THE
CLIMB
A
Romance
Novel
By:
Daya Daniels

K2.
The second highest peak in the world.
Steep. Cold. Barren.
A mountain that will challenge your technical climbing skills, your sanity,
and your fortitude.
A place where only a few succeed at making it to the top and many die
trying.
Kai and Annika—complete strangers—find themselves ascending a mountain
they've both considered to be their nemesis for most of their lives. Kai
intends to make it to the summit. Only a few things will force him to turn
back, but unfavorable weather and exhaustion aren't among them. Annika
plans to make her mark on the peak in one way or another.
They climb.
They challenge one another more than the mountain tests them.
And soon they both realize that their true intentions for being on K2 are far
more complicated than either will ever understand.
This is a mountaineering story. This is a love story. This is a story you will
never forget.
WARNING: This novel contains strong language and strong sexual
content. Intended for 18+ years and above.

CONTENTS
Copyright
Acknowledgments
Author’s Note
Playlist
Quote
Dedication
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
About the Author

Copyright@ 2018 by Daya Daniels
All rights reserved.
No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any way,
including electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or any other
means without the explicit written permission of the author, except for brief
quotations of the book when writing a review.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, incidents, and even facts
are the product of the author’s imagination. Wait a minute...especially facts.
Any resemblance to actual people—alive, dead, or someplace in between—is
completely by chance and likely in your head.
The author acknowledges the trademarked status and trademark owners of
various products referenced in this work of fiction, which have been used
without permission. Holy hell, this is important. The publication/use of these
trademarks is not authorized, associated with, or sponsored by the trademark
owners.
Let’s not forget! All song titles in this book are the property of the sole
copyright owners.

Acknowledgments
Thank you first and foremost to all the readers. You are my tribe. Without
you, my stories would have no audience.
To my wonderful husband, I love you. Your support is priceless.
Thank you to Emily A. Lawrence for editing this novel and CMB and J.
Zweifel for proofreading.
I’m so very grateful for you!

AUTHOR’S NOTE
Dear Readers,
I was already a mountaineering-obsessed teenager when Conrad Anker
discovered George Mallory’s body in 1999 on the unforgiving north face of
Mount Everest.
Mallory had disappeared more than seventy-five years before along with his
climbing partner Andrew “Sandy” Irvine when they attempted to make the
first ascent in history of the world’s highest peak.
I knew the story and the mystery that shrouded it, and just like everyone else,
I wanted to know what had happened to Mallory and Irvine after they’d last
been spotted climbing the First Step at around 7,925 meters—26,000 feet—
on June 8, 1924.
Whether the pair made it to the summit has always been under speculation,
even until today. Along with that unanswered question, Sandy Irvine’s body
was never found along with the Kodak camera it was rumored that he had
always carried with him.
George Mallory’s sun-bleached torso was found almost perfectly preserved
wearing old clothing and still with a brass altimeter, knife, and snow-goggles
in his pocket, and hobnailed boots on his feet. His muscular arms were
extended above his head. His fingers, which held on to the mountainside for
dear life, were dug into the gravel. His legs were stretched out. One was
broken. The other crossed over it. Rope still encircled his waist where his
body held evidence of a severe rope-jerk injury because he and Irvine were
likely roped together when one of them slipped.
It was believed Mallory survived the fall, but while he was descending in a
glissade with his ice axe in the snow it must’ve hit a rock, bounced off, and
hit him in the head, leaving a fatal wound the size of a golf ball.
Shit luck, right? To have made it that far and have perished.
I remember thinking then that these two men had died doing what they loved.
They set out to make history. And even if they hadn’t succeeded, they dared
to do what most of us only wish we were brave enough to attempt.
This only solidified my fascination with mountaineering.

So, for the folks who dare to take on these peaks, you have my utmost respect
and admiration.
While I have tried to keep this story as realistic as possible, some parts may
seem a tad idealistic. I take complete ownership of that (smiles). After all,
this is fiction. It is ultimately a love story and a survival story in the truest of
ways. And, of course, I had the most fabulous time writing it.
I do hope you fall in love with Kai and Annika as much as I have.
Yours truly,
Daya
#climb#mountainmadness#loveconquersall

PLAYLIST
Click SPOTIFY to listen to songs inspired by this story
“A Sky Full of Stars” — Coldplay
“High Hopes” — Pink Floyd
“We Stand a Chance” —Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
“Purple Haze” — Jimi Hendrix
“Wish You Were Here” — Pink Floyd
“Stairway to Heaven” — Led Zeppelin
“Danger” — Migos & Marshmello
“I Forget Where We Were” — Ben Howard
“Solitude Is Bliss” — Tame Impala
“Misguided Ghosts” — Paramore
“God’s Plan” — Drake
“Under Pressure” — David Bowie featuring Freddie Mercury
“Winter” — Daughter
“Comfortably Numb” — Pink Floyd

“K2 is not some malevolent being, lurking there above the Baltoro, waiting to
get us. It's just there. It's indifferent. It's an inanimate mountain made of rock,
ice, and snow. The "savageness" is what we project onto it, as if we blame the
peak for our own misadventures on it.”
-Ed Viesturs, K2: Life and Death on the World’s Most Dangerous
Mountain

To all those climbers who have lost their lives on K2.

CHAPTER ONE
Base Camp
5,000 meters | 16,404 feet
Kai
BLUE.
I have complicated feelings about the color.
It’s the hue of the candles that were on my birthday cake when I was
ten years old. It’s the color of the Blue Grotto off Capri I’ve swum in once as
a boy. It’s the deep shade of the beautiful sapphire in the diamond ring my
mother, Catherine, never takes off her middle finger.
It’s also the same shade of the poison dart frog I’ve once come across
as a teenager in the Amazon jungle, which with one brush of its toxic skin
against yours would stop your heart dead in your chest. It’s the color that my
father, Alfred’s, angry, dry lips were the last time I saw him. It’s also the
same shade of the murderous ice that sank the Titanic.
And I’ve been told since I was a boy, many times over, that it’s
undoubtedly the color of the blood that flows through my veins.
It’s 07:00.
Inhaling the freshly brewed coffee floating around in the thermos in my
hands, I crane my neck up to the June sky of stratus clouds and the patch of
cerulean that comes into view. My spirit deflates a little when nothing but
endless gray suddenly swallows up the tiny window of light.
A huff leaves me as I survey the gray expanse that surrounds me.
More blue.
It’s the color of the close to fifty tents that litter this base camp on the
moraine of the Godwin-Austen Glacier just behind me where I stand in
northern Pakistan on the western edge of the Himalayas. It’s the hue of the
insulated pants I’m wearing. It’s the color of the Korean rope stacked high
near the mess tent where a few climbers are huddled together tasting the
selection of breakfast on offer.
I absorb the spectacular beauty of the Baltoro Glacier—one of the

longest glaciers outside of the polar region—which is ahead, snow-capped
and white, edged by the mass of gray and black rock. Then to my distant
right, just behind the massive Concordia Glacier, in all their haughty glory,
stand Gasherbrum, Broad Peak, and Hidden Peak.
I’ve scaled them all but none without mishaps to other team members
along with a few deaths. Luckily, each time, I managed to walk away
unharmed and with all my fingers, my toes, and my sanity.
In fact, in my forty years of life, I’ve made it to the top of all Seven
Summits: Mount Everest four times, Aconcagua, Denali three times,
Kilimanjaro, Mount Elbrus twice, Mount Vinson twice, Puncak Jaya and
Mount Kosciuszko twice.
There’s only one left, which I regard as a true challenge...
A smile dances across my lips. No, it’s more like an annoyed smirk.
I kick a rock with my boot, examining the sharp edges of it, and inhale.
The mean temperature around here during the day has been a
comfortable thirty degrees Fahrenheit. Bearable. But still frigid with a slight
windchill factor. So technically, right now, in the middle of July, I’m
standing in the coldest place in Pakistan.
I’ve been in this godforsaken country for three weeks now.
After spending a week in the very hot and dusty capital of Islamabad, I
hopped the first flight from there and to Skardu.
I’ve done all this shit before, many times...
The trip here is always the same.
The people you meet along the way are super friendly. They offer you
way too much green tea and porridge. Often a few of them pray for you—for
good reason. They decorate you with blue ribbons and necklaces made of
pistachios and mutter things like, “May God be with you on your journey.”
Blah, blah, blah.
After leaving Skardu, there was a four-plus hour rocky ride in a yellow
bus that was driven by a funny-looking man named Inskar who talked
entirely too much and who tried to convince me to meet one of his sisters the
whole trip. I could barely sit upright in that cramped vehicle that was full of
cackling chickens, let alone really pay attention to Inskar’s attempts to play

matchmaker. And the last thing I need anyhow is another woman.
I’m not built for the creatures.
“Not domesticated enough,” Catherine had once said about me.
And she was right then, just as she is now.
It’s why I’m still single and technically of no fixed abode.
Everything I own either resides in a safety deposit box in a Barclay’s
Bank back in London, or it fits in the fifty-five-pound rucksack in the tent
just behind me.
Women want you to settle down, buy a house, and have children.
Often, they become obsessed and utter the word “love” to no end.
No woman should love a man like me.
It’s dangerous, risky, fucking hazardous.
I think I’d rather accept a life sentence in one of the world’s toughest
prisons than to subject myself to that type of life. It isn’t me. I need to be
wild. Free. No promises. No demands. My life has always been this way. The
only person I need to worry about is me and I wouldn’t want it any other
way.
Anyways, while I was thwarting all Inskar’s attempts to set me up with
his non-English-speaking, virgin sister, the miniscule bus he was driving
traveled through the Shigar Valley and the Braldu Gorge to stop in a tiny and
very dusty town called Askole, which is located in one of the most remote
regions around here.
Askole is where most travelers stop first to rest and eat and enjoy the
last comforts of the civilized world before they make their way here, where I
am now, in the wilderness, at danger’s doorstep, like many times before...
Once I’d stepped outside of the mini truck, I stretched and inhaled the
fresh mountainous air. I absorbed the sight of the world’s largest
concentration of peaks in the distance and it all made me keenly aware I’d
made it to the Karakoram Range.
My heart did a little leap in my chest when I slung my rucksack over
my shoulder and set off for a small teahouse just across the street.
Once inside and comfortable, it didn’t take long, never does honestly,
for me to find a warm woman to bury myself in.

A fellow climber...
I think it’s my reputation on the peaks that immediately earns their
interest. Never mind my surname, which sounds like uber cash in itself.
When they hear the moniker spoken it always has them batting their lashes
and begging for more after they part their sweet thighs.
But nothing ever comes of it.
Ever.
Let’s get back to the woman I mentioned...
She was in her twenties. Perky tits. Firm ass.
And I know that because I fucked her from behind. I always fuck
them from behind and no kissing ever. I offer not one iota of a connection.
You’d think that would be a turn-off, but still, they never shoot me down.
And I always use a condom before I take a dive. Especially since the
incident...I like my cock, have no plans to lose it for a pretty face.
I can’t recall the exact hue of them, but she had big eyes that made me
feel worshipped each time she looked up at me through her long, fluttery
lashes, while she had my cock deep down her throat. I savored that
encounter. Especially since I knew it would be the only one of the sort I’d be
getting for a while.
I think her name was Haley.
A tangle of voices in the distance yanks me back to the present.
Slipping my fingers beneath the seam of my beanie, I pull it down
over my forehead even more, blocking the chill from touching my ears.
While sitting in a teahouse in Askole that was filled with every
nationality, from the Serbs, to the Russians, the French, the Japanese, the
Nords, along with the South Africans—the list goes on—the Americans had
been the most outspoken.
While most of the patrons inside the teahouse were sipping tea,
winding down from traveling and preparing for what is to come over these
next few weeks, one or two assholes were drinking beer. Bragging. Laughing.
Talking about how summiting these peaks was going to be easy since they’d
spent the last six months doing CrossFit, Pilates, and pumping lots of iron.
Oh, and also because one, who we can call Shit for Brains, had spent

some time in the last two months climbing Kilimanjaro.
Well, first off, you don’t climb Kilimanjaro. It’s more like a fucking
hike.
And nothing prepares you for a mountain like this one. Not even
Everest.
The other, we’ll call him Madman for now, had spent the last thirty-six
months free soloing peaks and scaling the north face—a.k.a “Murder Wall”
—of the Eiger in the Alps, attempting to break the speed record currently
owned by the “Swiss Machine,” Ueli Steck.
He earned a little more credit from me along with the lift of a brow.
And just a little bit, I questioned his sanity.
It takes a certain number of loose marbles to tackle the face of a
mountain, with only your gloved hands, two ice axes, and your crampons
secured to your boots. Knowing that anything, a gust of wind, a brief lapse in
judgment in the form of a careless slip could send you plummeting to your
death.
It’s the nature of the beast, I suppose.
Now, I’ll share with you my carefully compiled list of adversaries at
these altitudes.
Enemy number ten up here: egos.
Even when I think about that, still, I can only chuckle at the bravado of
Madman and Shit for Brains.
Boys.
Fools.
Men with no fear.
Idiots who lack respect for these peaks.
Souls who will likely die on them if they aren’t careful.
But nonetheless, I found their drunken banter entertaining.
“Respect the mountain,” Alfred had always told me since I was a boy.
He repeated the words so often on the long hikes we took through the Pirin
and Rila ranges of the Balkans in Bulgaria. It was way back then, hiking
through the dense pine forests and over the blue glacial lakes, that I’d found

my love for climbing.
Alfred looked up to men like Edmund Hillary—one of the men credited
with getting to the top of Mount Everest first. Hillary was a man who made
his living as a beekeeper and who originally only kept climbing as a hobby. A
few years before he summited Everest, Hillary had joined two different
reconnaissance expeditions before he decided a few years later to go straight
to the top of it.
Hillary, who is still a legend, back then had made us Brits proud.
And soon, I only wanted to go higher.
No one could stop me.
Nothing could quench my thirst to ascend.
And after conquering summits like Annapurna, the Matterhorn and
Nanga Parbat, I only wanted more.
Climbing became like a drug and no matter what I did I-just-couldn’tstop using.
After that night in the teahouse, news had spread that two climbers who
had summited Broad Peak disappeared during their descent. Even though
they’d made it to the top, the ascent wouldn’t count, since most believe a true
summit is to make it to the top and back down with your life. Otherwise, it’s
as if it never happened...
The two men were presumed dead.
An avalanche had swept their camp off the side of the mountain
during the night. Their bodies still have not been recovered and probably
never will be.
Avalanche risk around here is prevalent. While there are small ones, the
most dangerous ones are “slab” avalanches. Think of it like a big white
dinner plate sliding off the table. You can’t outrun it. You can’t hide from it.
There is no escaping a slab of snow hurdling its way toward you at eighty
miles per hour. You’d be entombed in ice and snow, buried alive and likely
never to be seen again.
After another loud breath leaves me, I regard the bitch ahead.
Tall.
Ominous.

Surrounded by thick white cumulonimbus clouds that float around her
peak, concealing the danger and work ahead that’ll probably kill a few of us,
maim a bunch, and leave the rest of us at the end of this journey to bask in
our glory when we reach the top.
I don’t underestimate her though.
Only a fool would do that.
K2.
The second highest peak in the world, which stands at 8,611 meters—
28,251 feet. Also known as “Mount Godwin-Austen,” “Choguri,” which has
been derived from two Balti words “big” and “mountain,” or the “Savage
Mountain.”
Such a simple name for a deadly beast.
A peak that was first conquered in one giant controversial ascent
marred by sabotage and maniacal ambition gone haywire, by the Italians,
Achille Compagnoni and Lino Lacedelli, in 1954.
The “K” in the name for this monster comes from “Karakoram” and
the “2” because it was the second-highest peak out of the two most prominent
ones in the mountainous range discovered at the time when they were
surveyed by Thomas Montgomerie, who was employed by the GTS of British
India, and the name just stuck.
A mountain that holds the second-highest fatality rate among all the
eight-thousanders, since one climber dies for every four who reach the
summit.
She’s deadly, cruel, and sadistic.
A perfect pyramid.
But a true beauty. That I can’t deny. With her pristine, jagged edges
and her curves covered in white. She’s like a wanton whore. So tempting and
teasing, enticing you to touch her, to taste what you know you’ll grow
addicted to if you ever mount her. And that’s only if she gives you the
fucking chance...
She’s already shot me down five times.
She will not be refusing me for a sixth!
Shaking my head, a shiver runs up my spine and lands in my balls.

More blue assails my eyes when two Balti porters carry a crate of
blueberries past me, seeming completely unaware of what lies ahead of me,
side by side, unmoving, and completely still. The blue tarpaulin on the
ground that is bundled up tightly holds the dead bodies of two porters who
were killed only twelve hours ago by a falling slab of ice while they were
fixing ropes.
This means our team is already down a man and a woman.
We need the Balti porters who are always a mix of low-altitude and
high-altitude companions. And we need their prayers.
They carry loads. They cook. And they often guide us too.
Most of them hail from the highly mountainous area of GilgitBalistan, and they have trekked to the Karakoram Range for work. They are
skilled mountaineers who work harder than probably anyone else on these
expeditions.
One of the guides for this expedition was injured by the falling ice in
the accident, but luckily, he’s still alive.
I’ll have to admit I’m not a huge fan of the guy.
He’s some Swede who never looks you in the eye and spends more
time adjusting his clothes like he’s waiting for the paparazzi to take a picture
of him than he does checking on the rest of the climbers in his group.
I didn’t pick him.
After securing the respective permit from the Pakistani government
for the group of us and laying down more than one hundred thousand dollars
for guides, porters, food, gear, oxygen, and flights, the Russian, Igor, and the
Swede, Hugo, happened to be all who was left, since all the bodies who
worked for Excelsior—the guide company—had been assigned to lead other
expeditions.
We booked this trip at the last minute, which may already be obvious.
Only Sebastian could be blamed for that.
He woke up one Saturday morning after partying Friday night on the
London circuit and called me. He spoke into the phone in his sleepy,
hungover, and absolutely grumpy voice and asked if I was ready to do this
just one more time.

I told him “Hell yeah,” and now we’re here, ready to go down in
history.
Placing my thermos between the rocks near my boots, I snatch up my
binoculars. I fix them on the sight of the new group of climbers, along with
the donkeys carrying supplies, which trek alongside them as they make their
way here to base camp.
I lower the binoculars and growl when men in the distance arguing
perks up my ears. Hugo flies out of the mess tent, stumbles over a few rocks,
and lands on his ass. Dizzily, he scrambles to his feet.
“Fuck.” I toss the binoculars back in the tent and head over to the
raucousness.
Hampered by all the bad weather that has been moving through this
area, as a result, we’ve been here at base camp for far too long. Tempers are
heating up from people living in close proximity with each other. And the
lack of progress of making it up this bitch in the allotted time frame each
climber here has given themselves is frustrating all who must remain here.
But this is the one thing I despise...
Enemy number nine up here: assholes.
On a mountain, no people at all are better than bad people.
We cannot afford discord within the group.
Do you really want to put your life in the hands of some asshole? A
person who’d rather watch you fall off the face of a mountain instead of
saving your life?
Can’t we all just fucking get along!
The banging of pots and pans makes me flinch.
Marching over to the mess, I run a hand over my left cheek, hoping to
wipe away the burning cold as a cool wind licks across my skin. The two
combatants have already been pulled apart. Hugo heaves for breath. With a
hoarse yell, Sebastian does the same and walks off somewhere. I know that
look from him. I’ve seen it a million times before.
Sebastian is like a little kid. If something doesn’t go his way, he’s
more than likely to throw and break things, rather than to use his words to
express how he’s really feeling deep inside.

Everyone stands just outside the mess tent, forming two lines like
soldiers.
My boots crunch in the scree underfoot as I get closer and pass all six
main members of my summit party.
Gilda—German. World traveler and career climber. Rough around the
edges. Always mistaken for being a lesbian. Summited Everest twice, without
oxygen, and a handful of other peaks in the same fashion. Swears a lot.
Shaved her head because she said it just makes everything easier. Would
probably eat you alive if you ever froze to death and she was hungry. And
she’s always hungry.
Racine—American. Pre-school teacher. Mother of three pain in the
ass little girls. Recently divorced from some cunt who calls himself the King
of Prussia. Not sure why she’s here really since she’s only ascended a
handful of smaller peaks. Think Sebastian has plans to make her his fourth
wife.
Winston—an almost eighty-year-old Brit. Retired, of course. Lifelong
mountaineer. Used to solo climb a lot when he was much younger. Had one
fall, never been the same in the brain since, but still climbs. Father’s best
friend. Hates wearing clothes, even when it’s cold. Talks too much about the
“good ol’ days.” Calls me “old boy” all the time.
Musa—adrenaline junkie. Full-time Instagram star, whatever the fuck
that is. Saudi Arabian rich kid. Once jumped out of a helicopter over Palm
Island in Dubai with no parachute because he said his six million Instagram
followers told him to do it. Climbed all Seven Summits, never K2.
Tyrone—American. Writes the sports column for ESPN The
Magazine. Talks too much. Brags that he’s the second black man to ever
summit Everest. Father of a little girl who adores him. I practically had to beg
him to join us on this expedition because he didn’t want to miss Bubba
Waltrip race at Chicagoland Speedway. Usually has his priorities screwed up,
as you can see.
And...
Sebastian—best friend. Financier. Hothead. Brit. Lots to prove. Cares
a lot about his red Ferrari GT back home and his five-year-old miniature
Doberman Pinscher named Fannie. Lost a finger on his right hand in a rock
climbing accident on El Capitan two years ago. He said the missing finger

makes him “authentic,” but he’s still the same smug bastard if you ask me.
I focus back on the disastrous sight in front of me...
Hugo fixes his now perfectly coiffed tresses. He’s always touching his
hair. With a grimace, his next words are tossed at Sebastian like barbs. “Get
the fuck off me, you brute.”
I practically fall out laughing at the awkward interaction.
Sebastian rushes toward Hugo again only to find he’s held back by
many, many hands.
“I’m leaving.” Hugo folds his arms across his chest.
“The hell you bloody are!” Sebastian yells. “We paid your company
more than what your house likely costs for you to be here.”
Hugo points to his shoulder where he’d incurred the injury he’s now
suffering from, then glares at Sebastian. “Yeah, and I’ve hurt myself. I cannot
climb like this. What do you not understand, you fucking imbecile?”
My jaw is set tight and my eyes swing between a red-faced Sebastian
and Hugo, who in my opinion has a fair point.
“It’s a SCRATCH!” Sebastian lunges forward once more.
I press my palm to the center of Sebastian’s chest, hoping to earn his
attention.
“I’m leaving.” With the toss of his hair, Hugo grabs the satphone and
mutters words into the receiver no one here seems to be able to understand.
“I’ve already phoned down the mountain for a ride away from this place.” He
points over to the two dead bodies on the ground. “And surely you want to
get them out of here too.”
Sebastian promises to calm down before he’s released, so after a few
beats pass, the other climbers who had prevented him from murdering Hugo,
let him go and back away hesitantly.
“Be cool,” I say to Sebastian, earning a terse nod from him.
“So, do we get a refund for the work you haven’t done?” Sebastian
questions.
Hugo points a finger at him. “Don’t you forget, I did get you this far.”
Sebastian’s eyes almost fall out of his head. “This is not the top of the

mountain!”
Hugo walks off in the direction of the dead bodies on the ground. We
follow. Sebastian is still raving about the money we’ve paid Excelsior.
“I was responsible for this man and this woman.” Hugo’s eyes well up
with tears. “Do you know how I feel that they’ve died on my watch?” He
digs a finger into his chest. “Now, I have to go and explain to their families
how they perished doing something I instructed them to do.” A tear slips
from his right eye.
“I DON’T CARE ABOUT THAT!” Sebastian roars. “This-is-what-wedo! This is what happens sometimes! We take risks and sometimes people
die!” He inches closer to Hugo.
Stepping forward to break up another potential fight, I snatch Sebastian
by the collar of his thick sweater. “Shut the fuck up.”
Sebastian’s eyes are wild as he regards me. “The money, Kai.”
I jerk my head in the direction of Hugo, who’s muttering the Lord’s
Prayer.
I wait for him to finish.
He wipes his tears when he’s done and meets my eyes. “The policy
with Excelsior is that there are no refunds.”
I let Sebastian go.
Hugo holds a shaky, terrified-as-fuck hand up. “But, they are sending
up another guide.”
Good, because this clearly isn’t working out.
Sebastian pauses his stride at Hugo’s declaration.
“I am leaving,” Hugo says. “I’ll take the bodies down with me when I
go, and Excelsior won’t charge you for the helicopter ride.”
“This sonofabitch.” Sebastian regards me with pure horror in his eyes.
“Is this how we do things?” He lifts a hand. “We were just getting used to
this idiot. Now, they are going to send someone new?” His brows knot.
Igor suddenly appears behind us, wiping the sleep from his red eyes.
He doesn’t say a word to interject, only stands there like a buffoon watching
the confusion.

“Who is this person Excelsior is sending?” Sebastian’s eyes narrow.
“A woman,” Hugo states.
The distant sound of a helicopter’s rotors have us all searching the sky.
“A woman?” Sebastian frowns.
Did I forget to mention that my best friend is a sexist pig?
“Yes, a woman.” Hugo stands straighter, clutching his injured shoulder.
Sebastian tosses his hand up. “They’ve traded us one woman for
another.”
Igor snickers.
So do the rest of us.
In the last hour, the air has grown cooler and the sky has darkened.
Looking around, I decide we’ve most definitely been here for far too
long.
This mountain isn’t friendly to people who overstay their welcome on
her flanks. She just might have plans to send an avalanche our way and snuff
us all out for the houseguests who won’t leave that we are.
I shove my hands in my pockets.
The four of us ignore the chatter a few feet away coming from the new
group that’s joined us at base camp. The climbers who are already here
welcome them with open arms, hugging, laughing, and smiling.
Sebastian regards the encounter with a pissed-off expression.
Winston steps out of his tent wearing a pair of boxer briefs and boots.
The very low sound of Led Zeppelin’s “Stairway to Heaven” echoes from his
tent. Winston strolls past us, gifting us with the sight of his half-naked frame
as he heads my way. When he makes it over to me, he taps me on the
shoulder a few times, hard. “Old boy, how are ya?” He sets off again, making
his way over the scree and larger rocks, tossing me a wave before he stops to
take a piss.
“I’m fine, Winston.” I keep my head low and bounce a little from the
chill.
Sebastian’s rage disappears completely when he beholds Winston and
his missing attire. “What the fuck?” He chuckles, splaying a palm open,

gesturing in Winston’s direction.
I lift a shoulder.
Igor is still rubbing his eyes.
“It’s freezing.” Sebastian’s gaze remains on Winston.
“I don’t think there will be any problems.” Igor lifts a finger. “But there
might be one.” He points in the direction we’ll hopefully be moving in
tomorrow, after we cry goodbye to the good food here like fresh goat and
strawberries and scream hello to dry oats and beef jerky. Igor swallows back
his words and shakes his head.
My brows knot.
“This woman...” Igor clears his throat for way longer than is probably
necessary. “She knows how to climb. She’s been to the summit seven times
already. She holds the record for being the only woman to summit K2 that
many times and without oxygen. She knows this mountain better than the rest
of us probably know our own assholes.”
What?
I shake my head.
It’s long been legend that K2 has been cursed for womenfolk since the
first four ladies who attempted and even had gotten to the top perished before
they could make it off this bitch. Since then, a few have summited and have
lived. Clearly, this woman too is a testament that maybe the curse has been
broken.
The huff that leaves Sebastian yanks me back to the present.
Waiting, the three of us stare in the same direction, where the
helicopter hovers above us. Igor remains silent. Only swallows thickly, like
we’re about to be graced with the presence of King Kong.
Sebastian steps closer to Igor. “Do we know her?” His eyes flicker to
mine, then back to Igor’s.
Folding his arms across his chest, Igor shakes his head. “I-I-I don’t
know. But honestly, I doubt it.”
Sebastian’s mouth opens, then he shuts it once more.
Finally...

Igor points up to our right at the Sikorsky descending from the sky.
Sebastian starts with his rambling once more, but his questions are drowned
out by the whirring of the rotors. He stares at me blankly when the helicopter
finally sets itself down.
Judging by the weather, it’s already been a risk for them to fly up
here. The rotors slow but don’t stop spinning. The two dead porters are
transported into the helicopter. Hugo makes his way toward it and jumps in
with a bit of assistance. He doesn’t bother to say goodbye or good luck to
anyone. Only shuts the doors.
Sebastian observes the action with bewilderment and inches closer to
me. “Do you think you know her?”
With narrowed eyes fixed on the helo ahead, I lift a shoulder.
The glass that encloses the Sikorsky’s cockpit is tinted, obscuring
who’s inside it. Only shadows come into view, but with the light moving
overhead, occasionally, I catch something I can make out. Cocking my head
left then right, I squint. The pilot speaks into his mic. He laughs for a split
second with the human shape who sits in the passenger seat. Sebastian
grumbles something I can’t quite make out because my focus is on the bird
that’s infiltrated our base camp.
Spinning around, a huff leaves me when I catch notice of more
climbers filtering into this base camp. Now, there must be at least sixty or
seventy-odd people here split between several separate expeditions. My
worry only increases that we’ll all be taking the same route when the weather
clears.
“There are too many climbers here,” Sebastian whispers.
I only nod in response.
The helicopter rotors are still spinning. We wait patiently for whoever
is inside to emerge from it.
In a few seconds, snow flurries are cascading down from the sky and
it’s becoming grayer right before my eyes and leaving a chill behind it, which
dusts my flesh with goose bumps. The peak above is now completely
obscured from my vision, but the outline of the Baltoro Glacier quickly
comes into view, showing its beauty even under the shadow of thick clouds.
With a whistle and one more disinterested wave, Winston makes his

way slowly past us and disappears back into his tent, offering up not one
minute to take interest in all the action taking place around us.
Startling me, Tyrone’s hand lands on my shoulder. “What’s going on,
man?”
“Nothing,” I say softly. “Nothing we can’t handle. But there’s been a
slight change of plans...” I tilt my head in his direction. “We’re getting a new
guide.”
Igor is already heading toward the helicopter. A bright smile lights up
his face as he opens the passenger side door.
“A new guide?” Confusion is scribbled all over Tyrone’s face. “Is that
going to be a problem? I was just getting used to Hugo.” He rubs his jaw.
Can no one see that Hugo has been hurt!
“You know me, man...all these last-minute changes throw the fuckin’
feng shui of the situation off for me. I believe in bad luck and shit.”
“Do you have to talk about that right now, Tyrone?” Sebastian
growls.
Tyrone laughs. “I’m just kidding, man. But we need to get moving.
We’ve been stuck down here for long enough.” He taps me on the shoulder
and jogs back over in the direction of where Musa and Gilda are having an
animated conversation with the new climbers who have arrived.
My head swings back in the direction of the helicopter.
Igor backs away from the door.
A head pops out.
My face scrunches at the sight that’s a short distance away from me
and at what it does to my insides when I see it. It sounds so fucking cliché to
say it takes my breath away, but it truly does.
I crane my neck a little, hoping to see more, but not yet.
Then, she emerges completely.
And it’s incredible, confusing, goddamn infuriating.
Excelsior hadn’t just sent a new guide, they’d sent someone who just
might jeopardize this entire expedition! How is any man supposed to
concentrate with a face like this around! They’ll be falling off the mountain

left and right!
A hot feeling of rage courses through me.
I’m focused on her movements, which are graceful, but yet still harsh
and rough.
She possesses a beautiful head of thick, sun-kissed auburn hair. Most
of it is covered up by a knit hat, but the locks I can see drape past her
shoulders like silky strands of fire. The rest of her is cloaked by a black down
jacket zipped right up to her neck, pants, and boots.
“I don’t know her.” Sebastian hums.
“Neither do I.” I chew on my bottom lip, concerned.
The woman who’s just arrived with the fire-red hair doesn’t smile,
laugh, or make small talk with Igor. Only gives him a terse nod.
When he offers to take her huge rucksack, which must hold
everything in it besides her Honda Civic, she shakes her head in refusal,
hoists it over her shoulder as if it weighs nothing, and marches away from the
helicopter. When she backs away, she gives the pilot a signal with her fingers
in a counter clockwise motion, and the bird takes off. It shoots up to the sky,
veers left in a dip, then it’s gone.
The nameless woman marches over to the communications tent
without giving anyone else in her vicinity so much as a glance. I keep my
eyes on her and soon she disappears through the tent flaps, no doubt eager to
develop a new strategic plan with Ollie, the base camp manager.
Sebastian exhales. “A goddamn woman. My God...we’re all going to
die.”

Annika
HOME. SWEET. HOME.
I’m here in the flesh, locked and loaded for a five-week ascent of this
beast.
As soon as I step inside the tent, the putrid scent of cigarettes assaults
my nostrils, making me feel as though I’m no longer out in the cool mountain
air.
It all yanks me back to a time when I was last on this mountain...
I vowed I’d never be back.
In all my forty years I don’t think I’ve ever broken a promise, not even
to myself, but this one I just can’t seem to stick to.
I must be here.
But, just so you know, I hate this place. I can’t stand the very ground
my boots are on top of. I can’t bear to look at the peak that looms just above
where we are.
I
hate
this
bitch.
And no matter how long I stayed away, as always, the pull is there. The
desire to climb. The aching need to be as close to the clouds as possible. The
desperation to, as Jimi says it... “Kiss the sky.”
It never goes away.
Never.
And although life these days is far different than the way it used to be,
I still thrive in the company of people, especially in the vicinity of other
climbers.
We share an understanding...
Firstly, a love of the outdoors and how the day-to-day life of going to

work a nine-to-five desk job doesn’t quite suit our souls. I need to be outside
in the air, under the blue sky along with the warm sun and floating along with
the cries of the birds and with the wind.
I could never hunker down anywhere for too long.
Not until Jesse came along...
The fire of my life. The pulsing star in my universe. My love.
A tiny breath leaves me.
A month ago, I quit my job at the university after I’d been offered
another in a faraway and distant land. A place I never considered living. I
entertained the possibility of embracing change. I’m not quite sure how I feel
about it yet...
I’ve signed no agreements.
I’ve made no promises...
I packed up the residual of what I owned after selling most of it and
sent what was left to a good friend of mine, Ainsley, who lives a world away
in London with her daughter, Melanie, after her recent divorce from the last
asshole she married. I emptied the only house I’ve ever lived in back in
Colorado Springs and flew straight here to Pakistan.
I’d spent the last few summers living among the red sandstone rock
climbing the Garden of the Gods, Black Canyon, and in Rocky Mountain
National Park.
The drone of a raspy Scottish voice pulls me from my thoughts. It
confirms the man who seems to permanently live in here is in the middle of a
phone call.
In the semi-darkness, I make my way past boxes of supplies,
computer monitors, and radio equipment until I’ve almost made it all the way
to the back where there’s more junk.
Three tables are side by side. One is covered in colorful crumpled
maps. The other is littered with empty beer bottles and ashtrays filled with
smoked cigarettes. The next one is covered in extra climbing equipment:
boots, harnesses, carabiners, pitons, and oxygen tanks for those who will

need it. It’s all piled up on there like it’s on sale.
Although this mountain is considered a “no oz” mountain, some
climbers do use it to be on the safe side. Altitude sickness starts at 8,000
meters—26,246 feet—and you never know how your body will react to
moving up higher in the atmosphere with the ascent. Not taking oxygen along
on your climb could be a deadly decision. One I had personally lived to
witness...
Despite that it appears Ollie must be the most disorganized base camp
manager on earth, it’s really quite the opposite. I’d trust this man with my
life, and I’ve done just that in the past many times...
On Kangchenjunga.
On Annapurna.
On Everest.
Groaning, I accept how exhausted I feel after leaving Islamabad at the
last minute when Cassian, the owner of Excelsior, called to tell me what had
happened to one of his guides. He practically begged me to make my way
here to base camp, speeding up my schedule since I’d planned to conquer this
bitch on my own in the next two weeks anyways. At least now, I’ll be
summiting on someone else’s dime and not using the last few of my own.
I guess we all win.
I spot Ollie before he sees me. A half-smoked cigarette bobs between
his lips and his hair is a mess. On top of that, he looks as though he hasn’t
bathed in a while.
Same old Ollie...
“Ollie!” I pull my knit hat off and shove it in my jacket pocket.
He shoots up from his seat and nearly falls over. “Annika!”
I smile at his excitement.
He rushes over to me and pulls me into a fierce hug, dusting my
clothes with the rusty scent of him while he’s at it. When he pulls away, I get
a good look at his frame and mug. He’s aged a little bit, but his heart is still
beating and he’s still on earth. That’s always a good sign...

“Annika.” Breathless, he pulls me in for another big hug. “I haven’t
seen you in foreverrrrr!”
I tap him on the shoulder until he’s content with all the love he’s
shown me.
Giggling, I wriggle out of his hold. I make my way over to the table
of maps and find a seat, kicking my legs out, making myself comfortable.
The air is thick with questions, statements, declarations. Neither one of us
utters a syllable for a good five minutes. Ollie stands in front of me, hands in
pockets, hands out, hands back in again.
He’s uncomfortable...
I don’t blame him.
These days everyone is uncomfortable around me.
I ignore it and sit forward, running my fingers over the yellowed maps
on the table.
Bringing his hands together once in a clap, Ollie leans forward. “Do
you want some coffee?”
“Yeah, sure.”
I don’t allow the sound of him banging around the small kitchenette
to interrupt my observation of Hugo and Igor’s work already laid out on the
table close to me for this expedition. Admittedly, they look good, but the fact
that before the team has even left base camp, two porters are dead, and the
lead guide has been injured, it doesn’t exactly make me feel as though the
luck of the Lord is ahead.
Canting forward, I trace my fingers over the notes written next to the
Abruzzi Spur route, which already seems to have been selected. It’s the go-to
route around here and the most climbed with more than 75 percent of K2’s
temporary guests taking it.
The route gets its name from Prince Luigi Amadeo, Duke of Abruzzi,
who back in 1909 first attempted it and had succeeded. It passes along this
mountain’s most technical climbing spots, “House Chimney,” “The Black
Pyramid”—a section of rock more than 100 feet—1,640 meters—high, and
forces climbers to pass the “Bottleneck.”

Despite the Abruzzi Spur route’s popularity, it isn’t my favorite.
I’ve had many friends killed on this route from avalanches and falling
seracs.
In fact, three of them had died out of all the climbers who’d perished
in the 2008 disaster on this mountain. And two others who were a part of the
expedition had died years before in the 1986 calamity on this peak.
I’m not quite sure how the summit party will feel about me changing
the route this late in the game, but I’m not sure I care. The goal is to get them
to the top and back down alive, regardless of which path we use to get to the
top.
And technical climbing will be a large part of this summit because,
unlike Everest, this mountain offers climbers almost no flat sections, except
for a few. It’s all vertical as fuck. A mountain of sustained technical difficulty
with forty-five-degree angles or more at each turn.
A gust of wind shakes the tent, yanking me back into the here and
now.
“What kind of bunch do I have on my hands?” I ask Ollie, snatching
up a marker.
“Um, you have one who’s not that experienced. The others are,
mostly.” More banging accompanies his speech and he gets the coffee made.
I stand.
With the marker, I trace a line along the map in red, highlighting the
South-Southeast Spur or the Cesen Route, which avoids the Black Pyramid
but still reconnects with the Abruzzi Spur route about two-thirds of the way
up the mountain. I draw a circle right at the summit and place the marker
down.
Ollie continues to speak. “You do have one playboy in the bunch who
might give you a bit of trouble.”
“Uh-huh.”
“You have an old man.”
Fantastic.

I groan.
“A mother of three.”
I cringe.
“A hothead.”
I roll my eyes since it all sounds like I’ve just been given a band of
misfits.
More banging then the sound of the clanking of a spoon in a cup.
I’m still staring at the map when Ollie nudges me, offering me the cup
of freshly brewed coffee. The aroma of the Colombian beans takes me away
to someplace for a beat. Slowly, I take the mug from him, absorbing the
contrite expression that overtakes his face.
“And...” he starts to say.
I stare at him blankly.
He clears his throat, like the next words out of his mouth are about to
kill him.
“What is it, Ollie?” I straighten up completely.
“And in the bunch is Kai Alexander Brager.”
The only sound that can be heard is the howling wind outside.
I set my cup down slowly, so slowly. “Excuuuuuse me?”
“Yeah.” Ollie blinks exactly ten times.
“How could Cassian not tell me—”
With a little shrug Ollie shakes his head and before I go off on an epic
tirade, the tent flaps open and in walks the man—bravado, good looks, and
all.
The fucking “Prince of the Peaks.”
Instinctively, I fold my arms across my chest, tight.
He moves through the tent. His face is obscured by the darkness in
here every now and again with every step he takes as he stalks forward
through the junkyard maze. When it reaches the light in spots, my eyes

narrow as I attempt to get a clearer view of who is heading my way.
The clunk of big boots pounds the ground as his large frame gets
closer, closer, closer.
Ollie sucks in a breath. His big eyes are even bigger as he waits, like I
do.
The footfalls are heavy and then when his face pops out of the
darkness and into the light, a startled breath comes from me. I stumble back a
bit but make sure I maintain my stone expression.
He stands straight and tall, showing me all six-foot-five and roughly
two hundred and fifty pounds of him. He’s a big bastard. That I already
knew. But to see him up close, standing a few feet away from my frame...is
another matter.
He inches closer until he’s standing right in front of me.
I can’t breathe.
He’s breathtaking.
And I must crane my neck up a lot to face him.
Chiseled features. Deep-set silvery eyes. Tanned skin.
You’d think this man spends his time lying on the beach somewhere
in the tropics, but nope. I don’t think so. The hue of this man’s skin could
only be obtained by spending far too much time on the peaks of mountains all
over the world, lingering close enough to the sun where he could almost
touch it.
He removes the beanie from his head, revealing thick dirty-blond
locks that are pulled back in a messy man-bun. Then, he smiles.
I stumble back a little more at that smile.
All perfect, straight, and blinding white, revealing a slight dimple in
his left cheek.
I’ve decided I hate that smile as much as I hate green peas and lentils
and people who litter.
His jawline, which I swear could’ve been carved from granite, is

covered in around three days’ worth of scruff, making him appear to have the
perfect blend of groomed and unkempt.
He smells like old money.
And he’s gorgeous.
Just as I’d heard and already knew...
Royalty.
A man who could never imagine falling from his lofty pedestal...
Educated at Eton, then Oxford.
An only child.
The son of an earl and a duchess. Rich. Spoiled. Has everything!
But, nomadic anyhow.
Like a lost boy.
A man who attempts to hide his royal lineage behind a dirty-blond
almost-beard, wild hair, and a gruff temper. He may look rough around the
edges, but the spoon that’s been in his mouth his entire life should very well
have turned all his teeth gold by now.
He reaches out a hand and sends all the heat with it, warming me,
sucking the cold right from my gut. I fold my arms tighter and tighter across
my chest, almost popping my boobs beneath my now open jacket.
Another body lingers just behind him.
A few seconds pass.
I don’t make a move.
I’m frozen in place at this very awkward moment.
No one says a word. Not me. Not Ollie. And not the mysterious man
who stands behind Kai.
Kai doesn’t take his hand back, only reaffirms his desire to shake mine
with the cock to the left of his beautiful head. “Annika Maya Weathers.” His
subtle British accent mixed in with his deep voice skitters its way into my
ears, loving them. The timbre of it rattles my rib cage and echoes throughout

this room, fills it up, making me forget everyone else who’s standing in here.
It’s smooth like perfect mashed potatoes. Warm.
I shift uncomfortably from side to side and find myself extending my
arm forward.
Taking my hand in his and pulling me forward slightly, forcing me to
be in his personal space, he squeezes my hand firmly. “It’s nice to meet you.
I’ve heard so many great things about you.” He smiles again, then winks one
of his big, icy eyes that remind me so much of the glaciers around here.
Cold. Beautiful. Dangerous.
We continue to shake while he peers at me curiously.
As if I’m some sort of animal he’s never encountered before in the
wild.
I’m conscious of how my hand feels in that hand of his and I don’t like
it.
With the tip of his head forward, he starts to speak. “My name is—”
I snatch my hand out of his like it burns, before he gets the chance to
tell me who he is...as if I don’t already know. “I know who you are.” I wipe
my hand that’s now covered in all sorts of dirt from that brief contact on my
jacket.
He jerks his head back, clearly offended.
And I’m back on earth, pulled down from the stupid cloud I was just
floating on.
“Annika Weathers,” the man behind him says, all smug and bastardlylike, and extends a hand. “I’m Sebastian.”
I reach out and shake it. “It’s nice to meet you.” I muster up a smile,
then spin around and get back to the maps.
Ollie makes small talk with the two men about the weather and how
long the trek up to Advance Base Camp will be tomorrow—weather
permitting. Snatching up my coffee cup again, I take a few sips and try my
best to ignore the heat coming from behind me as Kai edges closer to the
table I’m hunched over. I place the cup back down as my eyes flicker all over

the place, attempting to detect exactly what his next move will be.
I-can-smell-him.
It isn’t an odd scent. As you can imagine out here in the wilderness, he
isn’t wearing cologne. It’s the natural scent of his skin and the aroma of his
sweet breath I’d inhaled a few minutes ago when he first spoke to me. The
crisp scent of the outdoors lingers all over him, like he was born smelling just
like that. It’s a fragrance I can’t get enough of.
Hell, it’s why I’m here!
His big hand lands on the map, right next to mine. “Have we met
before?” His hard chest brushes my right shoulder and his mouth is near my
ear, dusting it with all sorts of confusion.
Glancing over my shoulder, I give him the side eye. “No, but I’ve heard
lots of things about you.” Snatching up the marker, I scribble more notes on
the map.
He exhales. “And you believe everything you hear, I’m guessing?” He
arches a tawny brow.
“Only facts.”
I hate to accept that this one just might be a rumor.
But where there’s smoke, there’s usually a great big smoldering fire,
right?
He grunts. “I see.”
Standing straight, I spin around and face him. Then snatch up my now
cold coffee. “Think back to five years ago...a team of three, including you,
were summiting Nanga Parbat. Instead of descending when one of the
climbers in your team was injured, you left him bleeding to death because
you wanted to make it to the top.”
Sebastian and Ollie fall completely silent.
Kai only slow-blinks.
It’s an arrogant blink, if there is such a thing. A non-apologetic one that
tells me he isn’t sorry for what he did. Nor is he fucking denying it. I have no
desire to climb with a man such as this one. He’s a hazard. A liability. One

who stops at nothing to get what he wants. A man who’ll let someone die on
his watch to get his glory.
Goddamn you, Cassian!
Kai smiles, not showing any of his teeth. “You know they don’t call
that mountain ‘The Man Eater’ for nothing.”
“You left him there.” I slam my cup down, then ball my fists at my
sides.
“I couldn’t do anything for him.” His voice comes out in a delicate
whisper.
“He was my friend.” I will my tears to stay in my eyes.
“I’m sorry.” He exhales. “I’m very, very sorry, but I can assure you
there was nothing I could do for him.” He makes a strange face. “You know
how these things work, Anni.”
Anni?
This mother...
Who told him he could call me Anni!
We’ve just met, and we’ve already graduated to nicknames!
My jaw is so tight, my mandible is grinding into dust.
“You know the rules…” Kai points to the roof of the tent. “If you stop
moving up there...if you collapse from exhaustion...if you show any signs of
weakness...you get left behind, Anni.” His thick brows crash together in a
perfect V. “I did nothing wrong.”
“When you descended after summiting...” I pause, look away from him,
and then look back at his guarded eyes. “Was he dead?”
Kai inhales sharply through his nose and does-not-reply.
And that in itself is my answer.
Sonofabitch!
Igor has made his way in here. Now, he and Sebastian are huddled
together in whispers. Ollie stands off to the side.

“I’m not going to apologize for saving my own life.” Kai’s top lip turns
up in a snarl.
“Are you kidding me?” I point a finger at him. “You left a man up
there to DIE!”
He laughs as if everything I’ve said is just ridiculous, and before I
know it, I’ve knocked over my coffee and we’re screaming this tent down as
if we’re in couples’ therapy gone wrong.
“You’re a liability, Prince of the Peaks!”
Such a ridiculous fucking nickname...
His gray marbles almost fall out of his head. “WHAT THE FUCK IS
THIS!” He tosses his arms up in surrender. “Is this how we’re going to be
starting out this expedition?” He points a finger at Sebastian, then back at me
like I’ve just been selected for the guillotine. “I’m not dealing with this
SHIT! You need to tell Cassian at Excelsior, he needs to send someone else!”
His voice booms.
I laugh a little.
There is no one else.
So, I make the only suggestion left. “Maybe it’s you who needs to
leave.”

Kai
WELL, FUCK, ME.
The American mathematics professor has sass.
She might even be a little insane.
I’ll have to admit that when I first saw this woman’s creamy skin and
fire-engine-red hair, I probably did want to bang her. But now it’s clear I’ll
probably need the fucking Jaws of Life just to get her thighs open, and even
then, that probably still won’t do it!
I step back flabbergasted, feeling like she’s just dropkicked me in the
balls.
She puts a finger in my face, but I don’t focus on it.
All I see right now are her blues.
Bright, clear, and deep like the azure ocean.
The kind of eyes you could get lost in.
They’re beautiful.
A smile touches my lips that only pisses her off even more and I have a
fleeting vision of throwing her tiny five-foot-five frame over my shoulder
like a caveman and taking her back to my cave—I mean tent...
Sebastian laughs at the encounter. Ollie stands frozen, unsure of what
to do.
I bask in her fury.
At least she’s looking at me now, communicating, giving me all her
attention.
Even though it’s the screwed-up type.
A chill rips through my bones.
I lift my hands in surrender. “Anni.” Gosh, her name sounds sweet on
my lips. “It isn’t what you think it is. And it certainly didn’t go down the way
you think it did.”
Yes, it did.

“Well, how did it go then?”
“One day, Anni, I’ll explain.”
“Oh.” She cocks a thin brow.
“Yes, I’ll tell you everything about it.”
“So, I have it all wrong then?”
“Yes.”
No.
I remember that cold, cold morning on top of Nanga Parbat—the ninth
highest mountain in the world and one of the eight-thousanders—a mountain
nicknamed “Killer Mountain,” for good reason. Especially, since almost
every climber I’ve ever known never made it back alive to the base after
ascending.
It was one of the hardest climbs of my life, coupled with the fact the
team wasn’t getting along. The cold was biting, and of course, the air was
thin.
We’d overshot our summit time, moving too slow like drunk
molasses, most of us struggling with crippling exhaustion. The kind that
makes you feel like you can’t string three words together if you tried. Like
you must learn to speak your native language again. You can’t make
decisions. Your head is as cloudy as the night sky. You struggle for breath.
Your body is heavy. And every step you take makes you feel as though
you’ve just run the New York City Marathon twice!
Depleted. Unfocused. Spent.
It was an unbearable situation we found ourselves in and from there
everything else went to shit some sort of super-fast.
The winds had increased and night was falling.
The stars that evening seemed especially bright and so had the shining
globe that looked as though it was hovering so close to earth I could reach up
and touch it.
I remember that white full moon.

It felt like an old friend that night.
It was as if it was talking to me, leading the way to the summit, telling
me under no circumstances to return. After I made it to the top and pressed
my boots down into the cold crunchy snow, I descended, and I’ve never been
back on that peak since.
Anni’s friend had been stricken with altitude sickness before we set
off for the summit that morning and was advised to descend. He refused since
he had a savage quest for the summit brewing within him that only a fellow
climber could understand.
He was willing to risk his life to get to the top.
He was willing to die to make sure his name went down in history.
He was willing to risk our lives for his success.
Have you ever been faced with a decision that’ll haunt you for the rest
of your life? Well, for me, the decision I had to make back then is one of
them. And to this day, I don’t regret making it.
It was him or me. And whenever I must make that sort of choice, I’ll
always choose me.
Yep, I’m that type of fucking guy.
Anni’s sharp breaths yank me back into her world.
“Right now”—I point to the map on the table—“I think we need to
discuss how for the last hour that you’ve been here you’ve managed to
change our climbing route.”
“It’s for our own safety.” Her lips are pressed together.
I suck in a breath and let my arms down when I think her mental gun is
holstered.
Ignoring her statement, I tip my chin up. “And how you’ve neglected to
introduce yourself to the summit party you’ll now be guiding to the top.” I
gift her with a bullshit smile. “Not very friendly, is it?”
She blinks and doesn’t say a word.
This woman is fierce as fuck.

Determined.
Unshakable.
Not one to be toyed with.
She has a concrete façade.
But still, she doesn’t scare me.
If a man like Sebastian thinks we’re in the wrong hands with a woman
like this one who will be leading us up this mountain, he’s sorely mistaken.
I debate for a second, but I feel the need to point out there are a few
things Anni hasn’t factored in with her arrival here to base camp. The most
pressing conundrum Anni may find herself having to face is that every
climber here is already doubled-up in a tent...except for me.
Which means, she’ll be bunking with moi.
Joy. Joy. Joy.
So, she’d better be nice, but I figure it’s too late to wish for that.
I’ll get to the rest of the matters later...
Annika Weathers has made quite an impression on me.
I don’t know if I want to go jerk off or strangle her.
“Is everything okay in here?” Gilda’s voice seeps into my ears when
she steps inside the tent.
“It sounds like we really need to do some team bonding,” Musa says,
when he appears right behind Gilda.
“I just think we all need to calm down.” Ollie moves away from us and
starts messing about with the communication equipment.
Soon, everyone who now crowds this tent is talking, joking, and
laughing about the weather, and the climb, and the fact we’re now out of
tangerines.
My eyes are only fixed on Anni’s and hers are stuck on mine. This
entire tent could blow up and I still don’t think she’d take her rage-filled gaze
off me.

I’ve made her that angry.
“I really think we should talk about the route.” Sebastian’s hand lands
on my shoulder. I ignore him. “I really think we should talk about the route,
Kai.”
“Has the route changed?” Racine’s girly voice cuts through the chatter
when she bounces into the tent then scans everyone who’s crowded inside it.
Sebastian only nods and gives Anni a dirty look. “Yesss...the route has
changed. Because as you can see we have a new guide who has a blatant
disregard for how everyone in her summit party feels.”
“I am not here to care about how you feel, Sebastian,” Anni growls.
“I’m here to get you to the top of that mountain.” She points upward. “And
back down in one piece.” She lowers her cute chin for a millisecond. “I am
not the type of woman to say: Please. Or ask: May I? Or who will wonder
ever about what-you-think.” Glaring at me, she blasts me with blue. “I won’t
ever be asking you: Is this okay? Is that okay? What do you think?” Her tone
is mocking as she bobs her head around while wearing a silly fake grin.
Sebastian almost chokes on his words.
“We will do what I say is best for this summit party.” Anni’s eyes
smile.
I focus on her lips. The shape of them. How pink they are. How the
top one is much fuller than the bottom one. Pretty lips. A kissable pout. I
don’t think I’ve ever seen a better mouth that looks quite as delectable as hers
does when it’s shut.
“I’ll advise the team about the route change in a few hours.” Anni
holds my gaze, still.
Everyone leaves the tent except for Ollie.
Slanting my head to the side, I observe her, drink her in like sweet,
tasty milk.
And something deep inside me almost cowers.
Okay...
So, maybe I am afraid of her.

And not because she could hurt me...
But because I think I just might deserve her wrath.

Annika
ALL RIGHT, SO MAYBE I overreacted...
It’s 21:00.
The mood has calmed and all the tension from earlier seems to have
dissipated.
I’ve eaten a delicious dinner of grilled turkey and couscous along with
fruit and lots and lots of tea. The bunch far off are enjoying their beers,
dancing and singing beneath the chill, and the rest of us sit next to a small
battery-operated heater. I’m grateful for its warmth and each time the heat
skirts over my cheek, I’m reminded of how tired I am.
Gilda, who I’ve gotten to know much better over the last few hours,
pats me on the thigh. “I’m glad you’ve changed the route, but I have high
doubts we’ll be getting out of here anytime soon.” She nudges her chin in the
direction of the open flaps, where the big snowflakes fall, and the wind has
picked up.
Shoving my hands in between my thighs, warming them, I nod.
The weather concerns me. If the snowfall is heavy over the next few
weeks, it only increases the chances that we’ll be trudging through sections of
knee-deep snow. But a more pressing concern is the number of climbers here,
all taking the same route, which means the potential for endless queues as we
ascend is irritatingly high. It all means a longer wait. More patience will be
needed. And more energy from every single climber here.
The window during the year to climb this bitch is narrow, which
explains the crowds. June, July, and August are the ideal times. Outside of
that, you’re pressing your luck.
Pemba, one of the Balti porters, takes a long swallow of his tea. He
ruffles his hair when he’s done and points up to the sky. “We believe this
mountain should be respected.”
A tidal wave of head nods follows his statement.
“I can’t say I agree more.” Musa is stretched out, almost asleep.
Pemba throws his arms up in the air dramatically, splashing tea

everywhere. “And when she’s angry, you’ll know it. When you’ve upset her,
she’ll strike back. When you take from her, she’ll take from you.” He nods
furiously.
“It sounds like you’re talking about a bloody woman,” Sebastian
chimes in.
Pemba’s eyes go bright. “I-just-might-be.”
“Well, if that’s the case then it would make sense that she behaves
like she’s bleeding from her slit whenever she doesn’t get her way.” He
frowns. “It wouldn’t be that simple, right? I guess you can’t just shower this
bitch with diamonds and expect her to be on her best behavior for at least a
week. One can only hope what follows after that are days of insane blow
jobs.” He barks out a laugh. “She’d permanently be living on her knees.”
Sebastian grins, haughty and stupid.
God, I can’t stand this guy.
“You must respect the mountain.” Pemba says the words with
precision.
In all my years of climbing, whenever the porters make a move on
any of these peaks—maneuvering through an ice fall, securing ropes,
crossing a ladder they’d just secured over a crevasse—beforehand, they
always made a peace offering to the mountain in the form of a prayer. The
Balti porters know humility, respect, and grace.
Something one or two climbers in this summit party could afford to
learn.
“Yeah, yeah,” Sebastian drawls.
“I say just don’t fuck with her and then maybe she’ll let us all get to
the top and back down with our lives, so we can make it back home to tell
our families all about it.” Tyrone cracks up laughing.
I smile.
I know this mountain well and all she’s ever done for as long as I’ve
known her is take from me. She ruins. She kills. She bleeds you out, then
steals your soul.

With pitiful eyes, Ollie reaches out and squeezes my hand.
“Do you think all of us will make it back down the mountain in one
piece?” Racine’s voice is timid.
All the laughter dies in one breath.
Her question surprises me. It’s straight to the point. She’s simply
speaking the same question aloud that every climber here wonders but won’t
dare utter.
“Of course, Racine.” Sebastian makes his way over to her and smooths
his hand over her hair. The gesture is oddly personal and pacifying. Tells me
the pair are a lot more than two climbers on a team together. I’d say they’ve
swapped fluids more than a few times.
“I suppose if anything happens to us way up there a helicopter will
come.” Racine smiles.
No, dear.
There’ll be no rescue. There hardly ever is on this mountain. There’ll
be no one coming for us. In a time of tragedy, we’ll hear nothing but crickets!
Besides, helicopters perform poorly in thin air. And we’ll be far above where
they can reach safely without crashing.
I should tell her all of that, but I don’t.
It annoys me that she’s on this mountain clearly unaware of these
facts.
Racine keeps her eyes on me as if she’s looking for my assurance
still, even though Sebastian’s hands are all over her like he paid for her flesh.
She hugs herself tighter and every ounce of worry that’s swimming around in
her cerebrum is sketched all over her face like messy art.
“Yes,” I say firmly. “We’ll all be making it back in one piece.”
Have mercy on us all.
Racine nods. “Yeah, I told my kids I’ll be on the front page of our local
newspaper back home in Eureka Springs when I make it to the top.” She
laughs.
“That’s great,” I tell her, unsure if I mean it.

The last thing I need in this summit party are a bunch of fame seekers.
The biggest one here is half asleep...
Musa checks his phone every few minutes like an addict, updates his
blog, posts on Instagram. The entire fucking world knows this man is at base
camp. I don’t know what he’ll do when we move up in elevation and we lose
cell phone reception.
“And where in the hell is Eureka Springs anyways?” With a scowl,
Musa’s eyes pop open.
“This woman is from the country!” Tyrone laughs out loud. “I’m tellin’
ya, the country. Eureka Springs doesn’t get more country!”
Whacking Tyrone in the shoulder, Racine smiles big. “It’s a little town
in Arkansas. I’ve lived there my entire life. It’s perfect. The kids love it and
so does my ex-husband.” Racine makes a face. “He lives nearby us still even
though we aren’t together anymore. People think it’s weird. But, I say if the
kids are happy, then I’m happy.”
“That’s good,” I tell her.
She runs a hand through her hair. “Are you married?”
“No,” I whisper.
Racine tips her head forward a few times. “Oh.”
I avoid her questioning eyes.
“I’m never getting married.” Musa laughs out loud. “I end up with
enough stress from my Instagram fans. Plus, I get too many girls to be
settling down with one.” He frowns. “Unless they’re into group sex and
sharing.” He smirks. “If that’s the case then I suppose it could all work.”
Making himself more comfortable, he goes back to sleep.
“Trust me, you don’t want more than one wife, especially at the same
time.” Sebastian lets out an exhausted breath. “They take your money. Then
your sanity. And before you realize it, they’re already killing you slowly.”
His voice lowers to a cryptic whisper. “The next thing you know, you’re
completely dead.”
The conversation becomes animated, then really, really stupid.

I yawn.
Gilda does too, then stands. “I think I’m ready for bed.”
I shoot up next to her. “I’ll need to bunk with you tonight.”
She frowns. “I’m sorry. My tent is full to the max.” She bites her lip. “I
think everyone’s tent is full. The only free spot is with—”
“Who?” My question comes out quick, desperate.
“I guess someone could switch,” Gilda suggests.
I scan all the heads that shake from side to side.
Interesting.
It appears no one wants to bunk with the beast.
A tiny scoff leaves me. I set my thermos full of warm tea down,
breathing the fresh mint leaves that swim at the bottom of it before I do. I
give them all one last stare. No one relents or offers the homeless girl a place
to sleep for the night.
“I think you’re on your own tonight.” One of Musa’s eyes cracks
open.
I feign a laugh in response to his joke.
Gilda gives me a pathetic stare before she heads off, yawning.
I suppose I could make it work.
I’ve slept in far worse places...
It’s not like I’m stripping down to my underwear. I’ll sleep just like
this tonight bundled up inside my sleeping bag. Doesn’t matter where I must
rest my head, just as long as I get adequate sleep so I’m fresh in the morning.
Marching my way toward the tent flaps, I toss them all a wave good
night.
As soon as I step outside and beneath the stars, the frigid air hits my
nostrils.
Looking up, I find the north one. Big and bright in a sea of black and
thick gray clouds that drift over it, failing to blot out its light by one bit.

He always did love that star...told me it made him feel like he could
never lose his way, no matter how dark it was. Or how far away he was from
me and my hugs and kisses. A tiny breath escapes from me when I imagine
his face, handsome and sweet, rosy cheeks, big eyes, thick hair, and that
smile of his always lit up my day.
Then, I turn to face her.
The bitch.
Standing in all her glory with her snow-capped, crenellated spires.
The clouds appear like smoke billowing around her poisonous peaks.
She’s incredible, beguiling, bewitching.
A scowl paints my features and agony flows through me as it did the
last time I climbed this peak and almost lost my life. Only thing is, I wish I
had, because the life I’d been relegated to has felt much worse than death.
What is life worth if you aren’t really living?

Kai
“WHAT DO YOU WANT?” Rising from a crouched position, then
stepping out of the tent completely, I peer down at the beautiful woman in
front of me, who’s holding her rucksack like she’s had a long day at the mall.
Her fire-red hair blows around with the cold breeze and her cheeks are pale
beneath the moonlight.
“I-I-I’ll need to bunk with you.” Keeping her gaze low, she sucks in a
breath.
I resist the urge to laugh out loud, then look around, scanning all the
tents that litter this base camp. I step toward her. She takes a few steps back,
her expression full of apprehension.
I run a hand over my jaw and examine her as she stands in front of me,
abandoned and rejected. Her shoulders are slumped and she’s clutching all
her possessions as if they’re all she has left in this world.
A moan breaks out of me at the sudden dash of humility I witness in
her blues.
Small. Alone. Still scalding, though, like a hot griddle.
I slant my head to the side. “There’s no one else you can bunk with?”
“No.” Her long lashes flutter.
And for the first time since I’ve met her I think I see worry in her face.
“I asked around and everyone is already doubled-up.” She points to my
semi-warm tent. “You’re the only one who has a free spot.”
The fates surely have a sick and twisted sense of humor.
Another little breath leaves her.
I’m enjoying the desperation in her pretty face.
Would it be a stretch for me to expect an apology before she expects to
lay her head down next to mine, gathering warmth from my quarters,
drinking my tea, basking in the cover that my temporary home provides?
I wait, wait, wait.

She says nothing else.
I won’t be getting an apology for her little performance a few hours
ago.
This woman reminds me of a small fire.
She’s tiny, non-threatening, helpful even when she tries to keep you
warm.
Except she burns you when maybe not meaning to.
I can’t quite decide whether or not it’s intentional...
After all, I’ve only known this woman for fifteen literally hot and
very scalding minutes.
“Please, Kai.” Her bottom lip quivers as the shiver from the cold
moves through her.
It’s a moral dilemma—one of those ones I seem to always be faced
with.
I suppose if I refuse, she’ll sleep outside on the scree and freeze to
death.
We meet eyes.
“Please,” she whispers.
Reaching out, I snatch the rucksack from her violently and toss it inside
the tent. “No snoring.”
She frowns and it’s cute. “I don’t snore.”
With the flick of my hand, I keep talking. “And I’m not one for small
talk. I like to sleep in, so don’t wake me up early. I have a few books you can
read, and the radio always stays on low. Got it?”
“Yes.” She edges past me and goes inside.
I step in behind her, lower to my knees, and zip up the tent, closing out
the biting cold, enjoying the decent bit of warmth that occupies this space.
In a flash, she pulls out her sleeping bag. And with all her clothes and
boots still on, she eases inside it, zips it up, and squeezes her eyes shut. Then,
she turns away from me, offering me her back, no attention at all, nada.

I suppose I must get used to it...
The breath that rips from me is so big my chest expands with the
action.
I wriggle into my sleeping bag, then pull my knees up to my chest and
lean on them. Soon, I drift off.
It’s morning.
I awake to the birdsong outside.
The rolling green hills and the backdrop of one of the most beautiful
places on earth fills my vision. I’ve been here for almost a month preparing
for the grueling climb ahead I’ll embark on once I’ve left this remote place
and traveled somewhere that’s even more barren...on the opposite side of this
massive country. I’d estimated that it would take less than a few days to
summit.
I’m not focused, though, and everyone knows it, though they don’t
know why.
Wiping the sleep from my eyes, I roll over to find her form nestled
beneath the sheets. Her long hair flows over her curves and her hand is
tucked gently beneath her chin. I edge closer and watch her sleep, finding the
sound of her little inhales and exhales soothing.
I always did like to observe her when she dreams.
When her eyes pop open, a smile creeps its way across my lips.
She spears her fingers into my hair, combing through the strands. I
take the chance to inhale the powdery scent that dusts her delicate wrist, then
place a kiss there.
“Will you stay?” Her expression is so soft, I stop breathing for a beat.
I never stay.
No matter what.
I glance out the window, just behind her at the peak in the distance that
I plan to conquer. It’s what I live for. It’s what I’ve always dreamed of.
Nothing

else
matters.
“Will you stay?” She repeats the question with watery eyes.
I remain silent, offering her no reply or explanation.
But I know she realizes my silence means everything. It speaks volumes.
A tear slips from her eye and soaks the pillow beneath her.
She already knows it.
I don’t have to say it.
In a few days, I’ll be gone.

En Route
Annika
THE NEXT MORNING...
I awoke this morning at 04:00 to find an opening in the weather. The
sky had cleared, and the winds had died down overnight, allowing the
glowing sun to come into view and the mountain to shine like the deceptive
beauty she is.
The three high-altitude porters within our team—Pemba, Paula, and
Chaka are ahead, walking at a steady pace as we move through the icefall
section of the Baltoro Glacier.
Before sunrise, they’d scrambled to gather up everything we needed,
as much as they could carry, and put it all on the backs of the mules that
won’t be able to go any farther than our next stop. The low-altitude porters in
our group had stayed behind at base camp, since that’s as far as this summit
party had paid them, along with how far the men and women were willing to
go.
Now, all around us there’s nothing but white. So much so, it’s almost
blinding.
The warm sun beats down on the back of my neck and sweat slicks my
face, which is cooled by the cold wind each time it dusts my skin. The
rucksack on my back feels comfortable even though its weight is much
heavier than it should be.
Racine walks up ahead of me in the group. I observe her pace, which
seems steady and strong, but every one hundred feet or so, she stops and
stares at the ice underfoot. I narrow my eyes when she does it one more time.
Sebastian grips her by the shoulder and nudges her on.
Musa is up ahead, the first in line with his fast gait. The rest of us
might struggle to keep up with him on this run. He stops, lifts his cell phone,
and takes a few snapshots of himself, fixing his hair into place before he
does, posing.
“My God,” I whisper to myself.

Winston eases up next to me. He doesn’t say anything, only smiles.
We walk in stride together for a bit.
For an old man, he’s strong and resilient. And considering how cold it
is right now not even the tip of his nose is pink, like mine. And he’s rocking
just a simple short sleeve thermal T-shirt. Not exactly winter wear out here.
But, he doesn’t seem to be cold. I think this old dude might be impervious to
the chill.
“How are you doing there, my girl?” He grins.
I’m unable to keep down my laugh. “I’m good.”
“Good.” He stares straight ahead beneath the peak of his baseball cap,
which has the Manchester United emblem on the front of it. The bright red
color edged with gold catches my attention. Winston notices.
“Are you into soccer?”
“No, no, no.” I chuckle. “I’m American.”
He lets out a haughty laugh. “So, Americans don’t watch soccer?”
“No, that’s not what I’m saying.”
“Well, what are you saying?”
“Nothing.” I shake my head. “I’ve just never really been into it, but I
once knew someone who was.”
“I see.” He pauses. “Did he?” He eyeballs me. “Or she?” He waits.
“Have a team?”
“He,” I clarify for him. “And yes, he had a team. In fact, it was the
same team on your cap.”
“Ah.” He smiles. “That means he has good taste.”
Had.
“Did you ever watch with him?”
“Sometimes.”
“Good, good, good. Soccer teaches teamwork.” Winston points ahead.
“Important for things like this excursion, wouldn’t you say?”

“Yes, I suppose.”
“Kai tells me you’re from Colorado.” He smiles.
“Yeah, I am.”
“Are your parents still there?”
“No.” I keep my answer short and simple.
Winston frowns. “Any siblings?”
“Nope, none at all.” I smile.
“I see.”
“And what about you?” I wait for him to elaborate.
“Do you have a boyfriend or a husband?” He ignores my question.
Interesting.
“I did,” I breathe out.
Winston nods, keeping his eyes on me.
“He, um, ah. We made it to the top of this very mountain, but before we
could make it down, he died.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Yeah, me too.”
“Married long then?”
“Yeah, we had a good run of years before he went away.”
“Was it his wish to remain on the mountain after he, um, ah, perished?”
“No.” I take in the view of the endless white ahead. “No, it wasn’t.”
“I understand. But honestly, I don’t know if I would return to this
mountain.” He wipes his face with a towel. “If I had a story like yours...”
“I have to.”
“I see.”
“I have been back here a few times since,” I say.
Winston smiles. I find his smile soothing. And funnily enough I don’t

mind talking to him about the things that hurt my heart. His questions aren’t
invasive. It’s as if he’s genuinely concerned and cares about my replies.
“What was he like?” Winston glances my way.
Exhaling, I open my mouth and start to fill him in on the details of my
life. “He was kind, loving. He was the type of man who would give you the
clothes off his back if you were ever cold. He’d give up his last shiny dollar
to buy someone food. He had a wild soul. He backpacked around the world.
He never put too much emphasis on things. He cared about people. He loved
the earth and the outdoors. He taught me the importance of recycling.” I
laugh. “Things like that.”
“And you miss him?” Winston’s brows wrinkle.
“Yeah, of course.” I swallow. “In his lifetime, he’d abandoned more
than five summit attempts to rescue other climbers he came across who were
in trouble. Jesse was like that.”
“Jesse.” Winston smiles. “It sounds like you loved him a lot.”
“I did, I do. I always will.”
We slow a bit when the icefall section of the glacier comes up ahead.
“It looks like you’re on...” Winston nudges me up ahead.
Kai is already leading the summit party and the realization of that
irritates me.
Who in the fuck does he think he is?
Why isn’t Igor up front?
I understand that the Prince of the Peaks is an experienced climber, but
this is my shop. I rush up ahead, expelling heavy breaths with every stomp I
make along the frozen ground. When I get close, I find Gilda looking around,
dumbfounded, as if she’s never seen such a sight, as if she doesn’t know what
continent she’s standing on.
Her mouth hangs open. “This is incredible, Annika.”
I tap her on the shoulder. “Yes, it is.” I make my way toward Kai.
“Hey, where you rushin’, little lady?” Tyrone tosses me a handsome

smirk.
Five other summit parties are already making their way through the
“popcorn,” or the ice, that has taken such unique formations that it looks
more like the popped kernel than it does the frozen water it is.
“What are you doing?” The words spill from my mouth with venom.
Kai’s gray eyes widen. “I’m helping. What in the fuck do you think?”
He points a finger to the rest of the team, who are approaching us from
behind. “You were way back there.” He checks the fancy watch on his thick
wrist. “We are on a tight time frame.”
I look around, perplexed.
Where the fuck is Igor?
My shoulders fall when I realize he’s way behind, farther behind me
than I realized, and walking as slow as a geriatric.
I swallow back my words while Kai waits for me to say more.
He reaches his big arm over my head and ushers Gilda up the icy
section, beneath a small overhang. Musa goes next. Then the porters and
everyone else. When Racine and Sebastian take the path, I step forward. Kai
stops me by extending his arm in front of me, and with a long pause, his
stone-gray eyes land on me for what seems like forever, then he steps in front
of me and walks ahead.
An angry huff leaves me.
I go next.
Winston hangs back and ushers me ahead of him with the gesture of an
arm.
Like a gentleman.
“Thank you,” I say.
He only nods and we maintain the same pace we had earlier, but this
time we watch diligently at everything underfoot. Twisting an ankle out here
can kill your dreams of summiting faster than you can sneeze and you’ll be
going home quicker than you can wipe your snotty nose.

“He isn’t so bad, my girl.” Winston’s eyes smile.
“Oh.” I wonder if he can sense my internal eye roll.
“Yes, I think he’s very misunderstood.”
A lopsided smile smacks my face.
Isn’t that what they say about assholes?
They’re misunderstood. No one gets them. You must get to know
them...
Blah, blah, blue.
Nope, they’re just assholes.
Simple.
With the heave of a breath, I make my way over the last rocky section
and get to a flatter area of ice. I crane my neck up to the sky, sucking in the
cold air and taking in the sight of the blue sky above and the surrounding
peaks.
It’s beautiful.
Winston leans back to face the sky. “I could never tire of this.”
“Me neither.”
We stop to maneuver over a crevasse. They say don’t look down, but
I can never help myself. Peering into it, there’s nothing but cold black ice and
I wonder how deep it extends into the earth. The magnitude of it. Where this
ice fissure ends or if it ever does.
The crack isn’t as large and deep as the crevasses I’ve encountered
before that were so big they could swallow a ten-story building. They can be
more than a mile deep and wide and can be hundreds of miles long.
Crevasses are everywhere around here. Along with boulders that
cover the icy expanse, some that are the size of Buicks and Hollywood
mansions. They’re beautiful and formidable ice formations.
“I was fourteen years old when I summited Mount Blanc with my
father.” Winston grins. “It was such a wonderful moment. He was so proud
of me.” He sucks his teeth. “After that, I couldn’t stay off the damn things.”

He chuckles. “I’ve been climbing now for over sixty-five years. Every bone
in my body aches from being broken at one point or another. Nothing works
the way it used to.” He focuses on the hard ice beneath our boots. “But it’s all
been worth it.” He sniffs the air like a greyhound. “I’ll likely die on these
mountains. I wouldn’t want to go any other way.”
I smile.
“I used to climb with Kai’s father.” Winston looks straight ahead.
“Oh, yeah.”
“Yes, he’s one competitive bastard.” He laughs out loud. “A true
alpinist, I guess you could say.”
Alpinist.
A word inspired by the Alps, which lie within the boundaries of
Europe.
Most say that if you’re serious about climbing you can consider
yourself a true alpinist. But, some take it to the extreme claiming that unless
you live on the flank of a mountain more than half the year and immerse
yourself in tackling difficult climbs, you cannot be considered a true alpinist.
Some might say you become a true alpinist as soon as your climbs move off
rock and sand and graduate to ice and snow, and you’re no longer a “hill
walker.” Or, maybe it’s when you summit your first eight-thousander. Who
knows. But I suppose there are no real rules as to what makes one a climber
or does not.
Winston continues to speak. “Alfred had to be the first with
everything he did. He had to be the winner! He had to have the best time. He
had to conquer the most. If you couldn’t beat him, then you were just shit.”
His tone is dramatic. “It used to drive me nuts.” He laughs more. “But Alfred
was an avid sportsman back in the day. A great man to be around who was
successful in life both on and off the peaks. He put a lot of pressure on that
boy to be just like him, and ever since then, Kai’s been begging for his
approval. And I don’t think he ever got it from Alfred even until this day.”
He pins his eyes on Kai who’s marching ahead with the gait and fortitude of a
draft horse.

Igor is far in front. He follows the same path as the team that’s far up
ahead but hangs a left after passing the south face, which will take us to the
base of the South-Southeast Spur—the Cesen Route. A route that got its
name after Slovenian climber, Tomo Cesen, soloed it in 1986.
Kai certainly doesn’t strike me as the type of man who ever stops
when he wants something...
“His father is an earl?” I find Winston’s eyes, looking for
confirmation.
“Yes, yes, yes. Alfred is a man who descends from British royalty,
just like me.”
“Wow.”
“He’s a distant cousin of mine along with being my best friend. I am
that young man over there’s godfather, and of course, since he’s sprouted up
from a boy we’ve become wondrous friends.”
We’ve covered a substantial distance while we’ve been talking. Up
ahead the team slows their speed once more as we maneuver through the
glacier. The sun has shifted position and the air has chilled even more. The
cloud cover moves over us again, easing the sun’s burn to my cheeks.
“Kai’s drive to conquer this mountain is borderline obsessive,”
Winston growls. “He’s like that young, virile man who won’t stop bugging
the pretty girl he has a crush on.” Winston makes a funny face and a spearing
motion with his fingers. “He just keeps poking at her, begging, asking to look
up her skirt, but she won’t let him. Never.” He laughs out loud. “But he never
gives up.” Winston smiles. “Kai’s spent so many years trying to get to the top
of this mountain. He’s failed over and over, but he keeps trying. Nothing will
ever seem complete until he has this mountain under his belt.”
My ears perk up. “He’s been here before?”
“My girl, you must find out everything about the people you are
leading on this expedition. What makes them tick. What makes them sad.
What makes them happy. You must know everything.”
I lick my lips. “I-I-I do.”
I don’t.

“But I just didn’t know that about Kai.”
Winston inhales the air. “Yes, well, he’s been here five times already.
He had such bad luck on his first few attempts. He almost died on the last try.
Anyways, I vowed that if he were ever to come back to this godforsaken
place, I’d accompany him. Protect him. I promised him I’d be here to make
sure he didn’t get himself into trouble.”
I resist the urge to laugh out loud at the thought of an eighty-year-old
man protecting Kai, who is much younger and larger, from anything. The
idea is downright ridiculous, but Winston seems convinced Kai wouldn’t get
on too well without him.
“I’m sure he’d be fine. He’s a big boy.” With a smile, I toss him a
wink.
Winston pulls his trekking poles out.
Tap. Tap. Tap.
They hit the ice with each of his steps.
Tap. Tap. Tap.
“How are the living arrangements coming along?” He glances at me.
This morning, my eyes had fluttered open to find Kai reading. His
eyes met mine beneath the soft light coming from the tiny lamp that was
clipped to the tent wall above his head. I murmured “good morning.” He said
nothing back, only shoved me a thermos full of hot mint tea. I almost broke
my jaw when I muttered “thank you,” but I managed to get it out. Then, we
sat in the silence as Kai turned the pages of Swiss Family Robinson by
Johann David Wyss.
It’s a story about a family who gets shipwrecked and ends up on a
deserted island. They learn to live in the wild, have lots of adventures, and
build their home in a massive tree. And even when they have loads of endless
fun, there’s always the question that hangs in the air about whether they
should return to civilization.
They decide not to.
It’s a cool story.

Not exactly something I expected Kai to be reading, but he seemed
quite into it, even laughing a time or two when something had clearly jumped
off the pages at him.
I kept it a secret that the story is one of my favorites to read aloud.
But still, I haven’t warmed to the Prince of the Peaks...
Winston’s bright eyes meet mine.
I purse my lips and scrunch my face. “Can I bunk with you, please?” I
practically beg.
Winston arches a brow, possibly flattered, I’m not sure. “I’m sorry,
my girl, but I sleep naked.”
I exhale.
“I’m quite certain you want no parts of that.” He wiggles his brows.
Um, no, thanks. I pass.

CHAPTER TWO
Advance Base Camp
5,273 meters | 17,300 feet

Kai
LATER THAT AFTERNOON...
We’re exhausted.
The temperature has dropped even lower and we had hell erecting these
tents when we arrived with the winds that had picked up. A few climbers had
already started for Camp 1 to acclimatize, then will circle back. Everyone’s
spirits seem to have picked up since we’re on the move and that little light
deep inside me that tells me I’m closer to ascending this bitch than I was a
week ago flickers.
I stayed as far away from Anni today as I could, seeing that it’s clear
she hates me. I’m not sure if I give a fuck most of the time, but at certain
times when I’m making a whole bunch of effort to be nice, I do.
“Are you going to tell me the story about what happened on Nanga
Parbat?”
“No.”
Anni huffs.
I peek just over the top of my book. “You seem quite content with your
assumptions.”
She makes a face then chews on her bottom lip. “Are you saying that
my assumptions about you are wrong?”
“Yes, of course they are.”
She shifts where she’s sitting and faces me head-on. “So, my
assumptions that you’re selfish, thoughtless, heartless, and a manwhore”—
she cocks her head to the side— “are all wrong?”
My left brow tips up in abhorrent disbelief. “Yesssss.”
She hurls me a smug look. “You’ve never been married?”

“No.”
“Or had a girlfriend?”
I wait a few seconds before supplying her with a bullshit answer. “No.”
“Or been in love?”
“No,” I whisper so softly I barely hear the word myself.
“Do you have children?” She fiddles with her thick hair, pulling it all
over one shoulder.
“No,” I say.
“Have you ever had a real job?”
I laugh a little, then twist my lips, knowing how my response will
sound.
Most of my life all I’ve ever done is climb. I’ve never known anything
else. Alfred and Catherine supplied all the green a boy could ever need. After
finishing university, where I endured four years of finance bullshit, I went
straight vertical for the peaks and I haven’t come down since. I don’t know
what kind of story Anni is looking for about me, but whatever it is, I can’t
give it to her. And it irks me that I won’t be able to.
Her big blues blink. “Well, have you?”
I rub at the scruff on my jaw. “No, I haven’t.”
She points at me. “Well, Prince of the Peaks. I think from those
answers you’ve checked all the boxes that a woman can’t be wrong for
making any of those assumptions.” She purses her lips. “Sorry.”
“Why do you call me Prince of the Peaks?”
Anni smirks. “Isn’t that what everyone calls you?”
“I suppose it is, but I don’t like it when you call me that.” My mouth is
tight.
“Why, does it make you sound too unlikeable?” She snorts.
“Yes.”
“And you don’t want to be unlikeable?”
I squint, not meaning to.
My usual response would be: I truly don’t give a fuck. But the

circumstances are quite different at the moment. I really do care whether or
not this woman likes me.
“What do you want me to say to that, Anni?” I scoot closer to her,
getting in her space.
“I don’t know,” she whispers. “But I hate when people answer my
questions with fucking questions.” Her breaths puff against my mouth, sweet
and warm. I inch closer.
Our jackets rub against each other, causing friction.
“You fuck every woman you meet?” Her voice is an enticing whisper.
And I swear I could dive into her blues and take forever to come up
for air, like a blue whale. There’s a whole world in her eyes and I’d sink deep
and straight to the bottom to find out what lives in there.
Perhaps, a dream. Or maybe a fucking nightmare. I can’t quite tell.
“No,” I lie.
With the lift of a shapely brow, she presses her lips together. “You
think you’re going to fuck me?”
Up here!
I lower my eyes on her cute little chin. “Yes, eventually.”
She laughs a little. Okay, a lot. So much so that it shakes her chest.
I lean in closer to her sexy mouth as her eyes rake over my face. She
can’t hide her attraction to me. But this love/hate thing she has going on with
me is getting oh, so boring.
She’s attracted to me. It’s undeniable the way her lips part whenever
mine do and her pupils dilate. It’s why I like to be close to her. To see
everything she thinks she’s hiding. To smell her want for me. To sniff all her
bullshit out like a swarm of giant horseflies.
I dip down closer to her. She blinks those pretty blues, waiting.
I get closer, closer, closer and part my lips just as my eyelids fall and I
inhale.
This woman reeks of sorrow and broken dreams.
“I’ll bite you, I promise, if you come any closer,” she whispers.
Epic fail.

My eyes shoot open to find her blank expression.
I back away, very slowly, and we remain in this odd moment for a
while.
Her staring at me. Me staring at her. Neither one of us saying anything.
The wind outside pushes against the tent and for a few seconds I forget
how cold it is because I’m boiling beneath this puffy jacket.
“Annika Weathers!” a voice just outside the tent calls. “Annika!”
Anni watches me carefully.
I back far away over to the corner of the tent and snatch up my
thermos.
Anni unzips the tent and peeks out.
I almost spill my tea at the sight ahead of me.
Then, I’m also reminded that there are more climbers headed this way
all the time right behind us.
“Yes.” Anni smiles at the woman.
“The other team leaders want to speak with you about the routes,” our
guest tells her.
“Sure,” Anni says.
“It’s about...” the woman starts to say, peeking around Anni’s form,
seeming lost for words. “I-I…"
I back a little more out of sight, feeling panicked.
She leans in farther. Anni dips back, searching for the same thing the
woman is. And fuck me, I can’t remember our intruder’s name. It begins with
an H.
“It’s you.” The woman’s eyes go brighter. “Kai.”
I force a smile. “Hey, how are you?”
Anni’s previous smile falls while I search my brain for this woman’s
name.
I come up with zilch.
The woman with the familiar face places a hand to the center of her
chest. “Han-na.” She says the two syllables slowly like I’m a donkey or some

other mammal that’s incapable of understanding the language she’s speaking.
With the snap of my fingers, I point as if I know what the hell I’m
talking about. I have no clue! “Yes, that’s it. Hanna.”
Hanna’s face collapses. “You couldn’t remember my name?”
Shit.
“Yes, of course. It’s been a busy few days. I’m exhausted. All this
trekking and high altitude have me dizzy,” I lie. With a shrug, I toss my book
down like it’s about to explode. “I can barely remember my own name
sometimes.” I fake-chuckle.
Hanna’s eyes fill with tears.
Anni’s scowl deepens and I feel so very awkward at this moment.
I’m aware she thinks I’m an asshole and now clearly Hanna does too.
I scramble around looking for my beanie. I put it on as quickly as I can. I
nudge Anni to the side, ignoring the blue lasers she’s shooting me with her
eyes. I bolt out of the tent and into the cold. I rush across the rocky landscape
feeling like I just escaped a crime scene.
Sebastian is marching toward me, extending an arm. When I make it
to where he stands, he spins around and walks in the direction I’m headed in,
after he tosses his arm around my shoulder. He slaps his other hand against
where my heart, that’s about to pound right out of my chest, beats.
“Is everything okay, man?” He laughs a bit as we keep trudging
toward the mess tent.
I’m close to hyperventilating.
“How’s everything with Annika?” He breathes in the crisp air.
“Fine.”
“She likes you. I can tell. Like how Racine likes me.”
I don’t think so.
Laughing a little, I shake my head. Sebastian couldn’t be more wrong.
“No, I don’t think so. It’s nothing like that. It’s complicated and weird and
just, I don’t know, possibly bad.”
“Bad?” His brows knot.
“Yes, bad.”

“She’s pretty hot for an old broad.”
I toss him a fierce look, unsure of why I even care he’s just insulted
her.
“I’m sorry. I take that back. I didn’t mean that.” He exhales loudly,
then smirks. “I mean she’s forty years old and she doesn’t look a day over
thirty.”
“Yeah,” I say slowly. “She’s only a year older than you.”
He sucks his teeth. “Maybe it’s all the mountain air she’s been
exposed to.”
Whereas you’ve spent most of your adult life doing the late-night bar
crawl...
“Yeah, I suppose that’ll do it.”
I sniff, disgusted, and eyeball Sebastian. “Have you been smoking?”
He releases me, giving me the chance to inspect his face. He tosses
his arms up in surrender. “I’m caught.”
“Are you serious, Sebastian?” I point toward the peak. “We’re about
to scale one of the most difficult mountains in the world and you’re smoking?
What the fuck?”
Sebastian drops his head a little, feigning shame. “I’m sorry. I
couldn’t resist. Besides, the nicotine doesn’t affect me way up here like it
does when I’m way down there. It’s different. Less toxic.”
Huh?
“Whatever, man.” I walk ahead.
“Wait, wait, wait.” He pulls on my jacket. “I wanted to talk to you
about something important.” He walks faster to keep up with me. “I’m going
to ask Racine to marry me when we get back to Islamabad, before we have to
head back to London.”
I scrunch my face. “Are you sure you’re ready for another wife,
Sebastian?”
“No, but I love her. Or at least I think I do. So, I’m going to marry
her. At least that’s my plan.” He chuckles. “I was thinking what if I did
something romantic like ask her when we get to the summit. You know,

proposing marriage on the second highest peak in the world. I don’t think it’s
something she’d ever forget. The proposal to rival all proposals.”
Yeah, sure...
But that’s if you can see her face through the likely thick falling
snow.
That’s if you don’t collapse from exhaustion before you pull the ring
out.
That’s if the cold doesn’t freeze you into a solid block of ice.
“Yes, sounds good either way, okay.” I look up at the clouds,
observing their shape and the way they drift over the surrounding jagged
peaks. So beautiful and easy in their movement as they glide across the night
sky. Still dense. Impossible to touch. Elusive. Out-of-bloody-reach.
“Yeah, it does,” Sebastian says, partly earning my attention once
more.
I’m still staring at the sky when he whacks me in the shoulder.
“Annika’s husband is dead.” Sebastian stares at me blankly.
“Oh.”
“Yeah, Winston told me. He perished right up there.” He points up to
the summit.
I grunt in response.
“He was one hell of a climber.” Sebastian whistles. “He loved to free
solo.”
“I see.”
Sebastian smiles. “She’s a widow, man, just be gentle with her.”
“I have no plans to do anything with her.”
When had that changed?
Sebastian regards me as though I’ve sprouted another nose.
“Whattttt?”
I keep walking when Sebastian slows his gait.
“Not even when we make it back to Askole?” He wipes a hand across
his face.

“No.” My response is terse.
Yes.
No.
Yes.
Christ!
“Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Wait a minute, Kai. You seem confused.”
Sebastian laughs, patting my chest softly, halting my gait.
“I’m not confused.”
He looks behind me, toward the tent where Hanna and Anni are still
talking. “What happened back there?”
I exhale. “Nothing.”
Sebastian jerks his head back. “Kai, come on. I’m your best friend.”
Just the mention of the moniker reminds me I’ve known this man all
my life. We would spend the summers scaling Lulworth Cove for seashells
while our parents sat on the shoreline sharing laughs and enjoying cider and
ginger tea.
Sebastian and I were young then. We measured our penises from time
to time and had pissing contests often, attempting to see who could aim the
farthest. We saw girls as strange creatures we only wanted to do dirty things
to and ditch after...just as we do now. Maybe, just maybe, Sebastian has now
abandoned his wild ways, which only leaves me swimming in the mire.
“Surely, you can tell me you made it at least to first base with the
professor.”
I stare him down and pick up speed again, maneuvering over some of
the larger rocks. “I didn’t.”
And I probably never will...
I shake off all the weirdness from my skin and suck in desperately
needed fresh air.
My spirit becomes a little more alive when I spot the bonfire roaring
ahead and the climbers who are circled around it. Ugh. I stop immediately
when I see those two fools I’d met back in the teahouse in Askole. Madman
is shirtless, drinking a beer and dancing. Shit for Brains is doing a handstand,

trying to see how long he can hold it.
“What is it?” Sebastian’s head dips forward.
“Nothing.” We start off walking again.
“Do you know those guys?” Sebastian laughs.
“They’re just kids,” I mutter.
We make it closer to the bonfire.
Sebastian stares up at the mountain. “I can’t believe we’re here yet
again.”
“Yeah, me neither.”
“I’m going to get to the top no matter what.” His words are a promise.
“Yeah, me too.”
His eyes narrow. “How much are you willing to sacrifice this time?”
I scratch my chin.
Probably everything...
“I want to go down in history.” Sebastian’s smile could light up the
Himalayas. “And I know you do too.”
“I’m not doing this to go down in history, Sebastian.”
He slants his head to the side, looking me over. “Really?”
“Yes, really.”
“Okay, man. I’ll leave that for you to sort out in your therapy
sessions.” He laughs.
I exhale big and long, observing Madman and Shit for Brains when
they toss beer on the bonfire, making it roar, its orange flames stretching up
to the sky.
They’re angry, just like the lies I’ve told Anni earlier. The ones I hope
she’ll let rest.

Annika
THIS IS WHERE SHIT gets real.
The fun and games are over. We are hours away from climbing.
All preparations have been made for tomorrow. All prayers have been
said.
We-are-ready-to-roll.
Placing my thermos down, I trace a finger over the map in front of me.
I pull my jacket tighter, blocking out as much of the chill as I can. All of us
are huddled together in the mess tent.
“We’ll depart in the morning at zero six hundred. We will have about a
three to four-hour climb.” I nod and look around, making sure everyone
understands. When my eyes connect with Kai’s, he lowers them. “According
to the report from Ollie, the weather will be good tomorrow. The bad weather
has passed. We won’t have a stitch of wind.” I tap on the map. “I trust this
route. There will be no deviation from this path. My main concern after
reaching here”—I point to the spot where the Cesen Route reconnects with
the Abruzzi Spur—“is that we have so many climbers on this mountain.
There are more than ten teams here.” I trace a line along the page and tap
where my index finger stops. “Once we get here, between Camp 2 and Camp
3, if we make it to this section all at once, we’ll have more than fifty people
making their way up on a series of fixed single lines. It will be a horrible
queue.”
Winston groans.
Kai’s hand is over his mouth. I ignore his weird body language.
Gilda shivers.
Racine just looks bewildered.
Sebastian’s eyes are narrowed.
Musa mutters, “Hell yeah.”
I shake away my annoyance.
“You will be pushed to your limit. You will be exhausted. And there
will be lots and lots and lots of waiting.” I pull my hat on tighter. “As I’m
sure you already know, there’s a lot of waiting when it comes to climbing
these peaks.” I rock my head from side to side. “Waiting for other climbers.

Waiting for the weather to clear. Waiting to catch your breath.”
Everyone laughs.
“Crampons on tomorrow, along with helmets. Check the weight of your
rucksack. Make sure your boots are comfortable.” I motion with my hand.
“You know the drill.”
They all mutter their confirmation.
“When we get up to Camp 1 we’ll spend some time up there for a bit,
then descend back to Advance Base Camp to complete our acclimatization
rotation. Then, we’ll do it all over again before we head up to Camp 2.”
I get a few screw-faces.
Others nod in understanding.
It takes the human body approximately three to six weeks to fully
acclimate to high altitude. While you’re acclimatizing your body produces
more red blood cells to counteract the lower oxygen saturation in your blood.
Your endurance at these elevations will never be the same as it would be at
sea level. “Climb high and sleep low,” as the saying goes. It’s the maxim. It
means you can climb more than 365 meters a day—1,000 feet—as long as
you descend and sleep at a lower altitude.
At higher altitudes, the human body works harder to produce oxygen,
even in physically fit people, which in some cases can cause high blood
pressure. The only way to combat this is to ascend as slowly as we can. But,
it’s clear that a few climbers around here seem to have a schedule to keep...
I keep talking. “On the ascent tomorrow, we’re going to have a lot of
snow, some of it knee-deep in areas. On the descent, there’ll be a lot of
repelling. We’ll do the checks, and of course, I’ll be out front with Paula and
Pemba. But still, please keep your eye out for suspect ropes before you attach
your life to them. Understood?”
“Yes, ma’am.” Tyrone smiles and so does everyone else.
I keep talking. “Tomorrow, it’s all slope. It’s relatively secure, but
there’s still a danger of rock and ice falling.”
“Yeah, we know,” Tyrone says. “I’ll have my trusty skull protector
on.”
“Does everyone understand?” I regard each and every face in front of

me and get head nods from all parties present.
“Good.” I fold the map and shove it in my jacket. “Any other
questions?”
“Why are you here, Annika?” Sebastian’s eyes narrow.
Then, so do mine.
It feels like an entire minute literally t...i...c...k...s by and for a
millisecond my mind drifts somewhere I don’t want to be...into a fleeting
memory.
Sebastian’s question is simple, but it holds a complicated answer.
Kai clearing his throat yanks me back into the present.
I run a hand down my cheek and look everyone in this summit party in
the eyes. “I’m here to get to the top.” I shove my hands into my jacket
pockets. “Why are you here? Each one of you. I suppose it’s a fair question.”
It’s the moment of all moments when I question human motivation—
what makes us do the things we do. And regardless of what each of them
says, except for one or two, the rest of them will lie.
“I’m here to get to the top,” Sebastian says.
“I’m here to get to the top,” Gilda says.
“I’m here to get to the top,” Racine says, then glances at Sebastian.
I blink just once at the way she adores him. It’s utterly sickening.
“I’m here to protect old boy.” Winston slaps Kai’s shoulder a few
times.
“I’m here to be famous,” Musa drawls with a smirk.
At least he’s honest.
“Same.” Lifting a hand, Tyrone laughs out loud.
“Kai,” I say softly. “Why are you here?”
His gray eyes are soft. His smile is handsome. “I’m here to get to the
top.”
I nod.
“Well then, everyone, please get a good night’s sleep and tomorrow
we’ll be on our way.” Clapping, whistling, and hooting follow.

I leave the tent and wander into the night air. When I make it to my
feet, I breathe in deep, ruminating over the question I was just asked. Shaking
my head, I force the thoughts away. I need a clear head tomorrow. And I
won’t function like a woman leading a team of climbers up the second
highest peak in the world if I keep thinking about things I just want to damn
well forget.
The wind that blows over me like an old friend stings my cheeks, and
just like the snow on the jagged peaks that belong to the bitch ahead, my
thoughts drift.
His cheeks are cool to the touch. His breathing is labored. His hand
squeezes mine, but every minute that passes his reflexes become weaker and
weaker, and I know he’s leaving me...
I pull his jacket closed tighter, trying my best in these frigid
temperatures to keep him warm, so that the only part of his body that’s
visible is his face. His chest expands with a labored breath. His eyes had shut
hours ago, and all his clear sentences had gradually morphed into
unintelligible murmurs. I must listen closely to his words, but I can still
understand them.
“Anni.” His fingers twitch around my hand.
“Yes.” I inch closer to him, peering into his face, running my hand
over his bearded cheek, noticing the slight droop where all the muscles had
died. It’s clear he’s had a stroke. Jesse must know. But I make no mention of
it. What’s the point?
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” He repeats the words over and over.
I wipe away my tears. “It’s okay, Jesse. It’s okay.”
“Please forgive me.” His eyes open slowly, with effort, and he regards
me with a look I’ve never seen before. One laced with guilt and so much
regret. “I’ve always loved you, Anni. Always.”
“I know.” I sniffle. “I know.” I stroke his hair, accepting that the dex
I’d given him a few hours ago hadn’t worked or helped one bit.
He’s too far gone.
The wind rips over the tent, rocking it so much I fear it’s about to blow
off this ledge where I’d hammered it down. If it did, I don’t think I’d mind.
Living a life without Jesse just isn’t one I’m interested in at all. Only one

thing keeps me from drifting into the next world with him. Just one.
“I’ve been in love with you, Anni, since the first time I saw you wearing
those little white shorts.” He manages a laugh. “You were so pretty with that
harness around your waist, dusting the chalk off your hands. Your hair was
back in a braid.” He smiles. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen a woman so
pretty.” A horrendous noise explodes from his chest when he exhales. It’s too
much fluid in his lungs. He’s drowning in it. He won’t last much longer...I
know this much.
I try my best to savor the last few minutes we have.
But he’s leaving my world.
This is it.
There’s nothing I can do to stop it.
Not even with my prayers. Not in this horrific weather. Not in the
dead zone.
We’ve already been here for far too long...
His eyes are still open. “Take care of him, Anni.”
“I will.”
“Promise me, you’ll take care of him.”
I nod furiously, swallowing back my tears. “I promise, Jesse. I will. I
love you.”
He smiles, and it remains for a few seconds. “I love you.” A long
exhale follows.
And then...nothing.

Kai
WE LIE IN THE dark.
Paramore’s “Misguided Ghosts” echoes softly from the radio. When
the song finishes, I reach out, click it off, and stretch out even more.
Her soft breathing that mixes in with the whistling winds outside
confirms she isn’t asleep. The temperature has dropped a lot. And the more I
squirm to get comfortable, the more uncomfortable I become. I’m not sure if
it’s the cold that has me on edge or the realization that I have no clue what’s
running through the pretty little head of the woman who rests next to me.
“Anni,” I whisper.
“Yes.” She takes long to respond.
“I’m sorry about that earlier. The thing with H—” I search for her
name.
“Hanna,” Anni says flatly.
“Yes, Hanna.”
I feel her shrug through her sleeping bag. “It’s none of my business.”
I exhale.
“It’s to be expected from a man such as yourself.”
Such as yourself?
I smile, feeling like I’ve been kicked in the balls, in each nut with the
ultimate precision.
“I just want to make it clear that whatever you think you’ve got going
on with yourself...you know, the hot-sexy-rich-adventurous-man thing
happening...when it comes to me, your charm doesn’t work.”
“Okay.” I laugh just a little.
“Okay, and under no circumstances. Now, later, or ever, will we be
getting naked together.”
Ouch.
This time I really do laugh. “So, you’ve thought about it then?”
She makes a funny sound and squirms in her bag.

“I take that question back. I don’t think it’s one I need to ask,” I say.
More silence.
“You hurt that poor girl’s feelings.” She twists around to face me.
I’m surprised she doesn’t point out that the woman who visited our tent
less than a few hours before is likely more than half my age. A “mountain
groupie” I’d heard Gilda call women of her type. The ones who chase
mountaineers all over the world, hoping to mount them at all costs.
“Did I?” I play dumb.
“Are you going to pretend you don’t really know her?”
“Um, ah, no. I think we’d met before back in Askole, I believe.”
“Is that why you couldn’t remember her name?”
“I suppose it was.”
“Uh-huh.”
It’s quiet for a while.
“I’m sorry about your husband,” I tell her, waiting for her to reply, but
she doesn’t need to. I feel the grief she’s holding wash over us like a
poisonous wave. It fills every inch of this dark tent until it feels like we’re
surrounded by swamp water. And for the first time since I’ve met Anni I
wonder how she’s managed all these years to carry around such sadness
without drowning in it.
“Has he been gone for a long time?” I ask.
Anni swallows a few times, then lets out a tiny breath. “Yes, a while,
years now.”
I suck in a deep breath. “You never married again?”
“No.” She exhales, then laughs a little. “No man could ever replace
Jesse.”
I sink into the sound of her soft voice, wanting to hear the story,
reveling in the realization that I’m lying next to a woman just listening to her
talk. I’ve never wanted to hear one’s stories like the way I want to hear
Anni’s.
“Can you talk more about him?” I ask.
“No.” Her response is abrupt before she rolls over.

The previous hope I had that I’d get more out of her tanks like a bad
movie.
I wait, still hoping she’ll talk.
“Do you have children?” I whisper.
“Yes, one. I have a son. Do you have any children?”
“No.” The question is absurd. “The lifestyle I have has never allowed
me the space or time for children.”
“If it had, do you think you’d have them?”
“Still, probably not.”
She grunts. “I could’ve guessed that.”
Chuckling a little, I explain. “I travel too much. I have no home, so to
say. I never stay in the same spot for too long.”
“And your family doesn’t mind?”
“After all these years, I suppose they’re used to it. I’ve been climbing
all my life, and even while I was in university, I still didn’t stop.”
“Sounds like a wonderful life.”
It was.
“It is.” I’m grateful she can’t see my grimace under the cloak of
darkness.
I push away the thought that in the past five years, I’ve probably jilted
more than ten women. Two others have proposed to me, to which I’ve
refused their heartfelt attempts to strap me down. To force me to make a life
with them under the guise of being in love with me when all they really
wanted to do was to change me.
No, thanks.
They were all too young. Young. Dumb. Desperate to be full of my
cum.
The rich, spoiled, princess types who could never dream of ever being
outside of the confines of their splendid Kensington Park Road apartments.
“Can you talk about your son?”
“Sure.” Her voice smiles. “He’s great.”

“Is he like you or your husband?”
“Gabe...” Anni laughs. “In a lot of ways, he’s like both of us, but in
some not at all.”
“Tell me.”
“Well,” she says softly. “He loves meat and I could never get myself to
eat the stuff much until one day he barbequed some baby back ribs, basting
sauce all over the thing like he was in love with it. Anyways, I haven’t been
able to stop eating pork ribs since.”
I chuckle.
“Gabe is gentle and kind and has a laugh that’ll make you laugh.”
“Uh-huh.”
“You know that type of laugh?” She giggles.
I chuckle. “Yeah, I do.”
It’s like yours...
“He was a sweet baby who always slept through the night. He laughed
a lot and was just a treasure to be around. When he was little, I stayed up at
night for hours watching him sleep and listening to his little baby breaths
while he was in dreamland. He was just everything to me, to us. Just
everything.”
I open my mouth to speak, but Anni talks before I get the chance to say
anything.
“Gabe is a student at King’s College in London. He’s going to be a
lawyer one day. Or a barrister. I think that’s what you English folks call them
there.”
“Wow, that’s wonderful, Annika.”
“I know,” she gushes. “I’m so proud of him. I can’t wait until he’s
finished.”
“Why did he pick London?”
“A friend of mine, Ainsley, who had moved back to London, lives there
with her daughter. Gabe wanted to be close to her if he was going to be far

away from me. It all made sense when he finally announced the list of
universities that had accepted him.”
“I see.”
“You live in London, don’t you?”
I have a postal address in London...
“Yes, but never full-time. I was always passing through.”
She hums in understanding.
“It’s a lively city with lots to do, but it’s never quite been my cup of
tea,” I admit.
“Why not?”
I rub my cheek a few times. “I know people assume that I am, but I’m
not a city boy...” I was born in the countryside where the air was fresh, and
the cowslips and dog roses grew wild. I was always drawn to places near the
sea whenever I could be close to it, but that opportunity only came around
once in a while.
We lived in a large flat in Kensington with two butlers, a maid, and a
chauffeur. This is the part of my story I don’t like talking about. The piece of
it that will only confirm to you I am, in fact, the rich, spoiled brat Anni thinks
I am.
But it isn’t my fault, I swear it.
Catherine tried her best to keep me grounded.
And less like my father.
But there are many traits I’ve inherited from Alfred that even to this
day I’m trying to purge myself of like I’ve eaten a bad plate of sushi. And in
this case, as bizarre as this sounds, it’s more difficult than it seems.
My entire life I’ve looked up to Alfred. He was handsome in his
younger years and has always been an intelligent man. He was close with his
own father, who had fought in the war and who had steered him toward
serving in the military too. Alfred had reached colonel by the time he was
twenty-five years old. After that, he went on to become a revered climber. A
man the world spoke about with great respect. They worshipped him, as I did.

I lived to please Alfred. Did everything he expected of me, but none of
it was ever enough. None of it earned his respect or the approving nod of his
head. Not excelling in my studies at school. Not learning how to properly
construct a bird box. Not making Catherine the most perfect birthday card
ever out of glitter and crayons.
But when I first showed him my interest in climbing, things changed.
Back then, Alfred was my biggest fan. He supported me. He cheered
me on.
I was his son. I made him proud. I could do nothing wrong after that.
I got lost in his adoration.
But, just as they always say, it’s impossible for both sides of a coin to
be shiny.
Alfred was abusive—verbally and emotionally—toward me. And
physically toward Catherine. He was cruel. He was a philanderer. He was the
type of man who held a grudge into the next dimension. If you displeased
him, you’d never be able to outrun the shadow of disappointment that
followed you for eternity in his eyes.
But, I adored him, so, so much still.
Alfred is/was my hero.
Gradually, with every mountain I climbed, Alfred’s excitement
waned. All he could do then was focus on the ones I hadn’t ascended, rather
than praise me for the summits I’d reached. It became almost impossible to
please him. Still, I never stopped trying.
I lie on my side staring at Anni’s back.
“I guess your admittance that you aren’t a city boy comes as a big
surprise. I imagine a man like you out on the glitzy party scene, drinking
champagne and dropping euros on the naked, rhinestone-covered, oil-slicked
butts of strippers on the weekends.”
“No.” I exhale. “I’ve never lived a life like that.”
She turns to face me. “Never?” The disbelief in her voice is
unmistakable.

“No, never.”
She shifts closer to me, allowing me to catch a whiff of everything her.
I breathe it all in. Soft. Crisp. Rejuvenating. Like oxygen. I want to touch her,
just my palm to her cheek, but that would be one great mistake. Besides,
she’d bite me...
“What’s your mother like?” she asks.
I groan. “She’s wonderful. The perfect mother. A woman I completely
adore.”
“Weird.”
“Huh?”
“The man who is in love with his mother treats other women as if
they’re disposable.”
“Those women have nothing to do with how I treat my mother.”
“Oh, but they do, Kai. Everything is connected.”
“That isn’t true. A woman’s worth has no connection to another’s—
future, past, or present. They’re separate. Distinct. No one woman is the
same. They all affect a man differently. His head. His heart. His brain.”
“And how do I affect you?”
“You don’t affect me at all, Anni.”
I’m such a liar...but a good one nonetheless.
With her soft breath, that sensation crawls over me again, which makes
me feel there’s a large hole inside of this woman. One she either can’t fill or
doesn’t want to. Or simply doesn’t know how to do it. It’s something I
understand, though I hate to admit it.
Little by little, I believe she’s letting me into her world.
Reaching up, I palm her cheek. The tiny breath along with the dramatic
jerk of her body tell me I’ve stunned her. Violated her space. Confirmed that
her biting promise is as unreliable as a politician’s. In any case, I am not a
man to be threatened.
Anni only lies stiff and frozen beneath my touch.

When my watch beeps, her skin glows green and beautiful. Her seablue eyes look more enchanting, but her expression is anything but. She’s
terrified.
And soft.
And calm.
And with a sweet face full of pure lust.
And all I want to do is keep her warm and toasty, for now.
Not bang her. Not kiss her. But protect her.
I pull my hand away and click the side button on my watch, letting the
interior of the tent slip back into darkness once more. “We all
compartmentalize our lives from time to time to keep ourselves sane.”
Anni snickers. “I know the feeling.”
I laugh too, and she keeps laughing. Perhaps, I’ve just uttered the
perfect words.
Ones she understands.
Ones that make her believe a little more in me.
Ones that make me seem like less of an asshole.
“You remind me of someone.” Her whisper perks up my ears.
“Sorry, I can’t say the same thing, Anni. You’re unlike any woman I’ve
ever met.”
She shifts where she lies.
I edge closer. The friction from our sleeping bags fills the quiet air.
When I’m comfortable again, I let out a huff.
I feel like the little boy with a new toy who wants to know how it
works. Its features. The tiny mechanisms that make it go. I’d stay up all night
trying to figure it all out, but I know it’ll take a lot longer with Anni.
She’ll never tell me her secrets...
Annoyance barrels through me when I can’t even figure out why I’m
trying so goddamn hard, but I keep going anyways. “Will you ever talk to me

about Jesse?”
“No,” she whispers. “Will you ever admit that you have an ego bigger
than Antarctica?”
“Antarctica is a big place.” I bark out just one laugh.
“Will you ever admit it, Kai?” Her tone is dead serious.
“No,” I say softly, realizing that with my answer it just got much, much
colder in this tent.

En route
Annika
WE’RE MOVING AT A steady pace.
The grunts and groans of achy backs, and legs, and the pace of heavy
breaths as we all move, putting one boot in front of the other and moving
across the blinding white terrain, fill the chilly air.
I readjust my snow goggles and loosen the scarf around my neck,
peering up ahead where Igor, Pemba, and Paula make it to a rocky section.
They pull on the ropes there, making sure they’re good.
The climbers who have taken this route long before us do their best to
cut down all the old fraying ropes, but some of them still drape down the side
of this mountain like dodgy invitations, ready to kill the unsuspecting
climbers who clip themselves to them and don’t realize the ropes themselves
are older than Betty White.
Pemba gives another rope a good jerk, one I’m assured will throw out
his back, but of course it doesn’t. When he’s satisfied, he nods to Paula with
a stiff face.
Paula spins around and with her index finger and thumb gives me the
“okay.”
Igor checks the altimeter on his wrist and signals with two fingers to
me, which means we have at least two more hours left in this climb before we
can rest and pitch our tents. I send him back the “okay” in a hand signal.
I dig my crampons into the step already kicked out in the snow by the
climbers who came before, lean forward, and curl my fingers around the
straps of the rucksack on my back, putting my entire body into my next step.
The sky is a pristine blue and the sun blazes my cheeks where I’d
painted them with sunblock before we set off. The combination of a soft wind
chill, low temperatures, and the hot sun beating down on us sends the human
body in a frenzy, unsure if it should cool itself off or keep itself warm.
I pull the scarf from around my neck off completely and shove it into
my pocket.
Stalling for a minute, I peer up at the rocky section we’re about to

approach and grit my teeth. The pitch of this slope is almost about a 140degree angle.
Pemba’s boots are already loosening rocks, sending them bouncing
down our way. I dip my head left when a few pebbles ping their way past me.
“Fuck,” I mutter, making a hand signal to everyone beneath me to look
up.
We’re all clipped in and making a decent enough ascent that we’d
make it to Camp 1 before lunch-time since we’d set off at dawn.
I hang out around the middle, keeping an eye on the team above and
just below. It’s a good vantage point.
I pay particular attention to Sebastian, who now hangs out with the
porters. He’s first in line among them, always.
I chuckle at that fact.
Musa is just behind Sebastian. His head hangs low and he’s paying
careful attention to each step he makes in the snow. Surprisingly, I haven’t
seen him pull his trusty iPhone out for the last few hours. He seems like he’s
working hard just to focus.
Gilda has been quiet. Her eyes have been fixed on her boots, which
she’d told me have been uncomfortable. Nothing but irritation skittered
through me when only a few hours ago she informed me that the boots she’s
now wearing are borrowed because she’d forgotten her own at the teahouse
she had been staying in back in Askole.
I could only exhale a pissed-off breath.
It certainly wasn’t what I wanted to hear.
Climbing in borrowed boots is like driving another driver’s draft car on
race day when you’re going for the championship cup. Or wearing someone
else’s glasses when you can’t see. Or riding another jockey’s Quarter Horse
you’ve never been on before in your life at the derby. Anyways, you get the
gist...
With the next step Gilda takes, her face twists in torture.
I lift one foot in front of the other and keep climbing.
“We have wind coming in from the northwest, Annika,” Ollie’s voice
crackles through the satphone attached to my side. “Snow conditions are

good. Visibility for the next twenty-four hours will be around a mile.”
I nod.
“No threat of avalanches at the moment from what I’m told.”
I nod and keep trudging.
The weather up here can change abruptly. In the morning you could
be basking under the sun. By midday, there’ll be no wind. And by the
evening you could find yourself smack in the middle of a blizzard. Forecasts
are often completely useless. Any climber that checks the weather once
before they set off are sorely mistaken. The weather conditions must be
checked on the hour, every hour, as often as we check the damn time.
Anything less is too risky.
Ollie mumbles something to himself before he addresses me through
the satphone. “I can see you.”
I laugh a little, knowing that Ollie is down far below at base camp
standing outside watching us through his high-powered binoculars.
“You guys are making good headway and moving at a steady pace,”
Ollie says. “Why don’t you wave for me, Annika.” The guitar rift of Pink
Floyd’s “High Hopes” that flows through the satphone interrupts my thoughts
for a moment. The tune yanks me into a memory from long ago when Jesse
used to play The Dark Side of the Moon album on loop when we were at
home, usually when we were preparing to barbeque outside. It didn’t matter
if it was summer or winter. We barbequed anyways. Jesse was usually
smoking a spliff and I was always sitting in front of my laptop finishing off
the day’s assignments and marking papers.
I get lost for a moment, so lost...
“Annika,” Ollie says, jerking me out of my daydream.
“Yeah, yes, Ollie. I’m here.”
“Wave for me,” Ollie says.
Without a second thought, I shoot my hand up in the air and wave it
around.
“I see you.” Ollie laughs. “You’re looking good and strong, as always,
Annika.”
“Thanks, Ollie.”

“I’m always watching from down here. We might lose comms. We
shouldn’t, but if we ever do, just know I’ll still be watching you if the
visibility is good,” Ollie says.
“And if it isn’t?” I toss the possibility out there.
Ollie groans. “We don’t want to think about that, Anni, because that
won’t happen,” he says, knowing the reality that dips and lulls in
communication frequently occur and that it’s quite possible we could be
moving blind up here with no communication at all.
It’s the same thing that happened the last time I was on this bitch.
It’s the same thing that happened on Annapurna.
It’s the same thing that happened on Mount Vinson.
But luckily, we survived.
At least I had.
“But you’re holding tight up there, right, Annika?” Ollie asks.
“Yes, of course.”
“Okay.” His voice is soothing. “Okay, that’s good.”
“Yes, it is!” I manage my most enthusiastic voice, bullshitting.
“I’m your eyes and ears, Annika,” Ollie says.
“I know, Ollie.”
“Good then. Over and out, Annika.”
“Over and out, Ollie,” I say back before the conversation ends.
“Hey.” A soft nudge in the shoulder accompanies the short greeting.
I ignore the deep, familiar voice and take two more steps uphill.
The summit party does the same.
We climb.
“Hey.” The deep voice repeats itself.
“Yes, Kai.”
The smile in his voice is evident. I don’t even question how he’s
made it just behind me when he was so far down below where I hoped to
fuck he’d stay.

“You have a good stride. You pace yourself well,” he compliments.
“I suppose it comes with age,” I grumble, moving along.
He laughs. “I think so too.”
“Yeah.”
“When I was much younger I’d speed to the top. I’d race to the end. I’d
exhaust my body, not allowing myself the chance to savor and get to know
these heights.”
“I’m not surprised.”
He laughs. “I knew you’d say that.”
“Am I becoming predictable?”
He takes long to answer. “No.”
Lie.
“Are you saying I’m boring?” I ask him.
“No.”
Lie.
“Do you think you know me?” I question.
“No.”
Lie.
Pressing my lips together, I keep my chuckle down. “You think you’re
a good liar, don’t you?”
“No.”
Lie again!
The breath that escapes me is aggravated and unimpressed.
“I’ve been nothing but friendly to you, Anni, since the day we met.”
I nod.
“Are you always like this?” he questions.
I pause for a second, noticing the hard jerk on the rope from someone
below. When I swing to my left, I catch sight of Winston, who almost loses
his balance, then quickly regains it with a laugh.
Once again, I’m reminded that just because someone can make it on

this peak, doesn’t mean they should be up here. This mountain doesn’t have a
prerequisite. It isn’t like getting a promotion or graduating to the next step. If
the permit fee is paid, porters are hired, and supplies are purchased. With
luck and some mula, even Fat Bastard could make a try for the summit.
“He shouldn’t be up here.” I keep moving.
“Well, there’s no talking to that old man.” Kai instantly knows who I’m
referring to. “He’s in tip-top shape. Don’t let a little trip and fall make you
write him off. That old man is as strong as a water ox, believe me.”
I smile.
“I once watched that man survive a rattlesnake bite to the ass cheek.
He’s had every affliction from traversing South America in his younger years
from malaria to diphtheria. He’s been attacked by blood-sucking assassin
bugs. And he’s even been shot in the chest once, just above his heart. I assure
you one mishap up here won’t take him down.”
“I suppose I can take your word for it, Kai.”
“I love the way my name sounds on your tongue, Anni.”
Stop calling me Anni!
I bite back my grin. “Do you realize we’re on the side of a mountain
and you’re attempting to flirt with me?”
“We’re just having a conversation, Anni,” he says blithely, taking
more steps behind me. “You don’t always have to be so sensitive.”
I completely freeze and turn slightly to give him a glare.
Ugh.
It’s the only three letters that go skittering through my psyche when I
look at this man’s gorgeous face—chiseled with good edges that make him
look neither rough nor like a pretty boy. They’re a perfect mixture. Like a
well-made martini. And as we know, a good martini is hard to come by.
He smiles, showing me all his pearly whites. My eyes skitter to the
scruff around his jaw that decorates his tanned skin. His snow goggles cover
his eyes this morning and his dirty-blond locks are pulled back high up on his
head in a messy man-bun that couldn’t look more fitting.
This dude looks like he’s part surfer boy, jungle man, and
mountaineer.

And while the rest of us are wearing jackets, this man has stripped out
of his and down to his thermal sweater, giving me the chance to ogle parts of
him I either haven’t seen before or have taken no time to notice. I mean, I
always knew he was big, but to see it carved out in front of me is
breathtaking, as if I’m looking at a Michelangelo sculpture in the flesh.
Broad chest. Carved abs that poke through the material that covers
them. Thick forearms of a working man with sinewy veins and along one of
them is a tattoo of a black crow.
Blue bloods have tatts?
I’m unable to stop the way my brows bend severely in shock.
Kai tosses me another smile that’s bright and beaming.
Bastard.
He’s keenly aware I’m checking him out.
“Like what you see?” He lifts a thick, tawny brow.
“Are we moving up?” Tyrone’s voice cuts through my daze.
Unable to believe I’m stuck in a lust bubble this far up in the clouds, I
want to slap myself. “Um, yeah. Sorry, Tyrone.” I spin around and keep
trudging upward.
“This weather is BEAUTIFUL!” Tyrone laughs.
“Keep your bloody voice down before you start an avalanche,” Kai
snaps.
“Nah, I couldn’t start an avalanche around here if I tried. I’m too
damn lucky,” Tyrone grumbles. “It’s too perfect. Too gorgeous. Everything
about here is too bloody incredible!” He fakes a dramatic English accent then
takes a few labored breaths.
“It’s quite hard to talk when you’re trudging uphill, isn’t it?” Kai
points out.
Tyrone’s chuckle bounces off the small rocks we pass.
“I suppose if we keep on this way, by the time we get to the end you
won’t have anything left to say at all.” Kai laughs. “You talk too fucking
much, man.”
“The ladies seem to love it, don’t they, Annika?” Tyrone laughs.

Someone below yanks on the line again, hard.
My scowl returns when I twist around to see what’s going on.
It’s Winston again with his crooked walk. The poor man looks
exhausted. Or, he’s drunk. My brows knot. He can’t be drunk, right? I
shudder and face forward once more.
“Yeah, I don’t mind the sound of your voice, Tyrone.” I smile.
Kai frowns as he searches my face, then his expression is impassive
once more.
Unreadable.
“Can you believe somewhere in the world it’s July?” Tyrone
chuckles. “Somewhere someone is lounging on the beach, catching the sun,
drinking a strawberry margarita!”
“Could’ve been you, Tyrone?” Kai teases.
“Yes, it could’ve been me. I’ve missed every NASCAR race since
I’ve been in this godforsaken country. But I guess it’s worth it.”
“I’ve never seen NASCAR,” Kai admits.
“You’re a Brit, so it doesn’t surprise me you never have.” Tyrone
groans.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Kai questions.
Tyrone doesn’t answer him.
“I have,” I say aloud.
“That’s what I’m talking about. A woman who loves cars and speed
and racing. I couldn’t think of anything sexier!”
Kai groans.
I say nothing more.
The sight of the other summit teams making their way up to Camp 1
ahead comes into view.
“Whooooo! That pretty Hanna girl is with the Malaysian team ahead,
Kai.” Tyrone whistles. “She’s tellin’ everybody around here how you laid the
pipe on her back in Askole!” Tyrone cackles.
Kai chokes on nothing. “Whattttt?”

BOOM.
Kai asks the questions as if he has no clue what Tyrone is talking
about.
Like he forgot who he’s recently been naked with.
Not that it’s any of my business...
Playing dumb seems to be the Prince of the Peaks’ forte.
“You got that pretty girl losing her shit up here. She’s all
brokenhearted over you.” Tyrone mumbles something I can’t quite make out.
“You must’ve put it on her goooood!”
Spinning around, I face Kai’s contrite expression. He wipes at the
non-existent sweat from his skin, then lowers his head when he checks his
footing.
The action seems like a conscious effort to avoid my eyes, but I can’t
be sure, since we are standing on the side of a mountain.
I inhale sharply through my nose, unsure of why some semblance of
rage prickles my skin at the news that he had touched that poor woman who’s
got to be at least twenty years his junior.
Manwhore.
Manipulator.
Liafuckingbility.
“So, what she’s saying ain’t true?” Tyrone keeps going.
“Tyrone, please just shut the hell up,” Kai drawls.
“Okay, man. I’m sorry. I’m just kidding with you.”
“Well, that’s funny, because I’m not laughing, Tyrone. Only you are,”
Kai says.
“Okay, yeah, yeah, you’re right. I’ll stop messin’ with you.” Tyrone
laughs.
“Instead of that gig you have with ESPN, I’d say you’d have a pretty
good shot at writing the gossip column for Glamour Girl Magazine,” Kai
murmurs.
“Yeah, man. You know what...you’re probably right.” Tyrone laughs
even more.

I only shake my head.
It goes eerily quiet.
The mood has most definitely been murdered, it seems.
I’m fine with the silence.
Pemba makes it to the crest of where Camp 1 is up ahead, then Paula
follows. One by one we trudge through the fluffy white snow and look
around, happy to be on a relatively flat surface once more. I suck in the fresh,
crisp air and spin around, absorbing the Gasherbrum peaks in the distance.
White. White. White.
It’s everywhere, like an endless blanket that doesn’t keep you warm.
Kai drops down into the snow next to me, pulling his knees up to his
chest.
I glance at him for a few counts.
He removes his snow goggles, smiles, and gifts me with a long look
—one that makes me squirm in my suit.
“What is it?” I slow-blink.
A tiny, annoyed smile appears on his beautiful face.
And I know what he’s thinking even though he hasn’t said it yet.
...I never answered his question.
Oops.

CHAPTER THREE
Camp 1
6,000 meters | 19,685 feet
Kai
I’M ANGRY THAT I’M angry, honestly.
Anni tried to move out...
At least that’s how it feels. Each time we set up camp, she does her
rounds with the team, in whispers, desperately trying to find someone else to
bunk with.
I sniff my armpits just to make sure I don’t smell like a trash heap. I
take a whiff of my breath. I inhale the fresh, outdoorsy aroma that lingers on
the sweater I’m wearing.
All good.
So
what
the
fuck?
I stab my ice axe in the snow with force and finish setting the tent up.
There have been problems since we made it here to Camp 1.
For starters, there are too many climbers here. Many more than we
expected to be here at the same time as us, so it’s overcrowded.
This camp sits on a ledge, well-protected from avalanches, but the
space is cramped. We’d be lucky if any of us could make a move to take a
piss without falling off the edge of one of these cliffs. It’s that tight.
Winston is experiencing a little dizziness, although he won’t admit it.
I’d hate to imagine why. Gilda’s feet are screaming for reprieve along with
new boots and Igor has just informed us he must descend since his young son
back at home has become sick.
I toss him a bit of credit.

Nothing could make me abandon my attempt for the summit. Not a
flesh-eating disease. Not a fracture. Not a sick child. Not even an injured, ill,
dying or dead mother.
Nothing.
Does that make me an asshole?
Probably.
Igor had already made arrangements to descend at dawn tomorrow,
weather permitting. According to the clouds above, that isn’t very
promising...I don’t think there is anything anyone can say to change his mind.
Igor had even offered to have Excelsior refund Sebastian his guide fee.
Surprisingly, Sebastian refused. Likely thinking of what he’d do if his
own son were sick. And still, I’d bet if that ever happened to Sebastian’s son,
he wouldn’t abandon his attempt for this summit.
My head swings to my left when the tangle of voices grows louder.
“I explained that we would be here!” Anni gets in the face of Ajiad,
the expedition leader of the Malaysian team, who have fallen way behind in
their pace.
According to Anni, and as promised by Ajiad, his team should be at
Camp 2 by now, ahead of us, freeing up this space. But unfortunately, one of
their guys took a fall and busted his knee. So two climbers from Ajiad’s team
will be taking him down tomorrow. If Anni had the choice I think she’d roll
the injured climber right out of his tent and send him on his way NOW, so the
rest of the Malaysian team could move ahead.
But no one will be going anywhere until the morning.
Tonight, we’ll have to live with this traffic jam, even if Anni thinks
she can change it.
In the last two hours since we’ve been here, she’s been different.
Angrier. She’s been stomping a warpath ever since we set foot on this snowy
ledge.
“Where should we set up our tents, man? This place is packed.”
Sebastian stands next to me.
Racine lingers behind him, looking on at the huddle ahead who are
having a debate about who should sleep where.

“I say set them up over there.” I point toward a tight spot to my left
that hangs just beneath a rock ledge. “It’s the only spot left.”
“Yeah, this ledge is packed.” Sebastian pulls his hat on tighter.
Racine nods in agreement, trying to temper her shivering.
I spin around to face in the direction of where Anni stands. Her
volume has tripled, and the argument has turned up a few notches. The heat
from the group of them might actually melt all the snow off this mountain.
Taking a deep breath, I decide that while Anni’s trying to fight the
good fight...a fight she won’t win, I might as well make myself useful.
There’s no way Anni is going to win this battle with the Malaysians,
especially now that the orange sun is preparing to sink just beneath the
horizon and the temperature has dropped even lower.
I decide I’ll leave them to deal with the logistics.
I’m exhausted and so is every other climber here. We’re packed tight
like nuns in a clown car. Most of us just want to make tea, get something to
eat, and go to sleep.
When I spot Hanna emerge from her tent, I groan and shift away,
pretending I don’t see her. Even on top of a mountain I can’t seem to avoid
stalkers. When my eyes flicker back up, Hanna is still watching me. And then
I find Anni, watching Hanna, who’s watching me.
Interesting.
With a scoff, hoping to ignore all the nonsense going on around me, I
unzip the tent. Dropping down to my knees, I dip inside and pull the maps
from the front of her rucksack. A Bank of America receipt falls from between
the pages. After taking a look at it, I shove it back into the pocket of the bag.
Spreading out the map, I smooth it with my hand and flinch when I realize a
tiny, loose photograph of a man sits in the middle of the map.
I pluck it up with my fingers and peer at his face.
He isn’t a bad-looking guy. He’s standing at the edge of a cliff, wearing
a baseball cap, a Pink Floyd T-shirt, shorts, and boots, with miles of rope
encircling his shoulder and wearing a harness that hangs off him loosely. He
smiles and stares directly into the lens.
A man only smiles like this for a woman he loves.

It doesn’t take me long to figure it out.
This is Jesse.
Flipping the photograph over, I examine the date and the note on the
back: July 4, 1989, Jack’s Canyon, Arizona—Jesse Weathers, the fire of
my life.
Staring at the photograph for far longer than I should, my mind drifts.
The sun burns in the distance as it peeks just over the horizon.
Wiping the sweat from my face, I take the three rickety steps and
stand in the dust below.
It’s humid as fuck.
The cicadas are in full melody, their song so loud it’s almost
deafening.
The clouds above are quickly closing in and I know it’ll rain soon. It
always rains here. So much so that you fear the wooden structure you
temporarily call home might float away with the downpour.
The people who reside here have been here for centuries.
And they love the rain. In fact, they often pray for it to come. It’s what
makes the terrain so lush and the wildlife just beyond the strangler figs come
alive.
I pull my hat on and let out a breath.
It’s just after five in the morning.
I have a schedule to keep.
Reaching down, I sling my rucksack over my shoulder and take the
few steps I know will change my life forever.
One after the other, my booted feet move down the dusty path that’s
lined with banana trees.
“Kai!” she screams. “Kai, please don’t leave! Please.”
The screen door slams.
Breaths. Rapid. Desperate.
“Pleeeeease!” Her voice is near hysterical.
I grimace.

It’s truly too early in the morning for this shit.
It’s always the same...
They always want too much. More than I can give. This isn’t who I
am. I am not a man who stays. I don’t play house. I keep moving through this
big, wild world, alone...
I pick up my pace, ignoring her shrieks that pain my ears and ache my
chest.
Her feet hit the ground. Each pounding of her two steps tell me she’s
getting closer. But I don’t stop. I never do.
Despite the clawing guilt, the tears that burn my eyes, and the way my
heart somersaults seven times over in my chest, I-don’t-stop.
I have a schedule to keep, as I’ve mentioned already...
“Kai!”
I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.
Squeezing my eyes shut, I exhale the jungle air and keep moving.
“Kai!”
When her fingers curl around my bicep and their sharp nails draw
crimson from my skin, I don’t stop. When her thick tears that fall from her
eyes in a heavy line come into view, I don’t stop. When her voice becomes
hoarse from pleading and screaming my name like it’s a mantra on her lips,
still, I don’t stop.
I never do...
“What are you doing?” Anni blinks at me, yanking me out of my
daze.
I’m stunned for a beat by how wide and blue and angry her eyes are.
“What are you doing?” She snatches the photograph from between
my fingers, then gathers up the map, almost shredding it. “Why in the hell are
you going through my things?” Her expression is horrified. Her eyes are
already watering and that sinking feeling of guilt, bewilderment, and pain I’d
felt on that day all those years ago affects me, right now!
“I-I-I’m sorry, Anni. I was just trying to—”
She shoves everything back into her rucksack and leaves the tent.

I follow, feeling the desperate need to understand.
She goes from tent to tent shouting at people, barking orders, avoiding
my eyes. Her hair trails behind her like wild flames and right now she’s
leaving thick, heavy smoke in her wake.
“I was just trying to help,” I try to explain. “With Igor leaving
tomorrow—”
We make it to the ledge where Sebastian’s tent is pitched.
Anni spins around to face me. Her skin is paler than usual. Her teeth
are tight, jaw clenched. I’m certain her fists are balled at her sides, but I don’t
bother to check. I only focus on her face. “I don’t need your help.”
I jerk my head back in disbelief.
This expedition is falling apart quicker than a bad lie and Anni knows
it.
She speaks of my ego, but hers is bigger than her own common sense.
“You don’t need my help?” I fold my arms across my chest, watching
the panic build on her face. It skitters up from her chin, to that pretty mouth
of hers and right to her gorgeous blue eyes that keep sucking me in like a
fantastic blow job.
“No, I don’t need your help.”
I exhale a breath, keeping my gaze on her face, ignoring the
spectacular view of Broad Peak just behind us and all the surrounding
blinding white along with the clouds that are blowing over.
“You’re going to lead this team to the summit alone?” I slant my
head.
She doesn’t respond.
“You need a new guide, Anni, and I can be it.”
She throws me a stupid smile. “You’ve never even made it to the top,
once.”
I grind my teeth so hard that the pain radiates down the side of my
neck and affects my collarbone. I try my best to ignore her low, low, low
blow.
“Getting to the top at least once is sort of a prerequisite for being a

guide on the mountain you plan to ascend.” She smirks.
I run a hand over my jaw. “You need a new guide.” I press the fact.
“We have enough climbers here to sort this situation out.”
“I can help you—”
She steps closer to me in the way boxers do before the ref touches
their gloves.
Her chin is tipped high. Her nostrils flare with flames she wants to let
loose.
My firefly.
Or the dragon lady?
Her eyes are narrowed, letting me see how thick and pretty her long
lashes are. And the blue. There’s so much blue. Cerulean. Sapphire. Aqua. A
contrasting mixture.
It all swallows me whole. It freezes my insides into a slow-moving
glacier that doesn’t know which way to flow.
Her delectable mouth stretches into a weird smile and her voice
lowers to a Freddy Krueger whisper. “You don’t want to go to war with me
way up here, Kai Alexander Brager.” She gets in my space. She gets all up in
my shit. Like a suspicious detective. As if she has the right to!
And I despise it.
I really, really, really don’t like it.
I cock my head to the side, waiting for her to make the next move.
Although I’ll have to admit that having her this close to me, breathing in her
sweet, ragged breaths, and inhaling the scent of her strands makes me hard as
stone. But if she makes one more step in my space, I’ll throw her right off
this fucking cliff.
She makes one-more-step closer to me.
What in the ever-loving hell?
And I balk just a little despite her tiny size, confused and hating
myself for it.
This woman is an ANIMAL!
One more step she makes my way...

Her boots crunch in the snow. Her heavy breaths fill the space
between us.
My insides BLAZE.
She takes one-more-step and stares me down.
Venom. Heat. Disdain.
She truly doesn’t like me.
I press my lips together tightly at that fact.
I am...going to FUCK this woman one day, hard, face-to-face.
No banners. No frills. No fancy shit.
Just my cock lodged so deep up in her cunt she’ll feel it in the back of
her throat.
She’ll be washing my cum away for a goddamn week and trying to
remember her own name for just as long.
One bloody day!

Annika
“I CAN HELP YOU.” Kai says the words slowly, with emphasis, as if I
don’t speak English.
Between everything that’s happened since we arrived on this tight
ledge, I’m close to blowing it like a fucking volcano.
To make matters worse, that woman he screwed has been eyeballing
this altercation since it started. And despite that Kai knows what he did, if
he’ll ever admit it, he makes no effort to go over to that poor woman and
explain or apologize. He just acts as if she doesn’t exist. And I have a
problem with it. A big, big problem.
“Yes, I can help you.”
“How?” I stare up into his face and those silvery orbs of his that suck
me in.
Focus.
He doesn’t respond, at first, then points up at the peak. “I already told
you, Anni.”
This man has some nerve to think I’d ever let him take over this
expedition, so he can lead his friend to glory, since all they’re both here for is
to set records.
They claim their desire is only to get to the top. But, really, it’s a race.
Isn’t it always?
Kai lied. He always lies. I hate liars.
And I hate people who don’t take responsibility for their actions even
more.
“Maybe you could tell me more lies about yourself?” It’s a weird
suggestion.
He gifts me with a tight smile, then squints his eyes, keeping his gaze
on me.
Hanna lingers just behind us, watching, pitying him, adoring this man
who’s treated her like dirt.
My vision stays on his face. “I don’t know who you might boss around

in your regular, royal life, Kai Brager, but you will not be taking over this
team!”
“Who in the hell do you think you’re talking to!” His face is fierce. So
fierce you’d think I’ve just insulted Queen Elizabeth II to-her-face.
In his mighty world, my words are downright SCANDALOUS!
“I’m talking to you!” My spittle lands on his cheeks.
The whites of his eyes are huge, and I almost want to laugh out loud at
his shock. He really is royalty. He hides it well, but this man is as blueblooded as they come and it all escapes his pores at the most unsuspecting
times.
I expect for someone to shout, “Off with her head!” at my perceived
treason.
Insult the Prince of the Peaks and you will pay the price with your life.
Fuck
this
guy!
His top lip curls up. “Taking over? I’m trying to help you, you stupid,
stupid woman!”
“Stupid?” I gape at him.
“Yes, you’re going to march everyone to the top of this mountain and
get us all killed!”
“And is that coming from a man who’s already left not one but three
climbers to die on his watch!” I’m so hot I think I’m vaporizing in my suit.
Kai’s jaw is clenched. He heaves for breath and points a finger in my
face.
I’m not intimidated by his height, the boom of his voice, or his metallic
eyes that all but glow under the cloud cover that moves in over us, bathing
this ledge in a dark shadow.
“You’re a liar, Kai! A LIAR! You’re-a-liar!” I scream the words over
and over.
Kai’s volume skyrockets. He calls me every name under the gray sky.
And boy are they brutal... A cunt. A windbag. An empty, mindless

chatterbox. An idiot. An imbecile. An asshole. A bitter woman with a dirty
mouth and a shitty attitude. And maybe he’s right about all of that.
“If I’d known you were in this team, I would’ve never taken this job!” I
lie.
“Then, we would’ve been better off!” He gestures with his hand,
signaling for me to leave, dismissing me from his presence like it’s 1509 and
we’re at Court.
Haughty. Arrogant. Aristocratic sonnnnnofabitch!
My heartbeat kicks up and does all sorts of wild and crazy things in my
chest. Tears edge my eyes at my anger that has flared up to an unhealthy
level. I don’t think I’ve been this furious since the Broncos lost the
championship.
Sebastian rushes over. He meets my eyes with his horrified ones at the
mayhem playing out in front of him. I shoot him a glare because right now,
he’s guilty by association. So, I hate him too!
It all explains why these two idiots had fought me so hard about
making the acclimatization windows tighter, or not bothering at all, since
we’d had a lot of opportunity to acclimatize at base camp.
These two super-assholes are jeopardizing this entire summit party with
their lofty goals. Kai for being the first Brit to summit this mountain in eight
days. And Sebastian for the same but doing it without oxygen. Maybe that’s
no huge deal to some. But it is to me. Especially, when a man like Sebastian
has never been above 8,000 meters ever and uses my expedition to
experiment with his life.
None of it is happening...
I can’t help but wonder what on earth they’re thinking!
I am the leader of this team! Shouldn’t they have told me this?
Kai stares me down and normally, if I weren’t crazy, it might just
intimidate me. And in this weird moment, I can’t help but see how handsome
he is. A big, handsome asshole.
He heaves for breath and so do I. “Anni, I don’t want it to be like this
between us.”
“Stop calling me Anni!”

His chest bows a bit and then he stands straight and tall once more,
like my words don’t affect him. But I can tell they do. I most certainly can.
“You’re a difficult woman.” He shakes his head.
“Fuck you! Go and f—” I don’t get to finish my sentence before...
I’m falling, slipping, sliding...
G...O...N...E!
Down.
Down.
Down.
Down.
My heart drops to Challenger Deep. My insides rearrange themselves.
They bump into each other, unsure of where they should stay. Maybe they all
just meld together into one big ball of uncertainty knowing doom will follow
soon.
The snow-covered ground has fallen away from me.
The Lord’s Prayer skitters its way through my soul fast.
And I know this is it.
The scraping sound of my suit against snow.
The feeling of being suspended in mid-air.
I squeeze my eyes shut, praying for it to happen quickly, even
welcoming it.
But not yet. Not until...
And then, nothing, except for a YANK.
The power of it is forceful enough to pull my spine clean out of my
back.
I breathe harsh, hoarse, high-pitched breaths.
Then, helpless tears rush down my cheeks.
My eyes flutter open, terrified of what I’ll see.
I heave for breath.
My heart thumps against my rib cage. My thoughts are a tangled

mess. My nerves are wrecked.
I’m on a ledge, hanging, suspended above the jagged rocks below
where my legs dangle above them.
The cold wind has picked up. It washes over me, dusting my skin with
nothing but cold fear. My eyesight clears to find a shadow above me. And
with every blink the vision grows more incredible.
Another high-pitched breath escapes me.
A menacing, handsome face without an ounce of fear or panic
scribbled across it. A strong nose with a prominent bridge. A beautiful
mouth. A tight jaw. His breaths can’t be heard, while I’m panting like a
thirsty basset hound.
I scan the area.
White, white, white, white, white...
This is bad, really bad, for me.
The tip of his ice axe has gone through the hood of my suit and far
into the ground, turning me instantly into a hanging Christmas tree ornament.
More cold.
More exhales.
More tears.
He squeezes his eyes shut and when he opens them once more, I peer
into their silvery depths. I fall deep into them, desperate to claw my way out.
Needing-to-get-away!
He licks his lips and breathes out, then he drops to a squat in front of
me.
“Kai.” My voice is a wobbly whisper. “Pull me up.”
He only stares at me. “Be very still, firefly.”
Firefly?
My brows collide.
“You told me to stop calling you ‘Anni.’” He tsks a few times, then
nudges his chin in the direction of where we had been standing, arguing, only
a few seconds ago. “Up there, remember?”

“Y-yes.”
“I think you were about to tell me to go and fuck myself.” He makes a
weird face.
“I-I wasn’t.”
“Now, you’re the liar.” He smiles.
The hood of my suit rips. I slip farther away. A strange sound spills
from me. One I can’t help. One that only comes from my instinctive will to
survive even though I know I probably won’t.
WHAT IS HE WAITING FOR!
“Kai, please pull me up,” I beg, digging my fingers into the loose snow.
If the hood of my suit rips and I fall, I’m glacier food for at least twenty
years.
“Kai.” I suck in more air, attempting to kick my legs up, but it’s
hopeless.
He rubs his jaw. “So, here’s the deal, firefly.”
“Okay, w-w-what deal?”
He stares me down with venom in his expression. “You’ve been quite
rude to me since you arrived here. And honestly, I’m tired of your
cantankerous attitude, your profanity, and just your all-around unpleasantness
when I’ve been nothing but kind to you.”
“Okay.” I moan with fear when the hood rips even more.
I’m hanging on now by a thread, literally.
A long stream of hot tears rolls down my cold cheek.
My fingertips are turning numb.
The panicked murmurs of everyone above fill my ears, but they’re
muffled. Far away. They’re background noise to the non-action happening in
front of me.
All I can focus on is this man’s deep and very angry voice.
“Kai, pull me up.” Forcing myself not to panic, I breathe.
“Stay still, firefly, very still, or you will fall.” His expression is
unreadable.

And for a split second, I think he just might let me die.
“You called me a liar earlier?” He scrunches his face.
“Yes, because y-y-you are.”
He inhales.
“You had sex with that girl,” I say to him. “Then you tossed her aside.”
“I never said I didn’t fuck her.”
“An omission is still a lie.”
He frowns. “Semantics.”
I breathe desperately.
“Why do you care so much anyways?” he asks.
I ignore his question. “And my friend, you let him die. You claim you
didn’t, but I know you did.” My last sentence comes out in a growl.
“Do you want to know what happened?”
“Yesssss.”
“We were a short way from the summit when your friend, who had the
most extreme summit fever I’ve ever come across, in his oxygen-deprived
delirium, unclipped himself from one of the lines and grabbed for me when
he nearly fell. I steadied him, but when he wouldn’t stop panicking, and
almost pulled me down, I let him go.”
“You let him go? Or you pushed him.”
Kai looks to his left and doesn’t answer. “Anyways, he fell down the
icy face and from what I could tell he was pretty busted up when a rock
stopped his fall. He possibly had a broken leg.”
“He was still alive?”
“Yes.” His words are soft.
“But bleeding?”
“Yes.” The tone of his voice tells me my questions bore him.
“And you could’ve rescued my friend?”
“Yes.”
“But you didn’t?”

“No.” He huffs. “The other situations were unique, but I can assure you
that my actions were no different from the other climbers in my group, Anni.
You know how it is. I am not a man who sacrifices. I will not abandon my
summit attempt to save someone else. I’m not going to give up my life so
another can keep theirs. I’m sorry. I’m just not built that way.”
Another moan leaves me when my hood shreds, lowering me another
inch. “Why didn’t you rescue him, Kai?” I refer back to my friend.
He stares at me blankly, then exhales. “I had a schedule to keep,
firefly.”
I cry more.
“You wanted the truth?” He sniffs once.
“Yes.”
“Well, there it is.” He smirks. “I won’t lie to you anymore.”
“Good.” I don’t know why I just said that. Now, I’m even more
confused and terrified that this man is exactly who I’d assumed he was when
I first met him. Hope dies, and it’s quickly replaced with something more
sinister than I ever could’ve imagined. I’m climbing a mountain with an
ambitious maniac who’ll allow people to perish if it interrupts with his
summit attempt.
My hood rips more. “Kaaaaaaiiiii,” I beg.
“I just have one more condition.”
Do we really have time for this!
“Okay.” Snot leaks from my nose and dribbles in between my lips,
salty and sticky. “What is it?”
“I just want you to be pleasant, firefly.”
“Okay, Kai, please pull me up. Please, please, please.”
“And I want to be able to call you Anni sometimes.”
His request sends rage barreling through me like a herd of horses.
“Yes, okay, Anni it is,” I say anyways.
“And firefly.” His smile is soft and adoring.
“Yes, okay.”

My hood shreds.
And the fear and panic return a thousand-fold.
Kai waits and he waits and he waits and then it rips completely.
I SCREAM!
Just as quick, his large hand wraps around my forearm and hoists me
up to safety as if I’m completely weightless, then lets me go. I collapse to the
snow in a heap, bawling, so grateful to feel the ground beneath me once
more.
I focus on his smooth gait as he walks away from me.
Rolling over onto my back, I fix my eyes on the gray sky above.
The earth spins slowly.
My heart beats steadily.
I’m still alive.
I’m still alive.
I’m still alive.
“Holy crap, what kind of games are you guys playing around here?”
Musa marches toward me, extends a hand, and pulls me up from the snow. I
lean on him, still dizzy and crying. “Holy Allah, Annika, are you okay?”
It’s a little late for helping, isn’t it!
“Yes.” I nod profusely and wriggle out of his pacifying hold.
His eyes are sympathetic. “You know, my mother, when I was a boy,
if I didn’t do exactly as she wanted, she’d whack me in the head with a
rolled-up newspaper.”
I squint.
He holds me by the shoulders. “Like what people do to their puppies
when they piss all over the floor.” He nods repeatedly.
Whattttt?
“It was my punishment for disobeying her.” Musa rocks his head
from side to side. “It hurt the first few times but then, after a while, I just quit
doing dumb things. And eventually she stopped whacking me with the
newspaper.” He glances over at Kai.

In my rage, I don’t want to make sense of his story. But I do wonder
if he’s trying to tell me something about his dear old soon-to-be-dead friend,
Kai Brager.
I stumble away from him like I’m drunk and toward where Kai is
standing with his back to me and speaking to Sebastian as though a few
seconds ago hasn’t happened. As if he hasn’t just played one fucked-up game
of Russian roulette with my life.
“Annika.” Musa’s voice is an echo. “Annika, where are you going?”
Sebastian meets my eyes before Kai sees me.
From my depleted reserves, I muster up just enough energy, and before
Kai can see it coming, I place a steadying hand on his forearm and punch him
right in his kidney with the other.
He collapses to the snow, groaning, choking, and muttering expletives.
Everyone on this ledge stares. No one says a word, only looks on in
horror.
I march over to our tent and fall into the open entrance of it, completely
spent.
I’m supine and focused on the bright blue tent roof. It doesn’t take
long before I’m lost in a welcoming dream.
I can’t get a good grip...
It’s the same way I feel about my life.
The sky is the clearest of blues I’ve ever seen it, without one cloud in
sight.
The burning sun is high. It’s torching the apples of my cheeks and my
shoulders even though I’ve slathered myself with almost an entire bottle of
sunblock.
I maneuver my fingers between the warm rock. Three of them get stuck.
The cracks are too small. This wall is made for someone with teeny tiny
fingers.
Maybe I’m starting in the wrong section?
I follow the trail of pitons that crawls up the wall in measured sections.
A grace that other climbers have bestowed on the ones coming behind them,

allowing me to clip myself in where I see fit.
Only a brave soul would free solo this bad boy.
Any slip and you’ll be careening to the dusty ground below with a
smack.
There’s no wind today—preferable conditions.
I freeze for a beat when a bald eagle circles overhead. It dips and
dances in the sky, reminding me I’m outdoors. In the fresh air. Among nature
and all the quiet and calm that comes along with it.
It’s taken me almost an hour to make the little progress I’ve made on
this try.
I’ve been here for a week.
My goal was to make it 10 percent of the way up, then try again in a
few days.
Growling, I brush the dust from my hands, grimacing at my sore
knuckles. I step back and crane my neck up to peer at Tahquitz Rock—a
massive 1,000-foot rock face made of granite that’s often called Lily Rock
too.
I couldn’t bring myself to climb Suicide Rock, which is almost two
miles to the northwest of here. The moniker didn’t sit well with me, so I
balked and went with this one.
I’ve been in Riverside County for two weeks after leaving Modesto. I
never stay in one place for too long and I’ve lived almost everywhere
imaginable by now. When I left Modesto I had no clue where I was going. I
was only grateful that I didn’t have to bus-it to my next destination again.
With luck, I might find somewhere to call home.
Letting out a huff, I squint my eyes and wonder if I’m wasting my time.
I flinch.
The familiar clank of carabiners on a belt cause me to twist around and
face the dense pine trees behind me. I’m always on alert around here for
mountain lions, bears, and...serial killers.
A man waltzes his way out of the green.
He’s tall with wild, curly hair that edges his ears and neck. He’s

shirtless with rope looped around one of his arms. I’m unable to keep my
laugh back at how short his shorts are. I suppose if I dip to my right I just
might be able to see his balls.
And his body...
It’s one belonging to a man who’s spends a lot of time scaling rock.
Chiseled abs. Carved arms. Prominent pectoral muscles. Deeply
tanned skin. He’s already covered in sweat, but he doesn’t look exhausted.
He doesn’t look as tired as I feel.
He’s beautiful in the most understated way.
With the jerk of his chin, he tosses me the most boyish smile. “Heya.”
American. I figure he’s in his late teens, possibly around my age,
maybe slightly older.
Looking around cautiously, I fold my arms across my chest. “Hey.”
He steps closer, allowing me the chance to see how tall he is.
He smells of man, dust, and sweat.
I breathe it all in because, honestly, I’ve never smelled it before...
A snicker leaves him when his eyes rake over me from head to toe. It
doesn’t make me feel squeamish. It doesn’t feel as though he’s looking at my
skin. I stare and stare at him, waiting for him to speak, honestly wondering if
I should run.
“It isn’t safe for a pretty girl like you to be out here alone climbing.”
He exhales.
“I’ll be okay. I know what I’m doing.”
His left brow arches. “Do you?”
I twist my lips.
He drops his ring of rope on the ground. “I can show you a few things.
Make sure you live out here for a while and don’t, ya know, die and shit.”
Die and shit?
I manage a laugh.
“There are creeps out on this trail. It isn’t safe for you to be out here
alone. It really isn’t.” He gives me a questioning look and then nudges his

chin in the direction from which he came. “Is that your van parked way out
there?”
“Um, yeah.” I leave out the part that it’s stolen.
He grimaces. “You live in that thing?”
“Yeah, most of the time.”
He nods. “Uh-huh. I see.” He steps forward and runs his hands over
the rock, feeling it, caressing it, squeezing his eyes shut. It’s really weird.
But it gives me the chance to ogle him.
He’s a sculpture in the flesh.
Then he tests the wind by wetting his finger and pointing it toward the
sky. When he finds a crack, then a much wider one, he shoves his fingers into
it. They get stuck. Wearing a pained expression, he yanks them out of the
crack, then lifts both of his hands, palms facing out, showing them to me. “I
have unusually large fingers.” He wiggles them and laughs.
His digits are exceptionally large.
He has Incredible Hulk fingers.
He smirks. “They say it happens sometimes after years of climbing,
but I just might be ahead of my time.” He ruffles his hair. “They say after
years of scaling rock, your fingers get fat. They weren’t this big when I was a
boy, I can assure you.” He focuses back on getting up the wall.
I laugh. “Your tendons are muscles and your bones thicken. They
adapt.”
He glances over his shoulder at me. “So, the novice knows a few
things.”
“How do you know I’m a novice?”
He chokes back a laugh. “Because from what I saw a few minutes
ago, I have no doubt in my mind that’s what you are.”
Pressing my lips together, I look at my tangled rope on the ground.
I’m a mess.
There’s no denying it.
He walks back over to me.

I swipe at the sweat that’s gathered at the back of my neck.
“Why do you climb?” He waits for me to answer.
“Honestly?”
“Yes.”
I groan. “To get away,” I whisper, realizing I’ve never said the words
aloud because no one’s ever asked me why I’ve taken an interest in rock
climbing considering I have no formal training.
He scrutinizes me more, then exhales. “You’re a runaway, aren’t
you?”
“Yes.” I say the word, unsure I should’ve.
If this man decides to murder me, who will know or care?
No one.
It’s the way it’s always been...
A tangle of voices comes from the pine trees and more footsteps,
which tells me they’re headed toward where we linger, perks my ears up. I’m
almost ready to grab my rope and bolt for the bushes.
The blare of Jimi Hendrix’s “Purple Haze” accompanies the evidence
of the approaching humans.
He extends his hand. “Please don’t go. I think we could be friends...”
“Annika. My name is Annika.” We shake.
And I almost melt in his chalky grip.
“I’m Jesse. Jesse Weathers.” He lets go. “Those are my friends.
They’re cool. Won’t hurt you. They’re a good group of guys and girls.”
I relax a little when I hear there are girls with them.
Hoots. Hollers. Whistles.
Loud boisterous laughter crawls from the trees. And then I see
shadows, at least eight of them.
“I want to tell you a secret, Anni.”
I’m captivated by the nickname I now have, which he’s given me.
I love the way it sounds on his lips.

I gaze up at him.
Jesse dips down to my face.
“What?” The question leaves my mouth in a fascinated whisper.
He drags his fingers through his thick hair, stares up at the sky for a
moment, and exhales. Then, he regards me once more. “I’m a runaway too,
just like you.” He smiles.
Then it gets big, wide, and white.
I smile too, then eventually find myself giggling uncontrollably.
This man is charming, I’ll give him that.
And I know it’s only a matter of time before he charms my shorts right
off me.

Kai
SHE SLEEPS.
She dreams.
She whispers her thoughts and I consume them like the sweet morsels
they are.
I place my hand to my side—where Anni has punched me earlier—and
chuckle.
It seems that all the Muay Thai I’ve heard through the grapevine that
Anni has been taking up over the years has paid off. She gave me a pretty
good blow to my side. If I start pissing out of my asshole, I might have to sue
Excelsior and bill them for my medical expenses.
Annika Weathers has most definitely earned my respect…
The tent lingers in the semi-darkness and the cold.
The winds outside have picked up.
According to Ollie, we have at least eight hours of questionable
weather ahead, but he said he was watching it all closely and would keep us
up to date on developments.
I groan when I consider the bad weather that might be ahead for us and
hope it won’t be too awful. After all, it is July. The best time to climb this
bitch.
In the winter the temperatures on these peaks can be as low as -67
degrees Fahrenheit with the wind chill or worse. The climb has been
attempted in winter before by other expeditions but has always ended in
failure.
Teams often abandon their attempts due to the weather conditions—
heavy, waist-deep snow along with wind gusts that could blow a whole city
of buildings off their foundations. Complete white out conditions that are so
extreme you can’t tell the sky from the ground.
Trust me, you don’t want to be on these peaks then.
I’ve only experienced a taste of it once, and like a dish of bad
sevruga, I don’t wish a spoonful of it ever again.
K2 is the only eight-thousander that’s never been climbed in the winter.

It’s suicidal.
It’s damn near impossible.
I blow away the steam from the mint tea in my tin cup. Anni had
missed a delectable dinner of string cheese, dried turkey, and bananas, which
worries me. I’d made her so angry that she’d albeit passed out when she
landed in this tent, which worries me. She’s spent the last hour muttering the
name “Jesse” over and over in her sleep.
I drop one more sugar cube in the tea, then observe her.
Those aqua marbles stare back at me after her lashes flutter and she’s
awake.
No scowl.
No frown.
No glare.
Reaching out, fearing there’s still a possibility I’ll be bitten, I pass her
the tea. “I’m sorry.” The words leave my mouth in a slow declaration.
They’re true. Each syllable.
Cautiously, she takes it and sits up a little.
I wait and when she doesn’t speak, I huff. “Aren’t you going to
apologize for punching me?”
“No.” She keeps her blues on me.
All fire, no love. And Christ, do I want to change that.
“Okay, I deserved that,” I admit.
“What if I had fallen, Kai?” Her voice shakes with fear.
And I feel guilty for that. So guilty.
But...
“I wouldn’t have let you fall, firefly.”
Her features soften even more before she sips the tea. “How can you
be sure?”
I exhale. “One thing you should learn, Anni, is that if you’re on this
mountain with me, you must learn to trust me.”
I’ll never let you fall.

“Can I trust you?” She regards me sternly.
“Of course.” I pass her the plate of food. “You should eat. You
missed dinner.”
She places it down next to her and begins to devour everything on it.
“I told you I wouldn’t lie to you anymore.”
She nods. “Why did you in the first place?”
A long, shameful breath precedes my words. “Because it’s easier.
Aren’t the lies always easier, Anni?”
“Yes,” she says softly, then looks away from me.
I huff. “I guess I didn’t want you to see me for me. Does that sound
crazy?”
“No.”
“Why do you care anyways what I think?” Her brows knot as she
chews.
I laugh a bit. “I don’t know, I guess I like you, Anni.” I point a finger
at her. “And not to do dirty things to you.”
She shoots me a don’t-bullshit-me look.
“Okay.” I wave a hand away. “Let’s forget I said that part.” I cover
my mouth with my hand for a second. “But, I like you, Anni.” I shrug. “I
don’t have a complicated answer to give you. I’m sorry.”
“So even though I screamed at you and punched you in the kidney,
you like me?”
A gust of wind rocks the tent.
“Yes.” I don’t blink.
She bobs her head a few times. I inch closer to her. She drinks more
tea.
Grabbing the strings of her hood, I secure it tighter and tie a bow.
She smiles, and I want to run outside naked and dance in the freeze.
“A smile,” I tease.
She covers it up quickly. “I smile sometimes.”
I agree.

I exchange a long glance with her and decide I won’t tell her that
although she’s cracked one or two laughs since I’ve met her, I’ve never really
seen her smile.
Until just now.
And it was nice.
I want to make her do it again and again and again.
“This is good tea.” She peers into the tin cup.
I groan in agreement. “You’ll come to learn I make the best tea.”
“Oh.”
“Yes.”
“I thought you royals have butlers bring you tea?” She lifts a brow.
I chuckle a bit, making a cup for myself. “We do, but over the years
I’ve learned to make it myself.”
“We should sleep.”
I press my lips together. “We should, but I’d like to talk, Anni.”
“About what?”
“About whatever will help you to sleep better,” I say in a hushed tone.

En Route
Kai
ONWARD AND UPWARD.
It’s been seven long, long days since we left base camp.
We’ve completed our acclimatization round much to the fury of
Sebastian. He pouted for three days, swearing there was no need to, but as
Anni had already screamed right-in-his-face, he was only thinking about
himself.
I couldn’t get involved.
Sebastian shot me a look that could’ve put me on my ass when I didn’t
fight Anni on the issue. Since then, he’s called me a pussy twice. And now he
thinks I’m a full asshole for choosing not to get involved.
Sebastian doesn’t understand...
My desire to move slow is complicated.
Gilda and Igor have made their way off this mountain. She was albeit
limping the last time I saw her. I don’t know who in the hell comes up here
wearing borrowed boots, but anyways, mission failed. Better luck next time.
But I have a suspicion that with how uncomfortable Gilda has been since we
ascended to Camp 1, I highly doubt she’ll be back on this mountain any time
soon.
We’d received news that two climbers had perished making their way
through the Black Pyramid a day ago. Not surprising. Everyone was advised
to take a day’s rest to allow the winds that had increased time to calm down.
When this bitch needs to let off some steam, she doesn’t hesitate to blow
climbers right off her flanks.
Overall, the weather has been unsettled. The summit party is growing
restless and more and more as these days go by, it’s starting to feel a little
less like a race. I want to savor this climb, I think. I growl when I hate to
accept that it might be because the time I have here with Anni will be cut
shorter the faster we ascend.
A smile sits on my lips at the thought. And then annoyance flickers in
my sternum when I think of never seeing her again.

We’d spent the last few nights talking about this and that, shivering in
the freeze, sipping loads of mint tea and reading excerpts of Swiss Family
Robinson. I even got her to laugh a few times. And she no longer begs others
in the team for a new place to sleep. Anni refuses to talk about Jesse, but she
speaks more and more about Gabe. I don’t even know the bloke, but I already
like him.
Anni has told me about his quirks.
How he’s obsessed with the gym and the outdoors. How he loves Ben
& Jerry’s mint chip ice cream and Korean action movies. Especially the ones
with lots of blood in them. And how he loves watching the early morning
sunrise from his apartment balcony that has a view of the Thames.
Just the thought had made me think about London a little more and
how I have nothing in that city that most people think is my home. I didn’t
mention to Anni that I have no apartment there. I have no real place to call
home. In all my forty years, Catherine had always thought that one day I
would claim an address. The Bragers have enough properties in London for
me to call one of them my home. I’ve just never bothered. Never saw the
point.
The only thing I have left in London from the tiny bit of time I’ve
spent there is a string of women who all probably want me dead. A shiver
makes its way through me.
I feel so fucked.
Literally.
Is that possible?
To feel fucked by someone you’ve never fucked.
The only emotion that runs down my spine when I think about my
past, my present, and my future is shame. And it’s a sensation I can’t shake.
It must be how convicted murderers feel, knowing they did it.
But it’s nothing you can change.
What’s done is done.
The past is the past.
But the past also determines the regret you carry into the future.

And I have so much of it.
It’s the size of a three-story house!
In the last few days, it has rolled up on me like a debt collector,
ruining my sanity.
Fuck.
Exhaling, I take in the sight of the chilly air misting in front of my
face.
Anni is high above, climbing at a steady pace along with Chaka—a
man who never rests and hardly talks. Anni hasn’t slowed at all. Not even
two hours into this climb.
I admire this woman. She’s a strong climber. Taught well. She keeps
her focus. She doesn’t let anything slow her down. She moves up this
mountain as if she’s on a mission.
And every now and again, she gets lost in her thoughts, like now as I
observe her. She pauses, peers up at the peak, then down at the blinding snow
beneath her boots, then she swears.
If I’m not mistaken, I think Anni hates this mountain as much as I do.
I’m sure of it.
Winston is just behind Anni. I’d know his old stride anywhere and
more and more he rocks with each step. He doesn’t speak about it, but I’d say
the old injury to his left knee is getting to him. Still, he won’t quit. Winston is
a strong bastard. He’d make it to the top of this mountain even stripped naked
in the sub-zero temperatures that affect this peak.
Tyrone is next in line. He takes long rests in between each hike,
unclipping himself from the main line and clipping himself to another so he
can clear the way for the next climber to move past him.
Paula and Pemba are just behind climbing steady with heavy loads on
their backs.
Sebastian and Racine are pushing on together where they linger close
in stride. Musa had stopped taking pictures of himself finally. He’s at the step
beneath me.
The cool air is enough to burn your nostrils. The snow falls from the
sky in big flakes. A few of them land on my cheeks. Cold. Soft. Beautiful.

Like Anni.
So cold.
And all I want to do is keep her warm.
Tyrone is still in the snow when I make it near to him. His arms and
legs are spread like it’s Christmas and he’s lying in his backyard and about to
make snow angels.
“Get up,” I growl.
He laughs out loud. “Man, I’m resting, just enjoying the breeze.” He
moves to fix himself back on the line I’m on, moving slow as hell. “I like to
imagine I’m lying on the beach in Saint Tropez, but instead of being dusted
by the sun, I’m being blasted by the snow.” He laughs out loud. “I know you
remember the last time we were all in Saint Tropez, Kai.” He gives me
googly eyes, referring to all the mayhem that happened the last time we were
in that overpriced city together.
“Of course I do.” I stop for a second.
“It was soooo bea—”
“ON YOUR LEFT!” Anni screams. “ON YOUR FUCKING LEFT!”
Banging. Knocking. Pure commotion!
“Oh, shit!” Tyrone scrambles to clip himself back on the line, but the
rocks are already falling, skittering down, down, down and over the snow at
breakneck speed. They’re of all sizes—small and large, and some as big as
soccer balls.
I dodge a few of them as they make their way past me.
“Shit.” Tyrone ducks, but he’s already been hit in the face by a stone.
Blood trickles from the split in his cheek. The carabiners on my belt clink.
The shouts from above get louder. The commotion grows wild. Shrieks.
Screams. Cries.
Tyrone mutters more swear words.
Between keeping my head down and getting him on the line, I don’t
get a chance to look up before the scraping noise of something heavy against
the snow fills my ears.
And then comes a body in a bright blue suit.

Arms and legs extended wide like a starfish. It flies past me at rocket
speed, leaving a trail of scarlet-red in the snow. Rolling. Falling. Spinning.
“Fuck!” I shout, almost throwing my arm out of the socket when I try
to stop its descent. It’s too late. It’s gone. Maybe my reflexes are getting a tad
rusty...
The orange helmet Paula is wearing has warped into some weird
shape. She picks up speed and then when she rolls over, the wound from
where the rock had crushed her skull in becomes apparent.
She’s already dead.
Tyrone screams.
Paula’s hair comes undone. It whips around in the cold breeze as she
careens to the bottom of the vertical drop, bouncing into and over a few large
rocks here and there before she completely disappears over the edge and into
the white mist.
Pemba cries out in agony at the realization she’s gone.
Tyrone’s mouth is gaped open. He blinks rapidly. “The fuck.”
With tears edging his eyes, Musa prays.
I can only lower my head in a silent prayer. I liked Paula. I truly did.
Racine holds on to Sebastian tighter. The worry in her eyes is
impossible to miss. He forces her to face forward as she weeps.
The clouds move over us, thick and heavy like a foreboding shadow.
Sebastian peers down at the path Paula’s body carved out in the snow.
“Women.” He shakes his head.
I exhale loudly through my nose.
It’s graveyard silent except for the soft echo of the wind that passes
over where we’ve stopped. We’re frozen, waiting for any sign that Paula is
still alive, but without saying it, we know she’s dead. We’ve also lost a
week’s supply of jackfruit and peaches and two loops of rope.
Tyrone cranes his neck to stare up at the sky of cirrus clouds and
breathes.
Anni covers her face with her hands. “Shit.” After she takes them
away, we meet eyes. Gradually, we all find a split second to face each other.

“She should’ve been clipped in.” Musa groans.
I scan our surroundings. The angle of this slope is steep. There’s no
mistaking that. But I’d probably climb it myself without being clipped in if I
was going for speed and if I didn’t want the irritating hassle of having to wait
for the other slower climbers ahead of me.
It’s preference really.
Paula didn’t do anything I wouldn’t have done myself.
Winston makes a face. “Godspeed, Paula.” His version of a prayer.
I lift a shoulder. “Paula is a climber. I guess she thought she’d be
fine.”
“Paula was an expert climber,” Tyrone confirms. “And no climber is
safe from ricocheting boulders. Not even Reinhold Messner himself could
anticipate that shit.”
“That’s why you stay clipped in,” I mumble.
Anni talks on the satphone to Ollie. She’s too far away for me to
make out the particulars of their conversation. I see it written all over her
face. The tough decision.
Anni squeezes her eyes shut for a split second. “We’re close, guys!
The camp is just over the crest. We’re all tired and now this! THIS
GODDAMN MOUNTAIN!”
The scream that explodes from her surprises me, honestly.
I just want to hold her.
But she’s too far away.
“Let’s move ahead!” Anni gestures with her arm.
“I guess the train doesn’t stop, does it?” Tyrone snickers.
“I guess not.” I put one foot in front of the other and ascend.

Annika
“PLEASE DON’T CRY, ANNIKA,” Pemba says softly.
I face forward and keep trudging upward, step by step.
“I should’ve made her clip in. I should’ve.”
Pemba exhales.
His lack of words makes me feel no better. It just makes me feel worse.
And the tears staining my cold cheeks are making me sick. I wipe them away,
hating the shudders that wrack through me. The guilt. The pain. The gnawing
feeling that I should’ve done more to prevent the ultimate outcome.
It never goes away.
Once it starts in your heart, it stays there forever.
I force my tears to dry and focus on the task at hand.
It’s only a little farther to go, then we can rest.
We climb.
Pemba falls back.
“Annika.” I recognize the soft, sweet voice coming from Racine...the
woman who shouldn’t be up here. “I wish I were like you.” Her breaths are
labored as we move farther up the slope.
“Oh, no, you don’t,” I tell her.
I expect to hear Sebastian make some stupid chauvinistic remark, but it
doesn’t happen, since when I glance over my shoulder I find him now far
behind Racine, moving much slower than expected.
Racine’s brows knot. “No, really, Annika, I do. I really, really do.”
My laugh is full of sarcasm.
“I can only dream of accomplishing the things you have, Annika.”
I listen to her without uttering a word. I have no desire to burst
Racine’s pretty pink bubble of what life should be and replace it with the
very black storm of what it can be too often.
“It’s really not that big of a deal, Racine.”
She scoffs. “It is, Annika. I thought so hard and long about coming

here. I wondered what my girls would do if something happened to me while
I was up here.”
I have zero response.
“I questioned why I was chasing this dream that could possibly kill me
and leave them motherless. They’d have no one. Their father is an asshole
and he’s always dating Bimbo of the Week. It’s always some woman who’d
be better off being their little sister or toy box friend. The type who are
incapable of keeping goldfish alive. My ex-husband only dates toddlers so
there isn’t a shot in hell any woman he gets with could or would want to
parent three girls.”
“If all those thoughts passed through your mind, then what did you
feel?”
“I felt I should live my dream still, like you.”
I laugh a little.
What dream?
“What’s so funny?” she questions.
“I guess I just thought you’d much rather be there to watch your
daughters grow up rather than being on this godforsaken mountain.” I face
the rock ledge to my left that’s covered in snow. “A mountain that doesn’t
want us here!” I remain still for a moment, just breathing.
“I love my daughters, Annika.”
Twisting around to stare into her face, I find torment. “I know, Racine.
I know.”
“My children are the light of my life.”
A smile tugs at the corner of my mouth. “Of course they are.”
“I think every mother out there thinks at some point they’ve been a bad
one.”
I laugh a little. “It’s a thankless job.”
“Oh yeah?”
“We’re constantly judging ourselves. We’re always highlighting what
we do wrong, instead of praising what we do right. If we stay at home we’re
seen as being less than ambitious. If we go to work, we’re viewed as mothers

who don’t spend enough time with their kids. Nothing is ever good enough.
It’s fuck hard to maintain some sort of balance.”
“I can’t say I don’t agree.” I find my footing, digging my crampon into
the hard snow, and spear it with my ice axes then push up, taking the next
step with lots of effort.
“Do you have any regrets when it comes to your kids, Annika?”
I don’t look at her. “What makes you think I have kids?”
A smile stretches across her face. “I can just tell you do, Annika.”
I hum and slip into a memory of the first week Gabe had come into our
world.
A tiny, shaky cry leaves his parted lips. His sweet face is wrinkled. His
eyes are bright still with surprise at the faces in front of him. I hold him close
to my chest.
“Anni, he’s beautiful.” Jesse smiles.
“I know, my God, he is, isn’t he?”
We laugh.
Jesse comes closer and presses his lips to mine. “I never thought it
would happen, Anni.” He chuckles. “But here he is...and he looks just like
you, and me.” Jesse’s smile is so big it almost splits his face right in half.
“What should we name him?” I glance at Jesse.
“It’s up to you, Anni, completely.”
I bundle our baby boy up in the blanket and hold him closer to my
chest, ignoring the thumping of my happy heart rate. Our little munchkin
coos. He sighs. He stretches his tiny arms when he yawns. Jesse and I giggle
nonstop as we observe him.
I kiss the baby-soft cheek near my lips, brushing it with my finger,
feeling his warmth. “I think we should name him Gabriel.” I run my fingers
over the distinct pattern in the middle of his chest, just beneath where his
heart is. It’s the color of mocha. I trace the edges of the marking that
resembles a set of wings. “He’s an angel,” I whisper, putting my lips to
Gabe’s soft skin.
Jesse smiles.

A lily floats down the stream that’s beyond the window. It’s white and
pink perfection as the sun glints against the water, highlighting where it
floats peacefully.
I glance back at Jesse. “We can call him Gabe for short.”
“Yes, I think that sounds perfect, Anni.”
“Gabe,” I repeat. “Gabriel Jesse Weathers. G.J.W.”
Jesse smiles and wipes away the wetness from his cheeks. “Gabe.”
“It’s perfect,” I whisper.
“Yeah, it’s perfect, Anni. Everything is perfect.” Jesse nuzzles his
nose into my neck. “You will be a great mother, Anni. All my life all I ever
wanted was to make all your wishes and your dreams come true.”
I palm his cheek and kiss his lips. “Jesse, you have. Don’t you see?”
We keep our eyes on Gabe, who’s fallen off to sleep for the second
time in the last hour.
Jesse smiles. “Yes, Anni, I see now.”
Racine’s words bring me back to the present.
I huff a breath and shake away the memories.
This happens all the time now.
I’m in the present but somehow lurking in the past...
“You might be tough and everything, but you can’t hide that
monstrous maternal bone in your body from me.” She laughs.
I suppose not...
I keep my eyes fixed on the expanse ahead.
More rocks. More snow. More blinding white.
We ascend toward the crest and soon, hopefully, we’ll reach the next
camp.
We climb.

CHAPTER FOUR
Camp 2
6,700 meters | 21,981 feet
Annika
FLAT LAND AGAIN...
Reaching down, I turn up the volume on the satphone on my waist.
“Annika, the Serbs are behind you. They said they came across a body
far down from where you just were. They said it’s badly broken up,” Ollie
informs me.
Pemba inches closer to where I stand.
Ollie sighs. “They won’t linger there long. There’s been lots of small
avalanches occurring in that remote area. The Serbs want to know what they
should do about Paula.”
Vision blurred, I look around, trying to keep my tears back and my
hysterics under wraps. I’ve pushed dead friends off cliffs in my years of
climbing. I’ve seen bodies mangled. I’ve watched climbers strip out of their
climbing gear at sub-zero temperatures claiming they were hot, only to watch
them in their oxygen-deprived state walk off the edge of a cliff never to be
seen again. But to bury a young woman. A mother. A wife.
It cracks my heart.
And I always wondered why it’s never been me.
I suppose I have luck. After all, I’m still alive.
But my blessings are the fucked-up kind.
The type of luck some broke beauty has before she becomes a Hugh
Hefner wife. Or like falling in love with a handsome, sexy mortician. Or, like
winning the mega-lottery and being told you have cancer and that it’s spread
to your brain and other vital organs.
Yeah, I have that type of good fortune.
I’ve had so much ripped from my life because of “ambition.”
And ambition blinds...

Has it ever been worth it?
Kai stands far off to my left talking to Tyrone, Winston, Chaka, and
Sebastian. Musa is still praying. It stuns me that for such a wild and
adventurous spirit, Musa’s a humble man who believes in God more than I
do.
My gaze fixes on Kai, who’s already watching me. He’s always
watching me.
Those gray orbs douse me with some sort of brain freeze chemical.
They stop everything.
I can’t think of anything in those few moments...
I’m forced to tear my eyes away from his so I can focus.
Ollie’s voice cuts through the static. “Anni.”
“Yes, sorry, I’m here.”
“Paula always wanted to remain here, Anni,” Pemba says.
“Okay.” I let out one long breath. “Okay.”
Pemba nods.
“Ollie, please tell the Serbs to put her some place out of the way,” I tell
him.
“Okay, Anni. Over and out.”
We disconnect.
I drop down to my haunches, breathing hard and furious. Pemba lowers
to his knees next to me and mutters a prayer in his native language. It’s
beautiful chanting and although I have no clue what he’s saying, I welcome
it. Musa joins in and that’s when I realize they’re both praying in Arabic. It
sounds haunting. The melody echoes in the wide-open space and carries off
with the cold breeze.
When the prayer ends, Musa meets my eyes. “I’m pitching my tent and
after that I’m going to sleep.”
I nod.
Musa stands. “I pray that tomorrow brings a much better day.”
Gazing up at the sky and the cumulous clouds that are thick and angry,

I accept there’ll be more snow, more delays, and more climbers heading up to
this camp.
“It will be,” I promise Musa, not knowing what the hell I’m saying.
“Yes, it will be.” Pemba shoots up to his feet and gets to work
unloading everything we have after he ushers Chaka his way to assist with
the tasks.
Sebastian and Racine are already pitching their tent.
Winston sidles up next to where I’m still in the snow.
My eyes turn into golf balls when he pulls a silver object from his suit
jacket.
Is he kidding me!
He puts the warm flask of whatever to his lips and takes one long sip.
Kai drops to his haunches next to me and places a heavy hand on my
shoulder.
Comforting. Reassuring. Confusing.
“Are you okay, firefly?” His deep voice is soft.
I bob my head a little. “Yes.”
His eyes crinkle at the sides. “Are you sure?”
“Yes.” My voice is wobbly.
I don’t shrug away from him. I only stare into his metallic marbles,
wondering how on God’s green earth could a man have such remarkable
eyes. The type I swear I’ve seen before. And I know this man has used them
as weapons against the women he hypnotizes them with. His eyes are
impossible to miss. Difficult to ignore. And once you’ve seen them you’ll
never forget them.
“I’m going to put our tent up,” Kai says.
Our tent?
His fingers skitter over my cheek, and even in this cold, the contact is
scorching!
I remain on my knees just watching him, unable to tear my eyes away
from his swagger as he heads away from me. He gets to work like all the
others. He doesn’t display an ounce of exhaustion when the rest of us are

depleted and drained from climbing today. I stare at him in amazement as he
takes occasional glances at me, making sure I’m still watching him.
I am, I am, I am.
And I know one day, someday, I’m going to be just like this...
On my knees in front of him, unable to tear my eyes away from his.
Sonofabitch.

Kai
“YOU SAY HIS NAME, Anni, every night, in your sleep.” I keep my
eyes on her.
She flinches at my statement then looks away from me.
“Are you having a dream?” I inch closer to her, wishing I could feel her
warmth.
She shakes her head barely, then sucks her teeth. “I don’t know.”
Liar.
“He called you ‘Anni’?”
“Yes.”
I only groan. Finally, I understand why she doesn’t want me calling her
that.
I get it.
Doesn’t mean I’ll stop, though.
“Will you tell me a little bit...about him...and some more about you?”
“I guess I could, but I’d have to kill you if I did,” she deadpans.
Smirking, I pass her the tea, which she accepts from me with a “thank
you.”
I peer into her blues once more, for a long time and wait, and wait, and
wait.
“I met Jesse when I was young. He was great. A good person. A really
cool guy and kinder than the Pope himself.” She smiles, but it’s sad, like
really, really sad. “He taught me everything I know. He made me into the
climber I am today and into the woman I am now.”
I make a funny face.
“Fuck you,” she mutters, then laughs.
“I’m just kidding.”
“I know.” She sips her tea.
“What are your parents like?” I make a play for more, worried I’ll be
shot completely down before she even decides to answer.

But I know that look in her eyes. The one I’ve seen in them since the
day I met her. She wants to talk...
“I never really had parents,” she confesses.
My brows arch.
She gestures with her hand. “I mean, I guess I do, Kai, but I never knew
them. I grew up in foster homes all along the West Coast until I ran away
from the last. I lived on the streets for a while and managed to keep my
innocence despite that. Then one day when I was in a variety store in a little
town far off from Yosemite...” She laughs. “I almost got arrested for stealing
a bag of potato chips and soda pop.” She presses her lips together. “But I was
hungry.” She exhales. “So the shopkeeper chased me down. I literally scaled
three walls to get away.” Her laugh is high-pitched.
“You? A thief? I could never imagine it.”
She bobs her head with conviction. “I stole everything.”
I laugh.
She searches her memory, seeming lost for a moment. “I just remember
loving the feeling of being up so high. The freedom. The way my body felt
after. The muscles I had used to ascend the surface of those walls and all I
wanted to do was go higher and higher and higher.” She puffs a long strand
of hair away from her face and finally looks at me. “I guess it was the first
time in my life when I realized I was good at something.” Her eyes water
over. “I never thought I was good at anything.” Then just as fast those
beautiful blues dry up faster than a junkie’s last available veins. “After that I
traveled the West Coast, after I stole a van. I lived out of it for a few months.”
She breathes out once more. “I decided I was going to teach myself to climb,
but that didn’t go down so well. I had hurt myself on more than one occasion.
But still, I kept on trying...” She pauses, and I know there’s more.
And I so desperately want to hear it.
“Then one day while I was out alone, I met Jesse.”
I smile.
“He was so nice and kind and sweet.” She drinks more tea. “I fell in
love with his friends and the wild way everyone lived. You know, out in the
wilderness in tents. We slept beneath the stars. We only ate healthy food,
rarely any meat. We smoked a lot of ganja, talked a lot of shit.” She giggles.

“Jesse was obsessed with climbing. He lived it. He breathed it. It was like
his...”
“Drug.” I finish Anni’s sentence.
It sucks the air right from her. “Yeah, his drug.”
I know the feeling.
“We got married on the beach, but we never moved into a home or any
place for many years since we climbed nonstop all over the world. Jesse gave
me everything,” she whispers. “I was just a lost girl and he was my anchor.
He made everything right again in my world. He even made me go back to
school. He used the money his father, who he never got along with, had left
him after he died and used it to send me to college.” She smiles. “Jesse
could’ve done anything with that money. We could’ve used it to travel
around the world or to buy more climbing gear. He talked so much about
climbing in the Andes too and we wondered how we’d do it. Eventually, we
did. But still, he insisted I should go to college.”
I chuckle.
“I didn’t want to go, honestly. But Jesse insisted. Even though I knew
he was the smarter one out of the two of us. He always believed I was a better
fit for the nine-to-five world.” She chuckles. “In that time, we lived in a onebedroom cottage next to a lake while I studied. Jesse went to work at a
lumber mill and I knew he hated that job. I mean he hated it. But he did it for
me.” She passes me the tin cup.
I take a sip while I wait for her to talk some more.
“While I was finishing my degree, we set out to climb once more. We
traveled all over the world for almost two years. We lived freely. No home.
Very little possessions. We moved around like nomads, never staying in one
place for too long.” Her pretty blue eyes smile.
The temperature outside has dropped and there’s no wind tonight.
Silence. And it’s enchanting. All I hear is the sound of Anni’s voice and it
drowns out my own thoughts.
“I wanted to have a family. So did Jesse, but we had such a hard time
conceiving, we truly had given up for a while.” She laughs. “I thought I’d
never get pregnant. My God, it was horrible.” Her face lights up. “And then
Gabe came along. It was incredible. He truly was a miracle baby.”

I smile.
And then my smile quickly turns into vicious self-loathing.
“What is it?” Anni asks.
“Nothing,” I grumble.
Anni gives me the side eye. “You’ve got me here spilling my guts and
you can’t give me something.”
Her playfulness makes me want to talk, but if I do I know I’ll ruin it
and I can’t do that right now.
She waits patiently, then gets upset. With a huff, she speaks more. “If
you aren’t going to say what’s clearly on your mind, playboy, then tell me at
least what your parents are like.”
I don’t know which topic is worse...
Talking about what I should get off my chest or speaking about them.
I clear my throat of nothing. “My mother is wonderful, but like any
other child/parent relationship, we occasionally have our disagreements.”
“About...”
Oh, she’s really digging.
“Lots of things.”
“Like...” Her blue eyes don’t blink.
“The way I live my life. No girlfriend. No wife. No children. No
home.”
She sits up a little straighter. “You don’t have a home?”
“No,” I say softly.
“Like no building. No four walls. Nothing concrete to call your own?”
“No.” The word falls out of my mouth pitiful and quiet.
Anni bursts out laughing.
I laugh a little too.
She holds a hand up. “I did that too, Kai, don’t get me wrong, but I

think I was in my teens and then once again when I was in my early twenties.
I certainly wasn’t forty years old. My God.”
My smile dies on my lips. It goes straight to Hell on a stick.
“It’s like you just haven’t grown up yet. It’s as if you’re stuck in
time.” Anni laughs.
Her words drop kick me in the gut.
I wait until her giggles calm.
“It’s just the way I’ve always lived my life, Anni. Don’t make me feel
ashamed of it.” My voice is low and pathetic.
I laugh because she’s laughing and suddenly something becomes
clear...
I might be a wealthy man, but I have nothing of value to offer this
woman who seems like she needs more from another soul than she realizes.
Perhaps, more than I could ever give.
I exhale.
My spirit cowers in shame and I’m experiencing a feeling like no
other. I want to hide my vile ways from her, so I hesitate to tell her more.
“I’m sorry, but...” Still giggling, she gives me a sympathetic look.
I didn’t have the life you had.
I didn’t fall in love.
I didn’t dream of having the happy little home.
I wanted to conquer!
If I tell this woman any of that she’ll laugh more than she’s doing
right now.
“I’m sorry, Kai, but I’m just surprised I guess, that you don’t even
have a house.”
“Yeah.” I shrug.
She sighs. “What’s your father like?”
I groan. “A force to be reckoned with. Even at the age I am now, I

guess I still somewhat fear him. I still worry about what he thinks of me.” My
admittance is a sad whisper.
Anni jerks her head back at my words. “Really?”
“Yeah.” I laugh. “Yes, very much so.”
“You care about what someone else thinks?”
“I suppose I do.” I swallow.
And these days that means him...and you.
But, I don’t say that.
I can barely detect her shivering. She hides it well, like everything
else...
Anni is damn cold right now.
Enemy number eight up here: hypothermia.
On this mountain, hypothermia often sneaks up and slaps climbers
right in the face. Just when your temperature drops below 95 degrees
Fahrenheit, you’re quickly in danger. Hypothermia slows your body down. It
causes your blood vessels to tighten up and restricts the flow of blood to your
outer extremities and sends it where it’s needed most—to your heart, to your
brain, to all the organs that keep you alive, and starves the rest.
Keeping my eyes on Anni, I move closer to her, slow and easy.
With fear.
As if I’m approaching a chacma baboon.
A dangerous-as-fuck animal I’ve come across many times in southern
Africa, who has canines sharper than those of a lion.
She bats her lashes and those pretty sapphire eyes regard me.
I’m waiting to be pushed away, anticipating the very moment she
refuses me.
After leaving the tiny night light on, I nudge her into my sleeping bag.
I don’t blink. I don’t ask. I imagine my eyes tell her everything. Hers are
wide and full of questions she already knows the answers to. She eases into
the bag and then I do, right behind her. When we’re comfortable, I zip it up

completely so only our faces are peeping out of the top pocket.
I wrap my arms around her and pull her into my chest.
Now, I can’t tell if she’s shivering from the cold or shaking from fear.
“Are you still cold, firefly?”
I wait for her to reply, which seems like it takes a century.
“No...I’m sweating,” she whispers.

Annika
THE HEAT COMING FROM this man is incredible.
He’s a volcano.
And for a second, I’m utterly pissed at myself that I’ve been freezing
my ass off at night since I’ve been far above sea level instead of accepting the
warm electric blanket that is him wrapped around me at night so I can sleep.
But I hated him back then.
I really, really disliked this hot, hot man.
Now, I’m just confused.
He tugs me closer to him.
I squeeze my eyes shut for a moment, just remembering the feeling of
being held.
It’s been a while...
Can’t you see why?
I’m horrible sometimes and when I tell myself I’m not, it’s all a lie.
“I like you when you’re soft,” he whispers. “It makes me feel like I can
be soft too.” His warm breaths puff against the back of my neck when he
pulls the edge of my hood back. “It makes me want to tell you things, Anni.
Stuff I’d never speak about to anyone for as long as I live.”
A confession?
I am not Atlas. I cannot carry the weight of the universe on my
shoulders the way he did. I don’t think I can handle whatever this man is
about to dump into my lap. But in some odd way I want to know what it is.
No, I don’t want to know. Fuck, yes, I do!
He exhales softly and takes a long time to speak.
My brows tie themselves into an impossible knot. “What are you
hiding, Kai?”
Another loud breath, so big I think he’s emptied all the air inside him.
“I don’t know, it’s weird, Anni. I guess all the stories you’ve been

telling me about being a parent just have me really thinking, in a way I never
have before. I mean, I have thought about it. I really have. But I just pushed it
all away. I kicked it right out of my mind so I could go on and live my life
the way I need to.”
“What are you talking about?” Wriggling a bit in the tight confines of
the bag, I manage to turn over and face him.
When I do, I instantly regret it.
We’re close, too close, almost lips to lips, nose to nose, breathing in
each other’s air. His gray eyes are as tumultuous as the sky had been not too
long ago.
“Tell me,” I demand.
He blinks. “If I do, you may hate me even more than you did when we
first met.”
I swallow. “No, I won’t.”
Apprehension lurks behind his dilated pupils. “I have a child,” he
whispers, then swallows. “I have a child, Anni.”
I smile from ear to ear. “That’s wonderful.”
He inhales long and loud.
I’m about to ramble on about the age, sex, and all the other little things
you ask people about their children when you find out they have them, but
the look on his face tells me to hold my band of horses back.
My smile fades from my face. “That’s wonderful, isn’t it?”
“Yes, I guess it is.” His eyes shine.
The closeness. The realization that I’m swimming in this man’s sea
swallows me up. Sadness envelopes me. Pain. Fear. All that bullshit people
try so hard to rid themselves of. His is consuming me. I stare at him for a
long while and see the shame.
He takes eons to spill his guts.
But, with this man’s track record, I already know what’s coming next...
“I would love to tell you everything about how becoming a parent has

changed my life, Anni, but I’m afraid I can’t.”
I sigh.
“Because I don’t know anything.” He blinks slowly. “I don’t know
anything more than that, Anni.”
“Oh.” My thoughts go for one long stroll.
This royal man has a child he knows nothing about nor has ever cared
to find out. This doesn’t just make him an asshole, it makes him a deadbeat in
the purest sense.
“I-I…” He starts to explain but fumbles over his words. The same ones
I know have probably never formed on his tongue since he last thought about
this child he has fathered. It’s his black secret. A big dirty stain on his
psyche. One he’s been terrified to confide in anyone else.
I’m certain the earl and the countess will be nothing but disappointed,
undoubtedly embarrassed that their royal boy is nothing but a manwhore who
goes around screwing whomever, and who fathers children and abandons
them at birth the way house sparrows do to their young when they’re born.
“A girl, Kai? Or-or-or a boy?” I ask hesitantly.
His expression is so pained. “I don’t know, Anni.”
I breathe in deep and have a hard time looking in his misty eyes any
longer.
Because I want to smack him in his perfect face.
So, okay, I lied...
Maybe I do hate him, again.

Kai
CHRIST.
She twists away from me, offering me her motherfucking back.
This was a mistake...
“Anni,” I whisper, touching her shoulder.
She stays silent for a long time, just breathing, hating me.
“Anni, please just let me explain...”
“How could you, Kai?”
“I want to explain, Anni.”
“Then explain,” she deadpans.
A loud breath comes out of me.
Where do I start?
I don’t know if I’m ready for this.
To pull up from my guts all the shit that’s been buried for far too long.
It’s the stories Anni has been telling me about her son. The way she loves
him unconditionally. The way her eyes twinkle whenever she says his name.
She’s so proud of him. She loves him completely. I have no doubt this
woman would walk off the edge of the world for him. She’d trudge through
the cold and snow for weeks. She’d endure the worst of the worst for her boy.
And that love from a mother and a father...makes me wonder what happens to
a child when they don’t have it. I think about the damage I’ve done. And
what pains me more is that I don’t know how to fix it.
I wonder exactly how much I’ve messed my child up by choosing not
to be present.
My mind drifts for a beat, back to that misty morning when I turned my
back on her.
“Please, Kai.” She cries. “Please don’t leave.”
Her bare feet kick up the sand around us.
The strap of the thin linen gown she’s wearing slides off her left

shoulder, revealing her skin that’s bronzed from the endless days she spends
in the sun. Her hair flows around her shoulders. Even in her distress she
looks beautiful. Hauntingly so.
“Please, Kai. Please don’t leave. Not this time.”
I move forward, not faltering one bit in my stride.
A golden lion who is perched high in the trees with its baby eyes the
spectacle with a tilted tiny head in curiosity.
“Kai.” She nearly collapses to the ground.
I stop to catch her, steadying her until she can stand again. And then,
I keep walking, ignoring her tears, pushing the sound of her babbling from
my ears.
“I thought you would stay this time.” She sobs.
Tiny breaths leave my parted lips.
“I’m pregnant!” she screams.
I stop immediately, squeezing my eyes shut at her words.
Whattttt?
“I’m pregnant, Kai.” She cries more.
I don’t know how long I wait for that “thing” to click inside me. The
thing that makes people think about their actions before they carry them out...
A conscience, I think it’s called.
I’m not sure I have one, honestly.
“I’M PREGNANT.”
I stiffen once more as if her words are poison.
Then, I set off again.
“YOU MOTHERFUCKER!” she screams. “I HATE YOU!”
I exhale the past, the right now, the sadness, and the anger. I’ve left it
all behind.
“I hate you so much!”

Glancing over my shoulder, I keep my eyes on her for a few seconds.
She throws herself to the ground. “I hate you!”
Then I face forward and keep walking.
I’ll never see this woman again in my life.
She knows nothing about me, I think. Not even my last name.
I always manage to keep it that way, for good reason.
All I need is a woman banging on the door of Countess Catherine’s
manor in the countryside and I’ll have hell to pay. The scandal would be on
the front pages of The Sun and every other gossip tabloid in the United
Kingdom.
This woman refuses to even speak English half the time.
The only words she normally uses are my first name and the swear
words she’s using so eloquently right now. Now, she’s screaming them all in
her own native tongue.
My Spanish is fluent. I understand every word she says. She calls me a
beast. A heartless animal. A man who will eventually find his home in hell,
alone. A man who no woman should love. A soul breaker. A life destroyer. A
baddddd person.
“I HATE YOU!” she roars.
Those three words resonate in my ears. They vibrate in my brain. They
knock around and make me accept their truth.
I don’t bother to respond to her tirade, because guess what?
I know one day, maybe far in the distant future, I’ll wake up and hate
myself.
“Kai.” Anni’s soft voice jerks me back to the present.
“Yes,” I say, unsure of why I’ve said it.
“Tell me.” Her voice is even, but I can tell she’s beyond pissed.
“I never said I was perfect, Anni.” I breathe. “Fuck, I don’t even know
why I’m telling you any of this. I try and keep my demons to myself.”

The distant roar of an avalanche outside that’s occurring somewhere on
this mountain cuts through the quiet air.
Anni’s spine stiffens, and my eyes go a little wider until it stops.
“How are you a parent, Anni?”
“Honestly, I still don’t know how I do it, Kai. I never had the best
examples growing up, but I still wanted to try my best. When he was little, I
just made sure I was there. To cuddle him when he had bad dreams. To take
care of him when he was sick. To say ‘I love you’ each and every day before
he left my sight. And I never wanted to let him go.” She chuckles. “Not
anywhere too far away from me, but as he grew older, I knew I had to.
Otherwise, he’d stay a boy and I wanted my son to grow into a man.”
I swallow down how shitty I feel. “I don’t know how to fix it, Anni.”
“Kai, you must.”
“I know.”
“You must.”
“I know.”
“You cannot abandon someone who came to be of your own flesh and
blood.”
I exhale. “I’m sure they hate me by now, Anni.”
“Probably.” She pauses. “But you deserve that.”
“I do.” Another loud breath leaves me.
I inch closer to Anni and pull her into my chest.
And I swear I’m holding on for dear life.

Annika
I KNOW THE SMELL of tears all too well.
The warm salty vapor of them attempts to cut through the cold air
inside this tent.
I only breathe and allow him to weep silently.
I don’t dare turn around. I don’t dare say a word. I don’t dare try to
console him.
I crack just a little more...
Stuck between wanting to know the whole story and having no desire
to make a monster out of the man I’m on this mountain with, I remain quiet,
trying to force my eyes to shut and to fall off to sleep.
“Do you believe in second chances, Anni?”
“Yes, of course.”
“Even ones for men like me?”
“Of course, Kai.”
He laughs softly. “Winston Churchill once said,” he whispers. “‘There
is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being
superior to your former self.’”
“Who am I to say the words of Churchill aren’t worthy?”
After clicking the tiny lamp off, Kai buries his face in the hood of my
jacket. Soon, he’s humming the melody of Pink Floyd’s “Wish You Were
Here.”
I laugh a bit, before I squeeze my eyes shut and sink far into a dream.
“Gabe!” I call out.
He dashes into the kitchen still wearing his pajamas. As soon as he
makes it over to me, he wraps his arms around my middle and squeezes.
It’s Saturday morning.
I always make breakfast on Saturday mornings.

The house smells of cinnamon and freshly brewed Colombian coffee.
I scan the cozy space that’s just beyond the kitchen where I stand in
front of the stove. This home is nothing fancy—maple floors, vaulted ceilings,
walls covered in books—old and new. It’s packed to the brim with love and
furnishings the three of us had collected over the years from our travels
around the world. Some people might call it junk, but all the little personal
things in it are what make our house a home.
The sun is high, and the weather is warm. The conditions are perfect
for climbing, and I know that’s exactly what Jesse plans to do today. He’s
already packing...
“I’m already awake, Mom!”
“What?” I question in a singsong voice with a smile.
“Yeah, I woke up because I smelled waffles. I just had to time it, make
sure I didn’t get out of bed, until they were like...really done.” He bobs his
head dramatically.
I toss him one massive eye roll.
Gabe peers up at me beneath his longish hair that edges his lashes
and needs to be cut.
“Is that so?”
“Yes.” He gifts me with a huge grin.
I run my fingers through his soft hair, ruffling it a little bit. He regards
me with those big eyes of his. I drag my fingers over his cheek, smiling down
at my little boy who’s destined to become a man one day, just like his father.
“I hate when you look at me like that, Mom.”
My mouth drops open in shock and my shoulders fall. “What do you
mean?”
“I’m just a preteen, Mom.” He chuckles. “It’s going to be a longgggg
time before I get to leave you.” There’s a hint of excitement behind his voice.
I pull him against me and into a hug, squeezing him as tight as I can,
poking him in his side a few times with my finger. “What do you know about
what I’m thinking?”

He laughs out loud when the tickling gets intense. “I always know what
you’re thinking, Mom.” He wriggles out of my grip and steps away from me.
With a loud, long breath, he gives me his most serious expression. “When I
leave you, Mom...one day when it’s time for me to be without you, I’ll be
ready. I promise.”
I make a sad face.
Gabe laughs at me. “Dad!” he calls out to Jesse, who’s outside on the
deck, packing their gear. “I’m ready to hit the rocks!” He does exactly three
fist pumps.
Groaning, I spin around and eye the stack of papers I’ll need to grade
today since I’ve been putting them off all week. Any thoughts I have about
sleeping the day away have hopped, skipped, and jumped right out of my
cluttered mind.
Gabe snatches up his plate of food and heads out on the deck. The
warm air slips in through the crack of the open door. He sidles up next to
Jesse, who’s fiddling with all the gear laid out on the table. He woofs down
his breakfast as he and Jesse talk about where they’re going to climb today.
It all reminds me of those young and wild days long ago when Jesse spent his
days teaching me how to climb.
“You’re getting way better, Gabe.” Jesse puts his hand on Gabe’s
shoulder.
Gabe stands proudly, at his full height, which tells me, strangely
enough, that in probably less than three more years he’ll be the same height
as Jesse. “I know, Dad. I know. You don’t have to say it.”
I laugh out loud at Gabe’s arrogance.
“You know, one day, Dad, I just might be better than you.”
Jesse barks out a laugh so loud he scares the swallows from the
maple tree just ahead. “Yeah, that’s it, kiddo. I like your ambition. Never let
it leave you. But, remember, ambition is good in small doses, just don’t let it
take over your common sense.”
Their voices lower to whispers or I start to daydream, I’m not sure
which.

I keep my eyes on them, imprinting how they interact, taking a
snapshot in my mind.
Click.
Jesse smiles, bright and beaming when they spin around. He pulls
Gabe into his side and kisses his temple. Gabe still has half his waffle
hanging from his mouth. Jesse is two days away from needing to shave. But
he looks handsome. The scruffy, laid-back, caveman look always did work for
him.
The two of them banter and poke fun at each other.
The moment is one I never want to forget.
Click.
I stare.
Click.
I smile.
Click.
I almost fucking cry.
Click.
At the two men I’ll never, ever, ever fall out of love with.

CHAPTER FIVE
Camp 3
7,400 meters | 24,278 feet

Kai
“HOW’S EVERYTHING GOING WITH Ms. PMS over there?”
Sebastian glances over at Anni, who’s talking on the satphone. Racine stands
next to her, heaving for breath. Nanga gets to work with speed, setting up
tents and organizing gear.
“Don’t call her that,” I growl. Snatching his arm by the wrist, I take a
look at his cold hand as I test it in my palm.
Frostnip.
Enemy number eight up here, which morphs into enemy number
seven—frostbite, if you aren’t careful. At these temperatures, without proper
insulation, you could lose your nose, your fingers, possibly your hands too,
your toes, and even your feet. Hell, your dick could possibly even drop off.
Now, that’s where I draw the line...
Sebastian’s fingertips are pale and red in spots.
“Can you feel this?” I squeeze his fingertips lightly.
Without offering me any sort of response, Sebastian yanks his hand
away and puts his glove back on.
I make a face. “It doesn’t look so good.”
His eyes turn into perfect circles. “I don’t give a shit if my hand drops
the hell off, Kai. I’m making it to the top of this mountain.”
I raise my brows. “Well, you’ve already lost one finger. What’s nine
more?”
Sebastian grins, completely ignoring me. “I think she has the hots for
you.”
“No,” I tell him.

His left brow arches. “I find it strange that with all these empty tents
around here now that half the team is gone, she still elects to share one with
you, my man, instead of bunking up with someone like Tyrone. Or Winston!”
His voice is high-pitched.
“Well, Winston sleeps naked,” I reason.
Sebastian groans.
“And Tyrone.” I spot him doing cartwheels in the snow. “I don’t know
about Tyrone.” I huff. “He just talks too much. Anni would probably never
get any sleep.”
Sebastian nods. “Yeah, yeah, he does. And you’re probably right about
the rest...” He clutches his almost-frozen hand.
“You should—”
“Don’t,” he growls. “We are making it to the top this time, Kai.”
“Yes, we are.” I nod a few times. “No one wants this more than I do.”
This is the sixth time I’ve been here, as I’ve already said...
I’m assured this peak could be collapsing from the top and I’d still want
to make it to the summit even if I lost my life doing it. The higher we ascend
the more the summit fever is crawling into my veins and clutching all my
sanity.
But, I don’t tell Sebastian that.
He has a strange way of feeding my raging ego and that really isn’t
what I need right now. Even with his fingers about to fall off he’s still
determined to get to the top.
Groaning, I ease down into a squat and gaze out at the endless view.
We’ve been climbing forever. And things are getting more bizarre the
higher we ascend. The excitement of the climb for most of us has waned and
what was eagerness seems as if it’s slowly being replaced by pure
exhaustion. We still have far to go.
I observe Anni. Honestly, I’ve been watching her closely since we left
Camp 2.

Her patience is wearing thin. She isn’t sleeping well. She doesn’t talk
much anymore except for one word here and there. She’s established distance
from me, once again...
This dance is getting exhausting.
I practically snatched her by the collar twice on the way up here when
she’d unclipped herself from the line either to take a break or to trudge off
somewhere, exploring.
I’ll blame it on the thin air.
And the fact that even though she has scolded one or two in the group
about deciding not to utilize oxygen, she’s elected not to use it herself. I slant
my head to the side, wondering if a climber as good as Anni would be
affected so poorly by the lack of oxygen up here, or if this is just who she is.
Thing is, I don’t fucking know.
I only met this crazy woman a few weeks ago.
The realization we’re above the clouds is a reminder we are preparing
to leave the troposphere—Earth’s lowest atmosphere. The troposphere starts
at the earth’s surface and goes up to a height of around seven miles or 11,277
meters—37,000 feet. It is where all of Earth’s weather occurs. It’s also the
space in the atmosphere where most commercial airliners fly.
“We are getting to the top.” Sebastian’s voice cuts into my thoughts.
“Yeah, we are.”
Sebastian heads off.
The last thing I wanted to have to do is go back to London and peer
into Alfred’s disappointed eyes before he shuts them completely and leaves
this dimension. I want to make Alfred proud. I want him to see I’m great too,
just like he is/was.
Shit, it’s pathetic.
This desperate chase for someone else’s approval.
But still, I can’t stop wanting it.
Always, in the presence of my father, I’m reduced to a fucking toddler.

One who yanks on his silk suit pants and begs him to look at me, to see
my accomplishments, desperate for him to tell me, “Job well done, my boy!”
I squeeze my eyes shut and clear my head of all the shit.
I hear nothing but the crunch of snow and the low muttering of voices.
The clouds in the distance tell me Hell is slowly approaching. The
temperature is much colder. There’s no life up here, except for us. No
warmth. And the clouds...
They are spread out far to the edge of the horizon, like a bed of cotton.
It’s the best part about being up so high.
They’re so dense you’d think you could touch them.
As a boy, whenever my family spent time in the countryside, I’d rest in
the dewy grass of our perfectly preened lawn outside on particularly chilly
days and observe the sky. Alfred found me once, lying on my back, just
daydreaming. He asked me what it was I was the most interested in that was
up there. I pointed to a cloud. One that was shaped like a popcorn kernel and
told him one day I was going to touch one.
He gave me a crazy look, then barked out a laugh, which eventually
eased its way into a smile. But it was crooked. It tipped up on his face weird
and then stayed there stupid like it was frozen. That’s when I realized he was
drunk, so he found my statement funnier than it really was.
But, that day, instead of sneaking off down into the wine cellar to
screw Ilsa, my nanny at the time, Alfred pulled up his navy-blue, tailored
wool slacks and plopped down in the grass next to me. We lay there for
almost an hour, laughing and pointing at the clouds, making jokes about what
we thought they most resembled.
It’s one of my best memories with Alfred.
And Alfred knew everything about the clouds. Everything.
He had taught me then how the clouds predict the weather.
The untouchable masses form when the air cools to a dew point—the
temperature at which air can no longer hold on to its vapor. Alfred had
explained every one of them to me, focusing his bloodshot red eyes as he

puffed his whiskey breaths against my cheeks, which made my eyes burn.
Cumulus—looks like cotton wool, means mighty fine weather should
hang around. Cumulonimbus—thick, shapely, means a downpour is on the
way. Cirrus—high clouds, wispy, like strokes of white paint from an artist’s
paintbrush. Stratus—one big continuous sheet, like fog, but then not, rain is
unlikely, but you might get a few drops of it. Lenticular—smooth, swirls,
resembles loose tornados. Kelvin-Helmholtz—one big pretty white breaking
ocean wave in the sky.
Like the one just below where we are perched gazing down at the
world.
The cloud is remarkable, beautiful.
A smile crawls its way across my lips before I let out a long huff.
Whenever I look at the clouds, I think about that asshole Alfred.
I lift my head to find Anni a few feet away standing near the edge of a
cliff, where she’s been lingering a lot lately. Her lovely face is marred with
the most distraught expression. She drops the satphone in the snow and picks
up a clump of it in her glove. With twisted brows, her gaze lingers on that
clump of snow until laughter a few feet away jerks her attention away from it.
She drops the snow, then her blues meet mine.
I busy myself, pretending as if I wasn’t watching her as intently as I
just had been. Her boots crunch in the snow as she makes her way over to
me.
“We should put the tent here,” I say without looking at her.
“Yeah, yeah, I suppose we should, but maybe I should put it up this
time since you always seem to do it.” Her voice is soft, pleasant.
“No, I can do it. I enjoy doing it.” I pull everything out of the
rucksack.
“Okay.” Her voice drifts as she walks off again.
I stand straight and keep my eyes on her back as she heads away.
Wisps of her red hair flow from beneath the edges of her hood. She wanders
off far, too far.
I open my mouth to call her name, but she’s still walking.

She stands on a slope, next to a cluster of large rocks that are covered
in a thin layer of snow and ice. She gazes up at the peak. The savage
mountain. The mountain of all mountains. The ether. The bitch. The dream
destroyer.
As you can see, I have a whole slew of names I call this beast
nowadays.
The clouds engulf her, white and thick. They billow around her cliffs
and hard, dark edges. She’s a poisonous beauty. A sight to behold. A thing
that hypnotizes and entrances.
I freeze watching Anni.
She seems lost, captivated, pissed the fuck off. I don’t know which—
maybe all three.
Her posture resembles someone searching the night
sky for UFOs.
“An—” I start to call out to her.
“I don’t think you should bother her.” Winston’s whisper catches my
attention.
My eyes skitter over his face.
He smiles.
Not wanting to do or say anything to discredit the oddities I’m noticing
about Anni, the higher we have ascended, I close my lips.
Winston places his hand on my shoulder. “I’ve never seen you like
this, old boy.”
I blink a few times then scoff.
“Oh, come on, don’t lie to me, or yourself, and tell me you haven’t
taken a liking to that woman over there.”
I run a hand over my face. “It’s nothing like that.”
Winston sniggles. “Sure it isn’t.” He digs into his pocket and finds his
flask.
I frown. “Drinking at this altitude isn’t a good idea, Winston.”
He chuckles. “And falling in love is?”
My face collapses. “I’m not—”
Winston’s head tilts in my direction, daring me to speak the rest of

my sentence.
“Honestly—” I start to say.
He does it again, halting my words, then lets out a breath behind the
swallow of the poison in his flask. “I can see why, old boy.” His breaths mist
in front of him whiskey-laced and warm. “She’s beautiful. She’s smart. She’s
one tough climber.” He takes another long sip of the liquid in his flask and
points over at Anni, who’s still staring up at the peak. “But that woman over
there has a lot of demons, Kai.”
I know.
We observe Anni for a long while, watching her movements,
absorbing the bewildered and distraught look on her face, unsure of what to
make of it all.
“Yes, she does,” I say slowly, so low I barely hear my own voice.
“Just like you, I suppose,” Winston whispers right before he walks
away.
The snarl on my face at his words is stuck there. I follow him with my
eyes and shake my head. When I twist around, I find Anni standing right in
front of me.
“What’s up, blue blood?” She gifts me with a smile.
I have whiplash at her abrupt change in personality from the few
seconds ago when she was staring up at the stone and snow like she wanted it
to implode.
“Nothing much.” I keep my groan in, at least grateful that she isn’t
calling me Prince of the Peaks anymore.
She sniffs the air. “It’s incredible up here, isn’t it?”
“Yessss.” I look away, feeling her eyes on me, but I don’t say a word
about it.
“We should get the tents up and figure out our movements for
tomorrow.”
“Yeah.” My eyes flicker down to hers.
She nods.
When I say nothing more she steps away, taking occasional glances

behind her. Watching me, watching her. I laugh a little and she does too. It’s
an uber weird moment.
“Prince of the Peaks! I thought you were dead!” The voice startles me.
With narrowed eyes, I focus on the spectacle of Madman and his posse
stepping over the crest.
“We are pleased to make your presence, Your Royal Highness.”
Madman lowers his hand from the salute it was in and stomps twice in the
snow. Then, he tosses his arms up in the air as if I’m his long-lost buddy.
One of the guys in his team is heaving for air when he tosses his
rucksack off his back and into the snow. He collapses to the ground just as
Anni rushes over to his aid. Madman is all smiles, completely ignoring the
plight of his buddy, who is practically half dead.
What the fuck?
My eyes narrow as I head over to the group of ragamuffins who in my
opinion are far too knackered to be climbing this mountain in the long
stretches they have been. They overnight at the camps for far too long. They
smoke too much ganja. They drink too much beer. It’s a wonder they’re still
alive at this point. Incredible.
“Are you o-kay?” Anni asks the dude on the ground, who I now
recognize as Shit for Brains. I suppose at least he isn’t dead. He’s in a shit
state, though. Rolling in the snow as he clutches onto my Anni, barking with
a cough that to my cold ears resembles tuberculosis. He spits blood into the
snow.
His buddies all groan at the grossness of it all but still make no move
to help him.
“Ah, he’ll be all right,” Madman says, then stomps over to greet
Winston, Musa, and the rest of the bunch. Sebastian shakes his head and
Racine simply looks confused as she always does.
These kids shouldn’t be on this mountain...
“You need rest.” Anni leans into Shit for Brains’ face.
I introduce this idiot to Anni. “This here is Shit for Brains.”
She rolls her eyes at me and focuses back on the poor boy. “You
really need rest.”

“Let’s go.” I yank him up from the ground and walk him to a tent
that’s already up.
He groans. He coughs. He makes eyes at Anni and compliments her
once more.
Anni checks him out quickly. She takes his temperature and peers into
his beady eyes. “He needs to get off this mountain ASAP.” Her tone is deadly
serious.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah, I guess I do.” Shit for Brains attempts to touch a
long strand of Anni’s fiery hair. I almost kick his hand right off his wrist.
“You’re so beautiful, Annika Weathers.”
Anni blinks a few times. “I’ll come and look at him a bit more in just
a minute.”
“I’ll be naked!” Shit for Brains yells.
Anni tosses a hand up in the air, then heads away from us.
Shit for Brains makes dreamy eyes at her. “I’ll be naked,” he says
again softly.
Enemy number six up here, which is a repeat of enemy number nine...
ASSHOLES!
“You’ll be dead before you’ll be naked if you don’t descend soon,” I
say flatly.
“Yeah, probably,” he drawls, staining the snow crimson when he spits
once more. “This mountain is going to kill us all.” He laughs a little. “But
I’m not gettin’ off it any time soon. You can believe that shit!”

Annika
I MELT A BLOCK of snow in the tiny pot to make hot water.
It’s 0:100.
The temperature has taken a nosedive, bringing snow. I had just
escaped the flurries of it before crawling into this tent. Kai is perched on his
knees, peering down at Shit for Brains where he’s tucked in tightly in his
sleeping bag. I pull the edge of it away from his face and press my hand to
his forehead.
Kai watches everything I do intently. Strands of his hair peek from
beneath the hat he has on and he now has a full dirty-blond beard.
“Shit for Brains,” I whisper, attempting to wake him, nudging his
cheek.
Kai moves over to make the tea.
“Yeah.” Shit for Brains coughs.
I smile, observing the young man who just a few days ago when I last
saw him was full of life. Now, he lies here in a daze, exhausted.
“Annika.” Ollie’s voice cuts through the static.
“Yeah, Ollie, one sec.” I turn down the satphone.
“What’s your real name?” I take Shit for Brains’ temperature.
“Cody.” He manages a weak smile.
“Cody,” I say. “I think that sounds much better than Shit for Brains.”
He laughs. “Um, no one actually calls me that, just your boyfriend over
there.” His eyes land on Kai, who is still perched behind me.
My brows knot as I glance to my left at Kai.
He lifts a shoulder and makes a face.
Asshole.
“He isn’t my boyfriend actually,” I whisper.
Kai crawls forward and gives me a hard stare as he shoves some cloth
in my hand. I direct him to help me sit Cody up a little bit. Kai finishes
making the tea and passes the tin cup to me. I make sure it’s the right

temperature—not too hot, not too cold—before I get Cody to drink some.
When he finishes, he relaxes a bit and takes a breath. “It’s freezing.”
“I know,” I say softly.
“What’s the temperature?” Cody asks.
I take a peek at my watch. “It’s very, very, cold.”
“I love the cold.” Cody smiles and closes his eyes. “Am I going to die,
Annika?”
I touch his forehead, feeling his warmth. “No, you have too much to
live for, and so much in your future to look forward to. You aren’t going to
die up here, Cody.”
“Good, because I told my mother I’ll be home for Christmas.”
I shiver.
Cody winks at me.
I smile and drag my fingers over his cheek, thinking of how much this
young man reminds me of Gabe. “Of course you will be.”
Kai clears his throat.
Taking a peek in his direction, I find him wiping the sweat from his
face with his hat, which he’s pulled off his head, revealing thick, long hair,
then puts it back on quickly. He could grace the cover of GQ magazine
looking so damn hot and like a true mountain man. Though Kai will never
admit it, he’s exhausted. His gray eyes are red-rimmed, the tip of his nose is
pink, and his hands shake a little.
I squint at my observation.
“Annika.” Ollie’s voice cuts into my glaring.
“Yes, I’m here.” I turn the volume on the satphone up.
“How is Cody doing?”
“He’s okay. But I need a helo evac, Ollie, with the first light in a few
hours.”
“Okay, Annika, we can get him down.”
Cody smiles.
I squeeze his hand through his sleeping bag.

Kai clears his throat once more.
“The winds will be coming out of the southwest tomorrow and there’ll
be snow,” Ollie informs me.
“Okay,” I say.
“I’ll give you the most up-to-date weather report in another hour.”
“Okay, Ollie, thanks.”
“No problem,” he says before the satphone goes dead.
“So, I’m not going to die after all,” Cody jokes.
I give him more tea, which he sips graciously. “Nope, didn’t I just tell
you that?”
Cody laughs.
Kai does too.
“You’d make a good mother, Annika Weathers,” Cody compliments.
“Thanks.”
His eyes narrow on me. “Are you a mother?”
“Yes,” I say softly.
Cody smirks big. “Good, I know you’re a good one.”
I force him to lie back. “Thank you, again.”
With a sigh, Cody looks away from me. “I lost three friends on Makalu
six months ago.”
“I’m sorry,” I say.
“They were great guys.” He coughs a little. “Their tent was swallowed
up by a crevasse that had opened up beneath where they had pitched it.” He
presses his lips together. “I’ve been thinking about it ever since. What it
must’ve been like...to be sleeping at night peacefully and then, boom, you’re
falling into blackness and cold not knowing or realizing what has happened
before you die. I try not to think about it, but I always do.”
I let out a little breath.
Kai exhales dramatically.
The more Cody talks, the more I come to realize how sick he truly is.

“I read this book, Annapurna, by Maurice Herzog a few years back
when I was a junior in high school.” He laughs. “There’s a part in there when
Maurice, during his descent and without oxygen and not thinking properly, he
removes his gloves to do something. Then in a flash, he watches them drift
away with a gust of wind that took them too far for him to retrieve.” Cody
chuckles. “He had no other gloves. And there he was stuck up on that nasty
peak with no fucking gloves.” His face scrunches. “And I remember thinking:
Who the fuck goes up a mountain with one pair of gloves?” He laughs more.
“Anyways, he was one of the first men to summit that mountain that had
already killed so many by the time he got there.” Cody presses his lips
together. “He descended with his life and because he had been repelling
down rope for so many hours without gloves, his fingers were essentially
shredded to the bone and frozen by the time it was all over. Maurice had lost
all ten of his fingers and ten toes.” He huffs. “I guess that was the price. His
appendages were what he had to give up. They were his sacrifice.” Cody’s
lashes flutter and I know soon he’ll be asleep.
I brush his hair back away from his face. “I know the story well.”
“Yeah, we all do.” Annoyance laces Kai’s tone.
“We all must sacrifice something for the things we want the most,
right, Annika?” Cody exhales.
“Yeah, I guess we do.”
“It’s the ultimate form of love,” Cody whispers.
“I know,” I say back to him.
The air in here becomes thick with something.
“Parents sacrifice for their children.” He smiles. “At least that’s what
my mother says. I believe her, Annika. She’s sacrificed so much for me and
even now she gives up a lot to make sure I live my dream. Shit. Half of her
savings paid for my trip here.” He laughs. “I don’t want to imagine what
she’ll think of that knowing I never made it to the top.”
“She’ll be glad you’re back in one piece.” I stroke his hair some more.
Kai’s restless shifting behind me is out of control.
He grunts. He groans. He scoffs more times than I can count.
I twist around to look him in the eye. He glares past me and at my

fingers that are still in Cody’s hair.
Cody drifts off to sleep, then he’s back again, coughing a little. “What
about you, Prince of the Peaks?” He nudges his chin in Kai’s direction. “You
got any kids?”
“No,” Kai says gruffly.
Cody attempts to laugh, but it doesn’t come out quite right. “I’m not
surprised. I don’t think I could ever imagine that one. A guy like you
wouldn’t have children.” He chuckles as if it’s the most ridiculous thing in
the world to imagine. “A guy like you could never put someone else first. A
guy like you would leave a kid behind.” He laughs. “You’d let the nanny take
care of them. In between that, you’d pretend they don’t fucking exist.”
“Cody, please—” I start to say, then spin around to beg Kai not to get
upset by this boy’s innocent, annoying words, but Kai has already bolted
from the tent and into the cold.
Shit.
A tangle of voices just outside the tent alerts me that Tyrone and Musa
have come over to relieve my post here as I had requested an hour ago. I’m
exhausted. I’m hungry and I’m beyond tired. Tomorrow morning we’ll need
to set off with the first light and that’s in roughly four hours.
Tyrone and Musa stick their heads in, then make their way into the
tent, finding comfortable spots.
“What’s his problem?” Tyrone grumbles. “Kai almost knocked me
over.”
I don’t bother to explain. I push up from my knees and crawl from the
tent, past Tyrone and Musa. “Please, just keep Cody warm, guys.”
Tyrone nods.
Musa does the same.
“I’m in no mood to deal with the Prince of the Peaks’ mood swings.”
Tyrone folds his arms across his chest. “I’m cold. I’m hungry. I just want to
get to the summit, then go the hell home.”
Musa agrees with a few mumbled words.
“I wish I could just paraglide down this thing once I get to the top.”
Tyrone laughs.

Musa slants his head in Tyrone’s direction and doesn’t bother to grace
him with a response at the ridiculousness of his wish.
I manage the best smile I can before I zip the tent back shut once I’m
outside.
The cool air hits me, stealing my breath away. The quarter moon is
high and looks hypnotizing as the thick white clouds move past it, over the
snow-covered peaks that surround us. A light snow falls, white and light as
the flakes scatter everywhere with the wind.
Kai stomps over toward our tent.
I run a bit to catch up. “Hey, wait up!” I move faster. When I reach for
his jacket sleeve he spins around and gives me a look that completely covers
me in frostbite.
“Hey.” My voice is soft. “What’s your problem?”
He doesn’t speak, only stands in the cold wind, which carries a long
strand of his dirty-blond hair across his beautiful face.
“I’m sorry,” I say, when he doesn’t answer. “I don’t know why Cody
said that.”
He laughs a little. “Those kids aren’t your problem, Anni.”
I press my lips together. “Yes, I know that, Kai, but he’s sick and he
needs my help.”
“You aren’t his mother,” he snarls.
I jerk my head back at the venom in his tone. My mouth gapes open.
“Yes, I know that too, but you know what, his mother isn’t here and he’s sick,
Kai. He needs our help. That’s what human beings do, Kai, when they see
another in need of assistance, they help.”
He glares at me.
“What did you expect me to do, throw him in his tent with his crazy
friends so he dies?”
He lifts his hand in the direction of the tent Madman is in with the rest
of his posse. “No one asked that kid to come up here, Anni. Nothing is
keeping us up on this mountain. Every single climber is here because they

want to be. The exit is down and it’s always open.”
I fold my arms across my chest, unable to understand how a man like
this one can get such a rise out of me each and every time he says something
completely appalling.
“I like Cody, Kai. He’s nice. He’s just a kid. He looks at me like I’m
his mother.”
Kai gives me a funny look, then scoffs. “He sees you as his mother all
right, Anni.”
I frown.
“A mother he’d like to fuck.” He turns away from me.
So that’s what this is about...
I’ve awoken a jealous mongrel who lurks deep within the aristocratic
boy who stands in front of me.
“Excuse me.” My words come out slow and offended.
He laughs that pompous fucking laugh of his and rolls his eyes. “The
rest of them are over there in that tent smoking weed, while you’re taking
care of their friend, Anni.” The expression on his face is unwavering. He
truly thinks he’s right. I am not amiss that this man has no moral compass at
all. He’d probably leave his own mother bleeding from the neck and for dead
on this mountain top if she prevented him from getting to the summit fast
enough.
“You’re an asshole!” I take two steps toward him.
With a shrug, he stares me down.
The distant laughter coming from Winston only helps to set my blood
ablaze.
“Is everything all right, old boy?” Winston calls out as he trudges past
us, surprisingly still wearing his suit. I guess he’s cold after all... “All this
bickering isn’t good for the blood pressure up this high.” He laughs some
more, then stops to pee.
Kai reaches for me. “Come on, Anni, let’s get some sleep.”
I yank out of his grip and walk in the other direction.

Winston is still laughing...at us.
“ANNI!” Kai roars. “Get back here!”
I toss him the finger and keep marching against the wind, allowing the
snow flurries to sting my skin and burn my lips. I almost make it to Sebastian
and Racine’s tent before a heavy hand lands on my shoulder, stopping me.
With gritted teeth, I spin around to face this royal asshole, ready to let
him have it, but the next words that come from his mouth steal all the words
from mine.
“Anni, I’m sorry.” He takes a step back.
“What?”
“I’m sorry.” He peers down at me with his silvery orbs.
I shut my eyes then open them, attempting to focus through the cold
wind hitting my face, and am surprised to find two ounces of remorse in his
features.
“I’m really sorry.” He exhales.
I point over at the tent where Cody rests. “His words...”
“Yes, what about them?” He tips his chin up high.
“It’s what Cody said that has you all rattled.”
He doesn’t deny it, only clenches his jaw even tighter. “He shouldn’t
talk that way to me.”
I laugh out loud. “This is the real world, Kai! People say what they
want and to whoever they want to say it to!”
He leans into me, unsteady and angry.
I point at him. “And that is your truth, Kai. That is who you are!” I
laugh.
And something tells me I’ve insulted him, hurt him, perhaps...
Instantly, I regret my words and my giggle just now.
Fuck.
Kai doesn’t blink, only glares at me. “Oh, yeah, and what’s yours,

Anni, huh?” He steps closer.
I back away.
“What’s yours, huh? Because lots of things about you don’t make any
goddamn sense.”
My hands fist at my sides and my eyes threaten to flood with furious
tears. “You don’t know anything about me, Kai Alexander Brager. Nothing. I
am nothing like you!”
He nods a few times. “Oh, Anni, believe me, I know that.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I shriek.
He gets in my face. “I might be a world of secrets, Anni, but no one is
hiding more than you! You walk around here each day pretending everything
in your world is fine, bossing everyone around and giving me advice about
what to do with my shitty life. What about your fucked-up existence!”
“My fucked-up existence?”
“Yesssss,” he hisses. “You think no one can see who you truly are,
Anni?”
My throat constricts.
“You’re just a miserable, bitter, penniless woman who probably hasn’t
been fucked in a century and who hates the world and everyone in it because
her husband is dead.”
I almost rip the skin right off his face.
My brain takes far too long to process his vicious words.
I’ve made a grave mistake...
I’ve almost forgotten who this man truly is. A rich, spoiled brat who
thinks the sun rises and sets on his firm ass. A man who tramples on people.
A man who has lived his life disregarding the feelings, wants, and needs of
others because he is number-fucking-one! A man who always gets his way. I
debate biting him at this very moment just to see if he bleeds real blood...like
the rest of us humans do.
“I-am-not-bitter,” I murmur, knowing it’s one bold lie. “And I’m only

broke...”
“Because what, Anni? Why?” He waits for me to respond.
“I gave all my money away.”
His face twists into a puzzled expression. “Why on earth would you do
that?”
Because...
“Because...” I stare at the soft, white, powdery snow beneath my boots,
then back up at him.
He waits, waits, waits, but I have nothing to give him.
A gruff breath escapes from his mouth.
Winston watches us in the distance.
“Anni,” Kai whispers, reaching for me, desperate.
I dodge his touch, somehow feeling like it’ll burn me if I allow the
contact.
“Anni.” His expression begs.
The earth spins slowly.
The fluffy clouds pass by, obscuring the light from the moon every now
and again.
The wind is cold against my cheeks, chilling the tears that
spill from my eyes.
“Fuck you, Kai,” I say. “Fuck you.” I get close to his perfectly
symmetrical face.
It’s full of torment. “I-I-I’m sorry, Anni, I shouldn’t have said any of
that.”
I shake his words away, thinking of Jesse, remembering everything
about the way my life used to be that is no more. “I took care of the people I
loved.” My words are fierce as I dig my index finger into the middle of my
chest. “I took care of them, Kai Brager. And even though I lost, at least I had
the balls to play the goddamn game.” I toss him another disgusted look. “And
maybe I haven’t been fucked in a century, as you say.” My voice cracks and a
lone tear spills from my left eye and freezes right on my cheek. Agony puts a

dent between his brows just as it is in my heart. I form my next words very
carefully. “But I’d rather be struck down with infectious diarrhea than let a
man like you ever touch me.”
His face pales. “Anni, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t—”
“Fuck…you.” Each syllable is delivered with precision. Every vowel is
laced with hurt. Every letter is pronounced expertly, so he doesn’t miss the
meaning of my short, straight-to-the-point, acid-filled statement.
“Anni.” His deep voice is a plea to my ears.
But I’ve shut him out. He isn’t welcome in my mind anymore.
“You’re a coward.” I smile. “Yeah, there, I said it. You-are-a-coward.”
A long breath leaves him as if it’s the only one he has left.
My brows lift as I wait for his snarky retort.
But he doesn’t give me anything but his sad gray eyes.
They go unfocused, right before he collapses to the ground.

Kai
I DESERVE NOTHING SHE’S offering me.
“Kai,” she says softly, running a warm cloth over my cheek.
“Anni,” I struggle to say.
She smiles, and I swear it lights up my fucking world, pulling me
from the haze I’m in momentarily. The tent shakes as the wind outside whips
over it. The light of the tiny lamp in the corner bathes us in a soft light.
Anni peers down into my face.
So pretty.
Pale skin. Baby-blue eyes. And that blazing hair of hers creeps out
from the hood on her head.
“Anni,” I say, reaching a hand out for her.
Her lashes flutter when my palm makes contact with her cheek.
“Anni, I’m s-s-sorry.”
With her eyes closed, she sinks into my touch. “It’s okay, Kai.” She
takes my hand in hers and tucks it away into the sleeping bag.
I’m groggy, dizzy, weak. I’m not exactly at my best. I shiver
uncontrollably.
Anni tucks me in tighter. “You have a fever, Kai.”
“I-I-I…”
“Shhh,” she says softly, touching my forehead. “You’re sick.”
Sick?
I don’t get sick!
“Anni—” I plead, desperate to get myself moving. To stand, at least.
“No, Kai, please stay still.” She dips down closer. “It isn’t altitude
sickness. Please don’t worry. I just think you picked up a stomach bug from
either eating or drinking something. Your body is fighting against it.”
I nod, thinking, thinking.

Hating myself because I’ve felt like complete shit all day and made
no complaint.
“The side effects will be pretty nasty for the next twenty-four hours or
so.”
Suddenly, vague memories of me brushing my teeth and drinking
water are at the front of my mind. And then somewhere before that, visions
of me upchucking fill my head, but they’re blurry. Anni holding me close.
Then me, crouched over, letting everything besides my intestines go. The
snow falling, cold on my hot skin.
The desperation. The discomfort. The pure agony.
I grimace when another round of cramps assaults my stomach.
“Yes, so please now just relax,” she says.
The shivers hit me once more.
With a sympathetic look, Anni touches my cheek. “I’m glad I didn’t
consume what you had.”
I laugh as best as I can. “Did anyone else?” I manage to ask.
“No, Kai, just you.”
I laugh a little more.
“I’ve pumped you up with as much meds as I can. All we can do now is
wait, Kai.”
Wait?
We’ve got a schedule to keep!
I groan, realizing how much time we’ll be losing if I can’t leave this
tent.
I have no control over the anger that skitters its way across my face.
Anni presses the warm cloth to my forehead, wiping away the sweat
that slicks my skin. I turn away from her.
“I know what you’re thinking, Kai.”
Oh?

“It’ll be okay.”
I face her once more, staring at her lips, the ones I’ve wanted to kiss
since the first day I met her.
“We’ll just have to move on from here tomorrow when we can and
hope the weather holds out.” She smiles, but it doesn’t cover up the worry in
her beautiful eyes.
I attempt to sit up.
Without hesitation, she forces me to lie still. “You aren’t well, Kai.
You need to rest, at least until the fever breaks.” She caresses my cheek.
Warmth. Sweetness. Care.
This woman is an oasis of kindness. And I want to drink from her
endless well and hope it will cure my insides. The look in her eyes is nothing
short of adoring as she regards me.
She wants me. She knows she does. Even in my feverish state, I can’t
help but notice that. It’s her little secret, which she keeps stashed away in that
metal heart of hers. She won’t open it for me. Not that I’m doing a great job
of getting her to do so.
I’m such an asshole...
I groan, wondering if I’ll hate myself for all eternity.
She takes her hand away, denying me her touch.
I swear the move will kill me. “No, please don’t,” I whisper.
A smile tugs at the corners of her mouth before she runs her fingers
across my forehead. My lashes flutter when she weaves them into my hair,
over and over.
“It feels good, Anni.”
“Good,” she says softly, admiring my strands. “How long is it?”
I gaze up at her curious eyes. “It isn’t Fabio-length.”
She giggles. “In all the discomfort you’re in, you still have time for
jokes.”
“I’d do anything to make you laugh, firefly.”

She comes closer to my face, allowing me to admire her crystal blue
eyes, her perfect nose, and her delicious mouth that I want to get all up in.
“Especially since I upset you earlier.” I clear my throat.
“It’s okay,” she reasons. “You were upset. I was upset. It’s the way we
are, it seems.”
My forehead wrinkles.
The way we are...
Fuck, it has a nice ring to it.
“It doesn’t have to be this way, Anni.” The words are a promise on my
lips.
“What do you mean?”
I breathe hard when I break out in another cold sweat. With concern
painted on her pretty face, Anni inches closer and swipes my forehead with
the now tepid cloth.
“I’m okay. I’m okay. I’m okay.” I try to reassure her.
“Okay.” She presses her lips together.
“I’m really sorry I’ve been acting like an asshole.”
A slow smirk curves up on her face. “I’m used to it.”
“No, Anni, please.” I ignore my slurred words and the grogginess that
sets in.
Outside the wind picks up. It rocks the tent more than I’ve ever felt it
before.
“I just want you to give me a chance, firefly.” Reaching up, I touch her
cheek.
She clutches my wrist and squeezes her eyes shut for a moment,
allowing me the chance to see how her long lashes brush the tops of her
cheeks. When she opens them again, I’m sucked into her orbit. I’m freefalling into her blues, looking forward to the crash landing that’ll soon come.
Her nose wrinkles when the sleeve of my jacket edges up revealing my
forearm.

“The tat.” She examines my skin. “It’s fading.”
I smile. “It isn’t a tat, Anni. It’s henna. I’d never permanently mark my
skin.”
She smiles. “A blue blood never would.”
“I suppose not,” I whisper.
“Would Daddy be upset?” She feigns a dramatic posh British accent.
I only laugh a little and don’t respond.
It’s quiet for a while as she presses her cheek to the inside of my palm,
clearly enjoying the contact. “A chance?” Her left brow arches when she
refers back to my question.
“Yes, a chance.” I swallow, just as her face blurs then clears, clears
then blurs.
“What do you mean?” Her voice is a whisper, begging me to explain
what I don’t think I can. But I know if I want this woman to give me
something from her heart, I must try.
“A date.”
A smile smacks her lips. “A date?”
“Yes, let me take you out on a date.”
“In London?”
“Yes, in London.”
I revel in the sensation of the long strands of her hair slipping between
my fingers. Unable to help myself, I pull it all out of her hood and watch it
drape down her shoulder like silky fire.
So beautiful. So soft. So fucking perfect.
“Will you go out on a date with me, Anni Weathers?”
She looks away from me. “I’ll have to think about it, Kai.”
I am not satisfied with that answer. I think I’m about to get a whole lot
sicker.
I pull her closer to me, breathing her in, admiring the shape of her

mouth.
Closer, closer, closer.
She doesn’t fight me, only stares with big eyes and a trembling bottom
lip. Pouty. Pink. Pure, since I know it hasn’t been kissed in far too long. Her
breaths puff sweet against my mouth.
I pull her closer, aware of her shaking but not offering it up an ounce of
attention. “I don’t want you to fall in love with me, Anni.” This little minx
could never miss my sarcasm.
“Good, because that will never happen.” She swallows then drags the
tip of her nose along the bridge of mine.
Dear God, what I would do to this woman!
I laugh just a bit. “Never happen?”
“Yes, that will never happen.”
Grunting, I part my lips. She does the same. We’re in perfect sync...
Immediately, I send this image to my memory.
I breathe in the scent of her skin and wait. “I want to fall in love with
you, Anni.”
Her thin brows press together, hard. “You shouldn’t want that. Besides,
I’ve never heard you speak of love. You’re delirious.” With a smile, she waits
for me to say more. “Did you love her, Kai? The mother of your child.”
I twist my mouth. “No, I didn’t.”
Uncertainty fills the cold, quiet air. I’m keenly aware I’m in the
presence of a woman who is still deeply in love with her husband. She’s
anchored to her past, terrified of stepping into the present because there is
nothing there. Dread fills me at that fact. Anni has never talked about her life
after Jesse—no boyfriends, no dates, no nights out on the town. It’s clear that
Gabe is the center of her world, but there’s nothing and no one else.
It’s also hard not to miss the disinterest in her career. And I wonder
why she hasn’t yet taken the prestigious position offered to her at the
University of London of heading up their mathematics division even though
she’s confirmed she’s moving there to be with Gabe.

I breathe in deep when the urge to sleep hits me once more.
What in the hell did she give me?
Anni smiles.
And I huff out a breath.
I’ve always been good at letting go, but Anni is not.
It’s what makes us drastically different.
She offers me a sympathetic glance. “Did she know you didn’t care?”
It takes my brain more than a second to understand her question. “No,”
I whisper. “Not at first, but I suppose she figured it out. When I walked away
was a good clue.”
She regards me with pity. “Love.” She repeats the word as if she can’t
believe I’d just said it a few seconds before.
“Yes, love.”
The blush that stains her skin skitters its way up her neck and dusts her
cheeks.
The word settles someplace deep inside her.
It feels like a lifeline. The one I need to stop me from hanging myself.
So I run with it like a madman, unsure of what I’m doing or saying, but
wanting to do whatever it takes at the same time. Promise her the world. Fall
to my knees with declarations about being a better man. Begging her for
forgiveness that I’ve been such a fuck up.
This woman is making me crazy.
But I don’t think I want to do anything about that.
She slants her head and observes me, then she offers me a tiny smile.
“I want to fall in love with you, Anni.” I repeat my earlier sentiment,
aware that I’m babbling. Being drugged up will do that to you. I grin like a
schoolboy who’s just admitted to the girl of his wet dreams he has a crush on
her.
“You won’t remember any of this tomorrow, Kai.”

“I will.” I fight the urge tugging at my eyelids for them to shut.
Something passes over Anni’s features, but I take too long to figure out
what it is before it’s gone.
Hope, maybe?
Yes, hope.
That’s what that was.
And I swear it’s the only thing I want to fill this woman with these
days.
I laugh a little, waiting for her to do the same, but she doesn’t. She only
gifts me with a pathetic smile, then backs away from me as if I’m toxic,
robbing me of everything her. I’m left bereft and swimming in confusion. I
want to beg. I want to ask Anni all the questions I’ve been holding back, but
nothing leaves my mouth when I open it.
She gazes at me blankly. “You should get some rest.” She clicks off
the lamp, but her shadow is still visible along with her features beneath the
moonlight that shines in through the walls of the tent.
“Anni.” I exhale and reach for her, pulling her into the sleeping bag.
She moves slowly, but she obliges, wiggling herself into it next to me.
My breaths are loud and labored when another shiver makes its way
through me.
I fight it off as best as I can, desperately not wanting to lose my grip
on this moment even if I won’t remember it tomorrow.
Anni nuzzles herself into the crook of my arm and against my side.
She presses her nose into my beard, inhaling me. Then she places a soft kiss
there and I swear I’m in fever fucking heaven.
I slant my head, offering her much, much more.
“Why do you call me firefly?” The smile in her ocean blues is bright.
“Because you light up my very dark world,” I whisper.
She waits, blinking, breathing, unsure of what to do. Then, with a
desperation I never knew could come from this woman, she practically rapes

my mouth when she kisses me hard. I taste her, savor her, and revel in the
sweetness on her tongue. I suck her top lip into mine softly. She does the
same, forcing groans from me. When she whimpers into my mouth, I deepen
the kiss, controlling her tongue, absorbing her breaths that mix in with mine
so perfectly.
This isn’t enough.
I’m greedy.
I want more!
When she pulls away, she’s breathless and panting, with eyes as big
as the full moon outside. She says zilch, only stares at me as if she can’t
believe her horny slip-up.
I loved every second of it.
She comes close to me once more.
Staying silent, I pull her into me. She collapses on my chest. Slowly
losing consciousness, I touch her hair, wanting to stroke all her troubles
away.

Annika
“I’M SORRY,” I WHISPER into the semi-darkness.
“For what?”
I say nothing, only listen to the thumping of his heart beneath my ear.
Lying on his hard chest, I feel the muscle there beneath the layers of clothing
he has on. He’s warm. He’s hard and I force myself not to imagine all the
goodness that lingers beneath the rain-scented threads covering his body.
He wraps his arm around me tighter and for the life of me I can’t
understand how he’s still awake. I’d pumped enough meds in this man to put
down a baby rhinoceros for an entire day. Yet, he’s still awake, seeming lucid
as ever, which is questionable.
He pulls me closer, wrapping his powerful arm around me.
I squeeze my eyes shut at the contact.
The sensation of being held, protected, wanted.
A gust of wind rattles our home. My eyes zero in on the light snow
falling on the roof of it that slides down the sides. It’s cold just beyond the
thin membrane of the tent, but right now all I feel is heat.
“Are you sorry for kissing me?” he questions.
“I don’t know.”
He groans.
I writhe against his hard thigh. “I liked it. I think I want to do it
again.”
He squirms next to me. “So take advantage of me, Anni. I won’t mind.”
I bury my nose in the soft fabric of the cashmere sweater he’s wearing,
loving the smell of man that’s now all over me.
He glances down at me, pinning me with his silvery orbs that look a
little drunk.
I admire the shape of his mouth and his full pink lips, and before I
know it, I’m already creeping toward them, planting my lips to his and diving
into his mouth with my tongue. He growls and the sensation skitters its way

right down my spine and lands smack between my thighs, turning them hot.
He delves in deeper, not allowing me much of a chance to breathe, except for
the slip of my breaths into his mouth. I bite. I nibble. I taste everything him
until the kiss becomes out of control and I find myself straddling him. The
firmness of his carved abs teases the outside of my pussy which clenches. It
begs. The wetness slips from me like a dirty invitation. It’s so awake now, I
don’t know if I’ll ever get it to rest again.
I gaze into Kai’s big gray eyes and sink, sink, sink into his world.
Captive. Slave. Worshipper.
He moans. I whimper. He groans. I gasp against his soft lips.
This man is dangerous.
Hot. Gorgeous. He oozes sex appeal even when he’s sick!
I struggle to catch my breath in his grip. I’m losing it! Forgetting what
I’m doing.
Where-is-my-brain?
At sea level this man, undoubtedly, would have my panties off by now.
They’d probably be on my head!
Breaking the kiss in a flash, I dive off him feeling ruined.
He exhales a loud breath.
I turn away from him right before he pulls me closer to him against his
chest.
“Anni,” he whispers.
“Yes.” My voice is shaky as I pull the corner of the sleeping bag to me.
“I know the question you’re wondering.” He presses his lips into my
hood.
I squeeze my eyes shut.
“I know you want to know what makes you so different from all the
rest of them.”
“I do.”

“Well, you are different, Anni. You are very different. You could
survive me.”
I swallow.
“But I don’t think I could ever survive you.” His eyes crinkle at their
corners.
“Why not?”
He inches even closer, allowing me to feel the monster in his pants.
Against my better judgement, I push my ass into it, and in a piss-poor attempt
to cover up my gasp when I feel how hard it is and how hot and big and long
and—
Fuck.
I push my ass into it even more.
“I hurt people, Anni, really badly. I don’t deny it. And I’ve never cared
before. I don’t deny that either. Not ever. But you...” He sucks his teeth.
“When you hurt, I hurt.”
I sigh.
“And I don’t want to hurt you. I want to make you smile big and never
ending, all the time. I promise you I won’t hurt you, Anni, ever again.”
“Because when I hurt, you hurt,” I say quietly, hating how he’s stealing
my heart away, little by little.
“Yes,” he whispers.
It goes quiet and I know he’s finally out.
I twist my head to look back at his gorgeous, chiseled features and
smile.
I probably shouldn’t, but I’m inclined to believe every word he’s just
said.
He’s offering me a world of promises even he isn’t sure he can keep.
Promises that will be laid to waste...

Annika
“THIS WEATHER IS SHIT!” Pemba yells.
His voice mixes in with the whir of the helicopter’s rotors as it lifts
then floats away off the side of the mountain, taking Cody with it.
It’s 0:700.
The snow falls, and the temperature has dropped significantly to
Antarctic degrees. Visibility is poor, and according to Ollie, more snow is
expected tonight.
I march toward the cluster of tents dusted in white and eyeball the
supplies laid out next to it. Scrunching my face, I look for Chaka, who’s
huddled with Sebastian and Racine. “What’s this?” I point to the gear on the
ground.
Chaka tosses his hands up in the air.
I step toward him. “What is all this gear?”
Sebastian steps forward. “We’re moving on, Annika.”
I gape at him.
“We’re going to move ahead. More bad weather is expected. If we
don’t leave now, we might never make it to the top.” Sebastian folds his arms
across his chest and tips his chin up high.
“Kai, your friend, is sick. I told you, Sebastian, we’ll be ready to leave
at first light tomorrow morning.” My eyes dance between this asshole and
Racine, who stands off behind him, refusing to look at me.
Sebastian shakes his head from side to side slowly. “No-can-do,
Annika.”
Chaka gathers up the gear.
Musa and Tyrone trudge over toward us along with Winston.
“We decided we’re moving too slow, Annika.” Sebastian looks around,
then back at me. “We should’ve been heading to the summit today.”
I laugh out loud. “In this weather!” I gesture with my hand for him to

look around.
“If we hadn’t taken a week to acclimatize, Annika, we’d be descending
by now,” Sebastian reasons.
“It was for your own good,” I deadpan.
He lifts a shoulder.
Chaka moves around faster. He gets the largest rucksack on his back.
“Hold on just a second, Sebastian!” I point a finger to the middle of
my chest. “I am the guide. I am in charge! I call the shots. I say what, when,
where...”
“And I am the one who has paid Excelsior for your services.” Sebastian
steps toward me. “And I say we are moving on.” He points to Chaka. “Chaka
can be our guide. He knows his way around this mountain just as well as you
do, Annika. We’re leaving enough supplies.” He pulls his hat on tighter when
it almost blows away with the wind. “We can meet up on Camp 4 if you
move fast enough.”
I laugh once more at the absurdity of his words.
“Who’s with me?” Sebastian looks at Tyrone and Musa.
I glance to my right at Tyrone, who’s eyeing this spectacle with a
cocked brow.
Musa growls. “I have too many Instagram fans I can’t disappoint. I’m
going ahead with them, Annika, I’m really sorry.”
My brows scrunch. Are you kidding me!
Musa presses a kiss to my cheek before he stomps off to gather up his
gear.
Although five dead bodies aren’t exactly what I want on my
conscience, I clearly can’t stop them. I force the tears gathering at the edge of
my eyes to stay in them.
Sebastian keeps his eyes on me as he speaks to the rest of his new
climbing “team.” “If we leave now, we can make it over the shoulder in three
hours tops.”

Chaka stands straight and shakes his head at Sebastian. “I’m sorry,
Annika, but Sebastian has offered us more money to guide them to the top.”
I nod.
Sebastian’s smile is big and proud.
Racine touches his shoulder.
It’s the first time that their interactions have annoyed me so much.
This man doesn’t love Racine. He only loves how she worships him.
She supplies his large-as-fuck persona that constantly needs to be fed. The
spotlight in their coupledom is always on Sebastian. Racine is too stupid to
see that once she stops feeding the monster—his ego—both he and it will
turn on her and bite her.
Classic narcissist and masochist union...
Ugh.
In five years they’ll be in couples’ therapy. Nope, make it two.
When my gaze flickers off Racine’s face, I find Sebastian still
observing me.
I stare at this arrogant prick...this superficial asshole...this ridiculous
runt, and smile.
Migos & Marshmello’s “Danger” echoes from Madman’s tent.
Fitting...
If Sebastian knew any better, he’d know if he was going to aim to get
over the shoulder in three hours, he should’ve left hours ago, before the sun
had even edged its way up over the horizon.
No wonder why this fool has never made it to the top of this
mountain!
I smirk at the bunch of them. “If you move in this weather right now,
Sebastian, you might not make it to Camp 4.” I glare at Racine after saying
the words. She says nada. She never says anyyyyything! Doesn’t even
acknowledge that she might die if she leaves with this idiot right now.
“Do you at least have a compass?” I keep my eyes on Sebastian.

He pulls a brass compass from his pocket, shiny and hardly used.
My nose wrinkles.
He shoves it back into his pocket and mutters something to Racine as
he takes her hand in his. Racine agrees with whatever he’s just said that I
couldn’t hear.
They set off trudging through the snow, away from where I stand.
“Sebastian!” I call out.
He halts his stride and looks at me over his shoulder.
“He’s your friend, isn’t he?” I feel my entire body shake when I ask the
question.
Sebastian grins. “Of course.”
Then, how could you!
What kind of human being are you!
This man is your friend!
I exhale harshly before I speak. “So why can’t you just wait for him to
get better?”
A gust of cold wind that hits me forces me to take three steps back.
“We have a schedule to keep, Annika!” Sebastian drags Racine along.
And she follows like a damn fool, practically tripping over herself to
keep up with him because he won’t wait. ASSHOLES!
The frustration that had crept into my brain this morning feels like it’s
now affecting me a billion times over. Scanning my surroundings, I can
barely make out the peaks in the distance because the cloud cover is so thick.
In a few hours, it will be a complete whiteout. Surely, Chaka knows this, but
the lure of the green has blinded him.
“Sebastian!” I call out. “Sebastian!”
He continues marching away, not giving me a second glance.
I heave for breath, willing my tears to stay in my eyes.
“Oh, let them go, Annika.” Tyrone’s heavy hand lands on my

shoulder.
I spin around to face him and Winston, who through this entire debate
has remained completely silent.
“Let them go, Annika.” Tyrone peers into my face.
I swallow down my fear.
This mountain eats people for breakfast.
This tower of terror will make you never forget her.
She’ll leave a mark on your life you’ll never be able to erase.
Scars. Bruises. Pain.
Only fools tread her flanks lightly...
Head down and hands in his pockets, Winston takes a few steps past
me.
“Where are you going?” My voice is high-pitched as I toss him the
question.
He gives me a dumb look. “I’m going to check on my friend.”
“Yes,” I say softly. “Yes.” I gather my scattering thoughts.
Winston tips his head forward once and pushes his way through the
wind.
A big breath rushes from me when Sebastian and the rest of them
leave the camp.
“Let them go, Annika. They aren’t your problem anymore.” Tyrone’s
hand lands on my shoulder, then he heads off toward his tent.
I keep my eyes on Sebastian, Racine, Musa, Chaka, and Pemba.
“Godspeed,” I whisper, when they completely disappear from my view.

Kai
ANNI IS PERCHED AGAINST the side of the tent.
Her back rocks forth and back, back and forth, and I swear the tent is in
danger of being ripped right in half by the winds outside, which have
significantly increased.
In her hands is my book—The Swiss Family Robinson.
She laughs right before she turns the page, then shuts the book.
“Annika.” Ollie’s voice sounds on the satphone.
Anni picks it up and puts the receiver near her mouth. “Yeah, I’m
here, Ollie.”
The reception goes in and out.
“Is everything okay up there?” Ollie asks. “The winds down here are
rough.”
“Um, yeah, we’re holding tight. We’ve bolted the tents down with
more pegs and we’ve tied them together just in case.” She looks around.
“We’ll be okay, I think.”
“Good, after the storm passes, you’re promised a window of good
weather according to the satellite imagery I’m looking at.”
“Okay, good.”
“A few teams have turned back, not wanting to deal with this
weather.”
“Yeah, I most certainly get that.” She huffs with a laugh.
Ollie exhales. “How are you doing aside from that, Annika?”
She squeezes her eyes shut. “I’m okay, Ollie. I am.”
“I don’t believe you, Annika, but I trust you.”
Anni says nothing for a while.
I hunker down deeper into my sleeping bag, not wanting to interrupt
the intimate moment she’s having with Ollie. A man who Anni had told me
she has known throughout most of her climbing days.

“You ever get that feeling you shouldn’t be somewhere, Ollie?” Her
eyes grow wistful. “You keep returning to the very place that causes you so
much pain, but you can’t turn your back on it. You can’t walk away. You
keep returning to the Hell you just left because it’s the only place you know.”
Ollie huffs. “No, Annika, I can’t say I have.”
Anni’s baby blues go soft. “I know I shouldn’t be here, Ollie, but I
belong here.”
“I understand.”
“I hate this mountain,” she whispers. “I hate it.”
“How about when you guys make it back down, Annika, we hit
Mount Rainier again like we did back in the old days?” Ollie proposes.
Anni inhales sharply. “I don’t think so, Ollie. This will be my last
climb.”
“Your last?”
“Yes, my last.”
Ollie lets out a breath. “Anni—”
“Ollie, please don’t.” Her voice is firm, jaw tight.
“Okay, Annika, you know I love you so, so much.”
“Yeah, I love you too, Ollie.”
“Get some rest, Annika. You’ll need to move early tomorrow.”
“Yeah, I will.”
“Over and out,” Ollie says before the call ends.
With a loud breath, Anni drops the satphone next to her and stares at
the book in her hands, thinking. She flinches when she senses I’m awake.
Struggling to move myself, I realize I can’t. I’m wrapped up tight like a
sausage in casing. I’m so hot I’m sweating considering the freezing
temperature that surrounds me. I groan when I twist onto my side and grab
the water bottle next to me, taking gulps of it. Anni drops the book and rushes
over to me with the urgency of an ER doctor.

I hold a hand out. “I’m okay, Anni. I’m okay.”
Her posture relaxes.
The wind pushes against the left side of the tent so hard, I fear we’re
about to be swept off this mountain.
I set the thermos back down and meet her eyes once more that are
downcast.
“I didn’t realize you were awake.”
“I wasn’t,” I lie. “I only stirred because of the wind.”
She gives me a long look that tells me she doesn’t believe me, but she
doesn’t say so. “I couldn’t sleep. The winds are insane up here. A few of the
tents have already ripped. So now we’re down to three. Madman and his
posse are huddled together in the tent Winston and Tyrone are now sharing.”
“Sharing?” I lift a brow. “Winston is sharing?”
Anni laughs. “He had no choice. Tyrone’s tent was in pieces.” She
makes a funny face. “Besides, I doubt Winston is naked in these
temperatures.”
I smile, wanting to tell Anni about all the things she’d never believe
Winston has done but likely doesn’t seem capable of, but I don’t have the
energy. According to my watch, I’ve been asleep for a while. I’m dehydrated
and groggy, but I’m rearing to GO!
“You should take the next few hours to rest, Kai.”
I move to a sitting position and pinch the bridge of my nose. “You said
there are only four tents?” I gather my thoughts. “Sebastian—”
“Sebastian left.” Anni’s lips are pressed together in a firm line.
I lean forward, my face scrunched in some sort of fucked-up
expression. “In this weather?” I thumb toward the outside.
“Yes.” She shivers. “He said we were too far behind schedule and he
wasn’t willing to wait any longer.” Her voice lowers. “Not even for you to
get better.”
I run a hand over my beard and give myself a little time to think.

Nothing Anni is telling me surprises me at all.
Sebastian and I are the same.
Ambitious. Selfish. Time keepers to the hilt.
“Do they have a satphone?” I ask.
“Yes, they should have two.” Anni passes hers to me.
“No, I don’t need it. But if Sebastian gets into trouble, he’ll need to be
able to get in contact with Ollie.”
“Chaka and Pemba are with him and so is Musa.”
“I see.”
I huff. “Well, smaller team, shorter lines. Less fucking heads to count.”
Anni stares at me blankly. I only shrug since I don’t know what else
she expects me to say. It’s only Anni here who believes we are a ride-or-die
team to the end. I’m kind of from the every-man-for-himself type of mindset.
Anni really should know that by now.
“Do you feel better?” Her eyes are wary as they scan me over.
“Yes, much.” I keep my answer short and simple since I know if I so
much as have one tiny complaint, Anni will try her very best to send me
packing right off this mountain. And I have absolutely no intention of leaving
this place until I get to the summit. A smile parks itself on my lips when I
think of all the ways this bitch in the past and up until now has tried to get me
off her flanks.
An entire week of mostly cold, blustery weather.
Potential frostbite.
One dead climber.
A broken hand.
An ankle sprain.
Two climbers who disappeared...and were never found, might I add.
Snow-blindness.
And now the stomach bug...

The list goes on.
This bitch will do anything to get me off her back.
Fuck this pyramid of horror.
I’m getting to the top if I must crawl there.
“Why are you up anyways?” I allow my eyes to rake over her face.
“I couldn’t sleep.”
I don’t think any man on earth could sleep with the racket outside. The
winds are fierce, loud, and endless. They tell you the bitch is awake, and
she’s pissed as hell. They’re the type of gusts that would make you think your
home will be blown right off its foundation. I’ve been in worse. These winds
are a light breeze compared to what I’ve spend the night in before.
“So, you were reading?” I nudge my chin in the direction of the book.
“Yes.” She smiles and takes up my book again. “I love this story.”
“Really?” I edge closer to her, unable to hide that I’m annoyed she’s in
her own sleeping bag tonight. She recoils a bit the closer I get. I pay it no
fucking mind.
She gives me the side eye. “Yeah, since I was a little girl, this has been
one of the best ones.” She smiles and stares at the cover. “I can tell you love
it.”
“Oh.” I make myself comfortable next to her.
“You should eat. You need food. You’ll need to get your strength.”
Reaching for the bag of dry fruit and snacks, I pull some beef jerky out
and start gnawing on it. Anni waits patiently. I suppose either for me to
upchuck or for me to finish it. I can tell she won’t let the rest of the night go
by without forcing me to eat something.
At this point, all I want to do is make her happy.
When I’m done, I give her a big, goofy smile.
She giggles.
Her body is shoved into me when a big gust of wind hits us. I move
closer.

She doesn’t edge away from me.
Those big blues of hers grow wider as I lean in. Her mouth falls open
and her body cants my way. Deep inside, I tap-dance. Everything she’s doing
is subconscious. She can’t help herself. If I can only get her to give me one
piece of that beating heart of hers, I’ll be a happy man.
She opens her mouth to speak. I back away, giving her some space.
Even the sound of the wind outside doesn’t take my focus away from her
beautiful face.
“What is it?” I observe her melancholy expression.
She takes her bottom lip between her teeth.
I wait. I wait. I wait.
“I was really worried about you,” she whispers.
Gotcha!

Annika
“COME ON,” KAI WHISPERS, nudging me to crawl inside his
sleeping bag with him.
I peer into his eyes, searching them for any signs of dirty thoughts, and
come up with nothing. He looks gorgeous with his beanie on lopsided,
allowing a few of his long blond strands to peek out from beneath it along
with his thick beard I have this weird inclination to touch.
He lingers close, too close.
“Come on, you’re freezing.” His expression tells me he won’t take no
for an answer. And when he gives me big, sad puppy dog eyes, I relent.
“Good girl.” He puts his lips to the shell of my ear when I crawl inside
the bag with him, instantly heated from his big body as if I’m standing next
to a raging inferno.
I expected this man to rant and rage about the audacity of his best
friend leaving him here, but he hasn’t said a word as if it was all to be
expected. I twist around to face him, breathing in the fresh scent of all of him,
my nostrils burning a little from the cold.
We lie side by side.
“We might blow right off this mountain tonight,” I say.
He runs his finger over my cheek. “I wouldn’t let that happen to you.”
“No?” My brow cocks up in question.
“No.” He cups my cheek. “Do you ever think about the future?”
I used to.
“No,” I whisper.
He grunts. “Me neither.”
We stare at each other beneath the soft light coming from the lamp
that’s still on.
“Do you think that means something?” His warm breaths puff against
my lips.

“Maybe.”
I have this sudden urge to tell this man everything and then I don’t. I
wouldn’t want to bore him with the details of my life. Like how my house
has been empty and quiet since Gabe went off to school. How I never
celebrate Christmas anymore or even my birthday. How I hardly ever spend
time with my friends because it’s uncomfortable and weird. And how just
like he said, I haven’t been fucked in a century, but I guess I already
confessed that when he was ripping my soul to shreds with his words.
“I’ve never thought of my future or my past. I barely take note of the
present.” A gruff laugh leaves him.
“It’s like you’re sleepwalking through life,” I say, referring mostly to
myself.
Kai squints. “Yes, it’s exactly like that.”
It’s clear we have something in common.
“I want to change my future,” he whispers.
“That’s good.” I smile, but I hate the way he’s looking at me.
A breath leaves him and his eyes rake over me once more.
What interest would a man like this one have in a crazy woman like
me? Except to roll around naked in the hay that one time, then he’d be gone
before the sun wakes up. I’m quite sure of that. This-is-who-he-is.
“I like you, Anni.” He runs a large hand over his beard.
“I think I believe you, Kai, but this is as far as this will go.”
He frowns. “Why?”
I laugh.
What is this man doing?
“Why?” I repeat his question.
“Yes, why, Anni?” He touches my cheek and the sensation skitters its
way over my skin, turning it hot everywhere it should be freezing. “You think
I can’t see the way you’ve been looking at me ever since we met.”
I scoff. “Oh, please get over yourself.”

“You want me.” His voice is soothing, cajoling.
I smile, holding in all the laughter that’s about to burst out of me.
He marches his fingers down the bridge of my nose, then taps a few
times on the end of it. “You want me. Anni, you know you do.”
I giggle.
He comes closer. “You know you want me to do dirty things to you.”
He pokes me in the side. “And to make you scream.” He sticks his finger into
my rib cage. “And to kiss you all over.”
I laugh so hard, I snort, like really loudly, then I’m a pile of giggles.
I can’t remember a time when I laughed this hard.
Kai laughs too, which proves that humor is infectious.
When my laughter dies, I let out a long exhale. In a flash, he grips my
jacket, yanking me hard, bringing me close to him. All I can do is breathe.
Hold my breath. Breathe. I smell his skin. Masculine. Fresh, despite that we
haven’t showered in a while, and clean. His warmth surrounds me like a
cocoon that somehow feels safe, yet oddly dangerous. I can do nothing but
look into the silver rivers that are his beautiful eyes. And I can see everything
in them.
Shit I shouldn’t want to see.
Things that make me realize this man is putting a wrench in the wheel
of my already chaotic thoughts. I trace the hard edges of his jawline with my
eyes, committing it all to memory.
And when I realize I don’t have to because he’s right in front of me in
the flesh, I accept how terrified I am.
“You want to kiss me?” I ask, seeing the hunger in his face, smelling
it all over him like dirty cologne, wondering if he has any memory of last
night.
Likely not.
He eases closer, brushing his cold lips over mine, nibbling on them.
“You want to kiss me?” I repeat, failing miserably at trying to be

sexy.
About ten seconds pass before either of us says anything.
Kai smirks. “Correction. I want to kiss you again.”
So, he does remember...
His lips slam into mine in a kiss that sucks my brains dry.

En Route
Over the Shoulder
Kai
“OLD BOY, LET’S GO!” Winston points his ice axe toward the sky
then gestures ahead.
“I love how you call me old boy, but yet you’re the oldest person up
here.”
Winston scoffs.
“In fact”—I take a breath—“you might even be older than this
goddamn mountain, which means you would’ve been born in the Stone
Age!”
He laughs out loud.
The echo of it carries away with the relentless winds.
I wave him on, admiring his pace, also wondering how he’s gotten rid
of that intermittent limp he’s had for the past week. I’d chalk it up to some
old remedy of putting expensive brandy on his ligaments to cure his ailments.
There’s no telling what Winston would do to his rusty bones to make himself
feel better. And after years of scaling mountains and living in the wild
jungles of Papua New Guinea, he has all sorts of remedies, ones which often
involve bugs and urine a normal person would be a full lunatic to consider
trying.
Winston stalls. “You’ve never asked me why I never married.”
My brows knot as I look around, embracing that it’s a very weird time
for this conversation. I regard the old man, my father’s best friend, who over
the course of my entire life has become more of a father to me than I can
confess my own has.
“Why on earth would I ask you that?” My voice is high-pitched.
Winston’s expression is unreadable. I can’t make out what his eyes
are doing under the cover of his reflective sunglasses. And his baseball cap is
pulled down low beneath the helmet strapped to his head.

I make a face, forcing myself not to enter into the territory of
frustration, which seems to be where I’ve been since I set foot on this
mountain.
We aren’t the type of men who ponder life. Who dream about falling
in love and buying a home, getting married and having children. Even
Winston at his old age is still the same as he was when he was in his twenties.
We drink. We party. We fuck and run.
“Well, old boy, I’ll have to be honest.” He takes a labored step
upward. “I never thought about it until maybe ten years ago or so, but by that
time the woman I was in love with was dead.” He freezes and looks back in
my direction.
I keep my eyes on him.
“But I had years to ask her to marry me. I had years to commit. I had
decades to at least tell her once how much I was in love with her, but I never
did. I never damn well did.” He exhales. “And now just look at me!” He
tosses his arms up high.
I shrug, attempting to understand what exactly his complaint is.
This man is blue blood just like me. He’s richer than a small country.
He has homes all over the world. And his name will go down in history never
to be forgotten in the royal family tree. He’ll also be remembered for
climbing peaks all over the world only a few have dared to try. And it was all
way back when the climbing gear on offer was nowhere near as top-quality as
it is now.
Winston moves up three steps.
“So what is the problem?” I laugh, adjusting the stopper knot at my
waist.
“Well, the problem, old boy...is that I never changed.”
“What?”
Winston breathes. “I am the same man now that I was when I was in
my twenties.”
I take two steps. “And?”

He barks out a laugh. “And, old boy, that is the problem.”
I glare at him, completely mystified.
“Don’t you think there’s something wrong with that?” He focuses on
me.
My entire life this man has never struck me as the sentimental sort.
He wasn’t the type of man to put too much emphasis on living your life for
others.
“I regret, Kai, that I groomed you that way. I hate that Alfred and I
made it seem like it was okay to be so selfish in life.” He cranes his neck to
stare up at the sky, then peers down at me once more. “I am you, Kai.”
“What?”
“I am who you will be in the next forty years.”
A little breath leaves me when I absorb his sad expression.
He spins away from me just as the wind and snow washes over us,
dusting my jacket in lots of white. Ice is forming in my beard and my brows
are freezing over.
“Kai, often I wish that when a woman had looked at me back then the
way Annika looks at you now...” He takes a labored step. “I wish I had paid
attention to that love instead of taking it for granted. I wish I had stolen that
smile and kept it for myself. I wish I had done the right thing with it instead
of living for all the smiles to come.”
I remain quiet, hating his words but knowing how true they are.
“I know you, Kai Brager,” he mumbles. “And I know how you feel
about that woman way down there.”
I laugh a little, wanting to swear. “You know nothing.”
Winston’s chuckle is teasing. “When you least expect it, the feelings
you have for her will creep up from behind you and scare your boxer briefs
right off your ass.”
I exhale the cold air from my lungs. It mists in front of me, creating a
big cloud before it’s swept away by a whoosh of wind.

“You should worry, old boy,” Winston says.
“The only thing you and I need to worry about right now, Winston, is
getting up and off this mountain with our balls intact.”
Winston barks out a laugh and moves ahead, kicking his crampons into
the hard ice and snow in front of us, carving out the steps I will need to take.
The winds had died down late last night and with that Anni had ordered that
we set off over the shoulder as soon as possible.
The whistling winds kick up around me.
We’re exposed on this white slope that’s near vertical but not quite. I
stop for a beat, take a breath, and adjust my goggles. My hood is pulled tight
so that my face is concealed from the biting cold.
The crest is up ahead, all white and in its glory and just beyond that is
the most spectacular view. I glance just behind me as the burning sun peeks
over the horizon in the distance, above the four Gasherbrum peaks just
behind it. The clouds scatter with the wind and the snow blows everywhere,
concealing the clear view every now and again.
About ten feet below where I’m perched is Anni. Her head is down,
fighting the wind and the snow. I tug on the line a little to get her attention.
She gives me a disinterested wave and the hand signal that she’s okay.
If she unclips herself from the line and goes exploring again, I don’t
know if I’ll be able to rein in my temper. The higher we go the stranger she
becomes. And I know it’s this mountain, though she won’t admit it.
Madman and his posse are in a line just beneath Tyrone, climbing at a
steady pace. No one says a word. There are no jokes. No whistles or fun and
games. Each climber only concentrates on their footing, their grip, and on
moving at a decent speed.
It grows colder and colder and the wind picks up more and more.
I dig my ice axe in before I pull myself up to the next step.
I do it again and again until I’m carving out a hole in this bitch.
Hard. Rock. Ice.
Impervious.

Like the woman I’m on this mountain with.
I let my rage and anger go and stare up at her peak that I’m determined
to summit this time around. White. Steep. All sharp edges and snow-covered
spires.
I take three steps, pacing myself, listening to the slow thump of my
heart and each ragged breath that leaves my mouth, realizing that the higher
we get the more difficult it’s becoming to breathe. This is the part I love the
most. The push. The challenge. The chance you take to see just how long you
can function in the thin air. If you can make good decisions or really fuckedup ones. I suppose if you do make less than favorable decisions, you can only
blame it on the lack of oxygen.
My thoughts halt when a warmth hits my back.
I peer just to my right to find the golden sun edging up over the
horizon, above the Baltoro Glacier. I squeeze my eyes shut for a beat and
allow its heat to dust over my cheeks.
It’s 0:600 according to my watch and we are now at 7,900 meters—
25,918 feet—and should be reaching the crest very shortly...
I pass a set of large snow-covered boulders to my right, which are the
size of delivery trucks. I take one more step and freeze when I spot the
remnants of a human arm. With a tight mouth, I stare at it for a while, then
kick some snow over it, covering it up out of respect.
It’s not uncommon to come across bodies up here or pieces of them.
A fall from the top could rip a climber apart. Take off their head, their
arms, their legs. Leave what used to be the perfect form of a human body a
pulp once it comes to a stop below from the place it fell up high.
The end results of a fall from a slip or a rope break are merciless.
You’d barely recognize the climber by the time you were able to
retrieve the body. It’s how this bitch makes you pay. It’s her way of saying
she doesn’t want you on her flanks. If you stay, if you’re unlucky, she’ll
make you pay the price of not heeding her warning.
A few tugs on the line cause me to look behind me.

Tyrone and Madman have parked themselves in the snow, waiting,
allowing other climbers to go by while they rest. I squint. Resting is
acceptable but not for too long. You need to keep your muscles warm. You
need to keep moving. You must keep the blood circulating around your body
in order to generate heat. To help you to forge ahead.
We’ve been on this route for the last three hours.
We’re exhausted.
We fight the brutal elements.
We overcome the urge to rest. To quit.
And we climb.

Annika
“MY HAMSTRINGS ARE ON fiya!” Tyrone lets out an exhausted
breath.
I’m unable to prevent the smile that shows up on my face.
Tyrone whistles loudly. “All the girls they tell me this is why my ass is
so firm, from climbing these mountains.”
“Is that all they tell you?” I smile.
Tyrone lets out a sigh. “They also tell me I talk too much, I want sex
too much. I’m too sexy. They tell me all sorts of shit.”
I chuckle and keep moving, making sure the crest stays in view.
White, white, white, white, white surrounds me.
I’m mesmerized by all the blue sky up ahead that follows the
spectacular sunrise in the distance. We’re in for light snow today but mostly
clear skies. I stop for a second and take in all the gorgeousness that surrounds
me.
Tyrone does the same. “It’s pretty up here, Annika.”
“I know.”
If only behind the beauty here wasn’t such horror.
“We should keep moving.” I stare down at the large peg screwed into
the ice that the line we’re on slips through.
“Yeah, we should.” Tyrone squints against the sun. “Winston told me
you have a son.”
“Yeah, I do.”
“A college boy. Or should I say, a ‘uni’ boy?” Tyrone laughs. “At least
that’s how the Brits say it.”
I smile.
“What’s he like?”
“He is wonderful. He’s one of the coolest guys you’ll ever meet.”

Tyrone smiles. “Yeah, I bet.”
“You’d like him.”
“I plan to be in London after this, Annika. Maybe we could all go out to
dinner one night. I can pick the spot. I know of this really great place in
Leicester Square where all the nightlife happens. I’m sure Kai would be all
over the idea. I’d love to meet—” He pauses.
“Gabe.” I stare at Tyrone. “His name is Gabe.”
“Cool name, Annika. Good choice.” Tyrone’s brows knot. “I always
imagined you naming your kid something like Ryder or Hunter or River.” He
lifts a shoulder when I shoot him a questioning look. “You just have that
outdoorsy, Mother Nature vibe about you.”
Laughing, I shake my head. “Gabe would love to meet you too.”
“Is he into sports?”
“Yeah, of course. He did his first rock climb on Devil’s Tower when he
was ten years old.” I press my lips together remembering that week during
the summertime when we packed up our RV and drove to Wyoming. Jesse
sang almost every Aerosmith song ever written on that drive. Gabe slept most
of the way. And I spent most of the time driving and counting as many cars
as I could. “Gabe only went a short way up, of course,” I tell Tyrone. “But
Jesse and I went to the very top.”
Tyrone nods. “So cool.” He nods some more. “It’s so weird, Annika,
for someone who’s had such a long climbing career as Winston has told me,
I’ve never heard of you, or your husband.” He chuckles. “None of us have.
Not even Kai.”
Self-absorbed people never know what’s going on in someone else’s
world...
I groan. “Not every climber climbs for recognition and accolades,
Tyrone.”
“Huh?” His features twist up as if I’ve just said the dumbest shit in the
universe.
I keep going. “Not every climber climbs to set and break records, or to

be featured in National Geographic, or to write a book hoping it’ll make the
New York Times’ bestseller list or to be featured in Climb Magazine.”
“Huh?” Tyrone repeats the question as if he doesn’t understand my
words.
“We just climbed.” I clear my throat. “I climb because it’s what I love
to do.”
He shudders. “I love the mountains too, Annika, but there’s nothing
wrong with getting your face out there to the world and making some money
off doing what you love. Do you know how much ass I’ve managed to bang
since I’ve been scaling rock?”
I exhale sharply through my nose. “No, I don’t.”
Tyrone laughs.
“I didn’t realize you were into banging ass...” I add.
His face falls to Hell. “No, no, no, Annika. I didn’t mean it that way.”
I roll my eyes and hold a hand up, silencing the lengthy explanation
he’s about to give me. I ignore Tyrone’s choked laugh and feel how taut the
rope between my fingers is through my gloves and realize why. It’s because
Madman and his band of goons below are putting too much weight on it.
This rope is strong enough to hold 2 tons—4,000 pounds—but it
doesn’t mean I want to push it to its max hold for kicks.
There are more climbers just below our group on the same line. I’m
quite sure Kai’s abandoned lay of the week is included with them.
I touch the rope again and look back, past Tyrone and at the two guys
who are moving too close together. “You need to space out more!” I wave
my arm around.
“What?” they shout back.
“You-need-to-space-out more!” I point at the rope.
The group nods and does as I say.
We keep moving upward until we pass Winston, who’s resting to the
side of the line path in the snow, sprawled out and smoking a cigarette as if

he’s on the Riviera.
I tap him on the shoulder when I go by. “What happened?” My face
scrunches. “You were way out front,” I tease.
When Tyrone and I almost pass him, Winston stands and takes the
lead.
“Well, you see, Annika...I’m like one of those old derby horses.” He
laughs. “The ones that look good on the outside. The ones you think you
should put money on, but I’m not worth a shit.” He growls. “It’s all façade,
no substance. I start out fast and strong but then before you know it, I come
to a complete stop.”
Tyrone barks out a laugh. “Don’t listen to this man’s royal bullshit,
Annika.”
I giggle.
“This man has so much money, if he touched this rope without his
gloves it’d probably turn to fuckin’ gold.” Tyrone goes on and on about how
Winston is still raking in the ladies at his ripe old age. “You know when we
were last in Saint Tropez, this old dude had more than six honeys on him who
were shaking their asses and ripping off their bikini tops—”
“That’s enough, Tyrone,” Winston growls. “Has anyone ever told you
that you talk too bloody much?”
“Yeah, all the time.” Tyrone snickers.
“By God,” Winston snarls.
“This is the longest hike in history!” Tyrone shouts. “And the crest is
just up there! It feels like it’s a million goddamn miles away.”
“Success only belongs to the patient.” Winston smiles and fiddles with
his harness. “Success—” He looks back at me with big, big eyes.
“What is it?” I ask.
“Anni,” he starts to say. “The rope is too—”
Before he can finish his sentence, it snaps.

~
I groan in agony. “Oh God. Oh God. Oh God.”
Thick fingers wrap around my forearm.
I’m dangling.
I’m being stretched in both directions—to the earth and to the sky.
Winston howls in pain, then he forces breaths out as he holds on to me.
“Oh God. Oh God. Oh God.” It’s a mantra on my lips.
I ignore the cries of horror below coming from fallen climbers, a few
likely dead. Fuck. I don’t even want to think about it. It’s difficult to think,
period, when my leg is about to be ripped from my torso. I scream for
reprieve.
“Keep quiet, Annika,” Winston snaps.
Thick tears run away from my eyes.
Tyrone tightens his grip around my left thigh.
Winston glares at me. I stare back when I see what’s happened.
Luckily, the rope balled itself up and is tangled in his harness, securely
locking him in. I hold on to Winston, who is upside down, and Tyrone holds
on to me.
We’re a threesome in the worst way!
We’ve slipped south to a smooth, completely vertical section of the
slope.
For an old man, he has quite a grip on me and is squeezing my arm so
tight I think he’s cutting off the circulation.
I howl in pain when Tyrone wriggles around.
“I’ve lost both my axes! Shit!” Tyrone writhes once more, getting a
better grip on my thigh.
Pure
fucking

agony.
Winston shakes all over from the exertion. His cheeks are magenta. His
eyes are bulging and sweat trickles down his sun-burned skin.
We are running out of time...
My eyes skitter around, trying to figure out if anything can save our
asses. In the distance, Kai yells, but I can’t make out what he’s saying.
“Hurry the fuck up!” Tyrone digs his fingers into my hamstring.
“Annika, don’t move.” Winston’s directions come out in a growl.
“FUCK!” Tyrone yells. “I’m sorry, Annika, I can’t let you go!”
“No, don’t. Please,” I beg. “Don’t let me go!”
“I got a little girl!” Tyrone yells. “I’m sorry, Annika, I’m just not that
unselfish!”
I squeeze my eyes shut, then open them once more.
“If I fall, you’re coming with me!” Tyrone is crying, just like me.
Winston shows no signs of giving up or letting me go.
I make my best attempt to kick my crampon into the ice wall, but it’s
useless. It’s hollowed out in front of me. It’s too far away. I can’t reach it
with the heavy weight that is Tyrone, who’s tearing the top half of my body
away from the bottom half.
Tyrone moves around some more.
“Stop fucking moving!” Winston barks. “Stop moving! If you move
one-more-time I’m going to tell her to take out her jackknife and stab you in
the fucking hand!”
Tyrone’s breaths are high-pitched. “There’s nothing I can grab.”
The wall beneath me is a mixture of rock and ice, but mostly, it’s ice.
“Fuck!” Winston yells right before his grip on me tightens.
“Annika, r-r-reach into my belt and get the axe.”
“I can’t.”
“Annika, do it,” he commands.

I make my best attempt to reach up. Once. Twice. On the third try, still
no success. A tiny mewl leaves me cold and sad when my eyes fix on the
dead climber wedged in between a cluster of snow-covered rocks about a
thousand feet below. Long hair blows in the wind and the leftovers of what
used to be Hanna’s canary-blue helmet is in smithereens.
“Oh, God.” Tyrone whines like a two-year-old who’s just skinned a
knee.
“Annika.” Winston’s eyes are focused on me. “Do it.”
A cold wind skitters over us, leaving my face cold and my spirit even
chillier.
I reach again as more tears flow down my cheeks.
“Annika, you have to do it.” Winston’s eyes flicker between me and the
tangled rope in his harness. It’s fucking slipping. “Annika, please, try a little
harder.” His voice comes out soft, but I sense the rage behind it. And the fear.
With a long, agonizing cry, I reach up and manage to grab the axe.
“Give it to him, Anni.” Winston nudges his chin at Tyrone.
I lower my arm. “Tyrone,” I whisper, when the makeshift knot in
Winston’s harness gives way a little more. “Tyrone, take it.”
His big eyes look up at me. “What the fuck am I supposed to do with
it!”
I don’t know!
“Take the fucking axe, you coward!” Winston’s voice booms when
Tyrone doesn’t move fast enough. “Take the axe. I’m going to swing her to
the left, to the ice. If you let her go, you can slide a little and then use the axe
and get your crampons into the wall.”
Tyrone looks up in horror. “There’s no guarantee that will happen,
man.”
Winston makes a face.
Even I must admit that what he’s proposing borders Matrix movie
bullshit.

It’ll never work.
And this ain’t the movies.
People die up here, for real!
Winston lets out an agonizing sound when the rope slips a little more.
“Do it, Tyrone!” he yells.
A line of rope tumbles down near to us, but it’s still too far away. My
eyes fix on Kai, who’s moving toward us at stealth speed but not fucking fast
enough.
Tyrone doesn’t let go. “I’m going to die! WE’RE ALL GOING TO
FUCKIN’ DIE!”
The tears spill so fast from my eyes, I can barely see anymore.
“Annika, you have to get him off you or we’re all going to fall,
goddamn it.”
He nods. I nod with him.
“Annika, do you understand? We’re all going to fall, if you don’t get
him to let you go.” With tears freezing on my cheeks and snot flowing from
my nose like a gross river, I tip my head forward in agreement.
“Annika.” Winston glares at me.
CRACK.
Oh, God.
Winston hollers in pain when a bone inside of him, somewhere,
must’ve snapped. Tyrone squirms. He rocks. He swings. He practically pulls
my entire leg out of its socket.
“Annika, fuck. Do it.” Winston’s spittle lands all over my nose.
Kai is still moving downward. The fastest descent in history, but he
isn’t moving quicker than this rope is unravelling, like I am.
I scream so loud when Tyrone pulls on my thigh you’d think I’m giving
birth.
With a shaky hand, I reach into my pocket and pull out my knife. The

flick of the blade when it comes open hits my ears like thunder.
MORE CRACKING.
Winston hollers.
Tyrone begs. He screams. He cries.
The sun heats my blood and gives me a taste of what Hell will feel like
once I get there. The sensation is conflicting since the decision I’m about to
make is so fucking cold.
“Annika, DON’T!” Tyrone roars. “Don’t fucking do it! I’ll never
forgive you!”
Without giving me any warning, Winston swings me, slow at first and
then with a little more speed. Kai is still moving down, down, down like an
agile monkey. Tyrone won’t let go.
“Annika,” Winston whispers, burning into me with his eyes. “Do it,
now.”
On the second swing, I send the blade quick and clean into Tyrone’s
hand with just enough pressure that I don’t stab myself. With a bloodcurdling scream that I swear can be heard by every man, woman, and child in
both Pakistan and China, he lets go.
The
knot
slips.
The earth stops moving. Silence descends. The cold freezes my
insides.
Still with a steel grip on me, Winston manages to grab hold of the
rope Kai had tossed down. In the fumble, there’s another CRACK. Another
busted bone. Another fracture somewhere in the old man’s body.
I slip from his grip and right-into-another.
“I’ve got you, firefly,” Kai murmurs into my temple.

Kai
TINY. SOFT. TERRIFIED.
“You’ve got me?” she whispers.
“Yes, I’ve got you.”
Odd moment for a moment, right?
She gazes at me bewildered as if she thought her very life had just been
slipping through her gloves.
I peer down in her face, absorbing the
sight of her wet, blue eyes. She exhales soft breaths against my mouth and all
I want to do is hold her tighter, tighter, tighter, squeeze life and hope into her,
give her what she won’t admit she needs.
“Are you okay?” I wait for her to respond, but it’s as if she can’t speak.
She slow-blinks.
“Anni, are you okay?”
“Y-y-yes, I’m okay.”
I smile.
“Yes, she’s fucking okay! Now, come and rescue ME!” Tyrone yells.
I glance over at him where he’s plastered to the ice, holding on with all
his might to a rock by one bloody hand. His other hand holds onto the ice axe
he’d managed to put into the wall.
Winston has already secured himself to the new line. He doesn’t
speak, only stares at me. “I think something inside me broke.”
“You’ll live,” I tell him.
Winston laughs. “Yeah, I’ll live, old boy. I’ll live.”
I get Anni on the line I’m on and make sure Winston is secure.
“I think my shoulder is out of place,” Winston groans, shoving his hand
into his shoulder blade, popping the dysfunctional bone back into place. The
CRACK of it causes Anni to cringe. I only laugh at her reaction.
“It’s an old wound from the war.”
I laugh out loud. “You were never in the war, Winston, stop lying to

people,” I tease.
Anni’s face twists in confusion.
“I was there. I had the uniform on. I was in the war!” Winston’s
expression is proud.
I elevator scan this old man with my eyes, accepting that he’s bionic.
Nothing on this man stays out of place for too long. After all the screwing
he’s been doing all these years, it’s a wonder he still has his man-bits and
those haven’t shifted out of place too!
Tyrone is still complaining. “Your girlfriend just tried to kill me!”
Girlfriend.
Gosh, I like the sound of that...
Abseiling down to Tyrone, I scoff and get him on the line. “Stop being
a baby.”
Tyrone’s lucky I don’t shove him right off the side of this mountain. In
all the God-given time he had to take the axe and let go but didn’t, both Anni
and Winston could’ve fallen to their deaths right along with him. But Tyrone
isn’t thinking of that.
Enemy number five up here: fear.
And you never know what people will do when it settles over them.
Up here, you have a responsibility to sacrifice for the greater good. One
dead body always beats three lifeless ones any day. I swallow back a laugh
when I look Tyrone over, knowing he’d never sacrifice himself for anyone.
And, probably, neither would I. I suppose it’s why we’re friends. We have an
understanding.
A tear slips from Tyrone’s right eye when I yank on his harness.
“Please, stop being a baby,” I drawl.
My ears are assaulted by the shouts and screams from the climbers far
beneath us. They’re promised a day of good weather at least to clean up the
carnage below and reset new lines. Honestly, we don’t have the time or the
energy to help them. And poor Anni is traumatized, it seems. I just want to
get her comfortable and on flat ground.

“A baby!” His eyes go wide and white. “A baby?”
Growling, I shake his incredulity away. “Get on the rope, Tyrone.”
“She stabbed me, man!” He lifts his bloody, shaky hand, showing it to
me.
I scowl. “You’re lucky she stabbed you. I would’ve cut your hand off at
the wrist.”
“That’s cold-hearted, man.” Tyrone frowns.
Letting out one large exhale, I check the three of them over.
Winston peers lower at the climbers gathered together farther down the
mountain, who are surveying the damage.
My eyes fix on the woman below who’s plastered to the rock. Her
bright yellow jacket seems brighter when the sun hits it. Hanna. A cold
breeze washes over my face. I cock my head to the side, examining the
position of her arms and her legs and the awkward bentness of her neck.
Would I be wrong to not be upset? She did after all tell every climber on this
great big expedition that we boned.
I’m not exactly a fan of kiss and tell. So...off with her head!
“Shall we go down and help them?” Winston asks, giving me a long
look that I can feel before my eyes meet his confirming such.
This might be an ethical dilemma to some, but for me, it isn’t.
If we go down we risk too much...losing time, faced with the
possibility of helping to collect dead bodies or the parts of them that are
available, which could take hours. We’re already beat, hungry, and tired. The
higher we go the more energy we need to combat the altitude and the thinner
air.
You can’t save the dead, so helping in this situation will make no
such difference.
Winston’s wise eyes fix on mine and I know he’s thinking the same as
me.
“No,” I say gruffly. “We have a schedule to keep.”

Tyrone gives me a look of death but says no more.
“Let’s get over this slope,” I order, pointing to the crest that’s now far
above us once again, knowing that for the next hour after we get off this
slope, we’re in for a long bitch of a hike in knee-deep snow. I fix my eyes on
the huge sections of the shoulder, some of which have broken off in the past
and are still in danger of collapsing. “We won’t be on the lines once we make
it over the crest, so be careful.” There’s little protection above.” I know this
much from being here many times before. “Once we’re there we’re in
avalanche-prone terrain and fixed lines won’t save you from being swept off
the side of this mountain. Moving light and fast is our only option.
“Understood?” I make eye contact with every soul here.
Anni nods. Winston does the same. Tyrone finally mutters his
agreement in the form of profanity, which surprisingly pulls a laugh out of
each of us.
A tiny light in this messed-up day...
We kick our crampons into the steep slope and we climb.

CHAPTER SIX
Camp 4
6,700 meters | 21,981 feet
Kai
“I’M GLAD YOU MADE it.” Sebastian pulls me in for a hug and slaps
me on the shoulder a few times.
I step back and take in his appearance. He looks like crap.
The deafening sound of cracking can be heard.
It’s the sound of this slope—rock and ice—settling right beneath our
feet.
Sebastian’s eyes go wide, then he laughs. “I didn’t know what to do,
Kai, honestly. I thought you were going to have to turn around and go back
down the mountain.” He smiles big and points to himself. “And I know if you
were awake when I left you would’ve told me to go ahead and leave you
behind.”
Enemy number four up here: assholes! Yet again...
A little smile affects my lips.
Sebastian’s snow-laced brows arch.
“You think I would’ve told you to leave camp in bad weather?”
“It wasn’t bad.” He minimizes everything. “It just wasn’t favorable, but
everything was okay, Kai. You see?”
“Yeah, I see.” There is zero emotion in my voice.
I stare at my best friend somehow being struck in the head at this very
odd moment with the realization that he’s a bastard just like me. I scoff softly
and wonder why on earth have I never noticed this before? This man is a
selfish, selfish asshole.
We’re cut from the same silk handkerchief.
Stitched together with the same fraying, useless thread.

At this moment, I’m ashamed I’ve ever been associated with this man.
Racine stands just behind him, shivering, looking more famished than a
scarecrow.
“I made the right decision.” Sebastian looks around. “We’re here.”
“Yeah, we’re here.” I breathe in the mountain air and scan my
surroundings beneath the dusk. Her peaks are gorgeous, covered in white, but
strangely enough, I think my desire to touch her has waned.
I hum to myself, finding something interesting that just isn’t worth
exploring right now.
The weather is pleasant. The clouds above indicate it’ll stay that way,
for now. All the climbers who are going to call this spot home for the night
are excited. They laugh. Some sing. The rest are already in their tents making
dinner and gearing themselves up for a good night’s sleep.
“Tomorrow is the big day.” Sebastian smiles.
In the last few hours, Tyrone had decided there was no way he was
going home even with his injury. Anni had stabbed him clean. She’d even
stitched it up nicely. Tyrone swore that even with no hand, he wouldn’t turn
around and descend this mountain without summiting it first.
“Yep, tomorrow it is,” I murmur, counting how many heads I see and
estimating how many I don’t see. Too many climbers on this mountain lead
to long, crowded bottlenecks, during which time you’re wasting oxygen,
which might become an expensive price to pay on your way back down when
you realize you need it and don’t have any left!
We need to leave before the first light tomorrow.
“We’re finally going to summit this bitch!” Sebastian grits his teeth.
“Yeah.”
“I guess you should find out from Annika what the plan is?”
Huh?
I lift a brow when I look him right in the eye.
Now he wants to be a part of Anni’s team again?

Laughing a little, I keep my focus on Anni and freeze when she walks
out to the edge of where she’s standing and gazes out into the distance as if
she sees something the rest of us cannot.
She’s always searching, searching, searching.
My brows knot as I observe the odd behavior.
Anni reaches down and scoops up some snow in her glove. She takes a
while to examine it, regarding it as though the cold mass of white in her hand
holds some sort of answer to all her questions. She peers up at the sky with
sad blue eyes, then back down, then back up at the clear sky once more.
Then, she spins around.
Sebastian is going on and on about getting married when we finally get
off this mountain. I only hear the words “fourth wife,” “cubic zirconia,” and
“prenup.”
I walk off.

~
“What are you thinking about?” I whisper, coming up alongside Anni.
She spins around to face me. Her exhale tells me she’s about to lie.
“Nothing,” she whispers. “I was just admiring the view.”
Bullshit.
“We should leave early tomorrow,” she says. “We’ll be moving in the
dark.”
I nod. “I couldn’t have made a better recommendation.”
I bite my lip. “What should I tell Sebastian and the rest of them to do?”
Anni smirks. “I thought they weren’t a part of this team any longer.”
I lift a shoulder.
“What do you want me to say?” Her blue orbs swim with annoyance.
The lost look in her face that she was wearing a few minutes ago has
disappeared so quickly, it makes you wonder if I’ve actually seen it at all.
This woman is constructed of intricately woven layers and I’m far from

pulling them all back and so far from knowing all of her. But I won’t give up.
I narrow my eyes on her pretty face and wonder if I like or will understand
what I find, if I finally do...and that’s even if she’ll let me.
Anni is complicated like this mountain.
Beautiful. Incredible. Enticing.
But she’s Hell on ice.
Her fury is as captivating as her calm.
Anni drifts someplace for a second, somewhere far, far away.
“Anni,” I whisper, tugging her out of her daydream.
“Yes.”
I tip my head forward.
“What do you want me to say?” She smiles, but it’s fake.
“I guess just to tell me what Sebastian should do...”
That fire in her eyes is back in a flash. The flames I’ve missed so
much while she’s been traipsing around on this ledge like a zombie. “I guess,
tell him to feed his girlfriend.”
Laughing, I observe her carefully as she saunters off.
If she thinks that’s the end of my questions, she’s very mistaken.

Annika
“ARE YOU AFRAID TO die?” I twist around to face Kai and find that
he’s still awake.
His beautiful eyes suck me in as they always do. He blinks exactly five
times. “Why in-the-hell would you ask me that?”
I purse my lips and breathe. “I don’t know. I just wondered.”
He shifts, coming closer to me. His big hand slides up around the back
of my neck and the tip of his nose touches mine. I don’t fight it even though I
should. I’ve accepted in the last few weeks that there’s something here.
Something weird. Something I should want no part of.
This man is like my reflection.
And I think he knows it, but he doesn’t say.
Blue bloods never divulge too much, if anything, do they?
He teases the tip of my nose with his own. “I want you, Anni.”
And it’s those words that confuse me, make me feel some sort of hope.
But I push it away.
I always do.
It’s as if I’m looking at the world through misty eyes. I can’t see
clearly, but every now and again the fog dissipates, and I can make out
something in the distance, although I don’t quite know what it is.
“You shouldn’t.” I breathe in the scent of his skin. I squeeze my eyes
shut when the scruff on his jaw drags against mine. It’s funny how he smells
familiar now.
I think about Gabe.
And what he smells like.
The odor of his T-shirts when he takes them off and tosses them over
the sofa when he comes in the house after shooting ball outside for hours. Or
the smell of his boots when he’s been out hiking on Sundays. Or the smell of
his hair when he’s been stuck in the rain.

I smile.
“What?” Kai’s deep voice resonates in my ears, soothing, comforting,
sweet.
Like honey.
“Nothing, I was just thinking.”
“I want to crawl inside your mind,” he confesses.
No, you don’t.
“What if you don’t like what you find in there, Kai Brager?”
He swallows. “It can’t be no worse than what you’ll find in mine.”
See, my reflection.
“I believe that,” I whisper.
His laugh is deep and infectious, so I laugh a little too.
“Do you love being a mother?” He searches my face with his gorgeous
eyes.
“Yes, of course. I used to think everything I had accomplished before I
had Gabe was important. I thought everything was the be all, end all of my
life. But when Gabe came along, I knew.” I smile. “I knew this was it. I knew
everything I did from the day he was born would never be more important
than being a good mother to him. Everything took a back seat. My job. All
the possessions I thought I needed and all the things I wanted to do with my
life. Even Jesse often became less important than Gabe.”
“Wow.”
I laugh.
“Do you think I’ll learn to feel like that, Anni, about someone other
than myself?”
The worry is sketched all over his face. But it doesn’t seem to be
because he’s concerned about being a parent. It’s as if he’s wondering that if
he tries if he’ll be any good at it.
“Yes,” I say, so loving that this man is even thinking about it.

I see it scribbled all over his face. The promise that when he gets off
this mountain, he’s going to do as he says. I sense no dishonesty in his silent
commitment. But this man can be a world of surprises. I don’t hesitate to
remind myself that he did once promise me he wouldn’t lie to me anymore.
It’s a shame I can’t do the same...
“I think I could too, Anni. I really do, even if I suck at it at first.” He
smiles.
“I’m glad.”
“Maybe our kids could hang out together.” He runs his fingers through
my hair.
“I think that’d be cool.” I laugh a bit. “I think Gabe would really love
that.”
The cool air floats around outside, barely dusting the tent with any
wind. We’re promised good weather for the next half day, which will give us
enough time to get to the peak. I can’t say that a little crap weather will force
me to abandon my attempt for the summit. Even if Armageddon was on its
way this posse of ambitious climbers would never turn back. I can see it in
Kai’s eyes. The determination. The unwillingness to relent. The refusal to
give up. This man is going to the summit and nothing will stop him.
“Why do you need this so badly?” I ask.
He frowns. “Because I don’t want to be a failure, Anni.”
“What?” My face scrunches up in all sorts of ways.
This man has summited more peaks than most people manage to in one
lifetime. He’s even broken a few speed records. Along with that he’s trekked
across Antarctica. He’s completed solo attempts of Baintha Brakk, also
known as “The Ogre”! A mountain considered to be one of the most difficult
to climb in the world. A mountain that was only summited for the first time
in 1971. One of the latest climbers who ascended it broke both of his legs on
the descent and had to crawl back to his camp in a major storm. Luckily, he
made it off that mountain alive.
Kai had managed to successfully summit and descend it without injury.
So, how on earth could he be a failure?

I’m completely baffled.
“A failure?” My voice is strained.
He looks away from me. “It’s complicated, Anni.”
I stare him down. “Well, explain it to me as if I’m dumb then.”
He exhales. “I can’t. It’s complicated. I don’t want to lie to you.”
“You promised you wouldn’t.”
“I know the only way it’ll make sense is if I lie to you, Anni, and I
don’t want to do that.” He lowers his eyes, then lifts them back up again.
“Because I promised you.”
There’s so much meaning in his words, I almost stop breathing
altogether. My heart skips about eight times and sweat slicks the back of my
neck, turning me hot all over. That thing is happening again...where I don’t
want him...or at least I tell myself I don’t. But I do. I know I do. He knows I
do. I’m a liar!
I allow myself just a second to dream of being naked with this man.
God knows it’s been too long.
I imagine his beautiful face in mine as he plows into me with the
heavy machinery I know he’s packing in his thermal underwear. His sweaty,
masculine-scented skin as it makes contact with mine. His heavy body
between my thighs, pounding into me, rutting against me with his pelvis,
forcing me to open up, claiming everything I swore I’d never give to another
man besides Jesse Weathers.
Honestly, I don’t know if I could even do it...
I take another look at Kai Brager.
Son of Earl and Countess Brager.
The royal bachelor for life. The aristocratic maniac who has more
money than sense. A man who has grown to seek the approval from his father
he’ll never get.
The lost boy.
The wishful son.

The man with the selfish heart.
And I just know a man like this one wouldn’t go gentle with a woman
like me. He’d screw me from behind before he ever touches me with any
care, regardless of what he promises. His massive ego would allow nothing
less.
I shake my filthy, dirty, dirty thoughts away and focus on the now.
His eyes morph into slits. “What are you thinking about?”
“Nothing,” I say softly.
“Liar.”
Yes, indeed.
“I know that look in your eyes, Anni, when you’re thinking something
you don’t want to say that you are.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah.” He tilts his head forward. “I can see everything, Anni.” He
caresses my lips with his thick finger. “Like how each time I touch you that
pale pink flush scrambles up your neck and runs across your cheeks. How
your lips turn red and a thick layer of sweat settles in your philtrum.” He
mushes my lips as he leans in closer. “And how whenever you look at me, no
matter the light, these big black pupils of yours get bigger and bigger and
bigger. It makes me so fucking hard, Anni.”
I shake my head out of his hands and make my best attempt at hiding
my smile.
The lust is written all over me and so is his…It’s been there since the
day we first met.
We meet eyes for a while, exchanging lots of information in the heavy
silence.
A man like this one could never have me.
And I can offer him nothing...
We’re the same.
A reflection of each other.

I exhale and so does he.
“Anni, I know you don’t like to talk about him.” He sighs. “I think
you should once in a while, you know, get it all off your chest.” He swallows.
“I know you probably don’t think so and maybe it’s something you’ve never
even thought about. I respect it, I do. But I think you deserve a second
chance.”
I press my lips together. “So do you.”
He nods a few times. “I’ll stick you to those words.”
Reaching out, I take a long strand of his hair between my fingertips. I
adore the lock of dirty blond in my palm and find a strand or two in it that’s
so blond, it would qualify as being platinum.
“Some of your strands are platinum,” I tell him.
He shrugs. “I’m not exactly a man who looks in the mirror all the time.
Anni.”
I accept his answer as the golden truth.
Some people would find his statement ridiculous. A man as handsome
as this one who never looks in the mirror is a goddamn rarity.
There are no mirrors where people like us choose to traverse...
I grunt in response, but I don’t let go of his hair.
He taps the tip of my nose. “London.” He kisses my lips.
I shut my eyes, absorbing his whisper, loving the feel of his soft beard
against my mouth, breathing everything him in.
“Don’t forget.” He keeps going, likely knowing I find the sound of his
voice soothing, life-altering, panty-melting. Ugh. But I don’t stop sinking,
sinking, sinking.
He teases my lips with his own, then presses a kiss to my lips before
he delves into my mouth with his tongue, licking, sucking, tasting. I fall into
the kiss, not wanting to be any place else. My eyes pop open to gaze into his
soft gray ones and I could get used to this view, but I know it’s impossible.
“Yes,” I promise, not sure why I’m doing so.

I’m caught up in his dirty lust bubble.
“When we get to London, you owe me a date, Anni Weathers.”
“Yeah, when we get to London,” I whisper.

En Route
Kai
WE MOVE IN THE pitch-black like ghouls of the night.
We’ve been trudging upward for the past five hours and are still hours
from the summit.
The soft wind wraps itself around my skin, burning me with the cold.
I put one boot in front of the other, stabbing my crampon into the step
kicked out in front of me. There’s nothing up here besides rocks, knee-deep
snow, and ice.
This terrain is a bitch.
I remember it quite clearly, passing the same spots, grabbing on to the
same fixed lines that have remained on the side of this mountain for years.
It’s all in replay in my mind. Nothing has changed. Only the beat of my heart
and the pace of my breathing as I make my way over this slope.
With a bark from her lungs Anni style, she demanded we move at a
steady pace, explaining that once we’re above eight thousand meters the
world will slow and that everything would get harder. At Anni’s strict
instructions we aren’t to be in The Death Zone for longer than necessary.
Sebastian and Racine, like two assholes, have insisted on climbing
without oxygen. Anni decided on ascending with oxygen. I’ve decided to do
the same, as have Winston, Pemba, Chaka, and Tyrone.
I must admit that a week ago, I would’ve never done such a thing.
This climb to me has become more about getting to the top and not how fast I
can get there or what heroic flare I can do it with. I am only concerned with
getting to the top and making it down in one piece.
Anni is far below, in between Winston and Racine, their headlamps
alight.
She insisted she remain behind me.
I told her I didn’t fucking like it.
She rolled her eyes and gave me a shove, putting me in front of
everyone else.

The sounds around me help me to focus...
The crunching of snow when it’s pierced by sharpened crampons. The
high-pitched clink from the tips of ice axes being driven far into the freeze.
The crisp wind as it passes over us. It all fills my senses, forcing me to
disregard the burn of my hamstrings.
Keep moving.
I ignore the cold air I inhale into my lungs.
And remind myself to breathe in the fragrance of success.
It’s all I smell.
The first flecks of light from the sun edging just over the horizon
shimmer down on us. I stop for a beat and take in the sight of the peak high
above, lonely and beautiful. Then my gaze swings down to Anni. She looks
up at me. I smile. But I see nothing in her face except for distress.
My heart sinks deep into the earth’s crust.
“Let’s go, man.” Musa catches up to me.
His voice yanks me out of my fixation on Anni’s face.
Climbers etiquette tells me to allow him to pass. So I do. I let Winston
pass too, then Racine, then Chaka. A few other assorted climbers speaking
Russian float past. I let them all go by while I wait for Anni.
When she makes it to me she gives me a pissed off look. “What are
you doing? You’re supposed to be out front.”
“Chaka is ahead. They’re fine.”
The morning light dusts Anni’s pink cheeks. She looks absolutely
breathtaking.
“We need to move fast. We can’t afford to take any breaks. If you want
success, Kai Brager, you won’t get it resting and waiting for me.” She pants
and points upward, flashing me with her pale blue eyes. So pretty. So sad. So
hot. So cold. “LET’S GO!” Her scream makes me flinch and yanks me out of
the wet dream I’ve just found myself warm and wonderful in. Her blues are
the same color as the ice ahead.
I sigh.
It all reminds me we’re heading where few men have trodden before.

And the ones who have, possibly never made it back down alive. The others,
like me, have never had the glory at all of saying they’ve made it to the
summit.
I slam my ice axe into the snow ahead, allowing the fury I feel about
never making it to the top of this bitch add to the momentum of finally
getting there this time.
I will not fail.
I cannot fail.
Failure-is-not-an-option.
In an instant, the half-glowing sun disappears behind a thick curtain of
gray.
Dammit.

Annika
AN HOUR LATER...
Snowflakes drift down from the dark sky above.
There’s no sun and the winds are spiraling around us.
We’re beneath the Bottleneck on the Southeast Spur and have been
here forever. Summit fever is high. Climbers are exhausted. The cold is
becoming unbearable and I’m about to crawl out of my skin with frustration
the higher we get.
I keep my tears back.
“Annika Weathers,” a voice says from behind the oxygen mask the
climber is wearing when they pass me, moving slowly, lacking any sort of
emotion.
My eyes squint when I recognize Madman behind the mask.
I nod.
He nods.
It’s the unspoken language around here.
I allow him to pass me.
I allow everyone to pass me.
The Serbs. The Russians. The French. And who’s left from the
Malaysian team...
I let them all pass.
Chaka trudges by, holding on to the rope. He doesn’t speak, only
signals he notices me with the tip of his head forward. More climbers go by. I
let them all pass, ushering them on to march by me. I lean into the ice wall
for a beat, thinking.
We should be moving faster...
I glance back up at the narrow couloir ahead. The crux of this
mountain.
For all the climbers that have perished on this peak, this is the very
place where most of them have met their demise. It’s the end of the road here.
The next stop is the summit. But the progress here is slow and arduous, only

complicated by the thin air that’s already taken over.
The Bottleneck is dotted with climbers, each waiting for the other to
move forward and up. Our group is far behind, far from getting out of the
way of the thirty-story high seracs that loom over this section.
Shit.
My breathing is labored when I gauge the lack of progress.
We’re at 7,900 meters—25,918 feet—on the precipice of The Death
Zone.
“Annika, how are things looking up there?” Ollie’s voice cuts into my
thoughts.
With a breathy exhale, I reach for the satphone at my hip. “Slow, Ollie,
really slow. We moved as early as we could, but we’ve still ended up in a
queue. There are too many goddamn climbers up here.”
Ollie groans. “Shit.”
“What?”
“We have weather, Annika, it looks like moving in.”
“Weather?”
“It’s just showing as some patchy clouds, chance of wind. I’d say if you
don’t get up to the top of the Bottleneck in the next two hours you should
turn around to be on the safe side.”
I can’t turn around.
I won’t turn around.
It’s what I came here to do.
“Okay, Ollie,” I say, looking up at the peak that’s been the bane of my
existence.
A frigid wind washes over my skin.
“I hate you,” I whisper, digging my crampon into the icy rock beneath
my boot. It doesn’t give way. It’s hard and unrelenting the same way it doles
out its punishments to unsuspecting climbers. “I fucking hate you.”
Ollie’s voice fades in and out. “Annika.” The static is loud. “I mean it.”
I consider the possibilities of today and how it will end.

I suppose it doesn’t matter...
I have every intention of ensuring this team’s summit attempt.
A climber’s dreams can live and die up here all at once.
And I intend to make sure that doesn’t happen to any of the climbers in
my team today.
They’re all in a line above me, Chaka first in the lead, just like I need
him to be. Pemba is at the end of the line. Kai isn’t far behind them.
He’ll have his success this time around...
Biting my lip, I acknowledge that I’ve come to like him. I think he
deserves his moment of victory. Maybe it’ll finally set him free.
A thick blanket of peace and acceptance settles over me.
I’ve done my part...
Besides, a man like Kai in his bid for the summit won’t notice anything
amiss.
Reaching down, I turn the volume of the satphone down.
The only person whose eyes linger on me, much to my annoyance, is
Kai. His silvery eyes wash over me, sending that sensation they always do
fluttering over my skin like light kisses.
“Annika, if you don’t get close enough to the summit in the next two
hours, turn around. I mean it.” Ollie’s voice through the satphone cuts into
my thoughts.
“Yeah, over and out.” I turn the thing off.
Godspeed.

CHAPTER SEVEN
The Death Zone
+8,000 meters | +25,000 feet
Kai
FUCK. THE. COLD.
The winds whip around us. The sun can no longer be seen through the
thick mass of storm clouds above and the temperature has dropped to circa
balls-frozen levels.
Enemy number three up here: the weather.
I suck in more oxygen, relieved when it fills my lungs and goes straight
to my brain.
We’re in The Death Zone.
There isn’t enough oxygen here for humans to breathe, to think clearly,
to do anything really. At this altitude climbers who choose to do this run
without oxygen are at risk of headaches, nausea, and vomiting. You’d be
looking at pink parrots, your drunk uncle in his ugly Christmas sweater, and
your fourth-grade school teacher, Ms. Jones, before you even knew what was
happening to you because you’d be suffering from the most intense
hallucinations known to man.
A man shouldn’t be here without oxygen for longer than a few hours.
Sebastian glances over his shoulder at me. “Time for this whore to flip
her skirt up and show us just what she’s working with!” He laughs.
I don’t.
Madman and his crew are up ahead.
I still don’t know that kid’s real name.
Whatever.
We all trudge on slow, dedicated and unwavering in our attempt to get
to the top.
In the last three hours, the weather has deteriorated severely.
Two teams have already turned around and are descending on different

lines. Others follow their lead when they notice the visibility is turning to
shit.
We march on.
Anni lingers far below me.
This is the slowest I’ve ever seen her ascend.
Against my wishes, she nudged me on over an hour ago, insisting she
stay just behind me. Other climbers had moved in front of her. Anni had
remained stationary for a while too. I pushed on. And eventually when I
glanced back, she was farther behind than I could understand.
The wind rips around in my hood before I stop to secure it tighter.
“Kai,” Ollie’s voice comes through the satphone.
Scrambling, I snatch it from my waist, almost having forgotten it’s
even there. “Yeah, Kai here.” I squint against the snow that hits my face.
“Where i-i-i Nika?”
“What?” I scream into the receiver, realizing the signal is breaking up.
“Where is Annika?” Ollie asks.
“She’s just below me. We’re finally moving a bit faster, but the
weather is closing in.”
“I told her to turn around if you w-w—alfway up the Ottleneck.”
What?
Turn around?
My eyes fix on all the climbers still making their way up high.
We’re only a short distance away from the summit, less than 611
meters—2,000 feet.
We can’t turn around!
We’d be insane to turn around after making it this far!
Sheer panic skitters through me.
“Ollie, we can make it!” I say into the satphone. “We can make it!”
“Goddamn it, you asshole! I’m telling you to TURN AROUND. I’m
telling you to DESCEND or you’ll make it to the top, but you won’t make it
back down alive!” This fierceness in his voice I’ve never heard before.

Another gust of wind rocks through this area, sweeping one or two
climbers off their feet. A few more decide to turn around. I take two more
steps upward, toward my dream, toward my goal. I am going to get to the
top!
“We’re not turning around, Ollie.”
“You ass—” Ollie starts to yell, before I shut the satphone off.
More wind.
More cracking of the slopes beneath my boots.
A rumble in the distance confirms the bitch is awake.
She’s ready to unleash her fury on those of us who decide to stay.
I stare up at the gray sky above, at the swirls in the clouds, and the
bright flashes. It’s all terrifyingly beautiful and my heart sinks when I realize
Hell is about two hours from raining down on us.
We keep moving upward.
Slow.
In the distance Chaka, Musa, Tyrone, Pemba, Sebastian, and Racine
make it to the end of the Bottleneck and disappear from my view.
They’re on their way.
They’re going to make it to the top.
Fuck, yes.
NOTHING will make me abandon this summit attempt.
I snatch off my oxygen mask when Anni unclips herself from the line,
for the third time! She removes her oxygen mask and looks around, getting a
good grip on the snowy face in front of her. I meet her eyes. There’s nothing
in them, only confusion.
She traverses to her right, far away from the line of climbers and closer
to the seracs that loom over us, which are unstable and always threatening to
topple over.
“ANNI!” I make my best attempt to be heard over the wind. “ANNI!”
What is she doing!
Nothing but white covers my jacket. It coats my goggles and whips

across my skin, burning it. I wipe all the snow away, clearing my view.
“ANNI!”
Rage builds in me so fast, I think it’s wrapped itself around my heart
and is forcing it to beat harder, angrier. It pounds. It thumps out of control
and soon I no longer even feel cold anymore. Now, I’m overheating.
“Anni!” I feel the tautness of the rope between my gloves, just when a
brief gust rocks me, nearly knocking me over. I fix my crampon into the wall,
listening to the slice as the tiny blades cut through the ice and snow.
Winston signals with his hand that he’s moving forward still. “These
winds are going to pick up, old boy! We still have time, but we need to move
faster.”
I nod and look back at the sheer vertical pitch of this side.
Searching, searching, searching.
Pounding heart. Dry throat. Shaky hands.
Protect her. Respect her. Keep her warm.
I failed.
Anni is gone.

Annika
I CAN STILL HEAR Jesse’s voice, telling me to focus, to pay
attention.
Those were his words all the time when we were climbing.
He’d tell me to feel the rock beneath my fingertips and climb.
The wind whips around me as I trudge along the snow and down
through a narrow couloir. The sides are steep and hard, just like my life has
been lately.
White surrounds me. Cold chills my bones. The sky is blacker than
I’ve ever seen it. But it’s beautiful. I never fail to see how breathtaking it is
up high, here above all the bullshit.
I take my rucksack off along with my oxygen tank and toss it all in
the snow.
A tear slips from my eye and then more, more, more as I make my
way forward.
I smile.
It’s been two years.
And in that span of time I’ve been here twice.
Each time I failed to do what I’d come here for.
Not this time.
I almost fall into hysterics.
Crunch. Crunch. Crunch.
My boots carve a path through the hard snow and ice.
I reach out, elated.
A gust of wind passes far over the top of where I stand, but I’m
shielded from its fierceness.
I keep moving forward.
Keep going, Anni.
I’ve searched this place high and low, north and south, every crack,
crevice, and crevasse. I drop down in the snow to my knees, touch the solid

ice in front of me, and feel whole again.

Kai
HUNCHED OVER, I MAKE my way forward.
I slip my glove into my jacket and remove it, staring at the sticky
crimson that coats it. I’d moved down this slope so fast, I’d fallen right on the
face of a rock, which had ripped through my jacket and grazed my shoulder
pretty damn good.
Staring up at the peak above, I feel its pull, and tears edge my eyes
when I realize I’m running out of time to leave my mark on this bitch. If it
weren’t for Anni’s shenanigans, I’d be up there by now taking selfies and
calling Alfred to finally tell him I’d made it.
FUCK!
I linger on a flat section surrounded by huge seracs. Scanning all the
white, I see nothing. No sign of Anni. No indication that she’d been here. No
pile of her gear.
A slope lies ahead.
It’s the only place she could be.
I stare out at the face and down the steep vertical drop.
I figure it’s either here or down there and I don’t want to imagine Anni
has fallen.
No.
Can’t.
That couldn’t happen.
I shake the thoughts away like they’re diseased.
“Anni!” I dig my ice axe in the snow and maneuver my way over the
slope. “Anni!” My voice strains and I swear I’m running out of breath.
“Firefly.” The word barely leaves me.
The wind eases just a bit.
“Anni!” I call her name, growing more panicked by the second when
she doesn’t answer. “ANNI! ANNI! ANNI!”
One step. Then two more. After three, I stop completely.
Her rucksack is in the snow, along with her ice axes and oxygen tank.

I step closer to examine it all, then with the quick jerk of my head
upward, I look around, searching for any signs of her. I take a few steps
toward the edge with a hammering heart and look over.
Nothing but white, white, white, that’s dotted with climbers
descending.
I spin around.
“ANNI!” I run back toward her pack and freeze completely. “AN—"
She weeps.
I take slow steps toward her where she’s on her knees in the snow.
“Anni,” I hiss.
She glances over her shoulder and pierces me with her sapphire eyes.
What in the fuck?
I approach cautiously, terrified, confused.
My eyes trace where her gloved hand lingers, caressing a boot that
protrudes from the snow.
“Anni,” I whisper, ignoring the wild weather behind me.
“What are you doing?” She faces me with tears pouring from her eyes.
“I came to find you.”
She spins away from me. “I don’t want you to find me, Kai Brager. I
want you to leave me alone, please.” She pushes up to stand quickly,
ignoring how perplexed I am. “I have to make him comfortable. I must.” She
sniffles, finding more snow.
I shoot her a look as if she’s completely fucking lost it!
Have to make who more comfortable?
She moves quickly to gather up more snow.
I edge closer to the dead body that sits perched beneath a rock, its blue
boots exposed for anyone to see. Weeping, Anni gets to work. And each
sniffle, each tear that crawls down her cheek, each tremble of her lips cuts a
new wound into my soul.
“Anni,” I whisper, keeping my eyes on her, making my best attempt to
make out the features of the male form. “Anni.” My fingers skitter over the

hood of the jacket, shakily, frantically.
Jesse Weathers died on this mountain five years ago...
Is this who she’s been searching for?
Is this why she’s here?
Searching for more details, I peer at the face, seeing something I don’t
think I ever have before. Something that has me bewitched.
Now, I’m just confused!
The eyes are closed. The mouth is shut. It’s the most peaceful
expression.
He looks as though he’s asleep.
Frozen in time.
Resting in peace.
Gone from this world.
Enemy number two up here: death.
Sliding my fingers through the thick hair, I find the tag in the jacket
collar.
Anni is mumbling to herself, moving around quickly, piling up more
snow.
I brush the snow away and barely make out the letters monogrammed
on the tag: G.J.W.
Immediately, I let it go like it just bit me and fall backward on my ass.

Annika
CHILD OF MY BONES...
Blood of my blood.
Light of my life.
My angel.
I kiss Gabe’s soft, frozen cheek.
Kai’s gray eyes bulge out at me.
I move quickly to gather more snow, piling it up, working to cover
Gabe completely.
I wipe my tears away, ignoring that my breathing is becoming more
labored with every movement I make. I gather up more snow.
“Anni.” Kai is already on his feet, extending an arm toward me.
I ignore the crazy look on his face.
“Yesss,” I hiss, so fucking pissed that this asshole has followed me
here.
He should be on the peak by now, bragging and calling all his exlovers, The Sun, and the News of the World magazine to tell them all he
made it!
“Anni.” His face twists as he inches closer, near to where I’m standing,
then freezes.
I move to stand next to him and clasp my hands together. “Our Father
in Heaven, hallowed be your name. Your kingdom come, your will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven...”
Kai’s whispers join in and we say the entire Lord’s Prayer without
interruptions until it’s done.
I drop to my knees and cover my child with more snow. “Please help
me.” I stare up at Kai, who’s still regarding Gabe with the most haunting
expression.
He snaps out of whatever trance he’s found himself in again. He drops
to his knees and helps me to cover Gabe with more snow. I ignore the spill of
my tears and stand when it’s done, wiping them away. When I look at my

little boy once more, I get lost in a memory.
Gabe puts his hands together in prayer. “Mom, I’m sorry. I really am.”
Ripping my glasses off, I slam them down on the kitchen counter so
hard they break. Tears immediately head south from my eyes, blurring my
vision, causing me to see a little boy standing in front of me instead of the
man he is now. As of lately, it’s been difficult to tell the difference.
“Mom, please. I don’t want you to be upset.”
“Upset!” My voice is high-pitched. “You can’t do this, Gabe! I forbid
it.”
A charming smile spreads across his face. “You forbid it?”
I open my mouth to yell.
He approaches me, slow and cautious with his arms stretched out wide.
I back away from him.
I’m close to having a meltdown.
I’d only gotten off the phone an hour ago when I’d been told by a friend
of a friend of a friend that Gabe would be setting off for Pakistan in three
days to ascend K2 with a group of climbers I have zero faith in.
Never mind that Gabe didn’t tell me himself!
I simply do-not-want-him-to-go.
“Weren’t you and Dad both in your teens when you started climbing,
Mom?”
I point a finger at him. “Don’t do that, Gabe. It isn’t the same.”
“Mom, it is.” He smiles, completely ignoring that I’m outraged.
“What about school, Gabe?”
“What about it, Mom?” He lifts his arms high. “I’m going in the fall.”
I hate his nonchalant way of thinking, which at times is borderline
arrogant.
“It’s going to be you and me in London.” He laughs. “We’ll go and see
the sights. We’ll have dinner at a fancy restaurant. We’ll do everything when
you come to visit me at Christmas.”
He’s distracting me...

He cocks his head. “I promise.”
“You don’t understand what awaits you on those peaks, Gabe. Maybe
I’ll come along, just to make sure everything goes fine.”
He huffs. “And how would that look, Mom? Gabe Weathers’ mother
joins the expedition at the last minute to ensure that her eighteen-year-old
toddler doesn’t get hurt?”
I suck back another breath before I turn hysterical. “This isn’t about
your pride, Gabe. It’s about safety. You don’t have enough experience.” It’s
a lie. “You don’t know what you’re doing.” A lie too. “You just can’t do this
to me!” I’m desperate for this not to happen.
My eyes fix on a picture of Jesse that rests on a shelf. He’s standing in
front of Pike’s Peak at the base, where he’s now buried, as he wished, if
anything were ever to happen to him. And I don’t want to imagine it...ever
having to bury my son.
I don’t think I could handle losing another love. I’d never survive it. I
wouldn’t be able to live with myself. I’d be as good as dead.
Gabe places a hand on my shoulder as I weep and pulls me into him.
“Mom, I’ll be fine.”
I squeeze him tight. “You’re all I have, Gabe. If anything happened to
you, I don’t know what I’d do with myself.”
He runs his hand over my shoulder. “Mom, I’ll be fine. I promise.”
“Your father—” I start to say.
“Dad would want me to go, Mom, and you know it.” He waits for me to
argue.
I don’t.
“You have to trust me.” He nods harshly once.
I search his handsome face. “I trust you. It’s the mountain I don’t
trust.”
“I promise, I’ll come back to you in one piece.” He kisses my cheek.
“Okay.”
“Okay, Mom. I love you.”
“Anni,” Kai’s deep voice cuts into my memory.

I never should’ve let Gabe go...
A heavy dose of regret makes me feel as though I weigh ten tons.
“We have to go, please,” he says softly. “The weather...your oxygen...”
The rage that slams into me comes from the heavens. “JUST because
you abandoned your child, DOESN’T mean I should leave MINE!”
Kai stumbles back.
And I know my words have kicked him right in his heart, but I don’t
care.
I just want to be left alone.
“Please just go,” I beg. “Go and conquer your peak!”
He jerks his head back at my words. “You talk like you’re all high and
mighty, Annika Weathers, but you’re just as fucked-up as I am.” His eyes
water over.
“Oh yeah?”
“Yes.” He gets into my space, freezing me with those cold eyes of his.
“I am selfish. I am horrible, Anni. I have done some terrible things. I own
them. But you...”
“Meeeee?”
“Yeah, you.”
“Me, what?”
He glares at me. “At least I haven’t been going around pretending that
my dead son is alive and well.”
I slap him, hard, leaving the left side of his beautiful face beat red.
He squeezes his eyes shut for a moment, then opens them slowly.
“JUST GO!” The tears that pour from my own eyes are endless. And I
know as long as I live and breathe without Gabe and Jesse, they always will
be.

Kai
PULLING AN EXTRA HAT from my jacket pocket, I maneuver past
Anni, ignoring the burning ache in my shoulder. I put the hat on Gabe’s head,
setting it into place, knowing damn well it won’t keep him warm, but if it’s
all I can do, then it’s worth a try. I tap him on the shoulder and whisper,
“May God bless you, Gabe, and may his angels protect you. I’m sure you
were a damn fine chap.”
I back away from her fierce expression and run a hand over my burning
cheek.
It’s clear I’m facing off with a lioness that’s protecting her cub.
I decide I’ll leave her well enough alone.
Taking one last glance at her, I accept there is a severely broken
woman in front of me. A creature so damaged by loss and grief, she can’t
even exist in reality anymore, because her reality sucks. Just like mine.
Anni’s words cut into me.
Their truth breaks my bones.
They carve into my skin and leave nothing but a bloody path behind.
Spinning away from her with a pounding heart and a horrible mess of
emotions, I walk away from her. When I make it to the edge where the snow
meets the distance, I stare up at the summit.
Ignoring the bad weather, I check my watch.
I still have time to get to the top.
To make Alfred proud.
To conquer K2.
The snow whips wildly around her onyx peaks.
She’s gorgeous.
I take more steps.
Anni’s voice echoes from far behind me. “I’m here, Gabe. I’ll protect
you. I’ll never abandon you. I love you so, so much.”

My boots are anchored in the snow.
Slowly, I spin around only to find Anni has stripped out of her coat
and has cuddled up next to Gabe like they’re in bed about to read a bedtime
story.
I blink super fucking fast.
Is this why she hasn’t accepted that job in London?
Is this why she gave all her money away?
Is this why she won’t really commit to that date with me?
Anni never planned on descending this mountain!
It’s clear she NEVER planned on moving to London either!
My insides turn to stone.
This woman has been telling me untruths, or omissions as she’d say—
still lies—since I’d met her. This time she’s the liar!
The snowflakes flurry around my face. They look beautiful dancing
around in the wind. My mouth falls open at the sight of the woman I’ve felt
so tethered to since the first day I laid eyes on her face…
This woman has come into my life like a blip and set off a bomb!
I glance up at the peak, knowing that if I leave now, I’ll make it to the
top...
But I’ll never see Anni again.
Surely by now you know what men like me do when faced with moral
dilemmas.
Fuck.
Fuck.
Fuck.
Anni makes herself more comfortable in the snow next to Gabe.
A pained breath leaves me just as a tear slips down my cheek.
So many thoughts dash across my mind.

Success.
Failure.
Love.
They all tangle together and I think. I can’t breathe. I’m just confused.
Enemy number one up here: YOURSELF.
I see my future and everything I thought it would be slipping away
mighty fast...
Protect her. Respect her. Keep her warm.
Anni’s blues fix right on my face and when she closes them, I think I
die right along with her.

CHAPTER EIGHT
Seven Days Later
Skardu, Pakistan
Kai
AN EXHAUSTED BREATH LEAVES me when I ease down to sit on
the edge of the single bed.
I’m in a bad mood. I’m tired. My shoulder is killing me, and I just
feel all sorts of weird after coming back down to the civilized world. It
always feels this way.
I should be used to it by now, but this time it feels different.
Looking around in this room, all the shutters are closed except for one,
which has a breathtaking view of the Karakoram in the distance. A soft
breeze moves in, dusting the room with a sea level-scented aroma, reminding
me I’m back on solid ground.
It’s just after five o’clock in the evening.
The sun dips just beneath the horizon, glowing and beautiful, ready to
usher in the nightfall. This place has always been a good spot to rest and
recover before moving on. Normally, I’d head straight from here and to the
airport and off to my next destination, which is usually another summit
attempt somewhere in our large world.
Not this time.
Didn’t I tell you I’m fucked up?
My heart beats a little weird and my brain is scrambled to hell.
All the events of the past few days bleed into one another and I wonder
if I can even remember them all clearly, since time blurred out at some point,
making me feel high and stupid.
I needed just this one extra day to recuperate.
I run a hand over my beard and huff.
Tame Impala’s “Solitude is Bliss” sounds from the iPod dock, which
sits on the rickety table next to the bed.

This teahouse is no Four Seasons, but at least it’s quiet here. At least
this place allows me to get away from my thoughts for a moment. At least I
can get a few nights’ sleep in a semi-comfortable bed.
My phone buzzes on the nightstand with messages and has been since I
stepped foot off that mountain. I can’t bear to read or listen to them. They
aren’t important. Fuck the rest of the world right now. I have no desire to be a
part of it.
Snatching up the spliff from the nightstand, I light it quickly, watching
the tip of it catch with the orange flame. I take two draws, then exhale. One
more, then I put it out completely.
They say with age comes evolution. At least that’s what’s supposed to
occur.
Some of us, like me, are defective.
We never live the life we were supposed to have lived.
So we never learn...
The man you were two days ago, ten years ago, and two minutes ago
should never be the same. Through experiences you get wiser. After living
and experiencing heartbreak you become stronger. Through emotional
evolution, you constantly reinvent yourself. You grow. You change. You
become a better man.
The exhale that leaves me is full of fear.
I bet you’re wondering about what really had happened, huh?
Well...
I didn’t do what you thought I’d do.
Funny, isn’t it?
And it has me all sorts of messed-up.
I let out another long, loud breath because I’m about to tell you about
the events that followed that disastrous summit attempt.
A sigh slips from Anni’s parted lips as she sleeps.
No one else died, thank goodness.
Sebastian—less two more fingers—Racine, Chaka, Tyrone, Musa,
Winston, and Pemba had all made it to the summit. Even Madman had made

it to the top.
I did not.
I made a choice.
While our summit team was gloating, I was in the fight of my life with
Anni when I snatched her ass up from the snow and screamed in her face that
she wouldn’t be leaving me that way then or anytime soon. And I meant
every word I roared that day. Speechless for once, Anni’s salty tears had
mixed in with mine. I kissed her. I promised her things I never have another
human being. I completely fucking lost it. And when she collapsed against
me in tears and out of breath, I hauled her ass down to the next camp as fast
as I could. Then the next one, and the next one without waiting for anyone
else to follow, until we were off that bitch and she lingered behind us like a
bad memory.
Apparently that asshole Ollie was the only one who was aware of what
put Anni on that mountain with us. He knew who she was searching for. He
admitted that much. And when I slammed his skull up against a rickety
cabinet in the communications tent, he blabbered on about not knowing it
was her intention to never descend that mountain.
Knowing that you’re being led up K2 by a severely grief-stricken
woman would’ve been helpful information to know from day one…
Ollie and Anni have had a long and storied friendship. I learned she
saved his life once on Mount Rainier years back. Ollie had saved her ass once
or twice too, always being that voice through the satphone on her summits.
All those wonderful things aside, Anni was the only person who could stop
me from crushing his bones for allowing her to do something so crazy.
And Gabe’s story...
Fuck, it’s sad.
In a storm, he had been separated from his climbing team and had
succumbed to exhaustion and exposure. The team he was with hadn’t
summited and neither had Gabe. Anni had been searching for Gabe’s body
ever since she had been given the news that he had perished. But time and
time again when she had scaled the mountain, she failed to find him even
though she had spent years mapping it.
Anni told me she had narrowed it down to one spot. The one place

Gabe could be that was left and had finally found his body. It explains all the
searching I’d witnessed her doing since we’d been on that bitch. Anni was
looking. Endlessly looking for her boy.
Anni had said that Gabe’s wish was to remain on the mountain. Anni
vowed she would never rest until she found him. She wanted to give him a
funeral ceremony since he’d never had one. She wanted to say goodbye in the
right way.
A loud sigh rushes from me.
Anni blames herself for Gabe’s death. She holds guilt that she’d broken
her promise to Jesse about taking care of their son. Her heart is forever heavy
with remorse.
Another sigh leaves me when I think about the young man’s final
resting place. Because all I see when I do is my own life and how it’s been
flashing right before me like a fucking warning gone wild.
I gaze out the window, then my eyes fix on the copy of Swiss Family
Robinson that’s bookmarked to the page Anni and I had last left off on since
we’d been reading together.
My eyes land on her form where she sleeps in one of my T-shirts. It fits
her perfectly, highlighting her graceful curves. They drift down over the
slope of her ass and then down her toned legs to her pretty feet. I’m unable to
hold back the savage groan that leaves me.
When she shifts a little to her right, I get a peek at her pussy.
Delicate.
Soft.
Pretty.
Like her heart.
And begging to be filled.
Anni has no panties. I’d emptied her rucksack after we made it here
with the intention of dressing her fully when she was tired and out of it. I
found very little among her belongings. Maybe she had given her underwear
away too. Anni refused to wear mine. So, I dressed her in what I had and the
bottom half of her stayed naked. She didn’t seem to care. And of course,
neither did I.

With my fist to my mouth, I practically bite my hand off, knowing I
only want to let her sleep. It’s the best thing for Anni. My firefly needs rest.
Plucking up my phone, I shut it off completely and decide that tonight
all I want to do is read my goddamn book and go to sleep.
I’ll jerk off later.

Annika
I STIR AWAKE TO find Kai sitting on the edge of the bed we’ve been
sharing for the past three nights since we arrived in this dusty place. We’ve
barely talked. If the words “no,” “yes,” and “I’m tired,” count as conversation
then we’ve been interacting quite regularly the past few nights.
But honestly, I haven’t really said a word because I have no clue what
to say.
This, what’s happening right now, was never part of the plan...
None of it.
I’m not supposed to be here, but I’m grateful now that I am.
Kai is hunched over, smiling and holding Swiss Family Robinson in
his hands.
He’d fed me. He’d bathed me. He’d slept next to me without ever
making a move.
I’m sure my antics have turned him completely off.
But in all of that he’d never asked me the one question I thought he
would’ve by now.
Looking around, I take in my surroundings. With simple, rustic
furnishings, this room is warm and comfortable. It’s far different from the
Hell we’d just escaped from high above.
I never imagined I’d be here, and now I need to figure out exactly
where I’ll be going when I leave. I have no money. I have no job. And I have
no home. I have nothing. I’m as aimless as a vagabond right now. But I don’t
want to think about that, honestly.
I can only focus on the shirtless, muscular man in front of me, whose
long hair is tied up in a messy man-bun on top of his head and whose beard is
now perfectly trimmed and groomed. The same man who as of lately has
been gracing me with a gray-eyed gaze like I’m his world—his future—and
hauling my ass around like a Neanderthal.
Brushing my cheek along the soft pillow, I twist my feet in the white
sheets that linger around my ankles, appreciating how the expensive linens
feel against my bare thighs that brush against the monogrammed baby-blue

T-shirt I’m wearing.
What kind of man travels with his own sheets?
The tag attached to the seam of the soft fitted sheet bunched up in my
grip tells me Charlotte Thomas made them.
I focus on Kai’s thick fingertips as they turn the pages slowly.
They were shaky last night when he bathed me but firm when he
applied moisturizer to my skin. They were gentle when he helped me shrug
into his T-shirt and gracious when he shared a bowl of tomato soup with me
before we turned into bed last night.
I think I like those fingertips of his.
Want them all over me.
My legs instinctively part a little.
My eyes drift down to the sweatpants he’s wearing, which hang off his
hips, revealing perfectly carved abs covered in sparse hair that disappears in
the waistband of his pants. No tats, just as he’d said. No scars. No markings
at all. His body is a blank canvas. A gold signet ring now decorates the pinky
finger of his left hand and in the corner across the room is his rucksack that I
know holds all his possessions in the world. I’m still not sure where he’d
found the space to fit these sheets inside it.
He glances behind him and flinches. “I didn’t realize you were up.”
I don’t smile. Honestly, I can barely even look him in the eye. I feel
exposed like a wound. Especially now that he knows all my secrets. I’m the
liar, really. After I’d spent so much time calling him one. I’m the hypocrite.
That’s the truth.
He reaches out and shoves his fingers into my hair, cupping the back of
my head, forcing me to look at him.
Ben Howard’s “I Forget Where We Were” echoes through the warm
air.
“I’m sorry I can’t explain,” I whisper.
He tips his chin upward. “You don’t have to, firefly.” He comes closer,
eclipsing my frame with his large body. His shoulder is stitched up and the
hue of the skin there is black and blue. He places his large hand to the side of
me. The proximity allows me to breathe in the soapy scent of his skin and the

fresh strands of his hair.
I slide my hand up behind his neck, feeling his warm skin, admiring his
sharp features. And God is he gorgeous. Like some perfect bronzed sculpture
sent down from the heavens to torture me. To make me want things I thought
had long ago left my world.
My heart beats harder. My skin turns hot. My breaths leave me sharp
and loud.
I part my thighs even more, allowing him to see.
He looks down, jaw tight, eyes blazing, then looks back up at me,
searching my face for I’m not sure what. I practically hit the roof with
nervousness when his large hand wraps around my ankle and slides its way
up over my shin, then my thigh and settles at my hip.
“Anni.” His Adam’s apple bobs so hard you’d think he’d just knocked
back a rock when he swallows. “Anni, what are you doing?”
I ignore his question, wondering if it couldn’t be more obvious.
Pulling him closer, my lips part. So do his, but he doesn’t lean in.
A little annoyed breath leaves me at his hesitancy.
He doesn’t want to touch me.
Thinks I’m too delicate.
Broken.
Mental.
Fucked-up.
I can’t fight the assumptions.
It’d be pointless.
They’re all true.
Reaching out, I trail my fingers over his chest, down over his pecs and
carved abs. He breathes deep and I can’t help but fix my vision on the huge
tent in his sweatpants. He adjusts it with his other hand, allowing me to see
the storm in his eyes. With the slow shake of his head, he pulls himself from
my grip and sits back, making a face when he adjusts his junk once more.
I wait, sinking into the sensation of the breeze floating in through the
window.

Kai runs a hand over his hair and regards me with a strange expression.
I suppose I made it clear to him already, numerous times, that we’d
never fuck.
Can’t a girl change her mind?

Kai
HONESTLY, I DON’T KNOW if I can do this...
I want to, don’t get me wrong, but this isn’t what I had in mind.
Staring into her baby blues, I see fear, apprehension, worry.
And lust.
Pure, desperate, horny lust.
Her hair fans out messily around her, dusting the pillows beneath her
with red.
She looks insatiable unkempt.
It’s the most relaxed I’ve ever seen this woman.
Her thighs part more, allowing me to see everything.
Reaching up, I push the hem of the T-shirt she’s wearing high above
her breasts, exposing her pale pink nipples that have beaded. She shivers at
my touch so perfectly. So terrified. So fucking turned on. A confusing
mixture of emotions.
With ease, I drag the back of my fingers along her wet lips, smoothing
my hand over her soft inner thighs, allowing them to dive into her wetness.
She takes her bottom lip between her teeth and shivers even more.
This woman hasn’t been touched in a while.
I’m tempted to leap on her like a sex-starved maniac, a man denied.
Everything inside me is screaming for me to put my mouth on every inch of
her skin, lick her all over, consume her like she’s my last meal. I want to
shove my cock deep into her pussy and take what I’ve been wanting since the
very first day I laid eyes on this pretty thing. I’m one steaming pot of lust
that’s about to boil the fuck over.
But I can’t. I won’t. Because I don’t want to screw this up.
I truly don’t.
Lowering my head, I fix my eyes on my cock that’s leaking pre-cum
so badly you think there’s about to be a flood in my pants. Gritting my teeth,
I push down my annoyance that I’m unable to hide my need.
I want her to see.

I want her to know what she does to me.
I need her to see that she’s making me crazy.
The bed creaks with my weight when I inch forward. Anni’s eyes
lower to my hand. She watches my every move as I drag my fingers along
her wet folds and brush the pad of my thumb over her swollen clit.
Every muscle in her belly tenses and twitches with the contact.
A smile tugs at my lips when I notice her lips smile back at me.
Pink and wet and warm.
I tease her clit then with a groan, slip a finger in, caressing her insides,
stroking them, making Anni purr. She reaches down and wraps her fingers
around my wrist. I ease off. With the nod of her head, she spurs me on. I
shove another finger in.
So fucking tight. So wet, wet. Like I imagined.
I fuck her slow, rubbing my thumb over her clit.
“Yesssss.” She bites on her bottom lip, keeping her blues on me.
I still see the fire in them, but the flames that are normally raging have
calmed to a slow burn, dusting me with a welcome warmth.
“Yes.” She moans.
With each shove of my arm, her body moves upward slightly, her tits
jiggling with the movement. She murmurs my name. Her pussy clenches
around my fingers. It responds to me like I’ve been spending time with it for
years. It loves me.
I crawl closer.
The bed creaks with my weight.
I brush my thumb over her swollen clit, driving her to the hilt with
need.
Dipping down, my mouth crashes with hers. Our tongues tangle in a
vicious dance. Her sweet breaths mix with mine. She gasps for air, but I
won’t let her have it. With trembling hands, she digs into my forearm,
possibly drawing blood.
My cock aches. It twitches. It jumps each time a sound leaves Anni’s
lips.

And I don’t know how much longer I can wait.
I curl my finger upward, finding that special lonely place of hers.
I press my forehead to hers, absorbing the sounds of her gasping and
the sensation of her sweaty cheek as it presses against mine. I clutch her chin
with my free hand, wanting to dive into her ocean blues, taking from her at
the same time while she’s giving me so much.
After all the bullshit she’s tossed my way, I won’t fuck her until she
asks me to.
I won’t show her my cock unless she really wants it.
My mouth swoops down and closes over her clit, sucking, licking,
and lapping at her tender flesh, tasting the sweetness of her skin I could
devour all day.
A squeak rips from her and fills me with the fuel to keep going.
I EAT.
I consume her pussy with my mouth.
When my tongue flutters over her clit and my fingers go deeper for
more, Anni comes, screaming, moaning, and panting.
Licking my lips, I wring out her pussy, reveling in the sensation of her
wetness all over my fingers. I rub her clit, then stop, allowing her to recover
for just a second as a tear slips from each of her eyes and dribbles down into
her ears.
She clutches my neck, pulling me close into another ravenous kiss.
I nibble on her bottom lip. “What do you want from me, Anni?”
Her chest heaves with her every inhale and exhale.
I’m already untying the string at my waistband in a frenzy with my
other hand.
She doesn’t answer, only looks dazed and post-orgasmic.
“Because I know what I want to give you.” Leaning forward, I suckle
her nipples, drawing them into my mouth, leaving wet patches on them when
I pull away.
I push up to my knees and knock her legs open wider with my thighs.
I pull the monster out, letting her see everything I have to offer.

She stares me down in horror when I hold on to it.
There’s no time for me to laugh.
Fisting my cock in my hands, I wait. I tease her clit with the hot head
of it, wincing when the sensation racing along the length of it has me begging
to explode.
“I want everything from you, Kai. I want everything.” She shudders.
I don’t smile at her confession, but it lights up my insides and fires up
my balls.
Wrapping my hand around her thigh, I yank her away from the
headboard and toward me like a hungry, hungry man. “Good, because that’s
what I want to give you, firefly.”

Annika
HE’S COMPLETELY NAKED.
Hot. Sexy.
A blond god.
A towering figure of tanned skin and ripped muscle all over as he
lingers above me with his big arms caging me in. His chest heaves for breath
and his hair is a bit of a mess now from my fingers running through it. I can
smell him all over me. I can trace the marks of his tongue on my pussy and
all the kisses he’d peppered along the inside of my thighs before he pulled
away from me.
I’m settled beneath him, legs spread, tits out, mouth gaped open.
He fists his cock in his hand.
Big. Fat. Long.
A nine-inch monster.
He taps its heavy weight against my lips, teasing my clit with the wet
head of it.
If I could dissolve into the fine linens beneath me, I’d want it to happen
right now.
I bite my lip and look at the serpent in his hand.
No, I want it.
I do, I do.
It’s already dripping with pre-cum. Long, stringy strands of it now soak
my skin.
He kisses my lips, hungry and desperate. A wet, messy kiss that only he
controls. I’m only along for the ride. I sink into his kiss. His taste. The smell
of his skin. The aroma of his sweat. The sensation of his greedy hands all
over me. The power in them. The strength in his grasp. The weight of him on
top of me. And it’s so good. So good that my wet, wet pussy without the help
of my brain tells him I want more. The want. The need. The realization that
we-are-going-to-fuck.
His large hand clutches the back of my neck, locking me into place.

The tip of his nose touches mine.
His gray eyes hold me captive.
His ragged breaths puff against my lips. His chest brushes against my
beaded nipples.
Heat. Heat. Heat.
Sweat galore!
A smile arcs its way across his cheeks, showing me every single one
of his pearly white, straight teeth. It’s a smile that makes every bone in my
body turn to jelly.
On a mountain, with a lot of dodge work on my part this man’s
natural charms can be resisted. But it’s clear that on land, at sea level, here,
naked and with all his gorgeousness on display, for me it’s a drastically
different situation.
How could any warm-blooded woman resist this?
No wonder why he has the reputation he has.
He’s clearly earned it.
I’m way out of my league here...
He waits, searching my face with his beautiful eyes.
His hips move. He clutches me tighter as if he’s afraid I’ll run away.
My mouth falls open when he pushes himself into me, and then the
most disturbing sound rips from it and from his own simultaneously when he
buries his cock deep inside of me.
I can’t swallow back the tiny wails that leave me.
My thighs wrap around him and my heels dig into his firm ass that
you could probably bounce an anvil off of.
Panting, he allows me to adjust to the sensation of being so full, so
stretched.
I hold on to him, unable to tear my eyes away from his grays. He
makes tiny licks along my neck, burying a grunt there that floats down
through my bones and lands right between my thighs where he’s made
himself at home.
God, I’ve missed this.

I want this.
I need this.
After giving up my chacha, I’ll probably never see this man again.
I relax a bit more in his hold, feeling safe, adored, and understood.
Little breaths leave him just as his cock twitches deep inside me,
setting off every nerve ending in my pussy.
He doesn’t look away. With a groan, he leans in and presses his
sweaty forehead to mine, before he sucks my top lip into his mouth.
My shaky fingers dig into his shoulder and he winces from the pain. I
let go, then mistakenly do it again. He takes my hand in his and kisses my
knuckles softly. Then soon, without any real indication before he does it, his
hips move, taking my body with him. And I scream like a virgin, moaning,
crying, calling out his name as he fucks me.
“Anni.” He growls my name as the pounding becomes merciless.
I’m pushed deeper and deeper into the thin mattress beneath me. The
springs creak and the bed slams against the wall. Its legs scrape against the
wooden floors.
Kai grunts rhythmically with his exertion.
My hair is everywhere. I’m sweating like a beast and screaming this
room down like someone is killing me. His cock drags along my walls,
forcing them to quiver and grip every thick, hard inch of him, milking him,
taking everything from him that he’s offering me. It’s thick. It’s heavy. It
barrels into me like a linebacker. I know it’s something a man like this one
has never given a woman before. It’s intense.
A tear slips from my eye, then another and another.
“I love you, Anni,” he murmurs against my swollen, hot lips. “I love
you, firefly.”
I come, unable to help it, just as he empties every ounce of cum from
his balls into my pussy.
I’m drowning.

Kai
I WANT TO MAKE her pain go away...
Funny enough, I feel as though I owe this woman that.
A second chance.
Because I need it too.
Anni has already given me more than she realizes.
I’m awake. I see. I love. I’m willing to sacrifice. And I’m sorry.
I keep fucking her long after she’s come and so have I.
I have so much more to give...
She reaches for me and pulls me in for a desperate kiss. I’m still hard
as arithmetic. My hands wrap around her breasts. My fingers tweak her pretty
nipples. And I keep going. I rut my hips into her. A few more minutes of this
and the bed frame will likely crack right in half from the weight of me
fucking this woman.
Her pussy wraps around my cock so perfectly.
I slide in and out of her wetness, stretching her out, claiming her,
letting her know that from now on, she-belongs-to-me.
“Kai.” Gasping, she lets her eyes linger between her thighs at all the
mess, where I’m slamming into her without mercy, chasing my second
orgasm. Her mouth opens with a question, but I kiss it away messily before
she gets the chance to ask it.
I move harder, faster.
She screams!
She claws away at my skin.
“I love you, firefly.” I press my lips into the shell of her ear, licking
her salty tears away as she weeps. “I fucking love you.” I hold her sweaty
face by the sides, slowing my stroke, absorbing the way her features twist in
the most euphoric way. Her blue eyes become bluer. Her wails sound
sweeter. She holds on to me and the grip she has on my heart tells me she’llnever-let-go.
Protect her. Respect her. Keep her warm.

But still, she doesn’t trust me, she doesn’t love me, yet.
We’ll have to work on that...
I won’t allow it to ruin this perfect moment.
I come, fucking her pussy harder, forcing her to open wide.
And I stuff her with all of me.
I fill her pussy up once more with every drop of hope I have.

Annika
THE NEXT MORNING...
He’s gone.
I’m still exhausted.
With an aching back and red lips, I reach out and run my hand over
the sheets. His side of the bed is no longer warm, which means he left a long
time ago. I huff. Not sure I expected anything less from him.
I curl over onto my side and look out the window at the distant
mountains.
London clearly is my next stop.
I’ll have to sleep on Ainsley’s sofa with her cat, it looks like, until I
can get an apartment.
I’ll have to accept that teaching job that will start in the fall.
In the meantime, I have no clue what I’ll do.
I place my feet down on the cool wood and make my way across the
room to stand in front of the mirror that’s on the wall.
My pale skin is riddled with pink and red splotches—sex bruises
Ainsley would call them. They don’t hurt. In fact, they feel kind of good
when I think about the memories they’re attached to.
My long hair is tousled, and my eyes look fresh. Fresher than I had
expected.
Glancing to my left, Kai’s rucksack that had been packed is gone.
Anything that indicated he was ever here has been removed. All that remains
is my rucksack.
I drag my fingers through my hair and look at myself once more.
I feel different.
I am different.
This journey has been life-altering.
And now I’m back right where I started—alone with no direction.

I find the T-shirt Kai had given me and slip it on over my skin, reveling
in the soft cotton and the smell of him that lingers all over it. I flinch when I
accept it’s possible I miss him already. With a deep breath, I stare out the
window, taking in the village that’s calm at this hour but will be bustling in
the next few.
I find my rucksack and search for my wallet inside. The folds are stuck
together. It’s covered in twigs and dirt. Clearly, it’s been through the wringer.
Like me.
Inside I manage to find a few bucks. It’s enough for the bus ride out
of this village and then I’d have to work on the rest of my plan.
Just behind the crunched-up bills, there’s a tiny photograph of Jesse
and Gabe.
I cover my smile up with my hand and breathe.
Gabe is around six years old. He’s on Jesse’s back posing beneath a
massive redwood tree. We hiked for a day in Redwood National Park for
Gabe’s sixth birthday. Gabe had asked all about the trees that day. He
wondered about their ages. He asked question after question about how they
live for so long without food. He even claimed at one point he wanted to be a
tree himself—big, tall, and sturdy. Gabe went on endlessly about the trees.
I remember that day like it happened yesterday.
It’s one of my best memories of all time.
I kiss the photograph and shove it back in the dirty wallet.
Placing it down, I let out another breath. A long, long one.
I’m alone, again.
Completely and utterly alone.
Not allowing my tears to fall, I rush around the room, shoving things
into my rucksack. I find my phone and send off a quick, straight-to-the-point
email to the professor in London who heads up the math department at the
university that had offered me a pretty damn good job. Bullshitting, I write
that I’m sorry for my late response as I’d just come back from “vacation” and
then convey to him that I accept the vacancy and that the terms and

conditions of the position are acceptable.
I’m in no situation to negotiate any further.
Debating my next move, I send a text off to Ainsley, not concerning
myself that she’s four hours behind me and likely still asleep.
Me: I’m sorry for not responding to all your texts. I’m just
getting around to catching up on messages. I’m back on solid ground.
The climb went great.
I’m so full of kaka.
Ainsley: Good to know. I was going out of my mind with worry!
Her instantaneous reply shocks me but brings a smile to my face.
Me: I’m sorry again, but I’m fine. I’ll be leaving Skardu in a few
hours.
Ainsley: Great. Perfect. Fantastic. I hope you managed to get laid
while you were there!
I don’t grace her with any sort of response in that regard.
Me: I should be in London in a few days.
Ainsley: Okay, please let me know if you need anything, Annika.
A house. Money. A car. A future...
When I’m satisfied I’ve at least settled half of the mess of my life, I
breathe.
Just for a beat, I allow my tears to fall.
I won’t linger.
I won’t allow the events of the past six weeks to haunt me.
But how could I not?
Unexpected fury courses through me when I think about everything
that had happened. How this man had come into my life and turned it upside
down! He ruined my plan. He’d made me cry at least five times since I’d met
him...all in secret, of course. He’d promised me “everything” he’d said. He
banged my brains almost right out of my cranium and then after all that, he

left.
Typical Kai fucking Brager.
He’s the asshole I always thought he was.
Likely by now he’s moved on to his next peak, ready to fuck and run.
I snatch the Charlotte Thomas sheets off the bed in a rage and toss
them on the floor. They float to the wood beneath my feet like white clouds,
soft and pretty, reminding me of the view that was often ahead when Kai and
I sat outside our tent on those particularly beautiful days and talked about
Swiss Family Robinson.
A survival story about people who were separated from society by
natural events and even when they had the chance to go back, they didn’t
want to. They loved their little world and everyone in it because they were all
who mattered to each other. They wanted peace away from the politics and
the stress of society. They found their happiness only with each other. It’s
exactly what my life with Jesse and Gabe had once been.
But now that’s all gone.
Now, I must begin again.
And I’m terrified as fuck.
I stare at the white clouds on the floor, willing myself not to break
down and cry.
A knock at the door earns my attention.
It’s that hour in the morning when the owner visits each guest’s room
offering them mint tea, pastries, and fruit. I suppose I could use a bite to eat
before I embark on the long, cramped bus ride—that’s usually full of
chickens—back to the city.
Wiping my eyes, I straighten my messy hair, pad across the room, and
open the door with force. I freeze when I find Winston standing in front of
me wearing fine threads and with a cigarette bobbing from between his lips.
His hair is perfectly coiffed and there’s that gold signet ring again, which I
spot on the pinky finger of his left hand, blinding me a bit when the sunlight
filtering in through the hallway window hits it.

“Good morning, milady,” he says in his smooth voice with a smile.
I manage a weak laugh, annoyed that this man looks so put together at
this hour and I’m a disaster with a bird’s nest for hair and wearing a T-shirt
with no underwear on beneath it. “Good morning.” I clear my throat and look
around.
Winston smiles once more.
“If you’re looking for Kai, he’s gone.” The venom in my voice is in full
force.
He smiles again. “Yes, I know.”
Confusion knots my brows and lights a fire in my belly.
Is he making fun of me?
He takes another long draw of his cigarette and puffs out a few Os.
“Kai said he left you a note.”
“A note?”
“Yesss.” The word leaves his mouth in a drawl.
I shake my head, certain Winston has it all wrong.
Winston peeks just over my shoulder. “Maybe you should check
again.”
An irritated breath leaves my mouth.
Winston points at the small desk in the corner of the room.
My eyes flit between his finger and the desk when I spot a white
envelope I hadn’t noticed before, which sits atop it.
“I’m glad I came by. I’m actually a little bit late. I do apologize for
that,” Winston says softly, lowering his head a little.
I scramble across the room with a speed I only reserve for emergencies
and peer at the envelope that reads: Firefly on the front of it. I slit it open and
pull out the letter.
Dear Anni,
I watched you sleep last night.

I held you in my arms and kissed your tears away.
And every single one of them that fell hurt me. Because when you
hurt, I hurt.
I’ve never felt anything like it before.
I am not a sentimental man, as you know.
I am not a man who says “I’m sorry” either, as you know.
I am not a man who falls in love, ever, as you know.
But, I have, with you.
I’m going to fix my mistake. I didn’t want to wait another minute,
another hour, another day without making amends for what I had done
so many years ago.
I am going to find my child.
Thank you for giving me the strength to believe I deserve the
second chance to make things right.
Don’t go far, firefly.
I’m coming for you.
Love, Kai
Taking a second, I examine the small slip of paper that was between
the letter. It’s a check written out to me in the amount of two million pounds.
The note in the comments section reads: So you can buy some underwear...
Covering my mouth, I giggle and cry at the same damn time.
“Annika, I’ve been instructed to take you back to London.” Winston’s
voice cuts into my thoughts. “I’m not exactly dying to stay in this dusty
place. We have a private jet waiting at the airport for us in Islamabad, so
we’ll need to move quickly to get there.”
I’m still sobbing.
I have no words.
I only nod, nod, nod.
“Kai has arranged for you to stay at The Dorchester on Park Lane

until he returns.” Winston grins. “I think you’ll quite like it there.”
“Okay,” I rasp.
He takes another casual puff of his cigarette. “Well, please let’s gather
up your things, milady, and be on our way.”
A tiny laugh bubbles up from me when I think about Kai and my tears
have no end.
It seems this man hasn’t just completely rearranged my life!
He appears to be stealing away large pieces of my heart too.

CHAPTER NINE
Three Months Later
London, England

Annika
LONDON.
The capital of England.
A country that is part of the United Kingdom, which shares its border
with Scotland to the north and Wales to the west. It is bordered by the Irish
Sea, which lies northwest and the Celtic Sea lies to the southwest.
I’ve been here in the City of London since I left Skardu.
This place is home to almost three hundred different languages and is a
melting pot of cultures and ethnicities.
Population—eight million people.
Home to Buckingham Palace, Big Ben, and the London Bridge.
A city founded around AD 43 by the Romans who named it
Londinium.
Home of The Royals.
The home of bangers and mash and the birthplace of the Sex Pistols,
The Beatles, and Sir Isaac Newton.
I take in the view of the River Thames in the distance and huff.
“So, when do you expect the Prince of the Peaks to be back on English
soil?” Ainsley tosses the most recent edition of The Sun in the empty chair to
our breakfast table.
I gaze out at the gray clouds that are slowly blanketing this great city.
“I don’t know, honestly, but hopefully, soon.”
Ainsley smiles and gives me that look she always does when she’s up
to no good.
I make myself cozier in the tiny chair I’m sitting in and enjoy the

view the large glass window to our right provides. “What?” I ask, when she
looks at me once more then smiles.
“Nothing, nothing, nothing.” She waves her hand in a dismissive
gesture.
Kai is an ocean away on another continent. His search had taken much
longer than he had anticipated. All that had come up on one occasion after
another were dead ends. He’d told me that at one point he was close to giving
up, but then he’d push on and visit a few places he knew he’d find leads in.
And each time he moves around, it only adds weeks to his travels.
I am still living at The Dorchester hotel in a one-bedroom apartment
suite, which is weird, but I can’t complain. It’s sort of become my home now.
They bring fresh white hydrangeas every two days, which fills the apartment
with a soothing linen scent. I don’t have to clean because there’s maid service
each day and I eat the finest cuisine since I order room service every night.
It’s okay, but I must say I do miss having my own home. A place
where I can cook my own meals and decorate the walls with art. Now, I also
have a driver named Mason, who transports me around the city when I don’t
want to walk. In between spending his mornings and afternoons transporting
me around the city, I’m told Mason uses his time to transport Countess
Catherine whom I’ve had tea with twice since I’ve been in the big city. Funny
how we care for the same man, but our personalities are far different. She’s
upper-crust and prim and proper. And I’m just different. But I like Catherine.
I truly do.
Often, I feel like a modern-day princess—pampered and catered to. It
sure beats my life back in Colorado in that big house alone.
I’ve been house hunting since I landed here. Each one I’d seen was
better than the last, which only prompted me to keep searching at Ainsley’s
insistence. She’s convinced I am going to find the flat of my dreams. The one
with the rooftop garden I’m looking for.
I’ve only started at the university a week ago. The faculty is pretty cool,
and the students have been awesome. They even bought me a cake to
celebrate my first day as their new mathematics professor. I spend my days
lecturing on number theory and the Poincaré conjecture and my evenings
marking papers and developing lesson plans.
I couldn’t have asked for a better job here to make me feel like I

haven’t made the worse decision in the universe to still settle in London.
My weekends couldn’t be more different.
In the last few weeks, I’ve spent one or two Friday nights out at the
latest nightclub dancing until the late hours, only emerging to find the sun
rising, ushering in the new day.
Ainsley insists we party even though we’re both practically senior
citizens. She drinks. I don’t. I prefer to have my wits about me when I’m in
an overcrowded bar with kids half my age and going deaf because the music
is so loud. Ainsley has fun. I go for the experimental part of the deal, but I
have to admit that once or twice when the DJ put on a J.Lo song and decided
to remix Ariana Grande’s latest hit, I danced my ass off and I did have tons of
fun that night.
A smile perches on my lips at the memory.
I miss Kai.
Ugh.
I miss him so bad.
And the longer he’s away, the more lovesick I feel.
He writes me letters. He texts every day, and every night before I go to
sleep I hear his voice. So, now I wait...
Ainsley is still smiling at me.
“What?” I stir the sugar in my tea.
She covers her mouth with her hand. “I’ve never seen you like this,
Annika.”
A blush overtakes my skin.
Ainsley leans forward. “You’re in love?” She gasps dramatically.
I purse my lips and look away from her, breathing in the scent of
freshly brewed coffee that wafts around this restaurant.
“I am,” I admit.
Since I’ve been in London, I’ve even spent time with Winston, who’s
finally given me a brief on his life. He told me he wished he had children. He
told me he wished he had married. And he told me the biggest regret he had
in life is that he had groomed Kai to be much like him. Then he laughed and

told me that “Even in love, a woman can never change a man. It is a man who
changes himself because of the love from that woman. And that love makes
him want to be better.” I couldn’t have agreed more.
“Have you told this man, Annika?” Ainsley’s question yanks me back
to our conversation.
“No,” I whisper, blushing even more.
Ainsley’s eyes fill with tears.
“Please don’t.” I scoff. “Please don’t do that, Ainsley.”
Her tears are already falling into her breakfast of boiled eggs and an
English muffin. She dabs them away with her linen napkin. “I’m sorry,
Annika. I just know this has all been awful for you and I worry about you. I
hated that I had to leave Colorado when I did and come back here.” She looks
away from me. “But I had to do what’s best for Melanie.”
“I know,” I say softly.
“And being back here closer to my mother was just the best thing for
us.”
I lift my hands in surrender. “Believe me, I understand, Ainsley.” I
drag my fingers through my hair. “It isn’t your job to take care of me. I’ve
been on my own most of my life and now it’s just happening again. It’s
something you get used to.”
“And that’s the problem, Annika.” She says all the words slowly.
Shaking my head, I fix my view on a couple across the restaurant.
“You’ve been taking care of yourself for so long, Annika, that you
don’t know how to let someone take care of you.” Her eyes water over.
“Even when Jesse was alive you were still so independent and so
headstrong.” A laugh bubbles up within her. “Even he couldn’t tame the
beast within you.”
“And he never wanted to either.” I lift my tea cup and take a sip. I
think about Jesse for a beat. His smile. His voice. The way he always
encouraged me to be strong. The lilt of his voice when he said the words “I
love you.” I can still hear them now, tickling my ears, telling me he still cares
even though the last time he said them seems like a lifetime ago.
People talk about death, but no one says or wants to admit that the life

you had with someone who has passed on doesn’t stop. It doesn’t disappear.
You never stop loving them. You don’t ever stop thinking about them. The
life you had simply drifts off on another plane. And often it’s easier to
pretend it still goes on in some other dimension rather than face the reality
that the person you love has gone away from earth forever.
“Jesse was my best friend, Ainsley, and Gabe was my son.” I force
my tears to stay in my eyes. “I’ll never let them go, Ainsley, never. No
amount of time could make their memories disappear.”
“I know.” She reaches out and touches my shoulder. “I always worry
about you and for so long I worried that you might not even come to London.
I wondered if you would just disappear from my life.” She sobs.
“No, I’d never do that.” I flex my hand beneath the table, hating that I
lie so much.
Ainsley smiles. “I’m happy for you, Annika.”
I nod.
“I know you don’t want to hear me say this, but Jesse would have
wanted you to be happy and so would Gabe.” She cries more. “They would
want you to find happiness, Annika, and not be alone for the rest of your
life.”
I know.
“I want to see you have a second chance at love.” She flies out of her
chair and pulls me into a breath-stopping embrace, kissing my cheeks,
staining my skin with her rouge.
The patrons at the next table regard us warily.
Ainsley is weeping and laughing. Then she shrieks so loudly she
causes the baby at the next table to start crying.
“I love you, Annika. I’m so glad you’re here. And I can’t wait to meet
this hot man of yours.” She lets me go.
I sigh.
“He has quite a reputation on the peaks.” She makes a funny face.
“But with the women, no one’s ever heard of him deciding on one, ever.”
“Yeah, I know.” I toss a thick section of my hair over my shoulder,
admiring the hue of it against my skin that I swear is glowing. “Kai Brager’s

reputation isn’t bigger than him, believe me. He’s bigger than his reputation,
I swear it.” My words come out in a grumble.
Quickly, my mind snaps back to the way the maniac had nearly killed
my dear friend, Ollie, and thrown his own best friend off a cliff at Camp 2
when Sebastian insisted we wait for a helicopter evac because Racine was ill
with altitude sickness.
We didn’t wait.
Kai hauled me off that mountain as if I had no legs of my own.
No amount of protesting, begging, or tears could make him change his
mind.
He’d become a man possessed, obsessed with getting me closer to sea
level.
Ainsley winks. “And that’s good for you, Annika.”
My face scrunches like I’ve just sucked on a lentil. “What?”
She huffs as if she’s talking to the dumbest girl in the world. “It
means you’ve tamed him in a way, sort of.”
I give her a funny look, then shake my head vigorously. “Nope, no
way. You don’t tame a man like this one.”
Her brows lift. “No?”
“No.” My tone is flat and deadly serious.
“So him abandoning his summit attempt because you got sick...”
I don’t interrupt the lie I’d told.
“It means nothing then?”
I exhale. “No, I guess it does...I just don’t know exactly what it
means.”
She touches my shoulder. “It means he loves you, Annika.”
“I know,” I whisper, staring down at the peach fabric of my dress that
I can’t seem to stop smoothing across my belly. “I know.”
“Maybe you’ve both tamed each other.” Ainsley winks.
I smooth my fingers over my right hand. “Maybe.”

Kai
THERE’S A LOT OF truth to the saying, “Only the good die young.”
As we know, the bad bastards live forever...
Alfred Alexander Brager is almost eighty-two years old now.
I run my hand over the damp stone wall as I ascend the steps. Green ivy
wraps around all the gray stone and the windows outside the manor that’s
older than Jesus Christ himself. A home that has been in my family for
centuries. The grass is just as green as I remember and when I step over the
threshold through the large oak doors, the smell of cedar and linen fills my
lungs.
“Master Brager,” Malcolm, the butler, greets me. He ushers me into Ivy
House, the home I grew up in that holds many fond memories and a few
nightmares.
I’ve been back in London only for a few hours, after landing at London
Heathrow International Airport.
I’ve arrived to the news that Sebastian has broken up with Racine.
Surprise, surprise. Then he practically begged me to be his business partner
in the new tech company he’s started. I figured I could put everything I’ve
learned at the university to good use once more even though I don’t have to
work.
It isn’t bad being a royal.
Although I’ve spent most of my years scaling peaks, I’ve been smart
with my money. I’ve even invested in a few start-up companies over the
years that have found their own success. Without asking for many details, I
accepted the partnership with Sebastian but told him the job wouldn’t own
me as I knew it would govern him.
Now, exhausted and jet-lagged, all I want to do is crawl into a warm
bed, but unfortunately, I couldn’t put this off.
Death waits for no one...
I take a few more steps and find it’s quiet inside the Ivy House.
The birds chirp and a soft, warm breeze blows, rocking the perfectly
preened rose bushes, shaking their white petals off and forcing the sparrows

to burst from them and find a new place to perch.
All the windows are open and Chopin echoes down the massive
curved staircase from the second level and I know he’s up. He’s waiting for
me...
I take the stairs one by one.
Heart pounding. Sweaty palms. Shaky hands.
The classic symptoms I get when I step foot in this house, which is
why I hardly ever do. It’s bad for my health. Poison to my mind. Acid to my
spirit. But, yet, I am here.
My hand runs over the smooth, lemon-oiled wood until I reach the top
of the steps. A bright ray of light illuminates my path. The music sinks into
my senses, beautiful and captivating. I allow the tune to carry my thoughts
away for a moment and when I reach the end of the hallway, I pause, take a
breath, and push the door open.
I’m ready to tell Alfred that I have failed, yet again.

~
“Kai Alexander Brager,” Alfred rasps, making his best attempt to sit up
with the help of his nurse.
His lips are blue again. Skin pale. Eyes sunken in like they don’t know
their proper place anymore.
I take a seat on the edge of the bed, taking his hand in mine.
Cold.
Weak.
But he squeezes it, harder than I expect him to.
“You came to see me.” He stares, doesn’t blink.
“Of course I did, Father.”
His grip tightens around my palm. “I’m glad. I’m glad.” He relaxes
once more.
I help to make him comfortable, ignoring how in the last six months
since I’ve last seen him he looks worse, like he’s knocking on death’s door

and it’s about to open, just for him.
“They tell me I don’t have long.” He laughs.
They’ve been saying that for five years now...
“I know,” I say softly, stroking the wisps of his hair.
Alfred presses his lips together and grunts. He drifts for a few seconds
then puts his stare on me. The color of that gaze only reminds me of my own
eyes when I look in the mirror.
I hate how much like him I am sometimes.
“They tell me you didn’t make it to the top, again.” He glares.
“No.” I rub my jaw, fake coughing. “I didn’t.”
“Well, what the bloody hell happened this time?” He musters up
enough volume to frighten the nurse and me a little too.
“There were complications, bad weather. You know, the usual.”
He huffs. “You’ve always been quite the liar, Kai.”
I only look at him.
“Sebastian made it to the top.” He signals for some water, which the
nurse brings over quickly. After he takes a sip, his eyes are back on me again,
pissed off and disappointed. “I heard his girlfriend was ill.” He laughs.
“Sebastian still didn’t turn back.”
My brow lifts. “Commendable, huh?”
Alfred finds no humor in my jab. “Nothing should stop a man from
ever getting to the top, Kai, nothing.” He coughs once. “A man is only the
sum of his achievements. In death, they never remember if you were kind, or
if you were rich, or if you were poor. In death, all they remember is a man’s
great achievements.” His posture is proud and stiff even though he’s wilting
like a dying rose.
Total kaka, Father.
“His achievements,” I say.
“Yes.” Alfred coughs some more. “When I’m gone, Kai, they’ll say
great things about me. They’ll talk about my mountaineering achievements.
My business acumen. They’ll speak about me as though my accomplishments
will live forever.”

“What about all the other stuff, Father?” I inhale sharply through my
nose, letting the memories of my travels over the last three months sink in. I
don’t think I’ve ever felt so empty and lost and desperate to be back here with
Anni. “What about family? What about love? What about children?”
He laughs haughtily. “You can have all those things, Kai.”
“The way you did.” I’m unable to stop my snarky retort.
Alfred’s eyes narrow at my wayward meaning.
All my life my father thought he could have it all. He drank too much.
He’d shafted too many of his friends. He shagged every piece of ass in the
country of England. If it breathed, he fucked it. And each time it all only left
my mother heartbroken. But she did nothing. She never left him. Hell, she
never even talked about it and hasn’t till this day. She accepted it all as
Alfred’s normal. And now she hates him. It’s why she isn’t here, while he’s
on his death bed.
“I love your mother,” he says.
I nod, not wanting to get into it.
“And I love you.” He breathes with effort.
As opulent as the large room is with its custom drapery that decorates
the floor-to-ceiling windows, the shiny mahogany floors, and the fresh white
tulips that sit in the vase on the small table a few feet away, this room smells
like death.
“I love you too, Father.” Leaning forward, I kiss his cheek.
“I always wanted you to be just like me,” he says.
A soft laugh leaves me when I think about his words. I did become
the man Alfred was. The drinking. The women. The ability to abandon
someone without remorse, without sorrow, without my heart even skipping
one beat. I am like Alfred. I’m everything he ever wanted me to be.
Aren’t I just a shiny, perfect example of a man now?
“You used to want to be like me.” His expression is adoring.
I say nothing, at first, then look away. “Nothing I ever did was good
enough.”
His expression collapses. “That isn’t true.”

I swear my face lights up the same way it did when I was five years
old and Alfred would finally make it home, back from his expeditions after
being away for months.
“It is.” I keep my eyes downcast. “I’ve spent my entire life trying to
be just like you, to live up to your expectations, and now look at me.” The
words rip from my mouth like nails.
Alfred’s eyes widen a fraction with shock.
I don’t bother to elaborate on the things I’ve discovered since I left
Skardu all those months ago.
“I never tried, Father.” I exhale. “I never tried to be a good man.”
Alfred scoffs. “And what is that?”
I gesture with my hand to him. “A man who has morals, who has
compassion. A man who cares for people.”
Alfred’s screwed-up face is in full force. “You sound like you’ve
grown a bloody vagina since I last saw you.” He struggles to sit up but
manages. “I am a man, Kai, and I raised you to be one. Now, stop this
blabbering!” He shakes all over with anger as the nurse rushes forward to
calm him.
I laugh at myself.
How could I ever expect a man like this one to understand?
Words like kindness, sacrifice, and love—the real kind—are not in his
vocabulary.
This man lives by his own rules, always has. And the rest of us in his
life come second to the most important person in his world...
Him.
“I love you, Kai, but you need to get back up on that mountain,
otherwise your summit attempts won’t be complete.”
Hanging my head low, I let it bob a few times, not listening to a damn
word this man is saying.
“I want you to make me proud,” he says haughtily.
“Yes, Father.” I kiss him once more, knowing that when I leave here
tonight, although they say I won’t see this man alive again, I’m now

convinced he’ll live a few more years. Men like this one don’t make it to
heaven until the last minute.
Observing my father carefully, I realize a man like Alfred would
never apologize for the hurt he’s caused or the carnage he’s left behind. He’d
never feel remorseful about making a mess of my mother’s heart, or mine.
He’d never see the error of his ways.
It’s privilege and money. It’s being told your entire life that you’re
better than other people and feeling like the rules that govern all the humans
who walk the surface of this earth don’t apply to you that makes it difficult
for a man like Alfred to see the bigger picture. He’s been blinded. It
happens...
What should we all expect?
He’s a blue blood. A royal. First cousin of the Queen.
A rich prick!
I can’t say I haven’t had the same difficulties in my own lifetime.
A long sigh leaves me in a cloud of disgust at that admittance.
I have no desire to play this game anymore of jumping over hurdles to
please my father. The circus is over. The hours and days of licking this noble
man’s manicured toes are done. And despite how much he wants to believe I
idolize and worship him, I don’t anymore.
All I see in front of me is a man who is loved by others only out of
obligation.
Not because they love who he is.
A man who has never evolved...
There is nothing noble being superior to your fellow man; true
nobility is being superior to your former self – Churchill.
So I won’t be going back to K2 or any other mountain for that matter.
I have more important things to take care of.
I’ve made my choice.

CHAPTER TEN
Annika
HE’S BACK.
And I feel like a giddy teenage girl.
It’s late in the afternoon and I’ve been deposited in the courtyard of a
large home by Mason and left to wait.
An Aston Martin Vanquish is parked off just to my left.
There’s no sign that anyone is here.
Behind me is a large house made of stone, edged by manicured red
rose bushes and with windows intertwined with ivy. It sits right on the edge
of London, almost in the countryside, and is the perfect location.
This must be where he lives...
But, wait, didn’t he say he doesn’t have a home?
Ugh.
I ignore the oddness of all this and have patience.
Craning my neck up at the blue sky above, I take in its beauty. The
street noise is distant—honking horns, the roar of trains, the whir of sirens,
and the blare of a fire engine. It’s all far away. The only thing that really
registers is the boom of my heart in my chest each time it beats, waiting,
waiting, waiting for something to happen.
At least five more minutes pass.
Still nothing.
A breath leaves me.
The thin hem of the pale blue dress I’m wearing brushes against my
knees when a soft breeze flows over me. My ballet flats shift the gravel
beneath my feet. I decide to head over to the three-hundred-thousand-dollar
vehicle parked in the driveway. Reaching out, I touch its silvery, expensive
exterior and jump when the signal lights flash and the alarm goes off.
My hand flies to my mouth.
At the click of the front door, I spin around and freeze.

He stands there, looking as gorgeous as ever wearing a navy-blue
mock-neck sweater, jeans, and boots. His dirty-blond hair is up in its usual
man-bun, only this time it’s perfectly coiffed, and his beard is neatly
trimmed. His skin is tanned all over, telling me whatever country he’s been
in, it was impossible to avoid the sun. He lifts a hand and points the key fob
at the car, turning the alarm off.
“Hey,” I say, breathy and nervous.
He says nothing back, only strides in my direction, keeping his gray
eyes pinned on me. I stumble back a little, almost falling, and bump into the
car again. Luckily, it doesn’t set the alarm off for the second time.
Kai laughs.
When he makes it only inches from me, he stops and stares me down
with an unreadable expression painted all over his face. He looks different.
Fresh but weary. Like a man who’s been on a long, arduous journey. His
custom clothes made of cashmere and expensive cotton don’t make the
hardship that’s sketched all over his skin disappear.
His hand snakes around my back, sending warmth through all my
veins.
My heart rate picks up a lot when he presses his chest to mine and his
other hand travels up the front of my dress, over my belly, up between my
breasts, lingers on my clavicle, traces the line up my neck, and stops to pinch
my chin between his thick fingers.
“Hey,” I say once more, sounding like a nervous fool.
His ragged breaths. The scraping sound of my shoes in the gravel.
The pounding of my heart as I wait for him to say something. The soft
summer air travels over us and does nothing to cool my hot skin.
He peers into my face, dusting my skin with the scent of his cologne.
I’ve never known him to wear cologne. The inhale I make is long and
deliberate when I suck in the expensive and exotic fragrance I can’t quite
place. It tells me this man has more class than I give him credit for since
whatever he’s wearing wasn’t purchased at Neiman Marcus. It’s more
exclusive, rarer. A scent that will leave the breather of it searching for days
attempting to figure out what it is, and you never will. So don’t try.
He pulls me into him and dips down to my mouth.

“I-I-I love you.” The words rip from me without much thought.
He flinches, then smiles. That smile goes big and wide and white.
“I love you.” My voice holds more assurance this time. My confession
is more believable. I do love him. How could I not? This man has saved my
life in more ways than one. He’s filled my world once again with everything
I’ve once lost. He’s made me feel hope about my future. There’s now light in
what used to be my very dark, dark world.
He nods. Still hasn’t said one damn word.
His silence only ratchets up my nervousness.
My eyes flicker over the hard edges of his face. His forehead. His
delectable mouth with its pink lips. His perfect nose. And then all over the
trimmed blond hair that covers his cheeks. He looks rustic rich. Regal and
rough. A man so incredible he can be considered to be a walking, breathing
piece of art. My eyes land on the platinum Patek Philippe watch on his thick
wrist and then over his large hands and soon all the memories of the last day I
saw him back in Skardu cover me like a dirty lust cloud.
He dips down, skimming my skin with his warmth. I shut my eyes.
His lips press against mine before he forces them to part in a slow, soft kiss
as if he’s savoring me, tasting me, and making me want more.
It’s working...
With a breath, he stops and gazes down at me. “I’ve missed you,
firefly.”
Finally, words!
Reaching up, my hand slides around the back of his neck, then down
over his shoulder, then over his hard pecs, examining the fine fabric of his
cashmere sweater. “I’ve missed you too, a lot.”
“Good.” He takes my hand and leads me across the gravel and to the
ornate front door.
“What is this place?” I scan our surroundings.
“It’s my home.” He tosses me a smile.
A home?
The question must be written all over my face.

I slow my gait and eventually stop. Kai holds me by the shoulders.
“You bought a home?” I ask.
“Yes, I bought it as soon as I got back. I officially have an address,
Anni.”
“Great.” I smile.
He takes my hand in his and sets off once more. The clunk of our
footsteps against the stone begins to match the beat of my excited heart. He
pushes one side of the double doors open.
Immediately, the scent of polished wood and expensiveness hits my
nostrils.
The foyer is cozy but large and on the small table that sits in the
center of it is a vase filled with pink tulips and baby’s breath.
Kai has walked off.
I wander over to the decorative vase and poke at the flowers with
curious fingers, loving how the soft petals feel against my skin. I almost
knock the damn thing over as I circle the table and stop when I spot what sits
all by its lonesome at the edge of it.
All the air has left my lungs.
My heart has stopped, and the world is no longer spinning on its axis.
My fingers skitter over the polished chestnut wood and land on the
small robin’s-egg blue box with white ribbon wrapped around it that makes a
bow on top. I pick it up, touching it, feeling the coolness of the surface of the
box against my fingertips, convincing myself that it’s real. I’m speechless.
I’m floored. Kai might have to call the paramedics in just one moment.
I shoot a glance over my shoulder to find him standing in the
doorway, hands in his pockets, his head lower, his eyes humble, and waiting.
My eyes fix back on the box. I pop it open to find a single solitaire in
there, maybe three carats. Huge. Shiny. Pristine. Priceless. I gaze at him once
more to find his contrite expression, unable to hide my own shock.
He throws me a boyish grin. “Honestly, I thought I was going to have
to beg.”
Notfuckingnecessary.

Kai
SHE LOOKS DIFFERENT, LIKE love on legs.
I admire the way she looks in the thin summer dress she’s wearing that
edges her toned thighs and her thick red hair cascades down her back like
wavy flames.
She’s incredible.
I inch closer to her, drinking in her shocked expression.
Smiling, I take the ring out of the box and slip it on her shaky finger.
Reaching up, she places her hands on my chest, eyes filled with tears.
So pretty. So unbelievably happy. So beautifully broken, blue, and
mine.
Leaning in, I press my forehead to hers. “I feel like I’ve been waiting
my entire life for you to come along, Anni.” I press my nose into her hair,
breathing in the fresh scent of her strands. I take a thick lock of it between my
fingertips, reveling in its softness.
Anni’s breaths are ragged and her eyes hold something in them I think
I’ve only seen for a flash before. Her gaze lingers on me in the same way it
always has, but now it’s just different.
She has missed me.
She does love me.
And she wants to fuck, badly.
Groaning, I caress her cheek, savoring the moment, loving how
beautiful it is.
Debating, I decide not to tell her just yet how shit the last few months
have been.
I choose not to do anything that’ll ruin the moment.
Kissing her lips, I lose myself in her aqua orbs. I trace the line of her
brow with my fingertip. “I love you, firefly. I love you more than you’ll ever
understand.” I swallow down all the big, heavy rocks in my throat. “And you
have always been mine to take care of. Always.” I hiss my last words,
knowing Anni truly doesn’t understand a word I’m saying or why I’m saying

it.
She doesn’t ask me to explain because, clearly, there’s something else
on her mind. She inches closer and rests her head on my chest. Her other
hand slides up the smooth sateen of my pants.
I kiss her lips, her chin, then pepper more of them along her jawline.
“God, I’ve missed you,” I murmur into her cheek, nibbling on it,
catching sight of the glowing sun outside dropping beneath the horizon,
ushering in the early evening. I fix my eyes back on Anni, the woman I’ve
been waiting for my entire life. The woman I never would’ve met had her life
not gone so goddamn wrong. And I wish I could fix it. I wish I could fix
everything!
Agony moves through my heart, sharp and painful. Caressing her
cheek, I kiss her again. I want to kiss all her pain away.
She smiles and remains silent, only eases down low to her knees. But
before she does, I pull my sweater off and drop it on the floor. Pausing, Anni
pierces me with her blue eyes and carries on with her movements.
I’m intrigued.
Hot behind the ears.
Hard as hell.
Anni’s deft fingers undo my buckle, freeing me.
I slide my fingers into her hair, caressing her strands, adoring how
gorgeous she looks down on her knees in front of me like a fucking bornagain believer.
Warm in her hands, my cock jumps when her pink lips kiss the head
of it. Her hand slides over my shaft, causing every single muscle in my
stomach to bunch and flex. Then a hiss leaves my lips when I’m coated in
wetness. Groans. Moans. The movement of her hand along my wet cock. A
desperate sound from me cuts through the air. My fingers tangle in her
strands, making it all a mess while she sucks on my cock like it’s the best
piece of flesh she’s ever tasted.
I control the speed, up and down as she takes the entire length down
her hot throat. Her breaths envelop my dick. My balls tighten. I drop my head
to look at her messy face and red, red lips.

Stroking her cheek with my thumb, I behold the sight of Anni on her
knees.
She sucks on the head, sending shivers down my thighs.
A groan leaves me. “Anni.”
She moans on my cock, running her tongue along the shaft, licking
every drop of pre-cum from the tip, consuming me. She gets to work again.
With every mouthful of me she causes me to hunch lower and lower and
lower until my hand slams the table and I’m holding on to the edge of it to
save my soul.
Pulling away, she sits back on her haunches and stares at the monster.
It’s a look of adoration.
She’s proud of her work.
And she should be.
With the lick of her pouty lips, her fingers wrap around my cock once
more and she takes me down deep, so deep down her hot throat. My hand
grips the back of her head gently. The other anchors against the strap of her
dress. Silky hair flows over my fingers. A hoarse sound attempts to make its
way past my lips that are slammed shut tight. I hiss long and loud.
Anni smiles like a champ.
Sucking. Licking. Slobbering. Wet. Messy. Dirty.
“Fuck.” I groan, as she picks up speed, causing me to rock back and
forth with her until I’m fucking her mouth. She kicks me over the edge.
Rip.
The dress shreds at the seams.
It’s destroyed, changed forever, altered in shape, like me.
Anni shrieks in horror, but she doesn’t stop.
She chokes on my dick. She doesn’t quit until I’m a whimpering
mess, suffering from an orgasm so powerful it almost hurts.
The cum goes everywhere, down her throat, on her face, on her neck.
She swallows what she can. The rest decorates her beautiful skin like
filthy art. Reaching out, I run my fingers through it, immediately wishing I
had put it someplace else.

Unsteady, I back away, still swollen, making my best attempt at
regaining some semblance of composure and failing miserably. My pants are
around my knees and my dick is still out. I’m still hard and ready to go.
Anni stands.
With a breath, I reach for her. “Come here, firefly.”
She removes her dress. It slips to the floor like silky trash. She kicks
off her flats. With a lot of raucousness, I do the same and take off my boots
with each opposite foot. I scramble to get out of my pants. Then stand there
in all my nakedness from the waist down, with my dick still hard and
dripping with pre-cum like an angry, leaky rod of destruction.
Anni’s mouth is red. Her lips are swollen. Cum decorates her breasts,
which she makes no attempt to wipe away. I kind of like seeing it there. It’s
only proof she belongs to me. A primitive temporary marking. Hopefully,
she’ll have a more permanent one soon—my last name. Anni’s eyes are low
as she covers her breast with her arms crossed over her chest.
For a split second I’m afraid of what I might do to her.
Two steps forward and I’m all over her, kissing her, consuming her.
She spins around.
With the lift of a brow, I observe her movements carefully.
I’ve never wanted to fuck this woman like this.
She’s too pretty, too perfect, too delicate.
With a graceful move, she places both of her hands on the foyer table,
pokes out her sexy butt, and arches her back like a kitten stretching after a
long nap. An invitation. Her hands find the top of the foyer table, palms flat,
fingers splayed. Cautiously, I inch up behind her, running my hands over the
swell of her hips and her meaty ass. I take a huge section of her hair that falls
down her back in an S in my grip. She looks beautiful, insatiable, a woman I
could make love to forever.
I drag my fingers down the line of her spine. My hands settle at her
hips, gripping them firmly, securing her into place. My gaze fixes on the
diamond ring on her finger that took me less than an hour to pick out. The
second I saw it, I knew it had to be hers. I press a kiss to her shoulder. I drag
two fingers over her clit. She sighs once. The next one I swallow down with a

harsh kiss, tasting her mouth and all the desire in it.
Her legs part and her ass perks up higher.
She wants me, bad.
My other hand guides my cock to her wet, wanton lips.
Anni reaches back with her hand and guides me to her mouth, kissing
me hard. It ends with a wet pop. I press my cheek into her warm skin. I listen
to the pounding of her heart, so grateful she’s here with me now and not a
solid frozen block of ice up in the troposphere.
I love you. I love you. I love you.
I squeeze my eyes shut, appreciating the jiggle of her ass against my
pelvis, spurring me on, encouraging me to hurry up.
“Fuck me,” she murmurs, bracing herself even more.
The head of my cock slides into her tight, wet slit, forcing her walls to
part, demanding she let me in. And she does. Dear God, she does.
Simultaneously we moan, loud, when I’ve clogged her up with every thick
inch of my dick.
I’m in heaven.
Quickly, I get to fucking her good and proper, like a gentleman.

Annika
BITING MY BOTTOM LIP, I almost tear through my skin.
His large hand covers mine. His face is buried in my neck where he
latches onto the skin there with his lips and sucks. With each stroke, each
slam he makes into me, my thighs shake as if I’m standing in the dead of
winter, naked and cold.
But I’m only hot.
Sweltering.
Unable to breathe.
Dying to have this man go even deeper within me.
“God,” I cry out, flexing my fingers beneath the press of his larger,
stronger hand.
He fucks me nonstop, groaning, grunting. His chest covers my back.
His torso and large arms cage me in. And that cock of his does all sorts of
wild things to my pussy. It’s out of control. It clutches. It quivers. It slides
along the length of his dick, pulsing as it moves over every thick vein that’s
throbbing with his need to come, again.
A growl leaves him as he picks up speed.
I arch my back, rocking my ass into him.
Slap. Slap. Slap.
Skin against skin. Sticky. Dirty. Hot. The stench of our sweat
permeates the air.
Thick and heavy.
My hair sticks to my skin.
I’m rocked forward so hard the table almost falls over. The Tiffany box
flies off the surface and the vase with all the pretty flowers in it goes crashing
to the floor.
Still, he doesn’t stop.
I steady myself as best as I can against his pounding.
Slap. Slap. Slap.

“Kai!” The orgasm rips through me and I come with shaky thighs,
screaming his name like a woman possessed. My spine stiffens when his cock
jerks so hard deep inside of me, I cry out, feeling every pulse of it as it fills
my pussy up with his cum.
He grunts. He promises me more, more, more!
Then he slumps against me. He presses his lips to my skin and slides
his big hand over my belly. “I want to put a child in here, Anni.” His cock
jumps once, twice, three times.
With a tiny laugh, I look back at him, observing how beautiful his eyes
look. “You already have.”

Annika
KAI’S MOOD HAS FALLEN to Hell in the last hour.
He’s subdued.
Regret mixes in with the scent of mint and vanilla that laces the air. I
edge my way up next to him while he traces his fingers over my belly,
reminding me that in less than seven months we’re going to have a baby.
I’m having a baby for a man I’ve only slept with twice and known for
less than a year. A smile plays across my lips.
“What is it?” I whisper, moving to straddle him on the studded leather
chaise we rest on. Scanning the den, I take in the surroundings of my new
home. The place where Kai said we’ll live from this day forth.
His eyes meet mine, big and sad, then look away. His hands hold my
sides.
I push his white cotton T-shirt up to his chest and trace my fingers over
the grooves in his abs, admiring the tanned skin there and the sparse line of
hair that travels down and disappears into the lounge pants he’d slipped on
when dinner had arrived an hour ago. The delectable meal was personally
handed to us by John, the personal chef who had been hired to work here
since Kai said he hardly ever cooks.
We’ve eaten already, but I haven’t finished mine. My plate of filet
mignon, wild rice, and vegetables remains on the small table next to us.
Every now and again, I pop a piece of the perfect meat into my mouth,
savoring its taste.
Kai has refused to talk about what has happened during his travels.
I won’t let him dodge my questions anymore.
I want answers.
“So where exactly have you been?” I ask, teasing the hair on his
stomach.
I knew in the last months Kai has been in lots of places that had no
running water or electricity, but he never told me exactly where. He never
told me too much about his travels even when we did talk. He always turned
most of the discussions on me, asking about my day—where I’d been and

what I’d done.
“South America.” He stares up at me, relaxed, running his thumb over
my belly button. “Have you been there?” His voice is a whisper.
“Of course.”
He stretches out even more. “I’m happy you’re pregnant, Anni.” He
grips my chin with his thumb and index finger then leans forward.
I’m unable to resist shoving my fingers into his hair, loosening a long
blond strand.
“Do you ever wear it out?” My lips brush his.
“No.” His answer is short and without explanation.
His gaze is fixed out the window again.
“Did you find her?” I ask. “The woman?”
A nerve beneath his left eye jumps just as a long breath leaves him.
“No, she’s gone.”
My brows scrunch.
“She died, Anni, a long, long time ago. So long ago...”
“Oh, I’m sorry.” I stroke his cheek.
“And the child,” I start to say.
Immediately, he blinks away his tears, then pierces me with a gaze. “At
first, I didn’t know, Anni.” He sucks in more air, and as he holds my hand,
his own begins to tremble.
I must look like I’m staring into the face of the Abominable Snowman.
I’ve never seen him like this. The fear in his eyes is terrifying.
He huffs before he begins to speak. “I searched, and I searched, moving
from village to village, slowly immersing myself in the jungle again. I
thought about everything that had happened way back then. Some of the
events are a blur. Others I could only remember bits and pieces about.”
Another huff. Another sigh. His hand trembles even more. “I was close to
giving up when I landed in another village close to where Maite used to live.
That was her name, Maite,” he says softly. “I’ve tried so hard to forget it over
the years. She never tried to find me.” He breathes. “She didn’t have the
money, I suppose, or the time. Maybe she just fucking hated me, so she

couldn’t be bothered.”
I stroke his hair, waiting patiently for him to tell me the story.
“I made it to a village close by and found Maite’s sister. At first, she
didn’t remember me. Then when she did she wanted to stab me until I
promised her I was only there to make things right and I was looking for
Maite.”
I lean my head on his shoulder, wanting so desperately to feel his warm
skin against mine.
“She told me Maite had given birth to a healthy baby, but Maite was
sick. No one knew with what, though. She was so ill, her sister told me.
Maite took care of the baby for around three months, she said, then
disappeared into the jungle. She told me a few people had spotted her far
away from home.” He shudders.
I move to pull his T-shirt off, removing it slowly as he cooperates by
pulling his arms out and shifting position. I’d forgotten about the injury he
had that had turned his skin black and blue the last time I saw it.
“When they found Maite dead, she had no baby with her, Anni.”
“I’m sorry,” I say, knowing this story is only about to become more
sorrowful.
I freeze, still holding a section of the shirt. I pull it over his head and
almost die.
Choking down a sob, I drop it on the floor and peer at his shoulder.
How could this be?
How in the fuck?
What cruel fate is this?
“Anni.” His voice cuts into my daze as tears immediately slip from my
eyes.
His hand cups my cheek before he forces me to look at him. “I love
you, Anni.”
I nod.
He presses his forehead to mine and cries.
They’re soft sobs full of regret and pain.

Lifting my hand, I trace the marking on his skin. My fingers skirt over
the shape, sobbing and laughing simultaneously.
Kai holds me close, as if he’ll never let me go.
Ever.

Kai
I HOLD HER CLOSE to my heart...where she belongs.
Long, red tendrils flow over her shoulders and pale flesh.
She’s beautiful.
Mother of my child.
Woman of my fucking dreams.
Spirit scorcher.
And ever since I met her I’ve come ALIVE!
Her fingers press against my shoulder, examining the marking there
that I’ve had since I was born. I’ve been told it’s the same one my father had
and his father and so forth. The same shape. The same shade. We’re all
marked men in this family of blue bloods.
I can’t stop Anni’s tears or my own, which continue to fall.
I worried she’d slap me, or worse yet, punch me in my kidney again.
I didn’t know how I’d explain.
But at least she’s giving me the chance to.
The words on my tongue feel as though they’re stuck there, but I have
to get them out. I have to tell her everything. It’s the only truth I haven’t told.
And the truth shall set you free, as they say.
I struggle to go on, swallowing hard before I spill the rest of my guts.
My shame.
My regret.
My goddamn agony.
“They told me that Maite had told the woman who cared for her before
she died that she’d given her baby away.” I kiss Anni’s lips.
She sobs.
I keep talking. “To a couple.”
Anni sobs more.
I try my best to hold her trembling frame, unable to stop the way I
shudder with each word myself. I push on. “I didn’t think I could ever trace

Maite’s steps, or ever find my child until she told me that Maite had told her
that the woman she’d given my child to had the reddest hair she’d ever seen,
like fire,” I rasp. “Anni.” I swallow. “She told me Maite had given the baby
to Americans. Climbers.” My tears fall in silence. “And...” Her name leaves
my mouth in a desperate plea. “They took the baby with them.”
She nods.
I nod. “And no one ever saw them again.”
She wipes her tears away.
“You’re my second chance, Anni, and I won’t waste it. I promise.”
Her blues fix on me firmly and I finally see the trust in her eyes.
She believes me.
She has faith in me.
She loves me.
And I love her so, so, so fucking much.
She traces the shape of the marking on my shoulder. “My angel.”

Annika
HIS WARM LIPS PRESS against mine. I kiss him so hard, tasting the
regret on his tongue, feeling his heart beating hard against mine.
“I’m sorry, Anni, for everything.” He weeps. “I couldn’t fix it.”
“I know.”
“I’m sorry I couldn’t fix it.”
I press my lips to his temple. “There is nothing noble in being superior
to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self.” A
laugh manages to leave me through my sobs. “An asshole once told me that.”
Kai laughs just a little and holds me even tighter than before.
I kiss his tears away.
“I think I knew when I looked into his face, Anni, but I wondered how
on earth...”
I nod.
“I couldn’t explain how I felt then, but I think I just knew.” He sobs.
“Let go of the guilt. Let go of the regret. Let go of the pain. Let go of
the fear.” I say the words slowly, enunciating each emotion. I say the words
to myself because I need to heed them as much as this man does.
“Tell me about him, Anni, please. Tell me all about him.”
I let out one long breath and start to tell him every single detail about
Gabe.
Child of my bones.
Blood of my blood.
Light of my life.
My angel.
“...Gabe loved when I made meatloaf.” I laugh. “It isn’t something
most people would kill for.” I bob my head a few times. “But Gabe loved
when I made it.”
Kai smiles.

Resting my head on Kai’s shoulder, I stare at the marking I thought I’d
never see again and some semblance of peace washes over me when I think
our baby on the way might have the same one. The same birthmark Gabe
had. I wrap my arm around Kai’s shoulder and begin to tell him more about
Gabe. Eventually, my thoughts wander and I slip into a memory about the
first time I laid eyes on my son.
The woman across the road is watching me...
I straighten up a little more, absorbing the sensation of the warm sun
beating down on my shoulders. The mountains in the distance rise in front of
the horizon and the savory aroma of coconut biscuits wafts from the small hut
across the dusty road that’s selling food.
I move my rucksack on the ground over a few inches more so I can
crouch down in front of the wall I was perched on. Shoulders slumped and
with my knees crouched up to my chest, I huff. I swear if I take another
breath I might explode.
We’d spent the last six weeks here hoping we could celebrate becoming
parents, but as always, there was no success. And even after I’d become
pregnant this last time, it only resulted in a miscarriage. I swallow hard when
I accept that I’ll never become a mother. Jesse suggested we keep trying, but
honestly, I’m done with the disappointment.
I figure the nameless woman across the road...her life seems worse
than mine.
I force my eyes to dry and keep my gaze on her.
She looks hungry. She looks tired. Her big eyes meet mine again. It’s a
stare that’s so forlorn you’d almost swear she’s dying.
“What is it?” Jesse’s voice cuts into my thoughts when he sits down
next to me.
“That woman over there,” I whisper. “She’s been watching us for a
while.”
Jesse’s eyes narrow. “Oh.”
“Yeah,” I whisper, wondering just how long the bus that’s supposed to
take us closer to the next town will take to get here.

“She’s probably just curious.”
Jesse’s eyes land on me. Mine land on the strange woman’s.
“She looks hungry, Jesse.”
He runs a hand through his unkempt hair. “She does, doesn’t she?”
“Maybe she’s hungry?”
Jesse’s lips purse together as he turns to face me. “We should get her
something to eat.” He searches his pockets for some cash quickly then
stands.
I shoot up to my feet. “I’ll get it.”
He eyes me warily. “Are you sure?”
“Yes.” I nod harshly, taking the crushed bills from his hands, then
press a kiss to his cheek. “I’ll be right back.”
“I’m not letting you out of my sight.” Smiling, he sits back down next to
our crap.
Rushing over to the food stand, I pay for a biscuit and ask the woman
who works there to put some guava jelly on it. I gather everything up
including the coins given to me in change. Cautiously, I approach the woman
who’s sitting comfortably on a large rock...the woman who’s been watching
me for the last hour.
“Hola,” I say in Spanish, knowing it isn’t very good.
She perks up. “I speak English.” Her voice is soft.
Surprise hits me at how clear it is. “Oh, I’m sorry.” I press a hand to
my chest, then reach out with the food in my other hand. “Are you hungry?”
She smiles. “You’re kind.” She cocks her head.
I can’t take my eyes off her.
I smile uncomfortably, still holding the food out.
She gazes down at the ground. “I’m not as poor as you probably
think.”
My left brow lifts in question.

“I’m sick.” Her laugh is full of pain.
I drop my hand.
“I’ve been watching you and your husband,” she admits.
“I know.”
“You seem like nice people.”
I say nothing, only wait for her to say more. When she doesn’t, I speak.
“We do what we can with what we have,” I say, silently acknowledging that
we’re far from perfect people, but we love each other, and really, that’s all
that matters.
“Do you have children?” She regards me with a strange expression.
My eyes well up with tears instantly. I turn away completely from Jesse
so that he can’t see, but the strange woman sees everything. Her expression
is pained, just like mine, then she smiles. “You can’t have them?”
I only shake my head in response.
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay,” I say, knowing I’m far from okay, since I’d spent at least
one hour a day for the last few weeks crying in private, so that Jesse wouldn’t
be worried about me.
“I’m dying,” the woman says flatly, then stands and reaches into the
sling across her chest.
I almost drop a kitten at what she pulls out of it.
My open palm hits the middle of my chest. I take two steps back and
then three steps forward. I’m lost for words staring into the sweet face of a
small, helpless human who’s maybe three months old.
“A baby,” I whisper. “A boy.”
An angel...
The woman nods, then looks around with big, bulging eyes as if she’s
terrified she’ll be arrested at any moment. “Take him.” She forces him into
my arms, then slings a bag over my shoulder. “I know you’ll take care of
him. You’ll take him back to America. You’ll give him a good home. You’ll be

his mother.”
I cradle the child in my arms and peer down into the most beautiful,
heart-stopping gray eyes I’ve ever seen.
Jesse is already rushing across the dusty road, his boots loud against
the ground with every sprinted step.
“Pleeease,” the woman begs, putting her hands together in prayer.
“Pleeease.” She presses a kiss to the child’s head before muttering in
Spanish into his cheek. “Tu sangre corre azul.” Your blood runs blue... “Te
amo. Te amo.” I love you. I love you.
“What about his fatherrrrr?” I ask, desperate to make sense of
everything going on.
Her eyes fill with tears, then a fierceness overtakes her expression that
tells me she’s giving up the only thing of meaning she has—her child. Her
broken heart she seems as if she’s decided to keep. Her chin lifts high, defiant
and pissed off. “One day his father will wish he knew him.”
I can’t think of any other fucked-up way my dreams could ever come
true.
Jesse still hasn’t made it over to us.
I hold the baby close to my chest, waiting any second for him to start
screaming for his mother, but he doesn’t. He only wraps his tiny fingers
around mine and blinks.
He’s adorable.
When I look up, the woman is gone.
She’s disappeared into all the green around this place.
She’s gone somewhere to die...
The baby coos. His full cheeks lift and the corners of his tiny mouth
curve up into a smile. He laughs when I laugh and despite all the panic going
on around me, I feel more at ease than I’ve felt in years.
And I decide she’s right when I look down at the little angel in my
arms.

“One day your father will wish he knew you,” I whisper.
-THE ENDThank you for reading!
If you would consider leaving a review on Amazon or Goodreads, it
would be greatly appreciated!

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Lover of words. Poetry glutton. Cynic. Idealist. Art collector. Lip gloss
addict. Wife. Mommy. Daddy’s girl. Music fan. Book whore. Beach bum.
NERD. Madwoman. Water rat. Wine drinker. Bermudian. Las Vegas
resident-wannabe. Hopeless romantic.
I'm an independent author who had this crazy idea during one very, very hot
summer to start writing books and I haven't stopped. I'm loving the ride and I
appreciate all the readers who take the time to enjoy my stories.
I live on the small sub-tropical island of Bermuda in the middle of the
Atlantic Ocean with my husband and two children. If you can't find me here
on the beach, you can bet your G-strings I'm in Las Vegas!
Love is what keeps the world spinning! XOXO
Follow me on Instagram @ authordayadaniels
I love hearing from readers! Feel free to email me with questions and
comments @dayadaniels@yahoo.com
OTHER BOOKS BY DAYA DANIELS
Finders Keepers Series
Part I
Part II
The Human Series
Body Parts {A Novella} – Book One
COLOR-BLIND – A Novel – Book Two
Poster Boyz Series
Playmate - Chapter One
kitsune duet

dirt {a novella} – part one
diamond {a novella} – part two
Stand-Alone Novels
An Education in Calcutta {A Period Novel}
The Space Between Rachel and Evie {A Sci-Fi Romance Novel}
Once Upon a Time {A Dark Romance Novel}
In the Eyes of Adeline {A Period Novel}
If Only {A LGBT Romance Novel}
Murphy’s Bedfellow
Stripped {A Dark Romance Novella}
Midnight Special
Mouthful {A Novella}
Words Left Unspoken {A Novella}
For Her {A Lesbian Romance Novelette}
Crocodile Tears {A New Adult Romance}
In Loving Memory of Isobel
War Baby {A M/M Romance Novella}
Blue {A Love Story on the Bermuda Shores}
I Wanna be the Girl... {A Lesbian Romance Novel}
I Hate You/I Love You
Becoming Benjamin {A Gay Coming of Age Story}
Breathe {A Lesbian Romance Novel}
TRAPPED {An Urban Romance Novel}
Blood in the Water {A Lesbian Romance Novella}
High Altitude {A Novella}
The Wolf – A Hood Tale {An Urban Romance Novella}

Free Flesh
I Am #4 {A Princess Rebellion}
LOCKDOWN {A M/M Romance Novella}
Tammy Gun – {An Urban Romance Novel}
Non-Fiction
It Could Be Arranged
Series
Inferno Series – Part I
Poster Boyz Series – Chapter Two
Finders Keepers Series – Part III

OTHER BOOKS BY SAVANNAH BLUE
His Mistress; Her Lover – {A LGBTQ Romance Novel}
HIM HER ME YOU US – {A Transgender Story}