Long before Alisson’s brainstorm, Liverpool struggled
for composure as Wolves cut through
them on nicely-angled breaks. AïtNouri had turned away beautifully
from Fabinho to feed Raúl Jiménez
through, only for Jiménez to get the
ball caught in his feet, and only a valiant recovery tackle from Henderson
stopped Aït-Nouri getting in on Alisson after Guedes and Jiménez combined to play him into a channel.
Guedes’ goal was preceded by not
just one howler but a collection of
errors — though the mishaps started
and finished with Alisson. First the
keeper rolled out to Alcântara when
perhaps he shouldn’t, leaving his midfielder under pressure. Alcântara
compounded things by trying to beat

MIDDLESBROUGH
BRIGHTON & HOVE ALBION

Iheanacho, left, has scored 16
career goals in the FA Cup

1
5

Alexis Mac Allister admitted that
he is living the dream after two
second-half goals from Brighton &
Hove Albion’s World Cup winner
suggested that he is easing nicely
back into the day job.
The Argentina midfielder came on
as a subsitute and scored with a
superb backheeled flick before
tapping in his second goal as Brighton
pulled away from Middlesbrough in
the second half. “I’m living the dream
right now,” Mac Allister said. “I’ve
been so keen to come back because I
wanted to train to play and to share
my winner’s medal with everyone at
the club. I feel happy to be at Brighton
and I’ll continue to give my all.”
Pascal Gross put Brighton ahead
but Chuba Akpom’s fine header
levelled for the Championship side.
Adam Lallana made it 2-1 before
Mac Allister’s double and Deniz
Undav’s strike sealed Brighton’s win.

2GS

4
Alisson
8
T AlexanderArnold

6
J Matip

5
5
J Henderson Fabinho
6
M Salah

4-3-3

6
IKonaté

6
A Robertson

5
Thiago
7
C Gakpo

8
D Núñez
5
R Jiménez
8
G Guedes

7
R Ait-Nouri
7
R Neves
5
Jonny
4-2-3-1

6
A Traoré
6
J Hodge

6
T Gomes

7
N Collins

6
D Lembikisa

6
M Sarkic

Substitutes: Liverpool: J Gomez (for AlexanderArnold 85min); S Keïta (for Henderson 68);
H Elliott (for Fabinho 75); B Doak (for Salah 85);
A Oxlade-Chamberlain (for Gakpo 84)
Wolves: Nélson Semedo (for Lembikisa 68);
Hwang Hee-chan (for Neves 63); H Bueno (for AïtNouri 73); M Cunha (for Jiménez 63); M Nunes (for
Guedes 63)
Referee A Madley

Hodge on the edge of Liverpool’s box
and Hodge read his step over and dispossessed him.
Hodge fed Jiménez and Alcântara
was fortunate not to concede a foul
when he dived in and the ball ran back
to Alisson — who began the clownery
all over again.
This time, he tried to find Alexander-Arnold but side footed the ball
straight to Guedes, who had a tap-in.
Alisson beat the ground as Guedes
wheeled away to celebrate his windfall.
With a more experienced XI, and
an in-form striker, Wolves might have
piled on the goals in the 15 minutes
that followed. They continued cutting
through but lacked the final pass or
the cool finish. It took typically alert
and athletic work by Ibrahima Konaté
to retrieve the situation when AïtNouri broke into Liverpool’s box and a
decent save by Alisson to thwart a dipping Guedes shot.
And then, as if their raggedness had
all been a trick, Liverpool scored a
goal that was pure footballing caviar.

HULL CITY
FULHAM

0
2

Layvin Kurzawa’s defensive qualities
are well known, but the left back
again showed his goalscoring
instincts to steer Fulham through
their tricky third-round tie ( John
Wardle writes). The 30-year-old, on
loan from Paris Saint-Germain, once
scored a hat-trick for the French
club against Anderlecht in the
Champions League. And Kurzawa,
making only his second appearance
of an injury-troubled season, was
in the right place to claim a 37thminute goal to deflate a Hull City
team who had threatened an upset in
the early stages.
Hull’s Óscar Estupiñán almost
levelled in stoppage time before Dan
James added Fulham’s second goal
with the final kick of the tie, four
minutes into stoppage time, breaking
away to score in an empty net after
the goalkeeper Matt Ingram had gone
forward to try to score from a corner.

What was better? Alexander-Arnold’s
cross or Núñez’s finish? You took your
pick, depending on taste. Certainly,
Núñez played the biggest part in
things given that he also started the
move by winning a header near the
halfway line. Then, as play switched
to Alexander-Arnold, he streaked off
with his long, swift stride and made
40 yards in a trice to get into the box.
On the run, and despite the ball
bobbling, Alexander-Arnold speared
in a cross of impossible quality. Núñez
met it without breaking stride to
caress a volley past Matija Sarkic. He
charged up the line, sticking his
tongue out and wheeling his arms to
further rouse the crowd — and that
was it, half-time, and the sides locked
at 1-1, despite all Wolves had done in
the game.
Liverpool retained the momentum
at the start of the second period and
scored again — this time with Wolves
making the mistake. Gakpo played his
part in the goal by dribbling infield
and floating a cross towards Salah but
Gomes should have been able to deal
with it. Instead, he headed the ball up
in the air and to the feet of a seemingly
offside Salah. Yet the Egyptian was
onside (Gomes’ header to him was
judged to be ‘deliberate play’) and
snaffled the gift, scoring in front of the
Kop.
If things were right with Liverpool
they would have closed out victory
from that point but things are not
right, especially not in midfield, when
it comes to stemming the opposition.
Wolves continued pouring through
gaps and Aït-Nouri was one-on-one
with Alisson but rushed his shot and
the keeper saved with his feet. Then
Lopetegui showed his coaching craft,
and got back on terms via a clever
clutch of substitutions.
In the 63rd minute, he sent on
Hwang Hee-chan for Ruben Neves,
Matheus Nunes for Guedes and
Matheus Cunha for Jiménez, giving
Wolves fresh energy and an extra
attacker. Three minutes later, after
Konaté’s weak clearance, Nathan Collins found Hwang who slipped a pass
to Cunha and attacked the near post
when Cunha centred to him. The ball
struck a sliding Konaté, and then
Hwang, before squirming past
Alisson.

GRIMSBY TOWN
BURTON ALBION

Armstrong taps home and
provides respite for Jones
CRYSTAL PALACE
Edouard 14

SOUTHAMPTON
Ward-Prowse 37, Armstrong 68

1
2

Molly Hudson
An all-Premier League tie in the
third round may not initially evoke
images of FA Cup magic and yet
to watch the goals that sealed
Southampton’s progression in this
victory over Crystal Palace it was
hard not to feel some of the charm of
this fairytale competition had rubbed
off on Nathan Jones’s side.
Only four games — and four defeats
— into his Southampton tenure, Jones
had the weight of the world on his
shoulders as he patrolled the
touchline at Selhurst Park. He knew
that his team needed to provide a
response after a miserable 1-0 defeat
by Nottingham Forest on Wednesday
ended with fans jeering: “You don’t
know what you’re doing.”
“[To call it] a tough week is an
understatement,” Jones said. “We
were aggressive today in how we
pressed and I’m very happy with that
because that’s the kind of team I want
to be associated with.”
He knew he needed to “change the
momentum” and he did so thanks to
a combination of luck, hard work and
Palace calamity. On another day,
James Ward-Prowse’s free kick would
have been routinely cleared, and
Vicente Guaita would have been less
haphazard. But this was the FA Cup.
Conceding a 14th-minute goal
was not in Jones’s plan to change
their fortunes, nor was it a sign of
what was to come.
Possession fell to Wilfried Zaha,
and his simple through-ball allowed
Odsonne Édouard to spin Duje
Caleta-Car and find the net with a
low finish.

1
0

Other sides may get more FA Cup
headlines than League Two Grimsby
Town this weekend but they are
proving to be this season’s true
giant-killers. This defeat of Burton
Albion was the third time this term
that they have knocked out a team
from League One. First it was the
division’s leaders Plymouth Argyle,
then lowly Cambridge United and
now Burton, who have only recently
lifted themselves off the bottom.
Harry Clifton’s shot took a
deflection for Grimsby’s winner with
14 minutes remaining, which put
them into today’s fourth-round draw.
Burton came back strongly with
chances of their own but, in the end,
Grimsby saw off the threat of their
League One opponents with comfort.
A Burton win would have given
them only their second appearance
in the fourth round. Now, it is League
One survival they have to fight for.

The Sunday Times January 8, 2023 5

It had not taken much to turn the
atmosphere distinctly sour, and by
the time Jordan Ayew had struck the
bar, and an aimless ball forward from
Southampton initiated boos, fans had
twice sung: “Nathan Jones, your
football is shit.”
The captain Ward-Prowse is often
Southampton’s shining light and after
his first free kick had been parried
away, he soon stepped up for a
second, again to the left of the area.
His effort looped over Joel Ward,
who did not jump, before the ball
bounced behind him and over Guaita
into the top corner. It was a bizarre
effort, the ball travelling almost in
slow motion as it evaded everyone.
Southampton may wish for
Palace’s mid-table security but
suddenly it was Patrick Vieira’s side
who had the jitters. Last season,
when they reached the semi-finals of
this competition, it was Michael Olise
that provided their spark, involved in
half of all their goals, scoring two and
assisting three. He deserved another
assist here after a curling cross found
the stride of Zaha, but he blazed
a volley over the bar.

Star man Ward-Prowse (Southampton).
Crystal Palace (4-2-3-1) V Guaita 4 — N Clyne 6,
M Guehi 6, J Andersen 6, J Ward 6 (E Eze 74min) —
C Doucouré 7 (L Milivojevic 64, 5), W Hughes 5
(J Schlupp 74) — J Ayew 6, M Olise 7, W Zaha 7 —
O Édouard 8 (J-P Mateta 65, 6). Booked Ward.
Southampton (4-3-3) G Bazunu 7 — Lyanco 7,
D Caleta-Car 6, M Salisu 7, R Perraud 7 —
A Maitland-Niles 7, J Ward-Prowse 9, J Aribo 7
(I Diallo 86) — S Edozie 8 (K Walker-Peters 80),
C Adams 6 (S Mara 61 6), A Armstrong 8 (M
Djenepo 87). Booked Perraud, Caleta-Car,
Ward-Prowse, Walker-Peters.
Referee D Bond.

5
The number of times
the Crystal Palace
manager, Patrick
Vieira, has won the
FA Cup — four with
Arsenal and once
with Manchester City

Armstrong, right, celebrates with Ward-Prowse

FLEETWOOD TOWN
QUEENS PARK RANGERS

Omochere hit Fleetwood’s
winner in their shock
defeat of QPR

Southampton’s comeback was
complete after Guaita received a
back-pass from Joachim Andersen
with time and space but lingered
too long on the ball and Adam
Armstrong closed him down. As
the goalkeeper belatedly attempted
to clear, Armstrong blocked the ball
and it ran kindly for him to tap into
an empty net. Now the visiting fans
were as one, celebrating the most
unlikely of revivals.
“We are making individual
mistakes at the moment,” Vieira
admitted afterwards. “We have to be
realistic about our performances and
accept the criticism — put our head
down and keep working.”

2
1

Promise Omochere’s winner sent
Fleetwood Town into the fourth
round for the first time. The League
One side had to come from behind
but Omochere rifled in midway
through the second half to knock
Queens Park Rangers, of the
Championship, out. It was the 51st
time the west London club have
been eliminated in the third round,
a competition record. Sam Field’s
close-range shot had put QPR in front
on 37 minutes, after Lyndon Dykes
had helped on Ilias Chair’s ball into
the penalty area. But the lead lasted
only three minutes as Toto Nsiala
headed in Danny Andrew’s corner to
draw Fleetwood level.
The home side had created the
better chances before the goals, with
Cian Hayes dragging an early effort
wide and Omochere inches away
from turning in Hayes’s dangerous
ball across goal.

SHREWSBURY TOWN
SUNDERLAND

1
2

Ross Stewart and Luke O’Nien
scored in stoppage time as
Sunderland snatched a dramatic
victory over stunned League One’s
Shrewsbury Town.
Matthew Pennington looked to
have sealed a memorable win for
Steve Cotterill’s side against their
Championship opponents with an
81st-minute header. But Stewart
levelled in the second minute of
stoppage time with his tenth goal in
12 games this term as he headed in
Jack Clarke’s corner.
Then, with a deflated Shrewsbury
ready to settle for a replay, the home
side were undone again when O’Nien
pounced two minutes later and
found the bottom corner to complete
a remarkable turnaround.
Chris Rigg came on as a late
substitute to become, at 15 years and
203 days, the youngest outfield
player in Sunderland’s history.

6 January 8, 2023 The Sunday Times

2GS

Football FA Cup

Cooper suffers as
gamble backfires
BLACKPOOL
Ekpiteta 17, Poveda 64, Hamilton 71, Yates 87

NOTTINGHAM FOREST
Yates 90+2

4
1

7
C Maxwell
6
A Lyons

8
M Ekpiteta

7
J Thorniley

7
J Husband

6
C Patino

Ian Whittell
ll will be forgiven should
results go their way, possibly as early as Wednesday if
Nottingham Forest manage
to book a place in the EFL
Cup semi-finals by beating
Wolverhampton Wanderers, but as hundreds of their
supporters filed out of Bloomfield
Road well before the end of the thirdround tie, this was a demoralising FA
Cup loss for manager Steve Cooper.
A gamble to change his entire starting XI from a midweek win over
Southampton looked sound enough
in the circumstances but, by the end
of 90 embarrassing minutes, it had
backfired spectacularly.
Trailing to an early Marvin Ekpiteta
opener, Forest were further undone
by goals in quick succession from Ian
Poveda and CJ Hamilton just after the
hour before Jerry Yates completed
the rout.
But between Blackpool goals one
and two, Forest created more than
enough chances to have won the tie,
let alone avoid humiliation.
“It’s really disappointing,” Cooper
said. “I’ve said to the players, the individual mistakes for the goals we conceded are unacceptable — equally, the
missed chances, they were absolutely
clear-cut chances.
“For me, we accepted defeat too
early in the game. Even when we were
2-0 down — although it was a terrible

4-1-4-1

6
S Lavery

6
S Carey

8
9
I Poveda C J Hamilton

6
J Beesley
7
E Dennis

6
S Surridge

6
L O’Brien

5
N Williams
4-2-2-2

8
G Scarpa

6
J Colback

5
W Fewster

6
S Cook

6
S McKenna

5
H Toﬀolo

6
W Hennessey

Star man Ian Poveda (Blackpool).
Substitutes: Blackpool J Yates (for Beesley
59min, 8), K Dougall (for Patino 68, 6), M Rogers
(for Hamilton 77), D Thompson (for Husband 90).
Nott’m Forest R Yates (for Fewster 65, 6),
B Johnson (for O’Brien 68, 5), L Mbe Soh
(for Williams 78).
Referee J Linington.

second goal to give away — we were
the team looking like we were going to
score.
“There was still 25 minutes to go. It
wasn’t a good situation, but we were
still very much in the game. We just
accepted the situation too much and
didn’t do enough about it. It’s as simple as that, for me.
“It’s unacceptable. It’s not good
enough. It’s all of those negative
words that you can think around it.
I’ve said exactly the same thing to the
players.
“We have to accept we fell short

today, in every way, shape and form.
Recently, we’ve had some good examples of what it takes to play well and
win. We’ve showed a good example of
the complete opposite today.”
Fighting talk, although, for the last
half-hour at least, there was little evidence of fight from Cooper’s team.
Yet it was against the run of play
that Blackpool doubled their lead on

This was the first FA
Cup game played
between Blackpool
and Nottingham
Forest

64 minutes, although, like for so
much of the afternoon, Forest’s problems were self-inflicted as Neco Williams’s poor pass out of defence fell
directly to the Blackpool substitute
Jerry Yates. He had space to advance
down the left before his cross was
scrambled in at the far post from close
range by Poveda.
Only seven minutes later the tie was
put well and truly beyond Forest’s
grasp, with Kenny Dougall setting up
Hamilton, whose excellent low shot
flew into the far corner of the home
goal after he had beaten Williams far
too easily.

In Forest’s defence — and their
actual one was absent for much of the
game — they had at least created
plenty of chances, with Emmanuel
Dennis curling an effort against the
crossbar soon after the opening goal.
That had come after 18 minutes,
when Forest failed to clear a corner
and Hamilton robbed the ball from
Jack Colback before sprinting to the
byline and crossing into the area. An
initial shot from Shayne Lavery was
blocked but Ekpiteta was on hand,
and unmarked, to react and bury the
ball past a stranded Wayne Hennessey.

2GS

The Sunday Times January 8, 2023 7

ALEX LIVESEY/GETTY IMAGES

THE GAFFER TAPES
WHAT THE
MANAGERS SAID

Poveda scores
Blackpool’s
second goal as
Cooper’s side put
up limited
resistance

MICHAEL
APPLETON
We’ve done alright
over the last five
games since the
World Cup break.
We’ve put teams under the cosh
at times and not been clinical
enough. Even the defeat we had
[last month] to Sheffield United,
the last 25 minutes they knew
they’d been in a game. The
second goal was always going to
be big in a game like this because
of the quality they’ve got and for
us to get that second goal was a
bit of a relief.
STEVE COOPER
It’s unacceptable.
It’s not good
enough. It’s all of
those negative
words that you can
think around it. I’ve said exactly
the same thing to the players. We
fell short today, in every way,
shape and form. Recently, we’ve
had some good examples of what
it takes to play well and win.
We’ve showed a good example of
the complete opposite today. I
won’t even say we’ve got to learn
from it, because that’s like saying
today was OK, and it’s not.

But as Forest amassed a catalogue
of misses, Cooper’s ire was directed at
the fact that Chris Maxwell in the
home goal had precious few real saves
to make — an excellent block from
Dennis after he was played through by
Gustavo Scarpa on 57 minutes his only
really quality work.
That proved to be Forest’s last
throw of the dice, as Jerry Yates completed Blackpool’s scoring when he
buried the ball into the roof of the goal
from 12 yards.
Deep in injury time, the Forest substitute Ryan Yates headed Forest’s
consolation from the middle of the

Blackpool area, from a Harry Toffolo
cross. “I would have taken any result,
let alone 4-1,” Michael Appleton, the
Blackpool manager, said. “The second goal was always going to be big
because of their quality and it was a
relief to get it. You could see confidence flowing through the players
after that.”
For his opposite number, the exact
opposite was the case. “I won’t even
say we’ve got to learn from it, because
that’s like saying today was OK, and
it’s not,” Cooper said. “We’ve just
got to make sure that never, ever
happens again.”

Benrahma returns to haunt
Brentford and boost Moyes
BRENTFORD
WEST HAM UNITED
Benrahma 79

0
1

Paul Rowan
Said Benrahma came off the bench to
knock his old club Brentford out of
the FA Cup and provide a huge
morale booster for West Ham in what
has been a torrid season. The game
was deadlocked before the Algeria
international’s flamboyant
intervention gave David Moyes’s side
their first victory in domestic
competition since October.
“We have got something to build
on now and so hopefully we can get
back on track. The important thing
was not to concede a goal. I said last
week that I could do with someone
scoring a screamer. Said has certainly
done that, so I’m really pleased,” said
Moyes, who may now have second
thoughts about trying to offload
Benrahma, who has been
inconsistent since he signed for
almost £30 million in 2021.
Moyes also praised the “huge
influence” of Declan Rice, who
provided the assist by producing a
crunching tackle on Yoane Wissa in
the 79th minute. Wissa was left
clutching his leg on the ground and
the ball ran free for Benrahma, who
was not long on as a replacement for
Tomas Soucek. He produced a
swirling shot that bamboozled the
Brentford goalkeeper, Thomas
Strakosha, who hardly moved as the
ball flew by him.
It was vindication for Moyes, who
went with a strong starting line-up,
making four changes from the
midweek draw against Leeds United.
Thomas Frank made seven changes
from the team who beat Liverpool 3-1
on Monday.
Both sides tried to play football in

West Ham’s Benrahma. left, celebrates his winning goal with Jarrod Bowen

West Ham
United’s win
away to
Brentford was
their first
victory in seven
matches

the first half, despite heavy swirling
rain and a pitch that had been cut up
by a rugby match at the stadium four
days previously. Still, it was difficult
to make excuses for Wissa when he
had a great chance on 14 minutes
from a low cross into the box by
Keane Lewis-Potter, but couldn’t beat
the onrushing Lukasz Fabianski.
Brentford and Lewis-Potter also
started the second half the brighter,
but the forward could only shoot
straight at Fabianski from an angle
after he had been played through by
Wissa. West Ham moved the ball
swiftly down the other end and
Soucek had a great chance when he
was teed up by Emerson but shot

wide from close range. Craig Dawson
then had a great chance from a Lucas
Paquetá free kick, but slipped at the
crucial moment.
West Ham were now winning duels
that had gone Brentford’s way in the
first half and the home side were
pinned back and forced to play on the
break. A couple of chances went
begging, most notably when Mads
Roerslev’s cross from the right was
headed wide by Lewis-Potter in the
67th minute. Then came Benrahma’s
intervention and goal. Despite
Brentford having a busy last 15
minutes, West Ham held out with
relative comfort.
Star man Said Benrahma (West Ham)
Brentford (3-5-2): T Strakosha 5; K Ajer 6 (R Henry
80min), M Bech Sorensen 6, B Mee 6 (R Trevitt
90); M Roerslev Rasmussen 6, J Dasilva 6 (V Janelt
69), M Damsgaard 6 (S Canos 80), M Jensen 6, S
Ghoddos 6; K Lewis-Potter 7 (K Schade 69), Y
Wissa 6. Booked Wissa
West Ham (3-4-2-1): L Fabianski 6; K Dawson 6,
A Ogbonna 6, N Aguerd 6; B Johnson 6, D Rice 7,
T Soucek 5 (S Benrahma 69, 8), Emerson 5;
J Bowen 5, Lucas Paqueta 5 (F Downes 86);
M Antonio 6 (P Fornals 86) Booked Dawson.
Referee A Marriner
Attendance 16,725

8 January 8, 2023 The Sunday Times

2GS

Football FA Cup
LEE SMITH/ACTION IMAGES/REUTERS

TOTTENHAM HOTSPUR

1
0

Kane 50

PORTSMOUTH

Tom Allnutt

7
F Forster
6
7
J Tanganga D Sánchez
6
E Royal

7
P Sarr
7
B Gil

7
B Davies

7
O Skipp
8
H Kane

6
O Dale

3-4-3

6
R Sessegnon

7
H Son

Kane’s 265th
goal for Spurs
was enough to
earn a fourthround place

6
C Bishop

6
7
6
R Hackett- J Morrell R Tunnicliﬀe
Fairchild

6
D Hume
5-3-2

7
8
7
7 Z Swanson
C Ogilvie S Raggett M Morrison
7
J Griﬀiths

Star man Harry Kane (Tottenham).
Substitutes: Tottenham D Spence (for
Sessegnon 77), A Devine (for Gil 90+2).
Portsmouth L Thompson (for Tunnicliffe 75),
J Koroma (for Hackett-Fairchild 75); M Jacobs (for
Morrell 85), J Pigott (for Bishop 85), R Curtis (for
Dale 87).
Referee T Bramall.
Attendance 60,161.

An awkward, tense and potentially
fractious FA Cup tie was diffused by
another moment of pure quality from
Harry Kane.
Tottenham Hotspur had laboured
for the best part of 50 minutes
against a determined and tenacious
Portsmouth side, whose hopes were
growing that this was a game that
could remain tight, drift and then
turn ugly for their distinguished
Premier League opponents.
Instead, Kane intervened, raising
himself again to a level nobody on the
pitch could match. His blistering
strike five minutes into the second
half turned a tricky contest here into
a comfortable victory for Antonio
Conte’s side and means Kane is now
only one goal away from matching

YOUR GUIDE
TO ALL THE
ACTION IN

FA CUP
THIRD
ROUND

Kane one goal from record
Jimmy Greaves’s 266 goals for
Tottenham, a record that has stood
for more than half a century.
Strangely, Greaves also scored his
265th on the same day in 1970, that
goal coming in an FA Cup win as well,
against Bradford City.
How Kane would like to break
Greaves’s mark against Arsenal —
against whom he enjoys such an
excellent record — in the Premier
League next Sunday. Greaves also
lifted two FA Cups with Spurs, in 1962
and 1967. How Kane would love to
have secured a trophy for his own
cabinet once this season is out.
Portsmouth came here looking to
jump-start their own campaign after
Danny Cowley was sacked as
manager last week. Cowley’s team
were unbeaten in League One until
October but had won only one of
their last 13 league games.
Simon Bassey, the caretaker
manager, said his team had practised
playing against 14 players last week

IPSWICH TOWN
ROTHERHAM UNITED

4
1

Ipswich Town of League One beat the
Championship strugglers Rotherham
United in a game with three
penalties. Cameron Humphreys
opened the scoring for the home side
in the 43rd minute just before the
break, only for Conor Washington
to equalise for the visitors from the
spot after he had been fouled in the
box by Richard Keogh.
However, two goals within five
minutes, from Conor Chaplin —
another penalty after Freddie
Ladapo was pulled back in the
penalty area by Wes Harding — and
then Ladapo, who rounded the
Rotherham goalkeeper Viktor
Johansson, turned the tie firmly in
Ipswich’s favour.
Wes Burns’s spot kick, after Kane
Vincent-Young was tripped by
Hakeem Odoffin, finished off a
satisfying afternoon for the home
supporters at Portman Road.

and Portsmouth matched Tottenham
for long spells here, with a spirited,
gutsy performance that will offer
encouragement for the future. “I’m
really proud of them,” he said. “They
gave a monumental effort and we
were undone by a world-class player,
with a world-class finish.”
Harry Redknapp was in the stands,
14 years after he led Portsmouth to
glory in the FA Cup before taking
over at Tottenham, where he spent
four years and took a team with
Gareth Bale, Luka Modric and
Jermain Defoe to the Champions
League quarter-finals.
Both teams were wearing black
armbands after the death of Gianluca
Vialli, a gesture prompted by
Tottenham. Conte was a team-mate
of Vialli’s at Juventus. “Vialli opened
the door in England for Italian
managers,” Conte’s assistant, Cristian
Stellini, said.
Spurred on by their raucous
travelling support, Portsmouth made

MILLWALL
SHEFFIELD UNITED

FA CUP FOURTH
ROUND DRAW
The draw for the fourth round will
take place today at about 4.05pm
before Manchester City’s home
tie with Chelsea. It will be made
by the former England and
Liverpool forward Emile Heskey
and Karen Bardsley, the former
Manchester City and England
goalkeeper, live on BBC1.

a lively start and had perhaps the best
chance of the first half as Reeco
Hackett-Fairchild’s hooked volley
needed saving by Fraser Forster.
Then Tottenham took charge and
the pattern of the game was set, with
all of Portsmouth’s 11 players locked
behind the ball, determined to crowd
the middle and block every cross.

They stuck to their task. The
Portsmouth right back, Zak Swanson,
was particularly diligent against Ryan
Sessegnon and Son Heung-min, while
Connor Ogilvie, born eight miles
away in Waltham Abbey and a
Tottenham youth teamer, helped to
ensure Kane’s best effort of the half
was a free kick struck into the wall.
But Spurs found a different gear
after the interval. Within minutes,
Emerson Royal’s floated header had
come back off the post before Kane
delivered the decisive moment,
poking a pass into Sessegnon and
receiving it back on the edge of the
area. Portsmouth scrambled to close
the striker down but as Kane fell he
still managed to get his shot away, the
ball soaring into the far corner.
Tottenham pushed for a second as
Son blazed over before Oliver Skipp
also fired high from inside the area.
Portsmouth were still in it but shifting
from deep defence to all-out attack is
not easy. Kane was the difference.

0
2

Daniel Jebbison and Jayden Bogle
opened their accounts for the season
as Sheffield United eased into the
fourth round at The Den.
The Canadian-born Jebbison
opened the scoring midway through
the first half before Bogle’s deflected
effort doubled the lead nine minutes
before the break.
Andreas Voglsammer spurned
the 2004 finalists’ best chance in
the second period as a dominant
Sheffield United came out on top in
a battle between two Championship
high-flyers, watched by only 7,268
spectators.
Both sides rung the changes,
with one eye on their respective
promotion bids, and the visiting side
were quicker to settle in the capital.
Iliman Ndiaye, who scored in
United’s league win over Millwall in
August, fired a warning shot over the
crossbar inside the first minute.

Jebbison scores Sheffield United’s opening goal against Millwall at The Den

2GS V2

The Sunday Times January 8, 2023 9

CATHERINE IVILL/GETTY IMAGES

COVENTRY CITY

3
4

Sheaf 36, Gyokeres 69, Palmer 76

WREXHAM
Dalby 12, Lee 18, O’Connor 45+6, Mullin 58

Mullin, who
scored
Wrexham’s
fourth, leads
the
celebrations

Tim Nash

6
S Moore
5
M Rose
6
F Dabo

5
L Kelly

6
J Panzo

3-4-1-2
5
J Bidwell

6
B Sheaf

6
J Burroughs

9
K Palmer
6
F Tavares

7
M Waghorn

9
S Dalby

9
P Mullin

8
E Lee
7
8
8
C McFadzean
R Hall-Johnson T O’Connor
8
J Tunnicliﬀe
3-4-1-2

8
B Tozer

8
L Young

8
M Cleworth

7
M Howard

Star man P Mullin (Wrexham).
Substitutes: Coventry V Gyokeres (for Tavares
35), C Doyle (for Dabo 62), T Kane (for Burroughs
70), J Allen (for Waghorn 70), G AHmer (for Kelly
70). Wrexham O Palmer (for Mullin 68),
L McAlinden (for McFadzean 73), A Forde
(for Hall-Johnson 81), J Jones (for Lee 81).
Booked McAlinden
Referee T Nield.
Attendance 18,218.

Non-league Wrexham conjured up an
FA Cup thriller their Hollywood owners Ryan Reynolds and Rob McElhenney would have been proud of in a tie
that will live long in the memory.
The National League promotion
chasers made the 60-place gap to the
Sky Bet Championship side look
laughable at times as they became the
only non-League team to be sure of a
place in the fourth round.
As a spectacle, this giantkilling of
the round is certainly up there alongside Wrexham’s 1992 win against Arsenal at the same stage of the competition. Phil Parkinson’s side clinched
their passage after a breathless
encounter in which they led 2-0, 3-1 at
half-time and 4-1 before the hour only
for an incredible comeback.

READING
WATFORD

2
0

Reading enjoyed victory over their
depleted Championship rivals
Watford, who were without 15
senior players because of injuries,
suspension and ineligibility.
Kelvin Abrefa fired Reading in
front in the third minute of first-half
stoppage time only minutes after the
home side had a goal disallowed
when Abrefa’s cross was converted
by an offside Femi Azeez.
The disappointment did not last
long. The 19-year-old full back
Abrefa’s cross evaded everyone,
including the Watford goalkeeper,
Maduka Okoye, to give Paul Ince’s
side the lead, although the manager
warned his goalscorer not to go out
partying after the game.
Reading added a second, this one
in the third minute of second-half
stoppage time, when Shane Long ran
clear from Tom McIntyre’s excellent
pass to fire a low shot past Okoye.

Wrexham write
another thrilling
chapter of their
Hollywood story
PRESTON NORTH END
HUDDERSFIELD TOWN

3
1

Preston North End secured their
place in the fourth round for the
first time since 2018 thanks to a late
rally against Huddersfield Town
at Deepdale.
Ryan Lowe’s hosts have
developed a familiar rivalry with
Huddersfield this season, after three
meetings in the Championship and
Carabao Cup, including a 2-1 Boxing
Day home league defeat by Mark
Fotheringham’s strugglers.
Preston had won the other two
meetings and made it three quite
comfortably in the end. The debutant
Florian Kamberi fired the visitors
ahead in the 57th minute. But Ben
Woodburn’s cross came off Tom Lees
for an own goal to restore parity
three minutes later, before Bambo
Diaby’s 73rd-minute volley gave
Preston the lead. Alan Browne
confirmed the victory when he struck
five minutes from time.

“It was so important to put in a
performance that reflected the history of the club in the FA Cup and the
amazing support we had,” Parkinson
said. “The minute the team coach
turned up at the ground, the greeting
they got left the lads feeling ten feet
tall.
“It was important for us to enjoy
the occasion but [also] to put in a performance which reflected the way I
know we can play, and we did that.
Some of the football we played was
good and we had a nice physicality
about us too. It’s just a great day for
everybody connected with the club.
“It’s not often as a player or manager you will have a game against a
Championship club three divisions
higher in front of 5,000 of your own

LUTON TOWN
WIGAN ATHLETIC

Diaby
celebrates
after his volley
puts Preston in
front against
Huddersfield

1
1

At least Kolo Touré did not suffer the
fate of his Invincible team-mate
Patrick Vieira by getting knocked out
of a competition they both got used
to winning at Arsenal in the third
round. Not yet, anyway. The
Wigan Athletic manager saw his
struggling Championship side
earn a replay away to high-flying
Luton Town.
Wigan took the lead after 18
minutes after Callum Lang’s header
was superbly saved by the Luton
goalkeeper, Ethan Horvath, but the
visitors kept the ball alive and Tom
Naylor was left unmarked to tap in.
Ashley Fletcher was denied by
Horvath as Luton went straight up
the other end and ensured they were
on level terms, Carlton Morris doing
all the hard work and standing up a
cross for his strike partner, Harry
Cornick, who headed in his first goal
of the campaign.

fans and it’s important to savour those
moments.”
Those supporters who had
crammed on to dozens of coaches
wanted a repeat of that shock, Mickey
Thomas-inspired win over Arsenal
and their team didn’t disappoint.
Wrexham drew first blood with a
goal of stunning simplicity in the 12th
minute. Luke Young crossed from the
right and Sam Dalby, the striker, powered a header past Simon Moore.
Coventry were left with a mountain
to climb as Wrexham doubled their
lead in the 18th minute. A cross wide
on the left from Elliot Lee, the son of
Rob Lee, the former Newcastle United
and England midfielder, somehow
found the same far corner of the net as
Simon Moore, the Coventry goalkeeper, seemed to hesitate.
Coventry halved the deficit in the
36th minute. Kasey Palmer crossed
from the right and, as Martyn Waghorn touched the ball back as a Wrexham challenge came in, the ball fell
loose for Ben Sheaf to drive low past
Mark Howard.
Wrexham restored their two-goal
advantage in the seventh minute of
time added on at the end of the first
half after some dubious defending
from Coventry. A long throw-in from
Ben Tozer — a tactic described as an
Exocet missile by Mark Robins, the
Coventry manager beforehand — was
headed on by Jordan Tunnicliffe and
Thomas O’Connor nodded home.
Another Tozer throw-in proved the
catalyst for Wrexham’s fourth goal.
The set piece caused unnecessary
panic for Coventry’s defence, and a
shot from Max Cleworth was handled
by Jonathan Panzo six yards out. The
referee immediately signalled a penalty and then a red card against Panzo.
Paul Mullin converted.
Coventry were not finished though.
Viktor Gyokeres, a substitute for the
injured Fábio Tavares, tapped home
Palmer’s cross on the break. Then
Palmer curled home a delicious
25-yard free kick in the 77th minute
that left Howard rooted to the spot.
Robins said: “That first 60 minutes
was probably the most embarrassed
I’ve ever managed in football. Credit
to Wrexham, they were better than
us, put us under a lot of pressure and
have got some quality.”

FOREST GREEN ROVERS
BIRMINGHAM CITY

P
P

Forest Green Rovers’ FA Cup tie
against Birmingham City was
postponed because of a waterlogged
pitch at the Bolt New Lawn. The
surface failed to pass a 9.45am
inspection after heavy overnight rain
in Gloucestershire. Forest Green,
League One’s bottom club, who were
going into the tie on the back of four
defeats, tweeted: “Following a pitch
inspection, today’s game against
@BCFC has been postponed due
to a waterlogged pitch.”
Birmingham, who have lost
their past three matches, tweeted
that the match officials “determined
the Bolt New Lawn’s playing surface
unplayable”.
The Championship club added
that details about a new date and
kick-off time for the rearranged tie
“will be confirmed in due course”.
The one bonus for both sides is they
go into today’s fourth-round draw.

10 January 8, 2023 The Sunday Times

Football FA Cup

THE FOOTBALL
INTERVIEW
WITH JONATHAN NORTHCROFT

he winter light is fading outside and Steve Evans has
been going for four hours.
He’s a riot of stories, old football truths and namedrops
and there’s still one thing to
ask — about what his dad
said. “On his deathbed?
True,” Evans nods.
And so we talk about James, his
shipyard worker father from Govan
who died from oesophageal cancer.
After eight months in hospital he was
given four days to live. He ripped out
his feeding tubes, pushed away the
machines and took himself home. “He
died on the fourth day,” Evans says.
“I’ve one sister and three brothers
and on the second day he wanted
each of us, before they put in more
morphine, to sit with him and Mum.
He held my hand. Mum lay with
him holding his other hand, and his
first words were, ‘What can I say
about you, Steven?’ And I just smiled,
but cried.
“He said, ‘People who don’t know
you, hate you. But when you get to
know our Steven you fall in love with
him and always love him,’ and my wife,
Sarah, now has that saying about me.
“She says ‘Steve Evans, if I didn’t
know you …’”
So his dad got him right?
“100 per cent.” Tears well in his
eyes.
Soon Evans returns to raconteur
mode but, before the next anecdote,
stops to acknowledge the consequences of his personality. “Why don’t I get
jobs? Because I walk up and do that to
people,” he says, miming celebrating
in an opponent’s face. “And if I owned
a club? Maybe I’d say you’re not for
me. Maybe.”
We’re in the manager’s office at
Stevenage where Evans, 60, is
preparing for Aston Villa in the FA
Cup today, the latest adventure of an
epic career that has contained controversies — which we’ll get to — but
never lacked colour and triumphs. “A
rascal,” says another manager,
affectionately. “But, my God, he’s
good. He gets results.”
Stevenage are second in League
Two, having been 22nd when Evans
arrived last March to save them from
relegation, and with crowds up and
the squad’s value rising, the club
extended his contract yesterday.
Before this FA Cup journey there were
impressive EFL Cup and EFL Trophy
runs and Evans is chasing his ninth
promotion and sixth league title at
various levels. Today he faces a World
Cup final hero — Emi Martínez — who
is also one of his former players.
Evans coaxed a 22-year-old
Martínez to join Rotherham on loan in
2015. He had taken Rotherham from
League Two to the Championship but
was battling relegation and needed a
goalkeeper. He had seen Martínez for
Arsenal reserves and couldn’t believe
it when his name appeared on a circular listing players available on loan.
“I spoke to his agent,” says Evans,
“and he said, ‘There are three clubs in
for him. Two are Championship. One is
[Premier League] West Brom. He’s just
kept a clean sheet against Dortmund in
the Champions League, he’s not going

TALES
FROM
THE
BIG
MAN
Plain-talking Stevenage
manager Steve Evans on
getting results, having
regrets and taking
advice from Ferguson

to come to you.’ ‘But can I meet him?’ I
said. The agent said, ‘Yeah.’
“We met in St Albans. Emi turns up
with his magnificent-looking girlfriend. He is magnificent. Six-foot five
athletic goalkeeper. I say, ‘What do
you want? Do you want Arsène
Wenger to see you’ve played at West
Brom, had a save to make and dealt
with it comfortably? Or do you want
the report to say you played for Rotherham, they were under the cosh and
you were magnificent? Do you want to
come to West Brom where there’s
another top ’keeper competing with
you and if you drop one you’re out?
My goalkeeper comes from League
Two. You drop one and you’re still in.’
“Then I asked his girlfriend, ‘Is he
difficult if he doesn’t play?’ She says,
‘He’s difficult when he doesn’t play at
Arsenal.’ I say, ‘What will he be like if
he doesn’t play at West Brom?’ ‘Impossible.’ So I looked at her and said, ‘At
West Brom he might play. Come to
me? He trains tomorrow, he starts Saturday.’ Emi says, ‘I’m coming.’
“From that first game he was phenomenal, we wouldn’t have stayed up
without him. It will be so much harder
for us to score but I’d love him to play
[today]. If he’s reading this: Emi, bring
your [World Cup winner’s] medal.”
Evans grew up in Cambuslang, on
the eastern rim of Glasgow, and was a
gifted
schoolboy
striker
who
partnered Ally McCoist and close
friend Mo Johnston in different representative teams. At 16 he rejected
Celtic, the team he supported, to join Bolton
Wanderers in the
English top flight but
homesickness and
“realising I wasn’t

quite good enough” made him return
to Glasgow and sign for Clyde.
There, he played for the former
Scotland manager Craig Brown, who
he still speaks to every day. After,
there were spells with Albion Rovers,
under Sir Alex Ferguson’s brother,
Martin, and at Ayr United but a knee
injury ended his playing career at 24.
Evans’s coaching education began
as a “doggie” at the legendary Scottish
Football Association centre at Largs.
“Doggies” were young players who
volunteered to be used in exercises by
coaches doing their badges. The
tartan touchline elite, like Ferguson,
Walter Smith and Jim McLean were
instructors on the courses.
“I was educated, hearing them talk.
One of the best was a conversation
about goalkeepers. It went round the
table and Walter, God rest him, said, ‘I
like them big. I like them to come and
catch it. I like them to kick it a mile,’
and others chipped in but Fergie
hadn’t spoken. So someone said,
‘Alex, what do you think?’ And he
said, ‘Ach, I just like wan that keeps
the ball out of the f***ing net.’ ”
Evans’s first biggish non-League
managerial job was Stamford, where
he signed David Speedie, Micky Gynn
and a certain Daley Thompson — 37
and trying football after conquering
athletics.
He then went full-time with Boston
United, hauling the club from the
Southern Premier League to the Football League in four seasons. However
the achievement was overshadowed
by a tax case over undeclared payments to players (not uncommon in
lower league football back then) that
resulted in court convictions for him
and the Boston owner, Pat Malkinson.
“Pat was a very cash-rich guy. He
had bingo halls, nightclubs, pubs. A
player would come and say, ‘I want
400 quid a week,’ and the boss would
say, ‘We’ll give you 200 and I’ll give
you some cash today.’ He paid a price
and so did I. The case against me was
quite simple, which was that I should
have phoned HMRC and told them
what Pat was doing. But Pat was a second father to me. Would I shop people? Naw. I loved him. But, 100 per
cent, I have regrets.”
Evans took his next club, Crawley,
from the Conference to the brink of
League One, then joined Rotherham
and began another Cinderella story.
In those days he was often in trouble
for his behaviour towards officials but
a chat with Tony Stewart, the Rotherham chairman, sparked a mellowing
process. Stewart was counselled
against appointing Evans by no less
than Brian Mawhinney, the late
former Football League chairman
— who ironically became Evans’s
friend in his final years.
“You can’t go for Steve Evans,”
Mawhinney told Stewart. “He’s
always having a go at referees,
shouting at his players.” Stewart replied: “You know what
I’ve done for six years as owner
of this club? Employed altar
boys. Now I want a fighter.”
Stewart got Evans into his
office and relayed the conversation, before producing a
sheet of paper. He tore off a
small corner and put the big
piece of paper under Evans’s
nose. “Success,” he said.
Then he picked up the
small piece and said:
“Shit factor.”
“As long as those are
the ratios,” Stewart

The Sunday Times January 8, 2023 11

TODAY’S OTHER
FA CUP GAMES
Bristol City v Swansea City
Swansea go over the River Severn
to face their Championship rivals.
The sides drew 1-1 in their
previous meeting this season.
6 ko 12.30pm TV highlights BBC1
10.30pm
Derby County v Barnsley
Only two places separate these
clubs in League One. Derby won
2-1 in their league game in August.
6 ko 12.30pm TV highlights BBC1
10.30pm

‘Fergie
looked at my
wine and
said, ‘Not the
best.’ Later I
saw the bottle
in his car’

‘Ivan Toney
is one of
three players
I’ve managed
who, above
all, deserve
their success’

said, “we’ll be OK. But reverse them
and you’ll be sacked.”
“Since that conversation I’ve been
sent off only three times in seven
years,” Evans says.
His Rotherham feats attracted
Leeds, who were in the Championship and under the turbulent ownership of Massimo Cellino. He loved the
whole “big club” experience and
when he took over he got messages of
support from Ferguson, Wenger and
José Mourinho, who he knew from
when Mourinho took his pro licence

ON TV
Aston Villa v Stevenage
Highlights on Match of
the Day, BBC1, 10.30pm

EVANS ON THE STARS HE MOULDED
IVAN TONEY
“I signed him for
Peterborough and he didn’t
want to come at first but I
said, ‘Look at all the strikers
who have gone on from this
club to big things.’ He’s the
most lovely lad, an infectious
character — and he was
brilliant for us.
“He came back to see me
in the summer. He bought us
all dinner and the bill comes.
Ivan passed the bill to me
with a cheeky smile. I passed
it back and said, ‘I think
you’re on 500 quid a week
more than me, Ivan…’ He
then spends an hour with all
the punters in the pub,
posing for photos. There are
three players I’ve managed
who, above all others,
deserve the success they’ve
had: Kalvin Phillips, James
Tavernier — and Ivan.”

BEN WHITE
“I took him on loan at
Peterborough from Brighton
and he stayed in the
Marriott, half a mile from the
training ground. Start of the
first training session,
everyone was there bar one.
Ben. Twenty minutes later,
Ben arrives.
“I walk across to see him.
‘You late this morning, son?’
‘Sorry boss, traffic.’ I went
‘From the Marriott?’ He
looked at me and said, ‘I
didn’t stay at the Marriott.
My girlfriend is from
Grimsby and I went to stay at
her mum’s.’ I said. ‘Brighton
is closer than Grimsby.’ He
said, ‘I know boss, I found
that out today.’
“But you know what? He
never did it again. And what
a class boy, what a class
player.”

Cardiff City v Leeds United
The meetings between these
sides are usually quite feisty.
6 ko 2pm TV live on ITV from
1.15pm
Hartlepool Utd v Stoke City
Hartlepool can forget their fight
to stay in the league today against
Championship strugglers Stoke.
6 ko 2pm TV highlights BBC1
10.30pm

‘I hope Emi
Martínez is
playing
today. He can
bring his
World Cup
medal’
at Largs. Cellino loved his transfer
acumen but wanted a manager with
Premier League experience and
replaced Evans with Garry Monk.
Is he surprised there haven’t been
other jobs at bigger clubs? “I think
sometimes in my early career, winning
became everything. If you were in the
tunnel as the opposition director of
football and said, ‘Bit lucky tonight,
Steve,’ I’d say, ‘F*** off.’ So, maybe it’d
be down to not being conformist and
not playing the game. But Phil Wallace, our chairman here, a top man,
smart guy, says if you work with Steve
Evans you get a rounded, very rational
manager who understands business.
But I probably spent a lot of years at
the front of the bench, yelling.”
Crawley came to the Lamex Stadium a fortnight ago and Stevenage
won 3-1. “One Stevie Evans,” sang
Crawley’s fans and when he turned to
salute them, they changed to: “You fat
bastard!” Evans smiled and made a
belly sign. Back to “One Stevie Evans”
it went.
Evans’s best FA Cup story? In 2011,
when Crawley were in the Conference, they lost 1-0 to Manchester
United at Old Trafford in the fifth
round, hitting the bar in stoppage
time. “We’re going up the tunnel and
Fergie says, ‘Best team lost today.’ That
meant the world to me,” Evans recalls.
“I go to his office and he’s got the
big telly and the little bar. I’m sitting
next to him on a sofa. I had this bottle
of wine — it was all over the front page
of The Sun because they sponsored
our kit and I’d said, ‘Sir Alex can look
forward to the best bottle of wine he’ll
ever get from an opposition.’
“I’d told my brother, who did a bit
of scouting for us, ‘Here’s my debit
card — get the kitman to take you to

Norwich City v Blackburn Rovers
David Wagner makes his first
appearance as head coach in the
Norwich dug-out.
6 ko 2pm TV highlights BBC1
10.30pm

Potter ‘not
sure’ if he is
lucky to still be
in Chelsea job
Tom Roddy
The Chelsea head coach Graham
Potter said he was “not sure” when
asked before today’s FA Cup thirdround tie away to Manchester City
if he was lucky to still be in the job
under the club’s new ownership.
“I’m not sure. I don’t think I would
have got the sack at Brighton, which
is a well-run club,” he replied. “I can’t
comment on the others. I’ve no idea
what people would do.”
The former Brighton & Hove Albion
head coach revealed he had not
spoken to Chelsea’s owners about the
possibility that they may not win
a trophy this season. When asked
whether he had had that conversation
with the co-owners Clearlake Capital
and Todd Boehly, Potter said: “Not
especially, no.”
Potter, below, admitted he had not
always made the right decisions
since arriving at Stamford Bridge in
September after the dismissal of
Thomas Tuchel. “I can’t sit here and
say I’m a perfect person so clearly

Stockport County v Walsall
Stockport beat Walsall 2-0 away
in League Two ten days ago.
6 ko 2pm TV highlights BBC1
10.30pm

one of those wine places and get a nice
red.’ He’s come back — £275. I’m thinking Sarah will go loopy. But they’ve
put it in a nice box.
“It’s a Rothschild 2004 and I give it
to Sir Alex. He looks at me and goes
‘Not the best.’ Puts it on his desk. I feel
sick. He says to the boy who does the
bar, ‘Two better glasses of red.’
“His press man comes in. ‘Are you
doing the press today, Sir Alex?’ Fergie says, ‘After that performance? No
chance. They should have battered
us,’ and sends Mike Phelan.
“Then the press man returns. ‘Mr
Evans — the press?’ I say, ‘I don’t think
I’ll bother.’ Fergie goes, ‘Don’t think
you’ll bother? You might never come
back here, son. Go.’
“When I come back I ask if I can
show my family the Old Trafford tunnel and Fergie says, ‘Of course.’ So we
go to the tunnel and Fergie has his big
car parked there, and what do you
think is on the passenger seat?
“I say, ‘Alex, is that my bottle of
wine?’ He says, ‘Ha ha, son, 2004
Rothschild is a tremendous year.’
“At the time, Crawley were ten
points clear and as he’s leaving, Fergie
says, ‘I’ve looked at your next two fixtures, they’re at home, Tuesday and
Saturday. Win both and you win the
league by 15 points. Lose and you
might not get promoted — your players will never have a day like today.
You need to be on them this week.’”
Crawley won both games and were
duly promoted. By 15 points. “We’re
headed back from Tamworth on the
M40 after winning the league,” says
Evans, “when an unknown number
flashes up on my phone.
“‘Hello. Well done you. It’s Alex. I
told you,’ says the voice. Then, ‘Hey,
enjoy tomorrow — and today.’”

I’ve not done everything completely
right,” he said. “At the same time,
there are some factors that take into
consideration where we’re at. That’s
for other people to judge.”
Chelsea — who completed the
£10 million signing of the Ivory Coast
forward David Datro Fofana on a 6½year deal from Norwegian champions
Molde yesterday — were serial trophy
winners under the ownership of
Roman Abramovich, who regularly
dispensed with managers when
results went against them. But defeat
today would leave them with only the
Champions League to play for, given
they are tenth in the Premier League,
19 points adrift of the leaders, Arsenal.
Potter, 47, said he accepted that
there will be negativity around the
club because of their recent poor
results. “I’ve had some support,” he
said, “but I’m not naive enough to
believe that when we have the results
we’ve had, there isn’t going to be
criticism and negativity. That would
be strange for me to think that.”

ON TV TODAY
Manchester City v Chelsea
4pm BBC1, kick-off 4.30pm

12 January 8, 2023 The Sunday Times

Sport

Jonathan
Northcroft
Arsenal’s climb to
greatness under
Arteta echoes
Ranieri’s miracle
with Leicester
First the things that are not
comparable. Leicester City’s core
14 players in 2015-16 cost less than
£30 million and their best footballer
was a tiny midfielder passed over by
the professional game until the age
of 19, who was so humble he drove a
Mini and initially lived in a £30-anight city hotel.
Their striker lived on Red Bull,
port and snus (a strong type of
chewing tobacco). Their Professional
Footballers’ Association player of
the year was a rake signed from the
French second tier, for less than they
spent furnishing supporters with
“clappers” at home games.
Their defence were offcuts from
Stoke City, Queens Park Rangers,
Schalke and Nottingham Forest. The
year before they had only just
escaped relegation. Despite being
one of England’s oldest teams, they
were not among the 43 clubs that had
ever won either of England’s major
competitions, the league and FA Cup.
Their pedigree was summed up by
their famous odds of 5,000-1.
Leicester winning the Premier
League stands alone as a football
miracle, and may for ever stand
alone, though that hasn’t stopped the
disease of recency bias leading some
to suggest that if Arsenal become
champions the achievement would

be equal. That is not to minimise the
scale of what would be achieved
should Mikel Arteta pilot his side to
the title, in the face of Manchester
City’s might and challenges from
elsewhere. Nor is it to say that there
are no parallels between Leicester
seven seasons ago and Arsenal now.
There are. And these are common
ingredients which flavour the
2022-23 Premier League alluringly
and distinctly.
In the blue corner, the world’s
richest and best club team over
the past five years. In the red, a
side that a year ago were in sixth
place and scraping 0-0 home draws
with Burnley.
What you see in the present
Arsenal is something also seen in
2015-16 Leicester: a squad going
about their business in the same way,
from week to week, regardless of the
league table, the fixture list and the
unexpected heights they find
themselves reaching. They play the
same way, with the same spirit, same
principles, same smile, whatever the
conditions. All that was there on
Tuesday versus Newcastle United.
Arsenal didn’t win — the goalless
draw represented their first dropped
points since October, but, against a
tough side full of rugged tricks, they
pushed for victory from first to last,

Luca made
players
feel good
and they
responded

I had the pleasure of being served
champagne by Gianluca Vialli in a
dressing room before a game not
once but twice. The second time was
in 2018 at a Stamford Bridge reunion
of the 1998 Chelsea team who won
three trophies in a year: the League
Cup, Uefa Cup Winners’ Cup and
Super Cup. I knew Luca wasn’t well
when we got back together and when
he said he couldn’t play I suggested
he could lead us again as manager, a
role he carried out with considerable
panache, even though he was more
ill [with pancreatic cancer] than
most of us knew.
The first glass of champagne, years
earlier, was much smaller — Luca
produced two bottles before his first
game as player-manager, against
Arsenal in the second leg of the
League Cup semi-final in 1998. That
was a surprise, particularly since
Luca was such a professional, but we
went out and won the game 3-1 and
then beat Middlesbrough in the final.

GRAEME
LE SAUX

Arsenal play the
same way, with the
same spirit, same
principles, same
smile, whatever
the conditions

taking 17 shots and claiming 67 per
cent possession. Pep Guardiola,
having hoped for a slip-up, admitted:
“They again impressed me a lot.
They dropped two points but they
didn’t drop the quality [with which]
they played.”
Everyone expected Leicester to
waver but the wobble never came
and, in a similar way, Arsenal keep
passing what are billed as “tests” that
“could find them out”. The biggest of
these are yet to come, with their next
five league fixtures including games
against Tottenham Hotspur, City and
Manchester United. April brings trips
to Anfield and the Etihad, then May a
match at St James’ Park.
But their consistency is such that
their points total after 17 games (44)
has been bettered only four times in

the history of the Premier League
and that not even Arsène Wenger’s
Invincibles ever started a season like
this. Consistency of selection is being
used by Arteta to bring consistency of
performance and approach, and this
echoes 2015-16 Leicester, who, after
some early-season tinkering from
Claudio Ranieri, settled into an
established XI that played more or
less every week.
For 2022-23 Arsenal, seven players
have started every single league
game: Aaron Ramsdale, William
Saliba, Gabriel Magalhães, Ben
White, Granit Xhaka, Gabriel
Martinelli and Bukayo Saka. It
would probably be nine had Martin
Odegaard (a starter in 16 league
games) not missed a 3-0 win away to
Brentford because of a knock, and

It was my second spell at Chelsea.
During my first, in the late 1980s and
early 1990s, Chelsea had the same
beer culture, if you want to call it
that, as any other English club. The
champagne football — or “sexy
football”, as Ruud Gullit called it —
started when Glenn Hoddle became
manager and brought in Ruud. Then
Ruud took over and brought in Luca.
There was some controversy over
Ruud being sacked, as Chelsea were
doing well at the time, but Luca put
a premium on continuity when he
took over. Tactically he was good,
but that is more where the
experience of the players took over;
we were comfortable in our shape.
He empowered us to go and take
responsibility and he didn’t micromanage that part of our week, but he
made us feel good about ourselves,
and we responded to that.
Perhaps that was what the
champagne was about. Though he
was only 33, he was incredibly

confident in how he saw the game
and was very natural and
charismatic. It was all authentic,
none of it was made up
for effect. Day to day
he set the highest
standards, and fitness
was a huge part of how
he operated. We worked
really hard physically —
training, in the gym, we
did a lot of work.
Inevitably, on
becoming player-coach
things changed from
when he was just a
player, but even
then his influence
was huge. I had

been playing with Alan Shearer at
Blackburn Rovers and Luca was
like him and Mark Hughes,
who was also at Chelsea; all
physically strong, thick-set
centre forwards. With
Gianfranco [Zola] and
Roberto [Di Matteo]
also coming to Chelsea,
there was also a big culture
shift. The quality on the pitch
but also that incredible
discipline and professionalism
they were used to in Italy.
That was a huge influence.
Luca, coming from Juventus,
was at the vanguard of that.
We were a really
competitive team in the
Premier League and cup
competitions, domestically
and in Europe. That was
the foundation for Roman
Abramovich buying the club.
One thing that held us
back was the training

Vialli brought
discipline and
charisma to
Chelsea during
a hugely
successful era

The Sunday Times January 8, 2023 13

THE TITLE RACE:
THE NEXT FIVE WEEKS

Rod Liddle

ARSENAL, 44 PTS
Jan 15 Spurs (a)
Jan 22 Man Utd (h)
Feb 4 Everton (a)
Feb 11 Brentford (h)
Feb 15 Man City (h)

Real don’t want Jude
Bellingham — it would
be awful to see him
follow Dele’s path

MANCHESTER CITY, 39 PTS
Jan 14 Man Utd (a)
Jan 19 Spurs (h)
Jan 22 Wolves (h)
Feb 5 Spurs (a)
Feb 12 Aston Villa (h)
Feb 15 Arsenal (a)

Arteta showed his fiery
side during Arsenal’s
goalless draw with
Newcastle but the
manager’s distraction
tactics allow his side to
play without pressure,
as Ranieri’s Leicester
did in 2015-16

had Gabriel Jesus, who started every
match before the World Cup, not
injured his knee in Qatar.
The consistency of mentality also
echoes Leicester. During their title
chase Peter Schmeichel, a regular
visitor to the club’s training ground
because of his son, Kasper, told me
the mood there was “exactly the
same” as he had always found it,
whether visiting when Kasper was in
the Championship or amid the
relegation battle the season before.
Arsenal do not appear to have
deviated from the almost gauchely
positive and energetic vibe projected
in the All or Nothing Amazon
documentary that tracked their
2021-22 campaign. They bring to
mind a phenomenon described by
the legendary NBA coach Pat Riley in

ground at Harlington, with those
terrible pitches, tiny dressing rooms
and ridiculous schedule, which
meant that we had to be out at
lunchtime on some days as students
were coming from the university
that owned the place. You had people
of the calibre of Luca coming in,
but he got on with it like the rest of
us and it brought us closer together
in a way. We were all in that stages in
our life — late twenties and early
thirties — where we enjoyed each
other’s company.
There was a group of us, including
myself and Luca, who lived in west
London and we used to socialise
together regularly, going to
restaurants or other new places that
had been recommended, with our
wives and girlfriends. It was a special
time and Luca was at the heart of it.
We would laugh at things and get
educated by each other and share
time with each other’s families. He
had a great sense of humour which

HOW SIDES COMPARE
How league leaders compare then and
now — after 17 Premier League games

Leicester City 2015-16
Points won

38/51

2pt
lead

Arsenal 2022-23
Points won

44/51

5pt
lead

everybody enjoyed and his English
colloquialisms were something to
behold. All in all, it was much, much
more than football.
He came from a privileged family
and had an incredibly successful
background in football, but he lived
in the present and had no airs and
graces. He treated everybody
the same.
He was incredibly driven. Even
when he retired he said: “I have to
do something where I have to sweat
every day, because I am going to
work hard at something physically.”
That is one of the frightening things.
Somebody so dedicated and
disciplined and a high-performance
athlete — their life being cut short. It’s
hit me really hard — and I know it’s hit
others — because he is the first of our
group to die. We will raise a glass in
his honour, nonetheless, for a life
well led. Of champagne, of course.
The fee for this article has been
donated to charity.

his book The Winner Within: A Life
Plan for Team Players.
In a key chapter called “The
Innocent Climb”, Riley portrayed a
sports team, comprising unselfish
members, without a history of
winning, making an “innocent climb”
to greatness — succeeding through
their absence of ego and lack of fear.
Such a side roll from game to game
in a happy bubble, playing on talent
and instinct.
This was 2015-16 Leicester and, to
date, it has been 2022-23 Arsenal —
something Guardiola picked up on
when he said one advantage Arteta’s
team have on his own one is that they
are playing free of expectations.
Nobody epitomises this more than
Arsenal’s poster boy, Saka.
He is the innocent climber
personified, with his wide-eyed,
well-mannered loveliness and
irrepressible self-expression on the
pitch. During the World Cup he
summed up his mindset. “I just go
out there with the freedom and enjoy
it, because it’s still a game of football,
just at a higher stage, where I’ve
always dreamt of playing,” he said.
The trick will be for Arsenal to stay
in this moment. Did Arteta’s antics
during the Newcastle game threaten
their calm? Time will tell.
Arteta is not the cuddliest figure,
but nor is he daft. The headlines
became about him, and not Arsenal
dropping points — and distracting
the press from putting pressure on
his team was very much a 2015-16
Ranieri trick.

A TOUCH OF ITALIAN
CLASS AT CHELSEA
Thanks to the broadcaster
Matthew Lorenzo for tweeting this
little gem on Friday to mark the
footballer’s passing...
Gianluca Vialli and Gianfranco
Zola, two gentlemen of the game,
decided to show their gratitude
to Gary Staker, the Chelsea player
liaison officer, who is half-Italian.
They took him for a meal at an
expensive restaurant but asked
him to give them a lift, asking a
waiter to park his car.
After the meal, Staker was
upset to find his Ford was
nowhere to be seen. Until he
realised the new BMW parked
outside was his, a gift from Vialli
and his friend. RIP Gianluca.

I never quite hit it off with Dele Alli’s
range of clothing for the online yoof
fashion brand BoohooMAN:
distressed denim should be worn
only by people who are not
themselves distressed and, by the age
of 58, we are all pretty distressed.
That was back in 2018 and you could
argue that BoohooMAN was a little
behind the curve of Dele’s trajectory
which, even then, was nudging
slightly downwards.
Dele told the press at the time that
his Tottenham Hotspur team-mates
had expressed a wish to dress like
him but increasingly it became
evident that it was a good job they
didn’t want to play like him. The
astonishing promise that he had

One wonders what
it is that afflicts
Dele: the money,
the lifestyle? Or
perhaps we simply
overestimated
his potential in
the beginning
shown as a 20-year-old for both
Spurs and England was already
visibly diminishing.
The received wisdom is that José
Mourinho’s tenure at Spurs damaged
his career — irreparably, it now seems
— but in truth the inconsistencies had
already crept into the lad’s game: he
would fade and become disconsolate
and then make a pig’s ear of
something simple, and everybody
would laugh or howl abuse.
How good was he, in those early
years? It seemed to me that he was as
good a prospect as the England team
had seen in many years, so deft and
imaginative and yet strong too. There
was a certain petulance about him
and a psychological fragility — but
surely that must be righted with
maturity? Nope, quite the reverse.
His finest performance in an
England shirt was perhaps the 2016
friendly in Berlin, when England
came back from two down to beat
Germany 3-2. He was almost — but
not completely — flawless. What one
remembers most, sadly, is the sitter
he missed towards the end, blazing
miles over in a rush of adrenaline with
the goal at his mercy. It has become a
kind of horrible trademark. And yet
that miss aside, he was terrific.
It wasn’t just Mourinho who
froze him out at Spurs. Erratic
performances, a hamstring injury
and typically dim-witted off-field
antics took their toll. Having started
only seven times in the 2020-21
season under Mourinho, he managed
only eight the following season under
two managers, Nuno Espírito Santo
and Antonio Conte, and he found
himself on the transfer list. He had

become a fringe player. It was
depressing to speculate on how that
promise had become wasted, but the
transfer details of his move to Frank
Lampard’s beleaguered Everton give
an indication. The add-ons meant
that if it all worked out, Everton
would pay Spurs £40 million.
But in fact nobody anywhere
expected it to all work out — so there
wasn’t a single penny to be paid up
front. He was, in effect, a free
transfer, despite having a contract
with Spurs that took him through to
2024. Sure enough, Dele flopped,
making only 13 appearances over a
season and a half and registering not
a single league goal or assist.
The nadir came in a game against
Minnesota United in July. The
Americans beat Everton 4-0 and Dele
produced probably the worst miss
I have seen in 56 years of watching
football. Hell, I would probably have
missed that chance he had against
the Germans, but not the one against
Minnesota United. Less than a yard
out, open goal — William Rees-Mogg
would have tapped it in with aplomb.
But Dele’s entire body contorted
uncomfortably and he somehow
put it wide — a far more difficult
feat, frankly.
The next month he was shipped
out on a free transfer to Besiktas, in
Istanbul. The Turks have a clause that
allows them to buy Dele this month
for £6 million. It is a clause that they
will not be activating. Early on he
scored a goal, but since then his
performances have dipped and
dipped until he was booed off the
pitch by the Besiktas faithful recently,
and his manager, Senol Gunes said:
“Alli is below expectations in terms
of efficiency.”
No great surprise, then. One
wonders what it is that afflicts him:
the money, the lifestyle? Or perhaps
we simply overestimated his
potential in the beginning. The usual
thing to say is that young players
need a bit more off-field support so
they don’t go off the rails. But I’m not
certain that Dele would still be at the
top of his game if he had round-theclock psychoanalysis. It remains a
depressing mystery.
Just as Dele was really going off the
boil, in early 2020, I watched a game
between Middlesbrough and
Birmingham City at the Riverside.
In only 15 minutes on the pitch one
player showed himself to be head and
shoulders above the rest: Brum’s Jude
Bellingham, then only 16 years old.
You know what has happened to
this young man since — and now he is
poised to sign for Real Madrid after a
very successful time at Borussia
Dortmund. But the Real manager,
Carlo Ancelotti, has hinted that he
doesn’t need the player. Watch out,
Jude. Don’t go somewhere you’re
not wanted by the bloke who picks
the team. You need to keep playing.
It would be heartbreaking to see
an even greater talent than Dele
fade away.

14 January 8, 2023 The Sunday Times

Sport
‘It became physical
and I kicked her
legs. There are zero
excuses. It was a
shameful moment’

A personal feud has cast doubt on future of USA coach
and exposed fault lines at heart of national federation
RICK
BROADBENT

American foot-soccer has always
invited transatlantic mockery but a
zip-zip tie with England and a place in
the knockout stage at the World Cup
seemed proof that the USA were on
the right track.
At least that was the case until an
extraordinary scandal involving a
sulky prodigy, his dad’s mea culpa,
feuding friends and talk of domestic
abuse, takedowns and blackmail.
The discord between the USA’s
head coach, Gregg Berhalter, and his
best man, the former Manchester City
and Rangers star Claudio Reyna, has
led to debates on ethics and parenting
as well as tactics. Their wives are also
involved, as is Reyna’s son, Borussia
Dortmund’s disgruntled midfielder
Gio, who was used sparingly in Qatar.
The rift led to Berhalter giving an
unusual interview to the Harvard
Business Review this week. It had
been arranged before the story
exploded and he felt duty bound to
honour the arrangement. “Our entire
family is saddened by these events,”
he said. “The worst part of it for me is
my heart aches for my wife because it
was her story to tell.” He went on to
speak of his team’s “super high potential” before confirming: “Of course I’d
like to continue in my role.”
So why isn’t he — at least for the
USA’s forthcoming training camp? On

Tuesday Berhalter posted his first and
only tweet. It stated that during the
World Cup an individual had
approached US Soccer saying they had
information that would “take me
down”. Berhalter explained the
nature of the threat: one night in 1991,
when he was 18, he had been drinking
with his now wife Rosalind in a bar.
The pair had a heated argument. “It
became physical and I kicked her legs.
There are zero excuses for my actions:
it was a shameful moment and one
that I regret to this day.” Berhalter said
he had counselling in the aftermath,
has never repeated the behaviour and,
after a split of seven months, reunited
with Rosalind. They have four children and celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary at the weekend.
US Soccer said it had heard about
the allegation against Berhalter on
December 11 and had appointed a law
firm to conduct an independent investigation into that and “potential inappropriate behaviour” towards staff by
people outside the organisation.
Anthony Hudson, son of the Chelsea

CELTIC GO 12 CLEAR
Celtic extended their lead at the
top of the Scottish Premiership
to 12 points with a comfortable
2-0 win at home to Kilmarnock.
A strike from Jota and an own goal
from Ash Taylor were enough for
Celtic to see off a determined
Kilmarnock, who sit ninth.

legend Alan, assumed temporary control of the team. Berhalter, whose contract expired at the end of last year,
remains in contention to carry on,
pending the outcome of the investigation and review of the past four-year
cycle, but it is believed US Soccer is
also interested in José Mourinho. As
peacemakers go, the Roma coach may
seem an unlikely replacement, but it
would certainly shatter allegations
that US Soccer is a closed shop.
A day later the story took another
twist. Claudio Reyna’s wife, Danielle,
admitted she was the one who had
told Earnie Stewart, the US Soccer
sporting director, about the old
domestic abuse incident. This was
because she was annoyed that Berhalter had appeared at the HOW Institute
for Society’s Summit on Moral Leadership on December 6 and stated that
a player had come close to being sent
home from the World Cup. For anyone who had been watching, this was
a gossamer-veiled reference to Gio.
In her statement, Danielle said: “I
wanted to let him [Berhalter] know I
was absolutely outraged and devastated that Gio had been put in such a
terrible position, and that I felt very
personally betrayed by the actions of
someone my family had considered a
friend for decades.” In addition,
Claudio admitted sending messages to
US officials, bemoaning the lack of
playing time Gio was getting in Qatar,
but denied making threats.
Berhalter’s remarks were supposedly private, with the HOW conference conducted under Chatham
House rules, but the cattiness was out

Berhalter is
embroiled in
a row with his
old friends the
Reynas, above,
after the coach’s
comments about
their son Gio,
above left

of the bag. We now know Gio apologised to his team-mates for his attitude
during the World Cup, which he said
was prompted by Berhalter telling
him before the tournament that he
would have limited game time. Danielle left nobody in any doubt about
her perception of the rights and
wrongs, adding: “Gregg had asked for
and received forgiveness for doing
something so much worse at the same
age.”
The 1991 incident may yet spell the
end for Berhalter. It is less than a year
since the US Soccer Federation settled
an equal pay lawsuit with the national
women’s team for $24 million (about
£19.8 million), and only three months
since an investigation concluded that
there was systemic verbal and emotional abuse, and sexual misconduct,
in women’s soccer in the US. Cindy
Parlow Cone has steadied the ship
since taking over as US Soccer president from the calamitous Carlos
Cordeiro, but dealing with a historic abuse case involving the
men’s head coach is a new test of
her talents.
One school of thought is that the
US needs to be more outward-looking.
That Claudio Reyna felt he could gripe
about his son’s treatment to his close
friends Stewart and Brian McBride,
the men’s general manager, shows the
ties that bind can be too tight. That
insularity was also evident when
Berhalter got his role in 2018, at a time
when his brother, Jay, was US Soccer’s
chief commercial officer. A year on
and The New York Times revealed
scathing critiques of the federation by
workers who complained of a toxic
culture, with power held by a small
group of long-serving executives.
What makes this story more
remarkable is the history of those
involved. Berhalter and Reyna were
team-mates in high-school kickabouts
in New Jersey and then at the World
Cup for the USA. Their wives were
college room-mates, team-mates and
best friends. In 2021 Berhalter’s son,
Sebastian, was on loan at Austin FC,
where Reyna is the sporting director.
The loan was not extended and he was
sent back to Columbus. Two best
friends coaching each other’s sons
while having the ear of American top
brass, who are friendly with their
wives, shows international football is a
small world in the USA. The remark of
the former head coach Bruce Arena —
“there is nothing about soccer we
don’t know” — smacked of an unwillingness to learn. Jürgen Klinsmann, an
outsider, had been sacked from the
role in 2016, and that was that.
The sorry scenario also plays to the
trope of the rabid American parent.
Twenty-two years ago, at the tragic
end of this spectrum, a man in Boston
pounded an ice hockey coach’s head
into the rink because his ten-year-old
son had been elbowed during a game.
The coach died the next day. In 2019
Operation Varsity Blues exposed how
33 parents had paid $25 million to
bribe college officials so their children
could get into top universities, often
by fabricating their athletic credentials. At the very least Berhalter v
Reyna is a feud for fresh thought.

The Sunday Times January 8, 2023 15

ANDY WATTS/JMP/SHUTTERSTOCK

EXETER CHIEFS
NORTHAMPTON SAINTS

35
12

Stephen Jones
Exeter could take satisfaction from the
fact that they were vastly superior to
their opponents, and that this win
helps stabilise them in mid-table. They
were far more competitive, their
intensity was far higher and their
application lasted almost until the end.
However, in the context of the season and their revival, they will also
ponder the difficulties they are having
in lineouts, in their concession of penalties — where they head the league —
and also that they are not making the
most of some absolutely regal backs.
Josh Hodge and Olly Woodburn are
tremendous players, with Hodge especially having that ability of youth to
take the odd risk and excite people.
They also have a growing force in
Solomone Kata, who is still learning
the game but is a double handful in
midfield for any opponent.
Everyone knows that Exeter are
rebuilding, that the reduction in the
salary cap has caused some key players to sign for foreign teams, with the
great Jack Nowell apparently contemplating a move overseas. Nowell is a
diamond but with him possibly on the
verge of departure and still being niggled by injuries — his hamstring area
was bound up in yards of tape yesterday — you do hope that Devonian
audiences and English fans in general
will still be able to enjoy him near his
peak. Even with this easy victory,
however, the Chiefs were not their
true selves.
As for Northampton Saints, they
were simply not at the races. They
have their good days, mixed in with
some mediocrity. To have any chance
they had to come out steaming yesterday but they did not — they were fractured, they lacked authority at half
back where George Furbank and Alex
Mitchell struggled really badly, and
you would have expected far more
from their promising young forwards.
It was a day to shine, especially with
positions apparently open in the
England team but the likes of Alex
Coles, Alex Moon and Lewis Ludlam
were not conspicuous enough. The
team lacks real power, and some kind
of generalship in the middle of the
field. To win in Devon you have to
come down with a blazing attitude,
but somehow the torrential rain in the
morning had apparently doused
Northampton’s own intensity.
They needed to establish themselves physically in the opening passages of play but failed to do so. Exeter
drove the ball to the Northampton
line, aided by Saints errors, and in a
typical Chiefs’ charge, they drove the
ball cleanly over the line and Sam
—Simmonds scored. It was as if every
Northampton wish had failed to come
true.
The rest of the half took a similar
path and it was difficult to recall a
worthwhile Saints’ attack. The second
try came when Exeter won a game of
kicking tennis. The teams were hoofing the ball back and forth for what
seemed ages as most of the players
stood still and craned their necks.
Eventually Tommy Freeman, at full
back for the Saints, got tired of the aerial duel and tried to run the ball out of
defence and with his talent, it was not
the worst idea. However, he was
nailed by the Exeter chase, which
drove on with great power and Sim-

Woodburn leads
the celebrations
as Exeter scored
five tries in total
in a comfortable
win at Sandy Park

Cowan-Dickie injury takes
shine off easy win for Exeter
monds cleverly popped the ball out to
Woodburn to score on the left.
Gradually this season, the Tongan
centre Kata has been finding his way
in this Exeter team. He played in the
Rugby League World Cup, which with
respect did not actually create a gargantuan profile for him, but yesterday
he showed every sign of improvement. He was powerful and committed and he saw his chance as Exeter’s
pack drove for a third try. In fact, the
ball was hardly going forward but as
soon as Kata rushed up and joined it
all started jogging along at a high rate
and Luke Cowan-Dickie scored.
Maybe it was a coincidence, but there
is another theory that Kata drove the
ball over the line on his own.
The second half tended to disinte-

grate, and was mournful for Exeter
when Cowan-Dickie left with what
looked like a serious ankle injury. He
had scored at the start of the second
half, with a well-organised move but
with what appeared to be minimal
intensity in Northampton’s defence.
Saints scored through Fraser Dingwall and Matt Proctor, isolated breakaways as they were, and Exeter kept
well in front when a speculative high
pass from Mitchell was gobbled up by
Henry Slade, who scored easily.
Here we have two great clubs.
Exeter knew that they would be
rebuilding this year. They have work
to do. Northampton are always buzzing around in the top half of the table,
but on this evidence they really do
need to improve markedly if they are
to get any glint of silverware.

GALLAGHER PREMIERSHIP

Star man Solomone Kata (Exeter).
Scorers: Exeter: Tries S Simmonds (2min),
Woodburn (14), Cowan-Dickie (28, 43), Slade (55).
Cons J Simmonds 5. Northampton: Tries
Dingwall (47), Proctor (64). Cons Furbank.
Exeter J Hodge; J Nowell, H Slade, S Kata
(R O’Loughlin 71), O Woodburn; J Simmonds
(H Skinner 63), S Maunder (J Maunder 63); S Sio
(J Kenny 63), L Cowan-Dickie (J Yeandle 56),
H Williams (J Iosefa-Scott 67), D Jenkins, J Dunne
(G Van Heerden 67), D Ewers, C Tshiunza, S
Simmonds (G Fisilau 67).
Northampton T Freeman (T Collins 55); J Ramm,
M Proctor, F Dingwall, C Skosan (R Hutchinson
47); G Furbank, A Mitchell (C Braley 67); A Waller
(E Iyogun 55), M Haywood (R Smith 58), P Hill
(A Petch 61), A Coles, A Moon, L Salakaia-Loto,
A Scott-Young, L Ludlam.
Referee A Leal.

Saracens

392

268

B Pts
8

Sale

298

216

Harlequins

287

283

Gloucester

272

276

Exeter

299

293

Northampton

343

366

Leicester

294

336

Newcastle

286

319

Bath

250

270

London Irish

286

301 10 22

Bristol

230

309

6 Wasps and Worcester went into administration, their
results have been deleted from the table

JONES: PUBLIC SCHOOL SYSTEM COMMENTS COST ME
Eddie Jones believes
that his criticism of
the public school
system contributed to
his sacking as the
England head coach.
In August, Jones
caused controversy
by saying that “you are
going to have to blow
the whole thing up at
some stage” because
public schools were
producing
“closeted” players
ill-equipped to
deal with adversity
on the field.
“That was one of
my mistakes
[criticising public
schools],” he told The
Guardian. “Once you
get that group offside
you’re in trouble. But
diversity is so
important and
sport’s not sheltered
from that.”
The 62-year-old,
who lost his job after a
disappointing autumn

campaign in which
England won one of
four matches, also
said that he made the
wrong choice with his
assistants.
“There were a
couple of mistakes,”
he said, “a couple of

decisions I probably
rushed . . . [assistants
are] just so important
because they’re doing
the bulk of the
coaching . . . I think it’s
always about selection
of people.”

Nevertheless, he
defended his record —
at 73 per cent, Jones
has the best winning
rate of any England
head coach. “One of
my jobs was to get
England to win again,
which I did, and also
to produce the next
head coach,” he said.
“So I look back with
satisfaction because
Steve [Borthwick]
will do a bloody
good job. He’s
outstanding.
“Hopefully, I’ve
left England in a
better place than
when I took over. I’d
like to think that,
whatever team I take
over, next time I’ll do
the same thing.”
Jones explained
that he has two job
options ahead of the
Rugby World Cup in
France and that he
was “at the stage of
talking contracts”.

16 January 8, 2023 The Sunday Times

Rugby Union

Carreras’s hat-trick put him top of the league try-scoring charts with 11

Tigers teething issues
exposed by Carreras
NEWCASTLE FALCONS
LEICESTER TIGERS

45
26

Chris Jones
Mateo Carreras is becoming a rugby
folk hero in the North East and his
turbo-charged hat-trick left Leicester
Tigers, the champions, to reflect on
another heavy Gallagher Premiership
loss in the post-Steve Borthwick era.
The Newcastle bonus point arrived
in the 37th minute with Carreras’s
hat-trick try — taking the Argentina
wing to 11 in the league — ending a sixgame losing streak against Leicester
who have conceded 85 points in
defeats to Sale and the Falcons.
Borthwick took Tigers defence coach
Kevin Sinfield with him to England
and the collapse of their defensive
structure is a major concern.
Richard Wigglesworth, the interim
head coach did see his team fight
back to secure a try bonus point, but
admitted: “We have shipped too
many points through discipline and
we are losing too many collisions
because we don’t have the power. If
you don’t get front-foot ball you are
going to struggle. It is my job to make
us tactically smarter so we don’t
make so many errors.”
When Leicester slumped to defeat
away to Sale they lacked the ball
carrying power to match the Sharks
and Springbok No 8 Jasper Wiese was
again missing from their pack along
with Argentina captain Julian
Montoya. A lack of forward power
was exposed by the Falcons at the
first opportunity with their rolling
maul sending Tigers back too easily.
Brett Connon kicked for a 10m line
out and with Tigers expecting another
driving maul, the ball was moved to
Matias Orlando in midfield and
quickly recycled to allow Tom Penny
to give Carreras room to cross in the
corner. Carreras then set off on a kick-

Points
conceded by
the Tigers in
their past two
Premiership
games (v Sale
and Newcastle)

and-chase after Penny had again sent
him clear and only a block by Freddie
Steward halted the wing and earned
the full back a yellow card. Falcons
could not make the best of the man
advantage thanks to some crucial
turnovers won by Tommy Reffell.
However the flanker was powerless
to stop the next Falcons score as
Penny gave Carreras the ball early
and the wing seemed certain to score
until his footballing skills let him
down as the line neared. The home
side maintained their pressure and
after a series of drives Callum Chick
dived over for Connon to convert.
Leicester finally found some
momentum and attacked the short
side with real intent as Ollie Chessum,
Steward and Matt Scott kept the ball
alive and Ben Youngs dived in at the
corner. This proved to be their only
points of the half as Carreras scored
twice in as many minutes, benefitting
first from a clever Connon break and
then the wing intercepted a laboured
passing move on his own 10m line and
raced away to score under the posts.
Chessum then scored quickly for
Leicester and Charlie Atkinson
converted to give the visitors some
hope of a revival but Connon kicked a
penalty and he used the next to set up
an attacking lineout from which Jamie
Blamire was driven over. Jimmy
Gopperth claimed a well-worked try
for Leicester but it only spurred
Falcons on and former Tiger Matias
Moroni dived over. Sean Jansen
sealed a try-bonus point for Leicester.
Dave Walder, the Falcons head
coach, said: “Mateo’s outstanding
finishing will get the headlines but
our defence also was very good.
Mateo is becoming a local hero.”
Star man Mateo Carreras (Newcastle).
Scorers: Newcastle:Tries Carreras (13min, 35,
37), Chick (27), Blamire (55), Moroni (73). Cons;
Connon 6. Pen Connon (46).
Leicester: Tries Youngs (31), Chessum (41),
Gopperth (71 ) Jansen (80). Cons Atkinson 3.
Newcastle T Penny (capt); A Radwan, M Moroni,
M Orlando (Schoeman 66), M Carreras
(Obatoyinbo 50); B Connon, S Stuart (Young 60);
A Brocklebank (Mulipola 56), J Blamire (Maddison
68), T Davison (Palframan 61), G Peterson
(sin-bin 44-54), S de Chaves, G Graham (Dalton
64), C Chick, C Fearns (Marshall 47).
Leicester F Steward (sin-bin 15-25); H Potter,
M Scott, D Kelly, H Simmons (Gopperth 68);
C Atkinson, B Youngs (van Poortvliet 52); J Cronin
(Leatigaga 57), C Clare (Taufete’e 68), D Cole
(Heyes 52), H Wells (Jansen 56), C Green
(Henderson 46), O Chessum, T Reffell (sin-bin 6878; Ilone 78), H Liebenberg (capt).
Referee T Foley.
Attendance 6,122.

Stephen Jones
The voice of rugby
One chat with Sinfield put
a spring in my step – he is
just what England need

evin Sinfield, 42 and from
Oldham, one of rugby
league’s greatest players,
last week began his new
career as England’s rugby
union defence coach. He
himself felt that his tenure
only truly began when he
pulled on the inevitably embossed
tracksuit on Tuesday.
He then sat down in a room at
Gloucester University — where half
the squad had met for an indoor
session in civvies — to face the media.
One hour later he rose and left. He
had spoken to one of the least
impressionable groups known to
mankind — “What the f*** was that
all about,” is a fairly normal reaction
after a rugby press conference. Yet
when Sinfield left the room, many of
us felt the need to gather to compare
notes on how optimistic and
energised we all felt. It was like some
kind of revivalist meeting.
He had spoken quietly, without
flower or bombast, and yet his
honesty, freshness, obvious
professionalism, enthusiasm and

‘Rob’s
inspired me
in so many
different
ways — that
would be a
large reason
why I am
here today’

inspirational qualities had chimed
loudly. For heaven’s sake, he excited
me. I almost went to lie down.
He has strictly limited experience
of rugby union, although he won
many admirers in a hard school when
he arrived at Leicester Tigers in June
2021 and conspired along with Steve
Borthwick, now England’s head
coach, and others in a full-scale
revival of a great club.
So why has this man suddenly
inspired us? He is noted as a
wonderful person, and at least two
Tigers players have referred to him
in my presence as the most inspiring
man they have ever met.
To his Leeds friend and Rhinos
team-mate in so many great battles,
Rob Burrow, a man whose courage
on the field as a small guy has been
superseded by the courage with
which he has faced motor neurone
disease (MND), Sinfield has been a
constant presence, restless in the
extreme in his attempts at alleviation.
He has raised millions of pounds
for Burrow and MND charities by
accepting daunting challenges, which

The Sunday Times January 8, 2023 17

DAVID DAVIES/PA

Sinfield, right,
won a special
award at
SPOTY this
year for his
fund-raising
efforts on
behalf of his
friend Burrow

he brought to an almost unbelievable
climax recently when he completed
ultra-marathons on seven
consecutive days.
Burrow, in return, has helped to
change Sinfield’s life. The latter was
director of rugby at the Rhinos when
the news that Burrow was stricken
came through. “My old mate was
diagnosed back in December 2019,
and in the next 12 months a whole lot
happened in the UK — with Covid and
where we went as a society and a
community. So at the back end of that
year I did the first challenge, and as
soon as I finished that challenge I
knew I had to do something different
with my life.
“A lot of that is based around
Rob. He is faced with this horrible
disease and I realised I needed to
take some risk, more challenges —
then the opportunity at Leicester
presented itself, which I jumped at.
It has been an unbelievable journey
working alongside Steve and the staff
at Leicester.”
And still, the inspiration from
Burrow. “I have taken a couple of
things from Rob, about fight. The
people I have been able to surround
myself with over the last couple of
years have been real fighters, and
they also care about the people
around them. Rob’s inspired me in so
many different ways and that would
be a large reason why I am here
today. Without the horrible news I’m
not sure I would have come down
this path.”
And then there is Borthwick, who
has inspired Sinfield too. “Steve is
a fighter, you know how hard he
works, you know he’s obsessed with
winning, and you know how diligent
he is. The bit you probably don’t see
is how much he cares.”
Clearly, the game’s campaign
against high shots and concussion is

ENGLAND’S
SELECTION
ISSUES
Joe Marler
His sledging is
unedifying but he
remains a gnarly
old force
Alex Dombrandt
Eddie Jones
never shared the
enthusiasm of
Quins fans for the
No 8. Maybe now?
Which Curry to
order? Ben looks
every bit as good
as his brother Tom
Courtney Lawes
So wonderful and
competitive, but so
prone to injury and
head knocks
Henry Slade Many
gifts, but some stay
undelivered — you
suspect he could
flourish if the shape
of the team
becomes clear
Tom Pearson Too
soon for the superb
young London Irish
forward? Maybe. But
how exciting!
Nailed on to start...
15 Freddie Steward
14 Tommy Freeman
13 Manu Tuilagi
10 Owen Farrell
(captain)
7 Tom Curry
4 Maro Itoje
2 Jamie George

close to his heart. In Gloucester I put
it to him that as a defence coach these
days, you can see a game lost in
micro-seconds if one of your players,
albeit by accident, makes contact
with the head against the head of an
opponent. The referees have been
told to issue red cards unless there is
considerable mitigation.
So how will he coach England to
avoid cards? Referees are hot on
them, quite rightly. But national
teams are not hot at all on the idea of
conceding tries. “I agree with how
right the referees are,” he said. “But
this is something we’ve worked on
for a long time. Our tackle height
was something we worked on all the
time at Leicester. There is always
mitigation in some of these incidents,
but anyone who has worked with me
at Leicester will know that we coach
to tackle low.
“The sooner we can educate and
develop younger players on tackle
height the sooner we make the game
safer for everyone. My first role as a
coach is to provide as safe an
environment as I can, and that
includes how we practise.”
If he gets his teams to tackle low,
does that not leave the team open to
offloads as the opponents keep their
hands free? “There is a balance. You
run the risk of getting it wrong if you
tackle high, so I’d much prefer if we
tackle low and hit rather than risk
someone getting hurt or risk losing
someone.” In other words, England
are going to hit as hard as they can
but within the new framework. The
lack of cynicism is refreshing.
He also feels that the bane of all
defence coaches — the brilliant
individual attacker who renders all
planning irrelevant — is still around to
haunt him, thank goodness.
“They are still there. Look across
world rugby and then look at the
Premiership,” he said. “There are still
the players who can pull teams apart,
although, thankfully, a lot of them I
have seen in camp here for the past
two days, so at least they will be in our
team. But massively, they still exist.”
Sinfield was also asked about the
link between the national team and
the wider game. One of my many
reservations about the Eddie Jones
era was that neither Jones nor many
others realised the chasm that had
grown between the team and the
community game and the fans.
He did mention the importance of
Twickenham. “But it means much
more than that in our communities,
in our pathways, junior clubs, school
system, women’s game, more people
play the game. It is also more of a
society issue. The more we can get
people into sport and especially team
sport, which gives you something
different, we can get enough players
to see the game through for years and
years and years.”
England need this new coaching
team. The sport needs their attitudes.
With the ranting Rassie Erasmus
poisoning the sport, our Joe Marler
bringing the relatives of opponents
into his sledges and with rugby’s
treasured code starting to fray a little
at the edges, the need for balance,
inspiration and humanity has rarely
been greater.
Luckily, Borthwick has drafted in
a man who can contribute in every
sphere. Leaving Gloucester on
Tuesday, it was as if storm clouds had
blown away — heading for Australia —
and something to be treasured as
much as any glorious score had taken
their place.

Farrell’s high hit on Clement near the end of the game went unpunished

RFU must ban Farrell
to save game’s image
STUART
BARNES

Owen Farrell must be cited. He must
also miss England’s opening game of
the Six Nations, against Scotland.
There is no defence against his rigid
right shoulder which stopped Jack
Clement, the Gloucester forward, in
his tracks, six minutes from the end of
Saracens’ 19-16 win on Friday. There
isn’t the hint of what are commonly
known as “mitigating factors”.
The Saracens fly half positioned
himself for the hit — not tackle — with
the shoulder. The left arm was tucked
away, enabling Farrell to balance
himself for a shoulder smash we have
seen all too frequently from him over
the years. Of late he has been better
disciplined, but Friday night was a
reminder of his rugby instincts.
Was the shoulder straight to head?
No question. The tackler was ready
and rising to hit the ball carrier, who

It wasn’t dirty — it
was dangerous. And
the sport claims to
be clamping down
on dangerous play
was definitely not ducking into the
tackle. I don’t believe it was
malicious. It is who and what Farrell
is, every bit as much as the mighty
match-winning drop-goal that
followed typifies the iron in his soul.
I have more respect for the kick
than contempt for the shoulder
charge. The latter is bred in the bone.
It wasn’t dirty — it was dangerous.
And the sport claims to be clamping
down on dangerous play, for all the
headline reasons we know.
Farrell has to be a victim of his own
profile. Any attempt to mollify the
offence will be recognised as the
cop-out it would be. If the RFU’s
disciplinary committee fail to ban

him from the Scotland game — at least
— nobody will take England’s concern
for health and safety seriously. The
kids coming through will be
practising their head-high shoulder
charges as much, probably more,
than their long-range drop-goals.
Farrell has form. The red card
meted out a few seasons ago for a
dreadful, frustrated hit on the Wasps
fly half Charlie Atkinson, who was
then only 18, was much worse. There
it is, an unarguable case against a
good disciplinary record.
He has escaped cards for shoulder
charges against the likes of South
Africa and Australia, as Richie McCaw
did, Houdini like, at the breakdown.
Both are held in some degree of
awe. Karl Dickson looked scared to
act at Kingsholm on Friday night.
In this instance, the disciplinary
panel’s primary job is to protect the
image of the sport. It shouldn’t be like
this. But with the size of the Farrell
profile, and the inevitable reaction if
a fudge job enables him to be eligible
for selection, an example simply has
to be set. He should suffer the fullest
possible ban. Not because of the
intent. I don’t think there was any.
There was danger, though. And there
was unquestionably risk involved to
the innocent party. The example was
unacceptable and all the worse for
the guilty party being Farrell.
What happens if he is sent to the
sport’s tackle school for naughty
offenders? (Yes, you speeding
motorists know what I mean; newly
acquired habits last a month at best.)
Two weeks off the suspension and
back in the nick of time for the Six
Nations? Should this prove to be the
case, the rugby world should let out a
hysterical laugh aimed straight at the
hypocrites who preach safety and
pander to populism.
The reaction of the citing
commissioner and the decision of
any panel is a test case. Does the
sport care about its future less than
the national team? It isn’t Farrell
alone who must surely be on trial this
week. It is the deepest principles as
espoused by the RFU. Whether
Farrell is cleared to play against
Scotland is far, far more important
than merely who wins another
Calcutta Cup match.

18 January 8, 2023 The Sunday Times

Cricket

lly Stone had not had much
experience of T20 drafts
or auctions before he put
himself forward for the
new South Africa
T20 league
which
sta
rts
this
week.
He
was not sure what
to expect, and initially nothing
happened: he was not picked up in
any of the first three rounds of the
draft. Then he got a message asking
about his state of fitness: was he fit to
play? He replied that he was.
In the next round, MI Cape Town
came in for him. Not only had he
secured a gig but he got one in an
all-star bowling line-up containing
Jofra Archer, Sam Curran, Rashid
Khan and Kagiso Rabada. The Cape
Town franchise will kick off the
tournament on Tuesday with a match
against a Paarl Royals side who have in
their ranks Jos Buttler, Eoin Morgan
and Jason Roy.
Stone’s motives were varied.
Naturally he was attracted by the
money — although the fees for
overseas players in the South African
competition are nothing like as
stratospheric as they are in the Indian
Premier League, even if all six South
African teams are owned by IPL franchises — but there was also the desire
to get back to regular cricket after a
battle with back injuries which is
hopefully at an end after surgery in
2021. Since he got his Cape Town deal,
Stone has been selected for England’s
ODI series against South Africa,
starting on January 27 — for which the
T20 tournament will take a week’s
break — and the Test tour to New
Zealand that follows.
“I’m available to play the first seven
matches [for Cape Town], then go off
for the ODIs before flying to New
Zealand,” Stone, 29, said shortly after
arriving in South Africa. “From a
personal point of view, this will be a
chance to get overs under my belt as
good preparation for the ODIs and
Tests. This is my first proper experience of franchise cricket and I’m
really looking forward to it.”
With so many leagues to choose
from — another new T20 tournament
starts in the UAE on Friday, while
domestic competitions are already
running in Australia, Bangladesh and

Injury not
a threat to
Raducanu
earning
clout – yet
TENNIS

New Zealand, with the Pakistan Super
League and IPL on the horizon — how
does a player decide what to put
themselves forward for, if anything?
Stone, who also had a stint in the
Abu Dhabi T10 league before Christmas, said: “There’ll be ones where
you want to test yourself, or they will
be taking place somewhere where
there’s an England tour coming up
and you want to gain experience of
the conditions.
“Or maybe you’re not selected for
an England tour, but you want to put
yourself nearby in case there’s a
call-up. It’s great that there are so
many opportunities but as a fast
bowler you have to be careful not
to burn yourself out.”
Stone opted against going into
the recent IPL auction because of
the big Test summer coming up.
The IPL season may not finish
until early June — the precise
dates have yet to be announced —
and the first Test of the summer,
against Ireland, starts on June 1, with
the Ashes beginning on June 16.
“I wanted to stay back, play county
cricket and put myself in the mix for
the Ashes,” he explained. “The timing
was not quite right. When you watch
England playing Test cricket, it looks
like it is exciting and fun . . . I’m
chomping at the bit to get involved.”
The number of English cricketers
playing professional domestic cricket
abroad can never have been as high as
it is this winter — there are more than
70 players in T10 or T20 tournaments
alone, which is about one in five of all
England-qualified players on county
staffs. Moeen Ali, Alex Hales and Adil

Huge demand for English talent abroad is in danger of
creating a headache domestically, writes Simon Wilde

THE FRANCHISE
STUART
FRASER

Tennis Correspondent
Some of the world’s best-known
brands will be among those keeping
an eye on the latest Emma Raducanu
injury scare before the Australian
Open. Having invested a combined
total of £15 million a year in the 20year-old Briton, her nine sponsors
will be willing her to recover from an
ankle sprain in time to compete on
one of the biggest stages in tennis.
Raducanu may be a lowly No 78
in the world rankings after an
inconsistent 2022 but she remains
one of the sport’s most marketable
players. At No 4 in the Forbes list of
the world’s highest-paid female
athletes, released at the end of last
year, there is not yet any indication

that her earning power is waning
because of her struggles on the court.
No wonder Max Eisenbud, one of
Raducanu’s agents, bullishly declared
that “the iron’s hot, we’re striking” in
the aftermath of her astonishing US
Open triumph in 2021. As the longtime IMG negotiator discovered
with Maria Sharapova after her
Wimbledon victory in 2004, there is
no sport like tennis for offering
female teenagers a path to untold
riches. This is evident in the presence
of seven tennis players in the top ten
of the Forbes list.
The portfolio that Eisenbud has
built for Raducanu contains several
blue-chip brands. Backed by British
Airways, Dior, Evian, HSBC, Nike,
Porsche, Tiffany, Wilson and
Vodafone, her earnings off the court
last year amounted to about 25 times
her on-court prize money total of
£580,000, for 17 wins in 36 matches —
she reached only one semi-final, at
the Korea Open in September.

HIGHEST-PAID FEMALE ATHLETES 2022

Source: Forbes

1. Naomi Osaka | Age 25 | Japan | Tennis

6. Venus Williams Age 42 | USA | Tennis

£0.9m On-field earnings

Total

£0.1m

£41.5m Off-field earnings

£42.4m

£9.9m

2. Serena Williams Age 41 | USA | Tennis

7. Coco Gauff Age 18 | USA | Tennis

£0.3m

£2.6m

£34m

£34.3m

£6.6m

£10m

£9.2m

3. Eileen Gu Age 19 | China | Freestyle skiing

8. Simone Biles Age 25 | USA | Gymnastics

£0.1m

£0

£16.6m

£16.7m

£8.3m

4. Emma Raducanu Age 20 | Britain | Tennis

9. Jessica Pegula Age 28 | USA | Tennis

£0.6m

£3m

£14.9m

£15.5m

£3.3m

£6.3m

5. Iga Świątek Age 21 | Poland | Tennis

10. Minjee Lee Age 26 | Australia | Golf

£8.1m

£4m

£4.2m

£12.3m

£2m

£6m

The Sunday Times January 8, 2023 19

Rashid, all members of
England’s T20 World Cupwinning squad, are involved in
four different competitions.
Most counties are happy for their
players to go off in the winter and
develop their skills. Some clubs, such
as Yorkshire, also send groups of
batsmen and bowlers to train with
franchises as a form of pre-season
preparation: some bowlers from the
county joined Gulf Giants before the
International League T20 in the UAE,
where the Yorkshire head coach, Ottis
Gibson, works alongside Andy Flower;
other players will work with Lahore
Qalandars in advance of the PSL.
For England the challenge is more
complex, as the Test, ODI and T20
teams are on duty most of the year
and any time spent at leagues would
potentially take a player away from
international commitments.
In a recent interview with The
Times, Matthew Mott, England’s
white-ball coach, acknowledged that
it was in effect impossible to deny
cricketers access to these new tournaments, saying: “We’ve got to meet the
market where it is.”
Rather
than
confrontation,
England are attempting to negotiate
mutually beneficial arrangements.
Like Stone, Reece Topley has been
working his way back from injury — in
his case, freak ankle damage caused
by landing awkwardly on a boundary
marker during a T20 World Cup
warm-up fixture.
Topley, 28, is also in South Africa for
the new competition, but unlike Stone
he no longer harbours ambitions to
play Test cricket. He had previously missed the IPL for county
cricket but in the past 12
months has become an
integral member of
England’s
white-ball
squads, and is no longer

prepared to pass up the T20
leagues. He secured deals
with Durban Super Giants
and Royal Challengers Bangalore (the latter worth £190,000).
“My ambitions are to play as
much white-ball cricket as I can
for England and as many IPL seasons as I can,” he said from Durban.
“I was offered a lot of money to go to
the IPL last year and couldn’t go [due
to contractual reasons with Surrey].
“I can’t knock these opportunities
back any more. This is my time and
this is where the future lies. I want to
see what the IPL is about.
“I’m hoping to go on England’s
white-ball tour of Bangladesh in March
and would see it [the IPL] as useful
reconnaissance for the [50-over]
World Cup in India next winter.”
As Stone says, there are workload
issues with fast bowlers, but
England are happy to try to accommodate players whose opportunities for big paydays may be
limited. Notably, they are
allowing Mark Wood —
another fast bowler
— to sit out the New
Zealand Test tour
in part because he
was away for more
than two months

AUSTRALIA CLOSING
IN ON CLEAN SWEEP
Australia reduced South Africa to
149 for six on the fourth day of the
rain-disrupted third Test yesterday
after declaring on 475 for four in
pursuit of a 3-0 series victory. The
poor weather relented at lunch and
Australia declared immediately, with
Pat Cummins (three for 29) and Josh
Hazlewood (two for 19) then breaking
any hint of South African resistance.
Marco Jansen, on ten, and Simon
Harmer, with six, resume today 126
runs short of avoiding the follow-on,
looking to bat out the final day.

before Christmas, at the T20 World
Cup in Australia and Test series in
Pakistan, but also because he missed
taking up a £750,000 deal with
Lucknow Super Giants last year after
suffering an elbow injury on England
duty. Wood will finally join Lucknow
in March.
Joe Root is also being given time off
England duty — he has been cleared to
play for Dubai Capitals in the IL T20
and allowed to sit out the ODIs against
South Africa before heading to New
Zealand for the Tests. He is also due to
play his first IPL season, alongside
Buttler at Rajasthan Royals.
However, by mutual agreement
Harry Brook has withdrawn from the
South Africa league because of his
meteoric rise to first-choice player for
England in all three formats.
He has yet to play 50-over cricket
for England but his selection for the
ODIs in South Africa is an indicator of
his likely involvement in the World
Cup in India in October. He also
landed a massive IPL deal last month
worth £1.3 million.
English cricketing talent has never
been busier. With so many options
available, the trick is to keep the talents happy but also to make sure they
are ready and able to win the biggest
prizes with England.

ENGLISHMEN ABROAD
From left, Ali,
Curran and
Hales are
three of
England’s
finest
cricketing
exports

More than 70 English players have either played in, or are
contracted to play in, overseas T20 or T10 leagues this winter
English players contracted

Abu Dhabi T10
Nov 23-Dec 4

“We could have done 50 days of
shoots,” Eisenbud told the BBC’s
Sports Desk podcast last year. “I’ve
never seen the amount of excitement
and companies that wanted to be
in business with Emma after the
US Open.”
Eisenbud also added that “millions
of dollars” had been left off the table
as a result of the 18-day limit.
“Emma decided that she wanted to
start her shoots at 12pm or 1pm and
go until 8pm or 9pm and have the
option in the morning to train or
work out or do some fitness,” he said.
There are some performancerelated clauses that Raducanu will
have missed out on over the past
year. Endorsement contracts often
have specific bonuses included for
achievements such as winning
another grand-slam title and finishing
the year in the world’s top ten.
While Raducanu is at risk of
slipping further down the rankings if
she withdraws from the Australian

MOST IN-DEMAND
ENGLAND PLAYERS

Pakistan Super League
Feb 13-Mar 19
Nepal T20
Dec 24-Jan 11

Moeen Ali
IPL, AD, PSL, UAE

FACTOR
Understandably, some have
pondered whether Raducanu’s
performance has been affected by
so many commercial distractions at
such a young age. With lucrative
deals come demands on her time,
whether it be photoshoots or,
as other players have often
experienced, a polite but firm
request for a birthday video
message dedicated to powerful
chief executives.
The model used to balance
Raducanu’s time is similar to that
used by Eisenbud with Sharapova,
who was Forbes’s highest-paid
female athlete for 11 consecutive
years, from 2004 to 2015. A calendar
was drawn up with a line struck
through all of the weeks where both
the agent and player agreed that
there should be no commercial
work — generally before, during and
immediately after a tournament. In
Raducanu’s case, this left a maximum
of 18 sponsor days in 365.

‘I can’t knock
these chances
back any more
— this is my
time, it’s where
the future lies’

Bangladesh
Premier League
Jan 6-Feb 16

UAE ILT20
Jan 13-Feb 12

Alex Hales
AD, PSL, BB, UAE
James Vince
AD, PSL, BB, UAE
Adil Rashid
AD, PSL, SA, UAE

Indian Premier League
Mar 30-Jun 4 (TBC)

Lanka Premier League
Dec 6-23

South Africa T20
Jan 10-Feb 11

Big Bash League
Dec 13-Feb 4

Open — she will drop to about No 85
depending on other results — most
pundits are in agreement that she
will eventually move back up the list,
which would potentially trigger
six-figure bonuses.
“It’s not going to be a big surprise
if she [Raducanu] breaks through
again, so to speak, and gets up to
the top ten in the world, and she has
a couple of quarter-finals,” Mats
Wilander, the former world No 1 and
a Eurosport expert, said. “It’s not a
big surprise because she understands
tennis and has the level when she’s
playing well.”
While grand-slam events offer
cheques of about £2 million to the
singles champions, the sport’s
savviest female stars are well aware
that their long-term financial security
should be built on off-court
endorsements. Serena Williams, who
pocketed about £80 million of career
Raducanu during a photoshoot at the Dior cafe at Harrods in November

Continued on page 20 →

20 January 8, 2023 The Sunday Times

2GS

Sport
Raducanu’s
earnings off the
court last year
amounted to
about 25 times
her on-court prize
total of £580,000

→ Continued from page 19

TODAY’S
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money. This pales into comparison
with an astonishing £41 million worth
of contracts from more than 20
corporate partners. The only male
tennis player to earn more was Roger
Federer, with £75 million of businessrelated income.
Interestingly, the women’s world
No 1, Iga Swiatek, is yet to fully realise
her earning potential off the court.
Her £8.2 million of prize money
exceeds her sponsorship income of
£4 million, although she still sits at
No 5 on the Forbes list, above Venus
Williams (No 6) and Coco Gauff (No 7).
Jessica Pegula, the world No 3 from
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prize money, has become heavily
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investments in more than 70 startups in recent years. The 41-year-old
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3 100U-P SHERBORNE 62 (P,BF) Joe Tizzard 7-11-10.............B J Powell

9 132-44 SARCEAUX 32 (D) Alexandra Dunn 6-10-4............J Brace (7)

4 3-5222 PRIME PRETENDER 3 E Williams 8-11-6..................A Wedge

2 0-3134 PROGRESSIVE 28 (CD) Dr R Newland 6-11-12........L Scott (7)
3 1206F- GRASSE D’OLIVERIE 272 A Hales 6-11-8.................B Carver
4 226433 PILLAR OF STEEL 28 (P,D) J Spearing 8-11-5......Jamie Moore

10 23323P ASTRA VIA 51 (P,T,CD) E Williams 8-10-2................A Wedge

Betting: 9-2 Galice Macalo, 5-1 Heva Rose, 6-1 Minelladestination,
7-1 Pillar Of Steel, Grasse D’oliverie, 8-1 Progressive, 10-1 Sarceaux,
Mind Sunday, Astra Via, 12-1 Getbazoutofhere

1.40

GO RACING WITH VICKERS.BET HANDICAP CHASE
£5,809: 2M 3F (6)

CAZOO HANDICAP CHASE
£5,809: 2M (6)

5 005-34 GRIZZLY JAMES 39 (BF) V Williams 7-11-4.............C Deutsch
VALIRANN GOLD 8 (H,T) Harriet Brown 6-10-2
............................................................. Shane Quinlan (3)

6 P-PP66

Betting: 9-4 Prime Pretender, 100-30 Grizzly James, 4-1
Billingsley, 9-2 Clondaw Bertie, 5-1 Sherborne, 25-1 Valirann Gold

1 1-P050 DUC DE BEAUCHENE 18 (T,CD) D Pipe 10-12-1...T Scudamore

3.40

2 3U5-23 MOONLIGHTER 44 K Bailey 10-12-1.....................C Gethings

3 1-44UP BALLINSKER 40 (P,CD) E Williams 8-11-11..Isabel Williams (3)

2 23-661 KNOCKANORE 42 (D) R Potter 6-11-13.....................D Jacob

4 PP2P-4 BUCKHORN GEORGE 56 (T,BF) Joe Tizzard 8-11-6..B J Powell

3 50P6-P MR MULDOON 51 (P) Dr R Newland 10-11-11........C Hammond

5 342-1P DO IT FOR THY SEN 47 (P) Kerry Lee 9-11-2............R Patrick
GOOD WORK 49 (H,T) Oliver Greenall & Josh Guerriero
6 F55-02
7-11-1..................................................................H Brooke

4 22443- JAZZ KING 300 (B) S Thomas 7-11-11................F Lambert (5)

Betting: 9-4 Moonlighter, 5-2 Good Work, 4-1 Buckhorn George,
6-1 Do It For Thy Sen, 8-1 Duc De Beauchene, 12-1 Ballinsker

RACING
RESULTS
Lingfield Park
Going: standard
12.00 (1m 7f 169yd) 1, Mukha Magic (Saffie
Osborne, 6-1); 2, September Power (10-1);
3, Pleasure Garden (20-1). 13 ran. 1l, 1l. Miss
Gay Kelleway.
12.35 (1m 1yd) 1, Star Of Mayo (Joshua
Bryan, 5-2 fav); 2, Third Batch (12-1); 3, Ray
Vonn (100-30). 10 ran. ½l, nk. A M Balding.
1.10 (7f 1yd) 1, Poetic Force (Mollie Phillips,
9-1); 2, Free Solo (2-1 fav); 3, Broxi (9-4).
8 ran. ¾l, 1l. A W Carroll.
1.45 (7f 1yd) 1, Momaer (Billy Loughnane,
6-1); 2, Cresta De Vega (11-10 fav); 3, Fine
Balance (7-2). 8 ran. Nk, 4l. D M Loughnane.

FOLLOW VICKERS.BET ON TWITTER HANDICAP HURDLE
£4,330: 2M 3F 100YDS (12)

121-3 PIMLICO POINT 42 (T,CD) Kerry Lee 6-12-0............R Patrick

5 1004-4 PRESENT VALUE 32 (B,CD) J Snowden 9-11-4.......G Sheehan
6 531-43 IMPERIAL B G 43 N Twiston-Davies 6-11-4 .. S Twiston-Davies
7 062-4P I’M A STARMAN 212 M Rimell 10-11-3............Lilly Pinchin (3)

3 (8)00240- MILLTOWN STAR 103 (BF) J Osborne 6-9-8.....S Osborne
4 (5) 46201- TARAVARA 30 (CD) S Pearce 5-9-8 .................D Probert
6 (10)06650- SID’S ANNIE 69 (CD) M Usher 4-9-5 ..................L Morris
CHATEAU D’IF 31 (P,T) Miss A Murphy 5-9-5
7 (2)00300..................................................... Billy Loughnane (7)
THEY DON’T KNOW 17 (B,T) Darryll Holland 4-9-4
8 (14)26453............................................................. Jason Watson
9 (6) 15530- MOTAWAAFEQ 17 (P,BF,CD) M Appleby 7-9-2 A Rawlinson
10(11)23226- LITTLE JO 11 (D) Gemma Tutty 9-9-1...................S James
11 (12) 11220- CLOCH NUA 19 (D) Mrs Stella Barclay 4-9-1 .. P Mulrennan
12 (9)16600- SNAG IT 86 K Frost 6-9-1................................T Whelan
13 (13)46022- DAAFY 10 (V,CD) D Shaw 6-8-10 .......................C Hardie
COPPER MOUNTAIN 23 (CD) M & D Easterby 4-8-9
14(1) 41600............................................................ Joanna Mason

Betting: 11-2 Taravara, 6-1 Daafy, 7-1 Cloch Nua, Chief’s Will, 8-1
They Don’t Know, 10-1 Flash The Dash, Star Shield, Motawaafeq

The world No 1 and US Open
champion Carlos Alcaraz, 19, has
withdrawn from the Australian
Open with a leg injury suffered in
training. On the women’s side,
Venus Williams has pulled out
after suffering an injury at the
ASB Classic in Auckland. The
seven-times singles grand-slam
winner had been awarded a wild
card for Melbourne.

ROB WRIGHT’S

TIP OF
THE DAY
Pimlico Point (3.40 Chepstow)
Bought for £160,000 after easily
landing a point-to-point in Ireland,
this gelding showed plenty of
promise after joining Herefordshire
trainer Kerry Lee last season and has
the class to defy top weight here.
A promising second in a bumper
on his British debut at Exeter,
Pimlico Point made a winning start
over hurdles when beating the
useful Super Survivor over this
course and distance in March.
That form has worked out well
and he can be forgiven a slightly
below-par run when third on his
reappearance at Leicester, as that
race was run at a slow early tempo
and turned into a sprint.
Back at a track that suits and with
several of his rivals liking to race up
with the pace, this should provide
a more suitable test and he can
return to form.

6 (4)64220- COLNAGO 24 (BF) K R Burke 8-12 ......................... C Lee

Betting: 9-4 Tenjin, 11-4 Harry Brown, 3-1 Celtic Champion, 5-1
Colnago, 12-1 Glorious Angel, 16-1 Democracy Dilemma

2 (1) 30123- TENJIN 36 (D) M Botti 9-8..............................D Muscutt

2.00

TALKSPORT DOWNLOAD THE APP HANDICAP
£8,208: 6F (6)
1 (5) 3415- CELTIC CHAMPION 106 (BF,D) A Balding 9-9....D Probert
3 (3) 23321- HARRY BROWN 115 D M Simcock 9-4 ................ L Morris
DEMOCRACY DILEMMA 24 (V) P Evans 9-3
4 (2)60560......................................................Jordan Williams (5)

BETUK OVER 40,000 LIVE STREAMED RACES
CONDITIONS STAKES £15,462: 2M 102YDS (7)

1 (2)20/04- BERKSHIRE ROCCO 39 (P) A Balding 6-9-7 Jason Watson
2 (5)00316- DREAL DEAL 18 (T,BF,D) R McNally (Ire) 8-9-7....Oisin Orr

Newcastle

Sandown Park

Wincanton

Going: standard/slow

Going: soft

Going: good to soft (soft in places)

12.13 (2m 56yd Flat) 1, Ici La Reine (Dylan
Kitts, 2-1 fav); 2, Femme Patronne (9-2);
3, Woogrey (22-1). 9 ran. 6½l, nk.
W Greatrex.

12.05 (1m 7f 216yd hdle) 1, I Have A Voice
(Tom Buckley, 17-2); 2, Mombasa (4-1);
3, Bo Zenith (4-11 fav). 4 ran. NR: Active
Duty. 17l, 10l. N J Hawke.

12.48 (2m 75yd ch) 1, Since Day One (B S
Hughes, 85-40); 2, Tommy’s Oscar (5-4 fav);
3, Cormier (9-4). 4½l, 9½l. D McCain Jnr.

12.40 (2m 3f 173yd hdle) 1, Love Envoi
(J J Burke, 30-100 fav); 2, Martello Sky
(100-30); 3, Ballycallan Fame (150-1). 5 ran.
13l, 21l. H Fry.

12.20 (2m 5f 82yd hdle) 1, I Shut That
D’or (Tom Cannon, 50-1); 2, Top Target
(4-6 fav); 3, The Gooner (3-1). 11 ran.
NR: Knowsley Road. 2¼l, 24l. Joe
Tizzard.

1.23 (2m 4f 19yd ch) 1, O’Toole (D A Jacob,
13-8 fav); 2, Castle Rushen (9-2); 3, Dubai
Days (25-1). 9 ran. NR: Thatsy. 3¾l, 4l.
S R B Crawford.
1.58 (2m 7f 149yd hdle) 1, Theme Tune
(Danny McMenamin, 9-2); 2, Bushypark
(50-1); 3, Tough Out (8-1). 8 ran.
NR: Gentleman Valley, Mighty Thunder.
1½l, 2¾l. N W Alexander.

1.15 (2m 4f 10yd ch) 1, Certainly Red
(M Goldstein, 9-1); 2, Gemirande (3-1 fav);
3, Precious Eleanor (9-1). 8 ran. 6½l, 14l.
Mrs L Richards.
1.50 (1m 7f 119yd ch) 1, Xcitations (Mr Jack
Andrews, 7-1); 2, Corrigeen Rock (11-4
jt-fav); 3, Frero Banbou (11-4 jt-fav). 7 ran.
9l, 6l. Mrs P Sly.
2.25 (1m 7f 216yd hdle) 1, Tahmuras
(H Cobden, 5-2); 2, L’astroboy (16-1);
3, Nemean Lion (18-1). 8 ran. 2½l, 1l.
P F Nicholls.

2.55 (1m 4f) 1, Pablo Prince (L Morris, 7-2);
2, Anisoptera (33-1); 3, Vision Of Hope (15-8
fav). 12 ran. Nk, 1¼l. J Best K Jewell.

3.08 (2m 4f 62yd hdle) 1, Serious Operator
(P W Wadge, 10-1); 2, Had To Be Hugo (12-1);
3, Star Flyer (33-1). 7 ran. 2½l, 6½l. Miss
Lucinda V Russell.

3.00 (3m 37yd ch) 1, Wishing And Hoping
(Alex Edwards, 50-1); 2, Ramses De Teillee
(6-1 jt-fav); 3, Run To Milan (8-1); 4, Up Helly
Aa King (20-1). 18 ran. 2¼l, 5l. M Rowley.

3.30 (1m 2f) 1, Star Of St Louis (T E Whelan,
40-1); 2, Villalobos (3-1); 3, Dashing To You
(16-1). 10 ran. NR: Catch My Breath, Fly The
Nest. Hd, hd. D P Quinn.

3.43 (2m 4f 19yd ch) 1, Knocknamona
(C O’Farrell, 6-1); 2, Fever Roque (9-4 fav);
3, Well Cliche (4-1). 8 ran. NR: Devour.
11l, 1¾l. Micky Hammond.

3.35 (1m 7f 216yd hdle) 1, Hardy Du Seuil
(G Sheehan, 4-1); 2, Iceo (3-1); 3, Djelo
(15-8 fav). 10 ran. NR: In The Air. 3l, nk.
Jamie Snowden.

Placepot £21.90.

Placepot £490.30.

Placepot £1,330.50.

Quadpot £2.50.

Quadpot £72.00.

Quadpot £54.20.

of seven tennis players inside the
top ten at No 9, with earnings of
£3 million on the court and
£3.5 million off of it. As the daughter
of the Buffalo Bills owners, Terry and
Kim Pegula, she would comfortably
be No 1 if her family fortune of
£5.5 billion was included. But to her
credit, this considerable financial
cushion has not led her to take her
eye off the ball.
“I’ve always been super driven,
before the Bills and the money and all
that stuff,” Pegula said last year. “This
is always what I wanted. This hasn’t
changed since I was six or seven years
old. Why would it change now?”

EARLOFTHECOTSWOLDS 112 (D) N Twiston-Davies
9-9-7 .........................................................T P Queally
4 (1) 31/00- KINGSWEAR 44 (P) D Hogan (Ire) 6-9-7.......J M Sheridan
3 (6) 11020-

5 (3) 50512- RAINBOW DREAMER 32 (P,CD) A King 10-9-7 Rossa Ryan
6 (7)50004- RAYMOND TUSK J37 (D) A King 8-9-7..............D Probert
7 (4)30030- SOLENT GATEWAY 163 (P,T,D) H Palmer 5-9-7 .R Coakley

Betting: 9-4 Earlofthecotswolds, 3-1 Berkshire Rocco, 7-2 Rainbow
Dreamer, 4-1 Raymond Tusk, 14-1 Solent Gateway, 20-1 Dreal Deal,
Kingswear

2.30
1 (2)

IT’S TIME TO TURN TO TALKSPORT MAIDEN STAKES
£4,320: 7F (13)
AFTERWARDS O Pears 9-7 .................................. G Lee

2 (9)

6- BEN HAMRASH 25 E Walker 9-7 ..................... R Coakley

3 (11) 4224- BERKSHIRE PHANTOM 135 A Balding 9-7 ........ D Probert
4 (3)

0- BORN RULER 17 Sir M Prescott 9-7 ...................Doubtful

5 (10)

3- BURNING THE BAILS 33 D & N Barron 9-7......L Edmunds

6 (8)

DESERT COP A Balding 9-7 ..........................T P Queally

7 (7)

54- KILCUMMIN 12 Joseph Parr 9-7 .................... H Burns (3)

8 (13)

ODIN OWNS YOU ALL M Bell 9-7....................D Muscutt

9 (6)

6- ROYAL RAZZMATAZZ 33 C Fellowes 9-7 .......... R Hornby

10(4)

SIR JOHN MONASH (B) K Frost 9-7...............Rossa Ryan

11 (12)

UNITED FORCE A Watson 9-7 ..................... P Mulrennan

12 (5)

YOUM JAMEEL K Ryan 9-7 ................................ T Eaves

13 (1)

0- LILLISTAR 25 H & R Charlton 9-2 .....................T Whelan

Betting: 2-1 Berkshire Phantom, 6-1 United Force, 7-1 Burning The
Bails, 8-1 Ben Hamrash, 10-1 Royal Razzmatazz, Youm Jameel,
Desert Cop, 12-1 Kilcummin

3.00

TALKSPORT POWERED BY FANS HANDICAP
£4,187: 7F (8)
1 (5) 0424- DARK TROOPER 90 (BF) E Walker 9-11 ............ R Coakley

2 (8)52450- APACHE SPARK 64 (T) R Beckett 9-9............Rossa Ryan
3 (7) 0150- GREY FORCE ONE 153 C Fairhurst 9-8 ......... P Mulrennan
4 (2)42656- PRINCE NABEEL 32 J Ryan 9-8 .......................D Probert
5 (3) 2062- SERENITY ROSE 21 M Loughnane 9-8.Billy Loughnane (7)
6 (4)00204- STATES OF THUNDER 61 M Botti 9-6.................L Morris
7 (6)45636- ROYAL CAY 21 R Fahey 9-4 ............................. Oisin Orr
8 (1) 0030- BAY OF HOPE 39 M & D Easterby 8-11..............C Beasley

Betting: 9-4 Serenity Rose, 3-1 Dark Trooper, 5-1 States Of
Thunder, 6-1 Apache Spark, 8-1 Royal Cay, 14-1 Prince Nabeel, 16-1
Grey Force One, Bay Of Hope

3.30

IT’S TIME TO TURN TO TALKSPORT FILLIES’ HANDICAP
£4,187: 5F (7)
1 (1) 45541- TRUSTY RUSTY 10 (CD) A Carroll 6-9-11 ................ C Lee
2 (3) 32201- ANGLE LAND 12 (V,D) R Cowell 4-9-6..............D Muscutt

5 (6)25034- GLORIOUS ANGEL 24 (D) G Tuer 9-0.................S James

1.30

2.33 (2m 190yd hdle) 1, Densworth (Luca
Morgan, 11-8 fav); 2, Sageburg County
(13-2); 3, Artiste D’ainay (15-8). 14 ran.
9½l, 10l. B Pauling.

2.20 (1m 4f) 1, Barenboim (Jason Watson,
11-4 fav); 2, Obsidian Knight (7-2); 3,
Marion’s Boy (4-1). 7 ran. 1¼l, 1l. D O’Meara.

ALCARAZ, WILLIAMS OUT
OF AUSTRALIAN OPEN

3 (5)42014- JEANS MAITE 19 (CD) S Bowring 7-9-5...........L Edmunds
4 (2)06610- AMOR DE MI VIDA 12 (P,D) A Watson 5-9-1.........L Morris
PEPPER STREAK 17 (H,D) Adrian Nicholls 4-8-12
..................................................................C Murtagh
6 (6) 20142- MISS BELLADONNA 19 (D) D Shaw 4-8-5 .......... C Hardie

5 (4)35042-

7 (7)53002- SNOW BERRY 198 (P,D) M Appleby 5-8-4 .............T Ladd

Betting: 3-1 Trusty Rusty, 7-2 Angle Land, 4-1 Jeans Maite,
5-1 Miss Belladonna, 6-1 Pepper Streak, 8-1 Snow Berry, 16-1 Amor
De Mi Vida

NR: Dogem By Design, Treacys Jim. 7l, 23l.
Harry Derham.
Placepot £168.00.
Quadpot £65.70.

Kempton Park
Going: standard/slow

12.55 (1m 7f 50yd hdle) 1, Celtic Art (Rex
Dingle, 17-2); 2, Poncho (9-2); 3, Mardoof
(4-1). 18 ran. 1¼l, 1½l. J Scott.

5.30 (1m 3f 219yd) 1, Cello (D Probert, 14-1);
2, Star Mood (7-4); 3, Fox Vision (6-5 fav).
6 ran. 3¼l, 6l. A M Balding.

1.30 (2m 4f 35yd ch) 1, Elixir De Nutz
(Brendan Powell, 7-1); 2, Galahad Quest
(100-30); 3, Celebre D’Allen (85-40 fav).
6 ran. 8½l, 6½l. Joe Tizzard.

6.00 (1m) 1, Bawaader (Josephine Gordon,
7-2); 2, Chloellie (8-1); 3, Send In The Clouds
(9-2). 9 ran. 7l, ¾l. A Sadik.

2.05 (1m 7f 149yd ch) 1, Not Available
(Thomas Bellamy, 7-2); 2, Midnight Midge
(11-2); 3, Kauto The King (14-1). 7 ran. 1¼l,
8½l. M Sheppard.
2.40 (1m 7f 50yd hdle) 1, Force De Frap
(Harrison Beswick, 13-2); 2, Seymour
Promise (14-1); 3, Ez Tiger (11-1);
4, Universal Secret (16-1). 17 ran. NR:
Ballygoe, Conna Sue, Presgrave. 13l, ¾l.
Mrs E Bishop.
3.15 (2m 5f 82yd hdle) 1, Chianti
Classico (David Bass, 4-6 fav); 2,
Stoner’s Choice (13-2); 3, Sir Psycho (7-2).
4 ran. NR: Jubilee Express. 24l, ¾l.
K C Bailey.
3.50 (3m 1f 30yd ch) 1, Beyond
Redemption (Paul O’Brien, 7-1); 2, Paseo
(4-1); 3, Etincelle Artiste (22-1). 11 ran.

6.30 (1m) 1, Lordsbridge Girl (J P Spencer,
10-1); 2, Asdaa (10-11 fav); 3, Always Fearless
(20-1). 9 ran. NR Taskheer. ½l, ½l.
W J Knight.
7.00 (7f) 1, Floating Spirit (David Probert,
11-2); 2, Chorlton Lane (6-4); 3, Nails Murphy
(6-5 fav). 10 ran. ¾l, 3l. A M Balding.
7.30 (6f) 1, Kiwano (J P Spencer, 16-1);
2, Tyger Bay (3-1); 3, Fivethousandtoone
(7-1). 11 ran. ½l, 2l. D M Simcock.
8.00 (1m) 1, Imperial Sands (Hollie Doyle,
17-2); 2, Aussie Banker (3-1); 3, Aguaplano
(6-1). 13 ran. Nk, 1l. A Watson.
8.30 (1m 2f 219yd) 1, Solanna (Daniel
Muscutt, 11-4 fav); 2, How Hard Can It Be
(12-1); 3, Jacks Profit (4-1). 11 ran. ½l, 1¼l.
J Butler.

Cork
Going: soft (soft to heavy in places)
12.27 (2m hdle) 1, Action Motion (D King,
20-1); 2, Alastor (1-4 fav); 3,
Whatcouldhavebeen (7-1). 19 ran. ½l, 2¾l.
D Hogan.

1.02 (2m hdle) 1, Starzov (P J O’Hanlon,
9-2); 2, Viceregent (6-4 fav); 3, Ney
(100-30). 6 ran. NR: Caldwell Diamond.
4l, ½l. P J Rothwell.
1.37 (3m hdle) 1, Walk In The Brise
(P Townend, 11-8 fav); 2, Japers Jack (2-1);
3, Hans Gruber (13-2). 10 ran. 13l, ¾l.
W P Mullins.
2.12 (2m 4f hdle) 1, Lucky Max (Mr R James,
15-8 fav); 2, Takarengo (3-1); 3, Rebel Early
(14-1). 9 ran. NR: Lord Gillygooley. 6l, ns.
S Doyle.
2.47 (2m 4f ch) 1, Joy Of Life (J J Slevin,
4-1); 2, Trishknowsbest (9-4 fav); 3, Hard
Rain (11-4). 7 ran. NR: Union Park. 1l, 1¼l.
S Neville.
3.22 (2m 4f ch) 1, Weihnachts (S D Torrens,
18-1); 2, Ballyadam Destiny (5-2 jt-fav);
3, Halsafari (13-2). 8 ran. 1¾l, 1½l.
P J Rothwell.

Placepot £31.40.

3.57 (2m Flat) 1, Fancy Girl (Mr P W Mullins,
8-11 fav); 2, Ascending Lark (14-1);
3, Tilloughna (100-30). 8 ran. 2¼l, 10l.
W P Mullins.

Quadpot £4.70.

Placepot €25.30.

The Sunday Times January 8, 2023 21

offers something different.
Sometimes you love the wolf,
sometimes you hate him, sometimes
you admire him. I like Titanic too:
never done the Titanic pose though.

EAT
DRINK
LOVE

YOUR NEXT
DOWNLOAD

MY FAVOURITE TV SERIES

Former snooker world champion Judd Trump on TV’s binge
culture, his love of Leonardo DiCaprio and the joys of a treadmill

Prison Break. When I was 15, I’d
watch it once a week: Channel Five,
10pm. Everyone in our family had
gone to bed, but I’d stay up on my
own to watch it. In these days of
bingeing, you don’t have that
anticipation of appointment
viewing. Back then you had to be
prepared every single week.

MY FAVOURITE POP STAR

EAT
MY FAVOURITE MEAL
Any Asian cuisine that doesn’t sit
too heavy. Tempura to start, maybe
black cod for main and — admittedly
not very Asian — but it’s got to be
sticky toffee pudding to finish.
Espresso martini to drink if we’re
in a restaurant.

MY FAVOURITE RESTAURANT

I can’t choose between Drake and
Calvin Harris. Drake’s more lyrical
and makes more sense than some
other rappers. I used to be a big
hip-hop fan, but I think I’ve grown
out of it a bit now. I’m more into
listening to the lyrics these days.
Why Calvin Harris? He’s just good at
everything, isn’t he?

Favourite
pop star?
Calvin
Harris —
he’s good at
everything

MY FAVOURITE ALBUM
DiCaprio, above, Calvin Harris, left,
and Drake are among Trump’s picks

In this country it’s Nobu or
Hakkasan. The food is
always consistent and the
atmosphere’s great.

DRINK

MY DREAM DINNER PARTY

MY FAVOURITE TIPPLE

Roger Federer — he’s super
cool and super chilled, but
I reckon he’s quite witty too.
Tiger Woods, for his aura. I’d be
nervous being in the same room
as him, but there’d be a lot of
stories. Leonardo DiCaprio,
because he’s a very
mysterious guy. Probably
my favourite actor.
Ricky Gervais —
he’d bring edge,
he’s super, super
funny and his
writing is
unbelievable. I’m in
the After Life rather than
The Office camp. And Cristiano
Ronaldo — I admire his
determination, his longevity and
how much he’s willing to do to
keep playing.

I despise beer. An espresso martini
is the only alcoholic drink I actually
enjoy. Plain water’s my thing, to
be honest, plus the occasional
Pepsi Max.

As a kid it was one of Limp Bizkit’s,
but that’s music for adolescent boys.
Overall, it’s Craig David’s first, Born to
Do It, the one with 7 Days. It takes me
right back every time.

MY FAVOURITE BOOK

MY WORST HANGOVER
Las Vegas, a couple
of years ago
on a, um,
gentlemen’s
break. I started
on the espresso martinis
and finished on something I’ve
no recollection of. Next day I was
still in bed and still being sick at 8pm.

LOVE
MY FAVOURITE FILM
The Wolf of Wall Street. Every scene

I have to admit I’m not a big reader,
but Robert Kiyosaki’s Rich Dad Poor
Dad. It’s all about how you look after
your money. I try to put into practice
a lot of things it suggests.

MY GUILTY PLEASURE
Going to the gym. For me, it’s a
mental thing rather than anything
physical. I like that feeling that
I’m doing something that others
aren’t and I take it onto the snooker
table to help me get an edge.
It’s about pushing yourself when
it’s so easy to stop and that helps
me in every aspect of life. I’ve got
a treadmill at home and I use it
both before and after any snooker
practice.
John Aizlewood
The Cazoo Masters runs from
January 8-15. Watch on BBC or
Eurosport or find out more at
www.wst.tv

BEAST MODE ON
AMAZON PRIME
He wasn’t the best footballer, but few
made the most of what they had
quite like Adebayo “Beast”
Akinfenwa. Underpinned by a
ferocious work ethic, he enjoyed a
21-year career — most recently at
Wycombe Wanderers — which
ended only when he needed knee
injections just to complete training
sessions at the age of 40. With
Akinfenwa’s brothers-cum-managers
in close attendance throughout,
Beast Mode On hurtles through
those 21 years (the white power
salute he received from a seven-yearold girl in a Lithuanian supermarket
still shocks two decades on), visits
the family grave in Nigeria and the
Super Bowl in Los Angeles, takes
soundings from team-mates, agents
and some of his five children, before
settling on brand-promoting
meetings with digital gurus,
marketeers, an assortment of baffled
boxers and wrestlers, plus the former
American footballer Marshawn
“Beast Mode” Lynch. “I’m ready for
the next stage,” Akinfenwa declares.
It’s hard not to root for him.
John Aizlewood

22 January 8, 2023 The Sunday Times

2GS

Football Results
BLACKPOOL 4 NOTTM FOREST 1
Ekpiteta 17

HT: 1-2

Gross 8
Lallana 29
Mac Allister 58, 80
Undav 88
Att: 21,982

Plymouth Argyle could not
take full advantage of their
rivals Sheffield Wednesday
and Ipswich Town being in
cup action (Peter Wilson
writes). The leaders were
held 0-0 away to Bolton
Wanderers, with Joe Edwards
sent off in stoppage time.
Charlton Athletic
continued their climb up the
table with the 2-1 defeat of
Lincoln City. Scott Fraser, with
a header, and Corey BlackettTaylor, with a fierce shot, gave
the hosts the advantage.
Danny Mandroiu replied.
Bristol Rovers came from
behind to win 2-1 away to
Cambridge United. Sam
Smith headed the hosts in
front. Josh Coburn and Scott
Sinclair hit back for Rovers.
Morecambe moved out of
the relegation places with
their third win in three games.
They beat Cheltenham Town
2-1 with goals from Jensen
Weir and Kieran Phillips either
side of an Alfie May equaliser.

MILLWALL 0

SHEFFIELD UTD 2

SKY BET LEAGUE TWO

HULL 0

Yates 90+2

Poveda-Ocampo 64
HT: 0-1

Hamilton 71
Yates 87

IPSWICH 4

HT: 1-0

Att: 8,750

BOREHAM WOOD 1 ACCRINGTON 1
Ndlovu 78

Astley 6

HT: 0-1

Att: 2,001

BOURNEMOUTH 2

BURNLEY 4

Christie 12

Benson 6, 57

Solanke 48

Kurzawa 37
James 90+4
Att: 14,175
ROTHERHAM 1

Humphreys 43 Washington 47 (pen)
Chaplin 74 (pen)
Ladapo 79
Burns 87 (pen)
HT: 1-0
Att: 15,728
LIVERPOOL L

WOLVES L
Guedes 26
Hwang 66

WEST HAM 1

LUTON 1

WIGAN 1

Benrahma 79

Cornick 45+1
HT: 1-1

Zaroury 39, 43
Att: 10,116

BRENTFORD 0

FULHAM 2

Núñez 45
Salah 52
HT: 1-1

HT: 1-3

HT: 0-0

Att: 16,725

Naylor 17
Att: 5,660

CHESTERFIELD 3 WEST BROM 3

MIDDLESBROUGH 1 BRIGHTON 5

Williams 7

Akpom 13

Thomas-Asante 2, 90+3

Dobra 36, 41

Ahearne-Grant 17

HT: 3-2

Att: 9,819

COVENTRY 3

WREXHAM 4

Sheaf 36

Dalby 12

Gyökeres 69

Lee 18

Palmer 76

O’Connor 45+6
Mullin 58 (pen)

HT: 1-3

Att: 18,218

Sent off: Panzo (Coventry) 57
C PALACE 1

SOUTHAMPTON 2

Edouard 14

Ward-Prowse 37
A Armstrong 68

HT: 0-2

HUDDERSFIELD 1

Lees 60 (og)
Diaby 73
Browne 85
HT: 0-0

Kamberi 57

READING 2

FLEETWOOD TOWN 2

Abrefa 45+3
Long 90+3
HT: 1-0

QPR 1
Field 37

Omochere 67
HT: 1-1

Att: 3,151

FOREST GREEN v

BIRMINGHAM

Postponed waterlogged pitch
GILLINGHAM 0

LEICESTER 1
Iheanacho 56

HT: 0-0
GRIMSBY 1
Clifton 76
HT: 0-0

Att: 5,447

LETTERS
TO THE
EDITOR
Send your letters to:
The Sports Editor,
The Sunday Times,
1 London Bridge St
London, SE1 9GF
email: sportletters
@sunday-times.co.uk

Att: 6,799
WATFORD 0

Att: 7,954

SHEFFIELD WED 2 NEWCASTLE 1
Windass 52, 65
HT: 0-0

Guimarães 69
Att: 25,884

SHREWSBURY 1 SUNDERLAND 2
Pennington 81
HT: 0-0

BURTON ALBION 0

Jebbison 23
Bogle 36
Att: 7,268

PRESTON 3

HT: 1-1

Nsiala 40

VANARAMA NATIONAL

SKY BET LEAGUE ONE

FA CUP THIRD ROUND

TOTTENHAM 1
Kane 50
HT: 0-0

O’Nien 90+2
Stewart 90+4
Att: 6,309
PORTSMOUTH 0
Att: 60,161

Back in 1996, during the Euros,
a very garrulous friend of mine
was running around the lake
opposite Wrightington
Country Club, near Wigan,
which was hosting a couple
of the teams.
He came across a very
dapper man and proceeded to
engage in conversation
with him. He thought it odd
that such a smartly-dressed
man was walking around a
lake. It was only that evening
that he realised that he had
been talking about fishing to...
Pelé (there to open the new
gym at the invitation of
Dave Whelan).
RIP the greatest of them all,
the man who received the ball
after a move that was already
brilliant, had a cup of coffee,
read the paper then said: here
you go Carlos, smash that in

Theo Archibald’s 30-yard
volley in the 68th minute sent
Leyton Orient five points clear
at the top after their 1-0 defeat
of Doncaster Rovers.
Salford City returned to
winning ways with a 2-1 win
against third-placed
Northampton Town. Ethan
Galbraith fired them in front
before Sam Hoskins levelled.
Conor McAleny’s low 33rdminute strike lifted the visitors
into the play-off places.
Mansfield Town dropped
out of the play-off positions.
They were replaced by
Barrow, who battled back
from two down to win 3-2 at
their rivals. Oli Hawkins’s own
goal won it for the visitors.
Colchester United moved
further from the drop zone
with a second successive win,
3-1 away to Harrogate Town.
Two Alistair Smith goals
helped in-form Sutton United
to a 2-2 draw away to
Tranmere Rovers.

the bottom corner.
Paul Carroll, Wigan
In reference to David Walsh’s
column on January 1, at home
here we call Haaland the
Premiership’s Polar Bear on
the grounds of his height, his
blonde hair, his loping stride,
his confidence and his
absolute command of the
territory he chooses.
Sorry to add more Haaland
adulation but in this player we
see a force and a good spirit
that add to the game and
move it in a restorative
direction.
Kevin Grant, Newcastle-onTyne
Many sports people have been
officially recognised in the
New Year’s honours list. Yet
again Doug Laughton, a rugby

BOLTON 0
PLYMOUTH 0
HT: 0-0
Att: 18,638
Sent off: Edwards (Plymouth) 90+7
CAMBRIDGE 1

BRISTOL ROV 2

Smith 5

Coburn 22
Sinclair 29
Att: 5,703

HT: 1-2
CHARLTON 2

LINCOLN 1

Fraser 35
Blackett-Taylor 42
HT: 2-0
MORECAMBE 2
Weir 20
Phillips 47
HT: 1-1

Mandroiu 76

CHELTENHAM 1
May 39
Att: 4,677

P W D L F
1

Plymouth

A GD Pts

26 17 6 3 46 26 20 57

2 Sheffield Wed 25 15 7 3 45 18 27 52
3 Ipswich

25 14 8 3 47 25 22 50

4 Derby

24 11 8 5 33 17 16 41

5 Bolton

25 11 8 6 30 20 10 41

6 Barnsley

23 12 4 7 30 21

9 40

7 Wycombe

25 11 5 9 33 26

7 38

8 Bristol Rovers 26 10 7 9 42 43 -1 37
9 Peterborough 24 11 2 11 39 31

8 35

10 Port Vale

24 10 5 9 27 32 -5 35

11 Exeter

25 9 7 9 38 36

12 Charlton

25 7 10 8 38 36

2 31

13 Portsmouth

22 7 10 5 29 27

2 31

14 Fleetwood

24 6 11 7 28 25

3 29

15 Oxford Utd

24 7 8 9 29 27

2 29

16 Lincoln City

24 6 11 7 24 30 -6 29

17 Shrewsbury

24 8 5 11 23 29 -6 29

18 Cheltenham

24 8 4 12 19 27 -8 28

19 Morecambe

25 5 9 11 26 35 -9 24

2 34

20 Cambridge Utd 25 7 3 15 22 41 -19 24
21 Accrington

23 5 7 11 21 38 -17 22

22 Burton Albion 25 5 7 13 32 50 -18 22

Sinclair hits Rovers’s second

23 MK Dons

24 6 3 15 23 36 -13 21

24 Forest Green

25 5 5 15 21 49 -28 20

P W D L F

A GD Pts

CREWE 0
AFC WIMBLEDON 0
HT: 0-0
Att: 4,379
HARROGATE 1
COLCHESTER 3

Armstrong 77

3 Northampton 25 13 7 5 40 26 14 46

Akinde 12
Chilvers 17
Tchamadeu 54
HT: 0-2
Att: 2,144
LEYTON ORIENT 1 DONCASTER 0
Archibald 68
HT: 0-0
MANSFIELD 2
McLaughlin 9
Quinn 25
HT: 2-1
ROCHDALE 1
Rodney 34
HT: 1-0
SALFORD 2
Galbraith 9
McAleny 33
HT: 2-1
TRANMERE 2
Hawkes 39
Hemmings 58
HT: 1-1

Att: 7,404
BARROW 3
Waters 45+1
Gordon 49
Hawkins 77 (og)
NEWPORT CO 1
Lewis 46
NORTHAMPTON 1
Hoskins 22
Att: 2,753
SUTTON UTD 2
Smith 11, 61

league icon, has been
overlooked. As a player,
Laughton won every domestic
honour and was one of the
first players to receive the Man
of Steel award voted on by his
peers. He was an integral
member of the last GB team to
defeat Australia in a Test series
and captained his country. As
a coach he turned his small
home-town club Widnes into
the most successful in the
country and was the first
British coach to win the World
Club challenge. When are the
Rugby Football League going
to do the right thing and
highlight these achievements
to ensure Doug Laughton gets
the recognition he rightly
deserves?
Tom Whelan Stockport
Formed 30 years ago, the

Leyton Orient 25 17 5 3 36 13 23 56

2 Stevenage

4 Carlisle

ALDERSHOT 0

NOTTS COUNTY 3
O’Brien 27
Rodrigues 56
Nemane 90
HT: 0-1
Att: 2,039
BARNET 1
GATESHEAD 1
Kabamba 87
Elliott 62
HT: 0-0
Att: 1,417
DAGENHAM & R 1
WOKING 2
Walker 67
Ince 26, 37
HT: 0-2
Att: 1,735
DORKING WANDERERS 1 OLDHAM 5
McShane 8 Fondop-Talom 18, 34, 56
Clarke 45+2
Chapman 64
HT: 1-3
Att: 2,230
SCUNTHORPE 3
MAIDENHEAD 0
Lavery 29, 59, 81
HT: 1-0
Att: 2,409
SOUTHEND 3 SOLIHULL MOORS 0
Demetriou 19
Cardwell , Bridge 60
HT: 1-0
Att: 5,705
TORQUAY 1
HALIFAX 0
Hall 72
HT: 0-0
Att: 1,975
WEALDSTONE 3
EASTLEIGH 1
Ferguson 45
Lloyd 1
Kretzschmar 53 (pen)
Obiero 81
HT: 1-1
Att: 1,240
Sent off: Obiero (Wealdstone) 90+3
YORK 4
MAIDSTONE UTD 1
Forde 6, 39, 82
Barham 1
Zouma 9 (og)
HT: 3-1
Att: 3,832

24 15 6 3 35 17 18 51

24 10 9 5 37 25 12 39

P W D L F
1

Notts County

A GD Pts

26 18 7 1 68 24 44 61

2 Wrexham

24 17 5 2 62 20 42 56

5 Bradford City 23 11 6 6 30 23

7 39

3 Chesterfield

23 15 4 4 49 27 22 49

6 Barrow

25 12 3 10 32 30

2 39

4 Woking

25 15 4 6 45 25 20 49

7 Salford

24 11 5 8 32 24

8 38

5 Barnet

24 12 5 7 44 41

8 Swindon

25 10 8 7 28 25

3 38

6 Southend

25 10 8 7 33 21 12 38

1 38

7 Wealdstone

25 10 7 8 32 36 -4 37

8 Dag & Red

23 10 5 8 37 38 -1 35

9 Eastleigh

26 10 5 11 32 33 -1 35

10 Bromley

23 9 7 7 32 29

3 34

11 Solihull Moors 24 9 6 9 36 34

2 33

9 Mansfield

25 11 5 9 35 34

10 Doncaster

25 11 4 10 30 35 -5 37

11 Walsall

23 10 6 7 29 21

12 Sutton Utd

26 10 6 10 27 33 -6 36

13 AFC Wimbledon 25 9 8 8 29 28

8 36

1 35

12 Altrincham

3 41

25 8 9 8 37 45 -8 33

14 Stockport Co

23 10 4 9 33 23 10 34

13 Boreham Wood 23 8 8 7 27 24

3 32

15 Tranmere

25 9 7 9 27 22

5 34

14 York

26 8 8 10 32 30

2 32

16 Grimsby

23 8 6 9 26 27

-1 30

15 Halifax

25 9 5 11 24 32 -8 32

17 Crewe

23 7 8 8 19 27 -8 29

16 Dorking

27 8 6 13 44 64 -20 30

18 Newport Co

25 6 8 11 24 28 -4 26

19 Harrogate Town 24 6 5 13 31 39 -8 23
20 Colchester

25 6 5 14 24 32 -8 23

21 Crawley Town 24 5 7 12 26 39 -13 22

17 Maidenhead Utd 26 8 5 13 27 37 -10 29
18 Yeovil

24 5 12 7 20 22 -2 27

19 Aldershot

24 8 2 14 32 42 -10 26

20 Oldham

24 6 6 12 30 40 -10 24

21 Gateshead

25 4 10 11 31 41 -10 22
26 5 7 14 29 49 -20 22

22 Hartlepool

24 4 7 13 24 45 -21 19

22 Torquay

23 Rochdale

24 4 5 15 19 36 -17 17

23 Maidstone Utd 27 5 6 16 31 59 -28 21

24 Gillingham

23 2 8 13 7 28 -21 14

24 Scunthorpe

Premier League has
developed into the world’s
most valuable and
competitive domestic club
football competition which
generates hundreds of
millions for the nation. Quite
how a government football
regulator (Front page
exclusive, January 1) would
have helped this happen is
very open to question. The
proposed organisation, driven
by a fans’ agenda, is unlikely to
aid the development of the
sport, indeed it is more likely
to be a hindrance. Fortunately
cricket is not quite such a
populist cause so I think it will
be a while before politicians
are brought in to clog up the
summer game as well with
their ill-thought out
regulation.
Gareth Tarr, Chertsey

26 4 7 15 32 53 -21 19

Stop, start, stop, start. Endless
penalties and driving lineouts.
Reserve teams in the Heineken
Cup. Marcus Smith injured. A
waste of TV subscription. Roll
on, the rugby league season.
Geoff Deighton,
Knaresborough
New initiative to combat timewasting in football — no
substitutions in the last 15
minutes unless accompanied
by a doctor’s letter?
Peter Boxall, Haddenham
If Joe Marler believes the
words he used to abuse an
opponent are the norm, then
he is in the wrong profession.
They most definitely are not
and therefore he should retire
before he loses what’s left of
his reputation.
Michael Sharpe, Stamford

2GS

PREMIER LEAGUE

TWENTY-FIRST CENTURY KINGS by Oli Gent
Manchester City and Chelsea meet in today's FA Cup third round. One of the two clubs has
featured in every Cup final of the past six seasons — Chelsea in five of them, though only winning
one. And it is the west London club which has been the most successful English team this century
in terms of silverware...

WEEK 20
Total
P

Major honours won by club since 2000

Home

Arsenal

Man City

Newcastle

Man Utd

Tottenham

18 10

Liverpool

34 22

Fulham

30 27

Brighton

Brentford

30 28

10 Chelsea

Aston Villa

20 26

-6

Crystal Palace

-8

Leicester

-5

Leeds

-6

Nottm Forest

-21

Bournemouth

10 18

-21

West Ham

-9

Everton

-10

Wolverhampton

-16

-18

Cinch Scottish Premiership
ABERDEEN 2
Lopes 74, 84
HT: 0-0
CELTIC 2
Jota 45
Taylor 51 (og)
HT: 1-0
ROSS COUNTY 0

ST JOHNSTONE 0
Att: 14,202
KILMARNOCK 0

ST MIRREN 1
HEARTS 1
Strain 4
Snodgrass 49
HT: 1-0
Att: 7,249
Sent off: Fraser (St Mirren) 90+5
P W D L F A Pts
Celtic
21 19 1 1 65 17 58
Rangers
20 14 4 2 46 20 46
Hearts
20 9 5 6 36 31 32
Aberdeen
21 9 2 10 35 32 29
Livingston
20 8 4 8 20 28 28
St Mirren
19 7 6 6 22 26 27
St Johnstone
21 7 3 11 24 32 24
Hibernian
20 7 2 11 24 33 23
Kilmarnock
21 5 5 11 17 35 20
Motherwell
19 5 4 10 23 28 19
Dundee Utd
19 5 4 10 23 33 19
Ross County
21 4 4 13 14 34 16

Cinch Championship
ARBROATH 1
El-Mhanni 26

Att: 58,612
LIVINGSTON 2
Anderson 67, 70

HT: 0-0

HT: 1-2
AYR 1
Mullin 32
HT: 1-0

INVERNESS CT 4
McKay 9, Henderson 45
Mackay 65, Nicolson 86
Att: 1,803
HAMILTON 0
Att: 1,988

COVE RANGERS 0

3 League
Cups

2 Champions
Leagues

1 Europa
League

Man United

8 PL

2 FAC

4 LC

1 CL

1 EL

Man City

6 PL

2 FAC

6 LC

Liverpool

1 PL

3 FAC

4 LC

9
3
1

2 PL

Arsenal

Leicester

1 PL

1 CL

7 FAC

1 FAC

1 LC

Birmingham
1 LC

Middlesbrough
1 LC

Swansea
1 LC

Blackburn
1 LC

Portsmouth
1 FAC

Tottenham
1 LC

Wigan
1 FAC

HT: 0-3
PARTICK 2
Lawless 51 (pen)
Docherty 89
HT: 0-0

QUEEN’S PARK 6
Murray 12, 38, 62, 65
Davidson 30, Savoury 77
Att: 625
MORTON 1
Baird 57

Att: 3,640
P W D L F A Pts
Queen’s Park
20 12 3 5 44 27 39
Ayr
20 10 5 5 39 27 35
Dundee
20 10 5 5 33 25 35
Partick
21 10 3 8 42 36 33
Morton
19 8 6 5 28 21 30
Inverness CT
20 8 5 7 30 28 29
Raith
21 8 4 9 26 27 28
Cove Rangers
20 5 6 9 28 40 21
Arbroath
21 3 8 10 18 34 17
Hamilton
20 2 5 13 16 39
11
League One Clyde 1 Kelty Hearts 2; FC
Edinburgh 0 Dunfermline 1; Falkirk 2 Montrose 1;
Peterhead 0 Airdrieonians 3; Queen of South 1
Alloa 2. League Two Annan Athletic 0 Forfar 2;
Bonnyrigg Rose 0 Albion 4; Dumbarton P Stirling
Albion P; Elgin 1 East Fife 2; Stenhousemuir 2
Stranraer 1.

FOOTBALL FIXTURES
Kick-off 2.0 unless stated
Today: FA Cup: Third round Aston Villa v
Stevenage (4.30); Bristol City v Swansea
(12.30); Cardiff v Leeds; Derby v Barnsley
(12.30); Hartlepool v Stoke; Manchester City v
Chelsea (4.30); Norwich v Blackburn;
Stockport County v Walsall.
Cinch Scottish Premiership Dundee Utd v
Rangers (4.0); Motherwell v Hibernian (1.30).
Kick-off 7.45 unless stated
Tomorrow: FA Cup: Third round Oxford Utd v
Arsenal (8.0).
Tuesday: Carabao Cup: Quarter-finals (8.0):
Manchester Utd v Charlton; Newcastle v
Leicester.
Sky Bet League Two Bradford City v Rochdale.
Papa John’s EFL Trophy Bolton v Portsmouth;
Bristol Rovers v Plymouth; Cheltenham v
Salford; Lincoln v Accrington (7.0).
Vanarama National League Aldershot v
Dagenham & Redbridge; Notts County v
Boreham Wood; Wealdstone v Chesterfield;
Wrexham v Bromley (7.30). North AFC Fylde v
Blyth Spartans; Buxton v Chorley; Hereford v
Farsley. South Dover v Taunton; Farnborough
v Slough; Weymouth v Concord Rangers.
SPFL Trust Trophy Challenge Cup: Quarterfinals Dundee v Dunfermline; Hamilton v
Clyde; Queen of South v Kelty Hearts.
Wednesday: Carabao Cup: Quarter-finals
Nottingham Forest v Wolverhampton;
Southampton v Manchester City (8.0).

6 FA
Cups

Major honours won by manager since 2000

PREMIER LEAGUE AND SCOTLAND
Premier League, next fixtures

5 Premier
Leagues

GD Pts

Thursday Fulham v Chelsea (8.0).
Friday Aston Villa v Leeds (8.0).
Saturday (3pm unless stated): Brentford v
Bournemouth (5.30); Brighton v Liverpool;
Everton v Southampton; Manchester Utd v
Manchester City (12.30); Nottingham Forest v
Leicester; Wolverhampton v West Ham.
Sunday Chelsea v Crystal Palace (2.0);
Newcastle v Fulham (2.0); Tottenham v Arsenal
(4.30).

Chelsea

Away

20 Southampton

The Sunday Times January 8, 2023 23

SPFL Trust Trophy Challenge Cup: Quarterfinal Queen’s Park v Raith.
Friday: Cinch Scottish Premiership Hearts v
St Mirren.
Kick-off 3.0 unless stated
Saturday: Sky Bet Championship Bristol City v
Birmingham; Burnley v Coventry; Cardiff v
Wigan; Hull v Huddersfield; Luton v West
Bromwich; Middlesbrough v Millwall; Preston v
Norwich; Reading v QPR; Rotherham v
Blackburn (12.30); Sheffield Utd v Stoke;
Sunderland v Swansea; Watford v Blackpool.
League One Accrington v Bristol Rovers; Bolton
v Portsmouth; Burton v Shrewsbury; Cambridge
Utd v Morecambe; Charlton v Barnsley;
Cheltenham v Derby; Exeter v Forest Green;
Fleetwood v Oxford Utd; Ipswich v Plymouth;
MK Dons v Lincoln; Wycombe v Sheffield
Wednesday. League Two AFC Wimbledon v
Bradford City; Carlisle v Newport County;
Crawley v Doncaster; Gillingham v Hartlepool;
Harrogate v Stevenage; Leyton Orient v Barrow;
Mansfield v Crewe; Rochdale v Colchester;
Salford v Sutton Utd; Stockport v Northampton;
Swindon v Grimsby; Tranmere v Walsall.
FA Trophy: Fourth round Aldershot v Leiston;
Altrincham v Wrexham; Banbury v Coalville;
Bracknell v Bath; Dagenham & Redbridge v
Maidenhead; Dorking v Kidderminster;
Eastleigh v Braintree; Farsley v Marske;
Gateshead v Oldham; Harrow v Halifax;
Hungerford v Tamworth; Notts County v
Maidstone; Solihull Moors v Barnet; Southend
v Darlington; Torquay v Taunton.

Vanarama National League Scunthorpe v
Woking. North Buxton v AFC Telford; Chester v
Curzon Ashton; Chorley v Alfreton; Gloucester
v Hereford; Kettering v Boston; King’s Lynn v
Peterborough Sports; Scarborough v Blyth
Spartans; Southport v AFC Fylde; Spennymoor
v Bradford PA. South Concord v Chelmsford;
Dartford v Hemel Hempstead; Dover v
Ebbsfleet; Eastbourne v Worthing; Farnborough
v Havant & Waterlooville; Hampton & Richmond
v Oxford City; St Albans v Tonbridge; Welling v
Dulwich; Chippenham v Weymouth.
Women’s Super League Aston Villa v
Tottenham (12.30).
Scottish Premier Sports Cup: Semi-final
Celtic v Kilmarnock (5.30, at Hampden Park).
Cinch Premiership Hibernian v Dundee Utd;
Motherwell v Ross; St Johnstone v Livingston.
Cinch Championship Ayr v Arbroath; Cove
Rangers v Raith; Dundee v Partick; Hamilton v
Morton; Inverness CT v Queen’s Park. League
One Alloa v FC Edinburgh; Dunfermline v
Peterhead; Falkirk v Clyde; Kelty Hearts v
Airdrieonians; Montrose v Queen of South.
League Two Bonnyrigg Rose v Stirling Albion;
East Fife v Stenhousemuir; Elgin v Annan;
Forfar v Dumbarton; Stranraer v Albion.
Sunday: Scottish Premier Sports Cup: Semifinal Rangers v Aberdeen (3.0, Hampden Park).
Women’s Super League Arsenal v Chelsea
(midday); Everton v Reading (1.0); Leicester v
Brighton (3.0); Manchester Utd v Liverpool
(2.05); West Ham v Manchester City (6.45).

Sir Alex Ferguson

José Mourinho

Pep Guardiola

8 PL

3 PL

4 PL

2 PL

1 PL

1 FAC

6 FAC

1 FAC

3 LC

4 LC

1 LC

1 CL

1 EL

GENERAL RESULTS
CRICKET
Third Test: Australia v South Africa
Sydney (fourth day of five): South Africa, with
four first-innings wickets in hand, are 326 runs
behind Australia
Australia First Innings 475-4 dec (U T Khawaja
195 not out, S P D Smith 104, M Labuschagne
79, T M Head 70)
South Africa First Innings
*D Elgar c Carey b Hazlewood
15
S J Erwee b Lyon
18
H Klaasen c Carey b Cummins
2
T Bavuma c Carey b Hazlewood
35
K Zondo lbw b Cummins
39
@K Verreynne c Smith b Cummins
19
M Jansen not out
10
S R Harmer not out
6
Extras (b 1, nb 4)
5
Total (6 wkts, 59 overs)
149
K A Maharaj, K S Rabada and A Nortje to bat.
Fall of wickets 1-22, 2-37, 3-37, 4-85, 5-130,
6-137.
Bowling Hazlewood 12-3-29-2; Cummins
14-5-29-3; Lyon 25-8-65-1; Agar 7-1-19-0; Head
1-0-6-0.
Umpires C B Gaffaney (NZ) and P R Reiffel.

Third T20i: India v Sri Lanka
Rajkot (India won toss): India beat Sri Lanka
by 91 runs

8
Arsène Wenger

India 228-5 (S A Yadav 112 not out); Sri Lanka
137.
6 India won the three-match series 2-1

GOLF
Sentry Tournament of Champions (Hawaii):
Leaders after two rounds (US unless stated):
130 C Morikawa 64 66. 132 S Scheffler 66 66,
J J Spaun 64 68. 133 J Spieth 67 66. 134 Kim
Joo-hyung (S Kor) 65 69. 135 M Fitzpatrick
(Eng) 66 69, J Rahm (Sp) 64 71. 136 C Conners
(Can) 68 68, T Finau 67 69, L List 71 65, A Wise
66 70. 137 B Harman 68 69, T Hoge 66 71, Lee
Kyoung-hoon (S Kor) 68 69, H Matsuyama
(Japan) 67 70, J T Poston 68 69, S Power (Ire)
68 69. 138 Im Sung-jae (S Kor) 66 72, A Scott
(Aus) 70 68, S Theegala 67 71, W Zalatoris 69
69. 139 R Brehm 68 71, R Henley 69 70, V
Hovland (Nor) 67 72, T Mullinax 69 70, S
Stallings 67 72.

RUGBY UNION
Gallagher Premiership Exeter Chiefs 35
Northampton 12; Newcastle Falcons 45
Leicester Tigers 26.
RFU Championship Caldy 26 Ealing
Trailfinders 24; Cornish Pirates 37 Doncaster
15; London Scottish 19 Hartpury 20.
National League One Bishop’s Stortford 12
Darlington 10; Cinderford 23 Leeds Tykes 17;
Esher 24 Birmingham Moseley 14; Hull 19

4
Jürgen Klopp

1 LC
1 CL

Rams 24; Sale 45 Plymouth Albion 35; Taunton
Titans 8 Cambridge 36.
United Rugby Championship Benetton 31
Ulster 29; Cardiff 22 Scarlets 28; Connacht 24
Sharks 12; Edinburgh 24 Zebre 17; Ospreys 19
Leinster 24.
Women’s Allianz Premier 15s Saracens 89
DMP Sharks 0; Worcester Warriors 5
Gloucester 52.

TENNIS
United Cup: Semi-finals (Sydney):
United States bt Poland 5-0 (US players first:
T Fritz bt H Hurkacz 7-6 (7-5) 7-6 (7-5), M Keys
bt M Linette 6-4 6-2, J Pegula and Fritz bt
A Rosolska and L Kubot 6-7 (5-7) 6-4 10-6);
Italy bt Greece 4-1 (Italy players first: M
Berrettini lost to S Tsitsipas 4-6 7-6 (7-2) 6-4,
L Bronzetti bt V Grammatikopoulou 6-2 6-3,
C Rosatello and A Vavassori bt
Grammatikopoulou and Tsitsipas 6-3 4-6 10-5).
Adelaide International: Semi-finals: Men S
Korda (US) bt Y Nishioka (Japan) 7-6 (7-5) 1-0
ret, N Djokovic (Ser) bt D Medvedev (Rus) 6-3
6-4. Women A Sabalenka (Bela) bt I Begu
(Rom) 6-3 6-2, L Noskova (Cz) bt O Jabeur
(Tun) 6-3 1-6 6-3.
ATP Tata Open (Pune, India): Final T
Griekspoor (Neth) bt B Bonzi (Fr) 4-6 7-5 6-3.
WTA ASB Classic (Auckland): Semi-finals
C Gauff (US) bt D Kovinic (Mont) 6-0 6-2, R
Masarova (Sp) bt Y Bonaventure (Bel) 6-3 6-3.

24 January 8, 2023 The Sunday Times

Sport
DYLAN BUELL/GETTY IMAGES

David
Walsh

Still unsettled
on the pitch –
Grealish has gift
of the gab off it

Sam Warburton fears a
rugby player will die on
the pitch one day –
in the NFL it nearly
came to pass this
week. Like it
or not, we as
fans legitimise
this violence
Four years ago the former British &
Irish Lions and Wales captain Sam
Warburton released his
autobiography. He thought to call the
story Too Big, Too Fast, Too Strong
only to shy away from a title that
judgmental. He opted instead for
Open Side, a safe name for an unsafe
game. Towards the end of the book,
Warburton wrote that “if something
isn’t done soon, a professional [rugby
union] player will die during a game,
in front of the TV cameras”.
A lot of people watching the
Bengals play the Buffalo Bills at
Paycor Stadium in Cincinnati last
week feared they were witnessing
such a death after the Bills safety
Damar Hamlin, 24, collapsed in the
first half. Tackling the Bengals’
receiver, Tee Higgins, Hamlin was hit
in the chest by his opponent’s
helmet. It seemed nothing more than
a routine tackle in a high-velocity
collision sport.
The blow caused Hamlin to fall
over. He quickly got to his feet. Then
he just crumbled. It was clear
something was very wrong. Sixty-five
thousand were inside the stadium,
21 million watched ESPN’s coverage.
After Hamlin lost consciousness, the
TV audience rose to an ESPN Monday
Night Football record of 23 million.
Everyone understood it was a life or
death moment.
Though nothing has been
confirmed, medical experts believe
Hamlin suffered commotio cordis, a
cardiac malfunction that happens
after a blow to the chest at a specific
point in the heart rhythm cycle.
Coming at that moment, the hit can
interrupt the internal electrical signal
and cause the heart to stop.
It is a relatively rare phenomenon,
and luckily for Hamlin, he happened
to be in the right place. At every NFL

game, there are up to 25 medical
personnel on duty. Hamlin was
unconscious when they got to him.
No pulse. No heartbeat. CPR and
defibrillation got his heart going
again. Two days would pass before he
regained consciousness.
Having been intubated, he
communicated in writing after he
came round. His first question was:
“Did we win?” Doctors told him he
won the game, the game of life. Since
then Hamlin has made good progress
and though it is not certain he will
return to the NFL, he is expected to
recover enough to lead a normal life.
There was no neurological damage.
The crisis also highlighted the
degree to which Christianity is
embedded in the NFL. As the
ambulance took Hamlin away,
Buffalo’s players and support staff
knelt and prayed on the pitch. The
Cincinnati crowd applauded them. A
group of Bengals fans in the stadium
recited the Lord’s Prayer and ESPN’s
analyst Dan Orlovsky said on the live
broadcast that he needed to pray.
His eyes closed, his head bowed,
he began: “God, we come to you in
these moments we don’t understand.
I believe in prayer, we believe in
prayer, and we lift Damar Hamlin’s
name in your name.” His colleagues
whispered: “Amen.” The next day
fans staged a candlelit vigil and
prayed outside the University of
Cincinnati Medical Centre, where
Hamlin was being treated.
As genuine as the concern for the
player was, no one is arguing for
changes that might better protect
NFL players. Take away the violence
and it isn’t the NFL any more. Hamlin
almost lost his life on Monday night;
the day before that the Indianapolis
Colts quarterback, Nick Foles,
convulsed on the pitch after being

Buffalo Bills’
Hamlin is
lucky to
be alive

tackled by New York Giants’
linebacker Kayvon Thibodeaux. It
was another perfectly legal tackle.
On Christmas Day the Miami
Dolphins’ quarterback, Tua
Tagovailoa, suffered another
concussion. Three months before,
Tagovailoa had been sacked and
slammed head first into the ground.
His hands and fingers were splayed
and frozen after the impact, a sure
sign of brain injury. Too soon he was
back in action.
We know now the damage caused
by these brain injuries; sometimes it’s
immediately apparent, more often
the problems come later. Ten or 20
years after a player retires, cognitive

No one is arguing for
changes that better
protect the players.
Take away the
violence and it isn’t
the NFL any more
function can diminish and this may
be followed by a torturous journey
into dementia. We have heard the
accounts of so many rugby union
players; young men and women in
their thirties and forties suffering
now and frightened by the future. We
know that the Scotland international
Siobhan Cattigan lost her life because
of a rugby-related brain injury and
understand too that — so far, at any
rate — the Scottish Rugby Union
doesn’t seem to want us to know the
circumstances.
In America, the general view is that
the players understand the risks and
are well compensated for taking
them. The authorities say player

welfare is their No 1 priority while at
the same time they expand the league
and increase the players’ workload.
More games, of course, deliver
bigger profits.
We, the fans, are complicit in all
this. The legitimate violence that is
central to both American football and
rugby is part of the attraction. “The
sport exists for a reason, and that
reason tells us things about ourselves
that we might not want to hear,” Sam
Warburton wrote in Open Side.
“The meaning fans get,” says
Nathan Kalman-Lamb, a sociology
professor at the University of New
Brunswick told The New York Times,
“is based on the idea that when they
watch these games, something really
profound, powerful and important is
happening — and life or death stakes
are part of it.”
For the most part, the violence that
leads to brain injury and terrible
outcomes for so many players is on
us, the fans. We like the games as they
are; the hits, the collisions, the
danger, the sense that these athletes
are laying it all on the line. Antoine
Blondin, a distinguished French
novelist who wrote beautifully about
the Tour de France, once explained
why he, as a fan, never felt any desire
to reprimand Tour riders who doped.
“There is a certain nobility in those
who have gone down into Lord knows
what hell in quest of the best of
themselves. We might feel tempted to
tell them they should not have done
it. But we can remain, nonetheless,
secretly proud of what they have
done. Their wan, haggard looks are,
for us, an offering.”
I’m not saying NFL players or
rugby players dope but the ferocity,
the hits, the brain injuries are, as
Blondin said 50 years ago, an
offering.

The most entertaining sporting
moment of the new year so far was
Sky Sports’ interview with Jack
Grealish after Manchester City’s 1-0
victory over Chelsea at Stamford
Bridge on Thursday. Grealish was
funny, candid, interesting,
entertaining and wonderfully
unpretentious. It was a reminder
that so many other post-match
interviews play to a blindingly
predictable script.
The first thing Grealish conveyed
was the sense that he was more
than happy to do the interview,
which is an uncommon starting
point. He was asked about his part
in the winning goal, as he had
played the cross for Riyad Mahrez.
Grealish watched a replay of the
goal on a monitor and then a stream
of consciousness took over.
“You know it was weird. I was
just speaking to Riyad and he says
he thought the ’keeper was going to
get it at one point. And so did I
when I’ve crossed, I felt like the
’keeper was going to get it.”
This was an interesting
observation because at the moment

Grealish has an easygoing charm
of the goal, Sky’s co-commentator
Jamie Carragher had thought Kepa
Arrizabalaga should have stopped
the cross. It was natural for Sky
Sports’ David Jones to ask Grealish
if he actually expected Arrizabalaga
to get to the cross. This was an
invitation to blame the Chelsea
keeper. “I don’t know,” said
Grealish. “Nah, I’m just going to
praise my cross.” That was the right
answer and delivered charmingly.
Grealish then spoke about his
naivety on joining City. His view at
the time was that City had better
players than Aston Villa, won more
games and scored more goals. He
thought that meant he would score
more goals and have more assists.
The reality was a shock to his
system and he’s still trying to
properly fit into Pep Guardiola’s
team and become a regular starter.
His career at City remains a workin-progress. He seemed OK about
that, almost as if he will be fine with
the outcome regardless of which
way it goes. Jones then asked
Grealish if he knew that the Sky
Sports’ pundit Karen Carney had
been to the same St Peter’s Catholic
School in Birmingham that he had
attended. He said he’d known this
for some time. “It’s where our
brainy minds come from!”

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BUSINESS
&MONEY
January 8, 2023 · thesundaytimes.co.uk/business

thesundaytimes.co.uk/money

TIKTOK
IN THE
DOCK
PAGE 6

HOW I’M
FIXING UP
SAATCHI
PAGE 5

‘WE’RE PAYING
THE LOYALTY
PENALTY’
MONEY,
PAGE 9

Jack Ma gives up control of Ant after China’s tech crackdown

Jill Treanor
Chinese billionaire Jack Ma
has relinquished control of
Ant, the fintech giant behind
payments system Alipay, in
what appears to be an
attempt to appease Beijing
after it blocked his plans for a
record-breaking stock market
float.
The former English
teacher, who achieved
celebrity status in China and
across the globe, will see his

control of voting rights in Ant
fall from about 50 per cent to
just 6.2 per cent, according to
calculations by Reuters.
Ma, 58, has kept a lower
profile since October 2020
when he was perceived to
criticise Chinese financial
regulators just as the initial
public offering of Ant was
being finalised.
Since then, Ant has been
tightening up controls
between its various financial
arms — such as wealth

management, lending and
the one billion users of Alipay
— as China cracked down on
its tech giants.
Analysts said the move
could hold up any plans for a
float as a change of control
causes a three-year delay to
listing in the Chinese market
and a year in Hong Kong.
They said it illustrated
Beijing’s determination to
rein in high-profile
individuals.
“Jack Ma’s departure from

Ant Financial, a company he
founded, shows the
determination of the Chinese
leadership to reduce the
influence of large private
investors,” said Andrew
Collier, managing director of
Orient Capital Research.
“This trend will continue
the erosion of the most
productive parts of the
Chinese economy.”
The float of Ant on stock
markets in Hong Kong and
Shanghai was billed as the

Amazon braces for
wave of strikes as
pay unrest grows

Ma was seen in Bangkok

world’s largest in 2020,
surpassing even the share
sale by Saudi Arabia of its oil
giant Aramco. Ant intended
to raise about $35 billion,
more than the $25 billion of
shares sold in Saudi Aramco.
Ma shot to fame after the
success of Alibaba, the
shopping platform he cofounded in an apartment in
Hangzhou. Until the failure of
the Ant float, he had
appeared to epitomise a new
era of entrepreneurship in

China. Ant was separated
from Alibaba in 2011.
Ant said the changes were
being made so that “no
shareholder, alone or jointly
with other parties, will have
control over” the business.
While Ma owns 10 per cent
of Ant, the prospectus for its
aborted float showed that he
actually had control over
50.5 per cent of the business
through other entities.
The change will give
greater voting rights to nine

KARWAI TANG/WIREIMAGE/GETTY IMAGES

ASPINAL SET TO BAG TIDY PROFIT

Disgruntled workers at Amazon’s giant
distribution centre in Tilbury, Essex are
plotting to ballot for strike action over
pay, in a sign that the all-conquering tech
giant is being swept up in the industrial
disputes engulfing Britain.
Stuart Richards, an official with the
GMB trade union, said workers at the
Amazon’s facility, which employs about
3,500 people, were close to balloting for
industrial action and that he expected
this to be replicated at other centres
operated by Amazon.
The company, which refuses to recognise trade unions, is dealing with unprecedented levels of worker unrest after it
raised pay by as little as 35p an hour last
summer amid a vicious squeeze on disposable incomes.
Workers at its distribution centre in
Coventry will stage the first-ever organised strike at an Amazon facility on January 25, after 180 members of the GMB
union balloted for industrial action.
The company does not expect the
strike at its facility in Coventry, which
only distributes goods to other fulfilment
centres, to have any effect on customers.
A strike at Tilbury — which is one of Amazon’s largest facilities in the UK and supplies directly to customers — would have
a far greater impact. About 200 staff at
Tilbury are understood to be members of
the GMB union.
“I don’t want to have to work 60 hours
[a week] to be able to pay my bills. None
of us really wants to strike — but we need
to make a point,” said Darren Westwood,
a worker at the Coventry facility who
helped organise the strike.
“People here deserve a lot more than

they’re getting. They need to be able to
negotiate with their employers.”
One worker said that management had
“created an atmosphere that if you talk
about a union, you’re going to get punished”. Amazon said its employees had
always had the choice of joining a union.
Since
its
below-inflation
wage
increases sparked a wave of impromptu
protests in its distribution centres last
August, Amazon has granted employees
a £500 one-off bonus, half of which will
be paid at the end of the year provided
that the worker has not had any unauthorised absence.
The GMB has interpreted that as an
attempt to discourage workers from striking, an allegation rejected by Amazon.

Amazon workers want parity with US

Workers at Coventry receive £10.50 an
hour, as well as private healthcare insurance, life assurance and a 10 per cent discount on products sold directly by the
company on amazon.com.
Workers in the distribution centres of
supermarket chain Morrisons get paid
between £11.04 and £12.52 an hour, and
from next month, workers in Argos distribution centres will be on £11 an hour.
Staff working in supermarkets, which
are easier to get to, typically receive a
slightly lower hourly rate.
The national minimum wage, currently £9.50 an hour, will rise to £10.42 on
April 1. Amazon said it appreciated the
great work its teams did and was proud to
offer competitive pay.
Amazon, which operates its own distribution network, is expected to have
profited from the strike action that hit
Royal Mail and indirectly hurt its e-commerce rivals in the run-up to Christmas.
GMB wants Amazon to pay workers £15
an hour, justified on the basis that this
would put them on an equal footing with
their counterparts in America, who earn
$18 an hour. The tech giant did not
acknowledge the claim but said its pay
was benchmarked against other employers in the local area.
Last week, Amazon chief executive
Andy Jassy announced that the company
would be cutting 18,000 jobs, the largest
cull in its history, as the company reins in
expenditure amid a slowdown in consumer spending and a reversion to
in-store shopping. Jassy took over from
founder Jeff Bezos in 2021.
Amazon’s shares have now shed all
their pandemic gains, closing at $86.1 in
New York last Friday and valuing the tech
giant at $878.2 billion (£725.8 billion).

Bulb bailout could be billions
less than £6.5bn estimate
Jamie Nimmo
The cost to taxpayers of
bailing out collapsed energy
supplier Bulb could end up
being billions of pounds
lower than estimated.
The amount of taxpayer
funding made available to run
Bulb was slashed last month
by £1.7 billion, documents
filed by its administrators
Teneo reveal. It fell from
£3.9 billion to £2.2 billion.
That makes the £6.5 billion
estimate by the Office for
Budget Responsibility (OBR)
look unlikely. However, it
would still make Bulb the
largest taxpayer bailout since
the nationalisation of Royal
Bank of Scotland in the

financial crisis. The OBR
revealed the figure in
November but failed to
explain its workings. Andy
King, a member of its
committee, said the increase
was because the sale process
had been longer than
expected. But the estimate has
baffled those close to Bulb.
The company collapsed in
November 2021, but with
1.7 million customers, it was
too large to be passed on to
rival suppliers. Instead, it
went through a special
administration, where the
taxpayer foots the running
costs until a permanent
solution is found.
Octopus Energy completed
a deal to buy Bulb last month.

Details have been shrouded
in secrecy, but are known to
involve taxpayer funds being
used to keep buying energy
on the spot market until the
end of March. The National
Audit Office is scrutinising the
takeover, while rivals are
challenging the deal.
The government has been
criticised for its decision to
prevent Bulb from hedging
during the special
administration, which would
have allowed it to buy energy
in advance.
Wholesale gas prices have
fallen in recent weeks, but
remain more than three times
higher than their historical
average of 50p a therm.
Bulb declined to comment.

Tom Daley, one of the many celebrity fans, sports an Aspinal bag at Wimbledon last year
Luxury handbag retailer
Aspinal of London is on
course to grow profits by
up to 40 per cent this year
after tourist spending
boosted Christmas sales,
writes Sam Chambers.
Sales grew 15 per cent
last month, putting it on
course to grow underlying
profit by 30-40 per cent in
the year to March.

Recession fears set
to be confirmed
Jill Treanor
The economy contracted in
November, setting Britain on
course for a recession, data
on Friday will reveal.
Economists expect gross
domestic product (GDP) to
have shrunk by 0.3 per cent in
November after bouncing
back in October from the
business shutdowns for the
Queen’s funeral in September.
Ruth Gregory, senior
economist at the consultancy
Capital Economics, said the
new data would signal Britain
was heading for recession,
defined as two consecutive
quarters of negative growth.
“We think the economy
[shrank] by 0.3 per cent

New fleet
of nukes
on back
burner
Harry Yorke

Plans for a vote over wages at Tilbury site come as employees in
Coventry call the company’s first organised walkout in the UK
Sam Chambers

key individuals, including the
chairman, Eric Jing, who can
use their power
independently.
Bloomberg reported that
Ma was in Thailand last week
at the Michelin-starred street
food restaurant Jay Fai.
Bloomberg’s Billionaire Index
values him at $33.8 billion,
making him the fourthrichest person in China.
The Financial Times has
reported him as living in
Japan.

month-on-month in
November,” she said. “That
would sow the seeds of a
contraction in GDP of at least
0.2 per cent quarter-onquarter [in the last three
months of 2022].” Official
figures have already shown
that the economy contracted
in the three months to
September by 0.3 per cent.
At ING, developed markets
economist James Smith said:
“We expect a negative
monthly figure for November
. . . That, and another such
decline in December, would
. . . mark the start of a UK
recession that’s likely to last
until at least the summer.”
David Smith, page 7

Aspinal, whose bags
have been used by the
Princess of Wales and
Jennifer Lopez, recovered
well from the pandemic
when it shut ten stores.
Sales rose 29 per cent to
£29.8 million in the year to
March 2022. Underlying
profits more than doubled
to £4.1 million.
Aspinal has a flagship

store on London’s Regent
Street, concessions in
Selfridges and Harrods, as
well as shops in China and
the Middle East. Its Mayfair
bag retails for £595.
Founder and chairman
Iain Burton said sales to US
and Middle Eastern tourists
were especially strong over
Christmas. It is focused on
growing online and abroad.

A funding deal for the first
fleet of mini nuclear reactors
is not expected to materialise
for at least another 12 months,
amid a row in government
over the cost of Britain’s
wider nuclear ambitions.
Last year, in order to triple
domestic nuclear capacity to
24 gigawatts by 2050 — a
quarter of the UK’s projected
electricity demand — Boris
Johnson set out plans for eight
new large reactors alongside
the development of small
modular reactors (SMRs).
The government also
announced the formation of
Great British Nuclear (GBN), a
body responsible for helping
to deliver the next generation
of reactors and SMRs by
identifying potential sites,
developers and investors.
At present only one plant,
Hinkley Point C, is under
construction, with the
financing and final
investment decisions on
Sizewell C still pending.
However, even though all
but one of the UK’s existing
plants are set to be shut down
by the end of the decade, the
government’s nuclear
strategy now appears at risk
of stalling amid internal
disagreements.
In particular, Whitehall
sources have revealed that
there remains significant
uncertainty over the scale of
state investment in SMRs.
Rolls-Royce, which has
created designs for a 470
megawatt SMR and wants to
begin building factories, has
called for ministers to enter
funding talks and start
placing orders. Rolls is
understood to be seeking a
commitment for four initial
SMRs at a cost of about
£2 billion each, which it
believes would unlock orders
Continued on page 2 →

Asos on collision course with
investors over bonus scheme
Jill Treanor
Fast-fashion retailer Asos
faces a row with investors this
week after changing the terms
under which bonuses can be
handed out to top executives.
Asos, which in October
had to take a £130 million
provision to cover the cost of
disposing of excess stock, has
changed the criteria for the
annual bonus scheme so that
revenue now accounts for
15 per cent of the target,
instead of 30 per cent before.
It has also changed the
criteria for incentive plans,
which pay out over three
years, and has increased the
targets for revenue growth.
Investors tend to disapprove

of changes to the criteria of
bonus schemes when they
have already been
announced, and Glass Lewis,
which advises big
institutional investors, has
recommended voting against
the remuneration report at
Wednesday’s annual meeting.
Jose Antonio Ramos
Calamonte replaced Nick
Beighton as chief executive of
the FTSE 250 firm in June on a
salary of £700,000, 13 per
cent more than Beighton.
Another key voting agency,
ISS, has not recommended
voting against the changes
but said that “revision to the
bonus structure after the
performance period has
begun is a matter of inherent

concern”. Asos said its pay
plan “encourages the
creation of sustainable
shareholder value”.
The outlook for online-only
retailers such as Asos has
deteriorated hugely over the
past 12-18 months.
Another row is brewing at
Topps Tiles, where supplier
and 29.8 per cent shareholder
MS Galleon wants to remove
Darren Shapland as chairman
over “failings of leadership”
and install Lidia Wolfinger
and Michael Bartusiak. Glass
Lewis has recommended
backing Wolfinger’s election
but questioned why Shapland
was being targeted. ISS told
investors not to back
MS Galleon’s proposals.

BUSINESS

KEEPING THE
TILLS RINGING
January is the come-down after Christmas for
many firms. Laith Al-Khalaf sees how they are
persuading consumers to keep splashing out

AN ANTIDOTE TO DRY RUNS

ALL HANDS TO THE
BEER PUMPS
6 The start of the year is often a time for
belt-tightening after the Christmas
blow-out. But Matt Todd, 54, owner of
The Wonston Arms pub in Hampshire,
has found a way to keep the spending
going: his “January Club” voucher
scheme. Last month, he sold £100
vouchers granting customers 30 pints
of cask ale to be consumed in January.
“It’s a way of building on that
euphoria from December ... so it
smooths out the risk and smooths out
the unpredictability,” Todd explained. “I
put all the money in a separate account
and went to the brewers in Hampshire

to buy the ale. Because I had all that
money, I could get a great deal on it.”
The offer is designed to attract even
more customers. “It is kind of a win-win
because the regulars come in with their
mates, who will also end up having a
drink,” he said.

Sun-starved Britons are desperate to book holidays,
while China is unlocking after Covid. Is 2023 the year
air travel regains altitude, asks Jon Yeomans

t’s bleak. It’s dark. The weather is
miserable. Little surprise, then,
that January is one of the busiest
times of the year for booking
holidays. Yet with the headlines
dominated by a cost of living crisis,
surely Britons are being a little
more cautious this time around?
Not so, according to Richard Slater,
managing director of Henbury
Travel. Business is so good at the
Macclesfield-based travel agent that
three months ago he moved to a bigger
premises.
“You’d think there would be a drop-off
because of the cost of living crisis . . . but
growth has been good,” Slater said, on a

busy evening last week. “I’ve got 11
inquiries on my desk to see to before I go
home tonight.”
Henbury’s upbeat report is echoed by
others in the sector. There is a quiet
spring in the step of the travel industry,
which was brought rudely down to Earth
by Covid-19, when flights were grounded,
staff were furloughed or fired and thousands of planes were mothballed.
Three years on, international travel is
finding its feet. China’s volte-face on its
handling of the pandemic paves the way
for a full reopening and has tour
operators, airlines and plane makers salivating at the prospect of a boom. Is 2023
the year air travel regains altitude? And

what does it mean for the sun-starved
Brits waiting to haul their suitcases out of
the loft?
“During Covid, people didn’t stop
dreaming about where they wanted to
go,” said Gemma Antrobus, director of
Haslemere Travel and chairwoman of the
Association of Independent Tour Operators. Many travel agents are still catering
to pent-up demand from the pandemic,
she said — and, while some passengers
may seek out cheaper deals, specialist,
tailor-made and luxury trips are holding
up well. “Demand is greater than I’ve
seen it for a long time,” she added.
Abta, the travel trade body, said it
expected to see bumper sales yesterday

Whitehall wrangles
stall nuclear reactors
→ Continued from page 1
from interested foreign
buyers. But a senior
government source said the
Treasury would not sign off
on any orders or significant
funding until the technology
had approval from the Office
for Nuclear Regulation, which
is not expected until 2024.
While the government has
already invested £210 million
in Rolls’s technology, the
Department for Business,
Energy and Industrial
Strategy (BEIS) is also still
assessing whether its
competitors, including GE
Hitachi, may offer “more
viable” alternatives.
Insiders have signalled that
the government may opt to
launch yet another
competition to gather further
evidence before any firm
deals are struck. More

broadly, Treasury ministers
harbour big concerns over the
costs associated with GBN,
which officials have warned is
billions over budget.
While officials expect GBN
to be announced early this
year, after months of delays,
the internal wrangling could
lead to changes to both the
body’s scope and funding.
Last night Paul Stein,
chairman of the Rolls SMR
consortium, said: “We stand

Sizewell C: still pending

ready to upscale SMR as soon
as we get the green light ...
We’re confident our design
will bring the lowest cost of
energy ... the lowest risk, and
be game changing for British
jobs and exports.
“It’s not just procurement
of SMRs that is at stake, but
our energy security, our
national prosperity and the
development of a homegrown design which will reindustrialise our nation. We
trust that whatever process
the government follows will
reach this same view and we
can proceed with pace.”
A BEIS source said: “It is
clear the way to shore up this
country’s energy security is
to achieve a pipeline of new
nuclear. The government [is]
committed to .. establishing
and backing Great British
Nuclear.”

on what it dubbed “Sunshine Saturday”.
Mark Tanzer, its chief executive,
suggested that consumers were keeping
one eye on costs by opting for
all-inclusive deals and going on fewer,
longer holidays to reduce transport fees.
The recovery in aviation has been
staggered as countries have dropped
Covid restrictions at different times.
Domestic travel in North America and
Europe bounced back first, followed by
transatlantic routes. Low-cost carriers
have been early winners from the recovery, particularly Ryanair, which last week
upgraded its profit guidance for the year
to March.
Michael O’Leary, the no-frills carrier’s
chief executive, said: “2023 will be a very
strong year for travel. Certainly our bulk
forward bookings look strong.” Any
recessionary fears in the UK would benefit Ryanair, he added, as customers
“trade down” to budget carriers.
Over at Virgin Atlantic, Juha Jarvinen,
chief commercial officer, was almost as
bullish. He said the Richard Branson-

Crusshing blow to
health food firm as
workers stay at home
Jon Yeomans
and Jamie Nimmo
The working from home
revolution has thrown into
doubt the future of a healthy
food and juice bar chain
founded by a schoolfriend
of David Cameron.
Crussh, which caters for
health-conscious City
workers, has filed a notice in
the courts of its intention to
appoint administrators.
The company was set up
24 years ago by
entrepreneur James
Learmond, 56, who was one
of the former prime
minister’s closest friends at
Eton.
The latest available
accounts for its parent
company Krush Global,
covering 2021, laid bare the
impact of Covid. Crussh

6 January tends to be a time of all work and no play, but the
managers of Faim in London have turned this to their benefit.
Faim is a “café-bar-workspace” that provides working areas
where customers can also buy food and drink. “It’s not like a
WeWork where you need a pass to get in, and it’s not like a
café where you’re forced to buy multiple coffees to use the
wi-fi,” said Petar Ivanisevic, 37, who co-manages the venue
with his wife Faye Kewell, 32. “It’s an all-day offering for those
who are working from home.”
The idea, a venture with Punch Pubs, is an example of the
switch made by many venues to try to diversify their earnings
in January. “We already do working-from-cafés, so we wanted
to deliver ‘working-from-pubs’,” said Ivanisevic.
The couple have also been targeting students. “They love
the concept of being able to jump into our conference room
. . . while also being able to jump out in a break and have a
pint.”

warned that workers
spending less time in the
office would mean a
number of its sites might
never again be financially
viable. Sales fell from
£14.1 million in 2020 to
£2.9 million in 2021 as it
made a £2.8 million loss.
The company has 11
stores, most of which are
located in the Square Mile
targeting professionals with
healthy diets. Its menu
includes protein shakes,
salads and “healthpots”.
Other companies have
suffered similar fates from
millions of workers staying
at home. AMT Coffee, which
sold coffee to commuters,
collapsed before some of its
stalls in train stations were
snapped up by SSP.
Crussh did not respond to
requests for comment.

AVIATION’S RECOVERY
TAKES OFF
Passenger journeys (billions)
2019

4.5
2020

1.8
2021

2.2
2022

3.4
2023 (forecast)

4.2
Sources: IATA, IBA.aero

backed carrier, which is expanding its
Caribbean routes, enjoyed its busiest day
of bookings since before Covid last week,
with 38,000 trips bought in one day.
“People are saving in other areas, like
shopping, before they save on travel,”
Jarvinen said.

PRICES TAKE OFF
Certainly holidaymakers will need to
make savings somewhere; the cost of the
holidays, like much else, has gone up.
Foreign hotels are grappling with the
same inflationary pressures in energy
and food as at home.
“Prices have gone up, and exchange
rates with the euro and the dollar have
also had an impact on every level of
accommodation,” said Antrobus. The
pound, after dropping as low as $1.03, is
back at about $1.19 — still below the longterm average.
There is a ray of sunshine offered by
IATA, the international airline body,
which forecasts a dip in global air fares
this year as airlines gradually ramp up

Suppliers slam fashion
giants over rising costs
Sam Chambers
A string of high street fashion
names have been accused of
squeezing suppliers by
refusing to pay more for their
clothes to compensate for
surging inflation.
In a survey of 1,000
Bangladeshi factories by
Aberdeen University, 57 per
cent of Inditex suppliers said
in December 2021 that they
were not receiving any more
for their garments than they
were before the pandemic,
despite their costs surging.
Meanwhile, 73 per cent of
Bangladeshi suppliers to
H&M said they were selling to
the clothing giant at the same
prices as before Covid. For
Next, that figure was 75 per
cent, and for Primark it stood
at 47 per cent. With orders
tailing off in 2022 after a post-

lockdown boom, factory
owners report that things
have worsened since.
“We are undercutting each
other with prices that make
no sense,” said Rubana Huq,
the managing director of
Mohammadi Group.
“Bangladesh has a problem of
over-capacity, so it is a race to
the bottom.”
Covid hit global garments
sales but trade roared back in
2021, triggering a 35 per cent
jump in Bangladesh’s clothing
exports. The country was also
boosted by some companies
switching away from Chinese
supply. But as demand grew,
the price of cotton doubled in
a year, squeezing profits at
the factories.
“This research is a wake-up
call,” said Fiona Gooch, policy
adviser at campaign group
Transform Trade. “When

retailers treat suppliers badly
. . . it’s workers who suffer.”
Bangladeshi suppliers are
also under pressure to source
more sustainable, traceable
fibres at greater expense.
The findings of the
Aberdeen study come almost
a decade after 1,134 people
died in the collapse of the
eight-storey Rana Plaza
building in Dhaka, which
housed five garment
factories. The tragedy
spurred western brands to
impose higher standards on
their Bangladeshi suppliers.
Inditex said it worked
during the pandemic to get
loans to manufacturers on
favourable terms. Next said it
had increased prices paid to
suppliers. Primark said it was
committed to pursuing the
living wage for workers in its
supply chain.

The Sunday Times January 8, 2023

WE HAD TO SEE THE BIG PICTURE

OUR OVENS WILL FIRE UP LATER

COMPETING FOR TRADE

6 In contrast to pubs and restaurants, January is often a busy
month for cinemas, as blockbusters compete with awards
contenders for viewers. But this year is proving more tricky. “It
has been challenging for the past four or five months,” said
Mark Williams, manager of WTW Cinemas in
Cornwall.
Even though the latest Avatar film generated
a sizeable Christmas take, Williams believes
that consumers, now more than ever, are
looking for bargains. His solution has been to
increase the amount of promotional deals that
his cinemas in Cornwall and Devon offer,
running some form of discount
nearly every day.
“We want to open our doors to
as many people as we possibly
can,” Williams explained.

6 Ross Mackenzie, owner of the Crazy Pedro’s
group of pizza restaurants, has decided to shorten
his opening hours to keep overheads down while
preserving sales. He is opening later on weekdays
to reduce his energy and labour costs, as staff will
work shorter hours.
“These days, you need to be trimming your
costs as much as possible, so you don’t have to
raise prices, and keep attracting customers … but
the tightrope is getting tighter,” said Mackenzie,
54. “January is a tough one for the industry.”
He is also extending happy-hour deals at some
of his venues, which are in Manchester, Liverpool
and Birmingham. But Mackenzie is also looking
ahead apprehensively to April, when he expects to
be hit by rising energy bills and a hike in the
national living wage.

6 Competitions are being used by
Founders & Co, a Swansea retail and
hospitality hub, to keep the tills ringing
through January. “We expect the first few
months of the year, in particular this year,
to be quite challenging … but we’ve got
really good community links that we can
draw on to help us,” said Kate Hawkshaw,
brand manager at Founders. The venue
comprises independent cafés, bars,
restaurants and retailers, and regularly
runs schemes for local businesses to participate in. Founders’ latest
competition offers a £500 bursary, free consultancy lessons and the
opportunity to trade in its space. Hawkshaw, 39, said that the various
initiatives helped local businesses but also increased the exposure of
Founders. “At the moment, it really is ‘the more the merrier’. We want as
many people to come in as possible and experience the space.”

ILLUSTRATION: CLARE COLLINS, JULIAN OSBALDSTONE

CHINA REAWAKENS
The key to a full recovery remains in the
Far East, particularly in China, where
until recently, domestic flights were
operating at only 51 per cent of their pre2020 levels, and international flights at
just 23 per cent, according to IBA.
China’s draconian approach to Covid
had led the industry to assume aviation
would not see a full recovery until 2024.
While this remains the consensus,
Darren Hulst, vice-president of commercial marketing at Boeing, said there was
“an upside risk” to this forecast; in other
words, it could come sooner. “China . . . is
going to release a lot of pent-up demand,
both inside and outside the Asia-Pacific
market,” he said.
That is certainly the hope of RollsRoyce, the FTSE 100 engineer that builds
engines for wide-body planes used on
long-haul routes. Rolls depends on aftersales of its engines, so the more “flying
hours” planes clock up, the more money
it makes. During the pandemic, Rolls
shares crashed as planes were grounded,
but last week, analysts at investment
bank Jefferies upgraded it to a “buy” rating on the basis that China’s reopening
would be a catalyst.
Ewen McDonald, Rolls’s chief customer officer, said the middle class in
China had saved cash during the pandemic and were ready to travel — and
spend. “There are a lot of tourist markets
where the influx of that demand is going
to be a real godsend,” he said.

SCRAMBLE FOR PLANES

the number of flights, or “capacity”.
Geoff van Klaveren, chief executive of
analysts IBA, said that airlines struggled
to bring on extra capacity last year due to
staff shortages at airports. Those issues
should recede this year: “There’s quite a
bit of capacity that will come back on in
2023. That will dampen ticket prices . . .
and help to sustain the continued recovery in demand.”
Not everyone is convinced. At least in
Europe, Ryanair’s O’Leary describes the
possibility of cheaper fares as “horseshit”. He said: “Who’s going to be restoring his capacity? We’re the only airline
adding significant capacity in Europe this
year. And we still expect fares will rise by
high single-digits or low double-digits
again this year because European shorthaul capacity will still be lower than it
was pre-Covid.”
The chief executive pointed out that
legacy carriers such as Alitalia, now ITA,
had drastically cut routes, while
operators such as Thomas Cook had disappeared altogether.

One obstacle to this boom will be
whether airlines can find enough aircraft
to serve the market. “It’s difficult to get
hold of new aircraft [at present],” said
van Klaveren of IBA, who added that “values for some of the older-generation aircraft will make a bit of a comeback”. Airlines are hauling mothballed planes back
into service. According to data firm Cirium, 61 per cent of the global fleet was in
storage at the height of the pandemic;
this has fallen to 19 per cent.
The shortage of planes is due to supply-chain issues that have hit production
at the world’s two biggest manufacturers,
Airbus and Boeing. This week the pair
will reveal their numbers on how many
planes they delivered in 2022. The
annual event, a long-time game of oneupmanship, will provide a snapshot of
the health of the industry; Airbus has
already admitted it will miss its target of
“around 700” new planes. Both manufacturers are keen to keep up the supply
of more fuel-efficient craft that are
cheaper and greener to run. As long-haul
markets reopen, many expect renewed
demand for larger, wide-body planes.

There’s a lot
BOOK EARLY
of hype but
The struggles of airlines to lay their hands
aircraft speak to their desire to cash in
we’re keeping on
on the expected demand. For those travellers venturing back out into the world,
our fingers
the advice is simple: “It’s going to be a
challenging year to book travel, because
crossed
of prices and availability,” Antrobus said.

38,000
Trips bought in one day last
week with Virgin Atlantic

“You need to be booking in advance.”
For travel agents that have endured a
torrid few years, there are grounds for
optimism — though Noel Josephides, of
London-based specialist Sunvil, sounded
a note of caution. “There’s a lot of hype in
the travel industry,” said Josephides, who
has run his business since 1970. “It’s far
too early to say it’s going to be a bumper
year. But it’s been a steady start. We’re
keeping our fingers crossed.”

Taxpayer stake in NatWest
is still a thorn in Rose’s side
Jill Treanor
What a difference a decade
makes. The New Year’s
honours list bestowed a
damehood on Alison Rose,
the chief executive of NatWest
— a little over ten years after
one of her predecessors, Fred
Goodwin, was stripped of his
knighthood having driven the
bank to the brink of collapse.
When Rose was promoted
to the top job in November
2019, one of her first acts was
to change the vilified bank’s
name from Royal Bank of
Scotland (RBS) and set herself
on a path to prove it had a
“purpose”, after racking up
£120 billion of losses in the
ten years following its
£45 billion taxpayer bailout
during 2008 and 2009.
Yet her task in restoring
confidence in the bank is not
complete. NatWest is still
reliant on the public purse for
its survival, with taxpayers
owning nearly 46 per cent of
it — albeit down from 84 per
cent in 2009. So as the new
year gets under way, Rose will
hope that stock market
conditions allow the
government to finally achieve
its goal of shedding its stake.
That sale is certainly taking
much longer than the original
rescue team had imagined
when they arrived at what
was then the biggest bank in
the world.
In January 2009, Stephen
Hester — who had replaced
Goodwin the previous
November — told analysts that
his aim was to free the bank
from state ownership in five
years. It proved impossible.
Sir Philip Hampton, who was
parachuted in as chairman of

RBS in February 2009,
recalled: “The idea for the
management was to rescue
this bank over a three to fiveyear period. That was the
general expectation in 2009.
“Then what happened?
The [banking] crisis was
more severe than expected
and then there was the
eurozone crisis, the collapse
in investment banking
revenues, and the fines and
compensation schemes.”
The biggest losses were
caused by bad debts:
£49 billion of them, of which,
£12 billion were related to
Ireland. Another £30 billion
were due to losses from
mergers, such as the ill-fated
deal with ABN Amro at what
proved to be the top of the
market. There was another
£20 billion in fines —
including for rigging the
benchmark interest rate,
Libor, and compensation for
the mis-selling of payment
protection insurance (PPI).
The bank was also
punished for receiving state
aid, with Brussels forcing it to
sell off businesses, and it
became a political football,
notably when George
Osborne, chancellor in the
2010 coalition government,
fell out with Hester over RBS’s
investment bank.
RBS would sell insurance
business Direct Line, for
which it received £3.2 billion;
Citizens, the US banking
empire built under Goodwin,
for £8.5 billion; and
Worldpay, the payments
system, for about £2 billion (it
is now valued at close to £32
billion after a series of deals).
But early efforts to restore
its fortunes were also

hampered by interest rate
cuts by the Bank of England —
from 5.5 per cent in January
2008 to 0.5 per cent in March
2009 — which ate into the
profits the bank could make
on the difference between the
rate paid to savers and the
rate charged to borrowers.
Here, though, there are
signs that sentiment towards
NatWest — and other banks —
is changing. Rates are on the
rise, now standing at 3.5 per
cent, and the shares have
risen 32 per cent in the past 12
weeks. NatWest is also less
accident-prone than in the
past. Sir Howard Davies, the
current chairman, said:
“Over the last four years, the
bank itself has been quite
stable, and has not delivered
any bad surprises.”
The scene could be set for
the government to sell more
shares — provided the war in
Ukraine does not strain

Can Dame Alison Rose
finally take back control?

market nerves — and for
NatWest to use up to
£1.4 billion of its surplus
capital to buy back shares in
March. “By 2025, it is credible
to contemplate the stake
being substantially all gone,”
said Ian Gordon, banks
analyst at Investec.
One potential caveat is any
political interference in the
run-up to the next general
election. Labour has talked
about breaking up RBS into
regional banks, and while this
no longer appears to be on
the agenda, it did not provide
any comment on its current
thinking. The government is
sticking to its policy that it
“intends to fully dispose of its
shareholding in NatWest by
2025-26”.
Even if that is achieved,
taxpayers will still be out of
pocket. NatWest’s stock
market value of £27 billion is
less than the £45 billion
taxpayers paid for the shares
during those emergency
conditions in 2008-9.
Lord (Alistair) Darling,
chancellor at the time, said
the alternative would have
been worse. He can still recall
the moment on October 7,
2008, when the bank’s thenchairman, Sir Tom McKillop,
warned him that RBS would
run out of money. “If we
hadn’t taken action, that bank
was three hours away from
total collapse. And it would
have brought down the rest of
the banking system, not just in
this country but in other parts
of the world,” said Darling.
“The bank today is very
different ... It’s in better
shape, it’s well managed. But
there was always going to be a
long-term job [to revive it].”

Bonus alert in City as US banks report
Jill Treanor
America’s biggest banks will
set the tone for the annual
bonus season across the City
this week as JP Morgan, Citi
and Bank of America report
results for 2022 after a dropoff in deal activity following
Russia’s invasion of Ukraine.
Their results come as
Goldman Sachs, which
reports the following week,
prepares to announce up to
4,000 job cuts — about 8 per
cent of its global workforce —
in anticipation of a slowdown
in the American economy.
There are reports that it could

cut its bonus pool by up to
40 per cent.
After a boom in financial
services in 2021 as economies
reopened after pandemic
shutdowns, last year was
markedly slower as the
uncertainty created by the
Ukraine war put the brakes
on stock market floats and big
mergers and acquisitions.
Analysts at Barclays
forecast that revenues in
capital markets across the top
US banks will have fallen to
$136 billion (£112 billion),
down 13 per cent from the
record $156 billion in 2021. An
increase in revenues from

trading activities will be offset
by a 50 per cent drop in fees
from investment banking (for
work such as M&A deals) — to
their lowest level since 2012.
Trading revenues are
expected to rise by 8 per cent
year-on-year for 2022, driven
by activity in fixed income
(bonds), currencies and
commodities in volatile
trading conditions sparked by
rate rises across the globe.
America’s central bank,
the Federal Reserve, last
month raised interest rates to
their highest level in 15 years
— to between 4.25 per cent
and 4.5 per cent. That in turn

will boost the profits made by
banks on the difference
between the rate they charge
for loans and the rate they
pay to savers.
The analysts at Barclays
reckon overall revenue at
Wall Street banks will hit
record levels, before
provisions for bad debts and
other items. Despite the
gloom in 2022, activity levels
were still above the average
over the past decade.
The performance of US
banks and the size of bonus
payouts will be scrutinised in
the UK, where the big banks
report results next month.

Martha Lane Fox
Your country needs you – to be a non-exec director

s attentive readers of this
section of the paper, you may
have developed a somewhat
dim view of boards. Perhaps
you revelled in the collapse of
crypto exchange FTX, and
laughed at the apparent total
lack of oversight from venture
capitalists and their so-called directors.
Or maybe you raised your eyes to the
heavens at the rapid demise of so many
UK retailers last year, and bemoaned the
shoddy work of their directors.
Boards are remote and opaque to
most people. They still conjure up
images of older, mainly white,
establishment figures [in wood-panelled
rooms] paid fat cheques for haphazard
oversight. Yet they form a fundamental
part of all aspects of society; schools,
hospitals, charities and government
departments all need board directors.
So, we will improve the governance and
functioning of both our corporate and

public sectors only when more people
with varying experience join boards.
You may not have put it on your list of
goals for 2023, but participating as a
trustee or a non-executive director can
be very rewarding. Even more than this,
good people are needed to fill the roles.
So how do you join a board?
First, it’s never too early to try.
Younger board members see different
challenges on the horizon and can be the
voice of a different consumer.
Some of the most impressive people I
have served with have lowered the
average age of the board by a decade,
but added immeasurably to relevance
and understanding. Perhaps the best
example of this is Bret Taylor, soon to
step down as co-chief executive of
Salesforce, who joined the board of
Twitter at the same time as me despite
being several years younger. He ended
up chairing the whole business.
It’s a different sphere, but while I was

on the board of the Queen’s
Commonwealth Trust, Chrisann Jarrett
and Abdullahi Alim, both young
founders, joined us and brought fresh
new voices to a board concerned with
young people and leadership. So, put
yourself forward even if you think it
might be a decade too early.
Second, a lot of companies, and all
public sector organisations, advertise for
non-executives, so one way to kick-start
the process is simply to look at the public
appointments sections at gov.uk, or
social networks, or newspapers, and
apply. My first board role after a car
accident, which meant I had to rebuild
my working life, was at Channel 4. My
assistant told me they were advertising; I
applied and was lucky enough to be
offered a role. There are always a
number of vacancies. Right now, the
Health and Safety Executive and the
Consumer Council for Water need you.
Third, while you may have your sights

Good people are
needed to fill the
roles — so how do
you join a board?
set on the FTSE, developing experience
by joining a more low-key board —
perhaps at a smaller company or a
charity — is time well spent. You can then
assess whether you enjoy the work and
what skills you might need to develop. I
worked on a public company board with
an executive who took on her first nonexec role in a FTSE 350 business while
we worked together. She was the only

female director on that board and, after
a few years learning the role, she was
headhunted for a far bigger
multinational company and is thriving.
Finally, networks and contacts matter.
This sounds more dark arts than it is
meant to, but it’s important to be
realistic about how you are going to get a
break. People won’t know you wish to
join a board unless you make it known.
Tell your boss, talk to board members in
your company, ask people to think of
you when they are tapped for ideas.
Think about getting in touch with old
colleagues who may be on boards you
are interested in, and — most of all — use
the amazing power of digital to reach
further than your own address book.
In my experience, people are always
friendly — I keep notes of great potential
candidates so I can help when
headhunters call. And headhunters do
call — they are often the gatekeepers for
boards. So it’s worth getting to know

some, going to events they host or seeing
if you have any mutual connections.
You could always start a company and
then you will be guaranteed a board
seat, at least temporarily, though it does
feel rather an extreme measure. I’ll save
some of my own war stories about this
route for another week.
In the meantime, think about adding
“becoming a board member” to your
other New Year’s resolutions. You might
find it easier than only drinking kale
juice for January or cutting down on
your screen time. And — who knows?—
you might even help prevent a few
disastrous corporate headlines from
appearing in this paper?
Martha Lane Fox co-founded
Lastminute.com and Lucky Voice. She is
president of the British Chambers of
Commerce, chancellor of the Open
University and sits on multiple boards.
@marthalanefox

The Sunday Times January 8, 2023

BUSINESS

Savvy shoppers strap
in for another year of
rollercoaster prices
Even if inflation severely weakens, our mortgages, weekly
food and energy bills are unlikely to return to pre-Covid levels
SAM CHAMBERS

he sight of security tags
slapped on tubs of Lurpak
butter in supermarkets, after
they jumped in price last
summer, was a defining image
of a bruising year of food
inflation. This year, olive oil
may be the next staple in need
of protective measures.
Last year’s growing season
in the Mediterranean was wrecked by
drought, prompting fears of an olive oil
shortage. Production in Spain, which
normally accounts for at least 60 per cent
of the UK’s olive oil, is estimated to have
more than halved, sending prices to
record highs.
Parched olive groves are translating
into exorbitant prices for shoppers. A
one-litre bottle of Filippo Berio’s standard olive oil has broken through the £10
barrier at Waitrose and Ocado, with similar increases seen across other brands.
Even in these extraordinary times, such
huge increases will not go unnoticed.
“Olive oil is a disaster this year. We are
effectively short of two months’ worth of
global supply,” said Walter Zanre, UK
managing director for Filippo Berio. “We
have had to increase prices [charged to
supermarkets] by 30 per cent and prices
are likely to rise further.”
Without any new supply available until
the autumn, Zanre is predicting that the
UK will go through its stock of olive oil by
the fourth quarter.
The extreme rise in olive oil prices will
serve as something of a test of just how
much more shoppers can take. According to the British Retail Consortium, grocery bills rose 13.3 per cent last year, the
most savage year of inflation for decades.
There are signs, though, that we could
soon be through the worst of it. The
prices of prime commodities such as oil,
wheat, corn and soybeans have all fallen
from their peak, and a mild, windy winter
thus far means energy bills are on course
to fall below the government’s energy
price guarantee in July.
Further clues for the trajectory of food
prices will emerge this week when Tesco,
Marks & Spencer and Sainsbury’s report
Christmas trading updates. But as the
case of olive oil demonstrates,
any more substantial inflation
in a food supply chain still
reeling from the shocks of
Brexit, the pandemic and the
war in Ukraine will soon end
up with consumers.

or the past 18 months, supermarkets and suppliers have
been wrestling over who shoulders the burden of inflationary
pressures. Towards the end of
last year, suppliers were in some
cases implementing their fifth or sixth
price increase, many of which are landing on supermarket shelves this month.
“The price increases we will see this
month will be just as bad as, if not worse
than, anything we have seen over the past
six months,” said David Sables, boss of
Sentinel
Management
Consultants,
which trains suppliers on how to negotiate with supermarkets. Sables said significant price rises were likely on biscuits,
cakes, detergents and other cleaning
products, and that some of the increases
he had been working on recently were in
the “30 to 40 per cent range”.
Unlike in other areas of their budget,
households have plenty of ways to control their spending on groceries. In the 12

weeks to Christmas Day, supermarket
sales rose 7.7 per cent, considerably
below the rate of inflation, reflecting
more frugal habits.
According to industry sources, as well
as simply buying less, shoppers have
been ditching meat for carbohydrates or
swapping beef for chicken. They have
also been descending on the discounters,
helping Aldi report a 26 per cent jump in
sales during December, traditionally a
time when it loses out as shoppers “trade
up” to a posher supermarket.
Although some inflation from last year
still has to work its way on to the shelves,
analysts expect that the anniversary of
the Ukraine invasion — which sent prices
of wheat and grain skywards — will mean
inflation cools in the second quarter.
What unfolds from there will depend
largely on the quality of this year’s harvest in the northern hemisphere. “If the
harvest goes fine, we will be looking
at materially lower food inflation
into the third and fourth quarter
— we could even be in deflation
by the end of the year,” said Clive
Black, research director for Shore
Capital. He cautioned, though,

FUEL

Prices
haven’t
fallen as
far as
they
should
have

FOOD INFLATION: WINNERS AND LOSERS
Which staples have suffered the worst price rises?
Biggest increases
Low fat milk
Pasta and couscous
Margarine
Whole milk
Flour and other cereals
Butter

Smallest increases
45.3%
36.8%
33.9%
33.9%
30.1%
28.4%

Chocolate
Lager
Dried fruits and nuts
Spirits
Root vegetables
Wine

6.3%
5.4%
4.8%
4.3%
3.2%
2.9%

12 months to November 2022. Source: ONS

FOOD
CLOTHING

that we are one bad harvest from
“another chapter of problematic food
inflation”.
Inflation appears more entrenched in
some areas than others. Britain’s fruit
and vegetable growers, who cultivate
their produce in heated glasshouses,
have found themselves at the sharp end
of the energy crisis. The National Farmers’ Union estimates that domestic production of tomatoes and cucumbers last
year fell to its lowest level since 1985,
when it began monitoring levels.
Until gas prices drop significantly,
there will be a shortfall of homegrown
production. Lee Stiles, secretary of the
Lea Valley Growers Association, said
exorbitant energy costs meant that this
year the majority of growers would not
be planting until early spring, and one in
five growers would not be planting at all.
In 2023, Stiles expects the region to
produce about 30 per cent fewer
cucumbers, peppers and tomatoes than
usual, potentially pushing up prices. To
keep the shelves stocked, supermarkets
are turning to imports from Morocco,
Turkey and Egypt. Whether they will be
able to switch back to British growers will
depend on the trajectory of gas prices
and the generosity of the government’s
energy support package for business.
The outlook for prices on the other elements of household expenditure is
mixed. Since hitting a peak of 191.4p last
July, petrol prices have fallen 21 per cent
to 151p, according to the RAC. The drop,
though, is less than the fall in wholesale
prices, implying drivers will enjoy further savings in the coming months.
“Prices haven’t fallen as far as they
should have done because the supermarkets have refused to lower them,”
said Simon Williams, the RAC’s fuel
spokesman. He added that, at present
wholesale prices, supermarkets could
still make a 10p profit per litre by charging drivers 140p a litre for fuel. Defenders
of supermarkets argue that they are using
some of those additional profits to keep a
lid on grocery prices.
Price inflation on non-essential goods
is also peaking. Lord (Simon) Wolfson,
the Next boss, said reductions in production and freight costs meant that clothing
inflation should peak at about 8 per cent
in this year’s spring-summer collections
before falling back to a maximum of 6 per
cent for autumn-winter ranges.
Inflation in more discretionary goods,
which have recorded a sharp reduction in
demand from their pandemic-era boom,
should disappear more quickly. The boss
of one electrical goods retailer said that,
barring any unexpected economic
shocks, inflation in electrical
goods should have
disappeared by the
end of the year.
Industry insiders
also expect inflation in furniture,
where sales also
fell sharply last
year, to subside on a
similar timescale. Given
that most products are
bought in dollars, the risk in
both cases is that further
weakness in sterling could
prolong inflation into next
year.
Sadly, an unavoidable
jump in mortgage repayments will drain many homeowners of cash to spend on
any such luxuries. Samuel
Tombs, chief UK economist at
Pantheon Macroeconomics,
estimates that 28.6 per cent of
all fixed-rate mortgages will end
this year, forcing homeowners
to refinance on rates that are
presently north of 5 per cent.
Even if inflation slows drastically, our mortgages, weekly shop
and monthly energy bills seem
unlikely to return to pre-pandemic
levels any time soon. Martin Young,
an analyst for Investec, forecasts
that the energy price cap will fall
back to £2,640 in July — but that’s still
more than double its level in 2019. Those
higher costs for consumers and businesses, combined with geopolitical tensions and Brexit’s effect on the cost of
imports and supply of workers, point to a
structural increase in the amount we will
pay for goods after a decade of falling or
stagnant prices.
Take milk. The price of a four-pint
bottle has jumped from £1.09 to £1.65, but
as Shore Capital’s Black points out, it was
about £1.50 ten years ago. Perhaps we
just never realised we had it so good.

ENERGY

TOLGA AKMEN/AFP/GETTY IMAGES

A lack of chargers could hamper the growth of EV vehicles

We’re miles
behind in the
charge of EVs
Range anxiety
gives way to fears
over a lack of
charge points,
writes John Arlidge
When electric cars first went
on sale in big numbers a few
years ago, buyers complained
of “range anxiety” — the fear
that the battery would run
out of charge before they
reached their destination.
Mike Hawes, the UK car
industry’s chief lobbyist, said
range anxiety has been
replaced by “charge anxiety”,
drivers fearing that they will
not be able to find a charge
point when they need one.
“Will I be able to recharge?
Will chargers be available and
working when and where I
need them? Those are the
questions new-car buyers are
increasingly asking
themselves and may well act
as a barrier to buying EVs,” he
said last week.
It’s not hard to see why.
Over Christmas and New Year,
newspapers and websites
published photographs of
long queues of angry drivers
waiting to plug in at charging
stations. At Gretna Welcome
Break Services, dozens of
Tesla drivers trying to get to
and from Scotland queued for
three hours.
Consumer demand for EVs
is rising. BMW revealed last
week that UK sales of its allelectric models had trebled to
28,903 in 2022. Overall, the
UK new-car market recorded
its fifth consecutive month of
growth in December, with an
18 per cent increase to reach
approximately 128,000
registrations, according to
the latest figures from the
Society of Motor
Manufacturers and Traders,
the lobby group that Hawes
heads. In December, pure EVs
claimed their largest monthly
market share yet, 33 per cent.
For 2022 as a whole, they
accounted for 16.6 per cent of
registrations, surpassing
diesel cars for the first time.
Since 2011, government,
local authorities and the
private sector have delivered
a 3,000 per cent increase in
the number of standard
public charge points.
However, the
infrastructure is failing to
keep pace with take-up of
EVs. The government’s EV
infrastructure strategy
forecasts Britain will require
between 300,000 and
720,000 charge points by
2030 — Germany is targeting
a million in the same period.
Meeting just the lower
number requires more than

100 new chargers to be
installed every day. The
present rate is about 23 a day.
Although most plug-in car
users charge at home, public
chargers remain critical to
consumer confidence. Onethird of British households do
not have off-street parking,
where homeowners can use
their own wall box chargers.
Seven years remain until
the 2030 deadline when all
new vehicles sold in the UK
must be zero-emission. “The
more people perceive that
charging is a problem, the
slower the take-up of electric
vehicles will be,” Hawes said.
Some critics go so far as to
say the shine is coming off
EVs and that they could
become “the Betamax of
transport” — a reference to
Sony’s rival to VHS cassettes
in the 1980s. While
technically superior,
Betamax lost out to VHS.
The latest FairFuelUK poll
of 27,000 motorists who
drive diesel or petrol vehicles
showed that just over half
said they intended to stick
with petrol or diesel and
would not buy a new EV. Onethird would buy a hybrid
vehicle before 2030. Only one
in ten said they would switch
to an EV before 2030.
Others are more
optimistic. James McKemey
of Pod Point, which builds EV
charging networks, conceded
that Britain needed more
superfast chargers — those
that can deliver enough juice
for about 200 miles in less
than half an hour — but said:
“I believe we can keep up
with demand for all kinds of
chargers . . . the EV revolution
is well under way, will
continue, and the faster
people can get hold of the
cars, the faster the charging
network will improve. It will
be a virtuous cycle.”
Lee Sutton of home
charger manufacturer
Myenergi agrees that the
private sector can meet the
challenge. His firm is
supporting a simple,
relatively cheap way of
extending a charging cable
from a home under the
pavement to the kerbside, to
enable homeowners to
charge their cars using their
home electricity supply.
“We’re talking to local
authorities to speed up the
rollout,” he said.
McKemey and Sutton and
the other public charge
innovators will find out
whether their optimism is
justified on the next big bank
holiday, when, as over the
Christmas period, drivers will
set out on long journeys.
All eyes will be on Gretna
Welcome Break Services.

The Sunday Times January 8, 2023

BUSINESS
Moray MacLennan, the boss of the famed ad agency,
talks to Jamie Nimmo about fire-fighting crises

oray MacLennan bangs
his fists on the table: “I
knew you would do this, I
knew you would do this!”
Thankfully,
M&C
Saatchi’s chief executive
has not lost his rag with
me. He is recreating how
Margaret Thatcher turned
on him during the 1987
election, when he was an aspiring advertising executive at the firm’s predecessor,
Saatchi & Saatchi.
“We were presenting a campaign photograph,” he recalls. “She turned to me —
I think because I was the youngest in the
room and she presumed I was the photographer’s assistant, I guess — and she
shouted at me: ‘You have taken a picture
of me as a woman! I am not a woman, I’m
the prime minister!’ Everyone else was
literally hiding behind plant pots.”
M&C Saatchi, which has 2,600 staff in
33 cities around the world and still bears
the initials of the famous brothers Maurice and Charles, is best known for its ad
campaigns for the Conservative Party.
They include the infamous “New Labour,
New Danger” poster that depicted Tony
Blair with demon eyes in the run-up to
the 1997 election.
MacLennan’s eyes light up at memories of the ad industry’s heyday, with
tales of fist fights between the “mad
men”. On one occasion, he ducked when
a bottle of Lea & Perrins thrown by an
angry client narrowly missed his head,
flew out of the window and smashed on
the pavement below. “They were fairly
wild times,” he says with a glint in his eye.
He must relish those times when creative disputes were his biggest worry.
MacLennan, 61, took charge of M&C
Saatchi two years ago when it was
embroiled in an accounting scandal that
caused a boardroom exodus and triggered an investigation by the City watchdog. Then, just when it looked as though
he was out the other side of Covid, his
own deputy chairwoman, the software
entrepreneur Vin Murria, launched a
hostile takeover offer for the company.
Another bidder, rival ad firm Next Fifteen, entered the fray and a takeover battle ensued. Both bids failed.
“You could say we had crisis management for three years,” sighs the affable
Scot, whose accent is more Epsom than
Edinburgh. “It was quite a bloody time
for the company.”

is chairman, Gareth Davis, the
former Imperial Tobacco boss,
described the scale of the challenge
facing MacLennan when he took
over by comparing it to the notorious Grand National fence. “He said to me
at the time: ‘This is your Becher’s Brook.’
And I said: ‘That’s the one where people
die, isn’t it, Gareth?’”
There was no love lost between M&C
Saatchi and Murria, who was removed
from the board last year. But she is still
the largest shareholder with a 12.5 per
cent stake personally and a further 10 per
cent through her Advanced AdvT vehicle.
MacLennan had argued that Murria’s
software background, and plans to digitise the business, were not in keeping
with the culture of a firm that put its people and relationships first. M&C
Saatchi’s
defence
document
described her bid as “low price”
and “high risk”.
“I respect and admire what
she’s achieved,” says MacLennan diplomatically. “A female of
colour, an entrepreneur in
tech — it’s fantastic to have
that capability within
our shareholder base.
That was true and
remains true.

The Mad
Men days
were wild.
Now I’m
ﬁxing up
Saatchi
Murria is a
formidable
character.
Impatient,
yes — but
then so am I

ROB PINNEY FOR
THE SUNDAY TIMES

Moray
MacLennan has
been embroiled in
crises at his ad
agency, including a
takeover bid launched
by his former deputy
chairwoman
Vin Murria
TOM STOCKILL FOR SUNDAY TIMES

She’s a formidable character — yes, combative, yes, impatient. But so am I.”
He admits the long-running takeover
saga was not the “most pleasant or enjoyable episode in my career”. “It was a
stressful, distracting episode and I’m
glad it’s in the past,” MacLennan says.
Charles Saatchi sold his stake in 2006,
but Maurice remained on the board until
he sensationally quit in December 2019
after the discovery of a £12 million
accounting black hole. The Financial
Conduct Authority dropped its investigation into the affair last year.
“I wouldn’t choose to go through it
again — the [accounting] mis-statements,
the Covid, the takeover,” says MacLennan. “But having gone through it, we’re
stronger and better because of it. We’ve
become leaner, simpler, more efficient.”
Since the scandal, the company has
closed 15 of its agencies and merged a
number of others.

acLennan’s father was in the Seaforth Highlanders, an old Scottish
regiment of the British Army. As a
result, he was born in Singapore
and grew up in barracks around
the world. He was sent to board at Fettes
College in Edinburgh, before going on to
study at Christ’s College, Cambridge, also
the alma mater of another ad man, Sir
Martin Sorrell.
He was interviewed for a job at Unilever, but admits that the “glamour” of
the ad industry was too hard to resist for a
21-year-old. So instead he joined Saatchi
& Saatchi as a trainee. MacLennan
worked closely with Charles on campaigns for British Airways, Silk Cut and
the 1987 election campaign, and
became managing director at the age of
just 30.
He learnt that his strength was forming bonds with clients — and nurturing
them. Mark Read, the chief executive
of marketing giant WPP and a former
client, said: “I would describe him as
the consummate ad man. He builds
great relationships with clients.”
In 1995, Charles and Maurice were
ousted by Saatchi & Saatchi shareholders and set up M&C Saatchi.
MacLennan was persuaded to follow
them.
Like its precursor, M&C Saatchi has
remained highly influential in politics. It
worked to combat Scottish independence in 2014, and is also engaged on work
for the NHS, Nato and the Covid inquiry.
“It’s very unusual for an agency to have
that much impact on the world,” says
MacLennan. However, it was given little
time to influence the outcome of the
Brexit referendum in 2016 — something
that still plays on his mind. The firm was
hired by the remain campaign just two
weeks before the vote and none of its hastily devised ads ended up being used.
“A really accurate understanding of
your audience is critical in what we do,
and I don’t think it was there,” he says. “I
think the leavers got that absolutely right,
whereas the remainers started talking
about how it’ll be really bad for you.”
Does he think a better-organised ad
campaign would have produced a different result? “I do. I believe in the
power of communication to change
the world and then change people’s minds and change their behaviour,” MacLennan says.
As we stroll around M&C
Saatchi’s Soho office, it’s hard
not to notice how diverse it
feels, set against the industry’s
old-fashioned macho image.
How do its staff feel about its
political work, particularly for
the Tories? “It’s true to say that
most agencies, and certainly
ours, are more left-leaning . . . So,
yes, there are some people who
would rather we didn’t do that
work.”
But, MacLennan adds: “Maybe
it’s me, maybe it’s my four decades at Saatchi working on elections, but I find it endlessly fascinating. It requires you to get inside
people’s brains to understand what
motivates them.”
He insists the firm is much more
than an ad agency; it also advises on
social issues, sustainability, sports
sponsorship, entertainment and talent management.
“When people see
the name Saatchi, they
think advertising and

THE LIFE OF
MORAY MACLENNAN
VITAL STATISTICS
Born: Singapore, August
29, 1961
Status: married to Wendy,
with two children: Mia, 22,
and Kit, 18
School: Fettes College,
Edinburgh
University: Christ’s College,
Cambridge
First job: Saatchi & Saatchi
trainee
Homes: Primrose Hill, in
north London, and the
Suffolk coast
Cars: Aston Martin DB11 and
a Mini Countryman
Pay: £1.375 million in 2021
Favourite book: Meantime
by Frankie Boyle
Film: The Good, the Bad
and the Ugly

Music: the Kinks, Miles
Davis, Neil Young – “I’m
stuck in the ‘60s”
Drink: vodka martini
Gadget: Rega turntable
Watch: Patek Philippe
Aquanaut
Charity: Mentor Black
Business
Last holiday: Ibiza
WORKING DAY
Moray MacLennan wakes at
6am and travels into M&C
Saatchi’s office in Soho for
7.30am — early in the
advertising world. He has a
few hours to get his head
down or make calls to
Australia or Asia. He
sometimes heads to the
gym in the morning.
Lunchtimes are often
spent meeting clients or
politicians, and he also has
regular meetings with M&C
Saatchi’s businesses.
MacLennan usually
leaves the office at 6.30pm
and may go out to dinner. If
not, he will often go straight
to his study at home, pour
himself a drink and keep
working — or talk to the
family and watch sport,
often with his son.
DOWNTIME
The M&C Saatchi chief
executive is a passionate
Scottish rugby fan and also
supports Manchester
United. He enjoys cooking
and painting and has a
studio in his Suffolk
house.
The Good, the Bad
and the Ugly, and
Fettes College
ALAMY

they think Conservative Party. Now, that’s
not altogether bad, but it’s certainly not
accurate.”
The downturn will hit the ad sector,
but MacLennan is upbeat: “Yes, it’s going
to be difficult — it is going to be a testing
year. But I think we’re particularly well
positioned to weather the storm.”
M&C Saatchi is listed on Aim with a
value of just £183.4 million, about 60 per
cent lower than it was before the accounting scandal. Some in the industry believe
it’s only a matter of time before another
bidder comes knocking.
“Of course, it’s possible — it goes with
the territory of being a plc. But I think
what the last 12 months have shown is
that making a hostile takeover bid for a
people company, or M&C in particular, is
very difficult to do,” MacLennan says,
before adding: “But with the weak
pound, bids have come in. It’s not impossible, is it?”
He plans to reinstate the dividend as
well as doing acquisitions of his own to
rebuild M&C Saatchi — going against its
previous strategy of starting up its own
businesses, rather than buying them. He
knows, however, he will still have a tough
job placating his largest shareholder,
Murria: “I can’t see her being a passive
investor . . . She has strong views and she
will make her views known. I don’t think
she’s suddenly going to disappear into
the background.”

Our start-up was vintage — we didn’t want to go out of fashion
RIXO

HOW WE MADE IT
HENRIETTA RIX AND ORLAGH MCCLOSKEY
FOUNDERS OF RIXO
Hannah Prevett
Deputy editor, Times
Enterprise Network

hoppers hunting for
late bargains in the
January sales should
look at the “archive”
section of Rixo’s
website, where the
women’s fashion
brand sells older
stock at a substantial
discount. From February 1, it
will disappear . . . for ever.
Rixo’s founders, Henrietta
Rix and Orlagh McCloskey, say
they have killed the discounts
as they would like a more
sustainable approach to
clothes shopping. “We don’t
want to encourage people to
buy for the sake of buying,”
said Rix, 31. “If you’re driven
by the fact it’s 50 per cent off
… it may not be right for you.”
The decision to sell only at

full price may also bolster the
firm’s profits, which in the 132
months to June 2021 stood at
£3.5 million on sales of
£10.3 million. In the same
year, Rixo — whose designs
have been worn by the
Princess of Wales and
celebrities such as Selena
Gomez, Kylie Minogue and
Margot Robbie — moved to a
new head office in
Hammersmith, west London,
where it employs a team of 85.
The move was a coming of
age for the firm, launched in
the living room of McCloskey
and Rix’s west London flat in
February 2015. The pair had
met when they were studying
fashion management at the
London College of Fashion
(LCF) and recognised they
were kindred spirits. “I
remember Orlagh coming
into one of our first lectures
and she had this gorgeous

vintage brown bag,” Rix
recalled. “We sat in the same
row, then we went on a trip to
Paris before working on a
project together.”
Both Rix and McCloskey
hail from entrepreneurial
families. Rix’s father, Reg,
started a second-hand car
dealership in Cheshire in
1996, which he still runs
alongside two of her
brothers. Her two older
brothers also have their own
firm, CarFinance247.
McCloskey’s father ran his
own business in the
construction industry in
Northern Ireland, but she
knew her calling was in the
creative industries. “I was
always very artistic and I used
to cut every single piece of
cloth — even my school
uniform was altered,” said
McCloskey, 33.
The friends had the chance
to learn more about the
fashion industry with work
placements as buyers’
assistants during their time at
LCF — Rix at Asos and
McCloskey at TK Maxx. The
experience was crucial when

If you’re
driven
by ‘50%
off ’, it
may not
be right
for you

Style council:
Rixo’s Orlagh
McCloskey and
Henrietta Rix

they started their own firm,
said Rix. “It was intense being
at the bottom of the pecking
order, and we’d be there until
11 or 12 o’clock at night — but I
loved it. I learnt a lot … also
about what I wouldn’t want
Rixo to be like. They had so
many suppliers: 60 or 70 just
for day dresses.”
It made her and McCloskey
determined to be more
streamlined in their own
sourcing. Their main
supplier, which had a family
office in the UK and its factory
in China, was a contact that
McCloskey had made during
her TK Maxx placement.
It was in their final year of
studies that they started
hatching a plan for Rixo, after
spotting a gap in the market
for vintage-inspired
womenswear with a price tag
of £200 to £300. They
persuaded fashion designer
Richard Quinn to create their
first prints, but when he was
too busy, they hand-painted
them themselves
McCloskey and Rix each
put £2,000 into a joint bank
account, which paid for a

laptop each and a camera.
Fittings were done on
McCloskey’s sister Gemma,
samples were modelled by
friends for early shoots, and
the supplier came on board
on 60-day payment terms.
Each collection sold out, with
demand for Rixo’s prints
particularly high, allowing
them to place larger orders.
As well as selling direct to
customers through their site,
the entrepreneurs targeted
wholesalers. Rix spent hours
trawling social media to track
down buyers — “to try to get in
front of them face to face and
show them the product”. Neta-Porter was a key early listing
in February 2016, followed by
Selfridges, Harrods and
Liberty. The firm now has
three central London shops
and is opening a 5,000 sq ft
flagship store on Chelsea’s
King’s Road in April.
Asked for advice for
entrepreneurs, Rix said to
“find something you’re
passionate about — because
when you’re going through
the tough times, it means
you’re not willing to give in”.

The Sunday Times January 8, 2023

BUSINESS

Clock is running on TikTok
The Chinese app is again facing the threat of a US ban as attitudes harden on privacy, propaganda and influence in schools
ILLUSTRATION: TONY BELL

DANNY
FORTSON
TECH TALK
San Francisco

ade Brumley did not mince
words. Louisiana’s education
superintendent
told
all
schools in the state last week
to “immediately remove”
TikTok, the wildly popular
video app, “from any publicly funded devices”. He also
called for it to be “eliminated
as a communication outlet
for school systems and schools, including
co-curricular clubs, extra-curricular
organisations and sports teams”.
Brumley is not alone. The shutters are
coming down on TikTok across America
with stunning speed. At least 19 state governors, dozens of universities and, as of
two days before the new year, the federal
government, have banned the Chineseowned app from being used on their
devices and networks.
The moves are indicative of a hard turn
against the company in Washington and
across the country. In recent days, as
Republicans took control of the House of
Representatives, the prospect of an outright ban has resurfaced, amid concerns
that the app is a tool of Communist China
to spread propaganda, influence users or
carry out surveillance on US citizens.
“There’s not a whole lot that unites the
political parties. The antipathy toward
TikTok is one of those things, and it’s only
going to continue to get hotter,” said Jesse
Lehrich of campaign group Accountable
Tech. “It’s a unique threat because it has
become one of the key gatekeepers to
information in the world.”
Indeed, the five-year-old app has
notched more than one billion users; last
year, its website was visited more often
than Google. Typical US users spend
more time there each day — about 80
minutes — than on Facebook and Instagram combined. Over two-thirds of
American teens are on it. In Britain, the
app passed Twitter in 2021 in terms of
users, and last year was set to leapfrog
Snapchat to hit 17.5 million people, more
than 40 per cent of whom are in their
teens and early twenties, according to
Insider Intelligence.

The super
chip that will
turbocharge
your gadgets
Chances are that the maker of your
laptop is lying to you. So, probably, is
the manufacturer of your smartphone.
When companies roll out their
latest gadgets, they typically play up
the newest, super-fast chip inside —
the brains of the device. And yet, most
do not function as advertised. On the
contrary, they are often throttled by
design, working at partial capacity
due to a single restraint: heat.
That is because despite the great
leaps in semiconductors, the
technology to remove the heat they
generate tends to be centuries-old —
fans. So device-makers have, for years,
deliberately capped their
performance to stop them melting. In
smartphones, which are too small for
fans, heat can only escape through
natural dissipation, making the
problem even more acute.
This industrial under-performance
brings a wide smile to the face of Seshu
Madhavapeddy. The 58-year-old loves
to talk about, as he terms it, “the
tyranny of heat”, because he reckons
that his start-up, Frore Systems, has
invented a way to overcome it.
The California firm broke cover last
month, after four years working below
the radar, to reveal what he claims is
the world’s first cooling microchip.
About the size of a £2 coin, the chip is

Screen break: as the young flock to
TikTok, there are fears for data security

We know it’s used
to manipulate
feeds and
influence elections

APPOINTMENTS
APPOINTMENTS

The company has skirted prohibition
in America before. In 2020, it avoided a
ban by Donald Trump by agreeing to sell
its North American operations to Walmart and Oracle. The deal fell apart after
the former president left office. Joe Biden
initially took a more dovish approach,
but his stance appears to have stiffened in
recent months as politicians have grown
increasingly concerned that no deal will
sufficiently address their fears.
The fears fall, broadly, into two buckets: data security and propaganda. Matt
Marsden, an executive at cybersecurity
giant Tanium, said TikTok is not unique in
the vast amount of information it collects,
including the location of its users, videos

they watch, and their likely age and gender. What makes it different, he said, is
that it is owned by a Chinese company,
ByteDance, which is subject to Beijing law
— including requirements to share data
with the government.
Marsden said: “People don’t recognise
the value of disparate pieces of data collected and then sewn together in a comprehensive picture. And that is what they
are doing. TikTok is both a national security and individual privacy concern.”
Shou Zi Chew, TikTok’s chief executive, told Congress last summer that the
firm had never provided user information to China’s government, after reports
that ByteDance regularly accessed the
data of American users. Chew wrote: “We
have not been asked for such data [from
the Chinese Communist Party]. We have
not provided US user data to the CCP, nor
would we if asked.”

ut fewer and fewer people in the
corridors of power believe that.
Senator Marco Rubio and congressman Mike Gallagher, both Republicans, co-sponsored a bill in December to ban TikTok. “This is about an app
that is collecting data on tens of millions
of American children and adults every
day,” Rubio said. “We know it’s used to
manipulate feeds and influence elections. We know it answers to the People’s
Republic of China. There is no more time
to waste on meaningless negotiations
with a CCP-puppet company.”
Brendan Carr, one of five members of
the Federal Communications Commission, lauded India’s decision to ban TikTok in 2020 and said that doing the same
in America has become “a question of
when, not if ”.
The firm did itself no favours last
month when it revealed that employees
had used the app to track the location of
journalists who had written critical stories about it. ByteDance fired the staff. It
said: “This misbehaviour is unacceptable
and not in line with our efforts across TikTok to earn the trust of our users.”
The other worry centres on the app’s
core recommendation algorithm, which
has proved uniquely powerful in sucking
in users and keeping them scrolling. Lehrich said: “As the app becomes one of the
. . . most influential platforms in the
world — [in] shaping culture and politics
and discourse — the big concern is the
recommendation algorithm and the ability of the CCP to turn the dials in whatever

way they think is beneficial to them. The
propaganda capacity is unrivalled and
undetectable.”
The firm has long denied that China
has any sway or influence over how it is
run or the design of its algorithm. “There
is zero truth to that suggestion,” it said.
“The Chinese Communist Party has neither direct nor indirect control of ByteDance or TikTok.” Politicians, however,
are unconvinced, and the company is
hoping to strike a deal to allay their fears.
It has been in talks for two years with
the Committee on Foreign Investment in
the United States, a government group.
They hammered out an outline deal this
summer under which the company
would move all new user information to
data centres on US soil controlled by Oracle, and wall it off from access by Chinese
authorities or workers at ByteDance. But
momentum appears to have stalled.
Washington’s hawkish stance stands in
stark contrast to Britain’s more laissezfaire approach. In September, the Information Commissioner’s Office warned
TikTok that it could face a £27 million fine
for violating the privacy of young users;
its investigation continues. Liz Truss
spoke out against it last year. Security
minister Tom Tugendhat warned before
Christmas that TikTok could be used to
“influence minds”. But there’s been nothing like the groundswell of concern in parliament as has taken hold in Congress.
Brumley, the Louisiana school chief,
said last week: “I have very little reason to
believe that we can entrust the privacy of
American children to this foreign application.” Clearly, he is not alone.

SEASON FOUR OF
DANNY IN THE VALLEY

FRORE’S SESHU
MADHAVAPEDDY:
‘CENTURIES-OLD
TECH AND THE
TYRANNY
OF HEAT’
THESUNDAYTIMES.CO.UK/DANNYINTHEVALLEY

Hot topic: Seshu Madhavapeddy
filled with membranes that vibrate at
ultra-sonic frequencies, generating a
current that sucks in air through slits
and then sends it out the side,
removing as much heat as a fan that
takes up four times as much space.
The upshot: Frore is selling the
tantalising dream of huge leaps in
performance, without any other
upgrade to the core processor tech.
Madhavapeddy said: “The gap
between the advertised processor
capability and the reality of the . . .
ability to remove heat is increasing
year by year.” He cited a popular
laptop that advertises a very fast
3.5GHz chip — yet the cooling system
can remove only 50 per cent of the heat
generated when the chip is running
full pelt. So in reality, the device is half
as fast as advertised.
A core plank of the Silicon Valley
innovation machine has, for decades,
been Moore’s Law, which held that
every two years, processor speeds
doubled. That pace of innovation has
slowed as companies reach the
physical limits of how many billion
nano-transistors can fit on a chip.
As costs have risen and
improvements have decreased, the
industry has responded, funding a
new generation of companies aiming
to break the logjam. Some are
designing less power-hungry chips
that are cheaper to make and tailormade for specific tasks. Heat is
another long-overlooked issue.
Madhavapeddy, a former executive
at chip giant Qualcomm, headed to the
giant CES trade show in Las Vegas last
week. His suitcase was packed with
computers dismantled by his team,
their fans replaced by Frore’s chips.
His goal: show the big brands that he
can free their chips.
He could also bring some truth back
to advertising.

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The Sunday Times January 8, 2023

BUSINESS

Oliver Shah
Union dinosaurs must wake up to
the asteroid hurtling their way

ay and percentages dominate
headlines in this winter of
discontent. The nurses want
19 per cent but might settle for
10. The posties have rejected 9
over 18 months. Some rail
workers have said no to 5 and 4
over two years. Others have
been offered 4 and 4.
The focus is understandable at a time
of roaring inflation and scorched real
wages. But these disputes — particularly
the ones involving Royal Mail and the
train system — are arguably more about
modernisation, the word that turns
union bosses splenetic. The bonfire of
living standards coincides with a period
of unprecedented change ushered in by
technology and accelerated by Covid.
The posties’ and rail workers’ unions are
trying to hold back the tide through
sheer intransigence — or rather, more
accurately, trying to force their
employers to hold it back for them.
Management teams, meanwhile, have
encouraged the unions to think they will
do this by repeatedly capitulating on
attempts to push through efficiencies in
the easier times of the recent past.

There are parallels with our industry
almost 40 years ago. Back then, while
American and Australian papers had
moved to computerised systems, British
news was still printed using hot metal. It
was plagued by overmanning and
Spanish practices. There were elaborate
divisions of labour: a different type of
printer had responsibility for each
process. The editor was forbidden from
touching the type and had to stay on
their own side of the composing stone
while the compositor made up the page.
Eddy Shah (no relation) was the first
owner to confront the print unions,
hiring non-union workers at his local
papers group in Warrington in defiance
of violent picketing and death threats.
Six weeks before Shah went on to launch
the Today tabloid, Rupert Murdoch fired
more than 5,000 production workers
and moved his papers — The Sunday
Times included — to a computerised
facility at Wapping in east London.
In 1986, there was no way anyone
could have predicted the coming digital
revolution. But if the unions had not
been taken in hand, the online asteroid
would have wiped out Fleet Street.

Rail passenger journeys by quarter
500 million
400
300
200
100
0
2019-20 Q1

2022-23 Q2

Source: Office of Rail and Road

This time the challenges are staring
everyone in the face. Royal Mail’s letter
volumes have almost halved since its
2013 privatisation and its future lies in
next-day parcel delivery. It wants staff to
start and finish work later, and to do
Sunday shifts — now on a voluntary
basis. It is trying to buy out legacy perks,
such as an £1,860 annual top-up for
driving a van above a certain weight. The
Communication Workers Union (CWU)
vaguely acknowledges the need for
change, but nonetheless accuses the

board of trying to turn Royal Mail into an
Uber-style gig-economy employer.
The rise of WFH post-Covid has cut
fare income on the railways from
£11 billion to £9 billion. The cost base has
to be trimmed if taxpayers are to be
saved from filling the gap. Network Rail
wants to break down rules governing its
maintenance teams that take you back to
the newspaper composing rooms of the
early 1980s. At the moment, geographic
boundaries mean its maintenance staff
at Euston can’t respond to a fault at
King’s Cross because they are in different
teams. Network Rail also wants to bring
in remote monitoring of things such as
points, currently done manually.
The RMT union opposes all this
because it can see where it leads — job
cuts. Network Rail reckons it needs
about 1,900 fewer maintenance roles. A
voluntary redundancy offer before
Christmas produced 3,500 volunteers.
Modernisation in the parallel dispute
between unions and train operating
companies — whose strings are pulled by
the Treasury — revolves around ticket
offices and the manning of trains. With
more than four-fifths of fares now bought

online, the government wants to replace
ticket offices with machines, which
would still be staffed. Ministers also
inserted a demand for driver-only trains
into the talks last month. In fairness to
the RMT, which was angered, this was
clumsily and provocatively done.
The CWU’s Dave Ward and the RMT’s
Mick Lynch may be dinosaurs, but they
are effective dinosaurs. Elected to serve
five-year terms, they are better seen as
politicians than bosses. Over the years,
they have wangled pay settlements for
their members, many of whom also enjoy
generous defined-benefits pensions,
without agreeing to change. They have
ensured that moats are dug around their
workers, protecting them from forces
constantly reshaping the private sector.
That is not tenable. Whatever Royal
Mail and the train system end up doing
on pay, they cannot let the unions face
them down on modernisation. They
must realise a rock is hurtling their way.
Will Claridge’s be King’s castle?
London’s power diners have been
wondering where Jeremy King will
resurface after he was ousted from his

Wolseley empire last year. Well, I am
told the maître d’ to the FTSE 100 has
been in talks with Maybourne Hotel
Group about taking over the flagship
restaurant at Claridge’s.
Qatari-backed Maybourne, previously
run by developer Paddy McKillen, has
struggled to make the venue come alive.
It replaced Gordon Ramsay with Simon
Rogan, the chef behind Cumbria’s
L’Enclume, in 2014. Fera, Rogan’s
creation, never really worked, with its
foraging and its foam. Maybourne then
hired Swiss chef Daniel Humm, but
parted ways with him in 2021 when he
tried to insist on an all-vegan menu.
King, 68, is rumoured to have
proposed turning it into a simple grill
restaurant — a kind of modern-day
Savoy. There is as yet no deal, though,
and King declines to comment.
A King-run restaurant at Claridge’s
would no doubt attract the business
leaders and arty types who used to
frequent the Wolseley. It would put him
in competition with his old joint, now run
by Thai group Minor. This year could get
rather tasty in the world of white linen.
oliver.shah@sunday-times.co.uk

The end is finally in sight
for interest rate rises

What looks bad is
good for the Fed

David Smith Economic Outlook

Irwin Stelzer American Account

ne of the big questions for this
year is how high interest rates
will go. There was plenty of
action on this front in 2022,
with official rates in the UK
rising from 0.25 per cent in
January to a 14-year high of
3.5 per cent. The Bank of
England, once accused of being asleep at
the wheel, was relentless in increasing
rates, doing so at every opportunity — at
all eight scheduled meetings of its
monetary policy committee (MPC).
In Bank circles, the analogy of
“boiling the frog” used to be employed
to describe the impact of raising interest
rates. At first, the effect is quite pleasant,
as the water gets gradually warmer.
Then it starts to get a bit uncomfortable.
Then, before you know where you are,
you have killed the poor little fellow.
The Bank started gradually last year,
with quarter-point rate hikes, which
have been the norm since independence
in 1997. Then it went into overdrive,
partly influenced by what other central
banks were doing, with three half-point
hikes and one of three-quarters. That
suggests urgency, even panic, as
inflation raced into double figures.
What happens next? As I wrote last
week, consensus forecasts among
economists are for a big fall in inflation
this year, though not a return to the
Bank’s 2 per cent target rate. A degree of
humility is appropriate — most did not
see this surge in inflation coming — and
there are new debates over whether
China’s abandonment of its zero-Covid
strategy could, by spurring stronger
growth, add to inflation. There is also
uncertainty about the course of the war
in Ukraine and its impact.
However, I am going to stick to my
view that the peak in interest rates is in
sight and that it should be about 4 per
cent. This implies either a final halfpoint rise on February 2, the date of the
next decision, or a quarter then and
another on March 23.
Why do I think this? There are a few
reasons. If we look under the bonnet of
the last of the MPC’s rate rises in 2022,
announced on December 15, it is quite
interesting. Two members, Swati
Dhingra and Silvana Tenreyro, did not
think any rise was needed and would
have preferred to have left the rate at
3 per cent. They argued that the
economy was already weak and, because
of the lags involved in monetary policy,
that most of the effects of the rate rises
already announced had yet to come
through. They fear for the fate of the frog.
Another member, Catherine Mann,
took the opposite view and voted for a
rise of three-quarters, while the majority
favoured a half-point increase. That
majority, it should be said, warned of
further rises, but the emergence of a
“dovish” wing on the MPC, which thinks
enough has already been done, should
constrain the Bank from acting too
aggressively.
The second central point is that the
evidence of the impact of higher interest
rates on the economy is already coming
through. Though mortgage rates are
somewhat disconnected from Bank rate,
and the effects of the Truss-Kwarteng
mini budget are still casting a venomous
spell, the slump in mortgage approvals

We do not need
much more of
a foot on the
monetary brake
announced by the Bank a few days ago
was striking. Approvals in November,
46,075, were 30 per cent down on the
average of the previous six months and
nearly 40 per cent lower than their level
as recently as August.
The impact of the Bank’s monetary
tightening can also be seen in the wider
economy. Deloitte’s quarterly survey of
chief financial officers showed that
higher interest rates have reduced the
appetite among companies for taking on
more debt.
Meanwhile, taken in conjunction with
the latest purchasing managers’ surveys
— very weak for manufacturing, less so
for services — and the latest readings
from the Office for National Statistics’
survey of business insights, the
indications are that companies remain
under cost pressure, and are in no
position to award the inflation-busting
pay rises that the Bank is worried about.
A third reason, to return to the key
issue of inflation, is that notwithstanding

the uncertainty, there is tentative
evidence that the outlook is improving
more than was previously expected.
Rishi Sunak’s promise to halve inflation
did not tell us much, given that the latest
reading is 10.7 per cent, the official target
2 per cent and the official forecast for the
end of this year — from the Office for
Budget Responsibility (OBR), made in
November — is 3.8 per cent.
That is conditioned largely on high
energy prices dropping out of the annual
comparison, in that if they were already
high a year earlier, there would be no
inflation effect. A fall in gas and oil prices
— of the kind we have seen in recent
weeks, if sustained — would produce a
bigger downward effect on inflation.
Finally, though it does not attract
much attention at the Bank itself, growth
in the money supply has slowed sharply.
It was the acceleration in the growth of
broad money, M4, due to pandemic
quantitative easing (QE), that alerted
monetarist economists, notably Tim
Congdon, to the inflation danger.
Annual growth in the M4 measure
peaked nearly two years ago, in
February 2021, at a very high 15.4 per
cent. The latest figure, for November,
was just 4.1 per cent — similar to its rate
over the long period when inflation was
stuck at the 2 per cent target.
Whichever way you look at it, I think
we do not need much more of a foot on
the monetary brake, which would risk
boiling the frog.
It has been quite a climb, but the
interest rate peak is in sight.

INTEREST RATES HAVE RISEN A LOT ...
Bank Rate
4%
3
2
1
0
2013

2014

2015

2016

2017

2018

2019

2020

2021

2022

2021

2022

Source: Bank of England

... AND THE MONEY SUPPLY HAS SLOWED
Annual growth in money supply (M4)
20%
15
10
5
0
2013

2014

Source: Bank of England

2015

2016

2017

2018

2019

2020

PS
It is the moment you have all been
waiting for: the answers to my Christmas
quiz, and the prize winners. Here we go:
Q1. There have been six chancellors of
the exchequer since mid-2019. Who are
they? Philip Hammond, Sajid Javid,
Rishi Sunak, Nadhim Zahawi, Kwasi
Kwarteng and Jeremy Hunt.
Q2. One of them, Kwarteng, was in post
for a very short time, but his was not the
record for the shortest stint in the
modern era. Who had that unenviable
record? Iain Macleod, 1970. He died
after a month in the job.
Q3. Including the current one, how
many former chancellors have become
prime minister since the Second World
War, and what are their names? The
debate was whether Winston
Churchill, chancellor before the war,
prime minister during and
afterwards, should be included. If so,
Churchill, Harold Macmillan, James
Callaghan, John Major, Gordon Brown
and Rishi Sunak. Answers without
Churchill were accepted.
Q4. The Kwarteng September minibudget sent the pound down to an alltime low against the dollar. Was that low
(a) $1 (b) $1.03 (c) $1.06 (d) $1.09? $1.03.
Q5. Kwarteng and Liz Truss were
contributors to a book of free market
economic ideas ten years ago. What was
it? Britannia Unchained.
Q6. The Bank has raised rates more
times this year than in any year since
1988. How many times has it done so?
Eight, though many people said nine,
by including the rise in December 2021.
Q7. Inflation rose to more than 11 per
cent. Was this the highest for (a) 20 years
(b) 30 years (c) 40 years? 40 years.
Q8. Which former chairman of the
Federal Reserve, America’s central bank,
shared the Nobel prize in economics?
Ben Bernanke.
Q9. The Queen sadly died in September,
after 70 years on the throne. How much,
according to Nationwide Building
Society, did house prices rise during her
reign? (a) House prices this year are four
times their 1952 level; (b) they are 14
times that level; (c) 144 times what they
were in 1952. Astonishingly, 144 times.
Q10. What does the acronym
TANSTAAFL stand for? It is sometimes
used in economics. There ain’t no such
thing as a free lunch — a phrase close
to my heart.
There were many entries and most got
all, or nearly all, of the answers right.
Quite a few former winners submitted
immaculate entries and there were
many good suggestions for future
column subjects, as well as one or two
good jokes. Both the suggestions and the
jokes will have an influence on what you
read here in the coming months.
The prize, however, goes this year to
some of my younger readers. I
encouraged students to enter and,
spurred on by their enthusiastic
economics teacher, Mr Clarke, many did
from Emmanuel College, Gateshead, as
well as one or two other schools. There
was no copying, but most of Emmanuel’s
large entry got the answers right. So, as a
prize, I now owe the school a visit and a
talk, which we shall arrange. Many
congratulations to them.
david.smith@sunday-times.co.uk

erhaps, only perhaps, the US
economy is headed for the
proverbial soft landing — lower
inflation without massive job
losses. The economy added
223,000 jobs last month and
the unemployment rate ticked
down to 3.5 per cent, the
lowest level in the post-Covid era. But
there are hints that wage inflation is
beginning to taper off.
The rate of increase in average hourly
earnings was half November’s level, and
is slowing from an annual rate above
5 per cent to 4.1 percent. That, say some
economists, is consistent with a 3 per
cent inflation rate. Producers report that
the prices they are paying their suppliers
have edged down.
The labour force participation rate
edged up. Small businesses say they are
having less difficulty recruiting. More
and more employers are emboldened to
order workers back to the office as
bargaining power shifts a bit in their
favour.
Yes, there have been lay-offs, 150,000
in the tech sector in 2022 compared with
15,000 in 2021. But 83 per cent of
workers laid off so far have found jobs
within three months, including 79 per
cent of those tossed out of work by Big
Tech. Although there remain 10.5 million
unfilled job vacancies, 1.74 for every job
seeker, that is far down from the March
peak of 11.7 million. In short, there are
still plenty of jobs but less inflationary
pressure from wages.
It is important to keep in mind that
Federal Reserve policymakers live in a
Cole Porter world: “Times have changed
… The world has gone mad today, and
good’s bad today.” So it is good news for
the Fed that global shares and bonds lost
$30 trillion, or about 20 per cent of their
value, last year, with the New York Stock
Exchange and the Nasdaq shedding
19 per cent and 33 per cent of their
value, respectively —the biggest losses
since 2008. The negative wealth effect
makes the Fed’s job a bit easier,
In the housing market, sellers can’t
find buyers, and buyers can’t afford to
pick up bargains from anxious sellers
because mortgage rates have more than
doubled since the Fed began raising
interest rates. Unhappy sellers — 47 per
cent of whom gave at least one
concession to their buyer, and many of
whom are paying bonuses to their
property agents — and unhappy
potential buyers make for happy Fed
governors. Their medicine is working.
Sales of existing homes have fallen for
ten straight months, and are down about
30 per cent from a year ago. New home
construction in November was down
16.4 per cent from a year ago, and
building permits plummeted 22.4 per
cent. The National Association of Home
Builders is expecting more bad news
(good news for the Fed) through 2023.
That means demand for everything from
fridges to furnaces to furniture will drop,
and is one reason manufacturing activity
endured its largest contraction in
December since May 2020, with new
orders and backlogs falling sharply.
Car salesmen moved 13.8 million
vehicles from car lots to consumers’
garages, well below the 18 million level
characteristic of pre-Covid years. Higher

interest rates charged on buyers’ loans
and easing supply snags worked for the
Fed to cool that market. Bad for buyers
and salesmen, good for the Fed.
Fed chairman Jay Powell and his team
are well aware that these developments
cause pain, especially to the many who
benefited from the Fed’s old negative
interest rate policy, which triggered nontransient inflation. But they know, too,
that the inflation they are trying to rein
in makes even more people more
miserable. For every family that can’t
sell its home, or afford to become
homeowners, there are more who can’t
afford to both eat and heat, or to fill their
shopping trolleys or their vehicles’
petrol tanks. Inflation, said Ronald
Reagan, is “as violent as a mugger, as
frightening as an armed robber and as
deadly as a hitman”.
John Maynard Keynes put it no less
graphically, citing how Lenin
purportedly declared that the best way

The policy pilots
are not famous
for managing
soft landings
to destroy the capitalist system was to
debauch the currency. Keynes wrote:
“By a continuing process of inflation,
governments can confiscate, secretly
and unobserved, an important part of
the wealth of their citizens . . . and do it
in a manner which no one man in a
million is able to diagnose it.”
In short, Powell, who for months
emulated Hamlet’s indecision when
confronted with early signs of inflation, is
now being cruel to be kind when he says
the Fed has more work to do. Just what
form that “work” will take might well be
decided after a brief pause to study the
much-referenced “incoming data”.
Lest I lose my membership in what is
called the dismal science — though it is
not necessarily dismal and isn’t a science
— I must add that we should not unfasten
our seatbelts yet. Vladimir Putin will still
weaponise food shortages and hunger;
China’s return to economic activity might
drive up commodity prices; consumers
have enough cash for another spending
spurt; and the government has poured
another $1.7 trillion into the economy.
Most important, the Fed’s policy pilots
are not famous for their skills in
managing soft landings.
irwin@irwinstelzer.com
Irwin Stelzer is a business adviser

The Sunday Times January 8, 2023

BUSINESS

Jamie Nimmo
YVES HERMAN/REUTERS

Airport strike borders
on the ridiculous
We’ve become used to seeing
fed-up passengers losing
their holiday glow while
standing in queues at
passport control. But one
frequent flyer is delighted
about the recent strike by UK
Border Force.
Ryanair chief Michael
O’Leary reckons the walkout
has “significantly reduced
queuing times at passport
control at nearly every UK
airport”. “It has been the
acid test of how inefficient
Border Force actually are,”
O’Leary, 61, tells Prufrock.
The UK’s diligent passport
stampers — members of the
Public and Commercial
Services (PCS) union —
walked out for eight days

over Christmas and New Year
in a row over pay and
conditions, persuading the
Home Office to draft in
military cover.
“You can bring in army
and navy personnel and
they’ve processed passports
in f***ing half the time
Border Force take to piss
about,” says O’Leary. “So we
would encourage Border
Force to keep striking and
keep much shorter queues at
UK airports.”
Prufrock didn’t have
O’Leary down as a union
sympathiser — but then
Ryanair did recognise unions
in its own workforce not that
long ago. Perhaps we’ll see
him on a PCS picket line yet.

6 Shell’s new chief executive, Wael Sawan, is one week into
the job, but the oil and gas giant is still hiring. The company is
on the hunt for a speechwriter who can “communicate Shell’s
strategy in a compelling and creative way”. Being able to write
well, perform research and come up with ideas that will
provide “thought leadership” for the industry are all abilities
the candidate must have.
So far, so far normal. But Shell also said in its job ad that the
speechwriter “may encounter conflicting viewpoints among
senior leaders and need to manage such conflicts
diplomatically”. Oh dear. Could that be a reference to
squabbles over Shell’s green ambitions? Perhaps Sawan, 48, is
expecting a bit of tension at the top as his reign gets going.

Michael O’Leary reckons passport control is now faster

JUST SAYING . . .
We have to dial everything up. We
became embarrassed by what we
do. We have to be proud to be
estate agents
Guy Gittins, the new boss of estate agent
Foxtons, hopes to restore pride after
bringing back its branded Mini Coopers

No let up for exDisney PR man

There’s no place
like Home Reit

He is used to firefighting,
having overseen BP’s
communications following
the disastrous Deepwater
Horizon oil spill. But cleaning
up the mess at Disney proved
a step too far for Geoff
Morrell. The PR guru quit as
the US entertainment giant’s
chief corporate affairs officer
last year after just three
months in the job, in the
wake of criticism over
Disney’s slow response to the
controversial “Don’t Say
Gay” bill in Florida.
Morrell, 54, admitted that
Disney was “not the right fit
for me”. Last week, he wrote
on LinkedIn: “Good
riddance, 2022. Hello, ’23!”
So what’s next for Morrell?
He has just joined PR firm
Teneo as the president of
global strategy and
communications. Teneo is
working hard to clean up its
own reputation.
In 2021, its then-chief
executive, the Irish former
journalist Declan Kelly,
resigned after he was
accused of touching a
number of women and men
inappropriately at a starstudded charity gig that
featured Jennifer Lopez.
Best of luck, Geoff.

Shares in Home Reit, the
homeless housing company,
were suspended last week
after it was unable to get its
own house in order. To
recap, Fraser Perring, the
short-seller behind Viceroy
Research, levelled
accusations at the company,
including that it overpaid for
assets to boost its value
artificially. Home Reit came
out and said the claims were
“inaccurate and misleading”.
However, its auditor BDO
is now taking so much time to

Fundraising: Sara Weller

look into the allegations that
the shares have been
suspended as it cannot sign
off the accounts.
But spare a thought for
M&G. A day after Viceroy’s
damning report, the asset
manager shrugged off any
concerns and bought more of
the shares, taking its stake
above 15 per cent. So how
have they fared since then?
Down 50 per cent. Ouch.

FUNNY BUSINESS

That’s going the
extra mile . . .
It’s that time of year when we
put down the ice cream, look
forlornly at the biscuit tin and
sign up to the gym — with the
vague ambition of actually
going once in a while.
However, some are aiming
even higher.
Sara Weller, the former
Argos managing director who
serves on BT’s board, has set
herself the challenge of
completing the London
Marathon in April.
Weller, 61, might not be
the only FTSE 100 director
taking on the marathon, but
she will almost certainly be
the only one doing the 26.2
miles in her wheelchair,
raising funds for the Multiple
Sclerosis Society charity.
A worthy cause indeed,
but rather you than me, Sara.

TWITTER POLL
Yes

87% 13%

Was the government right
to keep Channel 4 in public
ownership and scrap the
idea of privatisation?
@ST_Business

THE TIPSTER
THE WEEK IN THE MARKETS

LUCY TOBIN

Bank on
Bunzl to
stand and
deliver

Zanten himself joined Bunzl
when the Dutch soap firm he
ran was acquired by the
behemoth as it expanded into
Europe in 1994. Today,
Bunzl’s vast warehouses are
restocking global companies
at pace: last month, it said
revenues for 2022 will come
in up 17 per cent, thanks to
inflation-linked price hikes
and those acquisitions.
Van Zanten made fairly
muted noises for 2023,
expecting revenues this year
to be “slightly higher” and
adjusted operating profit
“resilient”, with higher costs
being passed onto customers.
Yet Bunzl’s margins are being
maintained — in fact, it
predicts an improvement
here this year. This proves
customers are willing to pay
for Bunzl’s convenience,
delivering everything that
small and big firms need, in

Bunzl delivers paper cups to
cafés, swabs to hospitals and
packaging to supermarkets,
via 21,000 staff in 31
countries. It’s one of those
mega companies that few
people have ever heard of.
Starting as a Slovakian
haberdashery in 1854, it has
grown into a FTSE 100 giant
delivering non-edible items to
800,000 customers. It does
dull work that someone has
to do, and Bunzl does well.
Profit margins are thin, but
its scale has historically made
up for that. Bunzl is a prolific
deal-maker, spending about
£500 million on 14
acquisitions in 2021, and
£280 million on buying firms
last year. These have not been
vast takeovers but small bolton deals that keep increasing
its international presence and
joining dots in the fractured
global distribution market.
Chief executive Frank van

Bunzl
£31
29
27
25
2022
Source: Refinitiv/Eikon

one go. In uncertain times,
even small growth appeals.
Bunzl’s shares are flat on
this time last year, trading at
£28.39 after oscillating from
£25 to £31 amid 2022’s market
turmoil. But its price to
earnings ratio of 15.5 this year
is below the five-year average,
which hovers above 17, and its
strong cashflow (set to top
£500 million this year) and
healthy balance sheet give it
more than £1 billion to spare
for acquisitions if needed.
Robin Speakman at broker
Shore Capital highlights the
firm’s cash as providing
“growing firepower for
shareholder value creation”.
Bunzl has also given
investors dividend growth,
with an annual increase in the
payout stretching back
almost three decades.
Its diversity — across
products and nations —
appeals in a downturn. It
makes about a fifth of its sales
in higher-margin areas of
healthcare, cleaning and
safety, and these areas cannot
easily be excised from clients’
budgets. The hospitality and
retail sectors will suffer
spending cutbacks this year,
but Bunzl’s international
footprint offers protection.
Boring but reliable, it’s a buy.

FTSE 100

7,699.49

U247.75
U3.32%

DOLLAR
USD > GBP

7,600

$1.21

7,400

12-month high: $1.37
low: $1.07

7,200

EURO
EUR > GBP

7,800

7,699.5
6,826.2

€1.14

6,800

19,504.72
H:
L:

23,416.9
16,611.2

U0.01

2022

12-month high: €1.21
low: €1.11

Source: Refinitiv/Eikon

RISERS
Wizz Air: £23.63, U 20.1% on upbeat
travel outlook JD Sports: 142.6p,
U 15.8% on hopes of upbeat trading
Carnival: 665.2p, U 13.6% on price
rises Ocado: 718p, U 13.4% on
broker note

FALLERS
Aston Martin Lagonda: 149.6p, V 9.6%
on sentiment Essentra: 218p, V 8.6% on
trading update Drax: 645.5p, V 8% on
sentiment Energean: £12.26, V 7.3% on
broker note
Source: AJ Bell/Sharepad

YEN
YEN > USD

¥132.07
12-month high: ¥150.14
low: ¥107.17

DOW JONES
33,630.61

HANG SENG
20,991.64

FTSE EUROFIRST
1,756.77

$78.57

U483.36 H: 36,290.3
U1.46% L: 28,725.5

U1210.23 H: 24,965.6
U6.12% L: 14,687.0

U78.35
U4.67%

12-month high: $127.98
low: $75.11

NASDAQ
10,569.29

SHANGHAI
3,157.64

SENSEX
59,900.37

U102.81
U0.98%

U68.38
U2.21%

V940.37 H: 63,284.2
V1.55% L: 51,360.4

H: 3,597.4
L: 2,886.4

H: 1,893.2
L: 1,519.7

V 7.34

GOLD
DOLLARS/TROY OZ

S&P 500
3,895.08

CAC 40
6,860.95

ALL ORDS
7,308.80

U55.58
U1.45%

U387.19 H: 7,249.7
U5.98% L: 5,676.9

U87.10
U1.21%

NIKKEI
25,973.85

DAX
14,610.02

S&P TSX
19,814.51

V120.65 H: 30,714.5
V0.46% L: 24,681.7

U686.43 H: 16,052.0
U4.93% L: 11,975.6

U429.59 H: 22,087.2
U2.22% L: 18,206.3

H: 4,726.4
L: 3,577.0

current rate prev. month

10.7% 11.1%
CPI including housing

current rate prev. month

9.3%
Retails prices index

$1,865.71

14.0% 14.2%
Average weekly earnings

on prev. monthprev. month

£624
Unemployment

1.25m
Manufacturing output

$16,932.11
U355.86

12-month high: $47,971.25
low: $15,516.53
Price at 12.30pm Saturday

0.4%

3.7%
on the year

V
Retail sales

4.6%

on the year

6.0%

3.6%
on last month

0.7%

on last month

5.90% V0.4%

UK trade
balance (£bn)

latest 3 mths prev. 3 mths latest 12 mths

Gross domestic
product

latest quarter prev. quarter annual change

Budget deficit
(PSNB) in £bn

last month

V
V
V

9.6

22.5

0.3% 0.1%
22.0

75.2

1.9%

prev. month year to date

14.2

105.4

10-YEAR BOND YIELDS %

U41.31

BITCOIN
DOLLARS

current rate prev. month

variation

12-month high: $2,052.41
low: $1,621.57

H: 7,887.1
L: 6,609.5

9.6%

current rate prev. month

U0.96

OIL
DOLLARS/BARREL

H: 15,188.4
L: 10,213.3

Consumer prices index

0.00

7,000

FTSE 250

U651.72
U3.46%

THE ECONOMY

12 months
high

low

3.48

V0.19

4.50

1.11

3.57

V0.26

4.23

1.71

JAPAN

0.50

U0.08

0.50

0.12

GERMANY

2.21

U0.35

2.56

-0.10

TOP 200 COMPANIES
Market cap ranking
V

99
65
88
198
122
11
32
166
26
34
186
1
77
41
36
193
23
154
20
92
84
134
89
149
86
6
188
8
100
159
38
40
51
48
199
75
182
58
17
144
78
179
22
44
158
94
121
128
7
107
116

Abrdn
Admiral
Airtel Africa
AJ Bell
Alliance
Anglo American
Antofagasta
Ashmore
Ashtead
Associated British Foods
Assura
AstraZeneca
Auto Trader
Aveva
Aviva
Babcock International
BAE Systems
Balfour Beatty
Barclays
Barratt Developments
Beazley
Bellway
Berkeley
Big Yellow
B&M European
BP
Bridgepoint
British American Tobacco
British Land
Britvic
BT
Bunzl
Burberry
Carnival
Centamin
Centrica
Close Brothers
Coca Cola HBC
Compass
Computacenter
Convatec
Cranswick
CRH
Croda
Darktrace
DCC
Dechra Pharmaceuticals
Derwent London
Diageo
Diploma
Direct Line Insurance

Price Change
on week

191.1
2224.0
118.3
355.8
971.0
3509.0
1655.0
268.6
5018.0
1771.0
55.2
11782.0
539.8
3217.0
456.0
297.4
857.8
354.2
172.1
433.2
686.0
2061.0
4087.0
1160.0
450.0
477.0
197.9
3343.5
410.2
777.5
126.7
2900.0
2200.0
665.2
125.5
92.5
1124.0
1978.0
1909.0
1964.0
240.6
3184.0
3563.0
6588.0
285.0
4268.0
2560.0
2416.0
3646.5
2876.0
235.3

+1.8
+87.0
+6.5
-2.4
+23.0
+272.5
+109.5
+29.2
+298.0
+195.0
+0.6
+564.0
+24.2
+4.0
+13.2
+15.2
+1.8
+16.6
+13.6
+36.4
+6.5
+153.5
+314.0
+13.0
+38.7
+2.2
+7.3
+62.0
+15.1
+0.5
+14.6
+141.0
+170.0
+85.8
+12.6
-4.0
+77.0
+5.0
-8.5
+53.0
+8.0
+106.0
+264.0
-16.0
+26.3
+188.0
-58.0
+48.0
-3.5
+100.0
+14.0

52-week
Yield
high
low

252.8
3266.0
170.9
390.0
1026.1
4170.5
1781.5
297.8
6114.0
2131.0
71.8
11782.0
717.0
3220.0
602.9
367.6
867.0
354.2
217.1
739.4
686.0
3231.0
4801.0
1672.0
619.6
501.8
432.5
3628.0
556.4
949.0
200.9
3163.0
2200.0
1588.2
125.5
97.0
1446.0
2687.0
1969.5
2978.0
245.8
3820.0
3952.0
9504.0
544.0
6486.0
4564.0
3528.0
4020.5
3254.0
312.3

133.0
1729.0
107.8
246.2
867.8
2547.5
991.6
180.9
3359.0
1237.0
48.6
8282.0
486.2
1924.0
373.8
268.6
549.8
215.6
135.7
323.4
376.4
1586.5
3165.0
987.0
295.5
348.1
173.9
2809.5
324.8
707.5
112.0
2575.0
1482.0
501.4
74.4
67.4
894.0
1460.5
1546.0
1810.0
166.9
2586.0
2756.5
5908.0
255.8
4030.0
2520.0
1876.0
3343.0
2158.0
177.7

7.6
6.8
2.8
2.0
2.4
5.1
3.2
6.3
0.9
0.3
5.2
1.8
0.9
1.2
4.7
—
2.8
1.3
1.7
6.8
—
5.7
0.2
2.9
3.8
3.3
—
6.4
3.7
3.1
—
1.9
1.9
—
4.1
—
5.3
2.7
0.7
2.8
1.7
2.2
2.4
1.4
—
3.7
1.6
3.1
2.0
1.5
9.5

P/E

Mkt Cap
(£bn)

4.2 3824.6
11.3 6735.1
10.5 4445.9
33.3 1464.2
— 2840.9
6.9 46935.6
17.1 16315.9
9.2 1914.4
24.4 22027.1
29.3 13943.3
11.0 1633.5
— 182597.4
26.6 5014.1
— 9717.2
— 12804.1
— 1503.6
15.7 26394.9
16.8 2080.0
4.2 27314.5
6.8 4315.8
18.5 4604.5
6.2 2545.1
10.6 4431.8
7.6 2137.5
10.5 4508.3
17.3 86600.0
12.4 1629.2
11.3 74756.2
— 3802.6
17.6 2021.3
12.3 12577.4
22.0 9792.4
18.9 8352.1
— 8641.8
19.5 1451.3
9.3 5416.7
8.4 1690.1
15.8 7253.3
46.5 33480.0
12.2 2241.7
— 4917.6
16.8 1704.4
14.8 26534.9
28.7 9199.2
— 2046.9
14.1 4214.5
38.2 2914.2
10.8 2712.9
28.0 82749.8
— 3585.8
9.8 3085.7

Market cap ranking
V

157
132
81
152
125
83
147
52
24
82
170
27
105
61
180
117
160
9
164
167
139
10
19
55
135
95
162
171
109
103
97
108
3
112
106
29
102
133
45
146
46
110
64
63
119
76
115
175
57
96
163

Dr Martens
Drax
DS Smith
Dunelm
EasyJet
Endeavour Mining
Energean
Entain
Experian
F&C Investment
Finsbury Growth
Flutter Entertainment
Frasers
Fresnillo
Future
Games Workshop
Genus
Glencore
Grafton
Grainger
Greggs
GSK
Haleon
Halma
Harbour Energy
Hargreaves Lansdown
Hays
Harbourvest Global
HICL Infrastructure
Hikma Pharmaceuticals
Hiscox
Howden Joinery
HSBC
IG
IMI
Imperial Brands
Inchcape
Indivior
Informa
International Distributions
InterContinental Hotels
Intermediate Capital
Intertek
International Airlines
Intlernational Public
Investec
ITV
IWG
JD Sports
Johnson Matthey
Kainos

Price Change
on week

204.6
645.5
348.7
1037.0
372.2
1913.0
1226.0
1415.0
2851.0
914.0
853.0
11995.0
758.0
965.0
1406.0
9110.0
3066.0
525.9
861.9
253.2
2386.0
1432.2
317.5
2063.0
298.7
873.4
120.9
2300.0
169.4
1674.5
1113.5
625.6
568.6
786.5
1385.0
2073.0
896.5
1893.0
639.4
230.1
5100.0
1201.5
4234.0
140.5
156.0
530.4
79.6
172.9
142.6
2182.0
1557.0

+14.0
-57.5
+27.2
+58.0
+47.6
+161.0
-83.0
+93.5
+38.0
+10.0
+10.0
+705.0
+48.0
+63.2
+139.0
+545.0
+82.0
-26.5
+73.3
+1.2
+40.0
-5.4
-9.8
+89.0
-5.7
+17.2
+5.2
+45.0
+5.0
+122.5
+24.0
+64.0
+52.9
+4.5
+97.0
+2.0
+76.5
+41.0
+19.8
+17.1
+356.0
+53.5
+200.0
+16.7
+4.4
+19.0
+4.4
+6.9
+16.4
+55.0
+14.0

52-week
Yield
high
low

376.2
174.7
831.5
473.4
401.8
241.8
1434.0
670.5
727.4
285.1
2090.0 1461.0
1569.0
887.0
1728.0 1075.5
3414.0 2285.0
942.0
767.2
887.0
731.8
12175.0 7614.0
949.5
562.5
967.4
622.4
3558.0 1145.0
9905.0 5690.0
4662.0 2234.0
563.5 383.0
1211.0 630.6
312.8
205.4
3101.0 1673.0
1828.6 1296.0
327.4
246.1
3007.0 1876.5
530.0
283.4
1391.0
740.8
158.5
101.2
2835.0 1986.1
185.0
138.9
2134.0 1190.5
1119.0
827.2
920.0 480.9
568.6
442.2
847.5 648.0
1757.0 1071.0
2185.0 1486.0
908.5
647.0
7025.0 1060.0
639.4
495.1
526.2
183.2
5338.0 4193.0
2100.0
953.2
5640.0 3619.0
178.3
93.7
173.8
136.0
541.6
351.6
123.7
55.2
300.8
115.4
218.8
89.2
2360.0 1721.0
1766.0
954.5

—
2.8
3.5
3.4
—
2.5
—
—
1.2
1.5
2.1
—
—
2.5
0.1
2.8
1.0
1.7
4.1
2.2
0.6
5.6
—
0.9
—
4.4
1.0
—
5.1
2.3
0.8
2.1
2.8
5.5
1.6
6.7
1.5
—
—
4.3
—
4.7
2.5
—
4.8
2.5
—
—
0.2
3.2
1.4

P/E

Mkt Cap
(£bn)

37.3 2047.5
47.8 2588.7
19.8 4803.2
14.0 2088.1
— 2821.3
28.5 4691.3
— 2182.8
31.7 8332.2
36.6 26265.5
— 4738.3
— 1820.6
— 21091.2
33.7 3619.3
22.9
7111.0
24.2 1699.2
25.1 2998.0
— 2016.7
19.2 67338.2
10.0 1924.8
15.7 1877.4
20.9 2436.4
16.5 58637.4
— 29324.4
29.9 7832.1
34.9 2530.5
15.6 4142.7
17.5 1940.6
— 1819.4
— 3441.3
12.6 3687.9
27.6 3858.8
11.8 3476.3
12.4 113540.0
8.0 3272.9
18.9 3612.1
6.9 19425.5
30.3 3702.6
— 2583.2
— 9068.4
2.6 2200.2
47.8 8954.9
6.9 3422.7
23.8 6833.4
— 6962.0
20.0 2981.5
13.3 5058.2
8.6 3204.2
— 1741.0
17.2 7352.9
27.5 4002.9
48.1 1938.2

Market cap ranking
V

79
191
80
33
18
14
176
161
124
129
104
70
190
85
173
59
142
178
15
184
50
177
21
69
148
192
200
66
136
74
93
169
168
195
67
183
189
145
194
16
156
13
185
12
111
126
37
87
5
114
49
123

Kingfisher
Lancashire
Land Securities
Legal & General
Lloyds Banking
London Stock Exchange
Londonmetric Property
Lxi Reit
Man
Marks & Spencer
Mediclinic
Melrose
Mercantile
M&G
Micro Focus
Mondi
Monks
Murray International
National Grid
Network International
Next
Ninety One
NWG
Ocado
OneSavings Bank
PageGroup
Pantheon
Pearson
Pennon
Pershing Square
Persimmon
Personal Assets
Petershill
Pets at Home
Phoenix
Playtech
Plus500
Polar Capital
Primary Health
Prudential
QinetiQ
Reckitt Benckiser
Redrow
Relx
Renewables
Renishaw
Rentokil
Rightmove
Rio Tinto
RIT Capital
Rolls-Royce
Rotork

Price Change
on week

253.5
654.5
658.8
258.4
48.0
7160.0
176.7
115.4
222.8
137.6
497.4
142.5
202.5
192.4
529.4
1490.0
962.0
1368.0
1044.5
301.4
6482.0
186.9
279.9
718.0
505.5
472.2
268.0
902.6
953.5
2900.0
1325.0
478.5
164.4
309.2
624.4
550.0
1723.0
1738.0
112.3
1230.0
356.4
5862.0
497.2
2343.0
132.4
3828.0
501.4
538.4
6058.0
2060.0
102.9
330.0

+17.4
+4.5
+37.4
+8.9
+2.6
+24.0
+4.4
+2.8
+9.1
+14.2
-0.6
+8.0
+10.5
+4.6
+80.5
+16.0
+34.0
+47.1
+3.4
+676.0
+1.0
+14.7
+101.2
+25.7
+11.0
+8.0
-36.6
+65.0
-15.0
+108.0
+1.0
-4.6
+25.6
+15.8
+41.0
–81.0
+14.0
+1.5
+102.5
-0.6
+108.0
+43.4
+55.0
+2.4
+160.0
-6.6
+27.0
+260.0
-65.0
+9.7
+23.4

52-week
Yield
high
low

355.7
656.5
813.2
307.8
55.1
8582.0
280.4
154.0
274.9
256.9
501.5
173.5
253.5
227.3
530.4
1950.5
1206.0
1359.7
1245.5
356.0
8002.0
274.0
283.5
1589.5
599.0
634.0
335.0
995.2
1173.0
3038.2
2800.0
506.0
285.5
460.8
701.4
730.5
1935.0
2450.0
151.7
1337.0
394.2
6808.0
692.8
2449.0
148.6
5000.0
562.8
767.2
6225.0
2680.0
127.7
365.8

203.0
346.6
485.3
204.1
39.1
6370.0
161.8
112.4
178.9
93.2
315.4
95.5
158.3
159.9
256.3
1309.0
875.0
1090.0
858.4
171.8
4383.0
172.6
207.7
393.1
375.4
362.2
229.2
597.8
755.0
2295.0
1138.5
465.5
162.4
257.8
506.8
390.8
1322.5
1697.6
98.7
797.6
250.2
5450.0
372.6
2071.0
112.6
3342.0
444.5
445.4
4486.0
1928.0
66.2
229.6

4.8
1.8
5.2
6.9
5.3
1.1
4.9
5.0
3.8
—
—
1.1
3.1
9.5
3.4
3.4
0.2
4.4
4.7
—
—
6.7
3.8
—
3.8
1.0
—
2.2
3.4
0.9
17.7
1.5
—
2.6
7.7
—
4.9
—
5.5
1.0
3.2
3.0
4.9
2.0
5.2
1.7
1.5
0.8
8.3
—
—
2.6

P/E

Mkt Cap
(£bn)

Market cap ranking

6.4
—
—
7.9
6.7
—
3.8
5.9
8.9
—
31.1
—
—
—
—
11.4
—
—
24.4
39.3
12.4
9.4
11.0
—
6.7
12.8
—
43.2
—
—
5.4
—
—
12.6
—
5.8
7.7
—
11.5
20.0
27.8
—
6.2
30.9
—
21.8
35.6
30.5
6.3
—
—
35.9

4913.7
1597.1
4885.2
15434.9
32301.5
39689.5
1735.4
1978.5
2827.1
2702.6
3667.1
5777.6
1599.9
4517.2
1795.8
7234.8
2252.7
1710.2
38232.0
1656.4
8378.8
1724.5
27072.0
5930.5
2173.0
1551.7
1423.5
6460.2
2491.3
5528.6
4231.0
1866.1
1866.6
1496.0
6246.2
1685.0
1613.6
2237.1
1500.9
33820.9
2062.7
41958.1
1647.5
44865.2
3287.3
2786.4
12635.5
4454.9
98191.4
3216.9
8610.3
2840.6

90
151
54
72
56
42
172
62
2
39
71
141
47
137
113
53
181
30
165
68
28
120
98
187
174
31
35
118
150
127
131
4
101
60
197
130
140
25
143
91
73
155
196
138
43
153

Price Change
on week

52-week
Yield
high
low

RS
933.5 +38.0 1192.0
812.0
Safestore
964.5 +19.5 1398.0
794.0
Sage
768.4 +22.8
824.8
595.6
Sainsbury’s
243.6 +25.9
299.1
169.9
Schroders
448.7 +12.7
707.2
358.8
Segro
784.8 +21.2 1389.0 694.0
Serco
156.3
+0.9
188.3
121.2
Severn Trent
2792.0 +141.0 3211.0 2213.0
Shell
2350.0 +24.0 2526.5 1718.2
Smith & Nephew
1160.0 +50.5 1338.5
984.6
Smiths
1629.0 +30.5 1629.0 1364.0
Smithson
1342.0 +34.0 1914.0 1140.0
Smurfit Kappa
3346.0 +275.0 4150.0 2452.0
Softcat
1239.0 +55.0 1786.0 1084.0
Spectris
3102.0 +100.0 3657.0 2458.0
Spirax-Sarco
10835.0 +220.0 15535.0 9130.0
Spirent Communications
276.4 +16.2
286.2
215.4
SSE
1675.0 -37.0 1920.0 1428.0
SSP
240.7
+11.7
303.2
184.8
St James’s Place Capital
1147.0 +52.0 1690.5 920.0
Standard Chartered
697.8 +75.4
697.8 450.4
Tate & Lyle
741.0 +29.8 906.5
657.2
Taylor Wimpey
108.8
+7.2
174.6
85.1
Telecom Plus
2055.0 -140.0 2500.0 1322.0
Templeton Emerging Markets
152.6
+5.6
179.5
130.0
Tesco
241.4 +17.2 303.4
199.1
3i Group
1375.0 +33.5 1421.5 1042.0
3i Infrastructure
334.5
+0.5
368.5
248.8
Travis Perkins
995.6 +106.2 1635.0
738.0
Tritax Big Box
145.8
+7.2
248.6
125.7
TUI
147.6 +13.5
294.2
105.4
Unilever
4201.5 +19.5 4227.0 3328.0
Unite
930.5 +20.5 1207.0
791.5
United Utilities
1048.0 +56.6 1176.5
828.2
Victrex
1692.0 +95.0 2432.0 1545.0
Virgin Money UK
196.1
+14.1
218.1
118.4
Vistry
687.0 +61.5 1193.0
519.5
Vodafone
88.7
+4.5
139.5
83.7
Watches Of Switzerland
936.0 +115.5 1456.0 654.0
Weir
1692.5 +23.5 1897.0 1328.5
Whitbread
2802.0 +232.0 3243.0 2285.0
WH Smith
1578.5 +94.0 1708.5 1132.5
Witan
220.0
-1.5
245.5
199.8
Wizz Air
2363.0 +458.5 4867.0 1357.5
WPP
863.2 +43.0 1224.0
725.8
Worldwide Health
3255.0 +30.0 3500.0 2820.0

2.7
2.1
2.3
4.3
25.9
2.9
1.4
3.6
2.6
2.3
2.3
—
2.9
1.7
2.2
1.1
1.6
4.8
—
5.3
1.3
4.2
7.6
2.8
2.9
3.8
3.5
3.4
1.2
4.5
—
3.5
2.1
4.1
3.5
—
5.8
8.7
—
0.7
—
—
2.5
—
3.1
0.8

P/E

Mkt Cap
(£bn)

23.7 4412.2
5.5 2098.4
29.5 7869.3
20.5 5712.7
2.1 7486.9
2.3 9491.1
6.4 1817.0
— 7023.4
12.4 164476.2
26.3 10130.8
25.9 5763.0
4.2 2298.9
15.3 8667.3
24.3 2471.2
10.2 3243.0
34.1 7992.5
25.8 1690.8
6.5 18103.1
— 1916.6
21.9 6242.4
15.6 20199.6
15.9 2975.9
7.2 3844.6
— 1632.5
— 1772.9
12.3 17743.5
— 13382.8
— 2981.9
9.7
2115.7
2.6 2724.8
— 2635.0
21.6 106384.1
10.9 3724.6
— 7146.2
20.1
1472.1
6.0 2697.4
6.0 2375.0
— 24218.6
44.4 2242.4
28.6 4393.9
— 5660.8
— 2066.4
— 1494.7
— 2440.1
16.4 9244.3
-— 2087.8

52-week highs and lows are intra-day figures, not end of day. Excludes
exchange-traded funds. nc = no change. — = not applicable.
Source: Morningstar

MONEY
January 8, 2023

THE BENEFITS
OF A GRADUAL
RETIREMENT
PAGE 12

‘AS A YOUNG
CRICKETER
I LIVED
OFF HAM
SANDWICHES
IN A SQUAT’
PAGE 14

nsurance costs for new and existing customers are soaring and you
are getting less for your money, a
year after new rules that were supposed to make the industry fairer
for customers.
Car insurance premiums are up
30 per cent in 12 months for new
customers and average home
insurance costs have soared 17 per
cent, according to the data company
Consumer Intelligence.
Existing customers are also being
asked to pay more, with renewal quotes
going up for 55 per cent of car insurance
customers and 52 per cent of home
insurance customers from July to October last year.
Home and car insurance renewal
quotes had been going down in 2021, but
that has actually been reversed since a
ban introduced by the Financial Conduct Authority (FCA) in January 2022 to
stop insurers charging loyal customers
more than new customers.
Martyn James, who speaks out on consumer issues, said: “The ban aimed at
tackling the loyalty charge hasn’t really
changed a thing in real terms, as we all
seem to be paying more for our premiums now. Frankly, it’s outrageous that
the industry profited from people staying loyal for decades, then passed the
costs on to all their customers when they
were told to stop.
“The problem with premiums is it’s
impossible to know if we’re being
treated fairly due to the opaque way they
are calculated. We need an independent
body to carry out spot checks and industry assessments to ensure policies are
fairly priced.”
The FCA’s ban on what it calls “price
walking” aimed to stop loyal and vulnerable policyholders being automatically
charged higher premiums each year simply because they did not shop around, or
did not realise that they could ask for
better deals.
Anyone who did shop around could
take advantage of cheap introductory
rates as insurers competed to sign up
new customers. Those who called their
own insurer would often find that they
could negotiate better prices too.
The FCA said that the ban would save
consumers £4.2 billion over the next
decade. It will do a full evaluation of how
insurers have responded next year and
insurers could be fined, be subject to
public notices or even operating bans if
they had flouted the rules.
But experts say that few customers are
seeing any benefit so far, with prices now
rising for everyone.
Consumer Intelligence examined the

NOW

£629

Michael Clarke’s home insurance
renewal quote from LV was £539
— up from £288, despite the fact
he made no claims in the four
years he had been with the firm.
“We’ve checked your renewal
price against the price you would
get as a new customer with us,

THEN

£553

NOW

£151

THEN

£134

Average
Insurance
costs for new
customers
quotes given in 2022 to 3,000 home and
motor insurance customers who had
stayed with their insurance company for
more than a year. Those renewing home
insurance between July and September
were quoted an average of £14.58 more
than they paid the previous year, while
car insurance was up an average of
£16.22. During the same three months
of 2021 car renewal quotes had been
an average of £12.58 more than customers had paid when taking out the
policy and home insurance renewal
quotes had been up £13.01.
Average motor premiums for
new customers went up 30.2 per
cent in 2022 while new buildings
and contents cover went up
17.4 per cent.
Compare the Market, a comparison site, said average annual
fully comprehensive car insurance went from £553 in December 2021 to £629 in November
2022 — a 14 per cent increase.
Home insurance premiums
went up 16 per cent from
£134 to £151.

The Consumer Prices
Index, which reflects how
inflation is affecting the cost
of everyday goods, suggests
that overall motor and home
insurance costs went up about
30 per cent in the 12 months to
the end of November.
Part of the reason that prices
are rising is because restricting what
insurers can charge existing customers
limits their profits. About 86 per cent of
insurers’ profits come from “core underwriting” — its gain when you pay your
premiums but don’t need to make a
claim. The remaining 14 per cent comes
from selling add-ons such as legal or
breakdown cover, premium finance
(where you are charged more to pay
monthly), and charges such as cancellation or renewal fees.
The Association of British Insurers
said the price of car insurance has risen
because of a shortage of replacement
parts and vehicles caused by factory closures during covid. The war in Ukraine
has also caused supply chain issues. The
cost of replacement parts had been

RISING COSTS
Increase in cost of new policies
Home insurance
Car insurance
30%
25
20
15
10
5
0
21

2022

Source: Consumer Intelligence

Two decades as a finance journalist
and yet I am baﬄed by my tax return

assessment. It means that
millions of parents now have
to fill out a tax return.
Something that few of us
grappling with toddler
tantrums have the time or
inclination to do. And
something that many
parents do not realise they
need to do (often resulting in
a hefty fine).
We started claiming child
benefit when I went back to
work after having our second
child. I was working part-time
and my husband’s business
had taken a Covid hit.
The next year, I went back
to full-time work and his
business rebounded — I called
HMRC to cancel our child
benefit in July 2021.
Now it’s 18 months later
and I need to fill out a selfassessment form to give back
the three months’ worth of
child benefit I received in that
tax year. A seasoned financial

journalist who is not afraid of
a bit of admin, I went in
confident, after all, I only
needed to fill out one bit of
the form anyway. I entered
the £456 I had received, the
date I should have stopped
getting the payment, and
phoned the child benefit
helpline to double check I
had the numbers right. All
good so far.
When you get to the end of
your self-assessment form
you hit the button to find out

My bill was
double what
I expected

what you owe. So I was
stumped when HMRC
concluded that I needed to
pay back £822.
I sat on hold to the taxman
for 50 minutes only to be told
that I would have to submit
the return before I could
contest it.
Three days later, I spent
another two hours on the
phone to various people at
HMRC trying to figure out
why my bill is double what I
had expected.
After being passed around,
an adviser eventually told me
that it looks as though I might
have underpaid tax when I
changed jobs because of a
mistake with my tax code.
But there was no mention of
this on my tax return, and it is
almost impossible to track
down a precise figure. I even
used an income tax calculator
to work out my new takehome pay when I changed

£539

Michael Clarke’s quote almost
doubled even with no claims

using information we know about
you,” his renewal letter read.
Clarke, from Worcestershire,
who works in public relations,
said: “When I queried the
increase, the call centre worker
said it was primarily due to the
Financial Conduct Authority’s fair
price policy. But the explanation I
was given seemed confused.
She said I was benefiting from
new rules, but my renewal quote
had almost doubled.”
Clarke used a comparison site
to find another insurer for closer
to £300. “My home insurance
premium used to tick over year to
year, so it was disappointing to
see the price almost double.”
LV said: “Mr Clarke’s premium
increased because of changes to
how we view certain risks and
new models that rate the risk of
each policy more accurately.”

Michael Clark and his girlfriend, Lauren Shaw, found home
cover that was £200 cheaper than their renewal quote

rising anyway because vehicles have become more expensive and sophisticated. The rising cost of building materials and labour has driven up home insurance costs.
There are concerns that insurers are
moving to a “Ryanair model” of insurance, where they sell a cheap basic policy and allow you to add “bolt-ons” such
as protection for your car windscreen or
alloy wheels, which used to be part of
the standard level of cover.
“One of the crafty things about add-on
insurance is that it looks reassuringly
low priced — but £4 to £5 a month for
some add-ons soon adds up. Customers
are also more likely to forget to cancel a
cheap policy,” said James.
Why do insurance premiums go up?
Apart from inflation, the most obvious
reason is if you made a claim. Drivers
who were at fault in an accident could
pay 50 per cent higher premiums, the
comparison site Moneyexpert said.
If you get a better car, have building
work or move somewhere with a higher
crime rate, your costs will also go up.

How to get a lower premium
If you don’t believe a price increase is
justified, haggle. Call your insurer and
ask why it has gone up. Shop around
using a comparison site such as Go Compare and let your insurer know how
much you could save elsewhere.
For home cover, make sure that your
buildings and contents insurance is combined rather than having two separate
policies — MoneySuperMarket said that
this could save you an average of £33 a
year.
Tweaking your job title could bring
your car insurance premiums down, for
example switching it from locum doctor
to GP. It must still be an accurate reflection of your role though. Adding a second driver could reduce your premiums
too, particularly for young drivers.
Pay annually rather than in monthly
instalments because you will be charged
interest if you spread the cost.
The FCA said: “Our reforms have
made the insurance market fairer, as
loyal customers are no longer being
penalised, but you should still shop
around and negotiate a better deal.”

Trackers are back — it could be
time to try that variable mortgage

Johanna Noble

wo words that fill me
with dread: “tax” and
“return”. Admittedly,
I’m a bit of a novice at
self-assessment forms
because I have always been
employed, but two years ago
I had to start submitting one
because of the high income
child benefit tax charge.
Child benefit is worth
£21.80 a week for the first
child and £14.45 a week for
other children. But for every
£100 over £50,000 that one
parent earns, your
entitlement reduces 1 per
cent. Once you earn £60,000,
you get nothing. These
thresholds have not changed
for ten years.
The problem with this
system is that you can opt out
of child benefit altogether,
but if you are entitled to some
of the benefit you have to get
it all — and you then have to
pay it back through self-

‘MY HOME COVER
RENEWAL QUOTE
WAS £251 HIGHER’

2023

New rules were meant
to end the bias against
long-term customers,
but have just pushed up
prices, says David Byers

2022

Why are insurers now making
us all pay for the loyalty penalty?

Ellie McDonald

roles, and it matched exactly.
She didn’t sound entirely sure
and I’m dubious myself.
It feels uncomfortable
paying something I truly
don’t believe I owe, and for
which there is no proof.
I can check my tax code,
which I will do, but it won’t
give me a full breakdown.
And I could call HMRC again
and ask for something in
writing, but there is only so
much hold music I can listen
to in a week. For now, I have
no choice but to take the
adviser’s word for it.
There is much that needs
to change about the child
benefit system, but an easy
place to start would be to
stop dragging millions of
time-poor parents into the
mess that is self-assessment,
especially when HMRC can’t
even make its own numbers
add up.
@JohannaMNoble

Halifax is offering tracker
mortgages for the first time in
four years as demand soars
among homebuyers.
The lender now has a
two-year deal that charges
the Bank of England’s base
rate (3.5 per cent) plus
0.59 percentage points, so a
starting rate of 4.09 per cent.
Monthly repayments on
a £250,000 mortgage over a
25-year term would be £1,332,
although they could go up
as soon as next month if the
Bank rate increases. There
is a £999 fee and borrowers
need at least a 40 per cent
deposit to qualify.
Those with a 10 per cent
deposit can get a two-year
deal which tracks base rate
plus 1.09 percentage points,
giving a starting rate of
4.59 per cent.
The best tracker rate is
from Barclays, which is
0.34 percentage points above
base rate, giving a total now
of 3.84 per cent. On a
£250,000 25-year mortgage
this would mean monthly

repayments of £1,298.
Unlike a fixed rate
mortgage, where the interest
is set for an agreed period,
trackers move in relation to a
benchmark. This can be the
Bank of England’s base rate
or sometimes a lender’s
standard variable rate (SVR).
Newcastle Building Society
has a discounted variable rate
of 1.62 percentage points
below its SVR for two years.
This is currently 3.29 per
cent. On a £250,000 25-year
mortgage you would pay
£1,224 a month.
Variable rates and trackers
both usually change when
the base rate moves — the
Bank has put it up nine
times, from 0.1 per cent in
December 2021 to 3.5 per
cent now, its highest level

3.29%

Newcastle Building Society’s
discounted variable rate

since October 2008.
Someone with a tracker
mortage at base rate plus
1 percentage point, would have
gone from paying 1.1 per cent
to 4.5 per cent. This would add
£436 to monthly payments on
a £250,000 25-year loan.
Trackers have become
more popular as fixed rates
have soared. Most trackers do
not have early repayment
charges, so you can switch
deals easily without penalty.
The broker John Charcol
said 38 per cent of the
mortgages it secured in
November were on variable
rates, compared with 5 per
cent in the same month in
2021. Some borrowers are
choosing a tracker for now in
the hope that fixed rates will
fall this year and they can then
lock in a cheaper deal.
The average two-year fixed
rate is now 5.78 per cent,
down from 6.47 per cent in
November but up from
2.38 per cent a year ago. The
average five-year fix is 5.61 per
cent, down from 6.32 per cent
in November, but up from
2.66 per cent a year ago.

The Sunday Times January 8, 2023

MONEY

Trust me,

I’m a stockpicking yogi
Nick Train had a 2022 to forget with his investment trust losing millions, but David Brenchley meets the
yoga-obsessed fund manager and finds that he is calm — and sticking with his long-term ‘buy and hold’ policy

nvesting when stock markets are
falling is a stressful (albeit lucrative)
way to make a living. It’s no wonder
then that Nick Train likes to start
his day with a five-minute adho
mukha shvanasana, or downward dog.
When he’s not running
billions of pounds of
investors’ money, Train
is a yoga teacher and is convinced that it has made him a
better investor.
“Yoga requires you to send
The money invested in
your intelligence or awareness
Lindsell Train funds
right the way round the body in
order to sustain a pose,” he said.
“It is not just a physical effort, it is a
full-body effort. Your little toe is just
as important as any other part of the
body.” It seems a good analogy for your
investment portfolio: even your smallest
holding is as important as your biggest.
The fund firm Lindsell Train was
co-founded 23 years ago by Train, 63, and
long-time colleague Michael Lindsell, 62.
The pair invest mainly in businesses that
own world-class brands that endure
through time and generate high levels of
cash. Their aim: to hold them for ever.
That approach has turned Train into a
household name in the investment world
— if you had put £10,000 into his flagship
investment trust, Finsbury Growth &
Income, 20 years ago, it would now be
worth £113,745. As of January 2022 Lindsell Train managed about £21 billion of
investors’ cash, including four funds and
two investment trusts.
But Finsbury started to perform poorly
in 2021 and the so-called growth stocks it
invests in fell sharply out of favour in
2022. The fund lost 6 per cent in a year
(£230 million) and Train apologised to
shareholders in May for three consecutive six-month periods of poor returns: “I
am sorry that [we] failed to deliver
acceptable performance for your company over what is now no trivial period.”
The meeting room at Lindsell Train’s
headquarters, a seven-minute walk from
Buckingham Palace, is adorned with
advertising posters. One for Cadbury’s Nick Train, above, founded the
from the 1950s shows two glasses of milk fund house Lindsell Train with
being poured on a Dairy Milk chocolate Michael Lindsell in 2000
bar, set against a more recent ad. An old
and a new Heineken ad both show the
STORMING AHEAD
lager’s familiar green bottle.
For Train, they are a constant Return on £10,000 investment
reminder that “it is possible to find
Finsbury Growth & Income
FTSE All Share
brands, businesses, franchises that have
endured for a long time . . . And most of £120k
them have been wonderful investments,
as long as you have been prepared to get 100
rich slowly,” he said.
Each fund that Train runs focuses on 80
those kind of businesses, found mainly in
consumer goods, media, software, finan- 60
cials and pharmaceuticals.
His investment style, though, comes 40
with a warning: there can be periods of
poor performance. We are in the middle 20
of one. Finsbury Growth & Income is up
0.5 per cent over two years, compared 0
2005
2010
2015
with a rise of 20 per cent for the FTSE allshare. His weakest holdings, the pre- Source: FE fundinfo

£40m

£21bn

The value of Finsbury
Growth & Income trust
shares that Train
personally owns

I’m not just asking
investors to take a
risk — I take it too

THE BIGGEST LOSERS
Investment return
Fever-Tree
Hargreaves Lansdown
0%
-20
-40
-60
-80
2020

Jan Feb Mar Apr May Jun Jul Aug Sep Oct Nov Dec
2022

Source: FE fundinfo

mium drinks mixer firm Fever-Tree and
the investment platform Hargreaves
Lansdown, are down 63 per cent and
37 per cent respectively over the past
12 months.
Train knows it’s inevitable that there
will be times when he underperforms,
but it’s a blow to loyal investors who have
become used to him topping the tables —
Finsbury is the best-performing trust of
the 23 in its sector over ten years. Over
three years, the fund is 17th, according to
the trust’s annual report from September.
“That’s uncomfortable and you feel a
sense of responsibility and disappointment that you can’t deliver what you want
to your investors,” Train said.
Fund managers are often accused of
not having enough “skin in the game” —
not investing in their own fund, so they do
not feel the pain of poor performance.
But Train has plunged more than £4 million of his own money into the Finsbury
Growth & Income trust since May. Most
recently, he bought £214,000 of shares on
Wednesday. He now owns 2.3 per cent of
all the shares in the trust, up from 1.9 per
cent in May.
“I seriously think it’s a fantastic
investment,” he said. “But if things don’t
go well, it’s worse for me than for anybody else. I’m not just asking investors to

take a risk, I’m also taking the risk.”
Not all his fans have the same attitude,
however — since the start of 2021, investors have pulled a net £2 billion out of
Lindsell Train UK Equity, which is run on
a similar strategy to Finsbury, according
to the data firm Morningstar.
A seasoned investor, Train has no plans
to sell his poorly performing stocks, but
will be patient and “just suck it up”. He is
renowned for changing his portfolio
rarely and once went three years without
adding a new name. The trust’s top holdings, the Guinness maker Diageo, the analyst RELX and the London Stock
Exchange, have been in the portfolio for
more than 15 years.
Still, some might argue that after such a
good run, it’s time for change. Even after a
10 per cent share price drop over the past
12 months, Diageo, for example, has a
share price-to-earnings ratio (a measure
of valuation) of 26. The average ratio on
the FTSE all-share index is about ten. The
lower the ratio the better value a company’s shares are thought to be.
“I don’t think that is a reason to sell Diageo,” Train said. “Valuation is important,
but a great lesson from [veteran investor] Warren Buffett is that outstanding
businesses are worth much, much,
much more than mediocre ones.”
Two of Trains most recent buys
were the credit reporting firm Experian and Fever-Tree in 2020. He was
arguably late to Fever-Tree, whose
shares had risen about 750 per cent
from its 2014 stock market flotation
when Train bought. He made early gains
as the price continued to rise but it has
since plummeted.
“But if it continues to perform like the
energy drink maker Monster Beverages, it
is going to be an incredible investment,”
Train said.
Besides, being late to the party isn’t a
big problem if you plan to stay invested
for ever. Train cites Buffett again when he
says that the sale of any holding is an
“enormous failure” in judgment. Any
spare cash is better spent buying more of
what you already own than adding something new, he said: “If you’re not willing
to buy more of what you own, what on
earth are you doing owning it?”
It’s clear Buffett is something of an idol
— Train references the so-called Sage of
Omaha four times in our hour-long meeting. Buffett even influences his views on
retirement. You might think that Train,
now in his sixties, is planning to hang up
his boots, but when asked he only points
out that Buffett and his right-hand man
Charlie Munger are still running Berkshire Hathaway at the ages of 92 and 99.
Still, there are signs that Train is loosening the reins. In April 2020 the firm
launched the Lindsell Train North American Equity fund. Headed by long-serving
analysts James Bullock and Madeline
Wright, it is the first fund bearing the
Lindsell Train name that the two
founders will have nothing to do with.
“We have a global fund and we know
about the US but thought that a dedicated
North America fund would focus us even
more,” Train said. The £29 million fund
has returned 34.8 per cent since launch
versus a 45.5 per cent gain for the Vanguard S&P 500 exchange traded fund,
which tracks the S&P 500 index of big US
companies.
That won’t worry this long-term investor though. Train hints that there is light
at the end of the tunnel: “I know how trite
it is, but if this accursed war ended, I think
the mood could change incredibly
quickly, lots of things would heal.”
Whatever happens to stock markets,
investors should be in no doubt as to how
their cash will be managed if it’s invested
with Lindsell Train. “Sticking to the
investment process is as important as getting it right,” Train said. “Stick to a clearly
articulated approach and say: sometimes
it will work, sometimes it may not, but at
least you know what’s going on, And if you
don’t like it, sell and buy something else.”

Credit card spending hit record £1.19bn Pothole insurance claims
in November — and it’s getting higher make for a bumpy ride
David Byers
Credit card spending has hit a
20-year high and struggling
households are being warned
not to take on too much debt.
Some £1.19 billion was put
on credit cards in November
— the highest spending since
March 2004.
Total borrowing, including
personal loans and car
finance, more than doubled
to £1.5 billion, up from
£700 million in October. A
triple whammy of rising
energy bills, mortgage
payments and the cost of
Christmas is thought to be
behind the spike.
“These figures will
inevitably climb again once
December’s numbers are
revealed because a large
chunk of the cost of
Christmas is put on plastic,”
said Laura Suter from the
investment platform AJ Bell.
At the same time, the
number of interest-free credit
card deals is dwindling.
There were 59 credit cards
charging 0 per cent available
to borrowers in December,
down from 64 the month
before, according to the
consumer site Fairer Finance.
The average length of
interest-free periods is also
falling — it is now just under
nine months for purchases,
down from nearly ten and a
half months a year ago. For

balance transfer deals, the
interest-free period has fallen
from more than 20 months a
year ago to less than 19
months.
Once your deal ends you
will be charged interest on
any borrowing, so try to clear
your credit card balance
before then. The average
interest rate on a typical
credit card was 19.2 per cent
in November, down slightly
from 19.3 per cent in October.
The data company Fico
said that the longer you keep
a card, the less likely you are
to pay it off. Its research
suggests that the percentage
of cardholders missing one
payment has increased by
4.3 per cent year on year,
with 1.5 per cent of cards now
showing at least one default.
Credit limits are also creeping
up, from £5,407 a year ago to
£5,510 in October.

Cathal Morrow with
his girlfriend, Helen
Sanders. His credit score
has suffered after he
ran up £20,000 debt
on his credit cards

Rising credit burden
Credit cards
Other loans; advances*
£1 billion
0
-1
-2
-3
-4
-5
2012

*Does not include Student Loans Company. Source: Bank of England

I ran up
debt and
buried
my head
in sand

Cathal Morrow, 57, racked
up £20,000 in credit card
debt as he dealt with a
divorce, a custody battle and
a cancer diagnosis that meant
he had to work less. In the
2017-18 financial year he took
out four interest-free cards,
with Halifax, Lloyds, Barclays
and Ocean, issued by Capital
One. “Everything seemed to
be going wrong and I needed
money, it was desperate,” he
said. “Offers of credit kept
coming because I had a
strong credit record, so I took
the money and buried my
head in the sand.”
When the interest-free
periods on Morrow’s cards
came to an end after a year,
he faced interest charges of
up to 25 per cent but was able
to negotiate a repayment
plan. His credit rating has

taken a hit, however.
It took Morrow, who runs a
PR agency, 18 months to clear
his debt and he made the
final payment at the start of
2020. “Ironically, now that
my business is booming and I
have no issue with money, I
can’t get a credit card because
my rating is so poor.”
So, should you take out a
0 per cent card?
If you have debt to pay off
then a 0 per cent deal could
help you to clear your
borrowing without racking
up interest charges. Make a
note of the date the deal ends
though, and if you haven’t
cleared the debt by then, find
a new offer and use the new
card to pay off the debt so you
continue to pay no interest.
If you have a big purchase
to make, these cards can be a
useful way to spread the cost.
Other borrowers may use
them to boost their savings
through “stoozing” — using
their 0 per cent card for
everyday spending and
finding a high-interest savings
account for the cash that
builds up.
Even if you use your card
responsibly, it’s worth
keeping an eye on your credit
score in case of any errors.
Try not to max out your
credit limit because this can
affect your score too — just
because you can borrow, it
doesn’t mean you should.

Ali Hussain
It has been 56 years since
John Lennon crafted his
famous line from A Day in the
Life about “4,000 holes in
Blackburn, Lancashire”.
However, it seems there
has been little improvement
in the state of the roads since
1967, with drivers peppering
their insurance companies
with pothole-related claims.
In six years claims for
pothole damage have surged
by more than a third as
cash-strapped councils fail to
invest enough in road repairs.
The recent icy snap is likely
to further increase this
because freezing
temperatures can damage
roads, according to Admiral,
one of the largest insurers.
Pothole-related claims are up
34 per cent since 2016, it said.
The average cost of a
pothole-related claim is up
16 per cent over the same
period and the rise in claims
is pushing up the cost of car
insurance.
A pothole forms when
water seeps into small cracks
in the surface of the roads
and then freezes and expands
in the cold weather.
The frozen water then
evaporates during the
warmer weather, causing
gaps in the surface, which get
broken down by passing
traffic. There are growing

fears that a £500 million
annual fund to repair pothole
damage may be redirected to
help plug the hole in the
country’s finances. The
chancellor, Jeremy Hunt, has
warned of future spending
cuts across all departments.
If you have a
comprehensive motor policy,
your insurer should cover any
repair costs. However, this is
likely to push up your
premiums when it comes to
renewal and will affect your
no-claims bonus.
You can try to claim
compensation from whoever
is responsible for the road
you were driving on. For
example local roads, B-roads

34%
£500m

The Increase in claims for
pothole damage since 2016

Annual fund to repair roads
damaged by weather

and some smaller A-roads are
usually maintained by the
local council. If you believe
the council is responsible,
you will need to prove that it
has been negligent, which
can be difficult.
Asking for copies of
highway maintenance
schedules and reports of
incidents (within 14 days of
the accident) will help to
demonstrate that either the
road has not been properly
maintained or that a reported
pothole problem has not
been addressed.
It is important to have the
evidence that shows that if
the council had acted, the
incident would not have
occurred.
There is no guarantee that
you will be successful. You
may need to go to court to
prove your case.
To improve your chances
of making a claim outside
insurance, make a note of the
pothole’s location, the time
and date you hit it and get a
photo, if it is safe to do so.
Also, take your car to a
garage for the damage to be
assessed and get the
mechanic’s report in writing.
You will need this when
making your case.
Your case rests on the
evidence you collect from the
party you are making a claim
from, so collect as much
information as possible.

The Sunday Times January 8, 2023

MONEY

Prudence
Extravaganza
241%
Total return from
F&C Investment
Trust over the
past decade

Extravaganza

Prudence

Extravaganza

Fund rollercoaster ride not for the
faint-hearted, but don’t get off yet
David Brenchley
Three out of six investment
funds that doubled investors’
cash in 2020 have since lost
more than half of their value.
The Morgan Stanley US
Growth fund gained 110.4 per
cent in 2020, but its value has
fallen 54.6 per cent, taking it
to an overall loss of 4.5 per
cent over the past three
years, according to the data
firm FE fundinfo. If you had
invested £10,000 at the start
of 2020, you would now have
£9,552.
The Baillie Gifford US
Growth Trust and Baillie
Gifford American funds, run
using a similar strategy,
returned 133.5 per cent and
121.8 per cent respectively in
2020, but have since slumped
54.8 per cent and 51.8 per
cent. Over three years they
are up just 5.5 per cent and
7 per cent respectively.
James Budden from Baillie
Gifford said: “It’s important
not to be distracted from a
tried and tested approach by
short-term market noise.”
The figures show how
investors choosing funds
should not look at one year’s
performance in isolation.

Some have held up better.
The iShares Global Clean
Energy exchange traded fund
(ETF) returned 132.8 per cent
in 2020 then its share price
fell 19.7 per cent, leaving
shareholders with a threeyear profit of 87 per cent. A
£10,000 investment at the
start of 2020, would now be
£18,700.
Eight funds and
investment trusts delivered
gains of 95 per cent or more
in 2020,when tech stocks
soared due to lockdowns and
a rise in remote working.
A portfolio of these eight
would have gained 116.3 per

cent in 2020, versus 12.4 per
cent from the Vanguard FTSE
All-World ETF.
However, between January
2021 and January 2023, this
portfolio would have lost
40 per cent of its value —
much worse than the
Vanguard fund, which was up
11.6 per cent in that period.
Between 2020 and 2023,
the portfolio of eight funds
has delivered a 30 per cent
return for investors — slightly
ahead of the Vanguard ETF at
25.4 per cent. However, any
investors lured in by the 2020
gains may have regrets.
Between October 2020 and

WHAT GOES UP MUST COME DOWN
Investment performance
Vanguard FTSE All World ETF
Morgan Stanley US Growth

Baillie Gifford US Growth

200%
150
100
50
0
-50
2020

2021

2022

Source: FE fundinfo

February 2021, investors
poured a net £1.1 billion into
the Morgan Stanley US
Growth fund and about
£500 million into Baillie
Gifford American, the data
provider Morningstar
estimated.
Nick Wood from the fund
manager Quilter Cheviot said
that investors should think
about funds in the same way
as company shares: “Often
the best time to buy them is
when they have had a difficult
period, and the worst time to
invest is after they have
significantly outperformed.”
That does not mean that
investors already on a winner
should sell after a strong
period. However, they might
want to trim their position by
taking some profits to keep
their portfolio balanced.
Wood said that if investors
are considering any funds
that have dipped, they should
ensure they do not have a
fundamental issue, such as a
change of manager.
“It isn’t always as easy as
buying the worst performer,
but it gives investors a chance
to avoid those funds that are
investing in the frothy part of
the market,” Wood said.

Taxman spends £36.4m hiring debt collectors
Ali Hussain
Spending on debt collectors
by HM Revenue & Customs
rose nearly sixfold in a year as
it chased more people for
unpaid tax, according to the
accountant UHY Hacker
Young. The taxman spent
£6.4 million on private debt
collection agencies in the 12
months to September 2021
but this rose to £36.4 million
in 2022, it said.
HMRC has told the
National Audit Office that
debt collection agencies had
helped it recover £766 million
between 2015 and 2020.
The surge highlights the

impact of the cost of living
crisis as more taxpayers
struggle to pay bills. It may
also reflect how the easing of
Covid-19 restrictions has
allowed HMRC to deal with a
backlog of unpaid debts.
On Friday HMRC increased
the interest it charged on
unpaid tax by 0.5 percentage
points to 6 per cent (a 14-year
high) in line with last month’s
Bank of England base rate
rise. HMRC pays 2.5 per cent
if it owes money to taxpayers.
UHY Hacker Young claims
that HMRC has increased its
efforts to collect overdue tax
to fill a deepening “black
hole” in public finances. In

November there was about
£37.8 billion of unpaid tax, an
increase of 10 per cent in
three months. Since 2009,
HMRC has used a number of
private debt collection
agencies to help it recover
unpaid taxes.
People and businesses
typically get numerous letters
from HMRC and a “final
opportunity letter” before
they are contacted by a debt
collection agency.
Neela Chauhan, a partner
at UHY Hacker Young, said:
“HMRC is aware that too
aggressive an approach will
do more harm than good.
However, the debt collection

the technology giants Microsoft and
Apple, plus the pharmaceutical firm
Merck. This produced total returns of
241 per cent over the past decade, 51 per
cent over five years and minus 1 per cent
during 2022. The ongoing annual charge
is 0.54 per cent. For comparison, the
average returns across all investment
trusts over the same periods were 173 per
cent, 37 per cent and minus 16 per cent
with average costs of 1.1 per cent.
Investment platforms including AJ
Bell, Hargreaves Lansdown and Interactive Investor enable as little as £25 per
month to be used to buy shares. That isn’t
much more than when I began investing
30 years ago. Given inflation since then,
you can’t say that about many things.
Whenever I have to pick a single share
for someone I care about, who may not
be aware of the risks involved in stockmarket investment, FCIT fits the bill.

Prudence

Extravaganza

Extravaganza
fritters her money
away on frocks

Prudence

Extravaganza

Prudence

for my son a while ago, we chose the
same shares that my mother, wife and I
bought for our grandson last week.
We chose what used to be listed as Foreign & Colonial Investment Trust (stock
market ticker: FCIT) but now prefers to
be called F&C, apparently to sound more
modern. Whatever, LOL, eye-roll etc.
This is a globally diversified £5.25 billion fund that has been listed on the London Stock Exchange since 1868. With
shareholdings in nearly 400 different
underlying businesses, FCIT exemplifies
the principle of diminishing risk by diversification. This helped it survive the Great
Depression, both World Wars and many
other stock-market shocks.
There is nothing old-fashioned about
FCIT’s top ten holdings, which include

Prudence

Extravaganza

years she is investing.
At 18, both had nothing. When Prudence reaches 38 she has a fund worth
£41,000 but Extravaganza has zilch.
Here’s the point of the parable. At age
65, Prudence has a fund worth £145,795
but Extravaganza has just £68,219.
So Prudence has more than twice as
much for an enjoyable retirement as
Extravaganza, even though Prudence set
aside a total of only £24,000, while
Extravaganza invested £32,400.
The explanation is that Prudence
invested for 20 years before Extravaganza got going and those early pounds
had another 27 years to grow in the sensible sister’s fund. Similar effects can be
seen over shorter periods, as I can attest
from personal experience.
Young people enjoy a big advantage
over wrinklies; they have time on their
side. But, to gain any financial benefit,
they have to set compound interest to
work, letting it do the heavy lifting.
Which brings us to the specific question of where to start. When my father
and I had to select a single shareholding

Prudence

f you could own only one share,
which would it be? When I am
asked this question, it is usually by
someone half my age who has just
noticed that they don’t need to
spend everything they earn but
that bank or building society savings are getting them nowhere. It’s
often followed by: “Is this a good
time to begin investing in the stock
market?”
Even if we have reached that stage in
the evening where everyone born this
century is calling for an end to the capitalist system, I have to start with a couple of
caveats. Nobody knows what share prices will be in the future, you might lose
everything you invest and so on.
Sometimes I add that I am not a financial adviser or fund manager, merely
someone who started with nothing more
than what I earned, never inherited a
penny and now have a seven-figure fund.
Lest that sound smug, I add that if a humble hack can do it, anyone can.
That’s when a pretty and witty interrogator recently looked me in the eye and
said: “Yes, I know, that’s why I’m asking
you.”
Let’s start with the second question
because the answer applies to everyone.
If you are serious about medium to
long-term investment, as distinct from
day trading or gambling, then the sooner
you start the better. Prices might fall in
the short term but all the evidence — dating back more than a century — shows
that over any period of five consecutive
years there is a historic probability of
three in four that a diversified portfolio of
shares will beat deposits.
If you find statistics from the Barclays
Equity Gilt Study and the Credit Suisse
Global Investment Returns Yearbook
make your eyes glaze over, then consider
this financial parable about fictitious
twin sisters, Prudence and Extravaganza,
based on mathematical fact.
Prudence invests £100 a month from
age 18 to 38 and then stops saving altogether. She achieves an average of 5 percent annual growth for the 20 years she
invests and her fund continues to grow at
5 per cent for the next 27 years until she
reaches 65 years of age.
By contrast, Extravaganza, fritters
away her money on frocks and shoes,
saving nothing until she is 38. Then she
starts saving £100 a month — until she,
too, reaches 65. Extravaganza also
achieves 5 per cent a year during the 27

Prudence

Ian Cowie Personal Account
Meet Prudence and Extravaganza,
your investment role models (or not)

agencies it is employing are
far less likely to have bought
into the policy of treating
debtors extremely carefully.
HMRC and the debt collection
agencies need to consider the
unique financial difficulties
facing individuals and
businesses.”
HMRC may ask those who
are unable to pay their bill to
agree to a payment plan or
adjust their tax code to
collect debts via income tax.
HMRC said the figures
were “factually incorrect and
scaremongering. The amount
spent on debt collection
agencies has remained
consistent.”

Prudence

ST DIGITAL
Read a breakdown of
Ian Cowie’s “forever fund”
thesundaytimes.co.uk/cowieholdings

Why we
all need a
new year
portfolio
detox
It’s always more comfortable to invest in
names we recognise, which is what
causes the phenomenon known as
“home bias”. That’s why most British
investors will have far more than 4 per
cent of our money invested in the United
Kingdom, which is the percentage of
global shares listed in London.
Meanwhile, the Morgan Stanley
Capital International (MSCI) World
Index, probably the best-known equity
benchmark, shows just what a small part
Britain now plays in the global economy.
This is dominated by America with
69 per cent of all shares by value.
That was unfortunate for tracker
funds that follow the MSCI because the
Standard & Poor’s 500, the broadest
measure of America’s market, lost
20 per cent of its value last year. This
also explains why there is so much
rejoicing about the FTSE 100 index of
Britain’s biggest shares succeeding in
achieving nearly 1 per cent growth in the
worst year for stock markets since the
global financial crisis of 2008.
Rather less is said about the fact that
the FTSE 250, which follows Britain’s
101st to 350th largest listed businesses,
also fell 20 per cent last year. Medium to
smaller companies can deliver bigger
rewards but they also involve more risk,
as I know from personal experience.
Great British corporate tiddlers,
including Fever-Tree Drinks (FEVR) and
ITM Power (ITM), have given me lifechanging profits but Helium One Global
(HE1) lost 20 per cent of its value on
2023’s first day’s trading. What a way
to start the year.
No wonder shrewd observer Jason
Hollands, the managing director of
Bestinvest, an online investment
platform, recommends everyone should
do a “January detox” to check our
investments are adequately diversified.
I check mine every week.

The Sunday Times January 8, 2023

MONEY

Is this the end of the hard-stop retirement?
A steady reduction in
working hours instead
of a total halt could help
your savings last a lot
longer, says Imogen Tew

PETER TARRY FOR THE SUNDAY TIMES

drawing less from your pot while you are
still earning. As long as you are careful
with the tax rules, you can still contribute
to your pension from your employment
income too, meaning that you will be
replenishing the pot.
AJ Bell, an investment platform, said
that someone who retired aged 60 with a
£300,000 pension pot would run out of
money by 84, assuming they were entitled to a full state pension and required a
post-tax income of £20,800 — the amount
the Pensions and Lifetime Savings Association (PLSA) says is needed for a single
person to have a “moderate” retirement.
If the same person continued to work
for one day a week for five years (until
65), their pot would last until age 89. This
assumes they earned one fifth of a
£35,000 salary. Increasing their hours to
more than two days a week until 65 could
make that pot last until they were 100.
All these calculations assume that the
state pension increases 2.5 per cent a
year (the minimum under the triple
lock), that earnings increase by 2 per cent
a year, that the income required
increases by 2 per cent a year, and that
your pension pot achieves 4 per cent
annual investment growth.
The PLSA’s retirement living standards
provide a general idea of how much you
might need each year in retirement to live
a certain lifestyle. It does not include
housing costs or social care costs.
According to the standards, a “moderate” retirement requires £20,800 after
tax a year for a single person and £30,600

YOU CAN WORK LONGER IF
THE JOB IS MORE FLEXIBLE
When Michelle Cracknell’s
work contract came to an
end in 2018, she struggled
to find another role that
appealed to her.
Although she had turned
55 and so could access her
pension pots, Cracknell did
not feel ready to stop
working completely. She
was worried about whether
her retirement savings
would last and still enjoyed
the work she was doing in
financial services.
As a halfway house,
Cracknell became a nonexecutive director at four
companies. These roles
provided an income so she
did not have to use her
pension savings to fund her
lifestyle, but the jobs were
also more flexible than a
full-time employed
position.
“It works fantastically for
me. I love working and I’m
interested in the work I do,”
said Cracknell from
Hampshire. “I still work
about 80 per cent of a
full-time role, but it’s a
different sort of work. A lot
of it is reading documents,
which I can do in the
evening or at the
weekends. The flexibility is
fantastic and definitely
allows me to work for
longer.”
Cracknell plans to stay in

alf of workers aged 55 or over
plan to cut down their hours
rather than stop completely
at retirement age.
The insurer Legal & General said its research suggests that the traditional
“hard-stop” retirement may
be becoming a thing of the
past as more people choose
to ease out of work. Some 18 per cent of
4,000 people surveyed were planning to
reduce their working hours and 8 per
cent said they would try to get their boss
to agree to reduce their role. About 15 per
cent were thinking of becoming self-employed to give them more control over
their hours.
“The number considering a gradual
move into retirement shows how the perception of later life has changed,” said
Lorna Shah from Legal & General. “This
is good. Retirement should be actively
managed, and not something someone
should feel they are ‘in’ or have ‘done’.”
Since 2015, savers have had more flexibility over how they use their pension.
You can now access a pension pot from
the age of 55 and instead of having to buy
an annuity with it, you can choose to
keep your money invested while withdrawing an income through what is
known as drawdown. You can also take
part or all of the pot as cash, buy an annuity — or mix all three. You can take 25 per
cent of your pot tax-free, as a lump sum
or in increments as you take an income.
The maths
Retiring gradually can help your pension
last for longer because you will be with-

I’m hoping
to keep my
main pots
untouched
some sort of work until at
least state pension age
which, for her, will be 67.
She has already cashed in
two small pensions — one
worth £2,000 and another
£4,000 — and will also take
some tax-free cash to help
her two sons on to the
property ladder. Otherwise
she hopes to keep the rest
of her pensions untouched
and invested in the stock
market.
“I’m very conscious that
I’m on my own, it’s all down
to me and I don’t want to be
a burden on my sons,” she
added. “I need more
certainty with my income
than just a state pension, so
when I do retire, I might use
some of my pot to buy an
annuity to boost my
guaranteed income and
then use what’s left as and
when I need it.”

£9,627
What the full annual state pension is
worth. It is guaranteed to rise each year

a year for a couple. This would allow for a
£47 weekly shop, a car replaced every ten
years, two weeks’ holiday in Europe and
a long weekend in the UK each year.
The “minimum” retirement standard
would cost £10,900 a year for a single
person and £16,700 for a couple. This
would involve not having a car, a £41
weekly shop and UK-only holidays. The
full state pension is worth £9,627 a year.
These are just guidelines. How much
you need might be very different.
Things to think about
First, work out if you can afford to retire,
gradually or all at once. You can get a
good idea of how much you need each
year by writing down your expected
weekly outgoings, factoring in fixed costs
and a buffer for unexpected expenses.
Then consider how much extra you
might need each week to enjoy retirement, and a pot for bigger emergencies
and one-off spends, such as a new car.
Next, look at your sources of secure
income: state pension and any defined
benefit pension schemes. If you have a
buy-to-let property, add the rental profit.
Investments, savings and other pension
pots will make up the rest.
If you are withdrawing an income from
your pension while continuing to work,
ensure that it is a sustainable amount.
Remember tax rules. If you access taxable income from your pension, you will
trigger the money purchase annual
allowance — once you have done this you
can only put £4,000 a year into your pension and still get tax relief, rather than the
usual £40,000 allowance.
Think about inheritance tax too. If you
don’t need the money, keeping your savings in your pension can be a tax-efficient
way to pass it on.
Most defined contribution pensions
can be inherited tax-free if you die before
age 75 and haven’t withdrawn your
money. If you die after 75, your beneficiary will pay their usual rate of tax on withdrawals.

Best Buys

T’S
A
WH
FOREIGN
CURRENCY

CURRENT ACCOUNTS
CREDIT INTEREST
Provider

Account name

Account fee

Reward

Balance (for reward) Contact

Halifax

Reward Current Account

None

£5 a month

–

0345 720 3040

Nationwide BS

FlexDirect

None

£5% AER 1

–

0800 30 20 10

TSB

Spend & Save

None

£5 a month 1

–

0345 975 8758

Account name

Account fee

Interest rate

OVERDRAFTS *
Provider
Starling Bank

Current Account

None

15%

Scheme

Deposit

Fee

Notes

Contact

First Direct

4.74%

Fixed for 2 years

10%

£490

0800 482 448

Leeds BS

4.99%

Fixed to 31.03.25

15%

£999

0345 045 4049

West Brom BS

5.24%

Fixed to 31.05.25

10%

£999

0800 298 0008

3-YEAR FIXED RATES
Rate

Scheme

Deposit

Fee

Notes

Contact

£0

4.89%

Fixed to 31.03.26

25%

£999

0345 045 4049

Nationwide BS

5.04%

Fixed for 3 years

15%

£999

0800 302 010

Skipton BS

5.49%

Fixed to 28.02.26

£495

0345 850 1755

Scheme

Deposit

Fee

Notes

Contact

1st Account

None

39.9%

£250

0345 600 2424

M Plus Account

None

19.9%

£0

0800 678 3654

Introductory rate for a limited period. 2 Equivalent annual rate.
* Based on overdraft of £500 for 7 days a month.
Some accounts require minimum funding/direct debits to open or receive rates shown.
Source: moneyfacts.co.uk

EURO
GBP>EUR

1.13
1.20
1.12
1.76
USA
GBP>USD

CREDIT CARDS
INTRODUCTORY RATES
Provider

Card type

Introductory purchase

APR 1

Reward

Contact

Barclaycard

Platinum Allrounder V

0% for 24 months

22.9%

0800 151 0900

NatWest

Purchase & Balance Transfer MC 0% for 24 months

22.9%

0345 788 8444

Royal Bank of Scotland Purchase & Balance Transfer MC 0% for 24 months

22.9%

0345 724 2424

BALANCE TRANSFERS
Provider

Card type

Introductory purchase Transfer fee 2

APR 1

Contact

NatWest

Longer Balance Transfer MC

0% for 33 months

2.9% (no min)

22.9%

0345 788 8444

Royal Bank of Scotland Longer Balance Transfer MC

0% for 33 months

2.9% (no min)

22.9%

0345 724 2424

0% for 30 months

2.99% (no min) 21.9%

0345 606 2062

CASHBACK CARDS
Provider

Card type

APR 1

Cashback

American Express

Platinum Cashback

32.6%

0.75%-1.25%. Intro 5% for 3 months 0800 917 8047

American Express

Platinum Cashback Everyday 27.2%

0.5%-1%. Intro 5% for 3 months

0800 917 8047

Halifax

Cashback MC

0.25-0.5%

0345 944 4555

22.9%

Rate

Leeds BS

Virgin Money

Balance Transfer MC

Lender

starlingbank.com

Contact

1
APR = annual percentage rate, dependent on credit rating. 2 Fee charged on the amount of each balance transfer during the introductory period.
Source: moneyfacts.co.uk

SWITZERLAND
GBP>CHF

AUSTRALIA
GBP>AUD

LONG-TERM FIXED RATES
Lender

Rate

First Direct

4.39%

Fixed for 5 years

40%

£490

0800 482 448

Leeds BS

4.69%

Fixed to 31.03.28

15%

£999

0345 045 4049

HSBC

4.84%

Fixed to 31.05.28

10%

£999

0800 494 999

Halifax

4.04%

Fixed to 31.05.33

40%

£999

0345 850 3705

TRACKERS */ DISCOUNTS
Lender

Rate

Scheme

Barclays

3.84%

Tracker + 0.34% for 2 years 40%

Nationwide BS

5.44%

Newbury BS

4.1%

First Direct

5.44%

Contact

Zopa

Smartsaver (app)

£1

2.86%

zopa.com

Al Rayan Bank

Everyday Saver Issue 3

£5,000

2.81%

alrayanbank.com

Tipton & Coseley BS

Limited Access Issue 2

£25,000

2.80%

thetipton.co.uk

Cynergy Bank

Online Easy Access Issue 54

£1

2.75%

cynergybank.co.uk

Chorley BS

Easy Access Saver (6 withdrawals)

£500

2.75%

chorleybs.co.uk

Contact

0333 202 7580

Tracker + 1.94% for 2 years 10%

£999

EPV

0800 302 010

Tracker + 0.6% for 5 years 25%

£850

ELV

01333 202 7580

Tracker + 1.94% for term

25%

£490

ELV

0800 482 448

Deposit

Rate

Scheme

Fee

Notes

Contact

5.84%

Tracker + 2.34% for 2 years 5%

£0

EFV

0800 302 010

Skipton BS

5.7%

Fixed to 31.03.25

£495

0345 850 1755

Halifax

5.09%

Fixed to 31.05.28

£0

0345 850 3705

Lender

Rate

Scheme

Deposit

Fee

Notes

Contact

HSBC

5.34%

Fixed to 31.03.25

25%

£1,999

0800 494 999

Skipton BS

5.14%

Fixed to 31.03.28

40%

£0

0345 850 1755

Virgin Money

4.49%

Fixed to 01.04.33

40%

£995

0345 605 0500

BUY TO LET

Early repayment charge applies unless otherwise stated. * Most deals track Bank of England base rate.
C = £500 cashback for purchases; E = No early repayment charge; F = £500 cashback for first-time buyers; H = Help to Buy;
L = Free legal work for remortgages; M = £300 cashback for purchases; N = £250 cash back for purchases; O = £250 cash back;
P = Purchases only; R - Free legal work and valuation for remortgages; S = Remortgage only; V = Free valuation
Source: landc.co.uk — 0800 373 300

INSTANT ACCESS
Interest rate

Notes

£999

Nationwide BS

CASH ISAS
Min deposit

Fee

Lender

INSTANT ACCESS
Account name

Deposit

FIRST-TIME BUYER / LOW DEPOSIT

SAVINGS ACCOUNTS
Provider

Provider

Account name

Virgin Money

Easy Access Cash Isa Issue 2 £0
Triple Access Cash Isa
£1

Harpenden BS

Account name

Notice period

Min deposit

Interest rate

Contact

OakNorth Bank

120 Days Notice Deposit Account Issue 29

120 days

£1

3.35%

oaknorth.co.uk

BLME

90 Day Notice Account Issue 5

90 days

£1,000

3.24%

blme.com

OakNorth Bank

90 Day Notice Account Issue 28

90 days

£1

3.2%

oaknorth.co.uk

Hinckley & Rugby BS

Rainy Day 120 Day Notice Issue 2

120 days

£2,500

3.2%

hrbs.co.uk

Allica Bank

180 Day Notice Savings Account Issue 1

180 days

£10,000

3.2%

allica.bank

Min deposit

Interest

Transfers in

Contact

3%
2.6%

Yes
Yes

uk.virginmoney.com
harpendenbs.co.uk

FIXED RATE
Provider

Account name

Min deposit

Rate

Transfers in Contact

Barclays

1 Year Flexible Issue 36 1 year

Term

£1

Yes

barclays.co.uk

Loughborough BS

2 Year Fixed Rate Issue 19 2 years

£20,000

4.15%

Yes

theloughborough.co.uk

Provider

Account name

Term

Min deposit

Interest rate

Source: savingschampion.co.uk — 0808 178 5354

CHILDREN’S ACCOUNTS
Provider

Account name

Account type

Min deposit

Interest rate

Halifax

Kids’ Monthly Saver

Regular Saver

£10

halifax.co.uk

Saffron BS

2 Year Children’s Bond

Fixed Rate Bond

£500

4.4%

saffronbs.co.uk

Contact

HSBC

MySavings

Easy Access

£1

3.75%

hsbc.co.uk

FIXED-RATE BONDS

Contact

Interest paid on balances between £1,500 and £2,000

Smartsave

1 Year Fixed Rate Saver

1 year

£10,000

4.26%

smartsavebank.co.uk

Smartsave

2 Year Fixed Rate Saver

2 years

£10,000

4.54%

smartsavebank.co.uk

JUNIOR ISAS

Close Brothers Savings

3 Year Fixed Rate Bond

3 years

£10,000

4.55%

closesavings.co.uk

Provider

Account name

Min deposit

Interest rate

Rate

Contact

Aldermore

5 Year Fixed Rate Account

5 years

£1,000

4.6%

aldermore.co.uk

Coventry BS

Junior Isa Issue 2

£1

3.80%

Variable

coventrybuildingsociety.co.uk

Skipton BS

Junior Isa Issue 5

£1

3.75%

Variable

skipton.co.uk

£1

3.5%

Variable

theloughborough.co.uk

DEALS ARE LISTED ONLY IF THEY ARE COVERED BY THE UK FINANCIAL SERVICES COMPENSATION SCHEME (FSCS) OR A EUROPEAN EQUIVALENT
*MUST HOLD A CURRENT ACCOUNT WITH THE PROVIDER
Source: savingschampion.co.uk — 0808 178 5354

THE TOP FIVE
ARTICLES ON
TIMES MONEY
MENTOR THIS
WEEK
Our sister website Times
Money Mentor has guides,
tools and best buys to
help you to manage your
finances. Here’s what you
have been looking at:

Are Premium Bonds
worth it?
This month the odds
of winning a Premium
Bond prize increased from
2.2 per cent to 3 per cent.
They might be the nation’s
favourite savings product
but the chances of
winning £1 million are
slim. We outline the pros
and cons.

17 ways to cut
your food bill
Food prices soared a
record 13.3 per cent in the
year to December,
according to the trade
association the British
Retail Consortium.
Inflation is showing no
signs of slowing, but we
outline some ways you
can cut your costs.

NOTICE ACCOUNTS
Provider

2-YEAR FIXED RATES

0% overdraft limit Contact

First Direct

Sainsbury’s Bank

Interbank rates at 5pm
on Friday, which show
where the market is
trading. They are not
indicative of the rate
you could get.

N
E
R

MORTGAGES

G
N
I
D

Loughborough BS Junior Isa

Source: savingschampion.co.uk — 0808 178 5354

Is now a good time
to buy a house?
House prices fell
again and mortgage
approvals are at their
lowest since June 2020.
We have the latest figures
and outline the pros and
cons of waiting before
buying your first home.

Eight things you
should know about
your tax return
If you are self-employed
you have until the end of
this month to do your
return for the 2021/22 tax
year or risk paying a fine.

Best budgeting
apps
If you need a bit of
a hand managing your
money, a budgeting app
can help you to monitor
your spending and set
savings goals. We outline
the best ones and explain
how they work.
thetimes.co.uk/
money-mentor

The Sunday Times January 8, 2023

MONEY
complaints handler and asked him to
send these to the business profile team.
I told him that my business partner had
died and asked if in the circumstances
they could exercise some compassion
and get on with things. Since then
NatWest has refused twice to accept
the declaration, first because it wasn’t
dated, and then because it said the
account name was wrong even though
it was the name we have always used for
the business and the same name as used
in the accountant’s letter.
For the past two weeks of this
dialogue, I had been waiting for the
results of a biopsy for breast cancer, and
on November 18 I was diagnosed with
breast cancer with surgery scheduled
four days later.
I am reluctant to use special pleading
to ask for your help, but I now face
about a month of recovery followed
by radiotherapy. I doubt my mental
toughness to carry on this attempt to
get our old account unfrozen. I would
greatly appreciate your assistance.

QUESTION
OF MONEY
JILL INSLEY

y daughter had a letter
from Barclaycard in
August 2022 saying that
her credit card minimum
payment was overdue.
Although she had had the
credit card for years, she
had not used it and it was
kept in a tin at home with
other unused cards. She
had not had any paper correspondence
from Barclaycard for years.
On tackling her husband of 12 years
about the debt, it turns out that he had
maxed out her credit cards with Tesco
and HSBC as well as Barclaycard. She
did not know that he was using them.
He had slowly taken over everything
in her life over the 12 years of marriage.
Everything was in his name except the
debt, which was in her name only. Her
current account was paying everything
and anything extra went to his account
or his Paypal account. We still don’t
know what he spent it on.
It turns out that she is £33,000 in
debt. Her income has only ever been
about £10,000 a year. The police are
involved. Tesco seems to have accepted
the fraud and is to reimburse her, but
HSBC and Barclaycard are not as helpful.
It has been very difficult to get them to
understand her difficulty because the
cards weren’t stolen on a particular day
and with phone and internet banking,
which he must have set up, it is too easy
for a husband or partner to do this.
Since this has happened we have
heard of so many more women, and it is
usually women, who are affected. I am
not sure if you can help us through this
mire, but maybe you can make others
aware. Barclaycard is asking us to jump
through hoops and to get information
from 2015 within ten working days.
We have complained, but it has not done
us much good. Speaking to anybody is
hard and my daughter has to go over
and over the same ground. Her mental
health is fragile.
My daughter is getting help from a
women’s aid charity and she is getting
a divorce. He is scot free to continue his
life with no debt and see his children,
and in the past four months hasn’t given
her a penny. She would have been
destitute if we hadn’t fed them until
her universal credit payment started.
Jill replies
Financial abuse is a form of coercive
control. Provided that a victim can
access the internet safely, they can find
further information on how to seek help
at the site moneyhelper.org
Your daughter’s husband started
working part-time in 2014 and your
daughter thinks he gradually started
taking control of her finances then —
sorting bills, postage, banking, invoices
and customer calls for her business. By
the time he went back into full-time
work in 2018, your daughter told me
he was in complete control and she
received no statements for any of
her accounts.
She said: “We had argued about
money over the years, but he always
made me feel belittled and I had given
up asking about it. I now realise how
much of my life he took over. I had no
say in anything — he even did my tax
return and had control of my social
media. All the bills were going from my
account even though I earned half of
what he earned.”
After opening the Barclaycard
statement she rang her husband at work
and said that they needed to pay £600
immediately because the credit limit had
been exceeded as well as the minimum
payment missed.
“I suggested ways we could cut back
our spending to pay the debt, but he
refused to do anything and told me to
stop going on about money all the time,”
she said. “He threatened to leave me,
kept telling me to stop talking over him.
He accused me of making him feel bad
about the situation. I said I wanted to see

‘Son-in-law took over my
daughter’s accounts and
left her £33,000 in debt’
all my accounts. He has never shown me
any of his accounts.”
You arranged a meeting with your
daughter, son-in-law and his parents to
try to sort out the situation, but he again
refused to cut back on spending and his
parents’ only suggestions were that your
daughter should earn more or get an
individual voluntary arrangement, a
legally binding agreement between the
debtor and their creditors to allow her
to pay off the debts at an affordable rate.
This would have a serious impact on
your daughter’s credit record and make
running her business almost impossible.
Your daughter says her business is
suffering because of the amount of time
she is having to spend speaking to banks
and debt lines. “I had got back control
of the accounts by the end of August,
but it was difficult to get the banks to
understand, especially HSBC and
Barclaycard,” she said. “I went to our
local HSBC three times, which is miles
away and not on a bus route, as I could
get nowhere on the phone. The police
are investigating too, but Barclaycard
wouldn’t give them access to my account
as they said my signature didn’t match
on the letter of authority I gave them.
This is what I’m up against.”
I sent details of your daughter’s police
case number to Barclays, which was
owed nearly £7,000, and HSBC, owed
nearly £13,000, and asked them to
reconsider her case, waive the

He had maxed out
her credit cards
with Tesco, HSBC
and Barclays

outstanding debts and restore her
credit record. Both banks agreed to
these actions and your daughter is,
I hope, now in a position to construct
a safe and financially sound life for
herself and her children.

Get me through the
NatWest admin jungle
Until ten years ago I was a partner in a
solicitors’ practice in Buckinghamshire.
My business partner and I jointly owned
our commercial premises and when we
ceased trading continued to receive a
rent from this. We kept the old business
account to receive the rent and pay this
out to us.
I moved away, so my former business
partner kindly dealt with the admin
for the premises and the bank account.
I did not get statements, but was not
worried because the rent was always
paid regularly.
This year, he told me that he had
received a letter from NatWest saying
that we had to create an identity for our
business profile, which meant logging
in. He sent me instructions for this in
a series of emails. I tried to log in, but
failed. Not having seen the original letter
I did not appreciate the significance of
this requirement, but a few months later
he told me I had to try again. I did,
entering the password we had been
given, and failed again. NatWest froze
the account and no rent could be paid
in or payments out.
When I phoned the business profile
helpline, the bank said I was not a
signatory on the account and it could
not talk to me. Thus started complaint
No 1 to NatWest. The bank agreed that it
had wrongly and inadvertently taken my
name off the account four years ago. It
offered compensation and said all was
resolved. I said I would not accept this
until we could access the account again.
I tried to log in to the account again,
and once again failed, so I made a
second complaint. My second complaint
handler said that I had to upload another

The $100m cost of not running
proper checks on crypto customers
Lily Russell-Jones
Failure to perform robust
financial crime checks on
customers has cost the
cryptocurrency exchange
Coinbase $100 million.
On Wednesday the New
York State Department of
Financial Services (DFS) said
Coinbase would pay a
$50 million penalty for
failures that left the exchange
vulnerable to crimes
including fraud, drug
trafficking and money
laundering.
Coinbase must also spend
$50 million to improve its
compliance systems over the
next two years.
“Coinbase failed to build
and maintain a functional
compliance program that
could keep pace with its
growth. That failure exposed
the platform to potential
criminal activity,” said
Adrienne Harris, a
superintendent for the New
York State DFS. Coinbase had

taken a “bare minimum”
approach to checking
customers’ identity, using
social media profiles to verify
their details, according to the
DFS.
By late 2021 Coinbase had
a backlog of more than
100,000 unreviewed
transaction monitoring
alerts. The list of customers
requiring further checks
numbered more than 14,000.
The DFS identified
suspicious activity among the
unreviewed transactions that
included “examples of
possible money laundering,
suspected child sexual abuserelated activity, and potential
narcotics trafficking.”

$1.5m

Assets stolen from Coinbase
customers in phishing scam

Coinbase, which has been
regulated by the DFS since
2017, also failed to highlight
suspicious activity to
regulators quickly, despite
being legally required to.
In 2021 about $1.5 million
of assets were stolen from
Coinbase customers in a
phishing scam. Victims were
compensated, but the
incident was not reported to
regulators for five months.
“Coinbase has taken
substantial measures to
address these historical
shortcomings and remains
committed to being a leader
and role model in the crypto
space, including partnering
with regulators when it
comes to compliance,” said
Paul Grewal, the chief legal
officer. “We believe our
investment in compliance
outpaces every other crypto
exchange and that our
customers can feel safe and
protected while using our
platforms.”
Crypto exchanges have

come under scrutiny since
the collapse of the exchange
FTX in November. Its
founder, Sam BankmanFried, 30, last week pleaded
not guilty to eight criminal
charges including wire fraud,
money laundering and
campaign finance violations.
Prosecutors accuse him of
perpetrating one of the
largest financial frauds in
American history.
Coinbase has been part of
efforts to clean up the sector’s
image as the “wild west” of
financial markets. It became
the first leading exchange to
list publicly on the US Nasdaq
stock exchange in 2021 and
publishes regular financial
statements.
In the UK crypto is
unregulated, which means
you are unlikely to get
compensation if money is lost
or stolen. The City watchdog,
the FCA, warned consumers
that they should be prepared
to lose all their money if they
invest in crypto.

document, confirming our trading
address. I explained that we no longer
trade, so NatWest said we could get a
letter from our accountant or a solicitor.
When I said we had neither, the bank
said we had to have one. In the end we
contacted a local firm of accountants
who were the successors to our previous
accountants and they agreed to provide
a letter to verify the address. NatWest
paid us more compensation for the
second complaint.
I tried and failed to upload the letter,
and on complaining again, NatWest told
me I also had to upload a declaration of
beneficial ownership. I had never been
told this before, but my complaints
handler sent me the form, and I filled it

in. I told him I refused to try to upload
any further documents, but I would
email them to him and he could pass
them on to the Portal team. He agreed
to this.
The one detail I lacked was my
business partner’s date of birth. When
I phoned him four weeks ago to check
this, his wife answered the phone and
told me that he had died the previous
day. He had been diagnosed with
cancer, had not wanted to tell anyone,
and had died suddenly before treatment
could commence.
I have known him for 40 years and
was obviously distressed, but decided I
had to plough on, so I emailed the letter
and completed declaration to my

Jill replies
You contacted me on November 20,
two days before your surgery. I asked
you for all the information I could
possibly need so I didn’t have to disturb
you during your recovery. I sent this
on to NatWest and suggested that it
resolve your case without asking for
any further documents.
Ten days later you emailed me to say:
“On the verge of going into hospital for
cancer surgery, I sent you a despairing
email about my NatWest business
account, which the bank had frozen four
months ago. I could not believe it when
you replied the following day to say,
‘Concentrate on getting better, leave it to
me.’ Today, thanks to you, NatWest has
resolved the problem.”
NatWest has registered you for
online banking, provided full access
to the account and has paid £750
compensation for its appalling service
and the catalogue of errors you suffered
(my description, not NatWest’s),
which you are donating to Macmillan
Cancer Support.
It said: “We apologise unreservedly
for the poor experience [this customer]
received when trying to resolve this
issue and access her account. We are
taking steps to ensure our account
mandate process is improved as a result
of this issue.”

CAN WE HELP YOU?
Please email your questions to Jill
Insley at questionofmoney@sundaytimes.co.uk or write to Question of
Money, The Sunday Times, 1 London
Bridge Street, London SE1 9GF.
Please send only copies of original
documents. Letters should be
exclusive to The Sunday Times.
Advice is offered without legal
responsibility. We regret Jill cannot
reply to everyone who contacts her.

The Sunday Times January 8, 2023

MONEY

In association with

FAME AND FORTUNE IAN BOTHAM

‘As a young
cricketer I
lived off ham
sandwiches
in a squat’

In association with

L-R: VISIONHAUS/GETTY IMAGES; PATRICK EAGAR/GETTY IMAGES; DAVE M. BENETT/GETTY IMAGES

biggest employer. That finished a few
years ago because I’d had enough. Being
team captain on Question of Sport was
great fun. I did it with [the former
England rugby captain] Bill Beaumont
for eight years. I had an absolute ball,
but if I’d relied on what the BBC paid
me, I’d be living in a tent.
Do you invest in shares?
I’ve dabbled, but nothing more
because I don’t understand it. I’m not
a stockbroker, so I keep away from that.
I find the NFT stuff fascinating. It’s a
whole new world. For someone of my
generation it’s very futuristic, but I
remember in the Nineties, when the
internet suddenly appeared, lots of
people pooh-poohed it, but the ones
that backed it did well. The Beefy
Botham NFTs will take cricket fans on
a walk through history. It’s a bit of fun.
I’m still trying to absorb it all. I should
have it cracked by the time I’m 70.

Ian Botham signed for Somerset
in 1973 and married Kath in 1976.
Below, he scored 118 for England
in the fifth Test of the Ashes
series in 1981

Lord Botham’s first contract was for £500 a year.
He later turned down a big payday in South Africa
and raised millions for charity. Now his passions
are wine, big fish and NFTs, he tells Samantha Rea

How much is in your wallet?
I stopped using cash when the rest of the
country did. Covid had a lot to do with
that, but when companies say: “Oh, we
don’t take cash,” actually they should
because it’s the legal currency of this
country. Lots of people don’t have cards.

I took my wife’s
Ferrari out and
hit a lamppost.
That was the end
of the Ferrari —
and the council
charged me for
the lamppost

Which cards do you use?
I have a wallet on my phone with all
kinds of cards. My Yorkshire Bank
MasterCard is the credit card my wife
gives me for emergencies. A meal at
the restaurant down the road would
not count. It’s got to be life or death,
otherwise I’m in trouble.
Are you a saver or a spender?
I’m a spender and my wife’s a saver.
She’s the financial brain — or the
financial worrier. I leave it all to Kath. I
get bored of it, and I get told off for being
bored. I have pocket money that I spend
on watches. I love watches. I don’t see
them as an extravagance. I buy them for
investment. I look at styles and I go for
limited editions. When I was younger I’d
buy lots, but I can’t wear more than one,
so nowadays I only have half a dozen,
including a Rolex and an IWC. If anyone
reading this thinks: “We’ll knock on the
door and pinch the watches,” they’re
not here. I only see them once a year
because they’re locked in the bank.
Do you own a property?
We got our first house when we got
married. It was £30,000 and it was in a
north Lincolnshire village. I was 20.

Kath’s mum and dad helped us with our
mortgage, which was a princely sum of
£30 a month. We’ve had our house in
Spain for 20 odd years. It’s on a golf
course, and you’d be pretty dumb in
Spain not to have a swimming pool. It’s
four bedrooms and the family love it.
In the UK, we’ve just sold the house
we lived in because it was too big. We
bought it 35 years ago for £230,000. It
wouldn’t be hard to make a profit on
£230,000, would it? Now we’re renting
down the road, waiting for planning
permission to build near by.

Are you better off than your parents?
My parents are dead, so probably yes. It
was a normal working class background.
My father was in the navy and my
mother a dental nurse, then housewife. I
grew up in Yeovil, Somerset, one of four
children. I had my own room because
I was the eldest. If I’d had to share, the
conflict would’ve been catastrophic.
We’d go on caravan holidays to Devon.
There was fishing off the beach and I had
a great time. Once a year I’d watch a film
— hopefully there’d be a new James Bond
— then go to the Berni Inn with my dad
for a steak. That was my birthday. It was
the same every year and I didn’t want
anything else. My mum would be at
home with the younger children. My
father followed me everywhere in the
cricket world. My parents took me
everywhere. From the age of 12, 13
I was at cricket and football camps,
then I signed at 14. I haven’t seen my
brother and sisters in years. They’re
scattered around the globe.

Your best business decision?
The best decision I ever made was to not
get involved in the rebel tours to South
Africa. I was massively anti-apartheid
and I don’t understand racism. My best
mate, who I shared a house with for ten
years, was Viv Richards. To me, every
guy’s the same, and you treat them the
same. I don’t care if they’re blue, yellow,
green or from Mars. No one knew what
would happen to the guys who went —
the repercussions came later. I had no
intention of going. It was the principle.
I started playing professional sport to
represent my country. I wanted to play
for England.

more I got paid. It gave me freedom and
it was good fun. I enjoyed those days.
I was just the lad down the street. I
was paid peanuts to play cricket, but
I survived — and I didn’t play sport for
money. I played sport because it seemed
better than working.
What’s been your most lucrative work?
It all stems from cricket. My
international record and county
cricket record speaks for itself. I was a
commentator for 23 years at Sky. I did
quite a few adverts, but Sky was the

Have you ever worried about
making ends meet?
My first contract as a professional
cricketer was for £500 a year. This
was about 1973 when I was 18, 19. That
money didn’t go far, so one season a
couple of us commandeered a house
that was being condemned in Taunton.
There was no electricity. We had candles
and sleeping bags. We squatted because
we couldn’t afford anything else.
We ate Chinese and Indian takeaways
and whatever we could scrounge off the
cooks at the ground. They looked after
us, the ladies that did lunches and teas
when we were playing, so we’d grab
a couple of ham sandwiches for the
evening. People don’t realise it, but
that’s how it was.
During winter months, I’d labour
on a building site. It got me physically
strong and fit. More importantly, I earnt
more labouring on a building site than
I did playing cricket. I looked after
two plasterers. All day I’d be wheeling
barrows, bringing them whatever they
needed. I did piece time [where you are
paid per task], so the more I did, the

The number of potentially
misleading adverts that
the Financial Conduct
Authority removed in 2022

What’s been your best investment?
I’m a cricketer turned winemaker and
I love it. I’ve been around wine for 45
years, and particularly in Australia, I
got to know quite a few winemakers. On
days off, I’d go to vineyards with [his
fellow Ashes hero] Bobby Willis. Then
Bob, myself and [the winemaker] Geoff
Merrill produced Botham Merrill Willis
wine. We had fun with it, but when
Bobby passed away, it didn’t seem right.
I launched Botham Wines four years
ago. It’s not a celebrity wine where
someone says, “We want to put your
name to it.” I’m actively involved.
What’s your money weakness?
Fishing. The equipment adds up: there’s
waders, boots, jackets and I have a range
of rods. Rods can cost anything from a
few hundred to a thousand-plus pounds
each. I go fishing all over. I follow the
fish and I can spend 15 to 20 grand on a
fishing trip. I’m going to Argentina next
year. It’s a pilgrimage for game fishers
because it produces some of the biggest
sea trout ever seen.I go to New Zealand
for a month and a half. The fishing there
is exceptional. We always rent the same
property and I have my own cupboard,
Beefy’s Cupboard, where I keep fishing
gear because of restrictions on taking it
into New Zealand. It has to be sprayed
and disinfected. I’ll usually fish where
there’s a lodge, so we can have lunch on
the river. Afterwards, I return the fish.
I give them a little pat on the head, put
them back, and watch them swim away.

How much did you earn last year?
Nothing. I’m retired.

8,000

he cricketer Ian “Beefy”
Botham, 67, is best known
for his role in England’s 1981
defeat of Australia in what
became known as “Botham’s
Ashes”. The all-rounder
who made 5,200 test runs
and took 383 test wickets
won the BBC Sports
Personality of the Year award
in 1981 and the Lifetime Achievement
Award in 2004. An OBE in 1992 was
followed by a knighthood in 2007 and
a life peerage in 2020, giving him a seat
in the House of Lords. He was inducted
into the International Cricket Council’s
Hall of Fame in 2009. Botham
commentated for Sky Sports and
captained a team on the BBC’s Question
of Sport, raised £25 million for charity
and in 2021 became a trade envoy to
Australia. He lives in north Yorkshire
with his wife, Kath.

What’s better for retirement —
property or pension?
I’m old-fashioned, so I wouldn’t put all
my eggs in one basket. I’d spread it
around — or Kath does, and we have a
financial adviser. I’ve had a pension
since I was 18. After all those years
paying tax, I now get something back.
Having a pension comes naturally with
cricket. Guys would come into the club
to talk us through it. Although in those
days I didn’t have much money to put in.

What was your most extravagant
purchase?
In the Eighties I bought my wife a
Ferrari. I took it out one Sunday and
hit a lamppost. That was the end of the
Ferrari — and the council charged me
for a new lamppost. There was no drink
driving involved — I stay away from that.
It was autumn so there were leaves and
that first bit of rain. I just spun it. It was
Ferrari red, and my wife would say I
bought it for myself, but I never really
took it anywhere. I was travelling all the
time and it wouldn’t have been practical
trying to get a great big case in a Ferrari.
Ian Botham’s metaverse project, Beefy
Botham NFTs, uses the blockchain
Caduceus: beefysnfts.io

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CHART OF THE WEEK DIP IN THE HOUSING MARKET
Mortgage approvals
House purchase
Remortgage
100,000
80,000
60,000
40,000
20,000
0
2018
Source: Bank of England

2019

2020

2021

2022

There were 46,075
mortgages approved
for homebuyers in
November, the lowest
monthly total since
June 2020, before the
housing market began
to recover from the
pandemic. The number
of remortgages also fell
to 32,509, from 51,307.
The banking trade body
UK Finance expects a
housing market slump
in 2023 because
mortgage rates more
than doubled last year.

January 8, 2023

Top cruises under £1,000 26 Club Med goes upscale in the Alps 38 Malaga guide 43
TRAVEL
SECTION OF
THE YEAR

And we’re off !

18 pages of

family holidays
Whatever the shape of your crew, we’ve got the perfect break

2 January 8, 2023 The Sunday Times

Travel

BE ON TREND
WITH A
CUSTOM
CARAVAN
ANNA
HART

brief lesson on coolness: the
longer and more decidedly
something has been out of
favour, the more likely it is
to suddenly be declared the
next big thing. It is this that I banked on
when I bought a battered old caravan at
a holiday park in Margate in late 2020
— and with sales and holidays now
booming, it looks as though I got lucky.
Caravans feed the craving for nature
that lockdowns gave us all — with a thirst
for adventure and new experiences over
the familiar and the comfortable. More
prosaically, mobile holiday homes offer
travellers the sort of self-sufficiency and
independence that protect our getaway
plans from pandemics and strikes —
invulnerable to flight cancellations, hotel
overbookings and other uncertainties.
There is strong demand too from
a new, younger generation. The Hullbased caravan manufacturer Willerby
reported a 70 per cent increase
in sales in 2021. Robinsons
Caravans also says that
first-time buyers are up
20 per cent, accounting
for 35 per cent of sales,
and that while there’s a
healthy rise in midlife
caravanners, millennial
enthusiasts account for
about a quarter of sales.
I’m one of the latter — and
a paid-up member of the new
set of “carafans” who aren’t just
opting for freedom, flexibility, a natural
setting and a healthy dollop of nostalgia,
but the opportunity to create a personal
space to which to travel that’s miles away
from the bland, beige boxes of yesteryear.
I bought the 2010 Willerby static,
which we quickly christened Club Jupiter,
interior above, with two friends — the
interior designer and presenter Whinnie
Williams and the interiors stylist Emma
Jane Palin. We needed a pandemic
project, and baking sourdough simply
wouldn’t have done the trick, so we
chipped in £8,000 each, maxing out our
credit cards and banking on being able to
recoup our costs by renting it out on
Airbnb when we weren’t staying there. All
three of us had fond childhood memories
of caravan holidays — mine in my cousins’
caravan in Juniper Hill Holiday Park in
Portstewart, Northern Ireland.
Whinnie and Emma, as interior-design
obsessives, needed an outlet for their
creativity at a time when our careers had
been turned upside down. As for me, I
just wanted people, including myself, to
have fabulous holidays again. And as a
travel journalist I couldn’t understand

why British caravans had stubbornly
resisted a “cool” makeover among
travellers like me. After all, virtually every
other corner of the domestic tourism
market in the UK has been aggressively
“reimagined” and slickly marketed over
the past decade. You no longer stay in a
mid-range hotel; it’s a “boutique hotel”,
with avocado on the breakfast menu.
Camping is “glamping”, and shepherd’s
huts and treehouses are marketed as
£200-a-night “rustic getaways”.
On work trips abroad I visited chic,
next-generation caravan sites all over the
world, staying in gleaming Airstreams and
remodelled gypsy caravans in locations
across California, Texas, New Zealand,
South Africa, Germany and Sweden — just
not at home. But it’s about time that we
rediscovered the humble caravan,
because Britain has a strong caravanning
heritage that we should be proud of.
At the start of the 20th century
aristocratic hobbyists commissioned
horse-drawn carriages that they
transported by train for a “stay-put”
holiday. These turn-of-the-century
prototype hipsters were rebelling against
the Edwardians’ overmechanisation of the
country and espousing a more freespirited way of life, which among other
things was said to cure rheumatism. It’s
easy to see parallels between this
and the #vanlife movement
today, although we’re
bemoaning digitalisation
rather than the Industrial
Revolution. But it was
during the 1950s and
1960s that for
caravanning everything
became bigger, better and
more design-orientated,
with added awnings and
beefed-up outdoor space
alongside bunks and fold-out beds.
By the 1970s static caravans were
affordable to the masses and being
modelled on European holiday chalets,
with companies including Bluebird,
Willerby and Silverline producing models
with pointed roofs, chintzy floral interiors
and mock-teak panelling.
In the 1980s caravans offered luxury
and comfort, with carpeting, upholstered
everything and jazzy furnishings.
Caravan design continued to evolve,
but caravan holidays sunk out of our
travel daydreams as we looked to family
holidays at trulli in Puglia, yoga breaks
in Tulum and beach breaks in Croatia.
Travel tastes change, though, and
those bland, beige boxes in our minds are
being replaced with images of colourful,
comfortable cabins that we can truly
make our own. Caravanning is once again
the last word in cool, and I couldn’t be
happier that so many others are jumping
on the bandwagon.

BIG
SHOT
KING FLING
On January 6
the Christian
population in Peru
take to the streets
to celebrate Three
Kings Day, or
Epiphany, marking
the occasion,
according to the
Bible, when the
three magi (the
wise men, or
kings) visited the
baby Jesus. In the
capital of Lima,
three costumed
policemen
parade alongside
members of the
community to
City Hall, where
Quechuan carols
are sung

Your views
The best of this week’s emails, posts and comments
LETTER OF TRACK IN THE DAY
THE WEEK In 1953 the Edinburgh-toLondon Flying Scotsman
service made an unscheduled stop in
Peterborough to pick up my dad, Mark
Wildman, so that he could be in time
for his match in the Youth Snooker
Championship (“LNER turns 100”, last
week). He made it, and went on to win,
all thanks to the kind stationmaster in
Peterborough that day.
H Wildman, via thetimes.co.uk

GOING SWIMMINGLY

Travel

Do you own a caravan? Tell us about
your favourite experiences in the comments
online, on Twitter @TimesTravel or by
emailing travel@sunday-times.co.uk

I think the view of Durham’s castle and
cathedral from the East Coast Main Line
is one of the finest from a train in England.
Jane Laninga, via thetimes.co.uk

Travel
For expert guides
to your favourite
destinations, plus
the latest travel
news and the best
trips and deals to
book now, see our
dedicated travel
website the
times.co.uk/travel

Twenty-five minutes’ drive south of
Aberdeen, Stonehaven Open Air Pool
is a 50m, art deco-style lido filled with
seawater that’s heated to 28C year-round
(“Top 7 heated outdoor pools in the UK”,
last week). Don’t miss a visit, followed by
a supper from the Bay Fish and Chips
shop next door and finally a brisk walk
along the cliffs — the ruins of Dunnottar
Castle make for a breathtaking view.
Janet Williamson, Aberdeenshire
You didn’t mention Hathersage outdoor
pool in the Peak District, where you can

swim surrounded by the beautiful
Derbyshire countryside. Go early on a
winter morning for a chance of
swimming surrounded by snow or in the
evening to hear occasional live music
from the bandstand. The café that’s
attached to the pool is excellent value for
money, and the sight of the sun setting
over the pool is just unbeatable.
Sarah Griffiths, Stockport

HIGHS AND LOWS

Trav

The stress-free trick to driving in Sicily is
to not drive like the Sicilians (“Times
writers reveal their best — and worst —
holiday moments in 2022”, last week). Let
them overtake on blind corners if they
want to; you’re on holiday so there’s no
rush to get anywhere. As soon as I
decided not to compete I found it fine,
but still didn’t enjoy the sight of drivers
throwing their bottles and litter onto the
roadside. Sicily is truly the best and worst
of both worlds.
PJ Hart, via thetimes.co.uk
Our highlight was finally joining our first
river cruise in Budapest after two years of
postponement; our lowlight was that
both our suitcases were still at Heathrow
— we were reunited in Vienna.
Kiki Hodges, via thetimes.co.uk

COVER PHOTOGRAPH: FAMVELD/GETTY IMAGES. BIG SHOT:MARIANA BAZO/REUTERS/ALAMY

The Sunday Times January 8, 2023 3

THE SMALLEST HOUSE IN GREAT
BRITAIN, CONWY
Measuring 72in across and 122in
high, “Smalls” in north Wales is,
as the name suggests, regarded as
the smallest house in Britain. You
can’t miss the bright red frontage
at the end of a row of white terraced
cottages along Conwy Quay, so head
inside to imagine how it would have
felt to call it home (the last tenant was
6ft 3in). It won’t take long to tour the
museum (obviously) but there’s plenty to
do in Conwy. Take a walk along the
waterfront and visit the castle, before
stopping off at the Erskine Arms for local
mussels and a bed for the night. B&B
doubles from £100; mains from £15
(erskinearms.co.uk).
Details £1.50 (will reopen in the spring);
thesmallesthouse.co.uk

WARLEY MUSEUM, WEST YORKSHIRE
Packed with national parks, West
Yorkshire is perfect for a family getaway.
The county is also home to one of the
smallest and most unusual museums in the
UK: a rolling exhibition that’s housed in a
classic red telephone box in Warley Town,
on the outskirts of Halifax. Its contents
are an ever-changing selection of
local trinkets and glimpses into
history, including, at one point,
historic beer caps from nearby
breweries. One of West
Yorkshire’s hidden stars, its
sheer quirkiness makes it well
worth a visit. If a day trip
doesn’t cut it, stay nearby at
Holdsworth House for a Halifax
base. B&B doubles from £154
(holdsworthhouse.co.uk).
Details Free; warleyca.co.uk

TOP 7

Loch Linnhe and get the train over
the viaduct travelling from Fort
William to Glenfinnan; loch-view
pod from £102 (onichhotel.co.uk).
Details £1; glenfinnanstation
museum.co.uk

TINY UK
MUSEUMS

SHELL GROTTO, MARGATE, KENT
If you like a museum with a little
mystery, the Shell Grotto is the place.
The dinky collection of underground
passages, discovered in 1835, is covered in
more than 4.6 million shells, and there are
endless theories about its origin. Was it a
place of worship, a folly, or the work of a
bored teenager? Decide for yourself.
Before entering the grotto, visit the
museum room, hear about some of those
theories and create your own shell mosaic
designs. Spend the night at the Yarrow in
nearby Broadstairs for a quick walk to
Dickens House Museum, another Kentish
miniature waiting to be explored; B&B
doubles from £125 (yarrowhotel.co.uk).
Details £4.50; shellgrotto.co.uk

Trinkets
include
historic
beer caps
from local
breweries

DERWENT PENCIL MUSEUM,
KESWICK, CUMBRIA
An everyday staple, the pencil surely
deserves recognition — and this
compact museum certainly provides
it. Marvel at one of the world’s
largest colouring pencils — about
26ft long — and be fascinated by
the collection of secret Second
World War-themed stationery.
It’s in the heart of the Lake
District, so you can wander
in after a morning filled with
kayaking on Derwentwater,
or a spa day at Lodore Falls hotel;
B&B doubles from £189
(lakedistricthotels.net)
Details £5.75; derwentart.com

GLENFINNAN STATION MUSEUM,
HIGHLAND

No one in their right mind goes to
Lulworth Cove — it’s a rip-off and a
tourist trap. But this is a bit like going
to St Tropez then writing off the whole
of the south of France as overcrowded
and expensive. Try Studland next
time you’re in Dorset — two miles
of curving, sandy beach run by the
National Trust. Much better . . . and no
one’s angry!
Christopher Morris, via thetimes.co.uk
My highlight: a January safari in Kenya,
where I had the guide to myself as

bookings were low because of Covid.
The lowlight: swimming into jellyfish in
Greece — they had the most spectacular
stings and left impressions of their little
bodies all over me.
Lois Carrington, via thetimes.co.uk
Hiking in the snow in Durmitor National
Park in Montenegro — along with six
dogs that randomly joined us on the way
— was my highlight. My lowlight? A 12hour overnight taxi journey from
Islamabad to Gilgit in northern Pakistan,
on perilous roads and with food
poisoning!
Sophie P-C, via thetimes.co.uk
Share your experiences, opinions and
tips with us by emailing travel@sundaytimes.co.uk, tweeting @TimesTravel
or commenting on one of our stories
at thetimes.co.uk

THE FAN MUSEUM, GREENWICH,
LONDON
Series three of Netflix’s Bridgerton may
have been postponed, but happily the
exhibitions at the UK’s only museum
dedicated to the history of fans will fill the
swooning void. Stay at the Intercontinental
on the Greenwich peninsula for views over
the Thames to Canary Wharf; room-only
doubles from £229 (iclondon-theo2.com).
Details Adults £5; thefanmuseum.org.uk

The Smallest
House in Great
Britain, Conwy,
above. The
Fan Museum,
London, below
MAURITIUS IMAGES/ALAMY

My highlight was a week in the Isle of
Skye — outstanding beauty and such
peace. The lowlight was Marrakesh —
the people there were horrid, frankly,
and the harassment was intense;
never again.
M Kiernan, via thetimes.co.uk

This quaint museum on a stretch of rail
track considered to be one of the most
dramatic in Britain is a perfect addition
to your to-do list while visiting the
spectacular Glenfinnan Viaduct. The
Glenfinnan Station Museum is located
inside the working station and tells the
story of the West Highland Line, including
how the line from Glasgow to Mallaig was
built. Stay in a beach pod on the shore of

STAINED GLASS MUSEUM, ELY,
CAMBRIDGESHIRE
If something sparkly, and less practical,
is more your style, head to Ely Cathedral,
where you’ll find a hidden emporium of
more than a thousand spectacular stained
glass panels. Learn about the craft through
the tools and materials on display, as well
as a range of workshops and tours. These
change throughout the year, so check the
events calendar to plan your visit. Don’t
fancy walking far? Stay at Poets House,
only 100 yards from the medieval wonder;
room-only doubles from £200
(poetshouse.co.uk).
Details Adults £5, under-16s free;
stainedglassmuseum.com
Sasha Nugara

The Sunday Times January 8, 2023 5

GRANGER WOOTZ/GETTY IMAGES

Travel FAMILY SPECIAL

FABULOUS
FAMILY
HOLIDAYS
FOR

2023

BABIES

From beach breaks with babies to multigen getaways, Katie Bowman selects trips that will appeal to all ages

he camp is split on taking
babies on holiday — between
parents who consider this to
be the best age to travel as far
and as intrepidly as possible
(free plane seats! Stick baby in the
papoose!) and those who consider it
merely sleep-deprived parenting in the
sun. Children can share your airline seat
until they’re 24 months old and for only
10 per cent of the adult fare. Then again, is
this really how you want to travel all the
way to Australia, for example, just
because it’s great value, when an undertwo will never remember the escapade
anyway? My baby daughter was so big for
her age (we say “tall” in the family) that
holding her for an entire flight after she
turned 15 months was so uncomfortable
we’d buy a seat for her anyway. So, it’s not
always as straightforward as it seems.
As new parents, the most important
thing is that you have a good time. Put
yourself first on this trip, because you
have 16 years of rollercoasters and water
slides ahead of you.

WINTER SUN IN RHODES
The great thing about babies (apart from
the dimples) is that you can travel at any
time of year. Which means you can make
the most of the “shoulder season”, when
kids are in school, parents are at work,
fares are low and the weather is still
wonderful. This can certainly be said of
Rhodes, where even in December you can
enjoy sunny days and temperatures
tipping 20C (though not every day) and
which starts hotting up again by Easter.
Amada Colossos is a sophisticated allinclusive resort on Kallithea beach with
a UK-standard baby club (from four
months), and plenty of dedicated adult-

only zones. For when you are with baby,
there’s a splash zone and shallow pools,
and even baby food at the restaurant.
Details Seven nights’ all-inclusive from
£892pp, including flights and transfers
(thomascook.com)

STYLISH SAGRES
Depending on how much you travel, or
how many kids you have, you’ll learn
soon enough that “family-friendly” hotels
tend to have a strong whiff of bleach to
them, with a lot of easy-wipe surfaces and
plastic cutlery. Martinhal — in Sagres, on
the windy western Algarve — does not
conform to this stereotype and is
as stylish a resort as you’d hope
to find in Lisbon or Rio, with
innovative beachfront
architecture, designer
furniture, and hip
restaurants in which you
actually want to linger.
To keep packing to a
minimum new parents
can order equipment free
of charge, from potties and
baby baths to sterilisers.
There’s also the option to
upsize to a villa for more
space. If you need any more
proof of Martinhal’s gentility, Ben
Fogle and family holiday there.
Details B&B doubles with a cot from
£126 (martinhal.com). Fly to Faro

SEAFOOD IN BRITTANY
We celebrated my daughter’s first
birthday in Cancale with oysters and
champagne. Sounds decadent, but it was
actually a practical decision because we
could drive from the UK in our own car —
no luggage restrictions or tutting

Q&A
WE ARE A GAY COUPLE AND NEW PARENTS — ARE
THERE ANY DESTINATIONS YOU’D RECOMMEND?
The well-regarded Asher & Lyric index that ranks
the safest and most dangerous destinations for
LGBTQ travellers looks at various factors,
including same-sex marriage rights, adoption
recognition and illegal same-sex
relationships. The safest are
Canada, Sweden and
the Netherlands.
Canada’s west
coast is an
amazing
summertime
adventure,
with whale
watching,
stunning
beaches,
and epic
scenery
around hip
Vancouver
city. Sweden
also offers the
ultimate city-pluscoast combo; you
could spend a weekend
in Stockholm, then escape to
its gorgeous islands. For city breaks, Europe is
your oyster, particularly the Netherlands, Portugal
and Belgium. The UK, where the Equality Act 2010
protects holidaymakers from discrimination on
the basis of sexuality, comes in sixth. The
countries deemed most dangerous include
Malaysia, Oman, UAE, Maldives and Jamaica.

aeroplane passengers — and Brittany has
so many lovely holiday homes to rent.
Villas are a great option with babies
because you can wake at 1am (and 3am
and 5am) without fear of disturbing
anyone, you have a kitchen of your own
and you have a villa’s twin superpowers:
privacy and space. Brittany also happens
to have amazing, affordable seafood and
the chic towns St Malo and Rennes, so we
could have grown-up fun too.
Details Seven nights’ self-catering
for up to six people from £329
(jamesvillas.co.uk); Eurotunnel tickets
from £82 one way (eurotunnel.com)

NEW FOREST LUXURY
I am a big fan of Luxury Family Hotels,
a small group of British country house
hotels created for parents who love a bit
of Bridgerton, Hunter wellies and
afternoon tea, and don’t want to give that
up just because they’ve reproduced. The
hotels aren’t too expensive (four-star, not
five) and offer clever Sunday night deals
to those with non-school-age kids (eg buy
dinner, get the room free). New Park
Manor is its Hampshire outpost, with
a Baby’s First Stay package that includes
a spa treatment alongside childcare.
Details Two nights’ B&B from £430,
including spa treatment, dinner each
evening, childcare and spa gift set
(luxuryfamilyhotels.co.uk)

ON THE ROAD IN NEW ZEALAND
For those who buy into the argument that
you should fly as far as you possibly can
while your kids travel (almost) free of
charge, and that you should choose
somewhere that’ll become impossible —
because of school holidays or finances —
Continued on page 6 →

6 January 8, 2023 The Sunday Times

→ Continued from page 5
once they’re older, this is definitely the
one. New Zealand, with its wine tasting in
Marlborough, spectacular hiking in Abel
Tasman National Park and camper-van
road-trip opportunities is hard to beat. It’s
safe, with excellent free healthcare for UK
nationals, and is preposterously baby and
buggy-friendly. The best time of year to
visit is December-March, and if you’re on
maternity/paternity leave, you can travel
for a decent stint — something you could
never manage once they’re in school.
Details Fifteen nights’ room-only,
including one hotel night, 14 nights’
motorhome rental, flights and ferry
crossing from North to South Island from
£2,655pp (flightcentre.co.uk)

EVIAN SPAS FOR ALL
Of the many things you must sacrifice as
new parents, one of them is time together
in the hot tub (I know, first-world
problems). That’s because spas are kidfree zones, so you’ll have to take turns
sitting alone in the sauna while the other
tends to the nappies. Not so at Evian
Resort — spiritual home of the spa —
where you can either “take the waters”
together, thanks to its Baby Club (which
welcomes children from four months and
for up to eight hours a day), or as part of
the mother and baby programme. Here,
you and newborn learn baby massage,
take aqua-baby classes and try baby
communication techniques — and this trip
can easily be squeezed into a weekend.
Details Room-only doubles from £156
(evianresort.com). Fly to Geneva

SOUTH AFRICA ROAD TRIP
If the road trip/long-haul combo appeals,
South Africa is especially well suited as
there is little time difference (zero jet lag)
and direct flights are overnight. The
Garden Route is such an iconic drive that
car hire companies have approved car
seats on hand (though you’ll probably
travel with your own). Start with
beachfront brunches in Cape Town,
moving on to Stellenbosch’s wineries,
before cruising through wildflowers and
woodland to see the seals at Plettenberg.
Details Fourteen nights’ B&B, including
car rental, some meals and safari drives
from £1,240pp (trailfinders.com). Fly to
Cape Town

BELGIUM BY TRAIN
One unexpected pleasure of travelling
with a baby is how much time they spend
asleep (just not always at the right time).
This makes galleries, museums and long
lunches yours for the taking until your
child is about six months. Belgium is
brilliant in this respect as you can easily
drive, fly or take the train and its arty,
elegant cities burst with grown-up
goodies. Fashionable Antwerp is super for
shopping, cultured Brussels bristles with
art, canal-squiggled Bruges is the Venice
of the north and you can’t move in Ghent
for castles and medieval majesty. Think
modern when it comes to your hotel,
though, as you don’t want a draughty
historic bolt hole on the noisy main
square when it’s your bedtime.
Details Two nights’ room-only in Brussels
from £175pp, including Eurostar crossing
(eurostar.com)

TODDLERS

Travel FAMILY SPECIAL

n many respects, even though
you’ve garnered all that hard-won
experience from the past 24
months, travelling with a toddler
can be tougher than at any other
time in a child’s life. They’re mobile,
they’re eating (and rejecting) solids and
they’re potty training. That said, it can
also be the most magical time because . . .
they can talk! I relished holidays with my
daughter so much more when she could
tell me which flavour “ow-zeem” (ice
cream) she liked, or what she thought of
the castle’s beautiful “sky-ling” (ceiling).
With preschoolers you still have the
freedom to travel year-round, making it
more affordable, and, hopefully, you can
ditch the bulky buggy. Long-haul travel
isn’t a clever idea with toddlers, though

you do have a window to see culturally
enriching destinations before they realise
Nintendo exists. Last tip: it’s too early for
theme parks. Wait until they’re tall
enough for the rides and can remember
the magic of Mickey.

EMBRACE CENTER PARCS
Boo! Hiss! Yes, Center Parcs may be
the holiday park everybody loves to
hate, but it does represent family
holiday perfection, with the ideal ratio
of child-friendly waterslides to wood-fired
pizzas. The root cause of its unpopularity
(and that’s not genuine aversion —
it runs at almost 100 per cent occupancy
all year) is price. But you can surmount
that if your kids aren’t yet of school
age. For example, a four-night midweek

GALITSKAYA/GETTY IMAGES; CHARLY SIMON

The Sunday Times January 8, 2023 7

Where possible
throughout this special,
prices are for families. The
per-person price specified
in others is what adults
pay, although lower rates
would apply for babies,
toddlers and teenagers.
Contact operators for
detailed information

stay at Whinfell Forest, Cumbria, in a
two-bedroom lodge starts at £379 in
February, yet during February half-term,
this soars to £979. The parks are UK-wide,
they’re car-free (once on site), and you
can self-cater — safe, wholesome,
inexpensive fun. And in winter, there’s
nowhere better to be than the Subtropical
Swimming Paradise, heated to 29.5C.
Details Four nights’ self-catering in a
two-bedroom lodge from £349
(centerparcs.co.uk)

UPSCALE ALL-INCLUSIVE IN SPAIN

Time for watermelon, left;
a private pool at Ikos
Andalusia, left; cycling at
Center Parcs, above

If somebody is off to an Ikos resort,
you’ll soon hear about it, with the name
declared loudly at the nursery gates
— it’s the hotel equivalent of shopping
in Waitrose or driving a Range Rover.
There are five Ikos all-inclusives across
Europe, the newest here in Marbella,
with two more due to open this year.
Ikos was the first group to introduce
the idea of “infinite” all-inc, which
means free usage of Mini Cooper
cars, proper champagne, and
even the chance to eat at local
restaurants, so that you can
explore at no extra cost. As for
interiors, you’d never guess these
are all-inclusive properties, thanks to
beach-chic furnishings, commissioned
contemporary art and smart infinity
pools fit for the pages of Architectural
Digest. Better yet, you can dodge the
school-holiday price wars.
Details Five nights’ all-inclusive from
£805pp, including flights
(kenwoodtravel.co.uk)
Continued on page 8 →

8 January 8, 2023 The Sunday Times

Martha’s Vineyard were plentiful (not the
case in summer).
Details Room-only doubles with cot from
£82 (seacrestbeachhotel.com). Fly to
Boston

→ Continued from page 7

SIGHTSEEING NEAR BODRUM
The toddler period was when I sneaked
in some highbrow sightseeing (for me)
before my daughter was old enough to
refuse. That said, I aimed for expansive
outdoor spectacles where she could run
around (eg ancient Lindos in Rhodes and
the Majorelle Garden in Marrakesh), and
she was always rewarded with pool time
afterwards. Bodrum in Turkey works well
for this type of trip, with tons of familyfriendly hotels, late-season sunshine,
and the sites of two of the Seven Wonders
of the World — the Temple of Artemis at
Ephesus, two hours’ drive away, and the
Mausoleum at Halicarnassus, minutes
from Bodrum port.
Details Seven nights’ from £9,645 for a
family of four, including flights
(elegantresorts.co.uk)

FLAT, FRIENDLY AMSTERDAM
That most famous of VIP babyvehicles — the
Bugaboo — was
invented in the
Netherlands, so there’s
no more toddler-friendly
city on the planet than
Amsterdam. It’s flat, it’s
friendly and under-fives
are welcomed into
Amsterdam’s coolest
cafés (no, not those
ones). Museums, too,
are clued up to kids, with
hands-on exhibits at many of
the top tickets and green spaces
everywhere for cartwheels
afterwards. The Eurostar now goes
direct to Amsterdam from London,
so train is an option as well as flying
(at 16-plus hours, the ferry crossing
from Newcastle isn’t doable for a
short break).
Details Two nights’ room-only from
£182pp, including flights (lastminute.com)

OFF-PEAK SEASIDE CAPE COD
Despite being a professional traveller,
overnight flights with a toddler petrified
me, so when we wanted to visit the States,
I chose a destination with daytime returns
(routes are usually overnight from the
US). Cape Cod is also somewhere that
held a mystique for me — the clam-bakes,
the Kennedy connection, the clapboard
beach houses — but it’s prohibitively
expensive in July and August. Not so in
September, when daytime highs can
still hit 28C, and we could hire bikes
with kiddie seats to cruise the wooden
boardwalks in peace. Seal watching
was a delight, while the ferry tickets
to day-trippable Nantucket and

Spot turtles in
Barbados, above;
Herengracht
Canal in
Amsterdam,
right; fun on the
farm, far right

CAMPING ON THE PROVENCE COAST
You might consider Provence to be the
ultimate grown-up getaway, with rosé
wine tastings, antiques markets and sliphazard flagstone farmhouse floors. But
French families love Provence, they
simply stick to the coast — and they

GREG GIBB, IULIIA BONDAR/GETTY IMAGES

Travel FAMILY SPECIAL

The Sunday Times January 8, 2023 9

choose the reasonably priced areas
around Marseilles and Montpellier
rather than Cannes, St Tropez and Nice.
Wind-swept Hyères is minutes from the
low-cost airport Toulon-Hyères, and its
seafood shacks, clear waters, kids’
activity clubs and pristine campsites
signify all that is magnifique about France
(plus it’s hot until October). Day trips to
family-friendly Aix-en-Provence (with its
electric minibuses) and Marseilles (with
its newly opened Grotte Cosquer caves)
are a cinch. Compare your campsites at
campingfrance.com.
Details Seven nights’ self-catering in a
two-bed cabin with direct beach access
from £339. Fly to Toulon, Avignon, Nice,
Montpellier or Marseilles

Q&A
IS THERE A REAL ADVENTURE
I CAN TAKE TODDLERS AND
YOUNG KIDS ON?
I used to be the editor of a family
travel magazine where the
running joke was: “Send them
to Morocco”. That’s because
Morocco provides the answer to
every family travel conundrum.
It really does represent holiday
perfection, especially if you’re an
avid traveller who still wants an
adventure with kids in tow. Start
in Marrakesh — only a four-hour
flight away — where every sight,

smell and sound will astound
children. The souk gives kids a
chance to spend their dirhams,
while toughened tourist
policing means you
shouldn’t be hassled.
Then the Djemaa el
Fna main square
comes alive at
sunset — no time
difference in
summer so kids can
stay up — for an
evening of snakecharming, rooftop mint
tea and fresh OJ squeezed at
streetside cafés. After a couple
of days, move on to the foothills
of the Atlas Mountains, where

trekking with a guide and mule is
easy to arrange and affordable,
while stops at Berber villages are
a welcome and wonderful
experience. But this isn’t
a trip you should build
yourself — speak
to a specialist at
Families Worldwide
who can put
together an
eight-day trip
from approximately
£450pp, excluding
flights familiesworldwide.
co.uk). I’d choose April to June
or September to November to
avoid the mountain snow and
the searing summer heat.

BEACH LIFE IN BARBADOS
For a fortunate few, a winter trip to the
Caribbean is a tradition — like skiing in
Courchevel, or Christmas in the country
— but some islands are more suited to
toddler travel than others. Barbados wins
first prize in this category, with frequent
direct flights, an abundance of packagepriced resorts and all-frills five-stars, and
sandy beaches that are double as a softplay pen. The west coast beaches are
calmest, with turtles swimming so close
to the shore you needn’t even book a
snorkel trip (but do buy an all-in-one
swim mask). Be sure to avoid the two
potential weeks for February half-term,
as well as Easter school breaks, or else
you’ll be paying top dollar.
Details Seven nights’ self-catering in
a beach studio with cot from £947pp,
including flights (tui.co.uk)

FRESH AIR ON THE FARM
Farm stays are a relatively new
phenomenon and there has been an
explosion of the market for parents of
under-fives who love the idea of all that
fresh air and organic produce. Feather
Down nails this sector, with glamping
accommodation (and obligatory woodburning stove), private showers and
outdoor pizza ovens. All Feather Down
properties are on picturesque farms,
most of which are less than four hours’
drive from London. If John Lewis sold
holidays, they’d look like this.
Details Four nights’ self-catering for six
from £410 (featherdown.co.uk). Not
available from November to March
Continued on page 10 →

10 January 8, 2023 The Sunday Times

→ Continued from page 9

et the fun begin! It’s at this age
that your children most enjoy
your company, and you theirs.
While you’re in this sweet spot,
indulge them and put your
travel desires on the back burner; now is
the time for waterslides, theme parks and
wall-to-wall buffets. The downside to this
age is the inflated cost of travel during
school holidays. Some tips on this: travel
towards the end of the summer break,
when kids in many countries return to
school and accommodation prices drop;
use inset days either side of a weekend to
create time for a short-haul break.

LORI BARBELY, HIDEO KURIHARA/ALAMY; ANTON PETRUS, FAMVELD/GETTY IMAGES

PRIMARY

Travel FAMILY SPECIAL

CAPITAL ADVENTURE IN LONDON
You see “educational weekend”; they
see “city adventure”. That’s what’s
so brilliant about London — you’re
tripping over curriculum-enhancing
sites at every turn and the kids are
learning stuff without realising it. The
Victorians in Year 5? Take them to the
V&A (free; vam.ac.uk) or the Foundling
Museum in a former children’s hospital
(£9.50; foundlingmuseum.org.uk).
Studying the ancient Egyptians in Year 3?
Get thee to the British Museum, with its
coffins and mummified cats (free;
britishmuseum.org). Even a ride on
the Thames Clipper river bus is a lesson
in architecture and sustainable building
methods, as you pass the Gherkin,
Shard, Walkie-Talkie and skyscape
of Canary Wharf, not to mention the
Tower of London.
Details Family rooms at Town Hall
Hotel near the Young V&A, which will
open in the summer, in Bethnal Green
from £278 (townhallhotel.com)

CABINS ON FRANCE’S ATLANTIC COAST
This is the first summer holiday we took
once my daughter had started school. We
were flabbergasted by the cost of travel,
so we plumped for France at the end of
August (when the French return to
school) and chose somewhere with
low-cost airports nearby (Bordeaux,
La Rochelle and Biarritz). We also went
camping for the first time, knowing how
good French sites are — we had pretty
timber cabins in the pine forests behind
Seignosse beach, as well as a huge pool
with waterslides, trampoline park,
mini golf and a surf school. We paid
£370pp for a week, including flights.
Details One night’s self-catering in
a cabin sleeping four from £39
(campinglesoyats.fr). Fly to the above
airports or drive (11 hours from Calais)

SARDINIAN SOPHISTICATION
We all know that Italian
resorts are great for kids, but

when the furry mascot sings every
breakfast time or an ageing football star
performs keepy-uppys at dinner, it can
be excessive for the grown-ups. The Valle
dell’Erica resort on Sardinia’s exquisite
northeast coast keeps everybody happy,
though, with clear waters reminiscent of
the Indian Ocean, a spa you’d expect of
southeast Asia and restaurants that only
Italy can produce — at lunchtime its Li Zini
beach bar serves sea urchin risotto. It also
has a kids’ cinema, golf lessons, five-a-side
pitches, swimming courses and for older
kids a Robinson Crusoe overnight
experience that involves canoeing and
camping on the beach. Its three kids’
clubs are staffed until 11pm too.
Details Seven nights’ half-board for a
family of four from £6,699, including
flights and private transfers (citalia.com)

DISNEY IN FLORIDA
Take your kids to Disney when they’re 5
and they may be too short (or scared) for
the rides; take them at 13 and they may
find it too childish (this is when Universal
comes into its own). But 6 to 12 is the
dream age range for Disney — when the
thrill of seeing Cinderella and Captain
Hook wandering the streets proves
unforgettable and the memory of a late
fireworks show is forged for life. If you’re
keen to fill two weeks with Disney, I
recommend days at its waterparks,
including Blizzard Beach. Or fill one week
with Disney (there are four theme parks:
Magic Kingdom, Epcot, Animal Kingdom
and Hollywood Studios) and spend the
other relaxing at a beach town such as
New Smyrna, St Petersburg or Bradenton.
Details Seven nights’ room only at
Disney World Florida for a family of
four from £5,298, including flights,
a week’s family pass to all the parks,
waterpark entry and £167 park credit
(disneyholidays.co.uk)

WILDLIFE AND BEACHES IN SRI LANKA

WINTER SUN IN ABU DHABI

In my eight-year-old’s words, this was our
“best holiday ever”, thanks in part to the
incredible food, but mostly to the wildlife.
Sri Lanka is ideal for kids too restless for a
safari because animal sightings come so
easily. There are elephants on parade at
Udawalawe National Park; you can release
baby turtles into the ocean at Koggala’s
sanctuary; blue whales swim in Weligama
Bay; and monkeys jump from tree to tree
wherever you go. And all these places are
less than two hours’ drive from Galle, a
gorgeous city with a Dutch-era fort in the
south of the country, where you should
base yourself at a satellite beach hotel.
You’ll need a fortnight, between
December and April to avoid the
monsoon.
Details Eight nights’ B&B for a family
of four from £8,699, including flights,
car hire and guide (kuoni.co.uk)

Travelling for family winter sun can be
financially ruinous as everybody jets off
to the Caribbean or Canaries at the same
time. We chose Abu Dhabi instead, as it’s
warm year-round but not overdeveloped
and there are umpteen (well-priced)
flights a day with Etihad. Temperatures at
new year hit 28C; we spent days on whitesand beaches on Saadiyat Island and
cooler evenings seeing everything from
the Louvre Abu Dhabi gallery and Sheikh
Zayed Grand Mosque to the Warner Bros
theme park and Yas Mall, which is home
to Kidzania — a mini city play zone.
Details Seven nights’ B&B from £6,920
for a family of four, including flights
(elegantresorts.co.uk)

Q&A
IT’S MY FIRST HOLIDAY AS A BLENDED
FAMILY — DO YOU HAVE ANY ADVICE?
“Choose a destination that’s new for
everyone — it’s important to please
the most and least-travelled family
members,” says Leah Greengarten,
stepmum to Abi and mother to Raphael.
Greengarten is also chief executive of
the luxury travel consultancy Our Travel
Curator, so she knows about building
happy holidays for others. “Creating a
sense of wonderment on a holiday —
when families experience something
new together — is a very bonding and
gratifying experience.
“When planning, get everyone
involved. If there is only one person

SANTA IN LAPLAND
We missed the chance to experience
Lapland after my five-year-old was told by
organising the trip, you risk seeing a
new country through the eyes of only
one family member. It’s important to
make it collaborative so that everyone
feels invested from the beginning.
Empower family members by giving
them responsibilities, such as
choosing restaurants or deciding
what fun experiences you can try.
“The best bonds are formed
through shared experience, so plan
something that is challenging and
rewarding, such as a cycling trip in
France or origami in Japan (just a
one-day class is enough). And avoid
road trips — they can be challenging
and stressful with a blended family.
Confined spaces, conflicting taste in
music and long periods of boredom
can lead to clashes. No one needs the
drama on holiday.”

The Sunday Times January 8, 2023 11

a schoolfriend that Santa doesn’t exist.
Since then, we’ve had to bypass every
postbox and grotto, our hearts broken
for ever. But parent pals have filled me
in, saying that the best area is Levi in
Finnish Lapland, the home of Father
Christmas, where there is an excellent
chance of snow and northern lights too.
You don’t need more than three nights
in Lapland, I’m told, so a long weekend
in November or December is more costeffective than waiting until the school
holidays. Go packaged — not independent
— as the operator will organise all the cute
extras, including elf-driven transfers,
husky-sledding, reindeer rides and
making biscuits with Mrs Claus.
Details Seven nights’ half-board
from £539pp, including flights
(inghams.co.uk)

COOL COPENHAGEN
Clockwise from
main: crazy golf
at Valle dell’Erica
on Sardinia;
Disney World
Florida; Galle
in Sri Lanka;
Tivoli Gardens in
Copenhagen;
ski in Lapland

For parents less ready to relinquish cool
cafés and design hotels, I give you
Copenhagen. To encourage people with
kids to continue living in the Danish
capital, the city has been made hugely
family-friendly — with safe cycling and
waterfront playgrounds — yet has plenty
of modern architecture and cult-brand
shopping for grown-ups too.
Copenhagen’s greatest lure is Tivoli, a
retro amusement park in the city centre
with old-fashioned rides (including
vintage bumper cars and swing carousels)
and such commitment to aesthetics that
you’ll be Instagramming all day. The park
opens for four distinct seasons —
Christmas, summer, Easter and
Halloween — and the decorations,
costumes and music have to be
experienced to be believed.
Details Four nights’ room only
from £166pp, including flights
(loveholidays.com)
Continued on page 12 →

12 January 8, 2023 The Sunday Times

→ Continued from page 11

y child has not yet entered
teenhood, but I have a
teenage nephew and niece
with whom I often travel.
Thanks to them I know
that teens want more than selfie spots and
15-second TikTok travel guides. Yes, they
want to share their travel experiences
digitally, but they find many influencers
just as ridiculous as I do (take a look at the
Instagram account Influencers in the Wild
if you want a laugh), and they are curious,
open-minded and altruistic people. Teens
have also been cooped up inside for much
of the past three years, often missing out

on travel rites of passage. In some cases
this has left them anxious about travel,
whether that be down to health or
concerns about finances or the
environment. In other cases
kids are desperate to get out and
explore, and they’re just thrilled
to have two weeks off from the
rolling bad news. Perhaps your
teen is vegan, or anti-air-travel,
or they’re at exam-revision age —
all factors that can have a huge
bearing on how you travel. Be
patient. Listen to them. Trust
them. If you do, these last
trips with your children
will be ones to treasure.

SAFARI IN SOUTH AFRICA
I once asked a tracker about the best
age to take children on safari. Without
hesitation he answered: “Never before
their 12th birthday.” He’d seen
so many younger children
either frightened — or worse,
bored — by the proximity of
animals, not to mention
exhausted by the early starts
and game drives. Honestly,
safari is just too expensive to
be wasted on young children.
So when you’re ready, take
your teens to South Africa,
which is malaria-free and has
a time difference with the UK

TEENAGERS

Travel
Travel FAMILY SPECIAL
of only one hour from the end of March
through October. Splash out on a smaller,
private reserve where sightings are almost
guaranteed and the gratification instant.
Thanda in KwaZulu-Natal, three hours’
drive north of Durban, is superb, with
family-focused staff, rare black rhino
and accommodation options ranging
from tented camps to big-group villas.
Details Four nights’ B&B in a five-star
hotel near Durban and three nights’
all-inclusive on safari at Thanda from
£2,975pp, including flights and car hire
(kuoni.co.uk)

SALSA IN CUBA
You can’t take a bad photo of Havana,
and since most teens are glued to their
smartphones, this is a good way to
encourage creative usage. While Cuba
may be poorly geared up for under-12s
(average food, weak infrastructure, fairly
basic hotels), it is captivating for teens,
giving them their first taste of true
adventure and immersive travel. Cool
one-offs include going to a baseball game
or a salsa club, rolling a cigar in a factory
or visiting the Museum of the Revolution,
with its mannequins of Che Guevara and
Fidel Castro. Splash out on a taxi ride in a
1950s Cadillac along the Malecon seawall
— your teens will be rewatching their
video of it for years to come.
Details Fourteen nights’ B&B for four,
with time in Havana and on the beach,
from £5,800 (or £6,800 with a private
chauffeur; stubbornmuletravel.com).
Fly to Havana

CULTURAL JAPAN
Japan’s unique pastimes seem to grab
every teen’s imagination at some point.
Perhaps they’re fascinated by the anime,
gaming or kawaii culture, or maybe the
cosplay, adoration of pets or sushi — one
of the most-watched TikTok creators in
Japan simply carves fruit. Tokyo delivers
on wow factor from the minute you land,
with neon, noise and arcades on every
corner; stay in Shibuya or Shinjuku
districts to be in the heart of it and
minimise travel (you can retreat to Yoyogi
Park for a breather). And include a trip to
Kyoto — it’s only two and a half hours from
Tokyo by bullet train, and if you’re lucky
you’ll get a clear view of Mount Fuji en
route. The temples, teahouses and
traditions of the ancient capital will show
your teens another side to the country.
Details Ten nights’ mainly half-board
from £4,200pp, including flights and
seven-day rail pass (originaltravel.co.uk)

BUZZING BUENOS AIRES
Argentina gives teenagers a taste of South
America in a safe, manageable chunk.
Starting in Buenos Aires, you’ve got tango,
football — this is the home of the world
champions, remember — and steakhouses;
you’ve also got the city buzz that teens
might imagine can only be found in Rio de
Janeiro. It’s a short flight to Salta, where
the family can pose for epic salt-flat
selfies, drink yerba maté and walk with
alpacas, as you would in Chile, Paraguay
or Bolivia. End at Iguazu Falls — yes, they
can be seen from Argentina as well as
Brazil — for toucans, tapirs and a face full
of spray from the wet-and-wild walkways.
Details Nine nights’ B&B between
Buenos Aires and Iguazu from
£1,760pp, including domestic flights
(Salta and other stops can be added to
the itinerary; journeylatinamerica.com).
Fly to Buenos Aires

NEW YORK, NEW YORK
You don’t have to be under 12 to have
fallen for NYC based solely on Home Alone
2 reruns. The Christmas film is actually
a great introduction to the city, as your
teens will already know of the famed
Plaza hotel (go for an elegant afternoon

MARC DUFRESNE, GRANT FAINT/GETY IMAGES; CHRISTIAN SPERKA.

The Sunday Times January 8, 2023 13

tea), Central Park (where you can take a
hansom cab, as Kevin does in the film)
and Rockefeller Center (buy tickets to the
70th-floor observation deck; in winter,
get your ice skates on). And — since you
are travelling with teenagers rather than
Kevin McCallister-aged little ones — they
will get a kick out of a wider range of
New York’s pleasures, such as a Yankees
baseball game, Brooklyn’s flea market or
simply sitting in the window seat of a café
watching Manhattan on the move.
Details Four nights’ room only at the
four-star Empire Hotel from £612pp,
including flights (southalltravel.co.uk)

VOLUNTEERING IN BALI
With families in mind, the Mighty Roar
— a voluntourism specialist — offers a
two-to-four-week Bali trip that is halfholiday, half-work. Teenagers keen
on more meaningful “experiential”
travel that involves giving something
back get to visit Buddhist temples, take
a surf lesson and cycle through rice
paddies for the first week, but can also
engage in a practical way with the local
community, either through teaching,
childcare or helping with marine
conservation during their second week.
Accommodation is right on the beach,
so even when working your family can
still snorkel or swim during downtime,
or hire a fisherman to take you dolphinspotting. As family holidays go, they don’t
come much more life-changing than this.
Details Two weeks’ full board (on
weekdays; otherwise room only) from
£650pp (themightyroar.com). Fly to Bali

OZ IN TWO WEEKS
Maybe I was a particularly ruthless teen,
but as I got older I’d expect a good return
on my investment into a family holiday
— thus the more time I was away from
friends, the more bragging rights I
demanded (specifically to share when
home). And Western Australia gives
major bang for your buck as a family.
First you can fly nonstop to Perth, which
also happens to be only eight hours
ahead of the UK for half the year. Once
there the state has many of the country’s
greatest hits on tap, without the need
for domestic flights. These include
swimming with whale sharks on
Ningaloo Reef, seeing the Pinnacles stone
formations, visiting the quokka
marsupials on Rottnest Island, wine
tasting at Margaret River or surfing for
beginners on Fremantle beach. If you
thought that Oz couldn’t be done in two
weeks, think again.
Details Fifteen nights’ mainly half-board
from £4,149pp, including flights, private
guide and driver, and entry to many sights
(australiansky.co.uk)

Check out a
quokka, top far
left, in Australia
or, clockwise
from above,take
in the sights of
New York, visit
Thanda reserve
in South Africa,
surf in Bali or see
Buenos Aires

COOL IN CORNWALL

Q&A
I’VE GOT A MIX OF AGES — TODDLERS
AND TEENS — SO WHERE CAN I GO?
Iceland is great for a cross-age
family trip. It’s a manageable
size for under-fives, with a
colourful, compact
capital in Reykjavik and
a spellbinding ring road
— via lagoons, waterfalls,
geysers and Game of
Thrones locations; the best
bits can be tackled as day
trips. Discover the World can
tailor-make a trip (discover-theworld.com).
Meanwhile, I’ve already declared

Disney World Florida too pricey to be
trialled on preschoolers, but — zip-adee-doo-dah! — this doesn’t apply to
Disneyland Paris, which is far more
affordable and, of course, closer to
home. Teens will love it too because,
in addition to the classic
Disneyland park, you’ve also
got the adjacent Walt Disney
Studios, complete with its
hair-raising Avengers
Assemble ride and a
creepy Twilight Zone
Tower of Terror. The whole
estate is small enough that
you can split up for a couple of
hours if necessary, safe in the
knowledge that they’re always only
walking distance away
(disneylandparis.com).

Whether it’s your 13-year-old ready for
a maiden surf lesson or your almost-offto-uni, would-be adult asking to go to a
music festival, Cornwall is on trend for
every teen. Give them personal space by
choosing a holiday house over a hotel,
but don’t go too remote or it’ll turn into
a week of wi-fi wars. Three Mile Beach is
a good halfway point where you’ll find a
clutch of contemporary beach houses for
rent — each with a hot tub, hammock,
pizza oven and private sauna — that are
arranged around sociable street-food
trucks and an outdoor bar. The houses
are on Gwithian beach, famed for its surf
schools, which also means a generous
supply of Cornish-pasty cafés and cream
teas to keep the wetsuited well fed. You
needn’t leave the area all week but, if
you do, St Ives is just across the bay.
Details Three nights’ self-catering in
a three-bed house sleeping four from
£750 (threemilebeach.co.uk)
Continued on page 16 →

16 January 8, 2023 The Sunday Times

MULTIGEN

Travel FAMILY SPECIAL
→ Continued from page 13

’ve holidayed with as many as four
generations of my family, so come
to me if you need a garden centre
that has soft play and serves a
milky cappuccino in its café (the
perfect day trip on any multigenerational
British holiday). Beyond the flapjacks, the
key to our success has been honesty,
flexibility and zero resentment when not
every family member wants to spend each
moment together. Granny and Grandad
might fly out early because they don’t
want to be nailed by school-holiday fares;
we’ll hire two cars — not one big van — so
that some can go sightseeing while others
set off later; Cousin Jess might join just for
the weekend and pay less than everyone

else — but understand when they get the
box room; and, if we’ve chosen a house
over a hotel (we always do), everyone
cooks at least once. Trying to tick off
more than one tourist spot a day is folly.
In fact we tend to alternate day trips with
time relaxing at base, especially since
everybody — whether 80 years or 18
months old — loves a swimming pool.

LARGE-GROUP LANZAROTE
The Canaries make a cracking multigen
holiday, with oodles of regional
departures (handy if your family is spread
across the country), winter sunshine
(but not too hot for the older folk) and
the unmistakable holiday magic you feel
when you touch down on an island.
Lanzarote is the least developed of the

famous four, with an arty atmosphere
sure to seduce any snobby in-laws and
safe, shallow sandy beaches for kids (try
Playa Blanca with babies or rugged Playa
de Papagayo if you don’t need facilities).
TikTok teens will love the public wind
sculptures by the local artist César
Manrique, while itchy-footed
twentysomethings can escape for the
day to the island of La Graciosa.
Details Seven nights’ self-catering
in Playa Blanca for up to 14 people
from £3,942 (oliverstravels.com).
Fly to Arrecife

ONCE-IN-A-LIFETIME SEYCHELLES
If market research is to be believed, some
families have lockdown savings to blow
on a bucket-list trip this year. Lucky them.
And since the Indian Ocean represents
many people’s paradise island fantasy,
I’m going to answer the question that
will inevitably come next: the Maldives,
Mauritius or the Seychelles? Well,
Mauritius is just one island and, while
lovely, is no more so than the Caribbean,
which is closer and cheaper. The
Maldives are stunning, true castaway
idylls. But since visitors never leave their
one-island resort, a holiday can feel a
little claustrophobic and inauthentic.
The Seychelles, though, centre on one,
beautiful working island — Mahé — from
where you can sail to the lesser-known
sandy specks. There are direct flights
from the UK and there’s little time
difference, so if you’re ready to make
dreams come true, this is the place.
Details Seven nights’ room only from
£1,672pp, including flights (ba.com)

The Sunday Times January 8, 2023 17

RONNIE KAUFMAN/GETTY IMAGES; LUCKYPHOTOGRAPHER/ALAMY

ESTATE LIFE IN DORSET
It’s the stuff of family-reunion legend:
a sprawling castle with roaring log fires,
a grand piano and room enough for kith
and kin to celebrate together in comfort.
The Penn Estate on Portland has
such a castle (it’s even the
star of the multigen film
Happy New Year, Colin
Burstead), but it
also has — for
families without a
Hollywood budget
— clifftop lodges
for holiday lets,
as well as beach
apartments and
a caravan park
with sea-view
cabins. On hand
you have Portland’s
pubs and Chesil
beach for walks,
while the on-site
Hayloft Café can either
host pizza parties or dish
up a margherita to take away.
Details Seven nights’ self-catering in
a cabin sleeping six from £561
(thepennestate.co.uk)

ALL-INCLUSIVE CORFU

From far left:
a family stroll;
a beach in the
Seychelles; at
the Penn Estate

Granny will love the grandeur of the
Achilleion Palace, and Grandad can
show off his maritime knots as you sail
from cove to cove in a rental boat.
Children will relish spending pocket
money among the cobbled streets of
Corfu Town, and Mum can finally put
Continued on page 20 →

20 January 8, 2023 The Sunday Times

→ Continued from page 17
a place to the island names she has read
about in so many classic novels. But
nothing comes close to the thrill of a
long lunch with many courses and even
more empty wine bottles, and no bill to
pay. Going all-inclusive frees multigen
holidays from the shackles of shared bills
(“Who drank the most?” “Didn’t you pay
yesterday?” “I didn’t have pudding!”).
Lux Me Daphnila Bay is a boutique-size,
all-inclusive resort with a private beach
and a choice of accommodation in the
main hotel or cottages, plus there are
many on-site restaurants to prevent
buffet fatigue.

Details Seven nights’ all-inclusive from
£675pp, including flights and transfers
(easyjet.com)

LOCH IN ACTIVITIES FOR ALL
Here’s a second UK multigen holiday,
since many families avoid flights when
travelling with elderly relatives. And yet,
despite being less than two hours’ drive
from Edinburgh or Glasgow, Loch
Lomond feels like another world. Right on
the water’s edge is Cameron House, a
tartaned-up five-star with country
pursuits that families can bond over —
enchanted-forest walks, kayaking, standup paddleboarding, fishing, golf, falconry
and cycling. There’s also a cinema and a

spa where even children can join fitness
classes. We recommend choosing a
separate lodge in the grounds for
maximum peace and privacy (you can still
eat at the hotel, but nobody will make you
dress up for breakfast).
Details Four nights’ self-catering
in a lodge sleeping eight from £598
(cameronhouse.co.uk)

CALIFORNIAN ADVENTURE
I’ve visited California many times, but
never with three generations, and I’d love
to. Every age has a Golden State sight or
activity on their to-do list, whether it be
Yosemite National Park, the Pacific Coast
Highway, shopping on Melrose Avenue in

SUNDRY PHOTOGRAPHY, STEPHEN SIMPSON, BALATE DORIN/GETTY IMAGES

Travel FAMILY SPECIAL

Los Angeles or tuning into your inner
Baywatch surfer. I’d give this trip the
respect it deserves, with two full weeks,
but no more than four stops, or everyone
will crash and burn. Open-jaw flights into
San Francisco and out of LA are a good
idea, as they save you having to retread
old ground. The only caveat is that travel
insurance to cover US healthcare can be
prohibitively expensive, especially if
there’s a pre-existing condition in the
family, so factor this in.
Details Thirteen nights’ room only in all
the destinations mentioned above as well

Every age has a Golden
State sight or activity
on their to-do list

Above and
below, family
fun in California.
Bottom, Cefalu
in Sicily

The Sunday Times January 8, 2023 21

as Lake Tahoe from £3,995pp, including
flights and SUV hire (bon-voyage.co.uk)

EASY-PEASY MALLORCA
The Balearics are a no-brainer: flights
are plentiful, swift and inexpensive,
while the weather can be excellent, from
the school Easter holidays through to
the end of October half-term. Of the
islands, Mallorca has the greatest
selection of villas (sorry Granny — the
Night Manager super-home isn’t up for
let). Were you to choose Ibiza instead,
large villas tend to have a premium price,
and there just isn’t the same breadth in
Menorca or Formentera. Mallorca is also
the day-trip king, with chic Palma,
historic Pollença, yachty Andratx and
picturesque Deia village to visit.
Details Seven nights’ self-catering
in a villa sleeping eight from £969pp,
including flights (simpsontravel.com)

SUNNY SICILY
This was one of the most memorable
multigen trips we’ve taken, split between
Noto in the south (for history and
photogenic Sicilian towns) and Cefalu,
with its beautiful north-coast beaches
and gelato. Both bases were close enough
for day trips to dramatic Mount Etna and
ravishing Taormina (now beloved by fans
of The White Lotus). Everything about
Sicily is just so pleasing to the eye, yet it
lacks the petrifying price tag of Amalfi
or Sardinia. As always I’d recommend
a villa over a hotel, but especially so in
Italian accommodation where dinner is
served late and meal timetables are strict
— you don’t need that when grandparents
and kids want to eat at 6pm.
Details Seven nights’ self-catering
in a villa sleeping ten from £1,959
(massimovillas.com). Fly to Palermo
or Catania

24 January 8, 2023 The Sunday Times

Travel
Travel FAMILY SPECIAL

THE EASIEST
FAMILY HOLIDAY
WE’VE EVER HAD
Crazy golf, cocktails, and free childcare on tap — Cathy Adams
discovers that a week’s cruise in the Caribbean with her
husband and son might just be the breeziest escape going

f you’d asked me before March
19, 2020, whether I’d ever go on
a cruise, the answer would have
been somewhere between
probably not and never. Oh,
I’d heard all the reasons why cruises
were good: they are cost-effective,
extremely convenient and allow you
to see a lot in a short time. But I
preferred my holidays landside,
thank you very much. Besides, cruises
are claustrophobic and boring with
bad food and swingers, aren’t they?
Then I had a baby. With a child, now
an almost three-year-old toddler, a
holiday became something that was —
politely — most enjoyable in retrospect
as my husband and I tried to continue
with the types of holidays we enjoyed
before our son was born. Memories
were made, sure: bad ones. Of
sleepless nights; late-night doctor
visits thanks to a particularly nasty
nappy rash; and a baby who screamed
as though a night flight to Dubai had
personally hurt him. The high point
of holidays post-2020 was drinking
a bottle of local wine in the hotel
bathroom after bedtime, in total
silence, taking turns to sit on the toilet
lid. Holidays with young kids?
Childcare with suncream, basically.
We’ve tried the lot since
that fateful date. City breaks (we
always choose the wrong cities —

Crazy golf,
above, on the
deck of Wonder
of the Seas, far
right. Royal
Caribbean’s
purpose-built
pleasure island,
Perfect Day at
CocoCay, above
right. One of the
ship’s family
suites, right.
Cathy and her
family, left

Paris comes to mind); road trips (too
much faff ); and beachy, expensive
all-inclusives (the winner in an
uncompetitive field). All except
cruising, that is.
I’d ignored years of gentle
encouragement, but I couldn’t ignore
the two words my colleague whispered
in my ear: “night nursery”, a powerful
aphrodisiac for parents of young
children. Never mind the adrenalineinducing activities like the zip line and
surf simulator and the (necessary)
all-inclusive drinks: cruise lines should
put that on all their marketing if they
want knackered parents to book.
Value is firmly at the top of the

travel agenda for 2023, and from what
I’ve observed among my peers, we’re
certainly not the first family that have
decided to try a cheaper cruise as an
alternative to a beach break in Greece
or Spain. Tui, which owns the cruise
line Marella, reports anecdotally that
it’s seeing more new-to-cruise
customers than before, while the
industry body Clia, in its 2022 annual
report, says that the most enthusiastic
people about booking a cruise are
millennials — not exactly the older
generation you might expect. Ben
Bouldin, Royal Caribbean Cruises’
vice-president for Europe, Middle
East and Africa, says that the line

has had “strong bookings” for its
family-orientated ships sailing from
Barcelona and Southampton this
year, adding that new ships such as
Wonder of the Seas and the Bahamian
island resort Perfect Day at CocoCay
have “contributed significantly to the
interest we are seeing from our loyal
guests as well as from those who are
new to cruises”.
The brief was fairly simple. It was
November, so we wanted the
Caribbean. I made a fag-packet
calculation that the bigger the ship,
the more fun we’d have. We needed
a cruise line that was family-friendly;
I didn’t want to spend another holiday
apologising for my son’s eating habits.
And all of this had to cost less than
£1,000 per person for a week. And
so off to Cape Canaveral, on Florida’s
Space Coast, to board Royal
Caribbean’s Wonder of the Seas —
the world’s biggest cruise ship, which
has been sailing the Mediterranean
(in summer) and the Caribbean (in
winter) since its launch last March.
We were on its Eastern Caribbean
itinerary with stops in St Martin,
St Thomas in the US Virgin Islands
and Royal’s purpose-built pleasure
island, Perfect Day at CocoCay.
Wonder of the Seas is — excuse the
pun — quite a tall order for first-time
cruisers. It’s the full-fat experience

that can be bewildering in its
magnitude, certainly at first. There are
16 guest floors on the ship and we
struggle to get to grips with it in the
same way that I flounder with the
cruise know-how. We arrive at the port
not knowing what to do with our bags;
whether we need to make dinner
reservations months in advance; and
even whether we’ll be able to buy
snacks on board.
The ship stats are knee-buckling.
There are 11 bars, 21 restaurants and
nearly 3,000 staterooms for more than
7,000 passengers — not far off the
resident population of the City of
London. There’s a casino, three
theatres (including an aqua iteration,
in which acrobats dive and splash into
a retractable floor), a surf simulator
and a zip line. Wonder is the length of
three football pitches, or 12 blue
whales. I should know: I spend days
pounding every inch of them with a
two-year-old who is having too much
fun to nap.
Excuse me if I sound a bit breathless
about all this, but we do get the hang of
it — and wonder why it took us so long
to get our sea legs. This cruise is by far
the easiest and most convenient family
holiday we’ve yet had — hardly the
sexiest adjectives to describe the sheer
magic of travel, but for two parents
more used to chasing equally

The Sunday Times January 8, 2023 25

MICHEL VERDURE; CATHY ADAMS

the adults huffing each time they pull
their credit card out.
We spend mornings at Splashaway
Bay, the kids’ pool area with slides and
water sprays, or the outdoor soft play
area with handy suntrap benches.
The day falls into a nice rhythm with
an afternoon ice cream (unlimited
self-serve, naturally) and a sundowner
on the top deck before dinner in the
main dining room and a show at a
baby-bedtime-friendly 7pm. As for
the adults, we take turns flinging
ourselves down flumes; the Ultimate
Abyss slide that spirals down the
back of the ship; clambering up the
rock-climbing wall; or just treating
ourselves to more soda fountain visits
than is probably healthy or necessary.
I haven’t even mentioned the
gargantuan kids’ club, Adventure
Ocean, with facilities for every age. For
babies under three there are cots (the
hallowed “night nursery”, where kids
sleep while the adults have lunch or
dinner in peace) and sensory activities;
older children get an anything-goes
playroom and pirate-themed soft play.
Our 30-month-old is actually more
taken with the adult stuff: waving to
the robots making cocktails in the
Bionic Bar downstairs; watching Rising
Tide, a bar that ascends from Central
Park on deck eight to the Royal
Promenade on five; and spotting the
more outlandish door decorations of
anchors, flamingos and bucket and
spade stickers.
Of course, the cruise isn’t perfect.
With the exception of visiting the
planespotters’ beach in St Martin to
see a United Boeing 737 zoom over
our heads, and bumping into iguanas
sunning themselves on St Thomas,
the island stops are underwhelming.
We find ourselves funnelled into
expensive excursions or characterless
towns built entirely for cruise
passengers, and I dislike
having to traipse past
diamond shops and
banners for tax-free
shopping to get to
Orlando
the cab rank. We
Cape Canaveral
work out pretty
quickly that on
Perfect Day at CocoCay
port days
The Bahamas
disembarking
early means we
St Martin
Cuba
can stretch our
legs on dry land
St Thomas
and pick up any
essentials before
US Virgin Islands
coming back on board
200 miles
for lunch, where we have
the ship to ourselves. On one
port day, we inadvertently stumble
upon the cruise’s sexiest man
competition in the pool, which the
two-year-old and 36-year-old are
both unfortunately engrossed by.
It’ll surprise precisely no one to
learn that I’m hooked. But parents
can go anywhere as long as their
children are happy, so I asked my
toddler what he thought. The review
of Samuel, aged two and a half, went
something along the lines of “I liked
the pizza and ice cream” and “can I go
to the boat playground?”. Couldn’t
have said it better myself.

breathlessly around multiple cities
with a grumpy toddler, the whole thing
felt as soothing as being swaddled.
There’s something extremely
comforting about holidaying in
a large contained space where
decisions about meals, drinks and
entertainment are made for you.
I suspect I’m not the only one to
appreciate that all safety concerns are
outsourced to Captain Henrik, who
occasionally, thrillingly, crackles
through the speakers “from the
bridge”. Even the act of unpacking
our clothes into little space-saving
drawers in our cabin feels liberating.
It is the first time in about a decade
that I don’t have to make more
important decisions than whether I
want to go to the pool or the crazy golf
after breakfast, and whether my
mid-morning livener should be a
frozen margarita or a pina colada.
The knowledge that this behaviour
is accepted, even encouraged,
makes me want to do more than clap
politely when the ship leaves a port
or when the DJ plays Macarena on
the pool deck.
Although there are some passengers
unencumbered by noisy offspring,
Royal Caribbean is aimed primarily at
families, and if you’re two years old,
I can only imagine that every day feels
like a visit to Disneyland — without

For two exhausted
parents, the whole
thing felt as
soothing as
being swaddled

Cathy Adams was a guest of Royal
Caribbean, which has a seven-night
Eastern Caribbean & Perfect Day
cruise on Wonder of the Seas from
£892pp, plus £129pp for a third
or fourth person in the cabin
(royalcaribbean.com). Fly to Orlando

FOR MORE FAMILY CRUISES,
SEE PAGE 26

26 January 8, 2023 The Sunday Times

Travel
Travel FAMILY SPECIAL

9 OF THE BEST

FAMILY
CRUISE
HOLIDAYS
FOR UNDER

£1,000
From pirate hideouts to following in the
footsteps of the Minotaur, Jeannine Williamson
has the best affordable family-friendly voyages

VALERIYG, JOHNER/GETTY IMAGES; JONATHAN ATKIN; CYRIL CHARPIN

The Sunday Times January 8, 2023 27

multigenerational river
cruising with the first-ever
vessel geared for families.
Carrying 280 passengers, the
recently launched A-Rosa
Sena has 12 family cabins
sleeping up to five, each
equipped with toys. There’s
a children’s pool, a
swashbuckling pirate-themed
playroom and kids’ buffet,
while adults can relax in the
large spa. Fun, family-focused
excursions on this round trip
from Cologne include a visit
to the Dutch Madurodam
theme park, where you can
try to lift your own weight
in cheese, and Antwerp’s
irresistible chocolate museum,
the largest in the world.
Details Eight nights’
all-inclusive from £925pp,
including flights, departing
on October 13
(destination2.co.uk)

GLADIATORS AND
VOLCANOES

ruise holidays are
very much family
affairs, with plenty
to keep everyone
happy both at sea
and ashore. There are
nurseries and adventure-filled
aqua parks for the tiniest of
sailors and cool zones for
hard-to-please teens.
Meanwhile parents and
grandparents can relax
knowing children are safe
and having fun. With
accommodation, food and
entertainment included,
cruises are excellent value too.
Here are nine of the best for
2023 going for under £1,000
per person.

MINI OLYMPICS IN THE
MEDITERRANEAN
Who said ancient history was
dull? Standing next to the
columns of the Acropolis of
Athens, youngsters will love
hearing tales about Greek
gods. P&O Cruises’ round-trip
Malta voyage includes a stop
at Piraeus for a day visit to the
Greek capital. Back on the
3,100-passenger Azura, the
Reef children’s club is split
into four age groups with
activities including a mini
Olympics. Parents can treat
themselves to time out in
the Retreat, the adults-only
VIP deck area with spa
treatments in cool cabanas.
Details Seven nights’ full
board from £699pp (£595 per
child), including tips and
flights, departing on March 30
(pocruises.com)

FUN IN THE FJORDS
With no hanging around at
airports and trying to amuse
overexcited children on
flights, the fun starts straight

away on voyages to and from
Southampton. And when you
arrive in Norway on Celebrity
Cruises’ Silhouette, there’s
hiking, cycling, kayaking in
the fjords and high-speed RIB
(rigid inflatable boat) rides to
try. The 2,866-passenger
Celebrity Silhouette has
excellent kids’ clubs and an
array of restaurants that will
impress adventurous eaters.
Don’t miss Le Petit Chef, an
enchanting 3D animation in
which tiny chef figures race
around your plate, chattering
and chopping food. Just as
they complete your 3D dish,
waiters arrive, bearing the
real thing.
Details Seven nights’ full
board from £825pp,
departing on August 18
(celebritycruises.com)

PRIVATE ISLAND IN THE
BAHAMAS
Norwegian Cruise Line’s
informal atmosphere and
flexible dining is perfect for
families. This Caribbean
cruise, on the newly
refurbished 2,004-passenger
Norwegian Sky, features a day
of adventure exploring NCL’s
private island in the Bahamas.
Once a hideout for pirates,
Great Stirrup Cay’s modernday attractions include an
underwater snorkel trail filled
with sculptures of mermaids
and sea creatures, while
thrill-seekers can soar over
the beach on zip lines.
Details Eight nights’ full
board from £894pp, departing
on July 23 (ncl.com). Fly to
Miami

ROLLING DOWN THE RHINE
German line A-Rosa
revolutionised

Marella Cruises, part of
package holiday giant Tui,
represents fantastic value for
families. The 1,830-passenger
Marella Discovery 2 has family
suites sleeping up to six,
and kids’ facilities ranging
from a baby centre to a teens’
retreat. On this Mediterranean
voyage, youngsters can relive
the days of the gladiators
at Rome’s Colosseum, catch
a glimpse of Stromboli glowing
off the Sicilian coastline and
wander through Pompeii,
preserved by the eruption
of nearby Mount Vesuvius
in AD79.
Details Seven nights’
all-inclusive from £856pp,
including flights, departing
on October 24 (tui.co.uk)

MULTIGENERATIONAL
GET-TOGETHER
Clockwise from
top: selfies in the
Med; kayaking in
Norway; Queen
Mary 2 leaving
New York; the
Oasis pool on
Azura; Marella
Discovery 2

Newcomer Ambassador Cruise
Line usually caters to adults
but has multigenerational
holidays in summer, which
are ideal for larger family
groups. The hassle-free,
no-fly cruises sail from
Tilbury in Essex aboard
the 1,400-passenger
Ambience, which has a pool,
a spa, restaurants including
an Indian and a steakhouse,
and on these special
departures, family-friendly

entertainment. Highlights
of this sailing include
visiting the Unesco-listed
Geirangerfjord, surrounded
by mountain peaks, sheer
cliffs and tumbling waterfalls.
Details Seven nights’ full
board from £749pp (£99 per
child), departing on August 5
(ambassadorcruiseline.com)

TRANSATLANTIC THRILLS
Sail across the Atlantic in
style on Queen Mary 2.
Cunard’s 2,691-passenger
flagship is every bit as
glamorous as you’d expect
and teens on board tend
to love the dress-up nights,
all the more so if there’s
been some retail fun in
New York before the cruise.
There are also surprisingly
good and little-publicised
children’s facilities to fill
the time en route from New
York to Southampton,
including a full programme
of daytime activities, night
nursery for babies and
toddlers and a teen zone.
Details Seven nights’ full
board from £877pp, departing
on October 13 (cunard.com).
Fly to New York

GREEK DELIGHTS
Families can expect an
affordable, authentic taste of
Greece with Celestyal Cruises.
Super-friendly staff love
children and will quickly
remember their names and
favourite foods. The
traditional 1,200-passenger
Celestyal Crystal doesn’t need
a kids’ club, as included
activities include Greek dance
classes and Greek lessons and
besides, you’re in port most of
the time. Youngsters will be
intrigued by tales of the
mythical Minotaur at Crete’s
Palace of Knossos, while
evenings ashore in both
Santorini and Mykonos allow
plenty of time to soak up the
atmosphere. There’s a day on
Milos to head for gorgeous
beaches too.
Details: Seven nights’ full
board from £699pp (£489 per
child), including drinks with
meals and tips, departing on
August 12 (celestyal.com). Fly
to Athens

NORWAY WITH TEENS
Two days’ scenic fjord cruising
and a day at sea provide time
to discover Holland America
Line’s newest ship. The musicthemed Rotterdam carries
2,668 passengers and is a
guaranteed hit for older kids,
with live entertainment
venues including the Rolling
Stone Rock Room. Night owls
and sleepy teens can lie in the
next day and not go hungry as
there’s free 24-hour room
service. Head for the Ice Bar
in Oslo, and from Stavanger,
the dramatic Pulpit Rock,
looming over Lysefjord.
Details Seven nights’ full
board from £979pp,
departing on May 27
(hollandamerica.com). Fly
or go by train to Amsterdam
Additional reporting by
Sue Bryant

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The Sunday Times January 8, 2023 35

Travel FAMILY SPECIAL

EUROPE’S BEST FAMILY-FRIENDLY VILLAS
Enjoy leisurely breakfasts, walks and time in the pool at these top holiday homes, says Kate Leahy
MAISON DU MÛRIER
1 LAHAUTES
ALPES, FRANCE
This 17th-century farmhouse
in the southwestern Hautes
Alpes opened in 2020 after
more than a decade of work
from its owners. It’s a true
labour of love, and much of
the interior — including the
beds — has been built by hand.
It’s full of bonus additions:
a pasta machine, a cinema
room and an honesty bar,
plus a pool and hot tub. In
winter the nearest ski resort
is only 30 minutes’ drive away,
while in summer the hills are
packed with flowers, hikers
and cyclists. Don’t miss the
natural gorges where the
brave can take a dip.
Details Seven nights’
self-catering for ten from
£4,955 (welcomebeyond.com).
Fly to Marseilles

CASA DA TERRA
ALGARVE, PORTUGAL

This simple eco-friendly villa
in the village of Alte, a 40minute drive inland from
Faro, stands in 14 acres of

Algarve countryside, amid
lakes and the Serra do
Caldeirao mountains. Your
nearest neighbour is about
a mile away and you’re
most likely to see only the
odd passing goat herder.
The surrounding villages
offer crowd-free bars and
restaurants, and Gale beach
— a quiet stretch of the
Atlantic coast — is just 30
minutes’ drive away.

Details Seven nights’
self-catering for six from
£1,225 (oneoffplaces.co.uk).
Fly to Faro

SANTA RESTOLA
TUSCANY, ITALY

Puccini loved this part of
Tuscany, setting up home
in a villa on nearby Lake
Massaciuccoli to compose his
most famous operas. Forming
a triangle with Pisa and Lucca,

this 15th-century farmhouse
commands a spot in the hills
above the lake and seaside
town of Viareggio, 15 minutes’
drive away. Narrow winding
roads trickle down through
the hills, passing villages, the
closest of which is Massarosa,
five minutes’ drive away. Your
pool terrace presides over the
lot, providing an ideal location
for a crisp vino bianco. Rooms
are airy, with beamed ceilings,
and an open-plan kitchen
means everyone can get
involved come dinnertime.
Details Seven nights’
self-catering for eight from
£5,066 (tuscanynowandmore.
com). Fly to Pisa

CA15
4 VILLA
CATALONIA, SPAIN
An hour inland from
Barcelona, amid the vineyards
of the Med’s Penedes wine
region, this cosy Catalonian
farmhouse is the archetypal
rural retreat. It is surrounded
by walled gardens with a gated
swimming pool; indoors there
is a children’s games room

with a TV, darts, snooker, ping
pong and table football. There
are hikes from your doorstep
that take in monasteries.
Details Seven nights’
self-catering for six from
£1,678 (rusticaltravel.com).
Fly to Barcelona

ASTERI
5 VILLA
PAXOS, GREECE
There’s no direct flight to
Paxos so you’ll need to catch
a ferry from Corfu, but the
reward is unrivalled peace
and quiet. This two-bedroom
hideaway is cocooned in olive
groves in the middle of the
island, near Magazia. The
single-storey villa is a cool
concoction of stone walls
and white furniture, but it’s
the terrace — with its infinity
pool and Med view — that’s
the real dazzler. Families
wanting to get the whole
gang together could also
book Villa Kalithea, next door.
Details Seven nights’
self-catering for four from
£5,913, including flights
(simpsontravel.com)

BLUE NEAR
6 VILLA
DUBROVNIK, CROATIA
This smart villa 25 minutes’
drive from Dubrovnik is
perched on a stepped hillside,
and commands sweeping
views of the sea and nearby
islands, best admired from
the property’s infinity pool.
Days will fall into a familiar
routine — lounging by the
water, long alfresco lunches
and chilled evenings beneath
the stars, all punctuated with
rounds of pool and darts. The
villa sleeps five in three
bedrooms. Hire a car to
explore the beaches around
the nearby village of Slano.
Details Seven nights’
self-catering for five from
£2,299 ( jamesvillas.co.uk).
Fly to Dubrovnik

38 January 8, 2023 The Sunday Times

Travel
Travel FAMILY SPECIAL

Geneva

Lyons
Val d'Isère
Turin

20 miles

Friendly staff, excellent
crêpes, superb access
to slopes — and snow!
Club Med has found a
winning formula at its
new hotel in Val d’Isère,
says Sean Newsom

hat’s the
most
important
thing a
top-notch
family-skiing hotel needs? My
eight-year-old son, Ben, didn’t
miss a beat when I asked him
halfway through our week at
Club Med Val d’Isère in France.
It’s the first of the company’s
top-of-the-range, familyfocused Exclusive Collection
hotels in the Alps, and two
weeks ago I was the first British
travel writer to test it, so it
wasn’t an idle question.

Ben’s answer? “Crêpes,”
he said, deploying an earcatchingly good French
accent, honed by endless
interaction with the
multilingual staff.
No wonder he was thinking
of pancakes. After a day
whizzing about on Val d’Isère’s
gentler slopes he’d just scoffed
three of them in the lounge at
teatime. That was on top of the
ten he’d had in the morning —
freshly cooked on a giant
griddle in the breakfast buffet.
OK, so was there anything
else he could think of? Yes, he
could. “Raspberry jam,” he
told me. He likes to spread it
over his crêpes.
His 14-year-old brother,
Sam, gave a more considered
response. “Friendly staff,”
was his suggestion.
That was no surprise, either.
The new hotel is designed for
about 560 guests, served by a
team of nearly 300 staff. That’s
a lot of beaming, helpful
people — and they’re ready to
lend a hand, whether you want
more crêpes at breakfast or a
different pair of ski boots from
the rental centre, or if you’ve
come to pick up your son early
from the kids’ club. You can’t
take more than ten steps
through the public rooms
without one of them trilling
a cheerful “Bonjour!” at you.
So was he right? Actually,
no. Because there isn’t just one
thing that makes a family ski
hotel excellent. It’s a checklist
of attributes that’s almost as
long as your holiday — and
what’s striking about this
latest addition to Club Med’s
mountain empire is that it ticks
off so many of them.
It starts with the location.
This is the fifth new-generation
mountain property launched
by the company since 2017,
and it’s the first time that it
has repurposed one of its
existing hotels, rather than
building from scratch. In doing
so it has capitalised on an
extraordinary site.
Walk out of the boot room
each morning and to your
right rears the giant puddingshaped dome of the Solaise,
where Val d’Isère’s lift-assisted
skiing career began in the
1940s; to the left is the
plunging slope of the Rocher
de Bellevarde. The former is
home to Piste M, one of the
most testing — and
magnificent — red-rated pistes
in France; the latter unleashes
the formidable, black-rated
Face. To reach either one you
just click into your skis and
cruise down an easy piste to
Val’s main hub of ski lifts.
Both reported having at least
50cm of the white stuff
packed down on their pistes
last week — in contrast to a
serious lack of real snow at
some French resorts.
If these two slopes sound
a bit fearsome that’s because
they are. Three of the
Newsoms — my wife, Vera,
Sam and I — were salivating at
the thought, but I was worried
beforehand about the fourth of
our tribe. Ben was still learning
how to make parallel (as

opposed to snowplough)
turns, and my fear was that as
soon as he’d mastered them
a zealous instructor would
drag him down one of those
hell-for-leather slopes and — at
the very least — shatter his
skiing confidence.
What I hadn’t appreciated,
however, was just how fast the
two main lifts in this sector
are, and how quickly they
connect with the docile and
easy-skiing plateaux that open
out behind those two peaks.
Both offer skiing between
2,400 and 2,800m, which
even in our warming climate
is proof against most thaws.
At the time of writing the
snow at the top of the Solaise
was a metre deep, and
throughout the day Val’s
instructors are whisking
groups of kids up there to
build their skills on the soft,
forgiving snow. Then, once
they’re done, they load their
classes back into the gondolas
and ride the lifts back down
again. It’s an approach that
any intermediate-level skier
should follow in Val d’Isère —
and it worked a treat for Ben.
By the end of the week he was
not just linking parallel turns
on the flatter slopes, he was
trying to ski backwards too.
In other words this is a
breathtaking and multifaceted
place to ski, and Club Med Val
d’Isère is sitting pretty in the
middle of it. To give you a

CLUB
CLASS
sense of just what a plum
location it is, consider the
new-build apartments in
nearby Silverstone Lodge.
They’re aimed at people who
want to own a slice of the
same slope and are for sale,
off-plan, through Savills — and
the fanciest will set you back
£15 million.
Of course, how a hotel
makes use of such a setting is
crucial too, and that’s where
Club Med’s long years of
experience become apparent.
It’s not just that the ski services
— the rental centre, boot room
and kids’ club kit room — are
next to the snow, nor that your
instructors are waiting there
for you when you emerge, nor
indeed that the bedrooms have
big cupboards for all your
clobber as well as drawers
under the beds to conceal your
suitcases. What really matters
is the size of the public rooms,
which here create a giant,
free-flowing slot of space and
light over the fourth and fifth
floors of the building; it
includes a lounge, two
restaurants and a bar, as well
as a theatre and dancefloor
that double for most of the day
as another sitting room.
These are not just spaces
that you walk through
occasionally, you’re in them
repeatedly, every day —
because almost everything
they offer is included in the
price of your holiday. That

The buffet has so
much choice, kids
discover a sense
of gastronomic
adventure

includes three buffet meals in
the main Bellevarde dining
room, plus pre-lunch and
teatime snacks in the bar, most
drinks (including champagne
in the evening), kids’ clubs,
yoga classes, use of the pool
and spa, your lift pass and five
days of ski lessons. The only
extras you’ll pay for are ski
hire and spa treatments, so
there’s no sense of havering,
wondering which bits to

3 MORE FAMILY-FRIENDLY
ALPINE RESORTS
If you haven’t yet bagged a family ski holiday
there’s only one rule for the Alps this
winter (unless booking at the very
last minute): aim high — at least
2,000m high. That’s especially
true for Easter, which,
although later in the season,
swerves mid-February’s
breathtaking prices.

TIGNES, FRANCE
Thanks to a ski area, linked to
Val d’Isère’s, that reaches up
to 3,456m, Tignes’
intermediate-friendly slopes are
usually open until May. The selfcatering apartments at the ski-in, ski-out
Montana Village are the ideal base, not least
because of the heated outdoor pool and spa.
Details Seven nights’ self-catering for a
family of four from £620pp, arriving on
April 8 (skicollection.co.uk). Take the train or
drive to Tignes

sample — you’re all in right
from the start.
That’s never more obvious
than at meal times. Oysters,
scallops, tuna, swordfish,
steaks, burgers, ribs, chicken,
sushi, tortillas, pizzas, five or
six kinds of bread freshly
baked on site, a cheese bar
groaning with Beaufort, goat’s
cheese and Roquefort,
Valrhona chocolate parfaits
and perfect little blueberry

CERVINIA, ITALY
The spectacular, easy-skiing Cervinia, left,
links to Zermatt in Switzerland, where the
lifts rise to a sky-scraping 3,899m. Stay at
the four-star Valtur Cervinia Cristallo resort,
which has an indoor pool, childcare
and a shuttle service.
Details Seven nights’ halfboard for a family of four
from £1,299pp, including
flights and transfers,
departing on April 1
(crystalski.co.uk)

OBERGURGL, AUSTRIA
Cuter than most highaltitude resorts, Obergurgl
is also smaller and quieter.
At the four-star Hotel
Alpenaussicht you’ll be a mere
100m from the nearest lift, and there’s
snowshoeing and cross-country skiing here
too if you want to give different alpine
pursuits a try.
Details Seven nights’ half-board for a family
of four from £1,686pp, including flights and
transfers, departing on April 1 (inghams.co.uk)

VAL D’ISÈRE/UWE KREJCI, ANDY PARANT; SEAN NEWSOM

The Sunday Times January 8, 2023 39

Clockwise from
left: Val d’Isère
resort; the
Newsom family;
part of the Club
Med complex;
hitting the slopes

tartlets — over the course of
the week we ate them all,
many freshly cooked in front
of us. Even better, because
there’s so much choice and so
many things that even picky
children will eat, all pressure
is off, and as a result little ones
quickly discover a sense of
gastronomic adventure. So,
yes, Ben ate ten mini-pancakes
each breakfast, but he also
returned to our dinner table
one evening bearing his firstever langoustine.
Of course not everything
here is brilliant. Bizarrely
Club Med keeps its best selfservice coffee machines in
the bar; those in the
restaurant taste of bitter
instant coffee (although the
staff will fetch a cup of the
good stuff if you ask). More
important, unlike many of its
sister properties, this one
lacks on-site nursery slopes, so
if everyone in your family is
new to skiing and you’re
looking for an all-inclusive
hotel, I’d suggest the Club Med
in La Rosière instead.
However, if a more
challenging trip is your
priority, this is the place.
Club Med defines luxury as
a freedom from constraints,
rather than the accumulation
of fluffy and cosseting details,
and you feel it as soon as you
settle in here — this is a holiday
that’s almost entirely faff-free.
It can be cosy too, as I

discovered one afternoon
when I went to collect Ben
from his post-skiing kids’ club.
I found him in the theatre —
the staff had taken all the
children there to try some
bigger games such as skittles,
Twister and the like, and Ben
was so caught up in playing
them that he didn’t see me
for half an hour.
Many of his playmates
hadn’t noticed their parents
either, and we all sat discreetly
around the edges, sipping
coffee (from the good
machine) and scoffing slices
of cake while a contented buzz
settled over the enormous
room. At that moment nearly
all the ingredients of the
holiday seemed to be bubbling
deliciously together in the
same pot.
Ben, though, had more
straightforward flavours in
mind. Eventually the moment
passed and it was time to sign
our children out of the group,
and as soon as I had he
grabbed my hand and
marched me off to the other
end of the room — where the
crêpes were being served.
Sean Newsom was a guest of
Club Med, which has seven
nights’ all-inclusive for a
family of four from £2,266pp,
including flights and
transfers (clubmed.co.uk);
and the Val d’Isère tourism
office (valdisere.com)

40 January 8, 2023 The Sunday Times

Travel Asia
Modern ramps at ancient temples,
step-free transport and brilliantly
helpful people — Japan is better set up
for wheelchair users than many places
closer to home, says Lucy Webster

okyo being a city
of contradictions is
well documented:
thousand-year-old
temples next to
cafés staffed by robots;
skyscrapers full of shopping
malls alongside serene parks
and temples. Less well known
is that the same is true when it
comes to accessibility.
On our first day in Japan’s
capital our brilliant tour
guide, Meg Yamagute, took
my parents, my personal
assistant and me to some of
the city’s most famous sights.

We marvelled at the fabulous
red and orange colours of
Senso-ji temple, and prawns
the size of my face at the
Tsukiji fish market — but also
at how wheelchair-friendly
the public infrastructure was.
From the provision of huge
accessible loos in shopping
centres and new ramps
creating paths around ancient
sites, to a fully step-free metro
and rail system (where not a
single lift was out of order), the
ease of moving around this
giant city was like nothing we
had experienced in Europe,
the US or other parts of Asia.
Was it too good to be true?
Well, left to ourselves on
subsequent days in the city
we found that other things
were a bit trickier. Accessible
restaurants were few and far
between. The problem wasn’t
so much the one or two steps
to get in — these are common
in all cities, and I am used to
these places being off-limits;
rather, the main issue was
that even the step-free
restaurants were nearly all
tiny countertop holes in the
wall where there was simply
no space for my wheelchair.
Fortunately, Josh Grisdale,
a wheelchair user based in
Tokyo who runs the Accessible
Japan website, had warned
me about this and offered a
solution: eat at one of the
restaurants — seemingly
thousands of them — in
Tokyo’s huge subway stations.
The good thing about this is
that many of the city’s most
popular restaurants have
outlets in stations, meaning
you can eat genuinely fantastic
food while people-watching as
commuters rush home. At one

Two of our guides
walked entire
routes in their own
time to check for
ramps, lifts and loos
place we had some eel tempura
that I will be thinking about for
quite some time. The downside
is that you lose the atmosphere
of the city’s street life.
This pattern, of highly
accessible coupled with
completely inaccessible,
continued for the duration of
our 19-day trip, which took us
from Tokyo to the small towns
of Takayama and Kanazawa,
then further west to Kyoto
and Osaka. The juxtaposition
meant that we never quite
knew what to expect,
especially as the general
pattern was the inverse of
what we are used to in
Europe, where public
transport isn’t accessible,
but a lot of restaurants are.
We had some success with
street food in Osaka and
Takayama, where we
discovered the wonder that
is beef “sushi”. Elsewhere,
eating and drinking continued
to be a challenge. In Kyoto,

especially, we struggled to
access the city’s famed
drinking culture. At one point,
frustrated by the prospect of
yet another train station meal,
I decided to abandon my
wheelchair and allow myself
to be lifted onto a bar stool
(thankfully it had a sturdy
backrest). Intermittently
holding onto the counter for
dear life, I had one of the best
meals of the trip: a ridiculously
huge platter of wagyu beef
that we cooked on a minibarbecue, yakiniku-style.
Still, it could have been a lot
more complicated. Much of
the access planning that I
usually have to slog through
before a trip was taken on by
the company that organised
the trip — Inside Japan, one of
the few specialist operators
I’ve come across with real
knowledge of different access
needs. When it emailed to ask
whether I could transfer from
my wheelchair to a seat in the

LUCY WEBSTER; MAGDALENA BUJAK/ALAMY; BEE32/GETTY IMAGES

The Sunday Times January 8, 2023 41

International hotel chains, pay
attention please.
The guides hired by Inside
Japan to show us around were
also well trained in access
issues. I was particularly
impressed by Yamagute in
Tokyo and Van Milton in
Kyoto, who had each walked
the entire day’s route in their
own time to check for ramps,
lifts and disabled loos. Being
able to enjoy the day, without
the access-related anxiety
that usually accompanies
travel, meant that I could
really concentrate on what
I was seeing, learning and
eating. Highlights included
the stunning Kiyomizu-dera
temple overlooking Kyoto
and the best sushi I have ever
had at Tsukiji fish market.
There were, naturally, a few
bumps in the road. One of the
guides had misunderstood
what wheelchair accessible
really meant, but caught on
pretty quickly. Also, we
discovered that everything
in Kyoto is miles away
from everything else,
and that most of the
Kanazawa
city’s taxis had boots
too small for my
Tokyo
wheelchair. But
Takayama
these were minor
inconveniences.
Kyoto
Mount
All of which is to
Fuji
say that a tour around
Osaka
Japan was logistically
easier than many city
breaks in Europe. There
50 miles
was another crucial difference
too — people’s willingness to
help. At every single station
someone happily showed us
where the lifts were;
restaurant staff cheerfully
rearranged tables and chairs;
hotel receptionists asked if
we needed anything — I was
never made to feel like an
inconvenience. As a disabled
traveller it is easy to believe
that closer is simpler; that
some trips are too ambitious.
But my experience in Japan
shows that — with a little
planning, local expertise and
an experienced operator —
some seemingly impossible
things turn out just fine.
The world is changing for
back of a car, and what kind
disabled travellers. Disabled
of shower chair I would need,
people are venturing further
I knew that I was in for a
afield. Tour operators and
different kind of trip to those
travel agents are realising
I’ve become used to. Normally
that there’s a huge untapped
all I can hope for is a step-free
market in accessible travel,
room and a garden chair
and more and more of them
plonked in the bathroom, so
are getting in on the action.
it was nice to know that even
Japan’s accessible hotel
the small details had been
rooms felt like a glimpse of
considered.
the future. After years of
Just like its transport
Covid lockdowns and feeling
systems, Japan’s hotels are
restricted to Europe, I’ve
much more accessible than
caught the travel bug again.
any I’ve seen elsewhere. In
Tokyo and Takayama there
Lucy Webster was a guest of
were even adjustable beds
Inside Japan, which has
in the disabled rooms. In the
19 nights’ B&B on a bespoke
lovely port city of Kanazawa,
accessible tour from £9,010pp,
even though we stayed in a
including flights, transfers
standard room, I’m not
between cities and five days
exaggerating when I say that
of guided tours. A ten-night
the access was better than it
tour visiting Tokyo, Kyoto,
is in most adapted rooms in
Osaka and Mount Fuji
Europe. Some standout
costs from £3,800pp
features: sinks I could get my
(insidejapantours.com).
knees under (rarer than you’d
Fly to Tokyo. For more tips
think) and nonslip flooring
on accessible travel in Japan
that was actually nonslip.
visit accessible-japan.com

JOY IN
JAPAN
WHERE
ACCESS IS
FOR ALL
MY ACCESSIBLE HIGHLIGHTS
MEIJI JINGU
SHRINE
An island of calm
amid Tokyo’s
bustle this
ancient Shinto
shrine, with its
swooping roofs
and towering
torii gate, has
somehow been
made fully
wheelchair
accessible. The
surrounding park
is wonderfully
relaxing.

EIKAN-DO

Lucy with Mount Fuji in the background, top; the streets
of Takayama, top right, and Kanazawa, above

This beautiful
Japanese garden
stretching up
one of the hills
that surround

MOUNT FUJI

Kyoto has
everything you
could wish for: a
temple, tranquil
lake and stunning
views. It’s at its
best in autumn,
when the trees
and shrubs turn
from vivid green
to burning red.

As seen from
Lake Kawaguchi
— you get a
stunning,
unobstructed
and easily
accessible view
of the mountain
in all its
splendour.

HARUKAS
300 TOWER

TAKAYAMA
MARKET

Get incredible
views of Osaka
from the top of
Japan’s tallest
skyscraper. Go
up just before
sunset and see
the neon city
come to life as
darkness falls.

Pick up
traditional
Japanese
ceramics,
lacquerware
and fans in the
small shops
lining the old
town’s peaceful
streets.

The Sunday Times January 8, 2023 43

Travel City breaks

ILLUSTRATION BY MATTHEW CORNICK AND NINA KRAUSE

THE BIG WEEKEND

he word “underrated” in travel
rarely means just that. But in
Malaga’s case it fits all too well.
This Spanish city has long
been a jumping-off point for
Brits as they scuttle down the coast to
Marbella or Torremolinos without looking
back. That’s a shame — Moorish Malaga
combines the best of beach and city living,
sandwiched between the green
Andalusian hills and the Mediterranean.
It’s compact enough to cover the main
sights in a weekend and affordable to boot
(think dinner for two at about £35 and a
round of drinks about a fiver), which just
makes the whole place feel easy and fun.
Malaga is also Picasso’s birthplace, and
this year marks 50 years since his death,
with a roster of interesting exhibitions
planned. Marbella who?

THE COOLEST NEIGHBOURHOOD
You won’t go far in Malaga without
bumping into Picasso in some way.
His birthplace is the pleasant but
unremarkable Plaza de la Merced on the
edge of the old town, but that’s not why
you’re here. Leave the cafés surrounding

Plaza de la Constitucion
Room Mate Larios
Alcazaba

Gran Hotel
Miramar

Malaga cathedral
Only You
¼ mile

5 miles

Alboran
Sea

£3. There’s a pool for posers and a DJ at
weekends (£8 entry including drink;
marriott.co.uk).

WHAT TO DO
Your launchpad is the old town, a
squiggle of cobbled alleyways and splashy
squares that’s the historic heart of this
city. Start on the main shopping drag,
Calle Marques de Larios, ducking down
side streets, before finding Plaza de la
Constitucion with its birthday cakecoloured buildings and marble
Renaissance fountain.
Looming over the old town is the grand
baroque cathedral, its tower the second
highest in Andalusia after the Giralda in
Seville. Malaga’s beloved landmark is
known rather unkindly as La Manquita,
or the one-armed woman, thanks to its
unfinished second tower. Visitors can
climb the first to eyeball the city from 84m
up (£11; malagacatedral.com). Directly
underneath is pretty Plaza Obispo with
its cultural centre and cute cafés.
The Moorish 11th-century Alcazaba is
one of the best ways to understand Malaga
when it was part of Muslim-ruled Al
Andalus. The fortress spills down the hill
towards the sea, linking the remains of a
Roman amphitheatre and the Castle of
Gibralfaro higher up, and is formed of two
complexes: one within the other. Entry is
free on Sundays after 2pm, and there’s the
option of a lift up (£5 for a combined
ticket; alcazabamalaga.com).
There are better beaches elsewhere
on the Costa del Sol, but Malaga’s urban
iterations are close — and convenient —
seconds. The central Playa de la
Malagueta, a ten-minute stroll from the
old town, is a good bet if you’re short on
time: it’s lined with relaxed chiringuitos
ideal for a post-swim snack.
Even the most uninterested art student
couldn’t fail to be moved by the Museo
Picasso Malaga, an elegant palacio that’s
a shrine to the city’s most famous son.
There are the better-known pieces
(a cubist portrait of his second wife,
Jacqueline) and those less familiar, such
as his wacky paintings featuring dogs
and owls, in this 200-strong permanent
collection (£8; museopicassomalaga.org).
Join the Malagueños as they busk,
rollerskate and grab coffee on Palmeral
de las Sorpresas, a palm-lined promenade
by the port. There’s the Rubik’s Cube-like
Pompidou Centre at one end, and the
easy-breezy Malaga Park alongside. When
the sun shines (often), even the ugly
ferries chugging their way to the Balearics
look straight out of a film.

Lagunillas

Casa Mira
The battle for Malaga’s best ice cream is
also hard fought. Casa Mira just edges it;
there are three branches in Malaga, but
the most charming is just beyond the
cathedral. Find generous portions of the
classics — dulce de leche is a highlight —
and slurp it outside in the quiet courtyard,
with views of the Museo Revello de Toro
art gallery (£3; 8 Calle Cister).

WHERE TO STAY
Room Mate Larios
The Spanish chain Room Mate has made
a name for itself in affordable, chic
accommodation. The Malaga outpost, on
zippy Calle Marques de Larios, is set in a
beautiful art deco building, with doorstep
access to the main sights (room-only
doubles from £88; room-matehotels.com).
Only You
You’ll be hard-pressed to find a more
central location than Only You, a boutique
hotel between the old town and the port.
The location helps: the rooftop bar is
blessed with views across the hills and the
sea, and the fish bar Carmen downstairs is
always busy with locals. Rooms are Scandi
in feel, with blond wood, bronze accents
and fun touches (room-only doubles from
£137; onlyyouhotels.com).
Gran Hotel Miramar
This palatial five-star, a hospital during
the Spanish Civil War, has welcomed le
tout Malaga over the years — including
Ernest Hemingway and Ava Gardner.
Modern Andalusia meets neo-Arab design
in the decor, with wonderful sea views
and a gorgeous pool. It’s the city’s
grandest stay (room-only doubles from
£199; granhotelmiramarmalaga.com).

Art, tapas and sea add up to perfection. By Cathy Adams
it — one called, naturally, Picasso Bar
Tapas — for the streets just northeast,
in the gritty Lagunillas neighbourhood,
which is where Malaga’s grass roots artists
display their modern takes on cubism.
Look out for street art including a copy
of Picasso’s Guernica on a garage door
on Calle Huerto del Conde.

WHERE TO EAT AND DRINK
Casa Lola
Tapas bars have their origins in Andalusia
and this atmospheric and affordable spot
with pretty yellow and blue tiles on
Calle Granada is a solid-gold bet that’s
as popular with locals as visitors. Pull up
a high wooden seat and order snacks
involving everything from salty anchovies
to aubergine (tapas from £2;
46 Calle Granada).

El Pimpi
A shapeshifting bodega, entertainment
venue and tapas bar, El Pimpi, named
after a Malaga mascot, is an institution.
Inside is an Andalusian cliché in 3D —
white walls decorated with famous
Spaniards, wooden barrels
for tables, tiled steps and
The Malagueños
overflowing plants — but the
atmosphere is unbeatable
rollerskate on the
(tapas from £4; elpimpi.com).

IF YOU ONLY DO ONE THING
Look up during a lunchtime wander
through the Mercado de Atarazanas, a
covered food market (that pleasingly is
still very much used by locals). The
stained glass window is a study in Malaga
in miniature — spot the port, the cathedral
and the Alcazaba. Come hungry.
Cathy Adams was a guest of Only You
Malaga and Vueling, which flies from
Gatwick to Malaga from £50 return
(vueling.com)

palm-lined

Atico Bar
promenade
The 15th floor of the
unexceptional AC Marriott hotel
opens on to Atico Bar, the city’s best
rooftop bar. The starry views over the
Andalusian hills, Gibralfaro and into the
Med are accompanied by a distinctly
unstarry price list — a glass of cava is just

Travel

For dozens more guides to your
favourite city-break destinations,
and those you’re still to discover,
see our dedicated Times Travel
website thetimes.co.uk/travel

TRAVEL

46 January 8, 2023 The Sunday Times

Travel
SEBASTIAN WASEK/ALAMY; S MEDDLE/ITV/SHUTTERSTOCK

MY HOLS
JOOLS
HOLLAND
The musician loves motorbikes,
museums and Portmeirion —
but you won’t see him camping
In March my band and
I are performing a concert
in Nuremberg because
I particularly want to see
the house of the German Renaissance
artist Albrecht Dürer. On a previous trip
I went all the way up to the door of his
home only to find it was closed, so I’ve
made sure that my gig is not on a
Monday to ensure its doors are open.
The Nürnberger Nachrichten wrote a
story about it, and the headline read
“Jools Holland and Albrecht Dürer do
battle”. I thought, brilliant, me and
Dürer are on the same page in a
newspaper.
I am a keen medievalist. Before
an overseas concert with the
band I often go a day earlier to
explore the area and make the
most of my time there. When I was
a child my dad would take me to
museums and fabulous buildings,
so when I’m on tour I tire people
out by endlessly visiting churches
or art galleries. Sunbathing by
a pool or on a beach isn’t really
for me.
These days we seem to live in a
world where everything is starting
to look the same, but when you
arrive at a place by boat there’s a
different recognition for the town or
city you’re visiting. Saga is my favourite

COMPETITION
WIN A VILLA
HOLIDAY
FOR FOUR
IN SICILY
WITH
OLIVER’S
TRAVELS

WHERE WAS I?
“Today is not the day for
climbing hills, looking for
a battlefield,” my friend
grumbles, by the car.
“Actually, yes it is,” I tell him.
“And by the way, haven’t you
resolved to take more exercise
this year? Are you quitting?”
Friend sighs. “People try to
put me down — all the time.
Please, not you too.”
For a while it looks like I’ll be
on my own. But eventually he
deigns to join me, following
(perhaps) in the footsteps of
a great army more than 1,150
years ago. It marched to meet
a local king and the brother
who succeeded him. Its day
did not go well.
With rain coming on, our
commemorative day may
not go well either — and
soon Friend suggests
substitute destinations.
First is a riverside village,
which gives its name to a
gap through which the river
flows. Friend says a musician
and songwriter (mother
Betty) lived there while

The Italianate village of Portmeirion in Wales was the inspiration for Jools Holland’s London recording studio
type of cruise; it brings together my two
passions in life: food and live music. I
often play gigs on the Saga ships, it’s an
outstanding balance for me because I like
relaxing, but I can only relax after
doing something.
As a musician, when I’m abroad
I like to take in the ambient
sounds around me, such as
birdsong or a waterfall or the
conversations you overhear
in a café or bar in a different
language. The noise you hear
when walking through a new
town or city can often make
a real difference to your
experience. I have my band
with me on those trips and it
is good fun — better than just
a plain old holiday.
In my younger years it was
on a visit to Gwynedd, Wales,
that I fell in love with Sir Clough
Williams-Ellis’s eccentric
Italianate village, Portmeirion,
which is where the 1960s iconic TV
drama The Prisoner was filmed. I believe

working on a double album.
“Who?” I shout, between
squally gusts. He repeats the
name, then proposes we drive
to a 17th-century country
mansion 20 miles west of the
village. More recently, the
musician has been living
there. The mansion shares its
name with the battle.
I insist we continue uphill.
“So is this it?” Friend asks
at the top, four miles westnorthwest of the village.
“Possibly,” I concede. “But
some say it was fought
northeast of here. Let’s walk
over for a look.”
Friend sighs. Then he grabs
my map — and tears it in half.
“What are you doing?” I
yelp.
“Let’s just say I’m putting a
big heathen battle-axe to your
plans,” he growls.
Sean Newsom

THE QUESTIONS
1 What’s the name of the
riverside village?
2 What’s the name of the
country mansion?

it is one of the world’s wonders and it
inspired my Helicon Mountain recording
studio in London, which has a colourwashed building and ornamental
gardens; I even included a (nonworking)
railway station because I love trains.
Camping, though, isn’t my cup of tea.
I love my motorbike, and when I was in
my late teens I went on a run with the
London branch of the National Chopper
Club — a group of motorbike enthusiasts.
One of my fellow riders assured me that
there was plenty of room to share his
tent. However, when we arrived at the
campsite in the cold, wind and rain,
I quickly realised I wasn’t the only person
he’d invited to sleep in it; he’d asked
almost everyone on the ride.
So I’m more of a hotel type of man.
As a rule, when I am overseas working,
I prefer to stay in smaller, more quaint
hotels. That said, about a decade ago
I headlined the Dubai Jazz Festival and
I stayed at the Burj al Arab, which has
been called a seven-star hotel, and it was
beautiful, and the food was tremendous.
I’ve been lucky in my career and I’ve

had the opportunity to tour for the
past 50 years, ever since I was about
14, and it has taken me across the
globe. In 1988 I lived in New York while
filming a great TV show called Sunday
Night. It was a place that really changed
me because during my time there I
connected with American roots music.
It’s not a city I would live in now
because I like where
I live, but at the time
it was a fabulous
experience.
Interview by Lynn Carratt
Jools Holland, 64, was a founding member
of the 1980s band Squeeze and continues to
tour with his Rhythm and Blues Orchestra.
Although he has experienced no hearing
loss, Holland is championing Specsavers’
Lost and Found campaign, which
highlights how hearing aids can help people
to retrieve the sounds they are missing out
on (specsavers.co.uk/hearing). He lives in
southeast London with his wife, the artist
Christabel McEwen

rentals business. For details
see oliverstravels.com.
The prize includes return
flights for four from a London
airport, as well as a hire car,
and must be taken before
March 31, 2024, subject to
availability and excluding
public holidays, as well as
the period June 1-September
2, 2023. For further terms and
conditions see thesunday
times.uk/wherewasi.
The competition closes at
the end of January 11, 2023.

HOW TO ENTER
THE PRIZE
The winner and up to three
guests will stay for seven
nights, self-catering, at Carob
Tree in Sicily. Set near the
Italian island’s southeastern
tip, this sleek, contemporary
two-bedroom property has
panoramic views of the
surrounding countryside, as
well as an infinity pool and

outdoor kitchen for alfresco
dining. If you don’t want to
cook, Rosolini’s restaurants,
cafés and beach bars are
just four miles away.
Carob Tree is one of
many exceptional villas,
châteaux and cottages
offered by Oliver’s Travels
— each one hand-picked
and reflecting 20 years of
experience in the holiday

Only one entry per person,
at thesundaytimes.co.uk/
wherewasi by Wednesday.
Normal Times Newspapers
rules apply. No correspondence
will be entered into.

LAST WEEK’S PRIZE
The answers are Solsbury/
Little Solsbury Hill and
Westbury. Jennifer Lees of
west London wins a luxury
spa break for two at the Newt
in Somerset.

COVER, 1
VERSION
REPRO OP

January 8, 2023

SUBS
ART
PRODUCTION
CLIENT

‘OUR ENGLISH
PICASSO’
WILLIAM BOYD MEETS
DAVID HOCKNEY
RANKED
25 BEST MUSIC FILMS

BLACK YELLOW MAGENTA CYAN

91CLT2327122.pgs 04.01.2023 10:58

Netflix
VERSION
REPRO OP
SUBS
ART
PRODUCTION
CLIENT

BLACK YELLOW MAGENTA CYAN

91CLT2327135.pgs 22.12.2022 15:24

CONTENTS, 1

CONTENTS 08.01.2023
4

REPRO OP

Cover story
David Hockney shows
William Boyd the unexplored
reaches of technology with
his new project

Lead review
Johanna Thomas-Corr hails
a debut novel destined to be
one of the year’s finest

History
Were pirates the first
Enlightenment thinkers?

Television
No detective show is as nimbly
written and gripping as Happy
Valley, writes Camilla Long

PRODUCTION

Theatre
Niceness makes for ripe
comedy, says Steven Moffat

TV & RADIO

CLIENT

TV & Radio
The best guide to the
week’s programmes
Cover David Hockney inside
his new immersive work.
Photograph by Justin Sutcliffe
for Lightroom

Fiction
Bret Easton Ellis, below, is
back, with his first novel for
13 years

The Sunday Times
Bestsellers

From Amy to Amadeus, we pick the 25
best movies about music to stream now
Film, page 8
CASEY NELSON

ART

ALESSIA PIERDOMENICO/REUTERS

SUBS

Science
The remarkable powers of
our senses — and how our
brain can override them

Film
The top female conductor
Marin Alsop is outraged by
the Oscar favourite Tár’s
portrayal of her world

THINGS WE’VE
LEARNT THIS ISSUE

BOOKS

GETTY IMAGES

VERSION

ARTS

l Men perspire, women
merely glow ... we’ve heard
it all before, but male and
female sweat really is
different, at least in our
armpits. Male armpits
tend to host more
Corynebacterium bacilli,
which makes them smell
cheesier, while women
have Staphylococcus,
lending more of an oniony
note. Books, p22
l When pirates landed on
the shores of Madagascar
they didn’t just bring rum.
They influenced islanders
such that oaths came to
be sworn with blood and
gunpowder. Books, p24

Twitter
@timesculture
@TheTimesBooks
Instagram
@timesculture

8 January 2023 3

BLACK YELLOW MAGENTA CYAN

91CLT2327123.pgs 04.01.2023 12:05

COVER STORY

A BRUSH IS NOT

ENOUGH
David Hockney is our English Picasso — a painter to
rival the very greatest but quick to embrace
new technology, from the fax to the iPad.
Now, with his new installation, he’s gone
cinematic, he tells the writer William Boyd

‘T

his is what I see,” David Hockney says, sitting across the
table from me, his arms spread
out wide and an as yet unlit
cigarette held in his left hand.
“I can see you clearly, William,”
he says, staring at me. Then he wiggles
his wrists. “And I can sort of see my
hands. But how do you paint that?” He’s
talking about one of his constant artistic
obsessions: how to paint and depict the
way we actually see the world.
We are sitting across an oval table in
the living quarters of his studio complex
in Kensington, London. The room is
large and busy with clutter. A parquet
floor, and a kitchen/dining/sitting area
that is generously spacious with a minstrel’s gallery and a fair representation
of Hockney paintings on the walls. The
table is scattered with newspapers, cigarette packets, coffee cups, lighters, a
large square glass ashtray, a camera
and a propped iPad.
Hockney has always been a natty
dresser — a kind of carefully curated
ostentation is how I would describe his
style — and today is no exception. His
hair is closely cropped and he wears a
refulgent turquoise cardigan over a
white shirt with a thin, op art, blackand-white checked tie. Brown tweed
trousers and the now-fabled yellow
Crocs complete the ensemble. The unusual element in the room is a small scaffolding structure in the corner, reaching
to the ceiling, draped in black cloth, that
contains the model for his latest extraordinary venture, David Hockney: Bigger
& Closer (not smaller & further away).
Hockney is now 85 years old and has
been painting for 65 of them. His mental energies and his artistic endeavours
appear as vital as ever. Late-phase
4 8 January 2023

Hockney is as productive as at any
period in his life and this new project
has brought him from his farmhouse in
the French countryside — where he
lives — back to London to supervise the
installation of the Bigger & Closer project. He has owned the Kensington
studio since 1974 but confesses that he
has never “felt particularly at home” in
London. He preferred his lengthy
sojourns in Los Angeles and Bridlington in East Yorkshire, and Normandy,
where he lives now. He’s happy there,
he says — no distractions. Work can be
concentrated on.
And the new work is the focus of our
attention. Hockney invites me to sit in
front of the black-shrouded scaffolding
structure. It contains a dramatically
scaled-down model of a huge space in
the bowels of a building in Lewis Cubitt
Square, north of St Pancras station —
part of the exponentially spreading new
King’s Cross redevelopment area. In
front of me are three “walls”, each about
2ft x 2ft, representing the vast empty
cube in this new building. Some tiny
plastic figurines give an idea of the
human scale to the walls. The space
will become a 600-seat theatre in a few
years but, for the moment, the venue is
going to be named “Lightroom” and
David Hockney: Bigger & Closer will
open there in February.
Hockney sits down at my left shoulder and lights his cigarette. A computer
is switched on and the walls of the
model are illuminated with an animated
Hockney drawing of his Normandy
farmhouse. It’s hard to know how precisely to describe the Bigger & Closer
project. A work of art in its own right?
An installation? A journey through the
life and work of David Hockney? An

Immersed in art
David Hockney
surveys his
multimedia
installation
of The Arrival
of Spring in
Woldgate
sequence at
the Lightroom

hour-long extraordinary audiovisual
experience that will blow your mind?
Whatever the designation, the 50
minutes or so of the piece’s duration are
divided into six chapters that depict, in
gigantic moving images, certain periods
of Hockney’s life and ideas he has
focused on as an artist. It’s not the same
as watching a film on a huge cinema
screen because all three walls — and
sometimes the floor — are constantly in
animated motion or illuminated by coloured lights. It is, to use that overfamiliar word, “immersive” but, because
it’s Hockney, it’s not just your eyes and
ears that are engaged — there is a narration provided by the artist and a score
by Nico Muhly — your brain is fully
active as well.

I’m a painter. It’s what
I do. I love painting

One chapter looks at ideas of perspective, and how to depict the human field
of vision and its constantly roving focus.
Another chapter considers the art
produced during Hockney’s LA years.
“No one had ever painted Los Angeles,”
he reminds me. And no one had ever
painted swimming pools before either.
There is a whole section devoted to
his stage sets for the numerous operas
he has designed. There’s a rollercoasterfilmed interlude known as the Wagner
Drive. Hockney would take lucky guests
for a spin in his car through the semiarid San Gabriel mountains north of
Pasadena, with a blaring soundtrack of
carefully chosen extracts from Wagner
as aural accompaniment to the grim
splendour of the rock formations that
the road winds through. In a curious
way the Wagner Drive now looks like a
prototype of Bigger & Closer — your
field of vision is fully engaged on all
sides; your ears resonate to Das Rheingold, the entry of the gods into Valhalla.
Again and again one recognises the
deep-seated intellectual restlessness

JUSTIN SUTCLIFFE FOR LIGHTROOM

Mind you, Brexit has
f***ed up a lot of things

that fuels Hockney’s art. He says: “I’m
a painter. It’s what I do. I love painting.”
Of course this is true — Hockney is one
of the greatest figurative painters of our
time but, equally, he has embraced
new technology throughout his working life, from fax machines to Polaroid
cameras, from iPhones to iPads, from
the latest developments in laser printing to the monstrous cinematic pleasures of Bigger & Closer.
What stimulated Hockney about the
project was the cutting-edge advances
in projectors and how, through the
addition of computer technology, several projectors could be employed — 28
in this case — and seamlessly synchronised to create these enormous screens.
These allow pictures to be hugely
enlarged, with superb colour reproduction, and to be perfectly animated,
permitting us to see, through a form of
stop-motion progression, exactly how
Hockney makes marks on the pagescreen and creates a coloured drawing.
Even at the level of the small model,
David Hockney: Bigger & Closer is an

enthralling, mind-boggling experience.
When it’s over we break for a cup of tea
and, in my case, try to allow the seething
ferment of impressions to die down and
organise themselves. As a diversion we
talk about Hockney’s Normandy house
and the many pleasures of France,
where we both live. I ask him if Britain’s
departure from the EU has affected his
life (he moved to France post-Brexit, in
2018). He says it hasn’t as he’s now resident there. “I pay tax there. I paid it here
when I lived in Bridlington. Now I pay
it there.” He thinks for a moment and
smiles. “Mind you, Brexit has f***ed up
a lot of things,” he concedes. Then
Hockney explains, in fascinating detail,
exactly how he used to create his celebrated Polaroid-collage portraits.
Two days later I am in the Lightroom
for a technical rehearsal of Bigger &
Closer. The model was useful preparation
but the immensity of the colossal, empty,
concrete cave that is the Lightroom is
overwhelming. The walls are 11.2m
high, as high as a three-storey house.
The complete field of the projection —

three walls and the floor — amounts to
almost a square kilometre.
Eventually, when work is completed,
an audience of about 300 people will
be able to sit or stand, and survey the
enormous moving images that will surround and enfold them. Hockney is
there also, looking and listening as the
technical rehearsal proceeds.
The narration is taken from many
recorded sources over the years —
documentaries and interviews — and,
in some instances, you can hear
Hockney’s young voice counterposed

TIMES+ COMPETITION
To celebrate the opening of the
David Hockney: Bigger & Closer
exhibition, there are three five-star
London weekend breaks, each with
access to the show, plus 30 pairs of
tickets to be won. For more details
and to enter visit
mytimesplus.co.uk

with that of the older man. It’s a tribute
to his undying energies and enthusiasms, and also strangely moving — an
audible record not just of his ageing,
but also of the consistent rejuvenation
of his artistic practice, and his curiosity
about the world and the way we see
and experience it.
We sit beside each other and watch
the gigantic story of his life unfold. I
wonder how many times he has seen
these projected images — hundreds? —
but his concentration remains intense,
fully engaged, there’s not much chitchat. I ask myself if he sees Bigger &
Closer as a form of legacy, perhaps — a
way of ensuring that his art and his persona will exist and be enjoyed in a
realm beyond museums and galleries
and scholarly books of art history.
Even if you had no idea who
Hockney was, the experience of submitting yourself to this hour of phenomenal multimedia hurly-burly would
thrill and haunt you, I reckon. It could
be his ideal 21st-century monument,
enshrined in new technologies that he
could never have imagined when he
was a student at the Royal College of
Art in the early 1960s.
It’s a question I put to him, namely
that when he was an art student, the
technology available to him was pretty
much the same as that available to, say,
Gustave Courbet in the 19th century or
Henri Matisse in the early 20th: oil paint
in tubes, stretched canvas, sable-haired
brushes. Maybe a camera? Hockney
frowns. “Not many people had cameras
in those days,” he says of his art school
years. But no other artist of his generation has embraced technological
advances with the same zeal as Hockney.
And now with Bigger & Closer we have
reached a kind of apotheosis. “Imagine
what Picasso could have done with an
iPad,” he says, speculatively.
The namecheck is timely. David
Hockney is our English Picasso. Very
few serious artists are polymaths — or
intellectuals — and Hockney is both, as
well as a great painter. His gifts are not
in question. He is one of the finest
draughtsmen of all time — up there
with Ingres, Schiele and Picasso — and
someone who has dedicated his working life to the rich and broad tradition
of figurative painting, and has immeasurably enhanced it.
But now, with David Hockney: Bigger
& Closer, he’s zooming off into unexplored reaches of 21st-century technology. It is stunning, overwhelming and
unique. Don’t miss it. c
David Hockney: Bigger & Closer opens
at Lightroom, London N1, in Feb
8 January 2023 5

FILM
Marin Alsop, the
most famous
female conductor
in the world,
reveals why she is
furious at Cate
Blanchett’s film
portrayal of an
abusive maestro
ALEXANDRA
COGHLAN

ydia Tár is a phenomenon. The
conductor, composer and
author is not only the first classical Egot — a rare winner of a full
set of Emmy, Grammy, Oscar
and Tony awards — but also the
first female chief conductor of the prestigious Berlin Philharmonic Orchestra.
There’s just one catch: Lydia Tár
doesn’t exist.
You could be forgiven for the confusion. In November New York magazine’s The Cut website published an
analysis of the many ways in which the
film-maker Todd Field and the marketing campaign for his new film, Tár, had
deliberately blurred the lines.
From the docudrama style of a film
that stars professional musicians and
opens with the title character in conversation with The New Yorker’s Adam
Gopnik (playing himself ), to the Wikipedia page that briefly existed for Lydia
Tár (now amalgamated with the film’s
own), the edges of this elegant piece of
fiction have been filed down until they
are almost flush with reality.
What’s the problem? None at all if
you’re keen to see classical music’s
answer to Black Swan or catch a brilliant
lead performance from Cate Blanchett.
But what about the real-life female conductors whose lives and careers are
suddenly under new scrutiny, filtered
through the lens of Blanchett’s hypnotically controlling, abusive, exploitative
narcissist of an antiheroine?
Namechecked within the first half
hour of the film is Marin Alsop — the
most famous female conductor in the
world, winner of a prestigious MacArthur award, pioneering chief conductor
of the Vienna Radio Symphony Orchestra and the first and, until recently,
only female chief conductor of a big
American orchestra. According to the
New York Times critic Zachary Woolfe,
Tár is “clearly based” partly on Alsop,
and the parallels are certainly striking.
6 8 January 2023

‘I’M OFFENDED
AS A WOMAN,
AS A CONDUCTOR,
AS A LESBIAN’
Blurred lines Cate Blanchett in Tár.
Below: Marin Alsop conducting the
Los Angeles Philharmonic

So many aspects of Tár
seem to align with my
own personal life

Both New Yorker Alsop and Tár are
trailblazing American conductors,
protégées of the composer and conductor Leonard Bernstein, whose influence
as mentor and musician Alsop frequently
cites. Both are lesbians married to
orchestral musicians with whom they
share a child; both teach at big American
conservatoires and run a similarly
named fellowship for young female
conductors. Oh, and in 2021 The Conductor — a documentary about Alsop — did
the US festival circuit. And yet Alsop has
had no involvement with Tár at all.
“I first read about it in late August
and I was shocked that that was
the first I was hearing of it,” Alsop tells
me over Zoom from Baltimore, where
she has been teaching at Johns Hopkins’
Peabody Institute. “So many superficial aspects of Tár seemed to align
with my own personal life. But
once I saw it I was no
longer concerned, I
was offended: I was
offended as a woman,

I was offended as a conductor, I was
offended as a lesbian.”
She describes the film’s games with
“pseudo-reality” as “interesting and
also slightly dangerous because people
may get confused about what’s real and
what’s not”. Her primary concern isn’t
her own reputation, but something
much broader.
Tár plays into what Alsop calls
“maestro mythology” — the image of
the classical conductor as untouchable
genius, above reproach and the rules.
Tár is a narcissist, seen — in a scene that
has already gone viral — bullying and
humiliating a male music student for
questioning musical orthodoxy; manipulating audition outcomes to promote
a pretty young cellist; and abusing her
power and sexuality to control her vulnerable assistant. The difference from
the usual set-up is that Tár is a woman.
“To have an opportunity to portray
a woman in that role and to make her an
abuser — for me that was heartbreaking.
I think all women and all feminists

FLORIAN HOFFMEISTER/FOCUS FEATURES. INSET: KEN HIVELY/GETTY IMAGES

should be bothered by that kind of depiction because it’s not really about women
conductors, is it? It’s about women as
leaders in our society. People ask, ‘Can
we trust them? Can they function in that
role?’ It’s the same questions whether
it’s about a CEO or an NBA coach or the
head of a police department.
“There are so many men — actual,
documented men — this film could
have been based on but, instead, it puts
a woman in the role but gives her all
the attributes of those men. That feels
antiwoman. To assume that women
will either behave identically to men or
become hysterical, crazy, insane is to
perpetuate something we’ve already
seen on film so many times before.”
No wonder Alsop is angry. The details
of the film’s world — orchestras treated
as personal fiefdoms by autocratic
maestros, sexual power games and
abuse, conservatoire pedagogy shaped
by ego rather than empathy — are
recognisable and real, as classical music
struggles to follow through on the early

To portray a woman in
that role and make her
an abuser — for me that
was heartbreaking
promises of #MeToo. But Tár’s own
supremacy is a fiction.
Women, Alsop tells us in The Conductor — Bernadette Wegenstein’s documentary about her — are more likely
to lead a G7 country or become fourstar generals in the US army than they
are to be principal conductor of a big
orchestra. When Alsop was appointed
as musical director of the Baltimore
Symphony Orchestra in 2007 (a
process that came with a fight that
reeked of misogyny), she was the only
woman in such a position in the US. Fifteen years later, there’s still just one

(Nathalie Stutzmann in Atlanta); no
woman has had charge of one of the
country’s “big five” orchestras.
In Europe — particularly Scandinavia
— things are better, but parity is still a
distant dream; since 2006 the number
of female chief conductors internationally has risen by just 1 per cent. “Do you
think I’m crazy if I say, well, at least it’s
going in the right direction? That’s
pretty sad, isn’t it? But it’s what society
does to us. People say, ‘It’s better and
you should be happy with that.’”
In 2002 Alsop set up a fellowship for
female conductors (originally the Taki
Concordia fellowship, now the Taki
Alsop). “I was one of the first, so I have
a responsibility to advocate and create
opportunities for the 10th, the 100th.
My original motivation was probably to
try and equalise the playing field a little
bit. But it has become much more about
being a resource for each other, a community. Having people you can be in a
WhatsApp group with and ask, ‘Hey,
have you ever done this piece and did
you struggle with this?’ is huge. Conducting is a metaphor for existing in the
world, for connecting things.” Alumnae
(including Caroline Kuan, Valentina
Peleggi and Mei-Ann Chen) are now
working with big ensembles internationally — it’s a network of support and
influence that is growing year on year.
In Tár we see Lydia dismiss the idea
of all-female fellowships as arcane, irrelevant in the brave new world of equality.
Does Alsop ever feel — hope, even — that
her scheme will become obsolete?
“Is that a question you’d ask if we were
men? I’m just curious. It’s like asking,
‘Do you really want this great thing?’ If
the question is whether I believe there
will be a time when there are no barriers for women, so they won’t need these
opportunities, then, no, I think opportunities will always need to be created.
But those can and should evolve.
“I’m an eternal optimist, otherwise I
couldn’t have stayed in this field. But
I’m also a realist. I’ve seen progress and
then regression many, many times. I’m
hopeful that the progress we’ve made
now is substantive and quantitative
enough that it can’t be reversed, because
I think there are those who would like
to reverse it. We see that around the
world as women’s rights are stomped
on, as women are abused and kept in
their place. The overturning of Roe v
Wade in the US is a huge warning about
the future. So I’m both a realist and an
optimist, and I say, let’s link arms and
just keep on walking.” c
Tár is in cinemas from Friday

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TIMES+ MEMBERS CAN ENJOY
TWO-FOR-ONE CINEMA TICKETS
AT EVERYMAN EACH WEDNESDAY
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CLASSICAL GIGS TO BOOK
Nash Ensemble
The Nash perform
Beethoven’s Septet
in E flat, Brahms’s First
Piano Quartet and
Johann Strauss II’s Emperor Waltz
arranged by Schoenberg.
Wigmore Hall, London W1, Sat
Víkingur Olafsson
Schumann’s Piano
Concerto in A minor is
part of the Icelandic
pianist’s programme
with the Royal Liverpool
Philharmonic Orchestra, led by
Domingo Hindoyan.
Philharmonic Hall, Liverpool, Sat
City of Birmingham
Symphony Orchestra
The Latvian violinist
Baiba Skride performs
Tchaikovsky’s Violin
Concerto in D major in a programme
that includes Crimson, the Canadian
composer Samy Moussa’s 2015
work for large orchestra.
Symphony Hall, Birmingham, Jan 19
Tosca
Opera North revives
its acclaimed 2018
production with a run
that takes in Leeds,
Salford, Nottingham, Newcastle and
Hull. Magdalena Molendowska and
Giselle Allen, above, take the title role.
Jan 21-Apr 1
Tan Dun
The Chinese-born,
Oscar-winning
composer of the
soundtrack for
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
conducts the LPO in the UK premiere
of his 2018 work Buddha Passion.
Festival Hall, London SE1, Jan 22
Bournemouth
Symphony Orchestra
Mark Wigglesworth
conducts Bruckner’s
Seventh Symphony and
Elgar’s beloved Cello Concerto with
the soloist Laura van der Heijden.
Lighthouse, Poole, Jan 25
The Rhinegold
Richard Jones’s ENO
Ring cycle began in
2021, not with the
first part but with The
Valkyrie. Now we have the chance
to see how he approaches the
opening section, which features
John Relyea, above, as Wotan.
Coliseum, London WC2, Feb 18-Mar 10
Dan Cairns
8 January 2023 7

MOVIES

25 BEST
EST MUSIC FILMS
From This Is Spinal Tap’s savage
satire to the tragedy of Joy Division,
and Beyoncé at her most brilliant —
here’s our pick of the greats

t’s a golden age for films about
music — at the box office and at the
Oscars. Every year conjures up a
must-see movie that reveals the
drama of lives led in sound, such as
Baz Luhrmann’s Elvis and Todd
Field’s forthcoming Tár, telling the
story of a fictional female conductor.
Both will dominate awards season.
So how did we draw up our list of
musical greats that you can stream now?
The selection process was stringent.
No Singin’ in the Rain? That’s because
Rocketman (2019,
Amazon) Taron
Egerton shines as Elton John

Rude Boy (1980,
Amazon) Fascinating
look at when the Clash put rock
at the forefront of activism

Elvis (2022, Amazon)
Baz Luhrmann found
his perfect subject in the King

Whitney (2018, Amazon)
Startling, heartbreaking,
with impressive unseen material

Testimony (1988, YouTube)
Magnificent drama about the
controversial life of Shostakovich

Searching for Sugar Man
(2012, Now) Oscar-winning
documentary about the search for
missing musician Sixto Rodriguez
Sound of Metal (2019,
Amazon) Riz Ahmed as a
drummer who loses his hearing

19
18

20,000 Days on Earth
(2014, Amazon) An arch
look at 24 hours as Nick Cave

Miss Americana
(2020, Netflix) A rare
glimpse into Taylor Swift’s life

8 Mile (2002, Netflix)
Eminem brings blood,
sweat and tears to a tale of
a white rapper in Detroit

8 8 January 2023

AMADEUS 1984
MILOS FORMAN (APPLE TV)

Peter Shaffer’s
stage portrayal of
Mozart as a slapstick,
scatalogical vulgarian
ruffled feathers that
Forman’s film, with a
pouting and preening
Tom Hulce in the title
role, failed to smooth.
But his focus on the
supremacy of Mozart’s
gift, and the utter
inadequacy of Salieri’s,
pays off. Crucially it
lets the music —
sublime, miraculous,
ethereal — sing.

it’s a musical about the movies, rather
than about music. Our list focuses on
the films that tell the stories of the
people who make up the world’s most
fascinating industry.
There’s plenty of
sex and drugs, of
course, and a lot of
rock’n’roll. What these
films illuminate, though,
is the troubled genius of so many great
musicians, their lives off stage and the
weird world of their entourages.

GIMME SHELTER 1970
ALBERT & DAVID MAYSLES

(YOUTUBE)

Even if you know how this film
ends, the darkness that
descends as the Stones finish their
1969 US tour with a concert at
Altamont still comes as a shock.
The brutality of the Hell’s Angels,
entrusted with security, culminates
in murder; two years on from the
Summer of Love, the 1960s dream
dies at a racetrack in California.
Equally dark, for different reasons
(and, because of legal squabbles,
almost impossible to see), is
Cocksucker Blues, Robert Frank’s
documentary about the infamously
debauched 1972 tour.

INSIDE LLEWYN DAVIS 2013
JOEL & ETHAN COEN (APPLE TV)

This look at gifted
musicians who
don't make it gives us
the Coen brothers at
their most poignant.
Oscar Isaac plays
a grieving singersongwriter struggling
to make an impression
on the American folk
scene of the early
1960s, before a certain
Bob Dylan changes
everything for him.
A perfect companion
piece to the Dylan doc
Don’t Look Back (1967).

LA VIE EN ROSE 2007
OLIVIER DAHAN (DISNEY+)

Marion Cotillard nabbed
an Oscar for her careerdefining role as the sublime,
tragic French singer Édith Piaf,
a woman whose world-weary,
time-stopping voice betrayed
a complex existence lived in
brothels and on morphine and
alcohol. Piaf died when she
was 47 years old, but by the
end of this engrossing film,
when a pained Cotillard sings
Non, je ne regrette rien,
viewers will feel like they have
sat through a life that was an
awful lot longer.

CRACKED ACTOR 1975
ALAN YENTOB (YOUTUBE)

Yentob’s 1975 time capsule,
filmed during David Bowie’s
Diamond Dogs tour, is a very
different beast to Brett Morgen’s 2022
documentary, Moonage Daydream.
It captures the singer as he begins
his descent into full-scale addiction,
which would culminate in the
emaciated Thin White Duke briefly
embracing fascism and living on a
diet of peppers, milk and cocaine.

ALMOST FAMOUS 2000
CAMERON CROWE (APPLE TV)

A love letter to
American rock
and the publications
that covered it in the
early 1970s, this follows
a young wannabe
writer (Patrick Fugit) on
his journey across the
country with a breaking
band called Stillwater.
The scene where Elton
John’s Tiny Dancer
brings the fractious
bandmates back
together is typical of
the warm glow that
suffuses the film.

TO WATCH NOW
CONTROL 2007
ANTON CORBIJN (NOW)

HOMECOMING 2019
BEYONCÉ, ED BURKE (NETFLIX)

SUMMER OF SOUL 2021
AHMIR THOMPSON (DISNEY+)

A STAR IS BORN 1937, 1954,
1976 AND 2018 VARIOUS

Corbijn's depiction of
Joy Division and the
death of the singer Ian
Curtis at 23 works so
well because the
director is plugged
in to his subject. He
photographed the band,
and his knowledge of
their music and mood
seeps in to each scene.
Every image could be
hung on the wall. It is
haunting. The drummer,
Stephen Morris, has said
he still finds it hard to
watch — especially the end.

Only the Beyoncé
machine could pull
this off: a two-hour
recording of her 2018
Coachella gig that
translates into an
equally good
documentary.
Packed with power,
politics and hits,
plus snippets of
backstage footage,
it’s a blazing
reminder of her
star power and an
intimate look at the
person behind it.

(AMAZON, APPLE TV, IPLAYER)

WALK THE LINE 2005
JAMES MANGOLD (DISNEY+)

WHIPLASH 2014
DAMIEN CHAZELLE (NETFLIX)

This labour of love from the Roots
drummer Ahmir “Questlove”
Thompson interweaves electrifying
footage of the 1969 Harlem Cultural
Festival — at which Gladys Knight &
the Pips, Nina Simone and Stevie
Wonder performed — with recent
interviews to create a documentary
of raw political power.

Hollywood’s rush of
jukebox musicals
first found its rhythm
with Mangold’s electric,
evocative telling of
Johnny Cash’s troubled
life. This is the blueprint
for such films, flashing
back from the tough
country star’s live show
at Folsom Prison,
California, in 1968 to
his boyhood picking
cotton in Arkansas.
Joaquin Phoenix gives
an all-in performance
— and sings the songs.

THE BEATLES: GET BACK
2022 PETER JACKSON (DISNEY+)

Eight hours of noodling, chat,
cups of tea and toast in the
company of genius, Jackson’s
documentary about the album Let It
Be is more experience than film.
We see Paul McCartney write
the titular song in minutes, and
a stoned John Lennon rambling
about staging. It ends with their final
public gig on the Savile Row rooftop
— until you decide to watch it again.

AMY 2015
ASIF KAPADIA (APPLE TV)

A fascinating account of a
prodigious talent and life
cut short. Kapadia’s documentary
tells the story of the rise and
devastating fall of the singer (who
died aged 27 in 2011) through
footage from video cameras,
mobile phones and TV shows, and
the voices of the important figures
in her life. Her father, Mitch, hated
the result, claiming he was
portrayed as a pushy, greedy dad.
Still, no one is watching it for him,
and the opening footage of a
14-year-old Winehouse singing
Happy Birthday is heartbreaking.
Worthy of its Oscar.

Every generation
has its version of
this story of gallantry,
romance and creative
role reversal. First we
had Janet Gaynor, then
Judy Garland, 1970s
rock with Barbra
Streisand and, in 2018,
Lady Gaga opposite
Bradley Cooper’s
alcoholic singer who
wets himself on stage.
The most entertaining?
Garland’s and Gaga’s.

This started life as an indie short
before it was transformed into a
feature-length cult classic, launching
Chazelle's career. Miles Teller is
dripping in sweat as a 19-year-old
drumming student earning his
stripes at a competitive jazz school,
while JK Simmons steals the show
as his sadistic teacher. Intense, raw
and energetic — it’s astounding.

THIS IS SPINAL TAP 1984 ROB REINER (CREATIVE VEINZ/ROKU, IPLAYER FROM JAN 14)

Not a word is wasted in this exquisitely savage satire on the pomposity,
opportunism and delusions of rock musicians. Reiner follows
David St Hubbins, Nigel Tufnel and Derek Smalls as the fictional British
prog-metal band undertake a disastrous tour of America to promote their
album Smell the Glove. Quotable lines and unforgettable characters and
scenes abound: “It’s such a fine line between stupid and, uh . . . clever”;
the replica Stonehenge; the deaths of several drummers; the dim but
vulpine Yoko Ono figure, Jeanine. The affection the writers have for their
hapless protagonists shines through; this is a note-perfect lampooning
of a world not known for its ability to laugh at itself. Tap offers a brutally
accurate take on the inherent absurdity of the music business.

Reviews by Dan Cairns, Jonathan Dean and Jake Helm
8 Ja nuary 2023 9

SUBS
ART
PRODUCTION

snap judgments the moment we meet
people and we need Aunt Bessie in
Idaho to get who the person is within
five seconds of seeing them on screen.”
Pulver is on her sofa in a fluffy pink
jumper, speaking over Zoom from a
Hollywood Hills house. She is here to
talk about Maternal, an ITV medical
drama that follows three female doctors returning to the NHS front line
after maternity leave. It’s funny and
hopeful but also bleak.
For anyone who has wondered how new mothers
juggle childcare and sleep
deprivation with unforgiving rotas and life-ordeath decision-making,
Maternal has uncomfortable answers.
Pulver plays Catherine, an ambitious

FRANCESCA
ANGELINI

CLIENT

ight days after Lara Pulver gave
birth, Marvel called. “They
were gung-ho, offering a massive role,” the actress recalls.
Filming would begin in three
weeks and Pulver, despite having just had a caesarean section, was
up for it. “In that postnatal oxytocin
moment I thought, ‘Oh, my body’s
producing milk, it’s making my baby
grow. I can do anything!’”
In the end her husband, the actor
Raza Jaffrey, stepped in. “He said, ‘I’ll
support you through anything, but
you’re loving being an earth mother.
Do you really want to try to strap yourself into a Marvel superhero suit?’ ”
This feels very Pulver. Everything
about the 42-year-old is can-do and
determined, right down to the cheekbones. Ten years on she is probably
still most recognised for her turn as
Irene Adler, the fabulous dominatrix
who seduced Benedict Cumberbatch’s
Sherlock Holmes in a nude scene that
remains etched into the nation’s psyche. Most recently she was on screen in
the BBC’s The Split, playing the
irritatingly poised psychologist who
persuades Stephen Mangan to leave his
not very faithful wife.
Strong women are Pulver’s calling
card. “I’m never cast as the girl next
door. It’s the bone structure that I’ve
been blessed with. There is nothing
soft, or fluffy, or Reese Witherspoony
about me. Does that mean I can’t play
that? No, of course not. But we make

WATCH WITH MOTHER
Motherland
The comedy-drama series that turns
the school run into a battleground,
starring Anna Maxwell Martin and
Diane Morgan. iPlayer, Netflix
I Am Ruth
Kate Winslet plays Ruth, a loving
and concerned mother, opposite
her own 22-year-old daughter in
Dominic Savage’s bleak tale about
children and the internet. All4
Better Things
Pamela Adlon’s hilarious sitcom
about a single mum and Hollywood
actress struggling to juggle a career
and motherhood. Disney+

On call Lara
Pulver is in the
new ITV series
Maternal, above

ITV

REPRO OP

Motherhood and movies aren’t easy to juggle, says the actress and mum-of-two Lara Pulver

JOSEPH SINCLAIR

VERSION

WHY I‘M QUITTING HOLLYWOOD

I’m never
going to be
cast as the
girl next
door. It’s the
bone structure

surgeon and single mother. Of all the
roles she has played, this is the one Pulver aligns with the most. “Catherine
can go toe-to-toe with anyone, male or
female. She’s also direct and blunt, like
me. If any of my friends want the truth,
they come to me.”
The world of surgery is intense, with
egos spinning out of control, as Pulver
found when she shadowed surgeons to
prepare for the role. A recent inquiry
led by Helena Kennedy KC found that
only one in eight consultant surgeons
is a woman; sexism and prejudice are
still rife. Much of which makes it into
Maternal. The idea that to be a good
doctor and a good mother should not
feel in opposition to each other is key.
Pulver drew on personal experiences for the show, she says, recalling
how when her eldest child, Ozias (now
five), was 14 weeks old she flew with
him to Manchester to film The City
and the City, an adaptation of China
Miéville’s novel. The production team
kitted her out with a blacked-out trailer
she nicknamed “the pimp wagon” so
she could breastfeed him on set. If filming continued late, a driver shuttled
Ozias and his milk to her mother’s.
Pulver and Jaffrey had a second child,
a daughter, two years ago and it has
made Pulver pickier. If a role feels too
grim she’ll turn it down. “I can’t carry
that energy for nine, ten weeks, because
children are like sponges,” she says.
While she chose to stay at home
more often, Jaffrey, best known for acting in the American series Homeland,
took on the lion’s share of acting work.
But it didn’t prove an easy fix. “I was
sitting on the floor doing the ninth puzzle of the day, just going, ‘Someone,
someone please just poke me in the
eye.’ I wasn’t getting fulfilled.”
Pulver and Jaffrey met ten years
ago in Los Angeles. Maternal is the
first time they have acted together.
Let’s just say things get pretty steamy
between the two of them. How did
that work out? “Raza is bloody good
at his job and he is very, erm, very
attractive to look at,” she says.
Now she and Jaffrey have big decisions to make. Ozias will start school
soon, which will make it impossible
to uproot the family for shoots. The
answer, Pulver thinks, is to move
back to Britain. “LA is such a transitory place. It makes sense for us —
given work and family and parents
getting older — to move back.” Plus,
she has a seven-year itch to return to
the stage. Our gain, America’s loss. c
Maternal is on ITV from Jan 16, then
available on ITVX

10 8 January 2023

BLACK YELLOW MAGENTA CYAN

91CLT2327127.pgs 04.01.2023 11:07

LARAPULVER, 1

INTERVIEW

20th Century Fox Film Company

VERSION
REPRO OP
SUBS
ART
PRODUCTION
CLIENT

BLACK YELLOW MAGENTA CYAN

91CLT2327101.pgs 21.12.2022 12:47

TELEVISION

What a remarkable,
gripping show this is
Happy Valley is written so nimbly you never know whether
you’re watching True Detective or Coronation Street

Happy Valley BBC1, Sun
Silent Witness BBC1, Mon
Stonehouse ITV, Mon-Wed
The first week of the year is
the worst week of the year, so
what do television people fill
it with? Dead bodies. Silent
Witness had one splattered
down the side of a skyscraper.
Happy Valley gave us a
long-dead corpse, buried in
concrete, in a barrel, in a
half-drained reservoir.
In any other show finding
out who killed this poor
beggar, as Happy Valley’s
Sergeant Cawood might call
him, would take up three
quarters of the plot. You’d
have at least half an episode
of tortured detective work,
with flunkies screaming, as
they did in Silent Witness:
“They’re hacking us — the
’Ndrangheta.”
I just laughed.
Not so in Happy Valley.
What a gripping show this
is. Cawood, for example,
immediately knows who her
body is; she wearily gives his
name to the “twat” senior
policemen who turn up and
sneer at how she does her job.
“I’d recognise those teeth
anywhere. I once nicked him
for a public order offence and
he bit me,” she says, as they
dismiss her. It’s not about the
body, it’s all about her.
If you look across all three
series of this wonderful,
simmering drama — it’s back
for its third and final outing
after seven years — you will
see the same thing: that the
hills and rivers of this
gorgeous part of Yorkshire,
always beautiful even in
standard weather (pissy
drizzle), are literally stuffed
12 8 January 2023

of extraordinary scars
on his forehead and a
distractingly bright
prison jumpsuit —
I’m sure I saw
something like
that last season
at Balenciaga.
There’s a vague
feeling this menacing psycho
may be linked to the body in
the barrel — Cawood isn’t the
only one to whom all crime
leads back. But there’s more:
who is the pharmacist who’s
providing the teacher’s wife
with pills, Dopesick-style? I say
the plot isn’t important, but
when you tear it apart it’s a
Russian doll of small,
interlocking stories. It’s a
cracking start.
Silent Witness, by
contrast, couldn’t be less
like Happy Valley. It’s filled
with cardboard characters,
leaden dialogue and
storylines that could simply
never happen. What has
befallen this once fine show?
It’s the anti-Happy Valley:
farcical, unreal, hammy.
Don’t ask me what this
week’s show was actually
about — like every other
series you just have to go with
the flow. You have to accept
that the first corpse — in this
case the banker who fell down
the skyscraper — will always
be connected in some
baroque and ludicrous
manner to the second.
I always watch it in sheer
wild amusement.
This week Nikki found
herself dissecting three
pigs on a farm to retrieve
information about the show’s
second corpse, an undercover
copper who’d been fed alive
to a bunch of sows by the
mafia. And who’s helping
Nikki dig through the pig poo?
The show’s new character,
a forensic expert who’s a
Hasidic Jew. Hmm.
I can see what the makers
of the show wanted to do with
this: introduce an exciting
new minority. But it does

THE
CRITICS

MATT SQUIRE & ALEX TELFER/BBC

CAMILLA
LONG

with bodies waiting to
play second fiddle
to this funny and
complex woman.
Why is it so
brilliant? Well, no
other detective
series would get their
lead character to
unearth a grisly corpse in
one scene and have her
telling her mates how yoga is
“dangerous” because of the
“farting” the next. No actress
other than Sarah Lancashire
would be able to flip from a
moment of high comedy —
yoga produces “enough
methane to melt a polar ice
cap”, she breezes, like a
drink-sodden old stand-up —
to dealing with sudden,
gasp-worthy violence and
make both utterly believable.
No detective show I can think
of is written so nimbly that
you never know whether
you’re watching True Detective
or Corrie.
It is, of course, a gamble to
make your audience invest far
more in your main character
than any of the plot. If I were
being rude, I’d wonder how it
is, for example, that so many
crimes lead back to Cawood
— isn’t it convenient that the
hot new local abuser, seen, in
one shocking scene, beating
up his pill-addicted wife, also
happens to be her grandson’s
football coach?
But perhaps that is its
strength: you believe
everyone knows everyone in
this part of the world, which
makes everything feel
painfully intimate, along with
the soft, All Creatures Great
and Small turns of phrase they
use: “I think that games
teacher’s a funny beggar.”
Cawood is both victim and
victor, a canny, beady, dry,
maddening old battleaxe
who spends most of her time
locked in an eternal battle
with the evil Tommy Lee
Royce. Royce is back with
yet another haircut — like a
footballer — as well as a pair

Connected Sarah Lancashire,
James Norton and Rhys
Connah in Happy Valley

Sarah
Lancashire
flips from
high comedy
to sudden
violence

slightly matter how you do it.
You need to assign him more
of a character than simply
being a Jew who doesn’t mind
truffling through pig poo. But
barely a scene goes by without
Velvy having to talk about or
explain his religion.
Raking up every splat of
the banker, he is doing this
because of the “sanctity of the
body”, Jack sighs. On visiting
the farm, he coos: “I’ve never
been this far out of London.
Where are we?”
However much he talks
about it, though, the less
you feel you know. I don’t
mind a cheesy detective

| RADIO & PODCASTS

Beating midlife blues
The actor Damian Lewis turns to jazz to chase heartache away

PATRICIA
NICOL
“Actor, dad, redhead and
ping-pong champion” is how
Damian Lewis bills himself on
social media. Now he can add
jazz presenter to the list. On
New Year’s Day the star of
ITVX’s A Spy Among Friends
hosted his own show, a
mellow two hours of blues,
jazz and soul on Jazz FM.
Lewis is a consummate
leading man. In the past two
decades he has treated
television viewers to complex,
riveting performances in
Band of Brothers, The Forsyte
Saga, Homeland and, most
memorably, in Wolf Hall,
where he gave us a highenergy Henry VIII, bouncing
between alpha psychopath
and needy man-child. On
Damian Lewis the supple
actor seemed to slip
seamlessly into the smooth,
somewhat self-regarding
character of a jazz presenter.
Had he been studying John
Thomson’s Jazz Club sketches
on The Fast Show? Lewis’s
introductory patter was
intimate, resonant, but
with bluesy breaks and
emphasis. “I’m going to be
sharing some of my music
with you on this first day
of 2023 . . . It’s got some
blues and some
heartache, sure,” he
said of a playlist that
included Erykah
Badu, Frank
Sinatra, Dr John
and Artie Shaw.
“This is a time
to reflect; a time
to remember
those we love. But
it’s also a time of hope
and a time of renewal.
And that puts a spring
in my step, so we’re going
to get down with some
tracks to bump and
grind to. And there’s no
better track to start that
with than Funkadelic,”
he said, playing their
Can You Get to That,
followed by J J Cale’s
Call the Doctor. A cover

of the latter, it was revealed,
will be on his debut album,
due this summer.
Lewis’s late jazz flowering
is also a return to his roots.
He learnt classical guitar at
school and busked around
Europe in his early twenties.
In October he admitted to
The Guardian that recording
a debut album at 51 might be
“a mini midlife crisis, but
it’s not a full-blown midlife
crisis”. The latter would be
understandable: he lost his
wife, the brilliant actress
Helen McCrory, to cancer
two years ago.
Clearly Lewis is immersed
in this music. Tracks by Miles
Davis and the Dave Brubeck
Quartet were introduced as
part of the background noise
of his childhood home. This
was an abundantly enjoyable
listen, the playlist beautifully
judged. I hope Jazz FM invites
him back.
There can be a shrilly
puritanical tone to January
programming geared to
making (and almost
inevitably) breaking lofty
resolutions. I appreciated
The Food Programme (BBC
Easy does it
Damian Lewis at
the Wilderness
Festival last year

JIM DYSON/GETTY IMAGES

series, but couldn’t they have
tried harder?
On ITV there was
Stonehouse: an upbeat
three-parter about the MP who
faked his own death. I must
admit I’d never heard of John
Stonehouse before watching
this show: but he’s the one
who left his clothes in a pile
on a beach in Miami in 1974.
He vanished into the sea,
before turning up in Australia
five weeks later; he’d assumed
a new life under a name he
stole from one of his dead
constituents. In scandal terms
it can probably be filed under
the bizarre and unpleasantly

selfish, rather than the evil,
corrupt or murderous. The
show itself feels intensely
optimistic and winsome, with
its jaunty music, almost like
an Ealing comedy.
It’s written by John Preston,
who specialises in big political
chancers. His book on Robert
Maxwell was sensational, as
was the drama based on his
book about Jeremy Thorpe,
A Very British Scandal. He has
tried to drag Stonehouse up to
their level by reimagining the
Labour MP as a grasping,
bumbling comedy Tory who
ran away because of his debts.
We watch him start spying for
Czechoslovakia to bankroll
his children’s school fees and
the gopping mini stately he
bought in the country.
I’m not sure if that’s who
John Stonehouse really was,
though: the son of a dock
worker and a scullery maid,
who rose to become a minister
in Harold Wilson’s cabinet,
he doesn’t strike me as the
thick, entitled prep school
type. But then accuracy
isn’t one of the show’s top
priorities — he didn’t, for
example, actually shag a
Czech honey trap or die in
a television studio.
Maybe Matthew
Macfadyen, who plays him,
decided it would simply be
easier to chomp down on
a huge set of horselike
prosthetics and play the
whole thing for laughs.
And, well, it is funny: there
is a great scene in which he
offers up some pointless
information on a petrol station
on the A38 to his horrified
handler (“you are the worst
spy I have ever come across”).
His affair with his secretary
feels like something you’d read
in a Jeffrey Archer: he hires her
despite the fact she can’t do
shorthand or, for that matter,
answer the telephone. I
laughed watching Stonehouse
choff down tiny glasses of
sherry or trying to appease
his exasperated wife, played
by Macfadyen’s own other
half, Keeley Hawes.
When she confronts him
about his mad adventure, he
invents some extraordinary
(but sadly familiar) blether
about how he has simply
changed identity, so everyone
should believe it: “The old
John Stonehouse had to die.”
This show is light and
clever and beautifully made,
but I’m not sure we found out
who that was. c

Radio 4, Sun; Sounds) for an
entertaining episode titled
Hangovers: A Guide to the
Morning After. The fun
presenter, the brewer Jaega
Wise, covered chemistry and
sought remedies without
wagging fingers.
On the Zoe Science &
Nutrition podcast episode
How to Make New Year’s
Resolutions Stick, the doctor
and neuroscientist Tara Swart
was less jolly about boozing.
After her fellow guest, the
nutritional scientist Sarah
Berry, mentioned the
potential benefits of small
amounts of red wine, Swart
asserted: “To be clear, alcohol
is a neurotoxin, so it is bad for
you.” You could get healthy
polyphenols from red grape
juice instead.
Both experts evangelised
about adopting simple
“micro-habits” for new year
rather than overambitious
reinventions: for example,
getting to bed 15 minutes
earlier or adding healthy food
to your diet. This is, of course,
the entire shtick of the
galvanising Just One Thing
— with Michael Mosley
(Radio 4, Wed; Sounds),
which returned with a tip for
swapping out sugar.
If you are dreaming big for
2023, then Michelle Obama’s
The Light
We Carry,
abridged as
Book of the
Week (Radio 4,
Mon-Fri; Sounds)
and read by the former
first lady, succeeded in
being grounded and
empowering. I was
particularly struck by episode
two, Decoding Fear, in which
she spoke of her high anxiety
when Barack first said he
wanted to run for president.
“Saying no would be a relief . . .
there would be no changes
at all . . . It’s strange to think I
could have altered the course
of history with my fear . . . And
it astonishes me now to think
of all the opportunities I
would have missed out on.”
We probably have much to
fear in 2023 — but the idea that
we should not be held back
by fear itself seems a strong
start-of-year message. c
8 January 2023 13

FILM
Colman is a female
King Lear in Sam
Mendes’s loving
and moving
portayal of life in
a vintage cinema
beset by tensions

TOM
SHONE
Empire of Light
Sam Mendes, 15, 115min
HHHH
The Pale Blue Eye
Scott Cooper, 15, 128min
HH
Do you remember when
Odeon started advertising
with the slogan “We love
cinema”? You would think it
went without saying from a
cinema chain, of course. Now
movie directors are getting in
on the act, first Kenneth
Branagh with Belfast, now
Sam Mendes with Empire
of Light and soon Steven
Spielberg’s The Fabelmans,
all tumbling over themselves
to explain how the magic of
24-frames-per-second first
propelled their creators
towards film-making. Cinemas
are so crammed with love
letters to cinema these days,
it’s a wonder the projectionists
aren’t French kissing each
other in the back rows.
Mendes’s Empire of Light,
which he wrote and directed,
is far less about films than it
is about a particular cinema:
a glorious two-screen art-deco
movie palace that overlooks
the beach at Margate, with a
gorgeous red-velvet interior
and pigeons roosting in its
uppermost floors.
The cinematographer Roger
Deakins photographs it as if it
were the tsar’s winter palace
painted by Edward Hopper. A
fine dust of melancholy coats
the routines of the lonely duty
manager Hilary Small (Olivia
Colman), who dutifully downs
her lithium every morning,
struggles to find a dance
partner during her ballroom
dance class and lays out a
Christmas cracker for herself
at dinner.
Moreover, she is
occasionally obliged to give
14 8 January 2023

Olivia’s madness is movie
hand jobs to her
married boss, played
by Colin Firth,
who engages in
strenuous battle to
convince us he is
a creepy old man,
but can’t quite hide
his bespoke air of
self-deprecating chivalry.
One day the cinema takes
on a new hire: an usher
named Stephen (Michael

Ward), a handsome
young black man
who listens to ska,
dreams of studying
architecture and
whose first act is to
rescue and nurse
back to health one of
the pigeons nesting in the
cinema’s roof. Hilary is relieved
to find out his mum is a nurse
— “I was beginning to think
you were Jesus,” she says — but

the air of saintliness lingers, as
it did over Daryl McCormack’s
dreamy male prostitute in
Good Luck to You, Leo Grande.
Ward gives a serene
performance, whether
explaining racism to Hilary
(“It’s everywhere, isn’t it?”) or
lending a much-needed touch
of romance to her downtrodden existence, but you
never fully buy into their
relationship because you

pictured), a 14-year-old black
Chicagoan who was murdered
in Mississippi in 1955 — a crime
that became a rallying point
for the civil rights movement.
Its script doesn’t escape the
stiffness common in history
lessons, but Deadwyler’s
immersion in Mamie’s agony
is utterly convincing.

quite a grouch in this
would-be heartwarmer
about a suicidal widower
slowly persuaded to
re-embrace life. But even in
the Swedish original, 2015’s
A Man Called Ove, the old
guy’s inner niceness is clear
from the start. With Hanks as
its star, Marc Forster’s safe
Hollywood remake is all the
more predictable.

THE
CRITICS

ALSO RELEASED
Till
In cinemas
12A, 130min HHH
Danielle Deadwyler,
previously a supporting
player, becomes a star
with her performance
in this dramatisation
by Chinonye
Chukwu. She plays
Mamie Till-Mobley, the
mother of Emmett
Till (Jalyn Hall,

A Man Called Otto
In cinemas
15, 126min HH
By his standards,
Tom Hanks is

Edward Porter
HHHHH KO HHHH A-OK
HHH OK HH So-so H No-no

never fully buy into him. For
a single-parent kid who has
just been rejected from
university and is having an
affair with a woman old
enough to be his mother,
Stephen is a remarkably
cloudless creation, untroubled
by volatility or need.
He expresses a little anger,
but not too much, and
responds to being beaten up
by racist thugs with a “that’s
life” shrug in a hospital bed.
Empire of Light takes a
while to find its real subject —
and it’s not the movies, or
British race relations circa
1981 — but mental illness.
Once there, the writing
burrows deep and is met
with a ferociously affecting
performance by Colman, who
is superb at summoning the
wells of pain beneath
painfully polite, slightly
shut-down women.
That suggests a
psychological miniaturist at
work, but there’s something
more stentorian and
commandingly dark, too,
which we first saw in The

magic
Wells of pain Olivia Colman
as Hilary Small in Empire of
Light. Below, Christian Bale
in The Pale Blue Eye
Favourite and see again in the
later scenes of Empire of Light,
which are among the most
moving Mendes has shot.
“You think I’m insane but
I’m not, I’m perfectly sane,”
Hilary says with a laugh, after
directing a monumental
flood of bile at her father and
her doctors who have tried
to put her away over
the years, and such
is the clarity of
Colman’s
performance in
that moment
that you
completely
believe her.
She sounds
resoundingly
sane, a female
King Lear, and
can only laugh
to herself that
no one will
believe her.
We do,

though. That’s the magic of
the movies.
Is there a less chummy
actor now working than
Christian Bale? He’s good
at haunted loners such as
Batman or the obsessive,
driven magician of The
Prestige, and won an Oscar for
his cadaverous addict brother
in The Fighter, but all his best
work points to a solitary
streak as deep as the Grand
Canyon. He’s the last person
you’d cast in a buddy movie.
As the widowed New York
detective Augustus Landor in
Scott Cooper’s The Pale Blue
Eye, Bale sports a thick beard,
flecked with grey, and greets
everyone he meets with the
same glower of suspicion.
Asked to investigate the
death of a cadet at West
Point military academy, he
grudgingly enlists the help
of a young cadet, Edgar Allen
Poe (Harry Melling), who
tells him: “The man you’re
looking for is a poet.” This is
surely a stroke of luck. Of all
the people to help him to
crack the case, he gets the
American grandfather of the
detective story itself.
If you’re looking for
something of the warm
companionship of Watson
and Holmes, however, look
elsewhere. The mood
between Bale and his
pale-faced literary companion
seems as frosty as the wintry
weather in this adaptation of
Louis Bayard’s 2003 novel,
which on screen at least goes
big on atmospherics — frost,
snow, blue light, icy breath
— but light on actual detective
work and plot.
We get a post-mortem
examination, a fragment of a
letter, mention of
witchcraft, grief
for Bale’s dead
wife and Poe’s
dead mother, and
then, at the halfway
mark, a second body,
by which time Bale’s
employer, played by
Timothy Spall, has
begun to lose
patience. “Are we
any closer to
finding who is
responsible for
this than we were
two months ago?
Have you found a
single clue that
might be of use?”
Sadly, the answer
would appear to
be no. c
8 January 2023 15

| MUSIC

POP & ROCK

Still got a lust for life
No going
gently for
Mr Pop. On
his 19th studio
album, the
75-year-old punk veteran
displays a vigour that puts
the wannabes to shame.
A collaboration with the
producer and songwriter
Andrew Watt (Pearl Jam,
Justin Bieber, Miley Cyrus,
Elton John et al), Every Loser
hares out of the traps
with the feral Frenzy
and the pace barely
slackens; only the
elegiac Morning
Show and New
Atlantis, an
ambivalent love

letter to Iggy’s adopted
home city, Miami, take their
foot off the accelerator.
He strikes a poignant note
on the sardonic Comments,
a song whose textures and
beat recall Bowie’s version
of the co-written China Girl.
For much of the album you
can almost see Iggy’s lips
curling in contempt and
disgust. The polemical
All the Way Down and the
frenetic Neo Punk aim
blistering broadsides at
modern-day mores, venality
and vacuity. The album
ends with the pottymouthed The Regency,
whose dreamy
intro proves
an entirely
inaccurate guide
to what follows.
Dan Cairns

Gabrielle Aplin
Phosphorescent HHHH
Never Fade

Billy Nomates
Cacti HHHH
Invada

The more distance Aplin has
put between herself and the
music business, the richer
her work has become.
Phosphorescent is a world
away from John Lewis ads
and the pinched politesse of
her major-label debut. Her
soaring vocal on Skylight is
the sound of an artist basking
in creative freedom. DC

Bristol-based Tor Maries’s
second album confirms the
promise of her self-titled
2020 debut. Investigating
dysfunction, depression and
self-sufficiency with fearless
candour, Maries veers
between post-punk, electropop and folk, owning each
soundscape with uniformly
gripping results. DC

Iggy Pop
Every Loser HHHH
Gold Tooth/Atlantic

ALBUM
OF THE
WEEK

CLASSICAL
Poulenc
La voix humaine;
Sinfonietta HHHH
Véronique Gens (soprano),
Orchestre National de Lille,
cond Alexandre Bloch
Alpha Classics
How strange
that Véronique
Gens hasn’t
recorded La
voix humaine
before, given how ideally
suited her dramatic
expressiveness and variety
of tone are to this incredibly
demanding role. Poulenc’s
1958 setting of Cocteau’s play
from 1928 displays a deeply
16 8 January 2023

empathetic understanding
of text and emotion, as the
protagonist, Elle, in a
succession of telephone
conversations with her
straying lover, veers between
euphoria and suicidal
despair, denial and
confrontation. Elle’s is the
sole voice and must bear
the weight of the work
alone; this Gens does
with utter conviction and
persuasiveness. Hers is one
of the great performances,
with Bloch and the Lille
orchestra offering crucial
support. Their reading of the
Sinfonietta (1948) is a lovely
bonus. DC

rammy-garlanded pop singers,
Oscar-scooping film stars and
Olivier award-winning thesps
can have an ambivalence
about success that surprises
us mere mortals. But the
American record producer Rick Rubin’s
response when the rap-rock trio Beastie
Boys’ debut album, Licensed to Ill,
which he co-produced, topped the US
charts in 1986 takes some beating. “I
remember one of the people we worked
with called me,” Rubin, 59, recalls, “and
said, ‘You have the No 1 album in the
country, how does that feel?’ And I said,
‘I’ve never been more unhappy in
my life.’”
Licensed to Ill went on to sell more
than ten million copies in the US, a
remarkable baptism for Rubin, who, in
the decades since, has also produced or
co-produced multimillion-selling monsters by Public Enemy, Slayer, Red Hot
Chili Peppers, the Cult, System of a
Down, Shakira, Johnny Cash, Tom Petty,
Jay-Z, Adele and more.
In person the Long Islander calls to
mind both Karl Marx and Michael Palin’s
Boring Prophet in Life of Brian, his
extravagant beard and guru hair giving
him the air of a swami. Bach tinkles in
the background in the vast west
London drawing room we sit down in.
It’s hard to square the man before me
with the young tyro who, while still at
university in New York, co-founded the
trailblazing hip-hop label Def Jam and
set the charts on fire. That was then,
Rubin says. He has mellowed now.
“I have a family and a great life outside of just the art. Earlier in life it was
only the art. I can remember working
with an artist and Christmas came and
I couldn’t understand why they didn’t
work on Christmas. Like, ‘We have work
to do. It’s just another day!’ I literally
worked seven days a week for years,
never had a vacation, and didn’t want
one. I didn’t think in those terms; my
dream was to make things. For probably
the first 20 years of my career I had no
experiences other than being in a room
without windows, making music.”
One anecdote in particular illustrates just how full-on Rubin’s working
practices once were, to the exclusion of
everything else. “When we were recording Jay-Z’s 99 Problems at the studio in
my Hollywood home, upstairs in the
house there was an event for Tibet
hosted by Mike D of Beastie Boys. The
Dalai Lama may well have been up
there. It’s long enough ago now that I
can’t remember the details. Johnny Cash
may have been staying in the house as
well. It’s all a bit of a blur. My focus was
on what was happening in the moment
in the studio.”
Rubin is in London to prepare for the
publication of his first book, The Creative
Act: A Way of Being. It’s not a spill-all
memoir by any measure, rather a meditative and absorbing mix of how-to
guide and note-to-self. There are chapters — among them Seeds, Breaking the

WHY
I SAID
NO TO
ADELE

From Johnny Cash to Jay-Z,
every musician wants to work
with the producer Rick Rubin.
He tells Dan Cairns why music
matters more than egos

DAVID LIVINGSTON/GETTY IMAGES

ON RECORD

JAMES DEVANEY/GETTY IMAGES

Sameness and Surrounding the Lightning Bolt — about collaboration, unlocking the creative process and staying
true to the idea that, as Rubin puts it,
“the art comes first”.
Among many things Rubin is famous
for saying no to Adele. He had worked
with the singer at his Shangri-la studio in
Malibu on her 33 million-selling second
album, 21, and was invited to listen to
the work in progress on the follow-up.
Not liking what he heard, he told Adele
that the songs didn’t sound authentic
and advised her to start again. Which
she duly did. Speaking about the
encounter after the successful release
of 25, however, she admitted she had
been deeply shocked by Rubin’s verdict
at the time. “When he said it, I couldn’t
work out if I was, like, devastated,

On the record Rick Rubin, top left,
advised Adele, above, to start again
on her third studio album, 25
going to cry my eyes out,” she recalled.
“And then I just said, ‘I don’t really
believe myself right now, so I’m not
surprised you f***ing said that.’”
Rubin defends this approach robustly
— both with Adele and other artists he
has worked with. “The role [of a producer] is to keep the trains running and

He told Adele the songs
didn’t sound authentic
and to start again

I’m not that. The normal thing in this
job is to make sure everything’s crossed
off and turned in on time, but it’s the
furthest from what we do. My interest is
only in making the best thing we can
possibly make. Even for the people who
care about the dates and get mad when
the dates are missed, if it’s the best that
it can be, it will serve everyone, it’ll be
better for the label, the management, for
everyone, even though they may not see
it that way.”
Rubin spoke movingly about his
struggles with depression when he
appeared on Desert Island Discs in October. One of his song choices was the
Beatles’ Across the Universe, which contains John Lennon’s iconic line “Nothing’s going to change my world”. What
do you think of when you hear that,
Rubin asks me. I tell him that to me it
means Lennon has his core and that
nothing — Beatlemania, tensions in the
band, the vilification he and Yoko
received — can threaten that. It’s telling,
and a little heartbreaking, that Rubin
detects something quite different. His
comment tracks back to his reaction to
Beastie Boys’ success.
“When I hear that I hear it as a tragic
line. What it makes me feel is: nothing’s
going to make it better. That’s my experience of life. Now I’m fine, I’m good,
but my default setting is moody.
“I still don’t really know how to
negotiate life. The creative situation is
my place of comfort, and anxiety. I don’t
know where real life begins and ends.
But the fact that I can acknowledge that
we don’t know what’s going on makes
me closer, I think, to working it out than
someone who goes, ‘It’s all spelt out.’”
Rubin spent five years as co-president
of Columbia Records between 2007
and 2011, with mixed results. The experience confirmed his feelings about art
v commerce, and he retreated from the
shark-infested waters of the music business back to Shangri-la and his work as,
he says, an enabler rather than a cajoler.
He is one of the most successful producers of all time; whether he feels successful, whether the acclaim grants him
peace, is another matter.
The Creative Act, full of advice and
aphorisms, when others in Rubin’s position might simply have name-dropped
and basked in self-glory, is, he says,
realising it, he admits, for the first time
as we talk, “in some ways written to
myself. I have said that I wish I’d had this
book when I was young, but now I’m
realising that’s really who it’s written
for. I can read it in proof now and be like,
‘Yes, that’s how it is,’ but sometimes I’m
like, ‘Wow, I didn’t know I knew that.’”
Rubin isn’t referring to his uncertainty about whether the Dalai Lama
once called round — but he might
as well be. Rooms without windows are
a sanctuary, yes. But they can also be
a trap. c

The Creative Act: A Way of Being is
published by Canongate on Jan 17

RICK RUBIN’S TOP
PRODUCTIONS
Run-DMC
Raising Hell (1986)
The first hip-hop
album to go multiplatinum, the Queens
trio’s third album heralded an
extraordinary run of hits for Rubin,
spearheaded by the band’s
collaboration with Aerosmith on
Walk This Way.
Beastie Boys
Licensed to Ill (1986)
One of the fastestselling albums in
history in America, the
Beasties’ game-changing debut
remains a Rubin masterclass in
tearing up the rule book and letting
anarchy and alchemy run riot.
Red Hot Chili Peppers
Blood Sugar Sex
Magik (1991)
Their breakthrough
album, the
Californians’ first hook-up with the
producer yielded the monster hits
Under the Bridge and Give It Away,
and notched up sales of more than
seven million in the US alone.
Johnny Cash
American
Recordings (1994)
The first of a six-album
series that would
revive Cash’s becalmed career,
American Recordings, just guitar
and that indelible singing voice,
is a beautifully curated showcase
of covers and specially written
new songs.
Adele 21 (2011)
One of seven
producers on Adele’s
record-breaking
second album, Rubin
saw several of his cuts rejected
for the final tracklisting. Still, with
a credit on four out of the 11 tracks
on an album that has sold more than
33 million copies, who’s quibbling?
Kanye West
Yeezus (2013)
Yeezus’s tortured
and tortuous
gestation and
endless re-edits led to Rubin being
called in at the 11th hour as
executive producer, going without
sleep at his Shangri-la recording
studio as West took the sessions
down to the wire for his last
indisputably great — if prophetically
contentious — release. DC
8 January 2023 17

REPRO OP
SUBS

The British sort of nice
is very funny, writes
Steven Moffat. But
what happens when
we take it too far?

ART

PRODUCTION
CLIENT

few years ago, my wife murdered some Germans. In her
defence it was a fairly small
number of Germans — seven
or eight at worst — and if I’m
honest I’m not absolutely sure
any of them are dead. But if they are, it’s
pretty certain that their last collective
thought was: “What a nice woman.”
We were lost in Venice, you see. Now
Venice is fairly small, so it’s pretty hard
to get lost in really. On the other hand
it’s quite twisty-turny, so it can be confusing, and a lot of the streets are positively waterlogged, which makes it hazardous too.
Anyway, there we were, debating
about how to get to lunch, when I saw a
group of Germans arguing over a map.
“They’ve got a map!” I pointed out,
astutely. Sue immediately hurried over
to the Germans, while I hung back. I
should add, at this point, that I’m not
absolutely sure they were German at all
— I just invented that for the purposes of
this article — but now I’m worried you’ll
all think I’m inflicting a national stereotype on an innocent bunch of tourists
who happened to be goose-stepping.
Anyway, there was Sue gesticulating
away, and pointing to the map, and a
moment later the Possibly Not Germans
appeared to be thanking her and moving
on with cheery waves.
“What was that about?” I asked Sue.
“They were lost,” she replied.
“And?”
“And I helped them.”
“How could you help them? We’re
also lost! How can you help lost people
when you’re in the middle of being lost
yourself? Dear God, this isn’t Chiswick,
you know, it’s Venice — there are canals!”
“But they asked,” she protested. “I
was being nice.”
Ah, nice, there you have it. There’s
the problem. There’s the sad story
behind those tourists now at the bottom
of a Venetian canal. Niceness.
A friend of mine recently wondered
if the middle classes were now the butt
of all of the best jokes and I’m not absolutely sure that’s right. I think it transcends class — I think it’s just being nice.
Niceness is funny. Not kindness, you
understand. Not virtue. Just niceness.
If you want to reduce it at all, you might

MANUEL HARLAN, ROGER ASKEW/SHUTTERSTOCK

VERSION

THE LAST ACCEPTABLE JOKE

Holiday to die for Above: Frances
Barber plays Elsa, who insists on
coming to stay, in The Unfriend.
Below: the writer Steven Moffat

Hooray for being the
butt of the joke. It just
means more laughter,
right?

COMEDIES COMING SOON
Lemons Lemons Lemons Lemons
Lemons Harold Pinter Theatre,
London SW1, Jan 18-Mar 18
Aidan Turner and Jenna Coleman
step up for Sam Steiner’s rom-com,
set in a world where the
government sets a limit on daily
speech at 140 words a person.
Noises Off Phoenix Theatre,
London WC2, Jan 19-Mar 11
Michael Frayn’s meta-farce returns
for a 40th anniversary run, with
Felicity Kendal and Matthew Kelly.
The Lavender Hill Mob
Chichester, Tue-Sat, then touring
This new adaptation of the classic
Ealing comedy about a bank clerk
trying to organise a gold bullion
robbery continues its tour.

want to say it’s being British. It’s possible
that being the British sort of nice is the
last acceptably funny thing in the world.
Another friend confided a problem
to me recently. He had just learnt that a
holiday acquaintance of his was, in
fact, a multiple murderer who was only
still at liberty on a legal technicality.
Matters had come to a head because
said acquaintance had just announced
she was coming to stay for a few days.
In my friend’s house. With his children.
“How do I bring it up?” he moaned.
“How can I raise the subject without
hurting her feelings?”
Well, how indeed? What do you say?
Do you greet her at the door with a
stern injunction? “Just so you know, we
really draw the line at any murdering in
our spare room.” Do you clap her on
the shoulder, in a matey sort of way, and
remark, “I say, I hope you’re not planning to murder our kids, we’ve put a lot
of work into them”? However you put
it, it’s a tiny bit hurtful, isn’t it? Critical,
even. (And if you’re inclined to wonder
how you hurt the feelings of someone
who has successfully throttled a family
member to death as they thrashed and
pleaded, I can only assume you’re not
from round these parts.)
Sadly, I can’t tell you how it all
worked out. The story was told to me in
confidence and I’ve probably crossed a
line by mentioning it here at all, however vaguely. But if you’d like to know
more, I’ve written a play about it that is
about to open at the Criterion Theatre
in London. Please don’t tell my friend,
because I forgot to change his name.
Here’s the thing, though. If a fumbling, bumbling niceness is our comedy
characteristic, is that really so bad? I
mean, you don’t invade a neighbouring
country if you’re worried about causing
offence, do you? You don’t hang dissidents protesting for basic human rights
if you’re worried about hurting anyone’s
feelings. We weren’t always this way,
it’s true, but I think we are now.
So hooray for being the butt of the
joke. It just means more laughter, right?
Rattle your teacups with pride, shuffle
your feet and blush, avert your bashful
gazes. This niceness, this endless apology, this England.
PS. I’m Scottish, so I shouldn’t really
say “this England”, it just ran better.
Sorry Scotland.
PPS. And Wales and Ireland.
PPPS. And everyone else. Sorry,
sorry. c
Steven Moffat is the writer of BBC’s
Sherlock. The Unfriend, his first play,
is at the Criterion Theatre, London W1,
Jan 15-Apr 16

18 8 January 2023

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91CLT2327138.pgs 04.01.2023 11:33

MOFFAT, 1

THEATRE

Classified fullpage block

VERSION
REPRO OP
SUBS
ART
PRODUCTION
CLIENT

BLACK YELLOW MAGENTA CYAN

91CLT2327104.pgs 03.01.2023 16:34

The psycho
is back

Heavy
thinkers

Bret Easton Ellis
returns with his first
novel in 13 years —
about a serial killer

Forget Descartes
— could pirates
have kicked off the
Enlightenment?

Twitter @TheTimesBooks l Instagram @thetimesbooks l Facebook Times First Edition

Forbidden love in
Victorian Britain
FICTION
Johanna
Thomas-Corr
The New Life
by Tom Crewe
Chatto & Windus £16.99 pp384
The New Life, destined to be
one of the most talked-about
debuts of 2023, is a book
about a book — a book that was
banned for being obscene.
In 1897 two British
academics, John Addington
Symonds and Havelock Ellis,
published a medical textbook
called Sexual Inversion. Their
aim was to present gay men
(“inverts”) as healthy,
well-adjusted individuals.
Inside there were interviews
with anonymous men who,
with staggering candour,
described favourite positions,
sexual kinks and gleeful
erotic encounters.
This was Victorian
England, and Symonds and
20 8 January 2023

Ellis faced scandal in the
wake of Oscar Wilde’s
imprisonment for “gross
indecency”. But Sexual
Inversion planted the seeds for
the movement that would
ultimately decriminalise and
destigmatise homosexuality.
Symonds and Ellis’s work
is the inspiration for an
enthralling new book by
Tom Crewe, an editor at the
London Review of Books. By
now you may have realised
that it is not a historical study
but a meticulously researched
literary novel, one that reads
a little like a Victorian take on
Alan Hollinghurst’s The Line
of Beauty crossed with EM
Forster’s Maurice.
It is filled with explicit
descriptions of Victorians
thinking and dreaming about
sex, beginning with a sweaty
erotic encounter on a packed
Tube carriage at rush hour,
when a stranger unbuttons
the trousers of one of the
protagonists and reaches in.
It leaves him in “the grip

of this terrible excitement”.
But it’s not just about
tweedy fumbling.
What makes the novel so
poignant is the way Crewe
captures the idealism of his
characters and their belief
that history will bend in their
direction. He follows them as
they realise that bravery is not
always enough to bring about
change. It may be January, but
I’m confident I have read one
of the most beautifully
crafted, lavishly imagined
novels of 2023.
Opening in London in 1894,
and lightly re-engineering
real-life events, The New Life
explores the collaboration
between the authors of Sexual
Inversion, here called John
Addington, 49, a wealthy,
married writer, and Henry
Ellis, 30, a doctor and essayist,
who has an academic interest
in sex but remains a virgin.
John and his wife,
Catherine, have three adult
daughters, but in recent years
he has grown tired of hiding

ALAMY

An engrossing debut about sex, marriage and free speech,
based on historical accounts, captures the spirit of EM Forster

his attraction to men: “He
yearned, wanted, itched.”
After falling for Frank, a
handsome, working-class
printer in his late twenties,
whom he first spies swimming
naked in the Serpentine lake
in London, John recklessly
brings him to live in his
Paddington townhouse.
Henry, meanwhile, who is
shy and straight, has married
Edith, a bisexual writer,
whom he has met through

The Society of the New Life,
which advocates living plainly
and without hypocrisy. They
spurn social conventions,
maintaining separate flats and
never consummating their
marriage. They see it more as
a meeting of minds, and when
it becomes clear that Edith
has fallen for a hot-headed
woman called Angelica, she is
brought into their intellectual
partnership. Both women
have the spirit of Forster

Daring duo
Young men in the
late 1800s capture
their affection for
one another

Bravery
is not
always
enough
to bring
change
heroines — “how interesting
life is!” Edith declares — and
agree with Henry that “the
sex instinct might be a great
engine for happiness, if only
it could be liberated from
shame”. But Henry is also
filled with shame about his
own “sexual peculiarity”:
whenever he sees or hears
a woman urinating he
becomes aroused.
When John writes to Henry
to suggest they co-author a

book about sexual freedom,
grounded in Greek
philosophy, the men set about
gathering testimonials and
honing their arguments.
However, as they prepare to
publish, Wilde is arrested and
accused of sodomy, and the
outrage around the trial,
whipped up by the Victorian
press, dispels any dreams that
a “new life” is imminent. In
the cold light of persecution
Henry realises he is less

comfortable among free
speech advocates than
he is among men of science.
John, high on his new-found
sexual freedom, advances.
In an afterword Crewe —
who has a PhD in 19th-century
British history — admits to
taking “ruthless” liberties
with real-life events in service
of the story he wanted to tell.
Symonds and Ellis never
actually met face to face, and
Symonds actually died before
the Wilde trial. Some may
feel, given these reworkings,
that the novel is not as
dramatic as it could be.
However, to my mind,
Crewe’s ability to animate his
characters’ emotional lives is
far more impressive — and
transporting — than any
contrived jeopardy.
One chapter in particular
underlines that skill. When
John’s youngest daughter first
meets his lover Frank, we are
braced for awkwardness and
conflict. Instead the whole
family get caught up in a
Victorian parlour game. As
a forfeit for losing, Frank has
to stand on his head, his
body resembling “an
exclamation mark in the
room” and “his trouser legs
slipping to show his socks, his
laces drooping like tiny
nooses”. In a matter of a few
pages Crewe delights,
disorientates and disturbs.
The protagonists’ sexless
unions are almost mirror
images of each other: John is
a gay man with a straight wife;
Henry is a straight man with a
gay wife. Both marriages end
up rather crowded. But Henry
and Edith’s radical honesty
ultimately fortifies them. In
one passage, which reminded
me of Hollinghurst’s beautiful
poised sentences, Crewe
explains their shared vision:
“Marriage would be a brand,
but also an atmosphere, a
mesh of fine feeling, strung
beneath and between them
— an invisible support,
bearing them up, but also a
sieve, separating and shaking
out the worst aspects of self.”
It is a pleasure to discover
a young novelist with such
a wise sensibility — and also,
one who can construct such
convincing characters. Like
the cast of Hilary Mantel’s
historical fiction, Crewe’s men
and women suffer from bad
hair days and make clumsy
remarks when drunk. They
trip over on the pavement
and get semen on their shirts.
They feel fresh and alive.
The whole book is a reminder,
to paraphrase Edith, of just
how interesting life is. c

Hey, big
spender!
A feminist survival guide to personal
finance from the millennial money guru

MONEY
Rebecca Myers
Financial Feminist
by Tori Dunlap
DeyStrBks £18.99 pp320
This book is not going to
bring about the end of the
patriarchy. It does not
magically solve the “global
inequality also capitalism
sucks crisis”. And you are
not automatically a financial
feminist just because you
read it. Tori Dunlap, TikTok’s
US-based millennial money
guru, tells you this herself,
openly and regularly, in her
guide to “overcoming the
patriarchy’s bullshit to master
your money and build a life
you love”. She may want to
tear down the whole system,
but she is realistic and she
encourages her readers to be
so too. This book is a “survival
guide”, she explains, for
women to navigate their
personal finances.
Dunlap will teach you how,
and she is well placed to do
so: she saved $100,000 by her
25th birthday, blogged about
the process, gained millions
of social media followers,
founded her company, Her
First $100k, and became a
personal finance expert.
The central premise of
what she has christened
“financial feminism” is to gain
financial independence, then
use your power and money to
help others and make the
world a better place. “When
you have all you need, build
a longer table, not a higher
fence.” Financial Feminist
could easily tip over into
dreaded #GirlBoss
territory, but it never
does: Dunlap is not
patronising. She
is satisfyingly
angry, ranting about
a woman’s right to buy
a handbag.
This isn’t trivial. Some of
the best insights in the book
are Dunlap’s takedowns of

existing personal finance
advice directed at women.
Her research shows that while
men get advice on the ten best
stocks to invest in, women are
offered ten dinners you can
make for less than a fiver. “We
went to the mall too frequently
and our purses and lattes and
manicures were the reason
we weren’t building wealth,”
she deadpans.
Everyone, by definition,
is a spender, Dunlap argues,
and most of the money you
are saving is going to be spent
(eg on a holiday, a house or
retirement). “Spender” is a
gendered term: “Women
spending money is an easy
punchline and I hate it.”
It’s a small point but it hits
home. This is one of Dunlap’s
greatest strengths: her ability
to write frankly about the
complex — and often painful
— emotions everyone has
about money, without
shaming the reader.
After each chapter, there is
“homework”, ranging from
keeping a spending diary
(“breakfast, Marks and
Spencer, £5.20. Baffled emoji.
How did it come to a fiver?!”)
to writing down concrete
goals for saving.
I wish someone had
bought me this book when I
graduated, before my first pay
rise negotiation and when I
wasn’t sure what the point
of my pension was. I will keep
doing the “homework” and,
hopefully, by the end of the
year I will have more in my
savings account than I
thought I would — although
sadly not Dunlap’s very
impressive $100k. c

We are all spenders The
money guru Tori Dunlap
8 January 2023 21

BOOKS

mischievously, “I love Jane
Austen because I never read
her but I’m glad she exists.”
Calvino’s intellect is also
naturally inclusive. A piece
begins, “No matter how little
reading we’ve done in
ethnology, we’ve learned
that . . .” and those who have
done no reading in ethnology
whatsoever (myself included),
nod along regardless. Seven
pages later you will emerge
entertained and clutching
new knowledge about the
history of cannibalism.
The collection includes
150 pages of book reviews. In a
1980 letter Calvino complained
that although he considered
reviewing a vocation, it was
also “the most timeconsuming and least useful
activity I could be doing”.
Like many fiction writers, by
necessity or self-sabotaging
design, he spent a lot of time
not writing fiction. The
situation was exacerbated by
his determination to produce
books unlike any others.
Yet for all their postmodern
trickery (the stories in The
Castle of Crossed Destinies
are constructed from
combinations of tarot cards;
the opening pages of If on a
Winter’s Night address you,
the purchaser of “Italo

Calvino’s new novel, If on a
Winter’s Night a Traveller”),
the routes to these new
territories were plotted
using old maps. Calvino might
have been influenced by the
French avant-garde Oulipo
movement, but the recipe
for his work also includes
ingredients taken from Dante,
Rabelais, Poe, Stevenson,
Wells and more. “The not
new in the new”, he calls it
in If on a Winter’s Night.
Calvino isn’t only alive
to literature’s intellectual
content. He considers the
practicalities of reading too.
In one piece he describes the
agony of planning holiday
reading: “It’s the eve of
departure. He’s chosen so
many books he’d need a trunk
to transport them.” Yet when
the holiday has ended his
reader “puts the untouched
books back in the suitcase”.
Bookworms will relate.
Perhaps Calvino’s most
admirable quality is that,
rather than a dogmatist who
chose subjects that suit his
views, he was an explorer
whose views formed amid the
stories he encountered, which
became tributaries feeding his
writing. Several of the pieces
here are on scientific subjects,
which became the basis for
the short stories known as the
Cosmicomics. Everything he
read and wrote represented
stages on a journey towards
an uncertain destination. As
he puts it in the collection’s
title essay: “I believe that we
always write about something
we don’t know: we write to
make it possible for the
unwritten world to express
itself through us.” c

Voyager Italo Calvino casts
out into the unknown

The novelist Chris Power
presents Radio 4’s Open Book

Time spent with
a great mind
An insightful anthology by the Italian
writer beloved by Salman Rushdie

ESSAYS
Chris Power

“There is no literature less
well known than Italian,” Italo
Calvino tells us in this essay
collection, and he has a point.
Before Elena Ferrante,
Calvino, alongside Umberto
Eco, was the most famous
modern Italian writer in the
Anglosphere. He is best
known for Invisible Cities, in
which Marco Polo describes a
series of extraordinary cities
to Kublai Khan, and If on a
Winter’s Night a Traveller, an
ingenious novel comprising
the openings of ten books by
very different authors, and a
reader’s desperate attempts to
finish them.
Salman Rushdie adores
his work, Susanna Clarke’s
Piranesi bears the marks of his
influence, and David Mitchell’s
Cloud Atlas wouldn’t exist
without If on a Winter’s Night.
Yet most of the pieces in The
Written World and the
Unwritten World, dating from
1952 to Calvino’s unexpected
death in 1985, are only now
making their appearance in
English (in translations by
Ann Goldstein). Why such
a delay? It certainly isn’t a
matter of quality control:
reading this book is time spent
with a first-rate mind. Whether
discussing translation, the
trial of Galileo, fantasy
literature or the evolution of
the brain, Calvino writes with
glimmering insight and wit.
Calvino once said of his
fiction, “I cross out more than
I write,” and in these essays,
too, his instinct is for the
incisive point over generalities
and waffle. Listing favourite
authors he explains, “I love
Chesterton because he
wanted to be the Catholic
Voltaire and I wanted to be the
communist Chesterton,” and,
22 8 January 2023

GIANNI GIANSANTI/GETTY IMAGES

The Written World and the
Unwritten World
by Italo Calvino
Penguin Classics £10.99 pp384

SCIENCE
James McConnachie
Sensational
A New Story of Our Senses
by Ashley Ward
Profile £20 pp320
While reading Ashley Ward’s
infectiously enthusiastic
survey of the human senses
(no, we don’t have five, it’s
more like 50) I have found
myself stroking frozen coins,
listening for my heartbeat,
squinting at the stars and
taking out a compass to check
the orientation of my dog
while he was doing a poo.
The last experiment was
furtively performed, in my
case, but the fact behind it
is worth shouting from the
rooftops. It seems that dogs
like to line up in a north-south
direction when they defecate.
And no one knows why.
You might wonder what
a fact like that is doing in a
book about the human senses.
It is partly because Ward
specialises in animal
behaviour — he is a biology
professor at the University
of Sydney. It is also because
science is discovering lots of
animal-rivalling senses we
never knew we had.
These include an
awareness of your own
beating heart (in about a third
of people, anyway) and an
ability (maybe) to sense
magnetic fields. At least when
some people are subjected to
a strong field, and its polarity
is flipped, their brains
measurably react.
What no human can do,
alas, is use this sense like a
migrating bird, or a defecating
dog. In other ways, though,
we match up to animals
surprisingly well. Tested on
smelling 15 chemicals, for
instance, human noses come
out as more sensitive than
dogs’ on five of them. We
can differentiate between
something like a trillion
different smells, in fact, which
compares very well to the
ten million colours we can
distinguish and the thousandodd tones we can hear.
We imagine that our senses
are dominated by vision and
hearing, but close observation
tells a different story. We
unconsciously smell our
hands after shaking hands
with somebody else and
spend a quarter of our waking

Makin
The mystery of human
Window to the soul The iris
and pupil are given added
significance by Ashley Ward
hours with one hand near our
nose. In the league table of
sensitivity to smell, we are
about in “the middle of the
mammalian pack”.
To a scientist the neglect
of smell is an opportunity. It is
to medics too. In 2015 it was
discovered that a Scottish
woman had noticed when her
husband first developed
Parkinson’s. To her he had
started smelling oddly musty.
This raises the “tantalising
prospect of a new era in
medical diagnostics”.
Chemosensors are getting
ever better. Before long our
phones will be sniffing out our
wellbeing. Ward’s material on

HANS SOLCER/GETTY IMAGES

g us all see sense
senses unlocked — from seeing stars to sniffing out diseases
reflected there, in miniature.
The retina is made up of
neural tissue, meaning it is a
( just about) visible part of the
brain. When you hold a shell
to your ear what you hear is
not your blood circulating —
and certainly not the sea —
but just the ambient sounds
around you, amplified. We
know this because shells are
silent in soundproofed rooms.
Some of Ward’s material is
drawn from his lectures to
students. He is good at
explaining complex things.
Take the “Lilliputian”
bones and muscles that
enable us to hear; he
describes them as “like the
levers and cogs of some
madcap machine”. Or take
the rods and cones by which
we see: the cones handle

Dogs stand in
a north-south
direction to
defecate

ALAMY

sight and hearing is relatively
familiar. (Which is interesting
in itself.) He does satisfyingly
explain how the eye evolved,
though. He gives examples
of living animals with eyes
at every stage, from
photosensitive proteins in
plants — that’s how they make
for the light — to worm
eyespots and mantis shrimp.
The last have 16 different
colour receptors — we have
three — including ones
dedicated to ultraviolet and
polarised light. The book is
packed with irresistible
factoids of that sort.
Decibels are named after
the inventor Alexander
Graham Bell. The pupil get its
name from the Latin pupilla,
meaning “little doll” —
because we see ourselves

colour and detail, Ward
explains, while the rods
specialise in peripheral vision
and motion. This is why we
sometimes “apologise to a
postbox for walking into it”
— you’ve used your rods but
not your cones.
It’s also why the stars look
mostly white to us. The light
levels are so low that our rods
are at work when we stargaze,
not our cones. If you increase
the light levels — by using a
telescope — the cones take
over and you see the stars in
their full, splendid colours.
Ward likes to entertain,
and sometimes this drags him
off topic. I liked finding out
that nonpaternity rates — the
children whose fathers are
not who they think they are
— average at a globally fairly
consistent 3 per cent. (Not
10 per cent, as popular belief
has it.)
I enjoyed learning that
male armpits tend to host
more Corynebacterium bacilli,
which makes them smell
cheesier, while women tend
more to Staphylococcus,
lending more of an oniony
note. And I loved the story
about the Spanish
neuroscientist Santiago
Ramon y Cajal making a
homemade cannon as a
child and turning it on his
neighbour’s door. But I’m not
sure any of these facts were
quite necessary.
Those frozen coins,
though, are worth explaining.
Ward wants you to take three
fairly weighty ones and put
two in the freezer for a
quarter of an hour. Take them
out, put them in a line with
the unfrozen one in the
middle, and put a finger on
each. Your brain, summarising
the information it gets, tells
you that all three coins feel
freezing cold.
It is startling that the brain
can so easily override what the
middle finger actually feels.
But then Ward continually
stresses the distinction
between our senses, which
gather data, and our
perception, which is how we
“parse significance from the
tumult of physics that
surrounds us”. Our senses
are astounding. But it is in
the mind that the real magic
of perception happens.
Ward offers a tour de
horizon not a deep dive,
but underneath the
entertainment this is a serious
and thoughtful book. c

CHILDREN’S
BOOK OF THE WEEK
NICOLETTE JONES

The Night Animals
by Sarah Ann Juckes,
illustrated by Sharon
King-Chai
Simon & Schuster £7.99,
age 7-10
Ten-year-old Nora lives
with her mother, a skilled
paramedic whose
experiences have given
her PTSD. Sometimes Nora
has to parent herself but,
although circumstances
have made her life lonely,
she insists she is fine. She
sees rainbow-coloured
ghost animals — a fox, a
hare, a raven and an otter
— that lead her to a
heartwarming friendship
with her classmate Kwame,
to self-knowledge and to
the help that she needs.
This story is full of
compassion — for a bully,
for the stubborn, for those
who have failed each other
— demonstrated by kind
teachers, families, friends
and neighbours. It also
involves adventure of a sort
you shouldn’t try at home
and a range of characters
who Nora thinks are her
kind of weird. A hopeful,
episodic tale that builds
to a happy resolution.

WATCH OUT FOR
Two Sides
by Holly Po-Yen,
illustrated by Binny Talib
Little Tiger £5.99, age 5-7
A very pretty book,
delightfully illustrated in
colour throughout, told
from two points of view,
about the day best friends
fall out and learn to make
up by talking it through.
8 January 2023 23

BOOKS

The pirate philosophers
HISTORY
Dan Jones
Pirate Enlightenment,
or the Real Libertalia
by David Graeber
Allen Lane £18.99 pp208
In 1722 an East India Company
agent named Clement
Downing met a pirate on the
beach in Madagascar. Dressed
in rough clothes, with a pair
of pistols stuck down his
breeches, he told Downing a
hair-raising story. His name,
he said, was John Plantain,
and he was one of the island’s
pirate kings. His base was a
fortified town called Ranter
Bay (modern Rantabe), where
he and other notorious
buccaneers held sway.
Plantain was king because he
had “the most money”.
It was good to be the king.
Plantain lived in luxury

THE
SUNDAY
TIMES
BESTSELLERS
l Charlie Mackesy’s The Boy,
the Mole, the Fox and the
Horse had double success in
the week between Christmas
and the new year, with two
titles at the top of the general
hardbacks chart, prompted,
we expect, by the BBC’s
Christmas adaptation.
l And Colleen Hoover has
stormed to the top of both
fiction charts again. Her novel
It Ends With Us had a huge
revival last year: of the
891,000 paperback copies
sold since its publication in
2016, more than 700,000
were sold in 2022.
The lists are prepared by and
the data is supplied by (and
copyrighted to) Nielsen BookScan,
and are taken from the TCM for
the week ending 31/12/22.
Figures shown are sales for
the seven-day period.

24 8 January 2023

among “a great many wives
and servants, whom he kept
in great subjection, and after
the English manner called
them all Moll, Kate, Sue or
Pegg.” Local people sang
ditties about Plantain’s
military victories, most
famously over a tribal warrior
called Toakafo, “whom the
pirates called Long Dick”.
On Madagascar Downing
also met a fearsome soldier,
introduced to him as
Plantain’s top general. This
officer went by the name of
Mulatto Tom, and he was
so much feared by his
countrymen “that at the very
sight of him they would seem
to tremble”.
All of this impressed
Downing, who made notes
on everything the pirates of
Madagascar told him; in later
years he continued to keep
up with Plantain’s
adventures, which concluded
with him being run off the

island and escaping to India,
leaving behind a cache of
buried treasure.
Downing’s account, along
with a clutch of similar works
by European writers of the
time, inspired the legend of an
18th-century pirates’ paradise
on Madagascar. This was, it
was said, a place where
freebooters could get rich and
put down roots: raiding ships,
trading slaves, wearing crowns
and bedding beautiful natives.
It has also been suggested
that on Madagascar around
the turn of the 18th century
pirates founded a place called

Historians
dismiss
Libertalia as
utopian fiction

GENERAL HARDBACKS

The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and
the Horse
Charlie Mackesy
(Ebury £16.99)
An illustrated fable containing
gentle life philosophy (22,680)

Last
week

Weeks in
top 10

156

The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse: The
Animated Story/Charlie Mackesy (Ebury Press £20)
An adaptation of Mackesy’s original fable (18,940)

I’m Glad My Mom Died/Jennette McCurdy
(Simon & Schuster £20) The struggles of a former
child star and the long road to recovery (7,285)

—

Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?
Julie Smith (M Joseph £16.99) Clinical psychologist’s
advice for navigating life’s ups and downs (4,280)

Friends, Lovers and the Big Terrible Thing
Matthew Perry (Headline £25) The Friends star on
fame, fortune and his battle with addiction (4,245)

The Light We Carry/Michelle Obama
(Viking £25) The former first lady shares advice
for navigating challenging times (3,985)

Beyond the Wand/Tom Felton
(Ebury £20) Memoir by the actor who rose to fame
as Draco Malfoy in the Harry Potter films (3,565)

—

Elizabeth: An Intimate Portrait/Gyles Brandreth
(M Joseph £25) The life and character of
Britain’s longest-reigning monarch (3,495)

9
10

Libertalia: an experimental
state where the democratic
egalitarianism common
aboard pirate ships was
carried on to land. Most
historians have dismissed
Libertalia as utopian fiction.
But, the late anthropologist
David Graeber wonders,
even if Libertalia was a myth,
might there be some way in
which the Madagascan pirates
“invented” the Enlightenment,
decades before respectable
European philosophers such
as Jean-Jacques Rousseau and
Voltaire?
This is, of course, exactly
the sort of question one might
expect Graeber to ask. The
LSE-based professor, who
died in 2020, conducted
fieldwork in Madagascar
during his early career. Just
as important, he was an
anarchist and radical left-wing
activist, committed in his
writing to calling out the basic
tenets of western capitalism.

ALAMY

Could the Age of Reason have been founded on the shores of Madagascar?

Graeber’s bestselling books,
such as Debt: The First 5000
Years and Bullshit Jobs, are
chatty, punky, anti-everything
catnip for the junior common
room. Pirate Enlightenment is
no different, although, in
contrast to the sprawl of his
other works, it lasts a mere,
merciful 208 pages. And
although its conclusions are

GENERAL PAPERBACKS

Atomic Habits
James Clear
(Random House £17.99)
The minuscule changes that can
grow into life-altering outcomes
(6,285)

Last
week

Weeks
in top 10

This Much Is True/Miriam Margolyes
(J Murray £9.99) The Bafta-winning star of stage
and screen reflects on her life and career (3,560)

Taste/Stanley Tucci
(Fig Tree £9.99) A gastronomic journey through
the actor’s life in and out of the kitchen (3,220)

SAS: Rogue Heroes/Ben Macintyre
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And Away.../Bob Mortimer
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12 Rules for Life/Jordan B Peterson
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(Vermilion £10.99) How understanding personality
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129

Madly, Deeply/Alan Rickman
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148

basically fanciful, it is good
fun. It’s about pirates, after all.
The key figure in Graeber’s
revision of the pirates of
Madagascar story is the
aforementioned Mulatto Tom,
who was really a high-status
warrior called Ratsimilaho,
born to an English pirate and
a Madagascan queen. Far
from being Plantain’s general,

Enlightened Johnny Depp as
Jack Sparrow and Voltaire
he was in fact the real king,
who oversaw a tribal alliance
known as the Betsimisaraka
confederation.
So why did Plantain lie?
Mostly, Graeber argues, for
the fun of pulling his gullible
interviewer’s leg. (It’s what

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Jack Sparrow would have
done.) Yet there is more to it:
pirates in Madagascar were
also in the business of bigging
up their power to royal courts
across the world, trying to
legitimise themselves and find
partners with whom to trade
the commodities of the Indian
Ocean, including spices, ivory
and slaves.
The truth was very
different. Pirate settlements
speckled around the
northeast Madagascan coast
depended on men such as
Ratsimilaho for their survival.
Moreover, Ratsimilaho’s
confederation was founded
on principles that did not sit
well with the interests of
European kingdoms.
The Madagascans governed
through public assembly.
They rejected tyranny. As
Graeber puts it, they devised
“a way to fend off slave
traders while still maintaining
a decentralised and
participatory system of
self-governance. [It was] a
great historical achievement.”
In demonstrating how and
why this was so, Graeber picks
nimbly over unreliable pirate
memoirs written by men such
as Downing, and patches

them with his understanding
of the traditions of
Madagascans. He shows how
the pirates influenced native
rituals, so that oaths were
sworn by mixing blood with
gunpowder. He explains how
pirate marriages to local
women created a mixed-race
cultural and political caste
and drew women into politics.
What he does not show is
how any of this amounted to
a proto-Enlightenment. His
concluding chapter simply
states that there were lots of
conversations happening in
the 18th century, so
Madagascar was probably
talked about by the people
who wrote and thought the
Enlightenment into existence.
That, frankly, is not even
good enough for the junior
common room.
At one point Graeber
criticises an old pirate account
for containing “snippets of
actual stories mixed in with
the author’s own speculations
and inventions”. As his
yearning to “decolonise the
Enlightenment” rapidly
overtakes the limits of the
evidence he offers, that
could describe his own
book precisely. c

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Pandora
by Susan Stokes-Chapman
Vintage £8.99
In 1790s
London Dora
Blake lives
with her
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who sells
antiquities
of dubious
provenance. When the
delivery of a mysterious
Greek vase piques her
curiosity, she enlists the
help of aspiring antiquarian
Edward Lawrence. They are
drawn into a labyrinth of
deceit in this gripping and
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Nick Rennison

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8 January 2023 25

BOOKS

My school
for psychos
Bret Easton Ellis wallows in nostalgia, lust and obsession in his first novel in 13 years

FICTION
David Sexton
The Shards
by Bret Easton Ellis
Swift £25 pp608
Few child stars age well.
Bret Easton Ellis made his
name with Less Than Zero,
published in 1985 when he
was 21. Its great appeal was
that it seemed “as if it were
a news bulletin from the
front lines — this is what kids
are like today!”, as he

26 8 January 2023

described it in his 2019 essay
collection, White.
He became an instant
literary celebrity, moving to
New York and, with Jay
McInerney, constituting a
literary “brat pack”. It was
while living this hedonistic,
drug-fuelled lifestyle that he
began writing his third novel,
the notorious yuppie serial
killer fantasy American
Psycho, published in 1991
when he was still only 27.
He refused to acknowledge
it at the time, but has latterly
owned up to the fact that
“Patrick Bateman was me,

at least while I was working
on the book”.
The Shards is the first novel
he has published for 13 years.
It had an unusual genesis as a
serial on his subscription-only
podcast and was initially
described as a memoir rather
than fiction. Told in the first
person, it’s the story of what
happened to him, Bret, in his
final year at his Los Angeles
prep school, Buckley, in 1981
when he was 17. Specifically
it’s about what happened
between September 8 and
November 7, recalled in
microscopic detail over about
600 pages: every song heard,
all the drugs and drink
consumed, all the sex — both
performed and imagined (he
kept “a jack-off journal”, he
assures us).
As the term begins, Bret is
already working on Less Than
Zero and his year has been
“paradisiacal”. Bret is so
close to the hottest couple at
school, Susan and Thom, that
they form a glamorous trio.
And although he’s not really
attracted to girls, he also
has a sexy, rich girlfriend,
Debbie. “She pushed herself
on to me and I surprised
myself and went with it,” he
says gracelessly.
He is much more zealously
having sex with Matt Kellner,
the class stoner with a killer
body, and the school’s star
athlete, Ryan Vaughn, a
cartoon stud, although
apparently neither of them is
gay. There you go. Happy days.
But there’s a serpent in
paradise. Los Angeles at this
time is being assaulted by a

Origin story Bret Easton Ellis
in the 1982 Buckley yearbook
gruesome serial killer: the
Trawler. He tortures and
mutilates his victims and
incorporates slaughtered pets
into his grisly scenarios, this
being “a time before video
surveillance and cell phones
and DNA profiling, when
serial killers were allowed to
be cavalier and bountiful”.
And then a new boy arrives
at Buckley out of nowhere.
Robert Mallory is so stunningly
good-looking that Bret calls
him a god, lusting after him
hopelessly. But Robert lies
about his past, which includes
hospitalisation for mental
illness, he behaves oddly and
his arrival coincides with
gruesome events.
Bret stalks him, suspecting
him to be the Trawler. His
fixation ends in an explosion
of violence, for which he is at
least partly responsible. The
extreme circumstantiality of
this narrative emulates that
of protracted true crime
podcasts, yet it never
generates suspense, being
numbingly, rather than
hypnotically, repetitious.
The concept behind the
book is that a writer’s
imagination, reordering
their world, is all too

This is a cool
look back at
a hot mess

analogous to a serial killer’s
plotting of scenes, and the
novel toys with the idea that
Bret, split into “the writer”
and what he calls “the
tangible participant”, is the
sick one — even perhaps
the killer. Patrick Bateman,
c’est moi, again.
Actually, the high school
details may be factual but the
serial killer component, as
investigations by early
listeners to The Shards
confirmed, is invented. The
supposed affinity between a
writer’s plotting and a killer’s
schemes feels forced —
excessively plotted, in fact.
Much more persuasive is
the way Ellis sees sex as the
source of all despair in his life.
Bret deceives those closest
to him by pretending not to be
gay, a pretence that becomes
particularly troublesome
when he has to perform with
the ever demanding Debbie.
He manages, he tells us, by
taking care to make his
actions seem “tinged with
the requisite lust” while
fantasising in great detail
about sex with Matt and Ryan.
Ellis himself would say
he was bisexual until 2012,
inhabiting “a kind of collapsed
closet” in part because he
didn’t want to be pigeonholed
as a gay novelist. The Shards,
which he says he has tried to
write many times but, until
now, always found it too
traumatic, is a cool look back
at a hot mess: “A man who
stayed a child,” as he
acknowledges finally, because
his sexual dreams were not
able to be achieved.
The timing of the book’s
arrival means it is yet another
of the deep dives into a
personal past fostered by
lockdowns. In some ways it’s
Ellis’s definitive work: his own
origin story. But it’s oddly
uninvolving, utterly locked
into narcissism, totally
obsessed with the minutiae
of his youth.
It’s extraordinary for a man
of 58 to have written such an
epic of nostalgia, so reverently
curating a few weeks in his
final school year, four decades
ago. In Britain such arrested
development is pretty much
restricted to those at Eton,
like Cyril Connolly.
But, then, it’s one of the
perversities of American
culture in general that it
is assumed that nothing
ever matches up to those
glory days. c

BEN NEWMAN

Sex and cake
in the hospice
A brutal goodbye is tackled lovingly in
a debut with echoes of Nora Ephron

FICTION
Lucy Atkins
We All Want Impossible
Things by Catherine Newman
Doubleday £14.99 pp224
If anyone had told me before
I opened this American debut
that it revolves around the
slow death of a woman, I
would never have picked it
up. I would have missed out,
though, because We All Want
Impossible Things is, against all
odds, rather a treat.
Ash and Edi have been best
friends for decades and Edi,

mother to seven-year-old
Dash, is dying of cancer.
Since nobody wants Dash
to watch his mum die, they
decide to bring Edi from
New York to a hospice in
the Massachusetts town
where Ash lives with her
two daughters.
This is a heavily
autobiographical book
(Newman lost her lifelong
best friend to cancer) and
this agonising decision —
along with every tiny,
heart-wrenching, grimly
funny or just grim detail —
feels very real indeed.
Edi and Ash were brought
up in Manhattan, five blocks

Autobiographical Catherine
Newman examines loss
apart, and although they
settled in different places,
their closeness never
wavered. As Ash puts it:
“Edi’s memory is like the
back-up hard drive for mine.”
Hospice life is lovingly
detailed, from the old lady
who has Fiddler on the Roof
on a loud loop, to the bossy
Ukrainian nurse, the earnest
guitar player and the therapy
dog. Ash, meanwhile, just
about holds it together with
Edi, but unravels elsewhere.
She has already rashly ended
her marriage to a wonderful

man, Honey, who adores her,
and now she’s leaping into
bed with just about anyone,
including a doctor at the
hospice and her daughter’s
middle school gym teacher,
Miss Norman.
Ash’s promiscuity, like
everything in this novel, is
described with tolerant,
warm, safe humour. Newman
has been likened to the author
Nora Ephron — a comparison
that usually elicits an eye-roll
— but this time actually feels
quite reasonable.
We are in the land of the
slightly offbeat, witty,
educated American
middle-class woman here.
Dark themes — infidelity, grief,
pain and the brutality of death
— are tackled with a light
touch (after being told that
a New York hospice has a
waiting list, Ash wonders:
“Do they understand the
premise of hospice?”).
Food is another lifeaffirming theme that is similar
to Ephron: Honey is a caterer;
Ash is desperately trying to

track down an amazing Italian
lemon cake that Edi once ate;
and their daughter whips up
culinary delights. Dying Edi,
meanwhile, still eats, even
though the food passes
straight to a stomach tube,
which often malfunctions (not
hilariously). Watching her
friend vanish, Ash notes:
“We’re all just skeletons in
elaborate, fleshy waiting
rooms.”
The witnessing of death is
traumatic, unbelievable and
hideous, but it also intensifies
togetherness — those who love
Edi also love each other.
Sometimes the niceness
does pile up a bit and the
more hard-nosed British
reader will struggle at points.
But Newman made me laugh
and cry, and no writer has
done that in ages.
Ultimately, this novel is
less about death than it is
about life — the messy
unpredictability, hideous
unfairness and perplexity
of it, as well as its one
magnificent certainty: love. c

8 January 2023 27

Great Rail Journeys Ltd

VERSION
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CLIENT

BLACK YELLOW MAGENTA CYAN

91CLT2327134.pgs 22.12.2022 12:51

TV COVER, 1

THE BEST OF THE WEEK AHEAD SEVEN DAY LISTINGS FOR JANUARY 8-14
VERSION
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FILM OF
THE WEEK

PRODUCTION

Pulp Fiction
Today, C4, 10pm
This 1994 film is the Quentin
Tarantino movie that anyone
new to the director’s work
should see first. It influenced
countless other films with its
flashy plot structure, arcane
pop-culture references and
talkative crooks (including
John Travolta and Samuel L
Jackson), but it has not had its
freshness sapped away. It is
still a nonstop, full-force treat
for crime-movie lovers.

CLIENT

DEMAND PICK
OF THE WEEK

ITV

Party Down
Amazon
A few years ago, this shortlived sitcom — about a group
of embittered LA “waitercaterers” serving out their
time until Hollywood comes
a-calling — was but a littleknown corner of cult TV. But
after its Amazon revival it has
garnered new followers and a
third season is due this year.
If you like ensemble comedy
with a melancholy edge, you
are set for a feast.

PICK OF
THE WEEK
HARRY: THE
INTERVIEW
Today, ITV1, 9pm

Tonight, two days before the
publication of his memoir
Spare, you can see the Duke of
Sussex sit down with the ITV
News presenter Tom Bradby
to spill more royal family
secrets. Prince Harry will
discuss his fraught
relationship with his father,
the King, and his brother, the
Prince of Wales, and claim
that they have shown “no
willingness to reconcile” and
that they have cast him and
his wife, Meghan, as “the
villains”. Harry has already

made similar claims in the
Netflix documentary, but this
is the first time his allegations
can be directly challenged.
Bradby, who became close to
both princes during his time
as a royal correspondent in
the 1990s, will also want to get
to the heart of why Harry is so
determined to speak publicly
about his family. This is
Harry’s sole UK broadcast
interview before publication
— a significant coup for ITV —
but he has also talked to
Anderson Cooper for CBS in

RADIO PICK
OF THE WEEK

the US, which will also air
tonight.
Rosamund Urwin

THE WEEK AHEAD
FA Cup Live: Manchester
City v Chelsea
(Today, BBC1, 4pm)
Food Unwrapped’s Healthy
Hacks
(Tuesday, Channel 4, 8pm)
The Hairy Bikers Go Local
(Tuesday, BBC2, 8pm)
Next Level Chef
(Wednesday, ITV1, 9pm)

I’m Not A Monster — The
Shamima Begum Story
Wednesday, Radio 4, 11am
Josh Baker has been talking to
Begum, who has given him
what she claims is her full
account of what happened
after she disappeared from
London as a teenager in
2019 and emerged four
years later in Syria with
Islamic State.
8 January 2023 29

BLACK YELLOW MAGENTA CYAN

91CLL2327107.pgs 03.01.2023 17:28

BBC1
6.00 Breakfast The latest reports.
7.30 MOTD — FA Cup Highlights
The third-round ties. (R)
9.00 Sunday With Laura
Kuenssberg Political chat.
10.00 Sunday Morning Live
11.00 Scotland’s Sacred Islands
With Ben Fogle. (1/4, R)
12.00 Bargain Hunt Curios. (R)
1.00 News; Weather Reports.
1.15 Songs Of Praise The 250th
anniversary of Amazing Grace.
1.50 Money For Nothing (R)
2.15 Escape To The Country (R)
3.00 Frozen Planet II — Worlds Of
Wonder Series highlights. (R)
4.00 CHOICE Match Of The Day
— The FA Cup Gary Lineker
presents live action from the
third-round tie between
Manchester City and Chelsea
at the Etihad Stadium. Kickoff
at 4.30. (See Critics’ choice)
6.35 News; Weather Reports.
7.00 His Dark Materials Lyra and
Will journey through the
Suburbs of the Dead and
reach a seemingly infinite
bureaucratic space. (S3, ep 4)
8.00 Call The Midwife Lucille
tries to distract herself from
her recent miscarriage by
becoming heavily invested in
the care of an isolated elderly
man who is having trouble
with his eyesight. (S12, ep 2)
9.00 CHOICE Happy Valley
When Catherine discovers
the remains of a gangland
murder victim in a drained
reservoir, it sparks a chain
of events that bizarrely
leads her straight back to
Tommy Lee Royce. (Series 3,
ep 2; see Critics’ choice)
10.00 News; Weather Reports.
10.30 MOTD — FA Cup Highlights
Featuring action from the
latest third-round ties,
including Manchester
City v Chelsea and Cardiff
City v Leeds United.
11.30 FILM: Legend Stars Tom
Hardy, Emily Browning and
Christopher Eccleston.
Biopic of the Kray brothers,
exploring their rise to power
in the London underworld
and conflicts with rival gangs
from the point of view of
Reggie’s wife, Frances.
Entertaining. (2015, 18)
1.40-6.00 Joins BBC News
SCOTLAND 11.30 Sportscene —
Premiership Highlights. All the
action from the latest fixtures. 12.30
FILM: Legend. 2.40 BBC News.

BBC2

ITV
ITV1

CHANNEL 4

CHANNEL 5

6.35 Countryfile Reports. (R)
7.30 Coast Great Guides — East
Anglia The shoreline. (R)
8.30 Weatherman Walking (R)
9.00 Around The World In 80
Gardens Monty Don embarks
on a horticultural tour. (R)
10.00 Saturday Kitchen Best Bites
11.30 The Hairy Bikers Go Local (R)
12.30 Tom Kerridge’s Fresh Start
Ditching convenience food
and cooking from scratch. (R)
1.00 Snooker Live coverage of the
opening match of the first
round of the Masters,
between Neil Robertson and
Shaun Murphy at Alexandra
Palace in London, played
over the best of 11 frames.
5.15 Flog It! Philip Serrell and Nick
Davies value antiques at
Wallasey Town Hall, Wirral. (R)
6.15 Ski Sunday A new run starts
with action from the World
Cup classic slalom race in
Adelboden, Switzerland.
7.00 Countryfile Charlotte Smith
is at the Rhug Estate in North
Wales to investigate the
impact of avian flu on
shooting, and the resulting
effect on the rural economy.
8.00 Digging For Britain
Alice Roberts visits more
archaeological digs,
including a monument older
than Stonehenge, a 200year-old mine trapped in time
and a lost medieval friary.
9.00 Antiques Roadshow Fiona
Bruce and the team are at
Bodnant Garden in North
Wales, where finds include
a pair of rare Wedgewood
tigers and a silver box with
a political connection. (R)

6.00 Children’s Shows Fun.
9.25 News; Weather Reports.
9.30 Love Your Weekend Alan
Titchmarsh chats to James
Martin and Jimmy Doherty.
11.30 Love Your Garden (R)
12.00 Ninja Warrior — Race For
Glory (Last in series, R)
1.00 News; Weather Update.
1.15 CHOICE FA Cup Football
Laura Woods presents live
action from Cardiff City v
Leeds United at Cardiff City
Stadium. Kickoff at 2.00.
(See Critics’ choice)
4.25 Tipping Point — Best Ever
Finals Dramatic endgames. (R)

3rd Rock From The Sun (R)
The King Of Queens (R)
The Simpsons Cartoon. (R)
Sunday Brunch Cooking and
guests, presented by Tim
Lovejoy and Simon Rimmer.
12.30 The Simpsons Cartoon. (R)

6.00
10.00
10.15
10.25
10.30
11.00
12.30

10.00 CHOICE Mary Queen Of
Scots Stars Saoirse Ronan,
Margot Robbie and David
Tennant. Mary Stuart’s
attempt to overthrow her
cousin, Elizabeth I, finds
her condemned to years
of imprisonment. (2018,
15; see Film choice)
11.55 Snooker Action from the
opening day’s play of
the Masters at Alexandra
Palace, including Neil
Robertson v Shaun Murphy.
12.45 Snooker Extra Extended
highlights from a match on
day one of the Masters
at Alexandra Palace.
2.45 I’m An Alcoholic — Inside
Recovery (Signed, R)
3.45-4.30 The Travelling
Auctioneers (Signed, R)

4.55 FILM: The Scorpion King
Stars Dwayne Johnson and
Steven Brand. A warlord
resolves to rid the desert of
its last remaining tribes,
prompting them to seek the
aid of a legendary assassin.
Passable prequel. (2002, PG)
6.35 News; Weather Update.
6.50 Regional News Headlines.
7.00 Coronation Street Damon
instructs Jacob to accept
a special delivery.
8.00 The Chase – The Bloopers
A compilation of outtakes.
9.00 CHOICE Harry — The
Interview The Duke of
Sussex talks to presenter Tom
Bradby about his strained
relationship with King Charles
and Prince William and the
difficulties of reaching a
reconciliation within the
family. (See Pick of the week)
10.40 News; Weather Update.
10.55 The Real Stonehouse The life
of the disgraced Labour
minister John Stonehouse. (R)
11.55 Premiership Rugby Union
Highlights The latest fixtures.
12.50 Teleshopping Goods.
3.00 Martin Lewis’ Extreme
Savers Living off-grid (R)
3.25 Unwind Daily relaxation.
4.40-6.00 Dancing On Thin Ice
With Torvill & Dean (R)

30 8 January 2023

7.20 Fferm
Canu A
9.30
Life OnFach
The 7.35
Bay. Caru
New series.
Storireturn
7.45 Sigldigwt
8.00 Sion Yabout
The
of the documentary
Chef
8.10 park
Gwdihw
8.25
Byd
Tad-Cu
a
caravan
on the
Fife
coast
8.35 Patrol
8.50 Martin
10.00
Who Pawennau
Owns Scotland?
Penblwyddi
Cyw 9.00
Dirgelion Afon
Geissler
investigates
where
Dyfi 10.00 Cynefin
11.00
Dau Gi
responsibility
lies for
Scotland’s
Bach 11.30
Dechrau Canu
Dechrau
urban
land 11.00-12.00
Seven
Days
Canmol
12.00
Yr Wythnos
STV 6.00
Children’s
Shows12.30
9.25
FfasiwnWeather
Drefn 1.00
Nol
I’r Gwersyll
News;
9.30
Love
Your
2.00 Richard
Holt
— Yr Academi
Weekend.
Alan
Titchmarsh
is joined
Felys
3.00Martin
Symud
I Gymru
by
James
and
Jimmy4.00
Doherty
Ar Werth
4.35
Cefn
Gwlad
5.35
11.30
Love
Your
Garden.
Completing
Ffermio
Pobol12.00
Y Cwm
Omnibws
a
garden6.10
in Walsall
Ninja
Warrior
7.15
Newyddion
Chwaraeon
—
Race
For GloryA1.00
News; Weather

1.25 FILM: We Bought A Zoo Stars
Matt Damon and Scarlett
Johansson. A widowed
father-of-two takes over
ownership of a struggling
zoo, and tries to restore it to
its former glory. Schmaltzy
comedy drama. (2011, PG)
3.50 FILM: Maid In Manhattan
Stars Jennifer Lopez and
Ralph Fiennes. A case of
mistaken identity leads to
romance between a hotel
maid and a wealthy
politician. Predictable
romantic comedy. (2002, PG)
5.50 News; Weather Reports.
6.15 2022 — The Year From
Space Images of the world
filmed by satellites over the
course of 2022, including
footage of crowds returning
to cities in the wake of the
Covid lockdowns. (R)
7.45 CHOICE The Great Pottery
Throw Down New series.
Siobhan McSweeney hosts
as the potters take on a
birthday tea set challenge.
(See Critics’ choice)
9.00 CHOICE The Kardashians
Billion Dollar Dynasty
Documentary exploring how
the famous family has defied
critics to build a brand that
has earned billions, and
transformed social media.
(1/2; see Critics’ choice)
10.00 CHOICE Pulp Fiction Stars
John Travolta, Bruce Willis,
Samuel L Jackson, Uma
Thurman and Tim Roth.
A series of interlinked stories
about the Los Angeles
underworld. (1994, 18;
see Film of the week)
12.55 FILM: The Art Of Racing
In The Rain Stars Milo
Ventimiglia and Amanda
Seyfried. A golden retriever
discovers the techniques
needed on the racetrack can
also be used to navigate the
journey of life. Sentimental
comedy drama. (2019, PG)

Harry: The Interview (ITV, 9pm)

VARIATIONS
BBC
7.00
The VSeven
BBC2SCOTLAND
WALES 6.00
Scrum
Sunday.
7.15
Sportscene
— Premiership
Action
from the latest
United Rugby
Highlights.
Action
from 9.00
the latest
FILM:
championship
fixtures.
fixtures,
featuring
Dundee
v
Mary Queen
Of Scots.
StarsUnited
Saoirse
Rangers
at Tannadice,
and Motherwell
10.55
Ronan and
Margot Robbie
v
Hibernian
Fir series.
Park 8.15
Rewind
Ski
Sunday. at
New
Action
from
1980s.
TheCup
music,
news
and TV
of
the World
classic
slalom
race
1980
8.30 Accidental
Renovators.
11.40 Nigel
Slater’s
in Adelboden
Charting
the efforts
of a couple
to
Simple Cooking.
Preparing
pumpkin
restore
Jameswood
Villa,
the
S4Con6.00
stew with
sour cream
Cowal
peninsula in Argyll
and
Cyw: Cymylaubychain
6.10
Y Bute,
after
theyMawr
inadvertently
bought
the
Diwrnod
6.25 Guto
Gwningen
property
9.00
StillCyw
Game.
Jack
and
6.40 Antur
Natur
6.55
Amser
Victor
are left
shop
Maith Maith
Ynminding
Ol 7.10 the
Digbi
Draig

6.25
7.15
8.05
9.30

7.30
Dechrau
Canu Dechrau
1.15 FA
Cup Football:
Cardiff City v
Canmol.
Radnorshire’s
fascinating
Leeds United.
Live, kickoff
2.00 4.25
places
worship
8.00
Canu
Gyda
TippingofPoint
— Best
Ever
Finals
Fy
Arwr.
The
social-media
star6.35
4.55
FILM:
The
Scorpion King
Bronwen
Lewis surprises
a factory
News; Weather
6.50 Regional
News
worker
in Carmarthen
7.00 Coronation
Street9.00
8.00YrThe
Amgueddfa.
series.
Della
Chase — TheNew
Bloopers
9.00
Harry —
worries
that her
latest
acquisition
The Interview
10.40
News;
Weather
might
fall into
hands11.55
10.00
10.55 The
RealFioled’s
Stonehouse
Gogglebocs
Cymru.Union
Viewers’
Premiership Rugby
Highlights
thoughts
on the week’s
TV.Martin
Tudur
12.50 Teleshopping
3.00
Owen
Llinell
Lewis’ narrates
Extreme 11.00-11.35
Savers 3.25YNight
Las.
The
work of the
North Wales
Vision
4.40-6.00
Dancing
On
Police
Roads
Thin Ice
With Policing
Torvill & Unit
Dean
1L
1G

2.45 Ramsay’s Kitchen
Nightmares USA Advice. (R)
3.35 Come Dine With Me (R)
5.45-6.10 Food Unwrapped (R)

YOU SAY

SUNDAY

Milkshake! Fun for children.
The Smurfs Cartoon. (R)
Spongebob Animation. (R)
Entertainment News Gossip.
NFL End Zone Action.
Friends American sitcom. (R)
The Teagarden Mysteries
Whodunit, with Candace
Cameron Bure. When an
amateur sleuth finds a skull
hidden in her new home,
she sets out to discover
who the victim was. (R)

2.20 FILM: Mrs Caldicot’s
Cabbage War Stars Pauline
Collins, and Peter Capaldi.
A widow’s son forces her
into a run-down nursing
home, where she incites
fellow inmates to revolt.
Ludicrous. (2002, 12)
4.40 Jane McDonald’s Sunshine
Cruises Highlights. (R)
6.25 News; Weather Reports.
6.30 When Luxury Holidays Go
Horribly Wrong Interviews
with people whose holidays
ended in disaster. (R)
8.00 22 Kids & Counting A new
run of the documentary
following the Radford family,
beginning as Noel and Sue’s
pregnant 27-year-old
daughter, Chloe, faces a
medical emergency.
9.00 Motorhoming With Merton
& Webster Paul Merton and
Suki Webster explore the
Cotswolds, helping build a dry
stone wall before driving to
their first off-grid campsite,
pitching up for the night for an
al fresco three-course meal.
10.00 Hotel Benidorm — SunLoungers & Sangria Life at
the Spanish Rio Park hotel and
the British holiday-makers
to whom they cater. (R)
10.55 Most Shocking Celebrity
Moments Incidents from the
2000s, including Katie Price
and Peter Andre finding love
in I’m a Celebrity, and the birth
of reality classics Big Brother
and The Osbournes. (R)
12.55 Entertainment News Gossip.
1.00 The LeoVegas Live Casino
Show Interactive gambling.
3.00 Entertainment News Gossip.
3.05 You Are What You Eat Trisha
Goddard and Dr Amir Khan
help people in need of a
lifestyle intervention. (R)
3.55 Get Your Tatts Out — Kavos
Ink Matching designs. (R)
4.45 Divine Designs (R)
5.10 House Doctor Advice. (R)
5.40-6.00 Children’s Shows Fun.

Happy Valley (BBC1) is totally brilliant. Superbly
written and acted — an engrossing plot, great
characters, funny, sad, frightening — a tour de
force. Head and shoulders above all the other
dross over Christmas and worthy of every award.
Simon Evers
James Norton is great. I love McMafia and Happy
Valley (BBC1). Not sure about him as James Bond
but willing to be surprised. He’s definitely more
Bond than Tom Hardy though.
Drew Goodall

THE BEST TV FROM NETFLIX AND BEYOND...

SUNDAY 8 JANUARY

CRITICS’ CHOICE
The Great Pottery Throw
Down (Channel 4, 7.45pm)
A damp cake stand, wobbly
milk jugs, disappointing
glazes: this pottery contest
once again provides highstakes drama as a new series
begins. Siobhán McSweeney
introduces 12 new
competitors to the pottery,
with judges Rich Miller and
the ever-emotional Keith
Brymer Jones challenging
them to make a birthday
tea-set for a loved one,
complete with clotted cream
pot and cups. At this stage,
the potters are still largely
unformed clay (a karate
black belt, a junior doctor,
a retired teacher), but by the
end of the series expect to
have strong opinions on their
hand-building techniques,
decorative styles and,
inevitably, personalities.
Que sera, ceramic.
Victoria Segal
Spector (Sky
Documentaries/Now, 9pm)
“I have devils inside,” record
producer Phil Spector told
journalist Mick Brown just
weeks before he murdered
Lana Clarkson at his California
mansion in February
2003. This fine four-part
documentary sets out to
explain those demons, the
true-crime element backed
by analysis of Spector’s
gothically horrific upbringing,
violent past and Wall of Sound
musical vision. There is an
attempt to swing the narrative
away from the old story of the
tortured male genius and give
space to the women around
Spector, not least Clarkson.
Insightful interviewees
include Spector’s daughter
Nicole and Lala Brooks, singer
of the Crystals. VS

ON DEMAND
Kaleidoscope (Netflix)
The big gimmick with Eric
Garcia’s heist drama is that
you can watch the first seven
episodes in any order before
you get to the finale. Literary
types might be reminded of
BS Johnson’s experimental
1969 novel The Unfortunates,
but in execution this is more

STAGE CHOICE

In a spin: host McSweeney with judges Brymer Jones, left, and Miller (Channel 4, 7.45pm)

FA Cup Live
The ecstasy of knockout
football returns with ITV
and BBC sharing coverage
of the FA cup third round.
Today, Chelsea will travel to
Manchester City (BBC1, 4pm;
ko 4.30pm), while Cardiff
City will host Leeds United
(ITV, 1.15pm; ko 2pm). Expect
drama.
Jake Helm

Happy Valley (BBC1, 9pm)
Sarah Lancashire’s Sergeant
Catherine Cawood remains
obsessed with Royce making
contact with Ryan in an
episode with two superb
scenes — a tense phone call
between Clare and her, and
the formidable granny taking
on two hapless teachers when
Ryan is in trouble. Pressure on
Faisal increases.

FILM CHOICE

Twelfth Night From
Shakespeare’s Globe
(BBC4, 8pm)
In Shakespeare’s bittersweet
festive treat, Viola disguises
herself as a man after being
shipwrecked off the coast
of Illyria. Lovesick Orsino
employs her as a page, but
she spends more time in
the unruly household of
Olivia, the countess her
master is besotted with — but
who unsettlingly falls for
“Cesario”, aka Viola, instead.
Michelle Terry, the artistic
director of Shakespeare’s
Globe, plays the crossdressed heroine in Sean
Holmes’s Americana-themed
production. In what might
be seen as a riposte to the
Globe’s famous all-male,
Mark Rylance-led Twelfth
Night, the key comic roles
of Malvolio, Toby Belch and
Feste are taken by women.
John Dugdale
Monsters vs Aliens
(Film4, 4.50pm)
The benign but odd-looking
creatures who defend the
Earth in this peppy cartoon
give children an introduction
to the kind of behemoths seen
in 1950s movies: they include
a 50ft-tall woman and a living
blob. Co-dirs: Rob Letterman,
Conrad Vernon (2009)
Edward Porter

Phil Spector (Sky Doc, 9pm)

The Kardashians: Billion
Dollar Dynasty (C4, 9pm)
Smart and rich in clips, this
series on the phenomenon
that Kris built starts with the
reality show (launched in
2007 on a cable channel) that
made the family famous.
Naturally also featured are
Kim’s sex-tape, her Playboy
photos and her short-lived
second marriage. JD

Mary Queen Of Scots
(BBC2, 10pm)
Saoirse Ronan plays the illfated monarch at the centre
of this historical tale, and
another bright young star,
Margot Robbie, appears as a
face-painted Elizabeth I. The
pair’s ardent performances
are just right for Josie Rourke’s
grand, tempestuous movie.
Although it sometimes bogs
itself down in courtly intrigue,
it can always free itself
with a bold flourish. While
delivering what’s required of a
traditional costume drama, it
adds a few ideas we would
not have seen in older films
and television series of this
kind. (2018)

Cousins in conflict (BBC2, 10pm)

like a hyperactive mash-up
between Edgar Wright’s 2017
film Baby Driver and 2013’s
“impossible heist” drama Now
You See Me. Individual scenes
feel gritty and visceral, but
the presentation is overactive
and eager to please.
What grounds it are the
performances, particularly
Giancarlo Esposito as heist
leader Leo Pap and Peter
Mark Kendall as his keen
student, Stan Loomis.

Strike: Troubled Blood
(iPlayer)
Is there something missing
from these TV adaptations of
JK Rowling’s detective novels?
The will-they-won’t-they
chemistry between Tom
Burke and Holliday Grainger
as PI Strike and his PA Robin
remains but the sense of place
that early seasons possessed,
such as Soho caught between
debilitation and gentrification,
has all but vanished.

Whitstable Pearl
(Amazon/Acorn)
As winter colds lay many
people low, these adaptations
of Julie Wassmer’s novels are
just what the doctor ordered.
Kerry Godliman (wasted in
Ricky Gervais’s After Life, as
his late wife) is adorable as
single mum, restaurateur and
part-time detective Pearl
Nolan, while Frances Barber is
a brash delight as her mum.
Andrew Male

Strange World (Disney+)
Even though this film won’t
go down as one of its studio’s
classics, Disney+ users have
nothing to lose by giving it
a look. Its tale of a family
of explorers is trite in its
sentiments, but the images
are something else. Taking
inspiration partly from vintage
sci-fi yarns, the animators
conjure up the trippiest sights
in any recent Disney movie.
Dir: Don Hall (2022) EP
8 January 2023 31

SUNDAY 8 JANUARY

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

10.30 The Instagram Effect
11.30 Planet Sex Two editions.
1.45 The Instagram Effect
2.45 Gassed Up Challenges.
3.30-4.00 Hire Me — Competing
For A Dream Job

7.00pm Come Dancing Home
Counties South compete
against North East.
7.45 Nicola Benedetti: BBC
Young Musician Winner
2004 A profile of the violinist.
8.00 CHOICE Twelfth Night From
Shakespeare’s Globe
Shakespeare’s comedy of
mistaken identity, from
London’s Globe Theatre.
(See Critics’ choice)
10.35 Shakespeare In Italy
Francesco da Mosto explores
how the Mediterranean
country influenced the Bard.
(1/2) 11.35 Shakespeare In
Italy The historian visits
Venice, Rome and Stromboli.
12.35 Discovering Graal Theatre
— Kaija Saariaho Tom
Service presents analysis of
Kaija Saariaho’s Graal Théâtre
1.35 Front Row Late
2.15-3.15 Write Around The
World (Last in series)

10.40 Family Guy Lois tires of Peter’s
disappointing performances
in the bedroom. (Series 12,
ep 9) 11.05 Family Guy The
residents of Quahog become
embroiled in a treasure
hunt. (Series 12, ep 1)
11.35-12.00 American Dad! Hayley
and Steve explore mysterious
markings. (Series 16, ep 21)

DRAMA

SKYARTS

ITV4

7.00pm Press X To Continue
7.10 Gassed Up Rapper Mist
takes on celebrities in
high-octane challenges. (1/6)
7.55 Top Gear America New series.
Dax Shepard, Rob Corddry
and Jethro Bovingdon travel
across America. 8.25 Top
Gear America The guys
head to an ancient lava
field to see if they need big
bucks to go overlanding.
9.00 FILM: The Woman In Black
Stars Daniel Radcliffe. A
lawyer visits a village to put a
deceased client’s affairs in
order, but finds her house
haunted by a vengeful spirit.
Atmospheric. (2012, 12)

2.55 Catherine Cookson’s Tilly
Trotter Period drama.
5.00 Call The Midwife A newly
qualified midwife arrives at
Nonnatus House in London’s
East End in the 1950s.
(Series 1, ep 1) 5.00 Call The
Midwife Jenny helps a
pregnant teenage prostitute.
7.40 New Tricks The team
investigates a 1982 murder in
Gibraltar. (Series 10, ep 1)
9.00 Frankie Drake Mysteries The
team investigate whether or
not a man acquitted of a
murder is indeed innocent
or guilty. (Series 4, ep 6)
10.00 Rebus The buried remains of
a prostitute are found at a
landmark. (Series 3, ep 1)
11.30 The Inspector Lynley
Mysteries (Series 2, ep 2)
1.30 Zen Detective drama. (1/3)
3.20-4.00 As Time Goes By

FILMS
SKY CINEMA PREMIERE
12.25pm The Bad Guys (2022, U) 2.10
Downton Abbey — A New Era (2022,
PG) 4.20 The Duke (2020, 12) 6.05 The
Last Son. (2021, 15) 8.00 Operation
Mincemeat. During the Second World
War, two intelligence officers use a
corpse and false papers to outwit
German troops. (2021, 12) 10.10
Crimes Of The Future. As the human
species adapts to a synthetic
environment, a performance artist
showcases the metamorphosis of his
organs in avant-garde performances.
(2022, 18) 12.00 Fantastic Beasts
— The Secrets Of Dumbledore (2022,
12) 2.25 Downton Abbey — A New Era.
Details as 2.10pm. 4.35-6.20 The
Bad Guys. Details as 12.25pm.
SKY CINEMA THRILLER
1.55pm Those Who Wish Me Dead
(2021, 15) 3.50 The Talented Mr Ripley
(1999, 15) 6.15 Vantage Point (2008,
12) 8.00 Old. A family discovers that
the secluded beach where they are
holidaying is causing them to age
rapidly. (2021, 15) 9.50 Donnie Brasco.
An FBI agent infiltrates the mafia and
becomes the protégé of a gangster.
(1997, 18) 12.00-2.00 Lansky (2021, 15)

32 8 January 2023

6.00pm Discovering Harrison
Ford An indepth profile
of the American actor.
7.00 The Agatha Christie Hour
A retired major who seeks
advice on spicing up his life
soon finds himself involved
in an adventure. (5/10)
8.00 Alfred Hitchcock Presents:
The Right Price. A burglar
bargains with his victims.
8.30 Alfred Hitchcock
Presents: I’ll Take Care Of
You. A used car salesman
is driven to murder.
9.00 James Last — Live At The
Royal Albert Hall A 2007
concert by the big-band
leader and his orchestra, with
performances of Candle in
the Wind and Greensleeves
as well as an Abba medley.
11.30-12.30 The Directors The life
and work of Fred Zinnemann.

SKY CINEMA GREATS
6.00am Little Voice. A shy woman
with a talent for impersonating famous
performers is exploited by a greedy
promoter. (1998, 15) 7.40 The Weather
Man (2005, 15) 9.25 The Cider House
Rules (1999, 12) 11.35 Zulu (1964, PG)
1.55 Alfie (1966, 15) 3.55 The Italian
Job (1969, PG) 5.40 Interstellar.
Space explorers go in search of a
new home for the human race. (2014,
12) 8.30 Inception. A hi-tech thief
enters a corporate heir’s mind to
implant an idea he will think is his
own. (2010, 12) 11.00 Little Voice.
Details as 6am. 12.45 Zulu. Details as
11.35am. 3.10 Best Sellers (2021, 15)
5.00-6.00 Sky Cinema Preview
SKY CINEMA SELECT
3.20pm Harry Potter And The Goblet
Of Fire (2005, 12) 6.00 Harry Potter
And The Order Of The Phoenix. The
wizard unites his fellow pupils to battle
Lord Voldemort. (2007, 12) 8.20 Harry
Potter And The Half-Blood Prince. The
wizard must uncover the secrets of
Lord Voldemort’s past. (2009, 12)
10.55 Harry Potter And The Deathly
Hallows, Part 1 (2010, 12) 1.25 Harry
Potter And The Deathly Hallows, Part 2
(2011, 12) 3.40-6.15 Harry Potter And
The Philosopher’s Stone (2001, PG)

6.00pm FILM: Evan Almighty
Stars Steve Carell. God
recruits a politician to build
an ark and save the world’s
animals from an impending
cataclysm. Poor sequel.
(2007, PG; includes FYI Daily)
8.00 FILM: Hobbs & Shaw Stars
Dwayne Johnson and Jason
Statham. A pair must put
their differences aside and
team up to stop a terror
threat. Entertaining. (2019,
12; includes FYI Daily)

10.35am Sherlock Holmes — The
Eligible Bachelor Mystery.
12.50 FILM: Lawman Western.
(1971, 15; includes FYI Daily)
2.55 FILM: Rio Lobo Stars John
Wayne and Jack Ellam. (1970,
PG; includes FYI Daily)

ITV3
George And Mildred Sitcom.
Emmerdale Rural drama.
George And Mildred Sitcom.
Marple Three episodes.
Doc Martin Double bill.
Rosemary & Thyme A wealthy
businessman is found
unconscious. (Series 1, ep 1)
7.00 Rosemary & Thyme
The duo make a gruesome
discovery in the grounds
of a pop star’s mansion.
8.00 Martin Clunes — Islands Of
The Pacific The actor and
presenter begins his tour
of the Pacific islands in
French Polynesia, where
he takes a trip on a
Polynesian outrigger canoe.
9.00 Joanna Lumley’s Great
Cities Of The World A look at
the unusual aspects of great
metropolises, beginning with
a trip to Paris, where she
takes a hot-air balloon ride.
10.00 Maigret The Parisian
detective comes under
pressure to trap the killer
of four women before he
strikes again. (Series 1, ep 1)
11.50 Upstairs, Downstairs
Lady Bellamy employs a
parlourmaid. 12.55 Upstairs,
Downstairs Lady Bellamy
embarks on a secret affair.
2.00 George And Mildred Sitcom.
3.05 Emmerdale Rural soap.
5.40-6.00 Unwind Relaxation.
6.00
6.35
9.20
9.50
3.55
6.00

5.10 FILM: Aces High Stars
Malcolm McDowell. (1976,
PG; includes FYI Daily)
7.30 LaLiga: Atletico Madrid v
Barcelona. Live, kickoff 8.00.
10.15 FILM: Taken Stars Liam
Neeson and Maggie Grace.
(2008, 18; includes FYI Daily)
12.10 FILM: Enemy Of The State
Stars Will Smith. Thriller.
(1998, 15; includes FYI Daily)
2.50 Unwind Daily relaxation.
3.00-6.00 Teleshopping Goods.

FILM4
11.00am Turner & Hooch (1989, PG)
1.05 The Hound Of The Baskervilles
(1959, PG) 2.50 A Dog’s Purpose.
A dog is reincarnated as different
breeds over generations. (2017, PG)
4.50 CHOICE Monsters vs Aliens.
A giant woman joins a team of strange
creatures fighting to save the world
from an alien invasion. (2009, PG; see
Film choice) 6.45 The Eagle. A Roman
centurion and his British slave try to
recover the standard of a lost legion.
(2011, 12) 9.00 Bad Boys II. Two cops
try to stop a drug lord flooding the
market with a deadly form of ecstasy.
(2003, 15) 11.55 Blockers. Three parents
try to stop their daughters from losing
their virginity on prom night. (2018, 15)
1.55-4.00 Heal The Living (2016, 12)
TALKING PICTURES TV
2.25pm North West Frontier. A British
officer tries to escort an Indian prince
to safety by train after an uprising,
only to suspect a traitor is on board.
(1959, U) 5.00 The Footage Detectives
6.00 The Saint 7.00 Ransom. The
British ambassador to a Scandinavian
country is abducted, sparking off an
audacious rescue mission. (1975, PG)
9.00 The Onedin Line 10.00-12.45 In
Cold Blood. Crime drama. (1967, 18)
1L
1G

Michelle Terry (BBC4, 8pm)

ENTERTAINMENT
GOLD
7.10am The Fosters 8.10 Citizen
Khan 9.25 Only Fools And Horses.
Back-to-back episodes of the comedy
8.20 Dad’s Army 9.00 Billy Connolly
Does … Billy ruminates about dream
locations and nightmare family holidays
11.00 Only Fools And Horses 12.20
French And Saunders 1.35 The Fosters
3.10-4.00 Absolutely Fabulous
SKY COMEDY
6.00pm Futurama 6.30 The US Office
9.00 Romantic Getaway. Two episodes
10.00 Girls 11.15 Sex And The City
12.40 Smilf 2.30 Black Monday
3.05-5.00 Everybody Hates Chris
SKY WITNESS
6.00pm Nothing To Declare 7.00 Blue
Bloods. Jamie and Joe search for an girl
who has been sex-trafficked 8.00
Coroner. Suspicious deaths lead to
uncomfortable truths 9.00 Bull. Marissa
acts as defence for her closest childhood
friend 10.00 New Amsterdam. Reynolds
gets creative 11.00 Law & Order: Special
Victims Unit. Benson and Rollins try to
help a homeless single mother 12.00
Blue Bloods 1.00 Caught On Dashcam
2.00-6.00 Nothing To Declare

E4
5.50pm Lego Masters Australia
The teams are challenged to
construct a stunt vehicle.
7.10 FILM: Fantastic Four Stars
Miles Teller, Michael B
Jordan, Kate Mara and Jamie
Bell. Four scientists return
from another dimension with
superhuman powers, which
they use to defend the Earth.
Underwhelming. (2015, 12)
9.00 FILM: A Quiet Place Stars
Emily Blunt, John Krasinski,
Millicent Simmonds and
Noah Jupe. A family is forced
to live in silence while
hiding from monsters with
hypersensitive hearing.
Sensational horror. (2018, 15)
10.45 Gogglebox Opinions on The
Graham Norton Show and
Mary Berry — Love to Cook.
11.50-12.55 Gogglebox
Views on Line of Duty.

MORE4
5.50pm Come Dine With Me A
business consultant hosts in
the Midlands. 6.20 Come
Dine With Me A Caribbeaninspired menu. 6.55 Come
Dine With Me A second
Caribbean-themed evening.
7.25 Come Dine With Me A
menu from the Canary Islands.
8.00 Emergency Helicopter
Medics A freak car accident
in Cumbria leaves a man
fighting for his life.
9.00 24 Hours In A&E Doctors
treat a cyclist who collided
with a stampede of deer.
10.00 Super Surgeons — A Chance
At Life A surgical robot is
used to treat a tumour
on a patient’s voice box.
11.05-12.10 Emergency Helicopter
Medics In the Peak District, a
dirt-buggy smash has left a
rider with serious injuries.

W
5.40pm My Family 7.00 Alex Jones —
Making Babies 8.00 Inside The
Operating Theatre 9.00 DNA Family
Secrets 10.20 Louis Theroux: Mothers
On The Edge 11.40 Dark States —
Trafficking Sex 1.00 Stacey Dooley
Investigates 2.10-3.00 Tipping Point
5 STAR
6.00pm Police Interceptors 9.00 FILM:
Shutter Island. Stars Leonardo DiCaprio
and Mark Ruffalo 11.50 FILM: Godzilla.
Stars Aaron Taylor-Johnson and Bryan
Cranston 2.15 Gabby Petito — The
Murder That Gripped The World 3.354.00 Criminals — Caught On Camera
5 USA
5.00pm Columbo 9.00 Lucifer 11.00
Law & Order: Special Victims Unit
2.55 The Blacklist 3.35-4.00 Street
Crime UK — Caught On Camera
COMEDY CENTRAL
8.00am Friends 9.00 FILM: Made Of
Honor 11.00 David Spade — My Fake
Problems 12.00 Tracy Morgan — Bona
Fide 1.00 South Park 4.15-5.00 Friends
YESTERDAY
6.00am Impossible Engineering 8.00
Churchill’s Bodyguard 12.00 Hornby —
A Model World 4.00 Bangers And Cash

TALKTV

SKYATLANTIC

SPORT

6.00 Cristo Morning update.
7.00 David Bull Discussion.
10.00 Richard Tice Examining
the state of the nation.
1.00 Trisha Goddard A look
through the week’s stories.
4.00 Kevin O’Sullivan Tackling
the big stories of the day.
7.00 The Sunday Night Club Mark
Saggers reflects on the
sporting weekend and more.
10.00 The Unexplained Howard
Hughes investigates some
more of life’s mysteries.
12.00 That Was The Woke That
Was With Andre Walker.
1.00 Vanessa Feltz A guide
through the big stories.
2.00 Jeremy Kyle Live Discussion.
3.00 Piers Morgan Uncensored
Best Of Debate and chat.
4.00 The Talk Opinion and debate.
5.00-6.00 James Max Update.
Available on Sky 522; Freeview 237;
Virgin 606; Freesat 217; YouTube,
connected TVs and smart devices

6.00
8.00
9.00
10.00

Hotel Secrets Double bill.
Storm City Snow and ice.
Urban Secrets In Liverpool.
Gomorrah Crime drama.
(Italian with subtitles)
1.15 The Sopranos Two episodes.
3.30 True Blood Sookie faces a
dilemma. (Series 6, ep 8)
4.35 True Blood Bill tries to
get Warlow away from the
plain. 5.40 True Blood
Sookie evaluates her future
with Warlow. 6.45 True
Blood The opening episode
of the final season. (S7, ep 1)
7.50 True Blood Sookie and
Jason visit a nearby town.
9.00 Succession Logan, Kendall,
Gerri and Tom testify before
Congress. (Series 2, ep 9)
10.10 Euphoria Provocative
coming-of-age drama, with
Zendaya. A look at teenage
life in a social-media
obsessed world. (S1, ep 1)
11.20 Britannia Historical drama,
with David Morrissey. Nine
decades after Caesar failed
to conquer Britannia, the
Roman army is back on the
island. (Series 1, ep 1)
12.50 My Dad Wrote A Porno
2.00 The Wire (Series 4, ep 2)
3.05 The Tunnel — Sabotage
(Series 2, ep 2; English and
French with subtitles)
4.10 Hotel Secrets In Venice.
5.10-6.00 Urban Secrets Insights.

SKY SPORTS MAIN EVENT
6.00am News 7.00 Good Morning
Sports Fans 7.45 LIVE Big Bash
League: Sydney Thunder v Sydney
Sixers 11.45 The Best Of The Big Bash
12.00 Sports Sunday 12.30 LIVE SPFL:
Motherwell v Hibernian. Kickoff at 1.30
3.30 LIVE SPFL: Dundee United v
Rangers. Kickoff at 4.00 6.00 LIVE
NFL. Coverage of a week 18 match.
Kickoff at 6.00 9.15 LIVE NFL.
Coverage of a week 18 match. 12.30
NBC’s FNIA 1.10 LIVE NFL. Coverage
of a week 18 match 4.30-6.00 News

SKYMAX
6.00pm Grimm A man is found
dead with all of his bones
seemingly liquefied and
removed. (Series 5, ep 18, R)
7.00 Grimm Sgt Wu
becomes entangled in an
altercation that threatens
to land him in hot water.
(R) 8.00 Grimm Nick
worries that he may lose
everything as he continues
to battle Black Claw. (R)
9.00 Hold The Front Page
Nish Kumar and Josh
Widdicombe work for
local newspapers. (1/6, R)
10.00 Rob & Romesh vs The NFL
The comedians Rob Beckett
and Romesh Ranganathan
meet and train with American
football players. (R)
11.00-12.00 Brassic Comedy, with
Joseph Gilgun and Michelle
Keegan. (Series 1, ep 1, R)

Predator (Sky Nature/Now, 9pm)

8.00 ’Allo ’Allo! 10.00 Bangers And
Cash 11.00 Bangers & Cash — Restoring
Classics 12.00-1.00 Bangers And Cash

12.00 Inside North Korea — Then
And Now. With Lisa Ling 1.002.00 Australia’s Hardest Prison

DAVE
6.00pm Top Gear 7.00 Special Ops:
Crime Squad UK 8.00 QI XL. With
Sarah Millican, Ross Noble and Colin
Lane 9.00 Have I Got A Bit More News
For You. Clive Myrie is guest host, with
Andy Hamilton and Helen Lewis 10.00
Mock The Week. With Ed Byrne, Ed
Gamble, Kerry Godliman, Nish Kumar
and Rachel Parris 10.40 QI. With Jo
Brand, Liza Tarbuck and Sue Perkins
11.20 Would I Lie To You? With Dion
Dublin, Debbie McGee, Bob Mortimer
and Lucy Porter 12.00 Red Dwarf
2.00 Have I Got A Bit More News For
You 3.00-4.00 The Misadventures
Of Romesh Ranganathan

DISCOVERY
6.00pm Alaska — Homestead Rescue.
A homesteader is attracting bears 7.00
Alaskan Bush People 10.00 The Dino
Hunters. The Abercrombie family
discovers a Mammoth fossil map on
their ranch 11.00 Bitchin’ Rides. After
years of planning, Dave celebrates the
opening of his passion project
12.00-4.00 Naked And Afraid

FACTUAL

PBS AMERICA
4.55pm Jazz 6.10 Egypt’s Lost Cities.
The potential existence of buildings
beneath the sands of Egypt 8.05
Egyptian Tomb Hunting. Tony Robinson
goes on a journey across Egypt
10.05-12.00 Egypt’s Lost Cities.
The potential existence of buildings
beneath the sands of Egypt

NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC
6.00pm Car SOS 9.00 Secrets Of Area
51. Behind the scenes at the world’s
most secret military base 10.00 JFK
— The Lost Bullet. Re-examining the
film that captured John F Kennedy’s
assassination 11.00 New Air Force One:
Flying Fortress. A first look at the
overhaul of the two presidential planes

SKY DOCUMENTARIES
6.00am Discovering Cary Grant 7.00
Discovering Robert Mitchum 8.00 The
Directors 9.00 Rise Of The Superheroes
11.10 Pretending I’m A Superman — The
Tony Hawk Video Game Story 12.30 The
Loneliest Whale: The Search For 52 2.30
Hitsville — The Making Of Motown 4.40
Mr Dynamite — The Rise Of James Brown

EUROSPORT 1
6.00am Dakar Rally 7.00 Marco
Odermatt — Best Of Giant Slalom 2022
7.15 Alpine Skiing 8.15 LIVE Alpine
Skiing. The World Cup meeting from
Kranjska Gora in Slovenia 9.30 LIVE
Alpine Skiing. The World Cup meeting
from Adelboden in Switzerland 10.30
Ski Jumping 11.30 LIVE Alpine Skiing.
Coverage of the World Cup meeting
from Kranjska Gora in Slovenia,
featuring the second run on day two of
the women’s giant slalom 12.30 LIVE
Alpine Skiing. The World Cup meeting
from Adelboden in Switzerland 1.30
Climbing Show 2.00 Sailing — The
Ocean Race: Preview 2.30 Sailing —
The Ocean Race. A report from Alicante
ahead of this year’s staging of the
race 4.00 Showjumping 5.00 Alpine
Skiing 7.00 Biathlon 7.30 Golden Trail
World Series 8.00 Dakar Rally 9.00
Alpine Skiing 11.00 Dakar Rally 12.00
Cyclo-Cross 1.00 Hall Of Fame:
Tokyo 2020 2.00 Dakar Rally 3.00
Tennis: Best Of The Australian Open
4.00-6.00 Masters Snooker
BT SPORT 1
7.30am Premier League Review 8.30
Premier League Legends 9.00 WWE
Raw Highlights 10.00 WWE Smackdown
Highlights 11.00 ESPN FC 11.30 LIVE
Serie A: Salernitana v Torino. Kickoff
at 11.30 1.30 Premier League — The Big
Interview 2.00 LIVE Premiership Rugby
Union: Harlequins v Sale Sharks. Kickoff
at 3.00 5.15 Rugby Tonight 6.00 Test
Cricket Highlights 7.00 Golazzo Live
7.45 LIVE Serie A: AC Milan v AS
Roma. Kickoff at 7.45 10.00 WWE
Smackdown Highlights 11.00 WWE
NXT 12.45 WWE NXT UK Classics
1.45 Reload 2.00 ChatterBox 3.00
A-League 4.00 Ligue 1 Highlights
5.00-6.00 Fishing — On The Bank

6.55 The Beatles — Eight Days A Week:
The Touring Years 9.00 CHOICE
Spector. Documentary about music
producer Phil Spector. (See Critics’
choice) 10.00-12.15 Tina
SKY NATURE
6.00am Battle Of The Alphas 8.00
Orangutan Jungle School 11.00
Hotspots — The Last Hope 1.00 Gangs
Of Lemur Island 4.00 Secret Life Of
The Koala 6.00 Monkey Life 7.00
The Wadden Sea. New series. An
abandoned seal pup navigates heavy
storms 8.00 Micro Monsters. Battles
and rivalries within the world of bugs
8.30 Micro Monsters. How creepycrawly predators defuse the defences
of their prey 9.00 Predators. Following
a wild dog pack in Zimbabwe 10.00
Africa’s Claws And Jaws 11.00-12.00
Nature’s Mass Attacks
DISCOVERY HISTORY
6.00am Combat Dealers 9.00 Greatest
Events Of World War II 12.00 Nasa’s
Unexplained Files 3.00 Expedition
Unknown 5.00 Combat Dealers 8.00
Tony Robinson’s World War One. The
presenter gains an unparalleled
perspective of the conflict 9.00 Tony
Robinson’s Wild West. Charting the
story of the last days of the Sioux
10.00-12.00 Wings Of War

RADIO
PICK OF THE DAY

The Medici: Bankers,
Gangsters, Popes
Radio 4, 3pm
Mike Walker’s three-part
drama about the Medici
family begins with Patrick
Baladi, pictured, as Cosimo
de’ Medici. Clare Pollard
looks at the life and work of
Anne Lock, who wrote the
first sonnet sequence in the
English language, in Sunday
Feature (Radio 3, 6.45pm).
Comedians Catherine Bohart
and Larry Dean discuss
dating in Shared Baggage
(Audible podcast).
Clair Woodward
RADIO 4
10.00 The Archers (R) 11.15 Desert
Island Discs. New run. Retailer Malcolm
Walker picks recordings 12.00 News
12.01 (LW) Shipping 12.04 Just A
Minute (R) 12.30 The Food Programme.
Thoughts on ugly shellfish 1.00 The
World This Weekend 1.30 The Exploding
Library (R) 2.00 Gardeners’ Question
Time (R) 2.45 Property Of The BBC (R)
3.00 Drama: The Medici — Bankers,
Gangsters, Popes, by Mike Walker. A
banker rises to become the richest man
in Europe, but struggles to be accepted
by the ruling families of Florence. With
Patrick Baladi and Sirine Saba 4.00
Open Book 4.30 Poetry Please. With
Lindsey Hilsum 5.00 File On 4 (R) 5.40
Profile (R) 5.54 Shipping 6.00 News
6.15 Pick Of The Week 7.00 The
Archers 7.15 The Confessional. Stephen
Mangan examines the conscience of
Antonia Fraser 7.45 The Circus. New
series of short stories by Paul McVeigh,
starting with The Singer 8.00 Rethink
Climate (R) 8.30 Last Word (R) 9.00
Money Box (R) 9.25 Appeal (R) 9.30
Icon (R) 10.00 The Westminster Hour
11.00 Loose Ends (R) 11.30 Something
Understood (R) 12.00 News 12.15
Thinking Allowed (R) 12.45 Bells (R)
12.48 Shipping 1.00 As World Service

RADIO 4 EXTRA
10.00 Desert Island Discs Long-Play
11.00 Poetry Extra 11.30 Machines Like
Me Omnibus — Part One 12.40
Inheritance Tracks 12.50 Black Eyed
Girls 2.00 The Betty Witherspoon
Show 2.30 Something To Shout About
3.00 Desert Island Discs Long-Play
4.00 Doctor Who: The War Doctor
4.35 A Warning To The Curious 5.00
Poetry Extra 5.30 Machines Like Me
Omnibus — Part One 6.40 Inheritance
Tracks 6.50 Black Eyed Girls 8.00
The Betty Witherspoon Show 8.30
Something To Shout About 9.00
Desert Island Discs Long-Play 10.00
Electric Ink 10.30 Party 11.00 The
Skivers 11.30-12.00 4 At The Store
LBC
10.00 David Lammy 1.00 Sangita
Myska 4.00 Ben Kentish 7.00 Rachel
Johnson 10.00 Nick Abbot 1.00
Darren Adam 4.00 Steve Allen
RADIO 3
9.00 Sunday Morning 12.00 Private
Passions 1.00 Lunchtime Concert. A
recital at London’s Wigmore Hall, with
brothers Paul and Huw Watkins playing
cello sonatas by Debussy and Faure (R)
2.00 The Early Music Show (R) 3.00
Choral Evensong (R) 4.00 Jazz Record
Requests 5.00 The Listening Service.
The enduring appeal of Rachmaninov’s
Second Piano Concerto (R) 5.30
Words And Music. Works on the theme
of electricity (R) 6.45 Sunday Feature.
Clare Pollard pieces together the life
and work of poet Anne Lock, a woman
living in 16th-century England who wrote
the first-ever sonnet sequence in the
English language 7.30 Drama On 3:
HashtagPublicEnemy, by Steve Waters.
The opening of a coastal eco-village is
interrupted because of toxic waste in
the water supply 9.00 Record Review
Extra. The recommended version of
Mahler’s Symphony No 6 in A minor
11.00 The Art Of Music. New series.
Anna Clyne explores how music and
art inspire each other 12.00 Classical
Fix (R) 12.30 Through The Night
CLASSIC FM
10.00 Music Programme 1.00 Catherine
Bott 4.00 John Humphrys 7.00
Charlotte Hawkins 10.00 Myleene Klass
1.00 Bill Overton 4.00 Lucy Coward
RADIO 2
9.00 Gaby Roslin 11.00 The Michael
Ball Show. With Janet McTeer and the
duo behind All on the Board 1.00
Elaine Paige 3.00 Sounds Of The 70s
5.00 Rob Beckett 7.00 Tony Blackburn
8.00 Sunday Night Is Music Night. A
concert from Hippdrome Circus in
Great Yarmouth (R) 10.00 Radio 2
Unwinds 12.00 Phil Williams 3.00
Dermot O’Leary 4.00 Nicki Chapman
VIRGIN RADIO
9.30 The Graham Norton Radio Show
12.30 Stu Elmore 4.00 Tim Cocker
7.00 Sunday Special 8.00 Bam 12.00
Sean Goldsmith 4.00 James Merritt

TIMES RADIO

TALKSPORT

6.00 Chloe Tilley And Calum
Macdonald 10.00 Kate McCann And
Adam Boulton 1.00 Alexis Conran
4.00 Ayesha Hazarika 7.00 Books
To Live By With Mariella Frostrup.
A personality talks about the books
that have shaped their life 7.30
A Times Podcast 8.00 Stories Of Our
Times 8.30 Matt Chorley 9.00 Past
Imperfect. With Alice Thomson and
Rachel Sylvester 10.00 Darryl Morris
1.00 Highlights From Times Radio

9.00 Jonny Owen And Friends 11.00
Warm Up 1.00 GameDay Live: Cardiff
City v Leeds United. Kickoff 2.00 4.00
GameDay Live: Manchester City v
Chelsea. Kickoff 4.30 7.00 Boot Room
9.00 Trans Europe Express 12.00
A Talksport Special 1.00 Extra Time

To get in touch with the Times Radio
studio, text TIMES plus your message
to 87222. Texts cost your standard
message charge.

RADIO 4 FM 92.4-94.6 MHz
LW 198 kHz (1515m), MW 720 kHz
LBC FM 97.3 MHz
RADIO 3 FM 90.2-92.4 MHz
CLASSIC FM FM 100-102 MHz
RADIO 2 FM 88-90.2 MHz
TALKSPORT MW 1053,
1071, 1089, 1107 kHz

8 January 2023 33

BBC1
6.00 Breakfast The latest reports.
9.15 Rip Off Britain Scams.
10.00 Big Little Crimes An
everyday burglary solves a
series of dramatic ram-raids.
10.45 For Love Or Money (R)
11.15 Homes Under The Hammer
Properties at auction. (R)
12.15 Bargain Hunt Curios.
1.00 News; Weather Reports.
1.45 Doctors Emma and Luca
have a chance to catch up.
2.15 The Farmers’ Country
Showdown Emotions run
high at Melplash Show.
3.00 Escape To The Country (R)
3.45 The Repair Shop Items.
4.30 Make It At Market A textile
designer and a glassblower
try to turn a profit.
5.15 Pointless Unorthodox quiz. (R)
6.00 News; Weather Reports.
6.30 Regional News Update.
7.00 The One Show Features.
7.30 EastEnders A blast from the
past rattles Zack; and Martin
is stunned by what he learns.
8.00 We Are England Regional
current-affairs reports.
8.30 The Bidding Room The
dealers battle each other to
buy an old hairdryer found
in an attic in France, a Corgi
toy circus, movie posters
signed by the stars, and a
ventriloquist’s dummy. (R)
9.00 CHOICE Silent Witness An
abandoned lorry is found
with several dead and dying
people in the back, and Nikki
and the team must identify
the deceased and piece
together what happened.
(S26, ep 3; see Critics’ choice)
10.00 News; Weather Reports.
10.40 James Arthur — Out Of Our
Minds The Middlesbroughborn singer opens up about
his mental-health struggles
and issues he has had with
antidepressants as he
prepares to go on tour. (R)
11.40 The Graham Norton Show
The host is joined by guests
including the actors Jamie
Dornan and James Norton;
plus, Lewis Capaldi performs
his current single. (R)
12.30 Have I Got News For You
Jack Dee hosts the satirical
current-affairs quiz. (R)
1.05-6.00 Joins BBC News
SCOTLAND 6.30 Reporting Scotland.
8.00 Money For Nothing. 10.40
Scot Squad. 11.10 James Arthur
— Out Of Our Minds. 12.10 The
Graham Norton Show. 1.00 Have I
Got News For You. 1.35 BBC News.

BBC2

ITV1
ITV

CHANNEL 4

CHANNEL 5

6.30 Bargain Hunt Curios. (R)
7.15 Make It At Market (R)
8.00 Antiques Roadshow
Children’s toys. (Signed, R)
9.00 News; Weather Headlines.
12.15 Politics Live Discussion.
1.00 Snooker Live coverage of the
third match in the opening
round of the Masters, which
is between Ronnie O’Sullivan
and Luca Brecel, held at
the Alexandra Palace.
5.15 Flog It! Selling valuables. (R)
6.00 House Of Games With
Jasmine Harman, Dave
Johns, Suzannah Lipscomb
and Jason Mohammad.
6.30 Take A Hike The first of five
walks on the Isle of Skye
in the Inner Hebrides.
7.00 Nadiya’s Fast Flavours
Nadiya Hussain rustles up
assorted recipes, beginning
with comfort foods. (R)
7.30 Mastermind Subjects are
Theda Bara, the music of
Radiohead, Stephen Hawking,
and the Richard Sharpe
novels of Bernard Cornwell.
8.00 Only Connect Victoria Coren
Mitchell hosts another
second-round match as the
Scrummagers take on the
Croot Family for a place in
the quarter-finals of the quiz.
8.30 University Challenge The
second round of the student
quiz continues, with two
teams of four pitting their
wits against one another
as they try to secure a
place in the quarter-finals.
9.00 The Mayfair Hotel Megabuild
The team adopts unusual
measures to make way for the
four-storey roof extension;
and the digging out of the
basement reaches its fifth
and deepest level. (2/3)
10.00 QI Rose Matafeo, Lou
Sanders, Ross Noble and
regular Alan Davis answer
Sandi Toksvig’s questions
involving some ticks, a bit
of tax and a few toes. (R)
10.30 Newsnight The day’s events.
11.15 Snooker Highlights of the
Masters first-round match
between John Higgins
and Jack Lisowski.
12.05 Snooker Extra Extended
highlights of a Masters
first-round match on day two.
2.05 Countryfile (Signed, R)
3.00 Miriam Margolyes —
Australia Unmasked The
unique Australian ethos of
‘the Fair Go’. (Signed, R)
4.00-5.00 The Traitors (Signed, R)

6.00
9.00
10.00
12.30

Follow the leader (BBC2, 6.30pm)

6.10 Countdown Gameshow. (R)
6.50 3rd Rock From The Sun (R)
7.40 Everybody Loves Raymond
Family comedy series. (R)
9.00 Frasier American sitcom. (R)
10.25 Undercover Boss USA (R)
11.25 News; Weather Reports.
11.30 Couples Come Dine With Me
Parties in Bournemouth. (R)
12.30 Steph’s Packed Lunch
2.10 Countdown Gameshow.
3.00 A Place In The Sun Advice.
4.00 A New Life In The Sun
A man and his dog open a
boutique B&B in Almería.
5.00 Come Dine With Me — The
Professionals Chefs battle
it out in Manchester. (R)
6.00 The Simpsons Bart and Lisa
visit Kamp Krusty. (R)
6.30 Hollyoaks Chester soap. (R)
7.00 News; Weather Reports.
8.00 CHOICE Amazing Spaces
New series. The architect
George Clarke visits a
carpenter trying to save a
boat from the breakers yard,
and a woman with a vintage
caravan that she wants to
turn into a vegan cafe.
(See Critics’ choice)
9.00 The Kardashians — Billion
Dollar Dynasty Examining
the impact of Kanye West on
the family’s fortunes, as well
as how they have used
social-media as a successful
business vehicle. (2/2)
10.00 999 — On The Front Line
Two paramedic crews rush to
a man who is said to not be
breathing, but there is a
surprise in store when
they arrive; and too much
alcohol leaves a woman
unconscious in the street.
11.05 Emergency Helicopter
Medics Heli-medics help
a woman who collapses
with a cardiac arrest; and a
motorcyclist collides with
a car trying to avoid ducks
crossing the road. (R)
12.05 Murder In The Outback —
The Falconio And Lees
Mystery Documentary
examining the killing of Peter
Falconio in July 2001. (1/4, R)
1.00 Ramsay’s Kitchen
Nightmares USA Advice. (R)
1.50 The Simpsons Cartoon. (R)
2.15 Couples Come Dine With Me
Dinner parties in Marbella. (R)
3.05 Old House, New Home (R)
4.00 Grand Designs (R)
4.55 New Life In The Country
Insights. (Series 1, ep 2, R)
5.50-6.10 Kirstie’s House Of Craft
Making paper gift bags. (R)

Milkshake! Fun for children.
Jeremy Vine Debate.
Traffic Cops Crime. (R)
News; Weather Reports.
Home And Away Felicity is
determined to try and
play matchmaker. (R)
2.15 The Mother-in-Law Thriller,
with Dey Young. A woman’s
life takes a turn for the worse
when her mother-in-law
moves in and she discovers
she has ulterior motives. (R)
4.00 Bargain-Loving Brits In
The Sun Documentary.
5.00 News; Weather Reports.
6.00 Holiday Homes In The Sun
Featuring rental properties
in Combe Martin and
Ilfracombe, Devon. (R)
6.55 News; Weather Reports.
7.00 Police Interceptors The
officers are on the tail of a
fast-moving Astra that has
been reported as stolen. (R)
7.55 News; Weather Reports.
8.00 Traffic Cops A tip-off leads
to a drug bust in North
Yorkshire, as well as the
arrest of a suspected
drug runner travelling
through the county with a
huge haul of cannabis.
9.00 Police — Night Shift 999 PCs
are called to a suspected
fight, but all is not at it seems
and they end up trying to get
to the bottom of an alleged
drug deal gone wrong.
10.00 Casualty 24/7 — Every
Second Counts Staff at
Barnsley Hospital deal with a
heart attack, traffic-collision
injuries, allergic reactions
and chainsaw wounds as
they serve the South
Yorkshire community. (R)
11.05 999 — Critical Condition
A man with a torn aorta, the
main artery in the body, needs
urgent medical attention
to prevent catastrophic
internal bleeding. (R)
12.05 Police Interceptors
Nottinghamshire officers
are back with a bang as the
interceptors clash with a
runaway driver in one of the
most epic police pursuits
ever caught on camera. (R)
1.00 The LeoVegas Live Casino
Show Interactive gambling.
3.00 Entertainment News Gossip.
3.05 Holiday Homes In The Sun (R)
3.55 Get Your Tatts Out — Kavos
Ink A love-heart tattoo. (R)
4.45 Divine Designs Insights. (R)
5.10 House Doctor Advice. (R)
5.40-6.00 Children’s Shows Fun.

9.45 Amser
MaithAmber
Maith Yn
Ol 10.00
10.00
River City.
learns
who
Blociau
10.05 Daher
’Di council
Dona 10.15
is
tryingRhif
to sabotage
Octonots
10.30
10.45 Guto
efforts
10.30
TheGwdihw
Scotts. Collette
and
Gwningen
11.00
Cywion
Bachparty
11.05
Darren
throw
a gender
reveal
Pablo Growing
11.20 Anifeiliaid
Bach Y
Byd
11.00
Up Scottish.
Comics
11.30atPatrol
Pawennau
11.45
Awyr
look
art and
weddings
11.30Iach 12.00
Newyddion
Tywydd
12.00
Sky High
Club — A’r
Scotland
12.05
Cymry Documentary
Ar Gynfas 12.30
Heno
And
Beyond.
following
1.00staff
Pobol
Y crew
Rhondda
1.30 WilSTV
Ac
the
and
of Loganair
AeronGood
— Taith
Rwmania
2.00
6.00
Morning
Britain
9.00
Newyddion
A’r Tywydd
2.05 12.30
Lorraine
10.00
This Morning
Prynhawn
Da 3.00
A’r
Loose
Women
1.30Newyddion
News; Weather
Tywydd
3.05 Cynefin
Awr
2.00
Dickinson’s
Real 4.00
Deal 3.00
Fawr: Odo
Halibalw
Lingo
4.004.10
Tipping
Point.4.20
QuizPablo
show

4.35 Oli
4.45
Gwdihw
5.00
5.00
TheWyn
Chase
6.00
Regional
News
Stwnsh:
Y Dyfnfor
5.25
Cer
I Greu
6.30
News;
Weather
7.00
Emmerdale.
5.45
5.55
Ffeil 6.00
Straeon
ThereBwystfil
is tension
between
Rhona
and
Y
Ffin 6.30
Rownd
A Rownd
Naomi;
Bernice
faces
upset; 6.57
and
Newyddion
S4C 7.00
7.30
Dawn is thankful
for anHeno
opportunity
Newyddion
TywyddOxford
8.00 Sgwrs
7.30 FA CupA’r
Football:
United
Dan
Y LloerLive
8.25
Ffasiwn of
Drefn.
v Arsenal.
coverage
the thirdDecluttering
transforming
a
round tie heldand
at Kassam
Stadium.
wardrobe
in Cardiff
8.55 Newyddion
Kickoff 8.00
10.20 News;
Weather
A’r
Tywydd
9.00
Ffermio
9.30
Pen
10.50
Regional
News
11.00
Scotland
Petrol.
electric
cars a spin—
TonightGiving
11.25 All
Elite Wrestling
10.00
Sgorio.
Action
from the JD
Rampage
12.25
Teleshopping
Cymru
Premier
3.00 Lingo
3.5010.30-11.35
Night VisionAm Dro!
Celebrity
Christmas
special
5.05-6.00
Dickinson’s
Real Deal

Good Morning Britain
Lorraine Lifestyle chat.
This Morning Features.
Loose Women Interviews
and studio discussion from
a female perspective.
1.30 News; Weather Reports.
2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal David
Dickinson and experts Simon
Schneider, Fay Rutter, Alison
Chapman and Tracy ThackrayHowitt assess items brought
in for valuation in Swindon.
3.00 Lingo Hosted by Adil Ray.
4.00 Tipping Point Gameshow,
hosted by Ben Shephard.
5.00 The Chase Quiz show,
hosted Bradley Walsh.
6.00 Regional News Update.
6.30 News; Weather Reports.
7.00 Emmerdale There is
tension between Rhona
and Naomi; Bernice faces
upset; and Dawn is thankful
for an opportunity.
7.30 FA Cup Football: Oxford
United v Arsenal. Mark
Pougatch presents live action
from the third-round tie at
Kassam Stadium. With
analysis from Ian Wright and
Karen Carney, commentary
by Sam Matterface and Lee
Dixon, and reports from
Gabriel Clarke. Kickoff 8.00.
10.20 News; Weather Reports.
10.50 Regional News Headlines.
11.05 Heathrow — Britain’s
Busiest Airport A new Border
Force officer arrives on a
hectic day at the airport and
sets to work investigating job
scams; the grass is in need
of a trim, and a duo rave
about airside safety. (R)
11.35 All Elite Wrestling —
Dynamite Action from the
world of All Elite Wrestling.
1.15 Teleshopping Goods.
3.00 Lingo Hosted by Adil Ray. (R)
3.50 Unwind Daily relaxation.
5.05-6.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal
The team assess a selection
of items in Swindon. (R)

VARIATIONS
BBC1SCOTLAND
WALES 3.00
Wales’
BBC
2.00
SignHome
Zone:Of
TheKind
YearOf
3.30
Weatherman
Walking
My
Town:
Girvan 2.30
Sign
8.00 Question
Of Sport
BBC2
Zone:
Iain Robertson
Rambles.
WALES
10.00
Of Outrage
S4C
The
actor
takesAge
on the
Hebridean
6.00 aCyw:
Blociau
Rhif 6.05
Da ’Di
Way,
200-mile
challenge
that
Dona 6.15
6.30
Gwdihw
includes
10Octonots
islands, six
causeways
6.45two
Guto
Gwningen
7.00
Cywion
and
ferries,
as well
as exciting
Bach 7.05 along
Pablo 7.20
Anifeiliaid
diversions
the route
Bach Y Byd Sign
7.30Zone:
PatrolThis
Pawennau
3.00-4.00
Farming
7.457.00
AwyrMy
Iach
8.00
Mali
8.05
Life
Kind
Of Sali
Town:
Girvan
Sblij AIain
Sbloj
8.15 Rapsgaliwn
7.30
Robertson
Rambles 8.30
8.00
Abadas
8.45 Hafod
Haulfor
9.00
This
Farming
Life. Plans
theCaru
Canushop
A Stori
Y Diwrnod
Mawr
farm
are9.10
halted
by a dramatic
9.25 Sion
Y Chef
birth
in Loch
Ness9.35
9.00Nico
TheNog
Nine

34 8 January 2023

1L
1G

YOU SAY

MONDAY

6.00
9.15
12.45
1.40
1.45

A Spy Among Friends was full of style, class and
wonderful acting, but spoilt by too many advert
breaks. It was our first look at ITVX but won’t be
rushing to it again. What a shame.
Gillian Drakeford
I’ve just wasted two hours watching Mayflies
(BBC1). Tully was such an unpleasant, miserable
character that I didn’t care if he lived or died.
Myrfyn Jones
Send your comments to: telly@sunday-times.co.uk

THE BEST TV FROM AMAZON AND BEYOND...

MONDAY 9 JANUARY

CRITICS’ CHOICE
The US And The Holocaust
(BBC4, 10pm)
Ken Burns, Lynn Novick and
Sarah Botstein (the trio
behind The Vietnam War) are
reunited for what promises
to be an outstanding series
about America’s response to
German genocide. Their first
film begins in the years from
1880 to 1929, with increasing
criticism of the open door for
immigrants symbolised by
Ellis Island and the Statue of
Liberty. Then it shuttles
between the nations and
their leaders as the 1930s
advance: Hitler seizing power
and relentlessly intensifying
persecution; Roosevelt
constrained by a racist
anti-immigration consensus
that dictates a cautious
stance on Jewish refugees.
Historians and Holocaust
survivors are the excellent
interviewees.
John Dugdale

Amazing Spaces
(C4, 8pm)
In case you’ve lost track
of George Clarke’s many
series, this is the one devoted
to quirky, improbable
self-builds, often involving
conversions of cars or other
means of transport. In the
opening episode of his new
run we get two of them, as he
meets a carpenter determined
to save a boat from the
knacker’s yard, and a woman
hoping to turn a vintage
caravan into a vegan café.
Clarke (who also squeezes in
a trip to view a chic flat in
Israel) has a personal link
to the latter project, as his
own grand design across
this series is creating an
Arts and Crafts caravan to
replace one he built ten years
previously. JD

ON DEMAND
The Afterparty (Apple +)
From the team that brought
you such knowing, genresavvy film comedies as
21 Jump Street and The Lego
Movie comes this fleet-footed
burlesque whodunnit in
which individual episodes
are shot in a style that best
suits the individual suspects

MOVIE CHOICE

Starting over: immigrants waiting for their Ellis Island transfer in 1912 (BBC4, 10pm)

With his new film Empire of
Light (review, page 14), the
director Sam Mendes adds
to the group of movies that
celebrate the joys of cinemagoing. Recent examples are
Save The Cinema (today,
Sky Cinema Family, 2pm)
and Kenneth Branagh’s
Belfast (today, Sky Cinema
Hits, 6.20pm), which draws
on his childhood memories
of trips to the flicks. Among
older films, Buster Keaton’s
Sherlock Jr (BFI Player)
finds surrealism in a
cinema, the Martin Scorsese
children’s film Hugo (Netflix)
recalls the days when movies
first cast their spell, and
Matinee (Arrow) stars John
Goodman as a 1960s fleapit
showman. Meanwhile,
Amazon Freevee has the
definitive feelgood film
about going to the pictures:
Cinema Paradiso.
Edward Porter

Hornby — A Model World
(Yesterday, 8pm)
The men of Hornby are
operating at fever pitch
tonight with the launch of
a new Flying Scotsman at a
scale that some say can’t be
done. Will a mere 3D printer
replicate the detailing of such
a magnificent locomotive to
table-top measurements? Not
without a fair bit of fiddling.

Meet The Khans — Big In
Bolton (BBC3, 8.30pm)
Viewers are warned, as this
reality show begins its second
series, that “Some scenes
have been recreated for
entertainment purposes.”
Amir Khan and wife Faryal’s
show is low on amusement,
their moneyed life set against
incessant, painful bickering of
their marriage.

Nacho Libre (Sky Cinema
Comedy, 9.35am)
Playing a Mexican-raised friar
who becomes a costumed
wrestler, Jack Black squeezes
himself into tight leggings
and hurls himself into action.
His gusto vastly increases
the comic power of Jared
Hess’s film, a work of modest,
cheerful silliness. (2006)
Edward Porter

FILM CHOICE

Crafty: George Clarke (C4, 8pm)

Silent Witness (BBC1, 9pm)
After more than 170 episodes
there can’t be many crime
scenes that Dr Nikki
Alexander can’t attend to
quickly and quietly, but what
fun would that be for viewers?
Thank heavens for Velky the
new trainee, whose presence
means that she gets to explain
everything very slowly indeed.
Helen Stewart

The Mountain Between Us
(Film4, 6.40pm)
With Kate Winslet and Idris
Elba playing travellers thrown
together when their aircraft
crashes in the Rockies, Hany
Abu-Assad’s film gives us
modern stars in old-fashioned
hokum. Its scenes of peril
have just enough thrills and
spills to keep action-movie
fans from getting restless.
Its ideal viewer, though, is
someone in the mood for the
love story that takes shape as
the characters try to escape
the wilderness. The stars’
doughty performances never
waver as all that mountainous
snow gives way to happy
romantic slush. (2017)

Gripping stuff (SCC, 9.35am)

(romantic comedy, horror,
action movie, animation).
Unashamedly structured
as a showcase for its
exceptional comic cast (Ben
Schwartz, Zoë Chao, Sam
Richardson etc), yet with
a narrative that always
remembers to be quirkily
inventive and darkly funny,
this is the perfect panacea for
all who felt bereft after
finishing season two of Only
Murders in the Building.

The Inbetweeners (All4)
A one-time British institution,
this unashamedly puerile
sitcom about four hapless,
sex-obsessed sixth-formers is
perhaps in danger of slipping
out of our affections, replaced
by the likes of Derry Girls and
Ghosts. But ten years on, Iain
Morris and Damon Beesley’s
creation has aged well,
especially in its ability to
capture the rich boredom of
suburban Britain in the 2010s.

Paris Is Burning
(BBC iPlayer)
At a time when RuPaul’s Drag
Race dominates our screens
it’s easy to forget how
influential Jennie Livingston’s
1990 documentary about the
New York drag ball subculture
was. Set against the backdrop
of the AIDS pandemic, it is a
heartfelt film, transcending
stereotypes to show the
resilience of an embattled
community. Andrew Male

Aftersun (Mubi)
In its picture of a divorced dad
(Paul Mescal) and his 11-yearold daughter (Frankie Corio)
on a Mediterranean holiday,
this drama captures the pair’s
loving relationship while
hinting at secret turmoil.
Nothing too grim happens,
but the film’s tensions are
riveting. The writer-director
Charlotte Wells shows superb
talent in this debut feature.
(2022) EP
8 January 2023 35

MONDAY 9 JANUARY

BBC3

BBC4

7.00pm Hungry For It The cooks
level up vegetarian junk food.
8.00 Young Masterchef The final
cooks take on pizza night.
8.30 CHOICE Meet The Khans
— Big In Bolton New series.
The Khans enjoy a holiday
with friends and family. (S3,
ep 1; see Critics’ choice)
9.00 Gordon Ramsay’s Future
Food Stars The acerbic chef
sets out on the hunt for the
next generation ‘food star’.
10.00 Search Party Dory tries to
reassure the missing
woman’s parents. (S1, ep 3)
10.25 Search Party Dory
tries to casually grill Chantal’s
awkward ex over supper.
10.50 Back To Life Comedy.
12.05 As 8.30pm
12.35 Young Masterchef
1.05 Hungry For It Cooking.
2.05 Back To Life (Series 1, ep 4)
3.20 Young Masterchef
3.50-4.00 Press X To Continue

7.00pm Great Indian Railway
Journeys Michael Portillo
travels from Mysuru, aka
Mysore, to Chennai,
formerly Madras. (3/4)
8.00 Vienna — Empire, Dynasty
And Dream Examining the
transformation of Vienna into
a great cultural capital. (2/3)
9.00 Britain’s Lost Masterpieces
Bendor Grosvenor finds a
painting from the 1770s at
the Manchester Art Gallery.
10.00 CHOICE The US And The
Holocaust New series.
Examining how the American
people and their leaders
responded to the Holocaust.
(See Critics’ choice)
12.00 Ireland To Sydney By Any
Means A peaceful ride
through Vietnam comes
to an abrupt end when the
team is left adrift on a small
speedboat in rough seas.
1.00-3.55 The Capture Thriller.

DRAMA

SKYARTS

The Bill Police drama series.
Classic EastEnders Soap.
Howards’ Way (S1, ep 6)
Pie In The Sky Drama.
All Creatures Great And
Small (Series 6, ep 8)
5.25 As Time Goes By Comedy.
6.00 Are You Being Served?
6.40 ’Allo ’Allo! Classic comedy.
7.20 Last Of The Summer Wine
8.00 The Inspector Lynley
Mysteries An MP’s
illegitimate daughter is
kidnapped. (Series 2, ep 2)
10.00 New Tricks Brian believes
his days with Ucos are
numbered. (Series 10, ep 3)
11.10 Hustle The con-artists set out
to rob the National Bank of
Syria. (Series 6, ep 6)
12.30 ’Allo ’Allo! Classic comedy.
1.10 As Time Goes By Comedy.
1.50 Pie In The Sky Drama.
2.50-4.00 Howards’ Way Drama.

6.00pm Alfred Hitchcock
Presents: The Avon Emeralds.
A woman is suspected of
smuggling a necklace.
6.30 Alfred Hitchcock
Presents: The Kind Waitress.
A waitress plots murder.
7.00 Andre Rieu — Live In Brazil
The violinist’s first-ever
concert in Sao Paulo.
9.00 Spike Milligan — The
Unseen Archive A look at
recently unearthed film,
interviews and scripts from
the comedy writer and
performer’s archive.
10.35 Comedy Legends Barry
Cryer pays tribute to comedy
acts, beginning with Tommy
Cooper. (Series 1, ep 1)
11.35-12.35 Discovering Doris Day
A profile of the actress and
singer, who starred in a series
of popular film musicals.

FILMS

SKY CINEMA GREATS
6.00am The Weather Man (2005, 15)
7.50 Alfie (1966, 15) 9.45 Interstellar
(2014, 12) 12.35 Inception (2010, 12)
3.05 Last Chance Harvey (2008, 12)
4.45 Penelope (2007, U) 6.20 Nanny
McPhee. A widower struggles to control
his seven unruly children, until a
strange-looking nanny steps in. (2005,
U) 8.00 Nanny McPhee And The Big
Bang. A woman struggling to look
after her children and the family farm
receives help from the magical nanny.
(2010, U) 10.00 Gambit. Comedy
remake. (2012, 12) 11.35 Last Chance
Harvey (2008, 12) 1.20 Blithe Spirit
(2020, 12) 3.10 The Impossible (2012,
12) 5.15-6.00 Sky Cinema Preview

11.40
12.40
2.00
3.10
4.10

SKY CINEMA PREMIERE
6.20am The Duke (2020, 12) 8.00 The
Last Son. An outlaw learns he is cursed
to die at the hand of one of his
children, so he decides to hunt them
down. (2021, 15) 9.55 Hounded (2022,
15) 11.45 Operation Mincemeat (2021,
12) 2.00 Downton Abbey — A New Era
(2022, PG) 4.15 Hounded (2022, 15)
6.05 The Last Son. Details as 8am.
8.00 Fantastic Beasts — The Secrets
Of Dumbledore. Albus Dumbledore
must assist Newt Scamander as
Grindelwald leads an army to destroy
all Muggles. (2022, 12) 10.25 Operation
Mincemeat (2021, 12) 12.40 Crimes Of
The Future (2022, 18) 2.35 Downton
Abbey — A New Era (2022, PG) 4.456.25 The Amazing Maurice (2022, PG)
SKY CINEMA THRILLER
2.35pm Vantage Point (2008, 12) 4.20
Old (2021, 15) 6.10 Poker Face (2022,
15) 8.00 Welcome To The Punch. A
detective tries to recapture an escaped
criminal. (2013, 15) 9.55 Red Lights. A
paranormal-investigator tries to prove
a psychic is a fraud. (2012, 15) 11.55
The Birthday Cake. A man reluctantly
takes a cake to his uncle — a mob boss.
(2021, 15) 1.45-3.30 Killer Joe (2011, 18)

36 8 January 2023

SKY CINEMA SELECT
2.05pm Harry Potter And The Order Of
The Phoenix (2007, 12) 4.25 Harry
Potter And The Half-Blood Prince
(2009, 12) 7.00 Harry Potter And The
Deathly Hallows, Part 1. The teenage
wizard sets out to destroy Voldemort.
(2010, 12) 9.30 Harry Potter And The
Deathly Hallows, Part 2 (2011, 12) 11.45
Fantastic Beasts And Where To Find
Them (2016, 12) 2.00 Fantastic Beasts
— The Crimes Of Grindelwald (2018,
12) 4.20-6.45 Fantastic Beasts — The
Secrets Of Dumbledore (2022, 12)

ITV2
6.00pm Celebrity Catchphrase
With Chris Hoy, Martine
McCutcheon and Faye Tozer.
7.00 Ninja Warrior Semi-final of the
obstacle-course challenge.
8.00 Superstore Staff are asked to
take all purchases straight to
customers’ cars. (Series 5, ep
9) 8.30 Superstore Sandra
and Jonah represent the staff
during contract negotiations.
9.00 Family Guy Three traditional
fairy tales are retold. (S12, ep
10) 9.30 Family Guy Brian’s
estranged television star son
turns up. 10.00 Family Guy
Peter forms a relationship
with an elderly friend of his
late mother. 10.30 Family
Guy Peter discovers he has
a vestigial twin. (S12, ep 2)
11.00 Family Guy Quagmire
becomes a sex slave.
11.30-12.00 American Dad! The
Smiths take a trip on an old
steam locomotive. (S16, ep 22)

ITV4
5.55pm The Motorbike Show
6.55 Premiership Rugby Union
Highlights Gloucester v
Saracens and Newcastle
Falcons v Leicester Tigers.
8.00 The Chase With Hayley
Tamaddon, Geoff Hurst, Rob
Beckett and Gaby Roslin.

ITV3

Classic Emmerdale Soap.
Classic Coronation Street
George And Mildred Sitcom.
Marple Mystery drama,
with Geraldine McEwan.
11.30 Heartbeat Rural drama.
1.40 Classic Emmerdale Soap.
2.40 Classic Coronation Street
3.45 Inspector Morse A schoolgirl
goes missing. (Series 2, ep 2)
6.00 Heartbeat A CND rally causes
a rift. 7.00 Heartbeat Village
life is disrupted by a circus
family accused of corrupting
the vicar’s daughter.
8.00 Vera DCI Stanhope
investigates a murder at a
remote country house, but
no sooner does she arrive,
than a second body is
discovered. (Series 6, ep 3)
10.00 DCI Banks Two people
claiming to be social workers
take away a woman’s son,
but when they fail to return,
Banks is drawn into the
search for the missing boy.
(Series 3, ep 1) 11.00 DCI
Banks The body found on
the moors is identified as
11-year-old Andre Petri, and
with Kyle Heath still missing,
Banks divides his team to
search for a connection
between the cases.
12.05 Marple (Series 2, ep 1)
2.15 Unwind Daily relaxation.
2.30-6.00 Teleshopping Goods.

6.00pm The Big Bang Theory
A petty argument between
Leonard and Sheldon creates
a rift among their friends.
(Series 9, ep 21) 6.30 The Big
Bang Theory The gang runs
into Penny’s old boyfriend.
7.00 Hollyoaks Chester soap.
7.30 Modern Family Claire
confronts the next-door
neighbours. (Series 6, ep 12)
8.00 The Great Celebrity Bake
Off An edition for Stand Up
To Cancer, with Harry Hill,
Martin Kemp, Roisin
Conaty and Bill Turnbull.
9.00 Gogglebox Opinions on
An Audience with Adele,
Michael McIntyre’s The
Wheel, and Close to Me.
10.00 Naked Attraction A look
through the archive of the
unconventional dating show.
11.05-12.10 First Dates A part-time
wrestler returns to the
restaurant for another chance.

6.00
7.00
8.05
9.15

9.00 FILM: Gran Torino Stars
Clint Eastwood and Bee
Vang. A Korean War veteran
is drawn into protecting a
teen from a gang. Gritty.
(2008, 15; includes FYI Daily)
11.25 FILM: Pale Rider Stars Clint
Eastwood. A mysterious
preacher helps a mining
community battle a ruthless
landowner. Excellent. (1985,
15; includes FYI Daily)
1.50 The Professionals Drama.
2.45 Unwind Daily relaxation.
3.00-6.00 Teleshopping Goods.

FILM4
11.00am Hatari! (1962, U) 2.10 The
Long Memory (1952, PG) 4.05 The
Long Ships. A warrior leading a Viking
crew in search of a bell of solid gold is
captured by the Moors. (1963, PG)
6.40 CHOICE The Mountain Between
Us. A neurosurgeon and a bride try to
survive after their plane crashes in the
wilderness. (2017, 12; see Film choice)
9.00 Kingsman — The Secret Service.
A streetwise teenager is given the
chance to work with a secret spy
organisation. (2015, 15) 11.40 Daredevil.
A blind attorney with radar-like senses
leads a double life as a masked vigilante.
(2003, 15) 1.45-4.00 Ray & Liz. The
story of a photographer’s upbringing in
a Black Country council flat. (2018, 15)
TALKING PICTURES TV
3.00pm Harriet Craig (1950) 4.55 The
London Nobody Knows. Some of the
city’s less well-known areas. (1969, U)
6.00 The Footage Detectives. Footage
of weddings in the 1950s and 1960s
7.00 In Suspicious Circumstances
8.00 The Main Chance. A client wants
to thwart a local councillor’s plans.
9.00 The Nanny. A mysterious woman
becomes nanny to a boy who believes
she is a killer — with good reason.
(1965, 15) 11.00-12.05 Secret Army
1L
1G

Meet The Khans (BBC3, 8.30pm)

ENTERTAINMENT
GOLD
7.30am Hold The Sunset 8.00 Keeping
Up Appearances 8.40 My Hero 9.20
Are You Being Served? 10.00 Still Open
All Hours 10.40 Last Of The Summer
Wine 12.00 Keeping Up Appearances
12.40 My Hero 1.20 Dad’s Army 2.00
Still Open All Hours 2.40 Are You Being
Served? 3.20 Last Of The Summer
Wine 4.40 Dinnerladies 5.20 Keeping
Up Appearances 6.00 Are You Being
Served? 6.40 Dad’s Army 8.00
Dinnerladies 9.20 The Royle Family
10.00 Not Going Out 10.35 Live At The
Apollo 11.45 Absolutely Fabulous 1.05
French And Saunders 3.00 Not Going
Out 3.30-4.00 Absolutely Fabulous
SKY COMEDY
6.00pm The Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air
6.30 Futurama 7.30 The US Office
8.00 The Conners 8.30 The US
Office 9.00 Black Monday 11.00 Sex
And The City 12.00 Veep 1.10 Smilf
3.05 AP Bio 4.05-5.00 Futurama
SKY WITNESS
6.00pm Nothing To Declare 8.00 Blue
Bloods 9.00 Coroner. The death of a
homeless person is investigated
10.00 The Equalizer 11.00 Blue Bloods

MORE4
5.55pm Love It Or List It Kirstie
and Phil meet a couple in
East Grinstead, West Sussex.
6.55 Escape To The Chateau Dick
Strawbridge and Angel
Adoree make plans to host
weddings in the grounds.
7.55 Grand Designs Charting the
progress of a commercial
architect and his art-director
wife as they try to build a
family home near York.
9.00 George Clarke’s
Remarkable Renovations
A pig farmer restores a Grade
II listed slaughterhouse and
butcher’s shop in Suffolk.
10.00 24 Hours In Police Custody
A devastating high-speed
crash that followed an
apparent break-in.
11.05-12.10 Swingers People who
engage in group sex or
swap sexual partners.

12.00 FBI 1.00 Bull 2.00 Law & Order:
Special Victims Unit 3.00 UK Border
Force 4.00 Road Wars 5.00-6.00
Brit Cops — Law & Disorder
W
6.00pm Property Brothers — Forever
Homes 7.00 Masterchef USA 8.00
Changing Rooms Australia. New series.
Home renovation show 9.30 DIY SOS
10.50 24 Hours In A&E 11.50 Nurses On
The Ward 12.50-3.00 Tipping Point
5 STAR
6.00pm Home And Away 7.00 GPs
— Behind Closed Doors 8.00
Bargain-Loving Brits In The Sun 9.00
Rich Kids Go Skint 10.00 Cold Case
Killers 11.00 Countdown To Murder
12.00 Skin A&E 1.00 My Lover, My Killer
2.00 GPs — Behind Closed Doors
3.00-3.45 Amazing Cleans
5 USA
6.00pm NCIS 9.00 The Blacklist 10.00
Law & Order: Special Victims Unit
1.50 The Blacklist 3.35-4.00
Criminals — Caught On Camera
COMEDY CENTRAL
8.00am My Wife And Kids 9.00 The
Middle 10.00 Last Man Standing 12.00
Friends 9.00 Paddy McGuinness —
Saturday Night Live. A stand-up show

TALKTV

SKYATLANTIC

SPORT

6.00 James Max Morning update.
6.30 The Julia Hartley-Brewer
Breakfast Show Update.
10.00 The Independent Republic
Of Mike Graham
1.00 Ian Collins Monologues,
debates and time for calls.
4.00 Vanessa Feltz Update.
7.00 Jeremy Kyle Live Taking
on the issues that matter.
8.00 Piers Morgan Uncensored
The day’s global events.
9.00 The Talk Debate.
10.00 First Edition A look at
tomorrow’s news, tonight.
11.00 Piers Morgan Uncensored
12.00 Petrie Hosken The best and
latest news stories overnight.
1.00 Vanessa Feltz Update.
2.00 Jeremy Kyle Live Debate.
3.00 Piers Morgan Uncensored
4.00 The Talk Discussion.
5.00-6.00 James Max Update.
Available on Sky 522; Freeview 237;
Virgin 606; Freesat 217; YouTube,
connected TVs and smart devices

Urban Secrets Documentary.
The Sopranos US drama.
True Blood Thriller.
Game Of Thrones (S1, ep 4)
True Detective Crime drama.
The Sopranos Carmela
uncovers a secret. (Series 1,
ep 3) 4.35 The Sopranos
Uncle Junior seeks revenge.
5.45 True Blood Sookie hatches
a dangerous plan. (Series 7,
ep 3) 6.50 True Blood
Sookie enlists a band of
vampires and humans to
track down the H-Vamps.
7.55 Game Of Thrones Ned tries
to stop Robert from entering
the tournament after a
suspicious death. (S1, ep 5)
9.00 Succession Logan weighs up
a huge decision. (S2, ep 10)
10.20 My Brilliant Friend While
on holiday, Lila’s son
Gennaro fights with Elena’s
daughters. (Series 3, ep 8;
Italian with subtitles)
11.50 Big Little Lies The seemingly
perfect lives of three
American mothers begin to
unravel. (Series 1, ep 1)
12.55 Babylon Berlin Crime drama
set in the 1920s, with
Volker Bruch. (Series 1, ep 1)
1.55 Babylon Berlin Rath
tries to interrogate Konig.
(German with subtitles)
2.55 Game Of Thrones (S1, ep 5)
4.00-6.00 Urban Secrets Insights.

SKY SPORTS MAIN EVENT
6.00am News 7.00 Good Morning
Sports Fans 7.45 LIVE Big Bash
League: Hobart Hurricanes v Melbourne
Stars. Coverage of the Australian
T20 match at Blundstone Arena 11.45
The Best Of The Big Bash 12.00
Transfer Talk 1.00 News 5.00 News
Special 5.30 News 7.00 News Special
8.00 News 10.30 Back Pages Tonight.
The sports headlines in tomorrow’s
newspapers 11.00-6.00 News

SKYMAX
6.00pm NCIS: New Orleans A
radio show DJ overhears the
murder of a US navy captain
via an on-air call. (S2, ep 17,
R) 7.00 NCIS: New Orleans
The team prepare for the St
Patrick’s Day festivities. (R)
8.00 Agatha Raisin A case of
infidelity leads to murder.
(Series 2, ep 3, R) 9.00
Agatha Raisin There is no
rest for the sleuth as her
Norfolk murder investigation
takes a dramatic turn. (R)
10.00 A League Of Their Own Road
Trip — Dingle To Dover
Andrew Flintoff and Jamie
Redknapp travel around
Britain and Ireland. (1/6, R)
11.00-12.00 The Force —
Manchester A traffic cop
gets more than he bargained
for when he pulls over a man
for not wearing a seat belt. (R)

10.00 Rhod Gilbert’s Growing Pains
11.00 Drunk History. Comedy 12.00
The Ricky Gervais Show 12.30 South
Park 2.30 The Ren & Stimpy Show
3.00-3.20 Beavis And Butt-Head
YESTERDAY
6.00am History Hunters 8.00
Abandoned Engineering 9.00 Secret
Nazi Bases 10.00 The Buildings That
Fought Hitler 11.00 Fred Dibnah’s Age
Of Steam 12.00 Great British Railway
Journeys 1.00 Great British Railway
Journeys Goes To Ireland 2.00 Bangers
And Cash 4.00 Secret Nazi Bases 5.00
The Buildings That Fought Hitler 6.00
Great British Railway Journeys Goes To
Ireland 7.00 Fred Dibnah’s Age Of
Steam 8.00 CHOICE Hornby — A
Model World. New series. (See Critics’
choice) 9.00 The Architecture The
Railways Built 10.00 Bangers And Cash
11.00 Abandoned Engineering 12.001.00 Great British Railway Journeys
DAVE
6.00pm Taskmaster 7.00 House Of
Games 7.40 Would I Lie To You? 8.20
QI 9.00 QI XL 10.00 Have I Got A Bit
More Old News For You 11.00
Taskmaster 12.00 Mock The Week
12.40 Would I Lie To You? 1.20 QI 2.00
House Of Games 2.30 Famalam 2.554.00 Modern Wheels Or Classic Steals

6.00
7.00
9.25
11.35
12.40
3.30

Clint Eastwood (ITV4, 9pm)

FACTUAL
NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC
6.00pm Lost Treasures Of Egypt 7.00
Air Crash Investigation 8.00 To Catch A
Smuggler 9.00 Ultimate Airport Dubai.
Highlights from the series 10.00 Car
SOS 11.00 Air Crash Investigation
12.00 Wicked Tuna — North v South
1.00-2.00 Ice Road Rescue
DISCOVERY
6.00pm Salvage Hunters 7.00 Diesel
Brothers 8.00 Outback Truckers 9.00
Kindig Customs. A 1969 Camaro 10.00
Mike Brewer’s World Of Cars 11.00
Naked And Afraid 12.00 Combat
Dealers 1.00-2.00 Kindig Customs
PBS AMERICA
5.15pm Jazz 6.25 Mutant Weather 7.25
The Last Voices Of World War One
8.30 KGB — The Sword And The
Shield 9.35 Jazz 10.50-12.00
KGB — The Sword And The Shield
SKY DOCUMENTARIES
6.00am Comedy Store 7.05 Discovering
8.00 The Directors 9.00 Kingdom Of
Dreams 10.00 The Lady And The Dale
11.05 The Guest Wing 12.00 Becoming
Warren Buffett 1.45 My Icon 2.00 Missile
From The East 4.00 The Directors

EUROSPORT 1
6.00am Dakar Rally 7.00 Alpine Skiing
8.00 Tennis: Best Of The Australian
Open 9.00 LIVE ATP Tennis: The
Adelaide International. Coverage of
day one of the ATP 250 event from
Memorial Drive Tennis Centre, featuring
first-round matches 11.00 Dakar Rally.
The latest news on the rest day 12.00
Alpine Skiing. Two editions 2.00 Ski
Jumping 3.00 ATP Tennis 4.00 Alpine
Skiing 6.00 Ski Jumping 7.00 ATP
Tennis 8.00 Dakar Rally 9.00 Alpine
Skiing 10.00 ATP Tennis 11.00 Dakar
Rally 12.00 Ski Jumping 1.00 ATP
Tennis 2.00 Dakar Rally 3.00 ATP
Tennis 4.00-6.00 Masters Snooker
BT SPORT 1
6.00am ESPN FC 6.30 Premier League
Reload 6.45 What I Wore 7.00 WWE
NXT Highlights 8.00 Premier League
— The Big Interview 8.30 Premier
League Stories 9.00 What I Wore 9.30
Joe Cole Cast 10.00 Classics In Europe
10.30 Classics In Europe 11.00 Classics
In Europe 12.00 Films 1.30 Premier
League Legends 2.00 Currie Club 2.30
Classics In Europe 3.00 Test Cricket
Highlights 5.00 Deaf Away Days 5.15
Premier League Reload 5.30 LIVE
Serie A: Hellas Verona v Cremonese.
Coverage of the Italian top-flight
encounter from Stadio Marc’Antonio
Bentegodi. Kickoff at 5.30 7.30 LIVE
Serie A: Bologna v Atalanta. Coverage
of the Italian top-flight game from
Stadio Renato Dall’Ara. Kickoff at 7.45
9.45 Goals Reload 10.15 What I Wore
10.30 ESPN FC Presents: Gab & Juls
11.00 WWE Raw Highlights 12.00
WWE Smackdown Highlights 1.00
LIVE WWE Monday Night Raw.
Wrestling coverage, featuring the
likes of Asuka, Bianca Belair, Randy
Orton and Seth Rollins 4.15 What Went
Down 5.15 Goals Reload 5.30-6.00
ESPN FC Presents: Gab & Juls

5.00 Discovering 6.00 Kingdom Of
Dreams 7.00 The Lady And The Dale
8.05 The Guest Wing 9.00 Bowling For
Columbine 11.20-1.05 Foreman
SKY NATURE
6.00am Battle Of The Alphas 7.00
Malawi Wildlife Rescue 8.00 Monkey
Life 9.00 Orangutan Jungle School
10.00 Africa’s Wild Horizons 11.00
Equator 12.00 One Planet, One Chance
1.00 Monkey Life 2.00 Malawi Wildlife
Rescue 3.00 Orangutan Jungle School
4.00 Africa’s Wild Horizons 5.00
Equator 6.00 One Planet, One Chance
7.00 Monkey Life 8.00 Predators 9.00
Planet Shark 10.00 One Planet, One
Chance 11.00-12.00 Equator
DISCOVERY HISTORY
6.00am Nasa’s Unexplained Files 7.00
How The Universe Works 8.00 HMS Ark
Royal 9.00 Combat Dealers 10.00
Treasure Quest — Snake Island 11.00
Atlantis In The Andes 12.00 Nasa’s
Unexplained Files 1.00 Expedition
Unknown 2.00 Curse Of The Bermuda
Triangle 3.00 Blowing Up History 4.00
Mysteries At The Museum 5.00 HMS
Ark Royal 6.00 How The Universe
Works 7.00 Expedition Unknown 8.00
Combat Dealers 9.00 Mysteries Of The
Missing 10.00 How The Universe Works
11.00-12.00 Atlantis In The Andes

RADIO
PICK OF THE DAY

In Dark Corners
Radio 4, 8pm
Alex Renton, pictured,
follows up his series looking
at abuse in public schools
with few teachers being
charged; Renton follows
two who ended up in South
Africa. In a new series,
Misha Glenny discusses The
Invention Of Russia (Radio
4, 11am). Kim Chakanetsa
looks at women in Turkey
and Egypt who are fighting
to make divorce fairer in The
Conversation (BBC World
Service, 11.30am).
Clair Woodward
RADIO 4
5.30 News 5.43 Prayer 5.45 Farming
Today 5.58 Tweet Of The Day (R) 6.00
Today 9.00 Start The Week. New run.
Tom Sutcliffe is joined by Kenan Malik,
Francesca Sobande and Don Paterson
9.45 Book Of The Week: Clubland, by
Peter Brown 9.45 (LW) Daily Service
10.00 Woman’s Hour 11.00 The
Invention Of Russia. New series. Misha
Glenny explores the history of Russia
11.30 Made Of Stronger Stuff (R) 12.00
News 12.01 (LW) Shipping 12.04 You
And Yours 1.00 The World At One 1.45
NatureBang. New run. The science
behind phenomena in the natural world
2.00 The Archers (R) 2.15 This Cultural
Life (R) 3.00 Counterpoint. New run
3.30 The Food Programme (R) 4.00
Warsan Shire On A Nation Of Poets (R)
4.30 Beyond Belief 5.00 PM 5.54 (LW)
Shipping 6.00 News 6.30 Just A Minute
7.00 The Archers 7.15 Front Row 8.00
In Dark Corners. Follow-up to the series
about historical abuse in boarding
schools 8.30 Crossing Continents (R)
9.00 Born In Bradford (R) 9.30 Start
The Week (R) 10.00 The World Tonight
10.45 Book At Bedtime 11.00 Lights
Out 11.30 Today In Parliament 12.00
News 12.30 Book Of The Week (R)
12.48 Shipping 1.00 As World Service
TIMES RADIO
5.00 Anna Cunningham With Early
Breakfast 6.00 Aasmah Mir And Stig
Abell With Times Radio Breakfast
10.00 Matt Chorley 1.00 Mariella
Frostrup 3.00 Jane Garvey And Fi
Glover 5.00 John Pienaar With Times
Radio Drive 7.00 Pienaar And Friends
8.00 The Evening Edition With Kait
Borsay 10.00 Carole Walker 1.00
Stories Of Our Times. Daily podcast
1.30 Red Box. Politics podcast
2.00 Highlights From Times Radio
To get in touch with the Times Radio
studio, text TIMES plus your message
to 87222. Texts cost your standard
message charge.

RADIO 4 EXTRA
5.00 And Other Stories: Katherine
Mansfield 6.00 Busman’s Honeymoon
6.30 War Of The Worlds 7.00 Machines
Like Me 7.15 Talking About Jane
Austen In Baghdad 7.30 In And Out Of
The Kitchen 8.00 Brothers In Law 8.30
Legal, Decent, Honest And Truthful
9.00 All The Way From Memphis 9.30
My Turn To Make The Tea (R) 10.00
And Other Stories: Katherine Mansfield
11.00 Busman’s Honeymoon 11.30 War
Of The Worlds 12.00 Machines Like Me
12.15 Talking About Jane Austen In
Baghdad 12.30 In And Out Of The
Kitchen 1.00 Brothers In Law 1.30
Legal, Decent, Honest And Truthful
2.00 All The Way From Memphis 2.30
My Turn To Make The Tea (R) 3.00 And
Other Stories: Katherine Mansfield
4.00 Busman’s Honeymoon 4.30 War
Of The Worlds 5.00 Machines Like Me
5.15 Talking About Jane Austen In
Baghdad 5.30 In And Out Of The
Kitchen 6.00 Brothers In Law 6.30
Legal, Decent, Honest And Truthful
7.00 Jake Yapp’s Unwinding 10.00 Just
A Minute 10.30 Lucy Montgomery’s
Variety Pack 11.00 The News Quiz
11.30-12.00 As Told To Craig Brown
LBC
7.00 Nick Ferrari 10.00 James O’Brien
1.00 Shelagh Fogarty 4.00 Tom
Swarbrick 6.00 Tonight With Andrew
Marr 7.00 Iain Dale 10.00 Ian Payne
1.00 Darren Adam 4.00 Steve Allen
RADIO 3
6.30 Breakfast 9.00 Essential Classics
12.00 Composer Of The Week: Mozart
(R) 1.00 Lunchtime Concert. Live at
Wigmore Hall, the Mithras Trio perform
pieces by Frank Bridge and Beethoven
and give the world premiere of Joy
Lisney’s Petrichor 2.00 Afternoon
Concert. NHK Symphony Orchestra,
Tokyo performs Beethoven’s Symphony
No 7 in A 4.30 New Generation Artists
5.00 In Tune 7.00 In Tune Mixtape
7.30 In Concert. Francois-Xavier Roth
conducts Les Siecles in Franck’s Le
Chasseur Maudit, Symphony in
D minor and Symphonic Variations
and Debussy’s La Mer 9.15 Northern
Drift. With the poet Antony Dunn and
collaborative musicians Nightports
10.00 Music Matters. Kate Molleson
talks to the Finnish composer Kaija
Saariaho (R) 10.45 The Essay. The
writer and entrepreneur Margaret
Heffernan explores how artists
embrace uncertainty as a key part of
the creative process, 11.00 Night
Tracks 12.30 Through The Night
CLASSIC FM
6.00 Tim Lihoreau 9.00 Alexander
Armstrong 12.00 Anne-Marie Minhall
4.00 John Brunning 7.00 Zeb Soanes
10.00 Margherita Taylor 1.00
Bill Overton 4.00 Lucy Coward
RADIO 2
6.30 The Zoe Ball Breakfast Show 9.30
Ken Bruce. Sara Pascoe picks tracks
12.00 Jeremy Vine 2.00 Scott Mills
4.00 Sara Cox 7.00 Jo Whiley 9.00
The Blues Show 10.00 Trevor Nelson
12.00 OJ Borg 3.00 Pick Of The
Pops (R) 4.00 Nicki Chapman
VIRGIN RADIO
6.30 The Chris Evans Breakfast Show
10.00 Eddy Temple-Morris 1.00 Jayne
Middlemiss 4.00 Steve Denyer 7.00
Bam 10.00 Amy Voce 1.00 Sean
Goldsmith 4.00 James Merritt
TALKSPORT
5.00 Early Breakfast 6.00 Breakfast
With Laura Woods 10.00 Jim White
And Simon Jordan 1.00 Hawksbee
And Jacobs 4.00 Drive 7.00 Kickoff
10.00 Sports Bar 1.00 Extra Time

8 January 2023 37

BBC1
6.00 Breakfast The latest reports.
9.15 Rip Off Britain Scams.
10.00 Big Little Crimes A tip leads
police to crack the UK’s
biggest case of food fraud.
10.45 For Love Or Money (R)
11.15 Homes Under The Hammer
Properties at auction.
12.15 Bargain Hunt Curios. (R)
1.00 News; Weather Reports.
1.45 Doctors Luca thinks outside
the box to help his patient.
2.15 The Farmers’ Country
Showdown The pig farmers
compete in a heatwave
at the Royal Welsh Show.
3.00 Escape To The Country (R)
3.45 The Repair Shop The experts
repair a camera, a toy rabbit
and a draughts board.
4.30 Make It At Market Giving a
blacksmith and a furnituremaker the opportunity to turn
their hobbies into businesses.
5.15 Pointless Unorthodox quiz. (R)
6.00 News; Weather Reports.
6.30 Regional News Update.
7.00 The One Show Features.
7.30 EastEnders Zack’s world is
turned upside down; and
Denise plans to put the spark
back into her marriage.
8.00 Waterloo Road Waterloo
Road is rocked by shocking
news; Danny finds himself in
the behavioural unit; and Kim
shares the truth about her
personal life. (Series 11, ep 2)
9.00 Silent Witness The humantrafficking case becomes
clear as the Lyell team work
together to investigate the
lorry deaths; and Gabriel is
presented with an ethical
dilemma when he becomes
emotionally invested.
(Series 26, ep 4)
10.00 News; Weather Reports.
10.40 Pretty Little Liars — Original
Sin New series, wth Bailee
Madison. A set of teenagers
find themselves tormented
by an unknown assailant.
(1/10) 11.35 Pretty Little Liars
— Original Sin Imogen and
her new friends plot revenge
on their common nemesis.
12.25 Would I Lie To You? With Bez,
Motsi Mabuse, Shazia Mirza
and Steve Pemberton. (R)
12.55 Ambulance The night team
deals with the consequences
of a busy day shift. (R)
2.00-6.00 Joins BBC News
SCOTLAND 6.30 Reporting
Scotland; Weather. 7.00 River City.
12.25 The Edit. Entertainment news.
12.40 Ambulance. 1.45 BBC News.

BBC2

ITV1
ITV

CHANNEL 4

CHANNEL 5

6.30 The Farmers’ Country
Showdown Documentary. (R)
7.15 Make It At Market A textile
designer and a glassblower
try to turn a profit. (R)
8.00 Digging For Britain In
southern England. (Signed, R)
9.00 News; Weather Headlines.
12.15 Politics Live Discussion.
1.00 Snooker Live coverage of
the fifth first-round match of
the Masters between Mark
Allen and Barry Hawkins at
Alexandra Palace, where
day three gets under way.
5.15 Flog It! Interesting and
previously unseen finds. (R)
6.00 House Of Games With guests
Jasmine Harman, Dave Johns,
Suzannah Lipscomb
and Jason Mohammad.
6.30 Take A Hike The second walk
on the Isle of Skye is a hike
around Loch Coruisk.
7.00 This Farming Life A bumper
lambing season is in full
swing at the Cursiter family
farm in Orkney, and energy
is required to get through
these gruelling weeks. (R)
8.00 The Hairy Bikers Go Local
Dave Myers and Si King head
to Norfolk, hunting for local
produce for a creative
country pub chef to help him
keep the menu fresh for
his 40-seat restaurant.
9.00 CHOICE Miriam Margolyes
— Australia Unmasked
Miriam travels through South
Australia, where she tackles
ageism, discovers vulnerable
individuals and communities
and has an eye-opening stay
at a nudist club. (See Critics’
choice; last in series)
10.00 Detectorists Members of a
rival club seem to already
know about the possible
location of King Sexred
of the East Saxons, which
leads the gang to believe
they have a mole within
their ranks. (Series 1, ep 2, R)
10.30 Newsnight The day’s events.
11.15 Snooker Action from this
evening’s first-round match
of the Masters between Mark
Williams and David Gilbert
at Alexandra Palace.
12.05 Snooker Extra Extended
highlights of a first-round
match on day three of the
Masters at Alexandra Palace.
2.05 Digging For Britain Alice
Roberts visits digs including
a lost medieval friary. (R)
3.05 Flipping Profit (Signed, R)
3.50-4.50 Tokyo Vice (Signed, R)

6.00
9.00
10.00
12.30
1.30
2.00
3.00

6.00 Milkshake! Fun for children.
9.15 Jeremy Vine Debate.
12.45 Traffic Cops An officer is
surrounded by a mob. (R)
1.40 News; Weather Reports.
1.45 Home And Away Kirby
accuses Theo of reading
her messages. (R)
2.15 Stalked — Saving My
Daughter Drama, with
Lyndsy Fonseca. A law
student is raped and
becomes pregnant, but
decides to have the baby. (R)
4.00 Bargain-Loving Brits In The
Sun Documentary following
Brits who moved to Spain
for sun and a low-cost life.
5.00 News; Weather Reports.
6.00 Holiday Homes In The Sun
Properties on the Canary
Island of Fuerteventura. (R)
6.55 News; Weather Reports.
7.00 GPs — Behind Closed Doors
Dr Eleanor Beecraft treats a
woman who can barely stand
for dizziness; and Dr Amir
Khan offers support to a
patient who is struggling with
a rare blood cancer diagnosis.
7.55 News; Weather Reports.
8.00 Dogs Behaving (Very) Badly
Dog trainer Graeme Hall
meets an Australian
labradoodle that is being
overbearing with its love; and
a cockapoo that has taken
against its male owner.
9.00 New Lives In The Wild
Ben Fogle heads down under
to meet an elderly woman
living alone in a ramshackle
house in the wilds of
northern Queensland.
10.00 CHOICE Tulsa King Drama,
with Sylvester Stallone. An
ageing gangster is surprised
to learn that his mafia bosses
have nothing left for him
in New York and are
sending him to Oklahoma.
(1/10; see Critics’ choice)

Uncovering Australia (BBC2, 9pm)

6.10 Countdown Gameshow. (R)
6.50 3rd Rock From The Sun (R)
7.40 Everybody Loves Raymond
Family comedy series. (R)
9.00 Frasier American sitcom. (R)
10.25 Undercover Boss USA (R)
11.25 News; Weather Reports.
11.30 Couples Come Dine With Me
Parties at Bournemouth. (R)
12.30 Steph’s Packed Lunch
2.10 Countdown Gameshow.
3.00 A Place In The Sun Seeking a
home in Dordogne, France.
4.00 A New Life In The Sun A B&B
owner holds a launch party.
5.00 Come Dine With Me — The
Professionals A Rochdale
couple hope to wow their
guests with their food. (R)
6.00 The Simpsons Marge gets
the lead role in a play. (R)
6.30 Hollyoaks Eric takes Maxine
to an unknown location
and reveals his plans. (R)
7.00 News; Weather Reports.
8.00 Food Unwrapped’s Healthy
Hacks Jimmy Doherty is in
India exploring the health
claims behind pomegranates,
including claims that the fruit
can be useful in helping
Alzheimer’s sufferers. (R)
9.00 CHOICE 24 Hours In A&E
A 74-year-old is rushed in
with suspected sepsis and his
wife shares her experience
as his full time carer; and a
61-year-old comes in after
a fall. (See Critics’ choice)
10.00 Belfast Midwives A woman
goes into a long labour with
her IVF-conceived child;
another has to have an
emergency C-section;
and a woman’s labour
becomes very emotional.
11.05 Life After Love Island
— Untold Will Njobvu talks to
previous contestants from
Love Island about what
happens when they leave the
show and how their lives
change, including Paige
Turley and Finn Tapp.
12.05 Murder In The Outback —
The Falconio And Lees
Mystery How Joanne Lees
came under scrutiny from
the British and Australian
press as they hounded her
for an interview. (2/4, R)
1.05 I Am Ruth (Series 3, ep 1, R)
2.45 Couples Come Dine With Me
Parties in Birmingham. (R)
3.40 The Great Pottery Throw
Down A birthday tea set. (R)
4.45 New Life In The Country
Insights. (Series 1, ep 3, R)
5.40-6.10 Food Unwrapped (R)

9.35 Cymylaubychain
9.45 Sbarc
11.00-12.00
Darren McGarvey’s
10.00 Olobobs
Halibalw
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1.00
Ceffylau
Cymru
News;
Weather
2.00
Dickinson’s
1.30 Deal.
Ffermio
2.00
Newyddion
Real
David
Dickinson
andA’r
his
Tywydd
Prynhawn
DaLingo.
3.00
team
are2.05
in Oldham
3.00
Newyddion
A’r Tywydd
3.05
With
contestants
from Birmingham,
Fairbourne
Y Mor Wrth
Y Drws
Surrey
and —
Manchester
4.00
Tipping
4.00 Awr
Timpo Quiz
4.10 show
Jambori
Point
5.00Fawr:
The Chase.

4.20 Twt
4.35 News
Ein Byd
Bach
Ni 4.45
6.00
Regional
6.30
News;
Sigldigwt7.30
5.00Emmerdale.
Stwnsh: Siwrne
Ni
Weather
The police
5.05 Ar
Goll loved
Yn Ozones
5.30in;
Y Goleudy
bring
Cain’s
and Kim
5.55
Ffeil 6.00
Colleen
Ramsey
is
impressed
when
Gabby
shows—
Bywyd A 8.00
BwydThe
6.30
Sgorio
6.57
initiative
Martin
Lewis
Newyddion
S4C
7.00
Heno 7.30
Money
Show.
Tips
on clearing
Newyddiondebts
A’r Tywydd
8.00 Pobol
Christmas
9.00 Bradley
&
Y Cwm.Walsh
Cai fears
his career
is over
Barney
— Breaking
Dad
8.25 Rownd
8.55Scotland
10.00
News A
AtRownd
Ten 10.40
Newyddion
A’rThe
Tywydd
9.00 Rygbi
Tonight
11.05
John Bishop
Show
CymruBradley
— Y Gem
Yn Y Gwaed.
The
11.50
& Barney
Walsh —
story of Welsh
rugbyTeleshopping
10.00 Heliwr.
Breaking
Dad 12.15
Carlo Dickinson’s
and SaverioReal
try to
locate
3.00
Deal
3.50
Giovanni
Brusca
11.00-11.35
Ar Werth
Night
Vision
5.05-6.00
Lingo

Good Morning Britain
Lorraine Lifestyle chat.
This Morning Features.
Loose Women Debate.
News; Weather Reports.
Dickinson’s Real Deal
Lingo Contestants from
Birmingham, Surrey and
Manchester take part.
4.00 Tipping Point Gameshow.
5.00 The Chase Bradley Walsh
presents the quiz show.
6.00 Regional News Update.
6.30 News; Weather Reports.
7.30 Emmerdale The police pull
Cain’s loved ones in for
questioning; the stakes
are high at the farm; and
Kim is impressed when
Gabby shows initiative.
8.00 The Martin Lewis Money
Show After a high spending
festive season for many, the
financial expert welcomes in
the new year with bill-busting
tips and suggestions about
how to clear debts.
9.00 Bradley & Barney Walsh
— Breaking Dad New series.
The father-son duo head to
Mexico, where they try the
sport of lucha libre wrestling.
9.30 Bradley & Barney
Walsh — Breaking Dad The
duo enter a bat cave and join
the cast of Cirque du Soleil.
10.00 News At Ten Bulletin.
10.30 Regional News Headlines.
10.45 The John Bishop Show The
comedian and actor performs
topical stand-up routines
and chats to guests from the
worlds of film, television,
sport and music. (R)
11.25 Kate Garraway’s Life Stories
The presenter is joined by
Charlotte Church, who talks
about her rise to fame at the
age of 12, and her turbulent
love life. (Last in series, R)
12.20 Teleshopping Goods.
3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal (R)
3.50 Unwind Daily relaxation.
5.05-6.00 Lingo Quiz. (R)

VARIATIONS
BBC1
WALES 3.00
Wales’
Home Of
BBC SCOTLAND
7.00
Loggerheads.
Yearteams
3.30 Weatherman
Walking
The two
head for the Isle
of
12.557.30
The Apprentice
BBC2
WALES
Skye
Sky High Club
— Scotland
11.15Beyond.
First Minister’s
Questions
S4C
And
Documentary
following
6.00
Cyw:staff
Olobobs
6.05 of
Halibalw
the
young
and crew
6.15 Twt 6.30
Jenlift
A Jim
Dim
Loganair,
as they
the Pob
lid on
what
6.45
Bydhigh
Tad-Cu
7.00
Og YisDraenog
a
career
in the
clouds
all
Hapus8.00
7.10 Stiw
Byd Bach
about
Who 7.20
OwnsEin
Scotland?
Ni 7.30Geissler
Blero Yntravels
Mynd to
I Ocido
Martin
towns7.45
and
Sigldigwt
8.00
Caru Canu
8.05
cities
across
Scotland
to discover
Shwshaswyn
8.15 Asra
where
responsibility
lies8.30
— orDigbi
should
Draig
8.45 Do
Re Mi to
Dona
9.00urban
lie
— when
it comes
owning
Sam 9.00
Tan 9.10
Mali A’u
Byd
land
TheBen
NineA10.00
Being
Bach OIn
Hud
9.20 Llan-ar-goll-en
Jewish
Scotland.
Documentary

38 8 January 2023

1L
1G

YOU SAY

TUESDAY

11.05 FILM: Rambo — Last Blood
Stars Sylvester Stallone and
Paz Vega. John Rambo must
confront his past and unearth
his ruthless combat skills to
exact revenge in one final
mission. Flimsy. (2019, 18)
1.00 The LeoVegas Live Casino
Show Interactive gambling.
3.00 Entertainment News Gossip.
3.05 Holiday Homes In The Sun (R)
3.55 Get Your Tatts Out — Kavos
Ink A Celtic cross tattoo. (R)
4.45 Divine Designs (R)
5.10 House Doctor Advice. (R)
5.40-6.00 Children’s Shows Fun.

On EastEnders (BBC1), all I can see is women
trying to strangle each other. There’s screaming
and shrieking and utter ghastliness along with
adults cajoling young people to lie and cheat.
What messages are being sent to young audiences?
Jonty Butler
Whatever the problems, and there are many, the
answer can’t possibly be more Alfie Moon.
Gordon Stewart
Send your comments to: telly@sunday-times.co.uk

THE BEST TV FROM IPLAYER AND BEYOND...

TUESDAY 10 JANUARY
RADIO CHOICE

CRITICS’ CHOICE
Arcimboldo, Portrait
Of An Audacious Man
(Sky Arts/Now, 8pm)
The name of 16th-century
artist Giuseppe Arcimboldo
might not be too widely
recognised, but as this
documentary sets out,
anyone familiar with
surrealism, from Dalí to
Picasso, already has some
understanding of his legacy.
An Italian who moved to
Prague and worked for three
Holy Roman emperors, he
recorded court life, designed
theatrical costumes and both
delighted and disgusted with
his portraits made up of
animals, fish, birds, fruit and
vegetables. It is here that the
film most charms, as art
historians examine canvases
they know so well with a
magnifying glass, spotting
“Look, a salamander!” as if
courtiers themselves.
Helen Stewart

Reginald The Vampire
(Sky Sci-Fi/Now, 9pm,
10pm)
It’s likely that concerns
over “body-shaming” led
producers to change the title
of the Fat Vampire books from
which this loser comedy is
taken, and it’s a declaration of
timidity. Newly-minted
member of the undead
Reginald (Spiderman sidekick
Jacob Batalon) is already
unlucky in love and bullied in
his job, but according to his
“maker” Maurice (Mandela
van Peebles) his chief concern
should be that other
immortals will be mean to
him. Toying with vampire
conventions of fangs, blood
and predation this, just like
its protagonist, is
unambitious, sweet and
largely inoffensive. HS

ON DEMAND
Rosie Molloy Gives Up
Everything (Sky/Now)
If you’ve ever known someone
who’s battled addiction, the
first episode of Susan
Nickson’s comedy drama
might seem a little too much.
Sheridan Smith dives headfirst into the role of the titular
high-functioning addict, intent

Close to nature: Vertumnus by Arcimboldo is a portrait of Rudolf II (Sky Arts/Now, 8pm)

Unsafe Space
(Thursday, Radio 4, 11pm)
After a pilot which needed
a security presence when
protesters who viewed the
show as dangerously unwoke comedy threatened
to interrupt it, Unsafe Space
has been commissioned for a
full series. Producer/director
Jon Holmes has objected to
the idea that the series is “a
right wing thing”, pointing
out that it’s simply about
bringing diverse opinions
together on radio, instead
of on Twitter. Andrew Doyle
talks to Billy Bragg about
cancel culture and Simon
Evans tackles “diversity
and inclusion” with Marcus
Ryder of the Sir Lenny Henry
Centre for Media Diversity.
With comedy from Rosie
Wilby, Wilson Milton, Rosie
Holt, Tadiwa Mahlunge, and
Larry and Paul.
Clair Woodward

Miriam Margolyes —
Australia Unmasked
(BBC2, 9pm)
The ideal of “the fair go” falls
under Margolyes’ scrutiny in
this leg of her journey around
her adopted homeland. In
South Australia, she tests how
equal opportunity really is for
society’s vulnerable, while a
trip to a nudist club adds
travelogue value.

24 Hours In A&E
(Channel 4, 9pm)
This evening’s real-life
medical drama focuses on
the husbands and wives
navigating illness and injury
together in the A&E
department of Queen’s
Medical Centre, Nottingham.
There’s proof how much love
can be contained in the words
“what are you bloody like?”

Weird Science
(BBC3, 10pm)
If the body-changing science
in Crimes of the Future is a bit
too weird, you might prefer
this much sillier alternative:
John Hughes’s comedy about
two teenage boys (Anthony
Michael Hall and Ilan MitchellSmith) who create a fantasy
woman (Kelly LeBrock). (1985)
Edward Porter

FILM CHOICE

Mafioso move (Channel 5, 10pm)

Tulsa King
(Channel 5, 10pm)
A chance to catch up with
Sylvester Stallone’s thug-outof-water drama as it debuts on
Channel 5. There’s plenty of
action in the hero as he takes
on the role of mafioso Dwight
Manfredi, exiled from his New
York comfort zone to build a
new empire in Oklahoma.
Victoria Segal

Crimes Of The Future
(Sky Cinema Premiere,
10.15pm)
David Cronenberg’s vision
of the future in his latest
movie is in some ways a
return to his past. He made
his name as a director in the
genre that became known
as body horror, and here he
imagines a world where the
human anatomy is quickly
evolving and surgery is the
new sex. Viggo Mortensen
plays a performance artist
whose assistant (Léa Seydoux)
operates on him in front of
an audience. Although it
might not be enough to entice
squeamish folk, there is black
humour in this tale. (2022)

Reaching the parts (SCP, 10.15pm)

on destroying herself and
everyone around her while
projecting a false aura of
free-spirited rebellion. It’s
brash, excessive and devoid
of subtlety. Yet, gradually, a
different drama emerges, one
rich in subplots, family
demons and emotional depths
and aided by an excellent
supporting cast, particularly
Ardal O’Hanlon and Pauline
McLynn as Rosie’s equally
damaged parents.

Vampire Diaries (All4)
One of the delights of
streaming is discovering
a new favourite show that
has a whole eight seasons
to work through. Lazily
dismissed by some people as
soapy Twilight schlock, this
supernatural teen drama is
more like a complex blend of
Buffy and True Blood with
enough cliffhangers to keep
even the most jaded teen
audience gripped.

The Most Beautiful Flower
(Netflix)
Not every show needs to be
multi-layered. Loosely based
on the high-school years of
comedian Michelle Rodriguez,
this coming-of-age sitcom is
fluffy with a bittersweet edge,
a glossy tale of self-fulfilment
that’s lifted towards greatness
by Esmeralda Soto, who
portrays Mich with a bright,
vivacious energy.
Andrew Male

Rashomon (BFI Player)
This period drama, in which
characters give different
accounts of the same incident,
introduced the Japanese
director Akira Kurosawa to
western audiences. The
British Film Institute’s
subscription platform has
an array of his films — a
home-viewing alternative to
the Kurosawa season now
running at the BFI’s London
cinema. (1950) EP
8 January 2023 39

TUESDAY 10 JANUARY

BBC3

7.00pm Hungry For It With guest
judge Nathaniel Smith.
8.00 Young Masterchef The last
eight cooks face challenges.
8.30 Meet The Khans — Big In
Bolton There is trouble on a
family day out. (S3, ep 2)
9.00 Gordon Ramsay’s Future
Food Stars The chef tests
his contenders’ raw skills.
10.00 CHOICE Weird Science
Stars Kelly LeBrock. Teens
use their computer to design
the perfect woman, but are
shocked when she comes to
life. (1985, 15; see Film choice)
11.30
12.00
12.30
1.30

As 8.30pm
Young Masterchef
Hungry For It Culinary series.
Planet Sex The meaning of
beauty in the 21st century.
2.15 Hire Me — Competing For A
Dream Job Documentary.
3.15 Young Masterchef
3.45-4.00 Press X To Continue

DRAMA
The Bill Police drama series.
Classic EastEnders Soap.
Howards’ Way Drama.
Pie In The Sky Drama series.
All Creatures Great And
Small (Series 6, ep 9)
5.25 As Time Goes By Comedy.
6.00 Are You Being Served?
6.40 ’Allo ’Allo! The Fishmongers’
Parade proves a hindrance.
7.20 Last Of The Summer Wine
The trio find a canoe.
8.00 Dalziel & Pascoe A car crash
leaves Dalziel suspended
from duty. (Series 2, ep 4)
10.00 New Tricks After his
dismissal, Brian helps Esther’s
friend find her missing
brother. (Series 10, ep 4)
11.10 Hustle Drama series.
12.30 ’Allo ’Allo! Classic comedy.
1.10 As Time Goes By Sitcom.
1.50 Pie In The Sky Drama series.
2.50-4.00 Howards’ Way
11.40
12.40
2.00
3.10
4.10

FILMS
SKY CINEMA PREMIERE
6.25am The Duke (2020, 12) 8.10
Hounded (2022, 15) 10.00 The Last Son
(2021, 15) 11.55 Operation Mincemeat.
During the Second World War, two
officers use a corpse and false papers
to outwit German troops. (2021, 12)
2.10 Downton Abbey — A New Era
(2022, PG) 4.20 Hounded (2022, 15)
6.10 The Last Son (2021, 15) 8.00
Operation Mincemeat. As 11.55am.
10.15 CHOICE Crimes Of The Future.
Stars Viggo Mortensen and Léa
Seydoux. A performance artist
showcases the metamorphosis of his
organs in performances. (2022, 18;
see Film choice) 12.15 Downton Abbey
— A New Era (2022, PG) 2.35
Der Kaiser (2022, PG) 4.25-6.05
The Amazing Maurice (2022, PG)
SKY CINEMA THRILLER
2.25pm Reindeer Games (2000, 15)
4.25 Welcome To The Punch (2013, 15)
6.20 Red Eye (2005, 12) 8.00 The
Manchurian Candidate. A war veteran
is drawn into a conspiracy. (2004, 15)
10.20 Killer Joe. A man hires a hitman
to kill his mother, but the assassin
claims his sister as collateral. (2011, 18)
12.15-2.30 Brooklyn’s Finest (2009, 18)

40 8 January 2023

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

7.00pm Great Indian Railway
Journeys The next stage of
Michael Portillo’s travels is
from Lucknow to Kolkata.
8.00 To The Manor Born Audrey
gets a huge repair bill
for her Rolls-Royce car.
8.30 The Mistress Comedy, with
Felicity Kendal. A a woman
embarks on a relationship
with a married man. (1/6)
9.00 A History Of Britain Simon
Schama charts the period
from the Stone Age to the
Battle of Hastings. (1/15)
10.00 Catching Britain’s Killers
— The Crimes That Changed
Us The hunt for a killer in
1980s Leicestershire, which
led to DNA fingerprinting. (1/3)
11.00 Ancient Worlds Documentary
in which Richard Miles looks at
the roots of civilisation. (1/6)
12.00 Ireland To Sydney By Any
Means Documentary series.
1.00-3.55 The Capture Thriller.

6.00pm Celebrity Catchphrase.
7.00 Ninja Warrior Ben Shephard,
Rochelle Humes and Chris
Kamara present the second
part of the semi-final.
8.00 Superstore Amy struggles to
contact the store’s new
parent company. (Series 5,
ep 11) 8.30 Superstore The
supermarket employees
wrestle with the loss of
beloved co-worker Myrtle.
9.00 Kavos Weekender
Documentary series following
the lives of British tourists
and holiday reps in the
Greek party capital of Kavos
on the island of Corfu.
10.00 Family Guy Peter and his
cronies decide to confront
God. (Series 12, ep 13)
10.30 Family Guy Meg is
threatened by an unstable
new pupil. 11.00 Family Guy
The Griffins visit Italy.
11.30-12.00 American Dad!

6.00pm The Big Bang Theory
Penny tries to bond with
Leonard’s mother. (Series 9,
ep 23) 6.30 The Big Bang
Theory Leonard’s divorced
parents come to town.
7.00 Hollyoaks Verity’s funeral
threatens to end in tragedy.
8.00 The Great Celebrity Bake
Off In an edition for Stand Up
To Cancer, presenters Noel
Fielding and Sandi Toksvig
welcome comedians Lee
Mack and Joe Lycett, writer
and actor Griff Rhys Jones,
and television presenter
Melanie Sykes to the tent.
9.00 Gogglebox Opinions on
shows from 2021 including
I’m a Celebrity and Tiger
King 2 and Close to Me.
10.00 Naked Attraction Dating.
11.05-12.10 First Dates A laboratory
engineer tries to keep his
nerves under control when
he meets a lingerie designer.

SKYARTS

ITV4

Classic Emmerdale Soap.
Classic Coronation Street
George And Mildred Sitcom.
Marple Mystery drama,
with Geraldine McEwan.
11.30 Heartbeat Rural drama.
1.40 Classic Emmerdale Soap.
2.40 Classic Coronation Street
3.45 Inspector Morse The Oxford
detective experiences the
pangs of unrequited love
while looking into a murder at
a college. (Series 2, ep 3)
6.00 Heartbeat Nick risks his
career to ensure justice is
done when investigating the
death of a former policeman.
7.00 Heartbeat Nick’s
relationship suffers when
he goes for a job interview.
8.00 Midsomer Murders With
John Nettles. The discovery
of an elderly villager’s body in
the river leads Barnaby to
intrigue at an amateur
dramatics group, where one
of the actors is tricked into
killing himself on stage.
10.00 DCI Banks The body of an
investigative journalist is
found in a holiday chalet in a
remote village. (Series 3, ep
3) 11.00 DCI Banks The
detective races to find a
mysterious tape recording.
12.05 Marple Mystery drama.
2.15 Unwind Daily relaxation.
2.30-6.00 Teleshopping Goods.

6.00pm Alfred Hitchcock
Presents: Cheap Is Cheap.
A miser decides to kill his bigspending wife. 6.30 Alfred
Hitchcock Presents: The
Waxwork. A reporter spends
the night in a wax museum.
7.00 Wonderland — From JM
Barrie To JRR Tolkien The
worlds created by authors of
classic children’s literature.
8.00 CHOICE Arcimboldo,
Portrait Of An Audacious
Man Examining the work and
legacy of the 16th-century
artist Giuseppe Arcimboldo.
(See Critics’ choice)
9.15 Andrea Bocelli — Cinema
The tenor performs favourites
from classic movies including
The Godfather, Dr Zhivago
and Breakfast at Tiffany’s.
11.10-12.25 Mae West — Dirty
Blonde Profile of the actress.

SKY CINEMA GREATS
6.00am Gambit (2012, 12) 7.45
Penelope (2007, U) 9.30 Nanny McPhee
(2005, U) 11.20 Nanny McPhee And
The Big Bang (2010, U) 1.20 Peter
Rabbit 2 (2021, U) 3.10 The Patriot
(2000, 15) 6.00 Peter Pan. The boy
who never grows old whisks Wendy
Darling and her brothers away on an
adventure to Neverland. (2003, PG)
8.00 Stardust. A man enters a fantasy
world to track down a fallen star to
give to the girl of his dreams. (2007,
PG) 10.10 The English Patient (1996,
15) 12.55 The Talented Mr Ripley
(1999, 15) 3.25-6.00 Oliver! (1968, U)
SKY CINEMA SELECT
2.30pm Harry Potter And The Goblet
Of Fire (2005, 12) 5.10 Harry Potter
And The Order Of The Phoenix (2007,
12) 7.30 Harry Potter And The
Half-Blood Prince. The teenage wizard
must uncover the secrets of Lord
Voldemort’s past. (2009, 12) 10.05
Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows,
Part 1. The teenage wizard sets out to
destroy the evil Voldemort. (2010, 12)
12.35 Harry Potter And The Deathly
Hallows, Part 2 (2011, 12) 2.50 Harry
Potter And The Philosopher’s Stone
(2001, PG) 5.25-8.10 Harry Potter And
The Chamber Of Secrets (2002, PG)

5.55pm The Motorbike Show
6.55 The Chase Scott Mills,
Sunetra Sarker, Anthony
Ogogo and Johnny Ball take
part for their chosen charities.
8.00 Made In Britain Insights.
9.00 FILM: Passenger 57 Stars
Wesley Snipes. A former cop
boards a flight on which a
terrorist is being transported
to prison and becomes
embroiled in a hijack attempt.
Formulaic action thriller.
(1992, 15; includes FYI Daily)
10.50 All Elite Wrestling —
Rampage Wrestling action.
12.00 All Elite Wrestling — Battle
Of The Belts Wrestling action.
1.05 Auto Mundial Motoring show.
1.30 Motorsport Mundial
2.00 Driving Force Interview show.
2.50 Unwind Daily relaxation.
3.00-6.00 Teleshopping Goods.

FILM4
11.00am Dark Command (1940, U)
12.55 The Pink Panther (1963, PG) 3.10
Attack! (1956, PG) 5.20 Three Hours To
Kill. After being framed for murder and
narrowly escaping the town mob, a
man returns three years later to find
the real killer. (1954) 6.55 Congo.
A group of explorers encounter
vicious apes while searching for King
Solomon’s mines. (1995, 12) 9.00
Kingsman — The Golden Circle. Secret
agents join forces to bring down a
psychotic femme fatale. (2017, 15)
11.45-2.55 Amores Perros. Three men
become inextricably linked by two
dogs and a car crash. (2000, 18)
TALKING PICTURES TV
2.10pm Love Is A Many Splendored
Thing (1955, U) 4.15 Jet Storm (1959,
U) 6.00 Scotland Yard 6.35 Marilyn.
A woman helps the man who
accidentally killed her husband start
a new life, but a loan shark grows
suspicious. (1953, PG) 8.00 Maigret.
Lapointe investigates a shooting while
off duty. 9.05 Murder By Contract.
A hitman gains a reputation for ruthless
efficiency, but everything changes
when he is hired to kill a woman
for the first time. (1958, 18) 10.40
Look At Life 11.00-12.00 Public Eye
1L
1G

6.00
7.00
8.05
9.15

In gear (Sky Comedy/Now, 9pm)

ENTERTAINMENT
GOLD
7.30am Hold The Sunset 8.00 Keeping
Up Appearances 8.40 My Hero 9.20
Are You Being Served? 10.00 Porridge
10.40 Last Of The Summer Wine 12.00
Keeping Up Appearances 12.40 My
Hero 1.20 Dad’s Army 2.00 Porridge
2.40 Are You Being Served? 3.20 Last
Of The Summer Wine 4.40 Dinnerladies
5.20 Keeping Up Appearances 6.00
Are You Being Served? 6.40 Dad’s Army
8.00 Dinnerladies 9.20 The Royle Family
10.00 Not Going Out 10.35 Live At The
Apollo 11.35 Absolutely Fabulous 12.55
French And Saunders 2.50 Not Going
Out 3.20-4.00 Absolutely Fabulous
SKY COMEDY
6.00pm The Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air
6.30 Futurama 7.30 The US Office
8.00 The Conners 8.30 The US Office
9.00 American Auto. Sitcom, with Ana
Gasteyer 10.00 Romantic Getaway
11.00 The Late Late Show 12.00 The
Tonight Show 1.00 Code 404 1.30
Camping 2.30 Vice Principals 3.35 Sex
And The City 4.05-5.00 Futurama
SKY WITNESS
6.00pm Nothing To Declare 8.00
Blue Bloods. Police drama 9.00 Bull

MORE4
5.55pm Love It Or List It Experts
Kirstie Allsopp and Phil
Spencer help a couple in
Staines-upon-Thames.
6.55 Escape To The Chateau
Fresh from the success of a
wedding at the chateau, Dick
and Angel make business
plans for the grounds.
7.55 Grand Designs An actor
plans to create a home from
the ruins of a castle in Co
Roscommon. 9.00 Grand
Designs Featuring a couple
who have lived in a 1940s
prefab house for eight years.
10.00 Cruises From Hell — Caught
On Camera Real-life footage
of nautical nightmares as
filmed and told by survivors.
11.05-12.10 24 Hours In A&E
The story of a patient with
dementia and his wife has a
profound effect on a nurse.

10.00 Law & Order: Special Victims
Unit 11.00 Blue Bloods 12.00 FBI 1.00
New Amsterdam 2.00 Law & Order:
Special Victims Unit 3.00 UK Border
Force 4.00 Road Wars 5.00-6.00
Brit Cops — Frontline Crime UK
W
6.00pm Property Brothers 7.00
Masterchef USA 8.00 Extreme Food
Phobics 9.00 Alex Jones — Making
Babies 10.00 Multiple Birth Wards
11.00 999 Rescue Squad 12.00 Nurses
On The Ward 1.00-3.00 Tipping Point
5 STAR
6.00pm Home And Away 7.00 GPs —
Behind Closed Doors 8.00 Ambulance
— Code Red 9.00 The Cruise — Below
Deck. New series 10.00 999 — Critical
Condition 11.00 Casualty 24/7 — Every
Second Counts 12.00 Skin A&E 1.00
Dirty Home Rescue 2.00 Cold Case
Killers 3.00 Bargain Brits On Benefits
3.50-4.00 Entertainment News
5 USA
6.00pm NCIS 9.00 Columbo 11.00 Law
& Order: Special Victims Unit 2.50 The
Blacklist 3.35-4.00 Caught On Camera
COMEDY CENTRAL
8.00am My Wife And Kids 9.00
The Middle 10.00 Last Man Standing

TALKTV

SKYATLANTIC

SPORT

6.00 James Max News reports.
6.30 The Julia Hartley-Brewer
Breakfast Show Discussion.
10.00 The Independent Republic
Of Mike Graham Updates.
1.00 Ian Collins Reports.
4.00 Vanessa Feltz Discussion.
7.00 Jeremy Kyle Live Debate.
8.00 Piers Morgan Uncensored
The host presents his verdict
on the day’s global events.
9.00 The Talk A panel of famous
faces debate the hot topics
everybody is talking about.
10.00 First Edition A look at
tomorrow’s news, tonight.
11.00 Piers Morgan Uncensored
12.00 Petrie Hosken Reports.
1.00 Vanessa Feltz Discussion.
2.00 Jeremy Kyle Live Debate.
3.00 Piers Morgan Uncensored
4.00 The Talk Discussion.
5.00-6.00 James Max Updates.
Available on Sky 522; Freeview 237;
Virgin 606; Freesat 217; YouTube,
connected TVs and smart devices

6.00
7.55
10.05
12.15
1.20

Fish Town Documentary.
The Sopranos Crime drama.
True Blood Vampire drama.
Game Of Thrones Fantasy.
True Detective A retired
detective revisits a case that
has haunted him for 35 years.
(S3, ep 1) 2.25 True Detective
Hays recalls the aftermath
of the 1980 Purcell case.
3.30 The Sopranos Carmela and
Fr Phil share an intimate
moment. (Series 1, ep 5) 4.35
The Sopranos Junior is
officially appointed boss of
the DiMeo crime family.
5.45 True Blood Sookie hosts a
party for mainstreaming
vampires. (Series 7, ep 5)
6.50 True Blood Sookie
makes a shocking discovery.
7.55 Game Of Thrones Ned
investigates rumours about
the Lannisters. (Series 1, ep 6)
9.00 Big Little Lies Madeline is
outraged over a slight from
Renata. (Series 1, ep 2)
10.05 City On A Hill Drama, with
Kevin Bacon. (Series 1, ep 1)
11.15 The Tunnel — Sabotage
A man comes forward with
links to missing man Robert
Fournier. (Series 2, ep 3;
French with subtitles)
12.15 Watchmen Drama series.
1.25 Boardwalk Empire Drama.
2.50 Game Of Thrones Fantasy.
4.00-6.00 Fish Town Insights.

SKY SPORTS MAIN EVENT
6.00am News 7.00 Good Morning
Sports Fans 8.00 Ashes Greats 8.10
LIVE Big Bash League: Adelaide
Strikers v Melbourne Renegades.
Coverage of the Australian T20 match
at Adelaide Oval 12.00 Transfer Talk
1.00 News 2.30 LIVE SA20: MI Cape
Town v Paarl Royals. Coverage of the
South African T20 encounter at Six Gun
Grill Newlands in Cape Town 7.30 LIVE
EFL Cup: Newcastle United v Leicester
City. The Carabao Cup quarter-final
encounter at St James’ Park. Kickoff at
8.00 10.30 Back Pages Tonight.
The sports headlines in tomorrow’s
newspapers 11.00-6.00 News

PICK OF THE DAY

EUROSPORT 1
6.00am Dakar Rally 7.00 ATP Tennis
8.00 LIVE ATP Tennis: The Adelaide
International. Coverage of day two of
the ATP 250 event from Memorial Drive
Tennis Centre 10.00 Tennis: Best Of
The Australian Open 11.00 Dakar Rally
12.00 Alpine Skiing 2.00 Ski Jumping
3.00 ATP Tennis 4.00 Tennis — Roger’s
Last Dance 4.30 Sofia Goggia — Best
Of Downhill 2022 4.45 Live Alpine
Skiing 6.30 Ski Jumping 7.30 LIVE
Alpine Skiing. The World Cup meeting
from Flachau, Austria, featuring the
second run in the women’s slalom
8.45 Alpine Skiing 9.45 Marco
Odermatt — Best Of Giant Slalom 2022
10.00 ATP Tennis 11.00 Dakar Rally
12.00 Ski Jumping 1.00 ATP Tennis
2.00 Dakar Rally 3.00 ATP Tennis
4.00-6.00 Masters Snooker

Telephone Stories

SKYMAX
6.00pm NCIS: New Orleans
Pride’s feud with a dangerous
militia has consequences for
his daughter. (Series 2, ep 19,
R) 7.00 NCIS: New Orleans
A US navy lieutenant dies
from arsenic poisoning in a
hotel suite. (Series 2, ep 21, R)
8.00 Hold The Front Page
Comedians Nish Kumar and
Josh Widdicombe work for
local newspapers. (1/6, R)
9.00 Rob & Romesh vs Usain Bolt
Rob Beckett and Romesh
Ranganathan meet their
idols, starting with the
sprinter. (Series 1, ep 1, R)
10.00 Wolfe The scientist tries to
retrieve evidence from a car
before it explodes. (2/6, R)
11.00-12.00 Strike Back
— Vengeance Stonebridge
struggles with life outside
Section 20. (Series 3, ep 1, R)

12.00 Friends 9.00 FILM: Hot Shots!
Part Deux 10.40 Greatest Ever Movie
Blunders 11.40 The Ricky Gervais Show
12.15 South Park 2.15 The Ren & Stimpy
Show 2.45 Beavis And Butt-Head
3.20 Fugget About It 3.45 Last Man
Standing 4.10-5.00 Friends
YESTERDAY
6.00am History Hunters 8.00
Abandoned Engineering 9.00 Secret
Nazi Bases 10.00 The Buildings That
Fought Hitler 11.00 Age Of Steam
12.00 Great British Railway Journeys
1.00 Great British Railway Journeys
Goes To Ireland 2.00 Bangers And
Cash 4.00 Secret Nazi Bases 5.00 The
Buildings That Fought Hitler 6.00 Great
British Railway Journeys Goes To Ireland
7.00 Age Of Steam 8.00 Secrets Of
Britain 9.00 Bangers & Cash 11.00
Abandoned Engineering 12.00-1.00
Great British Railway Journeys
DAVE
6.00pm Taskmaster 7.00 House Of
Games 7.40 Would I Lie To You? 8.20
QI 9.00 QI XL. With Jimmy Carr and Lee
Mack 10.00 Have I Got A Bit More Old
News For You 11.00 Taskmaster 12.00
Mock The Week 12.40 QI 1.20 Would I
Lie To You? The Unseen Bits 2.00
House Of Games 2.30 Famalam 2.554.00 Modern Wheels Or Classic Steals

Kevin Bacon (Sky Atl, 10.05pm)

FACTUAL
NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC
6.00pm Lost Treasures Of Egypt 7.00
Air Crash Investigation 8.00 Snakes In
The City 10.00 Drain The Oceans 11.00
Air Crash Investigation 12.00 Wicked
Tuna 1.00-2.00 Ice Road Rescue
DISCOVERY
6.00pm Salvage Hunters. An aeroplane
scrapyard 7.00 Diesel Brothers 8.00
Outback Truckers 9.00 Gold Rush
11.00 Naked And Afraid 12.00 Combat
Dealers 1.00-3.00 Gold Rush
PBS AMERICA
5.15pm Jazz 6.25 Mutant Weather 7.25
The Last Voices Of World War One
8.30 KGB — The Sword And The Shield
9.40 Jazz. The saxophone 10.55-12.00
KGB — The Sword And The Shield
SKY DOCUMENTARIES
6.00am The Comedy Store 7.05
Discovering 8.00 The Directors 9.00
Kingdom Of Dreams 10.00 The Lady
And The Dale 11.05 The Guest Wing
12.00 Dave Not Coming Back 2.00
Inside The USA Gymnastics Scandal
3.45 My Icon 4.00 The Directors
5.00 Discovering 6.00 Kingdom Of
Dreams 7.00 The Lady And The Dale

BT SPORT 1
6.00am ESPN FC 6.30 Gallagher
Premiership Rugby Highlights 8.00
Rugby Tonight 8.45 Premier League
Legends 9.15 Goals Reload 9.30 LIVE
A-League: Perth Glory v Brisbane Roar.
The Australian top-flight match, held at
Macedonia Park 11.30 Films 12.30
Goals Reload 12.45 Premier League
Legends 1.15 Premiership Rugby
Highlights 2.45 Rugby Tonight 3.30
Deaf Away Days 3.45 Goals Reload
4.15 ESPN FC 4.45 A-League 5.45
Fishing: On The Bank 6.45 Premier
League Stories 7.15 LIVE National
League: Wrexham v Bromley. Action
from the match at Racecourse Ground.
Kickoff at 7.45. 10.00 What Went Down
10.30 WWE Monday Night Raw 1.00
LIVE WWE NXT 3.15 30 For 30 4.45
Goals Reload 5.00-6.00 A-League

8.05 The Guest Wing 9.00 Spector
10.00-12.15 Mr Dynamite — The Rise
Of James Brown. The singer’s career
SKY NATURE
6.00am Battle Of The Alphas 7.00
Malawi Wildlife Rescue 8.00 Monkey
Life 9.00 Orangutan Jungle School
10.00 Africa’s Wild Horizons 11.00
Equator 12.00 One Planet, One Chance
1.00 Monkey Life 2.00 Malawi Wildlife
Rescue 3.00 Orangutan Jungle School
4.00 Africa’s Wild Horizons 5.00
Equator 6.00 One Planet, One Chance
7.00 Monkey Life 8.00 The Wadden
Sea 9.00 Africa’s Claws And Jaws.
African predators 10.00 One Planet,
One Chance 11.00-12.00 Equator
DISCOVERY HISTORY
6.00am Nasa’s Unexplained Files 7.00
How The Universe Works 8.00 HMS Ark
Royal 9.00 Combat Dealers 10.00
Treasure Quest — Snake Island 11.00
Aircrash Unsolved 12.00 Nasa’s
Unexplained Files 1.00 Expedition
Unknown 2.00 Curse Of The Bermuda
Triangle 3.00 Blowing Up History 4.00
Mysteries At The Museum 5.00 HMS
Ark Royal 6.00 How The Universe
Works 7.00 Expedition Unknown 8.00
Combat Dealers 9.00 Mysteries Of
The Missing 10.00 How The Universe
Works 11.00-12.00 Aircrash Unsolved

RADIO

Podcast
Brandon Ogborn and Omar
Crook look in forensic
detail at the case of Michael
Jackson, pictured. In the
Studio (BBC World Service,
11.30am) follows director
Richard Jones as he creates a
new production of Handel’s
Alcina for the Royal Opera
House. Handel was inspired
by the then-new theatre
and by a collaborator
who encouraged him to
incorporate magic and dance
into the work.
Clair Woodward
RADIO 4
5.30 News 5.43 Prayer 5.45 Farming
Today 5.58 Tweet Of The Day (R) 6.00
Today 8.31 (LW) Yesterday In Parliament
9.00 The Life Scientific. New run. Jim
Al-Khalili talks to Chris Elliott about
fingerprinting technology 9.30 One To
One. New run. Matthew Parris talks to
the author Nick Hayes 9.45 Book Of
The Week 9.45 (LW) Daily Service 10.00
Woman’s Hour 11.00 The Curious Cases
Of Rutherford & Fry. New series 11.30
Out Of The Ordinary (R) 12.00 News
12.01 (LW) Shipping 12.04 Call You And
Yours 1.00 The World At One 1.45
NatureBang. Giving rights to rivers and
forests 2.00 The Archers (R) 2.15 Drama:
Border Call 3.00 Short Cuts 3.30 Can
I Change? — A Thorough Examination
With Drs Chris And Xand. Abilities to
interpret emotions 4.00 Word Of
Mouth. New run 4.30 Great Lives 5.00
PM 5.54 (LW) Shipping 6.00 News
6.30 The Cold Swedish Winter (R)
7.00 The Archers 7.15 Front Row 8.00
File On 4 8.40 In Touch 9.00 Inside
Health 9.30 The Life Scientific (R)
10.00 The World Tonight 10.45 Book
At Bedtime 11.00 Small Scenes (R)
11.30 Today In Parliament 12.00 News
12.30 Book Of The Week (R) 12.48
Shipping 1.00 As World Service
TIMES RADIO
5.00 Anna Cunningham With Early
Breakfast 6.00 Aasmah Mir And Stig
Abell With Times Radio Breakfast
10.00 Matt Chorley 1.00 Mariella
Frostrup 3.00 Jane Garvey And Fi
Glover 5.00 John Pienaar With Times
Radio Drive 7.00 Pienaar And Friends
8.00 The Evening Edition With Kait
Borsay 10.00 Carole Walker 1.00
Stories Of Our Times. Daily podcast
1.30 Red Box. Politics podcast
2.00 Highlights From Times Radio
To get in touch with the Times Radio
studio, text TIMES plus your message
to 87222. Texts cost your standard
message charge.

RADIO 4 EXTRA
5.00 And Other Stories: Katherine
Mansfield 6.00 The Rivals 6.30 The
Singing Sands 7.00 Machines Like Me
7.15 Talking About Jane Austen In
Baghdad 7.30 Ed Reardon’s Week 8.00
The Goon Show 8.30 Little Blighty On
The Down 9.00 Who Goes There?
9.30 North East Of Eden 10.00 And
Other Stories: Katherine Mansfield
11.00 The Rivals 11.30 The Singing
Sands 12.00 Machines Like Me 12.15
Talking About Jane Austen In Baghdad
12.30 Ed Reardon’s Week 1.00 The
Goon Show 1.30 Little Blighty On The
Down 2.00 Who Goes There? 2.30
North East Of Eden 3.00 And Other
Stories: Katherine Mansfield 4.00 The
Rivals 4.30 The Singing Sands 5.00
Machines Like Me 5.15 Talking About
Jane Austen In Baghdad 5.30 Ed
Reardon’s Week 6.00 The Goon
Show 6.30 Little Blighty On The Down
7.00 Jake Yapp’s Unwinding 10.00
The Cold Swedish Winter 10.30 Cabin
Pressure 11.00 My Teenage Diary
11.30-12.00 The Mark Steel Solution
LBC
7.00 Nick Ferrari 10.00 James O’Brien
1.00 Shelagh Fogarty 4.00 Tom
Swarbrick 6.00 Tonight With Andrew
Marr 7.00 Iain Dale 10.00 Ian Payne
1.00 Darren Adam 4.00 Steve Allen
RADIO 3
6.30 Breakfast 9.00 Essential Classics
12.00 Composer Of The Week (R)
1.00 Lunchtime Concert. The
German-Japanese pianist Alice Sara
Ott performs at LSO St Luke’s in
London (R) 2.00 Afternoon Concert.
Fabio Luisi conducts the NHK Symphony
Orchestra, Tokyo, in Beethoven’s
Symphony No 8 in F; plus more music
from the Japanese capital 5.00 In
Tune 7.00 In Tune Mixtape 7.30 In
Concert. Lucienne Renaudin Vary and
Sinfonia Cymru in south Wales perform
works by Ravel, Weill and Gershwin,
presented by Linton Stephens 10.00
Free Thinking. Matthew Sweet and
guests discuss the troubled life and
powerful work of Anna Kavan 10.45
The Essay. The writer and entrepreneur
Margaret Heffernan explores how
artists embrace uncertainty as a key
part of the creative process, seeing it
as a catalyst for their work 11.00 Night
Tracks. A soundtrack for late-night
listening 12.30 Through The Night
CLASSIC FM
6.00 Tim Lihoreau 9.00 Alexander
Armstrong 12.00 Anne-Marie Minhall
4.00 John Brunning 7.00 Zeb Soanes
10.00 Margherita Taylor 1.00
Bill Overton 4.00 Lucy Coward
RADIO 2
6.30 The Zoe Ball Breakfast Show 9.30
Ken Bruce 12.00 Jeremy Vine 2.00
Scott Mills 4.00 Sara Cox 7.00 Jo
Whiley 9.00 The Jazz Show With
Jamie Cullum 10.00 Trevor Nelson’s
Magnificent 7. A selection of uplifting
tunes and essential throwbacks
10.30 Trevor Nelson’s Rhythm Nation
12.00 OJ Borg 3.00 Pick Of The
Pops (R) 4.00 Nicki Chapman
VIRGIN RADIO
6.30 The Chris Evans Breakfast Show
10.00 Eddy Temple-Morris 1.00 Jayne
Middlemiss 4.00 Steve Denyer 7.00
Bam 10.00 Amy Voce 1.00 Sean
Goldsmith 4.00 James Merritt
TALKSPORT
5.00 Early Breakfast 6.00 Breakfast
With Laura Woods 10.00 Jim White
And Simon Jordan 1.00 Hawksbee
And Baker 4.00 Drive With Andy
Goldstein And Darren Bent 7.00 Kick
Off 10.00 Sports Bar 12.00 Extra Time

8 January 2023 41

BBC1

6.00 Breakfast The latest reports.
9.15 Rip Off Britain — Holidays
10.00 Big Little Crimes An unusual
licence plate helps police
crack a smuggling ring.
10.45 For Love Or Money (R)
11.15 Homes Under The Hammer
Properties at auction. (R)
12.15 Bargain Hunt In Suffolk. (R)
1.00 News; Weather Reports.
1.45 Doctors Kirsty Millar makes
an impression on her first
day; and Luca helps Karen put
the heart attack behind her.
2.15 The Farmers’ Country
Showdown Farmers aim for a
sell-out day at the Ludlow
Food festival, in Shropshire.
3.00 Escape To The Country (R)
3.45 The Repair Shop The experts
repair items including a belt,
a lawnmower and a trophy.
4.30 Make It At Market A jeweller
and a woodturner hope to
transform their hobbies into
money-making businesses.
5.15 Pointless Unorthodox quiz. (R)
6.00 News; Weather Reports.
6.30 Regional News Update.
6.55 Party Political Broadcast By
the Conservative Party.
7.00 The One Show Features.
7.30 EastEnders Zack shatters
Whitney’s dreams; the Slaters
face money problems; and an
impromptu party at number
27 ends in a massive row.
8.00 CHOICE Dogs In The Wild
— Meet The Family Including
rescuers in South Africa
trying to combat broken
heart syndrome in wild
dogs. (See Critics’ choice)
9.00 Ambulance A night shift in
the northeast of England
begins with an emergency
call for a woman in labour;
and crewmates attend a
patient who has had a seizure.
10.00 News; Weather Reports.
10.40 FILM: The Accountant
Stars Ben Affleck and Anna
Kendrick. A high-functioning
autistic number-cruncher
moonlights as a money
launderer for the mob, but
the treasury department
starts closing in on him.
Convoluted thriller. (2016, 15)
12.40 The Apprentice (R)
1.45-6.00 Joins BBC News
SCOTLAND 2.15 Politics Scotland.
3.00 The Farmers’ Country
Showdown. 6.30 Reporting Scotland;
Weather. 6.55 Party Political
Broadcast. 12.40 Scottish Questions.
1.10 The Apprentice. 2.15 BBC News.

BBC2

ITV1
ITV

CHANNEL 4

CHANNEL 5

6.30 The Farmers’ Country
Showdown Insights. (R)
7.15 Make It At Market (R)
8.00 See Hear Magazine. (Signed)
8.30 A Countryside Winter
Rural reports. (Signed, R)
9.00 News; Weather Update.
11.15 Politics Live Discussion.
1.00 Snooker The last day of firstround matches in the Masters
at London’s Alexandra Palace
gets under way with Judd
Trump v Ryan Day, played
over the best of 11 frames.
5.15 Flog It! At Grimsby Minster. (R)
6.00 House Of Games With
Jasmine Harman, Dave
Johns, Suzannah Lipscomb
and Jason Mohammad.
6.30 Take A Hike A powerlifter
tests walkers with a North
Skye hike to Rubha Hunish.
7.00 This Farming Life A couple
plan to breed peacocks; a
farmer near Loch Ness gets
her pumpkin plan off to a
strong start; and an embryo
transfer is attempted with
Clydesdale horses. (R)
8.00 The Hairy Bikers Go Local
Dave Myers and Si King go in
search of some quality local
produce for a vegetarian
Indian restaurant in
Drighlington on the outskirts
of Leeds, finding mushrooms,
rhubarb and beetroot.
9.00 CHOICE Billion Dollar
Downfall — The Dealmaker
Documenting the story of the
meteoric rise and dizzying
fall of the businessman Arif
Naqvi, who is currently
under house arrest after
the collapse of the world’s
biggest private equity firm,
Abraaj. (See Critics’ choice)
10.00 CHOICE Our Flag Means
Death Stede battles feelings
of guilt while hunting for
missing hostages; and Lucius
makes a surprising discovery.
(2/10; see Critics’ choice)
10.30 Newsnight The day’s events.
11.15 Snooker Action from the
concluding match in round
one of the Masters, between
Kyren Wilson and Stuart
Bingham, which saw the first
player to win six frames at
Alexandra Palace book their
place in the quarter-final.
12.05 Snooker Extra Extended
highlights of a first-round
match in the Masters.
2.05 See Hear (Signed, R)
2.35 The Traitors (Signed, R)
3.35-4.20 Flipping Profit Seeking
items in Buxton. (Signed, R)

6.00
9.00
10.00
12.30
1.30
1.55
2.00
3.00

Swift fox in Wyoming (BBC1, 8pm)

6.10 Countdown Gameshow. (R)
6.50 3rd Rock From The Sun (R)
7.40 Everybody Loves Raymond
Family comedy series. (R)
9.00 Frasier American sitcom. (R)
10.25 Undercover Boss USA (R)
11.25 News; Weather Reports.
11.30 Couples Come Dine With Me
Dinner parties in Glasgow. (R)
12.30 Steph’s Packed Lunch
2.10 Countdown Colin Murray
hosts with Heather Small
in Dictionary Corner.
3.00 A Place In The Sun Danni
Menzies helps a couple find a
holiday home in Manilva.
4.00 A New Life In The Sun A
couple add fine dining to their
events business in France.
5.00 Come Dine With Me — The
Professionals Restaurateurs
from Bristol cook each other
a three-course dinner. (R)
6.00 Hollyoaks The day of Verity’s
funeral is threatened. (R)
7.00 News; Weather Reports.
8.00 Love It Or List It Kirstie
Allsopp and Phil Spencer
help a couple make their
decision on whether to sell
their three-bed house in
Birmingham or renovate so
that it suits their needs.
9.00 The Light In The Hall
Tensions simmer between
Sharon and Gafyn; Sali
discovers Greta’s secret;
and Sharon’s constant
threats against Joe are
starting to take a toll. (3/6)
10.00 The Caribbean —
Billionaires’ Paradise A look
at the Hermatige Bay, a hotel
for the rich and famous; Nobu
opens its first Caribbean
restaurant on Barbuda; and
Alex Grimley opens a
restaurant in Antigua.
11.05 Billion Pound Cruise The
Symphony of the Seas sails
into port, where 6,680 guests
get off and on the ship —
as always, it will be a
mammoth task for the crew
members as they try to
keep to the schedule. (R)
12.10 Murder In The Outback
— The Falconio And Lees
Mystery The verdict of the
trial is questioned. (3/4, R)
1.05 24 Hours In A&E Incidents. (R)
2.00 Belfast Midwives Insights. (R)
2.55 Ramsay’s Kitchen
Nightmares USA Advice. (R)
3.45 Couples Come Dine With Me
Parties in Birmingham. (R)
4.40 Sarah Beeny’s New Life In
The Country Insights. (R)
5.35-6.00 Food Unwrapped (R)

Milkshake! Fun for children.
Jeremy Vine Debate.
Traffic Cops Insights. (R)
News; Weather Reports.
Home And Away Leah
and Justin check in on Alf
while Roo is in the city. (R)
2.15 A Dangerous Affair Thriller,
with Aubree Bouche. A
pilates instructor embarks on
a steamy relationship with a
journalist, angering his jealous
and hostile ex-girlfriend.
4.00 Bargain-Loving Brits In The
Sun Documentary about
Brits who moved to Spain.
5.00 News; Weather Reports.
6.00 Holiday Homes In The Sun
Amanda Lamb, JB Gill and
Sam Pinkham are in Salerno,
on Italy’s west coast. (R)
6.55 News; Weather Reports.
7.00 You Are What You Eat Trisha
Goddard and Dr Amir Khan
help a busy mum and an
entrepreneur, both in
desperate need of a
life-changing intervention. (R)
7.55 News; Weather Reports.
8.00 My Cornwall With Fern
Britton The presenter
explores ancient regions
with big histories — West
Wivelshire and Powdershire,
which lie between the rivers
of the Fowey and the Fal.
9.00 No Place Like Home The
broadcaster Victoria
Derbyshire recalls growing
up in Greater Manchester
and learns about its history,
including the real-life
Schindler who saved German
Jews from the Nazis. (2/6)
10.00 A&E After Dark A 19-year-old
woman seeks treatment after
falling off a bar stool in a pub
and landing on her little
finger; and a 53-year-old
man arrives after falling
down a flight of stairs. (R)
11.05 Skin A&E The dermatologists
meet two patients with very
different lumps but a
common phobia of needles;
and a doctor is shocked to
find her patient’s growth is
not quite what it seemed. (R)
12.05 Ambulance — Code Red (R)
1.00 The LeoVegas Live Casino
Show Interactive gambling.
3.00 Entertainment News Gossip.
3.05 Holiday Homes In The Sun
European rental properties. (R)
3.55 Get Your Tatts Out —
Kavos Ink Body art. (R)
4.45 Divine Designs Insights. (R)
5.10 House Doctor Advice. (R)
5.40-6.00 Children’s Shows

9.10 Y Robbie
Diwrnod
Mawr 9.25
Sion
Y
10.30
Coltrane
At The
BBC.
Chef
Nog
A
look9.35
backNico
at the
life9.45
andAntur
career of
Natur
10.00
Odo 10.10
Pablo
one
ofCyw
Britain’s
best-loved
stars
11.15
10.20 Anifeiliaid
Bach Sky
Y Byd
10.30
Stunners
11.30-12.00
High
Club
Patrol
Pawennau
10.45 Cacamwnci
—
Scotland
And Beyond
STV 6.00
11.00 Dysgu
Gyda
Cyw:
Timpo
11.10
Good
Morning
Britain
9.00
Lorraine
Dysgu This
GydaMorning
Cyw: Dwylo’r
10.00
12.30 Enfys
Loose
11.25 Caru
Canu
A Stori
11.352.00
Dathlu
Women
1.30
News;
Weather
’Da Dona 11.50
12.00
Dickinson’s
RealTeulu
Deal Ni
3.00
Lingo
Newyddion
12.05
I Bawb
4.00
Tipping
PointPysgod
5.00 The
Chase
12.30Regional
Heno 1.00
Ffasiwn
6.00
News
6.25Drefn
Party 1.30
Sgwrs Dan
Y Lloer 2.00
Newyddion
Political
Broadcast.
By the
Scottish
A’r Tywydd 2.05
Da 3.00
Conservative
andPrynhawn
Unionist Party
Newyddion
CanuUpdate
Gyda Fy Arwr
6.30
News; 3.05
Weather.

4.00
Awr Fawr: Odo
4.10
Anifeiliaid
7.30 Emmerdale.
Chloe
has
been
Bach
4.20 Guto
takenYtoByd
hospital
8.00 Gwningen
Coronation
4.35
Caru
Canu
A Stori
4.45
Street.
Jacob
panics
when
police
Cacamwnci
5.00
Stwnsh:
Arthur A
turn up at the
bistro
9.00 Next
Chriw
Y FordNew
Gron
5.10 Potsh
5.30
Level Chef.
culinary
challenge,
Dreigiau
Marchogion
Berc
5.55
hosted by—Gordon
Ramsay
10.00
Ffeil
Cerys
Matthews
A’rTonight
News6.00
At Ten
10.40
Scotland
Goeden
Faled
6.30Scotland
Rownd A Rownd
11.10 Peston
12.05
6.57
Newyddion
7.00
Heno
Revealed
Moments
12.10
EFL7.30
Newyddion
A’rHighlights
Tywydd 8.00
Carabao Cup
1.20 Pobol Y
Cwm
8.25 Colleen
— Bywyd
Teleshopping
3.00Ramsey
Fly Tipping
—
A
Bwyd
8.55 Newyddion
Tywydd
Dirty
Britain?
3.25 Martin A’r
Lewis’
9.00
Gogglebocs
Cymru
10.00
Ffit
Extreme
Savers 3.50
Night
Vision
Cymru
11.00-11.35
Straeon
Ffin
5.05-6.00
Dickinson’s
Real YDeal

Good Morning Britain
Lorraine Lifestyle chat.
This Morning Features.
Loose Women Debate.
News; Weather Reports.
Regional News Headlines.
Dickinson’s Real Deal
Lingo Adil Ray hosts, with
contestants from London,
Manchester and Sandbach.
4.00 Tipping Point Gameshow,
hosted by Ben Shephard.
5.00 The Chase Bradley Walsh
presents the quiz show.
6.00 Regional News Update.
6.25 Party Political Broadcast
By the Conservative Party.
6.30 News; Weather Reports.
7.30 Emmerdale Things take a
turn for the worse; Chloe has
been taken to hospital; and
Rhona plans a surprise.
8.00 Coronation Street Jacob
panics when police turn up at
the bistro; Daisy resolves to
secure a prestigious DJ for
her wedding; and Maria
clashes with Len on live TV.
9.00 CHOICE Next Level Chef
New series. Gordon Ramsay,
Paul Ainsworth and Nyesha
Arrington front the challenge
that sees a mixture of home
cooks and professional chefs
compete. (See Critics’ choice)
10.00 News At Ten Bulletin.
10.30 Regional News Headlines.
10.45 Peston Political magazine,
hosted by Robert Peston.
11.40 Made In Britain A behindthe-scenes look at cider
production, and the creation
of black pudding. (R)
12.10 EFL Carabao Cup Highlights
Action from the quarter-finals
of the football tournament.
1.20 Teleshopping Goods.
3.00 Fly Tipping — Dirty Britain?
With Michelle Ackerley. (R)
3.25 Martin Lewis’ Extreme
Savers Financial advice. (R)
3.50 Unwind Daily relaxation.
5.05-6.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal
Assessing more items. (R)

VARIATIONS
ITV1 SCOTLAND
WALES 6.257.00
PartyLoggerheads.
Political
BBC
Broadcast
WALESCommunity
3.00 Wales’
The
teams BBC1
visit Dunnet
Home Of The
Year
3.30
Weatherman
Woodlands
7.30
Fish
Town.
James
Walkingnarrates
10.40 Blood,
Sweat And
Cosmo
a documentary
Cheer the
11.25
FILM:
The Accountant
about
port
of Peterhead
8.00
1.25 BBC
News
S4C
6.00 Cyw:
Bump
Birth
Baby.
Women
discuss
Blociau Rhiffaced
6.05during
Jambori
6.15
difficulties
pregnancy
Octonots
6.30
Gwdihw
6.45
Guto
8.30
Screen
Grab.
Georgie
Powell
Gwningen
7.00 of
Odo
7.10 Pablo
helps
members
a family
deal 7.20
Anifeiliaid
Bachdependency
Y Byd 7.30 Patrol
with
their tech
9.00
Pawennau
7.45 Cacamwnci
8.00
The
Nine 10.00
River City. Karen’s
Peppa
8.05 Sblijsuffers
A Sbloj
8.15
new
friendship
a setback
Rapsgaliwn
8.30
AbadasAlex
8.45
when
tensions
between
Hafod
Haulreach
9.00breaking
Caru Canu
A Stori
and
Shaw
point

42 8 January 2023

1L
1G

YOU SAY

WEDNESDAY

6.00
9.15
12.45
1.40
1.45

Speaking of Stonehouse (ITV) — in my view,
Matthew Macfadyen was the best ever Mr Darcy.
He played him just as I imagined Darcy to be. It’s
magical when you see a character from literature
played just exactly as you think he or she should
be. I’ve looked out for Macfadyen’s acting ever
since.
Carol Ostby
Why does Alex Horne from Taskmaster (Channel
4) think he’s funny?
Paul Taylor

THE BEST TV FROM DISNEY+ AND BEYOND...

WEDNESDAY 11 JANUARY
STREAMING CHOICE

CRITICS’ CHOICE
Billion Dollar Downfall —
The Dealmaker
(BBC2, 9pm)
Arif Naqvi’s private equity
firm Abraaj appeared
to promise investors the
impossible: a chance to make
money while acting to end
poverty. The Bill Gates
Foundation and the
investment arm of the UK
government were on board,
but in 2018 Abraaj went into
liquidation after financial
irregularities were detected
in the company’s operations.
This documentary looks at
the background to Abraaj’s
fall, yet also includes
testimony from a Davos
piano player and the
cricket commentator Henry
Blofeld. “Nothing is one
dimensional,” says Naqvi in
one of his video diaries; this
film examines a complicated
story from every angle.
Victoria Segal

Landscape Artist Of
The Year
(Sky Arts/Now, 8pm)
There’s no point watching this
art show expecting Bake
Off-style meltdowns or Sewing
Bee panics: it’s a more serene,
studied prospect. To start the
new series, Stephen Mangan
and Joan Bakewell escort the
first eight artists — among
them a printmaker, an
illustrator and a care worker
— to Blackpool to paint the
pier and surrounding grey
skies. The 50 “wildcard”
artists, meanwhile, gather
behind them, hoping to win
a semi-final place. It’s a
pleasure to watch the paint
build up, but the programme’s
real lesson lies in showing
how it’s possible to see the
world in so many ways.
Get on the scene. VS

ON DEMAND
The Recruit (Netflix)
There are significant moments
during this flashy Gen-Z
espionage thriller where you
find yourself drifting off from
the plot and just watching
Noah Centineo do his thing as
rookie CIA lawyer Owen
Hendricks. It’s not that this
eight-part tale of Russian

Money matters: Arif Naqvi gives a speech at the 2013 World Economic Forum (BBC2, 9pm)

Welcome To Chippendales
(Disney+)
In Curse Of The
Chippendales (Amazon),
Jonathan and Simon Chinn’s
2021 documentary, the
rise-and-fall of the 1980s
all-male stripping revue was
presented as a small, seedy
tale of murder, double-cross
and drug-fuelled hubris. In
the hands of showrunners
Robert Siegel (The Founder)
and Jenni Konner (Girls)
it’s been repurposed as
a gripping if occasionally
messy eight-part drama that
doubles as a dissection of
the American dream. Kumail
Nanjiani is good as founder
Somen “Steve” Banerjee,
but it’s Murray Bartlett
(The White Lotus) who gives
the show its dramatic arc,
investing his character — coowner Nick De Noia — with a
rich, narcissistic grandeur.
Andrew Male

Dogs In The Wild — Meet
The Family (BBC1, 8pm)
From America’s endangered
red wolves to Romania’s
flourishing golden jackals,
meet seven more members of
the dog (canid) family. In the
series’ concluding part, the
focus is on the specific factors
that experts see as vital to
each species’ survival. Chris
Packham narrates.

Next Level Chef (ITV1, 9pm)
Gordon Ramsay’s record as
a competition host is not
good, but at least this new
show (unlike Gordon Ramsay’s
Bank Balance) draws on his
culinary expertise. What sets
this show apart is a threestorey stage with contrasting
kitchens. Paul Ainsworth
and Nyesha Arrington are
Ramsay’s fellow judges.

Three-tiered challenge (ITV, 9pm)

Our Flag Means Death
(BBC2, 10pm)
Fake pirate Stede (Rhys Darby)
shamingly runs his ship
aground on an island and then
is captured when he ventures
inland. Although Darby is
good value the sitcom seems
overly Stede-centric, giving a
fine supporting cast little
scope to shine.
John Dugdale

Cold Mountain
(Sky Cinema Greats, 8pm)
Anthony Minghella’s tale of
a Confederate soldier ( Jude
Law) deserting the Civil War
may not be as celebrated
as the two other films by
its director on Sky Cinema
Greats today — The English
Patient (2.45pm) and The
Talented Mr Ripley (5.30pm)
— but it has plenty to offer
as an epic yarn. The hero’s
long trek home leads him
through rugged scenery and
varied incidents. His pining
girlfriend (Nicole Kidman) has
her own troubles but is aided
by a no-nonsense farmhand
(a wonderful, Oscar-winning
Renée Zellweger). (2003)

Star Trek (Film4, 9pm)
An appearance by Leonard
Nimoy ties JJ Abrams’s
film loosely to the original
saga, but the movie is still a
relaunch with new actors in
the old roles, including Chris
Pine as Kirk. You can hop on
board to enjoy a good sci-fi
adventure without needing
Trekkie knowledge. (2009)
Edward Porter

double agents and sinister
government operatives isn’t
thrilling — it certainly is.
It’s just that showrunner
Alexi Hawley adores Centineo
and wants you to as well. So,
alongside a great Vondie
Curtis-Hall as Owen’s hardboiled boss and Angel Parker
and Laura Haddock as
beautiful CIA operatives, this
is a spy show that’s more
about what is on show than
what has been hidden.

Star Wars: The Bad Batch
(Disney+)
An animated TV spin-off
plucked from a branch of the
franchise’s worst movie
(2002’s Attack of the Clones)
was never going to romance
non-believers. But as Dave
Filoni’s beautifully-rendered,
lore-heavy tale of mutant
mercenaries enters its second
season the pleasures now
outweigh the moments of
weighty fan service.

Seaside Hotel (All4)
Now into its fourth season,
this Danish comedy of
manners still impresses with
its subtle humour and quiet
melancholy. Inspired by our
own Upstairs Downstairs and
set during the interwar
period, it’s an exquisitely
designed ensemble drama
that reveals its pleasures
gradually, a light fluffy soufflé
that conceals a dark, bitter
centre. AM

FILM CHOICE

On a perilous journey (SCG, 8pm)

Last Flight Home
(Paramount+)
The documentary-maker
Ondi Timoner reflects on
family life and assisted dying.
It shows her 92-year-old
father, Eli (once the owner
of the Air Florida airline),
spending time with relatives in
the days before his planned
death. This portrait couldn’t
fail to be compelling, and it
has details that make it all the
more powerful. (2022) EP
8 January 2023 43

WEDNESDAY 11 JANUARY

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

7.00pm The Catch Up News.
7.05 Netball England v Jamaica.
Live coverage of the first
encounter in a three-match
series, which takes place at
AO Arena in Manchester.
Centre-pass 7.15.
9.30 Blood, Sweat And Cheer
The disabled and nondisabled athletes of Team
Wales Adaptive Abilities.
10.15 Cuckoo Ben sets Dale up on
a date with one of Rachel’s
friends. (Series 2, ep 3) 10.45
Cuckoo The dying wish of
Ken’s former professor
Dr Rafferty goes awry.
11.10 Planet Sex The meaning of
beauty in the 21st century.
12.00 Meet The Khans — Big In
Bolton Reality. (S3, ep 1)
1.00 Blood, Sweat And Cheer
1.45 Cuckoo Comedy series.
2.45 Ellie & Natasia (6/6)
3.00-4.00 Hire Me — Competing
For A Dream Job Contest.

7.00pm Great British Railway
Journeys A trip through
Britain’s industrial heartland.
7.30 The Joy Of Painting The
artist Bob Ross offers advice.
8.00 New Europe Michael Palin
visits Croatia, Bosnia and
Serbia in eastern Europe. (1/7)
9.00 Spike Milligan — Love, Light
And Peace Portrait of the
unique comedian, as told in
his own words and featuring
home movie footage.
10.30 The Old Devils Dramatisation
of Kingsley Amis’s novel, with
John Stride. (1/3) 11.20 The
Old Devils Alun Weaver is
fast running out of friends.
(2/3) 12.15 The Old Devils
Alun has made one last
attempt to write the great
Welsh novel. (Last in series)
1.10 Hope Street Drama series.
1.55 Shakespeare In Italy
2.55-3.55 Britain’s Lost
Masterpieces Documentary.

6.00pm Celebrity Catchphrase
7.00 Ninja Warrior Competitors
face the eliminator round.
8.00 Superstore Amy tries to
make Mateo her assistant.
(Series 5, ep 13) 8.30
Superstore Garrett struggles
with his best man speech for
Sandra and Jerry’s wedding.
9.00 Ekin-Su & Davide —
Homecomings The Love
Island winners embark on
two trips of a lifetime, starting
with Davide Sanclimenti
returning to Italy with Ekin-Su
Culculoglu by his side. (1/2)
10.00 Family Guy Chris learns he is
the heir to Carter’s fortune.
(Series 12, ep 14) 10.30
Family Guy Stewie and Brian
travel back to 17th-century
Jamestown. (Series 12, ep 6)
11.00 Family Guy Peter and
Quagmire form a singersongwriter partnership.
11.30-12.00 American Dad!

6.00pm The Big Bang Theory The
gang gathers for Penny and
Leonard’s second wedding
ceremony. (Series 10, ep 1)
6.30 The Big Bang Theory
Howard has a meeting with a
US air force representative.
7.00 Hollyoaks Chester soap.
7.30 Modern Family Luke gives
Phil the ‘teenage cold
shoulder’. (Series 6, ep 13)
8.00 The Great Celebrity Bake
Off In an edition for Stand Up
To Cancer, Nick Hewer,
Stacey Solomon, Ricky
Wilson and Perri Kiely take
part in the baking challenge.
9.00 Gogglebox The households’
opinions on Strictly Come
Dancing and The Pet Show.
10.00 Naked Attraction Dating.
11.05-12.10 First Dates A woman
from a family of French
aristocrats has a meal with
an accountant who is a
ballroom-dancing enthusiast.

DRAMA

SKYARTS

ITV4

Classic Emmerdale Soap.
Classic Coronation Street
George And Mildred Sitcom.
Marple Mystery drama,
with Geraldine McEwan.
11.30 Heartbeat Rural drama.
1.40 Classic Emmerdale Soap.
2.40 Classic Coronation Street
3.45 Inspector Morse When a
secretary is found dead,
Morse uncovers a web of
passion and corruption at her
workplace. (Series 2, ep 4)
6.00 Heartbeat Nick takes a call
saying that a flasher has been
sighted on the moors. 7.00
Heartbeat Greengrass tries
to take advantage of events
when a remote farm is raided.
8.00 Lewis The detective
discovers the members of his
favourite rock band are on
the verge of a comeback —
but soon suspects they may
be mixed up in the murder of
an orphan. (Series 3, ep 4)
10.00 DCI Banks An operation to
retrieve a gun from a house
goes wrong, leading to an
internal investigation. (Series
3, ep 5) 11.00 DCI Banks
When Al offers to help Banks
get his abducted daughter
back, the detective considers
breaking all the rules.
12.05 Marple Mystery drama.
2.15 Unwind Daily relaxation.
2.30-6.00 Teleshopping Goods.

The Bill Police drama series.
Classic EastEnders Soap.
Howards’ Way Drama.
Pie In The Sky Drama series.
All Creatures Great And
Small (Series 6, ep 10)
5.25 As Time Goes By Comedy.
6.00 Are You Being Served?
6.40 ’Allo ’Allo! Classic comedy.
7.20 Last Of The Summer Wine
Compo rides a motorbike.
8.00 Sherlock The detective faces
a seemingly unassailable
new enemy. (Series 4, ep 2)
10.00 New Tricks The unsolved
murder of a pornographer is
investigated. (Series 10, ep 5)
11.10 Hustle The gang targets the
founder of a money-lending
business. (Series 7, ep 2)
12.30 ’Allo ’Allo! Classic comedy.
1.10 As Time Goes By Sitcom.
1.50 Pie In The Sky Drama series.
2.50-4.00 Howards’ Way Drama.
11.40
12.45
2.00
3.10
4.10

FILMS
SKY CINEMA PREMIERE
6.05am Der Kaiser (2022, PG) 7.45
Operation Mincemeat. During the
Second World War, two intelligence
officers use a corpse and false papers
to outwit German troops. (2021, 12)
10.05 The Duke (2020, 12) 11.55 The
Last Son. An outlaw learns he is cursed
to be killed by one of his estranged
children, so decides to hunt down
each of them. (2021, 15) 1.50 Hounded
(2022, 15) 3.35 Downton Abbey —
A New Era (2022, PG) 5.45 Operation
Mincemeat. Details as 7.45am. 8.00
The Last Son. Details as 11.55am.
9.55 The Duke (2020, 12) 11.40 Crimes
Of The Future (2022, 18) 1.30 Hounded
(2022, 15) 3.10 Downton Abbey — A
New Era (2022, PG) 5.15-6.15 Sky
Cinema Preview
SKY CINEMA THRILLER
1.50pm Kimi (2022, 15) 3.35 Limitless
(2011, 15) 5.35 The Manchurian
Candidate. A troubled Gulf War
veteran is drawn into a conspiracy.
(2004, 15) 8.00 The Family. A gangster
in witness protection in rural France
cannot resist returning to crime.
(2013, 15) 10.05 Brooklyn’s Finest
(2009, 18) 12.30-2.10 Zola (2021, 18)

44 8 January 2023

6.00pm Alfred Hitchcock
Presents: Banquo’s Chair. An
inspector tries to capture a
killer. 6.30 Alfred Hitchcock
Presents: A Night with the
Boys. A man fakes being
mugged to cover losses.
7.00 Portrait Artist Of The Year
2014 The first heat of the
contest to find the UK’s most
talented portrait artist.
8.00 CHOICE Landscape Artist Of
The Year New series. Joan
Bakewell and Stephen
Mangan head to Blackpool’s
North Pier for the first heat.
(See Critics’ choice)
9.00 Sound Of Freedom A look
at the hymns of the US
civil-rights movement. (2/2)
10.15-12.05 The Lost Leonardo
The case of the missing
Salvator Mundi, a painting
by Leonardo da Vinci.

5.55pm The Motorbike Show
6.55 The Chase Shane Williams,
Sair Khan, Milton Jones and
Tanni Grey-Thompson take
part for their chosen charities.
8.00 Made In Britain A look at the
creation of Cornish pasties.
9.00 An Audience With Billy
Connolly The comedian
entertains a celebrity crowd,
covering topics including his
idea for a national anthem.
10.05 Made In Britain Documentary
taking a look behind the
scenes at British brands.
10.30 EFL Carabao Cup Highlights
Action from this evening’s
quarter-final matches, as the
competition continued.
12.05 Heathrow — Britain’s
Busiest Airport Documentary.
1.05 The Professionals Drama.
2.05 Minder Comedy drama.
3.00-6.00 Teleshopping Goods.

SKY CINEMA GREATS
6.00am Peter Rabbit 2 (2021, U) 7.40
Peter Pan (2003, PG) 9.45 Stardust
(2007, PG) 11.55 The Patriot (2000, 15)
2.45 The English Patient (1996, 15) 5.30
The Talented Mr Ripley. A man is paid
to persuade a spoiled youth to return
home. (1999, 15) 8.00 CHOICE
Cold Mountain. Stars Jude Law. An
American Civil War deserter seeks the
woman he loves. (2003, 15; see Film
choice) 10.40 Labor Day. A depressed
single mother and her son offer shelter
to a stranger. (2013, 12) 12.35 Eternal
Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind (2004,
15) 2.35 Revolutionary Road (2008, 15)
4.45-6.30 Watership Down (1978, U)

FILM4
11.00am Arizona Raiders (1965, U)
12.50 Red Mountain (1951, PG) 2.30
Ice Cold In Alex (1958, PG) 5.10 The
Wackiest Ship In The Army. An officer
is handed a ramshackle vessel with an
inept crew. (1960, U) 7.10 Pitch Perfect
3. The group reunite for one last
singing contest on an overseas tour.
(2017, 12) 9.00 CHOICE Star Trek. The
first mission of the starship Enterprise
leads the crew into a battle with a
Romulan. (2009, 12; see Film choice)
11.30 Den Of Thieves. The LA county
sheriffs’ department hunts criminals
plotting an audacious heist. (2018, 15)
2.20-4.00 Pledge (2018, 18)

SKY CINEMA SELECT
3.35pm Harry Potter And The
Half-Blood Prince. The wizard must
uncover the secrets of Voldemort’s
past. (2009, 12) 6.10 Harry Potter And
The Deathly Hallows, Part 1. The wizard
sets out to destroy Voldemort. (2010,
12) 8.40 Harry Potter And The Deathly
Hallows, Part 2. The wizard faces a
final battle with Voldemort. (2011, 12)
11.00 Fantastic Beasts And Where To
Find Them (2016, 12) 1.15 Fantastic
Beasts — The Crimes Of Grindelwald
(2018, 12) 3.35-6.00 Fantastic Beasts:
The Secrets Of Dumbledore (2022, 12)

TALKING PICTURES TV
3.05pm When The Legends Die (1972,
PG) 5.15 Dick Powell’s Zane Grey
Theatre 5.50 Behemoth The Sea
Monster. The dumping of radioactive
waste in the sea brings a dinosaur
back to life. (1959, PG) 7.30 Time To
Remember. An overview of 1922.
8.00 Gideon’s Way. The detective
hunts for an arsonist. 9.00 Absence
Of Malice. The law-abiding son of a
mafia boss is falsely implicated in
the disappearance of a union leader,
ruining his honest business. (1981,
PG) 11.15-1.20 Waking The Dead
1L
1G

6.00
7.00
8.05
9.15

Paint peers (Sky Arts/Now, 8pm)

ENTERTAINMENT
GOLD
7.10am Hold The Sunset 8.15 Keeping
Up Appearances 8.50 My Hero 9.30
Are You Being Served? 10.10 Porridge
10.45 Last Of The Summer Wine 12.00
Keeping Up Appearances 12.40 My
Hero 1.20 Dad’s Army 2.00 Porridge
2.40 Are You Being Served? 3.20 Last
Of The Summer Wine 4.40 Dinnerladies
5.20 Keeping Up Appearances 6.00
Are You Being Served? 6.40 Dad’s
Army 8.00 Dinnerladies 9.20 The Royle
Family 10.00 Not Going Out 10.35 Live
At The Apollo 11.35 Absolutely Fabulous
12.55 French And Saunders 2.20
Dinnerladies 2.55 Not Going Out
3.25-4.00 Absolutely Fabulous
SKY COMEDY
6.00pm The Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air
6.30 Futurama 7.30 The US Office
8.00 The Conners 8.30 The US Office
9.00 Girls 10.10 Sex And The City 11.15
The Late Late Show 12.15 The Tonight
Show 1.15 Sex And The City 2.15
Silicon Valley 4.00-5.00 Futurama
SKY WITNESS
6.00pm Nothing To Declare 8.00 Blue
Bloods 9.00 New Amsterdam 10.00
9-1-1 11.00 FBI 12.00 FBI — Most Wanted

MORE4
5.55pm Love It Or List It Experts
Kirstie Allsopp and Phil
Spencer are in the village of
Somersham, Cambridgeshire.
6.55 Escape To The Chateau
Dick and Angel continue
renovation work on their
£280,000 chateau in France.
7.55 Grand Designs Presenter
Kevin McCloud meets two
artists who are constructing a
home on the Isle of Skye.
9.00 Best Year Ever..1994 A look
at the year when Blur and
Oasis divided the country
and a Wonderbra billboard
caused traffic accidents. (3/4)
10.00 Made In The 80s — The
Decade That Shaped Our
World Britain’s influence on
technology in the decade.
11.05-12.05 24 Hours In A&E
A biker is brought to A&E
after a head-on collision.

1.00 Criminal Minds 3.00 UK Border
Force 4.00 Road Wars 5.00-6.00
Brit Cops — Frontline Crime UK
W
6.00pm Property Brothers 7.00
Masterchef USA 8.00 DIY SOS — The
Big Build 9.20 Multiple Birth Wards
10.20 Alex Jones — Making Babies
11.20 Children’s Ward 12.00 Nurses
On The Ward 1.00-3.00 Tipping Point
5 STAR
6.00pm Home And Away 7.00 GPs
— Behind Closed Doors 8.00 Car Pound
Cops — Give Me My Car Back! 9.00
FILM: Beverly Hills Cop 11.20 FILM: The
Naked Gun 2 1/2 — The Smell Of Fear
1.00 Skin A&E 2.00 GPs — Behind
Closed Doors 3.00 It’s Your Fault I’m
Fat 3.55-4.00 Entertainment News
5 USA
6.00pm NCIS 9.00 Criminal Minds.
11.00 Law & Order: Special Victims
Unit 2.50 The Blacklist 3.35-4.00
Criminals — Caught On Camera
COMEDY CENTRAL
8.00am My Wife And Kids 9.00 The
Middle 10.00 Last Man Standing 12.00
Friends 9.00 Live At The Apollo 10.00
Chris Ramsey — All Growed Up 11.00
Channel Hopping. With Jon Richardson

TALKTV

SKYATLANTIC

SPORT

6.00 James Max News reports.
6.30 The Julia Hartley-Brewer
Breakfast Show Updates.
10.00 The Independent Republic
Of Mike Graham Reports.
1.00 Ian Collins Discussion.
4.00 Vanessa Feltz The big stories
of the day from politics,
current affairs and showbiz.
7.00 Jeremy Kyle Live Debate.
8.00 Piers Morgan Uncensored
The host presents his verdict
on the day’s global events.
9.00 The Talk Discussion.
10.00 First Edition A look at
tomorrow’s news, tonight.
11.00 Piers Morgan Uncensored
12.00 Petrie Hosken Updates.
1.00 Vanessa Feltz Discussion.
2.00 Jeremy Kyle Live debate.
3.00 Piers Morgan Uncensored
4.00 The Talk Discussion.
5.00-6.00 James Max Reports.
Available on Sky 522; Freeview 237;
Virgin 606; Freesat 217; YouTube,
connected TVs and smart devices

6.00
7.55
10.05
12.15
1.20

Storm City Documentary.
The Sopranos Crime drama.
True Blood Vampire drama.
Game Of Thrones Fantasy.
True Detective Hays gets a
second chance to vindicate
himself. (Series 3, ep 3)
2.25 True Detective
Woodard finds himself
targeted by a vigilante group.
3.35 The Sopranos AJ gets into
trouble. (Series 1, ep 7) 4.40
The Sopranos Rumours of an
FBI clampdown prompts Tony
to do some ‘house-cleaning’.
5.45 True Blood Sookie hopes for
a miracle to save Bill. (Series
7, ep 7) 6.50 True Blood
Sookie risks her life for Bill.
7.55 Game Of Thrones Ned
confronts Cersei about Jon
Arryn’s death. (Series 1, ep 7)
9.00 Devils Feeling betrayed and
abandoned, Massimo devises
a plan to create a scandal
against NYL. (Series 1, ep 2)
10.05 Succession Logan weighs up
who will need to be sacrificed
to salvage the company’s
reputation. (Series 2, ep 10)
11.25 The Tunnel — Sabotage
Elise enters a deadly situation
alone. (Series 2, ep 4;
French with subtitles)
12.25 Britannia Historical drama.
1.55 Boardwalk Empire Drama.
3.00 Game Of Thrones Fantasy.
4.05-6.00 Storm City Insights.

SKY SPORTS MAIN EVENT
6.00am News 7.00 Good Morning
Sports Fans 8.00 Ashes Greats 8.10
LIVE Big Bash League: Brisbane Heat v
Perth Scorchers. Coverage of the
Australian T20 match at Brisbane
Cricket Ground 12.00 Transfer Talk
1.00 News 3.00 LIVE SA20: Durban
Super Giants v Johannesburg Super
Kings. Coverage of the South African
T20 match at Hollywoodbets
Kingsmead Stadium. 7.30 LIVE EFL
Cup: Southampton v Manchester City.
Action from of the Carabao Cup
quarter-final game at St Mary’s Stadium.
Kickoff at 8.00 11.00-6.00 News

SKYMAX
6.00pm NCIS: New Orleans
A restaurant belonging
to a naval chef’s family is
bombed. (Series 2, ep 22, R)
7.00 NCIS: New Orleans
A diver’s death is linked to a
possible attack on the US
by a foreign aggressor. (R)
8.00 Flintoff — From Lord’s To
The Ring Andrew Flintoff
pursues a new career as a
boxer under the guidance
of Barry McGuigan. (R)
9.00 Hold The Front Page
Comedians Nish Kumar and
Josh Widdicombe head to
West Sussex to work for a
local newspaper. (2/6)
10.00 Brassic The boys plan a heist
at a strip club but things go
awry. (Series 1, ep 2, R)
11.00-12.00 An Idiot Abroad
Karl Pilkington goes on a
world tour. (Series 1, ep 1, R)

12.00 The Ricky Gervais Show 12.30
South Park 2.30 The Ren & Stimpy
Show 3.00 Beavis And Butt-Head
3.20 Fugget About It 3.45 Last Man
Standing 4.10-5.00 Friends
YESTERDAY
6.00am History Hunters 8.00
Abandoned Engineering 9.00 Secret
Nazi Bases 10.00 The Buildings That
Fought Hitler 11.00 Age Of Steam
12.00 Great British Railway Journeys
2.00 Bangers And Cash 4.00 Secret
Nazi Bases 5.00 The Buildings That
Fought Hitler 6.00 Great British Railway
Journeys Goes To Ireland 6.30 Great
British Railway Journeys 7.00 Age Of
Steam 8.00 Australia 9.00 Billy
Connolly’s Great American Trail
10.00 Bangers And Cash 11.00
Abandoned Engineering 12.00-1.00
Great British Railway Journeys
DAVE
6.00pm Taskmaster 7.00 House Of
Games 7.40 Would I Lie To You? The
Unseen Bits 8.20 QI 9.00 QI XL. With
Phill Jupitus, Cally Beaton and Rhod
Gilbert 10.00 Have I Got A Bit More Old
News For You. Jennifer Saunders hosts
11.00 Taskmaster 12.00 Mock The Week
12.40 Would I Lie To You? 1.20 QI 2.00
House Of Games 2.30 Famalam 2.554.00 Modern Wheels Or Classic Steals

Trapped in Alaska (Nat Geo, 8pm)

FACTUAL
NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC
6.00pm Lost Treasures Of Egypt 7.00
Air Crash Investigation 8.00 Alaska
— The Next Generation 9.00 America’s
Hardest Prisons 10.00 Car SOS 11.00
Air Crash Investigation 12.00 Wicked
Tuna 1.00-2.00 Ice Road Rescue
DISCOVERY
6.00pm Salvage Hunters 7.00 Diesel
Brothers 8.00 Outback Truckers 9.00
The Dino Hunters 10.00 Moonshiners
11.00 Naked And Afraid 12.00 Combat
Dealers 1.00-2.00 The Dino Hunters
PBS AMERICA
5.15pm Jazz 6.25 Mutant Weather 7.25
The Last Voices Of World War One
8.30 KGB — The Sword And The Shield
9.40 Jazz. The 1940s 10.55-12.00
KGB — The Sword And The Shield
SKY DOCUMENTARIES
6.00am The Comedy Store 7.05
Discovering 8.00 The Directors 9.00
Kingdom Of Dreams 10.00 The Lady
And The Dale 11.05 The Guest Wing
12.00 I Am MLK Jr 2.00 Say Hey,
Willie Mays! 4.00 The Directors
5.00 Discovering 6.00 Kingdom Of
Dreams 7.00 The Lady And The Dale

EUROSPORT 1
6.00am Dakar Rally 7.00 ATP Tennis
8.00 LIVE Tennis. Coverage of day
three of the Adelaide International, the
ATP 250 event, from Memorial Drive
Tennis Centre, featuring second-round
matches 10.00 Tennis: Roger’s Last
Dance. A tribute to Roger Federer
following his decision to retire 10.30
Snowboarding 1.00 Alpine Skiing 2.00
Ski Jumping 3.00 ATP Tennis 4.00
Alpine Skiing 6.00 Ski Jumping 7.00
ATP Tennis 8.00 Dakar Rally 9.00
Alpine Skiing 10.00 ATP Tennis 11.00
Dakar Rally 12.00 Ski Jumping 1.00 ATP
Tennis 2.00 Dakar Rally 3.00 ATP
Tennis 4.00-6.00 Masters Snooker
BT SPORT 1
6.00am ESPN FC 6.30 Premier League
Stories 7.00 Goals Reload 7.30 Currie
Club 8.00 LIVE A-League Women:
Adelaide United Women v Melbourne
City Women. Coverage of the match
from ServiceFM Stadium. Kickoff at
8.00 10.00 Fishing — On The Bank
11.00 National League 12.30 Rugby
Tonight 1.15 Goals Reload 1.45 Test
Cricket Highlights. A review of the third
Test in the series between Australia and
South Africa 3.45 Premier League
Stories 4.15 ESPN FC 4.45 WWE
Smackdown Highlights 5.45 WWE Raw
Highlights 6.45 LIVE Spanish Super
Cup: Real Madrid v Valencia. Action
from the semi-final match at King Fahd
International Stadium in Riyadh, Saudi
Arabia. 9.15 Around The Block 9.30
Reload 10.00 WWE NXT 11.45 WWE
Raw Highlights 12.45 Goals Reload
1.15 A-League Highlights 1.45 Uefa
Documentaries 2.00 ChatterBox
3.00 Premiership Rugby Highlights
4.30-6.00 Spanish Super Cup

8.05 The Guest Wing 9.00 Going Clear
11.20-1.30 The Beatles — Eight Days
A Week — The Touring Years
SKY NATURE
6.00am Battle Of The Alphas 7.00
Malawi Wildlife Rescue 8.00 Monkey
Life 9.00 Orangutan Jungle School
10.00 Africa’s Wild Horizons 11.00
Equator 12.00 One Planet, One
Chance 1.00 Monkey Life 2.00 Malawi
Wildlife Rescue 3.00 Orangutan Jungle
School 4.00 Africa’s Wild Horizons
5.00 Equator 6.00 One Planet, One
Chance 7.00 Monkey Life 8.00
Becoming Orangutan 9.00 Gangs
Of Baboon Falls 10.00 One Planet,
One Chance 11.00-12.00 Equator
DISCOVERY HISTORY
6.00am Nasa’s Unexplained Files 7.00
How The Universe Works 8.00 HMS Ark
Royal 9.00 Combat Dealers 10.00
Treasure Quest —Snake Island 11.00
UFOs Over Phoenix 12.00 Nasa’s
Unexplained Files 1.00 Expedition
Unknown 2.00 Curse Of The Bermuda
Triangle 3.00 Blowing Up History 4.00
Mysteries At The Museum 5.00 HMS
Ark Royal 6.00 How The Universe
Works 7.00 Expedition Unknown 8.00
Combat Dealers 9.00 Mysteries Of The
Missing 10.00 How The Universe Works
11.00-12.00 UFOs Over Phoenix

RADIO
PICK OF THE DAY

The Compass
BBC World Service,
9.30am, 8.06pm
Peter White, pictured,
who has been blind since
birth, finds his way around
Los Angeles using the sounds
he hears and by relying on
the people he meets. Tim
Harford returns with a new
series of More Or Less
(Radio 4, 9am), drilling
down to discover the true
state of the British economy
as well as examining how
our politicians are tackling
the cost of living crisis.
Clair Woodward
RADIO 4
5.30 News 5.43 Prayer 5.45 Farming
Today 5.58 Tweet Of The Day (R) 6.00
Today 8.31 (LW) Yesterday In Parliament
9.00 More Or Less. New run 9.30 Just
One Thing. New run, with Michael
Mosley 9.45 Book Of The Week 9.45
(LW) Daily Service 10.00 Woman’s
Hour 11.00 I’m Not A Monster — The
Shamima Begum Story 11.30 Oti
Mabuse’s Dancing Legends 12.00
News 12.01 (LW) Shipping 12.04 You
And Yours 1.00 The World At One 1.45
NatureBang 2.00 The Archers (R) 2.15
Drama: Dead Weather (R) 3.00 Money
Box Live 3.30 Inside Health 4.00
Thinking Allowed 4.30 The Media
Show 5.00 PM 5.54 (LW) Shipping
6.00 News 6.30 Conversations From
A Long Marriage (R) 7.00 The Archers
7.15 Front Row 8.00 The Moral Maze
8.45 Four Thought. Martin Hibbert talks
about the Manchester Arena bombing
9.00 Can I Change? — A Thorough
Examination With Drs Chris And Xand
(R) 9.30 The Media Show 10.00 The
World Tonight 10.45 Book At Bedtime
11.00 What’s The Story, Ashley Storrie?
11.15 Darren Harriott — Black Label (R)
11.30 Today In Parliament 12.00 News
12.30 Book Of The Week (R) 12.48
Shipping 1.00 As World Service
TIMES RADIO
5.00 Anna Cunningham With Early
Breakfast 6.00 Aasmah Mir And Stig
Abell With Times Radio Breakfast
10.00 Matt Chorley 1.00 Mariella
Frostrup 3.00 Jane Garvey And Fi
Glover 5.00 John Pienaar With Times
Radio Drive 7.00 Pienaar And
Friends. Informed debate 8.00 The
Evening Edition With Kait Borsay
10.00 Carole Walker 1.00 Stories
Of Our Times 1.30 Red Box 2.00
Highlights From Times Radio
To get in touch with the Times Radio
studio, text TIMES plus your message
to 87222. Texts cost your standard
message charge.

RADIO 4 EXTRA
5.00 Hawksmoor 6.00 The Rivals 6.30
The Singing Sands 7.00 Machines Like
Me 7.15 Talking About Jane Austen In
Baghdad 7.30 Maureen & Friends 8.00
Hancock’s Half Hour 8.30 Life, Death
And Sex With Mike And Sue 9.00 The
Write Stuff 9.30 Tales From The Tower
10.00 Hawksmoor 11.00 The Rivals
11.30 The Singing Sands 12.00
Machines Like Me 12.15 Talking About
Jane Austen In Baghdad 12.30 Maureen
& Friends 1.00 Hancock’s Half Hour
1.30 Life, Death And Sex With Mike And
Sue 2.00 The Write Stuff 2.30 Tales
From The Tower 3.00 Hawksmoor
4.00 The Rivals 4.30 The Singing
Sands 5.00 Machines Like Me 5.15
Talking About Jane Austen In Baghdad
5.30 Maureen & Friends 6.00
Hancock’s Half Hour 6.30 Life, Death
And Sex With Mike And Sue 7.00 Jake
Yapp’s Unwinding 10.00 Conversations
From A Long Marriage 10.30 Mark
Watson Makes The World Substantially
Better 11.00 The Million Pound Radio
Show 11.30-12.00 Mae Martin’s
Guide To 21st Century Addiction
LBC
7.00 Nick Ferrari 10.00 James O’Brien
1.00 Shelagh Fogarty 4.00 Tom
Swarbrick 6.00 Tonight With Andrew
Marr 7.00 Iain Dale 10.00 Ian Payne
1.00 Darren Adam 4.00 Steve Allen
RADIO 3
6.30 Breakfast 9.00 Essential Classics
12.00 Composer Of The Week (R) 1.00
Lunchtime Concert. At LSO St Luke’s
in London, the pianist Alice Sara Ott is
joined by the violinist Ray Chen in
works by Grieg, Ysaye and Stravinsky
(R) 2.00 Afternoon Concert. Pietari
Inkinen conducts the KBS Symphony
Orchestra in Tchaikovsky’s Symphony
No 4 in F minor, and they are joined by
Vadim Repin for Bruch’s First Violin
Concerto 4.00 Choral Evensong 5.00
In Tune 7.00 In Tune Mixtape 7.30 In
Concert. At London’s Wigmore Hall,
Paul Lewis plays three of Schubert’s
piano sonatas spanning three periods
in composer’s very short career 10.00
Free Thinking. Christienna Fryar and
Xine Yao discuss the life of the
enslaved American poet Phillis
Wheatley with playwright Adeola
Solanke, and academics Montaz
Marché and Brigitte Fielder 10.45 The
Essay. Margaret Heffernan explores
how artists embrace uncertainty as a
key part of the creative process, seeing
it as a catalyst for their work 11.00
Night Tracks 12.30 Through The Night
CLASSIC FM
6.00 Tim Lihoreau 9.00 Alexander
Armstrong 12.00 Anne-Marie Minhall
4.00 John Brunning 7.00 Zeb Soanes
10.00 Margherita Taylor 1.00 Bill
Overton 4.00 Lucy Coward
RADIO 2
6.30 The Zoe Ball Breakfast Show
9.30 Ken Bruce 12.00 Jeremy Vine
2.00 Scott Mills 4.00 Sara Cox 7.00
Jo Whiley 9.00 The Folk Show 10.00
Trevor Nelson 12.00 OJ Borg 3.00
Sounds Of The 90s. With Fearne
Cotton (R) 4.00 Early Breakfast Show
VIRGIN RADIO
6.30 The Chris Evans Breakfast Show
10.00 Eddy Temple-Morris 1.00 Jayne
Middlemiss 4.00 Steve Denyer 7.00
Bam 10.00 Amy Voce 1.00 Sean
Goldsmith 4.00 James Merritt
TALKSPORT
5.00 Early Breakfast 6.00 Breakfast
With Laura Woods 10.00 Jim White
And Simon Jordan 1.00 Hawksbee
And Jacobs 4.00 Drive 7.00 Kick Off
10.00 Sports Bar 1.00 Extra Time

8 January 2023 45

BBC1

6.00 Breakfast The latest reports.
9.15 Rip Off Britain — Holidays
A holiday double-booking
error affecting two families.
10.00 Big Little Crimes A tip-off
leads to police cracking a
£2m insurance scam.
10.45 For Love Or Money (R)
11.15 Homes Under The Hammer
Properties in north Wales,
Hampshire and Cumbria.
12.15 Bargain Hunt Curios. (R)
1.00 News; Weather Reports.
1.45 Doctors Daniel and Zara try
to find cover at the Mill;
and Ollie has changed his
mind about the army.
2.15 The Farmers’ Country
Showdown Two farming
families sell their local meat
and cheese at Ripley
Farmers’ Market in Surrey.
3.00 Escape To The Country (R)
3.45 The Repair Shop Items
include a hand-painted drum
and a smashed beer mug.
4.30 Make It At Market A
glassblower and an upcycling
duo visit the training camp.
5.15 Pointless Unorthodox quiz. (R)
6.00 News; Weather Reports.
6.30 Regional News Update.
7.00 The One Show Features.
7.30 EastEnders Denise seeks
solace in a bottle and finds a
new friend along the way;
Sharon is desperate to find
out why Zack is in such a
mess; and Lola and Jay have
a big announcement.
8.00 Dragons’ Den The
entrepreneurs listen to
pitches from a couple who
organise social events for
four-legged friends, and a
29-year-old with a largerthan-life clothing business.
9.00 The Apprentice Week
two sees the candidates
manufacture bao buns to punt
to the public and corporate
clients, with Karren Brady
and Tim Campbell keeping
an eye on proceedings on
Lord Sugar’s behalf.
10.00 News; Weather Reports.
10.40 Question Time Fiona Bruce
hosts the political debate.
11.40 Newscast Political chat.
12.10 Question Of Sport With
Lauren Hemp, Pamela
Cookey and Simon Doull. (R)
12.40 We Are England (R)
1.15-6.00 Joins BBC News
SCOTLAND 11.15 Bargain Hunt.
12.00 First Minister’s Questions. 6.30
Reporting Scotland; Weather. 7.00
River City. 12.40 Would I Lie To You?

BBC2

ITV1
ITV

6.30 The Farmers’ Country
Showdown In Ludlow. (R)
7.15 Make It At Market (R)
8.00 Macaque — Monkeys In The
Mountains (Signed, R)
9.00 News; Weather Update.
12.15 Politics Live Discussion.
1.00 Snooker Live coverage of the
opening quarter-final in the
Masters at Alexandra Palace,
featuring Mark Williams or
Yan Bingtao v Ronnie
O’Sullivan or Luca Brecel.
5.15 Flog It! From Ickworth House
near Bury St Edmunds. (R)
6.00 House Of Games With
Jasmine Harman, Dave
Johns, Suzannah Lipscomb
and Jason Mohammad.
6.30 Take A Hike A Skye native
takes the other hikers to one
of the island’s hidden gems.
7.00 Snooker Live coverage of the
second quarter-final of the
Masters from Alexandra
Palace in London, featuring
Mark Selby v John Higgins
or Jack Lisowski.
8.00 The Hairy Bikers Go Local In
Pembrokeshire, southwest
Wales, Dave Myers and Si
King visit the Stackpole Inn,
and plan to introduce the
owners and head chef to
the local food producers.
9.00 CHOICE Marie Antoinette
The royal family holidays at
Fontainebleau, an escape
from stifling Versailles; and
Marie’s hostilities with du
Barry threaten to sour
things with the King. (3/8;
see Critics’ choice)
10.00 The Apprentice — You’re
Fired Tom Allen is joined by a
panel of experts and fans
who will analyse this week’s
task and meet the second
candidate to be fired.
10.30 Newsnight The day’s events.
11.15 Snooker Highlights of the
second match in the quarterfinals of the Masters at
Alexandra Palace in London,
featuring Mark Selby v John
Higgins or Jack Lisowski.
12.05 Snooker Extra Extended
action from a quarter-final
match in the Masters at
Alexandra Palace in London,
featuring Mark Selby v John
Higgins or Jack Lisowski,
or Mark Williams or David
Gilbert v Ronnie O’Sullivan
or Luca Brecel.
2.05 The Traitors (Signed, R)
3.05 Flipping Profit (Signed, R)
3.50-4.35 The Travelling
Auctioneers (Signed, R)

6.00
9.00
10.00
12.30
1.30
1.55
2.00

The firing squad (BBC1, 9pm)

10.00 Scam
Olobobs
10.05
Halibalw
10.15
10.30
Land
— Money,
Mayhem
Twt 10.30
Jen AMobeen
Jim A’r Cywiadur
And
Maseratis.
Azhar looks
10.45
Byd
Tad-Cu
11.00 Og Y
into
the
story
of a 20-year-old
Draenogstudent
Hapus 11.10
Ein
medical
11.00Stiw
The11.20
Scotts.
Byd Bachand
Ni 11.30
YnaMynd
I
Collette
DarrenBlero
throw
gender
Ocido party
11.45 11.30-12.00
Deian A Loli 12.00
reveal
The Karen
Newyddion
A’rSTV
Tywydd
Dunbar
Show
6.0012.05
GoodCodi
Pac 12.30Britain
Heno 1.00
Ar Gynfas
Morning
9.00Cymry
Lorraine
1.30 Colleen
Ramsey12.30
— Bywyd
A
10.00
This Morning
Loose
Bwyd 2.00
Newyddion
A’r Tywydd
Women
1.30
News; Weather
2.00
2.05 Prynhawn
3.00
Newyddion
Dickinson’s
RealDa
Deal
3.00
Lingo
A’r Tywydd
3.05
Efaciwis
4.00
Awr
4.00
Tipping
Point
5.00 The
Chase
Fawr: Regional
Timpo 4.10
Ein Byd
Bach Ni
6.00
News.
Update
4.20 Octonots
4.35 Nico
Nog
6.30
News; Weather.
Headlines

4.45 Emmerdale.
Ahoi! 5.00 Stwnsh:
Dathlu!
7.30
Things get
5.05 Bernardfor
5.10
Seligo 5.15
Kung
complicated
Mackenzie
8.30
Fu Panda Tonight
5.40 Chwarter
Call 5.55
Scotland
9.00 Rush.
New
Ffeil 6.00 Ffermio
6.30 Ffasiwn
Australian
police drama
series.
Drefn 6.57
Heno.
Josh’s
rageNewyddion
spills onto a7.00
father,
who
Magazine
Newyddion
A’r
may
have 7.30
attempted
to kill his
Tywydd 8.00
Y Cwm.
Tyler is
children
10.00Pobol
News;
Weather
set on Regional
finding evidence
to confirm
10.30
News 10.45
When
his suspicions
about
8.25
Can
I See My GP?
Dr Garry
Amir Khan
Rownd A Rownd
A’r
investigates
how 8.55
to fixNewyddion
primary care
Tywydd
9.00
Y Byd
YnCulinary
Ei Le 9.30
11.10
Next
Level
Chef.
Fairbourne:
Y Mor
Wrth Y Drws
challenge
12.05
Teleshopping
10.30Dickinson’s
Pen Petrol 10.55-11.30
3.00
Real Deal 3.50
Wil AcVision
Aeron5.05-6.00
— Taith Rwmania
Night
Lingo

Good Morning Britain
Lorraine Lifestyle chat.
This Morning Features.
Loose Women Debate.
News; Weather Reports.
Regional News Headlines.
Dickinson’s Real Deal The
team visits Wolverhampton.
3.00 Lingo Hosted by Adil Ray.
4.00 Tipping Point Gameshow.
5.00 The Chase Quiz show.
6.00 Regional News Update.
6.30 News; Weather Reports.
7.30 Emmerdale Things get
complicated for Mackenzie;
Cathy and April are intrigued
when Arthur forms a plan;
and Tensions remain
between Chas and Cain.
8.30 When Can I See My GP? Dr
Amir Khan asks how to fix
primary care, at a time when
lack of doctors, face-to-face
appointments, continuity of
care and resources are all
putting patient safety at risk.
9.00 CHOICE Britain’s Notorious
Prisons — Strangeways Using
first-hand testimony from
past inmates and staff, this
documentary tells the truth
about life behind the walls of
the Manchester prison,
including the story of the
most brutal riot in UK history,
when the inmates took over
in 1990. (See Critics’ choice)
10.00 News At Ten Bulletin.
10.30 Regional News Headlines.
10.45 Next Level Chef Gordon
Ramsay, Paul Ainsworth and
Nyesha Arrington front this
unique culinary challenge,
which sees a mixture of
home cooks and professional
chefs competing. (R)
11.40 All Elite Wrestling
— Rampage Hard-hitting,
high-flying action with many
of AEW’s biggest stars.
12.35 Teleshopping Goods.
3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal (R)
3.50 Unwind Daily relaxation.
5.05-6.00 Lingo Adil Ray hosts. (R)

46 8 January 2023

6.00
6.10
6.50
7.40
9.00
10.25
11.25
11.30
12.30
2.10
3.00
4.00
5.00
6.00
6.30
7.00
8.00

9.00

10.00

11.05

12.25

1.20

Find It, Fix It, Flog It (R)
Countdown Gameshow. (R)
3rd Rock From The Sun (R)
Everybody Loves Raymond
Family comedy series. (R)
Frasier American sitcom. (R)
Undercover Boss USA (R)
News; Weather Reports.
Couples Come Dine With Me
Dinner parties in Glasgow. (R)
Steph’s Packed Lunch
Countdown Gameshow.
A Place In The Sun Advice.
A New Life In The Sun
Come Dine With Me — The
Professionals In Bristol. (R)
The Simpsons Cartoon. (R)
Hollyoaks Chester soap. (R)
News; Weather Reports.
The Dog House The team at
Woodgreen animal charity
continues with its mission to
find homes for abandoned
dogs, including a couple of
Jack Russell cross pugs, and
an escape-artist beagle.
The Light In The Hall Sharon
is on edge after Joe’s visit;
and DCI Parry visits Cat to
warn her to stop fishing for
information, but something
he says to her makes her
more determined than ever
of uncovering the truth. (4/6)
CHOICE In The Footsteps Of
Killers New run. The actress
Emilia Fox, the criminologist
professor David Wilson and
the former detective Dr
Graham Hill revisit events
surrounding the Templeton
Woods murders, near Dundee
in 1979. (See Critics’ choice)
Catching A Killer — A Knock
At The Door Cameras follow
Thames Valley Police’s
investigation into Hang Yin
Leung, who died after being
violently assaulted during a
burglary at her Milton Keynes
home. (Last in series, R)
Murder In The Outback —
The Falconio And Lees
Mystery (Last in series, R)
Ramsay’s Kitchen
Nightmares USA Advice. (R)

2.10 FILM: Jane Got A Gun Stars
Natalie Portman and Ewan
McGregor. A rancher’s wife
turns to her former lover to
help defend her home and
children from outlaws. Rough
around the edges. (2015, 15)

VARIATIONS
BBC1
WALES 3.00
Wales’
Home Of
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CHANNEL 4

1L
1G

3.45 Couples Come Dine With Me
Dinner parties in Kent. (R)
4.40 Sarah Beeny’s New Life In
The Country Insights. (R)
5.35-6.00 Food Unwrapped (R)

YOU SAY

THURSDAY

CHANNEL 5
Milkshake! Fun for children.
Jeremy Vine Debate.
Traffic Cops Crime. (R)
News; Weather Reports.
Home And Away Remi
cannot bear watching
Bree and Jacob playing
happy couple in public.
2.15 A Beautiful Place To Die — A
Martha’s Vineyard Mystery
Drama, with Jesse Metcalfe.
The former detective Jeff
Jackson is forced into early
retirement and returns to a
quiet life on Martha’s Vineyard,
until a body washes up. (R)
4.00 Bargain-Loving Brits In
The Sun A pair test out
their new sausages.
5.00 News; Weather Reports.
6.00 Holiday Homes In The Sun
Amanda Lamb, JB Gill and
Sam Pinkham are in SaintEmilion near Bordeaux. (R)
6.55 News; Weather Reports.
7.00 Nick Knowles’ New Year
Clearout The presenter helps
a Gloucester family drowning
under three generations
worth of stuff in a fourbedroom Edwardian semi.
7.55 News; Weather Reports.
8.00 Build Your Dream Home In
The Country Mark Millar
helps a family building their
ideal abode on a hillside in
the Cornwall countryside,
making the most of the views
by putting the living spaces
upstairs and the bedrooms
on the ground floor.
9.00 CHOICE The Madame
Blanc Mysteries Jean takes
centre stage to uncover a
deadly family drama when
tragedy strikes twice in
Sainte Victoire. (Series 2,
ep 3; see Critics’ choice)
10.00 Million Pound Motorhomes
TV presenter Matt Allwright
gives viewers a tour of his
campervan; and Tomi
Adebayo puts three portable
barbecues to the test. (R)
11.05 Motorway Cops — Catching
Britain’s Speeders A PC
stops a vehicle with links
to drug dealing. (R)
12.05 Police — Night Shift 999 (R)
1.00 The LeoVegas Live Casino
Show Interactive gambling.
3.00 Entertainment News Gossip.
3.05 Holiday Homes In The Sun In
Saint-Emilion, Bordeaux. (R)
3.55 My Mum’s Hotter Than
Me! Documentary. (R)
4.40 Divine Designs Insights. (R)
5.10 House Doctor Advice. (R)
5.40-6.00 Children’s Shows
6.00
9.15
12.45
1.40
1.45

Vienna Blood (BBC2) is lovely and such a contrast
to the usual garbage served up on TV now. No
gaudy over-the-top sensationalism, just beautifully
filmed stories set in that difficult period of
European politics prior to World War One. More
please but not at the expense of quality.
Roger W Powell
Channel 5 trumped the Christmas offerings with
The Canterville Ghost. It’s original, well-acted,
and interesting without trying to be too clever.
Marcia MacLeod

THE BEST TV FROM SKY AND BEYOND...

THURSDAY 12 JANUARY

CRITICS’ CHOICE
Britain’s Notorious Prisons
— Strangeways
(ITV1, 9pm; Scotland ITVX)
Prison documentaries used
to involve jails giving film
crews access, confident
they would come across
reasonably well. Now the
trend — as represented by
ITV’s series and Channel 5’s
Evil Behind Bars — is to pick
out the worst institutions,
eschew observational filming
and instead get former
inmates and staff to recall
grim experiences. Here they
vividly evoke the squalid,
brutal Manchester jail in the
1970s and 1980s, and the
1990 riot that left it a wreck.
Also interviewed are an
ex-governor and Lord Woolf,
author of the post-riot
report, who sums up its
message: “Treat people like
animals, and they’ll behave
like animals.”
John Dugdale
In The Footsteps Of Killers
(C4, 10pm)
The criminologist David
Wilson and Emilia Fox return
with more cold-case inquiries,
starting with Dundee’s
Templeton Woods murders.
The bodies of teenage mother
Carol Lannen and trainee
nursery nurse Elizabeth
McCabe were found there,
strangled, in 1979 and 1980
respectively. Although the two
deaths were widely assumed
to be linked, Wilson here
concentrates on the killing
of Lannen, investigating a
suspect identified by a local
journalist but overlooked
by the police. Fox’s role,
meanwhile (in contrast to her
proactive sleuthing in Silent
Witness) is largely limited to
quizzing Wilson, the Watson
to his Holmes. JD

ON DEMAND
Alice In Borderland (Netflix)
If you were unsure whether
season two of the Japanese
director and writer Shinsuke
Sato’s ultra-violent live-action
manga would live up to the
first, have no fear. The
premise remains the same,
with super-smart dropout
gamer Ryohei Arisu (Kento

HISTORY CHOICE

Calm before the storm: a prison officer at Strangeways before the riot in 1990 (ITV1, 9pm)

Simon Schama’s History
Of Now (BBC iPlayer)
A harsh review in another
newspaper dismissed this
personal three-part overview
of postwar history and
culture as an outdated model
of TV presenting. The author
didn’t say what he was
referring to but his obvious
comparison points were
Kenneth Clark’s Civilisation
(Britbox), John Berger’s
Ways Of Seeing (YouTube)
and Jacob Bronowski’s The
Ascent Of Man (archive.
org). In 2022 it’s easy to
question shows in which a
white, male pedagogue offers
their take on world culture,
and Schama’s series feels
like the last of its kind. But
the benefits of this journey
are many and to kick against
them for ideological reasons
is to miss out on the insights
and knowledge they impart.
Andrew Male

Colosseum
(Sky History/Now, 9pm)
Simon Sebag Montefiore and
Bettany Hughes are among the
historians consulted for this
new series, which charts the
importance of the Roman
amphitheatre as a symbol of
empire. Bloodthirsty citizens
got their “bread and circuses”
and learnt a stark lesson as to
what it might mean to rebel.

Marie Antoinette
(BBC2, 9pm)
To Fontainebleau, the royal
family’s summer home, where
King Louis XV ( James Purefoy)
declares: “Now we are on
holiday we can forget
protocol.” Those who believe
him do so at their peril, but
the Dauphine (Emilia Schüle)
finds it “heaven” compared
with stuffy Versailles.

Wilson and Fox (Channel 4, 10pm)

The Madame Blanc
Mysteries (C5, 9pm)
Sally Lindsay and Sue
Vincent’s detective drama
investigates the death of
a local woman and the
revelation that her life was far
from what it seemed. There’s
an antiques angle that means
only shopkeeper Jean White
(Lindsay) can help.
Helen Stewart

Legend (BBC3, 10pm)
Tom Hardy plays both Kray
twins in Brian Helgeland’s
biopic of the London thugs.
This gimmick might have
been a foolish distraction
in a film hoping for deep
realism, but in this brazen
Hollywood-style movie it adds
to the production’s crudely
entertaining flair. The star is
quite restrained as Reggie but
free to go over the top as the
uncontrollable Ronnie. Also in
the cast are Emily Browning
as Reggie’s wife Frances
Shea, Taron Egerton as one
of Ronnie’s henchmen and
Christopher Eccleston as the
copper in charge of catching
the brothers. (2015)

Cover Girl (Film4, 2.35pm)
Rita Hayworth began her
years of peak stardom with
a glowing performance in
this musical, a simple story
of a dancer who finds fame
as a model. Meanwhile, her
co-star, Gene Kelly, warmed
up for his best-known films by
devising a few great routines
here. Dir: Charles Vidor (1944)
Edward Porter

Yamazaki) and friends trapped
in a very real-looking videogame Tokyo, trying to survive
a series of deadly shoot-’emup challenges and get back to
the real world, but everything
here has been fine-tuned.
From its explosive first
episode, this second helping
proves more brutal, more
inventive and more beautifully
designed than the first. Squid
Game fans? This is your next
favourite show.

Los Espookys (Sky/Now)
This (mostly) Spanishlanguage South America-set
comedy has a small and
voluble cult following, and
justifiably so. It concerns four
ghoulish young friends who
make their money staging
supernatural happenings;
everything from scary
birthday parties to fake
exorcisms. It’s Isabel Allende
meets John Waters and like
nothing else on TV right now.

Vienna Blood (BBC iPlayer)
Set in fin-de-siècle Vienna,
Steve Thompson’s crime
drama follows world-weary
Inspector Rheinhardt and
baby-faced psychoanalyst Max
Liebermann ( Juergen Maurer
and Matthew Beard) as they
solve crimes using oldfashioned detective work and
newfangled psychoanalysis.
Like Steven Moffat’s Sherlock
glimpsed through a laudanum
fever dream. AM

FILM CHOICE

Hardy and Browning (BBC3, 10pm)

The Raven (Netflix)
The new Netflix film The Pale
Blue Eye, a murder-mystery
set in 1830, features the writer
Edgar Allan Poe as one of its
characters, and it is not the
only movie on the site to have
that distinction. John Cusack
plays the part in this daft but
watchable pulp thriller, which
imagines Poe hunting a serial
killer inspired by the author’s
grisly tales. Dir: James
McTeigue (2012) EP
8 January 2023 47

THURSDAY 12 JANUARY

BBC3
7.00pm Hungry For It The final five
cooks level up instant noodles
during fast food week.
8.00 Young Masterchef The
contestants enter the world
of the professionals.
8.30 Hot Cakes A customer
orders a cake to celebrate
a part of their body.
9.00 Me, My Brother And Our
Balls Exploring male fertility.

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

Classic Emmerdale Soap.
Classic Coronation Street
George And Mildred Sitcom.
Marple (Series 2, ep 4)
Heartbeat Rural drama.
Classic Emmerdale Soap.
Classic Coronation Street
Inspector Morse An aristocrat
goes missing, along with his
collection of explicit erotic
paintings. (Series 3, ep 1)
6.00 Heartbeat Nick and
Greengrass are held hostage
in the pub cellar. 7.00
Heartbeat Foot-and-mouth
disease hits Aidensfield.
8.00 Vera The detective
investigates the murder of a
fisherman whose body was
found tangled up in a
trawler’s net, and who may
have been killed as part of a
family feud. (Series 6, ep 4)
10.00 DCI Banks When an Estonian
woman is found dead, having
been buried alive, the team
uncovers a dark world of vice
in a town where nobody
wants to talk. (Series 4, ep 1)
11.00 DCI Banks The body of
an older man who died of
natural causes is found
buried near Katrin’s grave;
and Banks uncovers Jason
McCready’s shocking secret.
12.05 Marple (Series 2, ep 4)
2.10 Unwind Daily relaxation.
2.30-6.00 Teleshopping Goods.

6.00pm The Big Bang Theory
7.00 Hollyoaks Chester soap.
7.30 Modern Family The Dunphys
dust off their Valentine
alter-egos Clive and
Juliana. (Series 6, ep 14)
8.00 The Great British Bake Off
John Lithgow, Jon Richardson,
Hannah Cockroft and Russell
Brand take on challenges
in the baking show.
9.00 Gogglebox The armchair
critics scrutinise The Masked
Singer, Trigger Point, Pam &
Tommy, Dancing on Ice and
Mary Beard’s Forgotten Art.
10.00 Naked Attraction A look
back at the rich tapestry of
the show’s pickers, from the
people who shared all their
darkest secrets to the time
when a polyamorous couple
picked a date on the show.
11.05-12.05 First Dates An Old
Etonian and a blogger bond
over Michelle Obama.

10.00 CHOICE Legend Stars Tom
Hardy and Emily Browning.
Biopic of the Kray brothers,
exploring their rise to power
in the London underworld
and conflicts with rival gangs
from the point of view of
Reggie’s wife, Frances.
(2015, 18; see Film choice)

10.45 FILM: Manhunter Stars
William Petersen. (1986, 18)

12.00 Shrill Two episodes.
12.50 Hungry For It Contest.
1.50 Hot Cakes Insights. (2/5)
2.20 Cuckoo Comedy series.
3.15-3.45 Young Masterchef

12.40 Around The World In 80
Treasures (4/10)
1.40 Great British Railway
Journeys A trip to Preston.
2.10-3.10 A History Of Britain (1/15)

6.00pm Catchphrase With
Krishnan Guru-Murthy, Lesley
Joseph and Nathan Bryon.
7.00 Ninja Warrior Ben Shephard,
Rochelle Humes and Chris
Kamara host the final.
8.00 Superstore Garrett tries to
con Glenn into giving him
paid time off. (Series 5, ep 15)
8.30 Superstore Cloud 9
employees experience
unforeseen problems with
the new Zephra app.
9.00 Ekin-Su & Davide —
Homecomings The couple
soak up the culture of
Istanbul and camp overnight
in Bursa before venturing on
an eight-hour road trip to
meet Ekin-Su’s family. (2/2)
10.00 Plebs Marcus spies a
money-making opportunity.
(Series 4, ep 3) 10.30
Plebs The boys launch a
cabaret night in the bar.
11.00-12.00 Family Guy Double bill.

DRAMA

SKYARTS

ITV4

The Bill Police drama series.
Classic EastEnders Soap.
Howards’ Way (S1, ep 9)
Pie In The Sky Crime drama.
All Creatures Great And
Small Rural drama series.
5.25 As Time Goes By Sitcom.
6.00 Are You Being Served?
6.40 ’Allo ’Allo! Classic comedy.
7.20 Last Of The Summer Wine
8.00 Judge John Deed The judge
hears a prison murder
case. (Series 5, ep 1)
10.00 New Tricks The team looks
into a man’s disappearance
five years earlier. (S10, ep 6)
11.10 Hustle Albert learns his greatgreat-grandfather is known
as the first cheat caught by a
casino chain. (Series 7, ep 3)
12.30 ’Allo ’Allo! Classic comedy.
1.10 As Time Goes By Sitcom.
1.50 Pie In The Sky Crime drama.
2.50-4.00 Howards’ Way (S1, ep 9)

6.00pm Alfred Hitchcock
Presents: Your Witness. A
woman is dissatisfied with
her marriage. 6.30 Alfred
Hitchcock Presents: Human
Interest Story. A man claims
to be from Mars.
7.00 Landscape Artist Of The
Year Joan Bakewell and
Stephen Mangan return with
the contest, heading to
Blackpool for the first heat.
8.00 Discovering Tom Hanks
A profile of the double
Oscar-winning actor.
9.00 Comedy Legends Barry
Cryer pays tribute to the
work of Billy Connolly.
10.00 The Movies The era of
Casablanca, It’s A Wonderful
Life and A Star Is Born.
11.00-12.00 The Directors
Charting the life and work
of Stephen Soderbergh.

FILMS

SKY CINEMA GREATS
6.30am Mass (2021, 12) 8.30 Eternal
Beauty (2019, 15) 10.10 Shirley
Valentine (1989, 15) 12.05 Chocolat
(2000, 12) 2.10 The Hundred-Foot
Journey (2014, PG) 4.15 Labor Day
(2013, 12) 6.10 Eternal Sunshine Of The
Spotless Mind. A man’s mind is erased
of the memories of his ex-girlfriend.
(2004, 15) 8.00 Revolutionary Road.
A married couple living a seemingly
picture-perfect life feel stifled by their
situation. (2008, 15) 10.05 American
Beauty (1999, 18) 12.10 Marathon Man
(1976, 18) 2.15 Oliver! (1968, U)
4.40-6.20 Fun In Acapulco (1963, U)

FILM4
11.00am The Last Blitzkrieg (1959, 12)
12.45 Went The Day Well? (1942, PG)
2.35 CHOICE Cover Girl. Stars Rita
Hayworth. (1944, U; see Film choice)
4.45 Run Silent, Run Deep. A submarine
commander takes dangerous risks with
his vessel, leading to conflict with his
first officer. (1958, U) 6.35 Gods Of
Egypt. An ancient deity seeks the aid
of a thief in reclaiming his father’s
throne. (2016, 12) 9.00 Titanic. A
society girl falls in love with a
penniless artist on the liner’s ill-fated
voyage. (1997, 12) 12.50-3.35 All The
Money In The World (2017, 15)

SKY CINEMA SELECT
1.45pm Harry Potter And The Goblet
Of Fire (2005, 12) 4.25 Harry Potter
And The Order Of The Phoenix
(2007, 12) 6.45 Harry Potter And The
Half-Blood Prince. The teenage wizard
must uncover the secrets of Lord
Voldemort’s past. (2009, 12) 9.20
Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows,
Part 1. The teenage wizard sets out to
destroy the evil Voldemort. (2010, 12)
11.50 Harry Potter And The Deathly
Hallows, Part 2 (2011, 12) 2.05 Harry
Potter And The Philosopher’s Stone
(2001, PG) 4.40-7.25 Harry Potter And
The Chamber Of Secrets (2002, PG)

TALKING PICTURES TV
3.10pm Keep Fit (1937, U) 5.00 One
Way Pendulum. A family of eccentric
inventors decides to re-enact a murder
and the resulting trial. (1964, U) 6.40
Private Information. A woman launches
a campaign to expose the corrupt
council that is trying to bury a public
health issue. (1952, U) 8.00 The Saint.
Simon hatches a scam against a
ruthless beauty tycoon. 9.00 Justice.
Harriet receives a rare visit from her
son. 10.00 The Rivals Of Sherlock
Holmes. A murder trial is halted when
barristers on both sides go missing.
11.00-12.00 Enemy At The Door

11.40
12.40
2.00
3.10
4.10

SKY CINEMA PREMIERE
6.15am The Cinema List: Family
Christmas 6.30 Der Kaiser. The life and
career of the German football legend
Franz Beckenbauer. (2022, PG) 8.15
The Duke (2020, 12) 10.05 The Last
Son. An outlaw cursed to be killed by
one of his estranged children sets out
to hunt them all down. (2021, 15) 11.55
Operation Mincemeat (2021, 12) 2.10
Hounded (2022, 15) 4.00 Downton
Abbey — A New Era (2022, PG) 6.10
Der Kaiser. Details as 6.30am. 8.00
The Last Son. Details as 10.05am. 9.55
Operation Mincemeat. Details as
11.55am. 12.05 Crimes Of The Future
(2022, 18) 2.05 Hounded. Details as
2.10pm. 3.55-6.05 Downton Abbey
— A New Era. Details as 4pm.
SKY CINEMA THRILLER
1.55pm The Family (2013, 15) 3.55 The
International (2009, 15) 5.55 The Many
Saints Of Newark. Tony Soprano grows
up under the influence of his mobster
uncle. (2021, 15) 8.00 The Fifth Estate.
The role of whistleblowing website
WikiLeaks in an American government
security breach. (2013, 15) 10.15 The
Girl With The Dragon Tattoo (2011, 18)
12.55-3.40 Pulp Fiction (1994, 18)

48 8 January 2023

7.00pm Great British Railway
Journeys Michael Portillo
catches a rare glimpse of
Edwardian life on celluloid.
7.30 The Joy Of Painting Bob
Ross paints an American
southwestern mountain scene.
8.00 Elizabeth I’s Secret Agents
Examining the spy network
that protected the queen.
9.00 FILM: Witness Stars Harrison
Ford. A detective faces a
clash of cultures while
protecting an Amish boy
who witnessed a murder
committed by corrupt cops.
Respectful thriller. (1985, 15)

4.00pm Darts Coverage of day
one of the inaugural Bahrain
Masters, a World Series event
held at Bahrain International
Circuit in Sakhir, where 16
players aim to win the first
title of the new season.
8.00 FILM: From Russia With
Love Stars Sean Connery.
James Bond is sent to steal a
top-secret Soviet decoding
machine — but the mission is
a trap set by crime syndicate
Spectre. Exciting adventure.
(1963, PG; includes FYI Daily)

6.00
7.00
8.05
9.15
11.30
1.40
2.40
3.45

10.20 FILM: The Silence Of The
Lambs Stars Jodie Foster
and Anthony Hopkins. (1991,
18; includes FYI Daily)
12.45 The Adventures Of Sherlock
Holmes (Series 1, ep 7)
2.00 Minder Comedy drama.
3.00-6.00 Teleshopping Goods.

1L
1G

Murdered (PBS America, 8.30pm)

ENTERTAINMENT
GOLD
7.30am Hold The Sunset 8.00 Keeping
Up Appearances 8.40 My Hero 9.20
Are You Being Served? 10.00 Porridge
10.40 Last Of The Summer Wine 12.00
Keeping Up Appearances 12.40 My
Hero 1.20 Dad’s Army 2.00 Porridge
2.40 Are You Being Served? 3.20 Last
Of The Summer Wine 4.40 Dinnerladies
5.20 Keeping Up Appearances 6.00
Are You Being Served? 6.40 Dad’s
Army 8.00 Dinnerladies 9.20 The
Royle Family 10.00 Billy Connolly
Does … 11.00 Absolutely Fabulous
12.20 French And Saunders 1.40
Dinnerladies 2.15 Absolutely
Fabulous 3.30-4.00 Dinnerladies
SKY COMEDY
6.00pm The Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air
6.30 Futurama 7.30 The US Office
8.00 The Conners 8.30 The US Office
9.00 Sex And The City 10.10 Code 404
10.40 The Late Late Show 11.40 The
Tonight Show 12.40 Ballers 2.00 Young
Rock 2.30 The Righteous Gemstones
3.10 AP Bio 4.00-5.00 Futurama
SKY WITNESS
6.00pm Nothing To Declare 8.00 Blue
Bloods 9.00 Criminal Minds 11.00 FBI

MORE4
5.55pm Love It Or List It Property.
6.55 Escape To The Chateau Dick
gets to work on the walled
garden in the spring.
7.55 Grand Designs Kevin
McCloud follows a project to
build a miniature Hollywood
Hills-style mansion in London.
9.00 24 Hours In A&E The staff of
King’s College Hospital in
London deal with a cabbie
who may have suffered a
haemorrhage in an accident.
10.00 999 — What’s Your
Emergency? A focus on how
young males can lead each
other into criminality, and
how what may start as
youthful pranks can progress
to committing offences.
11.05-12.05 24 Hours In A&E
Patients include a man who
was stabbed and a woman
who was injured in a fall.

12.00 FBI — Most Wanted. 1.00 The
Rookie 3.00 UK Border Force 4.00
Road Wars 5.00-6.00 Brit Cops
W
6.00pm Property Brothers: Forever
Homes 7.00 Masterchef USA 8.00 Alex
Jones — Making Babies 9.00 The Secret
Life Of 4, 5, 6 Year Olds Australia. New
10.00 24 Hours In A&E 11.00 Louis
Theroux: Extreme Love — Autism 12.20
Nurses On The Ward 1.25 Tipping Point
2.15-3.00 Inside The Ambulance
5 STAR
6.00pm Home And Away 7.00 GPs —
Behind Closed Doors 8.00 Casualty
24/7 — Every Second Counts 9.00 Cold
Case Killers 10.00 Ambulance — Code
Red 11.00 999 — Critical Condition
12.00 Skin A&E 1.00 Rich Kids Go Skint
2.00 GPs — Behind Closed Doors
3.00 Plastic Surgery Knifemares
3.50-4.00 Entertainment News
5 USA
6.00pm NCIS 9.00 Blue Bloods 10.00
Law & Order: Special Victims Unit 1.50
The Blacklist 3.35-4.00 Riots And
Robbers — Caught On Camera
COMEDY CENTRAL
8.00am My Wife And Kids 9.00 The
Middle 10.00 Last Man Standing

TALKTV

SKYATLANTIC

SPORT

6.00 James Max Morning update.
6.30 The Julia Hartley-Brewer
Breakfast Show Discussion.
10.00 The Independent Republic
Of Mike Graham A look
through the newspapers.
1.00 Ian Collins Monologues,
debates and time for calls.
4.00 Vanessa Feltz A guide
through the big stories.
7.00 Jeremy Kyle Live Taking on
the issues that really matter.
8.00 Piers Morgan Uncensored
9.00 The Talk Discussion.
10.00 First Edition A look at
tomorrow’s news, tonight.
11.00 Piers Morgan Uncensored
12.00 James Whale Commentary.
1.00 Vanessa Feltz Opinions.
2.00 Jeremy Kyle Live Debate.
3.00 Piers Morgan Uncensored
4.00 The Talk Debate and chat.
5.00-6.00 James Max Update.
Available on Sky 522; Freeview 237;
Virgin 606; Freesat 217; YouTube,
connected TVs and smart devices

6.00
7.55
10.05
12.15
1.20
3.30

Storm City Two editions.
The Sopranos Drama.
True Blood Double bill.
Game Of Thrones (S1, ep 7)
True Detective Crime drama.
The Sopranos Carmela
learns Junior’s intimate
secrets. (S1, ep 9) 4.35 The
Sopranos Tony’s henchmen
kill a Colombian drug dealer.
5.45 True Blood Hoyt is reminded
of his past. (Series 7, ep 9)
6.50 True Blood Sookie
contemplates a future
without Bill; and Eric and
Pam wrangle with Mr Gus.
7.55 Game Of Thrones The
Lannisters launch their effort
to seize power; Robb rounds
up his allies; and Tyrion forms
an unlikely alliance. (S1, ep 8)
9.00 Watchmen Angela is
plagued by memories of an
attack on her family. (2/9)
10.05 Euphoria Rue struggles to
put the past behind her
on her first day back at
school. (Series 1, ep 2)
11.15 True Detective Amelia
attempts to uncover the
whereabouts of the oneeyed man. (Series 3, ep 7)
12.20 True Detective The
truth behind the Purcell
case is finally revealed.
1.50 Treme (Series 1, ep 2)
2.55 Game Of Thrones (S1, ep 8)
4.05-6.00 Storm City Insights.

SKY SPORTS MAIN EVENT
6.00am News 7.00 Good Morning
Sports Fans 7.45 LIVE Big Bash
League: Melbourne Stars v Adelaide
Strikers 11.45 LIVE One-Day Cricket:
Pakistan v New Zealand. The second
ODI in the five-match series, which
takes place at Gaddafi Stadium in
Lahore 3.00 LIVE SA20: Sunrisers
Eastern Cape v Pretoria Capitals 7.30
LIVE Golf. Coverage of the featured
groups on the opening day of the
Sony Open in Hawaii 12.00 LIVE Golf.
The Sony Open in Hawaii 3.30 LIVE
NBA Basketball: Los Angeles Lakers v
Dallas Mavericks. Tip-off at 3.00
5.30-6.00 Inside The NBA. A review of
the evening’s NBA matches

SKYMAX
6.00pm NCIS: New Orleans
Homeland Security agent
Russo’s agenda is called into
question after a bombing.
(Series 2, ep 24, R)
7.00 Stargate SG-1. Colonel Jack
O’Neill and archaeologist
Daniel Jackson venture
through the dimensional
portal. (Series 1, ep 1, R)
8.00 An Idiot Abroad Karl
Pilkington explores India. (R)
9.00 Rob & Romesh vs The NFL
The comedians meet
and train with American
football players. (R)
10.00 Hold The Front Page Nish
Kumar and Josh Widdicombe
head to West Sussex. (2/6, R)
11.00-12.00 The Force — North
East A high-speed chase
ends with a sinister
discovery in the fugitive’s
abandoned car. (R)

12.00 Friends 9.00 The Ricky Gervais
Show 11.00 Ugly Americans 12.00
South Park 2.00 Fugget About It
3.00 The Ren & Stimpy Show 3.25
Beavis And Butt-Head 3.45 Last
Man Standing 4.10-5.00 Friends
YESTERDAY
6.00am The Living Universe 8.00
Abandoned Engineering 9.00 Secret
Nazi Bases 10.00 The Buildings That
Fought Hitler 11.00 Fred Dibnah’s
Building Of Britain 12.00 Great British
Railway Journeys 2.00 Bangers And
Cash 4.00 Secret Nazi Bases 5.00
Warbird Workshop 6.00 Great British
Railway Journeys 7.00 Fred Dibnah’s
Building Of Britain 8.00 Bangers And
Cash 9.00 Hornby — A Model World
10.00 Bangers And Cash 11.00
Abandoned Engineering 12.00-1.00
Great British Railway Journeys
DAVE
6.00pm Taskmaster 7.00 House Of
Games 7.40 Would I Lie To You?
8.20 QI 9.00 QI XL. With guests
Aisling Bea, Holly Walsh and Nikki
Bedi 10.00 Have I Got A Bit More
Old News For You 11.00 Taskmaster
12.00 Mock The Week 12.40 Would I
Lie To You? 1.20 QI 2.00 House Of
Games 2.35 Famalam 3.00-4.00
Modern Wheels Or Classic Steals

Rita Hayworth (Film4, 2.35pm)

FACTUAL
NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC
6.00pm Lost Treasures Of Egypt 7.00
Air Crash Investigation 8.00 Gold
Diggers 9.00 Wicked Tuna — Outer
Banks Showdown 10.00 Car SOS
11.00 Air Crash Investigation 12.00
Wicked Tuna — North v South
1.00-2.00 Ice Road Rescue
DISCOVERY
6.00pm Salvage Hunters 7.00 Diesel
Brothers 8.00 Outback Truckers 9.00
First Man Out. New 10.00 Alaskan Bush
People 11.00 Naked And Afraid 12.00
Combat Dealers 1.00-2.00 First Man Out
PBS AMERICA
5.15pm Jazz 6.25 Mutant Weather 7.25
The Last Voices Of World War One 8.30
The Murder Of Emmett Till 9.40 Jazz
10.55-12.00 The Murder Of Emmett Till
SKY DOCUMENTARIES
6.00am The Comedy Store 7.05
Discovering Vivien Leigh 8.00 The
Directors 9.00 Kingdom Of Dreams
10.00 The Lady And The Dale 11.05 The
Guest Wing 12.00 The Biggest Little
Farm 1.50 Rise Of The Superheroes
4.00 The Directors 5.00 Discovering
Vivien Leigh 6.00 Kingdom Of Dreams

EUROSPORT 1
6.00am Dakar Rally 7.00 ATP Tennis
8.00 LIVE Tennis. Day four of the
Adelaide International, the ATP 250
event from Memorial Drive Tennis
Centre, featuring the quarter-finals
10.00 Olympic Games: World At Their
Feet 10.30 LIVE Alpine Skiing. The
World Cup meeting from Wengen,
Switzerland 12.00 Alpine Skiing 2.00
Ski Jumping 3.00 ATP Tennis 4.00
Alpine Skiing 6.00 Ski Jumping 7.00
ATP Tennis 8.00 Dakar Rally 9.00
Alpine Skiing 10.00 ATP Tennis 11.00
Dakar Rally 12.00 Ski Jumping 1.00 ATP
Tennis 2.00 Dakar Rally 3.00 Biathlon
3.30 Tennis: Best Of The Australian
Open 4.30 ATP Tennis 5.30-7.30 LIVE
Tennis. The Adelaide International
BT SPORT 1
6.00am ESPN FC 6.30 Serie A — Full
Impact 7.00 WWE NXT 8.45
Premiership Rugby Highlights 10.15
The Rugby’s On 11.15 Test Cricket
Highlights 1.15 Deaf Away Days 1.30
Reload 2.00 Goals Reload 2.30
A-League Highlights 3.00 EuroCup
Basketball 4.00 Fishing — On The Bank
5.00 ESPN FC 5.30 ESPN FC Presents:
Gab & Juls 6.00 Premier League — The
Big Interview 6.30 Premier League
Stories 7.00 LIVE Premier League:
Fulham v Chelsea. The top-flight game
from Craven Cottage. Kickoff at 8.00
10.30 UFC Fight Camp 11.00 Ligue 1
Highlights 12.00 Serie A — Full Impact
12.30 The Rugby’s On 1.30 Reload 1.45
LIVE Women’s T20 Super Smash:
Canterbury Magicians v Northern Brave
5.30-9.00 LIVE T20 Super Smash:
Canterbury Kings v Northern Brave

7.00 The Lady And The Dale 8.05 The
Guest Wing 9.00 Bruno v Tyson
10.50-12.40 Dave Not Coming Back
SKY NATURE
6.00am Battle Of The Alphas 7.00
Africa’s Wild Roommates 8.00 Monkey
Life 9.00 Orangutan Jungle School
10.00 Africa’s Wild Horizons 11.00
Equator 12.00 Land Of The Far North
1.00 Monkey Life 2.00 Africa’s Wild
Roommates 3.00 Orangutan Jungle
School 4.00 Africa’s Wild Horizons
5.00 Equator 6.00 Land Of The Far
North 7.00 Monkey Life 8.00 Wild Latin
America 9.00 Reef Wrecks 10.00 Land
Of The Far North 11.00-12.00 Equator
DISCOVERY HISTORY
6.00am Nasa’s Unexplained Files 7.00
How The Universe Works 8.00 HMS Ark
Royal 9.00 Combat Dealers: Reloaded
10.00 Treasure Quest: Snake Island
11.00 Expedition Unknown 12.00 Nasa’s
Unexplained Files 1.00 Expedition
Unknown 2.00 Truth Behind The Moon
Landing 3.00 Blowing Up History 4.00
Mysteries At The Museum 5.00
Devonport — Inside The Royal Navy 6.00
How The Universe Works 7.00 Expedition
Unknown 8.00 Combat Dealers —
Reloaded 9.00 Tales From The Explorers
Club 10.00 How The Universe Works
11.00-12.00 Expedition Unknown

RADIO
PICK OF THE DAY

Nazis — The Road
To Power
Radio 4, 2.15pm
The story of Adolf Hitler and
how he led a tiny fringe sect
to become the dominant
force in German politics. It
also looks at players from
the early years, including the
army captain who trained
him to make incendiary
speeches and the American
who became his court jester.
The Forum (BBC World
Service, 10.06am) examines
why our lives are lived in
seven-day chunks.
Clair Woodward
RADIO 4
5.30 News 5.43 Prayer 5.45 Farming
Today 5.58 Tweet Of The Day (R) 6.00
Today 8.31 (LW) Yesterday In Parliament
9.00 In Our Time 9.45 Book Of The
Week 9.45 (LW) Daily Service 10.00
Woman’s Hour 11.00 Crossing
Continents 11.30 Edward Thomas And
The Song Of The Path (R) 12.00 News
12.01 (LW) Shipping 12.04 You And
Yours 12.30 Sliced Bread 1.00 The
World At One 1.45 NatureBang 2.00
The Archers (R) 2.15 Drama: Nazis
— The Road To Power. New series
about the political ascent of the
National Socialist Party 3.00 Open
Country 3.27 Appeal (R) 3.30 Open
Book (R) 4.00 The Curious Cases Of
Rutherford & Fry (R) 4.30 Inside
Science 5.00 PM 5.54 (LW) Shipping
6.00 News 6.30 Fags, Mags And
Bags (R) 7.00 The Archers 7.15 Front
Row 8.00 The Briefing Room 8.30
Scotland’s Ships. Michael Buchanan
explores the plight of the essential
ferry services in the Outer Hebrides
9.00 Inside Science (R) 9.30 In Our
Time (R) 10.00 The World Tonight
10.45 Book At Bedtime 11.00 Unsafe
Space 11.30 Today In Parliament 12.00
News 12.30 Book Of The Week (R)
12.48 Shipping 1.00 As World Service
TIMES RADIO
5.00 Anna Cunningham With Early
Breakfast 6.00 Aasmah Mir And Stig
Abell With Times Radio Breakfast
10.00 Matt Chorley 1.00 Mariella
Frostrup 3.00 Jane Garvey And Fi
Glover 5.00 John Pienaar With Times
Radio Drive 7.00 Pienaar And
Friends 8.00 The Evening Edition
With Kait Borsay. Conversation
10.00 Henry Bonsu 1.00 Stories
Of Our Times 1.30 Red Box 2.00
Highlights From Times Radio
To get in touch with the Times Radio
studio, text TIMES plus your message
to 87222. Texts cost your standard
message charge.

RADIO 4 EXTRA
5.00 Hawksmoor 6.00 The Rivals 6.30
The Singing Sands 7.00 Machines Like
Me 7.15 Talking About Jane Austen In
Baghdad 7.30 To Hull And Back 8.00
The Men From The Ministry 8.30
Simon’s Bug 9.00 The Unbelievable
Truth 9.30 Mary Wesley — The
Vacillations Of Poppy Carew 10.00
Hawksmoor 11.00 The Rivals 11.30 The
Singing Sands 12.00 Machines Like Me
12.15 Talking About Jane Austen In
Baghdad 12.30 To Hull And Back 1.00
The Men From The Ministry 1.30 Simon’s
Bug 2.00 The Unbelievable Truth 2.30
Mary Wesley — The Vacillations Of
Poppy Carew 3.00 Hawksmoor 4.00
The Rivals 4.30 The Singing Sands
5.00 Machines Like Me 5.15 Talking
About Jane Austen In Baghdad 5.30 To
Hull And Back 6.00 The Men From The
Ministry 6.30 Simon’s Bug 7.00 Jake
Yapp’s Unwinding 10.00 Fags, Mags
And Bags 10.30 The Remains Of Foley
And McColl 11.00 Steven Appleby’s
Normal Life (R) 11.15 Sir Henry At
Rawlinson End 11.30-12.00 Ladhood
LBC
7.00 Nick Ferrari 10.00 James O’Brien
1.00 Shelagh Fogarty 4.00 Tom
Swarbrick 6.00 Tonight With Andrew
Marr 7.00 Iain Dale 10.00 Ian Payne
1.00 Darren Adam 4.00 Steve Allen
RADIO 3
6.30 Breakfast 9.00 Essential Classics
12.00 Composer Of The Week (R) 1.00
Lunchtime Concert. At LSO St Luke’s,
the pianist Alice Sara Ott performs
Messiaen’s Quartet for the End of
Time, with violinist Mari Samuelsen,
clarinettist Dimitri Ashkenazy and cellist
Alexey Stadler (R) 2.00 Afternoon
Concert. Fabio Luisi conducts the
Danish NSO in Tchaikovsky’s Symphony
No 5 in E minor; plus, highlights from
the combined forces of Holland
Baroque and the Netherlands Bach
Society 5.00 In Tune 7.00 In Tune
Mixtape 7.30 In Concert. At City Halls,
Glasgow, recordings of Xenakis,
Debussy, Ligeti and Bartok 10.00 Free
Thinking. John Gallagher is joined by
researchers to explore what we lose
when a language stops being spoken
10.45 The Essay. Margaret Heffernan
explores how art can help us deal with
uncertainty in our lives 11.00 The Night
Tracks Mix. A magical sonic journey
11.30 Unclassified. Music by a new
generation of composers and
performers 12.30 Through The Night
CLASSIC FM
6.00 Tim Lihoreau 9.00 Alexander
Armstrong 12.00 Anne-Marie Minhall
4.00 John Brunning 7.00 Zeb Soanes
10.00 Margherita Taylor 1.00 Bill
Overton 4.00 Lucy Coward
RADIO 2
6.30 The Zoe Ball Breakfast Show
9.30 Ken Bruce 12.00 Jeremy Vine
2.00 Scott Mills 4.00 Sara Cox 7.00
Jo Whiley 9.00 The Country Show.
With Bob Harris 10.00 Trevor Nelson
12.00 OJ Borg 3.00 Sounds Of The
90s (R) 4.00 A Dance Through The
Decades 4.30 Nicki Chapman
VIRGIN RADIO
6.30 The Chris Evans Breakfast Show
10.00 Eddy Temple-Morris 1.00 Jayne
Middlemiss 4.00 Steve Denyer 7.00
Bam 10.00 Amy Voce 1.00 Sean
Goldsmith 4.00 James Merritt
TALKSPORT
5.00 Early Breakfast 6.00 Breakfast
With Alan Brazil 10.00 Jim White And
Simon Jordan 1.00 Hawksbee And
Baker 4.00 Drive 7.00 Kick Off:
Fulham v Chelsea. Kickoff 8.00
10.00 Sports Bar 1.00 Extra Time

8 January 2023 49

BBC1
6.00 Regional News Headlines.
9.15 Rip Off Britain (Last in series)
10.00 Big Little Crimes A drugdealing conspiracy is
cracked. (Last in series)
10.45 For Love Or Money Financial
scams. (Last in series, R)
11.15 Homes Under The Hammer
Properties at auction. (R)
12.15 Bargain Hunt Curios.
1.00 News; Weather Reports.
1.45 Father Brown Lady Felicia
pays a visit. (Series 10, ep 2)
2.30 The Farmers’ Country
Showdown Insights. (R)
3.00 Escape To The Country (R)
3.45 The Repair Shop Including a
pair of 1990s football boots.
4.30 Make It At Market A stonecarver needs to build his
confidence to fulfil his dream.
5.15 Pointless Unorthodox quiz. (R)
6.00 News; Weather Reports.
6.30 Regional News Update.
7.00 The One Show Features.
7.30 Question Of Sport Quiz.
8.00 CHOICE Would I Lie To You?
With guests Chizzy Akudolu,
Simon Gregson, Michelle
Visage and Henning Wehn.
(See Critics’ choice)
8.30 Amanda & Alan’s Italian Job
Amanda Holden and Alan
Carr design a Sicilian kitchen,
but tackling demolition in
36-degree heat proves to be
a trial for Alan.
9.00 CHOICE Death In Paradise
The team investigates a
Preppers commune when
one of its members is
poisoned inside a locked
bunker. (S12, ep 2; see
Critics’ choice)
10.00 News; Weather Reports.
10.40 The Graham Norton Show
Guests include Cate
Blanchett, Margot Robbie,
Alan Carr and Ashley Banjo.
11.30 CHOICE Beautiful Boy Stars
Steve Carrell and Timothee
Chalamet. A teenager seems
to have it all, but his drug
addiction threatens to
destroy him, so his father
does whatever he can to
save his son and family.
(2018, 15; see Film choice)
1.20 That’s My Jam Game. (R)
2.25-6.00 Joins BBC News
SCOTLAND 11.15 Homes Under The
Hammer. 6.30 Reporting Scotland;
Weather. 7.30 Screen Grab. 8.00
Life On The Bay. 8.30 Would I Lie
To You? 11.30 Question Of Sport.
12.00 FILM: Beautiful Boy. 1.55
That’s My Jam. 3.00 BBC News.

BBC2

ITV1
ITV

6.30 The Farmers’ Country
Showdown Insights. (R)
7.15 Make It At Market A
glassblower sets out to
achieve her dream of selling
in high-end galleries. (R)
8.00 The Polar Bear Family And
Me Gordon Buchanan travels
to the Norwegian archipelago
of Svalbard to document the
lives of a polar bear and her
two cubs over the course of
three seasons. (Signed, R)
9.00 News; Weather Reports.
12.15 Politics UK Updates.
1.00 Snooker Live coverage of the
third Masters quarter-final at
Alexandra Palace, featuring
Mark Allen or Barry Hawkins v
Judd Trump or Ryan Day
over the best of 11 frames.
5.15 Flog It! Selling valuables. (R)
6.00 House Of Games With guests
Jasmine Harman, Dave Johns,
Suzannah Lipscomb and
Jason Mohammad.
6.30 Take A Hike A musician
hopes to wow the group with
a mountain walk through the
Glen of Sligachan, but the
terrain is filled with midges.
7.00 Snooker Live coverage of the
opening frames of the
concluding Masters quarterfinal, featuring Neil Robertson
or Shaun Murphy v Kyren
Wilson or Stuart Bingham.
8.00 The Hairy Bikers Go Local
Dave Myers and Si King are in
Northumberland, hunting for
a selection of local produce
to impress a Michelin Star
chef. (Last in series)
9.00 QI XL Sandi Toksvig hosts an
extended edition of the quiz
show, with Ed Byrne, Cally
Beaton, Jack Dee and
Alan Davies answering
theatre-themed questions.
9.45 Live At The Apollo Kae Kurd
welcomes Laura Smyth and
Liam Farrelly to the stage,
before a packed house at the
Hammersmith Apollo, London.
10.30 Newsnight The day’s events.
11.05 Snooker Highlights of the
concluding Masters quarterfinal at Alexandra Palace.
11.50 Snooker Extra Extended
highlights of a quarter-final
match in the Masters.
1.50 The Traitors The Faithfuls
wait to see who the Traitors
murdered. (Signed, R)
2.50 Flipping Profit Kate Bliss and
the team head to Ludlow to
find bargains they can turn
into profit. (Signed, R)
3.35-4.35 Imagine (Signed, R)

6.00
9.00
10.00
12.30
1.30
2.00

Travel Man (Channel 4, 8.30pm)

9.45
Ysbyty
CywMorning
Bach 10.00
Blociau
STV 6.00
Good
Britain
Rhif 10.05
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10.15
9.00
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10.30 Loose
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12.30
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11.00 Nos2.00
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11.10 Pablo
Weather
Dickinson’s
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Byd 11.30
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3.00
LingoBach
4.00YTipping
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5.00
Pawennau
12.00
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Chase 11.45
6.00 Cacamwnci
Regional News
6.30
Newyddion
A’r Tywydd
12.05
Bwrdd
News;
Weather
7.00 Sean’s
Scotland
I Dri 12.30Highlights
Heno 1.00of
ArSean
Werth
1.30
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Cerys Matthews
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Faled
exploration
of theA’rcountry
7.30
2.00 Newyddion
A’rgives
Tywydd
2.05
Emmerdale.
Laurel
Gabby
food
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3.00
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for
Tywydd
3.05
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6.57 Newyddion
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7.00
Weather
Regional News
HenoNFL
7.30
Newyddion
A’r of
Tywydd
The
Show.
A preview
the
7.55 Rygbi
Ewrop.
Scarletsmatches
v
opening
round
of play-off
Cheetahs.
Live, kickoff
8.00
10.00
12.30
Teleshopping
3.00
Dickinson’s
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Y Lloer.
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actress
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Lingo

Good Morning Britain
Lorraine Lifestyle chat.
This Morning Features.
Loose Women Debate.
News; Weather Reports.
Dickinson’s Real Deal David
Dickinson and the antiques
experts Tracy ThackrayHowitt, Alison Chapman,
Simon Schneider and Fay
Rutter are in Swindon.
3.00 Lingo Quiz, with Adil Ray.
4.00 Tipping Point Gameshow,
hosted by Ben Shephard.
5.00 The Chase Bradley Walsh
presents the quiz show.
6.00 Regional News Update.
6.30 News; Weather Reports.
7.30 Emmerdale Laurel gives
Gabby food for thought; there
is drama for the Dingles; and
it remains to be seen whether
or not Mackenzie’s efforts
will end up backfiring.
8.00 Coronation Street A
troubling discovery about
Mike and Esther leads
Summer into danger; Damon
orders Jacob to get out of
town; and Daisy receives
flowers from an admirer.
9.00 Midsomer Murders With
Neil Dudgeon. A disused
abbey that is believed to be
cursed is about to be turned
into a pub — but someone is
found murdered in a similar
manner to a famous
historical execution. (R)
10.50 News; Weather Reports.
11.20 Regional News Headlines.
11.40 The NFL Show Laura Woods
is joined by Osi Umenyiora
and Jason Bell to present a
preview of the opening
round of play-off matches.
12.30 All Elite Wrestling — Battle
Of The Belts Action from the
event at Veterans Memorial
Coliseum in Portland, Oregon.
1.30 Teleshopping Goods.
3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal (R)
3.50 Unwind Daily relaxation.
5.10-6.00 Lingo Quiz show. (R)

50 8 January 2023

6.00
6.10
6.50
7.40
9.00
10.25
11.25
11.30

12.30
2.10
3.00

4.00
5.00
6.00
6.30
7.00
8.00

8.30

9.00

10.00

11.05

Find It, Fix It, Flog It (R)
Countdown Gameshow. (R)
3rd Rock From The Sun (R)
Everybody Loves Raymond
Family comedy series. (R)
Frasier American sitcom. (R)
Undercover Boss USA (R)
News; Weather Reports.
Couples Come Dine With Me
Three couples from around
Bristol and Bath compete
for the cash prize. (R)
Steph’s Packed Lunch
Countdown Gameshow.
A Place In The Sun Horselovers seek a holiday home
in Mijas Pueblo in Spain.
A New Life In The Sun
Come Dine With Me —
The Professionals (R)
The Simpsons Lisa enters
a beauty pageant. (R)
Hollyoaks Chester soap. (R)
News; Weather Reports.
Food Unwrapped New
series. Matt Tebbutt finds out
why the shelf life for a
vegetable stir-fry mix is so
short; and Kate Quilton
travels to Portugal to
discover just what piri-piri is.
CHOICE Travel Man New
series. Fellow comedian
Sarah Millican joins presenter
Joe Lycett for a fast and
funny exploration of the
Lithuanian capital Vilnius.
(See Critics’ choice)
CHOICE Jon & Lucy’s Odd
Couples New series. Jon
Richardson and Lucy
Beaumont invite couples
Rachel Riley and Pasha
Kovalev, and Richard Herring
and Catie Wilkins to embark
on a relationship challenge.
(See Critics’ choice)
8 Out Of 10 Cats Does
Countdown Jonathan Ross
and Russell Kane take on Alan
Carr and Judi Love. (R)
Celebrity Gogglebox Shows
appraised include Platinum
Party at the Palace. (R)

12.10 FILM: GI Joe — The Rise Of
Cobra Stars Channing Tatum
and Sienna Miller. Two
soldiers join a top-secret
military strike force to battle
terrorists who have stolen a
deadly experimental
weapon. Decent. (2009, 12)

VARIATIONS
ITV1
7.007.00
Born The
To Farm
BBC1
BBC WALES
SCOTLAND
Seven
WALES
3.00
Wales’
Home
OfStars
The
8.00
FILM:
The
Decoy
Bride.
Year 3.30
Hairy Bikers
— Namibian
Kelly
Macdonald
and David
Tennant
BBQ 7.30
TV Flashback
S4C
9.25
Loop.Kiri’s
A Dundee
photographer
6.00to
Cyw:
Blociau
Rhif 6.05
Oli Wyn
tries
protect
his dad’s
tattoo
6.15 Octonots
6.30
legacy
9.30 Best
Of Gwdihw
Chewin’ 6.45
The
GutoHighlights
Gwningenof7.00
Nos Da Cyw
Fat.
the comedy
sketch
7.10 Pablo
7.20
Bach
show
10.00
StillAnifeiliaid
Game. Jack
andY
Byd 7.30
Patrol Pawennau
7.45 by
Victor
celebrate
their friendship
Cacamwnci
8.00
Sali
Mali 8.05
Sblij
going
into town
for
a slap-up
meal
A SblojJosh
8.15Taylor
Rapsgaliwn
8.30Of A
10.30
— Portrait
Abadas 8.45
Fferminto
Fach
9.00
Caru
Fighter.
An insight
the
life of
Canu
A Stori
9.10
Y Diwrnod Mawr
the
boxer
from
Prestonpans
9.25 Sion Y Chef
9.35Cup
NicoClassics
Nog
11.30-12.00
Scottish

CHANNEL 4

1L
1G

2.10 Ramsay’s Kitchen
Nightmares USA Advice. (R)
3.00 The Simpsons Cartoon. (R)
3.25 Come Dine With Me (R)
5.40 Kirstie’s House Of Craft (R)
5.50-6.15 Food Unwrapped (R)

YOU SAY

FRIDAY

CHANNEL 5
6.00 Milkshake! Fun for children.
9.15 Jeremy Vine Debate.
12.45 Traffic Cops A wanted driver
shunts into the back of an
officer’s vehicle; and police
are called in to back up
colleagues battling a crowd
of bank holiday revellers. (R)
1.40 News; Weather Reports.
1.45 Home And Away Xander
secures a date with a
charmed Stacey.
2.15 Big Lies In A Small Town
Thriller, with Rhonda Dent.
A young mother frantically
searches for her teenage
daughter who went missing
after their car crashed
outside a remote small town.
4.00 Bargain-Loving Brits In The
Sun A TikTok star gives
viewers an online guided
tour of Benidorm.
5.00 News; Weather Reports.
6.00 Holiday Homes In The Sun
Amanda Lamb, JB Gill and
Sam Pinkham visit Begur in
northern Catalonia. (R)
6.55 News; Weather Reports.
7.00 Argos — How Do They
Really Do It? Revealing what
really goes on behind the
counter at the retail giant. (R)
7.55 News; Weather Reports.
8.00 Cruising With Susan Calman
The presenter takes a flight
from Edinburgh to Dubrovnik,
before boarding a cruise ship
that is heading for Crete,
Athens and Corfu.
9.00 Holidaying With Jane
McDonald The singer visits
Puerto Vallarta on Mexico’s
Pacific west coast, famed for
its golden beaches, dramatic
jungles and vibrant culture;
she also explores the rain
forest on a quad bike and
takes to horseback for a polo
lesson from a world champion.
10.00 Britain’s Favourite 70s
Songs The stories behind
songs from the decade,
examining tracks including
You Sexy Thing, Stayin’ Alive,
Wuthering Heights, Le Freak,
Knowing Me, Knowing You,
and Somebody to Love. (R)
12.50 Entertainment News Gossip.
1.00 The LeoVegas Live Casino
Show Interactive gambling.
3.00 Entertainment News Gossip.
3.05 Holiday Homes In The Sun (R)
3.55 My Mum’s Hotter Than Me!
A woman and her daughters
try to outdo one another. (R)
4.45 Divine Designs (R)
5.10 House Doctor Advice. (R)
5.40-6.00 Children’s Shows

One of the programmes I enjoyed most over the
holidays featured Dame Sue Black giving the
Royal Institution Christmas Lectures (BBC4),
especially the one on skeletons. It was exemplary.
Rosemary Matthew
Hamza was a lovely, self-effacing contestant on
Strictly Come Dancing (BBC1), but was he the
best dancer? It has become a personality contest.
Stella Tratt
Send your comments to: telly@sunday-times.co.uk

THE BEST TV FROM BRITBOX AND BEYOND...

FRIDAY 13 JANUARY
STAR CHOICE

CRITICS’ CHOICE
Jon & Lucy’s Odd Couples
(C4, 9pm)
This amusing new format, a
Mr & Mrs/Taskmaster hybrid
with a dash of Would I Lie to
You is hosted with madcap
energy by the oddest couple
of them all, comedians Jon
Richardson and Lucy
Beaumont. “Celebrity
partners” Rachel Riley and
Pasha Kovalev and Richard
Herring and Catie Wilkins
compete to see who can pass
a lie-detector test, clean a
bathroom in three minutes
and apply make-up while
Richardson and Beaumont
look on critically, picking at
the many scabs of their own
marital shortcomings. We’d
ditch the couples therapist
who adds little to the show,
but this public washing of
grubby relationship knickers
is a welcome addition to
Channel 4’s Friday output.
Helen Stewart
Travel Man — Vilnius
(C4, 8.30pm)
Joe Lycett returns to his role
as the modern Judith
Chalmers, acting as tour guide
to those viewers still willing or
able to travel abroad. His
companion for this journey
is the comedian Sarah
Millican, the pair heading to
Lithuania to spend two days
in the well-preserved
medieval city of Vilnius.
As with his predecessor
Richard Ayoade, the thorn in
David Beckham’s side has a
natural gift for making it seem
as if he and his travelling
partner are having a genuinely
good time, even when they are
clearly terrified in a hot-air
balloon or bewildered by the
making of a kind of cake-kebab
hybrid.
Victoria Segal

ON DEMAND
Woman Of The Dead
(Netflix)
It’s been touted as Dextermeets-The Girl With the Dragon
Tattoo, but that hardly
prepares you for just how
unexpectedly strange this
six-part German-language
revenge thriller is. Front-andcentre is the hypnotic Anna

Hot seats: Herring and Riley are put to the lie-detector test by their hosts (C4, 9pm)

Cate Blanchett
The actor’s portrayal of a
conductor in the film Tár (in
cinemas from today) is the
latest terrific performance
in a career full of such feats
— many of which are on
streaming sites. ITVX has
I’m Not There, in which
Blanchett plays a version of
Bob Dylan, and The Aviator,
which brought her an Oscar
for her performance as
Katharine Hepburn. She
has the title role, a rich
1950s housewife, in Carol
(StudioCanal Presents) and
is among the large cast of
stars in the satirical Don’t
Look Up (Netflix). Disney+
has several of her films —
including Nightmare Alley
and Notes On A Scandal —
alongside her recent venture
into TV drama: she plays the
anti-feminist crusader Phyllis
Schlafly in Mrs America.
Edward Porter

Would I Lie to You? (BBC1,
8pm, Scotland 8.30pm)
This greedy comedy format,
hosted to perfection by an
always-generous Rob Brydon,
has gobbled through the UK’s
more sentient celebrities over
16 series. Tonight, team
captains David Mitchell and
Lee Mack, are joined by Drag
Race’s Michelle Visage and
and Simon Gregson. HS

Death In Paradise
(BBC1, 9pm)
Never mind that nobody in
St Marie has mentioned “that
weird cult in the hills” before:
the island’s doomsday
preppers are central to this
locked-room mystery. Robert
Webb guests as a commune
member in a case interspersed
by the dull romantic trials of
Ralf Little’s DI Neville Parker.

Beautiful Boy (BBC1,
11.30pm, Scotland, 12am)
Timothée Chalamet’s star
quality sweetens this earnest
drama about a teenager,
Nic Sheff, who becomes a
heroin addict. So too does
the rapport the young actor
shares with Steve Carell, who
plays the kid’s anguished
father, David. Dir: Felix van
Groeningen (2018) EP

FILM CHOICE

Fact or fib? (BBC1, 8pm)

Death And The Civil War
(PBS America, 9.30pm)
The American Civil War killed
1 in 40 of the country’s
population, forcing a brutal
new reckoning with death.
This documentary shows how
the scale of the slaughter led
to innovations including
national cemeteries and
welfare for veterans’ families.
Victoria Segal

Gangs Of New York
(Film4, 9pm)
The fearsome boxing drama
Raging Bull (12.20am),
starring Robert De Niro, is the
better movie in the Martin
Scorsese double bill on Film4
this evening, but this tale
of 19th-century Manhattan
serves well as a contrasting
option: the one to pick if you
want colourful, melodramatic
entertainment. De Niro is
absent, but another titan,
Daniel Day-Lewis, gives an
all-out performance as a
fiery gang leader, Bill the
Butcher. The story pits a
young, revenge-seeking hero
(Leonardo DiCaprio) against
that marvellous villain. (2002)

Helping hand (BBC1, 11.30pm)

Maria Mühe as Brunhilde
Blum, owner of a funeral
home in an Austrian ski
resort, who, after her
husband’s mysterious
hit-and-run death, sets out on
a trail of bloody revenge. Shot
to resemble some dour slice of
European arthouse cinema,
but structured like Tarantino’s
Kill Bill, this is entirely Mühe’s
show and she utterly
convinces as the undertaker
turned ruthless executioner.

Fela Kuti: Father Of Afrobeat
(BBC iPlayer)
Revolutionary, innovator,
showman, libertine . . . Fela
Ransome-Kuti was all these
things and more and this 2020
Arena documentary attempts
to tell the story of this
Nigerian musician by speaking
to the people who knew him.
It is to the film’s strength that
it includes the conflicts and
contradictions of the man and
his disputed legacy.

Antur Y Gorllewin
(BBC iPlayer)
Iolo Tudur Williams has been
filming wildlife for the BBC
and S4C for more than 25
years. This six-part Welshlanguage journey along
Europe’s wild west coast, from
the Azores to Iceland, is an
utter treat and reveals why,
to those in the know, Williams
is one of the truly great
television naturalists.
Andrew Male

Barbarian (Disney+)
Airbnb nightmares don’t come
any worse than the ordeal
lying in store for this film’s
heroine (Georgina Campbell)
when she rents a house in a
bleak part of Detroit. The less
you know about Zach
Cregger’s movie before
crossing its threshold, the
better. Black-humoured and
wildly unpredictable, it was
one of the best-reviewed
horror films of last year. EP
8 January 2023 51

FRIDAY 13 JANUARY

BBC3

7.00pm Top Gear Chris Harris and
Rory Reid take a road trip
across Cuba; and a MercedesAMG GT R is test-driven.
8.00 Waterloo Road It is a sad day
for Waterloo Road; and Donte
blames the school for the
accident. (Series 11, ep 2)

BBC4

10.55 Bad Education — Reunion
Class K are back for a careers
day and reunion party.
11.40 Blood, Sweat And Cheer
12.25 Meet The Khans — Big In
Bolton (Series 3, ep 1)
1.30 Young Masterchef Contest.
3.00 Bad Education — Reunion
3.45-4.00 Zen Motoring (5/6)

7.00pm Top Of The Pops Music by
D:Ream, Dina Carroll, East 17
and Wet Wet Wet. 7.30 Top
Of The Pops Performances
by Culture Beat, Bryan
Adams and Eternal. 8.00 Top
Of The Pops Featuring David
Parton, Status Quo and
Pussycat. 8.30 Top Of The
Pops The Belle Starrs, Eddy
Grant, the Maisonettes, Phil
Collins and Donna Summer.
9.00 Wayfaring Stranger Musical
connections between
Scotland, Ulster and America.
10.00 Transatlantic Sessions
Featuring music by Emmylou
Harris and Mary Black. 10.30
Transatlantic Sessions Kathy
Mattea and John Martyn.
11.00 Imagine Charting the
guitarist Wilko Johnson’s
battle against cancer.
12.35 Punk Britannia At The BBC
1.35 Wayfaring Stranger
2.35-3.35 Top Of The Pops

DRAMA

SKYARTS

9.00 FILM: Mary Queen Of Scots
Stars Saoirse Ronan and
Margot Robbie. Mary Stuart’s
attempt to overthrow her
cousin, Elizabeth I, finds her
condemned to years of
imprisonment. Bog-standard
historical drama. (2018, 15)

The Bill Police drama series.
Classic EastEnders Soap.
Howards’ Way (S1, ep 10)
Pie In The Sky Drama.
All Creatures Great And
Small (Series 6, ep 12)
5.25 As Time Goes By Sitcom.
6.00 Are You Being Served?
6.40 Some Mothers Do ’Ave ’Em
7.20 Last Of The Summer Wine
8.00 Father Brown A body is
discovered in a vineyard.
(Series 3, ep 9) 9.00 Father
Brown The priest becomes
embroiled in an art heist.
10.00 New Tricks The team
reopens a 16-year-old murder
case. (Series 10, ep 7)
11.10 Hustle The gang helps out an
old friend. (Series 7, ep 4)
12.30 Some Mothers Do ’Ave ’Em
1.10 As Time Goes By Sitcom.
1.50 Pie In The Sky Drama.
2.50-4.00 Howards’ Way
11.40
12.40
2.00
3.10
4.10

FILMS
SKY CINEMA PREMIERE
6.05am The Cinema List: Best Of 2022
6.20 The Duke (2020, 12) 8.10 The
Last Son (2021, 15) 10.00 The Estate.
Stars Toni Collette, Anna Farisand
Patricia French. (2022, 15) 11.50
Operation Mincemeat. During the
Second World War, two officers hatch
a plan to outwit German troops. (2021,
12) 2.05 Hounded (2022, 15) 3.55
Downton Abbey — A New Era (2022,
PG) 6.05 The Last Son (2021, 15) 8.00
The Estate. Details as 10am. 9.50
Operation Mincemeat. Details
as 11.50am. 12.05 Crimes Of The
Future. Stars Viggo Mortensen. Sci-fi
horror. (2022, 18) 2.00 Hounded.
Details as 2.05pm. 3.50-6.10 Downton
Abbey — A New Era (2022, PG)
SKY CINEMA THRILLER
1.55pm The International (2009, 15)
3.55 The Many Saints Of Newark
(2021, 15) 6.00 Fatal Attraction.
A lawyer comes to regret his onenight stand with a business associate.
(1987, 18) 8.00 Panic Room. A mother
and daughter become trapped in
a sealed room during a burglary.
(2002, 15) 10.00 Pulp Fiction (1994, 18)
12.35-2.40 Taxi Driver (1976, 18)

52 8 January 2023

6.00pm Alfred Hitchcock
Presents: The Dusty Drawer.
A man seeks revenge on a
bank clerk. 6.30 Alfred
Hitchcock Presents: A True
Account. A woman believes
her husband is a murderer.
7.00 The Moody Blues — Days Of
Future Passed The band
perform their landmark
album at the Sony Centre in
Toronto during a 2017 tour
celebrating the 50th
anniversary of the record.
9.30 United Kingdom Of Pop
A look at key figures and
movements in British pop
culture, as well as the most
important political, cultural
and economic events. (1/2)
10.45-12.00 United
Kingdom Of Pop Conclusion
of the documentary look
at British pop culture.

SKY CINEMA GREATS
6.20am The Cinema List: The 90s
6.35 Shirley Valentine (1989, 15)
8.35 Chocolat (2000, 12) 10.50 The
Hundred-Foot Journey (2014, PG) 1.05
Oliver! (1968, U) 3.45 Control (2007,
15) 6.00 Alfie. A playboy chauffeur
begins to suspect there is something
missing from his life. (2004, 15) 8.00
Layer Cake. A dealer is sent to find a
mobster’s drug-addicted daughter.
(2004, 15) 10.00 Welcome To The
Punch. A tormented detective tries
to recapture a criminal who escaped
him three years previously. (2013, 15)
11.45 Control (2007, 15) 1.55 The Dam
Busters (1955, U) 4.15-6.00 The
Amazing Mr Blunden (1972, U)
SKY CINEMA SELECT
3.05pm In & Out (1997, 12) 4.40 Pretty
In Pink (1986, 15) 6.20 13 Going On 30.
A teenager wishes she could be a
grown-up — and wakes up to find 17
years have passed overnight. (2004,
12) 8.00 Notting Hill. A shop owner
falls for a film star, but media interest
makes the relationship tricky. (1999,
15) 10.10 Big Daddy. An immature man
looks after his flatmate’s son. (1999, 12)
11.50 Poms (2019, 12) 1.25 Shall We
Dance? (2004, 12) 3.15 Hook (1991, U)
5.40-6.40 Sky Cinema Preview

ITV2
6.00pm Catchphrase With guests
Jennie McAlpine, Jason
Watkins and Ore Oduba.
7.00 Ninja Warrior — Race For
Glory Contenders take on the
obstacle-course challenge.
8.00 Superstore Amy organises a
community service event.
(Series 5, ep 17) 8.30
Superstore Amy grows
frustrated by everyone’s
criticism of her parenting.
9.00 FILM: 2 Fast 2 Furious Stars
Paul Walker, Tyrese Gibson
and Eva Mendes. A disgraced
cop is given a chance to
redeem himself by going
undercover to bring a drug
trafficker to justice. Shallow.
(2003, 12; includes FYI Daily)
11.10 Family Guy Brian passes on
herpes to Stewie. (S12, ep 16)
11.40-12.10 Family Guy
Three fairy tales are retold
Quahog-style. (S12, ep 10)

ITV4
4.00pm Darts Jacqui Oatley
presents live coverage of the
second and concluding day
of the Bahrain Masters, the
World Series event at Bahrain
International Circuit in Sakhir.
8.00 The Chase With Mikey North,
Una Healy, Carl Froch
and Alison Hammond.
9.00 All Elite Wrestling —
Dynamite Hard-hitting action.

ITV3

Classic Emmerdale Soap.
Classic Coronation Street
George And Mildred Sitcom.
Marple With Geraldine
McEwan. The reading of a will
leads to murder. (S3, ep 1)
11.30 Heartbeat Rural drama.
1.40 Classic Emmerdale Soap.
2.40 Classic Coronation Street
3.45 Inspector Morse The master
of a prestigious college asks
Morse to investigate the
disappearance of one of his
colleagues. Barry Foster
guest stars. (Series 3, ep 2)
6.00 Heartbeat An Army deserter
turns up after a bust-up with
his sergeant. 7.00 Heartbeat
A woman takes an overdose,
claiming that her husband
has been falsely imprisoned.
8.00 Doc Martin A stomach bug
sweeps through Portwenn
and the doctor suspects the
local water supply is to
blame. (Series 1, ep 3) 9.00
Doc Martin Louisa tries to
help one of her pupils; and
Mark seeks romantic advice.
10.00 DCI Banks A lawyer’s body is
washed up by an underground
river. (Series 4, ep 3) 11.00
DCI Banks With Geoff now a
marked man, he and Evie are
put under watch at a hotel.
12.05 Marple (Series 3, ep 1)
2.15 Unwind Daily relaxation.
2.30-6.00 Teleshopping Goods.

6.00pm The Big Bang Theory Amy
and Sheldon argue over their
bathroom schedules. (Series
10, ep 5) 6.30 The Big Bang
Theory Penny discovers she
has a dedicated fan-base.
7.00 Hollyoaks Chester soap.
7.30 Modern Family Mitch and
Cam throw Sal a belated
baby shower. (Series 6, ep 15)
8.00 The Great Celebrity Bake
Off In an edition for Stand Up
To Cancer, James Acaster,
Russell Tovey, Rylan ClarkNeal and Michelle Keegan
take on the challenge in the
hope of becoming star baker.
9.00 Gogglebox Mo Gilligan and
Adrian Dunbar are among the
famous faces hitting the
couch, joining Britain’s
favourite opinionated viewers
as part of Stand Up To Cancer.
10.00 Celebrity Gogglebox 2022
Retrospective edition.
11.05-12.10 Naked Attraction

6.00
7.00
8.05
9.15

11.05 FILM: Cobra Stars Sylvester
Stallone and Brigitte Nielsen.
An uncompromising police
officer has to protect a vital
witness. Poor thriller. (1986,
18; includes FYI Daily)
12.55 The Adventures Of Sherlock
Holmes The duo investigate
a mysterious death. (S1, ep 6)
2.00 Auto Mundial Motorsport.
2.30 Motorsport Mundial
3.00-6.00 Teleshopping Goods.

FILM4
11.00am The Long Ships (1963, PG)
1.30 The Colditz Story (1954, U) 3.30
Winchester 73. A crack shot challenges
his father’s killer to a shooting
competition. (1950, U) 5.20 The Black
Arrow. A knight tries to expose his
uncle as having killed his father.
(1948, U) 6.55 Pacific Rim — Uprising.
A war hero’s son leads giant robots
against a wave of alien creatures.
(2018, 12) 9.00 CHOICE Gangs Of
New York. Stars Leonardo DiCaprio
and Daniel Day-Lewis. Historical
drama. (2002, 18; see Film choice)
12.20-3.05 Raging Bull (1980, 18)
TALKING PICTURES TV
3.00pm Hell And High Water (1954,
PG) 5.00 Daleks’ Invasion Earth —
2150 AD. Eccentric time traveller the
Doctor struggles to thwart the Daleks’
evil scheme to remove the Earth’s
core. (1966, U) 6.40 The Day The Earth
Stood Still. An alien ambassador issues
a dire warning. (1951, U) 8.30 Dial 999.
First episode of the 1950s crime drama,
with Robert Beatty. 9.05 Ravenous. A
mysterious Scotsman regales a group
of 19th-century American soldiers with
stomach-churning tales of cannibalism.
(1999, 18) 11.10-1.05 My Boyfriend’s
Back. Supernatural comedy. (1993, 15)
1L
1G

The Estate (SCP, 10am, 8pm)

ENTERTAINMENT
GOLD
7.30am Hold The Sunset 8.00 Keeping
Up Appearances 8.40 My Hero 9.20
Are You Being Served? 10.00 Porridge
10.40 Summer Wine 12.00 Keeping Up
Appearances 12.40 Dad’s Army 2.00
Porridge 2.40 Are You Being Served?
3.20 Summer Wine 4.40 Dinnerladies
5.20 Keeping Up Appearances 6.00 Are
You Being Served? 6.40 Dad’s Army
8.00 Dinnerladies 9.20 Only Fools 11.00
Dad’s Army 11.35 French And Saunders
12.15 Absolutely Fabulous 1.30 French
And Saunders 2.40 Dinnerladies
3.15-4.00 Absolutely Fabulous
SKY COMEDY
6.00pm The Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air
6.30 Futurama 7.30 Young Rock 8.00
The Conners 8.30 The US Office 9.00
Ricky Gervais — Fame 10.40 Romantic
Getaway 11.40 The Late Late Show 12.40
The Tonight Show 1.40 Vice Principals
3.00 AP Bio 4.00-5.00 Futurama
SKY WITNESS
6.00pm Nothing To Declare 8.00 Blue
Bloods 9.00 The Rookie 11.00 FBI 12.00
FBI — Most Wanted 1.00 Coroner 2.00
The Equalizer 3.00 9-1-1 4.00 Road Wars
5.00-6.00 Brit Cops — Rapid Response

MORE4
5.55pm Love It Or List It Kirstie
Allsopp catches up with a
Stoke couple who appeared
on the show in 2019.
6.55 A Place In The Sun A Hull
resident and his mum employ
the skills of Jonnie Irwin
to help find a dream
property in Huelva in Spain.
7.45 The Great Pottery Throw
Down The latest batch of
potters take on a birthday
tea set challenge.
9.00 24 Hours In A&E A
77-year-old man arrives with
a potentially deadly swelling
of the main artery. 10.00 24
Hours In A&E A father and
son arrive with life-threatening
injuries caused when they
were attacked at a party.
11.05-12.10 8 Out Of 10 Cats Does
Countdown With guests Joe
Lycett and Michelle Wolf.

W
6.00pm Property Brothers — Forever
Homes 7.00 Masterchef USA 8.00
Inside The Ambulance 9.00 999 Rescue
Squad 10.00 Miranda 12.00 Nurses On
The Ward 1.00-3.00 Tipping Point
5 STAR
6.00pm Home And Away 7.00
Shoplifters & Scammers — At War With
The Law 8.00 Car Pound Cops — Give
Me My Car Back! 9.00 FILM: The
Magnificent Seven. Stars Denzel
Washington and Chris Pratt 11.45 FILM:
Kiss The Girls 2.05 Porn Stars — Our
Secret World 3.00 Fights, Camera,
Action! 3.55-4.00 Entertainment News
5 USA
6.00pm NCIS. Four episodes 10.00
Law & Order: Special Victims Unit
1.55 The Blacklist 3.35-4.00 Street
Crime UK — Caught On Camera
COMEDY CENTRAL
8.00am My Wife And Kids 9.00 The
Middle 10.00 Last Man Standing 12.00
Friends 9.00 FILM: Zoolander 2. Stars
Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson. Comedy
11.00 David Spade — My Fake Problems
12.00 South Park 2.00 Chris Ramsey
Live — All Growed Up 3.00 Tracy
Morgan — Bona Fide 3.45 Last Man
Standing 4.10-5.00 Friends

TALKTV

SKYATLANTIC

SPORT

6.00 James Max News reports.
6.30 Jeremy Kyle Discussion.
10.00 The Independent Republic
Of Mike Graham Updates.
1.00 Ian Collins Debates.
4.00 Vanessa Feltz Discussion.
7.00 Jeremy Kyle Live Debate.
8.00 Piers Morgan Uncensored
Best Of The host presents his
verdict on the week’s events.
9.00 The Talk A panel of famous
faces debate hot topics.
10.00 First Edition A look at
tomorrow’s news, tonight.
11.00 Piers Morgan Uncensored
Best Of Global events.
12.00 James Whale Reports.
1.00 Vanessa Feltz Discussion.
2.00 Jeremy Kyle Debate.
3.00 Piers Morgan Uncensored
Best Of Global events.
4.00 The Talk Discussion.
5.00-6.00 Cristo Reports.
Available on Sky 522; Freeview 237;
Virgin 606; Freesat 217; YouTube,
connected TVs and smart devices

Urban Secrets Double bill.
The Sopranos Crime drama.
True Blood Drama series.
Game Of Thrones (S1, ep 8)
Six Feet Under Drama.
The Sopranos Tony suspects
Big Pussy is an informant. (S1,
ep 11) 4.35 The Sopranos
Tony is targeted by killers.
5.45 Ray Donovan Drama, with
Liev Schreiber. (S1, ep 1) 6.50
Ray Donovan Abby defies her
husband and takes the kids
to get to know Mickey.
7.55 Game Of Thrones Ned faces
a fateful decision. (S1, ep 9)
9.00 Babylon Berlin Kardakov
flees after the Soviet attack
on The Red Fortress. (S1, ep
3; German with subtitles)
10.00 Babylon Berlin The
May Day stand-off between
communist protestors and
police erupts in violence.
11.00 Der Pass Thriller, with Julia
Jentsch. When a gruesomely
staged body is found in the
Alps, detectives Stocker and
Winter investigate. (S1, ep 1;
German with subtitles)
12.00 The Wire Royce takes drastic
action. (S4, ep 3) 1.05 The
Wire Marlo rejects Proposition
Joe’s offer to join the co-op.
2.10 Devils (Series 1, ep 2)
3.15 Game Of Thrones (S1, ep 9)
4.25 In Treatment (S3, ep 16)
5.00-6.00 Urban Secrets

SKY SPORTS MAIN EVENT
6.00am News 7.00 LIVE Big Bash
League: Sydney Thunder v Perth
Scorchers 11.00 LIVE SA20: Paarl
Royals v Joburg Super Kings 3.00 LIVE
SA20: MI Cape Town v Durban Super
Giants 7.30 LIVE FNF: Aston Villa v
Leeds United. Coverage of the Premier
League match at Villa Park. Kickoff at
8.00 10.30 The Gloves Are Off 11.00
News 12.00 LIVE Golf. The second day
of the Sony Open in Hawaii 3.30 News
4.30-6.00 LIVE Big Bash League:
Adelaide Strikers v Brisbane Heat

SKYMAX
6.00pm Stargate SG-1 The team
searches for Jackson’s wife.
(S1, ep 2, R) 7.00 Stargate
SG-1 A Goa’uld larva
invades Kawalsky’s brain. (R)
8.00 Hold The Front Page Nish
Kumar and Josh Widdicombe
head to West Sussex to work
for a local newspaper. (2/6, R)
9.00 Never Mind The Buzzcocks
Roisin Conaty, ArrDee and
James Bay join Greg Davies
and captains Noel Fielding,
Daisy May Cooper and regular
panellist Jamali Maddix. (R)
9.45 Strike Back — Vengeance
Stonebridge, Scott and the
rest of the team need to flee
Waabri’s lair. (S3, ep 2, R)
10.45 Banshee Lucas and Brock
head to Louisiana in search of
Chayton. (Series 3, ep 8, R)
11.45-12.40 Wolfe A life hangs
in the balance. (2/6, R)

YESTERDAY
6.00am The Living Universe 8.00
Abandoned Engineering 9.00 Secret
Nazi Bases 10.00 Warbird Workshop
11.00 Fred Dibnah’s Building Of Britain
12.00 Great British Railway Journeys
2.00 Bangers And Cash 4.00 Secret
Nazi Bases 5.00 Warbird Workshop 6.00
Great British Railway Journeys 7.00
Fred Dibnah’s Building Of Britain 8.00
Secrets Of The London Underground
10.00 Bangers And Cash 11.00
Abandoned Engineering 12.00-1.00
Great British Railway Journeys
DAVE
6.00pm Taskmaster 7.00 House Of
Games 7.40 Would I Lie To You? 8.20
QI 9.00 Have I Got A Bit More News For
You 10.00 QI XL 11.00 Taskmaster
12.00 Mock The Week 12.40 Would I Lie
To You? 1.20 QI 2.00 House Of Games
2.35 The Best Of Famalam 3.05-4.00
Modern Wheels Or Classic Steals

FACTUAL
NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC
6.00pm Lost Treasures Of Egypt 7.00
Air Crash Investigation. Documentary
8.00 Food Factory USA 9.00 Colossal
Machines 10.00 Car SOS. A 1987 MG
Metro 6R4 11.00 Air Crash Investigation

6.00
7.55
9.55
12.10
1.15
3.30

Day-Lewis, DiCaprio (Film4, 9pm)

12.00 Wicked Tuna — North v South
1.00-2.00 Ice Road Rescue
DISCOVERY
6.00pm Salvage Hunters 7.00 Diesel
Brothers 8.00 Gold Rush 9.00 Alaskan
Killer Bigfoot 10.00 Hunting Atlantis
11.00 Naked And Afraid 12.00 Combat
Dealers 1.00-2.00 Alaskan Killer Bigfoot
PBS AMERICA
4.20pm Dis/Informed 6.15 Mutant
Weather 7.15 Last Voices Of World War
One 8.20 Good Nazi 9.30 CHOICE
Death And The Civil War (See Critics’
choice) 11.30-12.00 Beautiful Serengeti
SKY DOCUMENTARIES
6.00am The Comedy Store 7.05
Discovering James Cagney 8.00
Directors 9.00 First Ladies 10.00
Quant 11.50 My Icon 12.00 Fire In
Babylon 1.50 My Icon 2.00 A Tree Of
Life — The Pittsburgh Synangogue
Shooting 3.40 My Icon 4.00 Directors
4.55 Discovering James Cagney 5.50
Mr Dynamite — The Rise Of James Brown
8.00 Spector 9.00 Hitsville — The
Making Of Motown 11.10-1.10 Costa
Concordia — Chronicle Of A Disaster
SKY NATURE
6.00am Ol Pejeta Diaries 7.00 Malawi
Wildlife Rescue 8.00 Monkey Life

EUROSPORT 1
7.30am Freestyle Skiing 7.50 LIVE Ski
Jumping. The women’s World Cup
meeting from Zao, Japan 9.35 Olympic
Games: World At Their Feet 10.05
Henrik Kristoffersen — Best Of Slalom
2022 10.15 Alpine Skiing 11.15 LIVE
Alpine Skiing. The World Cup meeting
from Wengen, Switzerland, featuring
the men’s super-G 1.10 Alpine Skiing
2.05 Snowboarding 3.00 ATP Tennis
4.00 Alpine Skiing 4.55 LIVE Ski
Jumping. The World Cup meeting from
Zakopane, Poland, where the qualifying
session for the men’s HS140 event
takes place 6.05 Winter Sport — Alpine
Dressen Comes Back From Injury 6.10
Freestyle Skiing 6.30 LIVE Snowboard
Winter World University Games 2023.
The men’s and women’s snowboard
cross events 7.05 ATP Tennis 8.00
Dakar Rally 9.00 Alpine Skiing 10.00
ATP Tennis 11.00 Dakar Rally 12.00
Alpine Skiing 1.00 ATP Tennis 2.00
Dakar Rally 3.00 ATP Tennis
4.00-6.00 Masters Snooker
BT SPORT 1
9.00am Premier League 10.30 Ligue 1
Highlights 11.30 Premier League — The
Big Interview 12.00 Premier League
1.30 Reload 1.45 LIVE ILT20: Dubai
Capitals v Abu Dhabi Knight Riders
5.30 Premier League Stories 6.00
Premier League — The Big Interview
6.30 Premier League Preview 7.00
Inside Serie A 7.30 LIVE Serie A: Napoli
v Juventus. Kickoff at 7.45 9.45 Reload
10.00 WWE NXT UK Classics 11.00
WWE NXT Highlights 12.00 WWE
Smackdown Highlights 1.00 LIVE WWE
Friday Night Smackdown. Grappling
action from America 3.00 Serie A
4.00-6.00 LIVE A-League Women:
Melbourne City Women v Melbourne
Victory Women. Kickoff at 4.00

9.00 Orangutan Jungle School 10.00
Africa’s Wild Horizons 11.00 Africa’s
Wild Roommates — How Animals Share
Bed And Board 12.00 Land Of The Far
North 1.00 Monkey Life 2.00 Malawi
Wildlife Rescue 3.00 Orangutan Jungle
School 4.00 Africa’s Wild Horizons
5.00 Africa’s Wild Roommates — How
Animals Share Bed And Board 6.00
Land Of The Far North 7.00 Monkey
Life 8.00 Wildlife ER 9.00 Monkey
Life 10.00 Land Of The Far North
11.00-12.00 Africa’s Wild Roommates
— How Animals Share Bed And Board
DISCOVERY HISTORY
6.00am Nasa’s Unexplained Files 7.00
How The Universe Works 8.00
Devonport — Inside The Royal Navy
9.00 Combat Dealers — Reloaded
10.00 Treasure Quest — Snake Island
11.00 The Dinosaur Feather Mystery
12.00 Nasa’s Unexplained Files 1.00
Expedition Unknown 2.00 Truth Behind
The Moon Landing 3.00 Blowing Up
History 4.00 Mysteries At The Museum
5.00 Devonport — Inside The Royal
Navy 6.00 How The Universe Works
7.00 Expedition Unknown 8.00
Combat Dealers — Reloaded 9.00
Tales From The Explorers Club 10.00
How The Universe Works 11.00-12.00
The Dinosaur Feather Mystery

RADIO
PICK OF THE DAY

In Concert
Radio 3, 7pm
As a tribute to Queen
Elizabeth II, English
National Opera presents a
concert staging of Britten’s
1953 work Gloriana, starring
Christine Rice, pictured,
in the role of Elizabeth I.
In The Evaporated: Gone
With the Gods (podcast),
Jake Adelstein, author of
Tokyo Vice, looks at the
world of Japan’s johatsu, or
“evaporated” people — tens
of thousands disappear
every year.
Clair Woodward
RADIO 4
5.30 News 5.43 Prayer 5.45 Farming
Today 5.58 Tweet Of The Day (R) 6.00
Today 8.31 (LW) Yesterday In Parliament
9.00 Desert Island Discs (R) 9.45 Book
Of The Week 9.45 (LW) Daily Service
10.00 Woman’s Hour 11.00 In Dark
Corners (R) 11.30 Thanks A Lot, Milton
Jones! (R) 12.00 News 12.01 (LW)
Shipping 12.04 AntiSocial. New run. The
issues of the day, presented by Adam
Fleming 1.00 The World At One 1.45
NatureBang 2.00 The Archers (R) 2.15
Drama: Tom Clancy’s Splinter Cell —
Firewall 2.45 Understand: The Economy
(R) 3.00 Gardeners’ Question Time
3.45 Short Works. Says Himself, by Sue
Divin 4.00 Last Word 4.30 More Or Less
(R) 5.00 PM 5.54 (LW) Shipping 6.00
News 6.30 The News Quiz 7.00 The
Archers 7.15 Screenshot. How genius is
portrayed on-screen — and celebrated
off-screen 8.00 Any Questions? At
Newport Cathedral, with Ian Diamond,
David TC Davies, Vaughan Gething and
Delyth Jewell 8.50 A Point Of View
9.00 Reith Lectures 2022 — Freedom
Of Speech (R) 10.00 The World Tonight
10.45 Book At Bedtime 11.00 Americast
11.30 Today In Parliament 12.00 News
12.30 Book Of The Week (R) 12.48
Shipping 1.00 As World Service
TIMES RADIO
5.00 Anna Cunningham With Early
Breakfast 6.00 Chloe Tilley And
Calum Macdonald With Times Radio
Breakfast 10.00 Matt Chorley 1.00
Ruth Davidson 4.00 Cathy Newman
With Times Radio Drive 7.00 Michael
Portillo. Cultured conversation and
political interview 10.00 Henry
Bonsu 1.00 Stories Of Our Times.
The Times’s daily podcast 1.30 Red
Box. Matt Chorley’s politics podcast
2.00 Highlights From Times Radio
To get in touch with the Times Radio
studio, text TIMES plus your message
to 87222. Texts cost your standard
message charge.

RADIO 4 EXTRA
6.00 The Rivals 6.30 The Singing
Sands 7.00 Machines Like Me 7.15
Talking About Jane Austen In Baghdad
7.30 Ellie Taylor’s Safe Space 8.00
Parsley Sidings 8.30 Bristow 9.00 The
Museum Of Curiosity 9.30 Millport
10.00 There Are Such Things 11.00
The Rivals 11.30 The Singing Sands
12.00 Machines Like Me 12.15 Talking
About Jane Austen In Baghdad
12.30 Ellie Taylor’s Safe Space 1.00
Parsley Sidings 1.30 Bristow 2.00 The
Museum Of Curiosity 2.30 Millport
3.00 There Are Such Things 4.00 The
Rivals 4.30 The Singing Sands 5.00
Machines Like Me 5.15 Talking About
Jane Austen In Baghdad 5.30 Ellie
Taylor’s Safe Space 6.00 Parsley
Sidings 6.30 Bristow 7.00 Jake Yapp’s
Unwinding 10.00 The Confessional
10.30 Beauty Of Britain 11.00 Lewis
Macleod Is Not Himself 11.30-12.00
James Acaster’s Perfect Sounds
LBC
7.00 Nick Ferrari 10.00 James O’Brien
1.00 Shelagh Fogarty 4.00 Tom
Swarbrick 6.00 Lewis Goodall 9.00
The Consumer Hour 10.00 Nick Abbot
1.00 Clive Bull 4.00 Richard Spurr
RADIO 3
6.30 Breakfast 9.00 Essential Classics
12.00 Composer Of The Week (R) 1.00
Lunchtime Concert. In the final
programme of the LSO St Luke’s
series, Alice Sara Ott goes head to
head with the Italian pianist-composer
Francesco Tristano in music for two
pianos (R) 2.00 Afternoon Concert.
Riccardo Muti conducts Tchaikovsky
and Boito, plus a wide range of music
for guitar and Mendelssohn’s hymn
Hear My Prayer 4.30 The Listening
Service (R) 5.00 In Tune 7.00 In
Concert. As a tribute to Queen
Elizabeth II, English National Opera
presents a concert staging of Britten’s
Gloriana, with the soprano Christine
Rice in the title role 10.00 The Verb.
Ian McMillan and his guests explore
the life breath of poetry and story,
with Stephen Watts, Emma Carroll,
James Nestor and Daisy Lafarge 10.45
The Essay. Margaret Heffernan
discusses uncertainty as a necessary
part of the creative process — a
catalyst that can help us find ways of
meeting the challenges of the future
11.00 Late Junction. Exploring
Hannibal Chew III’s sonic dreamscape
1.00 Composed With Emeli Sandé
(R) 2.00 Piano Flow With Tokio
Myers (R) 3.00 Through The Night
CLASSIC FM
6.00 Tim Lihoreau 9.00 Alexander
Armstrong 12.00 Anne-Marie Minhall
4.00 John Brunning 7.00 Zeb Soanes
10.00 Margherita Taylor 1.00 Katie
Breathwick 4.00 Sam Pittis
RADIO 2
6.30 Zoe Ball 9.30 Ken Bruce 12.00
Jeremy Vine 2.00 Scott Mills 4.00 Sara
Cox 7.00 Michelle Visage 9.00 The
Good Groove 11.00 The Rock Show
12.00 Romesh Ranganathan 2.00
Radio 2 Unwinds (R) 3.00 TBA 4.00
Sophie Ellis-Bextor’s Kitchen Disco
VIRGIN RADIO
6.30 Chris Evans 10.00 Eddy TempleMorris 1.00 Jayne Middlemiss 4.00
Steve Denyer 7.00 Ben Jones 10.00
Rich Williams 1.00 Olivia Jones
TALKSPORT
5.00 Early Breakfast 6.00 Breakfast
With Alan Brazil 10.00 Jim White And
Simon Jordan 1.00 Hawksbee And
Jacobs 4.00 Drive 7.00 Kickoff: Aston
Villa v Leeds United. Kickoff 8.00
10.00 Sports Bar 1.00 Extra Time

8 January 2023 53

SATURDAY 14 JANUARY

Regency rebel: Keira Knightley stars in The Duchess (BBC2, 10pm)

BBC1
6.00
10.00
11.30
12.00
1.00
1.15

4.30
5.15
5.35

6.05
6.50

7.50

8.50

9.40
10.10
10.30

Breakfast The latest reports.
Saturday Kitchen Live
The Great Food Guys (R)
Football Focus Discussion.
News; Weather Headlines.
Snooker Live coverage of the
opening semi-final on day
seven of the Masters, at
Alexandra Palace, played
over the best of 11 frames.
Final Score Football results.
News; Weather Reports.
Mastermind A selection of
well-known faces put their
knowledge to the test.
Bridge Of Lies New celebritybased run of the gameshow.
Michael McIntyre’s Big
Show New run of comedy
and music at the London
Palladium, with guest
Rylan, and music from Joel
Corry and Tom Grennan.
That’s My Jam Mo Gilligan
hosts the music gameshow
where celebrities face a
series of musical challenges.
Casualty Hospital drama
with the staff of Holby’s
accident and emergency
department as they deal with
sick and injured patients.
Not Going Out Comedy
series with Lee Mack. (R)
News; Weather Reports.
Match Of The Day The latest
Premier League highlights,
including Manchester United
v Manchester City. (R)

11.55 FILM: This Is Spinal Tap Stars
Michael McKean, Christopher
Guest, Harry Shearer and
Rob Reiner. An ageing British
rock band embarks on a
disastrous tour of America.
Eleven out of ten. (1984, 15)
Joins BBC News Update.
Breakfast The latest reports.
Match Of The Day Action. (R)
Sunday With Laura
Kuenssberg Political chat.
10.00 Politics News and debate.
10.30 Sunday Morning Live
11.30-12.30 Scotland’s Sacred
Islands With Ben Fogle. (R)
1.20
6.00
7.35
9.00

SCOTLAND 11.50 Sportscene.
Highlights of recent events. 12.50
FILM: This Is Spinal Tap. Spoof rock
documentary. 2.15 BBC News.

54 8 January 2023

BBC2
6.30
9.30
10.00
11.00

12.00
1.00
2.25
3.00

4.00
4.30

5.30
6.00

7.00

Children’s Shows Fun.
Deadly Pole To Pole (R)
Robot Wars Contest. (R)
Dogs In The Wild — Meet
The Family Documenting
the lives of packs of wild
dogs across the world. (R)
The Hairy Bikers Go Local (R)
TBA
Talking Pictures A profile. (R)
Natural World The impact of
increased migration and
tourism on the wildlife of
the Galapagos Islands. (R)
Amanda & Alan’s Italian Job
Creating a holiday home. (R)
Snooker Further coverage of
the opening semi-final of the
Masters at Alexandra Palace
in London, where the first
player to reach six frames
will progress to the final.
Flog It! Selling valuables. (R)
Waterhole — Africa’s Animal
Oasis Remote cameras
capture life at a specially
built African waterhole. (R)
Snooker Live coverage of
the second semi-final in the
Masters, held at Alexandra
Palace in London, and played
over the best of 11 frames.

10.00 FILM: The Duchess Stars
Keira Knightley and Ralph
Fiennes. An 18th-century
duchess enduring a troubled
marriage is driven into the
arms of a prominent
politician. Interesting
fact-based drama. (2008, 12)
11.40 Snooker Extra Extended
highlights of a semi-final
from the Masters, held at
Alexandra Palace in London.
1.40 FILM: Amundsen Stars Pal
Sverre Hagen and Christian
Rubeck. The life story of the
explorer Roald Amundsen.
Fascinating biopic. (2019, 12;
Norwegian and English with
subtitles; ends at 3.40)
6.35 Countryfile Reports. (R)
7.30 Coast Great Guides: North
Sea Coast. Insights. (R)
8.30 Weatherman Walking (R)
9.00 Around The World In 80
Gardens With Monty Don. (R)
10.00 Saturday Kitchen Best Bites
11.30-12.30 The Hairy Bikers Go
Local Culinary insights. (R)

ITV1
6.00 Children’s Shows Fun.
9.25 News; Weather Reports.
9.30 James Martin’s Saturday
Morning With Jason Fox.
11.40 James Martin’s French
Adventure Culinary trip. (R)
12.15 News; Weather Reports.
12.30 Champions Cup Rugby:
Gloucester v Leinster. All the
action from the Pool A match
in the third round of fixtures,
live at Kingsholm. Kickoff 1.00.
3.30 Tipping Point — Lucky Stars
Charity edition of the quiz. (R)
4.30 The Chase Bloopers (R)
5.30 News; Weather Reports.
5.45 Regional News Update.
6.00 Catchphrase Stephen
Mulhern hosts a charity
edition of the gameshow.
7.00 The Masked Singer Joel
Dommett hosts as five
celebrities take to the stage,
with Rita Ora, Jonathan Ross,
Davina McCall and Mo Gilligan
trying to identify them.
8.30 Ant & Dec’s Limitless Win
The duo host as a husbandand-wife team take on the
money ladder, playing for a
truly life-changing cash prize.
9.30 The John Bishop Show The
comedian and actor performs
and chats to a host of guests.
10.15 News; Weather Reports.
10.30 DNA Journey Celebrities
explore their family histories
using DNA technology
and genealogy. (R)
11.40 English Football League
Highlights Recent action.
1.30 Teleshopping Goods.
3.00 Unwind Daily relaxation.
4.15 Love Your Weekend (R)
6.00 Children’s Shows Fun.
9.25 News; Weather Reports.
9.30 Love Your Weekend Chat.
11.30-12.30 Love Your Garden (R)

FILMS
SKY CINEMA PREMIERE
6.10am Operation Mincemeat
Second World War drama. (2021, 12)
8.35 The Duke Drama. (2020, 12)
10.25 The Estate Two sisters try to win
over their terminally ill aunt in the hope
of becoming beneficiaries. (2022, 15)
12.15 One Way After robbing his
former crime boss, a badly wounded
man goes on the run. (2022, 15)
2.10 Downton Abbey — A New Era
Stars Hugh Bonneville. (2022, PG)
4.20 Hounded Horror thriller. (2022, 15)
6.10 The Last Son Western. (2021, 15)
8.00 The Estate Details as 10.25am.
9.50 One Way Details as 12.15pm.
11.35 Operation Mincemeat (2021, 12)
1.50 Downton Abbey — A New Era
4.00 Pil’s Adventures (2021, U)
5.40-6.25 Sky Cinema Preview
SKY CINEMA SELECT
3.50pm Notting Hill A bookshop owner
falls for a film star, but media interest
makes the relationship tricky. (1999, 15)
6.00 Maid In Manhattan Mistaken
identity leads to romance between a
hotel maid and a politician. (2002, PG)
8.00 Jerry Maguire An idealistic
sports agent finds himself forced to
set up business on his own. (1996, 15)
10.20 My Best Friend’s Wedding
A food critic tries to sabotage
a ceremony. (1997, 12)
12.10 Shall We Dance? (2004, 12)
2.00 Poms Comedy. (2019, 12)
3.35 I Love You, Man (2009, 15)
5.30-6.30 Sky Cinema Preview
1G

CHANNEL 4
6.15 3rd Rock From The Sun (R)
7.05 The King Of Queens (R)
8.25 The Simpsons Cartoon. (R)
12.30 FILM: Alvin And The
Chipmunks — The
Squeakquel Stars Zachary
Levi. The trio compete in a
battle-of-the-bands contest,
but face rivalry from another
group. Irritating. (2009, U)
2.15 Four In A Bed Contest. (R)
4.50 A Lake District Farm Shop (R)
5.50 News; Weather Reports.
6.20 FILM: Mission: Impossible
Stars Tom Cruise and Jon
Voight. A secret agent is
accused of betraying his
fellow spies, and sets out on
a mission to clear his name.
Jaw-dropping. (1996, PG)
8.30 FILM: Men In Black —
International Stars Chris
Hemsworth. The intergalactic
law enforcers tackle their
biggest threat — a mole in
the organisation. Pointless
fantasy sequel. (2019, 12)
10.45 FILM: Triple 9 Stars Chiwetel
Ejiofor and Kate Winslet. A
gang of corrupt cops are
blackmailed into a heist, and
forced to kill a fellow officer
to carry out the plan.
Watchable thriller. (2016, 15)
12.50 Ramsay’s Kitchen
Nightmares USA Advice. (R)
1.40 Couples Come Dine With Me
Dinner parties in Kent. (R)
2.35 Hollyoaks Chester soap. (R)
4.40 TBA
5.15 Countdown Gameshow. (R)
5.55 3rd Rock From The Sun (R)
7.10 The Simpsons Cartoon. (R)
8.00 Formula E Recent action.
9.30-12.30 Sunday Brunch Chat.

FILM4
11.00am The Spongebob Movie
Animated comedy. (2004, U)
12.45 Monsters vs Aliens (2009, PG)
2.35 Carry On Regardless (1961, U)
4.25 Leap Year A woman plans to
propose on February 29. (2010, PG)
6.25 Star Trek The first mission of the
starship Enterprise leads the crew into
a battle with a Romulan. (2009, 12)
9.00 Kingsman — The Secret Service
A teenager is given the chance to
work with a spy organisation. (2015, 15)
11.45 Zombieland A group of survivors
fight off the living dead. (2009, 15)
1.30-3.00 One Cut Of The Dead
Japanese comedy horror. (2017, 15)

CHANNEL 5
6.00
10.00
10.15
10.30

Milkshake! Fun for children.
The Smurfs Cartoon. (R)
Spongebob Animation. (R)
Friends American sitcom. (R)

1.00 FILM: Serendipity Stars Kate
Beckinsale and John Cusack.
Two New Yorkers realise they
are meant to be together.
Lightweight drama. (2001, PG)
2.50 FILM: Me Before You Stars
Emilia Clarke and Sam
Claflin. A woman is hired as a
carer for a paralysed man.
Saccharine. (2016, 12)
5.00 Michael Ball’s Wonderful
Wales Documentary. (R)
6.55 News; Weather Reports.
7.00 Kenneth Williams — In His
Own Words Gyles Brandreth
narrates a tribute to actor. (R)
8.30 Secrets Of The Royal
Palaces Behind-the-scenes
at the Palaces of Westminster.
9.30 The Hit Factory New series.
The career of songwriting
and production trio Stock,
Aitken and Waterman. (1/3)
10.30 Greatest Hits: 1980. Gary
Davies narrates a look back
at the music of the year. (R)
12.30 TBA
1.00 The LeoVegas Live Casino
Show Interactive gambling.
3.05 Casualty 24/7 — Every
Second Counts Incidents. (R)
3.55 My Mum’s Hotter Than Me!
Documentary insights. (R)
4.40 Divine Designs Insights. (R)
5.05 House Doctor Advice. (R)
5.30 Children’s Shows Fun.
6.00 Milkshake! Fun for children.
10.00 The Smurfs Cartoon. (R)
10.15 Spongebob Animation. (R)
10.30 Entertainment News Gossip.
10.40 NFL End Zone Recent action.
11.10-12.10 Friends Sitcom. (R)

TALKING PICTURES TV
3.10pm Web Of Evidence (1959, PG)
4.55 A High Wind In Jamaica (1965, PG)
7.00 In Suspicious Circumstances
8.00 Norman Wisdom — A Life
9.00 The Four Just Men Crime drama.
9.30 Vanishing Point A former
racing driver dodges the law on a
drug-fuelled road trip. (1971, 18)
11.30-1.35 Images Stars Susannah
York. Robert Altman drama. (1972, 18)

ENTERTAINMENT
ITV2
2.00pm FILM: The Lego Batman Movie
4.10 FILM: Cloudy With A Chance Of
Meatballs 6.00 FILM: Evan Almighty.
Stars Steve Carell and Morgan
Freeman. Comedy sequel 7.55 FILM:
The Fast And The Furious — Tokyo Drift.
Stars Lucas Black and Nathalie Kelley
10.00 Kavos Weekender 11.00 Family
Guy 12.00 American Dad! 1.00 Hey
Tracey! 2.00-3.00 All American
ITV3
4.40pm Inspector Morse 7.00 Vera.
A fisherman’s body is found tangled
up in a trawler’s net 9.00 Midsomer
Murders. With John Nettles. The wife of
the businessman behind a failed craftcentre project goes missing 11.05
Vera. Two people are murdered at a
remote country house 1.05 George
And Mildred 2.10-2.30 Unwind

Susannah York (TPTV, 11.30pm)

ITV4
9.30am Racing — The Opening
Show. A look ahead to the day’s racing

BBC4

TALKTV

ATLANTIC

7.00pm Arctic With Bruce Parry
The adventurer samples life in
the Siberian wilderness. (1/5)
8.00 Natural World Documentary
charting the fight to save the
Caribbean island’s most
endangered creatures.
9.00 Mystery Road Prequel to
the Australian crime drama.
(3/6) 9.55 Mystery Road
With Mark Coles Smith.
10.50 Early Doors Jean’s hopes
of a holiday are dashed; and
police officers Phil and Nige
have a brush with death.
(Series 1, ep 3) 11.20 Early
Doors The football card
winner is announced;
and Duffy and Joe offer
Liam romantic advice.
11.50 To The Manor Born Classic
comedy series, with Penelope
Keith and Peter Bowles.
12.20 Vienna — Empire, Dynasty
And Dream Documentary.
2.20-3.20 Arctic With Bruce
Parry In Siberia. (1/5)

6.00 Cristo Morning update.
7.00 David Bull Discussion.
10.00 Peter Cardwell The latest
news from parliament.
1.00 Trisha Goddard A look
through the week’s stories.
4.00 Claudia Liza Examining the
biggest stories of the day.
7.00 Saturday Night Talkaway
With Kevin O’Sullivan.
10.00 James Whale Featuring bold
opinions and commentary.
1.00 Vanessa Feltz A guide
through the day’s main stories.
2.00 Jeremy Kyle Live Debate.
3.00 Piers Morgan Uncensored
Best Of Interviews and chat.
4.00 The Talk Discussion.
5.00-6.00 Cristo Morning update.
Available on Sky 522; Freeview 237;
Virgin 606; Freesat 217; YouTube,
connected TVs and smart devices

Storm City Two editions.
Urban Secrets In Liverpool.
The Sopranos Crime drama.
True Blood Sookie hatches a
dangerous plan. (Series 7, ep
3) 3.30 True Blood Sookie
enlists a band of vampires
and humans to track down
the H-Vamps. 4.35 True
Blood Sookie hosts a festive
party for mainstreaming
vampires. 5.40 True Blood
Eric and Pam forge an
unlikely alliance; and there
is a shocking discovery in
store for Sookie. 6.45 True
Blood Sookie hopes for a
miracle to save Bill; Eric and
Pam try to to track down
Sarah; and Adilyn and Wade
are taken in by Violet.
7.55 Game Of Thrones Ned tries
to stop Robert from entering
the tournament after a
suspicious death threatens
to overshadow the event.
(Series 1, ep 5) 9.00 Game Of
Thrones Ned is reinstated by
Robert and hears rumours
that associates of the
Lannisters have begun stirring
up trouble across the Seven
Kingdoms. 10.05 Game Of
Thrones House Lannister
prepares for conflict; Ned
confronts Cersei about Jon
Arryn’s death; and Khal
Drogo vows revenge on the
Seven Kingdoms. 11.10
Game Of Thrones The
Lannisters try to seize power.
12.20 The Wire Royce takes drastic
action against Carcetti.
(Series 4, ep 3) 1.25 The Wire
Marlo rejects Proposition
Joe’s offer to join the co-op.
2.30 In Treatment (Series 3, ep 17)
3.00-6.00 Storm City Insights.

Atlantic Crossing (Drama, 9pm)

SKY ARTS
5.00pm Simon & Garfunkel — Concert
In Central Park 7.00 Queen — The
Magic Years 8.20 Queen — Hungarian
Rhapsody: Live In Budapest. A 1986
performance by the rock band during
their Magic Tour 10.20 Freddie Mercury
— Magic Remixed. A tribute to the
Queen frontman. 11.20-1.05 Queen
— Live At The Rainbow. A 1974 concert

SKY SPORTS MAIN EVENT
6.00am LIVE Big Bash League 12.00
LIVE EFL: Rotherham Utd v Blackburn
Rovers. Kickoff at 12.30 3.00 Soccer
Saturday 5.00 LIVE SNF: Brentford v
Bournemouth. Kickoff 5.30 8.30 LIVE
NFL 4.30-6.00 LIVE Big Bash League

A winning team (ITV1, 8.30pm)

10.30 World Of Sport 10.40 The Big
Match Revisited 12.40 Made In Britain
1.10 Racing. From Warwick 4.00 World
Of Sport 4.15 The Professionals 5.20
Made In Britain 5.50 FILM: The Guns Of
Navarone. Stars Gregory Peck, David
Niven and Anthony Quinn 9.00 English
Football League Highlights 11.00
FILM: Collateral. Stars Tom Cruise and
Jamie Foxx 1.25 The Adventures Of
Sherlock Holmes 2.35-3.00 Unwind
E4
6.00pm The Big Bang Theory 7.00
FILM: Fantastic Four. Stars Miles Teller
and Michael B Jordan 9.00 Celebrity
Gogglebox 10.00 Gogglebox 12.15
First Dates 1.20 Summer House 3.55
Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA
4.40-6.00 The Big Bang Theory
MORE4
5.55pm Four In A Bed 6.55 Escape To
The Chateau 8.00 Best Year Ever ...
1994. Documentary delving into the
songs, stories and trends of the year
9.00 24 Hours In A&E 11.00 8 Out Of 10
Cats Does Countdown 1.00 24 Hours In
A&E 3.00-3.50 Food Unwrapped
GOLD
5.15pm Only Fools And Horses 6.40
The Vicar Of Dibley 8.00 Hancock —
Very Nearly An Armful 10.05 Hancock’s
Half Hour 11.25 The Real McCoy 1.25
French And Saunders 2.35 The Vicar
Of Dibley 3.15-4.00 Citizen Khan
YESTERDAY
6.00am Impossible Railways 8.00
Bangers And Cash 1.00 Abandoned
Engineering. Documentary triple bill

SKYMAX
6.00pm Agatha Raisin With
Ashley Jensen. The sleuth’s
break in Norfolk is interrupted
when she is hired to prove
that a woman’s wealthy
husband is having an affair,
but it soon turns into a case
of murder. (Series 2, ep 3, R)
7.00 Agatha Raisin There is
no rest for the sleuth as her
Norfolk murder investigation
takes a dramatic turn. (R)
8.00 Hold The Front Page Nish
Kumar and Josh Widdicombe
head to West Sussex to
work for a local newspaper,
on a mission to find stories
that are strong enough for
the front page. (2/6, R)
9.00-1.00 NFL Live coverage of the
first Wild Card play-off match.

4.00 Great Continental Railway
Journeys 10.00 One Foot In The Grave.
Comedy 12.10-1.10 Bangers And Cash
DAVE
6.00pm Would I Lie To You? 7.20
Would I Lie To You? — The Unseen Bits
8.00 Not Going Out. Double bill of the
comedy 9.20 QI. With Rob Brydon,
Phill Jupitus and Cal Wilson 10.00
Mock The Week 11.20 QI 12.00 Have I
Got A Bit More News For You 1.00 Live
At The Apollo 2.00 The Misadventures
Of Romesh Ranganathan. In Bosnia
and Herzegovina 3.00 Mock The
Week 3.35-4.00 Beat The Internet

FACTUAL

6.00
8.00
9.00
2.25

PBS AMERICA
5.10pm Jazz 6.25 The Good Nazi. Major
Karl Plagge, who risked his own life to
save hundreds of people 7.35 KGB —
The Sword And The Shield. The history
of the KGB, told through its veterans and
its victims 10.55-12.00 The Good Nazi

NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC
6.00pm Seconds From Disaster 8.00
Superstorm New York — What Really
Happened 9.00 Killer Tornado USA —
Caught On Camera. The destruction
caused by the Joplin tornado in 2011
10.00 Japan’s Disaster — Caught On
Camera. Documentary reconstructing
the horror of the 2011 earthquake as it
unfolded 11.00 Sinkholes — Swallowed
Alive 12.00-2.00 Seconds From Disaster
DISCOVERY
6.00pm Kindig Customs 7.00 The
Dino Hunters. In Wyoming, Mike Harris
and his team uncover a triceratops
8.00 Gold Rush 10.00 Alaskan Killer
Bigfoot 11.00 Hunting Atlantis. Stel and
Jess explore underwater ruins off
the coast of Greece 12.00-4.00
Expedition Bigfoot. Documentary

Mystery Road (BBC4, 9pm)

DRAMA
11.00 Sharpe (Series 3, ep 2)
1.00 Pie In The Sky Crime drama.
4.00 Inspector George Gently
Drama. (Series 1, ep 2)
6.00 The Brokenwood Mysteries
Mike and the team are
reacquainted with some
familiar faces. (Series 6, ep 4)
8.00 Shakespeare & Hathaway
— Private Investigators
Frank and Lu investigate a
mysterious car accident
which killed a young
mother. (Series 3, ep 8)
9.00 Atlantic Crossing New
drama series based on the
true story of Norwegian
Crown Princess Martha.
With Sofia Helin. (1/8)
10.10 Inspector George Gently
An unidentified badly burnt
body is found near an RAF
base. (Series 1, ep 2)
12.10 Taggart (Series 7, ep 2)
3.00-4.00 Auf Wiedersehen, Pet
Comedy drama. (S3, ep 2)

RADIO
PICK OF THE DAY

Death and the
Penguin
Radio 4, 2.45pm
Tom Basden and Jason
Watkins star in Hattie
Naylor’s adaptation of
Andrey Kurkov’s novel set in
mid-1990s Ukraine. Kevin
Le Gendre and guests look
ahead to the new jazz stars
of 2023 in J to Z (Radio 3,
5pm). Peter Tinniswood’s
play A Touch Of Daniel
(Radio 4 Extra, 11am) marks
the 20th anniversary of
his death.
Clair Woodward
RADIO 4

SPORT

EUROSPORT 1
6.00am Tennis: Roger’s Last Dance
6.30 ATP Tennis 7.30 LIVE ATP Tennis.
The Adelaide International 9.30
Australian Open Tennis 9.45 LIVE Alpine
Skiing 1.10 Olympic Games 1.45 ATP
Tennis 2.45 LIVE Ski Jumping 4.45
Olympic Games 5.15 LIVE Winter World
University Games. The men’s individual
biathlon 6.35 Sofia Goggia: Best Of
Downhill 2022 6.50 Henrik Kristoffersen
— Best Of Slalom 2022 7.00 LIVE
Formula E 9.30 Porsche Supercup
10.00 ATP Tennis 11.00 Dakar Rally
12.00 Snowboarding 1.00 ATP Tennis
2.00 Dakar Rally 3.00 ATP Tennis 3.55
Masters Snooker 5.50-6.50 Dakar Rally
BT SPORT 1
6.00am LIVE A-League 8.00 Premier
League Preview 8.30 WWE 10.00 Early
Kick-Off 10.30 Scottish Football Extra
11.00 Rio Ferdinand’s Between The Lines
11.30 LIVE Premier League: Manchester
United v Manchester City. Kickoff 12.30
3.00 Score 5.15 LIVE Serie A 7.00 Uefa
Champions League — Classics 7.30
LIVE Serie A 9.45 Deaf Away Days
10.00 LIVE UFC 3.30 UFC Greatest
Fights 4.00-6.00 LIVE A-League

5.30 News 5.43 Prayer 5.45 Four
Thought (R) 6.00 News And Papers
6.07 Open Country (R) 6.30 Farming
Today This Week 7.00 Today 9.00
Saturday Live 10.30 You’re Dead To Me.
The strange world of Ancient Greek
and Roman medicine 11.00 The Week
In Westminster 11.30 From Our Own
Correspondent 12.00 News 12.01 (LW)
Shipping 12.04 Money Box 12.30 The
News Quiz (R) 1.00 News 1.10 Any
Questions? (R) 2.00 Any Answers?
2.45 Drama: Death And The Penguin,
by Andrey Kurkov. With Tom Basden
and Jason Watkins 4.15 Weekend
Woman’s Hour 5.00 Saturday PM 5.30
Sliced Bread (R) 5.54 Shipping 6.00
News 6.15 Loose Ends 7.00 Profile 7.15
This Cultural Life 8.00 Archive On 4:
What Has Media Training Done To
Politics? Programmes and recordings
from the BBC archives 9.00 Stone. The
team investigates the homeless charity
and also the background of the victim
(R) 9.45 Rabbit Remembered, by John
Updike (R) 10.00 News 10.15 The
Moral Maze (R) 11.00 Counterpoint (R)
11.30 Poetry Please (R) 12.00 Midnight
News 12.15 Torn (R) 12.30 Short Works
(R) 12.48 Shipping 1.00 World Service
RADIO 3
7.00 Breakfast 9.00 Record Review
11.45 Music Matters 12.30 This Classical
Life 1.00 Inside Music 3.00 Sound Of
Cinema (R) 4.00 Music Planet 5.00
J To Z. The jazz artists to keep an eye
on this year 6.30 Opera On 3: Fedora.
Marco Armiliato conducts the New
York Metropolitan Opera Chorus and
Orchestra in a performance of Giordano,
with Sonya Yoncheva (soprano, Fedora)
and Piotr Beczala (tenor, Loris Ipanoff)
9.30 Mendelssohn’s Violin Concerto.
Hugh Wolff conducts a performance of
the popular piece in E minor by violinist
Hilary Hahn and the Oslo PO 10.00 New
Music Show. Neil Luck’s reversioning
of Mendelssohn’s Violin Concerto,
recorded at Cafe Oto last year 12.00
Freeness 1.00 Through The Night
TIMES RADIO
6.00 Chloe Tilley And Calum
Macdonald With Times Radio
Breakfast 10.00 Hugo Rifkind 1.00
Alexis Conran 4.00 Ayesha Hazarika
7.00 My Cultural Week With Mariella
Frostrup 8.00 Stories Of Our Times.
The Times’s daily podcast 8.30 Matt
Chorley 9.00 Highlights From Times
Radio 10.00 Darryl Morris. A first
look at Sunday’s newspapers 1.00
Highlights From Times Radio

8 January 2023 55

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